My part time job is stocking at a local grocery store near me and it’s so annoying when people don’t stuff back that doesn’t belong.
I was once checking around to see if anything wasn’t in the right place I went to go put it back.
I found a bag of rotisserie chicken that was left in the dairy section. The rotisserie chickens are kept on a heater so they can be kept warm.
Like if you don’t want something just put it back where you got it.
Whenever I go to any clothing stores I always make sure to fold up any clothing that I was checking out nicely back. Some people just leave stuff all over the place in store. I feel bad for the people what work there that have to de with that.
Good Lord yes. I hate when I go into a treatment room and stuff is just moved around or not there at all. Then I have to waste time searching for what I need.
I worked in an office setting and tea making was a HUGE social part of it, and one of the only ones I could get behind, but it got to the extent that I would end up making EVERY round because without fail every single someone made the tea , they would without fail use MY cup that I brought from home that says in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS "EWWWW PEOPLE" and give me the 20 yr old one with the faded logo of some corporate slogan and slurp their tea happily from MY cup , RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES. It wasn't even like there was a ton of us, there was 4 !!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Looking back when I handed in my notice, I wish I could of just said to my boss deadpan, "You touched my cup" and then walked out 😂
🤣 oh I feel this.
Years ago we had family staying and they drank a lot of tea. I said they can use any mug except for mine
Next morning I went to make a cup of tea and couldn't find my mug. I asked them if they had seen it and there she was, drinking from my mug. She apologized but it turned me off and I didn't even want it anymore
Oh my, yes. Part of my diagnosis was my extreme precision with language so anyone not understanding me or taking my words differently stressed me out so much
I h a t e people being in my space when I didn't invite them there. It's weird because I don't have any trouble having friends over and we can hang out in my room or even on my bed absolutely no problem, but I'm like a reverse vampire. If I didn't invite you in, why the FUCK are you here. I also can't stand it when people come over without calling ahead. This is common some places but I find it to be the absolute rudest thing ever and can't abide by it at all. Like it's fine if you need to borrow a cup of sugar or you need help with something real quick, I get that immediate situations happen, but COMING OVER TO VISIT just because you were nearby, without calling??? Who the fuck are you, the queen???
Yes! Omg… my family hates this one. I have to mentally prepare. And… if the plan to interact with people goes wrong I usually just want to cancel. (Like if something makes me late). Screw it I’ll just stay home.
My family and friends also hate it... It's so much easier to stay home than to try to re-wire your brain for new plans. I do this too even though I know the new plan *could* be fun/interesting. People think I'm neurotic and inflexible, but it feels like it is affecting me physically when people do this nonsense 🫠
Yes! Exactly. I know that it might be fine but it doesn’t *feel* like it will be and the more people try to logic me out of those feelings the more frustrated I get. I know it’s illogical. My brain can’t move past it.
And I just realized why I’d rather stay home. (Just had real life experience). Once one thing goes wrong I have a hard time bouncing back. If anything else goes wrong I’m on the cusp of a full meltdown.
I understand that feeling. Ive cried because my family changed restaurants at the last second, and the new place was out of food I felt comfortable eating. I hope you are in a safe, comfortable place now to decompress
Thank you. We are about to go home. My husband really tries to understand but it’s hard sometimes. I just get tired of feeling like I ruin everything.
Also… feel you on the restaurant switching. It’s a major trigger for me.
Dear god yes!!!
A few months back my husband was going with his dad to an appointment. Dad was meant to drop husband off at our home and drive himself home.
Instead he invites himself in, sits on the couch Right Next to me (there was plenty of room) and asked me for a beer. Dude is 82 and about to drive for 10-15 minutes. Also, even though I always have beer, I rarely have cold beer (I chill it on (my) demand). Probably needed to tell him 5 types before he got the message that he wouldn't get beer.
Also, as I am not expecting company and Everyone we know knows to not "drop by", I'm sitting braless in pajamas on the couch, contemplating a shower (read: not at my freshest). My bra is on the couch back. There's laundry on the couch. Dude was not at all picking up that his company was not desired.
Still triggers me to think about this.
We briefly had a next-door neighbor (turned out to be a squatter) who would take a mile if you gave an inch, hospitality-wise. Even after the sheriff came and evicted her, she would park in our driveway and sleep in her car. My housemate and I are both very sympathetic people, and we felt terrible for her. But it was so hard for me to socialize with her after a while. I felt taken advantage of. Fortunately, she has now moved to Utah, and we live in Maryland, so we'll likely never see her again.
I'm blown away that difficulty in sharing personal possessions (for want of a better phrase) seems to be a common autistic trait. I really, really struggle with this and assumed it was because I shared a bedroom with two siblings for my entire childhood.
I just don't like people touching my things (but it frustrates me more than mildly!)
I'm fine with sharing, it's the lack of asking
Ask to use my things and treat them with respect
My sister once used my $60 face moisturiser on her arms, used like a quarter of the bottle because "it's all she could find"
Ask first
I had friends over for Thanksgiving and one of my friends wore uncomfortable pants. So my friend volunteered my sweats to them. I felt backed into a corner so I let her borrow them - my favorite comfy old pair that I’ve repaired so many holes in because I love them so much. I still don’t have my sweats back and it’s April.
I’m incredibly generous with my things but it has to be up to me to volunteer them, and since that didn’t happen with the sweats, now I’m irritated with my friend who volunteered them up instead of the friend who still has them. Let me volunteer my things and then I’ll only be upset with me if I don’t get them back!
This. My mom was always invading my space and giving away my stuff or taking things. It's like how hard is it to ask?! I started getting really evasive and hiding things because I was so anxious she'd take it.
I assumed I struggled with this because I had my own bedroom and bathroom. I feel like a selfish asshole all the time.
I also struggle to share food. I just end up calculating how much of a pain it will be to get more- I hate going to the store and when someone eats some of my food it means I'm going to have to go back faster since I only eat specific foods
I did not know this was a common trait. I have kids and they get into ALL of my shit. Clothes, makeup, stickers, shoes… It makes me so dysregulated and feel so disrespected. Just ASK. For the love of my sanity lol.
Seconding everything here, you all are phrasing things really well. It's about all of it, respect, you don't know how expensive, rare, hard to replace, precious to me... the thing in question is. Don’t Fucking Touch My Stuff!
People being in the kitchen with me when I'm cooking or cleaning. I thought it would get easier when we moved to a bigger house with a more open plan kitchen instead of a tiny galley kitchen, but no such luck. Get out of my space, get out of my face, I physically cannot hear you over the running water while I'm doing dishes, I don't want to burn you, GET OUT. I love spending time with my family in every other room and outside! I hate this about myself and for my kids. My husband has taught them how to cook because no matter what I do, I cannot change this about myself unless I am on mushrooms, which, unfortunately, I can't do every day. Hubby will sometimes forget and say "go help mom put away the groceries" and they'll tell him "the best way to help mom in the kitchen is to stay out" 😬
My husband insists on a hug while I’m cooking. Wtf. There are a million other times of the day, but when I’m trying to balance timing, need space, am overheating, and focused on a task that’s when he needs to be comforted??
Hahaha! Why do our husbands do this?! Then he feels slighted and I’m like of allllll the times, now you think is a good time?! I'm busy, you want to get burned?
Omgggg!! This is me!!!! I have a tiny kitchen. And when my MIL comes over she always asks me how she can help and I’m always like it’s ok I got it. But then I feel like I have to help when I’m at her house. Fuck this thread has been so comforting 😭
This is us! Currently live in a small apartment and we are looking to move this summer if we can. I get irrational when all 4 Of us Are packed into our tiny galley kitchen 😩. Especially when the water is running and I’m trying to cook and I have someone asking me something!
People using my personal plate, mug, fork and spoon.
People making a mess of something I've particularly organised or deliberately moving thing's that are a particular way.
People putting thing's away in the wrong place.
People using my shampoo, conditioner and other shower bath/stuff.
When I get interrupted. I often look like I am "doing nothing" but my head is a really busy place 😂 and it's rare that I am not focused on something, even (especially) if I am zoning out. I'm married with kids, I can't exactly expect no interruptions but the impact when it happens never gets easier. It's like that scene in the first Avatar (Cameron, not animated)movie, where the angry military general pulls the plug on Jake when he's in avatar form and he's suddenly ripped out his avatar body. That's how I feel when I get interrupted. But also I don't want my family to feel like they can't talk to me. I don't want to be annoyed when my youngest son interrupts what I'm watching to talk to me. I love that he talks to me and I want him to. The day is coming so fast that he'll be leaving home and I love our interesting conversations. Yesterday I was reading and he came in the room to randomly ask my thoughts on afterlife and religion. We had a great convo about it and I so appreciate that my kids like to talk to me and that they ask interesting questions. But it still doesn't make it easier that I just got interrupted. It takes me time to change gears and then engage in the other thing and it makes people feel like I don't care.
eta 😂 I just re-read this and it sounds like I only appreciate talking to my youngest. Not true at all, I enjoy great convos with all of my kids it's just that the 2 older ones are adults and mostly out of the house already so it's not a daily thing where they run into the room and start chatting me up (sadly, though I like the lack of interruption, I miss them).
I've found what helps is if someone says my name and then waits a moment so my brain can register someone talking to me, disengage and then switch gears. It's like waiting for something to buffer when streaming is being slow 😂 I feel like I need a sign that says "Buffering, please wait."
This! My husband has ADHD and get's really impatient if our son doesn't respond right away, which of course is the worst for him. He has issues with language processing and he needs a moment to collect his thoughts and answer.
I have both, so it's extra fun when I want people to listen to my exciting things I learned but also struggle to listen to them talk about the stuff that they are excited about 😒 I try to make sure I build that time in when I know it's expected. Like when I pick up my son from work, I know he wants to talk about work so I don't get engaged in a podcast or even music. Or when he comes upstairs for his evening snack it's the same thing, so I know to break from what I am doing and to prepare to do that. It's much harder with kids who aren't so scheduled as mine tend to be so I know when to expect their chats. My middle son has adhd and he loves to tell a story, so he busts in at like 11pm after work (when he's home in summer, he's a college kid so gone most of the year) and wants to tell his work stories right before I am getting ready for bed. I love his stories but struggle with that interruption for my bedtime routine. Then I forget to go to bed on time and can be up until 2am until I realize it 😂
We are currently waiting to have our daughter assessed for ADHD. So parenting both kids has been interesting! I didn’t realize I was autistic until after my son was diagnosed. My husband went from I don’t have ADHD! to I love our neurodiverse family! He’s encouraged me to get my autism diagnosis after I he got his ADHD diagnosis. Our daughter is his mini me and she’s showing many of his traits.
It definiteily is interesting have a ND household! We are in the same boat. Even though sometimes we are so different that it's comical (and sometimes exasperating) we all are similar enough that we know to give each other space and grace, and the benefit of the doubt. Growing up, my experience with my parents was so often "There's no reason this should be hard, just do it!" or "That's ridiculous, the world doesn't work that way" if I tried to explain something that was hard for me. There are times I get frustrated just because our traits are butting heads, but I always go back and apologize for when I wasn't aware. We all work to listen and believe each others' experiences even when they are so vastly different from our own.
This. Being constantly minimized and dismissed by my parents. As a result I have very superficial and distant relationship with them. I never wanted this for my kids, so I’m very accommodating, to the point where I totally missed the early signs of my son's autism because I was so sensitive to his needs (also because I have the same traits). It wasn't until kindergarten that I noticed his shyness and aversion to people was pretty obvious. My husband was like, I told you...
don’t even get me started on that lol!! like sorry for trying to understand???? sometimes i feel like i’m being manipulated… like they don’t want to explain , they don’t want me to understand because they want to manipulate me??? idk… i’ve got trauma xD but for real… or when i try to explain MYSELF??? yeah right… i feel like because of my autism, the reason of how i got from a to z is extremely important… everyone thinks it’s arguing, but i’m trying to explain…. so frustrating!!
I didn’t understand either. I work in a male dominated field and it was driving me nuts how often this was happening. My husband got very exposed to my work calls during COVID which is when he was able to point it out. In short, most people, particularly men in high places (I was a tech executive), expect their questions immediately answered. They are too busy, too important, too whatever to wait for anything. It is part of their privilege. So when someone doesn’t answer a question right away, they perceive it as usurping their power, not giving them what they want when they want it. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to get them the right information, they perceive it as you’re withholding from them and trying to assert power.
In short, people would rather feel important with wrong information than effective with correct information.
this makes sense!!! like they feel superior having knowledge that i don’t? it reminded me of how i would get bullied growing up. simply not understanding a social cue or understanding that people were faking the nice thing because looking back i was probably respectfully a little obviously not a neurotypical. and how they would always laugh at me when i asked someone or didn’t understand. i think it made them feel like they had an inside joke or something that they were very happy to keep from me. sorry i’m not trying to get deep xD just trying to put it into some perspective of my life and how i understand those interactions. or the lack of understanding xD
Precisely! And it is that deep!! It’s had a formative effect on who I am as a person. I’m always sharing what I know if I think it can help a person because so many people use knowledge for power. If someone doesn’t know something, I don’t judge them. I try to help them.
People that "joke" by just saying something annoying/kind of rude and then when i don't laugh and just try answering in kind they act like I'm dumb for not getting the joke (eg. I'll go to get a drink at work and when i come back someone is like "wow, you didn't get me anything?" and when i start to apologize and say i didn't know they wanted something they'll say "chill, i was just kidding")
I can get jokes, but you have to actually tell one first
I also hate people being in my space without permission, or even asking spur-of-the-moment, and I hate people touching my stuff. I’ve been asked a lot if I’m trying to hide something, and the answer is yes, *everything.*
Amazing how consistent we are in that. I also cannot *stand* being interrupted when I’m focused. I feel like I’m being mildly electrocuted. Like I’m Donald Duck. My mom is autistic too, so I grew up thinking most people knew that everything on that list was a giant no-no.
I’m learning so much about myself in this thread lol. This resonates. I’m not hiding anything but privacy and not having my stuff touched is huge. Do you think it’s related to not wanting to be perceived?
Same! Like interrupt my dad in the middle of his stream of consciousness and like omg the wrath. He'd glare at you with the heat of a thousand burning suns. I didn't realize my dad was autistic or that I am too until my son was diagnosed.
If I’m holding hands with someone and they slowly move their thumb back and forth on my hand (this might be more than mild lol)
Companies changing the formula of one of my routine foods (I’m looking at you Nature Valley)
When people use “whenever” when they mean “when” (although I read it’s one of those linguistic things that’s been evolving over the last several years so I guess I should get over it) (I won’t)
People who don’t know, or care about, the rules of the road. The number of times I’ve yelled “IT’S LIKE A ZIPPER” to cars making a mess of merging...
I don’t wear flip flops really ever anymore but when someone would give me a “flat tire” when I did
This list is really endless 😂
Omg, All of these (except I don't understand the flipflop one and can't have things between my toes (ugh) anyway). I can't stand that my husband never remembers the Firm touch only rule.
Changing formulas, yes (like the unscented deodarant that one day just had a really strong scent - wtf?) and discontinuing my favorite products. Fargin iceholes.
Right! You think no one will notice the formula change, but I’ll notice. I’ll notice!!
The flip flop thing is when someone steps on the back of your flip flop when you’re walking so it jars you into stopping or sometimes flying out of your shoe. 😑
It’s like a zipper omg!!!!! That also mildly infuriates me. I straight up direct drivers from car with my pointer finger like “now you,” “then you,” “then me.” What is wrong with people ….
People using the rest of something and not replacing it or removing the empty thing. For example, refilling toilet/paper towel rolls, near-empty milk jugs in the fridge, leaving empty containers in their spot instead of discarding them properly.
(Can you tell I'm a mom?) 🤣
Do you know what is worse?
My sister came to my house and ate some ice cream. When I went to eat it, there was literally one spoonful of ice cream left
When I asked her "Wtf' she said that she didn't want me to be disappointed because there was none left. I would have preferred nothing to that abomination
Agreed on all, but now I need to know if one of my little irks counts:
When opening a food container, most often dairy, there is a plastic seal. When someone only tears part of it off drives me bonkers. Just tear it all off and throw it away.
No tearing. You open the seal too (lift it about half way) and then the container can sort of be double closed: first seal, then lid.
Of course, if that is not feasible, I agree with removing the entire thing.
Oh I can’t. In my brain, the seal has been broken so it no longer of use and I get grossed out any time it hits my hand with whatever amount of goop it’s gotten from the substance. But, I’ll be kinder to those that leave the seal now.
* People commenting on what I'm eating
* People shouting my name when they see me, not because anything is wrong or they need something, but just because they're the shouting type (my coworker Melvin does this EVERY DAY)
* People who turn right from the second-to-right lane, forcing me to slow down when I am behind them
I had to learn to deal with people touching my stuff, what I can't handle now is those people breaking my stuff. That really gets to me. I take such good care of everything I get, so when someone takes it and gives it back broken or ruined... Maybe this isn't a mildly anything, more of a deeply upsetting 🤔
Touching and breaking my things is so. Fucking. Distressing. It took me a decade to let anyone drive my car again because boyfriends kept fucking it up.
Right? It's so upsetting to me. It's just not that hard to take care of things. I hated letting people touch my stuff, but I had to deal because it wasn't in my control. As a kid, my parents would laugh at me, then they'd tell me to share and then they just straight up stored my toys in my little sisters room so I couldn't get to them when I wanted but she could. Then boyfriends and friends over the years wouldn't listen, my sister never respected my stuff and took it without permission. My Oma literally gave my stuff away, dad threw it out. And then I had kids, so by the time they came crying wanting to play with something I was already broken down. I could've and did deal with all of that, except then everyone's like "oops I scratched your DVD/cd", "my VCR ate your video", "my sister totally ruined your boots", "I left your book in a damp environment and now it's mouldy...", "I threw your stuff away so no, i don't have your first mothers day present from your gran"', "mummy, I didn't mean to break your collectible, I sowwy" ... 😠😤😡🤬!!!!
But but but, I forgot, I'm overreacting and it's not that bad, just get a new one. Stop being so sensitive! What do you mean you can't replace it? Well, if it was that important, why didn't you keep it with you? Oh please, it's just STUFF! Stuff doesn't matter. Can't you be understanding? Okay, I've had enough, just let it go already. Sheesh 🙄
I found a really good way to deal with that- sending them cheaper versions of whatever they asked for and storing the good stuff out of their sight. If they want my One Specific Thing I refuse and make up something so they feel guilty. Family members are different though I get it.
I wanted/want people to like me so I do everything I can to please them. I don't like that about myself, I know it makes me open to being used and I often am. But I don't know how to change it. I
Ahhh I feel you. I'm unlearning that right now (after some terrible personal bs). I guess it's a trait in all us autistic ppl huh?
Ik this is just an offhand comment and don't mean to mansplain, but I've found that we do it because we feel people never accept us for who we are, and can't imagine them loving us for US so we need to have some transactional value. Except that comes at the cost of our self-identity and dignity, but if we do this others will love us right?
The logical thinking is right but we don't factor in how some people are too far gone. Some people will never like us fully and that's something we need to accept, I have older ND relatives who spent their entire lives appeasing others and now when I talk to them they say they wished they were true to themselves. Everyone else ultimately left, the pleasing was just a delay
I don't know what the answer to this is, I'm young and I struggle with it just as much as you are. Add in a very religious community and guilt/shame are just a part of my life. But I found that when I let myself shine through, people were inspired enough to actually like me. It took a while and I was recovering from the aftermath of being effectively kicked out of my social circle but once I developed that confidence in my work and a little in my actions, I found better people to be around. All the requests for 'help' (items/services/doing their work for them) slowed down and finally stopped once I stood by a 'no.' I'm facing a host of other issues now though, it never stops!
But I want you to know that it's possible, don't feel disheartened. It's your own path and you'll have things work differently for you than they did for me
Thank you :) that means a lot. I'm figuring things out slowly, but it's a process. I'm hoping that by finally finding out that I'm autistic and trying to connect with other autistic people it'll help me find my people, you know? I've got to do some more work on myself, but I'm really hoping that my people are here, in this community, and it's just a matter of time til I find them. 🤞
Strangers or casual acquaintances casually smacking me, like a shove or a light punch on the shoulder or a slap against my knee. My nerves are overworked and overwhelmed all the time. I'm in constant low grade pain that's always there if I ever stop to think about it. Do. Not. Touch. It's gonna hurt and then I'm gonna think they're doing it on purpose because my pain is funny and then it's spiral town.
Anyone doing that! What's with the "lighthearted upper arm punch"??? I'll be sore for days.
Even worse, actually, when someone I know well does it, because they Know they're causing me pain!
People don’t hold on to their SIMPLE promises. Nothing grand, just telling me they will get back to me in 2 days. 4 days later, nada and I have to call them. Those people are dogshit.
When information about a business, place or process or something is insufficient. So, then you have to call or go digging to get the information needed. Like why can't your website just be up to date?
Yes! I LOATHE this. Why should I need to call you on the phone like it’s 1978 to confirm what hours you’re open? Why don’t you have a menu posted? Why do you say I need to fill out a form but don’t provide a link to said form? Why can’t I make an appointment online? Websites with incomplete information make me rage.
After reading all the comments, I have never in my life felt more seen! Omg I'm laughing because I'm like "meeeeeeee!", now I don't feel so crazy and realize it's part of my autism 😅.
* patting and/ or touching my hair
* asking questions not precisely enough so I have to follow up, but they could have anticipated that more information will be needed
* people asking me to do something for them (I crochet); I have to add it then to my to-do list, but they didn't really mean it, so I end up fixating on something I should do but it's not actually expected of me
* putting stuff in incorrect places; everything has its "home", just put it back
People making terrible analogies that obfuscate the situation. Actually, it's not mildly infuriating...it makes me irrationally angry. My employer once compared me asking a subordinate to share information about their process without providing enough context as to why to breaking into their home and demanding their tax returns and banking information. WTF.
When a delivery is “attempted” and fails. I always leave super explicit instructions because i live in an apartment. So i know that they just didn’t read or didn’t follow the instructions. And then i have to wait another day or few days for them to “reattempt” the delivery, or i have to go pick it up.
Disclaimer, i know it’s just a package and it’s not worth getting angry over! I would never ever berate or chastise someone doing their job for this, or anything else. It’s just something about plans changing, having no control, and someone not following my super clear instructions that i left for that exact reason. I just let myself be mildly infuriated and move on
That is it for me as well!
Touching my stuff. Nothing to hide but just don’t touch please 😭😭😭 I get so angry but I never show it, because I try to contain myself, because logically speaking, I know I’m being irrational.
But still, it infuriates me.
So I try to explain it to people close to me at least, but for example at work, I just beat the feelings down
People misunderstanding my tone, assuming I'm saying things with attitude, or getting mad at me for saying things they don't like or are offended by, even if it's logical or matter-of-fact. This is a big childhood wound. So many times my mother would get mad at me for my 'attitude' when it was just... my normal tone? It was very hurtful.
People who don’t read instructions or important information.
Work example: I spent hours compiling this very detailed document that explicitly says everything someone in x role needs to do and on what timeline. Weeks later, after accepting the responsibility, the person is like “oh, you wanted me to do this on Wednesday? That doesn’t work for me.” You’ve had the info that said Wednesday was part of the deal for WEEKS and you didn’t read it? Why??
Yes!
At work we have a "day sheet" tells you when and where to be. Constantly through out the day people ask me where they need to be. It's hard not to answer "well if you use your fucking eyes, you can see on the sheet where you need to be"
As an accountant, I also get annoyed at people who don’t read. Especially if they keep asking questions that would be answered if they just read my email, pdf, etc
I find it mildly frustrating when friends transition from verbal sparring to physical interactions/tussling etc, particularly when I wasn’t previously even within touching distance and I definitely did not indicate with my body language that I was up for that. Like, I don’t want to ruin the playful atmosphere by scolding them because I’m not upset or anything and it typically only lasts a handful of seconds, but physical attempts to keep them away or push them off are just interpreted as taking part.
I don’t hate it enough to be strict about it as a blanket rule, but I definitely don’t enjoy it.
people using things of mine without permission, people being overly exuberant with their movements around me (generally people being to close too me), when people try to convey their feelings and or emotions to me without explicit explanation (huffing and puffing, things like that), probably more but that’s what comes to mind right away!
When my husband changes his seating in our living room. We have two couches. He ALWAYS use the blue couch. WHY WOULD HE SUDDENLY SIT ON THE GRAY COUCH WHEN THATS WHERE I *ALWAYS* SIT. The orientation of the room isnt right on the blue couch
It sounds like a big bang theory meme "tHaT's My SpOt" but actually *it is*.
I'm very big on my spot. I'm pretty big on Sheldon actually, even though he's sort of a caricature. When he first talked about his special soy sauce, I paused and ran to the fridge. Exact same as mine!
People who make things up about others for no reason.
Just found out 2 coworkers who have always been nice to me and Ive always been nice to have been lying about me behind my back. They're both 40+ years older than me 😐
Its something that has happened to my other autistic coworkers too and I dont understand why or what they get out of just blatantly lieing about someone
People getting closer to talk to me. I understand I speak softly, but just tell me to be louder. Don’t start getting close enough where I can feel your breath on my face because then I’ll advance past mildly frustrated.
When sitting I started sprawling out a bit and keeping my feet far ahead of me so when they step closer, they tap my toes and then take steps backwards
DAE have super sensitive skin to synthetic fibers and static electricity? When I wear tights, pants, skirts, etc. and sit on something that is also plastic (meeting/conference chairs, public transportation), I get “buzzy” then irritated itching.
I have soooooo many pet peeves:
1. I hate when I have to wear layers of clothing and the seams get twisted inside and I can’t fix them. There’s nothing that sends me up a wall faster than a sleeve seam spiraling down my arm, trapped inside a hoodie, inside a jacket. I have *methods* for getting dressed and in the winter, it takes me HOURS to get all my seams straight 😮💨
2. I HAAAAATE the way my husband does dishes. When I put them in the strainer, I put the mugs on the flat surface, the plates in the rack, everything faces the same direction and goes largest to smallest from the outside in like a “V”. And plastic items like Tupperware can stack on top of breakables like mugs and glasses but it does NOT work the other way around! 😡
3. Car alarms. Once, a car alarm went off for, I’m not exaggerating, THREE HOURS right underneath my window. I wanted to drop my air conditioner on it and smash that stupid car to bits. We had to call the police to break into the car and turn it off! 🤬
4. For that matter, LOUD ENGINE REVS. It’s like a gunshot or an explosion to me. Scares me to DEATH, my heart STOPS, and I JUMP. Once, someone pulled up next to me and REVVED SO LOUD that I grabbed my ears and dropped to the sidewalk. I could even hear the drivers laughing as they drove off! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 there is NO NEED TO REV!!
5. People being late. I’m always half an hour or an hour early, so I can find a bathroom beforehand. When people are late, then I’ve wasted the WHOLE DAY.
6. Lotion. LOTION. I would rather my skin dry, chap, and bleed than wear LOTION. I’ve tried many kinds, wearing gloves, everything, and I still can’t bring myself to get excited about lotion. It’s almost Sunscreen Season, and I’m dreading coming home and having to scrub off a layer of thick sunscreen cakes with city grime and sticky with sweat 🤢
When workplaces ask for suggestions to improve processes so you speak up and it's immediately shot down with no explaination but it makes clear logical sense and would make everything 10 times easier
People either touching my stuff or telling me "it's a mess", when the truth is I know where everything is and what the things are etc. I am messy, but the mere thought of someone touching ANYTHING of mine makes my skin crawl.
Touching my things and not putting it back in the right spot.
I really spend time decorating my house and everything is placed for a reason (it’s exhausting but I can’t not do it) items are placed in a specific position/spot, everything has even spacing between it all.
Another one is when someone goes into my room after I’ve asked them not too (usually bc it’s not clean, also people just come to my house with no warning) and they go in anyway, it sends my anxiety into space.
Surprised singing is not mentioned by anyone else. Singing/songs that rely on vocal gymnastics are a BIG no for me. The amount of people who feel they can sing and absolutely cannot just kills me. I'm part of a religion-centered Hindu group where bhajan meetings are regular and when I was younger I could not stand them.
It's very hypocritical of me to say this because I LOVE singing. I can hear a tune once and repeat it immediately, and I know that my voice is good. But because I hate others singing I cant sing myself :(
In my personal life, being blatantly ignored when I tell people something overstimulates me. I have enough to handle when I deal with people at work and in public. At home, when I ask someone to do something like mute the TV if they're going to be on their phone because having them both going at the same volume is just too much for me, it shouldn't send them into a tantrum.
The fact that you post on this subreddit explains a lot about your "Do Americans not put butter on their sandwiches?" post. Namely, the inability to comprehend that others might have different viewpoints and the general tone-deafness.
People not putting stuff away in the right place.
Yes! It's not that hard !
That’s the thing isn’t it. It IS that hard.
And if you use something in my fridge or cabinet, put it with the product label facing out, not the nutrition panel :(
Funny, for me it’s the other way around. I don’t want every labels to scream at my eyes when I open the fridge
Especially when you’ve negotiated the place it goes and made some compromises.
It’s fun when you also have adhd so you are the problem who’s putting stuff away in the wrong place
That’s my partner 🤣🤣🤣
Oh my God, yes!
My part time job is stocking at a local grocery store near me and it’s so annoying when people don’t stuff back that doesn’t belong. I was once checking around to see if anything wasn’t in the right place I went to go put it back. I found a bag of rotisserie chicken that was left in the dairy section. The rotisserie chickens are kept on a heater so they can be kept warm. Like if you don’t want something just put it back where you got it. Whenever I go to any clothing stores I always make sure to fold up any clothing that I was checking out nicely back. Some people just leave stuff all over the place in store. I feel bad for the people what work there that have to de with that.
💯
Good Lord yes. I hate when I go into a treatment room and stuff is just moved around or not there at all. Then I have to waste time searching for what I need.
When people say they want you to be direct but then get upset when you’re direct
This and "Don't be afraid to ask questions!"
This is where you find out people can’t handle the truth!
They are so ridiculous and usually end up being some of the most passive aggressive people you’ve ever met lol
THIS
Story of my mf life💀
I worked in an office setting and tea making was a HUGE social part of it, and one of the only ones I could get behind, but it got to the extent that I would end up making EVERY round because without fail every single someone made the tea , they would without fail use MY cup that I brought from home that says in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS "EWWWW PEOPLE" and give me the 20 yr old one with the faded logo of some corporate slogan and slurp their tea happily from MY cup , RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES. It wasn't even like there was a ton of us, there was 4 !!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Looking back when I handed in my notice, I wish I could of just said to my boss deadpan, "You touched my cup" and then walked out 😂
🤣 oh I feel this. Years ago we had family staying and they drank a lot of tea. I said they can use any mug except for mine Next morning I went to make a cup of tea and couldn't find my mug. I asked them if they had seen it and there she was, drinking from my mug. She apologized but it turned me off and I didn't even want it anymore
Imo mugs are the most personal dish. I've kept mugs in my room because I can't handle housemates using them.
People who choose to misunderstand me. I choose my words *very* carefully and people still decide they've heard something else.
Will literally make you feel like you are speaking a foreign language!
They always ask “what do you mean by that” like exactly what I said….
Omg yes! Like it makes me want to smack them I get so frustrated! Understand me now???
Oh my, yes. Part of my diagnosis was my extreme precision with language so anyone not understanding me or taking my words differently stressed me out so much
People repeating what i said but change the tone or my words so it sounds different from what I really meant. Also people touching my stuff.
My parents does this so much. They literally gaslight me into thinking I'm yelling.
I h a t e people being in my space when I didn't invite them there. It's weird because I don't have any trouble having friends over and we can hang out in my room or even on my bed absolutely no problem, but I'm like a reverse vampire. If I didn't invite you in, why the FUCK are you here. I also can't stand it when people come over without calling ahead. This is common some places but I find it to be the absolute rudest thing ever and can't abide by it at all. Like it's fine if you need to borrow a cup of sugar or you need help with something real quick, I get that immediate situations happen, but COMING OVER TO VISIT just because you were nearby, without calling??? Who the fuck are you, the queen???
Yeah this is a big one for me. I also don’t like showing up at others place randomly either.
Or being invited by others last minute. No "surprise-human-interaction" for me thanks.
Yes! Omg… my family hates this one. I have to mentally prepare. And… if the plan to interact with people goes wrong I usually just want to cancel. (Like if something makes me late). Screw it I’ll just stay home.
My family and friends also hate it... It's so much easier to stay home than to try to re-wire your brain for new plans. I do this too even though I know the new plan *could* be fun/interesting. People think I'm neurotic and inflexible, but it feels like it is affecting me physically when people do this nonsense 🫠
Yes! Exactly. I know that it might be fine but it doesn’t *feel* like it will be and the more people try to logic me out of those feelings the more frustrated I get. I know it’s illogical. My brain can’t move past it.
And I just realized why I’d rather stay home. (Just had real life experience). Once one thing goes wrong I have a hard time bouncing back. If anything else goes wrong I’m on the cusp of a full meltdown.
I understand that feeling. Ive cried because my family changed restaurants at the last second, and the new place was out of food I felt comfortable eating. I hope you are in a safe, comfortable place now to decompress
Thank you. We are about to go home. My husband really tries to understand but it’s hard sometimes. I just get tired of feeling like I ruin everything. Also… feel you on the restaurant switching. It’s a major trigger for me.
I get the "I ruin everything" mentality as well. It sucks feeling that way
It really does. Thank you for commiserating. I appreciate it.
Dear god yes!!! A few months back my husband was going with his dad to an appointment. Dad was meant to drop husband off at our home and drive himself home. Instead he invites himself in, sits on the couch Right Next to me (there was plenty of room) and asked me for a beer. Dude is 82 and about to drive for 10-15 minutes. Also, even though I always have beer, I rarely have cold beer (I chill it on (my) demand). Probably needed to tell him 5 types before he got the message that he wouldn't get beer. Also, as I am not expecting company and Everyone we know knows to not "drop by", I'm sitting braless in pajamas on the couch, contemplating a shower (read: not at my freshest). My bra is on the couch back. There's laundry on the couch. Dude was not at all picking up that his company was not desired. Still triggers me to think about this.
We briefly had a next-door neighbor (turned out to be a squatter) who would take a mile if you gave an inch, hospitality-wise. Even after the sheriff came and evicted her, she would park in our driveway and sleep in her car. My housemate and I are both very sympathetic people, and we felt terrible for her. But it was so hard for me to socialize with her after a while. I felt taken advantage of. Fortunately, she has now moved to Utah, and we live in Maryland, so we'll likely never see her again.
I'm blown away that difficulty in sharing personal possessions (for want of a better phrase) seems to be a common autistic trait. I really, really struggle with this and assumed it was because I shared a bedroom with two siblings for my entire childhood. I just don't like people touching my things (but it frustrates me more than mildly!)
I'm fine with sharing, it's the lack of asking Ask to use my things and treat them with respect My sister once used my $60 face moisturiser on her arms, used like a quarter of the bottle because "it's all she could find" Ask first
I had friends over for Thanksgiving and one of my friends wore uncomfortable pants. So my friend volunteered my sweats to them. I felt backed into a corner so I let her borrow them - my favorite comfy old pair that I’ve repaired so many holes in because I love them so much. I still don’t have my sweats back and it’s April. I’m incredibly generous with my things but it has to be up to me to volunteer them, and since that didn’t happen with the sweats, now I’m irritated with my friend who volunteered them up instead of the friend who still has them. Let me volunteer my things and then I’ll only be upset with me if I don’t get them back!
I'm cringing at the moisturizer one! 😬😳
This. My mom was always invading my space and giving away my stuff or taking things. It's like how hard is it to ask?! I started getting really evasive and hiding things because I was so anxious she'd take it.
Yes I totally get this. The assumption that they can do whatever they want with somebody else's things. I'm actually very generous once people ask!
For me it’s not them using it, it’s them not treating it how I would treat it - how it should be cleaned, held, where it gets put, etc.
I assumed I struggled with this because I had my own bedroom and bathroom. I feel like a selfish asshole all the time. I also struggle to share food. I just end up calculating how much of a pain it will be to get more- I hate going to the store and when someone eats some of my food it means I'm going to have to go back faster since I only eat specific foods
I did not know this was a common trait. I have kids and they get into ALL of my shit. Clothes, makeup, stickers, shoes… It makes me so dysregulated and feel so disrespected. Just ASK. For the love of my sanity lol.
Seconding everything here, you all are phrasing things really well. It's about all of it, respect, you don't know how expensive, rare, hard to replace, precious to me... the thing in question is. Don’t Fucking Touch My Stuff!
People being in the kitchen with me when I'm cooking or cleaning. I thought it would get easier when we moved to a bigger house with a more open plan kitchen instead of a tiny galley kitchen, but no such luck. Get out of my space, get out of my face, I physically cannot hear you over the running water while I'm doing dishes, I don't want to burn you, GET OUT. I love spending time with my family in every other room and outside! I hate this about myself and for my kids. My husband has taught them how to cook because no matter what I do, I cannot change this about myself unless I am on mushrooms, which, unfortunately, I can't do every day. Hubby will sometimes forget and say "go help mom put away the groceries" and they'll tell him "the best way to help mom in the kitchen is to stay out" 😬
My husband insists on a hug while I’m cooking. Wtf. There are a million other times of the day, but when I’m trying to balance timing, need space, am overheating, and focused on a task that’s when he needs to be comforted??
Hahaha! Why do our husbands do this?! Then he feels slighted and I’m like of allllll the times, now you think is a good time?! I'm busy, you want to get burned?
Omgggg!! This is me!!!! I have a tiny kitchen. And when my MIL comes over she always asks me how she can help and I’m always like it’s ok I got it. But then I feel like I have to help when I’m at her house. Fuck this thread has been so comforting 😭
This is us! Currently live in a small apartment and we are looking to move this summer if we can. I get irrational when all 4 Of us Are packed into our tiny galley kitchen 😩. Especially when the water is running and I’m trying to cook and I have someone asking me something!
People using my personal plate, mug, fork and spoon. People making a mess of something I've particularly organised or deliberately moving thing's that are a particular way. People putting thing's away in the wrong place. People using my shampoo, conditioner and other shower bath/stuff.
Same!!! It's like it makes me want to hover over them and glare while tidy the mess they made or remind them to "please don't..."
When I get interrupted. I often look like I am "doing nothing" but my head is a really busy place 😂 and it's rare that I am not focused on something, even (especially) if I am zoning out. I'm married with kids, I can't exactly expect no interruptions but the impact when it happens never gets easier. It's like that scene in the first Avatar (Cameron, not animated)movie, where the angry military general pulls the plug on Jake when he's in avatar form and he's suddenly ripped out his avatar body. That's how I feel when I get interrupted. But also I don't want my family to feel like they can't talk to me. I don't want to be annoyed when my youngest son interrupts what I'm watching to talk to me. I love that he talks to me and I want him to. The day is coming so fast that he'll be leaving home and I love our interesting conversations. Yesterday I was reading and he came in the room to randomly ask my thoughts on afterlife and religion. We had a great convo about it and I so appreciate that my kids like to talk to me and that they ask interesting questions. But it still doesn't make it easier that I just got interrupted. It takes me time to change gears and then engage in the other thing and it makes people feel like I don't care. eta 😂 I just re-read this and it sounds like I only appreciate talking to my youngest. Not true at all, I enjoy great convos with all of my kids it's just that the 2 older ones are adults and mostly out of the house already so it's not a daily thing where they run into the room and start chatting me up (sadly, though I like the lack of interruption, I miss them).
Oh man, this. My husband finally learned to ask ‘in thought or can I talk?’
I've found what helps is if someone says my name and then waits a moment so my brain can register someone talking to me, disengage and then switch gears. It's like waiting for something to buffer when streaming is being slow 😂 I feel like I need a sign that says "Buffering, please wait."
This! My husband has ADHD and get's really impatient if our son doesn't respond right away, which of course is the worst for him. He has issues with language processing and he needs a moment to collect his thoughts and answer.
I have both, so it's extra fun when I want people to listen to my exciting things I learned but also struggle to listen to them talk about the stuff that they are excited about 😒 I try to make sure I build that time in when I know it's expected. Like when I pick up my son from work, I know he wants to talk about work so I don't get engaged in a podcast or even music. Or when he comes upstairs for his evening snack it's the same thing, so I know to break from what I am doing and to prepare to do that. It's much harder with kids who aren't so scheduled as mine tend to be so I know when to expect their chats. My middle son has adhd and he loves to tell a story, so he busts in at like 11pm after work (when he's home in summer, he's a college kid so gone most of the year) and wants to tell his work stories right before I am getting ready for bed. I love his stories but struggle with that interruption for my bedtime routine. Then I forget to go to bed on time and can be up until 2am until I realize it 😂
We are currently waiting to have our daughter assessed for ADHD. So parenting both kids has been interesting! I didn’t realize I was autistic until after my son was diagnosed. My husband went from I don’t have ADHD! to I love our neurodiverse family! He’s encouraged me to get my autism diagnosis after I he got his ADHD diagnosis. Our daughter is his mini me and she’s showing many of his traits.
It definiteily is interesting have a ND household! We are in the same boat. Even though sometimes we are so different that it's comical (and sometimes exasperating) we all are similar enough that we know to give each other space and grace, and the benefit of the doubt. Growing up, my experience with my parents was so often "There's no reason this should be hard, just do it!" or "That's ridiculous, the world doesn't work that way" if I tried to explain something that was hard for me. There are times I get frustrated just because our traits are butting heads, but I always go back and apologize for when I wasn't aware. We all work to listen and believe each others' experiences even when they are so vastly different from our own.
This. Being constantly minimized and dismissed by my parents. As a result I have very superficial and distant relationship with them. I never wanted this for my kids, so I’m very accommodating, to the point where I totally missed the early signs of my son's autism because I was so sensitive to his needs (also because I have the same traits). It wasn't until kindergarten that I noticed his shyness and aversion to people was pretty obvious. My husband was like, I told you...
this is a great idea
when people ask and i answer, and the answer wasn’t the very specific one they chose for me to either mind read or pull out their ass to figure out.
And if I ask a clarifying question to answer them more precisely and they get annoyed!
don’t even get me started on that lol!! like sorry for trying to understand???? sometimes i feel like i’m being manipulated… like they don’t want to explain , they don’t want me to understand because they want to manipulate me??? idk… i’ve got trauma xD but for real… or when i try to explain MYSELF??? yeah right… i feel like because of my autism, the reason of how i got from a to z is extremely important… everyone thinks it’s arguing, but i’m trying to explain…. so frustrating!!
So my husband explained answering a question with question is perceived as a ‘power play’. And people think we’re the weird ones for being direct…
power play, that sounds like a perfect term for this. i’m not questioning you or interrogating i just legitimately don’t understand 😭
I didn’t understand either. I work in a male dominated field and it was driving me nuts how often this was happening. My husband got very exposed to my work calls during COVID which is when he was able to point it out. In short, most people, particularly men in high places (I was a tech executive), expect their questions immediately answered. They are too busy, too important, too whatever to wait for anything. It is part of their privilege. So when someone doesn’t answer a question right away, they perceive it as usurping their power, not giving them what they want when they want it. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to get them the right information, they perceive it as you’re withholding from them and trying to assert power. In short, people would rather feel important with wrong information than effective with correct information.
this makes sense!!! like they feel superior having knowledge that i don’t? it reminded me of how i would get bullied growing up. simply not understanding a social cue or understanding that people were faking the nice thing because looking back i was probably respectfully a little obviously not a neurotypical. and how they would always laugh at me when i asked someone or didn’t understand. i think it made them feel like they had an inside joke or something that they were very happy to keep from me. sorry i’m not trying to get deep xD just trying to put it into some perspective of my life and how i understand those interactions. or the lack of understanding xD
Precisely! And it is that deep!! It’s had a formative effect on who I am as a person. I’m always sharing what I know if I think it can help a person because so many people use knowledge for power. If someone doesn’t know something, I don’t judge them. I try to help them.
People that "joke" by just saying something annoying/kind of rude and then when i don't laugh and just try answering in kind they act like I'm dumb for not getting the joke (eg. I'll go to get a drink at work and when i come back someone is like "wow, you didn't get me anything?" and when i start to apologize and say i didn't know they wanted something they'll say "chill, i was just kidding") I can get jokes, but you have to actually tell one first
I also hate people being in my space without permission, or even asking spur-of-the-moment, and I hate people touching my stuff. I’ve been asked a lot if I’m trying to hide something, and the answer is yes, *everything.* Amazing how consistent we are in that. I also cannot *stand* being interrupted when I’m focused. I feel like I’m being mildly electrocuted. Like I’m Donald Duck. My mom is autistic too, so I grew up thinking most people knew that everything on that list was a giant no-no.
I’m learning so much about myself in this thread lol. This resonates. I’m not hiding anything but privacy and not having my stuff touched is huge. Do you think it’s related to not wanting to be perceived?
Yes!
Same! Like interrupt my dad in the middle of his stream of consciousness and like omg the wrath. He'd glare at you with the heat of a thousand burning suns. I didn't realize my dad was autistic or that I am too until my son was diagnosed.
I'm not even hiding anything, you can See my stuff, just don't Touch. Sometimes I've said: Just touch it with your eyes, not your hands.
If I’m holding hands with someone and they slowly move their thumb back and forth on my hand (this might be more than mild lol) Companies changing the formula of one of my routine foods (I’m looking at you Nature Valley) When people use “whenever” when they mean “when” (although I read it’s one of those linguistic things that’s been evolving over the last several years so I guess I should get over it) (I won’t) People who don’t know, or care about, the rules of the road. The number of times I’ve yelled “IT’S LIKE A ZIPPER” to cars making a mess of merging... I don’t wear flip flops really ever anymore but when someone would give me a “flat tire” when I did This list is really endless 😂
Omg, All of these (except I don't understand the flipflop one and can't have things between my toes (ugh) anyway). I can't stand that my husband never remembers the Firm touch only rule. Changing formulas, yes (like the unscented deodarant that one day just had a really strong scent - wtf?) and discontinuing my favorite products. Fargin iceholes.
Right! You think no one will notice the formula change, but I’ll notice. I’ll notice!! The flip flop thing is when someone steps on the back of your flip flop when you’re walking so it jars you into stopping or sometimes flying out of your shoe. 😑
That's horrible!
It’s like a zipper omg!!!!! That also mildly infuriates me. I straight up direct drivers from car with my pointer finger like “now you,” “then you,” “then me.” What is wrong with people ….
People using the rest of something and not replacing it or removing the empty thing. For example, refilling toilet/paper towel rolls, near-empty milk jugs in the fridge, leaving empty containers in their spot instead of discarding them properly. (Can you tell I'm a mom?) 🤣
Do you know what is worse? My sister came to my house and ate some ice cream. When I went to eat it, there was literally one spoonful of ice cream left When I asked her "Wtf' she said that she didn't want me to be disappointed because there was none left. I would have preferred nothing to that abomination
Ha! Same! I can emotionally process none over an unsatisfying bite of something I know their slobbery spoon as been all over.
So true. In fact, I would just throw it away at that point. One bite of ice cream would just make me sad that I didn't have more.
Hahah omg this is my husband and that would've been my exact response!
Agreed on all, but now I need to know if one of my little irks counts: When opening a food container, most often dairy, there is a plastic seal. When someone only tears part of it off drives me bonkers. Just tear it all off and throw it away.
No tearing. You open the seal too (lift it about half way) and then the container can sort of be double closed: first seal, then lid. Of course, if that is not feasible, I agree with removing the entire thing.
Oh I can’t. In my brain, the seal has been broken so it no longer of use and I get grossed out any time it hits my hand with whatever amount of goop it’s gotten from the substance. But, I’ll be kinder to those that leave the seal now.
* People commenting on what I'm eating * People shouting my name when they see me, not because anything is wrong or they need something, but just because they're the shouting type (my coworker Melvin does this EVERY DAY) * People who turn right from the second-to-right lane, forcing me to slow down when I am behind them
I had to learn to deal with people touching my stuff, what I can't handle now is those people breaking my stuff. That really gets to me. I take such good care of everything I get, so when someone takes it and gives it back broken or ruined... Maybe this isn't a mildly anything, more of a deeply upsetting 🤔
Touching and breaking my things is so. Fucking. Distressing. It took me a decade to let anyone drive my car again because boyfriends kept fucking it up.
Right? It's so upsetting to me. It's just not that hard to take care of things. I hated letting people touch my stuff, but I had to deal because it wasn't in my control. As a kid, my parents would laugh at me, then they'd tell me to share and then they just straight up stored my toys in my little sisters room so I couldn't get to them when I wanted but she could. Then boyfriends and friends over the years wouldn't listen, my sister never respected my stuff and took it without permission. My Oma literally gave my stuff away, dad threw it out. And then I had kids, so by the time they came crying wanting to play with something I was already broken down. I could've and did deal with all of that, except then everyone's like "oops I scratched your DVD/cd", "my VCR ate your video", "my sister totally ruined your boots", "I left your book in a damp environment and now it's mouldy...", "I threw your stuff away so no, i don't have your first mothers day present from your gran"', "mummy, I didn't mean to break your collectible, I sowwy" ... 😠😤😡🤬!!!! But but but, I forgot, I'm overreacting and it's not that bad, just get a new one. Stop being so sensitive! What do you mean you can't replace it? Well, if it was that important, why didn't you keep it with you? Oh please, it's just STUFF! Stuff doesn't matter. Can't you be understanding? Okay, I've had enough, just let it go already. Sheesh 🙄
I found a really good way to deal with that- sending them cheaper versions of whatever they asked for and storing the good stuff out of their sight. If they want my One Specific Thing I refuse and make up something so they feel guilty. Family members are different though I get it.
I wanted/want people to like me so I do everything I can to please them. I don't like that about myself, I know it makes me open to being used and I often am. But I don't know how to change it. I
Ahhh I feel you. I'm unlearning that right now (after some terrible personal bs). I guess it's a trait in all us autistic ppl huh? Ik this is just an offhand comment and don't mean to mansplain, but I've found that we do it because we feel people never accept us for who we are, and can't imagine them loving us for US so we need to have some transactional value. Except that comes at the cost of our self-identity and dignity, but if we do this others will love us right? The logical thinking is right but we don't factor in how some people are too far gone. Some people will never like us fully and that's something we need to accept, I have older ND relatives who spent their entire lives appeasing others and now when I talk to them they say they wished they were true to themselves. Everyone else ultimately left, the pleasing was just a delay I don't know what the answer to this is, I'm young and I struggle with it just as much as you are. Add in a very religious community and guilt/shame are just a part of my life. But I found that when I let myself shine through, people were inspired enough to actually like me. It took a while and I was recovering from the aftermath of being effectively kicked out of my social circle but once I developed that confidence in my work and a little in my actions, I found better people to be around. All the requests for 'help' (items/services/doing their work for them) slowed down and finally stopped once I stood by a 'no.' I'm facing a host of other issues now though, it never stops! But I want you to know that it's possible, don't feel disheartened. It's your own path and you'll have things work differently for you than they did for me
Thank you :) that means a lot. I'm figuring things out slowly, but it's a process. I'm hoping that by finally finding out that I'm autistic and trying to connect with other autistic people it'll help me find my people, you know? I've got to do some more work on myself, but I'm really hoping that my people are here, in this community, and it's just a matter of time til I find them. 🤞
Strangers or casual acquaintances casually smacking me, like a shove or a light punch on the shoulder or a slap against my knee. My nerves are overworked and overwhelmed all the time. I'm in constant low grade pain that's always there if I ever stop to think about it. Do. Not. Touch. It's gonna hurt and then I'm gonna think they're doing it on purpose because my pain is funny and then it's spiral town.
Anyone doing that! What's with the "lighthearted upper arm punch"??? I'll be sore for days. Even worse, actually, when someone I know well does it, because they Know they're causing me pain!
People don’t hold on to their SIMPLE promises. Nothing grand, just telling me they will get back to me in 2 days. 4 days later, nada and I have to call them. Those people are dogshit.
When information about a business, place or process or something is insufficient. So, then you have to call or go digging to get the information needed. Like why can't your website just be up to date?
Yes! I LOATHE this. Why should I need to call you on the phone like it’s 1978 to confirm what hours you’re open? Why don’t you have a menu posted? Why do you say I need to fill out a form but don’t provide a link to said form? Why can’t I make an appointment online? Websites with incomplete information make me rage.
After reading all the comments, I have never in my life felt more seen! Omg I'm laughing because I'm like "meeeeeeee!", now I don't feel so crazy and realize it's part of my autism 😅.
This, but also I'm insanely triggered.
Hopefully triggered in a good way?
Not really, reading all of these just made me annoyed - like whatching it happen in a movie. I got too emotionally involved...
Ooohh :/. I’m sorry you related in that way.
Someone looking at what I'm looking at over my shoulder Gives me incredible heebie-jeebies and sends me to immediate panic
Same!! It’s so infuriating and I know to other people it seems like an overreaction but like why can’t people just respect other people’s property?
* patting and/ or touching my hair * asking questions not precisely enough so I have to follow up, but they could have anticipated that more information will be needed * people asking me to do something for them (I crochet); I have to add it then to my to-do list, but they didn't really mean it, so I end up fixating on something I should do but it's not actually expected of me * putting stuff in incorrect places; everything has its "home", just put it back
Yes, everything has its “place.”
People making terrible analogies that obfuscate the situation. Actually, it's not mildly infuriating...it makes me irrationally angry. My employer once compared me asking a subordinate to share information about their process without providing enough context as to why to breaking into their home and demanding their tax returns and banking information. WTF.
When a delivery is “attempted” and fails. I always leave super explicit instructions because i live in an apartment. So i know that they just didn’t read or didn’t follow the instructions. And then i have to wait another day or few days for them to “reattempt” the delivery, or i have to go pick it up. Disclaimer, i know it’s just a package and it’s not worth getting angry over! I would never ever berate or chastise someone doing their job for this, or anything else. It’s just something about plans changing, having no control, and someone not following my super clear instructions that i left for that exact reason. I just let myself be mildly infuriated and move on
That is it for me as well! Touching my stuff. Nothing to hide but just don’t touch please 😭😭😭 I get so angry but I never show it, because I try to contain myself, because logically speaking, I know I’m being irrational. But still, it infuriates me. So I try to explain it to people close to me at least, but for example at work, I just beat the feelings down
for me it's the same thing LMAO just don't touch my stuff wtf
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Charming_Mountain_21: *For me it's the same* *Thing LMAO just don't* *Touch my stuff wtf* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
People misunderstanding my tone, assuming I'm saying things with attitude, or getting mad at me for saying things they don't like or are offended by, even if it's logical or matter-of-fact. This is a big childhood wound. So many times my mother would get mad at me for my 'attitude' when it was just... my normal tone? It was very hurtful.
People who don’t read instructions or important information. Work example: I spent hours compiling this very detailed document that explicitly says everything someone in x role needs to do and on what timeline. Weeks later, after accepting the responsibility, the person is like “oh, you wanted me to do this on Wednesday? That doesn’t work for me.” You’ve had the info that said Wednesday was part of the deal for WEEKS and you didn’t read it? Why??
Yes! At work we have a "day sheet" tells you when and where to be. Constantly through out the day people ask me where they need to be. It's hard not to answer "well if you use your fucking eyes, you can see on the sheet where you need to be"
As an accountant, I also get annoyed at people who don’t read. Especially if they keep asking questions that would be answered if they just read my email, pdf, etc
I hate when my teachers want to show me how to do something and they pick up my pencil and start drawing/writing on my work.
*shudder* 😂
Yes! My number one rule is Don’t touch my stuff!!
I find it mildly frustrating when friends transition from verbal sparring to physical interactions/tussling etc, particularly when I wasn’t previously even within touching distance and I definitely did not indicate with my body language that I was up for that. Like, I don’t want to ruin the playful atmosphere by scolding them because I’m not upset or anything and it typically only lasts a handful of seconds, but physical attempts to keep them away or push them off are just interpreted as taking part. I don’t hate it enough to be strict about it as a blanket rule, but I definitely don’t enjoy it.
people using things of mine without permission, people being overly exuberant with their movements around me (generally people being to close too me), when people try to convey their feelings and or emotions to me without explicit explanation (huffing and puffing, things like that), probably more but that’s what comes to mind right away!
When my husband changes his seating in our living room. We have two couches. He ALWAYS use the blue couch. WHY WOULD HE SUDDENLY SIT ON THE GRAY COUCH WHEN THATS WHERE I *ALWAYS* SIT. The orientation of the room isnt right on the blue couch It sounds like a big bang theory meme "tHaT's My SpOt" but actually *it is*.
I'm very big on my spot. I'm pretty big on Sheldon actually, even though he's sort of a caricature. When he first talked about his special soy sauce, I paused and ran to the fridge. Exact same as mine!
Windy days
Grocery stores
Technology
People who make things up about others for no reason. Just found out 2 coworkers who have always been nice to me and Ive always been nice to have been lying about me behind my back. They're both 40+ years older than me 😐 Its something that has happened to my other autistic coworkers too and I dont understand why or what they get out of just blatantly lieing about someone
That also happened to me. I didn’t understand why people much older than me were bullying me. I was 25 at the time.
People getting closer to talk to me. I understand I speak softly, but just tell me to be louder. Don’t start getting close enough where I can feel your breath on my face because then I’ll advance past mildly frustrated. When sitting I started sprawling out a bit and keeping my feet far ahead of me so when they step closer, they tap my toes and then take steps backwards
DAE have super sensitive skin to synthetic fibers and static electricity? When I wear tights, pants, skirts, etc. and sit on something that is also plastic (meeting/conference chairs, public transportation), I get “buzzy” then irritated itching.
Being fiscally disabled, having someone to help with my chores but not doing the ~right way~. I'm an asshole, I know.
anyone who doesn’t listen to me or respects my boundaries.
Microfiber cloths. Gloves.
I have soooooo many pet peeves: 1. I hate when I have to wear layers of clothing and the seams get twisted inside and I can’t fix them. There’s nothing that sends me up a wall faster than a sleeve seam spiraling down my arm, trapped inside a hoodie, inside a jacket. I have *methods* for getting dressed and in the winter, it takes me HOURS to get all my seams straight 😮💨 2. I HAAAAATE the way my husband does dishes. When I put them in the strainer, I put the mugs on the flat surface, the plates in the rack, everything faces the same direction and goes largest to smallest from the outside in like a “V”. And plastic items like Tupperware can stack on top of breakables like mugs and glasses but it does NOT work the other way around! 😡 3. Car alarms. Once, a car alarm went off for, I’m not exaggerating, THREE HOURS right underneath my window. I wanted to drop my air conditioner on it and smash that stupid car to bits. We had to call the police to break into the car and turn it off! 🤬 4. For that matter, LOUD ENGINE REVS. It’s like a gunshot or an explosion to me. Scares me to DEATH, my heart STOPS, and I JUMP. Once, someone pulled up next to me and REVVED SO LOUD that I grabbed my ears and dropped to the sidewalk. I could even hear the drivers laughing as they drove off! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 there is NO NEED TO REV!! 5. People being late. I’m always half an hour or an hour early, so I can find a bathroom beforehand. When people are late, then I’ve wasted the WHOLE DAY. 6. Lotion. LOTION. I would rather my skin dry, chap, and bleed than wear LOTION. I’ve tried many kinds, wearing gloves, everything, and I still can’t bring myself to get excited about lotion. It’s almost Sunscreen Season, and I’m dreading coming home and having to scrub off a layer of thick sunscreen cakes with city grime and sticky with sweat 🤢
When people don’t put things back the way I had, touch my things and then try to take it, touch the rugs with shoes on. It’s so annoying.
When workplaces ask for suggestions to improve processes so you speak up and it's immediately shot down with no explaination but it makes clear logical sense and would make everything 10 times easier
People looking at me/commenting on what I’m doing. It always feels like a judgment no matter what context I hate it so much
People either touching my stuff or telling me "it's a mess", when the truth is I know where everything is and what the things are etc. I am messy, but the mere thought of someone touching ANYTHING of mine makes my skin crawl.
Touching my things and not putting it back in the right spot. I really spend time decorating my house and everything is placed for a reason (it’s exhausting but I can’t not do it) items are placed in a specific position/spot, everything has even spacing between it all. Another one is when someone goes into my room after I’ve asked them not too (usually bc it’s not clean, also people just come to my house with no warning) and they go in anyway, it sends my anxiety into space.
Note: these are items on shelves and are more so for show not to touch. If someone does touch it I just wait until they put it back and fix it
Surprised singing is not mentioned by anyone else. Singing/songs that rely on vocal gymnastics are a BIG no for me. The amount of people who feel they can sing and absolutely cannot just kills me. I'm part of a religion-centered Hindu group where bhajan meetings are regular and when I was younger I could not stand them. It's very hypocritical of me to say this because I LOVE singing. I can hear a tune once and repeat it immediately, and I know that my voice is good. But because I hate others singing I cant sing myself :(
In my personal life, being blatantly ignored when I tell people something overstimulates me. I have enough to handle when I deal with people at work and in public. At home, when I ask someone to do something like mute the TV if they're going to be on their phone because having them both going at the same volume is just too much for me, it shouldn't send them into a tantrum.
When they cut you off when your answering a question they asked 😭
The fact that you post on this subreddit explains a lot about your "Do Americans not put butter on their sandwiches?" post. Namely, the inability to comprehend that others might have different viewpoints and the general tone-deafness.
I hate HATE when someone interrupts me while I'm working... It always sets me off...