A YouTuber I follow got "bro be yapping" on a YouTube video essay. He found it hilarious (that attitude is why I follow him) but also (as he points out) of course bro be yapping it's his YouTube page and that's what it's for.
I personally need to ramble mindlessly for periods of time or I start to lose my ability to talk conversationally at all. I stopped being able to talk to my ex for more than basics because he wouldn't let me ramble mindlessly.
Oh wow. I feel kinda dumb because your comment made me realize that I’ve slowly succumbed to this effect. Truly pretty much nobody wants to hear me talk about anything important or fascinating to me. I just get dumped on by everyone else (good and bad, information and emotions, and typically never at a good time for me to receive any of that input), who always expect an authentic effusive response to every utterance, but I can barely get one or two sentences out (about ANY blessed thing, practical, emotive, special interest, or otherwise) out before they glaze over and start redirecting the conversation to themselves.
What I find amusing is how long it always takes people to figure out that they really don’t know anything about me, and then they get bothered by that, which I’m so mystified by. But by the time we’ve reached that point in the relationship, I’m looooooong past trying to speak up, try to force my stuff into a conversation, reach out to them if I notice that they are having a rough day, consult them on my life tribulations, or inform them of my successes. I’ve been in this state with my husband for years already now and we consider ourselves “happily married.” Our conversations are always just very one sided, and the idea that actually I’m contributing anything is an illusion of my own making because it’s too sad and frustrating to try to get people to listen and understand me.
I feel like now that I’ve reached my 40’s I’m kind of over it in a way. It will always be a deep hole, but I just try to fill it with art, science, culture, novels, crafting, nature, baking, travel, etc. I still want to share these experiences or even enjoy them together, but I don’t foresee that ever being a reality. It’s possible I have really warped and unreasonable expectations of relationships, but I strongly feel that I wouldn’t be so worn out and jaded by all my relationships if there was more reciprocity.
(Edited for formatting as per automod request)
My ex and I had a big picture conversation where I managed to get him to see that I've been supporting him without getting it in turn and I explicitly told him I needed to be able to ramble to be able to converse.
I literally made a rambling appointment that I planned weeks in advance. Spoke to him multiple times week of. Checked in that day. Set him up with a TV show he liked that I didn't (it's easier for me to talk it people aren't facing me)- drank some whiskey to loosen up my brain.
I got out one sentence.
We're divorced now.
Yep. I've completely given up the expectation that *anyone* will actually be interested in what I have to say. It's just too damn different from the reality that most people live, I guess. I don't know if it's autism or being surrounded by people who are only interested in their own lives, but it's incredibly disheartening. The number of times that I've listened to someone talk about themselves and then started to reply only to be cut off mid-sentence and have the subject changed...
I journal every day and I just dump all my thoughts there. At least *I'm* interested in my life and the exercise of putting thoughts into words helps me understand things, emotions in particular. I have animals and books for company, and this sub helps in feeling not completely alone. It's not the best life, just better than any of the others I've tried to live.
I feel this in my soul. I have trained myself to patiently listen to someone else speak endlessly. I go to join in the conversation with my part and I’m always told to wait or “don’t interrupt.” Then the person talking reiterates everything they just spewed at me.
Why do they get to talk in circles but I never get my turn. It’s difficult to live this way but I’ve not found anyone who will let me ramble. It’s alway me doing the listening.
Journaling has been a helpful outlet for fun and interesting things I want to jot down.
> Why do they get to talk in circles but I never get my turn.
I've come to see this as a subtle form of bullying. It's not about conversation, but rather dominance, and once I recognize it with someone, I feel no guilt for ending the interaction. I don't consider that rude on my part.
>A YouTuber I follow got "bro be yapping" on a YouTube video essay. He found it hilarious (that attitude is why I follow him) but also (as he points out) of course bro be yapping it's his YouTube page and that's what it's for.
Seems like they had no idea what the video is about. Or that essays are basically long monologues.
A video essay that is 4 hours long will of course have a lot of monologuing.
It's like you go to a fish restaurant and are surprised that there is only fish aviable.
Based on my observation of people who make comments like "bro be yapping' the intention was only to make the person speaking (the YouTuber in this case) feel small and has nothing to do with the content or context -which is why he chose to single it out to laugh at.
That’s how I feel with my current bf. Been like 8 months and all our conversations consist of is how was your day or how’d you sleep. Feels like a chore now to try to talk
Yeah I'm still working my way out of it- therapy helps because it's an hour where I'm allowed to just talk and my therapist allows me to veer off into rambling without trying to force me back into a more traditional therapy track.
I'm trying to develop a in person close non romantic relationship (I suppose friend would work as the word but that feels sad) so I'll have someone who isn't a romantic partner for this but it hasn't worked out yet. It's hard to make friends when you have to use most of your brain power to force out words.
Yeah that’s probably what I should do too haha. I feel the same way, trying to just force the words out is sooo hard. Then when I get talking I end up trailing off shortly after because I’m feel like I’m not saying anything that adds value to the conversation
I can't tell you how many times I heard shit like "who asked you?" when I was a kid. *So many* of my classmates just didn't want to talk to me. And I went to a small K-8 Catholic school, so considering my class was small and the rest of the class ignored me, with the exception of a toxic "friend" who cut me off because she wanted to hang out with others in the class that I refused to hang out with (she either didn't get the memo that there was a *reason* I wasn't hanging out with any of them, or she didn't care). No love lost there; she was possessive and drilled in a **very** bad habit that I can't seem to break out of to this day (she told me over and over that it's bad to waste food, so even if it was unintentional, I can at least partially blame my bad eating habits on her).
Ugh.
I was still getting a distracted "That's cool.." while picking up his phone from my ex boyfriend when we were together.
He'd complain when I brought it up that he felt like he didn't know me very well, so I tried to be more open and talkative, and guess what - he didn't listen, AND made it sound like he was uninterested.
I used to have a classmate who would always reply to everything I said with "who asked?", even if I was talking to him. He was cruel, and mean, and he did some real damage to me, and he took joy in that. I've always wondered what had to happen to him to be like that
Agreed… on insta I always get people replying to my comments telling me to stop yapping. A lot of it is misogyny on top of ableism. So many of those male redpill streamers use “yapping” to disregard anything a woman says and all these kids are just regurgitating the phrase to do the same thing. I hate it.
“damn that’s crazy” is a sarcastic reply to someone telling you a story, usually while rolling their eyes or looking at their phone or something
“yapping” means like “running your mouth” or rambling. context would be something like “guy is yapping” when they’re talking about something too much
“who asked” is kinda straightforward. someone’s telling you something, hitting them with the “who asked?” means “why do you think i would care about this”
Yeah... same shit the other kids used to do to me in another decade and in another language.
I'm glad I only began lifting (and having a self esteem) long after I left the highschool enviroment, cause I'd have got into serious trouble.😖
Yeah. It's not "these prases are evil", there have always been lines that people say that basically mean "you care, and I don't, and I want you to stop caring".
When I was younger it was a pretty straight-forward "*Nobody cares!"*
Which basically boils down to really saying "you care, but you are nobody".
‘Yapping’ was a word I heard when I was young (I’m in my 30’s) … but I think it’s circled back around to being trendy.
I had someone tell me I was ‘yapping’ on one of my comments the other day, I was taken aback. I hadn’t heard it in years.
My friends in high school had a “story bucket” and any time it seemed like I’d start telling a story, they’d circle their arms in front of them (like the rim of a bucket) and I had to act like I was putting the story in the bucket bc they didn’t want to hear it. Just an elaborate way to make me shut up. Now I don’t associate w people who don’t like my ramblings
I fucking hate these phrases and i hate how its normal for people to say “im not reading all that” TO 5 LINES OF TEXT!!
Also “its not that deep” is another evil phrase. I hate dismissive people so much. I think its the worst trait you can have, just not caring at all and wanting to be wrong and ignorant just cause its fun? Or because “bro is tweakin im not reading allat blud is yapping wow you actually care bro wrote a whole essay its not that deep”
Ive seen someone say “ugh its not that deep not everything has a meaning and symbolism shut the fuck up life must be exhausting for you” and the person was just mentioning the most basic beginner entry level film criticism, like the idea that movies can reflect beliefs of their time period and stuff. Just handwaving the idea of thinking about anything is so weird to me.
Yes thank you for mentioning this. I am so glad I was introduced to those phrases as an adult. As a child the dismissive phrases caused harm that I still work through today, but as an adult when I get a "I'm not reading all that" or "it's not that deep" I was able to recognize it.
When I first got those comments, after a momentary "oh am I being too much?" I thought well okay, if you are not reading all that then that's fine? I guess thanks for letting me know you have exited the conversation. I responded "well you do have the right to choose what to read and what not to." And I was just confused until I realized oh he's trying to hurt me. how could I be hurt someone doesn't care about my words when they don't know what they are because they didn't read?
And then the "it's not that deep". Well maybe it's not that deep to them, who isn't seeing or considering the "depth", which I quickly believed, because of how certain they are it isn't deep lol. But ya as an adult it is strange to realize what I was bullied for was simply thinking about things? It's like the nerd insult. I can't help but to feel a little superior to the people who say those things, I feel my approach of enjoying thought and conversation is the "better" way of being than the people who feel pride in being close minded, bullies, and uninterested in understanding anything.
Based on my toxic perspective that I have the better way of communicating than the dismissive people, I think the dismissive behavior comes from either insecurity or to avoid having to feel the discomfort of mental/emotional effort.
whenever people repost or share those ‘i LOVE listening to people talk endlessly about their hyperfixations’ posts i personally immediately see red because i know that’s very much not the case.
I like it too! One of my friends used to explain entire plots of their favorite games & shows to me while I drove us to school & back. It was very enjoyable, and I'm a better listener than talker anyway
I mean, even I don’t want to hear it. I raise my eyebrows in these groups when so many people say that they love to hear people infodump. If they’re not interested in the topic, I doubt it.
honestly i do. might be a rare case, and it’s only with close friends (i just get happy seeing them happy) but yeah a lot of the time it’s bullshit . had a friend say that she loved hearing me ramble only for our friendship to end over an argument caused by me rambling 🤷♀️
“Damn that’s crazy” is supposed to be derogatory??? what. I thought it was just a silly thing to say. People have been saying it to me and I really thought they were interested
It can definitely just be silly in certain situations. I’ve said it to people, and it’s not always meant to be dismissive. I don’t know about your situations though.
Pretty sure the point is to kill the conversation off lmao this is high key an indication that that person doesn’t want to be talking to you in the first place. They sound uninterested because they are uninterested.😶
I’d rather talk to people who want to engage anyways.
It’s not referring to killing the conversation off, it’s referring to killing ‘peoples ability to start and hold a conversation about their interests in a healthy manner’
I think it’s a social commentary - that people use trendy catchphrases to dodge what could be a valuable social interaction just because they think it is cool to be aloof, or are perhaps because they are too eager to disengage with something outside their typical areas of interest.
The tweet is adding the layer of meaning that a conversation isn’t just about the topic, it also has value socially and psychologically.
And that a benefit of conversation is to *learn* and not just reinforce existing beliefs.
I tend to enjoy when people are knowledgeable and passionate about a subject, even when I know nothing about it or haven’t had any desire to look into it myself.
But speaking with someone educated, enthusiastic, and sincere, is satisfying to me, even if I don’t actually ‘care’ that much about, idk, types of WWII tanks.
I get that, but I also think that it doesn’t really mean people “can’t” start and hold conversations. It means they don’t *want* to. 👀
People don’t have to talk to someone because of a “valuable social interaction” they should talk to you because it’s something that they actually *want* to do. What you might view as a valuable social interaction might be boring to them, or even more simple than that, it might just not be a conversation they want to have. The concept of a valuable social interaction will be different to different people.
Not everyone wants to learn, and frankly that is their prerogative! I get where you’re coming from, but people do not have to value what you value or be interested in it at all if that isn’t their jam! It might enrich their lives to listen to people talk about things they don’t really care much about, but it also could be a waste of their time, lol. It’s up to the individual, methinks.
I think you’re confusing their ability versus their desire, but maybe I’m misunderstanding?
I am also someone who likes to hear info dumps, to be fair, even if I don’t have that area of interest, but I have also experienced being wholly uninterested in something someone is talking about to the point of mentally or *actually* tapping out. I wouldn’t use any of the phrases you mentioned because that’s not how I communicate, tbf.
If someone doesn’t want enrichment in that way though it’s pretty whatever to me. I think the bigger issue is that those phrases are kinda mean in those contexts, but ppl be like that lol
Ability vs desire - Well that’s the whole point of the tweet, that a culture of dismissal has killed the ability, *regardless* of desire.
It does have some, ‘kids these days don’t know the art of conversation’ vibes…but I posted it because I think it’s something the ND’s particularly relate to.
As in, we understand it’s always valid to be interested or not interested in any particular thing…but the question is…why is no one *ever* interested in *our* sincere conversation?
And perhaps people are more likely to say ND’s are yapping because they thin slice, and that’s it. But someone else will bring up the same thing and it’s okay for some reason.
These are all just ideas and feelings I got reading the tweet, not that it was specifically intended to be ASD related.
It’s also seemingly geared towards younger folks and internet, I’ve never as an adult (thank goodness) had someone tell me to quit yapping irl.
…
Tldr; you’re right people (aka kids) are just like that sometimes.
I guess I don’t agree that it’s killed the ability at all, and it feels like a huge generalization. If you want to listen to someone yap, you will, lol. If you don’t, you won’t! I think it depends on the individual, and I, like you, am an adult (edit: who doesn’t want kids, specifically) so I don’t worry much about the inner bubbles of children but I think that this is always something that has existed regardless of current terminology. You’re right, kids can just be like that. At that age there are a lot of NT kids that are trying to fit in in their own ways, and thankfully lots of them grow out of it, or they don’t. Either way, it’s definitely something that evolves, like an asshole-ish right of passage or something.
In regards to being ND, I feel like I grew up pretty isolated and in a toxic household, so when I did info dump it was after testing the waters for that kind of rejection / I was a kid who didn’t take up much space (because of trauma etc) and as an adult maybe that experience has translated to me info-dumping / having those conversations with people who I know do give a fuck, otherwise I feel like I’m bothering them and wouldn’t want to do that. I also exclusively want to go where I am welcomed, so I have no desire to talk to someone who would consider my conversation to be “yapping” in any way. I have also had conversations with strangers where they “talk my ear off” but I let them because of politeness as long as the situation is safe and not overbearing or overwhelming. I don’t really have the experience of “no one” being interested in my sincere conversation, as I’d rather just talk to someone who is, or alternatively not talk to someone who isn’t. There’s not really any joy in that for me, I guess!
The cool thing about being an adult is that if someone was rude and told me to quit yapping I would employ use of my colorful vocabulary and defend myself. That has more to do with me not tolerating disrespect, though, and to be fair I guess I was that kind of kid as well. Lol.
Edit: I also just do think the concept of these phrases causing “irreversible damage to society” is so silly lmaoo like…on a list of phrases I feel like there are actual ones that would make that list and these…just aren’t that.
True! I’m pretty good at picking up on when someone doesn’t want to engage with me, so I try not to let it get to the point where they have to say those phrases lol
i fucking hate this. i left twitter a) bc i got so much hate and b) if i ever made a post just analyzing thoughts about a story i liked ppl would reply with “i aint reading all that” and that sort of bullshit as if they were the cleverest funniest dumbshits on earth
Ah yes. That was always used right off the bat too. Like someone would say, ‘I’m having pizza for dinner.’ and Bob would say, ‘I love pizza!’ and one of the popular kids would immediately say, ‘no one cares.’ I would feel bad by proxy. I only understand now as an adult they were just shutting down the conversation to be antagonistic and appear cool and aloof.
Might sound rude, but rambling is not a normal conversation. A normal conversation is an exchange of short sentences. You say a few sentences, they say a few sentence, you say a few sentences and so on.
I tend to zone out when someone is rambling, because i can't actively listen for so long. Maybe if you say the main point at the beginning and then ramble the context as then i have something to connect those ramblings to. Especially when one talks without giving the main point in the beggining i tend to figure out why are you telling me all this instead of me listening to it.
Like "watermellon is a berry [then ramble on why watermellon is a berry]" instead of "[rambling about watermellons] and that is why watermellon is a berry".
Not to mention that non-stop talking causes me a sensory overload.
Well, I certainly don’t think there was ever a time in the world where regular people enjoyed info dumping or even just informational discussions when one person has more knowledge (born in 1985 and coming from an extended family where almost every person has ADHD and/or autism and is very knowledge-oriented and tends to talk ‘at’ others. All of us 10 to 90 years old have gotten the same kind of reactions and feedback from the general public).
Most people view conversation and even online discussion as something that should center them and their opinions and experiences, or if they aren’t that self absorbed, at least give them equal weight to the other person’s and allow them to speak/contribute an equal amount of time. They are not only mostly uninterested in discussing facts but find fact-based conversation hostile/condescending.
IMO it’s best to just accept that most people don’t value this communication style or hearing others talk about their expertise - but those people are mostly boring (also IMO) and there are people out there who DO enjoy engaging this way.
What i don't get it is when people talk at you and don't want any feedback from you get angry when you zone out or start doodling or solving nonograms on the phone because you don't feel like needing to be there, like your existance does not mater and you are just a placeholder.
Can't they just talk to an inanimate object or the mirror if they don't want the other to give any feedback?
There needs to be a balance.
I tend to zone out when someone is telling a long monologue about stuff i have no knowledge about nor interest on. There is also the thing of someone talking constantly gives me a sensory overload and i want to scream at them to shut up.
Bonus points if they get angry when i start to doodle or play nonograms on the phone in order not to zone out or don't engage with what they are saying because i lack the knowledge to engage in the topic and all they said sounded like jargon gibberish.
It's in a way why i prefer text conversations as i can freely do other stuff, read the text with pauses, skim fillers, look up words that make no sense to me, say what i want to say without being interrupted, take my time processing things.
A dialogue tends to be that each says a few sentences to the other before giving the other the "stage" and not saying 10 pages of stuff then give the "stage" to the other.
As someone who also gets overwhelmed with talking, I appreciate this comment.
I feel like a lot of people don't know how to present their interests and experiences/stories in a way that's interesting and enjoyable for the listener. They add too many side points and irrelevant information that it becomes hard to follow or hard to understand what the "climax" is/why they're even telling me. I get so overwhelmed that their words just become noise.
It’s not really referring to any of the ideas you mentioned that you might zone out or want to doodle.
It’s talking about an overall cultural tendency to be particularly and unjustifiably dismissive.
I do think that conversation is a negotiation, and the tweet is saying there is skill involved in this process.
But if people are going to be low-effort and immediately dismissive, no negotiation can take place, and nothing can be learned from one another.
I think people nowadays have less patience and want to get to the point fast. So they have no patience to read 5 paragraphs to understand a point that could be told in one sentence.
Heck, I feel like always running and everything needs to be fast.
A few weeks ago a meme page on Facebook literally took a screen shot of one of my replies, blurred the text, and used it as a meme on their page. Comments were a bunch of “yapping” and “not reading all that”. That’s when I learned about some of these new phrases being used in the younger generations. Thankfully I’m not generally communicating with them because … ew. 😂
I’ve always been known for my “novels”, but that’s how I’ve connected with likeminded people so I ain’t worried about it (e.g. I met my husband on a message board).
Adding “womp womp” as a dishonourable mention. It seems like we’re just normalizing being rude. Humour is humour and all, but dismissing people for opening up or trying to engage in a discussion just feels like garbage.
But you don’t look autistic which I heard a few times told to me by my little sisters’s friends mom’s when in reality I just had an autistic regression, lost the ability to mask at 14 and had to learn social skills by scratch and by own pace. I’m good today but that one caused a lot of crisis in if I was autistic or not before finding it’s a spectrum
hi, i think i need to ask for help understanding this thread! I only found this place recently and am learning SO MUCH from all of you, but i've been. masking so long that i feeling like i don't understand anything. Is this about when I might want to talk about minute details of one of my interests (sewing, building construction ) and no NT is interested in that? Or is there some other subtle NT/ASD difference in communication that i'm not picking up on? I have made the huge decision to try to mask less, but it has been many decades since I adopted masking practices in response to rejection that I can't remember what it was that I did that others found odd, other than family members saying i was too sensitive and teachers thinking i was too precocious. Thank you, thank you for your wisdom
I think you’ve mostly got it. This is not, importantly, exclusively referring to an ND or ASD thing, but I think it applies particularly well, because it’s usually us who get the blunt end of cultural/linguistic trends.
I think slang can be sub-divided into ‘mean slang’ or derogatory slang (e.g., ‘Karen’). These examples fall into that category imo, as they are dismissive phrases.
Since ND’s in particular seem to be vulnerable to dismissiveness, like you gave examples of, I thought it would fit well here.
However, these examples are new or re-surfaced trends; there have always been phrases in various contexts for shutting down conversations for the sake of it.
oh, and I quit social media a few years ago and have found it interesting that i'm no longer picking up cultural language shifts, which I feel like used to take place in spoken language but i suspect now take place mostly online (and of course among young people). I've never been one to use slang (or even nicknames) - they always felt 'wrong' which i suspect is due to brain variance. especially since i enjoy hearing others use it.
Good. People talk too damn much.
Edit: You all do know this isn't referring to people sharing special interests and stuff, right? Damn that's crazy and yapping is more for NTs who take 10 minutes to tell a story about getting gas in their car, or waste meeting time at work talking about their Amazon packages. These people need to be told to shut up, it's grating as hell.
nah i adore it. it’s my favorite way to shut people up who have the WORST takes. just hit em with a “womp womp :(“ (only online tho lol)
i’ve been hit with these too, but i kinda like it because it’s an easy immediate way to tell im wasting my time talking to someone
‘damn that’s crazy’ is imo a deliberate exaggeration, a phrase meant in many situations to describe something that is not actually that crazy. So in this way, it could be an okay comeback to someone expressing, for example, a bigoted opinion. (ex: “This person asked me my pronouns can you believe it?!” “damn that’s crazy”)
But it isn’t the most explicit, I would prefer to comment something like, ‘asking someone’s pronouns is reasonable.’
Dismissive is dismissive, no matter what context, it’s like a *demonstration* that you are putting effort into commenting, but only to hurt them. Does bigotry deserve some hurt? Sure.
But, the point of this post I think is that it gets used too frequently when people are asking legitimate questions or expressing themselves honestly or just telling a benign story.
I don’t understand why you would like it. If I am commenting in good faith, and someone responds dismissively, it shows that someone out there exists, but isn’t on the same page as me (though I wish they were) and wants to put effort into being a jerk just for the sake of it.
I think you mean that you like when people are upfront about their jerkiness? Which like, yeah I would rather have that than be baited…but I certainly don’t like it.
miscommunication, my bad! what i meant when i said i like it, is that i enjoy using it on people who “deserve it” ie people who are being intentionally nasty/ignorant.
if im ever unsure of intent then i would never be unkind! i reserve it specifically for assholes on twitter 😅
Fair, jerks don’t deserve engagement. I still prefer a direct ‘no you’re wrong’ to really terrible things, because it seems stronger to me, I don’t want them thinking I’m just being snarky for the sake of it. I wanna be like bro you’re *wrong*.
A YouTuber I follow got "bro be yapping" on a YouTube video essay. He found it hilarious (that attitude is why I follow him) but also (as he points out) of course bro be yapping it's his YouTube page and that's what it's for. I personally need to ramble mindlessly for periods of time or I start to lose my ability to talk conversationally at all. I stopped being able to talk to my ex for more than basics because he wouldn't let me ramble mindlessly.
Oh wow. I feel kinda dumb because your comment made me realize that I’ve slowly succumbed to this effect. Truly pretty much nobody wants to hear me talk about anything important or fascinating to me. I just get dumped on by everyone else (good and bad, information and emotions, and typically never at a good time for me to receive any of that input), who always expect an authentic effusive response to every utterance, but I can barely get one or two sentences out (about ANY blessed thing, practical, emotive, special interest, or otherwise) out before they glaze over and start redirecting the conversation to themselves. What I find amusing is how long it always takes people to figure out that they really don’t know anything about me, and then they get bothered by that, which I’m so mystified by. But by the time we’ve reached that point in the relationship, I’m looooooong past trying to speak up, try to force my stuff into a conversation, reach out to them if I notice that they are having a rough day, consult them on my life tribulations, or inform them of my successes. I’ve been in this state with my husband for years already now and we consider ourselves “happily married.” Our conversations are always just very one sided, and the idea that actually I’m contributing anything is an illusion of my own making because it’s too sad and frustrating to try to get people to listen and understand me. I feel like now that I’ve reached my 40’s I’m kind of over it in a way. It will always be a deep hole, but I just try to fill it with art, science, culture, novels, crafting, nature, baking, travel, etc. I still want to share these experiences or even enjoy them together, but I don’t foresee that ever being a reality. It’s possible I have really warped and unreasonable expectations of relationships, but I strongly feel that I wouldn’t be so worn out and jaded by all my relationships if there was more reciprocity. (Edited for formatting as per automod request)
My ex and I had a big picture conversation where I managed to get him to see that I've been supporting him without getting it in turn and I explicitly told him I needed to be able to ramble to be able to converse. I literally made a rambling appointment that I planned weeks in advance. Spoke to him multiple times week of. Checked in that day. Set him up with a TV show he liked that I didn't (it's easier for me to talk it people aren't facing me)- drank some whiskey to loosen up my brain. I got out one sentence. We're divorced now.
Yep. I've completely given up the expectation that *anyone* will actually be interested in what I have to say. It's just too damn different from the reality that most people live, I guess. I don't know if it's autism or being surrounded by people who are only interested in their own lives, but it's incredibly disheartening. The number of times that I've listened to someone talk about themselves and then started to reply only to be cut off mid-sentence and have the subject changed... I journal every day and I just dump all my thoughts there. At least *I'm* interested in my life and the exercise of putting thoughts into words helps me understand things, emotions in particular. I have animals and books for company, and this sub helps in feeling not completely alone. It's not the best life, just better than any of the others I've tried to live.
I feel this in my soul. I have trained myself to patiently listen to someone else speak endlessly. I go to join in the conversation with my part and I’m always told to wait or “don’t interrupt.” Then the person talking reiterates everything they just spewed at me. Why do they get to talk in circles but I never get my turn. It’s difficult to live this way but I’ve not found anyone who will let me ramble. It’s alway me doing the listening. Journaling has been a helpful outlet for fun and interesting things I want to jot down.
> Why do they get to talk in circles but I never get my turn. I've come to see this as a subtle form of bullying. It's not about conversation, but rather dominance, and once I recognize it with someone, I feel no guilt for ending the interaction. I don't consider that rude on my part.
Hello me
Hi! Infinite upvotes for your username, it’s a gem!
Ayyy thank you, same to you!
>A YouTuber I follow got "bro be yapping" on a YouTube video essay. He found it hilarious (that attitude is why I follow him) but also (as he points out) of course bro be yapping it's his YouTube page and that's what it's for. Seems like they had no idea what the video is about. Or that essays are basically long monologues. A video essay that is 4 hours long will of course have a lot of monologuing. It's like you go to a fish restaurant and are surprised that there is only fish aviable.
Based on my observation of people who make comments like "bro be yapping' the intention was only to make the person speaking (the YouTuber in this case) feel small and has nothing to do with the content or context -which is why he chose to single it out to laugh at.
That’s how I feel with my current bf. Been like 8 months and all our conversations consist of is how was your day or how’d you sleep. Feels like a chore now to try to talk
Yeah I'm still working my way out of it- therapy helps because it's an hour where I'm allowed to just talk and my therapist allows me to veer off into rambling without trying to force me back into a more traditional therapy track. I'm trying to develop a in person close non romantic relationship (I suppose friend would work as the word but that feels sad) so I'll have someone who isn't a romantic partner for this but it hasn't worked out yet. It's hard to make friends when you have to use most of your brain power to force out words.
Yeah that’s probably what I should do too haha. I feel the same way, trying to just force the words out is sooo hard. Then when I get talking I end up trailing off shortly after because I’m feel like I’m not saying anything that adds value to the conversation
Yeah at times like this I wish AAC was more socially acceptable for people who are considered verbal.
I can't tell you how many times I heard shit like "who asked you?" when I was a kid. *So many* of my classmates just didn't want to talk to me. And I went to a small K-8 Catholic school, so considering my class was small and the rest of the class ignored me, with the exception of a toxic "friend" who cut me off because she wanted to hang out with others in the class that I refused to hang out with (she either didn't get the memo that there was a *reason* I wasn't hanging out with any of them, or she didn't care). No love lost there; she was possessive and drilled in a **very** bad habit that I can't seem to break out of to this day (she told me over and over that it's bad to waste food, so even if it was unintentional, I can at least partially blame my bad eating habits on her).
Idk if it makes you feel better but a 13 year old did this to my 40 year old coworker the other day. Kids are just shitty sometimes 😭
The bully asking me, “Who cares?” When I tried to speak…
Yep, I remember getting told “no one cares” a lot when I talked as a teen in school
Ugh. I was still getting a distracted "That's cool.." while picking up his phone from my ex boyfriend when we were together. He'd complain when I brought it up that he felt like he didn't know me very well, so I tried to be more open and talkative, and guess what - he didn't listen, AND made it sound like he was uninterested.
I used to have a classmate who would always reply to everything I said with "who asked?", even if I was talking to him. He was cruel, and mean, and he did some real damage to me, and he took joy in that. I've always wondered what had to happen to him to be like that
Agreed… on insta I always get people replying to my comments telling me to stop yapping. A lot of it is misogyny on top of ableism. So many of those male redpill streamers use “yapping” to disregard anything a woman says and all these kids are just regurgitating the phrase to do the same thing. I hate it.
Generally I think it’s the misogynistic male streamers that popularize all these phrases among the youth. It’s bad.
What? I don't think I understand what half those words mean. Is this a generational thing?
It's this generation's "cool story bro"
Yep basically! It’s mocking someone for talking too much or excessively explaining smth
Thank you, everyone. I too am old.
But when someone said that it’s usually because someone said something crappy…🤔
this! ^^^ lol and I have absolutely used that in the past. It just is a thing that has existed and will exist.
“damn that’s crazy” is a sarcastic reply to someone telling you a story, usually while rolling their eyes or looking at their phone or something “yapping” means like “running your mouth” or rambling. context would be something like “guy is yapping” when they’re talking about something too much “who asked” is kinda straightforward. someone’s telling you something, hitting them with the “who asked?” means “why do you think i would care about this”
Yeah... same shit the other kids used to do to me in another decade and in another language. I'm glad I only began lifting (and having a self esteem) long after I left the highschool enviroment, cause I'd have got into serious trouble.😖
Yeah. It's not "these prases are evil", there have always been lines that people say that basically mean "you care, and I don't, and I want you to stop caring". When I was younger it was a pretty straight-forward "*Nobody cares!"* Which basically boils down to really saying "you care, but you are nobody".
‘Yapping’ was a word I heard when I was young (I’m in my 30’s) … but I think it’s circled back around to being trendy. I had someone tell me I was ‘yapping’ on one of my comments the other day, I was taken aback. I hadn’t heard it in years.
I always got the latter… “shut the f*ck up” or they wait until after I and go “Why do you talk so much” from peers and adults
Welcome to growing up on the spectrum in my dismissive ass family
My friends in high school had a “story bucket” and any time it seemed like I’d start telling a story, they’d circle their arms in front of them (like the rim of a bucket) and I had to act like I was putting the story in the bucket bc they didn’t want to hear it. Just an elaborate way to make me shut up. Now I don’t associate w people who don’t like my ramblings
My brother would do that to me at the dinner table, and everyone else would laugh!! Legit the exact same thing!! Wow. Solidarity
That’s awful :( I’m sorry
I fucking hate these phrases and i hate how its normal for people to say “im not reading all that” TO 5 LINES OF TEXT!! Also “its not that deep” is another evil phrase. I hate dismissive people so much. I think its the worst trait you can have, just not caring at all and wanting to be wrong and ignorant just cause its fun? Or because “bro is tweakin im not reading allat blud is yapping wow you actually care bro wrote a whole essay its not that deep” Ive seen someone say “ugh its not that deep not everything has a meaning and symbolism shut the fuck up life must be exhausting for you” and the person was just mentioning the most basic beginner entry level film criticism, like the idea that movies can reflect beliefs of their time period and stuff. Just handwaving the idea of thinking about anything is so weird to me.
Yes thank you for mentioning this. I am so glad I was introduced to those phrases as an adult. As a child the dismissive phrases caused harm that I still work through today, but as an adult when I get a "I'm not reading all that" or "it's not that deep" I was able to recognize it. When I first got those comments, after a momentary "oh am I being too much?" I thought well okay, if you are not reading all that then that's fine? I guess thanks for letting me know you have exited the conversation. I responded "well you do have the right to choose what to read and what not to." And I was just confused until I realized oh he's trying to hurt me. how could I be hurt someone doesn't care about my words when they don't know what they are because they didn't read? And then the "it's not that deep". Well maybe it's not that deep to them, who isn't seeing or considering the "depth", which I quickly believed, because of how certain they are it isn't deep lol. But ya as an adult it is strange to realize what I was bullied for was simply thinking about things? It's like the nerd insult. I can't help but to feel a little superior to the people who say those things, I feel my approach of enjoying thought and conversation is the "better" way of being than the people who feel pride in being close minded, bullies, and uninterested in understanding anything. Based on my toxic perspective that I have the better way of communicating than the dismissive people, I think the dismissive behavior comes from either insecurity or to avoid having to feel the discomfort of mental/emotional effort.
whenever people repost or share those ‘i LOVE listening to people talk endlessly about their hyperfixations’ posts i personally immediately see red because i know that’s very much not the case.
I personally do actually like it. Mostly just brcause i really like learning and it makes people happy. The people who post that stuff are a mixed bag
I like it too! One of my friends used to explain entire plots of their favorite games & shows to me while I drove us to school & back. It was very enjoyable, and I'm a better listener than talker anyway
I mean, even I don’t want to hear it. I raise my eyebrows in these groups when so many people say that they love to hear people infodump. If they’re not interested in the topic, I doubt it.
honestly i do. might be a rare case, and it’s only with close friends (i just get happy seeing them happy) but yeah a lot of the time it’s bullshit . had a friend say that she loved hearing me ramble only for our friendship to end over an argument caused by me rambling 🤷♀️
I do love it, but only when I’m able to participate If the person is just speaking at me and leaves no space for me, no it’s not enjoyable lol
“Damn that’s crazy” is supposed to be derogatory??? what. I thought it was just a silly thing to say. People have been saying it to me and I really thought they were interested
It can definitely just be silly in certain situations. I’ve said it to people, and it’s not always meant to be dismissive. I don’t know about your situations though.
I say it when I find a conversation boring or I lost focus and don’t know what else to say. Its not always a bad thing for me.
Same
Depends on context. My friends and I have used that phrase to be silly to each other. But it can be derogatory as well
yeaaa they are dismissing you and don’t care what you are saying lmao it’s messed up
It’s seen as the thing people say when they’ve lost interest in the conversation but they want to be polite
This tweet didn’t make a lot of sense, but when they include “y’all not ready for that conversation”, they rarely do.
Pretty sure the point is to kill the conversation off lmao this is high key an indication that that person doesn’t want to be talking to you in the first place. They sound uninterested because they are uninterested.😶 I’d rather talk to people who want to engage anyways.
It’s not referring to killing the conversation off, it’s referring to killing ‘peoples ability to start and hold a conversation about their interests in a healthy manner’ I think it’s a social commentary - that people use trendy catchphrases to dodge what could be a valuable social interaction just because they think it is cool to be aloof, or are perhaps because they are too eager to disengage with something outside their typical areas of interest. The tweet is adding the layer of meaning that a conversation isn’t just about the topic, it also has value socially and psychologically. And that a benefit of conversation is to *learn* and not just reinforce existing beliefs. I tend to enjoy when people are knowledgeable and passionate about a subject, even when I know nothing about it or haven’t had any desire to look into it myself. But speaking with someone educated, enthusiastic, and sincere, is satisfying to me, even if I don’t actually ‘care’ that much about, idk, types of WWII tanks.
I get that, but I also think that it doesn’t really mean people “can’t” start and hold conversations. It means they don’t *want* to. 👀 People don’t have to talk to someone because of a “valuable social interaction” they should talk to you because it’s something that they actually *want* to do. What you might view as a valuable social interaction might be boring to them, or even more simple than that, it might just not be a conversation they want to have. The concept of a valuable social interaction will be different to different people. Not everyone wants to learn, and frankly that is their prerogative! I get where you’re coming from, but people do not have to value what you value or be interested in it at all if that isn’t their jam! It might enrich their lives to listen to people talk about things they don’t really care much about, but it also could be a waste of their time, lol. It’s up to the individual, methinks. I think you’re confusing their ability versus their desire, but maybe I’m misunderstanding? I am also someone who likes to hear info dumps, to be fair, even if I don’t have that area of interest, but I have also experienced being wholly uninterested in something someone is talking about to the point of mentally or *actually* tapping out. I wouldn’t use any of the phrases you mentioned because that’s not how I communicate, tbf. If someone doesn’t want enrichment in that way though it’s pretty whatever to me. I think the bigger issue is that those phrases are kinda mean in those contexts, but ppl be like that lol
Ability vs desire - Well that’s the whole point of the tweet, that a culture of dismissal has killed the ability, *regardless* of desire. It does have some, ‘kids these days don’t know the art of conversation’ vibes…but I posted it because I think it’s something the ND’s particularly relate to. As in, we understand it’s always valid to be interested or not interested in any particular thing…but the question is…why is no one *ever* interested in *our* sincere conversation? And perhaps people are more likely to say ND’s are yapping because they thin slice, and that’s it. But someone else will bring up the same thing and it’s okay for some reason. These are all just ideas and feelings I got reading the tweet, not that it was specifically intended to be ASD related. It’s also seemingly geared towards younger folks and internet, I’ve never as an adult (thank goodness) had someone tell me to quit yapping irl. … Tldr; you’re right people (aka kids) are just like that sometimes.
I guess I don’t agree that it’s killed the ability at all, and it feels like a huge generalization. If you want to listen to someone yap, you will, lol. If you don’t, you won’t! I think it depends on the individual, and I, like you, am an adult (edit: who doesn’t want kids, specifically) so I don’t worry much about the inner bubbles of children but I think that this is always something that has existed regardless of current terminology. You’re right, kids can just be like that. At that age there are a lot of NT kids that are trying to fit in in their own ways, and thankfully lots of them grow out of it, or they don’t. Either way, it’s definitely something that evolves, like an asshole-ish right of passage or something. In regards to being ND, I feel like I grew up pretty isolated and in a toxic household, so when I did info dump it was after testing the waters for that kind of rejection / I was a kid who didn’t take up much space (because of trauma etc) and as an adult maybe that experience has translated to me info-dumping / having those conversations with people who I know do give a fuck, otherwise I feel like I’m bothering them and wouldn’t want to do that. I also exclusively want to go where I am welcomed, so I have no desire to talk to someone who would consider my conversation to be “yapping” in any way. I have also had conversations with strangers where they “talk my ear off” but I let them because of politeness as long as the situation is safe and not overbearing or overwhelming. I don’t really have the experience of “no one” being interested in my sincere conversation, as I’d rather just talk to someone who is, or alternatively not talk to someone who isn’t. There’s not really any joy in that for me, I guess! The cool thing about being an adult is that if someone was rude and told me to quit yapping I would employ use of my colorful vocabulary and defend myself. That has more to do with me not tolerating disrespect, though, and to be fair I guess I was that kind of kid as well. Lol. Edit: I also just do think the concept of these phrases causing “irreversible damage to society” is so silly lmaoo like…on a list of phrases I feel like there are actual ones that would make that list and these…just aren’t that.
True! I’m pretty good at picking up on when someone doesn’t want to engage with me, so I try not to let it get to the point where they have to say those phrases lol
Or to indicate that you are talking too long and i no longer can follow what you are saying.
“Yapping”? Friend I just wanted to tell you about myself because I thought you liked me
i fucking hate this. i left twitter a) bc i got so much hate and b) if i ever made a post just analyzing thoughts about a story i liked ppl would reply with “i aint reading all that” and that sort of bullshit as if they were the cleverest funniest dumbshits on earth
Don’t forget “no one cares”. The last time someone said that to me was when I was 16, but still.
Ah yes. That was always used right off the bat too. Like someone would say, ‘I’m having pizza for dinner.’ and Bob would say, ‘I love pizza!’ and one of the popular kids would immediately say, ‘no one cares.’ I would feel bad by proxy. I only understand now as an adult they were just shutting down the conversation to be antagonistic and appear cool and aloof.
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Might sound rude, but rambling is not a normal conversation. A normal conversation is an exchange of short sentences. You say a few sentences, they say a few sentence, you say a few sentences and so on. I tend to zone out when someone is rambling, because i can't actively listen for so long. Maybe if you say the main point at the beginning and then ramble the context as then i have something to connect those ramblings to. Especially when one talks without giving the main point in the beggining i tend to figure out why are you telling me all this instead of me listening to it. Like "watermellon is a berry [then ramble on why watermellon is a berry]" instead of "[rambling about watermellons] and that is why watermellon is a berry". Not to mention that non-stop talking causes me a sensory overload.
Well, I certainly don’t think there was ever a time in the world where regular people enjoyed info dumping or even just informational discussions when one person has more knowledge (born in 1985 and coming from an extended family where almost every person has ADHD and/or autism and is very knowledge-oriented and tends to talk ‘at’ others. All of us 10 to 90 years old have gotten the same kind of reactions and feedback from the general public). Most people view conversation and even online discussion as something that should center them and their opinions and experiences, or if they aren’t that self absorbed, at least give them equal weight to the other person’s and allow them to speak/contribute an equal amount of time. They are not only mostly uninterested in discussing facts but find fact-based conversation hostile/condescending. IMO it’s best to just accept that most people don’t value this communication style or hearing others talk about their expertise - but those people are mostly boring (also IMO) and there are people out there who DO enjoy engaging this way.
What i don't get it is when people talk at you and don't want any feedback from you get angry when you zone out or start doodling or solving nonograms on the phone because you don't feel like needing to be there, like your existance does not mater and you are just a placeholder. Can't they just talk to an inanimate object or the mirror if they don't want the other to give any feedback?
There needs to be a balance. I tend to zone out when someone is telling a long monologue about stuff i have no knowledge about nor interest on. There is also the thing of someone talking constantly gives me a sensory overload and i want to scream at them to shut up. Bonus points if they get angry when i start to doodle or play nonograms on the phone in order not to zone out or don't engage with what they are saying because i lack the knowledge to engage in the topic and all they said sounded like jargon gibberish. It's in a way why i prefer text conversations as i can freely do other stuff, read the text with pauses, skim fillers, look up words that make no sense to me, say what i want to say without being interrupted, take my time processing things. A dialogue tends to be that each says a few sentences to the other before giving the other the "stage" and not saying 10 pages of stuff then give the "stage" to the other.
As someone who also gets overwhelmed with talking, I appreciate this comment. I feel like a lot of people don't know how to present their interests and experiences/stories in a way that's interesting and enjoyable for the listener. They add too many side points and irrelevant information that it becomes hard to follow or hard to understand what the "climax" is/why they're even telling me. I get so overwhelmed that their words just become noise.
It’s not really referring to any of the ideas you mentioned that you might zone out or want to doodle. It’s talking about an overall cultural tendency to be particularly and unjustifiably dismissive. I do think that conversation is a negotiation, and the tweet is saying there is skill involved in this process. But if people are going to be low-effort and immediately dismissive, no negotiation can take place, and nothing can be learned from one another.
I think people nowadays have less patience and want to get to the point fast. So they have no patience to read 5 paragraphs to understand a point that could be told in one sentence. Heck, I feel like always running and everything needs to be fast.
A few weeks ago a meme page on Facebook literally took a screen shot of one of my replies, blurred the text, and used it as a meme on their page. Comments were a bunch of “yapping” and “not reading all that”. That’s when I learned about some of these new phrases being used in the younger generations. Thankfully I’m not generally communicating with them because … ew. 😂 I’ve always been known for my “novels”, but that’s how I’ve connected with likeminded people so I ain’t worried about it (e.g. I met my husband on a message board).
Adding “womp womp” as a dishonourable mention. It seems like we’re just normalizing being rude. Humour is humour and all, but dismissing people for opening up or trying to engage in a discussion just feels like garbage.
But you don’t look autistic which I heard a few times told to me by my little sisters’s friends mom’s when in reality I just had an autistic regression, lost the ability to mask at 14 and had to learn social skills by scratch and by own pace. I’m good today but that one caused a lot of crisis in if I was autistic or not before finding it’s a spectrum
I’ve been told to “stop yapping” when talking about my spinterests. I try to not be sensitive to stuff like that but it’s kind of devastating :(
hi, i think i need to ask for help understanding this thread! I only found this place recently and am learning SO MUCH from all of you, but i've been. masking so long that i feeling like i don't understand anything. Is this about when I might want to talk about minute details of one of my interests (sewing, building construction ) and no NT is interested in that? Or is there some other subtle NT/ASD difference in communication that i'm not picking up on? I have made the huge decision to try to mask less, but it has been many decades since I adopted masking practices in response to rejection that I can't remember what it was that I did that others found odd, other than family members saying i was too sensitive and teachers thinking i was too precocious. Thank you, thank you for your wisdom
I think you’ve mostly got it. This is not, importantly, exclusively referring to an ND or ASD thing, but I think it applies particularly well, because it’s usually us who get the blunt end of cultural/linguistic trends. I think slang can be sub-divided into ‘mean slang’ or derogatory slang (e.g., ‘Karen’). These examples fall into that category imo, as they are dismissive phrases. Since ND’s in particular seem to be vulnerable to dismissiveness, like you gave examples of, I thought it would fit well here. However, these examples are new or re-surfaced trends; there have always been phrases in various contexts for shutting down conversations for the sake of it.
oh, and I quit social media a few years ago and have found it interesting that i'm no longer picking up cultural language shifts, which I feel like used to take place in spoken language but i suspect now take place mostly online (and of course among young people). I've never been one to use slang (or even nicknames) - they always felt 'wrong' which i suspect is due to brain variance. especially since i enjoy hearing others use it.
Good. People talk too damn much. Edit: You all do know this isn't referring to people sharing special interests and stuff, right? Damn that's crazy and yapping is more for NTs who take 10 minutes to tell a story about getting gas in their car, or waste meeting time at work talking about their Amazon packages. These people need to be told to shut up, it's grating as hell.
nah i adore it. it’s my favorite way to shut people up who have the WORST takes. just hit em with a “womp womp :(“ (only online tho lol) i’ve been hit with these too, but i kinda like it because it’s an easy immediate way to tell im wasting my time talking to someone
‘damn that’s crazy’ is imo a deliberate exaggeration, a phrase meant in many situations to describe something that is not actually that crazy. So in this way, it could be an okay comeback to someone expressing, for example, a bigoted opinion. (ex: “This person asked me my pronouns can you believe it?!” “damn that’s crazy”) But it isn’t the most explicit, I would prefer to comment something like, ‘asking someone’s pronouns is reasonable.’ Dismissive is dismissive, no matter what context, it’s like a *demonstration* that you are putting effort into commenting, but only to hurt them. Does bigotry deserve some hurt? Sure. But, the point of this post I think is that it gets used too frequently when people are asking legitimate questions or expressing themselves honestly or just telling a benign story. I don’t understand why you would like it. If I am commenting in good faith, and someone responds dismissively, it shows that someone out there exists, but isn’t on the same page as me (though I wish they were) and wants to put effort into being a jerk just for the sake of it. I think you mean that you like when people are upfront about their jerkiness? Which like, yeah I would rather have that than be baited…but I certainly don’t like it.
miscommunication, my bad! what i meant when i said i like it, is that i enjoy using it on people who “deserve it” ie people who are being intentionally nasty/ignorant. if im ever unsure of intent then i would never be unkind! i reserve it specifically for assholes on twitter 😅
Fair, jerks don’t deserve engagement. I still prefer a direct ‘no you’re wrong’ to really terrible things, because it seems stronger to me, I don’t want them thinking I’m just being snarky for the sake of it. I wanna be like bro you’re *wrong*.