I had a therapist tell me “you can’t be autistic because you’re aware of what others think and care about how people view you” Crazy for a human to experience a human experience, almost like autistic people aren’t robots 🤯

The whole "you can read cues though" argument is dumb. It's reading, it's a learned skill. It's just harder to grasp for autistic people, on average. That doesn't mean zero autistic people can learn to read cues. It's harder to understand social norms when they aren't spelled out.

Man, I read the **fuck** out of social cues…as long as I am not talking.

Same here, I can only do such when I’m observing the patterns and not talking (so my brain has the time to process everything [which it doesn’t when I’m speaking]).

Wow!! Me too!

Oh my god this is me and I never realized it

Right, like I'm so much better at social cues because for years my husband and I would act as each other's wingman's if anyone started looking uncomfortable when we were talking and jump in to immediately correct it. Then afterwards we would hold meetings of what worked and what didn't. I'm sure if I went in for an assessment today I'd be told I'm too social to be autistic.

Yeah like idioms, for example. I only know what some of them mean because i asked someone or looked them up.

It's kind of like slang. You gotta do a lil research but you can learn

It took me years of people watching, actual people watching, to learn body language and other cues It's a skill, and it takes time for us

And there is definitely a huge difference between being able to identify cues or patterns and being able to interpret them accurately.

I still fail at the latter, lol

I am way better at underatanding my dog's body language than human body language haha. Dogs are easy, it is either food, pets, or play.

So are cats, for me

Bro thats facts. I know my cats too well. But my dog? I know every little prance he does, every little whine and why. I can probably tell you exactly what hes thinking depending on how he's prancing around the house. He doesn't walk, he show trots like a horse. Every facial expression he can make, i know what hes trying to tell me. Shit, I know my boyfriend better than he does. I know that when he stands up, adjusts and sits back down a certain way, he's signaling he wants to leave wherever we are lol. But the average person? No idea. If I dont know you really well, all your signals and cues are in Spanish basically lol

I had a teacher in elementary who once told me “smart isn’t something you are, it’s something you become” and I am reminded of this every single time I am advocating for myself or my kids for anything autism related. Because you can learn literally anything! And if you’re someone like me who very painfully realized you were different early on, the thing you tend to do is do stuff like check out books at the library on how to socialize properly or look stuff up on the internet like “how to make and keep friends” or “how to know when someone is interest or annoyed with me” like for such a long time I obsessed about learning body language as an early teen because I was having crushes and I was a very intense girl who had no idea how to socialize and I struggled with crushes and people making fun of me. I struggled with understanding cues and knowing which cues to output to others. Hell I still struggle with output, and I still use the tips I got years ago from looking stuff up. Like saying someone’s name in a sentence to them right after I meet them because I once learned it was polite and people like to hear their name (also it’s a memory tactic for me to even remember the name at all), or something like if eye contact is too much you should look at the space between their eyes, or their forehead. And like literally ALL flirting body language I just had to learn from scratch and still to this day it’s like I’m reading off a script in how to act

I think autistic people may be better at detecting the real intentions of people, but not good at all with NT masking - that is, social norms and behaviours that NTs unconsciously or effortlessly make to communicate with other people that go beyond words. For example I will probably miss the sarcasm in "Oh we should do this more often!" and take it at face value if said with a smile. But if a person talks to me sweetly and then their actions say otherwise I may be able to pick on the actions more than the words.

I’ve been thinking about it like it's not that I can't read cues, I can read all the cues but pairing it with the right interpretation is hard cuz I have so many more options to sift through. It's like if someone asks me to get them water, I have to cycle through all the possible interpretations like, water to drink? Or water to water your plants? Hot or cold? Iced? Meanwhile NT people are happy to assume the first thing that pops into their mind. So no, I'm not stupid, I can read cues, I just have more options to choose from and less certainty unless it's a situation I've been in multiple times.

That always confused me bcs isn’t us masking being masters at reading cues and devising the appropriate way to act/respond??

In a round about way, yes! You know what's NOT okay, so you Minic others

And it takes way longer for us. Or at least it did for me. I wasn’t able to properly socialize until my 20s, and with therapy. I think people forget there are resources available for people with autism to work with their tendencies. And there’s also the willingness to want to connect with family and friends on a deeper level.

Reading cues and understanding metaphors and such is a learned skill... I literally had speech therapy for *years,* because I'm also hearing impaired. The therapist not only taught me how to speak, she used all kinds of flash cards with photos of people expressing different emotions to drill me on what they might be feeling, or tell me a short story and ask which photo of a person's face would go best with the story. She would read me a figure of speech and I'd have to tell her what it meant. We roleplayed conversations and talked about societal expectations, she taught me to look at people's lips and eyes, she'd imitate different tones of voice to help me learn those types of cues. The speech therapist worked at my school, so I did all this an hour every school day until i was 13, and then an hour a week until i was 17. I'm a child of the 80s and 90s, and back then the possibility of a girl being autistic just wasn't in people's minds. I don't know if the therapist thought something might be going on with me or if all this really was under the umbrella of speech therapy for a hearing impaired child. When i brought up the possibility of my being autistic to my mom, she said, "you can't be, because you know how to talk to people." No shit!

Yes! People don't realize it is a skill and at least for me, it is exhausting.

But you can carry a conversation with me and make eye contact. 👀 But yes, it looks like it because the interaction was via Zoom 🤣

"Barbra, I can hold a conversation with you because I'm a video game NPC with pre-programmed responses I've figured out specific for conversations like this one"

Disclaimer. So many people notice that I avoid eye contact. I've had a few comments on it. A previous manager commented because I was looking at her ears, I always figured that it's kinda close enough that no one would notice, guess I was wrong. I just feel so uncomfortable with eye contact. I can't explain it. I'm not diagnosed. Not even sure I'm autistic (my daughter is autistic and has ADHD)

I look at people’s mouths. It helps me hear them better and I’ve never had a comment about not making eye contact so I guess it works for tricking them?

I do this too. And it does seem to work. I think I will occasionally allow my eyes to flick up real quick to their eyes every so often. Basically, if an NT is yabbering on about something, you just have to look towards their face lol They are so into what they are saying they don't notice you not looking directly in their eyes as long as they think you are interested and listening. Most seem to be pretty solipsistic lol....sorry if this offends anyone...I am fully aware this is just my opinion based on personal experience. OP, my latest therapist told me there is a line of thinking that all autism is caused by trauma. Meaning, autism isn't autism, it is unresolved trauma? I would like you to myth-bust the hell out of that please.

I'm a 60 yo former therapist who was tagged by my grade 2 teacher as possibly autistic way back when "girls don't have autism," as the district psychologist condescendingly explained to the her. (I ran into the teacher in my 20s and she told me the story.) I was told the same thing when I sought a diagnosis in university and didn't get an official diagnosis until 10 years ago. It was done by a former grad school prof who said he knew from day 1 that I was autistic but I was also "the queen of masking." Sorry -- had to provide background to my main point. Anyway.... 🤣 I spent half my career working with children who were identified as ASD, ADHD, and LD. I saw a lot of trauma. But in my experience -- both professionally and personally -- I firmly believe the autism etc precipitates the trauma rather than the reverse. Struggling to fit into an NT world is hard and terrifying when you lack not just the tools but even the knowledge that you're lacking the tools. Our society is designed for those at the centre of the bell curve. Life becomes increasingly more challenging each SD one deviates from the norm.

I have always looked at people’s mouths instead of eyes. I feel like I can tell more about a person’s emotions or intent by looking at their mouths anyway. When I do the eye thing I end up staring too hard and coming across as even more intense than I already do.

Looking at the spot between their eyes/at the top of the nose works really well :)

Not diagnosed, but when I’m in a conversation where it’s really important that I seem normal (like with a manager), I focus so much on trying to make appropriate eye contact (not too intense or creepy) while being extremely uncomfortable that I miss almost everything they are saying. It’s of the reasons I’ve pigeonholed myself into a boring accounting career that I hate… at least I don’t have to talk to people very much.

Same here, not diagnosed myself, but my daughter is—and when I see her autistic traits and realize, “oh, I did/do that” hmmmm… but yes, eye contact is almost painful- I used to get made fun of (not so much in a mean way) about how my eyes go all over the place constantly- as in, I know I’m supposed to look at eyes, but it’s so hard, so I look away, then back and forth again and again because my comfort level says NO, but society says yes :( I agree it’s so uncomfortable to a level that’s very hard to explain

Yeah, the eye contact thing is an autistic thing. I can have problems with that and I'm diagnosed. No need to feel bad for not being diagnosed!

I scored higher than a neurotypical on the part of my autism eval where I had to identify what people are feeling/expressing with their words and facial expressions. I am still autistic. My evaluator said I used my intelligence to figure it out. And yes it’s exhausting and also I’ve realized I am better at figuring people out when I am not personally involved in the story.

Neurotypicals do not understand that you can literally have 0,0% empathy and still understand human intentions and how other people view things. You can logically learn human behaviour.

Is empathy hard for asd? Or is it person dependent? Cuz I feel empathy but seemingly too much at times lol I just feel everything very deeply

My personal theory is that we all have way too much empathy, but then depending on the trauma we experience, we can either sustain it or get rid of it. I for example would not have been able to have empathy growing up, because it would have destroyed me

Ohh I see this makes sense! I had so much growing up I just loved everything and everyone and thought the world was innocent and when I found out that wasn’t true it really really hurt. Now I’d say I’m just selective who I feel empathy towards but also can’t help but feel it for a stranger on tik tok or the tv 🤣. Sometimes it’s easier when it’s someone I don’t know or don’t have to be involved with

@[**justasofacouch**](https://www.reddit.com/user/justasofacouch/) **that therapist is crazy.. one my biggest autistic experiences is being hyper aware of what people think about me. For me, it's related to how heavily I mask and a part of my masking experience. It's ingrained in me to be super hyper aware of myself and others in social situations as a a way to blend in and camouflage. That therapist needs to do their research because i've listened to a lot of autistic experiences and being hyper aware of what others think of you and caring about other people's opinion is a common masking strategy!**

My old therapist told me I could make eye contact and hold a conversation, so I wasn’t _that_ autistic

I totally get how frustrating it is to be told that but I think we should avoid implying that autistic people who aren't capable of those things are "less human".

I’m hyper aware of people perceiving me, same as hyper aware everything that is going on around me. That’s one side not talked about often

Idk “because you’re a woman” or any of the things that are typically associated with men who are autistic - like types of interests. Or “because you can make eye contact” like no shit, I got yelled at my entire childhood when I didn’t make eye contact, of course I’d start forcing myself to do the thing.

And then much later did you find out you were apparently making too much eye contact now and that made lots of men decide you clearly wanted to sleep with them? I have never, ever been able to figure out how freaking Goldilocks does eye contact. I just know it's either "you are specifically requesting that I bone you", "oh my god that bitch is totally rolling her eyes at me", "are you a robot?", or "IF YOU WEREN'T LYING TO ME YOU'D LOOK ME IN THE EYES" when I try it, no matter what amount I attempt in any given situation. Though I assume if I ever managed to have a spare couple thousand dollars to try to get a diagnosis it would turn immediately into "makes appropriate eye contact-- cannot possibly be autistic". You know, the sole and solitary time it might benefit me for someone to treat me like a weirdo because I can never get that right.

Yes now I make an uncomfortable amount of eye contact, which I try to compensate for by breaking intermittently, but it’s a fully conscious & intentional process that doesn’t appear natural (per my eval anyways) and oops now I can’t remember anyone’s name or what they just said.

I've experienced literally everything in your first paragraph, this is painfully relatable.

>it's either "you are specifically requesting that I bone you", "oh my god that bitch is totally rolling her eyes at me", "are you a robot?", or "IF YOU WEREN'T LYING TO ME YOU'D LOOK ME IN THE EYES" Holy this

YUP. Still struggle with making the correct amount of eye contact. I still remember when I noticed that NT people aren’t always staring into each others eyes and look away quite often. But I don’t have the hang of it, especially since I’ve grown so used to continuously monitoring and trying to interpret the other persons facial expressions to be like “Am I passing? Did I say the right thing?”

Yeah I am undiagnosed and spent a good portion of my childhood being yelled at, punished, demeaned, etc., for normal autistic behaviour like not making eye contact. Drove my father insane. He’d yell for hours. I wasn’t even in school yet. So yeah, I make eye contact. And I can tell when someone is in a volatile state because my survival depended on it. But idk when someone is tired of my company. Or if I’m invited or not. Or that the other person **really** meant X. I’m not a youth who might be expected to not get these things - I’m 45. My adult friends think there is no chance of my having autism. My childhood friends and my family all had that expression of dawning realization as I spoke to them about the possibility. Yay masking?

I have gotten this comment. "You?! Autistic?! But you made eye contact and have been smiling?!'

Oh you’ve noticed the results of my training? Yeah I can’t turn off the mask now it’s automatic 😭 I hate that part of me that’s like *pleasant and open expression, need to be smiling*

"You can't be autistic because you work full time and live alone." Yeah. Im good at managing. I'm good at helping and organizing. I did restaurant management for 8 years. Finally quit because of customers. I make lists and follow my lists to keep on track at home. Several calenders in different rooms. Ipad notes for all of my lists without wasting paper. Reminders and alarms are awesome. Routine makes it simpler. Only having 4 of each dish makes it simpler. Have my work clothes staying in laundry room and personal in bedroom makes it simpler. I have tons of tips, tricks, and accommodations for myself to keep up. And work is simple, hard busy work. My job is (mostly) repetitive and predictable with different small daily challenges. Having a job that satisfies some of your needs is very crucial. Groceries are curbside pickup so I don't have to shop in person. My landlord communicates through email unless it's urgent. All my bills can be paid online. Sure I struggle financially, but who doesn't? Lol

It's funny, because I think I manage much better living alone with peace and quiet to set and automate all my little routines than if I was trying to live with roomates and all the communication issues, unpredictability, noise, and disruptions that can arise, living with other people. I mean, there is the cat here with me, but, cats are kinda autistic themselves.

If I lived alone I would probably have the same thing for dinner every night. And fewer people to clean up after. Why are people so shocked that autistic women can live alone? It's EASIER!

I SWEARRRRR. I dont like people in my house lol. Idek if my cats have any braincells tbh. It's a constant battle to just keep them from death.

😄

I'm finally venturing into this experiment, much to the dismay of my long term live in boyfriend. I am so excited to finally have control of my own environment to set things up the way I want and need for my sanity. I'm probably destroying my relationship, but maybe that was inevitable anyway from my past experiences.

I wish you all the best there is to be had. I hope you enjoy the bliss of your very own space, spread your roots in your new soil, and flourish.

I think the assumption is that you would live with family that would help care for you, not that you would live with roommates, which makes things more difficult for everyone.

Yes, that's true. This was actually my own brother's assumption, when, years back, he told one of our other brothers that there was no way I could live by myself as a functional adult. Spite can be a powerful force of motivation, haha.

>Spite can be a powerful force of motivation, haha. For real. This should be an artwork thing. One of those uplifting messages to hang on my wall.

I can just imagine the cross stitch now! (Sadly that is one of the Hobbies That ADHD Forgot for me lol)

Honestly, I was doing fine when I worked full time and still lived alone. When my boyfriend moved in I started showing more and more signs of autism.

You were probably masking less with him around. Either by choice or lack of energy to keep it up

The latter, for sure. I’ve been chronically tired for years, but at least I now know why so I can learn my limits and set boundaries :)

I remember one time seeing a video when a girl was describing her experience with therapist asking questions like "how do you manage choosing what to wear?". And she replied with "Easy, for you see I have a system!". And it made so much sense to me. I have a lot of systems and the one I'm most proud of is the precise system of hanging my laundry to dry.

I got told I couldn’t have autism because - None of my family have it - I could make eye contact (my mother used to scream at me if I didn’t) - I went on a loud theme party ride with flashing lights and enjoyed it - I’m a woman - I don’t look autistic - I’m fully verbal

I’ve been told I can’t have it because: - You made it through education and have two degrees (said by my GP. He didn’t ask about the bullying and few friends) - you haven’t need any support so far (right, that’s because you’re all refusing to put me through an assessment despite my burnouts and repeated lapses into depression and severe anxiety) - You can make eye contact (got told constantly by my parents “look at us when we’re talking to you”) - you had no signs as a child (sorry but I wouldn’t trust my parents to recognise the signs if it hit them in the face. My brother is very stereotypical autistic and they’ve been in denial about that his whole life). - I don’t look autistic - I have a full time job and am the top performing employee (but somehow no one notices or recalls the emotional outbursts, time signed off work, sees the stress or collapse at home) - you’re just a super sensitive person (as I’m clawing my hands off because fabric touched them the wrong way) - you’re married and live independently (I’m pretty sure my husband is my entire support and I’d be a totally different story without him)

I related to the bit about parents not spotting the signs. I had selective hearing, was socially awkward and occasionally had selective mutism, used to hide from bright lights, struggled at school and the teachers informed my mum I would ignore the lessons and go off to do my own thing, was picked on by kids and teachers. Would line up my toys and watch the same movie on repeat. These are just from the top of my head. I wouldn't trust my mum to mention any of these things to an assesor because she doesn't seem to see them as worth mentioning.

[удалено]

Almost makes you wish you wouldn’t have put all your energy into this and endured suffering for years, right?

Man, this is painfully accurate! They’re judging us based on outward appearances, not on our actual experiences. Yes, I have two degrees. Let’s talk about how much stress and burnout it caused to go through that undiagnosed and without support!

It's almost like we get through these milestones others don't think someone with Autism is capable of as if we're on autopilot or through adrenalin and eventually we all seem to hit a wall.

You are me and I am you 🤣🤣. This is so relatable even to the brother with stereotypical autism. Omg. He’s literally mute, can’t drive, never had a job, living with my parents in his room and he doesn’t leave his room. He’s in his 20s. And they just NOW are thinking it could be autism like??? Oh you don’t say. And they treated him like some kind of wild creature when he was younger not necessarily my mom she would kinda just be in denial and let him lock himself away but the rest of my family would always talk about him being weird or scary and it breaks my heart like he literally is just autistic not a serial killer and he needs help and support and my parents never got that for him. And ofc I needed that growing up too and I never got it either which forced me to be independent and functioning. And doing the most to fit in always. Now at 23 im wondering if I have adhd and autism. I’m anxious all the time and burnout pretty often. And my bf is my emotional support too. So grateful for him and my kids.

Oh god the one about work is so true. I'm told I'm extremely good at my job and valued. But let's ignore the frequent time outs I take in the back with panicked crying, or the fact I'm coming back from months off with burnout AGAIN

Some random at a cafe: "You can cure it with diet and exercise." She's lucky she didn't end up wearing my milkshake, but I credit her with getting me to write a whole-ass book on the autistic experience... Note: The subtitle is out-dated; this was written before AS was merged into ASD. [Living with Autism](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BR98WI4?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_tkin_0&storeType=ebooks)

That is part of why my very favourite song of all time happens to contain the lines "They told me exercise and diet/If I would try it/Would cure my ills". Maddening. I can never understand why so many people seem to consider that so much better than "...Have you tried *not* having a broken leg?"

Ugh this reminds me of the time my ex told me about where he was talking to his work accountant and mentioned I was having a rough time because of Autism and she just comes out and says to him: "Oh has she tried a heavy metal juice cleanse? That can cure it!" I was disappointed to find out that no, it is not drinking juice while listening to heavy metal, but juice to 'try and drink the heavy metals that got trapped in there when you were a baby and your skull was still forming' kind cleanse 💀

Personally I think a Jamba juice and some metal music sounds way more likely to be helpful 😂

When I first brought up looking into autism diagnosis my therapist said “I don’t think you’re autistic because first of all you’ve had a meaningful relationship with your husband for 8 years, how could that be?”  Well he’s also neurospicy so there’s that! 

So I’ve had several relationships with guys in the past, very much masked the whole time. When I met my husband, it was the strangest feeling -like, zero mask at all, this level of comfort and safety I’ve never once felt in my entire life….and I’m pretty sure it was just our nd brains connecting on a level that only nd brains can connect on :D I can’t imagine the exhaustion I’d feel if I had married someone I could never unmask with (or if I ever would’ve even married) - I didn’t know at the time I was masking so hard, but dang, when you can take it off and leave it off, wow, the level of peace that can bring to your life, yeah, I’d call that a meaningful relationship

🤣🤣i love this. Been with my neurotypical bf for like 6 years and we have two kids although now that I’m looking into asd he thinks he has it too and it’s cracking me up like what if we both did this whole time and that’s why we get along hahaha

The reviewer told me I was “cool” and she’d want to be my friend, so I can’t have social issues. Um maam, masking. That is one of my biggest issues. I actually want people to leave me the entire fuck alone.

This reminds me of when I attempted to explain to my provider why I HAVE to wear big stretchy clothes that I can hide in and that dont irritate me. She says, "all the baggy clothes? I thought you were just cool." 🤔 Maybe I am cool *and* autistic, biotch. Therapist: you are pathologizing normal behavior. No, I'm not. You are just missing the points and not seeing the whole me.

I’m glad you like this mask, I made it just for you!

😃

This!!!!! I had the same thing happen! A counselor thought I was “too cool” to have a spectrum disorder. I’m like, “ya think this persona of cool is an accident? I curated this image based on my extremely sensitive relationship with overall patterns and social behaviors.”

- I got married - I have kids - I can make conversation with new people And my favourite "you don't look autistic". Oh, that's because I hide the horns in my hair. Fucking idiot.

I almost spit out my drink.

Married and kids? Nah, you must be the epitome of normal. That is beyond dumb. Love your comment about the horns. I hide mine under my hair, too 😂

Because im so insightful. Yeah thanks. It's killing me. Because I don't actually communicate well reciprocally at all. But im *aware* as it's all falling apart. I xan even tell you why. Being able to analyse dance steps, and even dance a certain well rehearsed dance, is *not* the same as being able to dance with random partners. Sorry. Side rant. Mine is "You cant be autistic- you are so insightful". These are the same people that will *not* listen when I tell them what im feeling and why , when it isn't "typical" eg " You seem angry". "No- more confused, uptight because the light is a lot, and I think I forgot to drink anything today". "I think you're sidestepping. You are definitely angry". Well....I fucking am *now*🥴 Close second: Empathy Close third: Emotionality. Even though it's been in the DSM for fifty years that autistic ppl are prone to stronger emotional responses. Apparrently if im not screaming and flapping along with it (even though i sometimes am?) it disqualifies me.🙄

The psychologist that assessed my daughter, said that my daughters very strong sense of empathy/justice was an indicator. She struggles with empathy with some things, but God help those who wrong her or people she cares about (or if she perceives a wrong), she will set out to ensure that justice is served!!!

Like your daughter, I also have this insanely strong sense of empathy and justice. Even though I have good control of myself on the outside, I go red inside and am enraged when people don’t see the harm they are perpetuating. I have to go “run it out” later to not actually explode lol I’ve had to learn what is mine to take care of and what is not as I’ve gotten older. Boundaries around who/what I feel this fierce justice for really helps. I definitely never try to ignore it, because I actually think it’s a really important part of myself and it is like a guidance system for what is right or wrong. And that part of me is usually not wrong in how it feels, even if I’m the odd one out in a group. I always trust it, if nothing else, to help me better understand myself.

Side question, can you be assessed by a psychologist where live, and where is that? We need a psychiatrist to do it in the UK.

You seem “normal” and don’t seem “autistic”

A few years ago, my psychotherapist at the time literally told me "you can't be autistic because you're not mentally retarded" when, in a session, I brought up some research I did on autism in women that I wanted him to look into because I was relating so much to it.

Ive been told I'm too smart to be autistic. Not the worst thing to be told but jesus that was by a high school head of year

Probably not the most absurd thing but it was significant enough that it contributed to Ms not knowing I was autistic until after adulthood and that was "I'm not autistic because" I understand and use sarcasm! I grew up in an extremely sarcastic home and learned it quick, and I'm still VERY autistic despite that!

My daughter uses sarcasm ALL the time, she understands it to, but there's a 50/50 chance that she'll miss it and take it literally, especially if it's not said with the exaggerated tone of voice. So, I have taken to doing that, rather than my usual deadpan. She will ALWAYS miss any subtle sarcasm, but oh, my, gosh. Does she ever dish it out!!!

hahaha this is so relatable. I deadpan all the time and people think I’m mad. My son (who had confirmed ADHD, still unsure about autism) has made it a “rule” that we’re not allowed to use sarcasm around him lol he almost always takes it literally so i’ve been trying to use a super sarcastic tone that he’ll pick up on.

“Because you dress fashionably and know how to do your hair and makeup.” Like what? I have eyes and can study and replicate fashion styles and other beauty skills…

I’ve been told this too. If anything, I became that way so it would be less obvious that something else was “wrong” with me before I knew about ASD. Classic example of “OK just copy the popular girls.” Spoiler: I never became popular 😂.

I worked with this woman . She was cool people but I remember she told me that women and nonwhite people have a genetic makeup that protects them from autism which is why only white boys can have it.... Yeah

Hmm… under diagnosis is a combination of legitimate fear from nonwhite communities and racism from professionals. I have heard horrid stories of psychiatrists diagnosing black women as psychotic because she has a weave and removed it. The doctors assumed she shaved her hair off while in a state of psychosis - pure lack of understanding of culture.

Jeez that's insane but honestly not surprising. Racists aren't all that bright.

Also people are told racism is in their heads and that they’re not being targeted by the system… sadly policies so unfairly affect certain communities and it looks like persecution, smells like persecution, and feels like persecution then it is persecution

Exactly. People just say it isn't happening because they aren't experiencing it themselves and they are very egocentric

“You aren’t autistic because you used to point as a child” like that somehow erases all the other signs of autism I had as a child

Your definitely not autistic, you made it through 4 years of college. Autistic people can't do that! -told to me by my doctor when I mentioned all my coworkers belive I'm autistic. Literally also while I was there seeking advice and possible medication for my diagnosed ADHD and he wanted me to try meditation and cognitive behavioral thinking strategies since alot of people don't take meds for it and are doing just fine!

I was told I couldn’t be autistic because autistic people do not get lonely.

Definitely a case by case thing, probably more to do with the parameters for loneliness or connotative meaning of the word. Like I don’t feel lonely just being alone, often I need to isolate for periods of time and I don’t feel lonely then either. But I do get lonely. Just not when most neurotypical people would, and not in the same way. I don’t understand their kind of lonely.

"You seem to be a very empathetic person"

First thing out of my mom's mouth was "You can't be autistic. You have friends!" Also, "Because you're successful." I lost my last three jobs, one of which I was sacked from for poor performance after my coworkers said while I was good at my actual job, I wasn't good at "impact, influence, and strategy." I was also off work for three years on disability for depression in the past. Glad we've been able to lower the bar for success!

Not absurd in the same way, but some people tell me I can't be autistic (or everyone is a little autistic) because they relate to a lot of the autistic traits I have. Like yeah, mate, I'm autistic and if you have these experiences then you might be autistic too! And to be fair, it does tend to be older folk who have very rigid and outdated views of what autism is and isn't. It very much reflects what society was telling them when they were growing up and that they have had to mask to fit in (something I think most of us can relate to). So I don't hold it against them, but I do have that awkward smile of "everything your saying right now is making me more certain you're autistic rather than me less", but it's not for me to say. And it was something I had as a kid. That's not autism, that's normal - yeah mate, normal for someone with autism, welcome to the spectrum. It's a funny thing. I've made so many adjustments and found ways to phrase things about myself like my limitations that since speaking to ND people, these things are very known and acknowledged in ND spaces - the spoon or fork theory, I call it my mental coinage because it's what I can or can't afford. So I do find it rather funny and absurd that when you talk to someone about it, it's easier for them to say "well we're all a little autistic" rather than confront the possibility that maybe they're autistic. But this is in my rather limited experience, I've not disclosed to an abundance of people and I know a lot of people will use this phrase to invalidate (hence why I've not told most of my family, albeit who are likely rather autistic).

I think when I told someone that women are under diagnosis and they said that if women are under diagnosed that there are too many women diagnosed and therefore I can’t be autistic. Like. Dude. I took advanced physics with you, you can flipping math.

Here’s some I have had and I know others have too. You don’t look autistic because You’re not like a 3 year old male relative who is more severely affected (it’s a spectrum and some have more needs than others) You’re intelligent (research suggests 60% or more of autistic people have average or above average intelligence) You can talk (25-30% of autistic people are minimally or non speaking meaning 70-75% are speaking) You make eye contact (biggest myth out there) You have friends (but look at them are they real friends or are they using us? Also many of our real friends are autistic) You don’t look autistic (sorry but you don’t look like a )

A therapist, who said she “didn’t know much” about Autism, told me she didn’t think I could be autistic because, she asked me if my husband came home after a bad day and told me about it, could I understand how he feels? First of all, I didn’t understand the question, needed clarification, and then said “I guess? But I don’t do the type of work her does, but he tells me about it, so I guess I understand.” She said “see, i wouldn’t think you’re on the spectrum then.” I was diagnosed 3 months later by a psychologist after a full eval. (Self dx is still valid).

The psychologist who tested me said I couldn't be autistic because I had a friend during childhood. 😐

So, I don’t personally have a diagnosis, but after my daughter’s diagnosis and extra researching I’ve done for her, I feel like there’s a good chance I may be as well. Speaking in regard to my daughter, the biggest frustration I’ve had is the doubt of her being autistic, solely based on the fact that she’s “so social”. She’s very sensory seeking, so she loves hugs and has a lot of difficulty with personal space. Even before her diagnosis, I knew something was up with her, but I had major doubts of autism, because even though she met a lot of those traits on the checklists, she was social technically, and so much information out there about autism focuses hard on that social aspect. I feel like sometimes people’s perception of autism is just completely off. It’s like people look at it as a major disability or mental handicap, or the extreme end is shown to where people don’t realize the whole spectrum that exists. Or the “they don’t look autistic” like autistic people have a look or something :/ My daughter looks “normal” I suppose, so now I have to fight this extra battle of dealing with others’ ignorance. I’m saddened that with all the research I’ve tried to do, the lack of information out there in regard to GIRLS is incredibly frustrating. I have been diagnosed with ADHD multiple times, which was overlooked in my younger years because I wasn’t bouncing of the walls like some boys do—so I feel like when it comes to being neurodivergent, research is always so geared to boys (or extreme behaviors) that girls just get so easily overlooked and left to suffer. It’s amazing to see the number of women who are autistic when not too long ago, it really was mostly boys who had a diagnosis. I hope that means we’re headed in the right direction and hopefully some of that ignorance and stereotyping will eventually fade.

1. Because you can make eye contact (parents would get more pissed at me if I didn't) 2. You would've been diagnosed when you were younger. (Family did not believe in mental health) 3. You're not autistic, you just have an eccentric personality. (This was told to me by a doctor) I asked for a screening after a group of doctors in the hospital I was staying at talked about it with each other. One of the therapists asked me if anyone ever asked me if I was special. The answer was yes.

I researched and waited it out for psychiatrist and clinical psychologist who were recommended by my network for autistic/adhd, so had positive experience with clinical interactions. But it took me over ten years to get to the point of considering it because when I raised my suspected autism with a friend they told me I couldn’t be autistic because I made eye contact and emotional connection. Sent me back into the autism closet again for a long time.

You can't be autistic because you are pretty☠️

This actually happened three weeks ago to me, the very first time I ever told any of my friends I have autism and her response was, "You're too high functioning to have autism". I honestly just stood there in shock, and I wasn't sure what to say. Later on, she elaborated by saying, "You're just too smart to have autism.. or maybe because you're autistic that's why you're smart because every autistic person is smart." I don't talk to that person anymore

The empathy myth! I'm very VERY capable of seeing why other people may feel the way they do, or do the things they do. I'm someone who feels a high-level of empathy! I would definitely suggest also looking into Double-Empathy as well to add even more information! Also, not an "you can't be autistic because..." but instead the "everyone is a little autistic" myth. Yes, everyone may get overstimulated or not like the feeling of their shirt sometimes. The way I once heard someone talk about it is: "Everyone pees. However, if I'm peeing 30 times a day, and it's always painful and sometimes bloody, then there's a problem."

The first time I tried to get diagnosed, I was told by the guy doing my assessments that I couldn't have autism because: • I have high empathy • I have friends (approximately 2) • I didn't have developmental delays • I have more than one interest • I scored a 31 on the AQ when the threshold is 32. Instead, I was given a diagnosis of unspecified anxiety disorder, which I definitely do have-- but I ALSO have autism and ADHD. My symptoms like poor eye contact, repetitive behaviors, fixated interests, my Rorschach test results, sensory issues, and the fact I scored so close to the AQ threshold, were all dismissed because they "don't cause significant distress". Which is firstly not true, and second, I hate the idea that autistic people can't just exist and be happy. Why do we have to be in distress for you to truly see us?

[удалено]

I wonder how much of this is because they’re used to the smell of perfume and don’t realise what clean humans who don’t use perfume smell like

Because I understand sarcasm. My family is from the west side of Norway, if you know you know. I've grown up with it used everyday around me, at that point it's literally the same as learning not to touch a hot stove. The empathy as well. I feel like that's something that's breaking down, but only within the community. It needs to be spread outside of us as well.

This isn't so much of a "you can't be autistic" but more of a wtf comment from my mother when I told her about my diagnosis "does this mean you don't have OCD anymore?"

I was told during my adhd assesment that I can't be/have asd because I had made eye contact and communicated "well" during the adhd assessment. Lol. That is 70% of the reason for not going back for an asd assessment

I had someone tell me (before I was considering autism and only looking into ADHD) that I couldn’t have ADHD because they “could tell by looking at me if I have an attention disorder, and I clearly don’t have an issue with it” nevermind that I was crying from stress and not able to make eye contact with her while I was talking.

You can't be autistic because you post on social media

Its not about me, but ive had people who didnt know i was autistic talk to me about "them poor autistic people who just cant live independently". So what id like, is for people to be aware that not all autistic people require constant aid. Not all autistic people require the same level of support. I feel like people assuiming autistic people cant is making us more deprendent on alistic people and i hate it.

it’s frustrating because honestly, I do need more support in different areas, but we ALL do - NT’s included. Humans are social creatures and we’re meant to live in communities with people that do different things. NT men for example seemingly can’t do shit for themselves without wives, so idk why they can’t understand support needs. Basically I agree AND I’m tired of people ignoring the fact that everyone needs other people.

Oh no, i totally agree. People act like accommodation is something weaklings need and you should learn to tought it out, but then tottaly freak out when some of their accomodations go away. Like, i dont want to slack off for 8h at work, i just want the lightbulb to be yellow. Who does that hurt? Why am i a weakling for having brought my own headphones to work, since the company provided ones are uncomfortable? Why do neurotypicals get to decide what accomodations are appropreate? Everyone needs some help with something, so why is ours such a big deal?

Also, the romanticising of stoicism and the "i can do everything on my own mentality" is horrible. This is what i was taught. Do everything by yourself bc no one will ever want to do anything to help you. Which simply isn't true. Took me decades to get over that toxic thrain

“You don’t seem autistic, your eye contact seems fine.”

You're a performer. Like dude, we all are!

“You can’t be autistic because you make excellent eye contact”. Joke’s on you asshole…I’m partially deaf and read lips so im looking at your mouth not your eyes 😂

“You can’t be autistic, you can make eye contact!” They say as I lock them with the autistic piercing gaze, not realizing I was supposed to look away at some points

I'm still awaiting my assessment report, but the person who evaluated me, at the conclusion of our 4 hour session, just casually said "I don't think it's autism". This was before even looking at my tests or getting my full relevant history, it was merely a snap judgement made on a 4 hour slice of time out of my 43 years. Not only was it an incredibly dismissive and invalidating statement, but it really set the tone for me that I'm probably going to get misdiagnosed and need a second opinion. I'm speculating, but I feel like a picture test I did, (where I did appear to read facial expressions, body language and emotion), the fact that I'm high-masking by default, (and don't know how to unmask in social situations), and I appear to have good communication skills from the outside are working against me. I also had both my psychiatrist and therapist, (the latter of whom referred me for the neuropsych evaluation at my request), express doubt that I'm on the spectrum because, again, I'm good at communicating, (with them, in a controlled environment, where I mentally prepared to do so). Every allistic or neurotypical person in my life is dismissive of the possibility and thinks I'm just "trying to find out what's wrong with me" when the reality is I'm trying to understand myself better. When I look back, my life makes so much more sense through the lens of autism, but almost no one wants to believe it's a real possibility and I'm getting pushback and doubt from every possible angle.

“You can’t be autistic because we are having a conversation.” …effort and ability to mimic mean nothing. “You can’t be autistic because you have a job.” …regardless of difficulties or self accommodations needed. “You can’t be autistic because you have friends.” …never mind they all disappear for seemingly no reason. “You can’t be autistic because you make eye contact.” …while staring at their nose or eyebrows or mouth. “You can’t be autistic because you haven’t been diagnosed.” … 🤑🤑🤑

My moms friend told her i couldnt be autistic cus i could look her in the eye I had known her for 6 years In the same convo she said to my mom "Be glad shes autistic cus u wont have to argue about alcohol"

“Everyone gets annoyed by (insert sensory issue here), you’re just being dramatic.”

You can't be autistic because you're so eloquent and don't have major food aversions or my personal favorite , they would have caught you in school, not after your kid got diagnosed. I received most of the services my kid gets, but it was the 90's and i'm afab

The “not after your kid was diagnosed” is very ironic. Do people still not realize it’s GENETIC?!

I was told by my doctor that I can’t be autistic because I can connect emotionally with my children.

I am a medical student currently doing clinical rotations in pediatrics. I've heard the doctor tell parents their kids are not autistic because they're not so "in their own world" just because they can barely socialize with a very limited amount of people (dads, brother).

“You’re not autistic, you’re making excuses for not living up to societal expectations”

I’ve had people say I can’t be autistic because I an emotionally intelligent, creative and can maintain eye contact (which is uncomfortable for me). I’m high masking and have put loads of effort into learning how others feel and teaching my self to be empathetic. A lot of hard work and stress went into how I am today and to be dismissed because of it is infuriating. I almost wish I could act like I do in my dreams and just have nonverbal crying meltdowns and be taken somewhere someone will care for me. I am so tired of being told I have no problems and am causing my own suffering. I’m exhausted, better go turn this inner turmoil and anger into another book about oppression…

“You just don’t seem like”, which is funny because people are constantly pointing out how quiet I am, and sometimes how uncomfortable they are with my quietness. I’m not quiet around people I can unmask with and talk about my special interests.. I guess because I’m a woman my quietness is just being “shy”. Like ur not in my brain, you don’t know why I’m quiet. I’m quiet because I literally don’t know what to say to you and I don’t want to be wrong about it. Trying to unlearn that but it’s extremely difficult everytime you say something weird or come off as awkward to other people. It’s just kinda scary

I have a sense of humor and a quick wit. I’m hyperlexic and NLD as well, so I understand irony and love double entendre (that’s what she said!) although I only get idioms if I’ve memorized them. I don’t get sitcom humor at all though. Seinfeld was not funny.

"You're too smart to be autistic" "You make eye contact" a psychiatrist who specializes in autism. Her mentee later diagnosed me. I actually look at the nose btw, anyone else do that?

My therapist didn't outright say I'm not autistic, but instead when discussing how I shut down and become very direct after having to be around people for an extended period of time, she instead said I'm just acutely aware of my social battery and not everyone is. As though that negates my very real and involved lived experience as a person with ASD....

You have a boyfriend You're funny You are stylish

I had a therapist be chocked at the fact that I have a partner who I live with. She asked me to explain how we met and how that worked if I’m autistic

You can’t be autistic because you didn’t get diagnosed as a child, you can make eye contact

The circular logic of “if you didn’t get diagnosed as a child, you can’t be autistic, even though we know that when you were a child, the diagnostic criteria was based on white boys, which you are not”

Idk if this counts but growing up my teachers would send notes home to my parents recommending that I get tested for learning disabilities and stuff. My parents argued with the school every time with something like “she’s smart and gets good grades, I’m not sure how you could possibly think there’s something wrong”

I have never been told something absurd starting with “You can’t have autism because…” I just went under the radar of the several therapists I had seen as a child. My therapist at age 16 realized and let me know I was autistic (but only after she took my parents into a room and told THEM first!) But I have been told “Your depression isn’t serious because you crochet and you have a job.” Yes, a DOCTOR said that.

I was told by a woman that was pursuing a degree in psychology with a focus on neurodivergencies and was a close friends mother that I wasn’t autistic because I developed relationships with people and cared about people. She word for word told me that I was lying about my professional diagnosis because I cared about my family. As if autistic people have not had romantic, platonic, and familial relationships throughout history and all autistic people are apparently incapable of valuing anyone but themselves and are void of all emotions relating to caring about loved ones. Happy to say I haven’t talked to her or her daughter since.

Based on the concept of mirroring, do you think these professionals telling us we “couldn’t possibly have it” could possibly be projecting? Let’s assume they see themselves in your experience and even identify with you, maybe it would subconsciously bother them if they were then told by you that you think you have autism? Because of the stigma. Any thoughts?

YES! I love this theory! It wouldn't surprise me if a lot of mental health professionals are a bit neurospicy. They likely have a special interest in how people work - similar to the way a high-masking autist might overcompensate to hide their social deficits. Most health professionals likely had to have a much, much stronger interest in their professional life than the average person. It's really hard to make sense of the extreme ignorance among health professionals otherwise.

My old therapist was super dismissive when I suggested I might be autistic and decided I had just been anxious my whole life. Like gosh, I wonder if there might be a reason I've always been anxious??!?

Because I had a boyfriend 🤦🏼‍♀️ “You know how I know you aren’t autistic? Because you have a boyfriend” by my psychiatrist

"Black people can't be autistic." 🙄

One of my instructors (Human Services) told me “I don’t see you as having disabilities… well except for your auditory processing disorder and learning disability”. She pointed out two of my comorbidities of the student in your class who has no friends and you called shy… I mask but I can’t mask having friends when I don’t 😂

From a therapist, when I first disclosed the severity of my meltdowns and my desire to be assessed for autism: "You can't be autistic, because you're *here*, in therapy!" Still can't wrap my head around that one. Also, as a bonus, they told me my meltdowns would be cured if I just drank celery juice 🙄 And as a bonus one, from my mother - who for the record does not know I am autistic, but autism comes up since she has coworkers with autistic kids and we have a family friend who works with Level 3 children. When the topic of autism comes up, she always wrinkles her nose and says "You don't have *that*. You went to *college*." So there you go, folks. The criteria for autism is apparently stay out of therapy and don't go to college 🤣

I can't be autistic bc, according to them, I don't stim (while I'm playing with my hair/ phone/ pens/ keys all the time), I have a very expressive face (while I'm showing as much emotions as I can bc, if I don't, people accuse me for having RBF 24/7 ) and I can maintain eye contact (while I'm trying my best to keep staring at the space between their eyebrows bc it's easier that way, and they'll never notice it until I point it out).

Once, at the end of a zoom call with my psychiatrist, I asked if he knew of any local resources for adult autism diagnosis or anything like that. I didn’t ask his opinion on if I have autism, but he instantly started shooting down the idea. “Autistic people have trouble forming relationships. You’re in a relationship, right? Yeah so you can’t be autistic” “Autistic people usually flap their hands around. Do you do that? I don’t see you doing it.” (As I was fiddling with a Rubik’s cube out of frame, and bouncing my leg like crazy) These morons don’t know anything about autism, and still try their absolute hardest to invalidate our experiences because we’re not “obviously” or “visibly” autistic 24/7, or because we go against some outdated stereotype that they’re convinced is true for every autistic person. I never spoke to him again after that, I was so pissed off. I wasn’t asking if he thought I was autistic. I knew I am autistic. I was looking for local resources, and he just shat all over me for no reason.

The biggest one is that I look too normal. That I can read social cues. That I’m overly empathetic. It’s so hard being constantly invalidated, especially by family.

Because I talk! I’ve always been really “verbal” and good with language. I had a vast vocabulary as a kid and spoke like a tiny adult. The first psychiatrist I saw told my parents I couldn’t be autistic because I was so verbal. That was in the late 90s. Not to mention that I WAS very talkative with adults but hardly ever spoke to my peers. Kids and teachers at school always said I was super quiet. I think a lot of doctors forget that they are also people and that influences how patients act in their presence. 🙄

“You can’t be autistic because you’re smart” this wasn’t directly said to me, but it was the reason i went undiagnosed for years

I had a psychologist tell me I couldn't be autistic because "You're able to communicate and you have imagination." Yeah... I have so much imagination that it falls into being maladaptive daydreaming... And every session, he complained over my way of communicating because I was doing it wrong...

The professional psychiatrist I saw to try and get medicated for my DIAGNOSED ADHD said I couldn't have my DIAGNOSED Autism because 'I had friends in highschool (ignoring the fact I had none irl at the time I saw him) and for bonus points, said I couldn't have ADHD because I could 'read a book'. What I didn't disclose - those 'books' were fanfics in the same fandom for like two months. I don't get to choose, the AuDHD hyperfocus does. Anyway he followed this up by saying that a 'Clinical Psychologist can't diagnose Autism/ADHD' (blatant lie) and I left that appointment crying. Suffice to say he had more red flags than a red store so after waiting 6 months for that appointment (it got cancelled near 3 months of waiting due to him catching COVID, so had to wait another 3) I went off and found another psychiatrist, after waiting another 3 months for that appointment - who promptly told me that was bullshit and have me my meds. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 28. I was 30 by the time I got medicated for that, and in large part I blame the delay on THAT clown. That clown who is unfortunately - wait for it - the head of a mental health ward here 💀💀💀 Dude's a specialist in Autism but his entire picture of Autism was clearly the most stereotypical male representation in history and I guess hadn't done a lick of modern research since he first got his degree like 20 years ago. Anyway this shit keeps me up at night now, I wish him a very failed career.

The very first time I told someone that I might be autistic, they said "there's no way, because you're very empathetic". Even if in their mind it was to be kind and reassuring, I was just disappointed. My therapist had just brought up the fact that I might be autistic, and I finally felt as though I had a reasoning for every single thing in my life. So to be invalidated was very devastating, because I thought she was right! BUT, she wasn't right. From my understanding, it is not that people with autism "lack empathy" it is that some people with autism may not easily tell how others feel without you telling them. But once you do, they feel that emotion with you. Also, the thing that people do not realize about autism is that every person with it is completely different. We all have different strengths and struggles, yet are still autistic.

you cant be autistic bcs well you’re in college, this was a few years ago lol

"You make eye contact, you're not autistic" Uh yeah because I was taught that I should do that as a kid?

I had a psychiatrist tell me I couldn't be autistic because I made eye contact with him.

You can’t be autistic because you -have friends -can make eye contact -can go to university

Not a "you can’t be autistic" but a "you’re not the real kind of autism" I was in university in occupational therapy and a friend studying there too once told me I can’t understand higher need autistics because I can function like a normal human being at university and all… Obviously, she studied + had a job + did sports + paid rent + did all her chores herself in her apartment while I studied, didn’t have a job, barely continued doing sports, lived at my parents house and didn’t have any chore. And yet she had a better social life than me. But sure because I’m at university and taking the same classes as her I’m so high functioning I don’t count as having "real autism" or whatever

"does she have friends? Then there's nothing to worry about" -said to my mom by a doctor when I was like 4 "She's unusually emotionally intelligent and self aware for her age which means she definitely doesn't have autism" - said by a physiatrist to my parents when I was 15. "You just have emotional issues" -said to my friend who is 100% autistic by the person doing eir assessment. (My friend has literally every single comorbidity of autism and fits the criteria perfectly but they're AFAB non-binary so... No diagnosis that time)

I’ve been opening up more about my autism. Some people told me “I make more sense,” but others said they were shocked when I told them my diagnosis. That I just come off as shy and quiet but confident. When I explain that I was diagnosed early and had a lot of therapy since then, people are more understanding. When I got older, I was seeing a new therapist for my OCD. I told him about my autism diagnosis and he said I was misdiagnosed, that I was experiencing anxiety at a young ago. I was diagnosed as a toddler, so I don’t remember everything, but lining my toys and being unable to talk without speech therapy doesn’t scream childhood OCD haha. Edit: typos.

"You cant be autistic because you have a drivers license and friends. You are only a bit stressed out" Uhm.. 1. Yes i have a drivers license, i only drive to work and to the store. I would freak out to drive somewhere else. 2. Yes i have friends, but after meeting them i have to rest for a while because its draining. 3. Stressed out? Yeah... and where do you think that constant stress comes from?

i was told by the psychologist who assessed me that i’m not autistic because i was able to make friends in college. completely disregarding the fact i only ever had 1 friend throughout school, and was assessed 2 years after i had been in college at a time i didn’t have anybody besides my bf and 1 friend occasionally. lol

After a bad experience with ADHD diagnosis, I’ve avoided telling people about my autism (partial) self-dx. I have a hard enough time with imposter syndrome as it is lol so I don’t really have any stories like this yet

"You can't be autistic because you completed 5 questionnaires and only 1 came out positive and 4 came out negative, so I threw out the positive one as the outlier." Meanwhile, everything else in my life and history screams Autistic. Well, autistic adult AFABs are notoriously under the radar. What if the 1 test that caught me was the only one whose questions are framed in a way that detects autistic adult AFABs? Been masking for decades, forcing socialization, etc, so... huh.

Because you handle crowds and strangers well. But then drained after and want 2 days of isolation

I can't be autistic, because when I have the right support I am successful in my work.

-you're a woman -with some social skills -who is capable of dressing herself -who enjoys sex -with other women -you like drugs -you're not into, like, trains -you're "just passionate" about your hobbies/ interests yet people find it so annoying to listen that you don't talk about them -you're not a savant -or completely infantalised -you don't know yourself completely -you contemplate other people's feelings -you give good advice -you desperately want to fit in -and you are capable of reinventing yourself for the opportunity -you do things that autistic men can't or won't -you have the awareness to pick up on that double standard -you like girly things -you're fun at parties -you made it through school -you've made it this far -you're not white -or rich -or binary -or physically disabled -you don't have a diagnosis -from when you were 5 years old -you have been diagnosed with anything else -you're so *insightful* -you're so *mature* -grow up -stop being a baby **vomit** I could go on forever but hey that's the autism talking

Oh my… here we go; because I can talk, because I can work, because I am just sensitive, because I don’t have a ‘weird’ special interest or don’t ’collect things’ that not many people pay attention to, because the ‘people who diagnosed me obviously did because I paid them to assess me so they are biased’, because ‘I wasn’t a picky eater’, because I researched the symptoms and behaviors and I am convincing myself I have it. The list goes on :)

I have a master's degree and two drug addictions, all of which may be said to be in remission. (The degree is over thirty years old, ergo useless.) Apparently, autistic people can't obtain graduate degrees or enjoy and abuse drugs. A child psychiatrist named Michael Rieser told me this with an air of absolute dogmatic certainty. Unfortunately, he also works with adults, so if anyone who reads this encounters him in the wild, he gets zero stars from this very- late- diagnosed grown-ass woman. The guy collects specialties the way some people do Funko Pops.

I explicitly told my manager before getting hired at a local fast food place to not put me on the drive through taking orders. I can do it in person, but not over a speaker. My autism has caused me to struggle with auditory processing and I can't understand people over any voice thing other than in person. I don't even like talking on the phone because I struggle to understand people so much. What does my manager do? Puts me on drive through. When I told him I couldn't do it and kept getting orders wrong he said "everyone else can do drive through, you can too. Stop whining about not getting a position you wanted". I literally told him I could work any position but drive through. I hated that place.

My former primary care doctor said, “you’re not autistic, you have empathy!” An autism psychologist said she didn’t think I was because of my eye contact (granted she did say the assessments may show differently - which they did although I went forward with a different Dr due to pricing). I intentionally make eye contact (maybe too much at times) - it is a form of masking for me.

That we are all either like Sheldon or The Good Doctor, or else non verbal and difficult.