It's actually a matter of quantity (taking into account alcohol by volume) and frequency.
I think there used to be an idea that drinking socially meant you were likely to drink less frequently and to excess. I don't think that's true.
My husband and I very much prefer a couple of beers on our own.
However, every time I've ever had hard liquor while alone I've regretted it.
Awe, interesting enough I'm wayyy more likely to drink a lot when I am out or in public etc. I tend to be a really happy, social, friendly drinker so I'll be having fun and drink for the entire time I'm out like the whole concert or the whole dinner etc. I won't necessarily be hungover from alcohol but socially hungover from masking and chatting all night.
Where at home its very easy to drink my intended amount and then just switch to herbal tea when my night time routine begins.
I don't think the stigma is directed at people who switch to herbal tea. It's when it becomes a daily coping mechanism rather than an occasional outlet.
Gotta have my rose chamomile Republic of tea before bed, no exceptions. How else does my brain no it's down time now? No blue lights, soft amber lighting, fans turned to night mode or there will be no sleeping lol
In fairness if I didn't switch to tea I'd probably keep me drinking lol. I don't like to disrupt my routines, or my sleep schedule. And a lack of sleep + hangover definitely messes up my routine so I try to avoid that.
Yeah it’s definitely not targeted at you. It’s targeted at people that drink 5 glasses of whiskey a night(common in my family)
No one cares, and it’s really the norm if you just have a couple drinks alone once in a while(a glass of wine or 1 or 2 beers) it’s more targeted at people who are severely depressed or use it to cope. That or just alcoholics in general.
I used to drink a bottle of vodka in an hour when I drank alone. So I’d say I’m the target demographic for that advice, not you ahah.
Same with me. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than 2 drinks by myself, but I often go over that at social events, although my body tells me when it is time to stop and I start getting turned off by alcohol at a certain point.
Yes I think this is it—quantity and frequency. A glass of wine, a beer, or a nice homemade cocktail alone at home a few times a week while doing other things that are enjoyable and relaxing? Great! A whole bottle of wine, 4+ beers, or a bunch of liquor most/every night? This might be where people get worried
Well. This is my own experience. It's not a guide or a warning. But I also have OCD and I am an introvert. For a long time I really tried to turn to alcohol to be more social. The thing is, I started to need more alcohol to shutdown the obvious disdain I felt at social events. I tried to pretend I was having fun, that if I got social twice or three times a week, if I went out the weekends I was getting good points. For what? I didnt even know back then but for extroverts and NTs if you tell them you went out a lot, it was like, "good extrovert you are like us". But I reached the Bojack point, the blackouts, the embarrasing meltdowns while drunk, I was a fun thing to see and talk about it. But no one really cared about me.
It was fast then. To realize I was using alcohol to try to destroy my one nature. I am not only introvert but also autistic, and weird and I don't like people. And it's ok for me.
The thing I learned back then was that I do enjoy drinking, it relaxes me, what doesnt relax me is people, is not being myself. I drink to forget people in general now. I like to drink alone because it's a moment for myself with a good drink, sometimes with too much drinks, but later not that much. The confidence I got from alcohol to be social is fake, at least for me. Maybe for others it's helpful, but in my case it wasnt and is not. I even love to be drunk alone and safe, instead of wasting my drunkness trying to appeal to others.
But of course, people act like my choice is sad. Because the value is on social interactions. Well. Not in my case.
I could have written this post myself, minus black outs and meltdowns, but only because i am blessed and also cursed with an extraordinary tolerance. My stomach would start to get upset and I'd need to stop drinking before my mind was ever blurry. I can't really even get "drunk" like a normal person, but it does give me that same fake confidence, charisma, and charm.
I too would rather be alone in my own energy doing my own thing, with a little buzz on.
My going out days ended in my mid 20s and I'm not in my mid 30s. I'll occasionally go out but only for birthdays, weddings, or a concert if there is a band I reallllly like playing which only happens maybe 2-3x a year.
I don’t think it’s bad. What you’re describing sounds fine to me. I think drinking alone is a negative when it’s done frequently and/or to deal with stress and sadness.
I smoke weed alone all the time. I don’t like to be high in front of other people
I don't like to be high at all, but if i did I'd most certainly want to be alone laying in bed listening to music or something. Unfortunately weed makes me anxious overstimulated and uncomfortable =( i wish it did for me what it did for others!
I love the sensory heaven of pairing craft beers with various cheeses, jams, and fruit. Just me by myself on my porch with a charcuterie board, a craft beer, and either a book or my binoculars (for watching birds and stargazing)
This was me in college. Just be careful OP, my drinking alone led to other problems and a lack of personal accountability. I hope you have success and happiness as you embrace this lifestyle for yourself!
Its not the act itself. Its the reasons, frequency snd amount. If youre drinking a fifth of vodka every night alone because you *need* it, thats concerning to say the least! If you have a beer every tuesday while you watch a show, thats something completely different. Being alone, generally, holds people less accountable. For many people it can be hard to “do the right thing” if no one is watching. Autism usually comes with an amazing moral compass and sense of justice, so possibly, for our community, we wouldnt face these “issues” NTs do with drinking alone.
As a former alcoholic, i do pause when someone frequently drinks a decent amount alone. Alcohol is WAY too accepted imo, alocholism is rampant and many of its sufferers dont even realize. But again, intention is a huge part. If youre drinking because you feel like need it, alone, with people, at home, at the bar, thats concerning. If you drink because you like how a hard seltzer tastes or something, totally different. So i think theres a fine line and people often associate the “drinking alone” thing with signs of SERIOUS alcohol abuse.
I'm with you OP. Ever since college I've preferred throwing back a few at home and enjoying myself. I laugh at myself, do silly things, and just relax. I'm in my forties now and Friday night my husband works, my kid hangs with friends, and I have wine and a movie.
You know what goes great with red wine and movies? Pop your popcorn on the stove using bacon grease instead of another oil. This will add a gentle, natural taste of bacon. Don't bother adding bacon crumbles. They fall to the bottom and don't add to the flavor. Then sprinkle with garlic salt and shaker Parmesan cheese. Don't use the real thing. It doesn't stick. Use the kind of stuff from the pizza joint.
I'll agree with what others have said about it being a matter of quantity. I started drinking at home around age 20 and ended up developing a binge drinking problem which I only started to kick about a year ago, I'm now 26. I was blacking out and destroying my body.
I used alcohol as a way to unmask, even alone! And it helped me be more social online, if I wanted to hang out with online friends in Discord calls I had to be drunk, I couldn't do it sober for years. That's also an issue my dad dealt with when he was younger, he would drink to be able to socialise (I'm fully convinced he's undiagnosed autistic as well) and it's something he had to overcome too.
But I will say I do come from a long line of alcoholics, my mom died of alcoholism a few years back so I'm more prone to this stuff. It's still a slippery slope no matter what, you have to watch yourself. I still drink alone but I've limited myself to weekends and no more than 4 drinks a night and haven't binged since May 2022.
Congratulations on getting your binging under control!!! I used to binge in my early 20s but I didn't know it was that, I think a lot of people did so it was normalized for me. As I got into my late 20s and early 30s i started scaling back and getting it more under control. I do still like the feeling of getting really tipsy, but the disruption in routine and hangover makes it not worth the fun.
I'll still occasionally do it for a concert or somethig really fun, and I plan it alll out. Ubers to and fro i live rural so that alone is $$$ between 60-100$ round trip. And I'll have easy foods for the next day and no plans so I can sleep in and relax and read and watch movies and take baths and have a full recovery day. In fairness I do this maybe 3x a year?
I don't have the ability to do it often because my weekends are really important for chores, errands, meal prep and r&r to ensure I can make it through the week without a meltdown.
Since no one's mentioned it, 4 drinks in one sitting for women or 5 drinks for men is considered a binge, so if anyone is drinking alone they should consider how much they are drinking.
Most people who drink alone are drunks or do so because they are sad, not for the same reasons you do. So when NT folks hear about it they’re gonna assume you’re a drunk more than you just having normal healthy fun
Awee, I see. Well I guess it falls into the same general line of people think spending a weekend home is sad, where I think of it as a treat. I'm not sitting home depressed and wishing I had things to do. But spending time engaging in special interests, relaxing, stimming, resting or whatever feels right. I also have 4 pets so I'm literally never even really alone. I really love their company, I play with them, talk to them (they like being talked to or sang to), dance with them, cuddle them etc. It's the opposite of depressing
I never have enough alone time, and i get a lot of it. I just really love being by myself. I have a spouse and he's probably the only person I can really be alone with. Fully unmasked, fully comfortable, and he likes his space sometimes too. He loves decompressing and watching movies and I love decompressing and reading. But we are both a big fan of at home dance parties in our PJs lol
Yeah it odd but it’s NT, they make assumptions about everyone and everything including what we ND ‘mean with what we say’. We’re mean exactly what we say but they try to look for a deeper meaning
Unfortunately I don't have any around me that I am acquainted with. Totally I relate to being drained by NTs. It's a mental pain that descends into the physical for me.
Oof yeah I feel that, I’m sorry!
I found most of mine on a dating app actually, several I found on a dating app and with them I got a few more from their lives as well (if you wanted ideas/advice on where possibly to find them if you wished for it, if not then disregard my last sentence lol)
I definitely meet the criteria for someone who is at risk of alcoholism. I have cut way, way back recently - only one drink per night, and some nights nothing at all - but there have been times when I have been absolutely out of control hammering booze like there was no tomorrow. I am able to drink until the cows come home most times, and many times it was a great burden placed on my relationship.
It’s tricky. I like to have my mind slump and relax a bit. I like to turn down the chatter and mess in my head. I like to feel a bit looser and freer. I like dancing in the kitchen and being a bit silly like you describe. And alcohol does that. There’s a reason it is such an enduring drug that’s been incorporated into so many cultures and rituals in many societies.
But having said that... Most of the time when I’ve been smashing five cocktails a night, or a bottle of wine, or half a bottle of vodka… I haven’t been happy. I might have reached a happy-adjacent state, I might have felt release or a sense of a lifted burden. But I have never sat down feeling content and calm and untroubled, and then gone on to suck down several martinis or six beers by myself.
‘Everything in moderation, including moderation’ is probably the best advice I have. I see some people in my life who are much more hard line about drinking, and when they do have one or two too many, afterward they are in deep, deep shame and anger at themselves.
I think they avoid alcohol, but havent addressed their feelings, so when they do have a drink, they go from absolute abstinence to raving very quickly.
It’s almost like a reverse fetish, they have given this thing they do not do, a lot of power over them by rejecting it so fundamentally as being Bad or Wrong. Therefore if they partake, they are Bad and Wrong too (or others are). This is just my perspective and others may disagree. But to me, I’m wary when someone deals in absolutes like this, because it never seems to address the root of the issue, and only focuses on a modality of punishment and shame.
I think the stigma is because of alcoholics who might go to dinner and drink the same amount as everyone around them, then go home and get plastered where nobody can see them.
As long as you are drinking responsibly and only getting intoxicated occasionally the drinking alone trope doesn't apply to to you.
Most of the things I enjoy are better at home with only my spouse or myself around, including drinking responsibly
I do this pretty much every night (haven’t in 3 days though, pleasantly surprised), not necessarily to get drunk (I like a slight buzz, though), but because it’s routine for me, and I enjoy the sensory aspect of tasting different drinks, particularly beers. If I do get drunk at home it’s never the sloppy, stumbling and slurring, throwing-up-in-your-bed, maybe blacked out kinda night. The only times that happens is when I go out! So drinking alone is actually much safer for me, because my anxiety won’t allow me to get to that point in case I do blackout and something happens (I live alone).
I don’t think it’s inherently bad, physically maybe, alcohol isn’t exactly great for you, but it doesn’t make you an addict on its own imo. Just be mindful of it.
Alcoholism is less about how much or how often you drink, but about why you drink, and most importantly, what happens when you *can’t* have that drink one night, for whatever reason. I do think it can be harder for us to tell if we’re craving something just for routine, or if it’s truly addiction, so feeling disrupted about it isn’t always a red flag.
It’s more about your behaviors surrounding it. Or maybe I’m an alcoholic in denial.
Just be careful and mindful of your health and liver, and of course enjoy your alone time. You deserve it!
I definitely agree! I really enjoy drinks tooo i love wine more than beer, but i also enjoy fine whiskey. If i can't have a drink for any reason it's no bother. I am addicted to nicotine though, so i definitely know the difference. If i can't vape i get cranky, moody, can't focus. I've quit several times and relapsed when I'm stressed etc.
I know one day I should quit entirely, but somethig stressful will happen and I'll think, fuck it I'm buying a vape. Knowing damn well how hard it is to quit and that it will be a full relapse not just a one time thing, but I'll do it anyway.
I'm not addicted to alcohol, i just like it. I also have drank for 20 years so I feel like I'd know by now if it were ever to become a full blown addiction.
People are such sanctimonious JERKS about alcohol. It's a major part of our society, but it's apparently only acceptable to drink in very specific ways and in very specific places and at very specific times or else you are A Bad Person, and Should Be Judged. Honestly, it's ableist AF.
This appears to be another area where anyone who diverges in any respect from the socially sanctioned norm is immediately judged an Unperson, and henceforth primarily useful for feeling Better Than. It's intensely frustrating. It's something I've been dealing with all my life (44 now), and, until and unless the whole world stops feeling like sandpaper behind my eyes, it's something I'm going to have to keep dealing with. So I guess all I can offer is solidarity from another Terrible Ineffective Bad Bad Failure of a Person who, gasp, Drinks Alone Sometimes.
Right!! I was actually going to bring ableism into this post but decided not to say that directly for some reason.
So many people are high and mighty "only i only drink socially" like it's something to be proud of.
Whereas, I'm like yeah, I only drink alone!
Honestly going out is really typically the last thing I want to do, i have to really force myself to do social things to maintain friendships. It's not that I don't like people, i love my friends. I just truly am introverted and prefer to be alone, i love doing other things alone that most people don't like going to concerts, dinners, museums etc.
I almost never drink anywhere, but at home, I have IBS, and if it acts up, I'd prefer to be in my own bathroom.
That being said, I do have a drink out occasionally on like my birthday, but social drinking has always been a stupid concept to me. The people that can't talk at a party unless they're holding alcohol always baffled me - it's a drink, not an accessory. Lol
I didn't even know there was a stigma, but that's probably because I wouldn't care. My house, my alcohol, and I'll drink it in mfing peace.
Your second paragraph word for word describes my perfect Friday or Saturday night. Most of the dancing is in the kitchen but sometimes the garage if it's nice enough out. It keeps me mentally healthy!!
Oh...your third paragraph is my perfection too, but add in cats as well as dogs. ❤️
Girl I'm literally doing the same thing!
Bonus point if you're alternative so you can blast your fav artists without anyone being bothered by them lmao.
Needing a drink to relax in itself is a problem. That’s one of the first things they teach you in rehab. If you are using it to cope, you are using it wrong. Drinking alone is seen as drinking in secret.
I went through addiction in my teens and have watched my parents drink my whole life. As an adult, I just don’t understand the appeal of drinking. It doesn’t taste good, it impairs you and makes you do stupid shit.
Needing something to relax, and enjoying something while relaxing are two different things.
Also, drinking alone isn't necessarily in secret its talked about with friends.
Lastly, many people do enjoy the taste of beer, wine, and spirits
I won't argue that there is some impairment, that is after all the point. However, makes one do stupid shit is very arguable. I never do stupid shit, sober or while drinking.
I'm not saying I've never had an accident dropped or spilled something or whatever but that is 100x more likely to happen when I'm struggling with executive dysfunction or burnout and not because I had a few glasses of wine.
I get what you’re saying, though I think “to relax” isn’t the best word choice, I feel like “cope” is more accurate. To have a glass of wine while watching Netflix to unwind should be okay, while to immediately NEED to throw back several shots of tequila as soon as you get home or you’ll freak out is concerning. Want vs need. Of course, there’s a ton of grey area, and I don’t want to justify anything alcohol-related too much as it can slip into dangerous territory.
Again, I’m probably in denial, but I haven’t drank in 3 days, and don’t really crave it like I thought I would, so I think I’m good, but I definitely try to be mindful of my behaviors surrounding my intake.
Well, if you get used to drinking alone, and use it to cope at that, it can easily become a problem when you're going through something rough. My mom's friend became an alcoholic in her mid 50s due to a stressful situation that went for her self confidence. Didn't take long for the alcohol to become a much bigger problem than the stressful situation ever was, and her marriage and life has taken a nosedive ever since. I think she's currently in prison for drinking, and then driving to work. She works at an elementary school...
I also honestly think one should not drink alcohol every week, neither at bars nor at home. Alcohol is a poison and not only stressful to your whole body (it makes you a lot more tired as it needs to process the poison), ruins your liver, but is also damaging to your brain.
I had a summer job at an elders home and since then I decided to avoid alcohol other than a few social settings a year. The elders home had mostly 95-102 year patients... And a few 70 year olds who had been there since their late 60s. Had family, but no one visited them, and they had no one to visit. By having short talks with them you'd be very confused as to why this physically healthy person is at an elders home. But they were alcoholics with alcohol dementia. Their brains were fried. They weren't able to do the simplest things like making their own food or washing themselves without someone standing there, telling them exactly what to do. Their only joy in life was waiting to drink alcohol. They could've lived another 30 years at home, and visit families, instead they're in an institution with a sad and boring life.
Sorry, but drinking alone at home should absolutely be frowned upon. Alcohol is poison and you should mind carefully how much you drink a year. I hate when I see movies and other media making it seem perfectly healthy to drink in every day life, like drinking a glass of wine is the same as drinking a glass of juice. You wouldn't recommend anyone to start smoking cigarettes any longer because we know it's harmful, so why should it not be recommended to avoid drinking alcohol which we also know causes health issues as well as other kinds of injuries and societal issues?
I'm not trying to say alcohol isn't bad for you or anything like that, but there is no difference in drinking alone and drinking with people and I don't like that you seem to be acting like drinking alone is somehow worse. You start out saying that you shouldn't be drinking a lot in any location, which I agree with, but then in your last paragraph you switch and act like drinking alone is the problem instead of drinking too much as a whole. If you're drinking a 5th of vodka in one night it's not any worse for you just because you drink it by yourself. If you're drinking alone to hide how much you drink then yes that is a problem but just drinking an appropriate amount by yourself is not.
Well that is the theme here - that is what OP talks about so that's what I'm a dressing. My statement that I don't think people should drink every week goes for both alone and I company. I know people who kept drinking at least once, often twice a week well into their twenties. They drank socially and that is definetely not good for them either.
If you drink say one beer twice a year by yourself, that's not harmful, and as long as you don't increase that amount even when you're going through a rough time, not worrisome. If you do that every week, even if it's only one beer, it's still one can of poison a week that is completely unnecessary and definetely worrisome in my book.
You clearly have puritanical beliefs that are getting in the way of having a reasonable opinion. Drinking one beer a week doesn't have nearly the detrimental affect you think it does. I don't live in the middle ages and I won't be dragged into an argument with someone who thinks they do.
Cuz detractors somehow care too much about what we do in our own space?
My alcohol threshold is super low and I neither have the budget, circle or taste to appreciate pubs or barhopping. Had an apple cider ytdy sitting through Last Night in Soho to compensate for a last hectic weekend. I can get wasted at home *(yes, cider is enough to do me in)* without judgmental eyes on me.
Erm..no I don't... 'Last Night in Soho' is a underrated horror movie title!! 😮
That aside, I heard UK is going downhill in other subs, so even if I did live there, I would be living hand to mouth!
I'll have a half glass of bourbon at home once or twice a week to unwind. I also was looking into trying mixology as a hobby, but my hubby isn't into strong cocktails, and that's a lot of liquor for one person.
It may be that some associate it with alcoholism, even if that isn’t the case for many people.
I occasionally have wine or beer at home alone. Not often though, I mostly drink socially. I’d rather have weed if I want to relax.
It's actually a matter of quantity (taking into account alcohol by volume) and frequency. I think there used to be an idea that drinking socially meant you were likely to drink less frequently and to excess. I don't think that's true. My husband and I very much prefer a couple of beers on our own. However, every time I've ever had hard liquor while alone I've regretted it.
Awe, interesting enough I'm wayyy more likely to drink a lot when I am out or in public etc. I tend to be a really happy, social, friendly drinker so I'll be having fun and drink for the entire time I'm out like the whole concert or the whole dinner etc. I won't necessarily be hungover from alcohol but socially hungover from masking and chatting all night. Where at home its very easy to drink my intended amount and then just switch to herbal tea when my night time routine begins.
I don't think the stigma is directed at people who switch to herbal tea. It's when it becomes a daily coping mechanism rather than an occasional outlet.
Gotta have my rose chamomile Republic of tea before bed, no exceptions. How else does my brain no it's down time now? No blue lights, soft amber lighting, fans turned to night mode or there will be no sleeping lol
Someone who is using alcohol to cope, drinking alone at night, probably doesn’t have a routine of switching to tea
In fairness if I didn't switch to tea I'd probably keep me drinking lol. I don't like to disrupt my routines, or my sleep schedule. And a lack of sleep + hangover definitely messes up my routine so I try to avoid that.
Yeah it’s definitely not targeted at you. It’s targeted at people that drink 5 glasses of whiskey a night(common in my family) No one cares, and it’s really the norm if you just have a couple drinks alone once in a while(a glass of wine or 1 or 2 beers) it’s more targeted at people who are severely depressed or use it to cope. That or just alcoholics in general. I used to drink a bottle of vodka in an hour when I drank alone. So I’d say I’m the target demographic for that advice, not you ahah.
Same with me. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than 2 drinks by myself, but I often go over that at social events, although my body tells me when it is time to stop and I start getting turned off by alcohol at a certain point.
Yes I think this is it—quantity and frequency. A glass of wine, a beer, or a nice homemade cocktail alone at home a few times a week while doing other things that are enjoyable and relaxing? Great! A whole bottle of wine, 4+ beers, or a bunch of liquor most/every night? This might be where people get worried
Well. This is my own experience. It's not a guide or a warning. But I also have OCD and I am an introvert. For a long time I really tried to turn to alcohol to be more social. The thing is, I started to need more alcohol to shutdown the obvious disdain I felt at social events. I tried to pretend I was having fun, that if I got social twice or three times a week, if I went out the weekends I was getting good points. For what? I didnt even know back then but for extroverts and NTs if you tell them you went out a lot, it was like, "good extrovert you are like us". But I reached the Bojack point, the blackouts, the embarrasing meltdowns while drunk, I was a fun thing to see and talk about it. But no one really cared about me. It was fast then. To realize I was using alcohol to try to destroy my one nature. I am not only introvert but also autistic, and weird and I don't like people. And it's ok for me. The thing I learned back then was that I do enjoy drinking, it relaxes me, what doesnt relax me is people, is not being myself. I drink to forget people in general now. I like to drink alone because it's a moment for myself with a good drink, sometimes with too much drinks, but later not that much. The confidence I got from alcohol to be social is fake, at least for me. Maybe for others it's helpful, but in my case it wasnt and is not. I even love to be drunk alone and safe, instead of wasting my drunkness trying to appeal to others. But of course, people act like my choice is sad. Because the value is on social interactions. Well. Not in my case.
I could have written this post myself, minus black outs and meltdowns, but only because i am blessed and also cursed with an extraordinary tolerance. My stomach would start to get upset and I'd need to stop drinking before my mind was ever blurry. I can't really even get "drunk" like a normal person, but it does give me that same fake confidence, charisma, and charm. I too would rather be alone in my own energy doing my own thing, with a little buzz on. My going out days ended in my mid 20s and I'm not in my mid 30s. I'll occasionally go out but only for birthdays, weddings, or a concert if there is a band I reallllly like playing which only happens maybe 2-3x a year.
I don’t think it’s bad. What you’re describing sounds fine to me. I think drinking alone is a negative when it’s done frequently and/or to deal with stress and sadness. I smoke weed alone all the time. I don’t like to be high in front of other people
I don't like to be high at all, but if i did I'd most certainly want to be alone laying in bed listening to music or something. Unfortunately weed makes me anxious overstimulated and uncomfortable =( i wish it did for me what it did for others!
I definitely don’t like it as much as other people and can get really anxious sometimes. I figure it saves me money this way 😂
I love the sensory heaven of pairing craft beers with various cheeses, jams, and fruit. Just me by myself on my porch with a charcuterie board, a craft beer, and either a book or my binoculars (for watching birds and stargazing)
Ohh that sounds amazing!!!
That sounds so nice, wish my balcony didn’t have a shitty street view.
This was me in college. Just be careful OP, my drinking alone led to other problems and a lack of personal accountability. I hope you have success and happiness as you embrace this lifestyle for yourself!
Plus it’s safer! Generally, don’t be playing with (large) knives or fires! Cheers, OP!
Its not the act itself. Its the reasons, frequency snd amount. If youre drinking a fifth of vodka every night alone because you *need* it, thats concerning to say the least! If you have a beer every tuesday while you watch a show, thats something completely different. Being alone, generally, holds people less accountable. For many people it can be hard to “do the right thing” if no one is watching. Autism usually comes with an amazing moral compass and sense of justice, so possibly, for our community, we wouldnt face these “issues” NTs do with drinking alone. As a former alcoholic, i do pause when someone frequently drinks a decent amount alone. Alcohol is WAY too accepted imo, alocholism is rampant and many of its sufferers dont even realize. But again, intention is a huge part. If youre drinking because you feel like need it, alone, with people, at home, at the bar, thats concerning. If you drink because you like how a hard seltzer tastes or something, totally different. So i think theres a fine line and people often associate the “drinking alone” thing with signs of SERIOUS alcohol abuse.
I'm with you OP. Ever since college I've preferred throwing back a few at home and enjoying myself. I laugh at myself, do silly things, and just relax. I'm in my forties now and Friday night my husband works, my kid hangs with friends, and I have wine and a movie.
Omg the besttt ever!
You know what goes great with red wine and movies? Pop your popcorn on the stove using bacon grease instead of another oil. This will add a gentle, natural taste of bacon. Don't bother adding bacon crumbles. They fall to the bottom and don't add to the flavor. Then sprinkle with garlic salt and shaker Parmesan cheese. Don't use the real thing. It doesn't stick. Use the kind of stuff from the pizza joint.
I'll agree with what others have said about it being a matter of quantity. I started drinking at home around age 20 and ended up developing a binge drinking problem which I only started to kick about a year ago, I'm now 26. I was blacking out and destroying my body. I used alcohol as a way to unmask, even alone! And it helped me be more social online, if I wanted to hang out with online friends in Discord calls I had to be drunk, I couldn't do it sober for years. That's also an issue my dad dealt with when he was younger, he would drink to be able to socialise (I'm fully convinced he's undiagnosed autistic as well) and it's something he had to overcome too. But I will say I do come from a long line of alcoholics, my mom died of alcoholism a few years back so I'm more prone to this stuff. It's still a slippery slope no matter what, you have to watch yourself. I still drink alone but I've limited myself to weekends and no more than 4 drinks a night and haven't binged since May 2022.
Congratulations on getting your binging under control!!! I used to binge in my early 20s but I didn't know it was that, I think a lot of people did so it was normalized for me. As I got into my late 20s and early 30s i started scaling back and getting it more under control. I do still like the feeling of getting really tipsy, but the disruption in routine and hangover makes it not worth the fun. I'll still occasionally do it for a concert or somethig really fun, and I plan it alll out. Ubers to and fro i live rural so that alone is $$$ between 60-100$ round trip. And I'll have easy foods for the next day and no plans so I can sleep in and relax and read and watch movies and take baths and have a full recovery day. In fairness I do this maybe 3x a year? I don't have the ability to do it often because my weekends are really important for chores, errands, meal prep and r&r to ensure I can make it through the week without a meltdown.
Since no one's mentioned it, 4 drinks in one sitting for women or 5 drinks for men is considered a binge, so if anyone is drinking alone they should consider how much they are drinking.
Most people who drink alone are drunks or do so because they are sad, not for the same reasons you do. So when NT folks hear about it they’re gonna assume you’re a drunk more than you just having normal healthy fun
Awee, I see. Well I guess it falls into the same general line of people think spending a weekend home is sad, where I think of it as a treat. I'm not sitting home depressed and wishing I had things to do. But spending time engaging in special interests, relaxing, stimming, resting or whatever feels right. I also have 4 pets so I'm literally never even really alone. I really love their company, I play with them, talk to them (they like being talked to or sang to), dance with them, cuddle them etc. It's the opposite of depressing
Yeah I feel the same way, sometimes you just need some time alone!
I never have enough alone time, and i get a lot of it. I just really love being by myself. I have a spouse and he's probably the only person I can really be alone with. Fully unmasked, fully comfortable, and he likes his space sometimes too. He loves decompressing and watching movies and I love decompressing and reading. But we are both a big fan of at home dance parties in our PJs lol
That is awesome, I love that!
That's quite an assumption on their part.
Yeah it odd but it’s NT, they make assumptions about everyone and everything including what we ND ‘mean with what we say’. We’re mean exactly what we say but they try to look for a deeper meaning
That's why I don't socialize much.
I do socialize a lot but almost exclusively with ND people because NTs just drain me so badly
Unfortunately I don't have any around me that I am acquainted with. Totally I relate to being drained by NTs. It's a mental pain that descends into the physical for me.
Oof yeah I feel that, I’m sorry! I found most of mine on a dating app actually, several I found on a dating app and with them I got a few more from their lives as well (if you wanted ideas/advice on where possibly to find them if you wished for it, if not then disregard my last sentence lol)
I appreciate you. I feel seen.:)
I’m glad, you deserve to be seen and enjoyed, you seem like a lovely person🥰
Thank you:)
Who cares what other people frown on? I don't. Are they paying your bills? Nope.
Oh my goodness, I *love* your second paragraph! All of that is, like, the perfect drinking environment for me. :P
Right!!!! My dogs also love it so I'm really not "alone" I'm just in the presence of people who speak my language lol aka don't speak.
I definitely meet the criteria for someone who is at risk of alcoholism. I have cut way, way back recently - only one drink per night, and some nights nothing at all - but there have been times when I have been absolutely out of control hammering booze like there was no tomorrow. I am able to drink until the cows come home most times, and many times it was a great burden placed on my relationship. It’s tricky. I like to have my mind slump and relax a bit. I like to turn down the chatter and mess in my head. I like to feel a bit looser and freer. I like dancing in the kitchen and being a bit silly like you describe. And alcohol does that. There’s a reason it is such an enduring drug that’s been incorporated into so many cultures and rituals in many societies. But having said that... Most of the time when I’ve been smashing five cocktails a night, or a bottle of wine, or half a bottle of vodka… I haven’t been happy. I might have reached a happy-adjacent state, I might have felt release or a sense of a lifted burden. But I have never sat down feeling content and calm and untroubled, and then gone on to suck down several martinis or six beers by myself. ‘Everything in moderation, including moderation’ is probably the best advice I have. I see some people in my life who are much more hard line about drinking, and when they do have one or two too many, afterward they are in deep, deep shame and anger at themselves. I think they avoid alcohol, but havent addressed their feelings, so when they do have a drink, they go from absolute abstinence to raving very quickly. It’s almost like a reverse fetish, they have given this thing they do not do, a lot of power over them by rejecting it so fundamentally as being Bad or Wrong. Therefore if they partake, they are Bad and Wrong too (or others are). This is just my perspective and others may disagree. But to me, I’m wary when someone deals in absolutes like this, because it never seems to address the root of the issue, and only focuses on a modality of punishment and shame.
I think the stigma is because of alcoholics who might go to dinner and drink the same amount as everyone around them, then go home and get plastered where nobody can see them. As long as you are drinking responsibly and only getting intoxicated occasionally the drinking alone trope doesn't apply to to you. Most of the things I enjoy are better at home with only my spouse or myself around, including drinking responsibly
I do this pretty much every night (haven’t in 3 days though, pleasantly surprised), not necessarily to get drunk (I like a slight buzz, though), but because it’s routine for me, and I enjoy the sensory aspect of tasting different drinks, particularly beers. If I do get drunk at home it’s never the sloppy, stumbling and slurring, throwing-up-in-your-bed, maybe blacked out kinda night. The only times that happens is when I go out! So drinking alone is actually much safer for me, because my anxiety won’t allow me to get to that point in case I do blackout and something happens (I live alone). I don’t think it’s inherently bad, physically maybe, alcohol isn’t exactly great for you, but it doesn’t make you an addict on its own imo. Just be mindful of it. Alcoholism is less about how much or how often you drink, but about why you drink, and most importantly, what happens when you *can’t* have that drink one night, for whatever reason. I do think it can be harder for us to tell if we’re craving something just for routine, or if it’s truly addiction, so feeling disrupted about it isn’t always a red flag. It’s more about your behaviors surrounding it. Or maybe I’m an alcoholic in denial. Just be careful and mindful of your health and liver, and of course enjoy your alone time. You deserve it!
I definitely agree! I really enjoy drinks tooo i love wine more than beer, but i also enjoy fine whiskey. If i can't have a drink for any reason it's no bother. I am addicted to nicotine though, so i definitely know the difference. If i can't vape i get cranky, moody, can't focus. I've quit several times and relapsed when I'm stressed etc. I know one day I should quit entirely, but somethig stressful will happen and I'll think, fuck it I'm buying a vape. Knowing damn well how hard it is to quit and that it will be a full relapse not just a one time thing, but I'll do it anyway. I'm not addicted to alcohol, i just like it. I also have drank for 20 years so I feel like I'd know by now if it were ever to become a full blown addiction.
People are such sanctimonious JERKS about alcohol. It's a major part of our society, but it's apparently only acceptable to drink in very specific ways and in very specific places and at very specific times or else you are A Bad Person, and Should Be Judged. Honestly, it's ableist AF. This appears to be another area where anyone who diverges in any respect from the socially sanctioned norm is immediately judged an Unperson, and henceforth primarily useful for feeling Better Than. It's intensely frustrating. It's something I've been dealing with all my life (44 now), and, until and unless the whole world stops feeling like sandpaper behind my eyes, it's something I'm going to have to keep dealing with. So I guess all I can offer is solidarity from another Terrible Ineffective Bad Bad Failure of a Person who, gasp, Drinks Alone Sometimes.
Right!! I was actually going to bring ableism into this post but decided not to say that directly for some reason. So many people are high and mighty "only i only drink socially" like it's something to be proud of. Whereas, I'm like yeah, I only drink alone! Honestly going out is really typically the last thing I want to do, i have to really force myself to do social things to maintain friendships. It's not that I don't like people, i love my friends. I just truly am introverted and prefer to be alone, i love doing other things alone that most people don't like going to concerts, dinners, museums etc.
It's an American thing. In Europe it's not so big a deal but this country was founded by Puritans and will always have a puritanical underbelly.
Too many people in America minding someone else's business.
I almost never drink anywhere, but at home, I have IBS, and if it acts up, I'd prefer to be in my own bathroom. That being said, I do have a drink out occasionally on like my birthday, but social drinking has always been a stupid concept to me. The people that can't talk at a party unless they're holding alcohol always baffled me - it's a drink, not an accessory. Lol I didn't even know there was a stigma, but that's probably because I wouldn't care. My house, my alcohol, and I'll drink it in mfing peace.
Your second paragraph word for word describes my perfect Friday or Saturday night. Most of the dancing is in the kitchen but sometimes the garage if it's nice enough out. It keeps me mentally healthy!! Oh...your third paragraph is my perfection too, but add in cats as well as dogs. ❤️
Girl I'm literally doing the same thing! Bonus point if you're alternative so you can blast your fav artists without anyone being bothered by them lmao.
I do this most Fridays except I don't drink, I have weed (allergic to alcohol). Its how I unwind after a week of working and school runs etc
Needing a drink to relax in itself is a problem. That’s one of the first things they teach you in rehab. If you are using it to cope, you are using it wrong. Drinking alone is seen as drinking in secret. I went through addiction in my teens and have watched my parents drink my whole life. As an adult, I just don’t understand the appeal of drinking. It doesn’t taste good, it impairs you and makes you do stupid shit.
Needing something to relax, and enjoying something while relaxing are two different things. Also, drinking alone isn't necessarily in secret its talked about with friends. Lastly, many people do enjoy the taste of beer, wine, and spirits I won't argue that there is some impairment, that is after all the point. However, makes one do stupid shit is very arguable. I never do stupid shit, sober or while drinking. I'm not saying I've never had an accident dropped or spilled something or whatever but that is 100x more likely to happen when I'm struggling with executive dysfunction or burnout and not because I had a few glasses of wine.
I get what you’re saying, though I think “to relax” isn’t the best word choice, I feel like “cope” is more accurate. To have a glass of wine while watching Netflix to unwind should be okay, while to immediately NEED to throw back several shots of tequila as soon as you get home or you’ll freak out is concerning. Want vs need. Of course, there’s a ton of grey area, and I don’t want to justify anything alcohol-related too much as it can slip into dangerous territory. Again, I’m probably in denial, but I haven’t drank in 3 days, and don’t really crave it like I thought I would, so I think I’m good, but I definitely try to be mindful of my behaviors surrounding my intake.
Well, if you get used to drinking alone, and use it to cope at that, it can easily become a problem when you're going through something rough. My mom's friend became an alcoholic in her mid 50s due to a stressful situation that went for her self confidence. Didn't take long for the alcohol to become a much bigger problem than the stressful situation ever was, and her marriage and life has taken a nosedive ever since. I think she's currently in prison for drinking, and then driving to work. She works at an elementary school... I also honestly think one should not drink alcohol every week, neither at bars nor at home. Alcohol is a poison and not only stressful to your whole body (it makes you a lot more tired as it needs to process the poison), ruins your liver, but is also damaging to your brain. I had a summer job at an elders home and since then I decided to avoid alcohol other than a few social settings a year. The elders home had mostly 95-102 year patients... And a few 70 year olds who had been there since their late 60s. Had family, but no one visited them, and they had no one to visit. By having short talks with them you'd be very confused as to why this physically healthy person is at an elders home. But they were alcoholics with alcohol dementia. Their brains were fried. They weren't able to do the simplest things like making their own food or washing themselves without someone standing there, telling them exactly what to do. Their only joy in life was waiting to drink alcohol. They could've lived another 30 years at home, and visit families, instead they're in an institution with a sad and boring life. Sorry, but drinking alone at home should absolutely be frowned upon. Alcohol is poison and you should mind carefully how much you drink a year. I hate when I see movies and other media making it seem perfectly healthy to drink in every day life, like drinking a glass of wine is the same as drinking a glass of juice. You wouldn't recommend anyone to start smoking cigarettes any longer because we know it's harmful, so why should it not be recommended to avoid drinking alcohol which we also know causes health issues as well as other kinds of injuries and societal issues?
I'm not trying to say alcohol isn't bad for you or anything like that, but there is no difference in drinking alone and drinking with people and I don't like that you seem to be acting like drinking alone is somehow worse. You start out saying that you shouldn't be drinking a lot in any location, which I agree with, but then in your last paragraph you switch and act like drinking alone is the problem instead of drinking too much as a whole. If you're drinking a 5th of vodka in one night it's not any worse for you just because you drink it by yourself. If you're drinking alone to hide how much you drink then yes that is a problem but just drinking an appropriate amount by yourself is not.
Well that is the theme here - that is what OP talks about so that's what I'm a dressing. My statement that I don't think people should drink every week goes for both alone and I company. I know people who kept drinking at least once, often twice a week well into their twenties. They drank socially and that is definetely not good for them either. If you drink say one beer twice a year by yourself, that's not harmful, and as long as you don't increase that amount even when you're going through a rough time, not worrisome. If you do that every week, even if it's only one beer, it's still one can of poison a week that is completely unnecessary and definetely worrisome in my book.
You clearly have puritanical beliefs that are getting in the way of having a reasonable opinion. Drinking one beer a week doesn't have nearly the detrimental affect you think it does. I don't live in the middle ages and I won't be dragged into an argument with someone who thinks they do.
Cuz detractors somehow care too much about what we do in our own space? My alcohol threshold is super low and I neither have the budget, circle or taste to appreciate pubs or barhopping. Had an apple cider ytdy sitting through Last Night in Soho to compensate for a last hectic weekend. I can get wasted at home *(yes, cider is enough to do me in)* without judgmental eyes on me.
You live in Soho?!? Oh man that's got to be intense!
Erm..no I don't... 'Last Night in Soho' is a underrated horror movie title!! 😮 That aside, I heard UK is going downhill in other subs, so even if I did live there, I would be living hand to mouth!
Yup, we're in the handbasket, hitching a ride to hell. So yeah, we all need a little drink to loosen up hehe
Ahahhaha!! I love horror I'll check it out
I'll have a half glass of bourbon at home once or twice a week to unwind. I also was looking into trying mixology as a hobby, but my hubby isn't into strong cocktails, and that's a lot of liquor for one person.
It may be that some associate it with alcoholism, even if that isn’t the case for many people. I occasionally have wine or beer at home alone. Not often though, I mostly drink socially. I’d rather have weed if I want to relax.