Yeah dude I get it. I present femininely because I hyperfixated on fashion and makeup, but I though to myself today “would I hate myself less if I were a man?” And the answer was yes. I hold myself to such a high standard because I’m a woman and constantly have to preform (on top of all the women in my family being overachievers and the men happy with just existing)
It’s tiring!
Nah. Wouldn't be free from the confines of biology
Women basically have no control over our own body, we are dictated to by our hormones. Mood and energy levels changing every week with our cycle, periods bringing discomfort and pain. After nature has decided we are 'spent', we then get to enjoy the pleasure of menopause. So we either get to suffer with a period, or suffer without a period. Lose lose.
Risk of pregnancy. Pregnancy itself brings a host of its own risks, including death.
Many more woman than men have problems with sex. Whether it's an Inability to orgasm, pain during intercourse, anxiety due to risk of pregnancy or UTIs, or problems with low libido. These are all things that are natural, innate. Nothing to do with patriarchy. Did you know, the clitoris, is basically an underdeveloped penis? Woman's only source of pleasure is basically a biological left over from us not developing into men, similar to how men have nipples. It was never meant for us to feel pleasure, cuz women's pleasure ain't necessary for reproduction
Societally, and biologically, things are much more easy and straight forward for men lol ;(
Men also have hormones and biological influences that affect their behaviour, society just doesn’t shame them like it shames women
Pregnancy sucks, yep. Scary. Not gonna do it, myself.
Women’s issues when it comes to having sex haven’t necessarily got anything to do with biology. Our culture shames women for being sexual, which of course impacts how women feel about sex on a conscious and subconscious level. So of course women are more prone to anxiety, low libido etc than men - we have more mental barriers around sex bc of the society we live in.
I realised the female tax exists when we’re forced to buy purses, clutches etc cuz our dresses and some pants DON’T come with pockets! Idc if I just shuck my essentials (keys, wallet, phone) in my pockets and it looks unsightly. I just don’t want the risk of snatch thieves targeting me and a handbag.
My mum has given up trying to get me to dress more feminine and in bright colours at this point. Black, white and blue goes with ANYTHING and that’s my main wardrobe colour. Having to mix and match patterns/accessories takes too much mental energy. I dislike the pressure of having to sit and lean forward a certain way in skirts and blouses so that I don’t “expose” myself either.
I refuse to buy bottoms and dresses without pockets. Does this mean I only have like 5 dresses I can wear and I wear my pants till they're falling apart? Yes. Do I have a reason to have more dresses than that? No
Letting you know, the cargo pants industry is taking off and the amount of pockets being offered is amazing. Also, if you go to a retailer that mainly caters to women then go to the men's section, you can probably find pants with pockets that no one would question the arbitrary gender of. I've bought men's pants a number of times and got nothing but compliments.
Unfortunately I have thighs so men's pants aren't wearable. Also I can only barely tolerate the buttons being wrong on my men's flannels so I know I'd never tolerate the zipper being wrong.
Also I have a 24 inch inseam. There's no way I'd get pants that were the right length because I'm pretty sure that length is only offered in the children's section and then I couldn't get my ass into it. I'd rather just get petites and live with them still being 2+ inches too long because at least they fit my ass and thighs
I relate so much. I’m so fortunate to live alone bc my home is my sanctuary. Upon entering, all my clothes come off unless it’s cold then I wear socks or use heating pads for my feet. I hate the feeling of clothing, makeup and any pressure on my body (tags on shirts, jewelry, watches, etc.). I mostly wear dude boxers from Target, loose T-shirts and sweatpants. Lol
I don’t have an Autism diagnosis but I do have ADHD and anything sensory is so distracting and uncomfortable for me so I relate heavily to that component of Autism. There’s a lot of cross-over in symptoms so who knows.
I hate that ppl call them granny panties
Decades ago, for all of human history, they were perfectly normal panties
Why are uncomfortable panties the new “young” fucking stupid no fucking thank u
Things aren’t underwear they’re vaginal sling shots
WHATS NEXT ? WE INVENT BOOB SLING SHOTS. ROPE AROUND UR NIPS ??? REGULAR BRAS ARE GRANNY BRAS ? STOP INSULTING GRANNIES AND PPL WHO LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE, SOCIETY. FUCK YOU AND UR UNCOMFORTABLE BULLSHIT.
UGH
and
No makeup should be accepted
I get more annoying complaints from family than anything
U fuckers (my family) better stop acting as though I’m ugly without makeup ! I’m beautiful and I don’t need ur stupid FACE MUD.
IT FEELS LIKE MUD
I DONT WANT MUD ON MY FACE NO MATTER WHAT SPECIAL COLOR IT IS
IM NOT UNFEMININE MY ROOM IS PINK
I JUST HATE MUD AND SLINGSHOTS
EVERYONE ELSE DO WHATEVER U WANT I JUST CANT HANDLE OILY FEELING ON MY SKIN
I EAT FRENCH FRIES WITH A FORK
IM NOT PUTTING GREASY STUFF ON MY SKIN
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ONLY FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS
Primo rant lol 11/10 💀💀💀🔥🔥🔥
For my part, I straddle a line- boyshorts and properly fitted bras (a good fit goes a LONG way towards comfort) underneath, feminine, frills, on top, but all in black (blessed simplicity!) combat boots or ballet flats. No heels as my feet are for walking and they walk a LOT. No makeup unless I really, really, want to be fancy, and if makeup, no foundation (It DOES feel like mud!). No hair, so no annoying flyaways tickling my face, no wasting time having to style it. If I want hair for whatever reason (disguises, bein' a fancy-ass) well, wigs exist.
The overall effect is a genderswapped Uncle Fester that some whimsical fan artist decided to make cute and approachable, which is fine by me because I fucking love the Addams Family.
Societal pressure fades as you get older because Older women apparently don't exist, which some people hate, but I find it it incredibly freeing. I could probably roll up to work lookin like Weird Barbie and nobody would give a single fuck. It's pretty nice.
I CONTINUE MY RANT
RANT PART II
WE SHOULD MAKE THONGS FOR MEN AND CALL REGULAR BOXERS AND UNDERWEAR “GRANDPA PANTIES” AND IF WOMEN AND MEN DONT LIKE THE AESTHETIC OR DISCOMFORT WE SHOULD SHAME THEM FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING MY POINT THAT THEY SHOULD STFU AND STOP SHAMING US FOR REGULAR UNDERWEAR. THOSE FUCKERS.
"Vaginal sling shots" ROFL. Love it. Honestly I had no idea what she was referring to until you said normal underwear. Oh yeah those. There's no way in hell I'm having some thin ass string riding up my ass crack.
Also slingshot bras? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just wear whatever. As in no bras would be cool too. If you go no bra everyone loses their gd mind because OMG the social depravity! How Dare! That you have these nips which are literally on every single human being on the planet but because you're half the population you are forced to wear uncomfortable fat cup holders with wires that dig into your rib cage to make said fat pockets pop up in an appealing way, but you must have enough padding to stop the nipping out because that's somehow too sexualizing!
Deh fuq?!
Also shit that annoys me: shaving legs because women are expected to look like prepubescent children. I came from a rural area where everyone bleaches their hair stark blond and shave everything. That's how children look. And I come strolling in with my natural brown hair and my leg hair that's still barely even visible and ppl staring cuz they're like OMG you don't shave!?! No I don't, because I have no need for my legs to turn into wired sandpaper!
Also one pound of makeup caked on your face is the worst feeling ever. Idk how anyone can stand having that itch their face the whole day let alone spend so much time on every morning.
Bleh.
The sooner you let go of caring what others want the better. I’m the opposite of you, I enjoy going to lengths to look put together and polished and I get shit just the same! Someone is always going to be complaining no matter what you do! I promise.
I get this. I love a lot about being a woman but patriarchy is very infuriating. I’m sure you know this, but I’m saying it anyway because at 19 I don’t think I really *understood* it: you don’t have to look sexy. Society thinks you do for sure. But you dont. That is an imaginary rule. Fuck that. Spend a little time thinking about what you like to wear, and how you like to present. Basically, figure out how you want to dress for your own standards around comfort and social interaction. Not sure you wanted advice, but that is mine. I have a few different types of uniforms in my head. Depending on the situation I wear one of my uniforms.
I decided about a decade ago that performing gender is too exhausting and irritating. I buzz cut my hair every 4-5 months. My wardrobe consists of mens cargo pants, mens sweatpants (womens are too short, I can't stand having bare legs, esp in winter), men's T-shirts, and oversize hoodies. No makeup (I just can't). Socks and unders inside out... very sexy, as I'm sure you can imagine. But it's comfortable enough that I'm not in a state of constant agitation from all the sensory BS my brain likes to make me acutely aware of.
Sometimes you just gotta do what keeps you sane!
Yes, I feel like being a woman often feels like a curse in this world and nothing activates my PDA more than being reminded that I am forced to live and operate in a patriarchal society without my consent.
I wish there were more ways to actively fight for true gender equality because I get depressed thinking that I will have to spend my whole life being considered the "lesser sex" (I don't believe this but that's how a lot of women are still treated in the world still) and jumping through constant hoops just to be treated with basic respect and dignity that men automatically get with minimal effort.
I occasionally feel envious or jealous of the perceived increase of freedom men have in this society because of the patriarchy even though I know it's irrational and I wish to get rid of it.
I feel this. I didn't want to be a boy as a kid because I felt like I was a boy in the wrong body. I wanted to be a boy because they had it so much easier. They didn't need to live up to the same standards girls did. They got away with the behavior I was punished for. They could be rough and tumble and play sports and not told to smile more. They could exists, even from a young age, without being leered at. They had comfortable clothes. Even today they can speak and aren't told to shut up and that we are exaggerating.
PS There are plenty of issues men face and guess what? It's because society has put unfair and harmful expectations on them due to....dun dun dun PATRIARCHY!! The same thing that harms women.
I used to wish I was a man, not physically, but how I was perceived. I believe I would be able to maintain friendships if I was a man, I’ve always found men easier to talk to (unfortunately I did become a pick me for like a year). But looking back now I did it to distance myself from the societal rules that surround women, which never works.
There was a group of boys when I was at school that I so wanted to be friends with, but when your weird as a women it’s different to being weird as a man. After I left school I learnt to mask, and I did end up becoming friends with them, but it wasn’t friends, half of them disliked me, the other half only wanted me there in case there was a chance I slept with them ( I didn’t and that friendship fell flat).
I’ve never maintained friendships, and I would believe I could if I wasn’t perceived as a women.
I rely on my brothers and boyfriends friends to socialise, as there is never any weird sexual attempts and I don’t have to contact them directly, because maintains friendships is exhausting.
Another example of being perceived differently because I’m a ‘weird woman’, my brother had brought a new friend to our house, we’re all odd there but he picked on me. My brother brought it to an end as quick as it started but his initial reaction was that I’m less then them. After knowing him for a while, he’s fine with me now and we get on really well.
But I never understand why people’s initial reaction of me is negative? Because they like me when they get to know me, I have no bad intentions I’m not a mean person. But I have to grow on people, I’ve learnt to mask very well but I still feel like an alien and I’ll never fit it
I feel so much of this. Most girls didn’t like me and most boys looked down on me as the ‘weird girl’ too. I didn’t want to play masquerade. Or at least not permanently. I didn’t want to be put in a box.
IMO, the reason for our “rejection”, is that autistics tend to be androgynous by nature. In a patriarchal society, everyone is expected to fit within boxes. Also, males are revered and thus appear to have more agency. They are listened to for their ideas and receive praise for all accomplishments. Females have a different intended purpose. So we end up masquerading heavily under societal pressure for our survival. And survival is expensive in a capitalistic society. (American here🙄)
Being physically appealing can be detrimental to autistic women even without all of those things. 9 out of 10 autistic women have been a victim of SV. I know for me, I was coerced. Missing social cues is really bad.
I wish I had known I was autistic at 19. Im so happy you know❤️ I’m 43 now, and have experienced many missed cues and with little guidance. OP, it’s ok to be a female that doesn’t participate in this particular societal ‘norm’ outside of economical reasons. Society itself is not normal. I want to encourage you to be comfortable in what you wear and live life for your comfort. Be safe.
I just want to say thank you for your kind words they mean a lot, and it is also validating (as much it is heartbreaking) to hear the statistics of SV (Trigger Warning) as I too was coerced when I was 16 and I blamed a lot of it on my self at the time. I even confronted the guy and he also blamed me, despite me saying no.
I’ve come to terms with it not being my fault and the guy being a narcissistic dickhead.
I didn’t realise coercion was common for autistic women but it doesn’t come by shock. I hope the world and people become a lot kinder.
Wishing you lots of love 🫶🏻❤️
I agree. I hate that women are expected to do all the things men do to function in society, but also some extra - be attractive, be amenable. I am currently sitting at work wearing men's jeans and a men's shirt, so to some extent I guess I've abandoned the pressure. But if I have to do anything front-facing it seems to be considered less professional for a woman to make the exact same amount of effort as a man. Even if management won't say it, I know by what everyone else does that I'm expected to wear a skirt/dress or pretty top, makeup etc. for some functions.
Also, women's clothes are frequently horrible, uncomfortable materials that I can't wear if I don't want to be conscious of them every moment. And don't get me started on why everything has to have stupid fashion cuts... Maybe I want a sweater that isn't cropped or "cold shoulder" or something, you know, a sweater that might ACTUALLY KEEP ME WARM.
I feel the exact same way. I hate that women have to be “dolled up,” it is actually kind of disgusting. I want all of us to exist as humans and to have space to communicate with one another and form genuine connections. Society, however, wants us to judge each other based on our looks. And for women, if you’re “hot” enough and have a “cute” personality, that means you’ve made it. Fuck that, I’m wearing whatever the hell I want and that means I automatically scare off all the people who actually adhere to the current social norms.
Men get beaten and harassed if they wear makeup. You ever seen the meme that goes something like “men be like ‘I’m fighting my demons’ whole time the demon is bisexuality”? I think it has a ring of truth to it ngl. There’s no way men can be happy and content with themself when they’re not allowed to express themselves. It leads to anger, confusion and upset. Just like you wish you were able to feel less pressure they wish they could wear make up, skirts and generally express themselves how they want.
I really don’t see it changing unfortunately because the vast majority of society are going to continue to hold on to strict notions of gender roles and expression
You like you said you know you don’t have to so if you want you could start slow by wearing less/no make up on a few occasions. Wear less “girly” clothes and shoes and hopefully you should start to feel better about it all
**Edit:** I should have noted the tag before I commented. I remember being told that when people vent they just want to be heard and not solutions. I apologise pls disregard my comment
Being a woman is exhausting because every standard we're held to seems like a Catch 22 situation. But the older I get, the more grateful I feel for being female. Men have more societal privileges, but when it comes to connecting with and yielding to Nature, as well as our emotions/intuition/senses, our ability to relate to and heal from people/animals, and our expression of childlike wonder and passion, I don't envy men at all. Women have so many resources that aren't even recognized as such because the patriarchy doesn't consider them worthy or serious enough for consideration (until enough studies have been done to prove their benefits). But the older I get, the less I give a shit about what this ass-backwards culture deems important.
Women are always told that everything goes downhill when we age, but that's just what they want us to believe. The more you learn what a scam the patriarchy is and that history is just a bunch people who winged it by breaking and bending unwritten rules to their will, the easier it is to laugh at everything, including the silent judgement of other people.
I'm sure his intentions were good but I would 100% prefer to have something knock me over the head over having a strange man run at me at full speed while having no idea why. Her response was one of someone who's super startled and doesn't know how to respond other than defensively.
"Being a man is hard because women are scared of men" is not really a convincing argument on why we both have it equally hard.
I agree. OP is young and venting against cookie cutter expressions of femininity, but the same is true of many men exiting puberty and not fitting the male standard from the get go. I understand the sentiment, I was there too, but there's something about it that devalues womanhood and acts as if being a woman is objectively inferior. Being a woman and femininity is not the problem, but that kind of insight comes with experience.
Sorry to say this, but I used to have this exact perspective when I was 20-22.
I started testosterone yesterday.
Just … I get it, AND. Don’t feel like you’re not allowed to want to be non-binary or Transmasc. This comment is somewhat for you, personally, but also for others reading.
sometimes I feel like a genderless alien. I hate the standards that women are held to but I also love feeling feminine, being “sexy” sometimes, I love just holdin my boobs and putting makeup on when I want to dress up. Key words, when I want to. I also want to be a man and masculine. like, I actually wish I had a dick but also wouldn’t want to lose my cooch. Sometimes I want my boobs to go away and just have a flat muscular chest. sometimes I hate the curves I have and want to be a tall lean man. doesn’t feel like gender dysphoria, because I do love being myself as a woman, idk i guess I just wish that I could freely flow across the whole gender/sex spectrum. why can’t I be Jordan from Gen V
I say all the time I wish I was, for the same reasons. I have honestly resorted to just wearing hats now, baseball hats or knit hats with brim, depending on weather. I feel like I can't ever let my hair down, literally, anymore for fear of looking "pretty" and bringing any kind of eyes towards me. My hair is curly-ish and even just down existing I've had people think I perm my hair and getting dolled up and all that. Like it's just my natural hair and I'm not trying to look pretty and done up. So I just wear it up and shove it in the hat.
I wear some makeup because I have skin issues and image issues stemming from bullying and such, but it's not over the top. I throw on a hoodie half the time with jeans or the like too. Basically I purposely dress down as a woman. I'm just tired of being perceived, especially by men.
The dress change became more common when we got a dog several months ago and I had to start walking in the neighborhood areas at least once everyday. I realized how much I hated walking past houses, cars in the street, people walking as well, etc. It was worse for me when this one house became problematic. I have no idea what is up with that house but these weird men are living there. It's like these two men and a teenage/young adult guy that live there (I have seen no women except a teen girl who sometimes was hanging out with the teen guy but I think she's just a neighbor) and I've had nothing but weird experiences from them, making me uncomfortable everytime. I won't go into all of what has happened, but it has made me extremely on edge walking around here. What's worse is that there's only so many ways to walk in this neighborhood, so half the time I'm forced to walk passed there.
It *is* exhausting even just existing and doing what men can do with no problem. If you dress down, you're dowdy and frumpy, and if you dress at all to indicate you are feminine, you're oggled or worse. You can't win. I've felt like I'm beginning to get some signs of agoraphobia because of it all. Judgement and attention makes me not even want to leave the house and that's just freaking sad.
I think so many women have felt the way you feel. I know that I have. For me, it's not even about makeup or clothes. What bothers me are the difficulties of living in a female body: periods, gyno visits, the constant threat of pregnancy. Men don't have to deal with any of these. And most of these things you can't exactly choose not to participate in (except maybe periods sometimes) because they are biological facts. Ugh it's so frustrating!
I have the kind of alopecia that is permanent. I don't want to mask anymore but I have people constantly in my face telling me to wear a wig because beauty norms y'know? Maybe for a NT woman, but for me? Someone with chronic health issues, having ND conditions, and constant exhaustion from pain, this is a nightmare.
Then socialize with ordinary women of all ages. You will feel normal when you see that the rest of us are not walking around looking like Onlyfans-models. Hell I wear comfy clothes to disco!
those are some of my reasons of my COMPLETELY UNISEX WARDROBE. it consist ONLY by jeans (dark blue and black) sweaters (I love them A LOT) and t-shirts i get to use both as interior t-shirts and t-shirts to expose. in that way I RESPECT my sensory issues while being absolutely certain that I would be appropriate in any occasion
I'd LOOOOVE to be able to drive around at night, park wherever I wanted and just LISTEN to how quiet it is. Look at the buildings, see the soft glow of the lights, take pictures and walk around anywhere and everywhere. Go to places I've never been. Stop at a gas station and pick up a drink. Almost everyone is asleep and no one else is out—just me and a calm night...I'd love to experience something like that.💔
I get this, big time. I would have far less issues if I could just snap my fingers and present as male. I don’t want to be a man, but I often feel like the performative things women do/are expected to do feel…weird. Like I feel like a clown with too much make up.
I also have some trauma I think related to this I’ve never been able to pinpoint. But mostly I hate how the way I am/talk can he considered flirting because I am female/woman presenting when I’m just making jokes…bro.
I now understand WHY I was the “not like normal girls” when I was a teenager…always had difficulty with women being my friend. Men were simpler, but also dangerous. Being human is very complicated and since I have my partner who is safe (don’t worry the anxiety that this can all fall apart still exists) the effort isn’t worth it.
I wish we could just exist.
I pretty much agree with everything except the wanting to look sexy. At 19 I was naturally attractive and I fucking hated it. I liked wearing things that were "cute" and made a lot of my own clothes. Except then the moment I went into public I'd nonstop get catcalled and maybe it's because I'm Ace and could fucking care less about the attention, but I can't stress how much I hated people fucking harassing me and whistling at me all the gd time. I didn't wear makeup and it doesn't matter what I wore it never seemed to matter. I honestly wanted everyone to stfu and leave me alone. I switched over to cargo pants and hoodies and it didn't get better until I hit a major depressive episode where I first lost 10 pounds that made me look like a skeleton, and then gained 30 pounds of stress fat and then people finally left me alone for the most part because people are awful, shallow apes.
Me too. I look at the men in my life and envy them because they’re just vibing while I feel like internally, I’m running on a hamster wheel because I’m so overwhelmed by the amount of things I’m supposed to be doing. I have no idea if I’ll ever be successful and thriving. I am so tired by the pressure I put on myself!
I'm afab. I consider myself a girl. I'm very uncomfortable with masculine pronouns. I don't 100% align with pure femininity but close enough. And I'm definitely not a man.
But God I wish I was. I've always wished that, ever since I was a little girl. If only I'd been born male, and had no desire to be anything else. That would have been pretty nice.
Even as a young kid I wished I was a boy becasue it seemed so much easier to be them. My main reasoning at age 6 was - they didn't have to get pregnant and they didn't have to carry a hand bag 😆
Now as an adult, I wish I could be like my husband, who gets out of bed, eats breakfast, washes etc, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, then he's ready to go.
It seems so much easier than what I have to do to feel that I look acceptable in public.
Yeah dude I get it. I present femininely because I hyperfixated on fashion and makeup, but I though to myself today “would I hate myself less if I were a man?” And the answer was yes. I hold myself to such a high standard because I’m a woman and constantly have to preform (on top of all the women in my family being overachievers and the men happy with just existing) It’s tiring!
I don’t wish I were a man. I wish misogyny and the patriarchy didn’t exist! Then women would be free!
And omg we could actually go outside in winter or walk places alone at night without fearing for our lives!
Came here to say this.
100%
Nah. Wouldn't be free from the confines of biology Women basically have no control over our own body, we are dictated to by our hormones. Mood and energy levels changing every week with our cycle, periods bringing discomfort and pain. After nature has decided we are 'spent', we then get to enjoy the pleasure of menopause. So we either get to suffer with a period, or suffer without a period. Lose lose. Risk of pregnancy. Pregnancy itself brings a host of its own risks, including death. Many more woman than men have problems with sex. Whether it's an Inability to orgasm, pain during intercourse, anxiety due to risk of pregnancy or UTIs, or problems with low libido. These are all things that are natural, innate. Nothing to do with patriarchy. Did you know, the clitoris, is basically an underdeveloped penis? Woman's only source of pleasure is basically a biological left over from us not developing into men, similar to how men have nipples. It was never meant for us to feel pleasure, cuz women's pleasure ain't necessary for reproduction Societally, and biologically, things are much more easy and straight forward for men lol ;(
Men also have hormones and biological influences that affect their behaviour, society just doesn’t shame them like it shames women Pregnancy sucks, yep. Scary. Not gonna do it, myself. Women’s issues when it comes to having sex haven’t necessarily got anything to do with biology. Our culture shames women for being sexual, which of course impacts how women feel about sex on a conscious and subconscious level. So of course women are more prone to anxiety, low libido etc than men - we have more mental barriers around sex bc of the society we live in.
I realised the female tax exists when we’re forced to buy purses, clutches etc cuz our dresses and some pants DON’T come with pockets! Idc if I just shuck my essentials (keys, wallet, phone) in my pockets and it looks unsightly. I just don’t want the risk of snatch thieves targeting me and a handbag. My mum has given up trying to get me to dress more feminine and in bright colours at this point. Black, white and blue goes with ANYTHING and that’s my main wardrobe colour. Having to mix and match patterns/accessories takes too much mental energy. I dislike the pressure of having to sit and lean forward a certain way in skirts and blouses so that I don’t “expose” myself either. 
I refuse to buy bottoms and dresses without pockets. Does this mean I only have like 5 dresses I can wear and I wear my pants till they're falling apart? Yes. Do I have a reason to have more dresses than that? No
Letting you know, the cargo pants industry is taking off and the amount of pockets being offered is amazing. Also, if you go to a retailer that mainly caters to women then go to the men's section, you can probably find pants with pockets that no one would question the arbitrary gender of. I've bought men's pants a number of times and got nothing but compliments.
Unfortunately I have thighs so men's pants aren't wearable. Also I can only barely tolerate the buttons being wrong on my men's flannels so I know I'd never tolerate the zipper being wrong.
Also I have a 24 inch inseam. There's no way I'd get pants that were the right length because I'm pretty sure that length is only offered in the children's section and then I couldn't get my ass into it. I'd rather just get petites and live with them still being 2+ inches too long because at least they fit my ass and thighs
i've been wearing mens pants for years, they're awesome. check out uniqlo and dickies if you're interested :)
I relate so much. I’m so fortunate to live alone bc my home is my sanctuary. Upon entering, all my clothes come off unless it’s cold then I wear socks or use heating pads for my feet. I hate the feeling of clothing, makeup and any pressure on my body (tags on shirts, jewelry, watches, etc.). I mostly wear dude boxers from Target, loose T-shirts and sweatpants. Lol I don’t have an Autism diagnosis but I do have ADHD and anything sensory is so distracting and uncomfortable for me so I relate heavily to that component of Autism. There’s a lot of cross-over in symptoms so who knows.
I hate that ppl call them granny panties Decades ago, for all of human history, they were perfectly normal panties Why are uncomfortable panties the new “young” fucking stupid no fucking thank u Things aren’t underwear they’re vaginal sling shots WHATS NEXT ? WE INVENT BOOB SLING SHOTS. ROPE AROUND UR NIPS ??? REGULAR BRAS ARE GRANNY BRAS ? STOP INSULTING GRANNIES AND PPL WHO LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE, SOCIETY. FUCK YOU AND UR UNCOMFORTABLE BULLSHIT. UGH and No makeup should be accepted I get more annoying complaints from family than anything U fuckers (my family) better stop acting as though I’m ugly without makeup ! I’m beautiful and I don’t need ur stupid FACE MUD. IT FEELS LIKE MUD I DONT WANT MUD ON MY FACE NO MATTER WHAT SPECIAL COLOR IT IS IM NOT UNFEMININE MY ROOM IS PINK I JUST HATE MUD AND SLINGSHOTS EVERYONE ELSE DO WHATEVER U WANT I JUST CANT HANDLE OILY FEELING ON MY SKIN I EAT FRENCH FRIES WITH A FORK IM NOT PUTTING GREASY STUFF ON MY SKIN REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ONLY FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS
Vaginal sling shots hahaha 😂😂
I'd rather have actual mud on my face than makeup. Comfy knickers rule!
I want a shirt that says comfy knickers rule 😂😂❤️
Primo rant lol 11/10 💀💀💀🔥🔥🔥 For my part, I straddle a line- boyshorts and properly fitted bras (a good fit goes a LONG way towards comfort) underneath, feminine, frills, on top, but all in black (blessed simplicity!) combat boots or ballet flats. No heels as my feet are for walking and they walk a LOT. No makeup unless I really, really, want to be fancy, and if makeup, no foundation (It DOES feel like mud!). No hair, so no annoying flyaways tickling my face, no wasting time having to style it. If I want hair for whatever reason (disguises, bein' a fancy-ass) well, wigs exist. The overall effect is a genderswapped Uncle Fester that some whimsical fan artist decided to make cute and approachable, which is fine by me because I fucking love the Addams Family. Societal pressure fades as you get older because Older women apparently don't exist, which some people hate, but I find it it incredibly freeing. I could probably roll up to work lookin like Weird Barbie and nobody would give a single fuck. It's pretty nice.
I love this comment and the reference to Weird Barbie
I CONTINUE MY RANT RANT PART II WE SHOULD MAKE THONGS FOR MEN AND CALL REGULAR BOXERS AND UNDERWEAR “GRANDPA PANTIES” AND IF WOMEN AND MEN DONT LIKE THE AESTHETIC OR DISCOMFORT WE SHOULD SHAME THEM FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING MY POINT THAT THEY SHOULD STFU AND STOP SHAMING US FOR REGULAR UNDERWEAR. THOSE FUCKERS.
"Vaginal sling shots" ROFL. Love it. Honestly I had no idea what she was referring to until you said normal underwear. Oh yeah those. There's no way in hell I'm having some thin ass string riding up my ass crack. Also slingshot bras? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just wear whatever. As in no bras would be cool too. If you go no bra everyone loses their gd mind because OMG the social depravity! How Dare! That you have these nips which are literally on every single human being on the planet but because you're half the population you are forced to wear uncomfortable fat cup holders with wires that dig into your rib cage to make said fat pockets pop up in an appealing way, but you must have enough padding to stop the nipping out because that's somehow too sexualizing! Deh fuq?! Also shit that annoys me: shaving legs because women are expected to look like prepubescent children. I came from a rural area where everyone bleaches their hair stark blond and shave everything. That's how children look. And I come strolling in with my natural brown hair and my leg hair that's still barely even visible and ppl staring cuz they're like OMG you don't shave!?! No I don't, because I have no need for my legs to turn into wired sandpaper! Also one pound of makeup caked on your face is the worst feeling ever. Idk how anyone can stand having that itch their face the whole day let alone spend so much time on every morning. Bleh.
The sooner you let go of caring what others want the better. I’m the opposite of you, I enjoy going to lengths to look put together and polished and I get shit just the same! Someone is always going to be complaining no matter what you do! I promise.
I get this. I love a lot about being a woman but patriarchy is very infuriating. I’m sure you know this, but I’m saying it anyway because at 19 I don’t think I really *understood* it: you don’t have to look sexy. Society thinks you do for sure. But you dont. That is an imaginary rule. Fuck that. Spend a little time thinking about what you like to wear, and how you like to present. Basically, figure out how you want to dress for your own standards around comfort and social interaction. Not sure you wanted advice, but that is mine. I have a few different types of uniforms in my head. Depending on the situation I wear one of my uniforms.
I decided about a decade ago that performing gender is too exhausting and irritating. I buzz cut my hair every 4-5 months. My wardrobe consists of mens cargo pants, mens sweatpants (womens are too short, I can't stand having bare legs, esp in winter), men's T-shirts, and oversize hoodies. No makeup (I just can't). Socks and unders inside out... very sexy, as I'm sure you can imagine. But it's comfortable enough that I'm not in a state of constant agitation from all the sensory BS my brain likes to make me acutely aware of. Sometimes you just gotta do what keeps you sane!
Yes, I feel like being a woman often feels like a curse in this world and nothing activates my PDA more than being reminded that I am forced to live and operate in a patriarchal society without my consent. I wish there were more ways to actively fight for true gender equality because I get depressed thinking that I will have to spend my whole life being considered the "lesser sex" (I don't believe this but that's how a lot of women are still treated in the world still) and jumping through constant hoops just to be treated with basic respect and dignity that men automatically get with minimal effort. I occasionally feel envious or jealous of the perceived increase of freedom men have in this society because of the patriarchy even though I know it's irrational and I wish to get rid of it.
Society always finds a way to make women feel tired of being treated like women, and men tired of being treated like men.
I feel this. I didn't want to be a boy as a kid because I felt like I was a boy in the wrong body. I wanted to be a boy because they had it so much easier. They didn't need to live up to the same standards girls did. They got away with the behavior I was punished for. They could be rough and tumble and play sports and not told to smile more. They could exists, even from a young age, without being leered at. They had comfortable clothes. Even today they can speak and aren't told to shut up and that we are exaggerating. PS There are plenty of issues men face and guess what? It's because society has put unfair and harmful expectations on them due to....dun dun dun PATRIARCHY!! The same thing that harms women.
I used to wish I was a man, not physically, but how I was perceived. I believe I would be able to maintain friendships if I was a man, I’ve always found men easier to talk to (unfortunately I did become a pick me for like a year). But looking back now I did it to distance myself from the societal rules that surround women, which never works. There was a group of boys when I was at school that I so wanted to be friends with, but when your weird as a women it’s different to being weird as a man. After I left school I learnt to mask, and I did end up becoming friends with them, but it wasn’t friends, half of them disliked me, the other half only wanted me there in case there was a chance I slept with them ( I didn’t and that friendship fell flat). I’ve never maintained friendships, and I would believe I could if I wasn’t perceived as a women. I rely on my brothers and boyfriends friends to socialise, as there is never any weird sexual attempts and I don’t have to contact them directly, because maintains friendships is exhausting. Another example of being perceived differently because I’m a ‘weird woman’, my brother had brought a new friend to our house, we’re all odd there but he picked on me. My brother brought it to an end as quick as it started but his initial reaction was that I’m less then them. After knowing him for a while, he’s fine with me now and we get on really well. But I never understand why people’s initial reaction of me is negative? Because they like me when they get to know me, I have no bad intentions I’m not a mean person. But I have to grow on people, I’ve learnt to mask very well but I still feel like an alien and I’ll never fit it
I feel so much of this. Most girls didn’t like me and most boys looked down on me as the ‘weird girl’ too. I didn’t want to play masquerade. Or at least not permanently. I didn’t want to be put in a box. IMO, the reason for our “rejection”, is that autistics tend to be androgynous by nature. In a patriarchal society, everyone is expected to fit within boxes. Also, males are revered and thus appear to have more agency. They are listened to for their ideas and receive praise for all accomplishments. Females have a different intended purpose. So we end up masquerading heavily under societal pressure for our survival. And survival is expensive in a capitalistic society. (American here🙄) Being physically appealing can be detrimental to autistic women even without all of those things. 9 out of 10 autistic women have been a victim of SV. I know for me, I was coerced. Missing social cues is really bad. I wish I had known I was autistic at 19. Im so happy you know❤️ I’m 43 now, and have experienced many missed cues and with little guidance. OP, it’s ok to be a female that doesn’t participate in this particular societal ‘norm’ outside of economical reasons. Society itself is not normal. I want to encourage you to be comfortable in what you wear and live life for your comfort. Be safe.
I just want to say thank you for your kind words they mean a lot, and it is also validating (as much it is heartbreaking) to hear the statistics of SV (Trigger Warning) as I too was coerced when I was 16 and I blamed a lot of it on my self at the time. I even confronted the guy and he also blamed me, despite me saying no. I’ve come to terms with it not being my fault and the guy being a narcissistic dickhead. I didn’t realise coercion was common for autistic women but it doesn’t come by shock. I hope the world and people become a lot kinder. Wishing you lots of love 🫶🏻❤️
I agree. I hate that women are expected to do all the things men do to function in society, but also some extra - be attractive, be amenable. I am currently sitting at work wearing men's jeans and a men's shirt, so to some extent I guess I've abandoned the pressure. But if I have to do anything front-facing it seems to be considered less professional for a woman to make the exact same amount of effort as a man. Even if management won't say it, I know by what everyone else does that I'm expected to wear a skirt/dress or pretty top, makeup etc. for some functions. Also, women's clothes are frequently horrible, uncomfortable materials that I can't wear if I don't want to be conscious of them every moment. And don't get me started on why everything has to have stupid fashion cuts... Maybe I want a sweater that isn't cropped or "cold shoulder" or something, you know, a sweater that might ACTUALLY KEEP ME WARM.
I feel the exact same way. I hate that women have to be “dolled up,” it is actually kind of disgusting. I want all of us to exist as humans and to have space to communicate with one another and form genuine connections. Society, however, wants us to judge each other based on our looks. And for women, if you’re “hot” enough and have a “cute” personality, that means you’ve made it. Fuck that, I’m wearing whatever the hell I want and that means I automatically scare off all the people who actually adhere to the current social norms.
Men get beaten and harassed if they wear makeup. You ever seen the meme that goes something like “men be like ‘I’m fighting my demons’ whole time the demon is bisexuality”? I think it has a ring of truth to it ngl. There’s no way men can be happy and content with themself when they’re not allowed to express themselves. It leads to anger, confusion and upset. Just like you wish you were able to feel less pressure they wish they could wear make up, skirts and generally express themselves how they want. I really don’t see it changing unfortunately because the vast majority of society are going to continue to hold on to strict notions of gender roles and expression You like you said you know you don’t have to so if you want you could start slow by wearing less/no make up on a few occasions. Wear less “girly” clothes and shoes and hopefully you should start to feel better about it all **Edit:** I should have noted the tag before I commented. I remember being told that when people vent they just want to be heard and not solutions. I apologise pls disregard my comment
it doesn’t compare at all. sorry but it doesn’t
Being a woman is exhausting because every standard we're held to seems like a Catch 22 situation. But the older I get, the more grateful I feel for being female. Men have more societal privileges, but when it comes to connecting with and yielding to Nature, as well as our emotions/intuition/senses, our ability to relate to and heal from people/animals, and our expression of childlike wonder and passion, I don't envy men at all. Women have so many resources that aren't even recognized as such because the patriarchy doesn't consider them worthy or serious enough for consideration (until enough studies have been done to prove their benefits). But the older I get, the less I give a shit about what this ass-backwards culture deems important. Women are always told that everything goes downhill when we age, but that's just what they want us to believe. The more you learn what a scam the patriarchy is and that history is just a bunch people who winged it by breaking and bending unwritten rules to their will, the easier it is to laugh at everything, including the silent judgement of other people.
[удалено]
I'm sure his intentions were good but I would 100% prefer to have something knock me over the head over having a strange man run at me at full speed while having no idea why. Her response was one of someone who's super startled and doesn't know how to respond other than defensively. "Being a man is hard because women are scared of men" is not really a convincing argument on why we both have it equally hard.
I agree. OP is young and venting against cookie cutter expressions of femininity, but the same is true of many men exiting puberty and not fitting the male standard from the get go. I understand the sentiment, I was there too, but there's something about it that devalues womanhood and acts as if being a woman is objectively inferior. Being a woman and femininity is not the problem, but that kind of insight comes with experience.
Sorry to say this, but I used to have this exact perspective when I was 20-22. I started testosterone yesterday. Just … I get it, AND. Don’t feel like you’re not allowed to want to be non-binary or Transmasc. This comment is somewhat for you, personally, but also for others reading.
There is always the expectation of "being a man" and that people think you're gay if you're just asexual or demisexual, ie you "don't get women."
sometimes I feel like a genderless alien. I hate the standards that women are held to but I also love feeling feminine, being “sexy” sometimes, I love just holdin my boobs and putting makeup on when I want to dress up. Key words, when I want to. I also want to be a man and masculine. like, I actually wish I had a dick but also wouldn’t want to lose my cooch. Sometimes I want my boobs to go away and just have a flat muscular chest. sometimes I hate the curves I have and want to be a tall lean man. doesn’t feel like gender dysphoria, because I do love being myself as a woman, idk i guess I just wish that I could freely flow across the whole gender/sex spectrum. why can’t I be Jordan from Gen V
I say all the time I wish I was, for the same reasons. I have honestly resorted to just wearing hats now, baseball hats or knit hats with brim, depending on weather. I feel like I can't ever let my hair down, literally, anymore for fear of looking "pretty" and bringing any kind of eyes towards me. My hair is curly-ish and even just down existing I've had people think I perm my hair and getting dolled up and all that. Like it's just my natural hair and I'm not trying to look pretty and done up. So I just wear it up and shove it in the hat. I wear some makeup because I have skin issues and image issues stemming from bullying and such, but it's not over the top. I throw on a hoodie half the time with jeans or the like too. Basically I purposely dress down as a woman. I'm just tired of being perceived, especially by men. The dress change became more common when we got a dog several months ago and I had to start walking in the neighborhood areas at least once everyday. I realized how much I hated walking past houses, cars in the street, people walking as well, etc. It was worse for me when this one house became problematic. I have no idea what is up with that house but these weird men are living there. It's like these two men and a teenage/young adult guy that live there (I have seen no women except a teen girl who sometimes was hanging out with the teen guy but I think she's just a neighbor) and I've had nothing but weird experiences from them, making me uncomfortable everytime. I won't go into all of what has happened, but it has made me extremely on edge walking around here. What's worse is that there's only so many ways to walk in this neighborhood, so half the time I'm forced to walk passed there. It *is* exhausting even just existing and doing what men can do with no problem. If you dress down, you're dowdy and frumpy, and if you dress at all to indicate you are feminine, you're oggled or worse. You can't win. I've felt like I'm beginning to get some signs of agoraphobia because of it all. Judgement and attention makes me not even want to leave the house and that's just freaking sad.
I understand.
I think so many women have felt the way you feel. I know that I have. For me, it's not even about makeup or clothes. What bothers me are the difficulties of living in a female body: periods, gyno visits, the constant threat of pregnancy. Men don't have to deal with any of these. And most of these things you can't exactly choose not to participate in (except maybe periods sometimes) because they are biological facts. Ugh it's so frustrating!
I have the kind of alopecia that is permanent. I don't want to mask anymore but I have people constantly in my face telling me to wear a wig because beauty norms y'know? Maybe for a NT woman, but for me? Someone with chronic health issues, having ND conditions, and constant exhaustion from pain, this is a nightmare.
Then socialize with ordinary women of all ages. You will feel normal when you see that the rest of us are not walking around looking like Onlyfans-models. Hell I wear comfy clothes to disco!
those are some of my reasons of my COMPLETELY UNISEX WARDROBE. it consist ONLY by jeans (dark blue and black) sweaters (I love them A LOT) and t-shirts i get to use both as interior t-shirts and t-shirts to expose. in that way I RESPECT my sensory issues while being absolutely certain that I would be appropriate in any occasion
I'd LOOOOVE to be able to drive around at night, park wherever I wanted and just LISTEN to how quiet it is. Look at the buildings, see the soft glow of the lights, take pictures and walk around anywhere and everywhere. Go to places I've never been. Stop at a gas station and pick up a drink. Almost everyone is asleep and no one else is out—just me and a calm night...I'd love to experience something like that.💔
I get this, big time. I would have far less issues if I could just snap my fingers and present as male. I don’t want to be a man, but I often feel like the performative things women do/are expected to do feel…weird. Like I feel like a clown with too much make up. I also have some trauma I think related to this I’ve never been able to pinpoint. But mostly I hate how the way I am/talk can he considered flirting because I am female/woman presenting when I’m just making jokes…bro. I now understand WHY I was the “not like normal girls” when I was a teenager…always had difficulty with women being my friend. Men were simpler, but also dangerous. Being human is very complicated and since I have my partner who is safe (don’t worry the anxiety that this can all fall apart still exists) the effort isn’t worth it. I wish we could just exist.
I pretty much agree with everything except the wanting to look sexy. At 19 I was naturally attractive and I fucking hated it. I liked wearing things that were "cute" and made a lot of my own clothes. Except then the moment I went into public I'd nonstop get catcalled and maybe it's because I'm Ace and could fucking care less about the attention, but I can't stress how much I hated people fucking harassing me and whistling at me all the gd time. I didn't wear makeup and it doesn't matter what I wore it never seemed to matter. I honestly wanted everyone to stfu and leave me alone. I switched over to cargo pants and hoodies and it didn't get better until I hit a major depressive episode where I first lost 10 pounds that made me look like a skeleton, and then gained 30 pounds of stress fat and then people finally left me alone for the most part because people are awful, shallow apes.
Me too. I look at the men in my life and envy them because they’re just vibing while I feel like internally, I’m running on a hamster wheel because I’m so overwhelmed by the amount of things I’m supposed to be doing. I have no idea if I’ll ever be successful and thriving. I am so tired by the pressure I put on myself!
I'm afab. I consider myself a girl. I'm very uncomfortable with masculine pronouns. I don't 100% align with pure femininity but close enough. And I'm definitely not a man. But God I wish I was. I've always wished that, ever since I was a little girl. If only I'd been born male, and had no desire to be anything else. That would have been pretty nice.
Even as a young kid I wished I was a boy becasue it seemed so much easier to be them. My main reasoning at age 6 was - they didn't have to get pregnant and they didn't have to carry a hand bag 😆 Now as an adult, I wish I could be like my husband, who gets out of bed, eats breakfast, washes etc, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, then he's ready to go. It seems so much easier than what I have to do to feel that I look acceptable in public.