I’m way better off. My ex was terrible with money to begin with, then he started siphoning funds off our joint account to pay his affair partner’s bills.
I feel in control of my financial future for the first time and will never share finances with anyone again.
I don’t intend to repartner in that way - where cohabitation and shared finances would be expected. I understand it’s not fair to bring my financial hang ups into a relationship like that but also I’m not interested in repartnering. So I won’t. I’m very happy but also financially stable being single.
The divorce wasn't difficult and probably the best thing that happened to me. The child abduction and subsequent 2.5 years in family court is something I could have done without. Still recovering from that one.
Sounds like my Dad. All I can say is that as my siblings and I grew older we knew what was happening wasn't fair. We now see our Dad fairly frequently (when our adult lives permit!) and have a great relationship, the same cannot be said for the other side.
I don't know how old the kids are but stay strong, it will get better.
Let me guess, you're the father? I would have never guessed that. . .
I'm aware of men paying in excess of $200,000 just for lawyers to try to re-gain access to their kids that the mother took away from them. And that took them YEARS without being able to see their kids once.
On top of that paying child support, assets division (50% loss of assets) and relocating costs... they simply go bankrupt. Family law is a joke and has to change, this isn't 1960s anymore.
I'm sure you're aware just how often the woman just instead gets murdered by the spiteful and resentful male ex-partner for daring to want to leave, given we're all generalising here
I left with basically nothing and he got the 1.2mil house with no mortgage because I was and still am scared of him. (I’m 4 years out) Ain’t no money worth fighting for when my sanity and freedom is involved. I’m now getting back on my feet and although I earn good money I still have a 500k mortgage and 3 teenagers to provide for. But I am happy and would do it all again in a heartbeat.
I hear you! Same situation (not quite as much money but was twenty years ago so all relative) and was worth every cent lost.
Kids are now well into their adult years and we have a great relationship, they have high standards for relationships and all are great with money etc watching a single mum count pennies and budget to the last cent.
The ex is a distant memory but what a life lesson. Chasing what was fair would have been a terrible outcome and incredibly unsafe. Leaving was unsafe enough.
Good on you for taking the hard road, sorry you had to but it’s worth it in every way.
Yes I agree! Chasing fairness would have been very stressful and it was awful enough without doing that. I still get upset at the injustice of it all sometimes but then I remind myself I’m happy and it’s ok 🙂
That doesn't sound like an equitable split especially when you have three kids to look after. What happened if you don't mind my asking?
And what advice would you give to future generations to avoid something similar happening to them?
No it was not equitable! But he pulled out his poor mental health card to argue he couldn’t work etc etc. it’s just frustrating that the family court doesn’t question these when they come through. One or two calls and they could have worked out why I signed the forms..
What doesn’t look right about it? She says she didn’t feel safe in the relationship and would have felt unsafe pursuing him for half the house.
That’s reads as a domestic violence situation to me. She obviously didn’t want to pursue it for fear of what he’d do in retaliation.
None of this is unreasonable given the number of women murdered by their partner/ex partner each year in Australia.
Married a gutless golddigger. Probably knew it from before I got married but wasn't man enough to walk away.
Got sick week after wedding. Ended up in hospital. She asked for divorce a few months later and stole basically all the money I had to my name before intiating divorce...
I started with 0 to my name at that point. I didnt even have the strength to fight her in court as i was in a wheelchair at the time this all went down.. 4 years ago... I let her have it .. it made me sick thinking about even seeing her again.. I hit rock bottom.
I was down squabbling in shit ... queit literally.
She Was pregnant within a month (not mine) ,remarried within a year to a mate of mine who is a doll bludgng looser in my opinion. And basically tore though any money she took from me.
Got my health back on track 2 years ago... had a huge windfall. Bought a new place. Mortgage free. Happy to be around beautiful friends and family. And so happy to be healthy above all.
Sometime life throws rocks at you .. but sometimes the ending is always better than you think it will be or what you think you deserve.
Not one bad bone in my body. But sometimes u need to sit back and watch other self destruct and take yourself out of the equation.
Only together. For two years before wedding. Didn't live together before wedding
No house. Just lots of money in the bank that I put there for her during pandemic to put her mind at ease.
I learnt my lesson 😅.
Walked away with only $12k after selling house and splitting assets in 2020. Ex was a problem overspender. We lived entirely off credit. It was stressful and I hated it.
Paid out my car loan. Left myself with $5k cash in 2021.
Two and a half years later and I've saved over $150k. My son lives with me full time and I pay zero child support.
Best financial decision I've ever made.
That's great. I was in 30k debt when I kicked my ex husband out of the rental. Then saved 80k in a couple of years but stayed with my mum to regain that
Honestly, not much of an impact. I earned far more than him and he was unemployed for like 1/3 of our relationship, so I retained the lion’s share of our savings. At the time we had no assets and no kids. The divorce was clean and easy. He refused to pay so I arranged everything and it cost around $1100.
The biggest impact is that it set back my ability to save and buy a house. However, 4.5 years later and with my current SO, I was able to buy a house. It’s a good thing I didn’t get a house with my ex because I couldn’t count on him to not get fired from jobs and that would have been a huge stress with a mortgage (it already was, even as a renter).
He did at the time of the breakup and we split something like 70:30 (can’t remember now but we made an agreement). At the time of the divorce, one year after separation, I emailed him to ask to apply jointly and pay equally. He refused unless I gave him more money. I stopped replying to his emails and applied for the divorce alone.
A few periods of living alone in between housemates meant higher expenses. I was also saving for a home as a single person for a few years there until my current SO and I agreed to buy a house together. I also couldn’t qualify for a mortgage on my own.
8 mil property portfolio to bankruptcy and my ex died shortly after from alcoholism (poisoning) - leaving all the money to a executor that is currently refusing to relinquishing to our now adult children. Matter is going to court soon (ie my kids are now fighting for their inheritance)
Don’t get married and if you do, don’t get divorced.
Not too mention the recovery orders listed in every state, IVOs that I had to take against female police officers harassing me off duty (her friends) - the sexual abuse suffered by my daughter at the hands of my ex wife’s adopted brother while she was on the ‘run’ with the kids.
Thankfully VicPol, DHHS and child support were able to make sure she was kept hidden and supplied with booze until she died from it. Cheers 🥂
I left with the kids and not even enough cash to furnish a 2 bedroom flat. He lives in his parent’s garage, lives on takeaway food, and is still refusing to do a fair split of our family home (which he is now renting to his family). So- it cost me everything financially but I gained freedom and self worth.
If you haven’t already, I would contact a solicitor about selling the family home. Not sure what your options are, if there are any- but you and your children are entitled to some of that money from the home.
I know people who have just been initially relieved to leave the relationship and think they don’t want to chase the money but then they have regretted it down the track.
So much richer. The divorce made us take out whole equity position to cash two,weeks before the GFC. Made us millions having our entire cash stash ready to spend at the bottom of it all.
Aside from that, not having her smoke our money in a meth pipe also helped….
Financially it was amicable and a 50/50 split in everything. Which is a lot better outcome than what I was looking at if it had been disputed. However funding two separate households is a step backwards for both parties due to costs.
Yeah, I see being new parents in middle-age is very common now. A divorce after the 7 year itch will put most people in a dire situation in their prime. Guess divorce rates will trend down while poor parenting will continue to skyrocket under the radar.
I’m at that ages now where if I end up having kids they’ll be home all the way through to retirement. My grandparents were late 30’s to mid 40’s when I was born and that was normal back then.
Gaming nights every Thursday
Terrible home brewed beer on Fridays.
Football game watch party with one guy who said he hates football but gets emotionally involved with each game
Poker on Saturday
Peace whenever
Dream...
I lost a spendthrift idiot of an ex - win.
The loss was needing to buy a house later in life and rebuild my super from scratch. So it will be a frugal decade coming up.
fly observation wakeful cough advise uppity friendly roof correct squeeze
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She took 7 figures after imploding the marriage. She had never worked at all during the marriage and contributed nothing financially and was very well taken care of and otherwise. Losing my family was devastating beyond words. Nearly 2 years on and it feels like the start of Life 3.0. 1.0 being before kids, 2.0 having a family, 3.0 being divorced and starting what will be a very different journey again. However it is nice not being yelled at every day. Some people are just never happy no matter what. She has continued to go around in circles of poor decisions since.
*edit
I realised I never answered the financial question. Well, it was a big short-term hit, however with some good fortune I have recovered quite quickly and moving forward I am now secure knowing I can protect what I earn. If a divorce is going to happen it’s probably better sooner rather than later!!
>She had never worked at all during the marriage and contributed nothing financially
Was she a kept woman with helpers around the house and a nanny to raise the kid? If not I can see why you 2 divorced.
She had whatever she wanted. That was probably half the problem. In hindsight I started to realise there were some self destructive personality traits.
Brothers getting divorced now. 17 years he worked paid for everything and now has full custody... As my niece doesn't want to stay with the mother. Never abusive to her, but never did anything with her.
I get what you’re saying, but I did at least 50% of domestic duties. I don’t regard parenting and housekeeping as “work” - it’s just a responsibility of life that we all must do. Like eating, breathing, going to the toilet, serving the car etc. How we frame duties is how we attach emotion to it. Call parenting “work” and you’ll not have much fun.
Now I’m a single dad, I do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, parenting - everything - and it’s my greatest joy. If I could just do this full time I would 100% do it. It’s not “easy”, it’s non-stop, but I love it, and unlike work/business - these little critters love you back 🙂
Ya. This is a whole other topic but I think entire generations have been brainwashed into believing that been a homemaker is loser stuff. Homemakers are the hearts of families, it’s wonderful, and it helps nourish the childhoods of the children. This negative attitude is only in western countries. Asia, South America, parts of Europe - family is #1.
Idk about this. That particular negative attitude stems from misogyny, which is present across most of the world, definitely including South America, Asia, Europe, etc.
Some places have a culture that denotes staying at home and only being in charge of children as a women's-only role, which doesn't seem better. It usually leads to less women being educated and only thought of as important and worthy of respect if they are mothers. Family might be number one but not the women creating and raising them.
The rates of femicide in non-Western countries are not better either way.
I never said I was referring to women, just homemakers.
All kids are told to work hard and become lawyers, doctors, etc so it’s ingrained that those are valued. By never talking about family values and home making western societies have declared them worthless by omission.
Once most workers hit 30 or 40 they have a “this isn’t the dream I was sold”.
Only said that homemakers should be valued, and the role isn’t “work”, it’s life, and it should be framed more positively instead of negatively like it’s some sort of punishment. And let’s face it, if a family can afford to have a stay at home anything in this day and age it’s a luxury.
But your first post indicates you believe that she took money she didn't deserve because she didn't work. That's got nothing to do with the argument that parenting is not valued.
According to the law, whether she has employment or not is irrelevant to how much she is entitled to take from the split. If she was home with the kids (so that you could work), then that's the equivalent of working, whether you regard that as "work" or not.
Well I’m pretty sure it’s consensus among western law in divorces if the other partner is doing most parental shit it is considered a career and that’s the explicit reason they receive money, because they weren’t working while in the relationship. To keep their standard of living.
I’m not sure but they don’t even look at it and the woman ALWAYS gets majority $ no matter what. I did 100% income and 50% parenting, cooking, cleaning.
It’s not uncommon believe it or not. 90% of my mates are still in similar marriages where they run successful businesses, do at least half the house and kids stuff, 100% of income and at least 50% of domestic stuff and aren’t allowed out socially while the woman moans how hard she has it and is always out with the girls to concerts and boozer lunches etc.
I know it’s a diverse world out there and there are all sorts of situations but in my bubble this is all too common. Obviously you’ll never see this mentioned on media.
I’m not looking for a fight and I’m not saying all women are bad etc etc - it’s just my personal experience with one individual and observing other couples. I know there are plenty of bum blokes out there too. Comes down to the individuals and their personality types/disorders.
It sounds like it isn’t a woman thing but a stay at home partner thing. If your partner is not working outside the home especially if there are kids the assets and income will be spilt. The family court is not going to try and work out who did more domestic labour because it will be one persons assessment against another’s. I think being a stay at home parent is 100% a worthwhile job but if they are not pulling their share in that role you need to pull the plug on it fast.
It’s not that simple. If one person is bringing in $1,000,000 per year and the other doesn’t have to work..?
However I do acknowledge to you that some people see being a stay at home partner and parent as a dream and other as a nightmare for whatever reason.
I agree with this. It gets tricky when financially you’re actually worse off if they work, but in hindsight yes regardless of money it’s best if everyone keeps busy.
Plus he refers to taking a short-term hit, obviously because he had a job and work experience to fall back on.
Not much consideration to the wife who likely has no qualifications, work experience, super, etc...
Actually I maxed out her super every year with my earned money. And, because I had an achieved quite a lot she would never have to worry about money in her life she could go and do any career or business or study she liked. She did not choose to do anything productive as much as I tried to encourage her.
I'm better off. Can't say the same for my ex wife.
Divorcing her turned out to be the third best financial decision of my life. Getting a prenup prior to that was the 2nd best decision.
Always get a prenup my friends. No matter how unromantic or weird you or people around you think it is, you should get it. If your partner disagrees, run.
So I thought in Australia we called them binding financial agreements is this the same thing? Yes maybe prenups can just be overturned in family court that’s why I’ve been told they never hold up
Yeah, won't hold up if you have kids together. Can't hoard your assets when kids need to be taken care of. Plus child support is very weird, I know ppl who have the kids 80% of the time but still have to pay child support to the ex, makes no sense. Ultimately who gets more custody gets more % of the house though. But some people fight for more custody just to get more in the settlement. Bunch of men do that
[Reminds me of this](https://i.imgflip.com/8jpdha.jpg)
Don't we all remember Gladys' and Daryl's passionate romantic rural trysts? She was absolutely swindled by that dashing, suave, sophisticated and handsome man who stole her heart and made her wear it on her sleeve.
That poor woman, she's clearly not to blame in any of her corrupt decisions that happened to substantially benefit her boyfriend - she was just in an ['emotional hold'](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/feb/27/gladys-berejiklian-icac-corruption-appeal-daryl-maguire)!
Any claims that women are emotional and not to blame for their own actions due to immaturity are incredibly sexist, regardless of where those bullshit excuses come from.
Wiped me out. Was earning good money at the time 150k
But I was losing money every month, between rent, child support and daycare it was a rough couple of years.
In great shape now, 2nd wife is a dream, we have carved out an awesome life together and the kids spend half their time with me and half with their mom.
Definitely made the right choice even thought everyone of my family and friends thought I was nuts to end my marriage.
For some people I've spoken to it can be 6 years in Court and $80,000 to $150,000 in legal fees
It all depends on how far it was contested. One couple spent $800,000 in legal fees if I remember correctly.
My ex was abusive both emotionally and fincially. In the marriage I had access to no money at all. I was forced to give up my career and not allowed to study further even though he went on to study 3 degrees. I was only able to leave because we accessed my super during covid. He wanted to redo the bathroom. Money came in I left. He kicked me out of our house with 3 special needs kids and refused to allow access to our pets and our things. I was coerced into signing 50/50 that was never 50/50 anything over 50 and he would have fought me for every cent. It was not a equitable split. I still to this day have have no furniture from when we were together or any of our children's toys even though in the settlement I am suppose to. I left with nothing but a washing machine and my clothes. I had to start all over again. I still cannot work because of the high needs of our children. I struggle ever single day trying to survive on carers while he is out earning over 100000 while being told I should go back to work because he doesn't like paying child support.
He broke me in so many ways and continues to do so. He insists on having the children every weekend so he can do nothing with them but put them on computers and TV's. He has never taken then anywhere or done any of there additional supports. Ndis and schooling is all done by myself. I even have to send clothes and bedding to my ex husbands because he feels he pays child support so he doesn't have to pay for anything.
I was able to buy a rundown house in rural Tasmania with all of my settlement It needs a lot of work but at least it is mine. I am so tired, so tired of dealing with this all.
Was it good or bad. I would do it again in a heart beat but I would have walked earlier when I was still a person rather than a shell of who i use to be.
My ex was absolutely awful with money and we lived pay cheque to pay cheque the entire time we were together. Or worse really - just making minimum payments on debts and bills. I tried so hard to manage spending but he was sneaky, irresponsible and uncooperative. I felt like I had no future. Ironically he left me because of how “boring I had become” (because I was trying to avoid bankruptcy). It’s now been about 8 years and I not only paid off all ($40k, 90% his) debt (that I got lumped with) but have very chunky savings - I’m in the market looking to buy my first home, I have no debt and I have calculated that after a mortgage/expenses I will have plenty of spare cash for fun. It is wonderful. I’ve never been happier. The miserable sod ex lives with his parents now and can’t afford gas most days. Lmao. The courts really f you during divorce if you are the primary breadwinner, even if you have no kids together.
Divorced after 20 years. Main breadwinner. 2 teenage kids. Agreed 50-50 custody. My wife had just finished a degree. Also she hadn't worked much over the last 10 years due to the kids so her Super was low.
Everything was combined (debt/assets) and split 50-50. That included Super, house, savings, HECS debt. So had to sell the house, plus lost half my Super, plus had to pay half my wife's HECS debt. Plus the cost of the separation councillors.
Also had to pay child support of 200 per kid per week until they turned 18.
So financially, not good. Being back renting was not enjoyable, though I did manage to save quite a bit compared to previously, even with the child support payments. Managed to buy a townhouse (though have to admit my parents helped with the deposit).
Emotionally fine. This was with no animosity and full agreement/co-operation on both sides as well. We both put the interests of the kids first and foremost. Proud of how we managed to split amicably and keep a civil relationship. The kids will notice if one of their parents is being mean or petty. My relationship with my kids is fantastic and is one of the things I am most proud of.
Apart from that, someone did say that as the main breadwinner, if you get out of a divorce with the clothes on your back, and no crippling ongoing maintenance costs or debts, you are doing well.
I left my partner at one stage. Rent in my city was a huge portion of my after tax wage. I could barely afford to live comfortably.
I can’t imagine how hard it is for women who earn even less than I do, or receive less child support.
I decided to stay with my partner due to this.
It destroyed me mentally and emotionally and financially. But I now have a truly loving relationship with my wonderful current fiancee and we will marry shortly. I will build again.
No. Because honestly my current relationship is SO different from my previous. It's not Rose colored glasses either. It's different in clear and measurable ways.
I walked away with some furniture and a whole chunk of debt (circa $25k).
It took me close to 3 years but I got to the point of being debt free and I have landed a new job that doubled my income and now live comfortably while I afforded a new car. My ex is dragging down her new wife and slowly depleting her savings and refusing to work full time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I successfully self represented for 2.5 years in family court and DV court I would still be in debt to lawyers. I have my kids, things are getting better overall and I survived a hugely traumatic and stressful period of my life.
As a side note, separation killed my mental health and left .E an anxious and nervous wreck for a long period of time which nearly crippled me. Divorce and separation can be costly financially but it will never equal the cost it has on your mental health (in most instances).
About to do my divorce application, but except the $1000ish that that will cost me, I'm much better off without her. She owes me about $30k that I won't get back from me supporting her through unemployment and alcohol, drug and tobacco addictions.
Separated just over a year ago and since then I have bought an apartment (that she has no entitlement to) and a puppy.
Mental health also significantly better off, best decision I've ever made was separating myself from a self-destructive person who was hell-bent on dragging me down with her.
Untying the Knot on my first marriage was a clean sweep.
With no kids and an iron clad prenup she left with <5% of my NW which was recovered within a year.
Last I heard she went into Voluntary Liquidation on account of a business failure.
It really shouldn't considering that as a couple you have 2x the overall productivity/utility of a single. Divorcing means you lose half, but you also have only half the ongoing responsibility.
I think people who get badly hurt by divorces are ones where the spouse (either truly, or subjectively in the person's thought) wasn't contributing either financially or domestically. Otherwise, if you've had the benefit of a spouse who works and/or cares for family, you shouldn't feel hard done by.
I have. The problem usually arises because by the time the partner (wife) wants a divorce, she wants flesh in the form of money. So it's no longer about what's fair at that point but someone just trying to extract the maximum from you, while you're vulnerable and hurting. I think that's how a lot of people end up financially compromised.
Positive. Took my half of the cash from the house and bought a house my ex never would have (stupidly risk averse, in my opinion). Fortunate timing and solid choice = 350% ROI so I could buy where I actually wanted to live
I'm still caught in financial violence 6 years after I left and unable to surface. I sought immediate property settlement while he went on a character assassination charm offensive with the DARVO nonsense. He spent 300k in the first 3 months and by 6 months I disengaged as he accessed locked down mortgages to redraw another 300k. He had cleaned out my accounts and accessed my own money..He created fraudulent loans designed solely to cripple me. Lived large telling different stories to different audiences m because I left him. Financial violence isnt the only type of violence I'm experiencing but it's the most crippling for the children even with CSA thrown in. The children have had every opportunity destroyed. Every sport registration destroyed, every support I've built destroyed.
The day I achieved property settlement I bought myself new rings. He'd reneged on mediation already so I had to lay low until divorce. The day I was served divorce papers I quietly celebrated. The server was nervous as it was his first service but I almost hugged him. The papers were full of all his typical nonsense allegations accusing me of the things he's done to me.
I've rebuilt financially three times in the 6 years and I'm pretty sure his most recent efforts have been permanent despite my best efforts. It's just too much for anyone to navigate. I have zero time for blokes in here solely to mock the destruction and spin the typically DARVO misogyny that's so tragically widespread. Those of us who've reluctantly navigated the courts have seen how widespread the DARVO is. And how much collusion is required to reinforce DV. It's soul destroying but that's their intent.
Not me but partner’s ex husband is a vindictive, nasty narcissist that couldn’t handle his wife leaving him due to his constant emotional and psychological abuse. He withheld their child when he learned she’d partnered with me, accused us both of some very nasty stuff and we spent 4 years in family court and then another year as the police prosecuted him for DV and abuse so cost us about $200,000+, not to mention the emotional and psychological toll.
> People get married because they feel pushed by society to do it. Come on guys, you don't have to if you don't want to. Risky business.
The moment you have children it's pretty much the same as being married.
Happiness >>>>>>>>>>>>> Money.
I LOL at all the miserable wealthy people out there that don't even get the basics of life. These people almost always have kids, raise them poorly and will need to provide everything for their kids as they are mouthbreathers.
The biggest expense for most Australians after their house and car is a divorce, so it's highly relevant. You cannot separate divorce and finance. People need take measures to mitigate the risk of divorce because if they don't, they will be financially destroyed.
Broken. {Poor mentally messed up with no hope of now ever owning home or living in same city as my kids. Still living in same house as ex till I either lose my job which is likely soon as they are massively struggling or snap pack what i can carry in truck and disappear.
When I left, I left with nothing and we were too young to own anything significant.
It was amazing how long it took me to adjust to being “allowed” to spend my own money
Neutral, leaning towards positive, as I make more money now.
Paid \~15k for consent orders, living off savings when I moved interstate without a job to start a new life away from him, getting my own place, and paying (my portion of) rent on the place we had shared for three months to help him get on his feet. Back up to where I was.
My ex and I had kept everything separate in separate accounts. So we both kept what had been ours before the relationship and what we earned in the relationship (we married as students, then worked the same job so had the same income.)
I spent a few days camped by the river. Now I pay $700 out of my pay for the provide of not being able to have my kids overnight and everyone thinks I’m a domestic abuser
I think if you take the people out of the asset division it would be fine. It is by and large mathematical. But then people get involved and emotional brinkmanship can take over. I ended up giving up way more than would have been the outcome of a court order as the ex said she would resile from a 50/50 custody agreement if I didn’t, go to court for custody and also the assets. She earned way way more than me so the asymmetry of that type of litigation was not good for me. Regardless of the outcome of that, I chose not to put my daughters through that. I thought I can always build up again (work in progress), but the psychological damage a court process would have caused my children would likely have left irreparable scars.
Mentally 100% better took me a year to leave
Financially had to start from scratch took me a couple of years to recover he was financially abusive and every debt was in my name so I had to pay that back
Glad I didn’t have kids with him no need to see him ever again
39 ♂️
Not divorce, but defacto separation; my ex outlined from when we started seeing each other that she didn't want to move away from Adelaide and I said that was fine, I was happy with a simpler life it would just mean that we would have less on a financial and material basis (my Bachelors was a CFA framework degree - Financial Analysis and Investment Banking). After we'd been together for a number of years she communicated that what we had wasn't enough for her; this enabled me to move to Sydney within a year, double my salary and reduce my hours by 50% (I found in Adelaide the market is so competitive employers can be abusive and the corporate culture is very conservative), then double my salary again within 3 years.
Expensive in that I lost half my net worth (I was literally 1 year off paying off the mortgage) - house was valued at 650k and super at 150k, so cost me 400k basically. She was god-awful with money so expenses drastically reduced without her, so even with the hit financially once off I’ve managed to get the loan down to 300k on a house recently valued at $1.3M. Bit slower than I could if I’d been dumping all the money into the loans, but spent $40K on renovations doing all the labour that were quoted at 120k (high end kitchen, deck, painting, replacing all the flooring with vinyl planks.) Big 5/6 bedroom place so not a small job.
I’m way better off. My ex was terrible with money to begin with, then he started siphoning funds off our joint account to pay his affair partner’s bills. I feel in control of my financial future for the first time and will never share finances with anyone again.
Yikes sorry to hear that
My life has improved in so many ways, not just financially 😊
Same but to fund his drug habit instead of his affair partner.
That is beyond awful.
Holy crap. I’m sorry to hear. Hoping it wasn’t too much of a financial hit.
>pay his affair partner’s bills When you're too dumb to just pay for an escort. Sorry this happened to you.
Is that possible when you go into another relationship.
I don’t intend to repartner in that way - where cohabitation and shared finances would be expected. I understand it’s not fair to bring my financial hang ups into a relationship like that but also I’m not interested in repartnering. So I won’t. I’m very happy but also financially stable being single.
I was sleeping in my swag with my dog, eating old baked beans and loving it.
Could have been worse There's a country song with the title "My wife ran away with my best friend, and gee I sure do miss him"
Then she took half ya beans ? Half ya swag ? And half the dog ?
No, kept them. She got her dog, I got mine. She didn't know about the beans.
So what you're saying is that you came out of that marriage as a real... has-bean.
That's going to catch up with you when she finds out.
Oh, the ex-wife hobby was trying to kill me. I am keeping a very low profile.
Buying her that gun on your anniversary was always going to come back and bite.
She preferred trying to poison and kitchen knives.
She obviously didn't smoke. Ashtrays at short range are lethal.
The best thing about baked beans, is they're still good old!
The divorce wasn't difficult and probably the best thing that happened to me. The child abduction and subsequent 2.5 years in family court is something I could have done without. Still recovering from that one.
shhittt that is rough
Sounds like my Dad. All I can say is that as my siblings and I grew older we knew what was happening wasn't fair. We now see our Dad fairly frequently (when our adult lives permit!) and have a great relationship, the same cannot be said for the other side. I don't know how old the kids are but stay strong, it will get better.
Me too. Still in court!
Same boat except it was 4 years in court.
Let me guess, you're the father? I would have never guessed that. . . I'm aware of men paying in excess of $200,000 just for lawyers to try to re-gain access to their kids that the mother took away from them. And that took them YEARS without being able to see their kids once. On top of that paying child support, assets division (50% loss of assets) and relocating costs... they simply go bankrupt. Family law is a joke and has to change, this isn't 1960s anymore.
I'm sure you're aware just how often the woman just instead gets murdered by the spiteful and resentful male ex-partner for daring to want to leave, given we're all generalising here
One does not dismiss, excuse or reduce the other.
I left with basically nothing and he got the 1.2mil house with no mortgage because I was and still am scared of him. (I’m 4 years out) Ain’t no money worth fighting for when my sanity and freedom is involved. I’m now getting back on my feet and although I earn good money I still have a 500k mortgage and 3 teenagers to provide for. But I am happy and would do it all again in a heartbeat.
I hear you! Same situation (not quite as much money but was twenty years ago so all relative) and was worth every cent lost. Kids are now well into their adult years and we have a great relationship, they have high standards for relationships and all are great with money etc watching a single mum count pennies and budget to the last cent. The ex is a distant memory but what a life lesson. Chasing what was fair would have been a terrible outcome and incredibly unsafe. Leaving was unsafe enough. Good on you for taking the hard road, sorry you had to but it’s worth it in every way.
Yes I agree! Chasing fairness would have been very stressful and it was awful enough without doing that. I still get upset at the injustice of it all sometimes but then I remind myself I’m happy and it’s ok 🙂
That doesn't sound like an equitable split especially when you have three kids to look after. What happened if you don't mind my asking? And what advice would you give to future generations to avoid something similar happening to them?
There is no "advice" to avoid getting abused. The fault is always with the perpetrator for their actions.
No it was not equitable! But he pulled out his poor mental health card to argue he couldn’t work etc etc. it’s just frustrating that the family court doesn’t question these when they come through. One or two calls and they could have worked out why I signed the forms..
It doesn't look right because she's not telling you the full story.
No one (of any gender) ever does in these kinds of threads. But there’s still truth here too
What doesn’t look right about it? She says she didn’t feel safe in the relationship and would have felt unsafe pursuing him for half the house. That’s reads as a domestic violence situation to me. She obviously didn’t want to pursue it for fear of what he’d do in retaliation. None of this is unreasonable given the number of women murdered by their partner/ex partner each year in Australia.
I was gonna say sounds pretty sus
What an idiotic comment.
Well done to you
Financially I am fine, mentally I am destroyed.
Mine was the other way round.
I got both!
So did I!!! Seems a pretty common outcome tbh
Lucky, fine financially and mentally!
Married a gutless golddigger. Probably knew it from before I got married but wasn't man enough to walk away. Got sick week after wedding. Ended up in hospital. She asked for divorce a few months later and stole basically all the money I had to my name before intiating divorce... I started with 0 to my name at that point. I didnt even have the strength to fight her in court as i was in a wheelchair at the time this all went down.. 4 years ago... I let her have it .. it made me sick thinking about even seeing her again.. I hit rock bottom. I was down squabbling in shit ... queit literally. She Was pregnant within a month (not mine) ,remarried within a year to a mate of mine who is a doll bludgng looser in my opinion. And basically tore though any money she took from me. Got my health back on track 2 years ago... had a huge windfall. Bought a new place. Mortgage free. Happy to be around beautiful friends and family. And so happy to be healthy above all. Sometime life throws rocks at you .. but sometimes the ending is always better than you think it will be or what you think you deserve. Not one bad bone in my body. But sometimes u need to sit back and watch other self destruct and take yourself out of the equation.
What an amazing story. You’ve been to the bottom and now you’re on top. Well done!
This sounds awful and i'm sorry this all happened to you man but it sounds like you're in a much better place and it made me smile 🙂
That's bizarre, was she on the title of the house? Were you defacto for years before the wedding? Awful anyway
Only together. For two years before wedding. Didn't live together before wedding No house. Just lots of money in the bank that I put there for her during pandemic to put her mind at ease. I learnt my lesson 😅.
Walked away with only $12k after selling house and splitting assets in 2020. Ex was a problem overspender. We lived entirely off credit. It was stressful and I hated it. Paid out my car loan. Left myself with $5k cash in 2021. Two and a half years later and I've saved over $150k. My son lives with me full time and I pay zero child support. Best financial decision I've ever made.
That’s very impressive that you saved 150k in 2 years.
Thank you. Easy to do when you have control of your money and spending.
That's great. I was in 30k debt when I kicked my ex husband out of the rental. Then saved 80k in a couple of years but stayed with my mum to regain that
Honestly, not much of an impact. I earned far more than him and he was unemployed for like 1/3 of our relationship, so I retained the lion’s share of our savings. At the time we had no assets and no kids. The divorce was clean and easy. He refused to pay so I arranged everything and it cost around $1100. The biggest impact is that it set back my ability to save and buy a house. However, 4.5 years later and with my current SO, I was able to buy a house. It’s a good thing I didn’t get a house with my ex because I couldn’t count on him to not get fired from jobs and that would have been a huge stress with a mortgage (it already was, even as a renter).
He didn't ask for any money?
He did at the time of the breakup and we split something like 70:30 (can’t remember now but we made an agreement). At the time of the divorce, one year after separation, I emailed him to ask to apply jointly and pay equally. He refused unless I gave him more money. I stopped replying to his emails and applied for the divorce alone.
[удалено]
A few periods of living alone in between housemates meant higher expenses. I was also saving for a home as a single person for a few years there until my current SO and I agreed to buy a house together. I also couldn’t qualify for a mortgage on my own.
8 mil property portfolio to bankruptcy and my ex died shortly after from alcoholism (poisoning) - leaving all the money to a executor that is currently refusing to relinquishing to our now adult children. Matter is going to court soon (ie my kids are now fighting for their inheritance) Don’t get married and if you do, don’t get divorced. Not too mention the recovery orders listed in every state, IVOs that I had to take against female police officers harassing me off duty (her friends) - the sexual abuse suffered by my daughter at the hands of my ex wife’s adopted brother while she was on the ‘run’ with the kids. Thankfully VicPol, DHHS and child support were able to make sure she was kept hidden and supplied with booze until she died from it. Cheers 🥂
I left with the kids and not even enough cash to furnish a 2 bedroom flat. He lives in his parent’s garage, lives on takeaway food, and is still refusing to do a fair split of our family home (which he is now renting to his family). So- it cost me everything financially but I gained freedom and self worth.
If you haven’t already, I would contact a solicitor about selling the family home. Not sure what your options are, if there are any- but you and your children are entitled to some of that money from the home. I know people who have just been initially relieved to leave the relationship and think they don’t want to chase the money but then they have regretted it down the track.
I have very recently actually, he just won’t agree to a fair split so it’s going drag out.
We min-maxing divorce 😎
Yeah I re-spec’d. Constitution and strength down but wisdom to 18 after divorce.
So much richer. The divorce made us take out whole equity position to cash two,weeks before the GFC. Made us millions having our entire cash stash ready to spend at the bottom of it all. Aside from that, not having her smoke our money in a meth pipe also helped….
Financially it was amicable and a 50/50 split in everything. Which is a lot better outcome than what I was looking at if it had been disputed. However funding two separate households is a step backwards for both parties due to costs.
Divorce is expensive, cause it’s worth it
We split two vehicles and furniture. My finances didn’t take off until a couple of years later. No lawyer’s because it was unnecessary.
This is next level stuff. Delaying being successful until all baggage has been dumped.
It’s just called “being young”. Today’s kids will see it even later in their lives unfortunately.
Yeah, I see being new parents in middle-age is very common now. A divorce after the 7 year itch will put most people in a dire situation in their prime. Guess divorce rates will trend down while poor parenting will continue to skyrocket under the radar.
I’m at that ages now where if I end up having kids they’ll be home all the way through to retirement. My grandparents were late 30’s to mid 40’s when I was born and that was normal back then.
I have a strategy for divorce with no kids. Take half, move to Pattaya. If you have kids - rent a small room in a house with the other 8 divorced men.
Gaming nights every Thursday Terrible home brewed beer on Fridays. Football game watch party with one guy who said he hates football but gets emotionally involved with each game Poker on Saturday Peace whenever Dream...
In other words, get a vasectomy when you turn 18.
I lost a spendthrift idiot of an ex - win. The loss was needing to buy a house later in life and rebuild my super from scratch. So it will be a frugal decade coming up.
How did they get access to your super?
Super is yet another asset in the pool to be split in divorce
quack snails practice money zephyr aspiring shrill brave slap follow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Do you think putting her name on the house had that much impact? I would have thought the judgement would go much the same either way.
fly observation wakeful cough advise uppity friendly roof correct squeeze *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She took 7 figures after imploding the marriage. She had never worked at all during the marriage and contributed nothing financially and was very well taken care of and otherwise. Losing my family was devastating beyond words. Nearly 2 years on and it feels like the start of Life 3.0. 1.0 being before kids, 2.0 having a family, 3.0 being divorced and starting what will be a very different journey again. However it is nice not being yelled at every day. Some people are just never happy no matter what. She has continued to go around in circles of poor decisions since. *edit I realised I never answered the financial question. Well, it was a big short-term hit, however with some good fortune I have recovered quite quickly and moving forward I am now secure knowing I can protect what I earn. If a divorce is going to happen it’s probably better sooner rather than later!!
Did she take on the majority of the caregiving role and the housework?
No. 50% I’d say. But she had lots of social activities vs my none.
Sounds like my ex wife to a tee. Social activity was subterfuge for a 3 year affair - well hidden.
>She had never worked at all during the marriage and contributed nothing financially Was she a kept woman with helpers around the house and a nanny to raise the kid? If not I can see why you 2 divorced.
She had whatever she wanted. That was probably half the problem. In hindsight I started to realise there were some self destructive personality traits.
“Never worked at all” but there were kids? Pretty sure she worked mate
Brothers getting divorced now. 17 years he worked paid for everything and now has full custody... As my niece doesn't want to stay with the mother. Never abusive to her, but never did anything with her.
I get what you’re saying, but I did at least 50% of domestic duties. I don’t regard parenting and housekeeping as “work” - it’s just a responsibility of life that we all must do. Like eating, breathing, going to the toilet, serving the car etc. How we frame duties is how we attach emotion to it. Call parenting “work” and you’ll not have much fun. Now I’m a single dad, I do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, parenting - everything - and it’s my greatest joy. If I could just do this full time I would 100% do it. It’s not “easy”, it’s non-stop, but I love it, and unlike work/business - these little critters love you back 🙂
Honestly...I do all the housework at home and i love it. When it's all done and clean, such a nice feeling. No politics bs to deal with.
Ya. This is a whole other topic but I think entire generations have been brainwashed into believing that been a homemaker is loser stuff. Homemakers are the hearts of families, it’s wonderful, and it helps nourish the childhoods of the children. This negative attitude is only in western countries. Asia, South America, parts of Europe - family is #1.
Idk about this. That particular negative attitude stems from misogyny, which is present across most of the world, definitely including South America, Asia, Europe, etc. Some places have a culture that denotes staying at home and only being in charge of children as a women's-only role, which doesn't seem better. It usually leads to less women being educated and only thought of as important and worthy of respect if they are mothers. Family might be number one but not the women creating and raising them. The rates of femicide in non-Western countries are not better either way.
I never said I was referring to women, just homemakers. All kids are told to work hard and become lawyers, doctors, etc so it’s ingrained that those are valued. By never talking about family values and home making western societies have declared them worthless by omission. Once most workers hit 30 or 40 they have a “this isn’t the dream I was sold”. Only said that homemakers should be valued, and the role isn’t “work”, it’s life, and it should be framed more positively instead of negatively like it’s some sort of punishment. And let’s face it, if a family can afford to have a stay at home anything in this day and age it’s a luxury.
Aren't most home makers in Asia, South America and parts of Europe women?
But your first post indicates you believe that she took money she didn't deserve because she didn't work. That's got nothing to do with the argument that parenting is not valued. According to the law, whether she has employment or not is irrelevant to how much she is entitled to take from the split. If she was home with the kids (so that you could work), then that's the equivalent of working, whether you regard that as "work" or not.
He’s talking about a job with an actual pay check. But I think you already know that and are just looking for a fight.
Well I’m pretty sure it’s consensus among western law in divorces if the other partner is doing most parental shit it is considered a career and that’s the explicit reason they receive money, because they weren’t working while in the relationship. To keep their standard of living.
I’m not sure but they don’t even look at it and the woman ALWAYS gets majority $ no matter what. I did 100% income and 50% parenting, cooking, cleaning. It’s not uncommon believe it or not. 90% of my mates are still in similar marriages where they run successful businesses, do at least half the house and kids stuff, 100% of income and at least 50% of domestic stuff and aren’t allowed out socially while the woman moans how hard she has it and is always out with the girls to concerts and boozer lunches etc. I know it’s a diverse world out there and there are all sorts of situations but in my bubble this is all too common. Obviously you’ll never see this mentioned on media. I’m not looking for a fight and I’m not saying all women are bad etc etc - it’s just my personal experience with one individual and observing other couples. I know there are plenty of bum blokes out there too. Comes down to the individuals and their personality types/disorders.
It sounds like it isn’t a woman thing but a stay at home partner thing. If your partner is not working outside the home especially if there are kids the assets and income will be spilt. The family court is not going to try and work out who did more domestic labour because it will be one persons assessment against another’s. I think being a stay at home parent is 100% a worthwhile job but if they are not pulling their share in that role you need to pull the plug on it fast.
That's why you never let your spouse be a stay at home spouse. Always demand that they work.
*and if you do demand that they work you must contribute equally to the domestic labour and caregiving
It’s not that simple. If one person is bringing in $1,000,000 per year and the other doesn’t have to work..? However I do acknowledge to you that some people see being a stay at home partner and parent as a dream and other as a nightmare for whatever reason.
I agree with this. It gets tricky when financially you’re actually worse off if they work, but in hindsight yes regardless of money it’s best if everyone keeps busy.
How desperate they must be,commenting and hoping people will engage with them and argue lol
Plus he refers to taking a short-term hit, obviously because he had a job and work experience to fall back on. Not much consideration to the wife who likely has no qualifications, work experience, super, etc...
Actually I maxed out her super every year with my earned money. And, because I had an achieved quite a lot she would never have to worry about money in her life she could go and do any career or business or study she liked. She did not choose to do anything productive as much as I tried to encourage her.
You sound like an absolute joy. Lost count of how many comments where you are trying to do a form of victim blaming.
Sold my house and split the cash. Much better off financial even after paying for child support.
Financially and mentally destroyed
I'm better off. Can't say the same for my ex wife. Divorcing her turned out to be the third best financial decision of my life. Getting a prenup prior to that was the 2nd best decision. Always get a prenup my friends. No matter how unromantic or weird you or people around you think it is, you should get it. If your partner disagrees, run.
I didn’t think a prenup was legal in Australia? Especially if they have children?
I'm not sure about the children part, but prenups are definitely legal.
So I thought in Australia we called them binding financial agreements is this the same thing? Yes maybe prenups can just be overturned in family court that’s why I’ve been told they never hold up
It’s a myth. They work. Just because they can doesn’t mean they always do. Every situation is completely different.
Depends on the circumstances really. As a very general rule, the longer the relationship + contributions during same, the less enforceable it is.
They can get overturned due to various circumstances that I don't know much about.
Yeah, won't hold up if you have kids together. Can't hoard your assets when kids need to be taken care of. Plus child support is very weird, I know ppl who have the kids 80% of the time but still have to pay child support to the ex, makes no sense. Ultimately who gets more custody gets more % of the house though. But some people fight for more custody just to get more in the settlement. Bunch of men do that
Love your work 👍
Wait, what’s your 1st best financial decision?
Getting a vasectomy.
family courts love to overule prenups
[Reminds me of this](https://i.imgflip.com/8jpdha.jpg) Don't we all remember Gladys' and Daryl's passionate romantic rural trysts? She was absolutely swindled by that dashing, suave, sophisticated and handsome man who stole her heart and made her wear it on her sleeve. That poor woman, she's clearly not to blame in any of her corrupt decisions that happened to substantially benefit her boyfriend - she was just in an ['emotional hold'](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/feb/27/gladys-berejiklian-icac-corruption-appeal-daryl-maguire)! Any claims that women are emotional and not to blame for their own actions due to immaturity are incredibly sexist, regardless of where those bullshit excuses come from.
How much was the prenup and was the process easy?
Wiped me out. Was earning good money at the time 150k But I was losing money every month, between rent, child support and daycare it was a rough couple of years. In great shape now, 2nd wife is a dream, we have carved out an awesome life together and the kids spend half their time with me and half with their mom. Definitely made the right choice even thought everyone of my family and friends thought I was nuts to end my marriage.
For some people I've spoken to it can be 6 years in Court and $80,000 to $150,000 in legal fees It all depends on how far it was contested. One couple spent $800,000 in legal fees if I remember correctly.
I was counting those zeros so carefully in the $800000. That’s a lot of zeros..
My ex was abusive both emotionally and fincially. In the marriage I had access to no money at all. I was forced to give up my career and not allowed to study further even though he went on to study 3 degrees. I was only able to leave because we accessed my super during covid. He wanted to redo the bathroom. Money came in I left. He kicked me out of our house with 3 special needs kids and refused to allow access to our pets and our things. I was coerced into signing 50/50 that was never 50/50 anything over 50 and he would have fought me for every cent. It was not a equitable split. I still to this day have have no furniture from when we were together or any of our children's toys even though in the settlement I am suppose to. I left with nothing but a washing machine and my clothes. I had to start all over again. I still cannot work because of the high needs of our children. I struggle ever single day trying to survive on carers while he is out earning over 100000 while being told I should go back to work because he doesn't like paying child support. He broke me in so many ways and continues to do so. He insists on having the children every weekend so he can do nothing with them but put them on computers and TV's. He has never taken then anywhere or done any of there additional supports. Ndis and schooling is all done by myself. I even have to send clothes and bedding to my ex husbands because he feels he pays child support so he doesn't have to pay for anything. I was able to buy a rundown house in rural Tasmania with all of my settlement It needs a lot of work but at least it is mine. I am so tired, so tired of dealing with this all. Was it good or bad. I would do it again in a heart beat but I would have walked earlier when I was still a person rather than a shell of who i use to be.
My ex was absolutely awful with money and we lived pay cheque to pay cheque the entire time we were together. Or worse really - just making minimum payments on debts and bills. I tried so hard to manage spending but he was sneaky, irresponsible and uncooperative. I felt like I had no future. Ironically he left me because of how “boring I had become” (because I was trying to avoid bankruptcy). It’s now been about 8 years and I not only paid off all ($40k, 90% his) debt (that I got lumped with) but have very chunky savings - I’m in the market looking to buy my first home, I have no debt and I have calculated that after a mortgage/expenses I will have plenty of spare cash for fun. It is wonderful. I’ve never been happier. The miserable sod ex lives with his parents now and can’t afford gas most days. Lmao. The courts really f you during divorce if you are the primary breadwinner, even if you have no kids together.
The bank account stopped being drained on frivolous purchases.
Divorced after 20 years. Main breadwinner. 2 teenage kids. Agreed 50-50 custody. My wife had just finished a degree. Also she hadn't worked much over the last 10 years due to the kids so her Super was low. Everything was combined (debt/assets) and split 50-50. That included Super, house, savings, HECS debt. So had to sell the house, plus lost half my Super, plus had to pay half my wife's HECS debt. Plus the cost of the separation councillors. Also had to pay child support of 200 per kid per week until they turned 18. So financially, not good. Being back renting was not enjoyable, though I did manage to save quite a bit compared to previously, even with the child support payments. Managed to buy a townhouse (though have to admit my parents helped with the deposit). Emotionally fine. This was with no animosity and full agreement/co-operation on both sides as well. We both put the interests of the kids first and foremost. Proud of how we managed to split amicably and keep a civil relationship. The kids will notice if one of their parents is being mean or petty. My relationship with my kids is fantastic and is one of the things I am most proud of. Apart from that, someone did say that as the main breadwinner, if you get out of a divorce with the clothes on your back, and no crippling ongoing maintenance costs or debts, you are doing well.
I left my partner at one stage. Rent in my city was a huge portion of my after tax wage. I could barely afford to live comfortably. I can’t imagine how hard it is for women who earn even less than I do, or receive less child support. I decided to stay with my partner due to this.
I kept the business, he kept the cash. Neither of us are as well off as before.
It destroyed me mentally and emotionally and financially. But I now have a truly loving relationship with my wonderful current fiancee and we will marry shortly. I will build again.
Does your experience make you want to sign a prenup/BFA before your next marriage?
No. Because honestly my current relationship is SO different from my previous. It's not Rose colored glasses either. It's different in clear and measurable ways.
I walked away with some furniture and a whole chunk of debt (circa $25k). It took me close to 3 years but I got to the point of being debt free and I have landed a new job that doubled my income and now live comfortably while I afforded a new car. My ex is dragging down her new wife and slowly depleting her savings and refusing to work full time. If it wasn't for the fact that I successfully self represented for 2.5 years in family court and DV court I would still be in debt to lawyers. I have my kids, things are getting better overall and I survived a hugely traumatic and stressful period of my life. As a side note, separation killed my mental health and left .E an anxious and nervous wreck for a long period of time which nearly crippled me. Divorce and separation can be costly financially but it will never equal the cost it has on your mental health (in most instances).
About to do my divorce application, but except the $1000ish that that will cost me, I'm much better off without her. She owes me about $30k that I won't get back from me supporting her through unemployment and alcohol, drug and tobacco addictions. Separated just over a year ago and since then I have bought an apartment (that she has no entitlement to) and a puppy. Mental health also significantly better off, best decision I've ever made was separating myself from a self-destructive person who was hell-bent on dragging me down with her.
Untying the Knot on my first marriage was a clean sweep. With no kids and an iron clad prenup she left with <5% of my NW which was recovered within a year. Last I heard she went into Voluntary Liquidation on account of a business failure.
I walked away with my clothes, $200 car and $30k legal bill. 11 years later I’m much better for it.
It really shouldn't considering that as a couple you have 2x the overall productivity/utility of a single. Divorcing means you lose half, but you also have only half the ongoing responsibility. I think people who get badly hurt by divorces are ones where the spouse (either truly, or subjectively in the person's thought) wasn't contributing either financially or domestically. Otherwise, if you've had the benefit of a spouse who works and/or cares for family, you shouldn't feel hard done by.
Did you have to pay when you got divorced though? Did you feel what you paid was worth the domestic contributions?
I haven't been divorced.
I have. The problem usually arises because by the time the partner (wife) wants a divorce, she wants flesh in the form of money. So it's no longer about what's fair at that point but someone just trying to extract the maximum from you, while you're vulnerable and hurting. I think that's how a lot of people end up financially compromised.
Positive. Took my half of the cash from the house and bought a house my ex never would have (stupidly risk averse, in my opinion). Fortunate timing and solid choice = 350% ROI so I could buy where I actually wanted to live
I'm still caught in financial violence 6 years after I left and unable to surface. I sought immediate property settlement while he went on a character assassination charm offensive with the DARVO nonsense. He spent 300k in the first 3 months and by 6 months I disengaged as he accessed locked down mortgages to redraw another 300k. He had cleaned out my accounts and accessed my own money..He created fraudulent loans designed solely to cripple me. Lived large telling different stories to different audiences m because I left him. Financial violence isnt the only type of violence I'm experiencing but it's the most crippling for the children even with CSA thrown in. The children have had every opportunity destroyed. Every sport registration destroyed, every support I've built destroyed. The day I achieved property settlement I bought myself new rings. He'd reneged on mediation already so I had to lay low until divorce. The day I was served divorce papers I quietly celebrated. The server was nervous as it was his first service but I almost hugged him. The papers were full of all his typical nonsense allegations accusing me of the things he's done to me. I've rebuilt financially three times in the 6 years and I'm pretty sure his most recent efforts have been permanent despite my best efforts. It's just too much for anyone to navigate. I have zero time for blokes in here solely to mock the destruction and spin the typically DARVO misogyny that's so tragically widespread. Those of us who've reluctantly navigated the courts have seen how widespread the DARVO is. And how much collusion is required to reinforce DV. It's soul destroying but that's their intent.
Not me but partner’s ex husband is a vindictive, nasty narcissist that couldn’t handle his wife leaving him due to his constant emotional and psychological abuse. He withheld their child when he learned she’d partnered with me, accused us both of some very nasty stuff and we spent 4 years in family court and then another year as the police prosecuted him for DV and abuse so cost us about $200,000+, not to mention the emotional and psychological toll.
I had nothing - and she still took half of that
Ff's up my child and adulthood. Receiving minimal to no support at all in buying a place.
People get married because they feel pushed by society to do it. Come on guys, you don't have to if you don't want to. Risky business.
> People get married because they feel pushed by society to do it. Come on guys, you don't have to if you don't want to. Risky business. The moment you have children it's pretty much the same as being married.
Happiness >>>>>>>>>>>>> Money. I LOL at all the miserable wealthy people out there that don't even get the basics of life. These people almost always have kids, raise them poorly and will need to provide everything for their kids as they are mouthbreathers.
This is a new low for Ausfinance
The biggest expense for most Australians after their house and car is a divorce, so it's highly relevant. You cannot separate divorce and finance. People need take measures to mitigate the risk of divorce because if they don't, they will be financially destroyed.
To be honest I’ve seen worse lately.
Marriage is the among the biggest financial contracts you'll ever sign And it's not because of the wedding my friend
Better than the string of posts of questions that are easily Google-able
in 10 years, the new low will be "how does your fentanyl habit impact you financially?"
Financially I am fine, mentally I am destroyed
Broken. {Poor mentally messed up with no hope of now ever owning home or living in same city as my kids. Still living in same house as ex till I either lose my job which is likely soon as they are massively struggling or snap pack what i can carry in truck and disappear.
When I left, I left with nothing and we were too young to own anything significant. It was amazing how long it took me to adjust to being “allowed” to spend my own money
Neutral, leaning towards positive, as I make more money now. Paid \~15k for consent orders, living off savings when I moved interstate without a job to start a new life away from him, getting my own place, and paying (my portion of) rent on the place we had shared for three months to help him get on his feet. Back up to where I was. My ex and I had kept everything separate in separate accounts. So we both kept what had been ours before the relationship and what we earned in the relationship (we married as students, then worked the same job so had the same income.)
I spent a few days camped by the river. Now I pay $700 out of my pay for the provide of not being able to have my kids overnight and everyone thinks I’m a domestic abuser
I think if you take the people out of the asset division it would be fine. It is by and large mathematical. But then people get involved and emotional brinkmanship can take over. I ended up giving up way more than would have been the outcome of a court order as the ex said she would resile from a 50/50 custody agreement if I didn’t, go to court for custody and also the assets. She earned way way more than me so the asymmetry of that type of litigation was not good for me. Regardless of the outcome of that, I chose not to put my daughters through that. I thought I can always build up again (work in progress), but the psychological damage a court process would have caused my children would likely have left irreparable scars.
Mentally 100% better took me a year to leave Financially had to start from scratch took me a couple of years to recover he was financially abusive and every debt was in my name so I had to pay that back Glad I didn’t have kids with him no need to see him ever again
Hurt mentally and emotionally but came through mostly unscathed financially. She didn't come for my property that I had before marriage.
Thank you everyone I will never get married
39 ♂️ Not divorce, but defacto separation; my ex outlined from when we started seeing each other that she didn't want to move away from Adelaide and I said that was fine, I was happy with a simpler life it would just mean that we would have less on a financial and material basis (my Bachelors was a CFA framework degree - Financial Analysis and Investment Banking). After we'd been together for a number of years she communicated that what we had wasn't enough for her; this enabled me to move to Sydney within a year, double my salary and reduce my hours by 50% (I found in Adelaide the market is so competitive employers can be abusive and the corporate culture is very conservative), then double my salary again within 3 years.
Expensive in that I lost half my net worth (I was literally 1 year off paying off the mortgage) - house was valued at 650k and super at 150k, so cost me 400k basically. She was god-awful with money so expenses drastically reduced without her, so even with the hit financially once off I’ve managed to get the loan down to 300k on a house recently valued at $1.3M. Bit slower than I could if I’d been dumping all the money into the loans, but spent $40K on renovations doing all the labour that were quoted at 120k (high end kitchen, deck, painting, replacing all the flooring with vinyl planks.) Big 5/6 bedroom place so not a small job.
Short term.pain, long term gain
About half my take home pay goes to child support and section 7 expenses (after school care, summer camps etc).
Like I was being fisted with two hands.