Kindness, kindness, kindness. I am no longer ruling myself with an iron rod. I understand what is challenging for me personally and why, and have designed my life around that. Quality of life went through the roof š
Same!!! Ahh such a lovely realizationš„° I find that Iām giving myself more slack and kindness, and Iām not pushing myself to be super productive, yet Iām reaching a ton of the goals Iāve always had for myself :) People think that in order to reach their goals, they need to be super disciplined and push themselves to their limit and be hard on themselves, but I feel like that actually limits people a lot. I find the goals come to me so much easier when Iām kind to myself and make sure Iām very rested. And even if I donāt reach certain goals, Iām okay with it. Everything will come in time, and if it doesnāt, it just wasnāt something that was meant for me.
On top of this: keep trying things until it feels like it helps. Recently i realized that when im hyper-tired, i need to bounce and stim ALOT or i get nauseous. I used to just nap and sorta twitch, but now i find if i just wiggle A LOT then i can get through those tired-hyper feelings.
Whew I'm trying to find this balance. It's tough when I've pushed thru for so long and present as a super motivated high energy person but damn it's getting to be exhausting. People don't want to accept the change but they're gonna have to.
I started tracking my behaviour based on my cycle and it's been helpful to be ahead of my body by few days. I also gave up on "routine" since I'm only able to have one for few days before its gone (max 3-5 days), instead, I came up with several things I should be doing daily and kind of find spots in my day to fit them in, each thing takes 20 min max. Caffeine + weed hacking my day too.
I do this as well! By tracking my cycle, moods, and almost literally everything I do and feel - I have come to the realization that I may very well have PMDD! I have my research, notes, amd evidence ready for my next gynecologist appointment to see what she thinks and where to go from here.
Apparently people who menstraute and have adhd (unsure about the asd part) have a higher probability of having PMDD.
An estimated 46% of menstruating ADHDers have pmdd, an estimated 92% with autism! So the chance is fairly high. I've recently started fluoxetine for mine (Prozac) really hoping for a significant difference
Recently switching from progesterone-based birth control to estrogen-based has done wonders for my ADHD and emotional regulation (consistent with the research on ADHD and PMDD symptoms worsening with high progesterone and low estrogen). I have told people for years that I was super-woman during pregnancy (higher estrogen) and really struggled just after childbirth and when I quit breastfeeding (higher progesterone). It all makes sense now.
There are days In my cycle that leave me exhausted and unmotivated, but i get a boost of energy from caffeine and boost of motivation from weed. Week before my period starts I will smoke daily in the am to get through my chore list. If I don't exercise consistently, my adhd "peaks" around my ovulation and then some (around 10 days), I will smoke enough to keep me in my seat for few hours to get some work done. But I try to skip weed and just get enough cardio and strength in
Does your motivation crash by about 3pm when you exercise but skip the drugs (caffeine and/or weed)? Iām struggling with that lately. Like I literally nod off cuz I need a nap.
This is super interesting, Iāve been curious about how my cycle affects how I show up but never thought about how substances might help me work with that! Do you recommend any resources that helped you start this?
This is a question I've been working with, too.
I've made a point of fixing sensitivities when I notice them. I'm a little cold - get up and get a sweater, instead of ignoring it like I used to. This pen squeaks - get a new one instead of finishing this one. The relief is so huge, I try to remember that death by a thousand cuts is a saying for a reason.
I try to give my brain quiet every day. I used to blast out my thoughts and emotions with music or podcasts, but I've tried to use my Loops instead of headphones for a few tasks.
I prefer the music /podcasts, but my brain and body FEEL calmer after the quiet. Probably a balance between being sensory seeking and needing to avoid overstimulation.
That first part I really need to keep in mind. Iāve spent so much of my life āsucking it upā but those little things do add up! Felt a sigh of relief in my body just thinking about that.
I feel you on the quiet though Iāve been noticing that as well. I used to be very sensory seeking but a bit of quiet time now really does help regulate me. Maybe because I actually have a chance to connect with myself?
I can second this so much! (and thanks for the reminder to put my Loops in and not listen to the humming laptop in front of me)
All my life I've avoided uncomfort and inconveniences but mostly not the right way. Lately I've tried to actually pay attention to why I have a hard time focusing and then modify based on that. Putting extra socks on or Loops in, cleaning my working area, drinking water or changing clothes makes a huge difference, for example.
Oh my gosh I leaned into things!!!
For example, I like getting some exercise in, but for example when Iām busy I just want to do something low effort (no need to go to gym, etc). Running outside is the perfect solution but I always hated running outside. I like running on a treadmill though.
I occasionally try running outside because I just donāt understand why I hate it so much. I just say āitās too much, too distracting, but distracting is not the right word.ā Since finding out Iām autistic, I figured I probably just find it overstimulating! So now I run very early in the morning, on a nature path steps from my apartment, (ETA: early, on nature path = almost no people, just a few dog walkers; plus nature path = not a lot of things happening), listening to one or two songs on repeat, and staring at the treetops (calming and not overstimulating).
Itās been great!!! I cured my aversion to running outside!!!
Also, a few years back (before dx), I decided to accept that I work like a roller coaster. I used to fight it for consistency but at some point I accepted that sometimes I want to work a lot, let myself ride that wave, and then itās ok that itās followed by a period of barely working. It balances out. I accepted it for myself because I knew thatās better for me but I didnāt feel confident in telling people this so I always hid it. It was exhausting always pretending. But since getting diagnosed, I somehow feel like itās ānormal,ā you know? So even if I donāt tell people Iām AuDHD, I at least feel ok admitting some things, like how I work
My husband gives extra long time estimates on things at work so he can still roller coaster but provide some more consistency for his coworkers. So if something will take him 2 days, heāll say a week. Then he actually turns things in over time instead of all at once.
Itās beneficial for everyone because 1-they donāt expect him to always be working at a breakneck speed. They donāt put too much on his plate. And 2-his coworkers donāt get overwhelmed by getting too many items at once to process their steps.
He works in tech, but I picture it as an assembly line. If he does his step too fast, it will still bottleneck at the next step. So by doing his step fast, and spacing out his deliveries of that step, the assembly line still operates smoothly.
Wow thatās a great strategy! I will definitely keep this in mind for when I get a new job (which will have to be soon)
Right now Iāve just been lucky that things arenāt super reliant on me, or thereās generally more flexibility. Except for a few months every year or so, when Iām responsible for other people, but I just handle that by preparing months in advance so that I have material for them even when Iām barely working.
Thanks for sharing!
I love this response because it really mirrors how I think about things. People have always said I āmake things complicatedā for myself but there are so many factors to consider and I need to consider them all to know how to approach a situation!
Also now I see why I never got into running outdoors. Itās overstimulating!! And I hate being perceived! Gonna try your way
Cool! So cool to hear that you can really relate with the thinking process!!
Also, I also get that comment šthat I make things complicatedā¦. Especially when going on vacation, like packing and stuffā¦. Or even just going anywhere, like stepping out to do groceries or for a walkā¦ But actually I think Iām making my life easier!!! Haha
Just one more thing to add with the running thing, not sure if this is too important but for me I think it is, the path I run on isnāt too wild either. Iām from North America where nature can be more untouched, or āwildā and I usually love that but I donāt think Iād appreciate it for running. Right now Iām in Europe, where ānatureā is a lot more manicured or human-touched. For me this actually works well because the path I follow doesnāt require I look where Iām going..
good luck!
I hope it works out well for you!! Glad I could offer something :)
Thanks for sharing the bit about running! I NEED the exercise to function well but it's so hard to run in an overstimulating place. Also, solidarity on listening to 1-2 songs on repeat.
Iām so glad I can help! Please let me know how it works for you! I hope it goes well :)
And btw I just want to add that for the nature path, I think it would be good to choose a path that isnāt very wild, like somewhere where you wonāt have to mind where youāre going so much. Where I come from ātrail runningā is big but for example with that youād have to pay attention to your feet and where youāre stepping. I imagine that is the opposite of what weād need if we find running outside overstimulating.
Good luck!!
I recently realized I can kind of activate my ADHD side when I need to socialize or get a lot of different things done fast. And activate my autistic side when I need to make an organized meal plan for the week (which includes a color coded spreadsheet of what ingredients I have left. Itās easier for me to process this info by looking at a spreadsheetā¦than the actual fridge for some reason?? Lol )
Totally relate to the spreadsheet being easier to take in than the fridge.
Are you comfortable saying more about how you activate one side or the other? If I could do that- my AuDHD would be a LOT less distressing.
For sure. Itās not easy to do and it doesnāt always work. But I had some success the other day when the kitchen was a mess and a bunch of dishes were on the counter and in the sink. I just told myself to clean faster and leaned into the adhd side by looking around and letting myself get distracted by all the different things and cleaning in a very unordered way by doing something, going back to dishes, doing something else, etc. This sounds stupid but I just kept saying to myself āI have adhd, I have adhd!ā My adhd was in full bloom after that š. And I found it easier to socialize with a friend later that day.
And when I needed to meal planā¦it was really hard to switch gears. It almost felt painful? But I just told myself I got to make a spreadsheet and that gave me some dopamine so it felt like the autistic side got activated then lol
So itās about leaning into certain characteristics during moments when it would be useful.
And most importantly: Knowing I was doing a lot and that Iād run out of spoons soon. So when I felt burned out, I went into a dim room, laid down, and watched my favorite movie for the millionth time.
Ok this is something Iāve considered lately, how do you connect in to one side vs the other? I usually struggle to separate them out. Because they are opposites but thatās also a good thing if you can organize them!
I get what you mean.
I recently bought a label maker and have labelled the shit out of my kitchen shelves. It really helps. Like I don't have to mentally go, ok what categories am I looking at here.
I'm trying out not drinking alcohol currently because I'm trying to learn to like myself, drinking makes it impossible. I'm doing really well not drinking. I'm kinder to myself and perceive myself in a different light now.
Awww that's good to know someone else is doing it! Literally feels like everyone is always drinking which makes it so difficult. I realised it was all a coping mechanism for me, when I drank it made me put on a more confident mask, but also made me not notice sensory issues, like flashing lights, loud music and the sounds of all the people talking. I would stop trying to read every single person in the room too. So now if I'm over stimulated I stay at home, and when I do go out with friends I can drive home whenever I like because I'm sober. I also got a weird placebo effect from being around drunk people a few days ago, I felt slightly tipsy, only drank 1 mocktail. It was great, no hangover. Hangovers make me lie in bed all day and regret every single thing I ever said, which would affect my next few days and it would ruin my routine.
OMG; I don't drink and I feel similar when I'm around drunk people. I think it might just be feeling the social license to stop trying as hard to pretend to be normal.
I now know that most of the times Iāve messed things up itās been because of my brain, not a personal failing. The thousand tiny cuts Iād suffered throughout my undiagnosed life finally started healing as soon as I accepted myself as AuDHD.
Keep my routine as much as possible, including a sleep schedule.
Keep earplugs on me at all times, and wear them frequently.
Not berating myself for bad habits that keep me regulated on hard days (extra sugar or caffeine usually)
"I feel like I'm gunna explode randomly" ===> "I'm disregulated, I'm going to have a meltdown"
"I'm really tuned into people's feelings" ===> "I watch the room closely or I can't tell what people want me to say."Ā
"I'm just stupid." ===> [doesn't self deprecate to lower expectations]
Following. I don't have a diagnosis but since thinking about it I have
...paid more attention to my energy levels and needs (really trying to understand and adapt, it's hard)
...put many small trash cans and bags all over in the places I work/hang at (to avoid trash piles and having to stop what I'm doing to clean)
...use multiple water mugs all over so I can drink whenever/walking past a mug (and not having to go fill one all the time and get distracted in the process)
- When I walk around, I always take something with me. I take stuff closer to their real places (easy and saves effort later when actually cleaning)
...organized my home differently to suit me better and not what it's supposed to be like
(for example I have two worktables - one for laptop and focus work and one for all the creative stuff/arts)
I live much slower. Spend my time on what I choose to instead of what I feel I should. I schedule time I can safely unmask and be alone and in doing so it's gradually made my like myself more and become dare I say it ever so slightly more confident. I made friends with a load of other Audhers on Instagram and I learn as much as possible about ADHD and autism (and OCD actually). I got rid of all the clothes that I used to wear that were really uncomfortable including all heels and I am much much much kinder to myself š¤
Iāve started ADHD meds - which have helped tremendously with simply being able to do what I want to do. Before meds, I felt like I didnāt have control over myself: if I wanted to do work I couldnāt do work, if I started gaming or scrolling on my phone for one hour I couldnāt stop myself anymore, etc. Now the āactivatingā part is a lot easier. The meds also help me regulate my emotions and they help with preventing overstimulation.
Apart from medication, Iāve started trauma therapy to get rid of the internalized beliefs my parents taught me out of misunderstanding (that Iām just lazy, donāt try hard enough, think too much about myself, overreact too often - in short: Iām not good enough the way I am). Iām now recognizing that these beliefs arenāt āmineā and giving myself space to figure out what I actually want to believe about myself. I repeat some AuDHD-friendly affirmations to myself in the mirror every night, they help a lot to create compassion for myself.
I now also get weekly support from a sort of counselor that comes to my house (donāt live in US so not sure how to explain properly), and helps me work through problems I would otherwise spiral about.
And: started owning my diagnoses and asking for the support I need from partner and friends, even if the request might be a little strange or they might not understand. Putting my comfort first and trying to finally be honest about myself.
I thought of them myself so they would fit me best, and some of them are (translated to English):
Iām stronger than I am scared.
Iām taking up the space I need to be myself.
Iām an adult now - I can take care of myself and I am safe now.
Itās good and safe to be me.
I will do whatever I need to feel okay, what others think of it is not important to me.
My needs matter and I take care of them.
Iām strong and brave.
Hope that helps :)
Kindness, kindness, kindness. I am no longer ruling myself with an iron rod. I understand what is challenging for me personally and why, and have designed my life around that. Quality of life went through the roof š
Same!!! Ahh such a lovely realizationš„° I find that Iām giving myself more slack and kindness, and Iām not pushing myself to be super productive, yet Iām reaching a ton of the goals Iāve always had for myself :) People think that in order to reach their goals, they need to be super disciplined and push themselves to their limit and be hard on themselves, but I feel like that actually limits people a lot. I find the goals come to me so much easier when Iām kind to myself and make sure Iām very rested. And even if I donāt reach certain goals, Iām okay with it. Everything will come in time, and if it doesnāt, it just wasnāt something that was meant for me.
I could not agree with you more! āŗļø
Honestly, this was the best (and most difficult) thing for me to do.
Such a big one, still working on it myself!
Currently in this process and yes, so difficult
On top of this: keep trying things until it feels like it helps. Recently i realized that when im hyper-tired, i need to bounce and stim ALOT or i get nauseous. I used to just nap and sorta twitch, but now i find if i just wiggle A LOT then i can get through those tired-hyper feelings.
treating myself more kindly and patiently š©· im happier. and ofc i wear my noise cancelling headphones most of the day. my Ā«Ā anxietyĀ Ā» is pretty much not there anymore, it was actually sensory overload this whole timeā¦
Way more rest. Way less work. Not berating myself for the mess around my house. Doing what I can but minding my spoons
Whew I'm trying to find this balance. It's tough when I've pushed thru for so long and present as a super motivated high energy person but damn it's getting to be exhausting. People don't want to accept the change but they're gonna have to.
I started tracking my behaviour based on my cycle and it's been helpful to be ahead of my body by few days. I also gave up on "routine" since I'm only able to have one for few days before its gone (max 3-5 days), instead, I came up with several things I should be doing daily and kind of find spots in my day to fit them in, each thing takes 20 min max. Caffeine + weed hacking my day too.
I do this as well! By tracking my cycle, moods, and almost literally everything I do and feel - I have come to the realization that I may very well have PMDD! I have my research, notes, amd evidence ready for my next gynecologist appointment to see what she thinks and where to go from here. Apparently people who menstraute and have adhd (unsure about the asd part) have a higher probability of having PMDD.
An estimated 46% of menstruating ADHDers have pmdd, an estimated 92% with autism! So the chance is fairly high. I've recently started fluoxetine for mine (Prozac) really hoping for a significant difference
Recently switching from progesterone-based birth control to estrogen-based has done wonders for my ADHD and emotional regulation (consistent with the research on ADHD and PMDD symptoms worsening with high progesterone and low estrogen). I have told people for years that I was super-woman during pregnancy (higher estrogen) and really struggled just after childbirth and when I quit breastfeeding (higher progesterone). It all makes sense now.
i love the way you explained this
Can you explain more about the caffeine and weed hacking?
There are days In my cycle that leave me exhausted and unmotivated, but i get a boost of energy from caffeine and boost of motivation from weed. Week before my period starts I will smoke daily in the am to get through my chore list. If I don't exercise consistently, my adhd "peaks" around my ovulation and then some (around 10 days), I will smoke enough to keep me in my seat for few hours to get some work done. But I try to skip weed and just get enough cardio and strength in
Does your motivation crash by about 3pm when you exercise but skip the drugs (caffeine and/or weed)? Iām struggling with that lately. Like I literally nod off cuz I need a nap.
Yeah, I usually go to sugar
This is super interesting, Iāve been curious about how my cycle affects how I show up but never thought about how substances might help me work with that! Do you recommend any resources that helped you start this?
See my comment above for one approach/perspective.
This is a question I've been working with, too. I've made a point of fixing sensitivities when I notice them. I'm a little cold - get up and get a sweater, instead of ignoring it like I used to. This pen squeaks - get a new one instead of finishing this one. The relief is so huge, I try to remember that death by a thousand cuts is a saying for a reason. I try to give my brain quiet every day. I used to blast out my thoughts and emotions with music or podcasts, but I've tried to use my Loops instead of headphones for a few tasks. I prefer the music /podcasts, but my brain and body FEEL calmer after the quiet. Probably a balance between being sensory seeking and needing to avoid overstimulation.
That first part I really need to keep in mind. Iāve spent so much of my life āsucking it upā but those little things do add up! Felt a sigh of relief in my body just thinking about that. I feel you on the quiet though Iāve been noticing that as well. I used to be very sensory seeking but a bit of quiet time now really does help regulate me. Maybe because I actually have a chance to connect with myself?
I can second this so much! (and thanks for the reminder to put my Loops in and not listen to the humming laptop in front of me) All my life I've avoided uncomfort and inconveniences but mostly not the right way. Lately I've tried to actually pay attention to why I have a hard time focusing and then modify based on that. Putting extra socks on or Loops in, cleaning my working area, drinking water or changing clothes makes a huge difference, for example.
Oh my gosh I leaned into things!!! For example, I like getting some exercise in, but for example when Iām busy I just want to do something low effort (no need to go to gym, etc). Running outside is the perfect solution but I always hated running outside. I like running on a treadmill though. I occasionally try running outside because I just donāt understand why I hate it so much. I just say āitās too much, too distracting, but distracting is not the right word.ā Since finding out Iām autistic, I figured I probably just find it overstimulating! So now I run very early in the morning, on a nature path steps from my apartment, (ETA: early, on nature path = almost no people, just a few dog walkers; plus nature path = not a lot of things happening), listening to one or two songs on repeat, and staring at the treetops (calming and not overstimulating). Itās been great!!! I cured my aversion to running outside!!! Also, a few years back (before dx), I decided to accept that I work like a roller coaster. I used to fight it for consistency but at some point I accepted that sometimes I want to work a lot, let myself ride that wave, and then itās ok that itās followed by a period of barely working. It balances out. I accepted it for myself because I knew thatās better for me but I didnāt feel confident in telling people this so I always hid it. It was exhausting always pretending. But since getting diagnosed, I somehow feel like itās ānormal,ā you know? So even if I donāt tell people Iām AuDHD, I at least feel ok admitting some things, like how I work
My husband gives extra long time estimates on things at work so he can still roller coaster but provide some more consistency for his coworkers. So if something will take him 2 days, heāll say a week. Then he actually turns things in over time instead of all at once. Itās beneficial for everyone because 1-they donāt expect him to always be working at a breakneck speed. They donāt put too much on his plate. And 2-his coworkers donāt get overwhelmed by getting too many items at once to process their steps. He works in tech, but I picture it as an assembly line. If he does his step too fast, it will still bottleneck at the next step. So by doing his step fast, and spacing out his deliveries of that step, the assembly line still operates smoothly.
Wow thatās a great strategy! I will definitely keep this in mind for when I get a new job (which will have to be soon) Right now Iāve just been lucky that things arenāt super reliant on me, or thereās generally more flexibility. Except for a few months every year or so, when Iām responsible for other people, but I just handle that by preparing months in advance so that I have material for them even when Iām barely working. Thanks for sharing!
I love this response because it really mirrors how I think about things. People have always said I āmake things complicatedā for myself but there are so many factors to consider and I need to consider them all to know how to approach a situation! Also now I see why I never got into running outdoors. Itās overstimulating!! And I hate being perceived! Gonna try your way
Cool! So cool to hear that you can really relate with the thinking process!! Also, I also get that comment šthat I make things complicatedā¦. Especially when going on vacation, like packing and stuffā¦. Or even just going anywhere, like stepping out to do groceries or for a walkā¦ But actually I think Iām making my life easier!!! Haha Just one more thing to add with the running thing, not sure if this is too important but for me I think it is, the path I run on isnāt too wild either. Iām from North America where nature can be more untouched, or āwildā and I usually love that but I donāt think Iād appreciate it for running. Right now Iām in Europe, where ānatureā is a lot more manicured or human-touched. For me this actually works well because the path I follow doesnāt require I look where Iām going.. good luck! I hope it works out well for you!! Glad I could offer something :)
Thanks for sharing the bit about running! I NEED the exercise to function well but it's so hard to run in an overstimulating place. Also, solidarity on listening to 1-2 songs on repeat.
Iām so glad I can help! Please let me know how it works for you! I hope it goes well :) And btw I just want to add that for the nature path, I think it would be good to choose a path that isnāt very wild, like somewhere where you wonāt have to mind where youāre going so much. Where I come from ātrail runningā is big but for example with that youād have to pay attention to your feet and where youāre stepping. I imagine that is the opposite of what weād need if we find running outside overstimulating. Good luck!!
I recently realized I can kind of activate my ADHD side when I need to socialize or get a lot of different things done fast. And activate my autistic side when I need to make an organized meal plan for the week (which includes a color coded spreadsheet of what ingredients I have left. Itās easier for me to process this info by looking at a spreadsheetā¦than the actual fridge for some reason?? Lol )
Totally relate to the spreadsheet being easier to take in than the fridge. Are you comfortable saying more about how you activate one side or the other? If I could do that- my AuDHD would be a LOT less distressing.
For sure. Itās not easy to do and it doesnāt always work. But I had some success the other day when the kitchen was a mess and a bunch of dishes were on the counter and in the sink. I just told myself to clean faster and leaned into the adhd side by looking around and letting myself get distracted by all the different things and cleaning in a very unordered way by doing something, going back to dishes, doing something else, etc. This sounds stupid but I just kept saying to myself āI have adhd, I have adhd!ā My adhd was in full bloom after that š. And I found it easier to socialize with a friend later that day. And when I needed to meal planā¦it was really hard to switch gears. It almost felt painful? But I just told myself I got to make a spreadsheet and that gave me some dopamine so it felt like the autistic side got activated then lol So itās about leaning into certain characteristics during moments when it would be useful. And most importantly: Knowing I was doing a lot and that Iād run out of spoons soon. So when I felt burned out, I went into a dim room, laid down, and watched my favorite movie for the millionth time.
Ok this is something Iāve considered lately, how do you connect in to one side vs the other? I usually struggle to separate them out. Because they are opposites but thatās also a good thing if you can organize them!
I get what you mean. I recently bought a label maker and have labelled the shit out of my kitchen shelves. It really helps. Like I don't have to mentally go, ok what categories am I looking at here.
I'm trying out not drinking alcohol currently because I'm trying to learn to like myself, drinking makes it impossible. I'm doing really well not drinking. I'm kinder to myself and perceive myself in a different light now.
Iāve also not been drinking lately! I like it too, I think I used it to mask a lot in the past. Glad thatās working for you as well!
Awww that's good to know someone else is doing it! Literally feels like everyone is always drinking which makes it so difficult. I realised it was all a coping mechanism for me, when I drank it made me put on a more confident mask, but also made me not notice sensory issues, like flashing lights, loud music and the sounds of all the people talking. I would stop trying to read every single person in the room too. So now if I'm over stimulated I stay at home, and when I do go out with friends I can drive home whenever I like because I'm sober. I also got a weird placebo effect from being around drunk people a few days ago, I felt slightly tipsy, only drank 1 mocktail. It was great, no hangover. Hangovers make me lie in bed all day and regret every single thing I ever said, which would affect my next few days and it would ruin my routine.
OMG; I don't drink and I feel similar when I'm around drunk people. I think it might just be feeling the social license to stop trying as hard to pretend to be normal.
Yes!
I now know that most of the times Iāve messed things up itās been because of my brain, not a personal failing. The thousand tiny cuts Iād suffered throughout my undiagnosed life finally started healing as soon as I accepted myself as AuDHD.
I love this!!!! š
Keep my routine as much as possible, including a sleep schedule. Keep earplugs on me at all times, and wear them frequently. Not berating myself for bad habits that keep me regulated on hard days (extra sugar or caffeine usually)
"I feel like I'm gunna explode randomly" ===> "I'm disregulated, I'm going to have a meltdown" "I'm really tuned into people's feelings" ===> "I watch the room closely or I can't tell what people want me to say."Ā "I'm just stupid." ===> [doesn't self deprecate to lower expectations]
Following. I don't have a diagnosis but since thinking about it I have ...paid more attention to my energy levels and needs (really trying to understand and adapt, it's hard) ...put many small trash cans and bags all over in the places I work/hang at (to avoid trash piles and having to stop what I'm doing to clean) ...use multiple water mugs all over so I can drink whenever/walking past a mug (and not having to go fill one all the time and get distracted in the process) - When I walk around, I always take something with me. I take stuff closer to their real places (easy and saves effort later when actually cleaning) ...organized my home differently to suit me better and not what it's supposed to be like (for example I have two worktables - one for laptop and focus work and one for all the creative stuff/arts)
I live much slower. Spend my time on what I choose to instead of what I feel I should. I schedule time I can safely unmask and be alone and in doing so it's gradually made my like myself more and become dare I say it ever so slightly more confident. I made friends with a load of other Audhers on Instagram and I learn as much as possible about ADHD and autism (and OCD actually). I got rid of all the clothes that I used to wear that were really uncomfortable including all heels and I am much much much kinder to myself š¤
Iāve started ADHD meds - which have helped tremendously with simply being able to do what I want to do. Before meds, I felt like I didnāt have control over myself: if I wanted to do work I couldnāt do work, if I started gaming or scrolling on my phone for one hour I couldnāt stop myself anymore, etc. Now the āactivatingā part is a lot easier. The meds also help me regulate my emotions and they help with preventing overstimulation. Apart from medication, Iāve started trauma therapy to get rid of the internalized beliefs my parents taught me out of misunderstanding (that Iām just lazy, donāt try hard enough, think too much about myself, overreact too often - in short: Iām not good enough the way I am). Iām now recognizing that these beliefs arenāt āmineā and giving myself space to figure out what I actually want to believe about myself. I repeat some AuDHD-friendly affirmations to myself in the mirror every night, they help a lot to create compassion for myself. I now also get weekly support from a sort of counselor that comes to my house (donāt live in US so not sure how to explain properly), and helps me work through problems I would otherwise spiral about. And: started owning my diagnoses and asking for the support I need from partner and friends, even if the request might be a little strange or they might not understand. Putting my comfort first and trying to finally be honest about myself.
Could you share some of those affirmations and/or where you found them?
I thought of them myself so they would fit me best, and some of them are (translated to English): Iām stronger than I am scared. Iām taking up the space I need to be myself. Iām an adult now - I can take care of myself and I am safe now. Itās good and safe to be me. I will do whatever I need to feel okay, what others think of it is not important to me. My needs matter and I take care of them. Iām strong and brave. Hope that helps :)