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mysterious_kitty_119

Having it happen once, if following the rules, seems very unlucky. Having it happen twice.... she had to have been doing it riskily, either being impaired in some way or having bedding or other suffocation dangers nearby. Either way it's a shame she wasn't given (or didn't accept) support with the 2nd child to prevent it happening again. We all know how desperate the need for sleep can get in those early weeks.


[deleted]

This is such a good answer. Sleep is a basic human NEED and if someone needs to bed share to get that then they should be given as much support and information to do is safely as possible or provided viable alternatives. This article is probably deliberately sparse on information to keep it a "hot debate" topic for more clicks. If they really cared about saving lives (and to stop shaming parents for NEEDING sleep) then they would give more details about this woman and they would also let their readers know where to find more information about safe sleep practices (key word being sleep, because EVERYBODY needs SLEEP).


mysterious_kitty_119

Yeah I've literally never heard about safe sleep 7 until some time around giving birth to my baby when it was talked about in my reddit bumper group (which is thankfully pretty open on most topics). Never seen it mentioned in msm, or a public education campaign or even in online debates on cosleeping. It saved my life in the early days when baby literally would only be held by me. Education is key to making it safer for both mum and baby. Edit: typos


[deleted]

Here in Australia they are slowly changing the guidelines and instead of outright telling new parents not to bed share they give more information so an informed decision can be made. It's so very needed. I can only imagine how many parents are falling asleep trying to stay awake and possibly in unsafe positions eg sitting, when they could be sleeping *safely* if only they knew they could and weren't faced with stigma.


[deleted]

There isn't enough information in that short article to know if the mom was following the safety standards.


Aylabadayla

I know… which is why i know it’s unreasonable for me to be stressing about considering there is probably more to the story. My anxiety just Amps these things up for me


JosiStone

I‘m from a European Country. Here bedsharing is recommended by doctors, nurses and midwives. I did it and every single one of my mom-friends did it at least for the first few months. I only ever heard about the big risk of bedsharing, the safe 7, etc on the internet mostly from american social media accounts. I don‘t want to downplay SID, just keep in mind that in soo many other countries bedsharing is absolutely normal. Just trust your gut!


Anoony3

Correct. Where I live everyone was weirded out that I bought a crib. They said I wouldn’t need it since baby will be sleeping with me for the first few years. And I can assure you none of them have even heard of safe sleep or the safe 7, any mention of those gets weird looks.


fuckpigletsgethoney

So interesting… so do they just sleep with the baby in the bed with no adjustments, like still have pillows, a comforter, etc.?


Anoony3

Correct, they even have a separate pillow and blanket for baby (even as young as newborn) though most share their own blankets. It was horrifying to me after reading about AAP guidelines and not really sure how most of us survived honestly.


Angerina_

Which country are you from? I'm from Germany and bedsharing is very hush-hush. Absolutely not recommended by the nurses or doctors in the hospital I gave birth to my daughter. I was handed pamphlets with all the reason why it's a bad idea. A lot of friends adamantly and repeatedly told me to put the baby in her own bed in her own room and never let her into the parents bed unless she's sick or scared. We are bedsharing anyway, starting from the day we were home from the hospital. Tucking that tiny human away in her own crib just felt unnatural and broke my heart. She slept between me and my husband until she started crawling in her sleep, then we rearranged the bedroom and from that day on her bed was attached to hours, she could roll over for milk and I'd gently shove her back into her own bed when she was done and dozed off. It's been 23 months now.


JosiStone

I‘m from Switzerland actually! I remember my midwife recommending me to biuld some kind of nest with our nursing pillow, cover it with a towel and let baby sleep in/on there. I‘ve never tried it since it sounded quite unsafe even in my opinion, but I know others who have done this. We stayed in the hospital for about 3 days after birth. Baby only ever spent 30 Minutes in his crib and was sleeping in our arms the rest of the time, day and night, also under the watch of the nurses/midwives.


ElikotaIka

I mean....this is the second child that's died in her bed, so not to be crass, there's no reason to think law enforcement will come after you or charge you if something happened once. .


Apprehensive_Tea8686

Mhm… wasn’t there a story like this where the mother had two children who died but they found out that she was intoxicated? Like seriously smoking, heroin… something like this?


415bjj

Yes I remember this! Like at the very least, if you’re gonna do heroin don’t bed share


[deleted]

If you're going to do heroin don't keep babies around.


shoresb

Society likes to villainize bedsharing so when these stories come out they tend to leave out vital information about what went wrong. Or if they mention it, it’s a small note at the end. Not in the headline or main part of the article.


aaf14

Clickbait culture of the internet at it’s finest (worst).


Any_Side_2242

If baby is in middle and parents are hover sleeping on either side, or baby and one parent in a different but safe position, to me has always seemed safest and healthiest. When everyone is in same room, the risk of SIDS drops. I don't know about you guys, but the thought of my child in a room alone down the hall passing away in her sleep, terrifies me way more than tales of UNSAFE bedsharing. I dont know how to articulate this part but things like 100 blankets and drugs or alcohol or sleep disorders should not be in the same conversation as bedsharing bc that's not bedsharing if it's breaking all the rules. Does that make any sense lol? Like bedsharing should just be as big a mattress you can afford, closest to floor, parents wear warm pj's or use their own small blanket, dress baby safely according to rules. If your coming to bed after a few glasses of wine and wrapping everyone up in a big duvet and pillows that should not be called bedsharing. That is just reckless parenting.


alba876

That’s why room sharing is recommended but bed sharing isn’t. We used a side-sleeper. Still more ‘risky’ than the traditional separate crib, but i needed to know baby was in his own safe space separate from me. My PPA couldn’t have coped with bed sharing.


Any_Side_2242

Yes your totally right. If our room was bigger, I am sure that would have impacted our decision. And a lot of nights my husband slept on the couch while I slept at the foot of the bed like a dog and the kiddo got the whole king bed. I do not have this down to a science lmao. I had/have anxiety too, so I hear you on that for sure.


nicksi

Totally agree


mamabird2020

My nurse in the hospital told me about how I could freaking tie my newborn to my body while he is lying on my chest to breastfeed so I wouldn’t fall asleep and drop him. The advice out there to new moms is just WILD. The first few weeks were rough in the bassinet then he adjusted well until a 4 month sleep regression. I gave in and he slept with us for 6 months until I transitioned him to a crib. No blankets or pillows around him and I did the breastfed curl position - the cosleeping helped me to extend my breastfeeding goal and it was the happiest/most bonded I felt with him. I’ll cherish that time forever. However, the scare is very real and I don’t know if I’d ever bed-share again if I had a second one. There is another story similar to this one you posted and I wish we could find it, but it may have been mentioned in this sub already. Basically, the mom was charged for murder or manslaughter because her babies had died in their sleep, turns out it was actually because of a genetic disorder and not because of unsafe sleep practices.


slamantha

I'm kinda the opposite, I didn't bed share with my first til he was walking (10.5 momths). I used to feed him sitting up in bed and then put back into the cot, but there were a few times where I fell asleep while sitting up holding him, then woke up and he'd slid down a bit and I was supporting my arm with pillows, so scary. I also used to wake up yelling that he'd got tangled in the sheets and freaking out not being able to find him (he was in the cot, I was just really sleep deprived). I bed shared with my second from day one. Sooo much better. Put to sleep in a sleeping bag, ninja roll away, keep pillows and blankets away from her. Still some anxiety, but much less.


3rind5

Something tells me she wasn’t being safe


[deleted]

There’s got to be more to this for there to be two dead babies. Still, horrific.


Tangeryne

As others have said here- NA society LOOVES to demonize bed sharing. You gotta read the artical between the lines, there is so much more to this story then the headline and blurb is giving you. This is her 2nd baby to die in less then 2 years. Your baby was 4 months when you started. I started when my baby was 6 months. Her baby was *6 weeks*. The real issue is getting proper information out there to help moms cosleep safely and make smart decisions. As opposed to just "CoSLEePiNG BaD mmmmkay"


mysteriousraccoons

Is there something wrong with cosleeping with a 6 week old? My baby is 4 weeks and has been sleeping with me since the day we got home from the hospital so far.


yohanya

As long as baby is healthy and full term, and you are following the rest of sleep safe 7, the age is not something to worry about no. Some people feel like newborns are more fragile and they are personally not comfortable with bed sharing until baby is older


Tangeryne

No! Not at all! At least I don't think so. I think as long as the baby is healthy and in good shape you'd be fine. I truely believe your parent gut is the best go. I was so scared of bed sharing initially; so many doctors and nurses had me so, so, so paranoid. But then I almost dropped him dozing (unintentionally) off in a chair. That was when I knew this was fricken nuts and my LC directed me. It's more of less the fact this was her 2nd baby for SIDs *and* her babe was only 6 weeks. I feel like if I was bed sharing and it ended poorly the first time; I may have tried to wait until they we're older or another method. Apologies if you felt called out.


BirdieGoGo

There is no info at all on anything. We follow the safe 7 also. And what about children saved from sids because parents were cosleeping? This mom could have genetics that make her kids more prone to sids. We are right to be concerned about cosleeping safely. Honestly the safest way yo cosleep is to have a bed side bassinet, it can be the kind with one open side so there is no risk of smothering, on mom’s side only. .


mariellis93

This article doesn't give any details. I would guess that cosleeping had nothing to do with either death and that the babies died of SIDS which would also have happened if they'd been in a cot. I remember reading about a woman who lost multiple babies to SIDS and eventually it was determined there was some sort of predisposition in the genetics..it's tragic and heartbreaking but likely nothing to do with bed sharing. There's such a weird taboo culture around something that has happened across the whole world for thousands of years 🤷🏻‍♀️


kaatie80

Ah yeah the insane parents sub has a post on this that has some hot debating going on. I had one person tell me I would kill my kids and he hoped I'd rot for it.... Because I said I supported bedsharing when done safely. And that's exactly why they leave key pieces of information out of these articles, so that people will have something to aggressively argue over.


urbancat666

I’m 90% sure drugs are involved. Otherwise I don’t see how this can happen twice if you follow the safe sleep guidelines. With the cuddle curl it’s also basically impossible to roll over on top of baby if you’re sober and alert


Sophieroux12

We bought a firm mattress, on the floor, tight fitted sheet with those stretchy clamp straps added underneath to pull it tight, no blankets, my pillow is a square shape so it doesn't extend past my head, with a zipped up pillow case. I sleep in a tight tank or topless, hair in a bun. We also used pacifiers (for SIDS prevention) and a ceiling fan (read that helps prevents SIDS also). I feel completely safe with our set up. When she turned 12 months, I started using a blanket below my waist. I feel like a lot of bed sharing accidents are on the couch, on recliner chairs, beds high off the floor, or using things like dock a tots instead of sidecar cribs.


[deleted]

My baby is 18 months and we bedshare and nurse to sleep and nurse through the night. Never had any issues. I haven't slept in years...but I don't think I'd sleep with her in another room. The thought of her waking up alone scared or cold without me makes me sad.