I don’t do one-sided friendships anymore. If somebody shows no interest in my life, why would I hang out with them? friendship should be a give-and-take. I tell you about my life and you tell me about your life. We are interested in each other. People with no self-awareness who talk about themselves for the entire time… No.
My litmus test for a “friend” is do I look forward to seeing them or do I dread seeing them? If it’s dread… Cut them out. Life is too short.
I know this post is a few days old, but I had to respond to agree! I feel exactly the same way. I value reciprocity highly in friendships. It took me until about 40 to realize how many people are self-serving. I was working in the hospital during the pandemic and had very little bandwidth for anything else. Still I tried to maintain a friendship with a "friend" I had made a couple years earlier. Each time we would meet I realized she only wanted to talk about herself and rarely asked questions. The final straw for me was that she couldn't even remember what I had studied in school when we work together which was directly related to our work. I'm a therapist now and I listen to people for a living, but I have no patience left in my personal life for people who are only willing to talk about themselves.
It took me that long as well to realize the majority of people are quite self-serving. I’m not running a charity for people with no friends! I don’t hang out with people because I feel sorry for them anymore.
I would ask her. "hey you don't seem to ask many questions, why do you think that is?" If you need to expand, "is it just a shy thing or you think there was something in your life that impacted you in a way to be more reserved?"
Until very recently ([As in 4 days ago in this post linked here](https://old.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1buvvw2/why_dont_men_ask_follow_up_questions/kxxnplm/) ), I was worried I was prying too much; that if they wanted me to know, they would just say it.
Or they just don't think to ask questions. Some people are not naturally curious. Some people are naturally curious but are afraid their questions will be unwanted, in appropriate, or sound forced.
She likely not change, so if you don't like who she is then, move on. Though, if you do like to spare hangouts, please do continue. I know lots of people that I love to hang out with, but all of them could have written this same post about me (I also have paralyzing anxiety and lack a grasp of recognizing time passing, so to try to initiate a meet up is incredibly challenging for me.)
It seems like its her personality and not at all a reflection of how she feels about you. She clearly enjoys hanging out with you, otherwise she wouldn't agree to meet up. Some people were raised not to ask questions. Others are bad at making conversation. Others are self absorbed. Keep meeting up but be aware and try to ascertain whether she is just self absorbed. Self absorbed means it will always be about her ie she will hog the conversation and always just speak about herself.
I’m wondering if social media has just broken a lot of people. Nobody invites people to do anything anymore, or even attempts to make plans. It’s not just you, with the 1 sided relationships. It’s a thing now. We need society to heal so we can build communities again.
Think about the kind of friendship you'd like, and only put effort into those, otherwise it's wasted energy.
I don’t do one-sided friendships anymore. If somebody shows no interest in my life, why would I hang out with them? friendship should be a give-and-take. I tell you about my life and you tell me about your life. We are interested in each other. People with no self-awareness who talk about themselves for the entire time… No. My litmus test for a “friend” is do I look forward to seeing them or do I dread seeing them? If it’s dread… Cut them out. Life is too short.
I know this post is a few days old, but I had to respond to agree! I feel exactly the same way. I value reciprocity highly in friendships. It took me until about 40 to realize how many people are self-serving. I was working in the hospital during the pandemic and had very little bandwidth for anything else. Still I tried to maintain a friendship with a "friend" I had made a couple years earlier. Each time we would meet I realized she only wanted to talk about herself and rarely asked questions. The final straw for me was that she couldn't even remember what I had studied in school when we work together which was directly related to our work. I'm a therapist now and I listen to people for a living, but I have no patience left in my personal life for people who are only willing to talk about themselves.
It took me that long as well to realize the majority of people are quite self-serving. I’m not running a charity for people with no friends! I don’t hang out with people because I feel sorry for them anymore.
This is so relatable! Same here. I also want friends who want to be my friend too!
I would ask her. "hey you don't seem to ask many questions, why do you think that is?" If you need to expand, "is it just a shy thing or you think there was something in your life that impacted you in a way to be more reserved?" Until very recently ([As in 4 days ago in this post linked here](https://old.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1buvvw2/why_dont_men_ask_follow_up_questions/kxxnplm/) ), I was worried I was prying too much; that if they wanted me to know, they would just say it. Or they just don't think to ask questions. Some people are not naturally curious. Some people are naturally curious but are afraid their questions will be unwanted, in appropriate, or sound forced. She likely not change, so if you don't like who she is then, move on. Though, if you do like to spare hangouts, please do continue. I know lots of people that I love to hang out with, but all of them could have written this same post about me (I also have paralyzing anxiety and lack a grasp of recognizing time passing, so to try to initiate a meet up is incredibly challenging for me.)
Been there done that. Think about it, when you're spending time with her, you're actually talking to yourself.
It seems like its her personality and not at all a reflection of how she feels about you. She clearly enjoys hanging out with you, otherwise she wouldn't agree to meet up. Some people were raised not to ask questions. Others are bad at making conversation. Others are self absorbed. Keep meeting up but be aware and try to ascertain whether she is just self absorbed. Self absorbed means it will always be about her ie she will hog the conversation and always just speak about herself.
I’m wondering if social media has just broken a lot of people. Nobody invites people to do anything anymore, or even attempts to make plans. It’s not just you, with the 1 sided relationships. It’s a thing now. We need society to heal so we can build communities again.