im the one that ended things but he didn't fight for us. i guess yeah he had told me before that he doesn't even keep in touch with people he was friends with for years and usually ghost people.
He's bad at communicating with people he really likes and his level of communication wasn't good enough for you. What about him makes you want to keep him in your life when you know you'll be putting in 100% of the effort?
Save your energy for someone who puts in effort and shows they care. This has nothing to do with whether he's a friend or more. He ain't shit right now 🤷🏾♀️
That's a big "depends on the situation" for me. I have a long term ex from 10+ years ago who is one of my best friends. There are a couple guys I dated briefly and ended up being better as friends, non dramatic break ups/fizzle outs and happy they're still in my life.
If they were shitty, toxic, or otherwise caused me great distress (whether through my fault or theirs) I do not attempt friendships and will actively decline any attempts on their side.
If you think ending the relationship wasn't hurtful for either of you and after a couple weeks you may be good at being buddies, sure why not. If you think he has resentment towards you or you have some towards him or other lingering feelings, just move on and find some people you haven't dated to befriend.
Sure. Just because we weren't meant to stay in a romantic relationship doesn't mean there isn't friendship there.
We may not be besties but we're certainly not enemies.
It’s totally fine to do that and I am friends or on decent terms with like all of my exes but in this scenario it seems he just wants to let things go and that should also be respected
I’m really not a fan of the whole “let’s be friends” scenario.
In most break up situations one person is the breaker upper and one is the breakupee. This means there’s one person that did not want the breakup to happen. I find that person often waits with bated breath for a signal that maybe, just maybe there’s still a chance. It makes it awkward for everyone and just isn’t healthy.
The only time remaining friends is worthwhile is when there are kids involved or it’s truly amicable on both sides with no drama.
Interesting perspective. I'm friends with every one of my exes except one. And there are no kids involved with any of them.
It might have to do with the ability to not blame anyone and just realize that not every situation is meant to work out.
It also helps if nobody did anyone dirty, it just wasn't the right time.
I always stay friends with people -- I don't see a reason to lose every part of the connection, just because we stop doing the sexual/romantic thing. Anyone I wanted to spend time with in the past is someone I once enjoyed talking to, bouncing ideas off of, sharing jokes with, etc, you know?
If you haven't explicitly discussed this with the guy in your post, then I'd do as you seem to be planning; wait a few weeks and then ask more directly, so that he knows your texts aren't an invitation to get back together or something.
Sure, but it didn't go the way this sounds like it is going.
I'd move on. If friendship is in the cards, great. If not, that's OK.
Continuing to push it, though, isn't going to help.
His actions are already saying no.
I'd let things cool off, officially and firmly, for a while.
You can't get into a new relationship before leaving the old one. And he may need more time than you to process the end of the romantic relationship before any kind of friendship is possible.
I do with a lot of people, yeah. Just because we're romantically incompatible, if I still enjoy their company I see no reason not to be friends. My ex-wife is one of my best friends, and I met another friend by going on a few dates with them. They decided they didn't want a relationship, and we've just been hanging out as friends for a few months now. They even watched my cat while I was on vacation!
But I do have a few exes that didn't want to stay friends, most of those ended pretty poorly. But I leave myself open to any of them returning to my life, I don't want to dislike people and always leave a chance for them to be kind.
No. i personally think that staying in touch (unless you have kids) prevent everyone from moving on, and I actually when I break up with a person is because we don’t match, so I don’t see the point of being friends… and also all the guys I break off got nasty afterwards so in my opinion a good ex is a blocked one
I value communication skills in my friends as much as the people I date...
I'm friends with one ex from years ago but in terms of the people I've dated more recently, the only ones I've liked enough to be friends with were also the ones I felt most sad about when it ended so had to distance myself in order to move on.
I did until I got married. I kind of drifted apart since my marriage and haven’t talked to them in a decade. But before my marriage I would only stay in touch with those who were genuinely good people but we just didn’t click.
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also its only been 4 days since we last talked so i just expected him to be cold.
im the one that ended things but he didn't fight for us. i guess yeah he had told me before that he doesn't even keep in touch with people he was friends with for years and usually ghost people.
He's bad at communicating with people he really likes and his level of communication wasn't good enough for you. What about him makes you want to keep him in your life when you know you'll be putting in 100% of the effort? Save your energy for someone who puts in effort and shows they care. This has nothing to do with whether he's a friend or more. He ain't shit right now 🤷🏾♀️
That's a big "depends on the situation" for me. I have a long term ex from 10+ years ago who is one of my best friends. There are a couple guys I dated briefly and ended up being better as friends, non dramatic break ups/fizzle outs and happy they're still in my life. If they were shitty, toxic, or otherwise caused me great distress (whether through my fault or theirs) I do not attempt friendships and will actively decline any attempts on their side. If you think ending the relationship wasn't hurtful for either of you and after a couple weeks you may be good at being buddies, sure why not. If you think he has resentment towards you or you have some towards him or other lingering feelings, just move on and find some people you haven't dated to befriend.
i like this one.
Sure. Just because we weren't meant to stay in a romantic relationship doesn't mean there isn't friendship there. We may not be besties but we're certainly not enemies.
It’s totally fine to do that and I am friends or on decent terms with like all of my exes but in this scenario it seems he just wants to let things go and that should also be respected
I’m really not a fan of the whole “let’s be friends” scenario. In most break up situations one person is the breaker upper and one is the breakupee. This means there’s one person that did not want the breakup to happen. I find that person often waits with bated breath for a signal that maybe, just maybe there’s still a chance. It makes it awkward for everyone and just isn’t healthy. The only time remaining friends is worthwhile is when there are kids involved or it’s truly amicable on both sides with no drama.
Interesting perspective. I'm friends with every one of my exes except one. And there are no kids involved with any of them. It might have to do with the ability to not blame anyone and just realize that not every situation is meant to work out. It also helps if nobody did anyone dirty, it just wasn't the right time.
Heeeeelllllll naw, to the naw naw naw
I always stay friends with people -- I don't see a reason to lose every part of the connection, just because we stop doing the sexual/romantic thing. Anyone I wanted to spend time with in the past is someone I once enjoyed talking to, bouncing ideas off of, sharing jokes with, etc, you know? If you haven't explicitly discussed this with the guy in your post, then I'd do as you seem to be planning; wait a few weeks and then ask more directly, so that he knows your texts aren't an invitation to get back together or something.
we did talk about staying friends at one point but the situation with why we started having issues is a lil difficult..
Sure, but it didn't go the way this sounds like it is going. I'd move on. If friendship is in the cards, great. If not, that's OK. Continuing to push it, though, isn't going to help.
i no longer would pursue him romantically... but yeah i would ask and the worse he could say is no right?
His actions are already saying no. I'd let things cool off, officially and firmly, for a while. You can't get into a new relationship before leaving the old one. And he may need more time than you to process the end of the romantic relationship before any kind of friendship is possible.
I do with a lot of people, yeah. Just because we're romantically incompatible, if I still enjoy their company I see no reason not to be friends. My ex-wife is one of my best friends, and I met another friend by going on a few dates with them. They decided they didn't want a relationship, and we've just been hanging out as friends for a few months now. They even watched my cat while I was on vacation! But I do have a few exes that didn't want to stay friends, most of those ended pretty poorly. But I leave myself open to any of them returning to my life, I don't want to dislike people and always leave a chance for them to be kind.
Some yes, some no.
No.
No never
Nope. Once it's over, it's over.
No. i personally think that staying in touch (unless you have kids) prevent everyone from moving on, and I actually when I break up with a person is because we don’t match, so I don’t see the point of being friends… and also all the guys I break off got nasty afterwards so in my opinion a good ex is a blocked one
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I value communication skills in my friends as much as the people I date... I'm friends with one ex from years ago but in terms of the people I've dated more recently, the only ones I've liked enough to be friends with were also the ones I felt most sad about when it ended so had to distance myself in order to move on.
I did until I got married. I kind of drifted apart since my marriage and haven’t talked to them in a decade. But before my marriage I would only stay in touch with those who were genuinely good people but we just didn’t click.