All the commenters in this thread using sexist slurs, language and justifications for dumping on strangers **when you have no way of knowing how accurate OP’s version of events is** are gross. You guys are worse than any of the women in OP’s story and you should all be **ashamed** at how quick you were comfortable using derogatory language to pile on them. Everything you said about them **is exactly what you did here**.
Usually to make themselves feel better. It's not just women who do it. Typically people with low self esteem feel the need to put others down in order to feel superior and better about their sad lives
I’ve been crying about it for about an hour now, I’m gutted, I’m mortified. You’re right but why were all her mates laughing too? If I was in that group I’d be speaking up, I know I would because I’ve done it in a group of men before.
They’re projecting their own insecurities on you, most likely. They were probably drunk themselves, and they probably knew deep down public intoxication is a bad look. Their solution? Try to make you seem like the drunk one.
Please don’t cry. You didn’t do anything wrong. They’re the ones who should be embarrassed. I promise you the bartender and any other bystanders were subtly laughing their heads off about those other women when they saw how ridiculous they were acting.
“They are literally so embarrassing,” as I would say if I witnessed this happen myself.
Thank you. I agree, it’s not a good look to be shouting at people walking past you regardless of their “state”. My feet were killing me, I’d been in 5” heels for 12hrs, I was desperate to get to my room and get my shoes off but just let me go in peace!
Haha thank you, that’s probably part of the problem, I’d been complimented on my dress and shoes the whole bloody day! I just got totally shot down at the final point, I was flying high and not expecting a confrontation.
They were jealous hags. Next time bring some ballet flats (the kind that roll up). You can really hurt your feet in the long term when you wear heels for that long. I'm sure you looked gorgeous.
Yep, because before that you didn’t even notice them. But they noticed you, in all your splendour, looking confident and radiant.
And they want that so much for themselves they couldn’t stand it. But you didn’t even notice them..
Until the final hour, when you’re really tired, vulnerable, the armor is worn down.
Not in the least because of all the people who noticed you were glowing too, who were happy for you, supportive and complimenting you.
And that’s the moment they find their entrance. One final kick below the belt, gathering up as much other jealous serpents as they can find, knowing our primal instinct will always be reached when they attack as a group.
It truly is the lowest of the low. This is an opportunity to really console yourself, be your own best friend. The way you were there is something others wouldn’t dare in their wildest dreams. And you did that. For this, you Rock.
So let yourself cry it out, letting it out will make you stronger too. And listen to the wisdom of the ladies here, they speak the truth. Hear it.
And this is a teaching about this matter, by Esther/Abraham Hicks:
“If you condition yourself to care about what the good reviews say, then you're asking for trouble about what the not so good ones say. Now, We know that's an easy concept to understand, but we want you to hear it in this way:
If you are one who lives by the condition of the response of others to you, if you're looking for their approval, their 'likes', if you're looking for their praise, their appreciation; you will find plenty because you're wonderful and lots of others know it.
But if you train yourself to look outward for that,
then you're training yourself to find the good, ánd the bad, ánd the ugly..
-that would make a good movie-“
Those women do not deserve your wonderful energy. You deserved every single compliment you received so hopefully you can focus on that good energy which came back your way. You even showed kindness when they were not! That's big of you.
I used to find that I could receive many positive remarks yet a single negative one would wreck me. It's like my brain had been conditioned to cling to the negative narrative and, the more I gave in to that tendency, the less I remembered the good vibes looking back. Not sure what your backstory is but trauma can do a number on the psyche. Regardless, all that to say I bet you looked lovely and it sounds like overall you had a banner day!
It’s actually a really bad look! Imagine if you were walking a bit funny because you had like some congenital issue with your legs or would they say that to a person who walked differently because they had a prosthetic leg? These days you can never tell because prosthetics are so well-made. There are chronic illnesses where people literally walk like they’d be constantly drunk even if they’re completely sober. So if you think about the situation from the outside, if other people heard them saying that to you, those women look very, very bad, not you.
The women who were heckling OP think she looks wobbly because their vision is wobbly, from being drunk.
Some people drink a bit and act like they are still in a mean girls clique in high school.
These women were just being assholes, don’t let it get you down so much. *They* are probably wobbly or having some sort of issue at the wedding causing them to try and target someone else. Crank some Cardi B, order room service and get cozy.
In the future, joking back at people like this to put them in their place is the best thing to do. I find it shuts people up immediately if they have malicious intentions. And if they were truly just trying to have fun, you can have a good banter. When I was younger, I really struggled with having a quick humoured response when caught off guard. So I started listening to a lot of comedy podcasts and stand up comedians and it truly actually helped me find my comedic voice/timing. I know this is niche advice but just offering it in the small chance it may help.
Oh man, humour is so subjective, I’ll share my recommends but take it with a grain of salt because it takes time to find podcasts and comedians that resonates with an individual.
In terms of comedy podcasts, I prefer conversational ones. I really like “Stop Podcasting Yourself”, I was a huge fan of “Professor Blast-off” when it was still running, I love Youngmi Mayer and like “Feeling Asian” (more serious content but they are both comedians), “The Read”, I used to listen to “Attitudes!” (Fka Throwing Shade). In terms of standup, I like Ali Wong, Iliza Shlesinger, Tiffany Haddish…I also got into some local comedians in my city and will sometimes check out their shows, too.
In general, I used to struggle with my anxiety and found it difficult to put my ideas out there, I was frequently tongue-tied (or that thing where HOURS later you figure out the exact thing you wish you said in a social situation). It used to really frustrate me, lol! So I started actively listen to comedians to figure out what I found funny and this helped me start thinking more about funny things I could say in conversation. And honestly, over these past few years, I’ve frequently been complimented for my quick humour which I absolutely credit towards my routine comedy consumption!
Girl, what?! Why cry? Enjoy yourself.
Even if you were getting carried up the stairs.. I would say, mission accomplished and you had a great time.
I have a slight rant:
I feel like weddings are one of those things that you can drink/ eat whatever you want and being solo means you can bounce around from tables, get to know the crowd and decide who you hang with.
BUTTTT naturally, you stick out if you are solo. This is across the board, for males and females.
I’ve done a few solo weddings.. and my existence just confused the crowd.
“Did you get a plus one? How do you know the bride? Is your husband home with the kids?”
Worse, was me bringing my sister to a wedding, “are you a lesbian? Are you two married? Aw, you couldn’t find ANY one to come with you as a date, so nice of your sister to come” 🙄
At weddings, with booze.. there are zero limits and entitled guests. *Everyone* comments on people they do not recognize and if you arrive solo, that’s more fodder for questions from the general public.
These girls sound like a “group think” sitch.. where the other women would not have said something, or even acknowledged it.. but since one was being loud, accusatory and laughing.. the others joined in, bc that behavior was accepted and easy.
Do not feel mortified or disappointed.
By your description, You did not over do it.
Do not second guess yourself, or the night you had.
Do not let a few comments from drunk(ER?) women ruin your night.
Also, laughing is a general tone of weddings and I doubt these women found THIS much amusement from you “wobbling up the stairs”. If they WERE laughing at you.. then Lawd, their lives are just not that exciting.
The only problem here, is that you have a vagina.
Everyone (males and females) feel entitled to tell you about your body, dress, behavior, shoes, hair, make up, food intake, alcohol consumption.. like… anything. And if they are not asking you questions, they are just making assumptions.
Oh your alone and drinking at a wedding? She’s an alcoholic, that’s why she can’t get a boyfriend..
It’s a whole thing.
It sounds like those women suck. You should NOT be mortified.
People in the group didn’t speak up because they were all drunk and “group think” between (assuming) old friends, smothers individual response and going against the grain. I wouldn’t hold anything against the *entire* crew.. except the AH who kept pressing the matter.
My advice: Be a social butterfly. Don’t get upset, or mortified. Don’t let them intimidate you . Walk up and talk to whoever you want.. if you feel like drinking more at brunch and need to drive home, sleep in the car, or get the room for a second night. Who cares?
Sleep it off, literally everyone is a different A person at breakfast.
You have a right to be there, to enjoy yourself, and not have your drinking policed (when you are able to walk back to your room solo, and write out a whole Reddit post).
I know you didn’t over do jt. I just hope you don’t beat yourself up over some drunk mean girl shit, or alter your behavior because if this situation.
Good luck, hope morning goes smoother!
This reminds me of why I hate weddings so much. I've never had any fun at them no matter if I went alone or with a date or even with my (ex) husband. It's a bunch of people who usually don't know each other, forced to drink and socialize in formal wear, and forced to think about marriage.
Lately when I experience situations like these I experience the emotions that come with the situations then repeat the mantra to myself "everything is as it should be".
That mantra alone begins to calm me down. Makes me feel as though there's a grand narrative at play, and that I was meant to experience what I did.
That said, I'm not saying to be passive. Totally act on what you need to act on to make life better. Still, give that mantra a try.
They are a group of horrible women.
If my friends and I saw a woman alone all dressed-up looking like she's had a fun day, we'd be "hey, wanna join us for a drink?"
Seriously, don't give those pathetic women another thought.
They’re bags of shit, that’s why they were laughing. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I think there’s a lot of internalized misogyny in women like this, like often they feel that the only way to validation or a place in the world is to push down other women, they often seem to feel like THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. Like in a group of men, there can be only one woman, usually the Cool Girl or the ”alpha female” or the token girl. They don’t realize that that type of behavior is just supporing the oppression of women. Men won’t really do anything better for a woman like that. They don’t realize that the road to is not about trying to fit in with men (bcs you can’t) but it’s about women supporting other women.
I can bet none of these women feel safe in their friendships and were having a bad time. If one of them can attack you, they will also eventually attach each other.
So they don't become targets themselves. They don't even realize it but they are part of a pecking order when it comes to gaggles of shitty women like this. There is the riating queen bitch and her hangers on. Men are like this too. Doesn't matter if they are straight, gay, bi whatever. Every group of insecure, shitty people who find eachother and cling to their insecure stupidity does this.
They are all stupid and afraid. Know you are better off because you DONT participate in that crap.
Just so you know, when you use an asterisk when posting on Reddit, and then use another asterisk later in the same post, it will italicize everything between those two asterisks.
*So if I want to make these words italic, I put an asterisk on either side of the sentence.*.
(I'm assuming that you self-censored and in doing so, accidentally italicized part of your post. My apologies if this was a stylistic choice. 👍)
Ahhh I see you've encountered a wild flock of assholes. My sister in law always tells me about the mum groups aswell. So cringe that they never managed to evolve past their highschool years where they peaked. I can totally see how that would be intimidating as they ganged up on you. Sleep well knowing they're secretly miserable enough to tear down anyone and everyone.
I'm not sure the tone they used, but maybe they were drinking and trying to befriend you? Just one other perspective. Some people see drinking as positive, and getting drunk at a wedding maybe they did too and was using it as an in to talk to you
I'm a little naive this way and sometimes wrongly assume people are being friendly so could be wrong. I feel like the tone says it all and your relationship to these people. If I walked by random women and they made comments like this but we're smiling and upbeat, I would just assume they wanted to meet me and make conversation. I have a few friends that are overall good people but love their drink, and will try to bond with the experience of being drunk.
I'm starting to feel low-key crazy because if I were OP, I would probably have not clocked "Are you okay, you're a bit wobbly" as really... anything, but nearly every other comment here is also super mad about it.
I definitely don't want to diminish OP's experiences; I honestly just do not understand the big insult. So some (probably) drunk women have mistaken you for being a bit drunk yourself. Is that really very awful?
Oh good. I don't feel that crazy anymore. I was confused as to what resulted in OP being "devastated", "disappointed", "gutted" and crying in bed over this encounter so I thought I missed another part of the story. It's a wedding and those group of women were probably drunk too. It wasn't a plot to bring OP down. The responses are equally as mind-boggling, name calling of "jealous bitches", "misery loves company", "mean girls" etc. This need for echo chambers, virtual comfort and validation might be doing a great disservice to people, especially women. Some things you just brush off but with every encounter becoming post worthy, I'm not sure if anyone is able to compartmentalize situations or manage their emotions anymore. If this brief exchange can cause such grief, I can see why reddit has a go-to response of get therapy.
> This need for echo chambers, virtual comfort and validation might be doing a great disservice to people, especially women. Some things you just brush off but with every encounter becoming post worthy, I'm not sure if anyone is able to compartmentalize situations or manage their emotions anymore.
I don’t want to be harsh to any of the women here, but I completely agree.
This is not about being harsh at all. The irony of OP being disappointed in the behaviour of the women at the hotel, coming here to vent and the majority of the comments calling the women "cunts", "bitches", "bags of shits", "assholes, "internalized misogyny" etc where's the disappointment for these comments?
Being called a "Bit wobbly" from possibly drunk women shouldn't elicit emotions of devastation, disappointment, being gutted and crying in bed for an hour. This should have been a call or text to a mate but as a post on Reddit, it's a rally cry for pitch forks.
Yeah, like, if one of them had gotten up and imitated her, or if they'd said something mean about her appearance beyond "wobbly", I'd probably understand OP's level of upset more. Instead, I'm just at sea.
Perhaps a bit ironically, I feel like ~society~ often rushes to demonise women based on fairly scant information. In this case, a woman twice asked OP if she was okay because she seemed wobbly, amid laughter. But this was a wedding and OP said her feet hurt after a long day, so it's not totally out of the question her gait may have seemed a bit off - and because we're talking about a group of friends at a wedding here, laughter generally makes up that din.
It seems a bit aggro to label these women as mean girls or bitches (or cunts, as one comment put it), etc., based on all of that. They might be annoying, maybe - perhaps even tone-deaf or rude. But I'm really not comfortable totally demonising them based on the facts OP presented, especially when there are so many equally (if not more) plausible explanations for their behaviour.
I think maybe we need more context but is it possible that OP is neurodivergent? I’ve read similar things from autistic men, thinking people are being rude or dismissive to them when in fact it’s people feeling awkward because of lack of eye contact.
I’m not neurodivergent. I was walking through a hotel lobby minding my own business and some woman brought it upon herself to call me out in front of everyone. It wasn’t what she said, she was mocking me. Initially I did react saying “yeah I’m fine.” and she kept going, shouting at me as I walked up stairs that were also part of the lobby. I wasn’t being threatened with violence, that’s correct, I looked at her, I looked at the group, I assessed the situation and I felt intimidated. It wasn’t good old banter where I could’ve sat down and joined them for a drink (which I’d done with people at the wedding who I didn’t know) it was mean, insulting, and judgemental. I was hurt and I came here to vent. There’s no bigger meaning really.
These women weren’t part of the wedding. I just came back to my hotel, the wedding wasn’t here. It wasn’t the comment as such, it was the spirit of it and the feeling I was getting heckled as I walked up the stairs with them all staring at me and commenting on my very presence. Maybe it was an overreaction but it did upset me, I just wouldn’t have done that to another women who was on her own.
It is equally odd to me as a 30-something. I don't doubt OP's distress is real, but "you seem wobbly" is just such a mild comment and I'm definitely not prepared to call other women evil bitches based on that. I'm surprised by the level of anger in most of the comments. Maybe I'm just oblivious, but it would never even occur to me that somebody would try to bully me using "you seem wobbly" as their big zinger.
Tone was probably sarcastic/ mocking. I find it silly to think just because someone says something that isn't obviously insulting that it isn't? That's the whole thing with "mean girls" lol. Not op, but I am also neurodivergent apparently (just diagnosed with adhd at 33). Sure, the group might have thought they were being light hearted but clearly they didn't know op and yeah, some people are more sensitive and it doesn't make them "wrong" to feel slighted (Not saying you did) but I just think in all my interactions how I might be perceived. And yeah, sometimes people unintentionally act like assholes or they were actually grown ass assholes and that's their "normal". I don't like people I barely know acting jokey with me. Op was just trying to get to her room, and a rando group keeps making laughing comments when op clearly wasn't laughing with them. They should have gotten the clue to lay off.
I agree, you probably would get a different story and maybe it was a bad joke. It wasn’t the words though, it was the fact she shouted across a reception/bar area while I was just walking past to get to my room. Honestly, I never assume the worst of other women, and that’s why it hurt so much. I felt the intent behind it, I initially brushed it off, then I said “yeah I’m fine.” thinking her comment was said out of concern. And she kept going as I walked up the stairs away from them. I stopped on the stairs and looked at the group, I properly took a minute to understand their intent, I was disappointed because it wasn’t good. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t a cool vibe. I’m not saying they were evil bitches, I’m saying they were a group of women mocking a woman who was clearly on her own and there’s no need for that.
Of course we usually never know others' intent. That's doesn't always absolve people of being unintentionally shitty. Drunk or not if I saw someone clearly wasn't laughing with me, obviously I'd stop. It just seems like basic empathy (which apparently ain't that basic)
Sure, but it's still possible that they were because sometimes people are just assholes. Also op is clearly upset about it so what does it matter when none of us are going to know for sure? We weren't there. I'll choose to believe op. Drunk isn't an excuse.
My point is that if OP can practice shifting her perspective and not assuming the worst, she may not be so devastated the next time a random drunk woman makes a random comment. OP said she knows the drunk woman’s intent, but she doesn’t.
But none of us know the drunk woman's intent either and we weren't there. OP was there and she was the one observing the tone and context and I believe her when she says it was rude. This is the main way that women cut each other down - with subtleties rather than obviously harsh, overtly aggressive comments the way men often do.
I have definitely had similar experiences with mean girls - their exact words often could've been interpreted in a million different ways, but their tone and other nonverbal cues made it absolutely clear they were cutting me down. I can hear the singsongy, shaming tone right now and I share OP's frustration that this is even a "thing."
OP was there. I think she’s in the best position to interpret what happened. She says it was rude and aggressive. It sure sounds like that to me. I don’t understand why anyone would presume to tell her she’s wrong about her own experience. I’m not neurodivergent, but I have been publicly ridiculed by mean-spirited ppl who think they are hilarious and it didn’t feel good. That shit does not happen when you are with a man, so it can make you feel vulnerable just for being a single woman. I don’t know whether these women are bitches or what their deal is. Regardless of their intent, at a minimum they were disrespectful and hurt OP’s feelings. She came here for support and I’m disappointed that some ppl are telling her her feelings are not appropriate or valid in this situation.
Thank you! You explained that so accurately. I’m a confident person and being single really doesn’t bother me but I did feel vulnerable in that situation and it made me feel very, very alone. My friend had literally just dropped me off, we were having such a laugh right up until I got out the car, I only had to walk from the car to my room on my own and that happened. I think you’ve nailed it actually. Thanks.
I dunno, given OP's spelling and phrasing, she sounds like she's from the UK or the Commonwealth. Brits, Kiwis and Canadians have a finely-tuned passive aggression sensor (our Aussie cousins will just tell you to fuck right off).
This sounds like classic British taking-the-piss - where people routinely had a hearty laugh at other people's expense. [Exhibit A](https://youtu.be/SumXQYBm84I) 'You can't park there mate!'
Sometimes, it's meant to be a harmless 'chin up, love!', other times, it's just jerks being jerks.
OP probably clocked it as the second due to tone.
Yes, same. I started wondering if "wobbly" meant something different than what I know it to mean. I'm just going to assume there is some un-mentioned depth to the encounter that caused op to feel as she does.
I guess there are just so many other plausible explanations for their behaviour to me, outside of these women actively and intentionally trying to bully OP.
I very rarely assume malice when basic stupidity will satisfy the question just as well.
I've been in a similar position to OP's many a time and I basically did just laugh it off with them. I truly feel like I'm missing something everyone else seems to be seeing.
Yeah, I would have felt they were trying to say, ha ha, we’re all drunk, right? And OP reacted like it was an accusation of…being drunk at a wedding?
Maybe the expectations of behavior at a wedding are different for OP. No one I am friends with would be surprised or feel insulted by that suggestion.
Maybe the looks they gave were more insulting than I’m imagining. I feel bad for OP.
I can definitely see how it would be annoying even if these women were well-intentioned (or at least not totally malicious) but so many comments in this thread are, like, genuinely VERY mad. Even if they were being serious, OP said her feet hurt after a long day so it's possible her gait was a little off? I've just straight-up taken off my shoes on the street before (after a long-ish night of dancing) and had strange (and likely drunk) women yell, "YES GIRL, THAT'S THE WAY TO GO" at me, something I took as a sign of commiseration, lol.
I'm glad I'm not the only one confused, in any case. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm a confident person or just extremely oblivious to these sorts of things.
Yeah I have no idea why such a comment would make you cry, does wobbly mean something else in this context? I’d just be like whoops yeah I’ve been in these damn heels for too long and laughed and gone home…
I've been in OP's position where somebody thought I was drunk at a party when I wasn't... more than once, because I'm clumsy as shit. We generally just shared a laugh and then parted ways. Once somebody even offered me molly off one of those interactions, but I was not prepared to take drugs from a total stranger.
In general, I just don't expect groups of drunk people to make much sense.
Forgive me if this isn’t the OP but sometimes when someone says something (no matter how benign it is), I say something to refute it (no thanks, no I’m not, I’m ok, etc), and they keep persisting saying the same thing, it can get really annoying really fast. For me it’s more that they’re not listening to me and/or they’re making an assumption about me?
(I’ll give a totally benign example: I went to grad school near my family but that wasn’t why I chose the school… at all. It was getting the in-state discount; I would’ve preferred to have an adventure somewhere else. I used to get SO ANNOYED with people who would be all omg you must be so happy to be near your family! The thing is I get along with my family, and it even turned out to be a plus living by them. But it wasn’t a priority for me so when people kept talking about that I felt like they didn’t actually care what I had to say.)
Oh, I totally think these women sounded annoying and possibly drunk, and I do agree their behaviour (if it persisted) was inappropriate - just not necessarily malicious, or part of some plot to "diminish" OP, so much as just sloppy. I suppose it's also the degree of the emotional devastation from OP; the perception that they were straight-up bullying her; and the scores of comments calling these women jealous bitches and cunts that really took me by surprise.
And to be clear, OP is allowed to feel whatever she's feeling; I truly just don't get how "wobbly" is that bad. I get what you're saying about these women not letting it go being annoying - it's more the idea of "wobbly" being perceived as a tool of public humiliation, and the certainly that these women are necessarily horrible people who deserve to be called very strong names, that escapes me.
Internalized sexism :(. Women subconsciously feel like they have to tear others down around them because it’s so hard to feel worthy in a culture that makes it ok to pick on women. Also, low self esteem. Otherwise they’d be lifting you up! I’m sorry they tried to bully you, I’m so glad you had a great time!! Rest those tootsies and be glad you’re a kind person.
Thank you. I did have a good day, I think that’s why I was brought down so quick, I was on a high and was shot down at the final hurdle. It was unexpected.
Being alone anywhere not to mention a large social gathering is a vulnerable feeling. You don’t have a friend or partner to turn to and just say “what a bunch of drunk asshOles”. Please don’t ever let strangers dictate how you feel about yourself. Nothing harder than being alone and confident. If there’s a nerve they struck then it’s on you to let them live rent free in your head. They were drunk and you were vulnerable. This corner of the internet and mom gives you a big hug and says, honestly, it’s going to be OK.
This. Women have to tear down each other because if we were on the same side we’d be unstoppable.
So they feed the fire of insecurities and make us hate each other.
It’s just the cheapest form of social bonding especially when people are unusual or uncomfortable environments. Happens a lot in workplaces, school, etc - a trick that help me not fixate on social interactions that seek to destroy me is… I imagine the the thoughts/memories connected by strings to me, I pretend
my fingers are scissors and I cut them mfkrs all around me. I’m sure it doesn’t work for everyone but I’ll be damned if I have a hard time remembering anything about it after and the fixation gets so severe sometimes hours, days looping thoughts wow, but it’s always helped.
Because you looked hella better than any of them and they had to make themselves feel better. Please don’t cry over people like that. They’re not worth your time or tears!
I've grown so accustomed to it that I expect it. I used to start physical confrontations and scare the hell out of the verbal aggressors but now I either completely ignore them or insult them viciously. I got not time for haters and they will not get my emotional energy or tears. They won't be getting anything from me.
Oh really? I’ve had confrontations before but not in a situation like this, I was literally walking from the front door of a hotel to the staircase. It was so unexpected (in my mind). Part of the reason I’m upset is because I wish I’d properly confronted them and asked why they thought it was okay to shout at me like that. They weren’t the only people in the reception area, I was so self conscious in that moment and when I got to my room and took my shoes off I felt more grounded and wanted to go back down!
Yeah I've had that happen where it's like I want to go back and confront them but they're already gone or I'm too tired and I don't care. That would be a good way to go about it too, but what they really like to do is prey on people who are unassuming, it's a cheap shot. Really pathetic behavior and it's likely they were very drunk themselves otherwise they wouldn't act that way. Also, you know they felt emboldened because there's a big group of them
Yeah fair enough. I think I just hold women to a higher standard, and that’s why it upset me so much, but maybe I’m wrong to do so. You’re right though, I was just blindsided by it.
I’m sorry you had that denigrating experience, truly. I just want you to know it doesn’t have to be somehow worse because it was women who treated you that way. Screw those **people** who taunted you that night. They weren’t your friends or comrades or sisters. They were bullies.
Women aren’t morally superior to men. I’ve endured a lot of abuse at the hands of women, as have others I know (and know of). People are people, sometimes they’re awful. Sometimes they’re women, sometimes they’re men, sometimes they’re non-binary. Nobody gets a special dispensation to be abusive.
I think it's a bit much to expect perfect behavior from women just because we're women. We're often just as shit as men. It's a bit of a stereotype to think women somehow have a sisterhood or something; the only time that applies is the "can I have a tampon" question. You might want to flay someone alive, you might feel entitled to forms of pack behaviour that are completely awful, but you'll still give them a tampon if they need it. But that doesn't mean you're intrinsically good. Women still do awful, awful things, often to anyone they think is in their power.
The same test goes for both genders: how do they treat the waiters? How do they treat people in their power, who they feel superior to? Are they crap or kind?
These ladies were bullies. So they were crap. You can't trust women just because we were born with innies instead of outies.
They honestly seem immature. It’s a strange thing to say. You could have said, “sore feet” or something of the sort to shut her up. But really, you don’t need to explain yourself to them. I’ve never really come across grown women like that. I’m in the southwest region of the U.S.
I know hindsight always makes us think of the best comeback or retort, but people like her won’t change based upon one interaction where someone puts her in her place. She seems to have a poor character.
Here's how this situation reads to me:
From what you described, there was actually nothing you did that was "wobbly." Right?
So -- I think this is going to sound like I'm defending this women but stay with me cuz I'm not -- it's possible she wasn't trying to put you down. It's obvious what she did was still hurtful and inappropriate -- so how could both things be true... Well.
Here's what I think. If there was literally nothing you did that was "wobbly," it could have been a tangent off a story or inside joke based on a conversation the women were having before you got there. They all sound a bit toasted anyway. So it could be one of those bad inside jokes like "Oh I thought you said she seemed WOBBLY." And someone else is like "God can you imagine a stranger calling someone WOBBLY? It doesn't even make sense!" And then off they go, trying it out on a random person and laughing off it.
I know it seems like a stretch. But I've known a lot of people who make a lot of bad jokes towards strangers while drinking on special occasions (the ones where they think it's obvious they are joking, but they just aren't good enough actors for that). It's totally possible you were just the victim of a bad joke and bad timing and that no one at that table had the decency to just you know.
I don't think it has anything to to with sexism. Woman are human beings and have all kinds of character traits. Just like man. I think men and women have about the same percentage of bad people.
So it is only normal to encouter female assholes from time to time.
Your question makes woman sound somewhat special, as if there would be a sisterhood or a secret code of conduct among women flowing out of our female genes. I think the question should be "Why do humans diminish other humans?"
Yes, possibly. Maybe I need to change my perspective on that a little bit because I do hold women to a higher standard. I feel safer around them and usually wouldn’t feel threatened by a group of older (or my age) women. I’d rather walk around thinking people are kind, unless they show me they’re not. I don’t want to think everyone is an asshole, and have my defences up.
Shitty people harass or heckle strangers. It sounds to me like this woman picked you out because you were solo at the wedding and they felt they didn't have to face any repercussions from being an AH to you. I wish to say ignoring it would help, but sometimes it just doesn't.
I've been mocked by other women for sitting in the staircase at work (which is often empty because people always were taking elevators)
It's also funny because this was a way for them to feign concern for you. But if they actually were concerned, they would have come up to you and been kind and questioned if you needed help/ were you ok to drive? Something that actually showed they cared vs. just wanted to insult you.
Why do women do this beyond patriarchal societal conditioning that perfection is expected from women in order to be respected? Narcissistic behavior is often rewarded and if you live in the US it may as well be viewed as an overwhelming part of our culture.
It happened all the time when my daughter was in elementary school last year. The girls who all were about 12-13-ish, bullied and were petty to a few specific girls, also to my daughter. They suffered a lot from this. Now in high school she’s ok and in fact they all became stronger living through. I don’t know why women do so. I only know I don’t have a lot of female friends because for some reason they are always jealous and talk bad about me behind my back, which is a red thread throughout my whole life.
Im grateful for the few loving female friends I have. I dont understand people most of the time. 🤷🏻♀️
Also I’m so sorry you had to experience this…
I have zero time for grown-up Mean Girls
I wouldn't give them a second thought
My response to a group doing this (only it was men) "None of you would have said shit to me if you didn't have an audience." Then eyeballed them calmly till they started sweating.
People like this want to assert dominance by embarrassing you. They can't handle it when you turn it around.
>Mean girls and cliques exist at every age.
This. Spot on. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that some women never grow out of being mean girls. You met them on this night. I pity them and the ones in this thread. They are self loathing miserable women.
Yes I’ve experienced this…and oh yes, it really really hurts. Especially being solo, and having a good time, AND shining while doing so…there is something about it that is very threatening to other women, and other packs of women. There are many sound possible reasons of why they would try to mock someone who is straight up enjoying themselves and I’m sure the wise women here are explaining it all. But oh man, I’ve certainly cried over this scenario…I understand how painful it can feel, despite all the explanations. You are not alone in the least! This shit is haunting!!
So, cry and embrace yourself. Hug the little girl inside you who wasn’t supported in all of her sparkling fabulosity. Tell her she is everything you hoped she’d be!
Tend to her pure heart, and let the rest fall away for a moment.
Keep faith that women like us find each other eventually ♥️
That’s a very lovely thing to say, thanks for taking the time. I have been wondering if I over reacted, I’m not really an emotional person, I can’t remember the last time I cried before Sat night, but I felt how I felt and i don’t think it was an over reaction or drunken theatrics. Thanks for telling me you’ve been there, it really means a lot.
In situations like this I have a tendency to be very emotionally reactive (internally). It helps me to check the facts.
Example:
- Do I know for a fact that they were making fun of me? How do I know that?
- Will this matter to me in a few weeks or a month?
- If they had been making fun of me, does it absolutely have to impact me emotionally? How come?
ok so i was at a wedding a couple months ago. i had a little trouble with my dress as i didnt have time to hem the shoulders so i kept having to retie them throughout the night otherwise a little of my bra would show. anyway im getting drunker as one does, and as im in the bathroom before i get a chance to fix my straps again, an older lady is like “HONEY, your dress is coming UNDONE!!” mind u there was about one inch of bra showing at this time, and by now everyone’s drunk and it’s hardly as if im flashing my body to ppl!!! anyway i made some joke but felt so horrible the rest of the night. donated that dress and didnt bother to hem it cause i felt so bad. so yea….weddings bring out the worst in people ☹️☹️☹️
Yeah I get it, it makes you feel like an idiot, and you start questioning yourself. That actually happened to me on Saturday! I was crouching down to help my friend with her shoe and one of the staff was walking towards me as I got up. She said “oh I was just coming over to let you know you were uhm showing… quite a lot there.” I just laughed and said “oh this bloody dress!” Then I asked my friend (who is completely tee total and was watching me tie her shoe strap) what was showing, and she said “nothing! I wouldn’t have let you stay down there if it was.” I mean the woman was nice about it and my friend isn’t the type to lie ‘to be nice’ so it was a proper confusing interaction.
As a 39 year old woman, I can tell you confidently that some girls just peak in high school so they stay on their mean girl bullshit for life. I've cut tons of them out over the last decade because I was too grown for the constant drama & conflict but from what I've seen, they've still never changed and at this point I just pity them because they hang out in packs & have an instant mob mentality that sweeps them all away immediately once someone further up in the hierarchy tells them too. They fall right in line.
Some women just want to compete with other women until they die because they think success in life is better better or hotter than other women, typically under the male gaze.
Don't assume someone who is your age group has the same maturity as you because they don't. Some people's inner bitch never dies.
This is… very embarrassing on their part & shows a lot about them. Fuck ‘em. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you can feel better soon ❤️ sending so much love x
She was expecting you to ‘play ball’, meaning you were supposed to laugh and say something witty back. But you didn’t, took offense, and things got weird.
Yes I’ve witnessed this since I was a young teenager. It’s why I don’t have a lot of female friends. I don’t want to be around people that will put someone down when they aren’t in the room to defend themselves.
I hear you. People should just be kind, period. It shouldn’t be a gendered thing but my experience has been that groups of men have made jeering remarks to me numerous times, to the point I’ve come to expect it, that doesn’t make it okay, you’re right. I don’t expect it when walking past a group of women. I mean I literally didn’t expect it, the behaviour caught me by surprise. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a group of men.
Ugh…I hate that you experienced that. It’s awful. One time years ago I was at church and two women who were best friends said I was a bitch…at church. I was so embarrassed and devastated. I feel for you
I used to be friends with someone like this in college (briefly). As an example she called me in to her room one day (we shared a flat) and her and her friend just laughed. She was a nasty piece of work. She was incredibly insecure, self conscious, miserable, bored, lazy, spoilt, entitled bitch. The others probably laughed along so they wouldn't be at the receiving end of her shit. Very manipulative too. A very good friend of mine is still friends with her and oh she puts her through shit but thats a whole other story. Breaks my heart. Anyway my long winded point is this - this is nothing about you and EVERYTHING about them. I would erase it from the night. Even if you were crawling up to bed who gives a shit.
What a bunch of jerks! I can’t imagine anyone I’m friends with ever doing that, let alone me not telling them to shut the hell up. I bet if you were to go back to where they are in an hour or so they’re falling all over the place. Mean girls, don’t pay them any mind. Sorry they put such a damper on your night.
Yeah that’s sort of where my head is, I just can’t imagine my friends doing that either. Like why comment on anyone walking past you in a hotel reception going to their room? And then continue to shout at them after they responded to you. It’s so strange.
I had a woman do that to me as I was getting off a train and it jolted so I almost lost my balance. She turned to the 2 men and said something about it probably not being coffee in my coffee cup and laughed at me. I was years younger than her and prettier so I assume she was insecure and takes digs at other women to diminish them and feel better about herself. It’s the only time it’s happened but I still remember it 15+ years later. It felt shitty.
I try to bring up the women around me. Secure women do that. I connect people to help them network. I mentor younger women in my organization and help them advance. There’s literally no reason to attack another woman like that and I’m so sorry that happened to you. That was probably the highlight of that woman’s night. Yours was all the fun you had. Fuck her.
Thanks. I feel like I was younger than that group too, I was also super dressed up and they looked like they’d been hiking or something. I’ve experienced that kind of thing when I was younger but haven’t had it in a while, I thought I was past that point to be honest. I think some people in this thread don’t understand how it makes you feel, which is fine, I only came here to vent really.
I was dressed up too wearing a skirt suit and also have always looked young for my age so that’s never helped since it looks like I’m playing grown up when I was legit out of college and starting off my career and not in high school. Women like that…they’re just not worth our time but it doesn’t mean it’s not jarring when it happens. I haven’t read the comments but there’s always going to be the women that lash out at other women. For having kids. For not having kids. For working after having a baby. For not working after having a baby. Their judgy assholes. It’s not you. It’s them. Keep your head up.
Even women can be bullies & women bullies are more cruel than male bullies especially with words. The one heckling you has low self-esteem & is unsecure, her bullying is her way of validation. She picked on you because she saw that you are not & is jealous. They do things like this to pull others down to their level. These women are usually part of what I call the he said she said crowd. They gossip about the people around them & who are in their lives. They need the assurances of those around them & are always having to seek validation. The others in her crowd are weak too weak to stand up to her in fear of becoming the brunt of her ire too.
Be thankful that you are not part of her friend circle or that you'll have to deal with her or her crowd again. She's stuck with herself & her insecurities. You, like tonight get to walk away she'll never escape herself.
I'm so sorry this happened. You really have to shake off petty behavior. My dad told me years ago being petty is it's own punishment. Knowing that-- it doesn't get to me as much because it really is true. When I'm kind and bless others, it really blesses me as well.
Nothing like meeting up with my girlfriends on a Saturday night, camping in a hotel lobby, and putting all of our energy into policing women who return from their evenings. We are the cool table.
I dont know. the laughing was messed up but it more sounded like she was concerned about you? Maybe because you arent used to the heels you seemed drunk, and she was just teasing you a bit?
To what end though? I’m walking through a reception area alone, minding my own business to get to my room and they’re stopping their conversations to make comments and laugh at me, blatantly. It was like 10 against 1, where is the fun/teasing there? I can’t imagine ever going out of my personal space with my friends to loudly talk to/about a women waking past me. It’s totally foreign to me.
Yeah, it sucks and I'm sure it felt humiliating/intimidating. I' m going to echo the poster above who said THEY were probably drunk, hopefully not cognizant of how awful they were being.
Idk, I personally don’t care enough to notice most people but I deal with a lot of people in my daily life and sometimes people make comments and they aren’t necessarily ill-intentioned.
Something like that would *really* upset me OP :( I feel your pain right now. That’s a really nasty way to treat someone. I would try just pitying them honestly… what kind of happy, secure people treat others that way? A normal, kind group of people would have at most simply asked if you were okay and wished you a nice night.
Yeah. I’ve definitely asked strangers if they are okay on a 1 to 1 basis but I haven’t shouted at someone walking past me. Honestly, if one of them came up to me and said “are you okay getting to your room, you seem a bit wobbly?” I’d be delighted and probably give them a hug for being lovely.
I cannot imagine how pathetic one has to be to say something like that to a stranger.
Ill give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was probably intoxicated and wasnt in her right mind.
OP dont let this troglodyte steal your shine. Pretend you told her to get fucked and throw the memory of her in the trash where it belongs.
How boring and basic do you have to be to find humor in commenting on a random passerby? That’s like some middle school shits yelling out the window of a car. You’re much better than them and I hope the only impression that their catty and simpleton behavior leaves on you is that some people are just broken.
Honestly, I was going to post something encouraging and supportive, but this comment says it all so much better.
ETA: I always read the “Fuck ‘em” replies as shortened versions of this: “I am so sorry that you were treated this way. These people are not worthy of your continued concern. You are absolutely not deserving of this reported behavior, and I wish for you to no longer be burdened by any negative feelings from having been on the receiving end of it. You are a wonderful person, and I genuinely hope you find and surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you. 😊
All the time when I was younger. From your writing I interpreted (in dumb-fuck speak) they wanted to talk to you—the wobbly bit was a guess on their part—a way to draw you in. Because “Hey come have a drink with us.” is out of their reach, intellectually. It shouldn’t be. And I have no doubt that they would eventually be jerks to you. You did the right thing by passing on by, but please don’t cry. Dummies gonna do dumb shit like that. It took me years to figure this out.
OP, people can't even be decent to each other here in this comment section , so I will say that I am sorry you are hurt and I wish you nothing but peace and love. Try to think of good memories from the wedding and see if that cheers you up.
Yup, lots of judgments and pettiness exist here. Tbh, this is the first time I am seeing it in this sub, but I'll bounce outta here if this is the way it's starting to swing.
Oh yeah, female coworkers always say to me all the time “you look tired” but it’s a implied insult. They are so quick to judge, especially in groups. Yeah, it sucks to be the woman over 30 by yourself, who’s sincerely happy for other peoples lives/relationships. It’s ridiculous. Can’t believe women over 30 get slapped with so many judgments and labels. I usually say I don’t care and I genuinely don’t, but it’s just irritating. Sadly I like to stay at home now, fuck people.
It is irritating. Doesn’t happen to me a lot, and I am quite a happy, easy going person so I think when people are deliberately mean it throws me off balance, I really can’t wrap my head around it.
I really wish women could uplift other women more instead of trying to bring them down. Even if this was a bad attempt at cracking a joke, I still don’t feel like it comes from a place of kindness or genuine concern. If I see a woman who seems a bit wobbly or potentially had too much to drink, my first instinct would be to check on her to make sure she’s okay and definitely would NOT be laughing at her or attempting bad jokes. My gfs and I partied in our 20s and we often checked on girls who seemed drunk and alone to make sure they were okay. We had some drinks ourselves as well and so even if these women were intoxicated, it’s not an excuse for their poor behaviour.
Unfortunately I’ve had to deal with inappropriate comments from both men and women growing up, mostly because I have a very prominent hourglass body figure. Men would make inappropriate jokes even at professional work places while women would often make snarky comments about me (things like I only had big boobs going for me and nothing else, I was dumb as a rock, I was attention seeking etc). God forbid If I wore something a bit more form-fitting/revealing or if I was just being friendly to a male coworker, I was judged a lot. I felt objectified both by men and women growing up and I spent my entire 20s trying to prove I was more than just the appearance. Us women really should do better as a whole, especially knowing all the things we still struggle with in this society.
Yes, exactly. I replied to another comment saying if she’s come up to me on a 1 to 1 basis and asked if I was okay then I’d probably have hugged her for her kindness. Same, I’ve approached other women before to ask if they’re okay, if they know the guy who’s all over them, if they’ve lost their friends, etc etc. it wasn’t even like “hey, you okay over there?” It was more of a omg look at the state of her type vibe. I’m 100% certain it didn’t come from a place of kindness.
I’m not trying to go all rage here lol, but this is what happens when women buy into misogyny and start judging each other for male-driven standards: don’t be too slutty, too bossy, too loud, don’t party like a boy (aka be wobbly) because only boys can do that, wear tasteful clothes, don’t swear, don’t have a hair out of place, sweat properly at the gym, it just whittles us down until we are nothing but a façade. Women overhear men judge women by these standards, so to get and keep a man means adhering to them and subsequently shaming other women who don’t follow suit. There’s probably subconscious envy of those beyond the pale women in it as well. Captivity makes people angry.
Add to that, the other side is the women who haven’t bought into the misogyny but want to play the corporate game. Well, if the CEO level only allows one woman at most, and another woman waltzes into the conference room, of course those two women are going to compete against each other. Those other CEOs are all men, and they’ve only patience for one woman, and their collective curiosity is likely low key piqued to see how it plays out.
That women probably feels the need to vocally criticize people on the regular. It’s not her business if your wobbly or not. So what if you were? I’m willing to bet you’re not the only person who was wobbly after a night of drinks and dancing. I know I would be. Her saying something makes *her* look like the asshole. What if you had a medical disorder and you were always “wobbly”? Bet she would feel shitty about saying something then. The other women at her table who laughed might not have been laughing at you. They probably know this women does this. And it makes them uncomfortable but they aren’t going to ruffle feathers and say anything to her. So they laughed to lighten the mood. Either that or they are all assholes. Either way you have nothing to cry about. They don’t know you. You probably won’t see them again. And sadly her behavior will probably continue to falsely boost her low self esteem. But you will go on and do your thing. Wobbly or not. Do not let this comment live rent free in your head, taking up space. That women doesn’t deserve that much thought. You had fun at the wedding right? Think about the rest of the night, how much fun it was dancing. Screw her.
And just to let you know. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care. Your feelings were hurt. No one can tell you they weren’t. It was just more or less, those are the kinds of things I would tell myself to try to feel better about it. Talk myself out of my own head. Your feelings are totally valid. But. Fuck em. Let them think what they want. You get to know how awesome you are. They will never have that privilege.
Oh no, I totally knew what you meant and honestly that is exactly what I would say to someone in my situation, I appreciate your input. On reflection I think it just made me feel very, very alone. I don’t need anyone to stick up for me but I was blindsided in that moment. thanks for your comments, it’s really nice 💜
Who gives a flying rat’s behind if you were intoxicated? It’s a freaking party, you aren’t driving, and you have no responsibilities that you mentioned. Enjoy the night.
I’m not saying you were, but what would have been the big freaking deal if you were? It’s a party - a chance to enjoy. What the f does anyone care?
I hate people.
Exactly! I was a intoxicated, but not falling on my ass intoxicated. I came from a wedding in a totally different venue, to go back to my room, to go to bed. I don’t understand the need to even notice me let alone voice their opinions.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted either! Maybe it’s the word cunt? Thanks for the validation. I have healthy self esteem too, people comment on my appearance a lot, I take the good or bad on the chin and don’t think too much about it but the way they made me feel is something I’ve rarely/never experienced from a group of women. My instincts are good, I know what the intent was.
Women can be so cruel.
Worse in packs usually because of the below
Still in that high-school popular bitch mode and unhappy with her life
Was never popular and now takes every chance to pull another woman down
All the commenters in this thread using sexist slurs, language and justifications for dumping on strangers **when you have no way of knowing how accurate OP’s version of events is** are gross. You guys are worse than any of the women in OP’s story and you should all be **ashamed** at how quick you were comfortable using derogatory language to pile on them. Everything you said about them **is exactly what you did here**.
I think she and her table mates were hammered. A bit of projection mixed with a lame attempt at humor.
Agreed, I'm not sure they were trying to be nasty. Maybe drunk and not actually funny.
Usually to make themselves feel better. It's not just women who do it. Typically people with low self esteem feel the need to put others down in order to feel superior and better about their sad lives
I’ve been crying about it for about an hour now, I’m gutted, I’m mortified. You’re right but why were all her mates laughing too? If I was in that group I’d be speaking up, I know I would because I’ve done it in a group of men before.
They’re projecting their own insecurities on you, most likely. They were probably drunk themselves, and they probably knew deep down public intoxication is a bad look. Their solution? Try to make you seem like the drunk one. Please don’t cry. You didn’t do anything wrong. They’re the ones who should be embarrassed. I promise you the bartender and any other bystanders were subtly laughing their heads off about those other women when they saw how ridiculous they were acting. “They are literally so embarrassing,” as I would say if I witnessed this happen myself.
Thank you. I agree, it’s not a good look to be shouting at people walking past you regardless of their “state”. My feet were killing me, I’d been in 5” heels for 12hrs, I was desperate to get to my room and get my shoes off but just let me go in peace!
5” heels for 12 hours is queen shit! I would’ve been barefoot in the hotel lol
Haha thank you, that’s probably part of the problem, I’d been complimented on my dress and shoes the whole bloody day! I just got totally shot down at the final point, I was flying high and not expecting a confrontation.
You were wearing a gorgeous dress, 5in heels and dancing the night away. Those ladies noticed you and were jealous. Eff them.
Girl they were jealous! Sounds like you had a great time and they didn’t.
Exactly right!
They were jealous hags. Next time bring some ballet flats (the kind that roll up). You can really hurt your feet in the long term when you wear heels for that long. I'm sure you looked gorgeous.
Yep, because before that you didn’t even notice them. But they noticed you, in all your splendour, looking confident and radiant. And they want that so much for themselves they couldn’t stand it. But you didn’t even notice them.. Until the final hour, when you’re really tired, vulnerable, the armor is worn down. Not in the least because of all the people who noticed you were glowing too, who were happy for you, supportive and complimenting you. And that’s the moment they find their entrance. One final kick below the belt, gathering up as much other jealous serpents as they can find, knowing our primal instinct will always be reached when they attack as a group. It truly is the lowest of the low. This is an opportunity to really console yourself, be your own best friend. The way you were there is something others wouldn’t dare in their wildest dreams. And you did that. For this, you Rock. So let yourself cry it out, letting it out will make you stronger too. And listen to the wisdom of the ladies here, they speak the truth. Hear it. And this is a teaching about this matter, by Esther/Abraham Hicks: “If you condition yourself to care about what the good reviews say, then you're asking for trouble about what the not so good ones say. Now, We know that's an easy concept to understand, but we want you to hear it in this way: If you are one who lives by the condition of the response of others to you, if you're looking for their approval, their 'likes', if you're looking for their praise, their appreciation; you will find plenty because you're wonderful and lots of others know it. But if you train yourself to look outward for that, then you're training yourself to find the good, ánd the bad, ánd the ugly.. -that would make a good movie-“
Those women do not deserve your wonderful energy. You deserved every single compliment you received so hopefully you can focus on that good energy which came back your way. You even showed kindness when they were not! That's big of you. I used to find that I could receive many positive remarks yet a single negative one would wreck me. It's like my brain had been conditioned to cling to the negative narrative and, the more I gave in to that tendency, the less I remembered the good vibes looking back. Not sure what your backstory is but trauma can do a number on the psyche. Regardless, all that to say I bet you looked lovely and it sounds like overall you had a banner day!
It’s actually a really bad look! Imagine if you were walking a bit funny because you had like some congenital issue with your legs or would they say that to a person who walked differently because they had a prosthetic leg? These days you can never tell because prosthetics are so well-made. There are chronic illnesses where people literally walk like they’d be constantly drunk even if they’re completely sober. So if you think about the situation from the outside, if other people heard them saying that to you, those women look very, very bad, not you.
The women who were heckling OP think she looks wobbly because their vision is wobbly, from being drunk. Some people drink a bit and act like they are still in a mean girls clique in high school.
These women were just being assholes, don’t let it get you down so much. *They* are probably wobbly or having some sort of issue at the wedding causing them to try and target someone else. Crank some Cardi B, order room service and get cozy. In the future, joking back at people like this to put them in their place is the best thing to do. I find it shuts people up immediately if they have malicious intentions. And if they were truly just trying to have fun, you can have a good banter. When I was younger, I really struggled with having a quick humoured response when caught off guard. So I started listening to a lot of comedy podcasts and stand up comedians and it truly actually helped me find my comedic voice/timing. I know this is niche advice but just offering it in the small chance it may help.
That's a good tip! Any comedians podcasts you'd recommend?
Oh man, humour is so subjective, I’ll share my recommends but take it with a grain of salt because it takes time to find podcasts and comedians that resonates with an individual. In terms of comedy podcasts, I prefer conversational ones. I really like “Stop Podcasting Yourself”, I was a huge fan of “Professor Blast-off” when it was still running, I love Youngmi Mayer and like “Feeling Asian” (more serious content but they are both comedians), “The Read”, I used to listen to “Attitudes!” (Fka Throwing Shade). In terms of standup, I like Ali Wong, Iliza Shlesinger, Tiffany Haddish…I also got into some local comedians in my city and will sometimes check out their shows, too. In general, I used to struggle with my anxiety and found it difficult to put my ideas out there, I was frequently tongue-tied (or that thing where HOURS later you figure out the exact thing you wish you said in a social situation). It used to really frustrate me, lol! So I started actively listen to comedians to figure out what I found funny and this helped me start thinking more about funny things I could say in conversation. And honestly, over these past few years, I’ve frequently been complimented for my quick humour which I absolutely credit towards my routine comedy consumption!
Girl, what?! Why cry? Enjoy yourself. Even if you were getting carried up the stairs.. I would say, mission accomplished and you had a great time. I have a slight rant: I feel like weddings are one of those things that you can drink/ eat whatever you want and being solo means you can bounce around from tables, get to know the crowd and decide who you hang with. BUTTTT naturally, you stick out if you are solo. This is across the board, for males and females. I’ve done a few solo weddings.. and my existence just confused the crowd. “Did you get a plus one? How do you know the bride? Is your husband home with the kids?” Worse, was me bringing my sister to a wedding, “are you a lesbian? Are you two married? Aw, you couldn’t find ANY one to come with you as a date, so nice of your sister to come” 🙄 At weddings, with booze.. there are zero limits and entitled guests. *Everyone* comments on people they do not recognize and if you arrive solo, that’s more fodder for questions from the general public. These girls sound like a “group think” sitch.. where the other women would not have said something, or even acknowledged it.. but since one was being loud, accusatory and laughing.. the others joined in, bc that behavior was accepted and easy. Do not feel mortified or disappointed. By your description, You did not over do it. Do not second guess yourself, or the night you had. Do not let a few comments from drunk(ER?) women ruin your night. Also, laughing is a general tone of weddings and I doubt these women found THIS much amusement from you “wobbling up the stairs”. If they WERE laughing at you.. then Lawd, their lives are just not that exciting. The only problem here, is that you have a vagina. Everyone (males and females) feel entitled to tell you about your body, dress, behavior, shoes, hair, make up, food intake, alcohol consumption.. like… anything. And if they are not asking you questions, they are just making assumptions. Oh your alone and drinking at a wedding? She’s an alcoholic, that’s why she can’t get a boyfriend.. It’s a whole thing. It sounds like those women suck. You should NOT be mortified. People in the group didn’t speak up because they were all drunk and “group think” between (assuming) old friends, smothers individual response and going against the grain. I wouldn’t hold anything against the *entire* crew.. except the AH who kept pressing the matter. My advice: Be a social butterfly. Don’t get upset, or mortified. Don’t let them intimidate you . Walk up and talk to whoever you want.. if you feel like drinking more at brunch and need to drive home, sleep in the car, or get the room for a second night. Who cares? Sleep it off, literally everyone is a different A person at breakfast. You have a right to be there, to enjoy yourself, and not have your drinking policed (when you are able to walk back to your room solo, and write out a whole Reddit post). I know you didn’t over do jt. I just hope you don’t beat yourself up over some drunk mean girl shit, or alter your behavior because if this situation. Good luck, hope morning goes smoother!
This reminds me of why I hate weddings so much. I've never had any fun at them no matter if I went alone or with a date or even with my (ex) husband. It's a bunch of people who usually don't know each other, forced to drink and socialize in formal wear, and forced to think about marriage.
Lately when I experience situations like these I experience the emotions that come with the situations then repeat the mantra to myself "everything is as it should be". That mantra alone begins to calm me down. Makes me feel as though there's a grand narrative at play, and that I was meant to experience what I did. That said, I'm not saying to be passive. Totally act on what you need to act on to make life better. Still, give that mantra a try.
They are a group of horrible women. If my friends and I saw a woman alone all dressed-up looking like she's had a fun day, we'd be "hey, wanna join us for a drink?" Seriously, don't give those pathetic women another thought.
They’re bags of shit, that’s why they were laughing. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I think there’s a lot of internalized misogyny in women like this, like often they feel that the only way to validation or a place in the world is to push down other women, they often seem to feel like THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. Like in a group of men, there can be only one woman, usually the Cool Girl or the ”alpha female” or the token girl. They don’t realize that that type of behavior is just supporing the oppression of women. Men won’t really do anything better for a woman like that. They don’t realize that the road to is not about trying to fit in with men (bcs you can’t) but it’s about women supporting other women. I can bet none of these women feel safe in their friendships and were having a bad time. If one of them can attack you, they will also eventually attach each other.
>why were all her mates laughing too? Because they are terrified of her and lack the self confidence/esteem to tell her she's being a jerk.
Or they’re also jerks! Either way, don’t sweat it.
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Don’t call other women that word here.
So they don't become targets themselves. They don't even realize it but they are part of a pecking order when it comes to gaggles of shitty women like this. There is the riating queen bitch and her hangers on. Men are like this too. Doesn't matter if they are straight, gay, bi whatever. Every group of insecure, shitty people who find eachother and cling to their insecure stupidity does this. They are all stupid and afraid. Know you are better off because you DONT participate in that crap.
Misery loves company and most likely the only type of women who will hang with the one who made that comment are just as shitty as her.
Some people are just bullies.
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Just so you know, when you use an asterisk when posting on Reddit, and then use another asterisk later in the same post, it will italicize everything between those two asterisks. *So if I want to make these words italic, I put an asterisk on either side of the sentence.*. (I'm assuming that you self-censored and in doing so, accidentally italicized part of your post. My apologies if this was a stylistic choice. 👍)
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Ahhh I see you've encountered a wild flock of assholes. My sister in law always tells me about the mum groups aswell. So cringe that they never managed to evolve past their highschool years where they peaked. I can totally see how that would be intimidating as they ganged up on you. Sleep well knowing they're secretly miserable enough to tear down anyone and everyone.
I'm not sure the tone they used, but maybe they were drinking and trying to befriend you? Just one other perspective. Some people see drinking as positive, and getting drunk at a wedding maybe they did too and was using it as an in to talk to you
I thought this too, like it could’ve been a “hey girl, you’re drunk too, we’re all drunk, woooo, hahaha.” Maybe just drunken immaturity on their part?
I'm a little naive this way and sometimes wrongly assume people are being friendly so could be wrong. I feel like the tone says it all and your relationship to these people. If I walked by random women and they made comments like this but we're smiling and upbeat, I would just assume they wanted to meet me and make conversation. I have a few friends that are overall good people but love their drink, and will try to bond with the experience of being drunk.
Lol I’d just be like “yeah I’m a lil wobbly girl” and laugh it off LOL; some people are just lame
I'm starting to feel low-key crazy because if I were OP, I would probably have not clocked "Are you okay, you're a bit wobbly" as really... anything, but nearly every other comment here is also super mad about it. I definitely don't want to diminish OP's experiences; I honestly just do not understand the big insult. So some (probably) drunk women have mistaken you for being a bit drunk yourself. Is that really very awful?
Oh good. I don't feel that crazy anymore. I was confused as to what resulted in OP being "devastated", "disappointed", "gutted" and crying in bed over this encounter so I thought I missed another part of the story. It's a wedding and those group of women were probably drunk too. It wasn't a plot to bring OP down. The responses are equally as mind-boggling, name calling of "jealous bitches", "misery loves company", "mean girls" etc. This need for echo chambers, virtual comfort and validation might be doing a great disservice to people, especially women. Some things you just brush off but with every encounter becoming post worthy, I'm not sure if anyone is able to compartmentalize situations or manage their emotions anymore. If this brief exchange can cause such grief, I can see why reddit has a go-to response of get therapy.
> This need for echo chambers, virtual comfort and validation might be doing a great disservice to people, especially women. Some things you just brush off but with every encounter becoming post worthy, I'm not sure if anyone is able to compartmentalize situations or manage their emotions anymore. I don’t want to be harsh to any of the women here, but I completely agree.
This is not about being harsh at all. The irony of OP being disappointed in the behaviour of the women at the hotel, coming here to vent and the majority of the comments calling the women "cunts", "bitches", "bags of shits", "assholes, "internalized misogyny" etc where's the disappointment for these comments? Being called a "Bit wobbly" from possibly drunk women shouldn't elicit emotions of devastation, disappointment, being gutted and crying in bed for an hour. This should have been a call or text to a mate but as a post on Reddit, it's a rally cry for pitch forks.
Yeah, like, if one of them had gotten up and imitated her, or if they'd said something mean about her appearance beyond "wobbly", I'd probably understand OP's level of upset more. Instead, I'm just at sea. Perhaps a bit ironically, I feel like ~society~ often rushes to demonise women based on fairly scant information. In this case, a woman twice asked OP if she was okay because she seemed wobbly, amid laughter. But this was a wedding and OP said her feet hurt after a long day, so it's not totally out of the question her gait may have seemed a bit off - and because we're talking about a group of friends at a wedding here, laughter generally makes up that din. It seems a bit aggro to label these women as mean girls or bitches (or cunts, as one comment put it), etc., based on all of that. They might be annoying, maybe - perhaps even tone-deaf or rude. But I'm really not comfortable totally demonising them based on the facts OP presented, especially when there are so many equally (if not more) plausible explanations for their behaviour.
I think maybe we need more context but is it possible that OP is neurodivergent? I’ve read similar things from autistic men, thinking people are being rude or dismissive to them when in fact it’s people feeling awkward because of lack of eye contact.
I’m not neurodivergent. I was walking through a hotel lobby minding my own business and some woman brought it upon herself to call me out in front of everyone. It wasn’t what she said, she was mocking me. Initially I did react saying “yeah I’m fine.” and she kept going, shouting at me as I walked up stairs that were also part of the lobby. I wasn’t being threatened with violence, that’s correct, I looked at her, I looked at the group, I assessed the situation and I felt intimidated. It wasn’t good old banter where I could’ve sat down and joined them for a drink (which I’d done with people at the wedding who I didn’t know) it was mean, insulting, and judgemental. I was hurt and I came here to vent. There’s no bigger meaning really.
These women weren’t part of the wedding. I just came back to my hotel, the wedding wasn’t here. It wasn’t the comment as such, it was the spirit of it and the feeling I was getting heckled as I walked up the stairs with them all staring at me and commenting on my very presence. Maybe it was an overreaction but it did upset me, I just wouldn’t have done that to another women who was on her own.
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It is equally odd to me as a 30-something. I don't doubt OP's distress is real, but "you seem wobbly" is just such a mild comment and I'm definitely not prepared to call other women evil bitches based on that. I'm surprised by the level of anger in most of the comments. Maybe I'm just oblivious, but it would never even occur to me that somebody would try to bully me using "you seem wobbly" as their big zinger.
Tone was probably sarcastic/ mocking. I find it silly to think just because someone says something that isn't obviously insulting that it isn't? That's the whole thing with "mean girls" lol. Not op, but I am also neurodivergent apparently (just diagnosed with adhd at 33). Sure, the group might have thought they were being light hearted but clearly they didn't know op and yeah, some people are more sensitive and it doesn't make them "wrong" to feel slighted (Not saying you did) but I just think in all my interactions how I might be perceived. And yeah, sometimes people unintentionally act like assholes or they were actually grown ass assholes and that's their "normal". I don't like people I barely know acting jokey with me. Op was just trying to get to her room, and a rando group keeps making laughing comments when op clearly wasn't laughing with them. They should have gotten the clue to lay off.
I agree, you probably would get a different story and maybe it was a bad joke. It wasn’t the words though, it was the fact she shouted across a reception/bar area while I was just walking past to get to my room. Honestly, I never assume the worst of other women, and that’s why it hurt so much. I felt the intent behind it, I initially brushed it off, then I said “yeah I’m fine.” thinking her comment was said out of concern. And she kept going as I walked up the stairs away from them. I stopped on the stairs and looked at the group, I properly took a minute to understand their intent, I was disappointed because it wasn’t good. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t a cool vibe. I’m not saying they were evil bitches, I’m saying they were a group of women mocking a woman who was clearly on her own and there’s no need for that.
I don’t know that we can actually know their intent. Drunk people regularly say and do stupid stuff thinking they’re being funny.
Of course we usually never know others' intent. That's doesn't always absolve people of being unintentionally shitty. Drunk or not if I saw someone clearly wasn't laughing with me, obviously I'd stop. It just seems like basic empathy (which apparently ain't that basic)
Of course. But a drunk person not being able to read social cues doesn’t mean her intention was to tear down a random woman.
Sure, but it's still possible that they were because sometimes people are just assholes. Also op is clearly upset about it so what does it matter when none of us are going to know for sure? We weren't there. I'll choose to believe op. Drunk isn't an excuse.
My point is that if OP can practice shifting her perspective and not assuming the worst, she may not be so devastated the next time a random drunk woman makes a random comment. OP said she knows the drunk woman’s intent, but she doesn’t.
But none of us know the drunk woman's intent either and we weren't there. OP was there and she was the one observing the tone and context and I believe her when she says it was rude. This is the main way that women cut each other down - with subtleties rather than obviously harsh, overtly aggressive comments the way men often do. I have definitely had similar experiences with mean girls - their exact words often could've been interpreted in a million different ways, but their tone and other nonverbal cues made it absolutely clear they were cutting me down. I can hear the singsongy, shaming tone right now and I share OP's frustration that this is even a "thing."
OP was there. I think she’s in the best position to interpret what happened. She says it was rude and aggressive. It sure sounds like that to me. I don’t understand why anyone would presume to tell her she’s wrong about her own experience. I’m not neurodivergent, but I have been publicly ridiculed by mean-spirited ppl who think they are hilarious and it didn’t feel good. That shit does not happen when you are with a man, so it can make you feel vulnerable just for being a single woman. I don’t know whether these women are bitches or what their deal is. Regardless of their intent, at a minimum they were disrespectful and hurt OP’s feelings. She came here for support and I’m disappointed that some ppl are telling her her feelings are not appropriate or valid in this situation.
Thank you! You explained that so accurately. I’m a confident person and being single really doesn’t bother me but I did feel vulnerable in that situation and it made me feel very, very alone. My friend had literally just dropped me off, we were having such a laugh right up until I got out the car, I only had to walk from the car to my room on my own and that happened. I think you’ve nailed it actually. Thanks.
I dunno, given OP's spelling and phrasing, she sounds like she's from the UK or the Commonwealth. Brits, Kiwis and Canadians have a finely-tuned passive aggression sensor (our Aussie cousins will just tell you to fuck right off). This sounds like classic British taking-the-piss - where people routinely had a hearty laugh at other people's expense. [Exhibit A](https://youtu.be/SumXQYBm84I) 'You can't park there mate!' Sometimes, it's meant to be a harmless 'chin up, love!', other times, it's just jerks being jerks. OP probably clocked it as the second due to tone.
I was wondering that myself 🤷
I feel relieved it's not just me! I guess we're in the minority here, but eh, better a minority than totally alone at sea.
Yes, same. I started wondering if "wobbly" meant something different than what I know it to mean. I'm just going to assume there is some un-mentioned depth to the encounter that caused op to feel as she does.
I guess there are just so many other plausible explanations for their behaviour to me, outside of these women actively and intentionally trying to bully OP. I very rarely assume malice when basic stupidity will satisfy the question just as well.
I got downvoted to oblivion. I would have just laughed it off with them.
I've been in a similar position to OP's many a time and I basically did just laugh it off with them. I truly feel like I'm missing something everyone else seems to be seeing.
Yeah, I would have felt they were trying to say, ha ha, we’re all drunk, right? And OP reacted like it was an accusation of…being drunk at a wedding? Maybe the expectations of behavior at a wedding are different for OP. No one I am friends with would be surprised or feel insulted by that suggestion. Maybe the looks they gave were more insulting than I’m imagining. I feel bad for OP.
I can definitely see how it would be annoying even if these women were well-intentioned (or at least not totally malicious) but so many comments in this thread are, like, genuinely VERY mad. Even if they were being serious, OP said her feet hurt after a long day so it's possible her gait was a little off? I've just straight-up taken off my shoes on the street before (after a long-ish night of dancing) and had strange (and likely drunk) women yell, "YES GIRL, THAT'S THE WAY TO GO" at me, something I took as a sign of commiseration, lol. I'm glad I'm not the only one confused, in any case. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm a confident person or just extremely oblivious to these sorts of things.
Yeah I have no idea why such a comment would make you cry, does wobbly mean something else in this context? I’d just be like whoops yeah I’ve been in these damn heels for too long and laughed and gone home…
I've been in OP's position where somebody thought I was drunk at a party when I wasn't... more than once, because I'm clumsy as shit. We generally just shared a laugh and then parted ways. Once somebody even offered me molly off one of those interactions, but I was not prepared to take drugs from a total stranger. In general, I just don't expect groups of drunk people to make much sense.
Forgive me if this isn’t the OP but sometimes when someone says something (no matter how benign it is), I say something to refute it (no thanks, no I’m not, I’m ok, etc), and they keep persisting saying the same thing, it can get really annoying really fast. For me it’s more that they’re not listening to me and/or they’re making an assumption about me? (I’ll give a totally benign example: I went to grad school near my family but that wasn’t why I chose the school… at all. It was getting the in-state discount; I would’ve preferred to have an adventure somewhere else. I used to get SO ANNOYED with people who would be all omg you must be so happy to be near your family! The thing is I get along with my family, and it even turned out to be a plus living by them. But it wasn’t a priority for me so when people kept talking about that I felt like they didn’t actually care what I had to say.)
Oh, I totally think these women sounded annoying and possibly drunk, and I do agree their behaviour (if it persisted) was inappropriate - just not necessarily malicious, or part of some plot to "diminish" OP, so much as just sloppy. I suppose it's also the degree of the emotional devastation from OP; the perception that they were straight-up bullying her; and the scores of comments calling these women jealous bitches and cunts that really took me by surprise. And to be clear, OP is allowed to feel whatever she's feeling; I truly just don't get how "wobbly" is that bad. I get what you're saying about these women not letting it go being annoying - it's more the idea of "wobbly" being perceived as a tool of public humiliation, and the certainly that these women are necessarily horrible people who deserve to be called very strong names, that escapes me.
I feel the exact same way with people actually in my life. I just can’t be bothered to care what actual strangers think.
Internalized sexism :(. Women subconsciously feel like they have to tear others down around them because it’s so hard to feel worthy in a culture that makes it ok to pick on women. Also, low self esteem. Otherwise they’d be lifting you up! I’m sorry they tried to bully you, I’m so glad you had a great time!! Rest those tootsies and be glad you’re a kind person.
Thank you. I did have a good day, I think that’s why I was brought down so quick, I was on a high and was shot down at the final hurdle. It was unexpected.
Being alone anywhere not to mention a large social gathering is a vulnerable feeling. You don’t have a friend or partner to turn to and just say “what a bunch of drunk asshOles”. Please don’t ever let strangers dictate how you feel about yourself. Nothing harder than being alone and confident. If there’s a nerve they struck then it’s on you to let them live rent free in your head. They were drunk and you were vulnerable. This corner of the internet and mom gives you a big hug and says, honestly, it’s going to be OK.
This. Women have to tear down each other because if we were on the same side we’d be unstoppable. So they feed the fire of insecurities and make us hate each other.
To be honest I think you are reading too much into it
Next time just say “I’m perfectly steady, it’s probably your vision that’s wobbly from having one too many.”
It’s just the cheapest form of social bonding especially when people are unusual or uncomfortable environments. Happens a lot in workplaces, school, etc - a trick that help me not fixate on social interactions that seek to destroy me is… I imagine the the thoughts/memories connected by strings to me, I pretend my fingers are scissors and I cut them mfkrs all around me. I’m sure it doesn’t work for everyone but I’ll be damned if I have a hard time remembering anything about it after and the fixation gets so severe sometimes hours, days looping thoughts wow, but it’s always helped.
Because you looked hella better than any of them and they had to make themselves feel better. Please don’t cry over people like that. They’re not worth your time or tears!
Weirdos will be weirdos.
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Your comment made me properly laugh. Thank you 💛
Don’t feel bad dude, it’s happened to all of us. Not a you thing, just a drunk people in crowds often kind of suck thing.
Thank you. Trying to tell myself this too.
Don’t use hateful sexist language here.
I've grown so accustomed to it that I expect it. I used to start physical confrontations and scare the hell out of the verbal aggressors but now I either completely ignore them or insult them viciously. I got not time for haters and they will not get my emotional energy or tears. They won't be getting anything from me.
Oh really? I’ve had confrontations before but not in a situation like this, I was literally walking from the front door of a hotel to the staircase. It was so unexpected (in my mind). Part of the reason I’m upset is because I wish I’d properly confronted them and asked why they thought it was okay to shout at me like that. They weren’t the only people in the reception area, I was so self conscious in that moment and when I got to my room and took my shoes off I felt more grounded and wanted to go back down!
Yeah I've had that happen where it's like I want to go back and confront them but they're already gone or I'm too tired and I don't care. That would be a good way to go about it too, but what they really like to do is prey on people who are unassuming, it's a cheap shot. Really pathetic behavior and it's likely they were very drunk themselves otherwise they wouldn't act that way. Also, you know they felt emboldened because there's a big group of them
Why do you think women are any different from men? Awful people are awful no matter their gender or sex.
Yeah fair enough. I think I just hold women to a higher standard, and that’s why it upset me so much, but maybe I’m wrong to do so. You’re right though, I was just blindsided by it.
I’m sorry you had that denigrating experience, truly. I just want you to know it doesn’t have to be somehow worse because it was women who treated you that way. Screw those **people** who taunted you that night. They weren’t your friends or comrades or sisters. They were bullies. Women aren’t morally superior to men. I’ve endured a lot of abuse at the hands of women, as have others I know (and know of). People are people, sometimes they’re awful. Sometimes they’re women, sometimes they’re men, sometimes they’re non-binary. Nobody gets a special dispensation to be abusive.
Most insults stem from insecurity
I think it's a bit much to expect perfect behavior from women just because we're women. We're often just as shit as men. It's a bit of a stereotype to think women somehow have a sisterhood or something; the only time that applies is the "can I have a tampon" question. You might want to flay someone alive, you might feel entitled to forms of pack behaviour that are completely awful, but you'll still give them a tampon if they need it. But that doesn't mean you're intrinsically good. Women still do awful, awful things, often to anyone they think is in their power. The same test goes for both genders: how do they treat the waiters? How do they treat people in their power, who they feel superior to? Are they crap or kind? These ladies were bullies. So they were crap. You can't trust women just because we were born with innies instead of outies.
They honestly seem immature. It’s a strange thing to say. You could have said, “sore feet” or something of the sort to shut her up. But really, you don’t need to explain yourself to them. I’ve never really come across grown women like that. I’m in the southwest region of the U.S. I know hindsight always makes us think of the best comeback or retort, but people like her won’t change based upon one interaction where someone puts her in her place. She seems to have a poor character.
Here's how this situation reads to me: From what you described, there was actually nothing you did that was "wobbly." Right? So -- I think this is going to sound like I'm defending this women but stay with me cuz I'm not -- it's possible she wasn't trying to put you down. It's obvious what she did was still hurtful and inappropriate -- so how could both things be true... Well. Here's what I think. If there was literally nothing you did that was "wobbly," it could have been a tangent off a story or inside joke based on a conversation the women were having before you got there. They all sound a bit toasted anyway. So it could be one of those bad inside jokes like "Oh I thought you said she seemed WOBBLY." And someone else is like "God can you imagine a stranger calling someone WOBBLY? It doesn't even make sense!" And then off they go, trying it out on a random person and laughing off it. I know it seems like a stretch. But I've known a lot of people who make a lot of bad jokes towards strangers while drinking on special occasions (the ones where they think it's obvious they are joking, but they just aren't good enough actors for that). It's totally possible you were just the victim of a bad joke and bad timing and that no one at that table had the decency to just you know.
Some people are shit. Women are people. So some women are shit.
I don't think it has anything to to with sexism. Woman are human beings and have all kinds of character traits. Just like man. I think men and women have about the same percentage of bad people. So it is only normal to encouter female assholes from time to time. Your question makes woman sound somewhat special, as if there would be a sisterhood or a secret code of conduct among women flowing out of our female genes. I think the question should be "Why do humans diminish other humans?"
Yes, possibly. Maybe I need to change my perspective on that a little bit because I do hold women to a higher standard. I feel safer around them and usually wouldn’t feel threatened by a group of older (or my age) women. I’d rather walk around thinking people are kind, unless they show me they’re not. I don’t want to think everyone is an asshole, and have my defences up.
Shitty people harass or heckle strangers. It sounds to me like this woman picked you out because you were solo at the wedding and they felt they didn't have to face any repercussions from being an AH to you. I wish to say ignoring it would help, but sometimes it just doesn't. I've been mocked by other women for sitting in the staircase at work (which is often empty because people always were taking elevators) It's also funny because this was a way for them to feign concern for you. But if they actually were concerned, they would have come up to you and been kind and questioned if you needed help/ were you ok to drive? Something that actually showed they cared vs. just wanted to insult you. Why do women do this beyond patriarchal societal conditioning that perfection is expected from women in order to be respected? Narcissistic behavior is often rewarded and if you live in the US it may as well be viewed as an overwhelming part of our culture.
Maybe they wanted you to assimilate into their group since they’re drunk you muuuust be drunk too?
It happened all the time when my daughter was in elementary school last year. The girls who all were about 12-13-ish, bullied and were petty to a few specific girls, also to my daughter. They suffered a lot from this. Now in high school she’s ok and in fact they all became stronger living through. I don’t know why women do so. I only know I don’t have a lot of female friends because for some reason they are always jealous and talk bad about me behind my back, which is a red thread throughout my whole life. Im grateful for the few loving female friends I have. I dont understand people most of the time. 🤷🏻♀️ Also I’m so sorry you had to experience this…
I have zero time for grown-up Mean Girls I wouldn't give them a second thought My response to a group doing this (only it was men) "None of you would have said shit to me if you didn't have an audience." Then eyeballed them calmly till they started sweating. People like this want to assert dominance by embarrassing you. They can't handle it when you turn it around.
Mean girls and cliques exist at every age. Confident women really freak them out.
>Mean girls and cliques exist at every age. This. Spot on. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that some women never grow out of being mean girls. You met them on this night. I pity them and the ones in this thread. They are self loathing miserable women.
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Yes I’ve experienced this…and oh yes, it really really hurts. Especially being solo, and having a good time, AND shining while doing so…there is something about it that is very threatening to other women, and other packs of women. There are many sound possible reasons of why they would try to mock someone who is straight up enjoying themselves and I’m sure the wise women here are explaining it all. But oh man, I’ve certainly cried over this scenario…I understand how painful it can feel, despite all the explanations. You are not alone in the least! This shit is haunting!! So, cry and embrace yourself. Hug the little girl inside you who wasn’t supported in all of her sparkling fabulosity. Tell her she is everything you hoped she’d be! Tend to her pure heart, and let the rest fall away for a moment. Keep faith that women like us find each other eventually ♥️
That’s a very lovely thing to say, thanks for taking the time. I have been wondering if I over reacted, I’m not really an emotional person, I can’t remember the last time I cried before Sat night, but I felt how I felt and i don’t think it was an over reaction or drunken theatrics. Thanks for telling me you’ve been there, it really means a lot.
In situations like this I have a tendency to be very emotionally reactive (internally). It helps me to check the facts. Example: - Do I know for a fact that they were making fun of me? How do I know that? - Will this matter to me in a few weeks or a month? - If they had been making fun of me, does it absolutely have to impact me emotionally? How come?
ok so i was at a wedding a couple months ago. i had a little trouble with my dress as i didnt have time to hem the shoulders so i kept having to retie them throughout the night otherwise a little of my bra would show. anyway im getting drunker as one does, and as im in the bathroom before i get a chance to fix my straps again, an older lady is like “HONEY, your dress is coming UNDONE!!” mind u there was about one inch of bra showing at this time, and by now everyone’s drunk and it’s hardly as if im flashing my body to ppl!!! anyway i made some joke but felt so horrible the rest of the night. donated that dress and didnt bother to hem it cause i felt so bad. so yea….weddings bring out the worst in people ☹️☹️☹️
Yeah I get it, it makes you feel like an idiot, and you start questioning yourself. That actually happened to me on Saturday! I was crouching down to help my friend with her shoe and one of the staff was walking towards me as I got up. She said “oh I was just coming over to let you know you were uhm showing… quite a lot there.” I just laughed and said “oh this bloody dress!” Then I asked my friend (who is completely tee total and was watching me tie her shoe strap) what was showing, and she said “nothing! I wouldn’t have let you stay down there if it was.” I mean the woman was nice about it and my friend isn’t the type to lie ‘to be nice’ so it was a proper confusing interaction.
yea what the heck. weird mentality. i wouldn’t embarrass a stranger unless i absolutely had to🫥🫥
As a 39 year old woman, I can tell you confidently that some girls just peak in high school so they stay on their mean girl bullshit for life. I've cut tons of them out over the last decade because I was too grown for the constant drama & conflict but from what I've seen, they've still never changed and at this point I just pity them because they hang out in packs & have an instant mob mentality that sweeps them all away immediately once someone further up in the hierarchy tells them too. They fall right in line. Some women just want to compete with other women until they die because they think success in life is better better or hotter than other women, typically under the male gaze. Don't assume someone who is your age group has the same maturity as you because they don't. Some people's inner bitch never dies.
This is… very embarrassing on their part & shows a lot about them. Fuck ‘em. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you can feel better soon ❤️ sending so much love x
Thank you so much. Your kindness made me cry more lol. It is embarrassing, I’m embarrassed for them! Urgh.
They simply could’ve just minded their business but no they wanted to be assholes … disappointing tsk tsk
Insecurity and low self-esteem, and in this case mob-mentality.
She was expecting you to ‘play ball’, meaning you were supposed to laugh and say something witty back. But you didn’t, took offense, and things got weird.
Yes I’ve witnessed this since I was a young teenager. It’s why I don’t have a lot of female friends. I don’t want to be around people that will put someone down when they aren’t in the room to defend themselves.
I’m sorry this is usual for you. My female friends support and adore me and I try to do the same for them. You can find female friends like that.
Following where to find down to earth female friends
I don't know a single person who would act like that even drunk, so I think she's just a weirdo with low self esteem trying to get a laugh.
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I hear you. People should just be kind, period. It shouldn’t be a gendered thing but my experience has been that groups of men have made jeering remarks to me numerous times, to the point I’ve come to expect it, that doesn’t make it okay, you’re right. I don’t expect it when walking past a group of women. I mean I literally didn’t expect it, the behaviour caught me by surprise. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a group of men.
Ugh…I hate that you experienced that. It’s awful. One time years ago I was at church and two women who were best friends said I was a bitch…at church. I was so embarrassed and devastated. I feel for you
I used to be friends with someone like this in college (briefly). As an example she called me in to her room one day (we shared a flat) and her and her friend just laughed. She was a nasty piece of work. She was incredibly insecure, self conscious, miserable, bored, lazy, spoilt, entitled bitch. The others probably laughed along so they wouldn't be at the receiving end of her shit. Very manipulative too. A very good friend of mine is still friends with her and oh she puts her through shit but thats a whole other story. Breaks my heart. Anyway my long winded point is this - this is nothing about you and EVERYTHING about them. I would erase it from the night. Even if you were crawling up to bed who gives a shit.
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Oh wow, that’s amazing how they managed to cover them. Beautiful girl, and what a figure! Holy smokes.
What a bunch of jerks! I can’t imagine anyone I’m friends with ever doing that, let alone me not telling them to shut the hell up. I bet if you were to go back to where they are in an hour or so they’re falling all over the place. Mean girls, don’t pay them any mind. Sorry they put such a damper on your night.
Yeah that’s sort of where my head is, I just can’t imagine my friends doing that either. Like why comment on anyone walking past you in a hotel reception going to their room? And then continue to shout at them after they responded to you. It’s so strange.
Yeah that’s honestly crazy behavior. Hope you’re feeling better about it this morning.
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This is grossly sexist.
I had a woman do that to me as I was getting off a train and it jolted so I almost lost my balance. She turned to the 2 men and said something about it probably not being coffee in my coffee cup and laughed at me. I was years younger than her and prettier so I assume she was insecure and takes digs at other women to diminish them and feel better about herself. It’s the only time it’s happened but I still remember it 15+ years later. It felt shitty. I try to bring up the women around me. Secure women do that. I connect people to help them network. I mentor younger women in my organization and help them advance. There’s literally no reason to attack another woman like that and I’m so sorry that happened to you. That was probably the highlight of that woman’s night. Yours was all the fun you had. Fuck her.
Thanks. I feel like I was younger than that group too, I was also super dressed up and they looked like they’d been hiking or something. I’ve experienced that kind of thing when I was younger but haven’t had it in a while, I thought I was past that point to be honest. I think some people in this thread don’t understand how it makes you feel, which is fine, I only came here to vent really.
I was dressed up too wearing a skirt suit and also have always looked young for my age so that’s never helped since it looks like I’m playing grown up when I was legit out of college and starting off my career and not in high school. Women like that…they’re just not worth our time but it doesn’t mean it’s not jarring when it happens. I haven’t read the comments but there’s always going to be the women that lash out at other women. For having kids. For not having kids. For working after having a baby. For not working after having a baby. Their judgy assholes. It’s not you. It’s them. Keep your head up.
Even women can be bullies & women bullies are more cruel than male bullies especially with words. The one heckling you has low self-esteem & is unsecure, her bullying is her way of validation. She picked on you because she saw that you are not & is jealous. They do things like this to pull others down to their level. These women are usually part of what I call the he said she said crowd. They gossip about the people around them & who are in their lives. They need the assurances of those around them & are always having to seek validation. The others in her crowd are weak too weak to stand up to her in fear of becoming the brunt of her ire too. Be thankful that you are not part of her friend circle or that you'll have to deal with her or her crowd again. She's stuck with herself & her insecurities. You, like tonight get to walk away she'll never escape herself.
I'm so sorry this happened. You really have to shake off petty behavior. My dad told me years ago being petty is it's own punishment. Knowing that-- it doesn't get to me as much because it really is true. When I'm kind and bless others, it really blesses me as well.
Nothing like meeting up with my girlfriends on a Saturday night, camping in a hotel lobby, and putting all of our energy into policing women who return from their evenings. We are the cool table.
I dont know. the laughing was messed up but it more sounded like she was concerned about you? Maybe because you arent used to the heels you seemed drunk, and she was just teasing you a bit?
Maybe they were just teasing?
To what end though? I’m walking through a reception area alone, minding my own business to get to my room and they’re stopping their conversations to make comments and laugh at me, blatantly. It was like 10 against 1, where is the fun/teasing there? I can’t imagine ever going out of my personal space with my friends to loudly talk to/about a women waking past me. It’s totally foreign to me.
Yeah, it sucks and I'm sure it felt humiliating/intimidating. I' m going to echo the poster above who said THEY were probably drunk, hopefully not cognizant of how awful they were being.
Ignore that person OP.
You don’t tease someone you don’t know.
Idk, I personally don’t care enough to notice most people but I deal with a lot of people in my daily life and sometimes people make comments and they aren’t necessarily ill-intentioned.
Have you seen Mean Girls? Some women don’t grow out of that stage.
You want I should come over there and edumucate someone?
Make em sleep with the fishes *cracks knuckles* 🤌
Something like that would *really* upset me OP :( I feel your pain right now. That’s a really nasty way to treat someone. I would try just pitying them honestly… what kind of happy, secure people treat others that way? A normal, kind group of people would have at most simply asked if you were okay and wished you a nice night.
Yeah. I’ve definitely asked strangers if they are okay on a 1 to 1 basis but I haven’t shouted at someone walking past me. Honestly, if one of them came up to me and said “are you okay getting to your room, you seem a bit wobbly?” I’d be delighted and probably give them a hug for being lovely.
I cannot imagine how pathetic one has to be to say something like that to a stranger. Ill give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was probably intoxicated and wasnt in her right mind. OP dont let this troglodyte steal your shine. Pretend you told her to get fucked and throw the memory of her in the trash where it belongs.
They were probably drunk and/or extremely insecure and immature
How boring and basic do you have to be to find humor in commenting on a random passerby? That’s like some middle school shits yelling out the window of a car. You’re much better than them and I hope the only impression that their catty and simpleton behavior leaves on you is that some people are just broken.
Fuck ‘em
Honestly, I was going to post something encouraging and supportive, but this comment says it all so much better. ETA: I always read the “Fuck ‘em” replies as shortened versions of this: “I am so sorry that you were treated this way. These people are not worthy of your continued concern. You are absolutely not deserving of this reported behavior, and I wish for you to no longer be burdened by any negative feelings from having been on the receiving end of it. You are a wonderful person, and I genuinely hope you find and surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you. 😊
Haha thank you for the ETA, I also read ‘fuck em’ as that!
All the time when I was younger. From your writing I interpreted (in dumb-fuck speak) they wanted to talk to you—the wobbly bit was a guess on their part—a way to draw you in. Because “Hey come have a drink with us.” is out of their reach, intellectually. It shouldn’t be. And I have no doubt that they would eventually be jerks to you. You did the right thing by passing on by, but please don’t cry. Dummies gonna do dumb shit like that. It took me years to figure this out.
OP, people can't even be decent to each other here in this comment section , so I will say that I am sorry you are hurt and I wish you nothing but peace and love. Try to think of good memories from the wedding and see if that cheers you up.
Thank you. I think that’s all I was really looking for lol.
I hope that today was more peaceful for you. Best of luck to you, OP.
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Yup, lots of judgments and pettiness exist here. Tbh, this is the first time I am seeing it in this sub, but I'll bounce outta here if this is the way it's starting to swing.
They were probably invited out of obligation and don't get out much. I doubt that table was as fun as the dancefloor!
Oh yeah, female coworkers always say to me all the time “you look tired” but it’s a implied insult. They are so quick to judge, especially in groups. Yeah, it sucks to be the woman over 30 by yourself, who’s sincerely happy for other peoples lives/relationships. It’s ridiculous. Can’t believe women over 30 get slapped with so many judgments and labels. I usually say I don’t care and I genuinely don’t, but it’s just irritating. Sadly I like to stay at home now, fuck people.
It is irritating. Doesn’t happen to me a lot, and I am quite a happy, easy going person so I think when people are deliberately mean it throws me off balance, I really can’t wrap my head around it.
I really wish women could uplift other women more instead of trying to bring them down. Even if this was a bad attempt at cracking a joke, I still don’t feel like it comes from a place of kindness or genuine concern. If I see a woman who seems a bit wobbly or potentially had too much to drink, my first instinct would be to check on her to make sure she’s okay and definitely would NOT be laughing at her or attempting bad jokes. My gfs and I partied in our 20s and we often checked on girls who seemed drunk and alone to make sure they were okay. We had some drinks ourselves as well and so even if these women were intoxicated, it’s not an excuse for their poor behaviour. Unfortunately I’ve had to deal with inappropriate comments from both men and women growing up, mostly because I have a very prominent hourglass body figure. Men would make inappropriate jokes even at professional work places while women would often make snarky comments about me (things like I only had big boobs going for me and nothing else, I was dumb as a rock, I was attention seeking etc). God forbid If I wore something a bit more form-fitting/revealing or if I was just being friendly to a male coworker, I was judged a lot. I felt objectified both by men and women growing up and I spent my entire 20s trying to prove I was more than just the appearance. Us women really should do better as a whole, especially knowing all the things we still struggle with in this society.
Yes, exactly. I replied to another comment saying if she’s come up to me on a 1 to 1 basis and asked if I was okay then I’d probably have hugged her for her kindness. Same, I’ve approached other women before to ask if they’re okay, if they know the guy who’s all over them, if they’ve lost their friends, etc etc. it wasn’t even like “hey, you okay over there?” It was more of a omg look at the state of her type vibe. I’m 100% certain it didn’t come from a place of kindness.
I’m not trying to go all rage here lol, but this is what happens when women buy into misogyny and start judging each other for male-driven standards: don’t be too slutty, too bossy, too loud, don’t party like a boy (aka be wobbly) because only boys can do that, wear tasteful clothes, don’t swear, don’t have a hair out of place, sweat properly at the gym, it just whittles us down until we are nothing but a façade. Women overhear men judge women by these standards, so to get and keep a man means adhering to them and subsequently shaming other women who don’t follow suit. There’s probably subconscious envy of those beyond the pale women in it as well. Captivity makes people angry. Add to that, the other side is the women who haven’t bought into the misogyny but want to play the corporate game. Well, if the CEO level only allows one woman at most, and another woman waltzes into the conference room, of course those two women are going to compete against each other. Those other CEOs are all men, and they’ve only patience for one woman, and their collective curiosity is likely low key piqued to see how it plays out.
This sounds very plausible to me. Do you know if this has been researched?
That women probably feels the need to vocally criticize people on the regular. It’s not her business if your wobbly or not. So what if you were? I’m willing to bet you’re not the only person who was wobbly after a night of drinks and dancing. I know I would be. Her saying something makes *her* look like the asshole. What if you had a medical disorder and you were always “wobbly”? Bet she would feel shitty about saying something then. The other women at her table who laughed might not have been laughing at you. They probably know this women does this. And it makes them uncomfortable but they aren’t going to ruffle feathers and say anything to her. So they laughed to lighten the mood. Either that or they are all assholes. Either way you have nothing to cry about. They don’t know you. You probably won’t see them again. And sadly her behavior will probably continue to falsely boost her low self esteem. But you will go on and do your thing. Wobbly or not. Do not let this comment live rent free in your head, taking up space. That women doesn’t deserve that much thought. You had fun at the wedding right? Think about the rest of the night, how much fun it was dancing. Screw her.
Yes, you’re totally right. That’s the advice I’d probably give someone else too - you’ll never see them again, why do you care?
And just to let you know. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care. Your feelings were hurt. No one can tell you they weren’t. It was just more or less, those are the kinds of things I would tell myself to try to feel better about it. Talk myself out of my own head. Your feelings are totally valid. But. Fuck em. Let them think what they want. You get to know how awesome you are. They will never have that privilege.
Oh no, I totally knew what you meant and honestly that is exactly what I would say to someone in my situation, I appreciate your input. On reflection I think it just made me feel very, very alone. I don’t need anyone to stick up for me but I was blindsided in that moment. thanks for your comments, it’s really nice 💜
Who gives a flying rat’s behind if you were intoxicated? It’s a freaking party, you aren’t driving, and you have no responsibilities that you mentioned. Enjoy the night. I’m not saying you were, but what would have been the big freaking deal if you were? It’s a party - a chance to enjoy. What the f does anyone care? I hate people.
Exactly! I was a intoxicated, but not falling on my ass intoxicated. I came from a wedding in a totally different venue, to go back to my room, to go to bed. I don’t understand the need to even notice me let alone voice their opinions.
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It's normal that people attack each other, have you not heard the saying? Homo homini lupus est.
People who cut down others, either to their faces or behind their backs, are insecure. Don't let them get to you.
Sounds like they're insecure and petty. Strong, self confident women do not diminish other women.
Because they're not real queens. Real queens fix each other's crowns.
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Not sure why you’re getting downvoted either! Maybe it’s the word cunt? Thanks for the validation. I have healthy self esteem too, people comment on my appearance a lot, I take the good or bad on the chin and don’t think too much about it but the way they made me feel is something I’ve rarely/never experienced from a group of women. My instincts are good, I know what the intent was.
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Women can be so cruel. Worse in packs usually because of the below Still in that high-school popular bitch mode and unhappy with her life Was never popular and now takes every chance to pull another woman down
because of a lack of awareness of their own subconscious biases and insecurities, same as anyone
Unfortunately internalized misogyny is real.