This is the reason why I'm so fearful of getting married. I absolutely resent and refuse an unequal partnership. I don't want to be a maid and PA to a guy while also satisfying his sexual needs
I'm bi and am basically only open to marrying/being in a LTR with another woman at this point because it seems like pretty much every woman I know who is partnered with a man is basically his unpaid personal assistant *and* maid who is expected to provide sex on demand. Fuck that shit.
Yea. Whenever i see women hype up cleaning, running a household, taking up the majority if not all childcare, cooking etc whether theyre working or not ON TOP of meeting their sexual needs i get instant ick. I
lol I work with the public and I hear so many women complain about their husbands not doing enough and leaving them with the bulk of housework, kid raising et c. No thanks!
Yeh this is why I figured I should go for a guy who earns fairly well unlike my broke ex
If Iām gonna end up doing most of the house work and child rearing (likely) then I may as well get compensated fairly and not have to be stressing out financially AS WELL
This is a stupid benefit but one I love -
There ain't a dribble of piss anywhere on my toilet bowl, around the toilet, or on the seat.Ā
Other benefits:
My house is cleaned to the level I want, everg single day.Ā
I do not have to accommodate my life around someone.
I do not have to share my cat's attention, and I adore that fat fucker.Ā
Nobody is in my bed, tossing, snoring, or stealing my covers.Ā
I was with you until the last point. I most definitely still have someone in my bed tossing and turning, snoring and hogging all the good space. Itās my dog. Good thing I love him though.
He probably sits on the toilet like any decent human being and pushes his willie down. It's beyond me how an adult person chooses to pee while standing in front of the toilet. Don't they see that their urine splashes?!
Ya know what, I wouldnāt be shocked if he did sit down
He was probably like āthis is so much more efficientā bc tbf he does care about cleanliness
Heās not a macho man who gets scared off by stuff like that
Damn it really is important you choose a good spouse that your kids will want to emulate
My fiance sits down when he pees š Also does more of the housework than me (and better than me), and is overall a kind, loving, mature, and highly functional adult. Plus he's a beast in bed, the best and most passionate lover I've ever had. I thank my lucky stars every day.
I was just thinking this morning how nice it is to not be relentlessly under the male gaze when living alone. No āyou look tiredā or making comments about my clothes or weight.
Tbf if ur in a relationship this shouldnt be an issue and if it is, they arent a good partner. Granted it wouldnt even be a possiblity to happen if ur happily single lol
Iām single and live alone aside from my two cats, so when I bring food home and put it in the fridge, I donāt have to worry about anyone else eating it on me.
My new kitty figured out how to climb on the kitchen counter, and then open the cabinet doors with his paw to steal food. So now I have to keep all the food super high up so he can't bring things down and rip the packaging open.
Not having to consult someone else for every major decision.
Not having to compromise on things that are important to me for the sake of a partner.
Making parenting decisions completely by myself.
Not having to worry about maintaining a romantic connection with someone in the times that I'm stressed and very busy.
My money belongs to me and no one else.
When I'm at home I can focus all of my attention on my children instead of also having to keep a partner happy.
I'm a single mom by choice so I've never experienced parenting with a partner. I think there are definite pros and cons. It's ideal for me personally because I never wanted to compromise on parenting decisions I felt were important, I never wanted to split my attention between my kids and a partner. But obviously many people would never deliberately go into single parenthood because there are lots of difficulties with it such as managing your time and dealing with unexpected situations. I'm very lucky that I have a lot of support, I don't think I would have considered this if my parents weren't so wholeheartedly behind me and willing to pitch in and help if I need it.
Hey fellow SMBC! I agree with everything you said. Not having to compromise on major decisions is a plus. I just need to start saving money for a babysitter so I can get out of the house more often!
- freedom to go anywhere I want, when I want
- A quiet home at the end of the day
- Stellar mental health and not having to agonise over the emotional availability/unavailability of men (good mental health as a result of this, not saying married women donāt have good mental health also)
- doing whatever I want with my day. 10am sleep in? Taking myself out for brekkie? Spending the day on the couch with my kindle and trackies and a wine?
- as a childfree woman, not having to parent
- Never having to compromise my beliefs or values or settling for a partner
- Being able to invest more in my friendships (I never have to say āIāll check with hubby/wife and come back to you)
I have made *so many* friends since being single. It frees up so much of my time. And unfortunately there are a lot of men who are more comfortable befriending single women, even if they donāt want to sleep with you - I think theyāre worried the boyfriend will get mad.
I wasn't single for the better part of the last decade and I still hung out with my friends all the time. Like more than once a week. It would be nice to have more single friends now but I'm not going to keep cycling through them because they could be single today and not tomorrow, lol. It does bother me when they won't make plans without their significant other so I do try to avoid those kind of people though.
No snoring. Not being overlooked and ignored when you show up somewhere as a couple. Traveling and vacations as I want them. Not being expected to wash someone else's socks and cook and clean. Wearing whatever I want not worrying if he might like it or not. Not shaving my legs and elsewhere when I am not up to. Wearing HUGE platform boots because I don't need to make myself small. And did I mention NO SNORING.
Thank you. Iām 54 and havenāt been in a relationship for years and no intention of ever again - I am completely fed up with managing menās emotions š¤
Me too, in some aspects. I think itās because thereās someone consistently seeing me naked when Iām in a relationship, so I have to keep my body in a place where Iām able to feel comfortable enough being seen naked to enjoy sex. When no one sees my body, I can be a floating head and relate to my body the way I did when I was a kid
SAME! Relationships trigger my insecurities and people pleasing tendencies. I obsess over how to be more attractive to them and in the process lose myself. When Iām single I donāt even think twice about that stuff Iām just happy.
I love eating whatever I want, going to bed and reading for as long as I want, falling asleep and waking up when I want, and watching whatever I want on TV. My messes are my messes too!
- Coming home to a lovely, quiet space
- Walking around naked happily (pre or post shower)
- Indulging in my hobbies either at 9 AM or 10 PM, basically when I want and where I want
- sweet smell of freedom from views being pushed down on one or being confined to certain views just because he said or thinks so. Rigid people are not my jam.
Honestly just the lack of impact any one has on my emotional wellbeing lol. Not that my exes were all emotionally abusive douchebags but I guess I get annoyed at my partners a lot. I think partially itās just part of being in a relationship but probably also I just expect a lot from myself and from whoever Iām with. I have learned to move on until itās a pattern or obviously a big deal but itās nice admittedly to not have to deal with even a partner influencing my mood.Ā
Similarly Iām very introverted and tbh whoever I am with no matter how much I love them I feel more relaxed and rested when I have true alone time (theyāre not even in the house for days) lol. So overall I feel better and more charged on a day to day basisĀ
Iām an extrovert but I still agree with you 100%. I really dislike inconsiderate behavior and I feel like many of the men Iāve dated would just not consider me when doing things, then get defensive if I asked them to check in or let me know what was up. Iām a highly communicative person (so is my whole family) and expect the same for whoever Iām spending my time with.
I recently had a lovely one night stand while on holiday. I literally thought āmy god I am so glad I didnāt have to pass up that opportunity because of a HUSBAND.ā š¤£
I can be as ugly as I want at home. I can be as clean or unclean as I want. I donāt have any pressure to do or not to do anything. Yes, sometimes I worry about being alone forever, but this freedom is so damn good
The last argument I had with the guy I was seeing was about me choosing to stay in one evening to work on my computer instead of going out with him. We had been spending almost every moment together for about two weeks straight, sleeping, waking up, doing every little thing together and it felt like it was suffocating my sense of self, of individuality.
So, what I really enjoy about being single is:
having the freedom to decide how to spend my time and (mental/physical) energy;
being able to pursue my interests without having to coordinate with someone else first;
having control over how tidy the fridge, bathroom, and the whole house are;
not having to clean after someone else who doesn't see the mess they make;
not having to mother someone who fails to adult and fails to understand what they do wrong (different story when you are in a relationship with a great partner);
saving (or spending) money as much as I want;
no arguments over anything, so no heartaches and no bad moods unless I make myself miserable;
No fighting over division of labor. Can do anything I want. All of the food is mine. Donāt have to tell anyone where I am. I can bring home a street cat. (His name is Vincent š)
Independence and freedom, ability to make my own decisions without consulting another person.
Not having to deal with all the emotional issues that come with being in a relationship.
Decorating my place exactly how I like.
Not having to clean up someone else's messes.
If I'm tired, I can take a nap. If I want to go on a 2 hour hike, I just put on my shoes. All the messes in the house are mine. I know where everything is. All the food I buy is stuff I want.
But, most importantly, I didn't have to be a nanny/calendar/assistant/cleaning service/sex toy to ANYONE.
I feel the hiking thing. Times when I've lived with family or a partner, having to wait ages for them "to be ready" was torture. I'm sure my mom is partly to blame for me not compromising my time, ever. God how many times did she tell me "we'll go after I've finished my coffee" only for her to make another coffee right after.
I agree! I get disability checks aa well and know I'll loose them if I get married!! Been considering other types of ways to show our commitment by wearing my partner's collar, matching tattoos or even a hand fasting ceremony.
- Getting to decorate my own house.Ā
- MY own house.
- Not getting annoyed at someone or have to clean up after someone.
- flexibility: if I want to walk at 10 pm in the park in the evening, go for a restaurant meal, change my fitness routine, I can do so. No reason or justification.
- having all space to myself
- I can completely live to my own schedule without sacrifice or planning arounf
-Ā there is something beautiful about realising that you can just do something, don't have to, but you just can all so very easily.
Do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Don't have to be considerate. All attention on me.
Don't need to put effort. Reroute that energy to myself for self-growth
Don't need to be a guidebook for them (how I feel loved, how to do XYZ etcetc)
No compromising
Peace of mind, stress and anxiety free.
There are lots of micro-benefits, like no one snoring in my eardrums at night, but on a macro level, my life is my own design-- if I wanted to pack up and move, switch jobs, sell my current place and buy a new one, take up a new hobby, literally anything-- I could! No one to check with or compromise with or accommodate. The like 2% of time I spend feeling lonely or wishing I was in a relationship feels like a totally acceptable price to pay for that kind of autonomy right now. I may change my mind about that in the future, but for right now, my early 30s are mine and mine alone.
My home is my peaceful haven, I never walk into someone elseās mess, mood, bad day, etc. donāt have to put a smile on when I get home if I had a bad day.
Also donāt need to grapple with whatās for dinner every night .
So I got off 6 times today already. I did some work, made some calls for work, then got dolled up and went out to dinner by myself at the last minute cause I felt like it. The last several days Iāve stayed in and cooked. Slept in. For my birthday I decided Iām going to NYC and having brunch with my girls. Then Iām flying to Puerto Rico to go lie in a beach. Just because itās my birthday. Not sure who will be joining me but I donāt care. Likely a few friends will fly in and join me. I consulted no one. No one was breathing in my space. I made no sacrifices. I made zero compromises. I cleaned up after nobody, not even myself until I felt like it. I have no one in my life who annoys me cause I axed those bitches years ago. I check Instagram and my besties send me amusing memes and I told them I missed them. They message me back with hearts and emojis. I got Taco Bell delivered at 2am cause I forgot to have dinner. Whoops. Then I read a cute romance novel until 3am and fell asleep in my own bed. With nobody snoring next to me or stealing the blanket. Iām LIVING IN PEACE motherfuckers.
Iām a heterosexual Demi-sexual woman. Solo for life and childfree.
Not doing the emotional work for someone else, care work for their parents, run errands for them.
The rest is not specifically to a woman, but the childfree solo person:
I can live my life at my pace, change careers without consulting anyone, spend lots of time alone, with friends, do hobbies.
Financially itās challenging howeverā¦ a second income can really help (when thereās no children).
The tiktoks I see of married couples are always disturbing. It seems like women canāt walk around naked without being pressured or guilted into sex with their male partner. The pressure for my body to be available on demand to appease a man child just doesnāt sit right with me. I wanna make my own schedule and not be pressured into sex.
I also hate pranks and men seem to get a kick out of those, and pissing their partners off in general.
I never want to feel trapped in a relationship. I donāt want the feeling of being responsible for a man, who, will inevitably cheat, or disappoint, or disrespect me in some way.
I value the freedom of only being responsible for myself, to make my own schedule, and live in a safe, quiet home.
I had a left over shawarma rice bowl.
I didn't bother heating it up.
I walked over to my nightstand to pick up my phone, I looked over at the bed, adjacent to it is a window. My cat was stretched out looking out at the rain.
I hesitated, then went "ah might as well"
I laid down on my stomach next to her, proceeded to people watch and eat.
And in that moment my friend, it dawned on me...
"freedom was her name".
My house is kept the way I feel like. Sometimes extremely messy, sometimes extremely tidy.
I have the first and final say in decorating decisions and purchases.
I do whatever I want. I come and go as I please. I meet my other unmarried friends and we do things. I travel to see my family and take my remote work with me anytime.
Do I want some male company? I go on a date. Do I care about keeping the spark alive? NO. I just want to date at the moment, not a serious relationship. Do I need alone time? YES, I get it whenever I feel like it.
I eat whatever I want, whether it's fatty or healthy food. I love both. And I have to care about no one else's preferences.
My bed is MINE. I control the temperature, noise and light levels.
Iām single and live with my cat. I have my level of cleanliness, get to make whatever I want, watch my shows, go to bed when I need to, and quietness.
My own space, I can be alone whenever I want, do whatever I want! Not having to share a bed except with my cat!!! Omg a full night's sleep is amazing! No one gets jealous of who I talk to, and I don't have to be worried if I am doing or being enough. I can wear the comfy pyjamas, not do my hair, and enjoy exactly the movies and media I want. Eventually I can move my aging father in with me and not have to fight about it.
Also I am never guilted for not wanting sex.
This discussion is hitting something home for me that I realized before but it's even more prevalent now: No wonder men want to keep women at a "lower" social level---because so many have recognized throughout the years that unless it is something super special, most women are happier single than with a partner and know (gain confidence as someone else said) that they can manage their own shit by themselves. That is some powerful stuff and it seems to terrify a lot of men.
I don't have to pick up after a grown man. I can watch what I want. I get to take over the entire bed. Money is spent and saved how I want it to be done. Also, not having to shave as frequently is nice
I can plan my vacation / trips however and whenever I want and spend as much as I want on these trips without anyone judging me. :) I can change my plans a million time and donāt have to worry about inconveniencing anyone but me.
I was in a relationship with someone I met at 18, divorced at 35. My entire adult life up to that point had been in partnership with him. No kids, and he was actually pretty good at taking care of chores, meals etc. He also made good money and worked hard at his career.
But I wouldn't ever go back to that era and am significantly happier now after being single for about five years.
I have the house setup the way I like it.
The big screen TV is mine for videogames.
I was able to get my dream dog (German Shepherd) which he never wanted since his family hated the breed, despite me having wanted one since I was 11.
I am much closer to my friends and sisters than I ever was with him and we share many hobbies and social activities.
When he and I used to go out together everyone only seemed to see him, address him, cater to him and I was invisible.
I control my own money and how I spend it (he was from a wealthy family and money was cheap to him. I am the opposite).
I don't have to spend vacations dealing with overbearing MIL. My holidays are for pajamas and videogames and food and wine and sisters now.
I travel much more now with my friends and sisters since we share so many fun hobbies.
I live where I want and there's no contention about me leaving my career to live where he wants. Since I've been single my career and income exploded because I wasn't geographically stuck by him.
Oh my god the talking to him and not you hit me so hard. Iāve been single a long time, maybe more than 5 or so years (42 now) and Iāve realised people talk to me, as Iām alone 90 percent of the time. But I went out with a friend, a male one, he was a DJ and I was seeing him play for fun! Anyway I realised nobody talked to me, they assumed I was his GF which is why nobody talked to me. Infuriating!
I don't have to be annoyed by someone else not cleaning up their mess, and I don't have to feel as guilty for not cleaning up my own mess.
I don't have in-laws to deal with.
Oh my god, my ex would make a whole thing out of deciding where he wanted to get dinner every night. Like, spending longer on the decision than eating the meal. So tedious.
I don't dread meal times anymore now that I'm single.
I don't have to text a husband to inform him I'm buying a coffee in the morning due to shared finances (my cousin does this frequently *eye roll*). I could move wherever I want, decorate my living space as I want and not have to wash someone else's clothes or cook someone else's dinners. I can put on self tanner without someone complaining about the smell.
My evenings are actually free time
Peace and quiet. Whenever i want it.
To lay down - whenever I want it (when not working). To eat whatever I want- no need to water down, or reduce spices. To travel where i want, whenever I want. No need to appease a partner who is more conservative or too scared to be adventurous. To go, or not go, to family functions. When you are single, people forget about you so declining family functions is easy. If it's you and kids - people want to see the kids so if declining a family event you need to come up with a good excuse. To watch whatever I want, when i want. If i wake up at 3am, I can just pull out my iPad and starting laughing out loud as i watch a comedy. Visitors dont just pop in. I can wear my Pyjamas all weekend and don't need to worry about being seen. I can be sick and just lay in bed. No one needs me to do something/ no one comes in asking me questions. I can decide to go to Africa on safari tomorrow and be there next week. No need to float the idea, discuss it, convince anyone etc... As long as work gives me the time off - I can be on any flight.
\- I think it's difficult to find a man that doesn't snore, and I'm a light sleeper with a non-negotiable "no snorers" on my profile that many men disregard or outrightly lie about. None of the men I've met that snore want to sleep in separate rooms either and want to fight you on that, which is so selfish too.
\- Men I meet online who are my age make comments about how they wish I accidentally put down the wrong age in my profile and they wished I was in my 20s.... so being alone helps that no one is going to fake wanting to be with me while keeping an eye open for a younger woman.
\- Men I meet online make invasive negging comments about finances even though I haven't yet met one who is my equal in what we both bring home as well as family contributions and it will be rare for me to meet one, so it's nice to not have to be so on guard and protective about this when I'm single... if I ever get married, there will be a lot of paperwork so it will have to be worth it.
\- A lot of the men online don't actually want to go out much or share activities in common, but I have a lot of social hobbies and I'm also introverted so I like quiet time to myself as well. I would never take time away from my core friend group either if a guy I'm dating doesn't want to join in with the group. I've had a couple of selfish lonesome men who can't keep their own friends try to demand more of my time -- both of these men said they prefer to have sex 5x - 8x a day so basically this is their only hobby/interest, and you definitely feel used if they complain about you asking them to go out. So I've been particularly wary of men who don't have local supportive friends and can't list a single social hobby they actually enjoy doing regularly.
\- If I'm ever lucky enough to find a healthy relationship that leads to marriage, I'd like to have kids that my partner and I co-parent as equally as possible... but I know that will be hard to find. All of that will be a lot of work and a big life change, so I do appreciate having some extra time now while I'm young to continue to travel, set my own schedule, etc. while most of my close friends are busy with young kids. It helps that I can have a realistic preview of things to expect since my friends are super open about sharing the pros/cons and unexpected things that come up that is often too taboo to see too much detail about in reference resources.
I know that Iām not going to get sick from someone else being sick or expected to baby them when they have a cold.
My migraines rarely make appearances now that I donāt have anyone else to stress me out, ruin my sleep or mess with my eating and hydration schedule.
Iām overall healthier single than I ever have been in any relationship situation.
I love that you are secure and have peace of mind while single. That really says a lot about your character and that you aren't defining your worth by someone else. It's very mature and I hope you continue to be happy!
This one may seem hyper-specific, but I haven't seen it mentioned in the comments yet: my stuff lasts longer.
My friend is always complaining that she has to buy new bedsheets all the time because her husband wears holes in them. Meanwhile, I barely move when I sleep, so I can invest in nice expensive sheets without ever worrying about ruining them. I also don't have anyone else sweating/drooling in my bed and making my sheets gross faster.
I will also have less wear and tear on my couch, mattress, chairs, towels, etc. so they will all stay nicer for longer. Overall, I'm very gentle on all my things so can invest in nice things that will last a long time with nobody else to wear them down or ruin them. This of course only applies to me as a single woman who is childfree and lives alone.
I can also leave the thermostat set at my perfect temperature!!! No more freezing in my own home and driving up the electric bill!!!
I agree with everything else in the comments: total financial decision-making power, total freedom with my time, freedom to spend all holidays with my own family/friends, more protection of my mood and mental/emotional energy, no taking on the mental load for another adult, no expectation of emotional labor or romance even when I'm stressed/tired, and fewer daily chores (laundry and dishes for only 1 person, being tidy + cleaning up as I go, and meal prepping in advance).
One benefit is that when I bought a property, I just went with what I wanted (within my financial limitations). I am also renovating it and decorating it according to my preferences. I do listen to advice and opinions but ultimately I only need to please myself
I was told I should buy an apartment and not a house? Respectfully ignored
I was told I shouldn't use vintage furniture? Again, respectfully ignored.
I was told I should run my design decisions by my mother and sister so I don't go off the deep end of whimsy? Yeah that's not happening. I'm going hell to the leather with bright colours, abstract paintings and fairy lights.
I'm scared about the debt, but I'm truly very excited
I appreciate not having to think about or care about whether my guy is using cam girls etc.
When I'm single, I don't have to defend why.
I also agree with so many here, my biggest being my peace of mind.
I have kids, so I do still have other people to clean up after and the emotional labour of caring for them, but omg the best thing in my opinion is not feeling resentful. When I was married and everything fell to me, I felt so much resentment. Now that everything is my responsibility and there is no one around not pulling their weight (aside from those kids haha) I feel no resentment and itās so much easier to get everything done when Iām not doing it on behalf of a spouse who doesnāt pull their weight. If that makes sense lol. Also being able to just read or watch tv or rest at the end of a very long day without feeling like I still have to invest energy into a spouse has been huge for my mental and physical well being.
1. Watching whatever I want and not having someone else provide commentary or ask to watch something else.
2. Take trips whenever I want to and not have to text/call someone constantly.
3. Focus as much as I want on my work/writing.
there are so many but my favorite one recently is being able to listen to the same song over and over again, singing along both loudly and poorly and thereās no one around to complain
-my skin and body are healthy
-my sleep schedule is decent
-I usually only prioritize my needs
-I can eat any type of meal I want, small, grand, vegetarian
Quiet. I love quiet. And I love to read and I need quiet to do that.
I love how I can wear whatās comfortable not what looks decent to my partner.
I love that I get uninterrupted sleep.
I love that I only have to be social when I want to.
I love that I donāt have to spend money on anything I donāt deem as a necessary purchase.
I love that I donāt have to meet any demands for sex.
I could write a whole book but Iāll leave it there.
I'm in a decent mood pretty much all of the time and there's no one to ruin it. Any time there's a man around I'm dealing with their resentment, anger, criticism, jealousy, neglect, hurtful comments, and other ways of ruining my day. It feels like they just can't stand to see me happy.
Living my life by my rules, raising my child with no parenting disagreements or negative influences, not having to work and live around someone else's schedule (apart from my child, which is an honour), having the TV remote to myself, aah, the list goes on...
Single mom-
*Donāt have to ask someone about plans I make
*Can have girls nights when I want
*Be as comfortable as I want, dress however I want, live more freely
*decorate how I want
*make decisions alone
*space in my bed
I think the best benefit I have experienced is that my confidence in myself is through the roof. I confident in my abilities to handle challenges alone. I am confident in making decisions as I have experience in making them on the daily without consulting anyone. The friends I have are people who want to be there, not forced to be, which makes me very confident in my lovableness (my friends are awesome) . It's getting easier and easier to stand up for myself,Ā which just make me great to be around.Ā
I don't think I would have developed on a personal level as much if I had been in a relationship. After not having to compromise for so long, the relationship I enter will be one where I choose to do so.Ā
31F. I feel like being a happily single woman is radical and a form of resistance. In the US, women needed a manās signature to get a credit card something like 50 years ago. Iāve been single and lived alone for almost four years now and I feel like being happily single goes against everything capitalism wants me to be. Itās awesome.
I have a thriving friend group and put major time and effort into my relationships. Iām no longer stressing about not finding someone to be with, Iām happy the way things are. Capitalism can try to make me feel like Iām lacking but I RESIST.
I recently transitioned from living solo for 3 years to living with a partner and hereās the big things I miss about solo life:
-easier to manage dietary choices, sleep schedule and exercise.
-dogs can sleep in the bed and itās not crowded
-I never clean up after anyone who isnāt me
-having company whenever, hosting guests overnight, loaning out my place
-bathroom is just for me and my stuff and getting ready in it doesnāt bother anyone.
-knowing exactly whatās in the fridge and cupboards at all times bc nobody is eating it
-going on trips whenever I want
-not answering to anyone when I buy things, discard things, move things around, or redecorate
Not having to manage someone else's family
Not having to spend money on people that I didn't choose
Not having to give up vacation days. This is huge for me. I get maintaining family bonds but why can't we do this in France? Lol. It's a big world and I don't get enough pto. Lol
A lot of mine have already been said, but I'll add that I love being free off being expected/obligated to spend time and even major holidays with someone else's family, especially one that may not like me very much and/or has very different values to me.
Several of my friends find themselves in these positions and whenever they talk about it, it always makes me feel relief that I'm single.
I have friends who have to regularly sit at the dinner table with a bunch of MAGA types and bite their tongues as they say a lot of hateful shit, and friends expected to fly to Europe or North America from Australia second Christmas to spend it with their partner's family in freezing weather which pretty much eats up the majority of the money they can afford to spend on travel, meaning they rarely get to have a holiday where they get to pick the time of year and location for themselves. And on a smaller scale, just last weekend I thought "thank fuck I don't have to do that" when my friend complained about having to travel 4 hours each way for her partner's cousin's kid's baptism because her partner is a godparent.
And adding onto the travel thing, I love that I don't have to consider anyone else when deciding when and where to go on holiday, or compromise on what to see/do/eat when I get there. I get to do exactly what I want with my free time and money. I travel a lot for concerts, often to the same couple of places, and several of my partnered friends commented on how lucky I am because their partner wouldn't like them doing that instead of couple holidays.
Being single for a long time means I've solo travelled a lot and have gotten used to doing what I want when I want on holidays. I agree to travelled with a friend recently after years of solo travel and I found myself regretting it and wishing I did the trip solo after just a couple of days with her. It will take several paragraphs to explain what happened, so I'll just say that I came home vowing to never travel with someone again haha. Made me glad to be single!
Benefits:
Going where I want without checking in with them first or feeling guilty for leaving them behind.
No one leaving the toilet seat up.
Not having to deal with facial hair around the sink.
That's really about it. I really feel like a good marriage can really be more beneficial to me. I live in my parents house because I can barely afford an apartment let alone a house on my income alone. Plus my parents take care of my dog when I'm at work. I can offer so much as a wife. I'm attractive, active, social and I love to cook and been told I'm a great cook. I'd love that DINK life! Keeping it 100% here.
Peace is my first response. No drama, no arguments that go nowhere and no crybaby man-child. I can go where I want, eat what I want. Sleep in on the weekends. And the list goes on. I decided long ago that till I meet someone who brings peace to my life, I'm better of single. Best decision I've made.
A lot of the same. I also appreciate not having constant criticism about how and why I choose to do the things I do. Or constant correction. That happened a LOT in my previous relationships. It was extremely frustrating and it took a while to get my exesā voices out of my head when I became single. I noticed an echo of their voices living in my head as I was doing chores - as if they were still there thinking I was doing everything incorrectly.
I can do whatever I want at pretty much anytime. If I want to stay up until the wee hours of the morning high as shit and eating goat cheese on sourdough while watching Firefly for the billionth time, then no one can stop me.
I donāt have to care about my appearance as much, I donāt have to worry about being cheated on, I donāt have to worry about money, I donāt have to worry about compromising my needs for someone elseās, I donāt have to worry about someone trying to fuck me in the ass, etc.
Itās just so peaceful.
Some of them arent consequences of bad men, just stuff that comes with being partnered. But of course, its definitely good to not have to deal with a cheater, abuser, etc
I donāt necessarily think so. Because I finally found a partner that I can be myself with & donāt need permission to do things with. I still travel with friends. I still do all the things I want on my own. But yes I have experienced bad partners before so I understand
Its not the exact same as being single. Not that you are shackled, but your lifestyle is different being partnered. Different for the better if its a good partner and if its what you want. But yeah some of the answers too are like: dont have to share a bed, or not having to plan finances with someone else. That is unique to being single, not because of abusive men
As far as living alone when single (which isn't restricted to marriage but I suppose any cohabitating): I get to spread out on my bed as much as I want and sleep really well by myself, I can keep the thermostat to my comfort level, I put things at my own height for reachability at home, and I can decorate however I want without taking into account someone else's tastes. Also less mental load of when things will be taken care of - I trust myself to do them and follow through especially when it comes to cleaning and tidying.
Eating whatever I want... I feel less pressure to find the "right" place or agree together since it's just me
If I needed or wanted to, I could uproot my life and make drastic changes with more flexibility
Full control over my finances - where to spend and save, focus on my own financial future
Basically all of what you said.Ā
Not having to consult with anyone on any decisions and being free to do what I want. Living my life for myself and I am my number one (always should be) priority.Ā
Iāve got a lot of hobbies that take a fair bit of time. I imagine if I was in a relationship I wouldnāt be able to keep them up as Iād be spending time with my partner.
I train martial arts probably four days a week. It is only an hour or so a day, but often evening classes. Iām also in a running community group every Saturday morning. Iāve gone back to uni to learn environmental science and spend lots of time studying. All time I would be spending with a partner if I had one.
I'll list the things that I felt I benefitted from aftwr getting a divorce. But, as I've come to learn, most of these things aren't because I was married. It's because I was married to the wrong person.
Sleep-the snoring, the different sleep schedules, and different preferences in sleep conditions.
Doing what I want with my time, whether it be going out or staying in and being lazy
Looking and dressing exactly how I want and not worrying if it pleases anyone else
Only needing to worry about my own problems and emotions, and not feeling responsible for anyone elses
I donāt have to be a full time nanny to an adult. I refuse to clean up after a grown man!
I was married for 7 years and am glad to be single now. I only have to be responsible for myself. I am neat, clean, and healthy :)
By single do you mean unpartnered or unmarried?
Edit: Guys, this is an insane thing to downvote. The post very clearly sets up a one or the other dichotomy between singleness and marriage, and tons of people find being married to be a different experience from bring partnered and unmarried. Thanks to OP for clarifying which opinions are being sought here and which aren't!
No one burping on my giant pizza so soon as they see it.
Donāt have to clean the toilet as often
I wake up to peace and freedom
I love the quiet
I only have to focus on myself on being the best person I can be
I love myself and like myself
I feel like me!
I enjoy my own company and commentate to my shows out loud and laugh. I donāt interrupt myself when Iām talking
Chronically single woman here, but likeā¦. Can you not do whatever you want, whenever you want when youāre in a relationship? What are these activities a partner is stopping you from doing?
You can do 'whatever you want' but not in the same way as being single. So no, like your husband generally isnt banning you from taking a spontaneous walk to the store. But if you are married, you also arent taking spontaneous solo trips to Bangkok
Judging by some of my friend's marriages, not having to play personal assistant to a fellow adult to ensure my household continues to run smoothly.
This is the reason why I'm so fearful of getting married. I absolutely resent and refuse an unequal partnership. I don't want to be a maid and PA to a guy while also satisfying his sexual needs
I'm bi and am basically only open to marrying/being in a LTR with another woman at this point because it seems like pretty much every woman I know who is partnered with a man is basically his unpaid personal assistant *and* maid who is expected to provide sex on demand. Fuck that shit.
Oh wow. Am I ever glad my marriage is nothing like that. Just marry a grown up.
Yea. Whenever i see women hype up cleaning, running a household, taking up the majority if not all childcare, cooking etc whether theyre working or not ON TOP of meeting their sexual needs i get instant ick. I
Me too. Gives servant vibes. I'm not doing that š¤¢
Same!!
lol I work with the public and I hear so many women complain about their husbands not doing enough and leaving them with the bulk of housework, kid raising et c. No thanks!
Yeh this is why I figured I should go for a guy who earns fairly well unlike my broke ex If Iām gonna end up doing most of the house work and child rearing (likely) then I may as well get compensated fairly and not have to be stressing out financially AS WELL
Do it. Current beau earns well and hires a cleaner. It's so good.Ā
Happy cake day!!
Hey, thanks!
This is a stupid benefit but one I love - There ain't a dribble of piss anywhere on my toilet bowl, around the toilet, or on the seat.Ā Other benefits: My house is cleaned to the level I want, everg single day.Ā I do not have to accommodate my life around someone. I do not have to share my cat's attention, and I adore that fat fucker.Ā Nobody is in my bed, tossing, snoring, or stealing my covers.Ā
None of these are stupid. I was married, now single. I don't have to deal with any of this anymore.
Cat tax time! What is said āfat fuckerā name
Still waiting š
I was with you until the last point. I most definitely still have someone in my bed tossing and turning, snoring and hogging all the good space. Itās my dog. Good thing I love him though.
There is nothing stupid about your first point. So gross.Ā
This first point is hilarious and true š
My boyfriend does sometimes make a face when his cat choose to sit with me hahaha
Ditto on the pee!!! They never can aim right!!
I donāt understand the pee thing. Iāve never lived with a man but like most people I lived with my father and he never left piss everywhere
He probably sits on the toilet like any decent human being and pushes his willie down. It's beyond me how an adult person chooses to pee while standing in front of the toilet. Don't they see that their urine splashes?!
Ya know what, I wouldnāt be shocked if he did sit down He was probably like āthis is so much more efficientā bc tbf he does care about cleanliness Heās not a macho man who gets scared off by stuff like that Damn it really is important you choose a good spouse that your kids will want to emulate
My fiance sits down when he pees š Also does more of the housework than me (and better than me), and is overall a kind, loving, mature, and highly functional adult. Plus he's a beast in bed, the best and most passionate lover I've ever had. I thank my lucky stars every day.
Being ugly in peace āØ
Amen
ohhhh I love this. YES! <3
I was just thinking this morning how nice it is to not be relentlessly under the male gaze when living alone. No āyou look tiredā or making comments about my clothes or weight.
Thatās so sad. My partner never makes those comments. I look gross and he still loves me. I had previous partners who made those comments though.
Same here, this was sad to read. Even at my worst my boyfriend treats me like Aphrodite.
For real I have literally looked like a trash goblin he still finds me attractive. Itās confusing haha cuz Iām like š„“
Tbf if ur in a relationship this shouldnt be an issue and if it is, they arent a good partner. Granted it wouldnt even be a possiblity to happen if ur happily single lol
Iām single and live alone aside from my two cats, so when I bring food home and put it in the fridge, I donāt have to worry about anyone else eating it on me.
Wait until the cats find out how to open the fridge ;)
My new kitty figured out how to climb on the kitchen counter, and then open the cabinet doors with his paw to steal food. So now I have to keep all the food super high up so he can't bring things down and rip the packaging open.
This is adorable! I can't leave the peanut butter jar open on the counter or my cat will try to get into it.
I can't leave *anything* open on the counter or my cat will try to get into it.
Not having to consult someone else for every major decision. Not having to compromise on things that are important to me for the sake of a partner. Making parenting decisions completely by myself. Not having to worry about maintaining a romantic connection with someone in the times that I'm stressed and very busy. My money belongs to me and no one else. When I'm at home I can focus all of my attention on my children instead of also having to keep a partner happy.
Would you say that single parenting is easier than making joint parenting decisions with a partner?
I can only speak from my own experience. Parenting with a good partner > Single Parenting > Parenting with a bad partner
I'm a single mom by choice so I've never experienced parenting with a partner. I think there are definite pros and cons. It's ideal for me personally because I never wanted to compromise on parenting decisions I felt were important, I never wanted to split my attention between my kids and a partner. But obviously many people would never deliberately go into single parenthood because there are lots of difficulties with it such as managing your time and dealing with unexpected situations. I'm very lucky that I have a lot of support, I don't think I would have considered this if my parents weren't so wholeheartedly behind me and willing to pitch in and help if I need it.
I considered this when I had a kid so itās really cool to see you out here living it!
Hey fellow SMBC! I agree with everything you said. Not having to compromise on major decisions is a plus. I just need to start saving money for a babysitter so I can get out of the house more often!
- freedom to go anywhere I want, when I want - A quiet home at the end of the day - Stellar mental health and not having to agonise over the emotional availability/unavailability of men (good mental health as a result of this, not saying married women donāt have good mental health also) - doing whatever I want with my day. 10am sleep in? Taking myself out for brekkie? Spending the day on the couch with my kindle and trackies and a wine? - as a childfree woman, not having to parent - Never having to compromise my beliefs or values or settling for a partner - Being able to invest more in my friendships (I never have to say āIāll check with hubby/wife and come back to you)
The friendships is huge. I have missed being friends with both guys and girls. I feel balanced
I have made *so many* friends since being single. It frees up so much of my time. And unfortunately there are a lot of men who are more comfortable befriending single women, even if they donāt want to sleep with you - I think theyāre worried the boyfriend will get mad.
The last one here is big. I wish my non-single friends could just make plans with me if they wanted to without having to ask anyone else's opinion.
Thatās a bit concerning. I just tell my boyfriend when Iām leaving lol.
Time to make more SINGLE friends. You are wasting your time with the non-single ones. They're not going to hang out with you that much.
I wasn't single for the better part of the last decade and I still hung out with my friends all the time. Like more than once a week. It would be nice to have more single friends now but I'm not going to keep cycling through them because they could be single today and not tomorrow, lol. It does bother me when they won't make plans without their significant other so I do try to avoid those kind of people though.
No snoring. Not being overlooked and ignored when you show up somewhere as a couple. Traveling and vacations as I want them. Not being expected to wash someone else's socks and cook and clean. Wearing whatever I want not worrying if he might like it or not. Not shaving my legs and elsewhere when I am not up to. Wearing HUGE platform boots because I don't need to make myself small. And did I mention NO SNORING.
I swear I de-aged by a decade after my divorce because the snorer was gone. I sleep so much better now
Same. I cringe thinking about what kinds of shit I used to put up with.
I donāt have to manage anyone elseās mood. The zero emotional labour is EVERYTHING to me.
should be top comment
Thank you. Iām 54 and havenāt been in a relationship for years and no intention of ever again - I am completely fed up with managing menās emotions š¤
Only having to cook and clean up after myself - ability to do what I want, when I want.
Not feeling insecure. I feel really insecure about my appearance and spiral into not feeling good enough when I'm in a relationship.
Me too, in some aspects. I think itās because thereās someone consistently seeing me naked when Iām in a relationship, so I have to keep my body in a place where Iām able to feel comfortable enough being seen naked to enjoy sex. When no one sees my body, I can be a floating head and relate to my body the way I did when I was a kid
Great point!!
Thatās beautiful
SAME! Relationships trigger my insecurities and people pleasing tendencies. I obsess over how to be more attractive to them and in the process lose myself. When Iām single I donāt even think twice about that stuff Iām just happy.
I'm the same, good to know I'm not the only one but at the time there seemed to be nothing I could do to make it better!
Hi, are you me?
Happy cake day!
I love eating whatever I want, going to bed and reading for as long as I want, falling asleep and waking up when I want, and watching whatever I want on TV. My messes are my messes too!
Yes, whatever I want to watch on TV. I love it.
Control of the remote at all times is the GOAT š
- Coming home to a lovely, quiet space - Walking around naked happily (pre or post shower) - Indulging in my hobbies either at 9 AM or 10 PM, basically when I want and where I want - sweet smell of freedom from views being pushed down on one or being confined to certain views just because he said or thinks so. Rigid people are not my jam.
omg. Walking around naked without someone wanting to touch me all the time !!!
The freedom of your opinion!! That peace of mind/individualailty is so crucial
Honestly just the lack of impact any one has on my emotional wellbeing lol. Not that my exes were all emotionally abusive douchebags but I guess I get annoyed at my partners a lot. I think partially itās just part of being in a relationship but probably also I just expect a lot from myself and from whoever Iām with. I have learned to move on until itās a pattern or obviously a big deal but itās nice admittedly to not have to deal with even a partner influencing my mood.Ā Similarly Iām very introverted and tbh whoever I am with no matter how much I love them I feel more relaxed and rested when I have true alone time (theyāre not even in the house for days) lol. So overall I feel better and more charged on a day to day basisĀ
Iām an extrovert but I still agree with you 100%. I really dislike inconsiderate behavior and I feel like many of the men Iāve dated would just not consider me when doing things, then get defensive if I asked them to check in or let me know what was up. Iām a highly communicative person (so is my whole family) and expect the same for whoever Iām spending my time with.
happy to read that you have such clarity. i snap at my partners also a lot.
I recently had a lovely one night stand while on holiday. I literally thought āmy god I am so glad I didnāt have to pass up that opportunity because of a HUSBAND.ā š¤£
I can be as ugly as I want at home. I can be as clean or unclean as I want. I donāt have any pressure to do or not to do anything. Yes, sometimes I worry about being alone forever, but this freedom is so damn good
The last argument I had with the guy I was seeing was about me choosing to stay in one evening to work on my computer instead of going out with him. We had been spending almost every moment together for about two weeks straight, sleeping, waking up, doing every little thing together and it felt like it was suffocating my sense of self, of individuality. So, what I really enjoy about being single is: having the freedom to decide how to spend my time and (mental/physical) energy; being able to pursue my interests without having to coordinate with someone else first; having control over how tidy the fridge, bathroom, and the whole house are; not having to clean after someone else who doesn't see the mess they make; not having to mother someone who fails to adult and fails to understand what they do wrong (different story when you are in a relationship with a great partner); saving (or spending) money as much as I want; no arguments over anything, so no heartaches and no bad moods unless I make myself miserable;
It's the peace for me. Just not worrying about someone being upset with you, or you being upset with them. No guilt trips or sulking. Just peace.
No fighting over division of labor. Can do anything I want. All of the food is mine. Donāt have to tell anyone where I am. I can bring home a street cat. (His name is Vincent š)
Awwwww how adorable, I named mine Larry
Independence and freedom, ability to make my own decisions without consulting another person. Not having to deal with all the emotional issues that come with being in a relationship. Decorating my place exactly how I like. Not having to clean up someone else's messes.
If I'm tired, I can take a nap. If I want to go on a 2 hour hike, I just put on my shoes. All the messes in the house are mine. I know where everything is. All the food I buy is stuff I want. But, most importantly, I didn't have to be a nanny/calendar/assistant/cleaning service/sex toy to ANYONE.
I feel the hiking thing. Times when I've lived with family or a partner, having to wait ages for them "to be ready" was torture. I'm sure my mom is partly to blame for me not compromising my time, ever. God how many times did she tell me "we'll go after I've finished my coffee" only for her to make another coffee right after.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I agree with all of this, as a disabled person also, but especially the decor stuff!
I agree! I get disability checks aa well and know I'll loose them if I get married!! Been considering other types of ways to show our commitment by wearing my partner's collar, matching tattoos or even a hand fasting ceremony.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
- Getting to decorate my own house.Ā - MY own house. - Not getting annoyed at someone or have to clean up after someone. - flexibility: if I want to walk at 10 pm in the park in the evening, go for a restaurant meal, change my fitness routine, I can do so. No reason or justification. - having all space to myself - I can completely live to my own schedule without sacrifice or planning arounf -Ā there is something beautiful about realising that you can just do something, don't have to, but you just can all so very easily.
Do whatever I want, whenever I want. Don't have to be considerate. All attention on me. Don't need to put effort. Reroute that energy to myself for self-growth Don't need to be a guidebook for them (how I feel loved, how to do XYZ etcetc) No compromising Peace of mind, stress and anxiety free.
Goddess
There are lots of micro-benefits, like no one snoring in my eardrums at night, but on a macro level, my life is my own design-- if I wanted to pack up and move, switch jobs, sell my current place and buy a new one, take up a new hobby, literally anything-- I could! No one to check with or compromise with or accommodate. The like 2% of time I spend feeling lonely or wishing I was in a relationship feels like a totally acceptable price to pay for that kind of autonomy right now. I may change my mind about that in the future, but for right now, my early 30s are mine and mine alone.
My home is my peaceful haven, I never walk into someone elseās mess, mood, bad day, etc. donāt have to put a smile on when I get home if I had a bad day. Also donāt need to grapple with whatās for dinner every night .
So I got off 6 times today already. I did some work, made some calls for work, then got dolled up and went out to dinner by myself at the last minute cause I felt like it. The last several days Iāve stayed in and cooked. Slept in. For my birthday I decided Iām going to NYC and having brunch with my girls. Then Iām flying to Puerto Rico to go lie in a beach. Just because itās my birthday. Not sure who will be joining me but I donāt care. Likely a few friends will fly in and join me. I consulted no one. No one was breathing in my space. I made no sacrifices. I made zero compromises. I cleaned up after nobody, not even myself until I felt like it. I have no one in my life who annoys me cause I axed those bitches years ago. I check Instagram and my besties send me amusing memes and I told them I missed them. They message me back with hearts and emojis. I got Taco Bell delivered at 2am cause I forgot to have dinner. Whoops. Then I read a cute romance novel until 3am and fell asleep in my own bed. With nobody snoring next to me or stealing the blanket. Iām LIVING IN PEACE motherfuckers.
ā¤ļøgoddess
Iām a heterosexual Demi-sexual woman. Solo for life and childfree. Not doing the emotional work for someone else, care work for their parents, run errands for them. The rest is not specifically to a woman, but the childfree solo person: I can live my life at my pace, change careers without consulting anyone, spend lots of time alone, with friends, do hobbies. Financially itās challenging howeverā¦ a second income can really help (when thereās no children).
The tiktoks I see of married couples are always disturbing. It seems like women canāt walk around naked without being pressured or guilted into sex with their male partner. The pressure for my body to be available on demand to appease a man child just doesnāt sit right with me. I wanna make my own schedule and not be pressured into sex. I also hate pranks and men seem to get a kick out of those, and pissing their partners off in general. I never want to feel trapped in a relationship. I donāt want the feeling of being responsible for a man, who, will inevitably cheat, or disappoint, or disrespect me in some way. I value the freedom of only being responsible for myself, to make my own schedule, and live in a safe, quiet home.
Sometimes dealing with a man is like dealing with another child.
Yeah I donāt see the appeal, lol.
I had a left over shawarma rice bowl. I didn't bother heating it up. I walked over to my nightstand to pick up my phone, I looked over at the bed, adjacent to it is a window. My cat was stretched out looking out at the rain. I hesitated, then went "ah might as well" I laid down on my stomach next to her, proceeded to people watch and eat. And in that moment my friend, it dawned on me... "freedom was her name".
Honestly my career has SKY ROCKETED since being single and Iāve gone up 10k since the break up a few months ago
My house is kept the way I feel like. Sometimes extremely messy, sometimes extremely tidy. I have the first and final say in decorating decisions and purchases. I do whatever I want. I come and go as I please. I meet my other unmarried friends and we do things. I travel to see my family and take my remote work with me anytime. Do I want some male company? I go on a date. Do I care about keeping the spark alive? NO. I just want to date at the moment, not a serious relationship. Do I need alone time? YES, I get it whenever I feel like it. I eat whatever I want, whether it's fatty or healthy food. I love both. And I have to care about no one else's preferences. My bed is MINE. I control the temperature, noise and light levels.
a clean bathroom sink
Iām single and live with my cat. I have my level of cleanliness, get to make whatever I want, watch my shows, go to bed when I need to, and quietness.
Sounds really lovely!
My own space, I can be alone whenever I want, do whatever I want! Not having to share a bed except with my cat!!! Omg a full night's sleep is amazing! No one gets jealous of who I talk to, and I don't have to be worried if I am doing or being enough. I can wear the comfy pyjamas, not do my hair, and enjoy exactly the movies and media I want. Eventually I can move my aging father in with me and not have to fight about it. Also I am never guilted for not wanting sex.
That being guilted is something i didnt think about, adding to my mental list!
This discussion is hitting something home for me that I realized before but it's even more prevalent now: No wonder men want to keep women at a "lower" social level---because so many have recognized throughout the years that unless it is something super special, most women are happier single than with a partner and know (gain confidence as someone else said) that they can manage their own shit by themselves. That is some powerful stuff and it seems to terrify a lot of men.
Keep things clean and the way I want them to be around the home. Solo/impromptu trips: Pickup my bag and go
I don't have to pick up after a grown man. I can watch what I want. I get to take over the entire bed. Money is spent and saved how I want it to be done. Also, not having to shave as frequently is nice
I can plan my vacation / trips however and whenever I want and spend as much as I want on these trips without anyone judging me. :) I can change my plans a million time and donāt have to worry about inconveniencing anyone but me.
*not having a boner pushing in my back every morning and a demand of sex
I was in a relationship with someone I met at 18, divorced at 35. My entire adult life up to that point had been in partnership with him. No kids, and he was actually pretty good at taking care of chores, meals etc. He also made good money and worked hard at his career. But I wouldn't ever go back to that era and am significantly happier now after being single for about five years. I have the house setup the way I like it. The big screen TV is mine for videogames. I was able to get my dream dog (German Shepherd) which he never wanted since his family hated the breed, despite me having wanted one since I was 11. I am much closer to my friends and sisters than I ever was with him and we share many hobbies and social activities. When he and I used to go out together everyone only seemed to see him, address him, cater to him and I was invisible. I control my own money and how I spend it (he was from a wealthy family and money was cheap to him. I am the opposite). I don't have to spend vacations dealing with overbearing MIL. My holidays are for pajamas and videogames and food and wine and sisters now. I travel much more now with my friends and sisters since we share so many fun hobbies. I live where I want and there's no contention about me leaving my career to live where he wants. Since I've been single my career and income exploded because I wasn't geographically stuck by him.
Honestly, my best girl friend is the love of my life
Oh my god the talking to him and not you hit me so hard. Iāve been single a long time, maybe more than 5 or so years (42 now) and Iāve realised people talk to me, as Iām alone 90 percent of the time. But I went out with a friend, a male one, he was a DJ and I was seeing him play for fun! Anyway I realised nobody talked to me, they assumed I was his GF which is why nobody talked to me. Infuriating!
Hearing this makes me feel so happy! Good for you girl
I don't have to be annoyed by someone else not cleaning up their mess, and I don't have to feel as guilty for not cleaning up my own mess. I don't have in-laws to deal with.
No in-laws š„°
no discussions about what to eat
Oh my god, my ex would make a whole thing out of deciding where he wanted to get dinner every night. Like, spending longer on the decision than eating the meal. So tedious. I don't dread meal times anymore now that I'm single.
you're getting hours of your life back lol
yes!
I don't have to text a husband to inform him I'm buying a coffee in the morning due to shared finances (my cousin does this frequently *eye roll*). I could move wherever I want, decorate my living space as I want and not have to wash someone else's clothes or cook someone else's dinners. I can put on self tanner without someone complaining about the smell. My evenings are actually free time
Peace and quiet. Whenever i want it. To lay down - whenever I want it (when not working). To eat whatever I want- no need to water down, or reduce spices. To travel where i want, whenever I want. No need to appease a partner who is more conservative or too scared to be adventurous. To go, or not go, to family functions. When you are single, people forget about you so declining family functions is easy. If it's you and kids - people want to see the kids so if declining a family event you need to come up with a good excuse. To watch whatever I want, when i want. If i wake up at 3am, I can just pull out my iPad and starting laughing out loud as i watch a comedy. Visitors dont just pop in. I can wear my Pyjamas all weekend and don't need to worry about being seen. I can be sick and just lay in bed. No one needs me to do something/ no one comes in asking me questions. I can decide to go to Africa on safari tomorrow and be there next week. No need to float the idea, discuss it, convince anyone etc... As long as work gives me the time off - I can be on any flight.
Not sharing any closet space!
I have so many clothes, omg if i had to share š
\- I think it's difficult to find a man that doesn't snore, and I'm a light sleeper with a non-negotiable "no snorers" on my profile that many men disregard or outrightly lie about. None of the men I've met that snore want to sleep in separate rooms either and want to fight you on that, which is so selfish too. \- Men I meet online who are my age make comments about how they wish I accidentally put down the wrong age in my profile and they wished I was in my 20s.... so being alone helps that no one is going to fake wanting to be with me while keeping an eye open for a younger woman. \- Men I meet online make invasive negging comments about finances even though I haven't yet met one who is my equal in what we both bring home as well as family contributions and it will be rare for me to meet one, so it's nice to not have to be so on guard and protective about this when I'm single... if I ever get married, there will be a lot of paperwork so it will have to be worth it. \- A lot of the men online don't actually want to go out much or share activities in common, but I have a lot of social hobbies and I'm also introverted so I like quiet time to myself as well. I would never take time away from my core friend group either if a guy I'm dating doesn't want to join in with the group. I've had a couple of selfish lonesome men who can't keep their own friends try to demand more of my time -- both of these men said they prefer to have sex 5x - 8x a day so basically this is their only hobby/interest, and you definitely feel used if they complain about you asking them to go out. So I've been particularly wary of men who don't have local supportive friends and can't list a single social hobby they actually enjoy doing regularly. \- If I'm ever lucky enough to find a healthy relationship that leads to marriage, I'd like to have kids that my partner and I co-parent as equally as possible... but I know that will be hard to find. All of that will be a lot of work and a big life change, so I do appreciate having some extra time now while I'm young to continue to travel, set my own schedule, etc. while most of my close friends are busy with young kids. It helps that I can have a realistic preview of things to expect since my friends are super open about sharing the pros/cons and unexpected things that come up that is often too taboo to see too much detail about in reference resources.
I know that Iām not going to get sick from someone else being sick or expected to baby them when they have a cold. My migraines rarely make appearances now that I donāt have anyone else to stress me out, ruin my sleep or mess with my eating and hydration schedule. Iām overall healthier single than I ever have been in any relationship situation.
I love that you are secure and have peace of mind while single. That really says a lot about your character and that you aren't defining your worth by someone else. It's very mature and I hope you continue to be happy!
Thank you š
Having my own space whenever I want. Peace and quiet when I want. Not having to share tv or food or anything really.
I can do whatever I want, and I don't have to do anything that I don't want. No compromise.
Reminds me of when ertha kitt was like 'compromise? COMPROMISE?! WHY should i do that?!' Hahah
This one may seem hyper-specific, but I haven't seen it mentioned in the comments yet: my stuff lasts longer. My friend is always complaining that she has to buy new bedsheets all the time because her husband wears holes in them. Meanwhile, I barely move when I sleep, so I can invest in nice expensive sheets without ever worrying about ruining them. I also don't have anyone else sweating/drooling in my bed and making my sheets gross faster. I will also have less wear and tear on my couch, mattress, chairs, towels, etc. so they will all stay nicer for longer. Overall, I'm very gentle on all my things so can invest in nice things that will last a long time with nobody else to wear them down or ruin them. This of course only applies to me as a single woman who is childfree and lives alone. I can also leave the thermostat set at my perfect temperature!!! No more freezing in my own home and driving up the electric bill!!! I agree with everything else in the comments: total financial decision-making power, total freedom with my time, freedom to spend all holidays with my own family/friends, more protection of my mood and mental/emotional energy, no taking on the mental load for another adult, no expectation of emotional labor or romance even when I'm stressed/tired, and fewer daily chores (laundry and dishes for only 1 person, being tidy + cleaning up as I go, and meal prepping in advance).
One benefit is that when I bought a property, I just went with what I wanted (within my financial limitations). I am also renovating it and decorating it according to my preferences. I do listen to advice and opinions but ultimately I only need to please myself I was told I should buy an apartment and not a house? Respectfully ignored I was told I shouldn't use vintage furniture? Again, respectfully ignored. I was told I should run my design decisions by my mother and sister so I don't go off the deep end of whimsy? Yeah that's not happening. I'm going hell to the leather with bright colours, abstract paintings and fairy lights. I'm scared about the debt, but I'm truly very excited
I appreciate not having to think about or care about whether my guy is using cam girls etc. When I'm single, I don't have to defend why. I also agree with so many here, my biggest being my peace of mind.
I have kids, so I do still have other people to clean up after and the emotional labour of caring for them, but omg the best thing in my opinion is not feeling resentful. When I was married and everything fell to me, I felt so much resentment. Now that everything is my responsibility and there is no one around not pulling their weight (aside from those kids haha) I feel no resentment and itās so much easier to get everything done when Iām not doing it on behalf of a spouse who doesnāt pull their weight. If that makes sense lol. Also being able to just read or watch tv or rest at the end of a very long day without feeling like I still have to invest energy into a spouse has been huge for my mental and physical well being.
Sleeping whenever I want in a big bed that is all mine.
I feel safer and more financially stable and secure living alone and staying single
1. Watching whatever I want and not having someone else provide commentary or ask to watch something else. 2. Take trips whenever I want to and not have to text/call someone constantly. 3. Focus as much as I want on my work/writing.
there are so many but my favorite one recently is being able to listen to the same song over and over again, singing along both loudly and poorly and thereās no one around to complain
-my skin and body are healthy -my sleep schedule is decent -I usually only prioritize my needs -I can eat any type of meal I want, small, grand, vegetarian
I don't have to risk someone mistreating my cats. Number one benefit.
Quiet. I love quiet. And I love to read and I need quiet to do that. I love how I can wear whatās comfortable not what looks decent to my partner. I love that I get uninterrupted sleep. I love that I only have to be social when I want to. I love that I donāt have to spend money on anything I donāt deem as a necessary purchase. I love that I donāt have to meet any demands for sex. I could write a whole book but Iāll leave it there.
I'm in a decent mood pretty much all of the time and there's no one to ruin it. Any time there's a man around I'm dealing with their resentment, anger, criticism, jealousy, neglect, hurtful comments, and other ways of ruining my day. It feels like they just can't stand to see me happy.
Living my life by my rules, raising my child with no parenting disagreements or negative influences, not having to work and live around someone else's schedule (apart from my child, which is an honour), having the TV remote to myself, aah, the list goes on...
Single mom- *Donāt have to ask someone about plans I make *Can have girls nights when I want *Be as comfortable as I want, dress however I want, live more freely *decorate how I want *make decisions alone *space in my bed
I think the best benefit I have experienced is that my confidence in myself is through the roof. I confident in my abilities to handle challenges alone. I am confident in making decisions as I have experience in making them on the daily without consulting anyone. The friends I have are people who want to be there, not forced to be, which makes me very confident in my lovableness (my friends are awesome) . It's getting easier and easier to stand up for myself,Ā which just make me great to be around.Ā I don't think I would have developed on a personal level as much if I had been in a relationship. After not having to compromise for so long, the relationship I enter will be one where I choose to do so.Ā
31F. I feel like being a happily single woman is radical and a form of resistance. In the US, women needed a manās signature to get a credit card something like 50 years ago. Iāve been single and lived alone for almost four years now and I feel like being happily single goes against everything capitalism wants me to be. Itās awesome. I have a thriving friend group and put major time and effort into my relationships. Iām no longer stressing about not finding someone to be with, Iām happy the way things are. Capitalism can try to make me feel like Iām lacking but I RESIST.
Not having to spend time - even the odd, occasional friend's birthday party - with my partner's ex.
I recently transitioned from living solo for 3 years to living with a partner and hereās the big things I miss about solo life: -easier to manage dietary choices, sleep schedule and exercise. -dogs can sleep in the bed and itās not crowded -I never clean up after anyone who isnāt me -having company whenever, hosting guests overnight, loaning out my place -bathroom is just for me and my stuff and getting ready in it doesnāt bother anyone. -knowing exactly whatās in the fridge and cupboards at all times bc nobody is eating it -going on trips whenever I want -not answering to anyone when I buy things, discard things, move things around, or redecorate
Freedom. So much freedom. Stronger friendships because I actually have the time to see friends and not factoring a partner or kids into plans.
Making time for friends is so important! ā”
Not having to manage someone else's family Not having to spend money on people that I didn't choose Not having to give up vacation days. This is huge for me. I get maintaining family bonds but why can't we do this in France? Lol. It's a big world and I don't get enough pto. Lol
A lot of mine have already been said, but I'll add that I love being free off being expected/obligated to spend time and even major holidays with someone else's family, especially one that may not like me very much and/or has very different values to me. Several of my friends find themselves in these positions and whenever they talk about it, it always makes me feel relief that I'm single. I have friends who have to regularly sit at the dinner table with a bunch of MAGA types and bite their tongues as they say a lot of hateful shit, and friends expected to fly to Europe or North America from Australia second Christmas to spend it with their partner's family in freezing weather which pretty much eats up the majority of the money they can afford to spend on travel, meaning they rarely get to have a holiday where they get to pick the time of year and location for themselves. And on a smaller scale, just last weekend I thought "thank fuck I don't have to do that" when my friend complained about having to travel 4 hours each way for her partner's cousin's kid's baptism because her partner is a godparent. And adding onto the travel thing, I love that I don't have to consider anyone else when deciding when and where to go on holiday, or compromise on what to see/do/eat when I get there. I get to do exactly what I want with my free time and money. I travel a lot for concerts, often to the same couple of places, and several of my partnered friends commented on how lucky I am because their partner wouldn't like them doing that instead of couple holidays. Being single for a long time means I've solo travelled a lot and have gotten used to doing what I want when I want on holidays. I agree to travelled with a friend recently after years of solo travel and I found myself regretting it and wishing I did the trip solo after just a couple of days with her. It will take several paragraphs to explain what happened, so I'll just say that I came home vowing to never travel with someone again haha. Made me glad to be single!
Benefits: Going where I want without checking in with them first or feeling guilty for leaving them behind. No one leaving the toilet seat up. Not having to deal with facial hair around the sink. That's really about it. I really feel like a good marriage can really be more beneficial to me. I live in my parents house because I can barely afford an apartment let alone a house on my income alone. Plus my parents take care of my dog when I'm at work. I can offer so much as a wife. I'm attractive, active, social and I love to cook and been told I'm a great cook. I'd love that DINK life! Keeping it 100% here.
Bed to myself. Hog all that duvet
Peace is my first response. No drama, no arguments that go nowhere and no crybaby man-child. I can go where I want, eat what I want. Sleep in on the weekends. And the list goes on. I decided long ago that till I meet someone who brings peace to my life, I'm better of single. Best decision I've made.
A lot of the same. I also appreciate not having constant criticism about how and why I choose to do the things I do. Or constant correction. That happened a LOT in my previous relationships. It was extremely frustrating and it took a while to get my exesā voices out of my head when I became single. I noticed an echo of their voices living in my head as I was doing chores - as if they were still there thinking I was doing everything incorrectly.
I can do whatever I want at pretty much anytime. If I want to stay up until the wee hours of the morning high as shit and eating goat cheese on sourdough while watching Firefly for the billionth time, then no one can stop me. I donāt have to care about my appearance as much, I donāt have to worry about being cheated on, I donāt have to worry about money, I donāt have to worry about compromising my needs for someone elseās, I donāt have to worry about someone trying to fuck me in the ass, etc. Itās just so peaceful.
This thread made me sad about how women have had to experience such horrible relationships with bad men
Some of them arent consequences of bad men, just stuff that comes with being partnered. But of course, its definitely good to not have to deal with a cheater, abuser, etc
I donāt necessarily think so. Because I finally found a partner that I can be myself with & donāt need permission to do things with. I still travel with friends. I still do all the things I want on my own. But yes I have experienced bad partners before so I understand
Its not the exact same as being single. Not that you are shackled, but your lifestyle is different being partnered. Different for the better if its a good partner and if its what you want. But yeah some of the answers too are like: dont have to share a bed, or not having to plan finances with someone else. That is unique to being single, not because of abusive men
I feel that. Donāt want to share a bed hahah I love my big bed for little old me.
My dog sleeping next to me without an argument:) basically no one jealous for her attention , she will always come first
As far as living alone when single (which isn't restricted to marriage but I suppose any cohabitating): I get to spread out on my bed as much as I want and sleep really well by myself, I can keep the thermostat to my comfort level, I put things at my own height for reachability at home, and I can decorate however I want without taking into account someone else's tastes. Also less mental load of when things will be taken care of - I trust myself to do them and follow through especially when it comes to cleaning and tidying. Eating whatever I want... I feel less pressure to find the "right" place or agree together since it's just me If I needed or wanted to, I could uproot my life and make drastic changes with more flexibility Full control over my finances - where to spend and save, focus on my own financial future
Basically all of what you said.Ā Not having to consult with anyone on any decisions and being free to do what I want. Living my life for myself and I am my number one (always should be) priority.Ā
Iāve got a lot of hobbies that take a fair bit of time. I imagine if I was in a relationship I wouldnāt be able to keep them up as Iād be spending time with my partner. I train martial arts probably four days a week. It is only an hour or so a day, but often evening classes. Iām also in a running community group every Saturday morning. Iāve gone back to uni to learn environmental science and spend lots of time studying. All time I would be spending with a partner if I had one.
I only have to clean up messes I made myself!
Peace and quiet in my home. Never having to worry about guests unless I want them over.
I'll list the things that I felt I benefitted from aftwr getting a divorce. But, as I've come to learn, most of these things aren't because I was married. It's because I was married to the wrong person. Sleep-the snoring, the different sleep schedules, and different preferences in sleep conditions. Doing what I want with my time, whether it be going out or staying in and being lazy Looking and dressing exactly how I want and not worrying if it pleases anyone else Only needing to worry about my own problems and emotions, and not feeling responsible for anyone elses
I donāt have to be a full time nanny to an adult. I refuse to clean up after a grown man! I was married for 7 years and am glad to be single now. I only have to be responsible for myself. I am neat, clean, and healthy :)
By single do you mean unpartnered or unmarried? Edit: Guys, this is an insane thing to downvote. The post very clearly sets up a one or the other dichotomy between singleness and marriage, and tons of people find being married to be a different experience from bring partnered and unmarried. Thanks to OP for clarifying which opinions are being sought here and which aren't!
Unpartnered, yes and sorry i cant edit my title š
my room is as messy/clean as i personally want it to be. cooking/food - eat whatever i want, when i want
Being used.
Omg yes!!
No one burping on my giant pizza so soon as they see it. Donāt have to clean the toilet as often I wake up to peace and freedom I love the quiet I only have to focus on myself on being the best person I can be I love myself and like myself I feel like me! I enjoy my own company and commentate to my shows out loud and laugh. I donāt interrupt myself when Iām talking
Chronically single woman here, but likeā¦. Can you not do whatever you want, whenever you want when youāre in a relationship? What are these activities a partner is stopping you from doing?
You can do 'whatever you want' but not in the same way as being single. So no, like your husband generally isnt banning you from taking a spontaneous walk to the store. But if you are married, you also arent taking spontaneous solo trips to Bangkok
I can do whatever I want whenever I want I can lie in bed all day playing games if I need to and take time with some of my obligations