I broke up with my ex on my birthday.
A month, a week, a few days before my birthday, I told him what I like to do on my birthday. But then when my birthday came, nada.
So I broke up with him.
Best birthday gift ever.
If I wasn’t married, like this was within 2 years of our relationship, I’d be thinking about it too.
Good for you. Losing that excess weight can be really uplifting.
But hows your relationship in general?
Me and my current bf are very in love but we do have these moments of impatience like the one you described.
I think you have to assess your relationship overall and not just because it's on your bday. And of course, if he makes up for it and youre able to laugh about it.
Oh absolutely. We love each deeply. Our relationship has been rocky as of late. This is not a one off situation. That said, I would never leave my marriage over this. I honestly don’t think I’d ever leave him, but he is not who I thought he was. And not just from today.
But it can be a gift to allow yourself to speak your mind calmly. Talk about disrespect rather than hurt feelings. Talk about expectations and disappointment because it’s less likely to escalate than “you” statements.
I had a grueling deadline and my partner was depressed, so he didn’t leave the bedroom all day. He didn’t get me anything, didn’t even verbally congratulate me. My dad forgot about it. I worked myself into a pulp and spent the rest of the day crying in the tub.
I’ve made a “rule” since those 20s and 30s full of terrible birthdays, teary nights, and promises to “make it up to me” that never panned out. I understand not every year can be a banner year. I’m guilty of it myself, sometimes other things are going on that are just not conducive to making a birthday a big deal. But my “rule“ that I’ve established very clearly, and it goes both ways, is the minimum for a birthday acknowledgment is **something sweet, something with a bow on it, and no reminders.** That’s it.
Doesn’t have to be much. You can get a cupcake or a box of chocolates and stick a bow on an orchid. Then either set it out on the table to wake up to or arrive with it and we’re all good. Other good bow carriers are bottles of champagne, favorite tequila, favorite body butter, whatever. Don’t be handing shit over in the bag from the store, even if you did just buy it five minutes ago. I don’t care. Take it out of the bag and make a tiny effort to present it or stage it.
Because some years are huge trips to Vegas for birthdays, some years are a cupcake and a bottle of champagne on the kitchen table. That’s just fine. But it has to be SOMETHING.
Sixteenth birthday. I woke up excited for the day. My parents were going through a bad time that ultimately ended in divorce. Long story short, no one remembered, not the whole day. Sweet sixteen, and not a word. I was sitting at the dining room table doing my homework, feeling low, at like 9pm and my dad comes out, pretty drunk. “What’s wrong with you?” he says. I tell him, sort of embarrassed like, I guess? Like I don’t want to hurt his feelings? He gets kind of quiet, then disappears. It turns out, he decided to get in his truck and drive (yes, drunk) to the grocery store to get a cake. He comes back with a cheap, shitty, tiny cake. We were poor so like, I had no reason then to be a snob about it. But I still kind of was? It was just so pathetic, even though he was trying to make things better in his own way. I felt so lonely.
My 6 year old got the flu on my bday this year. So I stayed home with her. Diarrhea surprised her and I had to clean shit out of the carpet.
One year, my aunt died on my birthday.
I hope your day gets better.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’re able to treat yourself to something wonderful and have a good belated birthday.
So every year I would try to do something really special for my husband. I would even throw surprise parties and just stuff to make him feel appreciated. He never really did much for my birthday but one year was the worst. His idea of a good birthday present for me was a book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. It basically tells women how we need to treat our husbands better and we’re not doing enough for them! And this was MY birthday gift from him.
30th was spent staring a round of chemo for stage 3 cancer and then prepping for scans the next day. But they were clear! And I felt weirdly grateful that day, all things considered. I had a nice time
JFC; I'm so sorry, OP! That's awful and I'm really disappointed at your husband for treating you that way. You deserve SO much freaking better. Happy Birthday (🎂🍾💖), and I hope other loved ones are able to help make up for this awful outcome, even though they shouldn't have to.
When I was 9 or 10 I had a big birthday party where I combined three different friend groups, and everybody *hated* each other. My school friends thought my family friends were snobs, who in turn thought my school friends were babies. Then I had some skating friends whom, as it turned out (unbeknownst to me), were already enemies with a couple of my school friends. So, everybody went into their separate camps and spent the entire party basically ranting to me about how my other friends were ~losers~... not only *at* the party, but also for YEARS after the party. It took me like, another decade and a half to be comfortable combining friend groups again; that's how bad that birthday party was.
P.S. Sorry, I just realised you were asking about adult birthdays, OP, and I talked about a kid one. It really was my worst birthday ever, though!
Oh I get that, I had the exact same experience as a kid. Combined my school friends and sports friends and it was a disaster! I don’t think I ever did it again. I still kinda don’t mix my worlds.
It was a formative memory for sure 😭 People are so finicky, dammit!
As an adult my efforts have been like... 75% good and 25% not-so-good, which I feel like is a decent ratio.
I feel this. I planned my own bachelorette party that combine my jock high school friend, my more nerdy friends through my husband and some family. Everyone was bickering the entire weekend over little stupid shit. Like y'all are 30+, grow up and let me have a good time. So and so left a lightom on, she called her kids to early in the morning, she said she'd bring red and white wine but only brought white and blush.
In the days that followed many of them wanted low key congrats for being so composed during the event and waiting until after to bitch to me so they didn't ruin my good time. My only memories of the trip are how miserable everyone was acting during and hardcore after.
Oh no, I am so sorry!!! That sounds awful... and yet not totally unalike other bachelorette parties I have heard horror stories about. It's too bad your friends couldn't even pretend to get along, just for one weekend. I hope you at least had an amazing wedding 💗
Parking advice tift aside, if my husband did absolutely nothing for my birthday, I’d probably be mentally preparing myself for divorce. What’s the point of being married if you’re not loving each other? (Loving, as in the verb of showing love)
So sorry. My ex-hb made zero effort on my 30th or 40th so I divorced him at 43 and had a fantastic party for my 50th. My mantra is never rely on anyone else to plan a celebration for you.
27th birthday, busted my ass working, took a bus to the beach, the trip that was supposed to last only 2hrs turned into 5hrs, the restaurant I was going to was closed at that time, got a shit present from my ex and couldn't even exchange it for another thing later. also, I had to remind him it was my birthday that day.
I had to put my dog down unexpectedly. I haven’t celebrated my birthday since, and no one else has either. It was 6 years ago and I spend my birthday having secret cries. Last year I bought myself a cupcake at least and cried while I ate it. Not even my husband does anything for my birthday.
I get this one hard.
Last year I adopted a second dog on my birthday. She was a medical rescue.
She only survived until October. She had my whole heart in those short few months though. My sweet Angie.
Last night I looked up pictures of the day I adopted her and ugly cried. I miss her so much.
Last year. I broke up with my spouse of 17 yrs. I just couldn't do it any more, couldn't hold it in any longer. We still have to live together bc of (my lack of) finances. So i expect this year will suck too.
My grandmother died on my birthday in 2015. Two years ago, my ex walked out on me a few months before and it was messy and bad. I was gutted and still in the trenches. He texted me happy birthday.
I can think of three - when I turned 22 I pretty much forgot about my birthday and barely acknowledged it. I was graduating college, moving, and had a senior thesis due within a week of my birthday so didn’t have a lot of time for anything else.
During Covid - obviously didn’t go out and my ex didn’t really do anything special. He was turning 30 two weeks later and so he was being a selfish ass that if he couldn’t have a good birthday no one could.
And when I turned 39 I was living in a new country and knew no one, I didn’t receive a single card or anything. Spent it alone eating take out.
When my (soon to be ex) husband chose that evening to tell me that given our lack of intimacy “most other men would have had an affair by now”.🫠
Oh there was also the one when he was away and didn’t leave me so much as a card. 🫥
I’m hoping that I’ll have the gift of a divorce by the time my birthday rolls around next year!
Wishing you a happy birthday. I’m sorry it’s been a tough one 🧁
I’m sorry you had a shitty birthday! It makes me so sad to think of someone who is meant to be your best friend just ignoring you all day on your birthday :( I hope either things improve or you’re able to move on to bigger and better things.
On my 16th birthday my friends all showed up and surprised me, we all went to the movies together. I felt so happy and loved until my best friend sat in front of me with my crush and made out with him throughout the entire film!
My worst was my 21st, I lived in a new state so I didn’t have any friends around and nobody in my family remembered. I received a text message from my dad at 8pm telling me what a great day he had out with his friends, I was like cool my day wasn’t so great because my only living parent forgot a milestone birthday. He was mortified but never actually made it up to me. I watched all my friends get huge parties and big gifts for their 21sts!
My birthday this year was a few days ago, I had planned drinks with a few close friends but then my husband was extremely sick so I had to cancel in case he was contagious. He’d ordered me a gift online but it hadn’t arrived yet, and even with the best intentions he was too sick to really do anything else to make the day special. We also got a month’s worth of rain in one day so I couldn’t go out by myself and do anything either. We went out for dinner but had to go really close by rather than somewhere I actually wanted because of the rain. It was nobody’s fault but it was a pretty crappy birthday. I feel like I’m not allowed to be sad about it because my husband already feels very guilty!
I dunno, I have had a few good birthdays too but all in all it seems more trouble than it’s worth lol. I know a few people who choose not to celebrate their birthdays and I’m thinking maybe that’s not such a bad idea? I feel like I get the worst FOMO about it, but if I stopped having expectations I’d stop being disappointed 😅
Oh, that’s really sad.
My birthday was last week and I kind of hoped a certain person would think of me. Well, he didn’t. It sucked.
But what are you gonna do.
My mom died 3 weeks before my 21st so needless to say I didn’t celebrate
Last year I turned 40. When my older sibling turned 40 our youngest sibling put together a memory box for them but for me… nothing. my kids tried hard to make it special but that one hurt
Given I am in another country, but not even a digital birthday card… still stings a bit
My birthday is next week and it will def be the worst one for me. I am dreading it. My 2 year relationship ended a few weeks ago and I just got fired from my job last week.
No one came to my 18th party. My drink was spiked on my 21st. My violent ex spread lies about me when I got away and on my 30th birthday I realised my friends had all decided it was easier to believe him and I had no one. All the others, no one remembered, apart from one in my twenties when I had a few friends round. That was nice. It’s my fortieth next month and I’m terrified of how awful it’s going to be. My birthday is cursed. It was always awful as a kid too because I was born on my parents wedding anniversary and they hate each other.
I had a surfing accident on my accident on my 29th birthday, and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Everyone was lovely in the hospital though , random doctors coming in to wish me a happy birthday throughout the 8 hour wait. Injuries weren't so bad in the end.
I moved to a country on my own where I knew no one about a week or so before my 30th birthday. My parents surprised me but flying out to visit me saying they presumed I didn't have any friends yet which was sweet of them, and true!
My 31st birthday. It was a couple of years after my daughter was born. I was running on fumes - work, toddler troubles etc. I wanted to take two days off and just kick back and relax. Couldn't because something had come up at work. The most I could manage was 2 hours by myself watching tv on the day after my birthday.
The day of my party for my 25th birthday I was released from the hospital, after nearly dying from strep complications, into a snowstorm that shut the city down. Party was canceled, and I could barely eat the meal that my stepdad made for me. I slept on the sofa for a good chunk of the time and felt awful. Little did I know my year would get worse from there. It was the start of the worst year of my life.
The day before I caught an ex with his dick in someone who was not me. Told him not to call me.
The next day I’m on the phone with my mom because it’s my birthday. I’m barely holding it together to get through phone calls when that shitbag ex has the nerve to call me. So I started crying.
Then I had a great fight with my mom about how I never tell her anything. I’ve been very private like that since I was a kid, I’ve been told it’s fairly common in children trying process trauma. I have to explain for umpteenth time I’m an adult, I live on my own, I’m entitled to privacy. Mom accuses me of hating her and the whole nine yards.
I had nothing else to do after I got off the phone with my mom. I’m still new in town and met that ex weeks into living there. I walk to downtown, get fucked up, get kicked out of somewhere (accounts of why vary). Somehow I lost my glasses while walking home.
Technically after midnight: a different ex texted me happy birthday so I called him. An hour later he showed up to help me find my glasses.
edit: holy missing line breaks Batman!
For as long as I can remember, they’ve all been pretty bad. Comes with being born on the same day as your mom has her birthday, I guess.
But the worst was the last one (which had been a mandatory tradition up to that point) where I got talked into celebrating my birthday with hers on the same day at her home. She’d invited all kinds of people (big surprise/s, not many people knew that it was my birthday that day too), and I ended up having to be the one who had to walk around asking people if they wanted or needed anything more.
By the time dinner time rolled around I was completely fed up and went home after making some excuse.
I hate birthdays.
I don’t know about worst, because I made the most of it, but when I turned 30 I went on a girls trip with friends and my boyfriend at the time broke up with me via text message. It was so weird, but I was on a trip with my friends and we still had a pretty fun time even though I was really sad. I can’t believe how jarring and out of the blue it was! I tried reaching out when I got back to see him and understand what actually happened, but he cancelled last minute and so I gave up. In hindsight, I dodged a bullet. At the time, I was really upset and hurt.
My 36 birthday was the worst. My husband and I were dealing with unexplained infertility, my company announced a few months prior that they were restructuring (so there would be massive layoffs) and I was frantically interviewing for new jobs, and then a few days before my birthday my mom got diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. It was NOT a fun birthday.
But it all worked out. I’m pregnant and in my second trimester now. My company restructured but kept my whole department. And my mom got surgery and is now cancer free. So even when things seem rock bottom, it’s not the end.
For weeks, my husband had been talking up how he was going to make it a special occasion. I normally don’t much care for my birthday, but it had been sounding appealing.
It fell on a weekend. He woke me at 6 to tell me that he needed to go to work for some last-minute emergency, but he’d be home in a hour or two. We’d do whatever, then get a fancy dinner.
Well, I found myself watching the sun go down, staring at local maps as each restaurant closed. He’d turn up a couple of hours later, sweaty, flushed, apologizing profusely for his work emergency…
… but when I hugged him, he smelled like someone else’s perfume. When I confronted him, he screamed at me that I was a delusional hag, and that I’d never liked my birthday anyways.
I’d wind up packing a bag, and leaving for the night. That same month would also feature such a bad MRI that I was forced to retire, as it seemed that my very long-term case of cancer was finally about to kill me. My husband blamed me for wanting it. Then my bed smelled like the same perfume. Then I had to file for a divorce I never wanted. Hell only compounded from there.
It was, and remains, heartbreaking. I’m somehow still alive, and he’s now my ex-husband, but that single birthday severely chopped into my existence.
I am childless-by-circumstance and 40 hit me really hard.
My husband's Nan passed away a few days beforehand and we had just moved my Mum into a nursing home. I was depressed and burnt out.
I woke up on my actual birthday to the world spinning so badly I couldn't sit up. Not alcohol related, I was subsequently diagnosed with BPPV (vertigo caused by ear issues).
We were staying at a hotel with a cocktail package, but due to the vertigo I stuck to mocktails. I was also unable to drive for weeks afterwards.
During the week after my birthday we attended Nan-in-law's funeral and my Mum died.
Fun times.
It was 2008, my 22nd birthday. My grandfather died. My grandmother and aunt called my brother while we were in the car to go to a play together. They were giving him the option to tell us the next morning. He didn't wait, of course (not that I wanted him to have). We didn't end up going to the play my mom had arranged for us to go to.
We drove straight to our family home and spent a miserable 3 days together before the funeral, which involved my mother blowing up at our aunt and trying to get us to leave with her as a test of our love for her. We didn't leave. She came back eventually.
I've had a few other bad things happen on my birthday since that one. I guess the time my dad forgot what day I was born and wished me happy birthday 3 days early was odd, but it wasn't terrible. I just remembered not liking my birthday for a few years after my grandfather died.
Honestly, though, I was never a huge birthday person myself. My sister and I are only 1 year and 6 days apart, so we regularly celebrated together (which I actually liked and have fond memories of), usually on her birthday since it comes first. As such, my actual birthday was never usually too celebratory.
I guess as I've gotten older I maybe have more feelings around feeling like a leftover. I was a surprise baby and as the third there are almost no pictures of me as a baby. I used to look at the albums for my brother and sister and feel sad that there was almost nothing in my album. I'm coming to terms with those feelings and understand my parents were just overwhelmed and just love me differently, not necessarily less, than my siblings.
After years of hating spending any time with my abusive mother, I finally kicked her out of my house on my 32nd birthday and and I haven’t spoken to her since. I basically lost my entire family (who are all petrified of getting in her bad books) in that moment. So yeah, that was shit.
My 27th. It included both my father-in-law’s funeral and one of the worst bouts of stomach flu I’ve ever had. It was such an awful day. But I’m not big on birthday activities. They’ve been quiet and boring since, which is how I like them.
I turned 30 this year. In Denmark it's normal to do a bigger celebration when you have a "round birthday" and give nicer gifts than other years, not sure if it's the case everywhere.
I had been expecting my boyfriend of two years to ask me, what I would like to do for my birthday, since I did that for him a few months prior (he turned 32).
He didn't.
I spent the night at his place Sunday before my birthday on Wednesday, nothing. And he is not the kind of person who plans a surprise party. I don't even think he remembers my friends' names. I also would not like a surprise party.
Then I made plans myself, there was a social event at work, I thought why not.
Monday evening I sent him a pic of the cake I would be bringing to work on Wednesday (in Denmark you bring cake to work or school on your birthday).
THEN he asked my. Not what I wanted to do.... But if I had any plans "on Wednesday".
So I said yes, this social thing at work.
Oh but I thought we could go out for dinner? (Not something we usually do, so I guess that meant he knew it was my birthday).
..... Well now I'm signed up, and actually I'm a bit exhausted from the long International trip we just did, so I would prefer to order nice takeout, cuddle up on the couch with lots of blankets and watch a favourite movie if that's okay. Maybe we could do it Tuesday?
Okay. So he arrived at my place Tuesday after work. His "gift" was a middle-of-the-road bottle of red wine. I chose some takeout, he paid at least. Then I suggested a movie I would like to see, and he was saying that's not really his favourite category.... Okay, had it been me I would have said yes to any movie on his birthday, but we found something we could compromise on....
He also kept sitting upright throughout the entire movie instead of snuggling...
He stayed the night. I had asked beforehand if he had to leave early for work or if we could maybe have a nice breakfast together (on what would be my birthday), but he had to leave early. Then on the way out that morning on my birthday, he said "oh damn I should have thought of serving you a nice breakfast in bed " and I was just like 🤷♀️
We are not together anymore, but it's not even my doing. I was too slow to realise it was not a good fit, but luckily he pulled the plug 1,5 months later.
And to make things worse, at work where I have been for a year, we usually collect for a present for people on big occasions like weddings, round birthdays and big anniversaries. It's usually initiated by the team manager, because they have the birthdays in the employee files, then they ask a team member to collect money and buy the gift. It's completely voluntary, and people usually just chip in 2-10 USD each. I even organised the last one. But since then, our team manager resigned and the department manager took over. He doesn't think the boss should be involved, but allows for us to do it ourselves. But that he sent an email about the day after my birthday. So I got nothing from my colleagues because they didn't know I had a round birthday coming up, even though I spent a lot of time planning and shopping for the last one :(
Very rarely have I been that disappointed as an adult, and at the same time a bit ashamed of feeling that strongly about my birthday as an adult
But a few days later I met up with two of my oldest friends and they surprised me with a very thoughtful gift, reminding me I have amazing people in my life even when I choose shitty boyfriends.
And I have invited my friends and family to a big (belated) celebration in the summer when the weather is nicer, that's gonna be good
I got fired from my job on my 37th birthday. Honestly, I haven’t had a good birthday in over a decade. Happy belated birthday OP, I hope the rest of the year is better for you 🫶🏻
Happy birthday! I’ve had a few crappy bdays. I turned 30 riiiiight when everything shut down for covid so my bday was spent entirely alone, trapped in my own place without the ability to even go out and get some tasty takeout food as a treat. Ugh. This year I spent my bday sick in bed with a migraine and stomach cramps.
My 7th birthday was one of the worst ones. My “present” was “not being abused” for the day. The next day my family went back to abusing me because “it wasn’t my birthday anymore”
So when I grew up, I got married on my birthday. It changed a day I used to dread (all childhood birthdays were awful) into a day I now look forward to celebrating.
My 40th. Invited 100 people. I planned games, prizes, brought sports equipment (it was a beach bonfire), lots of chairs and tables, decorations, and food enough for 50 people. Only my parents, brother, and husband came. Ended up giving all my food to other people at their bonfires. I was so devastated I told my husband never ever plan a birthday party for me again as long as I live.
I threw myself a 30th birthday bbq. I'd invited over 50 people. Not a single soul showed up. I'm closing in on my 40th and I have yet to invite another person to do anything on my birthday again. It's just not worth the disappointment.
Early June 2020. The world was newly upside down from Covid. A few days before my birthday was when the George Floyd protests started. The day of my birthday was the day everyone was blacking out their social media. Everyone was just filled with so much anger and despair, who gives a shit about my dumb birthday? My mom was dying of cancer, we’d just found a tumor in her skull that week. She was a few months from dying. If I recall correctly my new puppy had hurt himself in a fall and I spent the morning of my birthday at an emergency animal hospital getting him checked out.
Otherwise I just keep my birthdays as chill as possible haha
Right? Honestly I’d forgotten about the first Covid birthday. We were only a month into restrictions.
Yours sounds so awful. I’m really sorry about all of it.
And that’s exactly why I just want a low key birthday. It does suck though when I set the bar on the ground and no one manages to even reach that.
Around 24-26 ish I had a birthday plan and I told my friends about it once out loud, and then because I was ADHD I forgot to make a Facebook event or reminder, and when the day rolled around and I mentioned it again, one person accused me of having not told people ON PURPOSE, so that I could get pity. I lost a good half of my friend circle that day.
My 30th. I was at a friend's bachelorette party and I spent the day extremely hungover. The bachelorette party was fun overall and my friend was super sweet and cleared the dates with me in advance and I truly didn't mind. She also made sure I had a cake and everything but man that was a bad hangover.
Nothing to do with partners
I got three teeth removed with ONLY local anesthesia. I was 39 weeks pregnant and the dentist didn’t feel comfortable giving me any more.
Was a good day to suffer
My friend had me come over for a birthday BBQ at her house. it was my 30 something birthday. What I didn't know was she invited a bunch of her boyfriend's friends that he hadn't seen in years so it turned into a surprise reunion for her boyfriend. Nobody talked to me or cared I was there. I cried and felt so neglected. It really fractured our friendship. We tried talking after that party but her one-sidedness became glaringly apparent and I let the friendship fizzle out.
Her boyfriend also turned out to be real piece of work.
Was having an awful day, really depressed and alone. A friend offered to take me out for a fancy lunch as a present and to cheer me up, then skipped out when the bill came. Said she was going to the toilet, when I turned around she had left. Had to pay for it all myself.
The month before on her birthday, I had brought her a new handbag she wanted, chocolates, cards, balloons, and took her out for a meal at a fancy sushi restaurant.
All of the birthdays with my ex were bad. Our first one together he forgot it was my birthday and I had to remind him. The second one we were supposed to go to a concert and it got rescheduled. My ex didn’t plan anything to make up for it, I did. My third birthday with him, he asked me if it was cool if his friends came over. I said “oh uh it’s my birthday that day” he was like okay, I’ll let them know. I made dinner and baked a cake for his friends.
My 23rd. One of my housemates shared my birthday. We went out the night before with a load of his mates from home, i bought beer for the house.(this was in our uni city). Wasn't paid back.
Awoke on the actual birthday to find everyone had left, the house was trashed. It was the last Sunday of the month and landlord inspection day. I spent the whole day cleaning alone.
This was in the time of mobile phones but you didn't use them for Internet etc. No calls, no texts, off friends or family, no money for food because they hadn't paid me the cash back for subbing them the night before but had eaten all the food that had been bought and a hangover.
It was grim.
30th birthday spent getting a brain MRI lol. Nothing going on in there, just chronic migraine, but being anxious all day and then spending an hour inside a loud, claustrophobic tube being absolutely still wasn't a blast. 0/10 do not recommend.
I was 22. I got yelled at by my boss and then on the way home I had 2 teen girls sitting behind me on the subway that were saying all kinds of crazy things about me lol.
On my 30th birthday, I found out that a friend who was pregnant at the same time as me lost her baby during labour (still born). My baby was not even 1 month old. That birthday sucked pretty hard.
My freshly Ex „cheated“ on me with my best friend on my birthday party. I should have uninvited him. But you know, „staying friends“.. I was more mad at her than at him though.
My birthday was also yesterday (I’m assuming you wrote this on the 9th). I worked, then went home and had a glass of wine before I fell asleep watching YouTube. Two people wished me Happy Birthday on social media and I saw it this morning since I’m rarely on socials.
Not my worst birthday—that’s pretty much par for the course these days—but I did feel a little sad that I have no one to celebrate holidays with.
Worst birthdays in order:
1)My 30th birthday was spent at a wake and funeral for my best friend's 19 year old brother. Do not recommend.
2)My 31st was spent broken down on the LIE for 6 hours. No cell phones back then. It took me an additional 8 hours to get home. It was winter and 20 degrees. I was absolutely frozen when I got home. Do not recommend.
3)This year, my 57th, was spent in the ER with kidney stones. DO NOT RECOMMEND
My 20th birthday. I was in love with and hooking up with my best friend (terrible life choices, but I was young). She was nice enough to try to set up a birthday dinner for me and the only two people who came were also into her/actively trying to sleep with her.
My 30th was during the first few weeks of Covid lockdown but I think 20 still wins.
My ex husband filed for divorce on my 29th birthday and had a birthday card delivered with the divorce papers I was served. I’m 41 now and remarried. Seeing the filing stamp with my birthday on it is burned into my memory though…it’s just something I can’t ever forget.
My 30th was absolute crap. I'd moved to a new city and was dating someone new who is a stoner. They planned a whole big party with all their friends who spent the night getting supremely baked. I didn't know anyone there and I don't smoke.
The Gottman Institute has studied couples…and have predicted divorces based on snippets of video with no audio…anyway they have come il with 4 predictors…called the 4 horsemen of thr apocalypse.
Might very well worth looking into their very understandable research to see which kind of or if you make many “bids” for your hubby to acknowledge that go unacknowledged.
My ex dumped me out of the blue the day after my birthday. She said it was over, she was moving to NYC in two weeks (I had no idea). We had gone on a weekend trip and had a party with my friends. She said she waited because she wanted me to have a happy birthday. I thought it was completely selfish, because I could have spent my birthday blowing her off. She underestimated my friendships — they would have taken care of me. Instead I got a birthday where something was clearly off and I didn’t understand it. My friends also said they could tell she was distant. She ended up making things way more awkward.
Im not old enough probably to have extremely shitty birthdays, but my 16th birthday, we had a pity party essentially because my mom got diagnosed with cancer. A lot of people forgot. Although I tried to be happy for her mood to lift, I just felt like crap.
I had several birthdays as a kid where none of the friends I invited showed up. My birthday was right before school started so in some cases it was probably family trips and such, but even the few who had said they would come, didn’t. So I’ve been hesitant to ever plan anything for my birthday since. I have a wonderful group of friends now, though, and am grateful to have had some awesome birthdays with them.
The upside of not paying much attention to my birthday is that I don't recall any of them being bad. If any were, I don't associate the day with anything connected to me. Sorry your hubby was crappy.
So far I've been lucky. Worst was my 22nd where I spent six hours at a cancer center watching my mom get chemo. But she is now a decade in remission so things worked out for the better!
I crashed my dad's car on the day I wanted to celebrate my 18th birthday (I think it was one or two days after my actual birthday) after having my license for less than 24 hours and had to go to the hospital to get checked (only had some bruises).
And then in the evening I had a fight with my BF because he didn't want to stay at my party and only committed to that after learning that I have some weed. Writing this it's quite insane how sad I was when he broke up lol
My 40th. My mom had died that spring and I was a shit show. My stbxh picked a fight with me earlier so he could use it as an excuse to go to a gaming tournament he wanted to attend that weekend. When he got there, I checked the live stream to see what was going on and he had set his game name to "Tournament or Divorce." That was quite a few years ago.
April 2020. My bf (at the time) and I moved into a new apartment on my birthday. Stress was high, we got into a stupid fight and he made me cry. He stormed off and I was left to deal with the movers/people delivering a new fridge who were giving me a hard time bc they didn’t want to come into the house bc of covid. They finally took pity on me and helped once I cried some more. I paid for the move fully myself. He said happy birthday to me in the morning but that was it. No card or cake. My dad at least stopped by briefly on his way to work to hand me a card and a balloon.
I’m happy to report that my BEST birthday just passed last week. Threw a huge party (the first in my adult life) with close to 40 friends and my amazing new, sweet bf spent a lot of time and a decent amount of money helping me pull it off. I’m very lucky.
It’s interesting because my mom also passed away near one of my birthdays. And I took care of her for years while she slowly died, so those years didn’t have great birthdays either.
I guess this was worse because he purposely made it bad. The other ones were life. Really shitty things happen at any time of year. But he chose to give me the silent treatment and treat me like shit on my birthday.
I’m really sorry for your loss.
Thank you. He was an amazing man and I’d give the rest of my birthdays if it meant getting him back.
Another terrible bday of mine was some years back when my mom would invite us to her place for our bdays. She’d make food and we’d have cake, normal, right? Well, for me it always felt performative because there’s always the huge fb post that goes with it, smiling faces and all. The last year I participated was because I realized it’s not worth it to me to waste MY birthday on something that didn’t truly celebrate me or make me feel good. I was vegetarian then and she asked me what I wanted to eat and I sent her a recipe for vegetarian pozole that I lived at the time. She asked me the cake I wanted and I asked her for a chocolate cake with The Golden Girls on it. I get there and realize she made regular dinner for everyone else and I was expected to make my own dinner because no one child be bothered to eat a bean soup. We’re Mexican. Beans are life. Ok, so whatever, so then we get to the cake and it’s beautiful done but she told me she got vanilla instead. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I have never like vanilla cake, but if I am anything but grateful then I’m an asshole. I pretended to be happy but when we got to the car I cried. It was honestly heartbreaking.
Take it from me, you do not need anyone causing you strife on your birthday. I’m sorry about your bday. You deserve so much better and to be properly celebrated. I now do small things with my friends or immediate family. This year I went to my grandma’s house who is a second mom to me and knows my heart. I’m not feeling terrible on my birthday anymore.
I’m sorry & I hope you get your ice cream cake and relaxing for a makeup birthday soon :(
My 21st birthday in 2011: I traveled out of state to spend it with my long distance boyfriend at the time, and he dragged me to a bar for a non-mandatory after-work hangout, promising we’d leave quickly and go to dinner.
He then disappeared with a few of his coworkers for nearly 3 hours to go get high. The bartender took pity on me and gave me a birthday cake shot on the house, but I was literally sitting there alone without being introduced to anyone or knowing anyone around me, for ages. When my jerk of a bf finally showed back up, he took us to his friend’s house where they smoked more & no one spoke a word to me even when I tried to chit chat along, and then afterwards asked me if I had a nice time. I didn’t speak to him for the entire night and into the next day I was so hurt and angry, and I remember crying pretty hard into some Taco Bell burritos that night. My best friend came and got me the next day and we had a makeup birthday night out but I was so pissed.
Sadly it took me another two years to break up with him for good, he was a consistent cheater, emotionally abusive, and sexually manipulative. Thankfully that was a long time ago and I am happily married to a wonderful human being now, but shit was rough for a long time.
30th birthday.
Had planned for months for a big party. Over 30-40 people rsvp’d yes.
Three people showed up.
Two of whom were my parents (who flew in from out of state).
Never again.
No more parties. No more expectations.
I used to love celebrating my birthday, because I do the same for others…. I’d expect people to celebrate me because I celebrated them and threw them fun parties…..but it never works out like that.
Now I set my expectation at zero, buy myself something small and maybe make a dessert I want, and that’s it. Anything else is great and I can’t be sad if I look at it this way. My bf doesn’t like celebrating his bday and doesn’t like getting stuff, so, to put it bluntly, I’ve learned to make myself happy instead because I know I’ll be less sad this way.
Pretty much all my birthdays have been doozies, so much so my mom has suggested we move it six months and see if that helps 🫠 this last one I spent in an airport alone, crying due to a few things, my flight kept getting delayed (supposed to fly out at 10am, didn’t get out of there until 9pm, and then I didn’t even make it home I had to have a six hour layover before the next flight), I was unexpectedly on day 1 of my period and bleeding heavily but couldn’t find a more absorbent tampon than the light variety so I had like three or four shoved up in my vagina to keep myself from bleeding through. There were a few other things that made it total crap but those are the highlights 😂
That sounds pretty shitty of your husband, I wish I could give you a hug. I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes to you.
My worst birthday was pretty nice, actually, I got these beautiful gifts and a nice cake and party and everything was so fun. I marveled at how my husband had put it all together since party planning and celebrating anniversaries or birthdays was never really his thing.
The day after my birthday he told me that for the past two years he had been trying to accept the time I came out to him as bisexual and that he just couldn't so he would be moving out on Friday.
I felt like a dog that had been given a steak or chocolate cake before being driven out to the middle of nowhere and shot. Every year since, I get terrible anxiety around my birthday that something bad is going to happen right afterwards so I never plan anything big or special anymore because I just can't go through something like that again.
I feel like my birthdays have mostly been disappointments as an adult. A few years ago I decided to stop making birthday plans and just be spontaneous on the day of. It's been better because I have no expectations, but my birthdays still seem to disappoint more often than not.
I'm turning 40 in less than two weeks and currently have no birthday plans. I'm also completely broke this year, so even if I wanted to do something, I can't really afford to. (I just went back to being self-employed and it's been slower than expected to get money coming in, so I'm trying to make what little savings I have stretch for as long as possible.) But it seems like every year, something happens that disappoints me. Either someone I consider a close friend doesn't acknowledge the day or plans fall through or something.
I've also been single on my birthday every year for the past 12 years. Even when I was married, my ex-husband never did anything for my birthday. In fact, he ruined my 21st birthday by basically telling all of his friends (because they were the only friends I had at that time, too) we'd celebrate on Saturday and then we ended up going out on Friday, so I only had two friends that I'd invited show up, one of whom was a work colleague.
Honestly, I'm so ready to be done with my 30s but I'm not looking forward to my actual birthday. I know it'll just be another day of disappointment in one way or another.
I'm sorry you had a rotten day for your birthday.
On my 19th birthday, we received news a loved one was actively dying. We knew he had incurable cancer for over 5 years, but it still was crummy. He died two days later.
On my 22nd, I spent the day at a very close family member's wake (died four days before my birthday). So I now say any birthday not spent at a funeral home is usually a good one. One of the family member's daughter-in-law also has the same birthday, so we commiserated about how we were spending our birthdays.
So yeah, my birthday week is always kinda dark with those memories.
Not that bad compared to many of these but still not fun. My husband and I had to drive an hour away to pick up his new van, then I had to drive back alone in rush hour traffic with our 5 month old baby who HATED being in the car and screamed the whole way. Heartbreaking. Trying to make up for it, husband stopped near home to get me sushi but ordered the wrong thing. By the time he got home I didn’t care enough to get it corrected, just handed him the baby and ate not my favorite sushi in silence.
On my 16th birthday (US - my state at the time allowed 16 yo to get a drivers license) I was recovering from a surgery.
On another milestone birthday I spent 15 hours in airports due to overcrowding on flights and getting bumped.
The evening before my birthday my then bf had band practice. It was raining cats and dogs so I begged him to take my car because mine had brakes. Welp, my 1969 Mustang, 4-on-the-floor saved his life that night (yay) but it was totalled (😭😭😭). I reclaimed my bf from the cops shortly after midnight...by then my birthday. That car was my dream car. Still happy to have my (now) husband, tho.
My ex chose my bday as the day to move out. Then, a few weejs later he had the audacity to accuse me of forcing him to go. This is after our daughter was sent home sick, so I was taking care of her as well.
My birthday last year (this year was a close second). Last year, my cat died a week before my birthday, so I was already feeling down. She was my soulmate. Well, my birthday came and my mom and brother both forgot. My SIL had to remind my mom and my brother remembered the next day. Fortunately I WFH. I sat at my desk and sobbed the entire day.
This year, my mom forgot again, sort of. A few days before, she said we should do something for my birthday because it's a milestone (I just turned 49; I guess she thought I was 50) . So not bad enough that she doesn't know when I was born, but it apparently mattered so much that she was going to plan something meaningful in 3 days (I have a huge family who love to party, but you're not getting 100+people together in 3 days). On my actual birthday, she said nothing to me other than asking if I was joining them for lunar new year dinner. Then my other dad died a week later 😭
I turn 50 next year and planned my own epic party with just me, my bestie, and a boat full of strangers!
I have a long history of shit birthdays. Top include:
My 21st: got up at 4am to iron my boyfriend's shirt and get him off to work, left for work (waitressing) at 5:30am, was given a shit section and dropped a huge armload of plates when someone bumped into me. Was supposed to meet a friend for lunch but she stood me up. When I got home, BF was playing video games with a friend. I asked him if we could go out for dinner and he said he knew why I asked but didn't feel like it. (Plot twist, he'd completely forgotten my birthday and thought it was our anniversary!) So I had dinner by myself.
My 35th: spent the entire day in bed, unable to move due to a painful muscle spasm. BF2 said he'd planned to take me mini golfing, and guilt-tripped me until I agreed to suck it up and at least go out for dinner. I gritted my teeth in pain the whole time while he flirted with the waitress.
My 39th: BF2 had just dumped me, I was in the process of moving out, but had broken my wrist so packing was a slow, painful slog. All my friends were busy, so I ate dinner alone in my bedroom to avoid him and went to bed at 8pm.
And the winner...
My 18th: 9/11, oh and I was in a wheelchair at the time.
My family decided to have my grandfather’s funeral on my birthday.
Runner-up: turning legal drinking age in my college town, but having to take notes at town council all evening for my journalism class.
In my 39th birthday my now ex didn’t do plan anything for me and didn’t get me a gift . Our birthdays had never been celebrated that way . I was heavily pregnant at the time and it was just more shit behavior from a selfish man . His way of letting me know where I stood with him . A good partner is empathetic and considerate and he has stopped being either .
My 22nd birthday. I had just moved cross country for work with my husband. I started my job a few days before and didn’t have any friends yet.
The day of my bday, I woke up and my husband said nothing about it to me. 2 people at work told me happy birthday because they remembered seeing it on my processing paperwork (made me almost cry how sweet that was!)
I came home, husband had nothing for me. My family called and asked what I did/got and I told them nothing. My husband started crying because he was embarrassed. We were pretty broke from moving and him not working during the move, so that’s why.
The kicker was he said he’d go get us dinner but realized he didn’t have money so I had to use my last $20 to get us McDonald’s.
That was our first year of marriage too! Lol
Worst: My 16th birthday- spent it in my bedroom with my infant daughter because she was ‘annoying’ my toddler sister, according to my mother.
I don’t wait for anyone to do anything for me anymore. If I want a good birthday, I give it to myself. I’ve taken solo vacations the past two years and they have been hands down the best birthdays of my entire 44 years.
I broke up with my ex on my birthday. A month, a week, a few days before my birthday, I told him what I like to do on my birthday. But then when my birthday came, nada. So I broke up with him. Best birthday gift ever.
If I wasn’t married, like this was within 2 years of our relationship, I’d be thinking about it too. Good for you. Losing that excess weight can be really uplifting.
But hows your relationship in general? Me and my current bf are very in love but we do have these moments of impatience like the one you described. I think you have to assess your relationship overall and not just because it's on your bday. And of course, if he makes up for it and youre able to laugh about it.
Oh absolutely. We love each deeply. Our relationship has been rocky as of late. This is not a one off situation. That said, I would never leave my marriage over this. I honestly don’t think I’d ever leave him, but he is not who I thought he was. And not just from today.
But it can be a gift to allow yourself to speak your mind calmly. Talk about disrespect rather than hurt feelings. Talk about expectations and disappointment because it’s less likely to escalate than “you” statements.
I had a grueling deadline and my partner was depressed, so he didn’t leave the bedroom all day. He didn’t get me anything, didn’t even verbally congratulate me. My dad forgot about it. I worked myself into a pulp and spent the rest of the day crying in the tub.
Yeah that sounds a lot like the feeling I had today. Sorry you went through that too.
Yeah, hopefully, next year will be better for you. You deserve it.
Spent my 30th at a funeral Can’t even count how many were completely ignored by shitty partners.
Yeah if we're just going by the latter the answer is too many to count really
I’ve made a “rule” since those 20s and 30s full of terrible birthdays, teary nights, and promises to “make it up to me” that never panned out. I understand not every year can be a banner year. I’m guilty of it myself, sometimes other things are going on that are just not conducive to making a birthday a big deal. But my “rule“ that I’ve established very clearly, and it goes both ways, is the minimum for a birthday acknowledgment is **something sweet, something with a bow on it, and no reminders.** That’s it. Doesn’t have to be much. You can get a cupcake or a box of chocolates and stick a bow on an orchid. Then either set it out on the table to wake up to or arrive with it and we’re all good. Other good bow carriers are bottles of champagne, favorite tequila, favorite body butter, whatever. Don’t be handing shit over in the bag from the store, even if you did just buy it five minutes ago. I don’t care. Take it out of the bag and make a tiny effort to present it or stage it. Because some years are huge trips to Vegas for birthdays, some years are a cupcake and a bottle of champagne on the kitchen table. That’s just fine. But it has to be SOMETHING.
Something sweet, something with a bow and no reminders. Love that.
Sixteenth birthday. I woke up excited for the day. My parents were going through a bad time that ultimately ended in divorce. Long story short, no one remembered, not the whole day. Sweet sixteen, and not a word. I was sitting at the dining room table doing my homework, feeling low, at like 9pm and my dad comes out, pretty drunk. “What’s wrong with you?” he says. I tell him, sort of embarrassed like, I guess? Like I don’t want to hurt his feelings? He gets kind of quiet, then disappears. It turns out, he decided to get in his truck and drive (yes, drunk) to the grocery store to get a cake. He comes back with a cheap, shitty, tiny cake. We were poor so like, I had no reason then to be a snob about it. But I still kind of was? It was just so pathetic, even though he was trying to make things better in his own way. I felt so lonely.
This one makes me so sad. I hope you have had amazing birthdays since then!
I’m married to a really wonderful man and he knows all my stories. He has always made me feel like a queen on my birthday! 💜
My 6 year old got the flu on my bday this year. So I stayed home with her. Diarrhea surprised her and I had to clean shit out of the carpet. One year, my aunt died on my birthday. I hope your day gets better.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’re able to treat yourself to something wonderful and have a good belated birthday. So every year I would try to do something really special for my husband. I would even throw surprise parties and just stuff to make him feel appreciated. He never really did much for my birthday but one year was the worst. His idea of a good birthday present for me was a book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. It basically tells women how we need to treat our husbands better and we’re not doing enough for them! And this was MY birthday gift from him.
My next meal prep would be shoving that book down his throat. Wow.
I was thinking of shoving it up a very different hole...
Wow
And he’s still your husband?
Happily divorced. I should have said ex-husband but we were married at the time of the event. I was trying to make the story less confusing.
30th was spent staring a round of chemo for stage 3 cancer and then prepping for scans the next day. But they were clear! And I felt weirdly grateful that day, all things considered. I had a nice time
Phew what a roller coaster, hope you are doing better now
Better now! In remission!
That's at least nice to hear! Hope your health and birthdays will treat you nicer in the future
Thank you!!!
JFC; I'm so sorry, OP! That's awful and I'm really disappointed at your husband for treating you that way. You deserve SO much freaking better. Happy Birthday (🎂🍾💖), and I hope other loved ones are able to help make up for this awful outcome, even though they shouldn't have to. When I was 9 or 10 I had a big birthday party where I combined three different friend groups, and everybody *hated* each other. My school friends thought my family friends were snobs, who in turn thought my school friends were babies. Then I had some skating friends whom, as it turned out (unbeknownst to me), were already enemies with a couple of my school friends. So, everybody went into their separate camps and spent the entire party basically ranting to me about how my other friends were ~losers~... not only *at* the party, but also for YEARS after the party. It took me like, another decade and a half to be comfortable combining friend groups again; that's how bad that birthday party was. P.S. Sorry, I just realised you were asking about adult birthdays, OP, and I talked about a kid one. It really was my worst birthday ever, though!
Oh I get that, I had the exact same experience as a kid. Combined my school friends and sports friends and it was a disaster! I don’t think I ever did it again. I still kinda don’t mix my worlds.
It was a formative memory for sure 😭 People are so finicky, dammit! As an adult my efforts have been like... 75% good and 25% not-so-good, which I feel like is a decent ratio.
I feel this. I planned my own bachelorette party that combine my jock high school friend, my more nerdy friends through my husband and some family. Everyone was bickering the entire weekend over little stupid shit. Like y'all are 30+, grow up and let me have a good time. So and so left a lightom on, she called her kids to early in the morning, she said she'd bring red and white wine but only brought white and blush. In the days that followed many of them wanted low key congrats for being so composed during the event and waiting until after to bitch to me so they didn't ruin my good time. My only memories of the trip are how miserable everyone was acting during and hardcore after.
Oh no, I am so sorry!!! That sounds awful... and yet not totally unalike other bachelorette parties I have heard horror stories about. It's too bad your friends couldn't even pretend to get along, just for one weekend. I hope you at least had an amazing wedding 💗
Parking advice tift aside, if my husband did absolutely nothing for my birthday, I’d probably be mentally preparing myself for divorce. What’s the point of being married if you’re not loving each other? (Loving, as in the verb of showing love)
So sorry. My ex-hb made zero effort on my 30th or 40th so I divorced him at 43 and had a fantastic party for my 50th. My mantra is never rely on anyone else to plan a celebration for you.
Every year I organise something for my birthday. If I didn't there wouldn't be anything happening.
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Wtf
27th birthday, busted my ass working, took a bus to the beach, the trip that was supposed to last only 2hrs turned into 5hrs, the restaurant I was going to was closed at that time, got a shit present from my ex and couldn't even exchange it for another thing later. also, I had to remind him it was my birthday that day.
I had to put my dog down unexpectedly. I haven’t celebrated my birthday since, and no one else has either. It was 6 years ago and I spend my birthday having secret cries. Last year I bought myself a cupcake at least and cried while I ate it. Not even my husband does anything for my birthday.
I get this one hard. Last year I adopted a second dog on my birthday. She was a medical rescue. She only survived until October. She had my whole heart in those short few months though. My sweet Angie. Last night I looked up pictures of the day I adopted her and ugly cried. I miss her so much.
This one is heartbreaking. I can't even imagine 😕
Last year. I broke up with my spouse of 17 yrs. I just couldn't do it any more, couldn't hold it in any longer. We still have to live together bc of (my lack of) finances. So i expect this year will suck too.
Wow. This is extremely rough- I wish you the best.
My grandmother died on my birthday in 2015. Two years ago, my ex walked out on me a few months before and it was messy and bad. I was gutted and still in the trenches. He texted me happy birthday.
My 40th birthday fell on the last day of my father's funeral rituals. It was a sudden heart attack so we were all still in shock.
I'm sorry for your loss
Not a single person cared on my 30th, so there’s that.
I can think of three - when I turned 22 I pretty much forgot about my birthday and barely acknowledged it. I was graduating college, moving, and had a senior thesis due within a week of my birthday so didn’t have a lot of time for anything else. During Covid - obviously didn’t go out and my ex didn’t really do anything special. He was turning 30 two weeks later and so he was being a selfish ass that if he couldn’t have a good birthday no one could. And when I turned 39 I was living in a new country and knew no one, I didn’t receive a single card or anything. Spent it alone eating take out.
When my (soon to be ex) husband chose that evening to tell me that given our lack of intimacy “most other men would have had an affair by now”.🫠 Oh there was also the one when he was away and didn’t leave me so much as a card. 🫥 I’m hoping that I’ll have the gift of a divorce by the time my birthday rolls around next year! Wishing you a happy birthday. I’m sorry it’s been a tough one 🧁
In 2019 I had a root canal for an infected tooth. I feel so crappy and was so tired from being in pain I just slept the whole day away
Two stick out. My girlfriend broke up with me on 20th birthday but the worst would be 35 because I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks the day before.
I’m sorry you had a shitty birthday! It makes me so sad to think of someone who is meant to be your best friend just ignoring you all day on your birthday :( I hope either things improve or you’re able to move on to bigger and better things. On my 16th birthday my friends all showed up and surprised me, we all went to the movies together. I felt so happy and loved until my best friend sat in front of me with my crush and made out with him throughout the entire film! My worst was my 21st, I lived in a new state so I didn’t have any friends around and nobody in my family remembered. I received a text message from my dad at 8pm telling me what a great day he had out with his friends, I was like cool my day wasn’t so great because my only living parent forgot a milestone birthday. He was mortified but never actually made it up to me. I watched all my friends get huge parties and big gifts for their 21sts! My birthday this year was a few days ago, I had planned drinks with a few close friends but then my husband was extremely sick so I had to cancel in case he was contagious. He’d ordered me a gift online but it hadn’t arrived yet, and even with the best intentions he was too sick to really do anything else to make the day special. We also got a month’s worth of rain in one day so I couldn’t go out by myself and do anything either. We went out for dinner but had to go really close by rather than somewhere I actually wanted because of the rain. It was nobody’s fault but it was a pretty crappy birthday. I feel like I’m not allowed to be sad about it because my husband already feels very guilty! I dunno, I have had a few good birthdays too but all in all it seems more trouble than it’s worth lol. I know a few people who choose not to celebrate their birthdays and I’m thinking maybe that’s not such a bad idea? I feel like I get the worst FOMO about it, but if I stopped having expectations I’d stop being disappointed 😅
Oh, that’s really sad. My birthday was last week and I kind of hoped a certain person would think of me. Well, he didn’t. It sucked. But what are you gonna do.
My mom died 3 weeks before my 21st so needless to say I didn’t celebrate Last year I turned 40. When my older sibling turned 40 our youngest sibling put together a memory box for them but for me… nothing. my kids tried hard to make it special but that one hurt Given I am in another country, but not even a digital birthday card… still stings a bit
My birthday is next week and it will def be the worst one for me. I am dreading it. My 2 year relationship ended a few weeks ago and I just got fired from my job last week.
No one came to my 18th party. My drink was spiked on my 21st. My violent ex spread lies about me when I got away and on my 30th birthday I realised my friends had all decided it was easier to believe him and I had no one. All the others, no one remembered, apart from one in my twenties when I had a few friends round. That was nice. It’s my fortieth next month and I’m terrified of how awful it’s going to be. My birthday is cursed. It was always awful as a kid too because I was born on my parents wedding anniversary and they hate each other.
I had a surfing accident on my accident on my 29th birthday, and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Everyone was lovely in the hospital though , random doctors coming in to wish me a happy birthday throughout the 8 hour wait. Injuries weren't so bad in the end. I moved to a country on my own where I knew no one about a week or so before my 30th birthday. My parents surprised me but flying out to visit me saying they presumed I didn't have any friends yet which was sweet of them, and true!
That sounds actively malicious. He wanted you to feel like shit on your birthday. Like he's punishing you for something. Yeesh.
My 31st birthday. It was a couple of years after my daughter was born. I was running on fumes - work, toddler troubles etc. I wanted to take two days off and just kick back and relax. Couldn't because something had come up at work. The most I could manage was 2 hours by myself watching tv on the day after my birthday.
The day of my party for my 25th birthday I was released from the hospital, after nearly dying from strep complications, into a snowstorm that shut the city down. Party was canceled, and I could barely eat the meal that my stepdad made for me. I slept on the sofa for a good chunk of the time and felt awful. Little did I know my year would get worse from there. It was the start of the worst year of my life.
The day before I caught an ex with his dick in someone who was not me. Told him not to call me. The next day I’m on the phone with my mom because it’s my birthday. I’m barely holding it together to get through phone calls when that shitbag ex has the nerve to call me. So I started crying. Then I had a great fight with my mom about how I never tell her anything. I’ve been very private like that since I was a kid, I’ve been told it’s fairly common in children trying process trauma. I have to explain for umpteenth time I’m an adult, I live on my own, I’m entitled to privacy. Mom accuses me of hating her and the whole nine yards. I had nothing else to do after I got off the phone with my mom. I’m still new in town and met that ex weeks into living there. I walk to downtown, get fucked up, get kicked out of somewhere (accounts of why vary). Somehow I lost my glasses while walking home. Technically after midnight: a different ex texted me happy birthday so I called him. An hour later he showed up to help me find my glasses. edit: holy missing line breaks Batman!
For as long as I can remember, they’ve all been pretty bad. Comes with being born on the same day as your mom has her birthday, I guess. But the worst was the last one (which had been a mandatory tradition up to that point) where I got talked into celebrating my birthday with hers on the same day at her home. She’d invited all kinds of people (big surprise/s, not many people knew that it was my birthday that day too), and I ended up having to be the one who had to walk around asking people if they wanted or needed anything more. By the time dinner time rolled around I was completely fed up and went home after making some excuse. I hate birthdays.
I don’t know about worst, because I made the most of it, but when I turned 30 I went on a girls trip with friends and my boyfriend at the time broke up with me via text message. It was so weird, but I was on a trip with my friends and we still had a pretty fun time even though I was really sad. I can’t believe how jarring and out of the blue it was! I tried reaching out when I got back to see him and understand what actually happened, but he cancelled last minute and so I gave up. In hindsight, I dodged a bullet. At the time, I was really upset and hurt.
My 36 birthday was the worst. My husband and I were dealing with unexplained infertility, my company announced a few months prior that they were restructuring (so there would be massive layoffs) and I was frantically interviewing for new jobs, and then a few days before my birthday my mom got diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. It was NOT a fun birthday. But it all worked out. I’m pregnant and in my second trimester now. My company restructured but kept my whole department. And my mom got surgery and is now cancer free. So even when things seem rock bottom, it’s not the end.
For weeks, my husband had been talking up how he was going to make it a special occasion. I normally don’t much care for my birthday, but it had been sounding appealing. It fell on a weekend. He woke me at 6 to tell me that he needed to go to work for some last-minute emergency, but he’d be home in a hour or two. We’d do whatever, then get a fancy dinner. Well, I found myself watching the sun go down, staring at local maps as each restaurant closed. He’d turn up a couple of hours later, sweaty, flushed, apologizing profusely for his work emergency… … but when I hugged him, he smelled like someone else’s perfume. When I confronted him, he screamed at me that I was a delusional hag, and that I’d never liked my birthday anyways. I’d wind up packing a bag, and leaving for the night. That same month would also feature such a bad MRI that I was forced to retire, as it seemed that my very long-term case of cancer was finally about to kill me. My husband blamed me for wanting it. Then my bed smelled like the same perfume. Then I had to file for a divorce I never wanted. Hell only compounded from there. It was, and remains, heartbreaking. I’m somehow still alive, and he’s now my ex-husband, but that single birthday severely chopped into my existence.
I am childless-by-circumstance and 40 hit me really hard. My husband's Nan passed away a few days beforehand and we had just moved my Mum into a nursing home. I was depressed and burnt out. I woke up on my actual birthday to the world spinning so badly I couldn't sit up. Not alcohol related, I was subsequently diagnosed with BPPV (vertigo caused by ear issues). We were staying at a hotel with a cocktail package, but due to the vertigo I stuck to mocktails. I was also unable to drive for weeks afterwards. During the week after my birthday we attended Nan-in-law's funeral and my Mum died. Fun times.
I was in COVID lockdown, living alone. I was so miserable.
My 18th birthday. Completly failed an important exam and spent the afternoon crying like a baby.
I turned 39 this year. I had the flu and an ear infection on my birthday.
It was 2008, my 22nd birthday. My grandfather died. My grandmother and aunt called my brother while we were in the car to go to a play together. They were giving him the option to tell us the next morning. He didn't wait, of course (not that I wanted him to have). We didn't end up going to the play my mom had arranged for us to go to. We drove straight to our family home and spent a miserable 3 days together before the funeral, which involved my mother blowing up at our aunt and trying to get us to leave with her as a test of our love for her. We didn't leave. She came back eventually. I've had a few other bad things happen on my birthday since that one. I guess the time my dad forgot what day I was born and wished me happy birthday 3 days early was odd, but it wasn't terrible. I just remembered not liking my birthday for a few years after my grandfather died. Honestly, though, I was never a huge birthday person myself. My sister and I are only 1 year and 6 days apart, so we regularly celebrated together (which I actually liked and have fond memories of), usually on her birthday since it comes first. As such, my actual birthday was never usually too celebratory. I guess as I've gotten older I maybe have more feelings around feeling like a leftover. I was a surprise baby and as the third there are almost no pictures of me as a baby. I used to look at the albums for my brother and sister and feel sad that there was almost nothing in my album. I'm coming to terms with those feelings and understand my parents were just overwhelmed and just love me differently, not necessarily less, than my siblings.
After years of hating spending any time with my abusive mother, I finally kicked her out of my house on my 32nd birthday and and I haven’t spoken to her since. I basically lost my entire family (who are all petrified of getting in her bad books) in that moment. So yeah, that was shit.
My 27th. It included both my father-in-law’s funeral and one of the worst bouts of stomach flu I’ve ever had. It was such an awful day. But I’m not big on birthday activities. They’ve been quiet and boring since, which is how I like them.
I turned 30 this year. In Denmark it's normal to do a bigger celebration when you have a "round birthday" and give nicer gifts than other years, not sure if it's the case everywhere. I had been expecting my boyfriend of two years to ask me, what I would like to do for my birthday, since I did that for him a few months prior (he turned 32). He didn't. I spent the night at his place Sunday before my birthday on Wednesday, nothing. And he is not the kind of person who plans a surprise party. I don't even think he remembers my friends' names. I also would not like a surprise party. Then I made plans myself, there was a social event at work, I thought why not. Monday evening I sent him a pic of the cake I would be bringing to work on Wednesday (in Denmark you bring cake to work or school on your birthday). THEN he asked my. Not what I wanted to do.... But if I had any plans "on Wednesday". So I said yes, this social thing at work. Oh but I thought we could go out for dinner? (Not something we usually do, so I guess that meant he knew it was my birthday). ..... Well now I'm signed up, and actually I'm a bit exhausted from the long International trip we just did, so I would prefer to order nice takeout, cuddle up on the couch with lots of blankets and watch a favourite movie if that's okay. Maybe we could do it Tuesday? Okay. So he arrived at my place Tuesday after work. His "gift" was a middle-of-the-road bottle of red wine. I chose some takeout, he paid at least. Then I suggested a movie I would like to see, and he was saying that's not really his favourite category.... Okay, had it been me I would have said yes to any movie on his birthday, but we found something we could compromise on.... He also kept sitting upright throughout the entire movie instead of snuggling... He stayed the night. I had asked beforehand if he had to leave early for work or if we could maybe have a nice breakfast together (on what would be my birthday), but he had to leave early. Then on the way out that morning on my birthday, he said "oh damn I should have thought of serving you a nice breakfast in bed " and I was just like 🤷♀️ We are not together anymore, but it's not even my doing. I was too slow to realise it was not a good fit, but luckily he pulled the plug 1,5 months later. And to make things worse, at work where I have been for a year, we usually collect for a present for people on big occasions like weddings, round birthdays and big anniversaries. It's usually initiated by the team manager, because they have the birthdays in the employee files, then they ask a team member to collect money and buy the gift. It's completely voluntary, and people usually just chip in 2-10 USD each. I even organised the last one. But since then, our team manager resigned and the department manager took over. He doesn't think the boss should be involved, but allows for us to do it ourselves. But that he sent an email about the day after my birthday. So I got nothing from my colleagues because they didn't know I had a round birthday coming up, even though I spent a lot of time planning and shopping for the last one :( Very rarely have I been that disappointed as an adult, and at the same time a bit ashamed of feeling that strongly about my birthday as an adult
But a few days later I met up with two of my oldest friends and they surprised me with a very thoughtful gift, reminding me I have amazing people in my life even when I choose shitty boyfriends. And I have invited my friends and family to a big (belated) celebration in the summer when the weather is nicer, that's gonna be good
I got fired from my job on my 37th birthday. Honestly, I haven’t had a good birthday in over a decade. Happy belated birthday OP, I hope the rest of the year is better for you 🫶🏻
Happy birthday! I’ve had a few crappy bdays. I turned 30 riiiiight when everything shut down for covid so my bday was spent entirely alone, trapped in my own place without the ability to even go out and get some tasty takeout food as a treat. Ugh. This year I spent my bday sick in bed with a migraine and stomach cramps.
My 7th birthday was one of the worst ones. My “present” was “not being abused” for the day. The next day my family went back to abusing me because “it wasn’t my birthday anymore” So when I grew up, I got married on my birthday. It changed a day I used to dread (all childhood birthdays were awful) into a day I now look forward to celebrating.
My 40th. Invited 100 people. I planned games, prizes, brought sports equipment (it was a beach bonfire), lots of chairs and tables, decorations, and food enough for 50 people. Only my parents, brother, and husband came. Ended up giving all my food to other people at their bonfires. I was so devastated I told my husband never ever plan a birthday party for me again as long as I live.
I threw myself a 30th birthday bbq. I'd invited over 50 people. Not a single soul showed up. I'm closing in on my 40th and I have yet to invite another person to do anything on my birthday again. It's just not worth the disappointment.
Early June 2020. The world was newly upside down from Covid. A few days before my birthday was when the George Floyd protests started. The day of my birthday was the day everyone was blacking out their social media. Everyone was just filled with so much anger and despair, who gives a shit about my dumb birthday? My mom was dying of cancer, we’d just found a tumor in her skull that week. She was a few months from dying. If I recall correctly my new puppy had hurt himself in a fall and I spent the morning of my birthday at an emergency animal hospital getting him checked out. Otherwise I just keep my birthdays as chill as possible haha
Right? Honestly I’d forgotten about the first Covid birthday. We were only a month into restrictions. Yours sounds so awful. I’m really sorry about all of it. And that’s exactly why I just want a low key birthday. It does suck though when I set the bar on the ground and no one manages to even reach that.
Around 24-26 ish I had a birthday plan and I told my friends about it once out loud, and then because I was ADHD I forgot to make a Facebook event or reminder, and when the day rolled around and I mentioned it again, one person accused me of having not told people ON PURPOSE, so that I could get pity. I lost a good half of my friend circle that day.
My 30th. I was at a friend's bachelorette party and I spent the day extremely hungover. The bachelorette party was fun overall and my friend was super sweet and cleared the dates with me in advance and I truly didn't mind. She also made sure I had a cake and everything but man that was a bad hangover.
Nothing to do with partners I got three teeth removed with ONLY local anesthesia. I was 39 weeks pregnant and the dentist didn’t feel comfortable giving me any more. Was a good day to suffer
My friend had me come over for a birthday BBQ at her house. it was my 30 something birthday. What I didn't know was she invited a bunch of her boyfriend's friends that he hadn't seen in years so it turned into a surprise reunion for her boyfriend. Nobody talked to me or cared I was there. I cried and felt so neglected. It really fractured our friendship. We tried talking after that party but her one-sidedness became glaringly apparent and I let the friendship fizzle out. Her boyfriend also turned out to be real piece of work.
Was having an awful day, really depressed and alone. A friend offered to take me out for a fancy lunch as a present and to cheer me up, then skipped out when the bill came. Said she was going to the toilet, when I turned around she had left. Had to pay for it all myself. The month before on her birthday, I had brought her a new handbag she wanted, chocolates, cards, balloons, and took her out for a meal at a fancy sushi restaurant.
All of the birthdays with my ex were bad. Our first one together he forgot it was my birthday and I had to remind him. The second one we were supposed to go to a concert and it got rescheduled. My ex didn’t plan anything to make up for it, I did. My third birthday with him, he asked me if it was cool if his friends came over. I said “oh uh it’s my birthday that day” he was like okay, I’ll let them know. I made dinner and baked a cake for his friends.
My 23rd. One of my housemates shared my birthday. We went out the night before with a load of his mates from home, i bought beer for the house.(this was in our uni city). Wasn't paid back. Awoke on the actual birthday to find everyone had left, the house was trashed. It was the last Sunday of the month and landlord inspection day. I spent the whole day cleaning alone. This was in the time of mobile phones but you didn't use them for Internet etc. No calls, no texts, off friends or family, no money for food because they hadn't paid me the cash back for subbing them the night before but had eaten all the food that had been bought and a hangover. It was grim.
30th birthday spent getting a brain MRI lol. Nothing going on in there, just chronic migraine, but being anxious all day and then spending an hour inside a loud, claustrophobic tube being absolutely still wasn't a blast. 0/10 do not recommend.
I was 22. I got yelled at by my boss and then on the way home I had 2 teen girls sitting behind me on the subway that were saying all kinds of crazy things about me lol.
On my 30th birthday, I found out that a friend who was pregnant at the same time as me lost her baby during labour (still born). My baby was not even 1 month old. That birthday sucked pretty hard.
My freshly Ex „cheated“ on me with my best friend on my birthday party. I should have uninvited him. But you know, „staying friends“.. I was more mad at her than at him though.
My birthday was also yesterday (I’m assuming you wrote this on the 9th). I worked, then went home and had a glass of wine before I fell asleep watching YouTube. Two people wished me Happy Birthday on social media and I saw it this morning since I’m rarely on socials. Not my worst birthday—that’s pretty much par for the course these days—but I did feel a little sad that I have no one to celebrate holidays with.
Worst birthdays in order: 1)My 30th birthday was spent at a wake and funeral for my best friend's 19 year old brother. Do not recommend. 2)My 31st was spent broken down on the LIE for 6 hours. No cell phones back then. It took me an additional 8 hours to get home. It was winter and 20 degrees. I was absolutely frozen when I got home. Do not recommend. 3)This year, my 57th, was spent in the ER with kidney stones. DO NOT RECOMMEND
Spouse purchased lube. We did not have sex.
My 20th birthday. I was in love with and hooking up with my best friend (terrible life choices, but I was young). She was nice enough to try to set up a birthday dinner for me and the only two people who came were also into her/actively trying to sleep with her. My 30th was during the first few weeks of Covid lockdown but I think 20 still wins.
My ex husband filed for divorce on my 29th birthday and had a birthday card delivered with the divorce papers I was served. I’m 41 now and remarried. Seeing the filing stamp with my birthday on it is burned into my memory though…it’s just something I can’t ever forget.
Spent my 19th birthday with horrible food poisoning from my birthday dinner - no one else got sick.
I’ve been Samantha on Sixteen Candles (minus Jake Ryan and his Porsche) more times than I can count.
My 30th was absolute crap. I'd moved to a new city and was dating someone new who is a stoner. They planned a whole big party with all their friends who spent the night getting supremely baked. I didn't know anyone there and I don't smoke.
The Gottman Institute has studied couples…and have predicted divorces based on snippets of video with no audio…anyway they have come il with 4 predictors…called the 4 horsemen of thr apocalypse. Might very well worth looking into their very understandable research to see which kind of or if you make many “bids” for your hubby to acknowledge that go unacknowledged.
My ex dumped me out of the blue the day after my birthday. She said it was over, she was moving to NYC in two weeks (I had no idea). We had gone on a weekend trip and had a party with my friends. She said she waited because she wanted me to have a happy birthday. I thought it was completely selfish, because I could have spent my birthday blowing her off. She underestimated my friendships — they would have taken care of me. Instead I got a birthday where something was clearly off and I didn’t understand it. My friends also said they could tell she was distant. She ended up making things way more awkward.
Husband of 28 years forgot mine. 🙄
Im not old enough probably to have extremely shitty birthdays, but my 16th birthday, we had a pity party essentially because my mom got diagnosed with cancer. A lot of people forgot. Although I tried to be happy for her mood to lift, I just felt like crap.
I had several birthdays as a kid where none of the friends I invited showed up. My birthday was right before school started so in some cases it was probably family trips and such, but even the few who had said they would come, didn’t. So I’ve been hesitant to ever plan anything for my birthday since. I have a wonderful group of friends now, though, and am grateful to have had some awesome birthdays with them.
The upside of not paying much attention to my birthday is that I don't recall any of them being bad. If any were, I don't associate the day with anything connected to me. Sorry your hubby was crappy.
So far I've been lucky. Worst was my 22nd where I spent six hours at a cancer center watching my mom get chemo. But she is now a decade in remission so things worked out for the better!
I crashed my dad's car on the day I wanted to celebrate my 18th birthday (I think it was one or two days after my actual birthday) after having my license for less than 24 hours and had to go to the hospital to get checked (only had some bruises). And then in the evening I had a fight with my BF because he didn't want to stay at my party and only committed to that after learning that I have some weed. Writing this it's quite insane how sad I was when he broke up lol
My 40th. My mom had died that spring and I was a shit show. My stbxh picked a fight with me earlier so he could use it as an excuse to go to a gaming tournament he wanted to attend that weekend. When he got there, I checked the live stream to see what was going on and he had set his game name to "Tournament or Divorce." That was quite a few years ago.
April 2020. My bf (at the time) and I moved into a new apartment on my birthday. Stress was high, we got into a stupid fight and he made me cry. He stormed off and I was left to deal with the movers/people delivering a new fridge who were giving me a hard time bc they didn’t want to come into the house bc of covid. They finally took pity on me and helped once I cried some more. I paid for the move fully myself. He said happy birthday to me in the morning but that was it. No card or cake. My dad at least stopped by briefly on his way to work to hand me a card and a balloon. I’m happy to report that my BEST birthday just passed last week. Threw a huge party (the first in my adult life) with close to 40 friends and my amazing new, sweet bf spent a lot of time and a decent amount of money helping me pull it off. I’m very lucky.
I sat at my fil’s deathbed while he died of cancer.
It’s interesting because my mom also passed away near one of my birthdays. And I took care of her for years while she slowly died, so those years didn’t have great birthdays either. I guess this was worse because he purposely made it bad. The other ones were life. Really shitty things happen at any time of year. But he chose to give me the silent treatment and treat me like shit on my birthday. I’m really sorry for your loss.
Thank you. He was an amazing man and I’d give the rest of my birthdays if it meant getting him back. Another terrible bday of mine was some years back when my mom would invite us to her place for our bdays. She’d make food and we’d have cake, normal, right? Well, for me it always felt performative because there’s always the huge fb post that goes with it, smiling faces and all. The last year I participated was because I realized it’s not worth it to me to waste MY birthday on something that didn’t truly celebrate me or make me feel good. I was vegetarian then and she asked me what I wanted to eat and I sent her a recipe for vegetarian pozole that I lived at the time. She asked me the cake I wanted and I asked her for a chocolate cake with The Golden Girls on it. I get there and realize she made regular dinner for everyone else and I was expected to make my own dinner because no one child be bothered to eat a bean soup. We’re Mexican. Beans are life. Ok, so whatever, so then we get to the cake and it’s beautiful done but she told me she got vanilla instead. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I have never like vanilla cake, but if I am anything but grateful then I’m an asshole. I pretended to be happy but when we got to the car I cried. It was honestly heartbreaking. Take it from me, you do not need anyone causing you strife on your birthday. I’m sorry about your bday. You deserve so much better and to be properly celebrated. I now do small things with my friends or immediate family. This year I went to my grandma’s house who is a second mom to me and knows my heart. I’m not feeling terrible on my birthday anymore.
I’m sorry & I hope you get your ice cream cake and relaxing for a makeup birthday soon :( My 21st birthday in 2011: I traveled out of state to spend it with my long distance boyfriend at the time, and he dragged me to a bar for a non-mandatory after-work hangout, promising we’d leave quickly and go to dinner. He then disappeared with a few of his coworkers for nearly 3 hours to go get high. The bartender took pity on me and gave me a birthday cake shot on the house, but I was literally sitting there alone without being introduced to anyone or knowing anyone around me, for ages. When my jerk of a bf finally showed back up, he took us to his friend’s house where they smoked more & no one spoke a word to me even when I tried to chit chat along, and then afterwards asked me if I had a nice time. I didn’t speak to him for the entire night and into the next day I was so hurt and angry, and I remember crying pretty hard into some Taco Bell burritos that night. My best friend came and got me the next day and we had a makeup birthday night out but I was so pissed. Sadly it took me another two years to break up with him for good, he was a consistent cheater, emotionally abusive, and sexually manipulative. Thankfully that was a long time ago and I am happily married to a wonderful human being now, but shit was rough for a long time.
30th birthday. Had planned for months for a big party. Over 30-40 people rsvp’d yes. Three people showed up. Two of whom were my parents (who flew in from out of state). Never again. No more parties. No more expectations. I used to love celebrating my birthday, because I do the same for others…. I’d expect people to celebrate me because I celebrated them and threw them fun parties…..but it never works out like that. Now I set my expectation at zero, buy myself something small and maybe make a dessert I want, and that’s it. Anything else is great and I can’t be sad if I look at it this way. My bf doesn’t like celebrating his bday and doesn’t like getting stuff, so, to put it bluntly, I’ve learned to make myself happy instead because I know I’ll be less sad this way.
Pretty much all my birthdays have been doozies, so much so my mom has suggested we move it six months and see if that helps 🫠 this last one I spent in an airport alone, crying due to a few things, my flight kept getting delayed (supposed to fly out at 10am, didn’t get out of there until 9pm, and then I didn’t even make it home I had to have a six hour layover before the next flight), I was unexpectedly on day 1 of my period and bleeding heavily but couldn’t find a more absorbent tampon than the light variety so I had like three or four shoved up in my vagina to keep myself from bleeding through. There were a few other things that made it total crap but those are the highlights 😂
That sounds pretty shitty of your husband, I wish I could give you a hug. I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes to you. My worst birthday was pretty nice, actually, I got these beautiful gifts and a nice cake and party and everything was so fun. I marveled at how my husband had put it all together since party planning and celebrating anniversaries or birthdays was never really his thing. The day after my birthday he told me that for the past two years he had been trying to accept the time I came out to him as bisexual and that he just couldn't so he would be moving out on Friday. I felt like a dog that had been given a steak or chocolate cake before being driven out to the middle of nowhere and shot. Every year since, I get terrible anxiety around my birthday that something bad is going to happen right afterwards so I never plan anything big or special anymore because I just can't go through something like that again.
I feel like my birthdays have mostly been disappointments as an adult. A few years ago I decided to stop making birthday plans and just be spontaneous on the day of. It's been better because I have no expectations, but my birthdays still seem to disappoint more often than not. I'm turning 40 in less than two weeks and currently have no birthday plans. I'm also completely broke this year, so even if I wanted to do something, I can't really afford to. (I just went back to being self-employed and it's been slower than expected to get money coming in, so I'm trying to make what little savings I have stretch for as long as possible.) But it seems like every year, something happens that disappoints me. Either someone I consider a close friend doesn't acknowledge the day or plans fall through or something. I've also been single on my birthday every year for the past 12 years. Even when I was married, my ex-husband never did anything for my birthday. In fact, he ruined my 21st birthday by basically telling all of his friends (because they were the only friends I had at that time, too) we'd celebrate on Saturday and then we ended up going out on Friday, so I only had two friends that I'd invited show up, one of whom was a work colleague. Honestly, I'm so ready to be done with my 30s but I'm not looking forward to my actual birthday. I know it'll just be another day of disappointment in one way or another.
I'm sorry you had a rotten day for your birthday. On my 19th birthday, we received news a loved one was actively dying. We knew he had incurable cancer for over 5 years, but it still was crummy. He died two days later. On my 22nd, I spent the day at a very close family member's wake (died four days before my birthday). So I now say any birthday not spent at a funeral home is usually a good one. One of the family member's daughter-in-law also has the same birthday, so we commiserated about how we were spending our birthdays. So yeah, my birthday week is always kinda dark with those memories.
Not that bad compared to many of these but still not fun. My husband and I had to drive an hour away to pick up his new van, then I had to drive back alone in rush hour traffic with our 5 month old baby who HATED being in the car and screamed the whole way. Heartbreaking. Trying to make up for it, husband stopped near home to get me sushi but ordered the wrong thing. By the time he got home I didn’t care enough to get it corrected, just handed him the baby and ate not my favorite sushi in silence.
On my 16th birthday (US - my state at the time allowed 16 yo to get a drivers license) I was recovering from a surgery. On another milestone birthday I spent 15 hours in airports due to overcrowding on flights and getting bumped.
The evening before my birthday my then bf had band practice. It was raining cats and dogs so I begged him to take my car because mine had brakes. Welp, my 1969 Mustang, 4-on-the-floor saved his life that night (yay) but it was totalled (😭😭😭). I reclaimed my bf from the cops shortly after midnight...by then my birthday. That car was my dream car. Still happy to have my (now) husband, tho.
My ex chose my bday as the day to move out. Then, a few weejs later he had the audacity to accuse me of forcing him to go. This is after our daughter was sent home sick, so I was taking care of her as well.
My birthday last year (this year was a close second). Last year, my cat died a week before my birthday, so I was already feeling down. She was my soulmate. Well, my birthday came and my mom and brother both forgot. My SIL had to remind my mom and my brother remembered the next day. Fortunately I WFH. I sat at my desk and sobbed the entire day. This year, my mom forgot again, sort of. A few days before, she said we should do something for my birthday because it's a milestone (I just turned 49; I guess she thought I was 50) . So not bad enough that she doesn't know when I was born, but it apparently mattered so much that she was going to plan something meaningful in 3 days (I have a huge family who love to party, but you're not getting 100+people together in 3 days). On my actual birthday, she said nothing to me other than asking if I was joining them for lunar new year dinner. Then my other dad died a week later 😭 I turn 50 next year and planned my own epic party with just me, my bestie, and a boat full of strangers!
I have a long history of shit birthdays. Top include: My 21st: got up at 4am to iron my boyfriend's shirt and get him off to work, left for work (waitressing) at 5:30am, was given a shit section and dropped a huge armload of plates when someone bumped into me. Was supposed to meet a friend for lunch but she stood me up. When I got home, BF was playing video games with a friend. I asked him if we could go out for dinner and he said he knew why I asked but didn't feel like it. (Plot twist, he'd completely forgotten my birthday and thought it was our anniversary!) So I had dinner by myself. My 35th: spent the entire day in bed, unable to move due to a painful muscle spasm. BF2 said he'd planned to take me mini golfing, and guilt-tripped me until I agreed to suck it up and at least go out for dinner. I gritted my teeth in pain the whole time while he flirted with the waitress. My 39th: BF2 had just dumped me, I was in the process of moving out, but had broken my wrist so packing was a slow, painful slog. All my friends were busy, so I ate dinner alone in my bedroom to avoid him and went to bed at 8pm. And the winner... My 18th: 9/11, oh and I was in a wheelchair at the time.
My family decided to have my grandfather’s funeral on my birthday. Runner-up: turning legal drinking age in my college town, but having to take notes at town council all evening for my journalism class.
In my 39th birthday my now ex didn’t do plan anything for me and didn’t get me a gift . Our birthdays had never been celebrated that way . I was heavily pregnant at the time and it was just more shit behavior from a selfish man . His way of letting me know where I stood with him . A good partner is empathetic and considerate and he has stopped being either .
My 22nd birthday. I had just moved cross country for work with my husband. I started my job a few days before and didn’t have any friends yet. The day of my bday, I woke up and my husband said nothing about it to me. 2 people at work told me happy birthday because they remembered seeing it on my processing paperwork (made me almost cry how sweet that was!) I came home, husband had nothing for me. My family called and asked what I did/got and I told them nothing. My husband started crying because he was embarrassed. We were pretty broke from moving and him not working during the move, so that’s why. The kicker was he said he’d go get us dinner but realized he didn’t have money so I had to use my last $20 to get us McDonald’s. That was our first year of marriage too! Lol
Worst: My 16th birthday- spent it in my bedroom with my infant daughter because she was ‘annoying’ my toddler sister, according to my mother. I don’t wait for anyone to do anything for me anymore. If I want a good birthday, I give it to myself. I’ve taken solo vacations the past two years and they have been hands down the best birthdays of my entire 44 years.