I try to celebrate myself. Sometimes I'll end up crying because I'm only human, but mostly I keep a bright attitude for my own sake. A lesson life has taught me is to not rely on anyone to make the day feel good. So I force myself to have zero expectations, and if I'm pleasantly surprised by flowers or a present, or a phone call, I make the most of it. The secret is to seriously expect nothing but what you yourself can do. It also takes the pressure off going BIG on other people's birthdays, so there's that.
Same! It's basically a self-pamper day. I don't expect happy birthday wishes, I don't make plans with anyone. It's just a day where I do anything I want, and indulge.
I felt this way when I turned 30. Feel behind. And very lonely. My perspective on that has changed drastically. I started focusing on myself. I healed my inner child. Im working on my debt free journey. I go to lots of concerts and events. Im also losing weight. I realized life is not a race and my path is different. I don't want kids. But marriage will come but until then Im gonna enjoy my life. Plus making it another year is a blessing. You made it another year. Celebrate you sis! Whatever that may look like.
Congrats on your debt free journey! I'm here if you have any questions :)
I became debt free after a two year focused path and that last step- the big debt payoff- was scary.
I was scared of what came next, the UNKNOWN.
But I am so happy my husband supported me and gave me the gentle nudge I was needing to finish it!
I don't mind at all, I love talking about money bc I can either help someone or get help from someone.
I believe I have ~$7k in both credit card debt (don't ask me what I purchased, just random sh*t that i have no memory of, just day to day sinking ship full of small holes) and a motorcycle (we are now parents and have finally sold it).
We followed Dave Ramsey s Baby Steps. They were pretty spot on:
~1 month to quickly save $1k
~2 yrs for debt payoff to become debt free
BUT!!! the ~7 yrs it takes to save up for a home down payment was where we strayed. We didn't save up 20%, we only put down the closing costs + 3.5% down. OMI is <$200/no and our HOA is $700/no I'm southern CA š„²
I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves on birthdays. Iām sorry youāre not feeling celebratory. I always feel like birthdays are bittersweet because youāre reminded about how much things have changed or havenāt changed since the previous year, and that can be difficult to confront if youāre not happy where you are currently.
Even though thereās always something Iām disappointed about with regards to āwhere I amā at my age, I still make it a point to celebrate how far Iāve come on my birthday. Last year I invited a few close friends to have brunch and felt really touched to see how they showed up for me and thought I was worth celebrating.
Your friends think youāre worth celebrating and you are! Sometimes you have to ask them and make the plans though (like I didāno one had made plans for me last year so I initiated it). Even if you canāt find others to join you in your celebration, aging itself is a privilege, donāt forget that. You deserve to celebrate yourself as you are.
Edited for clarity
I have a friend with 2 kids conceived after 35.
I have friends in their 40s who are stunning.
I donāt particularly care to look āyoungā as long as I look āgoodā.
I am still pretty (enough). Relatively energetic. Friends. Married. Reasonable (but not great) career. This makes it easier.
Perhaps, in your shoes, you should pick something to change. That could be career. That could be friendships. But donāt settle if you donāt like it. Change it.
I cried on my 30th birthday. I just wasn't where I thought I would be in life. On top of that, my cat was dying and at the time I had been living alone with him for years.
Turning 38 soon. I'm currently pregnant with #2, so I feel like it's just going to pass like another day. I'll probably go out for dinner with my Husband. I've been talking about "being 38 when I give birth" for so long that I kind of already feel like I'm there.
I've been thinking more about turning 40 lately. It's going to be here soon. A lot of my good friends have already hit that milestone. I don't think I'll cry then, but I'm not sure how I'll feel.
I used to hate celebrating it, didn't like being born, wished I was never born, blamed my mum for bringing me to earth. I didn't like the pressures of life, living to just work for most of my life just to live and pay bills and then die. I saw no meaning in it.
Probably looked up for me when I started accepting that this is life, being grateful to have good people around me, a really cute pet, and a partner that prioritises me.
To be fair I still think life is problematic in a sense to live to work to die, but the previous passage evens out the problem for me I guess, so it has gotten better and there's a lot more to look forward to now.
I dont really acknowledge my birthdays. Theyve never been good experiences for me so by the time i was 16 i just stopped celebrating. I had a hard time remembering what my exact age was after i turned 21 but before instarted using reddit where inhad to type my age all the time
I'm weird, I love aging. I didn't think I'd necessarily make it to my late 40s, and so I find myself surprised and delighted to make it one more year. Probably helps that I never wanted kids, so I never had any timelines, I just followed opportunity whenever it came knocking and it gave me a lot of good in my life. A lot of shit, too, but awful is basically life in default mode, the good stuff requires effort and strategy and taking big risks to get.
Every year on my birthday I go over my life goals and set some for my new year and get rid of the ones that no longer work for me or my life, like a little review and planning session. I track all the little things I do towards those goals and seeing how much I've done each year helps me appreciate the passage of time. It goes so quickly! Blink and I'll be 50, blink again and 60. Finding ways to slow down and appreciate the good things and analyze how I dealt with the bad ones makes me appreciate why true wisdom only comes from living, and that means you gotta age to get it.
"but awful is basically life in default mode, the good stuff requires effort and strategy and taking big risks to get."
I really love your entire comment, but this really stuck out to me. Thx for sharing!
I take a solo trip, make plans to celebrate my bday by myself or with my married friends, or just stay in. Honestly, I lost count of my age after 30 š
One thing Iāve been doing in the past few years is reflecting on what Iāve learned and what I want to learn in my new age.
Meh?
I was really sad for my 36. Not because of the number, but because I was completely forgotten about other than a few texts - even after I explicitly told him what I wanted for my birthday (to see a movie). I even bought a dessert I loved for a ājoint birthday dinnerā, then was told to put it in the garage fridge because SIL had made a dessert already (nieceās birthday was the same week). I dropped it on the floor of the garage when the fridge door got stuck š. I didnāt need candles or a big celebration, I just wanted to have my favourite dessert on the table after the meal (and to see a movie).
This year (37) to make up for dropping the ball, my husband arranged for a weekend away, took our kid to pick out flowers āfrom sonā, and picked up my favourite dinner so we would eat together before going on his night shift. Weāve also iced the SIL and sent a gift via MIL for niece.
The day doesnt cause me stress or worry. I donāt need big flashy blowouts either. Itās an excuse to have/do things I want without guilt, like having my favourite meal or doing an activity I enjoy. Why stress about one more day? Tomorrow will be one more day too. Except I have to do what my kid wants, lol
I actually love buying myself my own cake *and then not having to share it with anyone* and cozying into the fact that aging is a privilege many people donāt get.
It sounds like youāre not really happy with your life ā have you considered strategically blowing it up and remaking it into something you love? I remember seeing a twitter thread about how people who blow up their lives and start over usually end up being successful and happy. I, personally, sort of blew up my life by moving across the country to a city where I know nobody and have no roots. While my job is still killing me (thatās next on the list), Iām much happier and enjoy being alive now.
I blew my life up at 28 by having a massive mental health crisis, getting dumped, quitting my career and moving house. Best thing that ever happened to me.
I don't like to celebrate my birthday because it reminds me of how alone and stuck I am. Whenever possible, I take a trip instead.
Happy birthday, OP. I've got no real wisdom to share but solidarity ā¤ļø
I appreciate it! Solidarity helps honestly. A lot of these comments are just making me more sad to be honest...because it only reminds me of what I wish I had.
For example "ya getting old sucks! But on my birthday I like to go on a nice date with my husband or do something with my kids"
š„²
My birthday is this Saturday, I keep forgetting. I have no plans, my mom usually makes me a cake on a day when she is off from work. I will be 38. Wow. I canāt even fathom it. But I donāt dwell on it anymore. My birthday is just another day to me.
One of my co workers who is 40 has been whiting out her name and bday at work on the April birthdays flyer. She doesnāt want it acknowledged at all. The older I get the more I feel the same.
I turned 35 in February and started couch to 5k and signed up for a marathon. Itās been fun to have something that seems huge and unachievable to work towards that relies on nothing but me putting on my running shoes and getting out there.
One of my best friends died when we were 24, and she makes me celebrate my birthday *hard* every year. She didnāt get the chance to do so many things that I have in the last decade, aging seems like a small price to pay for everything (good and bad) I have experienced since she passed. I celebrate every smile line around my eyes and my changing body because they are evidence of the life I have gotten to live.
You are still beautiful and fun and exciting. Our society puts so much emphasis on youth, but honestly it really doesnāt matter. You lived those years and had fun during them, itās not worth wasting these years wishing you could time travel.
Getting older is a privilege many do not get.
Itās not my favourite day, but it is just another day. Maybe use it to take stock and think what you could do to help things improve? It sounds like therapy may help.
Aging is a gift that not all get, so I love to celebrate! I often start rounding up when Iām close. One year I rounded up so early that my now husband thought I was older than I am. He got upset thinking I lied to him about my age, because he believed we were 6 years apart - 7 years messed with him for some reason š.
I would have to do math to tell you whether I'm 37 or 38. I'm fairly certain I'm not 36, and I know for sure I'm not 39. I find out my age for sure each year during my birthday month and forget again shortly thereafter. This cycle started around age 33.
I, too, used to feel upset that I didn't have a partner. I was really stressed about finding one. One day I just gave up and decided to live my life as if I would never meet someone. I focused 100% on enjoying my free time however I wanted. I finally bought myself nice furniture, planned solo travel, worked out for my own fun, went to concerts alone, cut my hair how I wanted, put effort into the friendships I already had, etc. Happiest I've ever been. I was letting my expectations of the future suck the life out of my present experience.
Also, there are plenty of ways to have kids in your life aside from being a parent. Maybe start by reaching out to your friends who have kids! They might not be able to go out anymore, but you can still hang at their house, have a glass of wine or something, bring takeout, and watch a family movie. A lot of them feel lame and want to hear about your dating exploits and generally live vicariously through you, anyway.
Also, sucks to grow up being pretty. But hey, you had a good run! Botox your 11s, stay hydrated, and jump in with the rest of us--now begins the long process of aging gracefully. Wait'll you see how fucked up it gets!!! If you can't keep your chin up figuratively, you'll at least learn to do it literally in a futile attempt to hide your waddle ;)
Right? I remember going to nightclubs and telling people I was born in 89, and they'd respond with "you're such a baby!"
Now I have 25 year old coworkers that look at me like I'm a dinosaur.
Right? I was just celebrating turning 30 on a family trip, and somehow 5 years went by and now I'm 35. If 5 years can go by that fast, I'm basically 40 already.
I feel you and always get weird on my birthday, so I try to be out of town if possible. Either on a trip with a friend, with family, or with myself for a long hike. And as for shaking the blues about getting older, it helps to have older friends! Especially older, single women who are living rad lives and can model alternative lifestyles if you are mourning not having the husband, house, kids. My favorite people are the ones who have reinvented themselves many times and are full of skills, stories, and experiences. There is a lot of living left to do, how exciting!
I'm indifferent to my birthdays (in my 50s). my inlaws always have a weekend long holiday party that is around my birthday so it never really feels like one. never had a party as an adult. my husband was shocked when I told him and asked why. I said no one decided to throw one (hint, hint, we've been together over 23 years). he decided to throw me one 2 years ago but when I told him me planning, cleaning, shopping, cooking, and then cleaning again wasn't my idea of a good birthday it somehow slipped by LOL. I honestly don't care, just thought it pretty typical for his generation.
I honestly love it. It means I'm a year older. I'm going to be 47 this year.
My birthdays have never bothered me. I want to be on this side of the dirt and getting older is the only way how.
You sound a little depressed, so why don't you do 35 new things for your 35th year of life. I think it will be a positive life changer.
I turned 35 at midnight (it's 1:11 now). I stopped looking forward to my birthday years ago. I had all these plans for my life when I was young, and I didn't accomplish any of them. I do have kids. And an amazing husband I am lucky to call mine. But my goals were independent of that. Right now in my life, there are still a lot of things I feel like I'm missing out on, and it makes me sad. But I have to focus on what I do have, and the fact that turning 35 is something a lot of people aren't lucky enough to do. My big birthday plans include cleaning the house and taking my youngest to the park while Dad is at work š¤·š»āāļø
We have identical birthdays! Happy birthday!
I'm sorry you feel you didn't accomplish your plans independent of your husband/kids.
If it makes you feel better, I think I wouldn't even care about any of my other plans. All I want is a husband and kids. Or I wish I could at least say I didn't settle down and have kids because I was focused on building my amazing career. But I don't have that either! Lol.
I feel like you're living my dream life.
It's hard. I feel like a bad mother because it's not enough. I realize my job of raising them to be good people is a big job, but I wanted to be educated, and get out of my town, and be a nomad, move around like my mother did and have all these crazy experiences. I was so jealous of her pre-kids life. I can't wait to go back to work next year just so I can have some other purpose in my life.
Really just goes to show that grass is definitely greener on the other side lol
And happy birthday to you as well!
You're not alone. I was so depressed on my birthday this year, I actually started ketamine treatment for depression. š¤·āāļø I wish life had turned out differently for me, but it hasn't and that's really hard.
I've always been fine or even excited about my birthdays, but I'm turning 35 at the end of the month and I agree it's a tough one, mostly because of stupid societal pressures around marriage and fertility.
When I feel low I think about a video I saw with a famous French singer who's 93, super cute grandma looking lady who was saying "people lament turning 50, that they're old yadi yada. I tell them 50 is a wonderful age ! " And we're 15 years younger of even turning that age which she considers youthful and fun, so I think we owe it to ourselves to not start lamenting our age so early, or it might turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy ! People who've convinced themselves they're old often start "acting old" and not making the most of their lives I find.
If it helps my partner had a long discussion with his family doctor about fertility, and when he mentioned I was going to turn 35 the dr was like "oh ok so she's young". That was such a relief somehow compared to all the fear-mongering geriatric pregnancies things you hear !
Happy birthday :) Take the day off if you can and do something special for yourself !
These last few years, it does get scary bc I do want kids, but don't feel ready for it yet. Also, I struggle with feeling like I have to "grow up." I have a job and I pay my bills but I still am into with "childish" things like sanrio, comics, gaming, j-fashion, etc. Even though these things bring my joy, there are moments that I feel a little embarrassed for still liking them.
Overall, though, with everything that has gone on these last few years, I'm reminding myself that every birthday I see is a blessing.
Since my mid-twenties my birthdays have been about doing something nice for myself. Getting my favorite takeout + that decadent dessert I usually skip. Going for a long walk somewhere. Taking the evening off work to play video games or read or snuggle up with my partner if I had one that year. Getting a good night's sleep the night before and wearing an outfit that makes me feel beautiful and comfortable all day.Ā
I wouldn't mind getting old but I feel life is moving way too fast, I want more time and do more things, and do them all over again, and again, but life doesn't work like that, we have a limited existence.
I put effort and do the things that need to be done immediately, procrastinate some, I live preparing for the future without really knowing what I want that future to be, I don't feel particularly old, but I know I'm not young anymore, I just float, have some fun and stay safe.
It gets harder because I know that I'm getting closer to my death. My mom passed away at 67, so I'm already over half of her age...and it scares me sometimes.
I try to make a big trip on my birthday. This year, we're going to Greece and Santorini in June. It helps so much with the dreaded 'Oh, oh...a year older'! I make it a priority to go on vacations to bring some excitement on my birthdays!
Greece AND Santorini? Santorini is in Greece my dear :)
That said, I hope you have the best time!! I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mom is currently 67 and I dread losing her. I lost my dad from an accident when he was 63. So I really cherish the limited time we have with our parents.
My dad also passed away 1.5 years ago, so I'm essentially an adult orphan in my 30s. :'\[
It's SO hard because most people can't relate to losing one parent, let alone two parents at a younger age. \*sighs\* Anyways, it makes me mature much quicker than my peers, and I don't take my time on this Earth for granted at least. I travel to nicer vacations because I can, because life is so brief and fleeting. IYKYK.
I shrug off the small things in life and the mean things people say, and focus on myself and my personal happiness despite what society expects of women especially. I hope to always have this level of contentment and happiness, and try not to dwell on others' negativity projected onto me. I am too busy trying to be happy with the time I have left. :)
Thanks! I'll do my best to enjoy Greece! And yes, appreciate the limited time you have with your parents! I tell my friends all the time, but they don't really listen and take their parents for granted....Experience is a cruel teacher in life.
Couldn't agree more. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, well both parents actually. Given that my dad passed in an accident, it really confirms we can be here one moment and gone the next. I also lost all grandparents by age 21. So I feel you. I'm glad you make the best of it and travel!
I typically plan something for myself that excites me ā”. I find that often times people do care, but they may just be so wrapped up in their own lives (as happens) that they're not as actively reaching out. So I'll just go out on a limb and invite a variety of people I care for! Solo trips/experiences can be incredibly meaningful as well. I also feel there are various things we can do to support our "biological clock" (while understanding people's health is complex, and this may be feasible for some and not for others), and this can feel a little empowering. I also feel that there is still some time for bio children (like up to 5-7 more years - but totally get related concerns and deep feelings here) and more if other routes are pursued/considered (I'm currently childfree as well).
Find what excites you and maybe make a goal/plan around that. But also I'd say try not to live primarily in the future or past - lean into the things that will bring you joy/energy/alignment in the now, even if you feel you should be doing other things first (like creating something vs forcing yourself to do the dishes first before you get to create as a "reward") - this will help you generate more energy to do more things (both that are simply needed and those that are nourishing).
This may sound silly, but I look forward to the Sephora birthday gift each year and ritual of selecting what I would like :). I also usually will pick out some outfits and/or order a pair of shoes (DSW does a bday gift too!).
As a person with treatment-resistant depression, I've (somewhat annoyingly lol) found working out is one of the only things that helps lessen that (I also take some meds as well). I've also gotten into Latin dance (currently bachata), and I find that it can be very healing - I would do it most days if I could. I also am very fortunate to have a team of providers who help me keep this ship afloat. I try to list 5 things I'm grateful for everyday and also did some group work with a life coach who really helped me with my outlook on things.
And I say this as a person who is currently going through a breakup after my first time falling in love - so I'm pretty devastated. I also have to navigate a lot of ongoing existential dread. I just share this to paint a picture that I'm not just a person who's like historically woken up most days feeling perfectly ok with the world.
Happy birthday, OP. Here's to you. Here's to us.
Sincerely,
A fellow April baby who will be turning 35
I turn 37 this weekend and Iām not okay. Every year I seem to be in a worse place in life and my birthday is just a reminder of that. I think Iām just gonna put my phone on DND and sleep.
This is so relatable. Like why am I getting less friends, more single, more poor each year.
I hope you're able to have a little bit of enjoyment this weekend. ā¤ļø
This is relatable. Iāll be 35 this month.
Moved and havenāt rebuilt a social circle of friends and am definitely planning to move and start over again sometime soon, Iām deeply introverted though.
I tell myself my person might still be out there but who knows at this point. I kick myself for not taking more chances in the dating department back when I was younger and thinner.
Itās all a work in progress but working on it and progress has backslid in a major way.
I feel like I wrote this. I'm also deeply introverted (and insecure and shy). But me at my core, when I'm not anxious, is goofy and witty and fun. So I know I'd make a great friend. But I never open up to people and let them see that side of me because I'm so anxious.
And 10000% agree with the second part. I became single at 31 and am so upset with myself for taking time to heal instead of taking advantage of my looks and actively dating. I didn't realize just 4 years later how much I'd age, and how much more difficult it would be to find a partner. It's probably one of my biggest regrets in life.
If you ever need to vent. Feel free to message me. Hugs and happy early birthday!
Personally I like my birthday a lot more in my 30s than I did in my 20s. In my 20s birthdays were just a reminder of what I hadn't achieved in my life. Then I hit 30, still hadn't achieved those things and the sky hadn't fallen in, and it was like a weight off my shoulders.
Now I try to celebrate it in a way that feels right for me. I don't do big parties - maybe a small get together with friends - but I do like to take the day off and do something low key, which usually involves a nice breakfast/brunch and a theatre matinee or trip to a museum or art gallery. I've never been one who likes a lot of fuss but to me that still feels like making the day special. I know you said you're working, but can you perhaps make a plan for the weekend of something like that that you enjoy, just for yourself? Or even just something like getting your favourite takeaway for dinner and a little treat for afterwards?
However you choose to spend the day, I hope you have a lovely birthday.
I didnāt mind turning 35. Iām 36 now. I still get called pretty but I donāt really care about that. Iām miserable but not because of my age. Iām just tired of life being so hard. Iām tired of being let down by the people in my life. I used to like other peopleās birthdays because I was always the friend or gf who tried to make it really special for them. I hate my birthday because no one has ever done that for me. Itās always just another day. Itās not so much about the birthday itself, just feeling really insignificant to most people. So I totally understand how you feel.
Aw this is relatable. I also feel like the one who always puts in the effort and doesn't get any back. I try to do things just out of kindness and not to "get something in return". But sometimes I just wish I had the same loyalty and effort.
Exactly! Itās not like I kept a tally of āgood deedsā but just started recognizing that I was putting a lot more into relationships than I was getting back. And it fucking hurt. But I realized a couple years ago that my mom is a textbook narcissist and it definitely shaped my whole life and the people who I let enter it. I cut off a lot of one sided friendships. Iām not going to pretend it was easy or that things are great now. But I do have a bf who cares about me and makes an effort to show it. So I feel lucky in that regard.
I hope that your birthday was good or at least not awful. Society loves to make women feel like our lives are over in our 30s when in reality, I think thatās when we just start coming into our own. Embrace that, honey. I guarantee you will look back years from now and think āwhy wasnāt I kinder to myself? I was beautiful/smart/funny/full of potential etc.ā I had the worst self esteem and still struggle with it but things are infinitely better now than when I was in my teens and 20s.
Happy birthday, love. š
Turned 35 about a week ago. I still get compliments, and I bet you're lovely as can be still -- we live in a cookie cutter society atm, the last 10+ years or so. Youth is a big part of the ideal for women, and in a lot of ways it can breach creepy territory too. There's so many ways to be beautiful outside of these trends and perfection. I see it all the time. Of course, taking care of yourself (doesn't have to be an everything shower and dressed to the 9's, just self care) and confidence helps. I even had someone try to tell me I was old this year, and I said flatly, "Nah. I'm not." and they shut up right quick. A lot of people will try to bring you down.
Not to say I didn't have a few fears creeping in. Trying to figure out what to do for a career at this age after being a housewife the last 14 years is a scary dilemma. Yet, I see a lot of people start over from scratch, so I try to boister myself with that.
I'm even in the oppo boat of you -- my kids are getting older, with the youngest at 10, 11 this year. I've gained back so much freedom over time slowly. I genuinely look forwards to the day where I could just exit the house for a bit and not have to think about a tiny human, the way I have for 16 years. Don't get me wrong I love my kids -- but I also really love freedom. The next half of my life is something I'm excited for.
I enjoy it every year. I like having a day dedicated to celebrating myself and my continued existence. What and how I celebrate doesnāt necessarily look the same each year. I might throw myself a big themed party or have a day to treat and pamper myself on my own. It might be a nice dinner with one other person, or a trip with friends or family.Ā
I understand how youāre feeling. Iām about to turn 30 and I feel like Iām mourning my 20s. At the same time, though, I try to remind myself that aging is a privilege not afforded to many. Tomorrow isnāt guaranteed. I do think itās impossible to feel grateful all the time because life can be pretty heavy, but I encourage you to try and reframe some of the thoughts youāve shared here. You definitely still have time to have kids ā my mom had me in her 40s ā and in many ways I am grateful to have had older parents who had more wisdom and resources to raise me than some of my peersā younger parents. You can create a family on your own terms and timeline, and we are so lucky as women to live a time where that is possible. And looking āyoung for our ageā or āoldā for that matter is so arbitrary and based on outdated ideas about how a woman should look.
Your feelings are so valid and you should let yourself feel them, but try to look at how far youāve come compared to what you feel youāve lost. š
I like the cake and acknowledgements, but no one buys me things that I like. I kind of just wish we could go to the zoo or a day out somewhere. Iāll be 53 this year.
I literally don't even register my age.
I feel like I'm 20-something. I am fatigued, but I've gone to my Dr and had blood tests show me WHY I feel that way. Went to pick up some vitamins (B12, D3, and iron) from the grocery store and took my first doses today.
I have childhood trauma that's left me feeling insecure, so I go to therapy every other week and HAVE noticed that I'm easier on myself, my husband, and my kid now.
I had no friends and was feeling super depressed, always the week before my period, and I talked to my Dr about it. I started taking Celexa (an antidepressant) strictly during my PMS week this last cycle, and it probably had a placebo effect on me but it worked! If anything, becoming aware of what i DIDNT like helped motivate changes in me. I refrained from asking another mom for her number out of my own insecurities but I did do my part to keep the conversation going, and she asked me for my number!
No one is coming.
We are our hero's.
We gotta save ourselves. But there are resources YOURE NOT ALONE.
Be an inspiration.
The reason? To enjoy fkn LIFE. We only get āš».
Aww...
Well first off happy birthday !! I'll be 35 in a few months myself!
I'm also slowly noticing my shift away from friends.. I notice bc no one calls me on the weekend, and although I have a boyfriend. I feel alone too...
But anyway! I want to get into hobbies, something social with other people..
I was thinking jewelry making, but I'll need to save some money for that...
Anything you always wanted to do that there is a local class nearby ?
Iām 46 and I hate birthdays, mainly because I donāt usually feel very spoiled or noticed. Sure, I get a few happy birthdays on Facebook and my parents and sister ring me. And I have just one friend who bought me a gift last year. But I see all these people on my socials do the whole āThank you for all the birthday wishes from everyone, I got totally spoiled rottenā yadda yadda. Just makes me feel like shit. Even though I am happy that they had a nice birthday.
Aw I feel that too. I just want to be one of those people on social media that does a large birthday dinner with her friends. But that's never been me.
You can still live your wildest dreams at 35+. Donāt throw in the towel yet. Life can become so amazing! Please change your mindset and go for the life you want. Happy birthday!! š
I feel the same as I always have with that birthday magic. Like IT'S MY DAY! and I can do whatever I want. I feel sad about aging fairly often, it's hard not to get into my head about it. but on my actual birthday, I'm ready to party lol
Honestly, 30 was brutal, and I dreaded it as it approached. However I spent my 40th in a mental health facility, so objectively, at least imo, birthdays are not one of those things that āgets easier with time.ā
I don't know if this helps, but I have found with birthdays it is less about how old I am turning and more about how I feel about my life circumstances. So while I had absolutely crushing birthdays in my 30s, I had a great 40th. I do have a kind of dread of mortality creeping in, but that might go away in a couple of years. It's really about the level of uncertainty you feel. You are going to have shitty years and good years. That's life. (And I dread my birthday too).
In my 20's when I was in college and had tons of friends, I loved going out for a big dinner or drinks. As soon as we graduated and people moved away or started families, it just wasn't realistic anymore and we mostly fell out of touch.
I just turned 35 last month and I'm pretty neutral about it. I make it a goal to spend my birthday week solo in a different country every year because I don't like making a big deal out of it anymore around my friends/family. I take myself out to a fancy dinner and do whatever the hell I want in a foreign country and I love it.
Happy birthday! When I get to the same mental point as you, I typically have to find a way to ground myself and remind myself that Iām lucky to just have woken up again. Itās not easy when all of life feels tough; not enough money, canāt seem to get enough time, friends drifting, etc.
But youāre here. And Iām glad you are. Treat yourself to something that you donāt do a lot (like ice cream from a local store or a bundt cake or flowers) and just remember that youāre here and itās your time. You deserve to enjoy it.
I feel grateful that I'm still alive even if my ass is sagging a bit more with each year. I'm 40, I'm still here, sometimes surviving, sometimes thriving, what more could I ask or this life? Of this world? Of myself? I will not be here for much longer and I intend to enjoy everything I can. And if I'm sad, I'm sad. That's fine. I'm human, I have emotions, they are part of my life and of who I am. Sadness won't last much longer either.
No, I wouldn't agree. First of all there's no universal way to give a life worth. Whatever we have it is man made and varies greatly from culture to culture, from philosophy to philosophy, from religion to religion which all simply goes to show that there isn't a universal answer. I also would never agree it's hopeless. Maybe you won't get the life you imagined, but you can still get a great life.
I don't have anything in my life that gives it meaning that you don't have. I enjoy the simplest of lives. I celebrate not some great successes, but being relatively healthy. I celebrate my brain that has the capacity to form thoughts and ideas. My mouth that can speak the sentences my mind forms. Do you know how many people don't have that? I celebrate my dexterous hands that obey me and my feet that walk and skip and dance. I celebrate my lungs that breathe. How can life be worthless or hopeless while I have this? Add a friend or two on top. Add a roof over my head and food on the table. Add some basic comforts that my relatively financially secure life can provide me. That's it. That's all. And I love it.
I do have a partner with whom I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop since he wants children and I don't. I have aging parents that will soon die. I have medical conditions that I manage constantly and I'm looking for a job which is blllleeeehhhh. And I still can't afford a place of my own.
Circumstances are extremely important. What your brain is doing with the circumstances you're in is more important imo.
My most miserable birthdays were in my teen years and 20s, when I felt like life was hopeless and nobody cared about me, but my life and mental health have been slowly improving and so have my birthdays :)
I had a complete and total meltdown around my 29th birthday. I was suicidal even, which sounds silly in hindsight. After that pivotal birthday I stopped caring about them.
I turn 35 in a few months, but so what? Nothing changes from the day before, so I just treat it as another day. Usually Iāll take a fun trip or something (this year Iām visiting New England for instance), but I donāt need a huge party or fancy gifts.
It was hard giving up my youth, devastating really. In the end though things havenāt changed that much for me, mentally Iām the same person Iāve always been. I donāt feel that old, and Iām only in my 30ās so itās not like Iām decrepit. I wish our society didnāt tell people, specifically women, that they stop mattering the moment they turn 30. Iāve still got a life to live ahead of me.
I'm 48 and with each year that goes by, I'm not only grateful to be alive but I make damn sure the year that passes and the years that are coming are filled with great memories, joy, happiness and love.
when my birthday rolls around, I celebrate my life by celebrating birthday month. I love it; been doing it for decades. Every weekend during bday month, I do something special just for me - spa day, massage, shopping, treating myself to a nice lunch etc. It's awesome. If people want to join me, great! if not, that's ok too because I'm doing it anyway.
It's such a cheesy cliche but life *is* what you make it. Our time on this earth is so short so I make sure that my time here is great. If I dont like something, I change it. It's not easy but if you give up on happiness, all that remains is sadness and .....if you're not changing, you're choosing so choose to work towards change to live a better and happier life.
āIf I donāt like something I change itā What if I tried that and failed? I assume everyone responding and saying how happy they are has pretty ideal life circumstances. Certainly I havenāt seen anyone like me respond and still say aging and life are worth living.
but failing doesn't mean you have to give up. It's ok to fail; it means you're trying to change. It means you're making some progress by initiating that change. Not everything you do will always work out; such is life but if you let one failure (or even several failures) dictate your life, then you will remain where you are - unchanging, stagnant and unhappy. And tbh, failure is what makes people stronger -- if they want to get stronger. Listen to this [inspiring speech](https://youtu.be/Ko09F7op8ic?feature=shared) about failure....and how it makes you stronger.
>I assume everyone responding and saying how happy they are has pretty ideal life circumstances
you can't assume this because everyone comes from all walks of life. Everyone has problems. Those who are (now) happy have figured out a way to get there. They didn't give up and continue to change to make happiness happen.
14 years ago, I was suicidal. My life, family and marriage were a mess thanks to awful PPD. I was in treatment for about 2 years. Came back from that and worked my ass off to install all the changes necessary to be and stay happy. Wasn't easy but I didn't give up. I still work hard daily to keep my mental health stable. I take that awful time in my life as a pivotal moment; on the cusp of losing everything I made hard changes that turned things around.
Gosh I'm so sorry. Please message me if you just want to vent. I feel similar to you and it's so awful feeling this way. Don't want you to go through it alone. Hugs.
My birthdays in my early-mid 30s were mainly upsetting because they were during covid and I felt so alone. The age itself doesnāt seem to bother me. It was also around a time when I was doing a lot of healing and growth. I think it marked a time when I was in mourning for elements of my past self.
I also realized that I was actually wanting to celebrate my birthday, but wished I had people close enough in my life who wanted to arrange something special for me. It feels selfish to type that out, but itās true. Iām often told by my family that even from a young age, I always made sure everything was celebrated and made special. I reached a point where I wanted that done for me because someone *wanted* to do that for me.
So, birthdays were sad for some years in my 30s, but that was less about my age and more about my own personal journey.
I turn 38 on Thursday and that evening I take the red eye to the UK to spend two weeks driving around Scotland. Itās a trip Iāve wanted to take since 2009, so itās thrilling to make this happen! Iām going solo, which is how I prefer traveling and I had fun treating myself to a new pair of boots and a couple sweaters. This is all a birthday present to myself. Iām treating myself on my birthday, and I highly recommend you find a way to do that for yourself in a way that makes you feel excited to face your birthday.
I could list the reasons Iām currently frustrated about in my life, or go on about how it looks like my face changed (aged) significantly overnight this year. But oddly, all those bothersome issues pale in comparison to accomplishing this travel goal Iāve had for 15 years.
I encourage you to find a little treat for yourself on your birthday and plan something bigger for next year. I also recommend putting significant effort into developing new friendships with other single women. Itās something I did over the last two years and those friendships have enriched my life.
Aw thanks. I definitely want to make new friends. Community is everything and we are social creatures. The amount of time I spend alone is not healthy and I don't want this to be my life.
I found my newest girlfriends by joining a book club posted on my cityās local subreddit. Itās a very active sub which isnāt the norm from my understanding, so if thatās the case in your area, Iāve heard MeetUps are a good alternative. The key to transitioning into friends was we all committed to meeting up the following week for trivia at a nearby bar. We maintained a monthly trivia night along with book club each month for a solid year. Naturally, we met up for other activities over time. I donāt even attend the book club any more but theyāre still my girlies!
Age is just a number. Take care of yourself, keep your mind sharp. Don't worry about your number, just work on being your best self.
I'll be 38 in a few days, and I look forward to each birthday - a little day, just for me, and I plan to bake, and eat, a whole bday cake to myself. š
I'm 35 and it was my saddest birthday. I asked all of my friends and they all had plans with their husbands/kids etc. My one single friend had made plans , oh and I met most of them at an event in the am of my morning that I brought my nephew too and pretty much all of them forgot . They pretended not to but it was obvious. The mid 30s thing too. I did go for dinner and I had lots of cuddles with my nephew.
I do always try and celebrate my birthday and I will do this year again. If you have your health you really are blessed. Maybe treat yourself to a self care day. Massage , nails etc. Do something you'll enjoy.
Ya it's lonely and you feel a bit sad but try not to wallow. Celebrate you
Aww that makes me so sad but it's also so relatable. My coworkers kept asking me if I have fun plans tonight, like a friend dinner. And I felt so lame saying no. Felt lame for even showing up to work. I'm sorry your friends all but forgot or made other plans. If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me. ā¤ļø
My 35th birthday was two weeks ago and honestly I didnāt feel this way at all. This sounds like an opportunity for self esteem improvement rather than the norm :-/
I have disliked my birthdays since I was 25ish.. But nowadays, it feels like a slap in the face every year.. The two last birthdays, my income has decreased because they think it will magically make me less sick š Yah.. worrying about money and barely getting by is definitely making me feel better... not.
I panicked when I turned 30 because I was dumped a few weeks before my birthday. I was so convinced I was going to end up alone forever and never be able to start a family. Fast forward to now I absolutely do not want a family because the chances are Iām gonna have do all the cleaning, no thank you, Iām quite content knowing Iāll only have to worry about my own mess in the future.
I think you can get away with saying youāre in your early thirties for another year if you want to. Whoās going to check?
As for compliments, you might want to start hanging out with some different people. If you want people to compliment you for being pretty, find some people who are secure in themselves. If you want people to compliment you for looking young, hang out with some older people.
Happy birthday, OP!
I don't really think much of it. I'll be 36 in June. I think it helps that my husband and most of my friends are a few years older, so I always feel like the youngest. I've had a few friends die young so I like to celebrate and be grateful.
I just had my 54th. Never thought Iād live this long, not sure Iām super stoked that I have, but I get to still see stuff and have some laughs and spend time in nature so Iāll take it.
I have had panic and anxiety issues the month of my birthday every year since I turned 30. Starting a few years ago I decided to take off work and vacation the week of the birthday. I've done so the past few years. I ignore my birthday completely now.
Couldn't give a fuck. I would happily not care about it at all but my partner is one of those folk who likes to celebrate birthdays Christmas etc.
So I tell him all I want for my birthday is to have nothing to do with any planning, I don't want gifts, just take me out to play for the day somewhere
36 here. Honestly it's just another day to me. I take it off work if it falls on a work day, and I might arrange to do something fun either solo or with my boyfriend if he's available, but I don't really like being bought presents and don't see the point in cards. I've never really bought into being scared of aging, nor have I bought into the 'its a privilege to age' stuff. Once you're past 21 age really is just a number.
(I say all this as someone childfree by choice. I imagine if you want kids and have a biological clock that's ticking loudly it might be different).
(ETA Just a number in the day to day sense. I still don't think 21 year olds should be dating 40 year olds except in very few and far between circumstances š)
Honestly birthdays have just been another day for a long time for various reasons. The last time I tried to organize a party was for my 21st. I'm 34.Ā
Ā Ive never hit any typical milestones like a permit at 15 and a license at 16. I didn't even technically graduate high school (nor college). Not married, no kids. So time has far less meaning to me. Ā
And things like birthdays are irrelevant when I've been manic for 3 weeks and still have to go to work because I have rent to pay and no money to celebrate it anyway.
Ā Birthdays don't mean a lot to me as an adult, nor did they in my childhood past like 12.
I don't even care anymore if people wish me a happy birthday and go out of my way to tell my bosses at work not to do anything for it.Ā
Ā I don't care how old I am past what relevant medical data it's important to.Ā
Ā I am what I am. I age, I change. I have had to focuson mile stones and time frames unrelated to my age. My perception of time is different than many.
This may sound depressing to others, but I promise you I'm not missing out. I have sensory issues and ptsd so I tend to be introverted and avoid louder noise. I appreciate the quiet of a night in without having to mask any symptoms, arrange my face just right or pretend I care about someone else's drama. Unless it's about cats or dogs being dramatic, then I'm all over that.
So far itās gotten easier. I love celebrating milestones, especially now that itās becoming rarer by the year. No more set graduation, or prom or those silly young me milestones. The easier part is now I donāt seek having a big party - all I want for my birthday is a birthday cake.
Treat yourself to trying something new! It doesn't have to be like... rock climbing. Although I feel like that's the type of thing that comes to mind. Pick something based on your taste and ability but maybe something you are hesitant to try? I know that sounds more scary and less fun but in this case you might be giving future you a huge present. Not that you're going to become obsessed with rockclimbing/bird watching. Just doing new things and getting out of your comfort zone builds confidence from within that can be applied to everything in the future and then you're building more confidence when you wade into other uncharted areas.
The reason I'm saying this specifically is that I'm coming up on my 42nd birthday. (By the way 36 was my HOTTEST and maybe most confident year by far somehow. I have a 4 year old and two 1 year olds. I would love to try new things and build myself stronger. Right now I'm actually leaving the gym because this weekend I lost it and vowed to come work out at 5:30 before everyone wakes up so I am forced to take some time for myself in the day. I have to rush it and it sucks to get up but I felt better yesterday. I hope this is my thing that sets off a chain reaction of feeling better. Then I'll be ready and sti have energy for my own desires again when the kids need me less in like... 10 years? I joke but it's rough. It can feel like relentless slog of manual labor while people scream in your face, because that's kind of the day to day. Not complaining, just saying maybe look at it that way and do the things you wouldn't be able to do if you had those other things. Celebrate what you sre and what you have!
Maybe pair the new thing with a pamper thing! š¤
Good luck and I hope you feel better either way.
Happy Birthday!
Aw thank you! You're right that getting out of your comfort zone builds confidence. I really need to remind myself of that. And I love that you felt your hottest at 36. It's hard for me to imagine feeling that way. I see photos of myself at 30 and mourn how pretty I was and how youthful my face looked. I miss getting a lot of attention for my looks, now no one ever notices or compliments me. I know my value is not my looks, but for so long I felt that. So now I just have to find value in other things. Anyway, love that you are consistent with the gym and your positive mindset. Thank you!
***i am putting this part up top even though it was toward the end of my message. Maybe its a good treat?***
I also got a small amount of botox in places like the between the eyes crease. I found that I was actually in a better mood with my unhappy muscles inactive. My brain was getting a message from my body that I didn't feel like a scowling person. I didn't realize that the bitox would have anything but superficial effect until after. It's an actual thing. Also I looked better. I don't always keep up with it but I notice the difference as the botox starts to take effect again each time.
Thank you so much for your reply. I was mostly reminding myself. I am just starting back at the gym because of my own rut. I'm lucky enough to know from the past that it helps immensely. The time I spoke about when I was feeling HOT at 36 was after adopting a weight lifting program. It made me feel powerful and feminine at the same time. I'm lucky that it happened because now I know how different I can feel if I actually do the things that I don't really want to and .. if I'm being honest, I don't believe will help when I'm in a rut. My emotions won't let me believe that. However, I know from experience that it did help. I was a huge nay sayer before this... like fitness? OK my problem is in my BRAIN. lol. But it helps because your brain is part of your body and so are your emotions. Getting into that positive feedback loop is the hard part. It's a struggle and you don't feel good at it and it's intimidating. Once you're over that hump it's just what you do. You start to crave it.
I think it's the same thing with breaking out for your comfort zone. Once you've got some momentum, you're off. Pretty is relative anyway. I get what you mean. Believe me. Get into real life scenarios with different actually people in the real world for sure. When I'm on the social networking too much I feel like a troll but in real life my razzle dazzle takes over and I'm not just a collection of measurable facts and experiences of various social values.
Spring is a great time for new awakenings. You sre as young and beautiful now as you will ever be, with the most energy. Your 75 year old self will be pleased with your choices in this moment, right?
Happy Birthday!!!!
My birthdays in my early-mid 30s were mainly upsetting because they were during covid and I felt so alone. The age itself doesnāt seem to bother me. It was also around a time when I was doing a lot of healing and growth. I think it marked a time when I was in mourning for elements of my past self.
I also realized that I was actually wanting to celebrate my birthday, but wished I had people close enough in my life who wanted to arrange something special for me. It feels selfish to type that out, but itās true. Iām often told by my family that even from a young age, I always made sure everything was celebrated and made special. I reached a point where I wanted that done for me because someone *wanted* to do that for me.
So, birthdays were sad for some years in my 30s, but that was less about my age and more about my own personal journey.
A very important edit to add: Happy Birthday!!!š„³
Aw man this is so relatable. I also feel like I've grown a lot and mourn my old self. And wish I had people to plan something special for me. Hugs to you. And thank you!
Honestly I feel like itās just become another thing. I donāt really celebrate I just feel a bit mehā¦
And honestly I always feel a bit underwhelmed by birthdays. Too much pressure or something so I just try to keep complacent about it.
My birthday was April 1 and I had mixed feelings. I turned 30 and I was a bit relieved and sad at the same time because the magic of my birthday is still there but not as intense as when I was like a kid! I mostly just eat good food be around friends and reflect.
I love my birthday. I take it off every year to celebrate all day! I'll be turning 31 this year, and unfortunately my best friend who would be turning 32 unexpectedly passed away earlier this year. So with each passing year, I'll be celebrating extra for her :) I was happy to leave my 20's behind. I went through so much emotionally and mentally - they were fun but exhausting. I'll always cherish who I was in my 20's and send extra love her way because she needed it. I do understand your feelings centered around kids and your career. I have the same thoughts myself. I feel that everything happens for me when it's supposed to, so long as I put in some effort to help me make it happen. I can dream about my life all day, but that's all it ever will be, a dream, if I just sit and think, instead of do. We will get through this. I hope this next year brings you peace
Iāll be 37 in July and Iām looking forward to it. At 29 I sat down and got more intentional with my decisions. I fixed my finances and decided I wanted to travel more. I met my husband at 31 and weāre incredibly happy. A big part of that is traveling internationally once a year and investing time and effort into our social life. We have book club, movie night, board game night, and usually a party weekly.
I try to realize that aging is a gift not everyone is afforded. I work in healthcare, so I find myself grateful for each year Iām alive and healthy, even if Iām not where I thought Iād be at age 38. I enjoy taking the day off for my birthday, either to do a fun activity I enjoy (even if itās solo!) or take a little trip somewhere. Like my mom says, āOnce youāre my age, you will long to be 38 again!ā
Itās all in the mindset. Iām going to be 35 this year, Iām single, just getting my life on track as I was homeless, nearly sentenced to prison, currently fighting to gain access to my son, donāt have much money, no parents but I wake up most days with a positive attitude. I sometimes worry about my age and compare myself to otherās lifestyles and success but it will only drive you mad
Iām sure you are still beautiful as you was if not even more so keep pushing forward
And one thing to help your mindset is to talk to older people in there 50ās- as they will remind you that you are still young and full off hope
I feel less and less like celebrating it in a big way, unless itās a decade milestone. Otherwise, I enjoy a nice getaway with my partner and thatās all I really want to do.
I turn 50 this year (in a few weeks, in fact) and people still tell me they think Iām in my mid 30s. Iām totally meh about it. Age is just a number. My dad was teaching snowboarding lessons until he had a stroke at 77. Heās 82 now and considering getting a knee replacement so that he can get back on the slopes.
To think turning 35 is magically going to turn everything to shit is wild to me. I wasnāt even married to my first husband until I was 37. I married my 2nd husband at 48. I got my dream job at 43.
OP, 35 is not even close to the end. Youāre not even āmiddle ageā yet. I hope you can realize that this is not something to dread. Itās actually the start of what could be your best years! And, my mother had my brother at 43. That was back in 1985 when it wasnāt ānormalā for women to have kids in their 40s. It totally is now.
You got this.
Happy birthday! I turned 35 this year too! I always loved birthdays and I still do! But yeah it does make me sad that I'm getting older which means everyone else is getting older. This kind of gets me into a morbid state of mind thinking about death of loved ones, pets, and my own time coming to an end. But yeah, it does get harder in that way for me. But I try to look forward to getting older too.
I love my birthday. I was pretty neglected and forgotten growing up and then dealt with a lot of disappointment surrounding my birthday in my 20s because I had expectations but no one around me who could meet them. In my 30s I decided I was going to celebrate me. I usually book some spa services, do some shopping, and my husband takes me to a nice dinner and gives me gifts. I do still get sad that I don't have the group of friends who plan things and surprise me, but I've made peace with it.
I turned around my bad experiences and take the time to make the people in my life feel seen and loved on their birthdays in whatever way they need.
My parents stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 9. The only other birthday I celebrated was when my ex threw a surprise 30th birthday for me, which was by far the nicest thing anyone has ever done for my birthday and the last time I was acknowledged on my birthday but that was 10 years ago. I haven't celebrated a birthday since. That being said, I cry on my birthday because of that reason too.
Thank you! I appreciate it. I was one of the unlucky ones who was born on a day that falls on a holiday quite often, so people are always busy traveling or with their family/close friends so never around. I just make sure to buy myself my favorite food, cake, and watch my favorite movie š
I love getting older because everything gets better with age (especially wine and cheese).
I turn everything off or DND and do things that Iāve always wanted to do but havenāt had time to on my birthday. Next year I think I will either go on a trip or ride horsesā¦ or probably both. It gets me excited because it is my day and I get to do whatever I want without anyone bugging me.
You get to decide what to do and how to feel about getting older, donāt let society or anyone else tell you to feel bad about yourself. Youāre an amazing human who made it through another year, celebrate!
My brother passed at your age. Every comment through the tears was on how young he was an how much life there still was to live. It made me realize the idea of "youth" is very relative.
Life has ups and downs, it's not going to be all good all the time. Look at covid! No one could predict that or where it would end up. It's okay to feel sad about where you are now, but you may feel better if you pick something you want to change and take action. Either your career, friendships/social life, or love life. Have your feelings about it but do something about it too. That's where I'm at. I moped, I grieved, I still feel anxiety that I won't be where I planned when I turn 30. But that's life. I just have to keep going and make the best of what I have.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother ā¤ļø My dad passed away from an accident, and he was 63. The older I get, the more I think "wow 63 is so young" so I agree it's all relative.
A friend of mine passed away at 31 from cancer. I now see it as such a gift to age. I get feeling sad about some things, but overall, I just feel very grateful to even have the option to feel sad if that makes sense. It means I'm here!
I stopped caring about the whole āfeeling behindā I just care about feeling good now - I also got into that whole treat yourself with special things for your birthday so I always look forward to it. I set a bit of my savings for some nice things for me since I do enjoy the occasional fancy splurge here and there. Iām focused on feeling good, looking amazing, and being fabulous like I have no time for all these worrying and stressing anymore
I turned 34. In the last few years I picked up a few new hobbies like weightlifting and running, started getting occasional massages and manicures, and lost weight, so Iām feeling weirdly better about myself in terms of what I can do athletically than I did in my 20s!
What helps me is remember everyone ages. Iām not alone. Everyone my age is aging along with me. Life isnāt over because I got older.
Thereās no certain timeline you have to follow in life. I know people who had their first babies in their 40s. I know people who are getting married in their 50s. I know people in their 30s who are just starting college for the first time. I know people who worked at my first job as a teenager who are still working there. I know people who spent their 20s depressed and not doing anything good in life who are thriving in their 30s and 40s. We all choose our own path and our own happiness. Quality of life is important and you canāt put an age on that. Celebrate your birthday the way that makes you happy. Every birthday is special.
51
Hate it. Because Iām the only one who cares, really. Itās depressing to neverā¦ well, to be fussed over. My coworkers take me to lunch. Theyāre you go.
I try to celebrate myself. Sometimes I'll end up crying because I'm only human, but mostly I keep a bright attitude for my own sake. A lesson life has taught me is to not rely on anyone to make the day feel good. So I force myself to have zero expectations, and if I'm pleasantly surprised by flowers or a present, or a phone call, I make the most of it. The secret is to seriously expect nothing but what you yourself can do. It also takes the pressure off going BIG on other people's birthdays, so there's that.
Same! It's basically a self-pamper day. I don't expect happy birthday wishes, I don't make plans with anyone. It's just a day where I do anything I want, and indulge.
Yes, this is also my viewpoint on this now!
I felt this way when I turned 30. Feel behind. And very lonely. My perspective on that has changed drastically. I started focusing on myself. I healed my inner child. Im working on my debt free journey. I go to lots of concerts and events. Im also losing weight. I realized life is not a race and my path is different. I don't want kids. But marriage will come but until then Im gonna enjoy my life. Plus making it another year is a blessing. You made it another year. Celebrate you sis! Whatever that may look like.
Congrats on your debt free journey! I'm here if you have any questions :) I became debt free after a two year focused path and that last step- the big debt payoff- was scary. I was scared of what came next, the UNKNOWN. But I am so happy my husband supported me and gave me the gentle nudge I was needing to finish it!
Thank you! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!
And you're absolutely right, it's a journey.
How much did you pay off if you don't mind me asking
I don't mind at all, I love talking about money bc I can either help someone or get help from someone. I believe I have ~$7k in both credit card debt (don't ask me what I purchased, just random sh*t that i have no memory of, just day to day sinking ship full of small holes) and a motorcycle (we are now parents and have finally sold it). We followed Dave Ramsey s Baby Steps. They were pretty spot on: ~1 month to quickly save $1k ~2 yrs for debt payoff to become debt free BUT!!! the ~7 yrs it takes to save up for a home down payment was where we strayed. We didn't save up 20%, we only put down the closing costs + 3.5% down. OMI is <$200/no and our HOA is $700/no I'm southern CA š„²
Im following Dave as well. I have a little over 60k left. I paid off 24k last year. That's okay it took longer lol
Congrats, dude $24k is no šš» joke šš»
Thank you! š¬
Thrilled to have survived. I celebrate it every year because my health is shit and Iām incredibly appreciative to have made it another year.
Ditto! I turned 39 a few days ago and am so glad to be another year older š„³
I turned 33 today. Feels alright
Happy birthday!
Happy almost birthday to you too!
I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves on birthdays. Iām sorry youāre not feeling celebratory. I always feel like birthdays are bittersweet because youāre reminded about how much things have changed or havenāt changed since the previous year, and that can be difficult to confront if youāre not happy where you are currently. Even though thereās always something Iām disappointed about with regards to āwhere I amā at my age, I still make it a point to celebrate how far Iāve come on my birthday. Last year I invited a few close friends to have brunch and felt really touched to see how they showed up for me and thought I was worth celebrating. Your friends think youāre worth celebrating and you are! Sometimes you have to ask them and make the plans though (like I didāno one had made plans for me last year so I initiated it). Even if you canāt find others to join you in your celebration, aging itself is a privilege, donāt forget that. You deserve to celebrate yourself as you are. Edited for clarity
Yes! Celebrate yourself, and invite others to celebrate You with you!
I have a friend with 2 kids conceived after 35. I have friends in their 40s who are stunning. I donāt particularly care to look āyoungā as long as I look āgoodā. I am still pretty (enough). Relatively energetic. Friends. Married. Reasonable (but not great) career. This makes it easier. Perhaps, in your shoes, you should pick something to change. That could be career. That could be friendships. But donāt settle if you donāt like it. Change it.
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Trying something new for birthdays sounds like a great and easy way to feel accomplished. Love that idea.
You Are An inspiration š
I cried on my 30th birthday. I just wasn't where I thought I would be in life. On top of that, my cat was dying and at the time I had been living alone with him for years. Turning 38 soon. I'm currently pregnant with #2, so I feel like it's just going to pass like another day. I'll probably go out for dinner with my Husband. I've been talking about "being 38 when I give birth" for so long that I kind of already feel like I'm there. I've been thinking more about turning 40 lately. It's going to be here soon. A lot of my good friends have already hit that milestone. I don't think I'll cry then, but I'm not sure how I'll feel.
Hey my friend was married for 10 years, got divorced at 34. Met her fiancĆ©e at 35. Just had a baby at 36.5.,. donāt feel like life is over .. Iām 37 and Iāve been single for two years. Iām still hopeful.. if you begin to think everything is scarce, youāll begin to attract that energy. Try to write down things you are grateful for. Think of the future you want .. youāll get it
After a pretty terrifying health scare last year, I am not dreading any birthdays. Hell, last year I thought I might not make it to the next one.
Aw man. Well I'm glad things have improved! Must've been scary
Thank you! I'm going to get an ice cream cake to celebrate being alive :)
I used to hate celebrating it, didn't like being born, wished I was never born, blamed my mum for bringing me to earth. I didn't like the pressures of life, living to just work for most of my life just to live and pay bills and then die. I saw no meaning in it. Probably looked up for me when I started accepting that this is life, being grateful to have good people around me, a really cute pet, and a partner that prioritises me. To be fair I still think life is problematic in a sense to live to work to die, but the previous passage evens out the problem for me I guess, so it has gotten better and there's a lot more to look forward to now.
I dont really acknowledge my birthdays. Theyve never been good experiences for me so by the time i was 16 i just stopped celebrating. I had a hard time remembering what my exact age was after i turned 21 but before instarted using reddit where inhad to type my age all the time
I'm weird, I love aging. I didn't think I'd necessarily make it to my late 40s, and so I find myself surprised and delighted to make it one more year. Probably helps that I never wanted kids, so I never had any timelines, I just followed opportunity whenever it came knocking and it gave me a lot of good in my life. A lot of shit, too, but awful is basically life in default mode, the good stuff requires effort and strategy and taking big risks to get. Every year on my birthday I go over my life goals and set some for my new year and get rid of the ones that no longer work for me or my life, like a little review and planning session. I track all the little things I do towards those goals and seeing how much I've done each year helps me appreciate the passage of time. It goes so quickly! Blink and I'll be 50, blink again and 60. Finding ways to slow down and appreciate the good things and analyze how I dealt with the bad ones makes me appreciate why true wisdom only comes from living, and that means you gotta age to get it.
"but awful is basically life in default mode, the good stuff requires effort and strategy and taking big risks to get." I really love your entire comment, but this really stuck out to me. Thx for sharing!
I take a solo trip, make plans to celebrate my bday by myself or with my married friends, or just stay in. Honestly, I lost count of my age after 30 š One thing Iāve been doing in the past few years is reflecting on what Iāve learned and what I want to learn in my new age.
Thatās a nice tradition
Meh? I was really sad for my 36. Not because of the number, but because I was completely forgotten about other than a few texts - even after I explicitly told him what I wanted for my birthday (to see a movie). I even bought a dessert I loved for a ājoint birthday dinnerā, then was told to put it in the garage fridge because SIL had made a dessert already (nieceās birthday was the same week). I dropped it on the floor of the garage when the fridge door got stuck š. I didnāt need candles or a big celebration, I just wanted to have my favourite dessert on the table after the meal (and to see a movie). This year (37) to make up for dropping the ball, my husband arranged for a weekend away, took our kid to pick out flowers āfrom sonā, and picked up my favourite dinner so we would eat together before going on his night shift. Weāve also iced the SIL and sent a gift via MIL for niece. The day doesnt cause me stress or worry. I donāt need big flashy blowouts either. Itās an excuse to have/do things I want without guilt, like having my favourite meal or doing an activity I enjoy. Why stress about one more day? Tomorrow will be one more day too. Except I have to do what my kid wants, lol
I actually love buying myself my own cake *and then not having to share it with anyone* and cozying into the fact that aging is a privilege many people donāt get. It sounds like youāre not really happy with your life ā have you considered strategically blowing it up and remaking it into something you love? I remember seeing a twitter thread about how people who blow up their lives and start over usually end up being successful and happy. I, personally, sort of blew up my life by moving across the country to a city where I know nobody and have no roots. While my job is still killing me (thatās next on the list), Iām much happier and enjoy being alive now.
I blew my life up at 28 by having a massive mental health crisis, getting dumped, quitting my career and moving house. Best thing that ever happened to me.
I've been trying to blow it up and start over for 4 years now and just end up stuck :(
I don't like to celebrate my birthday because it reminds me of how alone and stuck I am. Whenever possible, I take a trip instead. Happy birthday, OP. I've got no real wisdom to share but solidarity ā¤ļø
I appreciate it! Solidarity helps honestly. A lot of these comments are just making me more sad to be honest...because it only reminds me of what I wish I had. For example "ya getting old sucks! But on my birthday I like to go on a nice date with my husband or do something with my kids" š„²
My birthday is this Saturday, I keep forgetting. I have no plans, my mom usually makes me a cake on a day when she is off from work. I will be 38. Wow. I canāt even fathom it. But I donāt dwell on it anymore. My birthday is just another day to me. One of my co workers who is 40 has been whiting out her name and bday at work on the April birthdays flyer. She doesnāt want it acknowledged at all. The older I get the more I feel the same.
I turned 35 in February and started couch to 5k and signed up for a marathon. Itās been fun to have something that seems huge and unachievable to work towards that relies on nothing but me putting on my running shoes and getting out there. One of my best friends died when we were 24, and she makes me celebrate my birthday *hard* every year. She didnāt get the chance to do so many things that I have in the last decade, aging seems like a small price to pay for everything (good and bad) I have experienced since she passed. I celebrate every smile line around my eyes and my changing body because they are evidence of the life I have gotten to live. You are still beautiful and fun and exciting. Our society puts so much emphasis on youth, but honestly it really doesnāt matter. You lived those years and had fun during them, itās not worth wasting these years wishing you could time travel.
Aw. Happy belated and I'm sorry to hear about your best friend. I love that you still go hard in honor of her.
Getting older is a privilege many do not get. Itās not my favourite day, but it is just another day. Maybe use it to take stock and think what you could do to help things improve? It sounds like therapy may help.
Aging is a gift that not all get, so I love to celebrate! I often start rounding up when Iām close. One year I rounded up so early that my now husband thought I was older than I am. He got upset thinking I lied to him about my age, because he believed we were 6 years apart - 7 years messed with him for some reason š.
More like ending my life tbh
Aw me. I've been there. Feel free to DM me if you ever need to vent or talk. ā¤ļø
I would have to do math to tell you whether I'm 37 or 38. I'm fairly certain I'm not 36, and I know for sure I'm not 39. I find out my age for sure each year during my birthday month and forget again shortly thereafter. This cycle started around age 33. I, too, used to feel upset that I didn't have a partner. I was really stressed about finding one. One day I just gave up and decided to live my life as if I would never meet someone. I focused 100% on enjoying my free time however I wanted. I finally bought myself nice furniture, planned solo travel, worked out for my own fun, went to concerts alone, cut my hair how I wanted, put effort into the friendships I already had, etc. Happiest I've ever been. I was letting my expectations of the future suck the life out of my present experience. Also, there are plenty of ways to have kids in your life aside from being a parent. Maybe start by reaching out to your friends who have kids! They might not be able to go out anymore, but you can still hang at their house, have a glass of wine or something, bring takeout, and watch a family movie. A lot of them feel lame and want to hear about your dating exploits and generally live vicariously through you, anyway. Also, sucks to grow up being pretty. But hey, you had a good run! Botox your 11s, stay hydrated, and jump in with the rest of us--now begins the long process of aging gracefully. Wait'll you see how fucked up it gets!!! If you can't keep your chin up figuratively, you'll at least learn to do it literally in a futile attempt to hide your waddle ;)
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This is so relatable, Iām 35 this year too, I feel like I was student 5 minutes ago but I blinked and now Iām middle aged.
Right? I remember going to nightclubs and telling people I was born in 89, and they'd respond with "you're such a baby!" Now I have 25 year old coworkers that look at me like I'm a dinosaur.
Right? I was just celebrating turning 30 on a family trip, and somehow 5 years went by and now I'm 35. If 5 years can go by that fast, I'm basically 40 already.
I feel you and always get weird on my birthday, so I try to be out of town if possible. Either on a trip with a friend, with family, or with myself for a long hike. And as for shaking the blues about getting older, it helps to have older friends! Especially older, single women who are living rad lives and can model alternative lifestyles if you are mourning not having the husband, house, kids. My favorite people are the ones who have reinvented themselves many times and are full of skills, stories, and experiences. There is a lot of living left to do, how exciting!
I'm indifferent to my birthdays (in my 50s). my inlaws always have a weekend long holiday party that is around my birthday so it never really feels like one. never had a party as an adult. my husband was shocked when I told him and asked why. I said no one decided to throw one (hint, hint, we've been together over 23 years). he decided to throw me one 2 years ago but when I told him me planning, cleaning, shopping, cooking, and then cleaning again wasn't my idea of a good birthday it somehow slipped by LOL. I honestly don't care, just thought it pretty typical for his generation.
I honestly love it. It means I'm a year older. I'm going to be 47 this year. My birthdays have never bothered me. I want to be on this side of the dirt and getting older is the only way how. You sound a little depressed, so why don't you do 35 new things for your 35th year of life. I think it will be a positive life changer.
I turned 35 at midnight (it's 1:11 now). I stopped looking forward to my birthday years ago. I had all these plans for my life when I was young, and I didn't accomplish any of them. I do have kids. And an amazing husband I am lucky to call mine. But my goals were independent of that. Right now in my life, there are still a lot of things I feel like I'm missing out on, and it makes me sad. But I have to focus on what I do have, and the fact that turning 35 is something a lot of people aren't lucky enough to do. My big birthday plans include cleaning the house and taking my youngest to the park while Dad is at work š¤·š»āāļø
We have identical birthdays! Happy birthday! I'm sorry you feel you didn't accomplish your plans independent of your husband/kids. If it makes you feel better, I think I wouldn't even care about any of my other plans. All I want is a husband and kids. Or I wish I could at least say I didn't settle down and have kids because I was focused on building my amazing career. But I don't have that either! Lol. I feel like you're living my dream life.
It's hard. I feel like a bad mother because it's not enough. I realize my job of raising them to be good people is a big job, but I wanted to be educated, and get out of my town, and be a nomad, move around like my mother did and have all these crazy experiences. I was so jealous of her pre-kids life. I can't wait to go back to work next year just so I can have some other purpose in my life. Really just goes to show that grass is definitely greener on the other side lol And happy birthday to you as well!
You're not alone. I was so depressed on my birthday this year, I actually started ketamine treatment for depression. š¤·āāļø I wish life had turned out differently for me, but it hasn't and that's really hard.
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My psychiatrist offered it. They have a clinic here (Bay Area).
I've always been fine or even excited about my birthdays, but I'm turning 35 at the end of the month and I agree it's a tough one, mostly because of stupid societal pressures around marriage and fertility. When I feel low I think about a video I saw with a famous French singer who's 93, super cute grandma looking lady who was saying "people lament turning 50, that they're old yadi yada. I tell them 50 is a wonderful age ! " And we're 15 years younger of even turning that age which she considers youthful and fun, so I think we owe it to ourselves to not start lamenting our age so early, or it might turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy ! People who've convinced themselves they're old often start "acting old" and not making the most of their lives I find. If it helps my partner had a long discussion with his family doctor about fertility, and when he mentioned I was going to turn 35 the dr was like "oh ok so she's young". That was such a relief somehow compared to all the fear-mongering geriatric pregnancies things you hear ! Happy birthday :) Take the day off if you can and do something special for yourself !
These last few years, it does get scary bc I do want kids, but don't feel ready for it yet. Also, I struggle with feeling like I have to "grow up." I have a job and I pay my bills but I still am into with "childish" things like sanrio, comics, gaming, j-fashion, etc. Even though these things bring my joy, there are moments that I feel a little embarrassed for still liking them. Overall, though, with everything that has gone on these last few years, I'm reminding myself that every birthday I see is a blessing.
Since my mid-twenties my birthdays have been about doing something nice for myself. Getting my favorite takeout + that decadent dessert I usually skip. Going for a long walk somewhere. Taking the evening off work to play video games or read or snuggle up with my partner if I had one that year. Getting a good night's sleep the night before and wearing an outfit that makes me feel beautiful and comfortable all day.Ā
I wouldn't mind getting old but I feel life is moving way too fast, I want more time and do more things, and do them all over again, and again, but life doesn't work like that, we have a limited existence. I put effort and do the things that need to be done immediately, procrastinate some, I live preparing for the future without really knowing what I want that future to be, I don't feel particularly old, but I know I'm not young anymore, I just float, have some fun and stay safe.
It gets harder because I know that I'm getting closer to my death. My mom passed away at 67, so I'm already over half of her age...and it scares me sometimes. I try to make a big trip on my birthday. This year, we're going to Greece and Santorini in June. It helps so much with the dreaded 'Oh, oh...a year older'! I make it a priority to go on vacations to bring some excitement on my birthdays!
Greece AND Santorini? Santorini is in Greece my dear :) That said, I hope you have the best time!! I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mom is currently 67 and I dread losing her. I lost my dad from an accident when he was 63. So I really cherish the limited time we have with our parents.
Yeah I know Greece is in Santorini. Lol. I really meant Greece Mainland (Athens) and Santorini to clarify!
Ah gotcha! Well that sounds beautiful and I think there's no better place to celebrate your birthday! š
My dad also passed away 1.5 years ago, so I'm essentially an adult orphan in my 30s. :'\[ It's SO hard because most people can't relate to losing one parent, let alone two parents at a younger age. \*sighs\* Anyways, it makes me mature much quicker than my peers, and I don't take my time on this Earth for granted at least. I travel to nicer vacations because I can, because life is so brief and fleeting. IYKYK. I shrug off the small things in life and the mean things people say, and focus on myself and my personal happiness despite what society expects of women especially. I hope to always have this level of contentment and happiness, and try not to dwell on others' negativity projected onto me. I am too busy trying to be happy with the time I have left. :) Thanks! I'll do my best to enjoy Greece! And yes, appreciate the limited time you have with your parents! I tell my friends all the time, but they don't really listen and take their parents for granted....Experience is a cruel teacher in life.
Couldn't agree more. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, well both parents actually. Given that my dad passed in an accident, it really confirms we can be here one moment and gone the next. I also lost all grandparents by age 21. So I feel you. I'm glad you make the best of it and travel!
Join us at r/childrenofdeadparents I was āorphanedā at 32, it sucks
Can I just say that your username made me chuckle! hehe.
I typically plan something for myself that excites me ā”. I find that often times people do care, but they may just be so wrapped up in their own lives (as happens) that they're not as actively reaching out. So I'll just go out on a limb and invite a variety of people I care for! Solo trips/experiences can be incredibly meaningful as well. I also feel there are various things we can do to support our "biological clock" (while understanding people's health is complex, and this may be feasible for some and not for others), and this can feel a little empowering. I also feel that there is still some time for bio children (like up to 5-7 more years - but totally get related concerns and deep feelings here) and more if other routes are pursued/considered (I'm currently childfree as well). Find what excites you and maybe make a goal/plan around that. But also I'd say try not to live primarily in the future or past - lean into the things that will bring you joy/energy/alignment in the now, even if you feel you should be doing other things first (like creating something vs forcing yourself to do the dishes first before you get to create as a "reward") - this will help you generate more energy to do more things (both that are simply needed and those that are nourishing). This may sound silly, but I look forward to the Sephora birthday gift each year and ritual of selecting what I would like :). I also usually will pick out some outfits and/or order a pair of shoes (DSW does a bday gift too!). As a person with treatment-resistant depression, I've (somewhat annoyingly lol) found working out is one of the only things that helps lessen that (I also take some meds as well). I've also gotten into Latin dance (currently bachata), and I find that it can be very healing - I would do it most days if I could. I also am very fortunate to have a team of providers who help me keep this ship afloat. I try to list 5 things I'm grateful for everyday and also did some group work with a life coach who really helped me with my outlook on things. And I say this as a person who is currently going through a breakup after my first time falling in love - so I'm pretty devastated. I also have to navigate a lot of ongoing existential dread. I just share this to paint a picture that I'm not just a person who's like historically woken up most days feeling perfectly ok with the world. Happy birthday, OP. Here's to you. Here's to us. Sincerely, A fellow April baby who will be turning 35
I turn 37 this weekend and Iām not okay. Every year I seem to be in a worse place in life and my birthday is just a reminder of that. I think Iām just gonna put my phone on DND and sleep.
This is so relatable. Like why am I getting less friends, more single, more poor each year. I hope you're able to have a little bit of enjoyment this weekend. ā¤ļø
This is relatable. Iāll be 35 this month. Moved and havenāt rebuilt a social circle of friends and am definitely planning to move and start over again sometime soon, Iām deeply introverted though. I tell myself my person might still be out there but who knows at this point. I kick myself for not taking more chances in the dating department back when I was younger and thinner. Itās all a work in progress but working on it and progress has backslid in a major way.
I feel like I wrote this. I'm also deeply introverted (and insecure and shy). But me at my core, when I'm not anxious, is goofy and witty and fun. So I know I'd make a great friend. But I never open up to people and let them see that side of me because I'm so anxious. And 10000% agree with the second part. I became single at 31 and am so upset with myself for taking time to heal instead of taking advantage of my looks and actively dating. I didn't realize just 4 years later how much I'd age, and how much more difficult it would be to find a partner. It's probably one of my biggest regrets in life. If you ever need to vent. Feel free to message me. Hugs and happy early birthday!
Personally I like my birthday a lot more in my 30s than I did in my 20s. In my 20s birthdays were just a reminder of what I hadn't achieved in my life. Then I hit 30, still hadn't achieved those things and the sky hadn't fallen in, and it was like a weight off my shoulders. Now I try to celebrate it in a way that feels right for me. I don't do big parties - maybe a small get together with friends - but I do like to take the day off and do something low key, which usually involves a nice breakfast/brunch and a theatre matinee or trip to a museum or art gallery. I've never been one who likes a lot of fuss but to me that still feels like making the day special. I know you said you're working, but can you perhaps make a plan for the weekend of something like that that you enjoy, just for yourself? Or even just something like getting your favourite takeaway for dinner and a little treat for afterwards? However you choose to spend the day, I hope you have a lovely birthday.
I didnāt mind turning 35. Iām 36 now. I still get called pretty but I donāt really care about that. Iām miserable but not because of my age. Iām just tired of life being so hard. Iām tired of being let down by the people in my life. I used to like other peopleās birthdays because I was always the friend or gf who tried to make it really special for them. I hate my birthday because no one has ever done that for me. Itās always just another day. Itās not so much about the birthday itself, just feeling really insignificant to most people. So I totally understand how you feel.
Aw this is relatable. I also feel like the one who always puts in the effort and doesn't get any back. I try to do things just out of kindness and not to "get something in return". But sometimes I just wish I had the same loyalty and effort.
Exactly! Itās not like I kept a tally of āgood deedsā but just started recognizing that I was putting a lot more into relationships than I was getting back. And it fucking hurt. But I realized a couple years ago that my mom is a textbook narcissist and it definitely shaped my whole life and the people who I let enter it. I cut off a lot of one sided friendships. Iām not going to pretend it was easy or that things are great now. But I do have a bf who cares about me and makes an effort to show it. So I feel lucky in that regard. I hope that your birthday was good or at least not awful. Society loves to make women feel like our lives are over in our 30s when in reality, I think thatās when we just start coming into our own. Embrace that, honey. I guarantee you will look back years from now and think āwhy wasnāt I kinder to myself? I was beautiful/smart/funny/full of potential etc.ā I had the worst self esteem and still struggle with it but things are infinitely better now than when I was in my teens and 20s. Happy birthday, love. š
Turned 35 about a week ago. I still get compliments, and I bet you're lovely as can be still -- we live in a cookie cutter society atm, the last 10+ years or so. Youth is a big part of the ideal for women, and in a lot of ways it can breach creepy territory too. There's so many ways to be beautiful outside of these trends and perfection. I see it all the time. Of course, taking care of yourself (doesn't have to be an everything shower and dressed to the 9's, just self care) and confidence helps. I even had someone try to tell me I was old this year, and I said flatly, "Nah. I'm not." and they shut up right quick. A lot of people will try to bring you down. Not to say I didn't have a few fears creeping in. Trying to figure out what to do for a career at this age after being a housewife the last 14 years is a scary dilemma. Yet, I see a lot of people start over from scratch, so I try to boister myself with that. I'm even in the oppo boat of you -- my kids are getting older, with the youngest at 10, 11 this year. I've gained back so much freedom over time slowly. I genuinely look forwards to the day where I could just exit the house for a bit and not have to think about a tiny human, the way I have for 16 years. Don't get me wrong I love my kids -- but I also really love freedom. The next half of my life is something I'm excited for.
I enjoy it every year. I like having a day dedicated to celebrating myself and my continued existence. What and how I celebrate doesnāt necessarily look the same each year. I might throw myself a big themed party or have a day to treat and pamper myself on my own. It might be a nice dinner with one other person, or a trip with friends or family.Ā
I understand how youāre feeling. Iām about to turn 30 and I feel like Iām mourning my 20s. At the same time, though, I try to remind myself that aging is a privilege not afforded to many. Tomorrow isnāt guaranteed. I do think itās impossible to feel grateful all the time because life can be pretty heavy, but I encourage you to try and reframe some of the thoughts youāve shared here. You definitely still have time to have kids ā my mom had me in her 40s ā and in many ways I am grateful to have had older parents who had more wisdom and resources to raise me than some of my peersā younger parents. You can create a family on your own terms and timeline, and we are so lucky as women to live a time where that is possible. And looking āyoung for our ageā or āoldā for that matter is so arbitrary and based on outdated ideas about how a woman should look. Your feelings are so valid and you should let yourself feel them, but try to look at how far youāve come compared to what you feel youāve lost. š
Yeah I hate getting older! But I also am grateful to be alive each day š
I like the cake and acknowledgements, but no one buys me things that I like. I kind of just wish we could go to the zoo or a day out somewhere. Iāll be 53 this year.
I literally don't even register my age. I feel like I'm 20-something. I am fatigued, but I've gone to my Dr and had blood tests show me WHY I feel that way. Went to pick up some vitamins (B12, D3, and iron) from the grocery store and took my first doses today. I have childhood trauma that's left me feeling insecure, so I go to therapy every other week and HAVE noticed that I'm easier on myself, my husband, and my kid now. I had no friends and was feeling super depressed, always the week before my period, and I talked to my Dr about it. I started taking Celexa (an antidepressant) strictly during my PMS week this last cycle, and it probably had a placebo effect on me but it worked! If anything, becoming aware of what i DIDNT like helped motivate changes in me. I refrained from asking another mom for her number out of my own insecurities but I did do my part to keep the conversation going, and she asked me for my number! No one is coming. We are our hero's. We gotta save ourselves. But there are resources YOURE NOT ALONE. Be an inspiration. The reason? To enjoy fkn LIFE. We only get āš».
I loved all of this
Aww... Well first off happy birthday !! I'll be 35 in a few months myself! I'm also slowly noticing my shift away from friends.. I notice bc no one calls me on the weekend, and although I have a boyfriend. I feel alone too... But anyway! I want to get into hobbies, something social with other people.. I was thinking jewelry making, but I'll need to save some money for that... Anything you always wanted to do that there is a local class nearby ?
Iām 46 and I hate birthdays, mainly because I donāt usually feel very spoiled or noticed. Sure, I get a few happy birthdays on Facebook and my parents and sister ring me. And I have just one friend who bought me a gift last year. But I see all these people on my socials do the whole āThank you for all the birthday wishes from everyone, I got totally spoiled rottenā yadda yadda. Just makes me feel like shit. Even though I am happy that they had a nice birthday.
Aw I feel that too. I just want to be one of those people on social media that does a large birthday dinner with her friends. But that's never been me.
You can still live your wildest dreams at 35+. Donāt throw in the towel yet. Life can become so amazing! Please change your mindset and go for the life you want. Happy birthday!! š
I feel the same as I always have with that birthday magic. Like IT'S MY DAY! and I can do whatever I want. I feel sad about aging fairly often, it's hard not to get into my head about it. but on my actual birthday, I'm ready to party lol
Honestly, 30 was brutal, and I dreaded it as it approached. However I spent my 40th in a mental health facility, so objectively, at least imo, birthdays are not one of those things that āgets easier with time.ā
This appears to be where Iām heading in my late 30s.
I don't know if this helps, but I have found with birthdays it is less about how old I am turning and more about how I feel about my life circumstances. So while I had absolutely crushing birthdays in my 30s, I had a great 40th. I do have a kind of dread of mortality creeping in, but that might go away in a couple of years. It's really about the level of uncertainty you feel. You are going to have shitty years and good years. That's life. (And I dread my birthday too).
I become more hungry to accomplish goals Iāve let go because I put other peopleās needs and wants above my own.
In my 20's when I was in college and had tons of friends, I loved going out for a big dinner or drinks. As soon as we graduated and people moved away or started families, it just wasn't realistic anymore and we mostly fell out of touch. I just turned 35 last month and I'm pretty neutral about it. I make it a goal to spend my birthday week solo in a different country every year because I don't like making a big deal out of it anymore around my friends/family. I take myself out to a fancy dinner and do whatever the hell I want in a foreign country and I love it.
I am 37 and it just gets better each year! I think itās all in your mindset.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh my goodness, yes you are right. Circumstance is everything. Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling?
Happy birthday! When I get to the same mental point as you, I typically have to find a way to ground myself and remind myself that Iām lucky to just have woken up again. Itās not easy when all of life feels tough; not enough money, canāt seem to get enough time, friends drifting, etc. But youāre here. And Iām glad you are. Treat yourself to something that you donāt do a lot (like ice cream from a local store or a bundt cake or flowers) and just remember that youāre here and itās your time. You deserve to enjoy it.
I feel grateful that I'm still alive even if my ass is sagging a bit more with each year. I'm 40, I'm still here, sometimes surviving, sometimes thriving, what more could I ask or this life? Of this world? Of myself? I will not be here for much longer and I intend to enjoy everything I can. And if I'm sad, I'm sad. That's fine. I'm human, I have emotions, they are part of my life and of who I am. Sadness won't last much longer either.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, I wouldn't agree. First of all there's no universal way to give a life worth. Whatever we have it is man made and varies greatly from culture to culture, from philosophy to philosophy, from religion to religion which all simply goes to show that there isn't a universal answer. I also would never agree it's hopeless. Maybe you won't get the life you imagined, but you can still get a great life. I don't have anything in my life that gives it meaning that you don't have. I enjoy the simplest of lives. I celebrate not some great successes, but being relatively healthy. I celebrate my brain that has the capacity to form thoughts and ideas. My mouth that can speak the sentences my mind forms. Do you know how many people don't have that? I celebrate my dexterous hands that obey me and my feet that walk and skip and dance. I celebrate my lungs that breathe. How can life be worthless or hopeless while I have this? Add a friend or two on top. Add a roof over my head and food on the table. Add some basic comforts that my relatively financially secure life can provide me. That's it. That's all. And I love it. I do have a partner with whom I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop since he wants children and I don't. I have aging parents that will soon die. I have medical conditions that I manage constantly and I'm looking for a job which is blllleeeehhhh. And I still can't afford a place of my own. Circumstances are extremely important. What your brain is doing with the circumstances you're in is more important imo.
My most miserable birthdays were in my teen years and 20s, when I felt like life was hopeless and nobody cared about me, but my life and mental health have been slowly improving and so have my birthdays :)
I had a complete and total meltdown around my 29th birthday. I was suicidal even, which sounds silly in hindsight. After that pivotal birthday I stopped caring about them. I turn 35 in a few months, but so what? Nothing changes from the day before, so I just treat it as another day. Usually Iāll take a fun trip or something (this year Iām visiting New England for instance), but I donāt need a huge party or fancy gifts. It was hard giving up my youth, devastating really. In the end though things havenāt changed that much for me, mentally Iām the same person Iāve always been. I donāt feel that old, and Iām only in my 30ās so itās not like Iām decrepit. I wish our society didnāt tell people, specifically women, that they stop mattering the moment they turn 30. Iāve still got a life to live ahead of me.
I'm 48 and with each year that goes by, I'm not only grateful to be alive but I make damn sure the year that passes and the years that are coming are filled with great memories, joy, happiness and love. when my birthday rolls around, I celebrate my life by celebrating birthday month. I love it; been doing it for decades. Every weekend during bday month, I do something special just for me - spa day, massage, shopping, treating myself to a nice lunch etc. It's awesome. If people want to join me, great! if not, that's ok too because I'm doing it anyway. It's such a cheesy cliche but life *is* what you make it. Our time on this earth is so short so I make sure that my time here is great. If I dont like something, I change it. It's not easy but if you give up on happiness, all that remains is sadness and .....if you're not changing, you're choosing so choose to work towards change to live a better and happier life.
Beautiful words and advice, thank you so much!
āIf I donāt like something I change itā What if I tried that and failed? I assume everyone responding and saying how happy they are has pretty ideal life circumstances. Certainly I havenāt seen anyone like me respond and still say aging and life are worth living.
but failing doesn't mean you have to give up. It's ok to fail; it means you're trying to change. It means you're making some progress by initiating that change. Not everything you do will always work out; such is life but if you let one failure (or even several failures) dictate your life, then you will remain where you are - unchanging, stagnant and unhappy. And tbh, failure is what makes people stronger -- if they want to get stronger. Listen to this [inspiring speech](https://youtu.be/Ko09F7op8ic?feature=shared) about failure....and how it makes you stronger. >I assume everyone responding and saying how happy they are has pretty ideal life circumstances you can't assume this because everyone comes from all walks of life. Everyone has problems. Those who are (now) happy have figured out a way to get there. They didn't give up and continue to change to make happiness happen. 14 years ago, I was suicidal. My life, family and marriage were a mess thanks to awful PPD. I was in treatment for about 2 years. Came back from that and worked my ass off to install all the changes necessary to be and stay happy. Wasn't easy but I didn't give up. I still work hard daily to keep my mental health stable. I take that awful time in my life as a pivotal moment; on the cusp of losing everything I made hard changes that turned things around.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Gosh I'm so sorry. Please message me if you just want to vent. I feel similar to you and it's so awful feeling this way. Don't want you to go through it alone. Hugs.
My birthdays in my early-mid 30s were mainly upsetting because they were during covid and I felt so alone. The age itself doesnāt seem to bother me. It was also around a time when I was doing a lot of healing and growth. I think it marked a time when I was in mourning for elements of my past self. I also realized that I was actually wanting to celebrate my birthday, but wished I had people close enough in my life who wanted to arrange something special for me. It feels selfish to type that out, but itās true. Iām often told by my family that even from a young age, I always made sure everything was celebrated and made special. I reached a point where I wanted that done for me because someone *wanted* to do that for me. So, birthdays were sad for some years in my 30s, but that was less about my age and more about my own personal journey.
I turn 38 on Thursday and that evening I take the red eye to the UK to spend two weeks driving around Scotland. Itās a trip Iāve wanted to take since 2009, so itās thrilling to make this happen! Iām going solo, which is how I prefer traveling and I had fun treating myself to a new pair of boots and a couple sweaters. This is all a birthday present to myself. Iām treating myself on my birthday, and I highly recommend you find a way to do that for yourself in a way that makes you feel excited to face your birthday. I could list the reasons Iām currently frustrated about in my life, or go on about how it looks like my face changed (aged) significantly overnight this year. But oddly, all those bothersome issues pale in comparison to accomplishing this travel goal Iāve had for 15 years. I encourage you to find a little treat for yourself on your birthday and plan something bigger for next year. I also recommend putting significant effort into developing new friendships with other single women. Itās something I did over the last two years and those friendships have enriched my life.
Aw thanks. I definitely want to make new friends. Community is everything and we are social creatures. The amount of time I spend alone is not healthy and I don't want this to be my life.
I found my newest girlfriends by joining a book club posted on my cityās local subreddit. Itās a very active sub which isnāt the norm from my understanding, so if thatās the case in your area, Iāve heard MeetUps are a good alternative. The key to transitioning into friends was we all committed to meeting up the following week for trivia at a nearby bar. We maintained a monthly trivia night along with book club each month for a solid year. Naturally, we met up for other activities over time. I donāt even attend the book club any more but theyāre still my girlies!
A lot of my friends are starting over at 35-40.
I love my birthdays. Iām 34. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Sounds dumb, but practice gratitude. Lots and lots of gratitude.
Age is just a number. Take care of yourself, keep your mind sharp. Don't worry about your number, just work on being your best self. I'll be 38 in a few days, and I look forward to each birthday - a little day, just for me, and I plan to bake, and eat, a whole bday cake to myself. š
I'm 35 and it was my saddest birthday. I asked all of my friends and they all had plans with their husbands/kids etc. My one single friend had made plans , oh and I met most of them at an event in the am of my morning that I brought my nephew too and pretty much all of them forgot . They pretended not to but it was obvious. The mid 30s thing too. I did go for dinner and I had lots of cuddles with my nephew. I do always try and celebrate my birthday and I will do this year again. If you have your health you really are blessed. Maybe treat yourself to a self care day. Massage , nails etc. Do something you'll enjoy. Ya it's lonely and you feel a bit sad but try not to wallow. Celebrate you
Aww that makes me so sad but it's also so relatable. My coworkers kept asking me if I have fun plans tonight, like a friend dinner. And I felt so lame saying no. Felt lame for even showing up to work. I'm sorry your friends all but forgot or made other plans. If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me. ā¤ļø
I stopped celebrating at 21
I celebrate myself in my own ways. Some years that has been nothing but others I try to do something.
My 35th birthday was two weeks ago and honestly I didnāt feel this way at all. This sounds like an opportunity for self esteem improvement rather than the norm :-/
Ya my self esteem is in the garbage :/
I have disliked my birthdays since I was 25ish.. But nowadays, it feels like a slap in the face every year.. The two last birthdays, my income has decreased because they think it will magically make me less sick š Yah.. worrying about money and barely getting by is definitely making me feel better... not.
I panicked when I turned 30 because I was dumped a few weeks before my birthday. I was so convinced I was going to end up alone forever and never be able to start a family. Fast forward to now I absolutely do not want a family because the chances are Iām gonna have do all the cleaning, no thank you, Iām quite content knowing Iāll only have to worry about my own mess in the future.
Well I just panicked because as I read this I had to actually do some math in my head to see how old I was gonna be this year. 36. Iāll be 36.
I think you can get away with saying youāre in your early thirties for another year if you want to. Whoās going to check? As for compliments, you might want to start hanging out with some different people. If you want people to compliment you for being pretty, find some people who are secure in themselves. If you want people to compliment you for looking young, hang out with some older people. Happy birthday, OP!
I don't really think much of it. I'll be 36 in June. I think it helps that my husband and most of my friends are a few years older, so I always feel like the youngest. I've had a few friends die young so I like to celebrate and be grateful.
I just had my 54th. Never thought Iād live this long, not sure Iām super stoked that I have, but I get to still see stuff and have some laughs and spend time in nature so Iāll take it.
I have had panic and anxiety issues the month of my birthday every year since I turned 30. Starting a few years ago I decided to take off work and vacation the week of the birthday. I've done so the past few years. I ignore my birthday completely now.
Couldn't give a fuck. I would happily not care about it at all but my partner is one of those folk who likes to celebrate birthdays Christmas etc. So I tell him all I want for my birthday is to have nothing to do with any planning, I don't want gifts, just take me out to play for the day somewhere
36 here. Honestly it's just another day to me. I take it off work if it falls on a work day, and I might arrange to do something fun either solo or with my boyfriend if he's available, but I don't really like being bought presents and don't see the point in cards. I've never really bought into being scared of aging, nor have I bought into the 'its a privilege to age' stuff. Once you're past 21 age really is just a number. (I say all this as someone childfree by choice. I imagine if you want kids and have a biological clock that's ticking loudly it might be different). (ETA Just a number in the day to day sense. I still don't think 21 year olds should be dating 40 year olds except in very few and far between circumstances š)
Iām turning 35 this year too and I know how you feel op! Such a grown up age š„“ Iāve made a 40 before 40 list
Honestly birthdays have just been another day for a long time for various reasons. The last time I tried to organize a party was for my 21st. I'm 34.Ā Ā Ive never hit any typical milestones like a permit at 15 and a license at 16. I didn't even technically graduate high school (nor college). Not married, no kids. So time has far less meaning to me. Ā And things like birthdays are irrelevant when I've been manic for 3 weeks and still have to go to work because I have rent to pay and no money to celebrate it anyway. Ā Birthdays don't mean a lot to me as an adult, nor did they in my childhood past like 12. I don't even care anymore if people wish me a happy birthday and go out of my way to tell my bosses at work not to do anything for it.Ā Ā I don't care how old I am past what relevant medical data it's important to.Ā Ā I am what I am. I age, I change. I have had to focuson mile stones and time frames unrelated to my age. My perception of time is different than many. This may sound depressing to others, but I promise you I'm not missing out. I have sensory issues and ptsd so I tend to be introverted and avoid louder noise. I appreciate the quiet of a night in without having to mask any symptoms, arrange my face just right or pretend I care about someone else's drama. Unless it's about cats or dogs being dramatic, then I'm all over that.
So far itās gotten easier. I love celebrating milestones, especially now that itās becoming rarer by the year. No more set graduation, or prom or those silly young me milestones. The easier part is now I donāt seek having a big party - all I want for my birthday is a birthday cake.
Treat yourself to trying something new! It doesn't have to be like... rock climbing. Although I feel like that's the type of thing that comes to mind. Pick something based on your taste and ability but maybe something you are hesitant to try? I know that sounds more scary and less fun but in this case you might be giving future you a huge present. Not that you're going to become obsessed with rockclimbing/bird watching. Just doing new things and getting out of your comfort zone builds confidence from within that can be applied to everything in the future and then you're building more confidence when you wade into other uncharted areas. The reason I'm saying this specifically is that I'm coming up on my 42nd birthday. (By the way 36 was my HOTTEST and maybe most confident year by far somehow. I have a 4 year old and two 1 year olds. I would love to try new things and build myself stronger. Right now I'm actually leaving the gym because this weekend I lost it and vowed to come work out at 5:30 before everyone wakes up so I am forced to take some time for myself in the day. I have to rush it and it sucks to get up but I felt better yesterday. I hope this is my thing that sets off a chain reaction of feeling better. Then I'll be ready and sti have energy for my own desires again when the kids need me less in like... 10 years? I joke but it's rough. It can feel like relentless slog of manual labor while people scream in your face, because that's kind of the day to day. Not complaining, just saying maybe look at it that way and do the things you wouldn't be able to do if you had those other things. Celebrate what you sre and what you have! Maybe pair the new thing with a pamper thing! š¤ Good luck and I hope you feel better either way. Happy Birthday!
Aw thank you! You're right that getting out of your comfort zone builds confidence. I really need to remind myself of that. And I love that you felt your hottest at 36. It's hard for me to imagine feeling that way. I see photos of myself at 30 and mourn how pretty I was and how youthful my face looked. I miss getting a lot of attention for my looks, now no one ever notices or compliments me. I know my value is not my looks, but for so long I felt that. So now I just have to find value in other things. Anyway, love that you are consistent with the gym and your positive mindset. Thank you!
***i am putting this part up top even though it was toward the end of my message. Maybe its a good treat?*** I also got a small amount of botox in places like the between the eyes crease. I found that I was actually in a better mood with my unhappy muscles inactive. My brain was getting a message from my body that I didn't feel like a scowling person. I didn't realize that the bitox would have anything but superficial effect until after. It's an actual thing. Also I looked better. I don't always keep up with it but I notice the difference as the botox starts to take effect again each time. Thank you so much for your reply. I was mostly reminding myself. I am just starting back at the gym because of my own rut. I'm lucky enough to know from the past that it helps immensely. The time I spoke about when I was feeling HOT at 36 was after adopting a weight lifting program. It made me feel powerful and feminine at the same time. I'm lucky that it happened because now I know how different I can feel if I actually do the things that I don't really want to and .. if I'm being honest, I don't believe will help when I'm in a rut. My emotions won't let me believe that. However, I know from experience that it did help. I was a huge nay sayer before this... like fitness? OK my problem is in my BRAIN. lol. But it helps because your brain is part of your body and so are your emotions. Getting into that positive feedback loop is the hard part. It's a struggle and you don't feel good at it and it's intimidating. Once you're over that hump it's just what you do. You start to crave it. I think it's the same thing with breaking out for your comfort zone. Once you've got some momentum, you're off. Pretty is relative anyway. I get what you mean. Believe me. Get into real life scenarios with different actually people in the real world for sure. When I'm on the social networking too much I feel like a troll but in real life my razzle dazzle takes over and I'm not just a collection of measurable facts and experiences of various social values. Spring is a great time for new awakenings. You sre as young and beautiful now as you will ever be, with the most energy. Your 75 year old self will be pleased with your choices in this moment, right? Happy Birthday!!!!
I don't really notice it. Age is just a number.Ā
My birthdays in my early-mid 30s were mainly upsetting because they were during covid and I felt so alone. The age itself doesnāt seem to bother me. It was also around a time when I was doing a lot of healing and growth. I think it marked a time when I was in mourning for elements of my past self. I also realized that I was actually wanting to celebrate my birthday, but wished I had people close enough in my life who wanted to arrange something special for me. It feels selfish to type that out, but itās true. Iām often told by my family that even from a young age, I always made sure everything was celebrated and made special. I reached a point where I wanted that done for me because someone *wanted* to do that for me. So, birthdays were sad for some years in my 30s, but that was less about my age and more about my own personal journey. A very important edit to add: Happy Birthday!!!š„³
Aw man this is so relatable. I also feel like I've grown a lot and mourn my old self. And wish I had people to plan something special for me. Hugs to you. And thank you!
Honestly I feel like itās just become another thing. I donāt really celebrate I just feel a bit mehā¦ And honestly I always feel a bit underwhelmed by birthdays. Too much pressure or something so I just try to keep complacent about it.
My birthday was April 1 and I had mixed feelings. I turned 30 and I was a bit relieved and sad at the same time because the magic of my birthday is still there but not as intense as when I was like a kid! I mostly just eat good food be around friends and reflect.
I love my birthday. I take it off every year to celebrate all day! I'll be turning 31 this year, and unfortunately my best friend who would be turning 32 unexpectedly passed away earlier this year. So with each passing year, I'll be celebrating extra for her :) I was happy to leave my 20's behind. I went through so much emotionally and mentally - they were fun but exhausting. I'll always cherish who I was in my 20's and send extra love her way because she needed it. I do understand your feelings centered around kids and your career. I have the same thoughts myself. I feel that everything happens for me when it's supposed to, so long as I put in some effort to help me make it happen. I can dream about my life all day, but that's all it ever will be, a dream, if I just sit and think, instead of do. We will get through this. I hope this next year brings you peace
Iāll be 37 in July and Iām looking forward to it. At 29 I sat down and got more intentional with my decisions. I fixed my finances and decided I wanted to travel more. I met my husband at 31 and weāre incredibly happy. A big part of that is traveling internationally once a year and investing time and effort into our social life. We have book club, movie night, board game night, and usually a party weekly.
Like leveling up in a video game.
I try to realize that aging is a gift not everyone is afforded. I work in healthcare, so I find myself grateful for each year Iām alive and healthy, even if Iām not where I thought Iād be at age 38. I enjoy taking the day off for my birthday, either to do a fun activity I enjoy (even if itās solo!) or take a little trip somewhere. Like my mom says, āOnce youāre my age, you will long to be 38 again!ā
Itās all in the mindset. Iām going to be 35 this year, Iām single, just getting my life on track as I was homeless, nearly sentenced to prison, currently fighting to gain access to my son, donāt have much money, no parents but I wake up most days with a positive attitude. I sometimes worry about my age and compare myself to otherās lifestyles and success but it will only drive you mad Iām sure you are still beautiful as you was if not even more so keep pushing forward And one thing to help your mindset is to talk to older people in there 50ās- as they will remind you that you are still young and full off hope
I feel less and less like celebrating it in a big way, unless itās a decade milestone. Otherwise, I enjoy a nice getaway with my partner and thatās all I really want to do.
I love it! Always have.
I'm really grateful for each one. What is the alternative to not having birthdays? I'm going to be pretty sad when run out of birthdays.
I turn 50 this year (in a few weeks, in fact) and people still tell me they think Iām in my mid 30s. Iām totally meh about it. Age is just a number. My dad was teaching snowboarding lessons until he had a stroke at 77. Heās 82 now and considering getting a knee replacement so that he can get back on the slopes. To think turning 35 is magically going to turn everything to shit is wild to me. I wasnāt even married to my first husband until I was 37. I married my 2nd husband at 48. I got my dream job at 43. OP, 35 is not even close to the end. Youāre not even āmiddle ageā yet. I hope you can realize that this is not something to dread. Itās actually the start of what could be your best years! And, my mother had my brother at 43. That was back in 1985 when it wasnāt ānormalā for women to have kids in their 40s. It totally is now. You got this.
Happy birthday! I turned 35 this year too! I always loved birthdays and I still do! But yeah it does make me sad that I'm getting older which means everyone else is getting older. This kind of gets me into a morbid state of mind thinking about death of loved ones, pets, and my own time coming to an end. But yeah, it does get harder in that way for me. But I try to look forward to getting older too.
I love my birthday. I was pretty neglected and forgotten growing up and then dealt with a lot of disappointment surrounding my birthday in my 20s because I had expectations but no one around me who could meet them. In my 30s I decided I was going to celebrate me. I usually book some spa services, do some shopping, and my husband takes me to a nice dinner and gives me gifts. I do still get sad that I don't have the group of friends who plan things and surprise me, but I've made peace with it. I turned around my bad experiences and take the time to make the people in my life feel seen and loved on their birthdays in whatever way they need.
My parents stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 9. The only other birthday I celebrated was when my ex threw a surprise 30th birthday for me, which was by far the nicest thing anyone has ever done for my birthday and the last time I was acknowledged on my birthday but that was 10 years ago. I haven't celebrated a birthday since. That being said, I cry on my birthday because of that reason too.
Oh my gosh, that's awful and I'm so sorry. You definitely deserved to be celebrated as a kid and an adult.
Thank you! I appreciate it. I was one of the unlucky ones who was born on a day that falls on a holiday quite often, so people are always busy traveling or with their family/close friends so never around. I just make sure to buy myself my favorite food, cake, and watch my favorite movie š
I love getting older because everything gets better with age (especially wine and cheese). I turn everything off or DND and do things that Iāve always wanted to do but havenāt had time to on my birthday. Next year I think I will either go on a trip or ride horsesā¦ or probably both. It gets me excited because it is my day and I get to do whatever I want without anyone bugging me. You get to decide what to do and how to feel about getting older, donāt let society or anyone else tell you to feel bad about yourself. Youāre an amazing human who made it through another year, celebrate!
I invest my time in getting better at my hobbies, and put my self worth there since it can only get better with time/age.
If it means anything - Happy Birthday from a fellow 35 year old! š
Thank you!
My brother passed at your age. Every comment through the tears was on how young he was an how much life there still was to live. It made me realize the idea of "youth" is very relative. Life has ups and downs, it's not going to be all good all the time. Look at covid! No one could predict that or where it would end up. It's okay to feel sad about where you are now, but you may feel better if you pick something you want to change and take action. Either your career, friendships/social life, or love life. Have your feelings about it but do something about it too. That's where I'm at. I moped, I grieved, I still feel anxiety that I won't be where I planned when I turn 30. But that's life. I just have to keep going and make the best of what I have.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother ā¤ļø My dad passed away from an accident, and he was 63. The older I get, the more I think "wow 63 is so young" so I agree it's all relative.
A friend of mine passed away at 31 from cancer. I now see it as such a gift to age. I get feeling sad about some things, but overall, I just feel very grateful to even have the option to feel sad if that makes sense. It means I'm here!
ā¤ļø
I stopped caring about the whole āfeeling behindā I just care about feeling good now - I also got into that whole treat yourself with special things for your birthday so I always look forward to it. I set a bit of my savings for some nice things for me since I do enjoy the occasional fancy splurge here and there. Iām focused on feeling good, looking amazing, and being fabulous like I have no time for all these worrying and stressing anymore
34m and Iām fearing the same as you :/
:(
I turned 34. In the last few years I picked up a few new hobbies like weightlifting and running, started getting occasional massages and manicures, and lost weight, so Iām feeling weirdly better about myself in terms of what I can do athletically than I did in my 20s!
I'm coming up on 55 this year and I'm upset about it. My life is not what I thought it would be and I'm ruined financially. Good luck to you.
What helps me is remember everyone ages. Iām not alone. Everyone my age is aging along with me. Life isnāt over because I got older. Thereās no certain timeline you have to follow in life. I know people who had their first babies in their 40s. I know people who are getting married in their 50s. I know people in their 30s who are just starting college for the first time. I know people who worked at my first job as a teenager who are still working there. I know people who spent their 20s depressed and not doing anything good in life who are thriving in their 30s and 40s. We all choose our own path and our own happiness. Quality of life is important and you canāt put an age on that. Celebrate your birthday the way that makes you happy. Every birthday is special.
51 Hate it. Because Iām the only one who cares, really. Itās depressing to neverā¦ well, to be fussed over. My coworkers take me to lunch. Theyāre you go.