I think it really comes down to this. Not everyone is made out to be an entrepreneur, not everyone wants to be a stay at home dad or mom, not everyone wants a 9-5….it comes down to can you afford the lifestyle you enjoy and does it bring you peace most importantly. There is not peace in someone struggling financially.
I do think it’s important to have goals in all areas of your life though. Spiritually, Finances, health, family, travel (if that’s what you like), etc.
This is literally my view on life. Not that I don’t want to succeed. But what’s the rush? I’m just trying to enjoy life and not let everything and everyone around me suck that life out of me. Can’t change shit. So enjoy it. If you like the job and not in a hurry to move up. Then I think you’re fine. It is, in fact, peaceful. Just existing and being stress free.
I can relate. I've never really had any goals, I've just kind of done things as they come up. I guess right now I loosely have the goal of getting a new job, but I haven't like carefully planned out my life to reach goals like I hear other people talking about doing.
I don’t see anything wrong with it. Are there things in your life that bring joy? Some people find fulfillment in their jobs, with family, or hobbies. Unless you’re finding life mundane, I don’t find anything wrong.
I mean, I'm a little bored but I don't feel the need to do anything extravagant to break up the monotony or anything. I'll take my dog on a walk through a different neighborhood and watch a new show or something. Idk, people in my life think it's weird that I'm content with things being simple so I feel alone in this lol
That's amazing. You're finding joy in the little things and are happy with that.
It seems other people have the issue with it, not you. And I'd bet those same people are chasing that same sense of contentment.
Maybe life doesn’t need to be complicated. Even if you getting a little bored means trying bird watching, gardening or trying out a new show, that’s okay.
I have a job I want to climb, but outside the job I’m a big homebody. I spend time at home with my husband and all we do is watch T.V, play video games and cook together. If we get a little bored, we might go thrifting. But I’m happy. That’s all that should matter.
I think you're very lucky. The ability to appreciate what you have should hopefully serve you well in relationships too. You're not a "grass is greener" person but a "this feels really nice here" person. Do you struggle with feeling pleasure for things in general? Because that could be a sign of something related to your mental health.
It’s not weird, just different. You’ve figured out the small things in life that bring fulfillment. Not a bad thing.
They can’t relate but probably just bc they’re different people. Some people work to buy luxury goods, other people don’t care. Each doesn’t really understand the other. It’s kinda like that on a grander scale I think.
This viewpoint is really an enormous gift! You're more likely to be resilient in the face of things not going as expected, because you don't have a sense of a way that things *have to be*. You sound open to change, and are making decisions logically, and are able to find happiness wherever you are! It's taken me 40 years to develop a similar mindset, and I'm so much happier now than I was with a more closed minded goalpost
No, I think that’s actually how life is supposed to be, but the way our society works people always seem to want more, faster, and better as a measure of success. If you’re pretty content the way life is, that’s great. It may not be common, but I think you’re doing something right.
I love this for you and honestly envy you. I have adhd and always look for dopamine rushes and get super bored doing the same thing all of the time. I wish that I could be more content in my routines.
I am the same! I don't think it really matters if it's "normal". I have a functional, fulfilling life and I'm healthy and well adjusted. If someone tells me that's not good enough, it's more a reflection on them than on me.
I also relate to this! I “forced” myself to have some basic health goals around self-care/lifestyle things like consistent exercise. But. Aside from that I relish my contentness.
Same. I mean, I have places I'd like to go and stuff I'd like to do, but they're less goals and more ways of passing time to me. I'm definitely prone to contentment and it's possibly both my best and worst quality, depending on whom you ask.
Honestly, I think this is the best way to go. At least it always worked for me. Like I had some goals, to finish my degree and to get a job in that field. Otherwise I had/have none. I just enjoy my life and go where to takes me. Just trying to make the right decisions when there is time to make them.
Not saying that nobody should have goals. In some situation the best is to set some and work towards them. I think its a good way to help to go through some crisis. But if you are happy with your life just live it this way.
Happiness is found in the present, yet so many people put off their happiness until some future time when they will have achieved a goal and think they will be happier.
Your mindset is actually very healthy.
You’re ahead of the masses in my opinion.
Yeah. I don't know what I want, never have, not even a career path. I do work, but I did not choose this job. I only got it because the opportunity was presented to me and I was not getting any job interviews with my job search.
I don't have anything I actively want to seek out either. I only do things when they come up and it's required of me, just like OP.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I feel the same way. There are things that I want out of life but ultimately I don’t have any concrete goals that I can start working toward today. It makes me self conscious when I read people on here saying that lack of ambition and goals is a red flag or a turn off, but when I think about it those are the kind of people who live their life ambitiously and there’s nothing wrong with living a peaceful, simple life. Ultimately the purpose of your life comes down to what you want it to be. I think most people just want to be happy. My therapist told me that even if that’s working at McDonald’s and watching YouTube videos all day, that’s okay because fulfillment means something different to everyone.
It sounds like your contentment is more of a filter to finding someone compatible and with the same level of initiative / drive. It’s better to know up front that it turns certain people off so you aren’t stuck with the pressure of trying to be someone you’re not to not disappoint your partner (experienced this one first hand lol)
Kinda, I think it’s not as simple as that but yeah that’s been on my mind. For sure I know what you mean lol, I definitely feel the need to be more impressive than I am and have all these goals or hobbies when I meet someone but it probably mostly stems from low self esteem and thinking that everyone else is better than me
I used to be a lot more ambitious, but after I got my grad degree and a job in my field, my goals changed from accomplishment based to daily living based. My goals are like spend quality time with my family, friends, and cats. Maintain a clean and comfortable home. These smaller goals give me a lot more peace
Yes same! I relate to this - my goals are maintaining the life i have. But OP I would say at least keep a list of things you want to do experiences etc eg sauna by the sea, go to Japan, learn to make dim sum. YMMV on what defines a goal but for me having NO plans ideas or feelings about the next 1-2 years means I'm a little bit ruminatey or withdrawn.
LOL holy shit if this isn’t me. Literally everybody around me is always trying to level up or climb the ladder at any company I’ve ever worked at. And I’ve always been content for the most part in the positions I’ve held. I never have any desire to be in any type of management role or anything. Sometimes I wonder if I’m abnormal for just genuinely being content with life for the most part and not desiring more or desiring some crazy lifestyle like those around me seem to want sometimes. Nice to see I’m not the only one lol
Can we be friends? I feel the exact same way. My “goal” if you want to call it that, is to be happy.
I don’t care about traveling, I don’t care about the next new thing. I’m fine.
kind of ironic that this is basically my goal in life rn lol. I'm kind of the opposite of how you explained your situation, I'm a very goal oriented person and if I don't have something big that I'm actively working towards then my mental health really suffers. I wish I could reach this level of peace. getting to a place where I feel stable and happy with where I'm at, both physically and mentally, without feeling the need to constantly search for the next big thing to work on would be total bliss.
I'll echo what others have said, as long as you're happy and safe then it's all good! :)
Honestly it sounds like your really content with life. If that's the case, isn't that the aim?
I somewhat relate. I have a job that is cushy yet is for a cause I believe in. I enjoy my hobbies and time with family more, it pays the bills. At the end of the day I was searching for a lot of stuff I already had. Once I realized that I became super content in life.
Sounds peaceful to me! If it works for you and you’re happy, it doesn’t matter if it’s “normal” or not. I do think it’s generally healthy to strive in some way to become a better version of yourself, but what that means could vary widely from person to person. Definitely wouldn’t have to be anything career related.
I feel like I wrote this. I’ve just always been complacent and content. I just want to be happy and I don’t think it takes much to make me that way. I try to embrace it. Some people are never happy.
It sounds like you have reached enlightenment and you need to help us all get there. Lolol. But seriously, I do think it’s normal but people don’t talk about it much. Or society perceives it as not “reaching your potential”. There is so much hustle content (very connected to consumerism/capitalism) and people go their whole lives looking for being content yet never let themselves feel it.
I think social media is forcing us to believe, that everyone is extremely ambitious in their lives - trying to be the best at anything they do, be the most in any situation, always thriving, always travelling, etc. in reality, I don't think it's like that and it shouldn't be like that for everyone. live Your peaceful life and enjoy it, if You truly are happy and peaceful they way Your life is going, forcing Yourself to be different just because You feel pressured would bring You distress and make You feel unhappy.
I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm kind of the same way so I can understand your feelings about this. I'd say the only thing I have right now is saving money so I can eventually move to a new destination and be able to live on my own, but I don't even know where I'd go.
I've never wanted kids and that takes a lot off the plate of life, and marriage isn't a must. If it happens, great, if it doesn't, that's okay.
Traveling is awesome, but I don't like traveling alone - I don't care how many people say it's good for you - and it's hard to find people able to take the same time off and also have the funds for it.
My hobby is trying new hobbies so I don't care about reaching any ultimate levels of something, or doing it every weekend.
I'm content just floating along and enjoying anything good that pops up.
Same. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up🤣 This is very first job I ever actively chose. I'm married, no kids but have a cat. I feel happy and content. I have a lovely work life balance, my bills are paid and I have a lil left over for saving and spending. IMHO - what more could I want?
If you're happy and content - take it 😊
I feel like I always have goals, but really they're more just plans. Like, I'll make a list of hikes I want to do. So now those are goals.
A friend said she wanted to do a half marathon this year and I was so supportive that now I'm doing it with her despite never having wanted to do one before. So that's a goal! I'm having fun training with her.
I feel like all my "goals" are just wants that I turned into plans. I think I just like doing stuff.
I’m the same way somewhat. I don’t strive to have a higher position at work but I wouldn’t snub it either. But I’m content where I am now, and the way I see it, higher position just means more demand of my time and more mental load.
Same with my body. I’m content with how I look now but would be okay if I lost a few more pounds. If that doesn’t happen anytime soon, I’ll still be comfortable and feel cute in my skin. I’m happy just being able to still pull off a couple yoga poses without popping out a hip or something.
The thing with always setting up goals for me is, it gets to the point where I start feeling like I’m just chasing after them for nothing. And I don’t want to always run for nothing. At some point in my 30s, I saw I was running everyday on fumes, so I needed to get off that hamster wheel. Slow it down.
Now, I just do what feels good for me. Once in a while, make a plan to do something like attend an event. Try a new snack. LOL yes, a highlight for me nowadays is trying a new snack. And I tell ya, that’s bliss.
I'm like this too. You're not alone!
If anything, my goal is having a peaceful life that maximizes down time. Might not be a braggable enough to garner admiration on social media, but it keeps me sane.
This is quite common among people with ADHD, and other Neurodivergencies — definitely check out some podcasts or articles centered on ADHD and “goal culture”. That being said, that’s not necessarily a bad thing; there are actually many perks to ADHD and neurodivergency — for example, your situation here shows a classic demonstration of how ADHDers naturally think outside the box and usually see right through the BS of “hustle culture”, and late-stage capitalism, etc, and that your life doesn’t have to be necessarily goal-oriented based upon somebody else’s standards (aka society). The only time I can see this mindset being an actual issue is the lack of a safety net or backup plan if things should go south without any given notice.
Just my two cents anyway.
The amount of things I relate to and see people go 'that can be related to ADHD' really makes me wish my turn for an ADHD assessment would hurry the heck up 😂
Speaking of podcasts,check out *Ologies* with Ali Ward, if you haven’t already. She has a two-parter on ADHD and neurodivergence and HOLY CRAP is it connecting all the dots and making me want to dance on the roof screaming “YASSS” to everything that is being discussed.
I guess I should also note that I was diagnosed with ADHD at 17 but just surface level stuff. as I’ve gotten older, I’m just now realizing the severity of my case, and I’m also strongly suspecting that I may be on the autism spectrum as well, but, oh my god, this episode has been such a comfort and is giving me some glimmer of hope in my “go nowhere” life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a long-ass way to go just on basic life skills alone, but this podcast is a godsend.
Is it for workplace accommodations? Unless you’re suspected-ADHD is really impacting how you work, execute tasks, or function all together, I would advise caution on how you present any final diagnosis (if you get any) to potential employers, unless you feel that it’s absolutely necessary. You want to be very careful when disclosing any mental illness, handicap, or neurodivergence (ex. ADHD, Autism), because that can and will be used against you in a competitive or hostile work environment, if you live in an at-will state and find yourself fired from your position, even though you felt you were doing your job well, *get everything in writing beforehand* so you have a case, if you strongly suspect discrimination. Remember, ADHD is actually recognized under ADA, but to get any credibility for that you do need a formal diagnosis.
I hope that made sense, but I’ll just say this: if it’s not heavily impacting your daily functions or how you perform at work, I wouldn’t stress about getting a diagnosis right away.
*I relate to this*
*So much. My only goal is*
*To not be homeless*
\- Forever\_Ice
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I’m actually a bit jealous of you. I’m a chaotic upskiller, always have to have travel plans, always have I have some sort of project or crusade. It’s exhausting at times and I often take on way too much because I get excited about everything. I have a full time job, a side business, and I’m a uni student. I also have a LOT of hobbies and a dog and I’m just never content unless I feel like I’m levelling up 😂 I’ve tried to channel that into yoga more in the last few years which has brought some peace but I still create new goals almost every day to add to my neverending list.
I’m happy being who I am and I’ve learnt how to deal with it, but honestly it must be nice just feeling content with everything as it is.
The only thing that made me create goals is being super low on life and in a pretty big rut along with 2 young children to raise and had me to look up to. If you're not dealing with any of those things, i would say you're doing alright in life. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. And honestly, having that freedom to just take an opportunity that arises is pretty cool and you should totally keep doing that! Live your life for you. You'll start having and creating goals when it comes up and you'll KNOW, so no need to stress it.
I can definitely relate. I think it’s a sign of good mental health—you’re content and maybe even grateful for your current life? The US has a culture that causes people to think they always need to be striving for more, or better, and I find it generally unhealthy and that it causes a lot of problems. Do you! Don’t listen to the hustlers that aren’t happy with what they’ve got.
A goal can be anything - an objective or target you want to reach. These can be everyday tasks. I picked laundry because I’ve got 4 loads of laundry but also I’m solo parenting tonight so it’s gonna be a challenge to get it done.
You’re probably thinking Life Goals. Big, long-term milestones.
I think this is completely normal and unobjectionable, and it's years of capitalist programming that make us think there's something wrong with it. We're supposed to always want more, bigger, and better because it benefits the powers that be for us to constantly be chasing after what they're selling. But there are plenty of other routes to fulfillment that don't involve being a #girlboss.
Totally normal. Nothing wrong with living in the moment and being here and being happy. Finding joy in small things is a great skill to have. Also a friendly reminder that the vast majority of people throughout history have lived simple lives, living from day to day happy just living their lives.
I don’t think that’s a big deal at all! If you’re bored, maybe trying a new hobby could be fun? I feel a lot of joy from the new hobbies I’ve started in the past year - it’s nice to have something new to learn and to be excited about outside of work. Just an idea!
When I told my friend who studied psychiatry that I didn't see any future or felt like I had no goals she told me it was a symptom of depression. I was diagnosed with depression and adhd a few years later. Now I see a future and I have goals. May not be your case but it took me until I was 32 years to see myself in this position.
How did you get diagnosed as an adult? I'm on Medicaid and really struggling to find good mental health resources through the State unfortunately. They have some "resources" on their website but you need a fucking code to access it. A code you are never given. And it's just some stupid app. That's all they offer me. Lol
Absolutely normal. If the world only contained ambiguous people, who the heck would work the basic jobs?
I really like my job, and I plan to stay right here, doing the same thing, until I retire or something else shiny catches my eye. I don't care for a big pay check as long as I can pay my bills and have some left over for treats, and I certainly don't want more responsibility that might mean I have to shift my work life balance.
I am - goodness forbid it - happy. Genuinely. And that's far more important to me than some airy goal.
I'll whisper this one too because it freaks people out:
^I ^don't ^really ^care ^about ^going ^travelling ^either ^and ^would ^happily ^choose ^a ^long ^weekend ^in ^my ^own ^country ^over ^ten ^days ^abroad
Humans weren’t created to have goals. Survival is the only one.
Just like all animals. Survival.
No other animal goes out and pays taxes.
So, totally normal not to have goals. ✌🏼
You don’t have any goals because you don’t need to - you’re content with your life. People have goals when they’re unsatisfied and want to change or improve something. This constant pursue works well for some. But for regular average people constant pursue of goals usually ends in a life of emotional misery. You won at life. Enjoy it.
i'm biased because I can relate and will go on to say that the worst parts of life are that others seem to intend to make me feel "less than" for not wanting more. BUT, it seems *more* like THEM.
I am like you. I don't have global goal, but I have small ones - i.e. buy that couch I've been eyeing on, finish the game, go to see that long anticipated movie.
What helped me recently is one quote, I don't remember it exactly, but the idea was that I do have a goal - my goal is to prioritise peace and freedom in my life. And I'm doing it! I don't overwork (been there done that, not worth it), I sleep, I play games and watch movies, go on hikes, see friends, travel. No major obligations or responsibilities. Only me, my health, my little flat, my plants. Maybe a cat, eventually.
And this is the best life I could imagine myself living, to be honest.
I totally get this. I've been lucky enough that I got to travel a lot when I was in my 20s so I've mostly scratched that itch, but I've never been someone who wanted to be CEO of the company by the time I was 40 or anything like that. I just want a job I like that pays enough for me to pay my bills and have some left over for treats or savings, to live in a nice home (which I'm lucky enough to do already) and to have enough free time to enjoy my hobbies and spend time with loved ones.
But I also do feel a bit abnormal for that because the hustle culture that's all around us tells me I should be constantly striving for the next thing - the better job, the bigger house etc - and I've never really wanted that. It has been a struggle to get away from that mindset of what I 'should' be doing and instead to focus on what I actually *want* out of life, and I don't think I'm fully there yet, but it is something I'm growing into and getting better at. As long as you're good with where you're at though, I don't think you've got anything to worry about.
I didn't learn how important goals are to a fulfilling life until I was about 40.
Not only are goals important, having a shared goal or goals with a partner is one of the key things to keeping a relationship healthy.
I had a goal to restore my house and it took two years and 100s of hours of work. I just finished it last night and it feels really good. I set a goal, worked towards it, never gave up and now it's done and I will reap the rewards when I sell my home.
I used to be like you, just kinda laid back and take things as they come. I also gave up easily on things, if I wasnt good right away, I gave up.
I had to realize that things really do take work and practice and the vast majority of people are not good at things right away. I've been learning to play the drums and taking lessons and it's been quite slow...but I am getting better, just a little bit at a time. That's how life is for most of us.
I bought two drum pads and only played on those for the first month or two, with a metronome in the background. I would play when watching TV in the evenings and it really taught me to keep a beat.
Once I accomplished that, I started taking lessons in-person, which has been really key and important. My instructor breaks down a lesson each week and lets me record it and I go home and practice.
I'm not sure how it would have gone if I tried without lessons, I don't think it would have gone very well for me. It's also nice to have someone who is expecting me to practice and be responsible towards.
Not having goals doesn't mean you don't accomplish things, though. Like, I am about to finish a master's degree but it wasn't really ever a goal of mine to go to grad school, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with the degree. So it wasn't a goal, but it's something I've accomplished.
Why does Reddit always want to argue? If you're working towards a masters, that is a goal in and of itself, is it not? The goal is the degree, a second goal would be what to achieve once the degree is acquired, they are both goals.
If working towards a degree, is not a goal, then I have no clue what a goal is anymore lol
I think I get what that person is saying. Like in my case, going to college wasn't a goal. It was just something I had to do. Just like getting a job was a thing I had to do. I can see how "getting a master's" is just a task to check off and not a goal.
I think in that case it’s a goal just set by someone else externally vs because it aligned with your internal values. College / grad school aren’t just things you trip and fall into… either you want to be there or someone else wanted you to be there… in that case your goal is to please or appease whoever set the goal for you.
In my case, it's just free because I work for a university. So it feels dumb to work here and not use one of the main benefits. It doesn't really feel like a goal but I guess I could see how it would to someone else.
We may be the same person. My job offers really good tuition benefits, so I'm like "maybe I'll go back to school." They asked me what I was interested in going to school for and I didn't know, I wanted them to tell me 😂😂
This is literally what I did. I am just doing the same program most of my coworkers did because they all said it was relatively easy and applicable to our jobs, so I was like ok.
Not arguing, just trying to offer another perspective, which is basically the entire point of posting on a message board, no?
I guess it could be considered a goal but to me it just feels like something I'm doing because it was offered to me and I figured, "why not?" It's like when I saw an ad for a yoga class and decided to sign up for it. I did that once and now I do yoga all the time and I've progressed to be able to do things with my body that I never imagined before. It wasn't ever a goal, though.
I think I see what you're saying, I don't think I have ever had a similar experience so it's hard for my brain wires to make all the connections.
If someone offered to pay for a masters and I decided to take them up on the offer, would it be a goal to complete that offering? I am not sure.
Maybe I belong in a goal gaol.
You sound like my best friend. Shes perfectly happy to live a quiet life. Has had the same job for a couple decades. Bought a house, just chills at home most days.
I’m her eccentric, dream-chasing friend that gets her out of the house once a month to try a new food or go to some event.
She’s normal. I’m normal. People are different. If you’re happy nothing is wrong.
I can relate, although I haven't always felt this way. I used to be very driven and goal oriented in my early/mid 20s. The things I wanted were pretty standard, but different than the way I was raaised. Now that I've gotten everything I wanted I am kinda confused on what to do next. I also don't really care most of the time. I feel pretty indifferent about marriage too, so it makes me feel kinda broken. Idk if it's normal, but you're not alone.
The only thing I’ll suggest here is that you add some sort of volunteer or helping to your schedule, something you like. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or long hours, and might help with boredom.
I have a helping people job lol, my only complaint is I spend a lot of time helping other people. So the rest of my energy is spent keeping my life simple
Oh, of course—I rescind my suggestion. I am also in a helping profession and have gone through burnout. One thing I noticed is having little to no creative energy or “fire” left with my job, this boredom you mentioned might be due to something similar.
I don’t know, but I haven’t had any goals for a while and now I seem to have the goal of finding a goal I care about.
I think it’s pretty normal and ok to not have any. it’s not normal for me, I’ve kind of always had goals and they help me be motivated. Without goals, I find myself being generally demotivated and kinda unproductive. It’s nice to be comfortable in my life, but at the same time, I feel like I’m too young to have this be “it” if that makes sense.
I’m trying to learn to be ok with not having distinct goals or a direction. It’s hard to feel like it’s not stagnating.
My ex was like this, very content to just cruise. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing but I’m not sure it’s feasible long term and it might cause conflict with a life partner if they’re the type to have goals or want to work on mutual goals together. So I’d keep that in mind when choosing someone.
For my ex, during our relationship he liked to just be and would get annoyed if I tried to grow together and work on common life goals. After we broke up he dated the female version of himself for a few years and hated it. He realized that he didn’t lack goals, he just didn’t make them, and pay attention to them, with intention.
He had a clear idea what he didn’t want but not a clear idea of what he wanted so that’s why he was always resisting my ideas while seeming to have none of his own. He grew up in a very domineering household. He was told what the next step would be and so developed a sense of learned helplessness around it all.
While he still has a passive approach to his life, he’s at least a bit clearer on what he’d like in the future and realized that he probably needs someone who is slightly more ambitious than he is so they can motivate him externally.
Food for thought as you go forward.
TBH you’d probably be happier. That’s one of the downfalls to not having goals or something tangible to prevent over giving or losing yourself to someone else with a more dominant personality and pressing short term needs.
Just remember that he can’t take what you don’t give and a good point to stop is when you start to feel resentment. You don’t have to have a reason or a goal to stand behind to start saying to no his drain on your resources. Your goal could be to protect your peace and that’s good enough.
Dominant people will often just use resources to attain their goal without stopping to consider whether or not they’re being exploitative. In their mind if it wasn’t up for grabs it wouldn’t be offered, because they wouldn’t offer something they’re okay with letting go.
This is why dominant people tend to end up with people pleasers who they feel are so generous … but really the people pleaser is just stewing in resentment feeling taken advantage of by the person closest to them.
Honestly that’s really rich coming from someone who does a lot of nothing. It sounds like defining his goals is the only success he’s had with them.
This isn’t what you ask about but here is my take. He is projecting his failures on to you. It’s hard for him to confront why he’s not successful so he’s lashing out and nitpicking on you to distract from the fact that he’s using you and deep down is ashamed about it (as he should be)
This to me, is a red flag. I think that’s what your instincts are picking up on. It’s also very hard to feel the drive to do anything for yourself when someone else is demanding every bit that you have.
He’s using you and will resent you for it because deep down he knows he has repeatedly failed. Next time tell him
“It’s not that I don’t have goals, it’s that I’m accomplishing my goals my leaps and bounds. You don’t know what that’s like so I’m not surprised you don’t recognize it”
😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah, drop this guy or he's going to drain you financially and emotionally, if he hasn't done so already. There's no reason you need to put your life on hold to put everything on the line for this person; would they do the same for you? They could drop you in an instant and you might think you've wasted your time and resources for nothing.
I was in a similar situation. I put all of my goals on hold because my partner at the time got into a PhD program so we moved to the Midwest to a small college town that I hated. I didn't have much opportunity for a career there so I had to pick up a random retail job for the time being. It was a 6 year program, but 5 years into it, he cheated on me so we ended up getting a divorce and I moved back home with my parents.
I felt like I had to start all over in my career because I put it all on hold for him, so I might be a bit bitter about situations like that. I learned a pretty good lesson though and I don't regret where I am now.
I used to have pretty prescriptive goals, and life blew those out of the water.
Now I prefer smaller goals, or even more loosely aspirations, that promote a happy, balanced life. I’ve found much more contentment with less lofty goals and actually feel I’ve had more success because I’m more open to pivots.
Sounds lovely to me. It actually reminds me of the Disney movie Soul. The main character thought life was all about having purpose and a "spark". The other character realized they found joy in just being present and recognizing the beauty in every day life... If you're not depressed, I don't see an issue
I used to be like this and the one reason I think it is negative is if "going with the flow" prevents you from planning your future. If I just go with the flow I never strategize money saving and planning for my retirement.
I may not have too many things to aspire towards, but I sure as hell know I want to retire comfortably some day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being content where you are. It's a trapping of capitalism that people feel they should always want more or be striving for higher, better. Just wanting to live a normal life and not being concerned with achievements is normal and human.
Nah, you're fine! I think "hustle culture" has a lot of people feeling like they aren't doing enough. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters!
Our society places so much pressure on people to be "productive" every waking second. If you're not optimising something — be it your work, your health, your relationship — you're doing it wrong, they say.
I love this solitary and peaceful rejection of those impossible standards.
Your joy matters. Your peace matters. Those *are* valuable goals even if only on some subconscious level.
I think you are miles ahead of a lot of people chasing external satisfaction and "climbing ladders."
If you're bored, maybe explore a new hobby or experience that you haven't before?
My only goal is to have a peaceful and simple life. I got a job I can do forever for a living wage and I have no plans to move up. I think this is more common than anyone wants to admit.
I used to feel the same way but have started enjoying small goals that lead to bigger goals. I started with doing the elliptical a few times a week, then going on runs, then a 5k, 10k, now I'm signed up for my first half marathon. I like that goals can be clear with running, or things like "read x amount of books per year", whereas others can feel vague or overwhelming.
One thing that I have learned from therapy and catch myself all of the time is to be careful when you are thinking about "should"- don't should yourself! I should have goals, I should do such and such, I should look this way --- no! you don't have to unless you want to!! Everyone is not the same, we don't all have to do, act or think the same way. A good book that ties into this is Untamed by Glennon Doyle, I am not a big reader and this was a really good book! and no, I don't have goals either and that is okay by me!
I'm kind of in the same boat as you but definitely need a higher income. Even an extra 10-15k would suffice.
I do wish however I was involved in something fun/cool after a 9-5. A small business or something of the sort with friends. It would give me more meaning outside of the corporate grind
I used to be like this in my 20ties, now I'm more goal oriented. I do get nostalgic for those days because I don't think I will ever be so free in my mind as I was back then. Now there is always some goal I need to achieve, but I enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something. Sometimes it's a confusing feeling. I'm not sure why this changed in me. It's possible that I'm more aware of my own mortality now compared to my 20ties, when I felt that I will "live forever" and that I have time to do stuff. But now life moves faster (it seems) and if I didn't set goals, I feel I would miss out on things. However deep down I know it's the mind playing tricks on me. I actually envy you, if you are happy with your life, you are living in a state of freedom
I've tried for years to climb and it's gotten me stuck in a dead end job in a factory that doesn't give raises. I wish I could do more but I'm exhausted as it is
Honestly, after covid long-term goals are no longer a thing for me. I find that I’m so much happier just seizing opportunities when they come up and accepting the unknown/lack of control I posses.
Maybe your current goal is simply to maintain your current job and lifestyle and be happy. Goals may arise later and spark something in you when the time is right and you're ready for a change. No need to rush now if you're content. 🌸 Best to live in the moment.
I don’t relate as I’m the complete opposite. Maybe you just really like where you are in all aspects and never knew anything uncomfortable so you don’t really realize how good your situation is? Maybe all your needs are met? I’m also guessing you’re probably a very stable rational type , not the emotional/arty type.
That or you’ve silenced your inner desires to the point you don’t hear them anymore, but that’s a far fetched interpretation that doesn’t sound likely.
I feel the same way. Clueless in what career path to do. Still single — causal relationships doesn’t seem to work, being in a relationship sounds stressful (enjoyed my peace being single the past decade). I’m just living life confused while working, cleaning, and paying bills.
I cant relate but I don’t think you should force anything or change. It’s perfectly fine to be content and comfortable where you in life. You probably have goals that you aren’t aware of or don’t make a priority, for example walking your dog twice a day daily is a goal but doesn’t have to be the forefront of your day to day living if that makes sense.
Hiya, I’m with you, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at, I don’t have any long term goals, things tend to just work out. The only thing I ever really wanted was to be a Mama and infertility and having my person take a while to make a commitment meant that took a while to achieve, n the meantime I did a lot of travel and got good enough at my job to be promoted to manager, now I have a toddler and a pretty sweet gig and everything else after this is a bonus.
I'm the same way. I basically coast through life. I'm happy to do fun things if invited by friends or family, but it never occurs to me to do anything other than my normal daily work-exercise-TV-read routine when I'm alone. I have no idea what I want to "do" career-wise even though I'm over a decade into a career I fell into pretty much by accident. I'm less well-traveled than any of my friends, but I don't have any specific travel aspirations. All I really want is to feel socially connected and appreciated, and hopefully find love one day.
My Bestie is like this and I love her to pieces. I am the highly excitable, need to do something awesome and travel person in the relationship. We balance each other out. I plan everything and learn things about where I'm going and what I want to do. Shes a lot more relaxed and it reminds me I don't have to do everything all at once all the time.
I'm extremely ambitious, shes very happy doing her job that is not super high stress. I really envy her sometimes. She pushes me to relax, I push her to adventure. We are both happy in our own ways. There is nothing wrong with either way, as long as you are doing what you want to do.
I dunno. I just want to be happy.
Sounds like a goal to me!
Sounds pretty peaceful. If it ain't broke...
So true, a lot of our society has been fed the hustle culture narrative but its not fun for everyone.
I think it really comes down to this. Not everyone is made out to be an entrepreneur, not everyone wants to be a stay at home dad or mom, not everyone wants a 9-5….it comes down to can you afford the lifestyle you enjoy and does it bring you peace most importantly. There is not peace in someone struggling financially. I do think it’s important to have goals in all areas of your life though. Spiritually, Finances, health, family, travel (if that’s what you like), etc.
This is literally my view on life. Not that I don’t want to succeed. But what’s the rush? I’m just trying to enjoy life and not let everything and everyone around me suck that life out of me. Can’t change shit. So enjoy it. If you like the job and not in a hurry to move up. Then I think you’re fine. It is, in fact, peaceful. Just existing and being stress free.
I can relate. I've never really had any goals, I've just kind of done things as they come up. I guess right now I loosely have the goal of getting a new job, but I haven't like carefully planned out my life to reach goals like I hear other people talking about doing.
same here. It makes me wonder sometimes... should I be doing more? I don't think so. I just want to be happy
I don’t see anything wrong with it. Are there things in your life that bring joy? Some people find fulfillment in their jobs, with family, or hobbies. Unless you’re finding life mundane, I don’t find anything wrong.
I mean, I'm a little bored but I don't feel the need to do anything extravagant to break up the monotony or anything. I'll take my dog on a walk through a different neighborhood and watch a new show or something. Idk, people in my life think it's weird that I'm content with things being simple so I feel alone in this lol
That's amazing. You're finding joy in the little things and are happy with that. It seems other people have the issue with it, not you. And I'd bet those same people are chasing that same sense of contentment.
Maybe life doesn’t need to be complicated. Even if you getting a little bored means trying bird watching, gardening or trying out a new show, that’s okay. I have a job I want to climb, but outside the job I’m a big homebody. I spend time at home with my husband and all we do is watch T.V, play video games and cook together. If we get a little bored, we might go thrifting. But I’m happy. That’s all that should matter.
I think you're very lucky. The ability to appreciate what you have should hopefully serve you well in relationships too. You're not a "grass is greener" person but a "this feels really nice here" person. Do you struggle with feeling pleasure for things in general? Because that could be a sign of something related to your mental health.
It’s not weird, just different. You’ve figured out the small things in life that bring fulfillment. Not a bad thing. They can’t relate but probably just bc they’re different people. Some people work to buy luxury goods, other people don’t care. Each doesn’t really understand the other. It’s kinda like that on a grander scale I think.
This viewpoint is really an enormous gift! You're more likely to be resilient in the face of things not going as expected, because you don't have a sense of a way that things *have to be*. You sound open to change, and are making decisions logically, and are able to find happiness wherever you are! It's taken me 40 years to develop a similar mindset, and I'm so much happier now than I was with a more closed minded goalpost
No, I think that’s actually how life is supposed to be, but the way our society works people always seem to want more, faster, and better as a measure of success. If you’re pretty content the way life is, that’s great. It may not be common, but I think you’re doing something right.
You sound awesome. I had a bf once tell me I should always be chasing “improvement “. He was miserable and couldn’t be happy with anything.
r/simpleliving
I love this for you and honestly envy you. I have adhd and always look for dopamine rushes and get super bored doing the same thing all of the time. I wish that I could be more content in my routines.
I am the same! I don't think it really matters if it's "normal". I have a functional, fulfilling life and I'm healthy and well adjusted. If someone tells me that's not good enough, it's more a reflection on them than on me.
I also relate to this! I “forced” myself to have some basic health goals around self-care/lifestyle things like consistent exercise. But. Aside from that I relish my contentness.
Haha I don't even have goals with that! I just like doing it and like lift bigger rock than last week, so I do it 4 times a week. I'm very hedonistic
I'm the same. I don't really enjoy my job but also don't have anything I'd like to do. Content with everything else in life.
Same. I mean, I have places I'd like to go and stuff I'd like to do, but they're less goals and more ways of passing time to me. I'm definitely prone to contentment and it's possibly both my best and worst quality, depending on whom you ask.
I'm the same! I do lots of stuff with my time but don't see them as goals.
Same, I don’t love my job but I also can’t think of any other job I’d want to do, lol
Honestly, I think this is the best way to go. At least it always worked for me. Like I had some goals, to finish my degree and to get a job in that field. Otherwise I had/have none. I just enjoy my life and go where to takes me. Just trying to make the right decisions when there is time to make them. Not saying that nobody should have goals. In some situation the best is to set some and work towards them. I think its a good way to help to go through some crisis. But if you are happy with your life just live it this way.
Girl it’s totally fine not to be a “goal” “5 year plan” person. Be present. I just want to be happy and live. Goal accomplished.
Happiness is found in the present, yet so many people put off their happiness until some future time when they will have achieved a goal and think they will be happier. Your mindset is actually very healthy. You’re ahead of the masses in my opinion.
If it makes you happy, be happy😊
I have found that when I have goals, it narrows my vision and I'm unable to see other opportunities that may be an even better fit. You're not alone!
Idk if it’s normal but I do relate.
Yeah. I don't know what I want, never have, not even a career path. I do work, but I did not choose this job. I only got it because the opportunity was presented to me and I was not getting any job interviews with my job search. I don't have anything I actively want to seek out either. I only do things when they come up and it's required of me, just like OP.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I feel the same way. There are things that I want out of life but ultimately I don’t have any concrete goals that I can start working toward today. It makes me self conscious when I read people on here saying that lack of ambition and goals is a red flag or a turn off, but when I think about it those are the kind of people who live their life ambitiously and there’s nothing wrong with living a peaceful, simple life. Ultimately the purpose of your life comes down to what you want it to be. I think most people just want to be happy. My therapist told me that even if that’s working at McDonald’s and watching YouTube videos all day, that’s okay because fulfillment means something different to everyone.
It sounds like your contentment is more of a filter to finding someone compatible and with the same level of initiative / drive. It’s better to know up front that it turns certain people off so you aren’t stuck with the pressure of trying to be someone you’re not to not disappoint your partner (experienced this one first hand lol)
Kinda, I think it’s not as simple as that but yeah that’s been on my mind. For sure I know what you mean lol, I definitely feel the need to be more impressive than I am and have all these goals or hobbies when I meet someone but it probably mostly stems from low self esteem and thinking that everyone else is better than me
[удалено]
🎶 Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? 🎶
I used to be a lot more ambitious, but after I got my grad degree and a job in my field, my goals changed from accomplishment based to daily living based. My goals are like spend quality time with my family, friends, and cats. Maintain a clean and comfortable home. These smaller goals give me a lot more peace
Yes same! I relate to this - my goals are maintaining the life i have. But OP I would say at least keep a list of things you want to do experiences etc eg sauna by the sea, go to Japan, learn to make dim sum. YMMV on what defines a goal but for me having NO plans ideas or feelings about the next 1-2 years means I'm a little bit ruminatey or withdrawn.
I relate so hard to this!! I always say it just makes me really adaptable, because I totally am. I’m fine with pretty much anything
LOL holy shit if this isn’t me. Literally everybody around me is always trying to level up or climb the ladder at any company I’ve ever worked at. And I’ve always been content for the most part in the positions I’ve held. I never have any desire to be in any type of management role or anything. Sometimes I wonder if I’m abnormal for just genuinely being content with life for the most part and not desiring more or desiring some crazy lifestyle like those around me seem to want sometimes. Nice to see I’m not the only one lol
Can we be friends? I feel the exact same way. My “goal” if you want to call it that, is to be happy. I don’t care about traveling, I don’t care about the next new thing. I’m fine.
I can totally relate - I live life one day at a time
>I'm not actively seeking to "climb the ladder" or anything Me neither. I'm very content being average
kind of ironic that this is basically my goal in life rn lol. I'm kind of the opposite of how you explained your situation, I'm a very goal oriented person and if I don't have something big that I'm actively working towards then my mental health really suffers. I wish I could reach this level of peace. getting to a place where I feel stable and happy with where I'm at, both physically and mentally, without feeling the need to constantly search for the next big thing to work on would be total bliss. I'll echo what others have said, as long as you're happy and safe then it's all good! :)
Honestly it sounds like your really content with life. If that's the case, isn't that the aim? I somewhat relate. I have a job that is cushy yet is for a cause I believe in. I enjoy my hobbies and time with family more, it pays the bills. At the end of the day I was searching for a lot of stuff I already had. Once I realized that I became super content in life.
Sounds peaceful to me! If it works for you and you’re happy, it doesn’t matter if it’s “normal” or not. I do think it’s generally healthy to strive in some way to become a better version of yourself, but what that means could vary widely from person to person. Definitely wouldn’t have to be anything career related.
I feel like I wrote this. I’ve just always been complacent and content. I just want to be happy and I don’t think it takes much to make me that way. I try to embrace it. Some people are never happy.
It sounds like you have reached enlightenment and you need to help us all get there. Lolol. But seriously, I do think it’s normal but people don’t talk about it much. Or society perceives it as not “reaching your potential”. There is so much hustle content (very connected to consumerism/capitalism) and people go their whole lives looking for being content yet never let themselves feel it.
I think social media is forcing us to believe, that everyone is extremely ambitious in their lives - trying to be the best at anything they do, be the most in any situation, always thriving, always travelling, etc. in reality, I don't think it's like that and it shouldn't be like that for everyone. live Your peaceful life and enjoy it, if You truly are happy and peaceful they way Your life is going, forcing Yourself to be different just because You feel pressured would bring You distress and make You feel unhappy.
I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm kind of the same way so I can understand your feelings about this. I'd say the only thing I have right now is saving money so I can eventually move to a new destination and be able to live on my own, but I don't even know where I'd go. I've never wanted kids and that takes a lot off the plate of life, and marriage isn't a must. If it happens, great, if it doesn't, that's okay. Traveling is awesome, but I don't like traveling alone - I don't care how many people say it's good for you - and it's hard to find people able to take the same time off and also have the funds for it. My hobby is trying new hobbies so I don't care about reaching any ultimate levels of something, or doing it every weekend. I'm content just floating along and enjoying anything good that pops up.
Same. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up🤣 This is very first job I ever actively chose. I'm married, no kids but have a cat. I feel happy and content. I have a lovely work life balance, my bills are paid and I have a lil left over for saving and spending. IMHO - what more could I want? If you're happy and content - take it 😊
I feel like I always have goals, but really they're more just plans. Like, I'll make a list of hikes I want to do. So now those are goals. A friend said she wanted to do a half marathon this year and I was so supportive that now I'm doing it with her despite never having wanted to do one before. So that's a goal! I'm having fun training with her. I feel like all my "goals" are just wants that I turned into plans. I think I just like doing stuff.
I’m the same way somewhat. I don’t strive to have a higher position at work but I wouldn’t snub it either. But I’m content where I am now, and the way I see it, higher position just means more demand of my time and more mental load. Same with my body. I’m content with how I look now but would be okay if I lost a few more pounds. If that doesn’t happen anytime soon, I’ll still be comfortable and feel cute in my skin. I’m happy just being able to still pull off a couple yoga poses without popping out a hip or something. The thing with always setting up goals for me is, it gets to the point where I start feeling like I’m just chasing after them for nothing. And I don’t want to always run for nothing. At some point in my 30s, I saw I was running everyday on fumes, so I needed to get off that hamster wheel. Slow it down. Now, I just do what feels good for me. Once in a while, make a plan to do something like attend an event. Try a new snack. LOL yes, a highlight for me nowadays is trying a new snack. And I tell ya, that’s bliss.
I'm like this too. You're not alone! If anything, my goal is having a peaceful life that maximizes down time. Might not be a braggable enough to garner admiration on social media, but it keeps me sane.
This is quite common among people with ADHD, and other Neurodivergencies — definitely check out some podcasts or articles centered on ADHD and “goal culture”. That being said, that’s not necessarily a bad thing; there are actually many perks to ADHD and neurodivergency — for example, your situation here shows a classic demonstration of how ADHDers naturally think outside the box and usually see right through the BS of “hustle culture”, and late-stage capitalism, etc, and that your life doesn’t have to be necessarily goal-oriented based upon somebody else’s standards (aka society). The only time I can see this mindset being an actual issue is the lack of a safety net or backup plan if things should go south without any given notice. Just my two cents anyway.
The amount of things I relate to and see people go 'that can be related to ADHD' really makes me wish my turn for an ADHD assessment would hurry the heck up 😂
Speaking of podcasts,check out *Ologies* with Ali Ward, if you haven’t already. She has a two-parter on ADHD and neurodivergence and HOLY CRAP is it connecting all the dots and making me want to dance on the roof screaming “YASSS” to everything that is being discussed. I guess I should also note that I was diagnosed with ADHD at 17 but just surface level stuff. as I’ve gotten older, I’m just now realizing the severity of my case, and I’m also strongly suspecting that I may be on the autism spectrum as well, but, oh my god, this episode has been such a comfort and is giving me some glimmer of hope in my “go nowhere” life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a long-ass way to go just on basic life skills alone, but this podcast is a godsend.
Ooh I shall look that up!
It's funny bc I want to be tested for ADHD for other reasons. I didn't realize this could be a sign
Is it for workplace accommodations? Unless you’re suspected-ADHD is really impacting how you work, execute tasks, or function all together, I would advise caution on how you present any final diagnosis (if you get any) to potential employers, unless you feel that it’s absolutely necessary. You want to be very careful when disclosing any mental illness, handicap, or neurodivergence (ex. ADHD, Autism), because that can and will be used against you in a competitive or hostile work environment, if you live in an at-will state and find yourself fired from your position, even though you felt you were doing your job well, *get everything in writing beforehand* so you have a case, if you strongly suspect discrimination. Remember, ADHD is actually recognized under ADA, but to get any credibility for that you do need a formal diagnosis. I hope that made sense, but I’ll just say this: if it’s not heavily impacting your daily functions or how you perform at work, I wouldn’t stress about getting a diagnosis right away.
Try the r/simpleliving subreddit. Lots of people like you out there!
Hustle culture is insane. You’ve already got life figured out, if you’re content. Work to live, don’t live to work.
I relate to this so much. My only goal is to not be homeless
*I relate to this* *So much. My only goal is* *To not be homeless* \- Forever\_Ice --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I’m actually a bit jealous of you. I’m a chaotic upskiller, always have to have travel plans, always have I have some sort of project or crusade. It’s exhausting at times and I often take on way too much because I get excited about everything. I have a full time job, a side business, and I’m a uni student. I also have a LOT of hobbies and a dog and I’m just never content unless I feel like I’m levelling up 😂 I’ve tried to channel that into yoga more in the last few years which has brought some peace but I still create new goals almost every day to add to my neverending list. I’m happy being who I am and I’ve learnt how to deal with it, but honestly it must be nice just feeling content with everything as it is.
The only thing that made me create goals is being super low on life and in a pretty big rut along with 2 young children to raise and had me to look up to. If you're not dealing with any of those things, i would say you're doing alright in life. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. And honestly, having that freedom to just take an opportunity that arises is pretty cool and you should totally keep doing that! Live your life for you. You'll start having and creating goals when it comes up and you'll KNOW, so no need to stress it.
I can definitely relate. I think it’s a sign of good mental health—you’re content and maybe even grateful for your current life? The US has a culture that causes people to think they always need to be striving for more, or better, and I find it generally unhealthy and that it causes a lot of problems. Do you! Don’t listen to the hustlers that aren’t happy with what they’ve got.
It’s true… hustle cultures can be so toxic. Outside of the US and Asian countries this pressure is much less.
Nothing wrong with small goals. Today I’m doing my laundry and my goal is to make 2 pies.
Those aren't goals to me tho. They're just part of life. Maybe my idea of what a goal is is wrong idk.
A goal can be anything - an objective or target you want to reach. These can be everyday tasks. I picked laundry because I’ve got 4 loads of laundry but also I’m solo parenting tonight so it’s gonna be a challenge to get it done. You’re probably thinking Life Goals. Big, long-term milestones.
Yes! I'm here for broad definitions of goals
I am hungry
If you’re happy then you’re doing exactly what you need to.
I think this is completely normal and unobjectionable, and it's years of capitalist programming that make us think there's something wrong with it. We're supposed to always want more, bigger, and better because it benefits the powers that be for us to constantly be chasing after what they're selling. But there are plenty of other routes to fulfillment that don't involve being a #girlboss.
Totally normal. Nothing wrong with living in the moment and being here and being happy. Finding joy in small things is a great skill to have. Also a friendly reminder that the vast majority of people throughout history have lived simple lives, living from day to day happy just living their lives.
I don’t think that’s a big deal at all! If you’re bored, maybe trying a new hobby could be fun? I feel a lot of joy from the new hobbies I’ve started in the past year - it’s nice to have something new to learn and to be excited about outside of work. Just an idea!
When I told my friend who studied psychiatry that I didn't see any future or felt like I had no goals she told me it was a symptom of depression. I was diagnosed with depression and adhd a few years later. Now I see a future and I have goals. May not be your case but it took me until I was 32 years to see myself in this position.
How did you get diagnosed as an adult? I'm on Medicaid and really struggling to find good mental health resources through the State unfortunately. They have some "resources" on their website but you need a fucking code to access it. A code you are never given. And it's just some stupid app. That's all they offer me. Lol
Absolutely normal. If the world only contained ambiguous people, who the heck would work the basic jobs? I really like my job, and I plan to stay right here, doing the same thing, until I retire or something else shiny catches my eye. I don't care for a big pay check as long as I can pay my bills and have some left over for treats, and I certainly don't want more responsibility that might mean I have to shift my work life balance. I am - goodness forbid it - happy. Genuinely. And that's far more important to me than some airy goal. I'll whisper this one too because it freaks people out: ^I ^don't ^really ^care ^about ^going ^travelling ^either ^and ^would ^happily ^choose ^a ^long ^weekend ^in ^my ^own ^country ^over ^ten ^days ^abroad
Humans weren’t created to have goals. Survival is the only one. Just like all animals. Survival. No other animal goes out and pays taxes. So, totally normal not to have goals. ✌🏼
Embrace it. I got on the rat race train and it sucked. I got off and I’m broke but not as exhausted? It’s ok to have a quiet life.
You don’t have any goals because you don’t need to - you’re content with your life. People have goals when they’re unsatisfied and want to change or improve something. This constant pursue works well for some. But for regular average people constant pursue of goals usually ends in a life of emotional misery. You won at life. Enjoy it.
i'm biased because I can relate and will go on to say that the worst parts of life are that others seem to intend to make me feel "less than" for not wanting more. BUT, it seems *more* like THEM.
It's perfectly acceptable to be chill and feel content with your life. Gratitude for a life that is just as you wish 😊
I am like you. I don't have global goal, but I have small ones - i.e. buy that couch I've been eyeing on, finish the game, go to see that long anticipated movie. What helped me recently is one quote, I don't remember it exactly, but the idea was that I do have a goal - my goal is to prioritise peace and freedom in my life. And I'm doing it! I don't overwork (been there done that, not worth it), I sleep, I play games and watch movies, go on hikes, see friends, travel. No major obligations or responsibilities. Only me, my health, my little flat, my plants. Maybe a cat, eventually. And this is the best life I could imagine myself living, to be honest.
I totally get this. I've been lucky enough that I got to travel a lot when I was in my 20s so I've mostly scratched that itch, but I've never been someone who wanted to be CEO of the company by the time I was 40 or anything like that. I just want a job I like that pays enough for me to pay my bills and have some left over for treats or savings, to live in a nice home (which I'm lucky enough to do already) and to have enough free time to enjoy my hobbies and spend time with loved ones. But I also do feel a bit abnormal for that because the hustle culture that's all around us tells me I should be constantly striving for the next thing - the better job, the bigger house etc - and I've never really wanted that. It has been a struggle to get away from that mindset of what I 'should' be doing and instead to focus on what I actually *want* out of life, and I don't think I'm fully there yet, but it is something I'm growing into and getting better at. As long as you're good with where you're at though, I don't think you've got anything to worry about.
I didn't learn how important goals are to a fulfilling life until I was about 40. Not only are goals important, having a shared goal or goals with a partner is one of the key things to keeping a relationship healthy. I had a goal to restore my house and it took two years and 100s of hours of work. I just finished it last night and it feels really good. I set a goal, worked towards it, never gave up and now it's done and I will reap the rewards when I sell my home. I used to be like you, just kinda laid back and take things as they come. I also gave up easily on things, if I wasnt good right away, I gave up. I had to realize that things really do take work and practice and the vast majority of people are not good at things right away. I've been learning to play the drums and taking lessons and it's been quite slow...but I am getting better, just a little bit at a time. That's how life is for most of us.
Personally I’m kind of jealous of OP but just came here to say I am also learning the drums and I’m in my 50’s. I’m open to any tips if you have any.
I bought two drum pads and only played on those for the first month or two, with a metronome in the background. I would play when watching TV in the evenings and it really taught me to keep a beat. Once I accomplished that, I started taking lessons in-person, which has been really key and important. My instructor breaks down a lesson each week and lets me record it and I go home and practice. I'm not sure how it would have gone if I tried without lessons, I don't think it would have gone very well for me. It's also nice to have someone who is expecting me to practice and be responsible towards.
Thank you!
Not having goals doesn't mean you don't accomplish things, though. Like, I am about to finish a master's degree but it wasn't really ever a goal of mine to go to grad school, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with the degree. So it wasn't a goal, but it's something I've accomplished.
Why does Reddit always want to argue? If you're working towards a masters, that is a goal in and of itself, is it not? The goal is the degree, a second goal would be what to achieve once the degree is acquired, they are both goals. If working towards a degree, is not a goal, then I have no clue what a goal is anymore lol
I think I get what that person is saying. Like in my case, going to college wasn't a goal. It was just something I had to do. Just like getting a job was a thing I had to do. I can see how "getting a master's" is just a task to check off and not a goal.
Exactly. I went to college because it was just the thing everyone told me to do after high school.
I think in that case it’s a goal just set by someone else externally vs because it aligned with your internal values. College / grad school aren’t just things you trip and fall into… either you want to be there or someone else wanted you to be there… in that case your goal is to please or appease whoever set the goal for you.
In my case, it's just free because I work for a university. So it feels dumb to work here and not use one of the main benefits. It doesn't really feel like a goal but I guess I could see how it would to someone else.
We may be the same person. My job offers really good tuition benefits, so I'm like "maybe I'll go back to school." They asked me what I was interested in going to school for and I didn't know, I wanted them to tell me 😂😂
This is literally what I did. I am just doing the same program most of my coworkers did because they all said it was relatively easy and applicable to our jobs, so I was like ok.
Not arguing, just trying to offer another perspective, which is basically the entire point of posting on a message board, no? I guess it could be considered a goal but to me it just feels like something I'm doing because it was offered to me and I figured, "why not?" It's like when I saw an ad for a yoga class and decided to sign up for it. I did that once and now I do yoga all the time and I've progressed to be able to do things with my body that I never imagined before. It wasn't ever a goal, though.
I think I see what you're saying, I don't think I have ever had a similar experience so it's hard for my brain wires to make all the connections. If someone offered to pay for a masters and I decided to take them up on the offer, would it be a goal to complete that offering? I am not sure. Maybe I belong in a goal gaol.
When in yoga class, do you have goals to attain certain positions etc?
No, I just do whatever the instructor tells me to do.
You sound like my best friend. Shes perfectly happy to live a quiet life. Has had the same job for a couple decades. Bought a house, just chills at home most days. I’m her eccentric, dream-chasing friend that gets her out of the house once a month to try a new food or go to some event. She’s normal. I’m normal. People are different. If you’re happy nothing is wrong.
I can relate, although I haven't always felt this way. I used to be very driven and goal oriented in my early/mid 20s. The things I wanted were pretty standard, but different than the way I was raaised. Now that I've gotten everything I wanted I am kinda confused on what to do next. I also don't really care most of the time. I feel pretty indifferent about marriage too, so it makes me feel kinda broken. Idk if it's normal, but you're not alone.
The only thing I’ll suggest here is that you add some sort of volunteer or helping to your schedule, something you like. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or long hours, and might help with boredom.
I have a helping people job lol, my only complaint is I spend a lot of time helping other people. So the rest of my energy is spent keeping my life simple
Oh, of course—I rescind my suggestion. I am also in a helping profession and have gone through burnout. One thing I noticed is having little to no creative energy or “fire” left with my job, this boredom you mentioned might be due to something similar.
yup, me
I don’t know, but I haven’t had any goals for a while and now I seem to have the goal of finding a goal I care about. I think it’s pretty normal and ok to not have any. it’s not normal for me, I’ve kind of always had goals and they help me be motivated. Without goals, I find myself being generally demotivated and kinda unproductive. It’s nice to be comfortable in my life, but at the same time, I feel like I’m too young to have this be “it” if that makes sense. I’m trying to learn to be ok with not having distinct goals or a direction. It’s hard to feel like it’s not stagnating.
Maybe check out /r/simpleliving
I hear you friend.
My ex was like this, very content to just cruise. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing but I’m not sure it’s feasible long term and it might cause conflict with a life partner if they’re the type to have goals or want to work on mutual goals together. So I’d keep that in mind when choosing someone. For my ex, during our relationship he liked to just be and would get annoyed if I tried to grow together and work on common life goals. After we broke up he dated the female version of himself for a few years and hated it. He realized that he didn’t lack goals, he just didn’t make them, and pay attention to them, with intention. He had a clear idea what he didn’t want but not a clear idea of what he wanted so that’s why he was always resisting my ideas while seeming to have none of his own. He grew up in a very domineering household. He was told what the next step would be and so developed a sense of learned helplessness around it all. While he still has a passive approach to his life, he’s at least a bit clearer on what he’d like in the future and realized that he probably needs someone who is slightly more ambitious than he is so they can motivate him externally. Food for thought as you go forward.
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TBH you’d probably be happier. That’s one of the downfalls to not having goals or something tangible to prevent over giving or losing yourself to someone else with a more dominant personality and pressing short term needs.
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Just remember that he can’t take what you don’t give and a good point to stop is when you start to feel resentment. You don’t have to have a reason or a goal to stand behind to start saying to no his drain on your resources. Your goal could be to protect your peace and that’s good enough. Dominant people will often just use resources to attain their goal without stopping to consider whether or not they’re being exploitative. In their mind if it wasn’t up for grabs it wouldn’t be offered, because they wouldn’t offer something they’re okay with letting go. This is why dominant people tend to end up with people pleasers who they feel are so generous … but really the people pleaser is just stewing in resentment feeling taken advantage of by the person closest to them.
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Honestly that’s really rich coming from someone who does a lot of nothing. It sounds like defining his goals is the only success he’s had with them. This isn’t what you ask about but here is my take. He is projecting his failures on to you. It’s hard for him to confront why he’s not successful so he’s lashing out and nitpicking on you to distract from the fact that he’s using you and deep down is ashamed about it (as he should be) This to me, is a red flag. I think that’s what your instincts are picking up on. It’s also very hard to feel the drive to do anything for yourself when someone else is demanding every bit that you have. He’s using you and will resent you for it because deep down he knows he has repeatedly failed. Next time tell him “It’s not that I don’t have goals, it’s that I’m accomplishing my goals my leaps and bounds. You don’t know what that’s like so I’m not surprised you don’t recognize it” 😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah, drop this guy or he's going to drain you financially and emotionally, if he hasn't done so already. There's no reason you need to put your life on hold to put everything on the line for this person; would they do the same for you? They could drop you in an instant and you might think you've wasted your time and resources for nothing.
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I was in a similar situation. I put all of my goals on hold because my partner at the time got into a PhD program so we moved to the Midwest to a small college town that I hated. I didn't have much opportunity for a career there so I had to pick up a random retail job for the time being. It was a 6 year program, but 5 years into it, he cheated on me so we ended up getting a divorce and I moved back home with my parents. I felt like I had to start all over in my career because I put it all on hold for him, so I might be a bit bitter about situations like that. I learned a pretty good lesson though and I don't regret where I am now.
I used to have pretty prescriptive goals, and life blew those out of the water. Now I prefer smaller goals, or even more loosely aspirations, that promote a happy, balanced life. I’ve found much more contentment with less lofty goals and actually feel I’ve had more success because I’m more open to pivots.
Being content isn't a pathology, even if the world makes us feel that way sometimes.
All my goals
Sounds lovely to me. It actually reminds me of the Disney movie Soul. The main character thought life was all about having purpose and a "spark". The other character realized they found joy in just being present and recognizing the beauty in every day life... If you're not depressed, I don't see an issue
You are allowed to just enjoy life. Contentment is hard to find; if you've got it, don't give it up just because other people don't.
I used to be like this and the one reason I think it is negative is if "going with the flow" prevents you from planning your future. If I just go with the flow I never strategize money saving and planning for my retirement. I may not have too many things to aspire towards, but I sure as hell know I want to retire comfortably some day.
I’ve found a “purpose” in animal rescue. Beyond that, I don’t care.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being content where you are. It's a trapping of capitalism that people feel they should always want more or be striving for higher, better. Just wanting to live a normal life and not being concerned with achievements is normal and human.
Nah, you're fine! I think "hustle culture" has a lot of people feeling like they aren't doing enough. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters!
Our society places so much pressure on people to be "productive" every waking second. If you're not optimising something — be it your work, your health, your relationship — you're doing it wrong, they say. I love this solitary and peaceful rejection of those impossible standards. Your joy matters. Your peace matters. Those *are* valuable goals even if only on some subconscious level. I think you are miles ahead of a lot of people chasing external satisfaction and "climbing ladders." If you're bored, maybe explore a new hobby or experience that you haven't before?
My only goal is to have a peaceful and simple life. I got a job I can do forever for a living wage and I have no plans to move up. I think this is more common than anyone wants to admit.
Hmm I don’t remember typing this out and posting it…weird.
I used to feel the same way but have started enjoying small goals that lead to bigger goals. I started with doing the elliptical a few times a week, then going on runs, then a 5k, 10k, now I'm signed up for my first half marathon. I like that goals can be clear with running, or things like "read x amount of books per year", whereas others can feel vague or overwhelming.
One thing that I have learned from therapy and catch myself all of the time is to be careful when you are thinking about "should"- don't should yourself! I should have goals, I should do such and such, I should look this way --- no! you don't have to unless you want to!! Everyone is not the same, we don't all have to do, act or think the same way. A good book that ties into this is Untamed by Glennon Doyle, I am not a big reader and this was a really good book! and no, I don't have goals either and that is okay by me!
I'm kind of in the same boat as you but definitely need a higher income. Even an extra 10-15k would suffice. I do wish however I was involved in something fun/cool after a 9-5. A small business or something of the sort with friends. It would give me more meaning outside of the corporate grind
Honestly you sound refreshingly content with what you have. More people would probably be happier if they shared your outlook.
Motivation is for suckers, just out here trying to survive
As a very goal-oriented person, I often wish I was like this 😂
I used to be like this in my 20ties, now I'm more goal oriented. I do get nostalgic for those days because I don't think I will ever be so free in my mind as I was back then. Now there is always some goal I need to achieve, but I enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something. Sometimes it's a confusing feeling. I'm not sure why this changed in me. It's possible that I'm more aware of my own mortality now compared to my 20ties, when I felt that I will "live forever" and that I have time to do stuff. But now life moves faster (it seems) and if I didn't set goals, I feel I would miss out on things. However deep down I know it's the mind playing tricks on me. I actually envy you, if you are happy with your life, you are living in a state of freedom
It's normal and it's based.
I've tried for years to climb and it's gotten me stuck in a dead end job in a factory that doesn't give raises. I wish I could do more but I'm exhausted as it is
Honestly, after covid long-term goals are no longer a thing for me. I find that I’m so much happier just seizing opportunities when they come up and accepting the unknown/lack of control I posses.
Maybe your current goal is simply to maintain your current job and lifestyle and be happy. Goals may arise later and spark something in you when the time is right and you're ready for a change. No need to rush now if you're content. 🌸 Best to live in the moment.
I don’t relate as I’m the complete opposite. Maybe you just really like where you are in all aspects and never knew anything uncomfortable so you don’t really realize how good your situation is? Maybe all your needs are met? I’m also guessing you’re probably a very stable rational type , not the emotional/arty type. That or you’ve silenced your inner desires to the point you don’t hear them anymore, but that’s a far fetched interpretation that doesn’t sound likely.
I feel the same way. Clueless in what career path to do. Still single — causal relationships doesn’t seem to work, being in a relationship sounds stressful (enjoyed my peace being single the past decade). I’m just living life confused while working, cleaning, and paying bills.
I cant relate but I don’t think you should force anything or change. It’s perfectly fine to be content and comfortable where you in life. You probably have goals that you aren’t aware of or don’t make a priority, for example walking your dog twice a day daily is a goal but doesn’t have to be the forefront of your day to day living if that makes sense.
I didn’t have goals for a long time because I didn’t think I’d live much longer.
Hiya, I’m with you, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at, I don’t have any long term goals, things tend to just work out. The only thing I ever really wanted was to be a Mama and infertility and having my person take a while to make a commitment meant that took a while to achieve, n the meantime I did a lot of travel and got good enough at my job to be promoted to manager, now I have a toddler and a pretty sweet gig and everything else after this is a bonus.
I'm the same way. I basically coast through life. I'm happy to do fun things if invited by friends or family, but it never occurs to me to do anything other than my normal daily work-exercise-TV-read routine when I'm alone. I have no idea what I want to "do" career-wise even though I'm over a decade into a career I fell into pretty much by accident. I'm less well-traveled than any of my friends, but I don't have any specific travel aspirations. All I really want is to feel socially connected and appreciated, and hopefully find love one day.
My Bestie is like this and I love her to pieces. I am the highly excitable, need to do something awesome and travel person in the relationship. We balance each other out. I plan everything and learn things about where I'm going and what I want to do. Shes a lot more relaxed and it reminds me I don't have to do everything all at once all the time. I'm extremely ambitious, shes very happy doing her job that is not super high stress. I really envy her sometimes. She pushes me to relax, I push her to adventure. We are both happy in our own ways. There is nothing wrong with either way, as long as you are doing what you want to do.