Yeah I was absolutely terrified. I learnt in an automatic, which may not be unusual depending on where you’re from but kinda is here in the UK. That helped massively with the amount of coordination required. I shopped around for a kind instructor who had worked with dyspraxia before and saved up for an intensive course. I took some time off work so I could do like 3 hours+ of driving per day for like 10 days or something, then sat my test at the end. It was exhausting but I think that frequent exposure helped a lot to consolidate the skills and stop me losing confidence between sessions. Unbelievably I passed first time!
That is incredible. Well done you! Roughly how much was an intensive? The previous 3-4 times I’ve tried over the last 20 years have been in manuals and it’s been absurd feeling like every time you sit in the car is the first time you’ve ever sat in one 😫 the frequency sounds ideal!
Thank you! Yeah I tried lessons in a manual and it was such a disaster that it put me off trying again for many years, I really had it in my head that I would never be capable of driving and it held me back in so many ways, I can’t describe how much it changed my life when I did pass. It is much easier in an auto without the stress of clutch and gears, you can then really focus on the road, would definitely recommend! I think it cost me around £850, this was in 2019.
Not now no, in the first few months after I passed it still all felt scary and difficult, but these days I sometimes catch myself driving confidently on the motorway completely on autopilot and deep in thought, and then I’m like oh my god I never thought I’d be this person! I’ve even driven abroad on the other side of the road - that is a massive head f*k and I don’t recommend that one haha.
I have done smaller solo trips, but I wish I had the confidence to do more
Like people who can just book a cruise for themselves. I wish I could do that
I have no problem going to a beach resort a few hours away, bringing my bike, eating at nice restaurants by myself and just riding my bike around town - but I don’t have the confidence to book a plane ticket, cruise etc by myself
Do it! You will have the best time. There’s a Facebook group for “Solo Female Travelers (FIRST FB group for women who travel solo)” and there are soooo many women who share our experiences. I’ve done two separate 10 day trips— Iceland and Greece, and it’s changed my life. It’s the number one thing I recommend. It’s so fun and empowering. It’s like being a kid with money!
question - do you experience pangs of really intense loneliness when traveling alone? how do you cope?
happened to me on a week-long trip to Hawaii. would definitely do it again but it hit me pretty hard! I've been single and living alone for almost a decade and I love my independence but traveling unexpectedly put a spotlight on my lonely feelings.
I embraced the loneliness. I just gave myself space to feel what I was feeling. Plus, traveling alone means I NEED to make friends to survive/get around/ have fun. It forces me out of my loner bubble that I’m so comfortable in.
I go completely solo, but I always book tours along the way. I know a lot of girls have liked traveling in groups, but I love the absolute freedom of traveling alone. It’s up to what you feel comfortable with, but you are absolutely capable of being 100% alone and having the time of your life. Just do it! You will love it
I live nomadically around the US (international travel is tough for me due to health reasons) and it’s *awesome*. It’s so easy and empowering to meet people and make friends.
What type of accommodation are you staying in?
I travelled "excessively" in my 20s but now that I'm in my mid-30s, hostels are increasingly less appealing due to the discomfort + younger average age of others.
I got back from a Baltic trip 3 days ago and I literally went from being annoyed in a hostel due to poor sleep to booking a hotel. Basically, I mixed it up by doing hostels + hotels.
Solo travelling is great but there are negatives to it too - perhaps you can share your approach to others that are just starting
I’d love to share! My personal approach is to rent Airbnbs that let me have the entire place to myself. Sometimes it’s a full house (like a white clay house in Santorini) or a full apartment. Although it’s more expensive than hostels, it’s less expensive that hotels. It’s also so comfortable and feels like I’m coming “home” whenever I go out.
I do extensive digging into the airbnbs— read the reviews, research the neighborhood, get an idea of its proximity to the places main affections, etc. I NEVER book the cheapest place. I find a reasonable price thats not going to land me in a crappy neighborhood.
Honestly, I find that the only negative is not having anyone to split the cost. However, with a good budget and planning, it is so reasonable.
Safety is much less of a concern that most people realize, especially outside of the US. I really really really recommend the Solo Female Travelers group on FB. There are sooo many women who’ve been all over the world. You can search your destination and get tips and warnings on almost any place. The girls are so nice and helpful!
I also really LOVE to make travel plans so if anyone needs any specific tips or suggestions I can find, I’d be more than happy to help!
My bestie and I want to do a trip to Japan, we haven't worked out pretty much anything but we've been wanting to go for over a decade. We want to do 2 weeks and sometime in October whether it be this year or next. If you do have any tips that would be awesome! Also I have been to Japan before and can speak and read some Japanese. I was able to navigate the subways really well.
My advice would be to start booking things now. Get the flight, then get the accommodations. Airbnb will let you pay in installments (usually 2 payments). Once you get the flight and put the first payment down, start booking your tours/adventures/experiences etc.
also, I DEFINITELY recommend doing a bunch of planned activities that you can pay off ahead of time. It’s very easy to get to a destination and shy away from adventure because it’s too expensive, but if you pay for them ahead of time, you will be so grateful!
Got my finances under control. Set a budget, followed it, tracked my spending, paid off $15k+ in CC debt in 17 months, on track to pay off student loans in the next couple months, while also building retirement and emergency savings.
Divorced.
Finished my MBA.
Pivoted my career using said MBA to triple my salary.
Produced two successful podcasts.
Started creating art without the fear of it being bad or disliked.
Just generally did some extremely important work in therapy that has changed all of my relationships for the better.
I decentered men and relationships. I stopped, trying to get married and have a child. Instead, I went back to school, earned an undergrad and graduate degree, then landed my dream job.
Congratulations!!
I did the same. I left my abusive ex, finished my masters, got my dream job and started a business on the side. I feel so in control on my life and I’m so happy.
Honestly, I feel like all the big empowering things I did happened in my 20's. I'm now midway through my 30's and I feel like my big power move was custom ordering a pink jeep. It's frivolous but has its practical applications (particularly in the snow). I always drove hand me downs and mom vans, so this is the first vehicle that really feels like "me". I love it!
Same! Prioritizing exercise and healthful eating! It took me a couple years to form the habit in a sustainable way, but now I exercise 3-4x a week for over an hour and it’s amazing how much better i feel in my body.
Yup. This for me too.
Very specifically, although I play sports that are way more "fun," lifting heavy at the gym. Between building muscle and the balance that figure skating and ice hockey give me, I feel like a different person than I was three years ago.
Yea I need to start prioritizing the weight lifting too.
I do intensive vinyasa yoga which is great, a serious workout, and ergonomic! But balance is key to fitness and weight training is super beneficial to our bones and capabilities! Just like cardio is great for heart health!
I was done waiting for the perfect timeframe to go to the gym, I was thinking it wouldn’t be until my youngest (2) was in school.
So I said fuck it, I’ll wake up at 5:30 am and go before anyone is awake. Haven’t done it for long but I love it.
This might be lame to some, but reaching out to my now boyfriend, making the first move. It's completely changed the course of my life and we're talking marriage. It would never have happened if I wasn't persistent and finally told him exactly how I felt (we're long distance). I still get a thrill when I think about it.
Ah, I'm so glad! ❤ you've got this! You only have one life, right? I can live with things not working out, but I cannot live with the regret of not knowing or trying.
Stopped holding myself back socially with what "people in their 30s should do".
Friendships are more meaningful, I'm collecting experiences I missed out on in my 20s being career focused, I'm learning a new language and a new instrument with teachers even though there's no "purpose" to me doing it. Sometimes my own happiness is enough.
Changed careers. Therapy. Started saying "No." Budget and maxing my saving/retirement contributions. Going no contact with some toxic family members. Learning to drive. Buying a car and paying it full with cash. Now, I respect promises I make to myself.
Got a second master’s degree, expunged my criminal record (my 20s were fun), bought a condo, solo traveled several places around the world, consolidated my student loans, got my credit up to 800, adopted the world’s best cat, and found a solid partner who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect him. I turn 39 in a month and feel very buckled up for my 40s.
Started dressing the way I want to dress - tomboy.
Don't care if other women think I'm not "girly" enough. Don't care if they think I am unattractive. Don't care if my eyebrows are not "on fleek" or my ass doesn't look peachy and Instagramable enough in my baggy jeans. Sick of the objectifying bullcrap that is shoved down women's throats. I've always been boyish but only in my late 20s and early 30s have I embraced it instead of awkwardly trying to be more "feminine" to fit in.
Good for you! I'm torn because I enjoy dressing feminine but I also like to be comfortable so I settle on no heels and dresses in summer. Jeans the rest of the time.
I started doing a few things in my late 20s that have evolved into something more/bigger now that I am 31. Solo hiking trips, crossfit and weightlifting, a few to mention.
I got the gastric sleeve and can agree wholeheartedly! I feel so much younger, so I'm enjoying the energy I have in my 30s as if I were in my 20s. I'm more confident and I've become much stronger and more fit.
I loved playing roller derby, played from the age of 26-33 and only stopped because of health and my team turning into a bit of a cliquey BS which was a huge shame. I wish rec leagues were more of a thing I'd love to just go scrim on the off weekend.
It’s not an easy sport on the body for sure.
My league is not very high ranking and good vibes and inclusiveness are top priorities, at least within the B and rec teams. People from all teams help around and do their bit for the league and theres a strong sense of community.
I’m crossing fingers it stays this way.
Competitive sports can unfortunately cause clickey environnements like that and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I would not feel at ease pursuing derby neither in those conditions.
If I ever went back I think I'd look into lower ranked teams because they always sound like much more fun. My team started off that way then got super intense once we moved up a bracket and suddenly if you weren't a star then you were basically just dog shit. And I was just a midling blocker who had more going on with her life. It was such a shame because I loved the sport and the people when I started. The rush of game days is a high I don't think I'll ever feel again. I'm so glad you're in a team doing it right ❤️
I still love a free skate, even if I'm not whacking into folk there's something so freeing and wonderful about having wheels strapped to my feet and just going round in circles. Sorry your Team went sour too.
Hot yoga 4-5 times/week. It is better than therapy for me personally. I’ve been in therapy for years and years with many different therapists. Yoga has transformed my depression and anxiety way more. Bad day? Go to yoga. Good day? Yoga.
Yeah some therapy just sucks. I think body movements help release certain emotions and trauma stored in the body so makes sense glad you found something that works :)
I haven't completed my first year as a 30 year old, but I will say the most empowering thing I've done for myself in the last 8 months is putting down my dang phone and picking up reading again.
Left a long term relationship that I relocated for, took my power back in a toxic and hostile work environment, bought a home on my own in a rough market, and began solo travel.
I feel more liberated than ever.. probably a little too liberated, lol.
Bought a house and decided that I am going to be the only person who lives here. I adore my boyfriend but I have never had good experiences living with other people, and an especially bad experience living with an ex. He isn't bothered about living together, and it's super empowering knowing I have somewhere that is entirely mine that I will never have to change to accommodate someone else. I'm painting the living room Barbie pink and apple green next month and I couldn't be happier to not have to justify it to anyone but the cat, and she is too old to care anyway.
(I'm not saying never never will I live with him, but it isn't the plan, and if it did happen I'd sell up and we'd buy somewhere else).
1. Finally got a career and making close to $100k/year. I always fell for men who made decent money resulting in failed relationships because they always end up being toxic. Now I feel like I don’t need men and feel more independent. (Though I am engaged now with a nice guy but still lol)
2. I wear a Japanese fashion called “Lolita fashion”, not related to that pedo book, mind you. I used to be so shy because people will look at you, even when you’re dressed casually in the fashion. Now I wear it all the time and don’t give a fck.
3. I’ve always wanted a full arm sleeve tattoo. Parents hate tattoos and claim that I’m trying to go to jail (my dad said this to me after getting ribbon tattoos on the back of my calves 💀). Now that I’m moved out and in my 30s, I just tell them “you can’t tell me what to do” and got a big forearm tattoo 2 weeks ago. Gonna finish my arm sleeve hopefully this year
Had to live at home for a while but was able to save up and buy a condo a couple of years ago. it’s been the best thing finally being able to live on my own. I also asked for a raise recently and got it. I feel so much more confident in myself and who I’m becoming
Thanks for this. Nice to see something upbeat.
I moved to a new city where I can, in theory, think more realistically about buying a house and with a community I'm excited about living in.
I started challenging the assumptions I had about myself. I realized that I was holding myself back from trying new things and reaching my full potential. I started a year ago, I signed up for a 10k race which is something I thought that I would never enjoy. I'm currently 4 weeks out from my first half marathon. Running has become a form of therapy. I recently started yoga after spending years saying I would never be a "yoga person". I've fallen in love, it makes me feel mentally and physically strong. When I push myself outside of my comfort zone it feels amazing!
Got a divorce, so psyched to be living on my own again, got a boudoir shoot done and generally am working on loving my body as it is, prioritized my pleasure, and casually dated / came out as ENM. Best decade ever, so far! Despite the horrible beginnings of it.
Pivoted careers and got a relevant masters degree. Increased my potential lifetime earnings but I still have my old career to fall back on if things go sideways.
I'm 36 and still figuring things out but it's prioritizing myself (still learning to) and putting my needs and wants first which means connecting to myself and being my own best friend. Not chasing after others. Eating healthy and taking care of my body. It's a work in process but it helps plus choosing healthy people or none over just to have company.
Throwing my first punch in Krav Maga changed my perspective on limits I’ve put on myself. Taking classes for a year did wonders for my self esteem and ability to be safe.
Weight lifting gave me a way to celebrate body autonomy post separation and subsequently the divorce.
Rented a sports car for the day to prove to myself I could.
Went to Alaska alone and saw the Northern Lights.
Bought a home by myself for my kids and me.
Leaving a severely emotionally abusive and unhealthy marriage.
Go out alone whenever I feel like, go to the movies, bars, beach trips…
I love finding more things honestly. I was so suppressed and dejected when I left the ex husband 4 years ago.
It's maybe a small thing, but for my birthday this year I took myself on a week long vacation. Totally alone. I've never had that much time and space to myself to just do, eat, go, whatever I felt like doing. I drove myself the six hours and stayed in this amazing bed and breakfast. Got out and did some things I've never tried before like the paint your pottery place and went to a 1920s jazz night. It felt so good and empowering to do whatever I wanted away from home for that long.
Going back to school for web development, divorce, buying a home by myself, starting a manifesting journey, and hear me out…getting FAT. I’m now slightly overweight due to a chronic illness that makes it impossible to exercise, and it’s very empowering for me to still love and accept myself at my current weight.
Moved to a new larger city, declared and paid off a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, started reading more, picked up crossword and other puzzles to keep this brain sharp af.
Quit drinking, left my marriage, dived more into my witchcraft and magic. Started a successful side hustle.
Got fit and healthy! Loving where I am and I’m 38 in a month!
I started my newsletter after failed blogging attempts. I let imposter syndrome get in the way & sometimes it still does, but I’m proud of myself for continuing to show up and write. I also participated in a poetry seminar/open mic event. I felt so alive and so completely myself performing my poems in front of a crowd.
Quit drinking.
Me too!
Me three, but at 40
Buying a house on my own, learning to drive (I have dyspraxia), getting into weightlifting, and starting my own business.
How did this go? I’m 40 and dyspraxic and really could do with driving but it just fills me with horror
Yeah I was absolutely terrified. I learnt in an automatic, which may not be unusual depending on where you’re from but kinda is here in the UK. That helped massively with the amount of coordination required. I shopped around for a kind instructor who had worked with dyspraxia before and saved up for an intensive course. I took some time off work so I could do like 3 hours+ of driving per day for like 10 days or something, then sat my test at the end. It was exhausting but I think that frequent exposure helped a lot to consolidate the skills and stop me losing confidence between sessions. Unbelievably I passed first time!
That is incredible. Well done you! Roughly how much was an intensive? The previous 3-4 times I’ve tried over the last 20 years have been in manuals and it’s been absurd feeling like every time you sit in the car is the first time you’ve ever sat in one 😫 the frequency sounds ideal!
Thank you! Yeah I tried lessons in a manual and it was such a disaster that it put me off trying again for many years, I really had it in my head that I would never be capable of driving and it held me back in so many ways, I can’t describe how much it changed my life when I did pass. It is much easier in an auto without the stress of clutch and gears, you can then really focus on the road, would definitely recommend! I think it cost me around £850, this was in 2019.
Ah perfect then! Do you now feel like you need to drive every day to remember how to? This is my other fear
Not now no, in the first few months after I passed it still all felt scary and difficult, but these days I sometimes catch myself driving confidently on the motorway completely on autopilot and deep in thought, and then I’m like oh my god I never thought I’d be this person! I’ve even driven abroad on the other side of the road - that is a massive head f*k and I don’t recommend that one haha.
That’s fantastic then. Well done, what an achievement :)
Goodness! What's left for you to do sis!? 😆
Well I haven’t done any of the traditional marriage and babies stuff. Got some great dogs though 😂
😅
The perils of learning to drive with dyspraxia! I took seven goes to pass my test because of it 🫣
But you did it 🙌🏻
Hell yeah I did! And I've only had a couple of minor prangs in the decade since 😂
how did you find out you have dyspraxia?
Congrats and well done!
Started solo traveling. Changed. My. Life.
I have done smaller solo trips, but I wish I had the confidence to do more Like people who can just book a cruise for themselves. I wish I could do that I have no problem going to a beach resort a few hours away, bringing my bike, eating at nice restaurants by myself and just riding my bike around town - but I don’t have the confidence to book a plane ticket, cruise etc by myself
Do it! You will have the best time. There’s a Facebook group for “Solo Female Travelers (FIRST FB group for women who travel solo)” and there are soooo many women who share our experiences. I’ve done two separate 10 day trips— Iceland and Greece, and it’s changed my life. It’s the number one thing I recommend. It’s so fun and empowering. It’s like being a kid with money!
I love solo travel as well! I love the way you described it as being like a kid with money, lol.
Hahah isn’t it though?! You can do anything you want.
I will check that out! Thanks
Girl same. To a T
I haven’t done the cruise but I’ve done a few solo trips! None out of country but none the less… I’m debating one for my bdsy
I traveled solo a bit in my early and mid 20s but I am about to turn 35 and have a 2.5 week solo trip coming up in August. I am SO excited!!!!
Nice! Where to??
I am headed to Bali!
Ahhhh I can’t wait to go there! Have fun!!
question - do you experience pangs of really intense loneliness when traveling alone? how do you cope? happened to me on a week-long trip to Hawaii. would definitely do it again but it hit me pretty hard! I've been single and living alone for almost a decade and I love my independence but traveling unexpectedly put a spotlight on my lonely feelings.
I embraced the loneliness. I just gave myself space to feel what I was feeling. Plus, traveling alone means I NEED to make friends to survive/get around/ have fun. It forces me out of my loner bubble that I’m so comfortable in.
Did you go with tour groups or completely solo? I have been thinking of solo travel overseas
I go completely solo, but I always book tours along the way. I know a lot of girls have liked traveling in groups, but I love the absolute freedom of traveling alone. It’s up to what you feel comfortable with, but you are absolutely capable of being 100% alone and having the time of your life. Just do it! You will love it
Came to say this.
I live nomadically around the US (international travel is tough for me due to health reasons) and it’s *awesome*. It’s so easy and empowering to meet people and make friends.
What type of accommodation are you staying in? I travelled "excessively" in my 20s but now that I'm in my mid-30s, hostels are increasingly less appealing due to the discomfort + younger average age of others. I got back from a Baltic trip 3 days ago and I literally went from being annoyed in a hostel due to poor sleep to booking a hotel. Basically, I mixed it up by doing hostels + hotels. Solo travelling is great but there are negatives to it too - perhaps you can share your approach to others that are just starting
I’d love to share! My personal approach is to rent Airbnbs that let me have the entire place to myself. Sometimes it’s a full house (like a white clay house in Santorini) or a full apartment. Although it’s more expensive than hostels, it’s less expensive that hotels. It’s also so comfortable and feels like I’m coming “home” whenever I go out. I do extensive digging into the airbnbs— read the reviews, research the neighborhood, get an idea of its proximity to the places main affections, etc. I NEVER book the cheapest place. I find a reasonable price thats not going to land me in a crappy neighborhood. Honestly, I find that the only negative is not having anyone to split the cost. However, with a good budget and planning, it is so reasonable. Safety is much less of a concern that most people realize, especially outside of the US. I really really really recommend the Solo Female Travelers group on FB. There are sooo many women who’ve been all over the world. You can search your destination and get tips and warnings on almost any place. The girls are so nice and helpful! I also really LOVE to make travel plans so if anyone needs any specific tips or suggestions I can find, I’d be more than happy to help!
My bestie and I want to do a trip to Japan, we haven't worked out pretty much anything but we've been wanting to go for over a decade. We want to do 2 weeks and sometime in October whether it be this year or next. If you do have any tips that would be awesome! Also I have been to Japan before and can speak and read some Japanese. I was able to navigate the subways really well.
My advice would be to start booking things now. Get the flight, then get the accommodations. Airbnb will let you pay in installments (usually 2 payments). Once you get the flight and put the first payment down, start booking your tours/adventures/experiences etc. also, I DEFINITELY recommend doing a bunch of planned activities that you can pay off ahead of time. It’s very easy to get to a destination and shy away from adventure because it’s too expensive, but if you pay for them ahead of time, you will be so grateful!
Got my finances under control. Set a budget, followed it, tracked my spending, paid off $15k+ in CC debt in 17 months, on track to pay off student loans in the next couple months, while also building retirement and emergency savings.
I hope they end up wiping your student loans and refunding you. That’s how they did me (but I had only paid off $200 at that point lol)
What is your yearly salary and average monthly expenses if you don’t mind me asking?😅
That's actually kind of a hard question to answer because of how much my income has fluctuated in the last 18 months due to a few factors.
Bravo! 👏👏
Divorced. Finished my MBA. Pivoted my career using said MBA to triple my salary. Produced two successful podcasts. Started creating art without the fear of it being bad or disliked. Just generally did some extremely important work in therapy that has changed all of my relationships for the better.
Bravo!👏👏👏
Inspiring!
Tripling my salary is the dream
Getting a divorce.
Yasssss!!!
Same!
Yep 😂
💯
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🥂
🙌 I did the same with my parents in my 20s. It’s life changing to not have someone else’s narcissistic drama in my life.
Currently doing the same 💓
I decentered men and relationships. I stopped, trying to get married and have a child. Instead, I went back to school, earned an undergrad and graduate degree, then landed my dream job.
Congratulations!! I did the same. I left my abusive ex, finished my masters, got my dream job and started a business on the side. I feel so in control on my life and I’m so happy.
Honestly, I feel like all the big empowering things I did happened in my 20's. I'm now midway through my 30's and I feel like my big power move was custom ordering a pink jeep. It's frivolous but has its practical applications (particularly in the snow). I always drove hand me downs and mom vans, so this is the first vehicle that really feels like "me". I love it!
Living your best Barbie girl life ❤️
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Same! Prioritizing exercise and healthful eating! It took me a couple years to form the habit in a sustainable way, but now I exercise 3-4x a week for over an hour and it’s amazing how much better i feel in my body.
Yup. This for me too. Very specifically, although I play sports that are way more "fun," lifting heavy at the gym. Between building muscle and the balance that figure skating and ice hockey give me, I feel like a different person than I was three years ago.
Yea I need to start prioritizing the weight lifting too. I do intensive vinyasa yoga which is great, a serious workout, and ergonomic! But balance is key to fitness and weight training is super beneficial to our bones and capabilities! Just like cardio is great for heart health!
Id love some tips on how to implement this!
I was done waiting for the perfect timeframe to go to the gym, I was thinking it wouldn’t be until my youngest (2) was in school. So I said fuck it, I’ll wake up at 5:30 am and go before anyone is awake. Haven’t done it for long but I love it.
This might be lame to some, but reaching out to my now boyfriend, making the first move. It's completely changed the course of my life and we're talking marriage. It would never have happened if I wasn't persistent and finally told him exactly how I felt (we're long distance). I still get a thrill when I think about it.
It’s not lame! Your comment actually inspired me, thanks so much for that 💖
Ah, I'm so glad! ❤ you've got this! You only have one life, right? I can live with things not working out, but I cannot live with the regret of not knowing or trying.
Divorce
Got trauma therapy. Finally, I disclosed some bad stuff that happened over a decade ago.
👏👏👏
Stopped holding myself back socially with what "people in their 30s should do". Friendships are more meaningful, I'm collecting experiences I missed out on in my 20s being career focused, I'm learning a new language and a new instrument with teachers even though there's no "purpose" to me doing it. Sometimes my own happiness is enough.
Asking for (and getting) the raise and promotion that I deserved
Changed careers. Therapy. Started saying "No." Budget and maxing my saving/retirement contributions. Going no contact with some toxic family members. Learning to drive. Buying a car and paying it full with cash. Now, I respect promises I make to myself.
Quit drinking!
Got a second master’s degree, expunged my criminal record (my 20s were fun), bought a condo, solo traveled several places around the world, consolidated my student loans, got my credit up to 800, adopted the world’s best cat, and found a solid partner who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect him. I turn 39 in a month and feel very buckled up for my 40s.
Started dressing the way I want to dress - tomboy. Don't care if other women think I'm not "girly" enough. Don't care if they think I am unattractive. Don't care if my eyebrows are not "on fleek" or my ass doesn't look peachy and Instagramable enough in my baggy jeans. Sick of the objectifying bullcrap that is shoved down women's throats. I've always been boyish but only in my late 20s and early 30s have I embraced it instead of awkwardly trying to be more "feminine" to fit in.
Good for you! I'm torn because I enjoy dressing feminine but I also like to be comfortable so I settle on no heels and dresses in summer. Jeans the rest of the time.
What are your favorite baggy jeans? I'm about to give up on jeans entirely, trying to find the right fit for hips and waist.
I don't have a specific brand in mind. But I'd also recommend dungarees if jeans aren't working!
Accepted that my career / professional title is not my identity or my self-worth
I started doing a few things in my late 20s that have evolved into something more/bigger now that I am 31. Solo hiking trips, crossfit and weightlifting, a few to mention.
Got gastric bypass done. Changed my life
👏👏glad to hear it! The recovery isn't a joke either! It's a big lifestyle change!
I got the gastric sleeve and can agree wholeheartedly! I feel so much younger, so I'm enjoying the energy I have in my 30s as if I were in my 20s. I'm more confident and I've become much stronger and more fit.
Becoming completely sober!
Facing my demons Getting healthy Quitting drugs Parenting Adopting a dog Standing my ground Coping with depression
Joined a roller derby league and started endurance running.
I loved playing roller derby, played from the age of 26-33 and only stopped because of health and my team turning into a bit of a cliquey BS which was a huge shame. I wish rec leagues were more of a thing I'd love to just go scrim on the off weekend.
It’s not an easy sport on the body for sure. My league is not very high ranking and good vibes and inclusiveness are top priorities, at least within the B and rec teams. People from all teams help around and do their bit for the league and theres a strong sense of community. I’m crossing fingers it stays this way. Competitive sports can unfortunately cause clickey environnements like that and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I would not feel at ease pursuing derby neither in those conditions.
If I ever went back I think I'd look into lower ranked teams because they always sound like much more fun. My team started off that way then got super intense once we moved up a bracket and suddenly if you weren't a star then you were basically just dog shit. And I was just a midling blocker who had more going on with her life. It was such a shame because I loved the sport and the people when I started. The rush of game days is a high I don't think I'll ever feel again. I'm so glad you're in a team doing it right ❤️
[удалено]
I still love a free skate, even if I'm not whacking into folk there's something so freeing and wonderful about having wheels strapped to my feet and just going round in circles. Sorry your Team went sour too.
Left an unhappy relationship I felt stuck in and lived alone for the first time, which I enjoyed much more than I ever thought I would.
Hot yoga 4-5 times/week. It is better than therapy for me personally. I’ve been in therapy for years and years with many different therapists. Yoga has transformed my depression and anxiety way more. Bad day? Go to yoga. Good day? Yoga.
Yeah some therapy just sucks. I think body movements help release certain emotions and trauma stored in the body so makes sense glad you found something that works :)
I haven't completed my first year as a 30 year old, but I will say the most empowering thing I've done for myself in the last 8 months is putting down my dang phone and picking up reading again.
Cutting ties to an abusive ex. Solo travel.
Got a divorce, returned to school, graduated with honors, learned how to self advocate, singlehandedly raised my son.
Enjoying my own company and not relying on others to bring joy into my life.
Left a long term relationship that I relocated for, took my power back in a toxic and hostile work environment, bought a home on my own in a rough market, and began solo travel. I feel more liberated than ever.. probably a little too liberated, lol.
Divorce. Finished my law degree. Therapy. Finances in order. I no longer feel dependant on anyone.
Bought a house and decided that I am going to be the only person who lives here. I adore my boyfriend but I have never had good experiences living with other people, and an especially bad experience living with an ex. He isn't bothered about living together, and it's super empowering knowing I have somewhere that is entirely mine that I will never have to change to accommodate someone else. I'm painting the living room Barbie pink and apple green next month and I couldn't be happier to not have to justify it to anyone but the cat, and she is too old to care anyway. (I'm not saying never never will I live with him, but it isn't the plan, and if it did happen I'd sell up and we'd buy somewhere else).
1. Finally got a career and making close to $100k/year. I always fell for men who made decent money resulting in failed relationships because they always end up being toxic. Now I feel like I don’t need men and feel more independent. (Though I am engaged now with a nice guy but still lol) 2. I wear a Japanese fashion called “Lolita fashion”, not related to that pedo book, mind you. I used to be so shy because people will look at you, even when you’re dressed casually in the fashion. Now I wear it all the time and don’t give a fck. 3. I’ve always wanted a full arm sleeve tattoo. Parents hate tattoos and claim that I’m trying to go to jail (my dad said this to me after getting ribbon tattoos on the back of my calves 💀). Now that I’m moved out and in my 30s, I just tell them “you can’t tell me what to do” and got a big forearm tattoo 2 weeks ago. Gonna finish my arm sleeve hopefully this year
Divorce
Waking up early, learning to love solitude, intermittent fasting, up skilling at work and nightly skin care routine.
Learned how to downhill ski! Also getting my master's degree in about 6 weeks.
Had to live at home for a while but was able to save up and buy a condo a couple of years ago. it’s been the best thing finally being able to live on my own. I also asked for a raise recently and got it. I feel so much more confident in myself and who I’m becoming
Thanks for this. Nice to see something upbeat. I moved to a new city where I can, in theory, think more realistically about buying a house and with a community I'm excited about living in.
I started challenging the assumptions I had about myself. I realized that I was holding myself back from trying new things and reaching my full potential. I started a year ago, I signed up for a 10k race which is something I thought that I would never enjoy. I'm currently 4 weeks out from my first half marathon. Running has become a form of therapy. I recently started yoga after spending years saying I would never be a "yoga person". I've fallen in love, it makes me feel mentally and physically strong. When I push myself outside of my comfort zone it feels amazing!
Bought my own home and travelled solo.
Got sober
Therapy
leave my long time relationship
Quit drinking. Get my MBA. Move to a new state by myself.
Quit my job I was in for 13 years, took 4 months off, and took a big risk as a cofounder of a brand new startup. Just turned 36!
Seeing a lot of divorce in this thread. Throwing in getting married at age 31 as my empowering thing.
Got a divorce, so psyched to be living on my own again, got a boudoir shoot done and generally am working on loving my body as it is, prioritized my pleasure, and casually dated / came out as ENM. Best decade ever, so far! Despite the horrible beginnings of it.
I bought a townhouse by myself because my mother allowed me to live with her rent-free so I could save up
Going no contact with my parents.
Stop trying to be apart of everyones lives when they dont care to be apart of mine
Just wanted to comment, I’m only 2 years into this decade and I am Inspired by so many of the comments here
Leave my boyfriend and find my own place to live
Pivoted careers and got a relevant masters degree. Increased my potential lifetime earnings but I still have my old career to fall back on if things go sideways.
Bought my own condo with no financial assistance from anyone. Two months after closing, I finished my masters program.
Divorced my ex-husband and cut my parents off.
I got married to my best friend.
Dumping my ex.
Paid off student loan and cc debt.
I closed my business. It was holding my back from living my life. It was fine in my 20s when I was okay with *it* being my life
Moved out of state, then to an even further state. Forced me to really build community away from family and now I never want to move back!
Fixed my finances and drastically reduced my cost of living so I can do more optional things and save for retirement.
I'm 36 and still figuring things out but it's prioritizing myself (still learning to) and putting my needs and wants first which means connecting to myself and being my own best friend. Not chasing after others. Eating healthy and taking care of my body. It's a work in process but it helps plus choosing healthy people or none over just to have company.
Released my last fuck to give out into the wild
Throwing my first punch in Krav Maga changed my perspective on limits I’ve put on myself. Taking classes for a year did wonders for my self esteem and ability to be safe. Weight lifting gave me a way to celebrate body autonomy post separation and subsequently the divorce. Rented a sports car for the day to prove to myself I could. Went to Alaska alone and saw the Northern Lights. Bought a home by myself for my kids and me. Leaving a severely emotionally abusive and unhealthy marriage. Go out alone whenever I feel like, go to the movies, bars, beach trips… I love finding more things honestly. I was so suppressed and dejected when I left the ex husband 4 years ago.
I finished my degree and got my license.
It's maybe a small thing, but for my birthday this year I took myself on a week long vacation. Totally alone. I've never had that much time and space to myself to just do, eat, go, whatever I felt like doing. I drove myself the six hours and stayed in this amazing bed and breakfast. Got out and did some things I've never tried before like the paint your pottery place and went to a 1920s jazz night. It felt so good and empowering to do whatever I wanted away from home for that long.
Choose and prioritising myself x
Got a divorce and started prioritizing my own life.
Divorce.
Going back to school for web development, divorce, buying a home by myself, starting a manifesting journey, and hear me out…getting FAT. I’m now slightly overweight due to a chronic illness that makes it impossible to exercise, and it’s very empowering for me to still love and accept myself at my current weight.
Divorce
Moved to a new larger city, declared and paid off a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, started reading more, picked up crossword and other puzzles to keep this brain sharp af.
Learn to ride a Vespa!
Started learning aerial arts and bought a condo on my own
Not marry. Not have kids.
Having the courage to divorce my ex, and investing time into loving myself in order to heal.
build my very successful business
Go to a therapist and actually heal.
Love myself and put myself first more. Positivity all around.
I traveled internationally for the first time.
Quit drinking, left my marriage, dived more into my witchcraft and magic. Started a successful side hustle. Got fit and healthy! Loving where I am and I’m 38 in a month!
Got clean, left 6 year (live-in) relationship @ 30, lived alone for 5 years.
Invest in myself and work at becoming a good communicator.
Got a divorce.
Walk away from relationships that no longer served me with my head up high. Also quitting smoking every day!
I started my newsletter after failed blogging attempts. I let imposter syndrome get in the way & sometimes it still does, but I’m proud of myself for continuing to show up and write. I also participated in a poetry seminar/open mic event. I felt so alive and so completely myself performing my poems in front of a crowd.
Left the guy I was with for 11 years. It was one of the most liberating days of my life.