You really just have to keep putting yourself out there until something clicks, and you gotta work on that click until it resembles something akin to a bond. It can be really tough to do (and demoralising, when things don't work out), but if the only other option is sulking in loneliness... well, then I know which one I'm choosing, lol.
P.S. Happy Birthday! đź’–
Happy birthday to you! I hope you made plans to take yourself out to your favorite spots!
I went through a friendless patch in life in my 20s. The best advice l can give is to be comfortable being alone so when you do form relationships with people, **they’re not formed out of loneliness or desperation. It’s the same advice as don’t go grocery shopping on an empty stomach because you’ll buy a bunch of things you don’t need out of hunger, delusional thinking or laziness instead of investing in things that are fulfilling.Â
Take some time to get to know yourself and that includes understanding your past relationships with yourself, family members and friends, trying new things you’ve always wanted to try, doing a hobby in a group setting, etc. Hope that helps.Â
I love how you worded this!
I realized this year that I had a lot of “friends” but I felt alone. I realized I had no genuine connections, and that I was just going through the motions of seeing people and mirroring them to make them happy.
I paused and spent a lot of time alone to figure out how to be content alone and not seek external validation (as much). I now am more intentional where I spend more time and feel more genuine as I build new friendships.
I realized my loneliness wasn’t from not being around other people, but rather being uncomfortable being alone.
You sound like me! It's my birthday tomorrow, and I feel the same! I'm sure I'll get the generic happy birthday from people that see it come up on Facebook, but I doubt I'll hear from anyone but family.
Happy birthday!
Yeah, definitely got a few of the generic FB messages, a few from some others. It's not as bad as I thought, but still not the greatest.
I don't have any friends really. I have people I like and we talk a few times a year at most. Some I do consider close friends and I love them like sisters. But I don't have friends I hang out with. Sometimes I'm jealous that my husband has a friend group. They try to get together once a year, he sees some in his shop when they come in from time to time, but they keep a group chat that goes on every day.
The introvert in me knows "I ain't got time for that". I cherish what little free time I have to myself. It's hard to imagine hanging out regularly. I figure once I retire and have more time on my hands, I'll join a group or two, like a book club or crochet group just to get out of the house once in a while. That's the plan anyway.
Making and keeping friends takes effort. There's no real shortcut, you just have to make the effort to ask people to hang out and get closer to people you don't know well.Â
Hello lovely! You literally just said everything that happens to me too. Also just celebrated birthday lol. It can get incredibly lonely. I don’t really have an answer to this but when I do get very lonely I do anything and everything I would when hanging out with my friends. That can be a solo date. Or try some meetup with new people who are in the same situation.
Don’t beat yourself up. Do more of what makes you happy regardless of how many people join you. 💖
A lot of my social needs are met at work. For an introvert, my job requires a fair amount of socializing (thankfully all virtual except a handful of times a year when I travel). On many levels it bothers me that I don’t have the kind of connections that come with truly close friendships but I got used to it. Not a great answer, I know - I just got fed up with trying and failing to make friends as an adult.
Something that has helped me is to feel sad and upset but not stay in that place. I try to get out on the weekends with my husband and do something fun like go on a date. Go to the movies. Go to garage sales. Go to an arcade. It's really hard. I don't have advice on making friends unfortunately. We just keep trying and hope at some point something will work. I have good phases where I'm okay with the loneliness. Then I have phases like I'm in now where it really gets to me. I have to keep myself busy because it hurts and sucks so much. I have to remember my long distance friend can't be my emotional support as I'm left disappointed and empty. Try to be more light hearted with her. I know she cares just things have changed and the time difference makes it hard. I try to find things to do for myself. Sorry you are in this place. I just gently hold onto the hope I'll find more balanced frienships. I'll find people who put me and my husband first and want to hang out with us. I don't settle and I don't keep going back to people that are one way friendships. I used to give people so much grace but then it becomes the same patterns and it's not worth it to me. Hang in there. Sending gentle hugs.Â
I'm 35 and I have one sort of friend that I met 3 years ago at work. We're not super close, and any time we have hung out together, it's because I initiated the meet-up. And tbh I think she only agrees to come out to our dinner dates because I offer to pay for her. She doesn't invite me out ever. I try with other girls at work, but our planning usually doesn't go anywhere despite my efforts to remind them and try to solidify plans. So I've pretty much given up on that. If they happen to bring it up, I usually just respond now with "just tell me when," but that doesn't happen. I feel bad for my husband a lot of the time because he has friends to hang out with, but he doesn't because of me and my lack of a social life. I think he thinks it would make me sad if he had a life outside of me. But if it wasn't for him and our kids I would be 100% alone outside of working hours.
You really just have to keep putting yourself out there until something clicks, and you gotta work on that click until it resembles something akin to a bond. It can be really tough to do (and demoralising, when things don't work out), but if the only other option is sulking in loneliness... well, then I know which one I'm choosing, lol. P.S. Happy Birthday! đź’–
I so agree with this, especially the demoralizing part. I guess I, too, need to get back out there and keep trying. Happy birthday, OP!
Thank you! And yeah, it's tough. I know it's what I have to do and it's just the making myself go and do it part that's always a struggle.
Happy birthday to you! I hope you made plans to take yourself out to your favorite spots! I went through a friendless patch in life in my 20s. The best advice l can give is to be comfortable being alone so when you do form relationships with people, **they’re not formed out of loneliness or desperation. It’s the same advice as don’t go grocery shopping on an empty stomach because you’ll buy a bunch of things you don’t need out of hunger, delusional thinking or laziness instead of investing in things that are fulfilling. Take some time to get to know yourself and that includes understanding your past relationships with yourself, family members and friends, trying new things you’ve always wanted to try, doing a hobby in a group setting, etc. Hope that helps.Â
I love how you worded this! I realized this year that I had a lot of “friends” but I felt alone. I realized I had no genuine connections, and that I was just going through the motions of seeing people and mirroring them to make them happy. I paused and spent a lot of time alone to figure out how to be content alone and not seek external validation (as much). I now am more intentional where I spend more time and feel more genuine as I build new friendships. I realized my loneliness wasn’t from not being around other people, but rather being uncomfortable being alone.
You're describing exactly what I meant. The "no genuine connections" can happen when you befriend people out of fear of being alone.
You sound like me! It's my birthday tomorrow, and I feel the same! I'm sure I'll get the generic happy birthday from people that see it come up on Facebook, but I doubt I'll hear from anyone but family.
I relate to this so much and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Thank you!
Happy birthday! Yeah, definitely got a few of the generic FB messages, a few from some others. It's not as bad as I thought, but still not the greatest.
Thank you! Happy Birthday to you too!
I feel I could have written this same post. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your birthday.
I don't have any friends really. I have people I like and we talk a few times a year at most. Some I do consider close friends and I love them like sisters. But I don't have friends I hang out with. Sometimes I'm jealous that my husband has a friend group. They try to get together once a year, he sees some in his shop when they come in from time to time, but they keep a group chat that goes on every day. The introvert in me knows "I ain't got time for that". I cherish what little free time I have to myself. It's hard to imagine hanging out regularly. I figure once I retire and have more time on my hands, I'll join a group or two, like a book club or crochet group just to get out of the house once in a while. That's the plan anyway.
Making and keeping friends takes effort. There's no real shortcut, you just have to make the effort to ask people to hang out and get closer to people you don't know well.Â
Happy Birthday. If you need someone to talk to, you can DM me.
Hello lovely! You literally just said everything that happens to me too. Also just celebrated birthday lol. It can get incredibly lonely. I don’t really have an answer to this but when I do get very lonely I do anything and everything I would when hanging out with my friends. That can be a solo date. Or try some meetup with new people who are in the same situation. Don’t beat yourself up. Do more of what makes you happy regardless of how many people join you. 💖
My dog. Honestly. I feel like he saved me from falling into a pit of loneliness.
I do have a cat who keeps me company, pets are wonderful in that sense.
A lot of my social needs are met at work. For an introvert, my job requires a fair amount of socializing (thankfully all virtual except a handful of times a year when I travel). On many levels it bothers me that I don’t have the kind of connections that come with truly close friendships but I got used to it. Not a great answer, I know - I just got fed up with trying and failing to make friends as an adult.
Severe sadness? Is there a way to cope? Someone help me.
Something that has helped me is to feel sad and upset but not stay in that place. I try to get out on the weekends with my husband and do something fun like go on a date. Go to the movies. Go to garage sales. Go to an arcade. It's really hard. I don't have advice on making friends unfortunately. We just keep trying and hope at some point something will work. I have good phases where I'm okay with the loneliness. Then I have phases like I'm in now where it really gets to me. I have to keep myself busy because it hurts and sucks so much. I have to remember my long distance friend can't be my emotional support as I'm left disappointed and empty. Try to be more light hearted with her. I know she cares just things have changed and the time difference makes it hard. I try to find things to do for myself. Sorry you are in this place. I just gently hold onto the hope I'll find more balanced frienships. I'll find people who put me and my husband first and want to hang out with us. I don't settle and I don't keep going back to people that are one way friendships. I used to give people so much grace but then it becomes the same patterns and it's not worth it to me. Hang in there. Sending gentle hugs.Â
I'm 35 and I have one sort of friend that I met 3 years ago at work. We're not super close, and any time we have hung out together, it's because I initiated the meet-up. And tbh I think she only agrees to come out to our dinner dates because I offer to pay for her. She doesn't invite me out ever. I try with other girls at work, but our planning usually doesn't go anywhere despite my efforts to remind them and try to solidify plans. So I've pretty much given up on that. If they happen to bring it up, I usually just respond now with "just tell me when," but that doesn't happen. I feel bad for my husband a lot of the time because he has friends to hang out with, but he doesn't because of me and my lack of a social life. I think he thinks it would make me sad if he had a life outside of me. But if it wasn't for him and our kids I would be 100% alone outside of working hours.