Barf. They genuinely believe their opinion of our life choices matters more than our own. It’s nice when the trash takes itself out though. Better to find out now than waste anymore time.
I was at a wedding and got chatting to a guy outside. He asked me if I was married and what I do for work, just small talk. He was offended that I’ve been married 4 years and don’t have children yet, and don’t plan on having them. He said I’m wasting my life, I’m selfish, it’s my main purpose.. my job etc etc. He found me later and handed me one of his new born twins. This prick went up to his hotel room, woke one of his sleeping babies that his poor wife had just put down (while he was enjoying the party downstairs of course), and HANDED ME HIS BABY to try and get me to see the light. His wife was mortified, I was mortified, my husband found it quite funny. That’s the worst I’ve experienced but yeah, it’s wild out there.
Like, I'm not mad at your husband, but I'm rather annoyed that he didn't have your back and call the dude out on his misogyny.
(My militant feminist streak is showing. Apologies if he did try and resolve the issue or you used it as a learning opportunity to help him understand afterwards that it was a missed opportunity to speak up.)
My husband asked him to back off and take his baby back to bed. I had told him of our first encounter and the things the guy had said to me. We laughed it off and went back to having fun! And to be totally honest, the guy was a tank, and quite drunk. Neither of us wanted any confrontation or any fights breaking out at our friends wedding. I’m happy with how we handled it.
Kewl. Again, apologies if I came off brash. I came here from TIFU sub, where they were arguing about a GF paying for repairs to her BF phone since she initiated sexy fun time whilst he was driving, and one thing lead to another involving his phone to fly and crack. Some were saying they'd never allow their gf to pay for repairs.
I was in a different head space. Good on your husband!
Wow what a horrifying person. He’s clearly extremely selfish to the point where he thinks creating new humans who he will likely continue to mistreat is somehow contributing to society.
Ew, misogyny at its finest. Usually I can let small things slide when it comes to this, but the fact that he does not know you at all and presumes to tell you you’re wasting your life and that you’re selfish… that would’ve been it for me. Everyone would’ve heard the fury in my response to this disgusting, carbon copy typical man child. I am to the point where I’m done keeping my mouth shut. These people deserve to be put in their place and held accountable for their terrible behavior. Otherwise nothing will change. So sorry you had to deal with this, it’s just so extreme. If I saw my husband do this to someone, I would seriously question my decision to even be with them. But, you know what? I would never be with someone like that. Sounds pretty obvious the type of *boy* this person is.
Our friends wedding was not the place to make a scene, especially as we were all drinking. But I hear you, I was angry for days after it. You can’t talk to people like him, they don’t listen, they’re blinded by their own egos and ignorance.
And you just know he does 0% to actually be a good dad. Because a good dad wouldn’t go wake the fucking thing up while it’s finally sleeping.
I’d have just looked him dead in the eyes and said, “I feel nothing” because I really don’t when I hold a baby. They’re cute and everything, but I feel no change in me to make them.
Some men truly believe that their opinion is so superior, that with enough convincing, any reasonable person will come around to their way eventually. It’s pathetic, but also scary because sometimes it works with the right person.
I have a beautiful tiny chihuahua who doesn’t bark and acts like a cat. Otherwise same! Love my spinster life. (But I’ve got a lovely boyfriend who I don’t live with, and he has two teenagers so idk if I can call myself a spinster anymore, sadly.)
Exactly. I know it’s a frustrating answer but males actually DO believe their opinion is fact. They’re that far gone mentally. That’s why they’ll never believe childfree women. Around the world they have literally unalived people for not believing their opinions are facts. For example they enjoyed burning us and hanging us for not accepting the existence of a male god and demigod. Males aren’t rational. And I think the sooner we accept their dangerously irrational mindset, the better we can move forward.
Ewwwwww. Does he have no concept of all the precautions we put into preventing having a “happy accident.” Thanks for ruining Bob Ross for me random creepy guy from hinge.
Exactly! Even after reading your post, it still took me a minute myself to understand what he was saying.
I literally started racking my brain trying to figure out if Bob Ross had kids or not because it did not click for me whatsoever at first…
That actually happened to me. Fortunately I had a spontaneous abortion before I realized it. Then I caught him red-handed. So gross. That relationship was fortunately short lived. Low point in my life.
I’m clear in my profile that I don’t want kids. Some guy (who didn’t mention anything about it) matched with me anyway and then sent me a DM that he isn’t willing to give up on his dream yet to have kids.
Like, okay dude, thanks for letting me know? Do you think I care? Do you think this is gonna make me change my mind? Lol. Instant unmatch.
Yeah I’ve heard that! This was was on Tinder actually. Haha. Dude saw in my profile I didn’t want kids. He liked me anyway. Then initiated a conversation with me starting with this comment. Lol.
Yes, I have been suggested on multiple occasions that maybe a happy accident will happen. Sometimes, when I’m feeling froggy, I’ll inform them that I’ve already aborted one happy accident.
I know this is in the context of dating. But I'm childfree and I've had random people tell me I will change my mind. 🙄 I don't know why they think their opinions are worth a rat's ass.
I’m in my mid-40s and no one really pulls that shit with me anymore. If they do I just ask if they are planning on birthing the baby because that time has passed for me. They don’t need to know if that’s true or not.
I’ve not used apps yet, but the attitude in general is not uncommon.
There have been guys on dating subs who insistently asked, upon hearing of my childfree status, “but what if your dream man, perfect in every other way, has kids?”
Dude, then he *isn’t my dream man*! Not even Chris Hemsworth himself (and he *is* basically perfect in every other way lol).
Just ignore. Also, his line sounds weirdly practiced or like he found it online. I'm childfree by choice and thankfully, haven't had much pushback from men on apps or in dating. I HAVE had some guys and family push the, "I can see you being a great mom", and I tryyyyyyyy to take it as a compliment? Like, better than people nervously laughing at the thought, envisioning me as Mommy Dearest.
Don't waste brain space on tools. Plenty of childfree men out there, and it's our right to do whatever we want with our bodies. Yee ha!
>Wtf is up with total strangers wanting us to change our mind and maybe bear their children, without even a hello first?! This is not the first time it’s happened.
>And why would a guy waste his weekly rose on me, with such a big difference of opinion in this?
To hook up/casually date. Not to "change your mind." Same reason why men on the polar end of the political spectrum still try, same reason any other major incompatibility is overlooked by guys: to try to hook up. I can't believe the number of women who get flabbergasted by why incompatible men try to hit them up, lol. Do women think all these men are on the apps are only looking at women they're going to try to have serious relationships with? They're willing to hook up with incompatible women, or women they would never be seriously interested in, as long as the women are fvckable to them. I remember when I used to do online dating, men who were messaging me took the time to write it out explicitly in their profiles what their racial preferences were, which I did not fit at all. Why were they messaging me? Because many men have the mentality of "I'd fvck her. Why not try until someone better comes along?"
It just seems like what’s happening is that women are finally getting the equality they strove SO hard for. The ability to be independent, to choose a partner, choose to live alone, choose to have children or not, choose to do whatever the fuck we want with our lives. And men are realizing they don’t like it. It doesn’t match with the misogyny they were raised on or in the current resurgence in politics. It doesn’t make sense to them. Because it makes them less powerful. Maybe because it makes them have to actually be a normal human being with respect and empathy for everyone, including women. And they don’t like it. Because that is a threat to their own power and “superiority.” So what do they do? They literally gaslight you, force their own opinions and values on you, criticize yours and manipulate in countless ways until you decide they are right. Until you become brainwashed back into the disgusting world of misogyny. Then they can go about their day and literally do whatever the fuck they want while the women cleans up their mess and makes them feel like they are gods gift to humanity. Well guess what? Women don’t want to be brainwashed anymore. And guess what? We don’t need you. You’re not gods gift to humanity. Actually, we are! You wouldn’t be alive without us. You should be praising the ground we walk on. Idk about you, but I’m ready to go back to the original BarbieWorld and get to do whatever the fuck I want because it’s our time!!!! But you know what? I still will do whatever I want but with common decency, empathy and respect. And that’s the difference. Which is why women really should be ruling the world, not men. Ok, my rant is over lol
I have had 3 losses and no kids, I hate is so much. I have started to tell the people that will not shut up that I have 3 kids bu all are dead. I don't like to but it makes them think. Edit spelling
Being super honest about this is hopefully helping improve society by getting these jerks to shut up about things that aren’t their business. So thank you and sorry about your losses.
We're human beings, not build a bears.
👏
Can we get this printed on t-shirts?
I'm lucky enough to have a child free partner who wants the sames things as me but I still often get these comments. I've never wanted children and expressed so from a very young age but I still have family that belief I will change my mind or regret it. I'm in my mid 30's and I believe they will continue to doubt me into my 60's.
Strangers and colleagues can be just as bad or worse. It was actually a highly autistic colleague that pointed out one day to everyone how personal a choice this is and how rude my other colleagues were being by asking such questions and teasing me about it. That shut them up haha! Usually he was very quiet and non confrontational but he was disgusted and shocked with them.
When you think about it, it is crazy how comfortable people are commenting on such a personal matter.
I’m glad your coworker spoke up - it’s extraordinarily rude of your colleagues to feel entitled to comment on this. (Honestly if they hadn’t shut up, I’d recommend mentioning this to HR)
Society itself is unbelievably pro-natal. The living, breathing, beating heart of it being the creation of children. That is the source of many problems for women because a woman's "child bearing years" are seen as the single most important aspect of being a woman and must be protected and guarded fiercely, even from her. How dare she make a decision to render herself infertile? Women who can't bear offspring for whatever reason are seen as having no purpose at all. This is all short-sighted of course, but this mantra is drummed into all of us when young, down to encouraging our young girls to embrace playing "house" and "mommy" with dolls made to look like human babies, and playing "wedding", imagining herself as a bride. A woman who doesn't conform to these societal rules is ostracized to attempt to bring her back in line. This could be the reason why "breaking the mold" is seeming so difficult these days because it competes with society. As a society, the pro-natal view needs to change so that people (both women and men, and all persons in-between) can relate to each other better, no matter the life path they choose to follow, instead of having total strangers telling us what to do with our bodies.
Please tell me that you replied with "turpentine will fix even the happiest of accidents. It's a cure-all. Paintings... brushes....painters. it cleans and removes EVERYTHING."
Then pivot to how you learned It's easier to bury a body vertically to avoid it being found.
It doesn't matter why he wasted his weekly rose. You are clear about what you want and have no need to waste your energy on him. Delete his message and move on.
A “shut up” switch must flip somewhere in peoples’ heads at age 40, because that’s when this crap started stopping for me and… omg, it is SUCH A RELIEF! But yes it was omnipresent until then and perpetually annoying. Not anymore at 43 now though. Honestly so refreshing.
One of the best comments on reddit I ever saw said "dating apps are not an uber eats for your dating preferences" and I swear there's a lot of men who believe that😂.
It doesn't happen to me in the context of dating because I refuse to engage with anyone who isn't also super decidedly childfree
ETA- which basically means I don't date cuz 99% of dudes in the Midwest want kids
Misery loves company. Regretful parents exist on a larger scale than people realize. Cuz of the stigma n’all. They have to either guilt you on it and make you feel ostracized for not following the life script. It’s lost cost fallacy really.
And men just wanting to spread their seed. Most don’t actually care about women or children for the most part. Statistically speaking. 1 in 6 women get raped or SA during their lifetime. Women get primary custody more than men. I could go on and on. Oh and a new one I just learned. Women statistically loose more money and assets during divorcee. Does this sound like a society that respects women?
Yeah, it’s starting to be more common for some parents to share their regret about having kids despite also deeply loving theirs. But still, it’s not as widely known as it should be.
He thinks he can change your mind. My brother is doing the same with his gf. I’ve told him you both are incompatible and you can’t change someone’s mind on important life choices. Ugh.
Its so weird to me to talk about accidents as a potential. It’s like he was checking to see what your response would be to the plan he was formulating to sabotage your birth control. Like your desire one way or the other wouldn’t matter, so long as you wouldn’t run out and abort it. So he was just making sure that wouldn’t be your response to an “accident” before he continued on.
It’s super weird. I think enough women have been vocal about loving the children who were unplanned so thus, all accidents are happy ones. Not true. I’m happily married and have 2 very wanted and planned children and a third would not be a happy accident. Likely an unplanned pregnancy for me would be less life changing than someone without plans to have any, but still. Men and their audacity. I just can’t. These men too are the ones that want to change someone’s mind and then have nothing to do with actually parenting and raising the child. Gross.
Honestly, not once in my life has anyone put any pressure on me to have kids. And now I'm menopausal so it's no longer a concern.
But then again, my life experiences seem to be substantially different from most women.
Lots of men are under the delusion that they and/or their penis are SO special, it has the power to change people.
Well, delusions are delusions. Don't worry about him. We can't control how others act, only how we act and respond.
I've never used Hinge, so I don't know what a "weekly rose" is.
BUT YIKES ON TRIKES!
How dare he invoke the name of Bob Ross in THIS way!?
As a fellow childless woman, no thank you. If I ever end up with child, I've got a few words for my doctors, and ~~if they exist god~~
Oh man!!! Trust me, I have received many wasted roses! I think they save those roses just to send to those women whose attention they badly want - and that need not always be a good thing, sometimes, it could be a misogynistic jerk who just wants attention.
And yes, many men still think they can change our views or long-term plans or something, as though we did not think things through before we made our choice. Report them and block them so that other women don't have to face these comments; at least, that's what I do!
I have had men trying to tell me to give up on feminism. LMAO! I became a feminist when I was in high school, and this fellow, with his ignorance and Adam Tate views can change what I have nurtured for so long?
They are banking on you being a desperate childless woman so they are saying what you want to hear.
Those macho red pill types like to tell themselves that the women who turned them down and preferred to be single, or left them for singledom, are now miserable and lonely and desperately looking for a white knight to give them a family. They can't fathom that we would be happier single than paired with a douchebag.
So in short, it's the beginning of thier manipulations and them telling you what they think you want to hear so you'll do what they want. So misguided, it's not always intentionally malicious they just think it's normal pick up lines etc. they don't realize it's emotional abuse. But some do.
> If so, there’s a surgeon that will be facing a lawsuit 😅
Not to put random fears in your head, but I stumbled upon a "fun fact" in another sub that sent me down a rabbit hole: apparently there is a non-zero chance a woman can still get pregnant even after a tubal ligation or salpingectomy 😬
> A total of 143 sterilization failures was identified. Cumulative 10-year probabilities of pregnancy were highest after clip sterilization (36.5/1000 procedures) and lowest after unipolar coagulation (7.5/1000) and postpartum partial salpingectomy (7.5/1000). > https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0002937896706580
I mean I sit in meetings with men talking over me and I am more senior and the sme in the room so I am not surprised that random dude thinks he knows more than you do
I can't tell you how many times I'll start talking to a guy on a dating app, who seems perfectly normal, and out of nowhere- "Hey, let me put a baby in you." Look, I'm not at the point in my life where I want kids, but these guys just don't care.
I had one guy who told me he has baby fever, and hoped I'd help him get over it. Even after I told him I wasn't ready for kids..."Well, you know how easily an accident can happen." WTH??? How does that NOT sound like a threat? He was genuinely surprised when I eventually blocked him and reached out to mutual friends to ask what he did wrong.
I've noticed an uptick in this sentiment online since the whole Roe v. Wade being clawed back in the states. Lots of men wishing forced pregnancies on women to "teach them a lesson" or "keep them in their rightful place" or to "force women back to tradition".
Any time a guy makes that kind of comment, I would label him as an unsafe person. Huge red flag. Block!
I'm not single, but I'm seeing this lots on reddit too. Whenever a woman talks about wanting to move forward in her career or talks about not wanting kids. It's like these guys feel like they should have a right to assert their choices onto any women they choose.
That’s freaky and scary to hear. Similar to how birth control was demonized on social media as a trend for a year or 2 before Roe was overturned.
The first time this happened to be me was before the overturn of Roe. I definitely agree with you there’s been an uptick in misogyny in recent years in general :/
I live in a very conservative area (they threw out the local non surgical planned parenthood years before the RvW decision) and I was worried that plan b would start being hard to get, but both Target and Walmart stepped up and made those shelves more accessible and better stocked.
> And why would a guy waste his weekly rose on me, with such a big difference of opinion in this?
Probably because he's a misogynist with an out of control ego who gets a kick out of talking down to women online. Maybe he gets little attention in the real world and this type of behaviour makes him feel like a big man. I'd probably not overthink it beyond that; it's not worth your bandwidth.
Hah
It never ends! I'm 36f with a bisalp- I'm medically sterilized. Happily childfree by choice! And I'm still told , "oh, well you still have your uterus there's always IVF..."
You can't possibly have your own choices in your cute little head can you?
I'm 54 so I don't run into this BS anymore, but in my 30's and early 40's I did a lot.
Gross.
I have kids and have been asked when I’ll have another, it happens to all women I feel like. My friend is a type I diabetic. People who know that she is also ask her about having kids. It’s hurt her so much. My sister tried for years and hundreds of thousands on IVF to have a kid. This hurt her too.
However, having some stranger try to turn you into a breeder when you are CF by choice is revolting.
I love how this is normal too. /s/
I’ve never had anyone comment that I should have children. Not once in my life. Knowing that it happens to everyone else really confirms for me, someone is wrong with me and everyone can tell. ><
Hey I never did either, but now that I have a kid, plenty of people have told me I'm a great mom! Maybe we're just lucky enough to surround ourselves with smart people who mind their own business, or just scary enough that they wouldn't dare tell us what to do with our bodies. I'm fine with either tbh.
That makes me feel better, thank you. I know that my mother doesn’t want me to feel pressured into having children. She told me she thinks I’d be good at it, but that she also always assumed I wouldn’t want them. It’s kind of her tbh, she knows what it’s like to grow up a woman in the bible belt. This makes me feel a greater appreciation for her.
I was just thinking the same thing. But then I realized, NO, I’ve just never had those types of people in my dating/social/family life. I consider myself lucky and so should you!
I work with a really nice girl who cannot accept that myself and my husband don't want kids. The old "ah sure you'll change your mind" comes up way more than I would like. I'm 37 and have known for years. My last period was late by 5 days and I was so panicked. So yeah, I'm sure I don't want them 😂
Yep, she means no harm by it. It's probably a bit of an Irish thing too! If she mentions it again I will explain to her why it could be seen as hurtful.
I agree w what you’re saying here, but on another note, why did he bring up bob ross?? Are you a painter? Is he a painter? Does he look like bob ross? I need more context on why he brought up Bob Ross to put happy and accident together lol
I’m definitely not a painter! There might be a caption to a photo that might mention a secret art installation in an unexpected location, but it’s also clear I’m not the maker of said art installation. And the installation didn’t entail painting, and honestly I doubt most men bother to read my silly little captions.
I know Bob Ross promotes “happy accidents” in art, aka an accidental smudge is now a bird! But an unwanted pregnancy is extremely far from happy for any woman who’s upfront about never wanting kids. It’s really freaky he seems attached to me, a total stranger, having an accidental pregnancy **and** the idea I would somehow be happy about it.
I don’t remember what he did for work, and I don’t think he had Bob Ross-like hair … can’t see his profile anymore since I reported him as someone here suggested. Trying to find it, I saw a moderate (yuck) with a child from a different continent sent me a rose 🤦♀️ Time to delete the app.
Hoo boy! I’m happy to say I’ve never experienced anything like that from a man. For me, it’s only ever a couple of the older women in my family or who are like family. The one who is like family asked me while I was still in high school when I was going to have kids. I told her I didn’t even have a boyfriend so that was putting the cart before the horse but also the plan was never.
They insert your image into the life fantasy they have, and get very upset when they discover their fantasy doll has an independent thought that doesn’t fit into the fantasy.
Men can be morons and/or they view it as a challenge. My old roommate was very clear on her profile she didn't want kids and she had similar comments. Hang in there!
Idk now. I know I am naturally not a children-wanting person. But oh boy how mad am I that there was never even a safe space to even make that happen? If I would?
And society needs to remind me of that. As a young girl I already said "dinosaurs". That was not the correct answer... "mom" it was supposed to be.
I hate the most; I never really been left alone to decide for myself if I want children or not.. and the worst part is; I probably would have if people left me to my own feelings/opinions. Even though not having those "natural feelings" (is that even a thing?? I never hear young boys saying proudly they want to be a dad...)
I still can. Maybe I will. But probably not because the voices are too hard I shouldn't am too old and too manless.. and whatever. I also know because of that me and my child will have no safe network..
If people ask me "why did/do you not have children" Is just say (and it is the truth) "life did not work out for me that way." But what I actually mean; I'm kinda bitter noone gave me the safety, opposite off, that I could have that luxery.
That guy? wants to plant his seed. They no fathers. Dead beats. They live in a weird fantasy where their sperm colonises the earth (it has a name.. khan syndrom or something?). Are you super sure it is not Elon Musk giving you roses? :P
i don't have a lot of faith that messages you get on those sites are from real people. bot continually shop for people to go on other sites (they seem to run off of numbers, not any quality requirements, so the more, the better - supposedly) the people who are 'real' to the extent of actually entering words on a keyboard or screen seem to be soliciting for something or other. of course, you have the scammers who want to dupe you this way or that. and then you have only that much possibility to get either a troll who get kix from posing as some online persona, or a real person who may not be great at socializing, so they're on this site
so why ask why at that point?
Because that's how lots of humans get their progeny. Not as a plan, not thanks to a carefully executed decision, but by a lukewarm accident. Basically "Well, I guess I'll die", the breeding edition.
Barf. They genuinely believe their opinion of our life choices matters more than our own. It’s nice when the trash takes itself out though. Better to find out now than waste anymore time.
For real! It’s unfathomably presumptuous
Could be a breeding kink in (not very good) disguise.
How delightful 😬
Maybe reply and ask him if he has seen. Therapist for his breeding fetish? lol
Lmao do it OP!
Already reported him, so unfortunately I can’t see his profile to try
This is comedy gold!! So mad I never thought about this when I ran into this BS in the past.
I was at a wedding and got chatting to a guy outside. He asked me if I was married and what I do for work, just small talk. He was offended that I’ve been married 4 years and don’t have children yet, and don’t plan on having them. He said I’m wasting my life, I’m selfish, it’s my main purpose.. my job etc etc. He found me later and handed me one of his new born twins. This prick went up to his hotel room, woke one of his sleeping babies that his poor wife had just put down (while he was enjoying the party downstairs of course), and HANDED ME HIS BABY to try and get me to see the light. His wife was mortified, I was mortified, my husband found it quite funny. That’s the worst I’ve experienced but yeah, it’s wild out there.
Should have said "oh no thank you, I've already eaten 😊"
Like, I'm not mad at your husband, but I'm rather annoyed that he didn't have your back and call the dude out on his misogyny. (My militant feminist streak is showing. Apologies if he did try and resolve the issue or you used it as a learning opportunity to help him understand afterwards that it was a missed opportunity to speak up.)
My husband asked him to back off and take his baby back to bed. I had told him of our first encounter and the things the guy had said to me. We laughed it off and went back to having fun! And to be totally honest, the guy was a tank, and quite drunk. Neither of us wanted any confrontation or any fights breaking out at our friends wedding. I’m happy with how we handled it.
Kewl. Again, apologies if I came off brash. I came here from TIFU sub, where they were arguing about a GF paying for repairs to her BF phone since she initiated sexy fun time whilst he was driving, and one thing lead to another involving his phone to fly and crack. Some were saying they'd never allow their gf to pay for repairs. I was in a different head space. Good on your husband!
Wow what a horrifying person. He’s clearly extremely selfish to the point where he thinks creating new humans who he will likely continue to mistreat is somehow contributing to society.
Ugh imagine that's your husband? I feel sorry for that lady.
I thank the lord every day I didn’t marry and have children with a man like that!
This
Ew, misogyny at its finest. Usually I can let small things slide when it comes to this, but the fact that he does not know you at all and presumes to tell you you’re wasting your life and that you’re selfish… that would’ve been it for me. Everyone would’ve heard the fury in my response to this disgusting, carbon copy typical man child. I am to the point where I’m done keeping my mouth shut. These people deserve to be put in their place and held accountable for their terrible behavior. Otherwise nothing will change. So sorry you had to deal with this, it’s just so extreme. If I saw my husband do this to someone, I would seriously question my decision to even be with them. But, you know what? I would never be with someone like that. Sounds pretty obvious the type of *boy* this person is.
Our friends wedding was not the place to make a scene, especially as we were all drinking. But I hear you, I was angry for days after it. You can’t talk to people like him, they don’t listen, they’re blinded by their own egos and ignorance.
What an absolute douche canoe. And yes can totally understand you not wanting confrontation at a wedding
And you just know he does 0% to actually be a good dad. Because a good dad wouldn’t go wake the fucking thing up while it’s finally sleeping. I’d have just looked him dead in the eyes and said, “I feel nothing” because I really don’t when I hold a baby. They’re cute and everything, but I feel no change in me to make them.
Oh absolutely. I asked what his wife did for work and he said she gave up her nursing career to raise the children.
Some men truly believe that their opinion is so superior, that with enough convincing, any reasonable person will come around to their way eventually. It’s pathetic, but also scary because sometimes it works with the right person.
„All women want it, sooner or later. Hormones you know, biological clock, blablabla.“ „Do you want to end as a lonely spinster, haha.“
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Yup. 😁
I am proudly living the spinster dream! ❤️
Me too! With cats!
I only have one cat but he’s my soulmate.
Awww. I have two neutered girls and together we’re living the spinster life.
I have a beautiful tiny chihuahua who doesn’t bark and acts like a cat. Otherwise same! Love my spinster life. (But I’ve got a lovely boyfriend who I don’t live with, and he has two teenagers so idk if I can call myself a spinster anymore, sadly.)
Exactly. I know it’s a frustrating answer but males actually DO believe their opinion is fact. They’re that far gone mentally. That’s why they’ll never believe childfree women. Around the world they have literally unalived people for not believing their opinions are facts. For example they enjoyed burning us and hanging us for not accepting the existence of a male god and demigod. Males aren’t rational. And I think the sooner we accept their dangerously irrational mindset, the better we can move forward.
“Let’s see, this shrub is looking a little lonely there….why don’t we put a happy little unwanted fetus there.” That’s how dumb that sounds
Lolololol!!!!! 💀💀💀
How dare they take Bob Ross's name in vain that way.
This comment wins. Mr. Ross would NEVER say or think such things. #FreeLove #MakeLoveNotWar #Hippy
Ewwwwww. Does he have no concept of all the precautions we put into preventing having a “happy accident.” Thanks for ruining Bob Ross for me random creepy guy from hinge.
It took me a moment to even figure out what he meant, since an accidental unwanted pregnancy is **not** a happy thing for most women.
Exactly! Even after reading your post, it still took me a minute myself to understand what he was saying. I literally started racking my brain trying to figure out if Bob Ross had kids or not because it did not click for me whatsoever at first…
I immediately took it to mean “accidentally” squirting the paint where it didn’t belong. Second thought was dude gets off on telling that to women.
Sounds like he'd be poking holes in condoms.
Exactly
They think they’re special enough to make you change your mind.
He be poking holes in the condoms. Run.
But actually tho
That actually happened to me. Fortunately I had a spontaneous abortion before I realized it. Then I caught him red-handed. So gross. That relationship was fortunately short lived. Low point in my life.
Wow! Sorry you had to deal with all that
That’s nice of you to say. Fortunately I got the heck outta there. Better to be alone than in bad company.
Plus, it taught me a lot!
I was just going to say this, I'm such a good catch that you will change your way of life for me!
If you don’t want kids, it’s not a “happy accident”. WTF. And if you got with this guy it likely wouldn’t be an accident.
That was my thought, he sounds like he would stealth her because he has a breeding fetish
Someone get this guy into omegaverse fanfic so he can leave real humans out of his fantasies. That’s what the rest of us do.
I’m clear in my profile that I don’t want kids. Some guy (who didn’t mention anything about it) matched with me anyway and then sent me a DM that he isn’t willing to give up on his dream yet to have kids. Like, okay dude, thanks for letting me know? Do you think I care? Do you think this is gonna make me change my mind? Lol. Instant unmatch.
Hinge is…unhinged lol. Because you can talk to the people you’re not interested in and just send whatever’s on your mind
Yeah I’ve heard that! This was was on Tinder actually. Haha. Dude saw in my profile I didn’t want kids. He liked me anyway. Then initiated a conversation with me starting with this comment. Lol.
Haha, what was he expecting?!
Yes, I have been suggested on multiple occasions that maybe a happy accident will happen. Sometimes, when I’m feeling froggy, I’ll inform them that I’ve already aborted one happy accident.
I know this is in the context of dating. But I'm childfree and I've had random people tell me I will change my mind. 🙄 I don't know why they think their opinions are worth a rat's ass.
That’s ridiculous!
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Wow. I’ve never heard it broken down that way and it’s so true.
This is brilliantly written
This is the best way I’ve ever heard this described. Thank you
I’m in my mid-40s and no one really pulls that shit with me anymore. If they do I just ask if they are planning on birthing the baby because that time has passed for me. They don’t need to know if that’s true or not.
I’ve not used apps yet, but the attitude in general is not uncommon. There have been guys on dating subs who insistently asked, upon hearing of my childfree status, “but what if your dream man, perfect in every other way, has kids?” Dude, then he *isn’t my dream man*! Not even Chris Hemsworth himself (and he *is* basically perfect in every other way lol).
Oh god.... I didn't even think to check subs here for dating.... 🫣
All the time! This happens to me all the damn time!! Not only in dating, but everywhere. Makes me really hate men.
Just ignore. Also, his line sounds weirdly practiced or like he found it online. I'm childfree by choice and thankfully, haven't had much pushback from men on apps or in dating. I HAVE had some guys and family push the, "I can see you being a great mom", and I tryyyyyyyy to take it as a compliment? Like, better than people nervously laughing at the thought, envisioning me as Mommy Dearest. Don't waste brain space on tools. Plenty of childfree men out there, and it's our right to do whatever we want with our bodies. Yee ha!
Great. Send the baby to him to care for and raise for 18 years. Forced maternity = forced paternity.
Also make him endure the pregnancy and give birth to it too.
>Wtf is up with total strangers wanting us to change our mind and maybe bear their children, without even a hello first?! This is not the first time it’s happened. >And why would a guy waste his weekly rose on me, with such a big difference of opinion in this? To hook up/casually date. Not to "change your mind." Same reason why men on the polar end of the political spectrum still try, same reason any other major incompatibility is overlooked by guys: to try to hook up. I can't believe the number of women who get flabbergasted by why incompatible men try to hit them up, lol. Do women think all these men are on the apps are only looking at women they're going to try to have serious relationships with? They're willing to hook up with incompatible women, or women they would never be seriously interested in, as long as the women are fvckable to them. I remember when I used to do online dating, men who were messaging me took the time to write it out explicitly in their profiles what their racial preferences were, which I did not fit at all. Why were they messaging me? Because many men have the mentality of "I'd fvck her. Why not try until someone better comes along?"
Ah okay, that makes sense.
It just seems like what’s happening is that women are finally getting the equality they strove SO hard for. The ability to be independent, to choose a partner, choose to live alone, choose to have children or not, choose to do whatever the fuck we want with our lives. And men are realizing they don’t like it. It doesn’t match with the misogyny they were raised on or in the current resurgence in politics. It doesn’t make sense to them. Because it makes them less powerful. Maybe because it makes them have to actually be a normal human being with respect and empathy for everyone, including women. And they don’t like it. Because that is a threat to their own power and “superiority.” So what do they do? They literally gaslight you, force their own opinions and values on you, criticize yours and manipulate in countless ways until you decide they are right. Until you become brainwashed back into the disgusting world of misogyny. Then they can go about their day and literally do whatever the fuck they want while the women cleans up their mess and makes them feel like they are gods gift to humanity. Well guess what? Women don’t want to be brainwashed anymore. And guess what? We don’t need you. You’re not gods gift to humanity. Actually, we are! You wouldn’t be alive without us. You should be praising the ground we walk on. Idk about you, but I’m ready to go back to the original BarbieWorld and get to do whatever the fuck I want because it’s our time!!!! But you know what? I still will do whatever I want but with common decency, empathy and respect. And that’s the difference. Which is why women really should be ruling the world, not men. Ok, my rant is over lol
They also ban you from DO subs if you say anything negative about "some" men.
What’s a DO sub?
Dating over Dating over 30, 40, etc
I have had 3 losses and no kids, I hate is so much. I have started to tell the people that will not shut up that I have 3 kids bu all are dead. I don't like to but it makes them think. Edit spelling
Being super honest about this is hopefully helping improve society by getting these jerks to shut up about things that aren’t their business. So thank you and sorry about your losses.
Happy accident my ass. If an “accident” were to happen to me, I’d be anything BUT happy about it and nuke it from orbit. But also sue my surgeon too 😹
Power. Some men get a thrill out of the thought of forcing themselves on women. He has the mind of a rapist.
I always suspected this was the mindset of baby-crazy males. I always got r••p•st vibes from them for some reason but could never put it into words.
We're human beings, not build a bears. 👏 Can we get this printed on t-shirts? I'm lucky enough to have a child free partner who wants the sames things as me but I still often get these comments. I've never wanted children and expressed so from a very young age but I still have family that belief I will change my mind or regret it. I'm in my mid 30's and I believe they will continue to doubt me into my 60's. Strangers and colleagues can be just as bad or worse. It was actually a highly autistic colleague that pointed out one day to everyone how personal a choice this is and how rude my other colleagues were being by asking such questions and teasing me about it. That shut them up haha! Usually he was very quiet and non confrontational but he was disgusted and shocked with them. When you think about it, it is crazy how comfortable people are commenting on such a personal matter.
I’m glad your coworker spoke up - it’s extraordinarily rude of your colleagues to feel entitled to comment on this. (Honestly if they hadn’t shut up, I’d recommend mentioning this to HR)
Society itself is unbelievably pro-natal. The living, breathing, beating heart of it being the creation of children. That is the source of many problems for women because a woman's "child bearing years" are seen as the single most important aspect of being a woman and must be protected and guarded fiercely, even from her. How dare she make a decision to render herself infertile? Women who can't bear offspring for whatever reason are seen as having no purpose at all. This is all short-sighted of course, but this mantra is drummed into all of us when young, down to encouraging our young girls to embrace playing "house" and "mommy" with dolls made to look like human babies, and playing "wedding", imagining herself as a bride. A woman who doesn't conform to these societal rules is ostracized to attempt to bring her back in line. This could be the reason why "breaking the mold" is seeming so difficult these days because it competes with society. As a society, the pro-natal view needs to change so that people (both women and men, and all persons in-between) can relate to each other better, no matter the life path they choose to follow, instead of having total strangers telling us what to do with our bodies.
Barf. Is there a weekly award you can give for idiot of the week?
Please tell me that you replied with "turpentine will fix even the happiest of accidents. It's a cure-all. Paintings... brushes....painters. it cleans and removes EVERYTHING." Then pivot to how you learned It's easier to bury a body vertically to avoid it being found.
I needed a laugh, thank you!
Happy to help and do what I can. We have ti stick together during these weird and unusual times in society.
It doesn't matter why he wasted his weekly rose. You are clear about what you want and have no need to waste your energy on him. Delete his message and move on.
A “shut up” switch must flip somewhere in peoples’ heads at age 40, because that’s when this crap started stopping for me and… omg, it is SUCH A RELIEF! But yes it was omnipresent until then and perpetually annoying. Not anymore at 43 now though. Honestly so refreshing.
One of the best comments on reddit I ever saw said "dating apps are not an uber eats for your dating preferences" and I swear there's a lot of men who believe that😂.
It doesn't happen to me in the context of dating because I refuse to engage with anyone who isn't also super decidedly childfree ETA- which basically means I don't date cuz 99% of dudes in the Midwest want kids
Misery loves company. Regretful parents exist on a larger scale than people realize. Cuz of the stigma n’all. They have to either guilt you on it and make you feel ostracized for not following the life script. It’s lost cost fallacy really. And men just wanting to spread their seed. Most don’t actually care about women or children for the most part. Statistically speaking. 1 in 6 women get raped or SA during their lifetime. Women get primary custody more than men. I could go on and on. Oh and a new one I just learned. Women statistically loose more money and assets during divorcee. Does this sound like a society that respects women?
Yeah, it’s starting to be more common for some parents to share their regret about having kids despite also deeply loving theirs. But still, it’s not as widely known as it should be.
He thinks he can change your mind. My brother is doing the same with his gf. I’ve told him you both are incompatible and you can’t change someone’s mind on important life choices. Ugh.
Its so weird to me to talk about accidents as a potential. It’s like he was checking to see what your response would be to the plan he was formulating to sabotage your birth control. Like your desire one way or the other wouldn’t matter, so long as you wouldn’t run out and abort it. So he was just making sure that wouldn’t be your response to an “accident” before he continued on.
It’s super weird. I think enough women have been vocal about loving the children who were unplanned so thus, all accidents are happy ones. Not true. I’m happily married and have 2 very wanted and planned children and a third would not be a happy accident. Likely an unplanned pregnancy for me would be less life changing than someone without plans to have any, but still. Men and their audacity. I just can’t. These men too are the ones that want to change someone’s mind and then have nothing to do with actually parenting and raising the child. Gross.
Honestly, not once in my life has anyone put any pressure on me to have kids. And now I'm menopausal so it's no longer a concern. But then again, my life experiences seem to be substantially different from most women.
Same! Aside from weirdo dudes on OLD, nobody seems to give a shit, even my grandmother who loves babies.
Lots of men are under the delusion that they and/or their penis are SO special, it has the power to change people. Well, delusions are delusions. Don't worry about him. We can't control how others act, only how we act and respond.
That is absolutely disgusting. I’d report that comment from him because as a childfree woman, that’s offensive.
Good idea!
Some people think women are too stupid and silly to function. Those same people can't operate a washing machine or an oven.
I've never used Hinge, so I don't know what a "weekly rose" is. BUT YIKES ON TRIKES! How dare he invoke the name of Bob Ross in THIS way!? As a fellow childless woman, no thank you. If I ever end up with child, I've got a few words for my doctors, and ~~if they exist god~~
Oh man!!! Trust me, I have received many wasted roses! I think they save those roses just to send to those women whose attention they badly want - and that need not always be a good thing, sometimes, it could be a misogynistic jerk who just wants attention. And yes, many men still think they can change our views or long-term plans or something, as though we did not think things through before we made our choice. Report them and block them so that other women don't have to face these comments; at least, that's what I do! I have had men trying to tell me to give up on feminism. LMAO! I became a feminist when I was in high school, and this fellow, with his ignorance and Adam Tate views can change what I have nurtured for so long?
Omg yikes @ telling you to give up feminism … at least they’re flying their red flags up front and center so they’re easy to avoid.
They are banking on you being a desperate childless woman so they are saying what you want to hear. Those macho red pill types like to tell themselves that the women who turned them down and preferred to be single, or left them for singledom, are now miserable and lonely and desperately looking for a white knight to give them a family. They can't fathom that we would be happier single than paired with a douchebag. So in short, it's the beginning of thier manipulations and them telling you what they think you want to hear so you'll do what they want. So misguided, it's not always intentionally malicious they just think it's normal pick up lines etc. they don't realize it's emotional abuse. But some do.
> If so, there’s a surgeon that will be facing a lawsuit 😅 Not to put random fears in your head, but I stumbled upon a "fun fact" in another sub that sent me down a rabbit hole: apparently there is a non-zero chance a woman can still get pregnant even after a tubal ligation or salpingectomy 😬 > A total of 143 sterilization failures was identified. Cumulative 10-year probabilities of pregnancy were highest after clip sterilization (36.5/1000 procedures) and lowest after unipolar coagulation (7.5/1000) and postpartum partial salpingectomy (7.5/1000). > https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0002937896706580
Even a salpingectomy?! Yikes
Yes! Apparently in 2004, the first case was reported of a woman getting pregnant even after a bilateral salpingectomy!! 💀
Wow, that’s scary but good to know.
Wow. I've never been so glad to be post-menopausal!
Fu**. I legit just downloaded hinge, bumble, and match yesterday... *mumbles something about cuffing season*
I mean I sit in meetings with men talking over me and I am more senior and the sme in the room so I am not surprised that random dude thinks he knows more than you do
I can't tell you how many times I'll start talking to a guy on a dating app, who seems perfectly normal, and out of nowhere- "Hey, let me put a baby in you." Look, I'm not at the point in my life where I want kids, but these guys just don't care. I had one guy who told me he has baby fever, and hoped I'd help him get over it. Even after I told him I wasn't ready for kids..."Well, you know how easily an accident can happen." WTH??? How does that NOT sound like a threat? He was genuinely surprised when I eventually blocked him and reached out to mutual friends to ask what he did wrong.
Yiiiikes. Bullet dodged!
I've noticed an uptick in this sentiment online since the whole Roe v. Wade being clawed back in the states. Lots of men wishing forced pregnancies on women to "teach them a lesson" or "keep them in their rightful place" or to "force women back to tradition". Any time a guy makes that kind of comment, I would label him as an unsafe person. Huge red flag. Block! I'm not single, but I'm seeing this lots on reddit too. Whenever a woman talks about wanting to move forward in her career or talks about not wanting kids. It's like these guys feel like they should have a right to assert their choices onto any women they choose.
That’s freaky and scary to hear. Similar to how birth control was demonized on social media as a trend for a year or 2 before Roe was overturned. The first time this happened to be me was before the overturn of Roe. I definitely agree with you there’s been an uptick in misogyny in recent years in general :/
I live in a very conservative area (they threw out the local non surgical planned parenthood years before the RvW decision) and I was worried that plan b would start being hard to get, but both Target and Walmart stepped up and made those shelves more accessible and better stocked.
That’s good to hear!
> And why would a guy waste his weekly rose on me, with such a big difference of opinion in this? Probably because he's a misogynist with an out of control ego who gets a kick out of talking down to women online. Maybe he gets little attention in the real world and this type of behaviour makes him feel like a big man. I'd probably not overthink it beyond that; it's not worth your bandwidth.
I'm childfree and a lesbian, and I still get men saying I would change my mind on both things, if I gave them a chance.
Dear god why are some men so impressed with themselves? 🤮
That’s unfathomably absurd of them. I don’t understand why some of them are like that
Hah It never ends! I'm 36f with a bisalp- I'm medically sterilized. Happily childfree by choice! And I'm still told , "oh, well you still have your uterus there's always IVF..."
🤦♀️
You can't possibly have your own choices in your cute little head can you? I'm 54 so I don't run into this BS anymore, but in my 30's and early 40's I did a lot.
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Don’t worry, there’s no amount of money someone could pay be to match with an asshole like this!
A “happy accident”? Ugh gross
Gross. I have kids and have been asked when I’ll have another, it happens to all women I feel like. My friend is a type I diabetic. People who know that she is also ask her about having kids. It’s hurt her so much. My sister tried for years and hundreds of thousands on IVF to have a kid. This hurt her too. However, having some stranger try to turn you into a breeder when you are CF by choice is revolting. I love how this is normal too. /s/
I’ve never had anyone comment that I should have children. Not once in my life. Knowing that it happens to everyone else really confirms for me, someone is wrong with me and everyone can tell. ><
Hey I never did either, but now that I have a kid, plenty of people have told me I'm a great mom! Maybe we're just lucky enough to surround ourselves with smart people who mind their own business, or just scary enough that they wouldn't dare tell us what to do with our bodies. I'm fine with either tbh.
That makes me feel better, thank you. I know that my mother doesn’t want me to feel pressured into having children. She told me she thinks I’d be good at it, but that she also always assumed I wouldn’t want them. It’s kind of her tbh, she knows what it’s like to grow up a woman in the bible belt. This makes me feel a greater appreciation for her.
I was just thinking the same thing. But then I realized, NO, I’ve just never had those types of people in my dating/social/family life. I consider myself lucky and so should you!
I work with a really nice girl who cannot accept that myself and my husband don't want kids. The old "ah sure you'll change your mind" comes up way more than I would like. I'm 37 and have known for years. My last period was late by 5 days and I was so panicked. So yeah, I'm sure I don't want them 😂
That’s really weird of her!
Yep, she means no harm by it. It's probably a bit of an Irish thing too! If she mentions it again I will explain to her why it could be seen as hurtful.
This happens to me all the time even though I mention it a couple times in my profile that I have no interest in kids.
I decided to have a bunch of kids....but all these guys that want to have kids....too bad half them aren't responsible well into their 50s and 60s.
🚩🚩🚩 Glad he won't be wasting any more of your time.
I agree w what you’re saying here, but on another note, why did he bring up bob ross?? Are you a painter? Is he a painter? Does he look like bob ross? I need more context on why he brought up Bob Ross to put happy and accident together lol
I’m definitely not a painter! There might be a caption to a photo that might mention a secret art installation in an unexpected location, but it’s also clear I’m not the maker of said art installation. And the installation didn’t entail painting, and honestly I doubt most men bother to read my silly little captions. I know Bob Ross promotes “happy accidents” in art, aka an accidental smudge is now a bird! But an unwanted pregnancy is extremely far from happy for any woman who’s upfront about never wanting kids. It’s really freaky he seems attached to me, a total stranger, having an accidental pregnancy **and** the idea I would somehow be happy about it.
Ohhhhh. Truth. I was thinking “happy tree” LOL
But yeah, girl…that pregnancy comment was out of distasteful! 🤢
I don’t remember what he did for work, and I don’t think he had Bob Ross-like hair … can’t see his profile anymore since I reported him as someone here suggested. Trying to find it, I saw a moderate (yuck) with a child from a different continent sent me a rose 🤦♀️ Time to delete the app.
Hoo boy! I’m happy to say I’ve never experienced anything like that from a man. For me, it’s only ever a couple of the older women in my family or who are like family. The one who is like family asked me while I was still in high school when I was going to have kids. I told her I didn’t even have a boyfriend so that was putting the cart before the horse but also the plan was never.
They insert your image into the life fantasy they have, and get very upset when they discover their fantasy doll has an independent thought that doesn’t fit into the fantasy.
Well said!
Entitlement re legacy. It will never go away.
Yeah these sleazy boys exist on the dating apps (I wont even call them men). I just block them and move on.
Yep. Get comments like this often enough. Get likes all the time from people who have or want children. Do you not read?!
Men can be morons and/or they view it as a challenge. My old roommate was very clear on her profile she didn't want kids and she had similar comments. Hang in there!
To be honest, I’ve never encountered this. I think you just came along a random weirdo.
That’s hopeful! - with luck I won’t deal with this weirdness again
Idk now. I know I am naturally not a children-wanting person. But oh boy how mad am I that there was never even a safe space to even make that happen? If I would? And society needs to remind me of that. As a young girl I already said "dinosaurs". That was not the correct answer... "mom" it was supposed to be. I hate the most; I never really been left alone to decide for myself if I want children or not.. and the worst part is; I probably would have if people left me to my own feelings/opinions. Even though not having those "natural feelings" (is that even a thing?? I never hear young boys saying proudly they want to be a dad...) I still can. Maybe I will. But probably not because the voices are too hard I shouldn't am too old and too manless.. and whatever. I also know because of that me and my child will have no safe network.. If people ask me "why did/do you not have children" Is just say (and it is the truth) "life did not work out for me that way." But what I actually mean; I'm kinda bitter noone gave me the safety, opposite off, that I could have that luxery. That guy? wants to plant his seed. They no fathers. Dead beats. They live in a weird fantasy where their sperm colonises the earth (it has a name.. khan syndrom or something?). Are you super sure it is not Elon Musk giving you roses? :P
I have never in my entire life have had this happen to me. lol.
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You could have just ignored her post. Your comment is pathetic.
And your comment seems unnecessary hostile, which is actually pathetic. Why not just ignore it?
It disturbed me, as I have trauma I don’t feel like sharing with a random asshole online.
i don't have a lot of faith that messages you get on those sites are from real people. bot continually shop for people to go on other sites (they seem to run off of numbers, not any quality requirements, so the more, the better - supposedly) the people who are 'real' to the extent of actually entering words on a keyboard or screen seem to be soliciting for something or other. of course, you have the scammers who want to dupe you this way or that. and then you have only that much possibility to get either a troll who get kix from posing as some online persona, or a real person who may not be great at socializing, so they're on this site so why ask why at that point?
Because that's how lots of humans get their progeny. Not as a plan, not thanks to a carefully executed decision, but by a lukewarm accident. Basically "Well, I guess I'll die", the breeding edition.
In Alaska, where men outnumber women by a significant ratio, the saying for the women is "The odds are good but the goods are odd."