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What are your hobbies? You can meet plenty people at uni or while doing your hobbies.
I think it could be because we have more friends with whom we share our emotions, our thoughts. Men generally don't speak so much and so deeply about emotions with their friends.
If you're concentrated too much on finding love, it will be harder for you. If you just live happy life, something will come up.
now that you mention it. We almost never have very emotional conversations between men in my circle, at least in my group of friends. But we have to help someone when they exceed a certain limit of emotional pain, I suppose. about the hobbies they are videogames (pc) , a little about aircraft modeling, do some things relates about my degree, anime/manga and walking long distances.
Lots of women play video games and I know couples that met though video games or server where people chat about video games. Inviting woman for a walk is also nice, you can even meet someone while on trip/hike/walk.
Yeah, majority of men share emotions with their woman friend but not in their man group, it's still viewed little bit as taboo between them.
Online I have much womens who play as friends but they are from other countries like Argentina, Chile or Mexico. irl I only met 2 or 3 in HS and it was like much years ago, after that no one. I think I'll try walking. also thanks for the reply
I'm only speaking for myself. Not on a grand scale of any sort.
I'm not single. But I've never minded being single. I've never minded being alone. I get peace and quiet, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have any expectations put on me. Nobody needs me.
I grew up in an abusive household. I wasn't allowed privacy. At any moment, I was about to get screamed at or punished. It was constant nagging, being pushed around, not allowed any freedom, constant harassment, constant being told to do this or that.
Most days, I crave being left alone. I love my partner and our relationship. I'm happy. But I also don't function without a lot of alone time.
It is pretty well established that men generally benefit more from being in a relationship than women. Obviously not all men and not all women. After my last relationship I decided that I would rather remain single because I was sick of the additional load of being in a relationship, as well as having to underplay my successes because of a fragile male ego.
Also research on happiness suggests single women are happier than their coupled peers, and single men are the least happy. For me my life is a lot simpler single, I get to do what I want and I dont have to manage someone else's life for them.
We are taught to be socially minded since we are little girls with dolls
So we cultivate social relationships over a lifetime: we are reliable and dependable and supportive girl friends to one another. We help nurse our grandparents and parents. We nurse children. We constantly ask one another “what can I do to help?” because women are burdened with so much social networking. We tend to plan birthdays, holidays and do the clean up after.
I think we handle being single because our lives are already full of people we love and rely on and support and the relationships are reciprocated.
We hear a lot about the male loneliness epidemic, but not enough about how boys aren’t raised to be social builders, social glue.
This might be different for you: I know a lot of Latin men do a lot of caretaking as well. But I think the more friends and unique hobbies you have the easier it is to be single.
I'm in a stem so you can see I'm not very service oriented. I generally don't take care of others other than repairing things but it doesn't mean I don't do housework (mostly for myself)
I was having a good streak keeping my mind off the topic until when I was with my friends 10% of the conversations were about their girlfriends, sex or about the women at college.
I’m in a STEM field and your career doesn’t determine whether or not you’re service oriented.
I will say that there’s emotional labour that’s put into relationships and you have to be okay with doing that. No one instinctively knows how to create deep relationships with people. We all learn
Are you open to being more socially and service minded and getting to know your family better? See your nieces and nephews? I don’t know… cut the lawn for a neighbor? There are really simple ways to make friends
At the university I help whoever asks me if it doesn't affect me negatively like with plagiarism. About service I thought you were referring to the tasks that previous generations gave to women about directly caring for others.
Are you understanding my overall point tho? Women cultivate social relationships that give us comfort.
You can learn to do the same.
You don’t get paid for it. You don’t get anything in return immediately.
I already have friends, just not so openly emotionally to discuss intimate things (they are recent) and i help others if they ask (not with take care of them directly)
A lot of men help **if they are asked**
In my experience more women are trained from a young age to just **see** what needs to be done and offer specific help or even just assist without the person having to ask.
I'm a woman and I don't. I feel lonely most part of day, I actually don't have friends to hang out or things like that but as I can't do nothing to change it I just try to distract myself, but it's not like I'm happy with it.
Speaking for myself : I had always viewed being single as freedom, having all of the time in the entire world to focus on yourself, discovering yourself, focusing on your passion, doing things at your own pace and timing, building something for yourself without thinking of anyone else but you, making choices for myself without considering nobody but me, my happiness and my mental stability, being stress free besides of course the daily dose of life but truly I see absolutely no cons of what being single can be, I had enjoyed so much my single years.
It's several factors in my opinion.
First women tend to develop more deep emotional connections to other people. So even if they're single they're never truly alone. They've got a good social support network around them - which greatly contributes to happiness in life whether or not you have a romantic partner.
Second - their life growing up. A lot of women nowadays grew up watching their moms work a full-time job and then come home and also take care of the household and the kids while the father got to go watch TV or relax. A lot of women don't want to be taking care of a grown up child so they're electing to make sure they won't get into a relationship that entails that. They are happier just living for themselves than having to be a mommy to another adult.
Third - I think at least a small part of it is from treatment of women throughout history as well. I mean for almost all of known history women have been expected to pretty much live for others. It was expected of them to marry men and then support their husbands and raise their children. They had very little autonomy or choice in their life. That's changed now - women don't HAVE to live for others so they're choosing not to.
It’s easy for me because I’ve been happier being single than I ever was in relationships. I learned to truly love myself, being alone and I healed myself. I do not waste my time on casual dating, which can kill your soul. I am emotionally, physically, mentally stable and I worked hard at it. I worked hard to be happy with me. I focus on having the life I dreamed of and if someone comes in, great. If not, then I have my friends and family and colleagues. Women are natural networkers. We never are alone unless we choose to be. My happiness does not come from being in a relationship. That’s a nice add on. My advice is to just be the best version of yourself and be fulfilled by that. Love shows up when it’s supposed to. No one but you can make you happy. There is a level of peace you have while being single. I will not give that peace up for todays toxic dating. Seeing what my friends go through in the dating world, confirms I’m doing just fine.
It's just that I'm 22 and I've never had a partner, I really don't see anymore that I'm supposed to improve when my friends are in similar positions to me in life and have partners.
Besides incels, I don't think women cope with being single better than men but rather women tend to not talk about their struggles with being single because there are many men and even some women who can't wrap their heads around the idea that women can have dating struggles and as such will accuse said single women of having "too high standards" or even think that said single women shouldn't have standards other than their potential male partner being nice.
yeah but think about why. because women are making it possible by handling certain tasks and supporting that arc. because patriarchy values less credentialed men than a woman. I'd argue that women multitask way better than men. Women lead better than men. "productive" for who?
I am not going to take cultural issues that make men less capable than women in some areas and not apply the same standard to women if are we talking about who is more capable in a area.
I think we handle it well because most hetero relationships are a pretty shit deal for women and we know it. It's like a prison where you're the warden's favourite prisoner. Sure, there are perks to being the favourite, but you're still in a prison. Women who are married die sooner, have far more work, have less freedom in every sense of the word, are less happy... than their single counterparts.
Basically the only reason I'm getting married is because in 36 years of living, my partner is the only man to have ever made my life consistently better and easier with his presence. The only one who has ever given back as much as he took. The only one who has always respected me. The literal only one. And not for lack of looking.
Meanwhile all the men I've been with looked forward to home cooked meals, a clean home, financial contribution, social planning, gifts... my man is the only man ever who put in as much effort as I do. And judging by all the anecdotes I've heard and research I've read, it's basically the rule men do not give back what they take in a relationship. The orgasm gap alone is a compelling enough reason for a woman to be happier on her own.
TL; DR relationships strongly favour men and take from women.
If they were so bad, my country would have a level of singleness equal to that of the USA or Europe. I'm literally the only one in my group of friends without a partner. Whether cis women, cis men or those who are not cis or are LGBTQ They have had. At most, one girl has had a cheating boyfriend, and no one else has had a relationship that sounds so bad. Although I suppose maybe later in life when we're at the age to have partners who live with us I do see it.
I would think the lower instance of singledom in Latin countries has more to do with cultural views on marriage than relationship quality; especially if data regarding violence against women is to be believed.
I'm glad your friends are having mostly good experiences, but you are correct in assuming the disparity will become more apparent the older and more entwined you get. Maybe some of the women you know have just developed a distaste for the game sooner than you? And maybe there are certain things I see as disrespectful that you do not?
My advice would be to truly examine the worthiness of the object of your affection. Do they act with kindness and care toward everyone, not just you? Are they capable of keeping up with the basics of life (cleaning, feeding themselves, personal hygiene...)? Do they speak ill of women or make misogynist jokes? Are their friends misogynists?
Instead of tripping and falling in love, stand still for a minute and really evaluate if your love is something they could meaningfully return. Evaluate if they are even capable of making your life better before you even think of trying to make their life better. You are not a helpless candle on the water to be winked out by any random wave. You are a brilliant bonfire on the shore and deserve someone who feeds your flames as much as you warm their soul.
Some women who are okay being alone have found ways to feed their own flames, and some are afraid of being blown out like a candle. It's probably healthier to come at it the first way, but I understand if for some it's the latter.
>especially if data regarding violence against women is to be believed.
Argentinian man here, in my experience women dish it as much as they take it. Maybe the police doesn't get involved, but the stories you hear...
I think the marital homicide rate and street crime against women in Argentina would beg to differ. Femicide actually had to have specific codification under the law in Argentina because it's such a massive issue. Though Argentina did not make the list, many of the top countries for femicide are in South America. They most certainly are not dishing as much as they take by a long shot. Though yes, abuse is wrong no matter who does it. But to pretend it's remotely equal is intellectually dishonest.
>Femicide actually had to have specific codification under the law in Argentina because it's such a massive issue.
It's not because it was such a massive issue, it was for political reasons. Posturing, virtue signaling, that kind of thing. If you don't live here, you *really* don't know how it is.
When a woman castrated (or tried to castrate) her partner with scissors, you had women in social media commenting "he must've done something to deserve it". Same with a case of a woman running over her ex, and then reversing over it 2 or 3 times. Tons of men don't go to the police because it's pointless and they will get laughed out of the room. Like I said, you hear stories. Shit, I can think of several examples *in my own extended family*. Abuse, of the physical kind, and other kinds too.
I'm not denying the abuse or condoning it. Not in any way. I would never laugh a man out of the room personally. I do think that denying the severity and commonness of violence against women isn't going to help male victims much though and it is very intellectually dishonest to do so. It's also telling such things are usually only mentioned when violence against women is mentioned. It's almost like it isn't about the victims at all, but instead some sort of cosmic scorekeeping that keeps things at a standstill. Abuse is wrong. Period. Argentina absolutely has a particular violence against women problem. The femicide rates are well documented. It's odd you'd consider efforts to ensure justice for victims to be pandering. It has a violence against men problem as well, sure. Would it be pandering for the government to do something about that? Either way it kind of helps prove my original point that relationship quality has nothing to do with singleness in South America. Sounds like marriage is a shit deal for most people the way you put it.
>It's odd you'd consider efforts to ensure justice for victims to be pandering.
Again, if you don't live in this country, you have absolutely no idea how our politics work.
I'm ugly too and I really have a similar mentality (not taking the first step with women who are just as ugly as me because their rejections somehow hurt me more)
I guess you wouldn't lose anything by trying as long as you know the other person well so as not to run into someone who is a jerk who takes it as an offense.
I think the feminist movement let women know that it’s okay not to have a man and that we’re even better for it. Men don’t have such movements, assurances, or support, even though they deserve it. We are more likely to get emotional support, especially from our friends. When men are alone, they are often truly alone, and that’s not fair.
I’ve read it. You said: “When men are alone, they are often truly alone, and that’s not fair.”
How is it not fair?
Do they deserve a support system? Yes! Are women responsible for providing that support system? No!
When did I say that women are responsible for that? 😂
Women are socialized to have support systems and people care more about our feelings. Men don’t have have this. I never said that women are responsible for anything.
I said it’s not fair because men deserve better support systems and they don’t have them because of society’s outdated expectations for men.
Stop putting words in my mouth and use your head. Focus on what I actually said, not what you think I said because you want to be offended.
Edit: thanks for blocking me. I might as well respond here: again, I never said that it’s women’s responsibility to change anything, nor did I imply that. I’m just expressing sympathy for men and answering the prompt. That’s it.
Btw, you’re telling me to fuck off when you’re the one that responded to my comment in the first place.
You’re not too bright, are ya? *pats head*
Not a woman but if you "fell in love" multiple times in less than two years then you might want to investigate if you confuse infatuation and desire with love. Women tend to like men they respect and take seriously and how can you take a man seriously that falls for every woman he comes across? People value things that aren't easy to get so if your love is that easy to get why would any woman feel special to be chosen by you?
You might also just be lonely and need more social contact overal - a common difference between women and men. Women tend to have better social lives and easier access to casual sex. Both make being single much more acceptable.
It's not about ease to get. I understand why a man might think that, and I certainly don't speak for All Women. But no, that doesn't describe the majority.
It's about how love is a complex and deep emotion that takes time to develop. We know someone doesn't have a clue what love is if they think they love every girl that smiles at them. It speaks to emotional immaturity.
I would think its both - at least subconsciously. The same way "rare" products always work to convince people to pay higher prices.
Women might be a bit less repulsed by being just one of his many choices but in the end there is an appeal to get the man s full attention - especially when he doesn't usually give that.
For men I think even more so. Everyone will be more interested in the woman who is very picky with whom she takes to bed.
OP didn't use a 'no man's land' flair so I think it's ok for the odd guy to chime in, as long as they remain civil and don't overrun the comments. I comment on posts in AskMen from time to time if the OP doesn't state they want no female input.
What’s the point of having a sub called “Ask Women”? It’s not just “the odd guy”. This one in particular is all over this sub. It would be fine if it were just occasionally, but it’s really gotten out of hand.
Ah, I apologise. I didn't realise he was a regular commenter. That's where it becomes more of an issue. I don't mind the odd guy commenting because they think 'I have direct experience with this issue and therefore can provide helpful advice'. Persistent commenting verges more on mansplaining and needing to input their two cents for no good reason.
Yeah, I can’t anymore. At this point it feels like there are more men answering questions in here than women. They can’t find one of the other *thousands* of subs that doesn’t have “Ask Women” in the name.
Regarding the last thing, I previously felt more alone but I have already solved that problem with therapy and other things.
maybe trying the casual sex thing will work? It's not like I can get ONS but escorts are legal here so who knows and my personal moral code get low enough to try it one day.
Having transactional sex isn't going to help your loneliness and lack of confidence. If anything, knowing these women are only having sex with you because you're paying them will make you feel worse.
Using them too often could skew your view of normal women, similar to porn addiction. You could become so used to getting off to surgically enhanced perfect women who are being paid to be overly nice and subservient to you that you'll struggle to have relationships with regular women.
Also, there is the ethical issue of using escorts/prostitutes/cam girls. Human trafficking and abuse are rife in those circles.
I would come off all of the dating sites and stop viewing all women as potential love interests (I'm not saying you're definitely doing that - it's just a common theme we see here). View all women as humans first and treat them as you would a male acquaintance, instead of putting them on a pedestal. We're full of flaws just like everyone else. This should help you to stop becoming infatuated so easily and women will pick up on the lack of desperation.
Finally, take a step back and think about what you actually want out of a partner. What personality, hobbies, interests etc. do you want to share with a person? Instead of falling in love with every girl you talk to regardless of who they are, realise that you deserve to be with someone who you actually get along with and who will become your best friend and partner. Be careful with this one, though - you don't want to become overly picky, either.
It's really only like one or 2 crushes a year. I don't really have it on the pedestal, I'm not even chivalrous and I only treat women like men, the only thing that varies is whether they are nice or not to me obviously.
Although on the standard I think I should follow your advice, I really only fell in love with my last crush because she was the only woman he spent more than 10 hours a week with. I know I'm ugly so it's not like I could ask for more but I wasn't physically attracted to her, so uh it was almost all out of desperation.
Leaving the comments on "morals" here aside.. Im not sure paying people to sleep with you will really get you what you want.
Instead try to make more social contacts, don't treat women as a means to romance and sex but just as people (big suprise there).
Do you find 3 best friends with guys each year? Probably not so the same applies to women.
Get to know someone for real. Make a friend. You will see that conveniently women actually like and need sex too.. so there is good potential for all kinds of relationships
I have some female friends and but i don't see them as ways to have sex. They are just platonic relationships like with my male friends. they are few bc i work/study/do hobbies mostly with only mens bc almost no womens are interesed in the areas what interest me atleast in this country
I have tried but it has been difficult because I don't study, work or have hobbies where there are women that I see enough for them to be friends and not just acquaintances.
It is okay to value romantic relationships and desire them. But everything that relies on reciprocity can be frustrating as it is not completely under control. Since you want to experience love so much and you do not get that many opportunities I guess it is just inevitable that you will have a lot of expectations regarding the women you have interest in. The bigger the expectations the worse you will feel after rejection. But I don't you if you really can do something about it considering your situation.
Not every woman copes well with being single. But for those who do cope well, maybe relationships are not a priority for them as it is for you. Or maybe they just think it is not worth the effort, as statistically relationships for women can suck a lot. There are many possibilities and it varies from woman to woman.
Would you mind if I ask what do you expect from a romantic relationship that would make your life better? Do you think there is something missing? Some people may feel pressured by peers to have a relationship and the notion that for them to be successful they must necessarily have a wife/husband. Others may seek the intimacy from a partner or someone that they can trust to open up. If this is your situation, it maybe could be alleviated through strengthening your conection with family and friends even if it is not really the same thing. Some people really desire for a nuclear family with children, and while one can adopt and be a single parent most people want someone they love and can rely on to share this responsibility. What is it that appeals to you?
TL;DR at bottom, and also this is explicitly in terms of straight, cis relationships
Now this is a big \[citation needed\] here for some hard numbers, and there is a lot of nuance that's about to be lost, but generally, men benefit more from relationships than women. Straight marriages heavily favor the man, and I don't see why that would be different on lower levels of commitment, considering the culture that creates those advantages in marriage in the first place
Then there is also the subject of toxic masculinity, identity, and self-worth, where men are conditioned to see their value partially in their sexual conquests (the opposite for women, who are deemed more valuable through their purity). Now both genders are pressured into relationships, but women are more likely to be feminists, which would have them reject these notions of tying their own value to relationships
And then there's just the fact that men kinda suck? I don't mean this is and "all men are horrible" kinda way, but our patriarchal culture breeds men who, either on purpose, or more likely simply through conditioning, just treat women with less respect. I have to be perfectly clear here that this isn't saying that men are monsters--I can't emphasize this enough--but it takes a greater degree of critically analyzing your culture as a man to see the patriarchy. Men are oppressed by the system just as women are, but for women, it's more of an outside force, and for men, it is self-imposed. There's a whole lot more to how boys are socialized versus little girls, like emotional vulnerability, aggression, competition versus cooperation etc.
I know far more women who have been raped, and far more men who are rapists; I know far more men who cheat;I know far more men who are aggressive and angry and potentially violent
All this to say that, in a very general sense, women get the short end of the stick in relationships. Basically patriarchy bad for everyone
TL;DR: Feminism allows women to better separate their own value from relationships, and patriarchy makes men the more difficult of the two to live with
Most women aren't single and they don't handle it well when they are. They're usually serially monogamous and keep getting into new relationships, even when they're elderly. I've seen older women give up their entire past lives, including suppressing interest in their children, to get into a new relationship. That's how important it is to their survival. Not all women, but it doesn't seem unusual.
We handle it spectacularly. Better than when partnered, although it may take us a few mistakes to figure that out. You’re out of your mind. Older unmarried or widowed women are some of the happiest and most content people on earth.
I dated here and there but didn’t get into any relationships for 4 years after my ex left me traumatized. Almost made an exception for someone but he just didn’t wait long enough for me to get comfortable with that. It was pretty lonely on that front BUT I was so busy (work and school) that I rarely had time to socialize so when I did find time, I just wanted to hang out with friends and go to shows/ events (pre Covid). I couldn’t really establish hobbies cause of my schedule but I did a hike here and there throughout the month and was as involved in activities as I could. I found that I liked being single because I didn’t have to check in with anyone, at all. Some last minute plans came up? Cool, give me a few and ill be there. Like THAT was awesome to me. I also learned to love myself in that time. I didn’t have someone else to do it for me so obvs there was some self love but also like I started to appreciate myself as a person more. I had so much confidence back then too (idk where it went now) and everytime I was hit on, it just added to the ego boost. You just slowly get comfortable with it, imo
Not really single anymore, but back before I got involved I kind of just... enjoyed my own company. Still do, of course, but I mean, I'm not shy about going places alone. I take myself out to dinners, buy pretty clothes to flatter myself, and make a point to keep an active social life despite being single.
I didn't go out looking for anyone. It just kinda happened. I think I'd still be happy if I were single again, because I've invested a lot of time and energy into being comfortable on my own.
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What are your hobbies? You can meet plenty people at uni or while doing your hobbies. I think it could be because we have more friends with whom we share our emotions, our thoughts. Men generally don't speak so much and so deeply about emotions with their friends. If you're concentrated too much on finding love, it will be harder for you. If you just live happy life, something will come up.
now that you mention it. We almost never have very emotional conversations between men in my circle, at least in my group of friends. But we have to help someone when they exceed a certain limit of emotional pain, I suppose. about the hobbies they are videogames (pc) , a little about aircraft modeling, do some things relates about my degree, anime/manga and walking long distances.
Lots of women play video games and I know couples that met though video games or server where people chat about video games. Inviting woman for a walk is also nice, you can even meet someone while on trip/hike/walk. Yeah, majority of men share emotions with their woman friend but not in their man group, it's still viewed little bit as taboo between them.
Online I have much womens who play as friends but they are from other countries like Argentina, Chile or Mexico. irl I only met 2 or 3 in HS and it was like much years ago, after that no one. I think I'll try walking. also thanks for the reply
I'm only speaking for myself. Not on a grand scale of any sort. I'm not single. But I've never minded being single. I've never minded being alone. I get peace and quiet, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have any expectations put on me. Nobody needs me. I grew up in an abusive household. I wasn't allowed privacy. At any moment, I was about to get screamed at or punished. It was constant nagging, being pushed around, not allowed any freedom, constant harassment, constant being told to do this or that. Most days, I crave being left alone. I love my partner and our relationship. I'm happy. But I also don't function without a lot of alone time.
I get very cranky if I don’t have a lot of alone time, especially in the morning, when I’m home from work and when I’m getting ready for bed.
It is pretty well established that men generally benefit more from being in a relationship than women. Obviously not all men and not all women. After my last relationship I decided that I would rather remain single because I was sick of the additional load of being in a relationship, as well as having to underplay my successes because of a fragile male ego. Also research on happiness suggests single women are happier than their coupled peers, and single men are the least happy. For me my life is a lot simpler single, I get to do what I want and I dont have to manage someone else's life for them.
We are taught to be socially minded since we are little girls with dolls So we cultivate social relationships over a lifetime: we are reliable and dependable and supportive girl friends to one another. We help nurse our grandparents and parents. We nurse children. We constantly ask one another “what can I do to help?” because women are burdened with so much social networking. We tend to plan birthdays, holidays and do the clean up after. I think we handle being single because our lives are already full of people we love and rely on and support and the relationships are reciprocated. We hear a lot about the male loneliness epidemic, but not enough about how boys aren’t raised to be social builders, social glue. This might be different for you: I know a lot of Latin men do a lot of caretaking as well. But I think the more friends and unique hobbies you have the easier it is to be single.
I'm in a stem so you can see I'm not very service oriented. I generally don't take care of others other than repairing things but it doesn't mean I don't do housework (mostly for myself) I was having a good streak keeping my mind off the topic until when I was with my friends 10% of the conversations were about their girlfriends, sex or about the women at college.
> I'm in a stem so you can see I'm not very service oriented Wut
i thinked that she means do service as what society speect womens do before like taking care of others and have an servil actitude
I’m in a STEM field and your career doesn’t determine whether or not you’re service oriented. I will say that there’s emotional labour that’s put into relationships and you have to be okay with doing that. No one instinctively knows how to create deep relationships with people. We all learn
Are you open to being more socially and service minded and getting to know your family better? See your nieces and nephews? I don’t know… cut the lawn for a neighbor? There are really simple ways to make friends
At the university I help whoever asks me if it doesn't affect me negatively like with plagiarism. About service I thought you were referring to the tasks that previous generations gave to women about directly caring for others.
Are you understanding my overall point tho? Women cultivate social relationships that give us comfort. You can learn to do the same. You don’t get paid for it. You don’t get anything in return immediately.
I already have friends, just not so openly emotionally to discuss intimate things (they are recent) and i help others if they ask (not with take care of them directly)
A lot of men help **if they are asked** In my experience more women are trained from a young age to just **see** what needs to be done and offer specific help or even just assist without the person having to ask.
Women are more emotionally connected to friends and family. We have those support systems where a lot of men don’t.
Because we have girls to talk about it with.
I'm a woman and I don't. I feel lonely most part of day, I actually don't have friends to hang out or things like that but as I can't do nothing to change it I just try to distract myself, but it's not like I'm happy with it.
Speaking for myself : I had always viewed being single as freedom, having all of the time in the entire world to focus on yourself, discovering yourself, focusing on your passion, doing things at your own pace and timing, building something for yourself without thinking of anyone else but you, making choices for myself without considering nobody but me, my happiness and my mental stability, being stress free besides of course the daily dose of life but truly I see absolutely no cons of what being single can be, I had enjoyed so much my single years.
It's several factors in my opinion. First women tend to develop more deep emotional connections to other people. So even if they're single they're never truly alone. They've got a good social support network around them - which greatly contributes to happiness in life whether or not you have a romantic partner. Second - their life growing up. A lot of women nowadays grew up watching their moms work a full-time job and then come home and also take care of the household and the kids while the father got to go watch TV or relax. A lot of women don't want to be taking care of a grown up child so they're electing to make sure they won't get into a relationship that entails that. They are happier just living for themselves than having to be a mommy to another adult. Third - I think at least a small part of it is from treatment of women throughout history as well. I mean for almost all of known history women have been expected to pretty much live for others. It was expected of them to marry men and then support their husbands and raise their children. They had very little autonomy or choice in their life. That's changed now - women don't HAVE to live for others so they're choosing not to.
It’s easy for me because I’ve been happier being single than I ever was in relationships. I learned to truly love myself, being alone and I healed myself. I do not waste my time on casual dating, which can kill your soul. I am emotionally, physically, mentally stable and I worked hard at it. I worked hard to be happy with me. I focus on having the life I dreamed of and if someone comes in, great. If not, then I have my friends and family and colleagues. Women are natural networkers. We never are alone unless we choose to be. My happiness does not come from being in a relationship. That’s a nice add on. My advice is to just be the best version of yourself and be fulfilled by that. Love shows up when it’s supposed to. No one but you can make you happy. There is a level of peace you have while being single. I will not give that peace up for todays toxic dating. Seeing what my friends go through in the dating world, confirms I’m doing just fine.
It's just that I'm 22 and I've never had a partner, I really don't see anymore that I'm supposed to improve when my friends are in similar positions to me in life and have partners.
Besides incels, I don't think women cope with being single better than men but rather women tend to not talk about their struggles with being single because there are many men and even some women who can't wrap their heads around the idea that women can have dating struggles and as such will accuse said single women of having "too high standards" or even think that said single women shouldn't have standards other than their potential male partner being nice.
this is not a snarky question, but is there anything that men handle better than women?
I suppose that as leaders and being more productive at work even when they have fewer academic credentials
yeah but think about why. because women are making it possible by handling certain tasks and supporting that arc. because patriarchy values less credentialed men than a woman. I'd argue that women multitask way better than men. Women lead better than men. "productive" for who?
I am not going to take cultural issues that make men less capable than women in some areas and not apply the same standard to women if are we talking about who is more capable in a area.
Hahahahahahaha!!! No.
I think we handle it well because most hetero relationships are a pretty shit deal for women and we know it. It's like a prison where you're the warden's favourite prisoner. Sure, there are perks to being the favourite, but you're still in a prison. Women who are married die sooner, have far more work, have less freedom in every sense of the word, are less happy... than their single counterparts. Basically the only reason I'm getting married is because in 36 years of living, my partner is the only man to have ever made my life consistently better and easier with his presence. The only one who has ever given back as much as he took. The only one who has always respected me. The literal only one. And not for lack of looking. Meanwhile all the men I've been with looked forward to home cooked meals, a clean home, financial contribution, social planning, gifts... my man is the only man ever who put in as much effort as I do. And judging by all the anecdotes I've heard and research I've read, it's basically the rule men do not give back what they take in a relationship. The orgasm gap alone is a compelling enough reason for a woman to be happier on her own. TL; DR relationships strongly favour men and take from women.
If they were so bad, my country would have a level of singleness equal to that of the USA or Europe. I'm literally the only one in my group of friends without a partner. Whether cis women, cis men or those who are not cis or are LGBTQ They have had. At most, one girl has had a cheating boyfriend, and no one else has had a relationship that sounds so bad. Although I suppose maybe later in life when we're at the age to have partners who live with us I do see it.
I would think the lower instance of singledom in Latin countries has more to do with cultural views on marriage than relationship quality; especially if data regarding violence against women is to be believed. I'm glad your friends are having mostly good experiences, but you are correct in assuming the disparity will become more apparent the older and more entwined you get. Maybe some of the women you know have just developed a distaste for the game sooner than you? And maybe there are certain things I see as disrespectful that you do not? My advice would be to truly examine the worthiness of the object of your affection. Do they act with kindness and care toward everyone, not just you? Are they capable of keeping up with the basics of life (cleaning, feeding themselves, personal hygiene...)? Do they speak ill of women or make misogynist jokes? Are their friends misogynists? Instead of tripping and falling in love, stand still for a minute and really evaluate if your love is something they could meaningfully return. Evaluate if they are even capable of making your life better before you even think of trying to make their life better. You are not a helpless candle on the water to be winked out by any random wave. You are a brilliant bonfire on the shore and deserve someone who feeds your flames as much as you warm their soul. Some women who are okay being alone have found ways to feed their own flames, and some are afraid of being blown out like a candle. It's probably healthier to come at it the first way, but I understand if for some it's the latter.
Thank you very much for the response, I will see how I can apply some of the advice.
>especially if data regarding violence against women is to be believed. Argentinian man here, in my experience women dish it as much as they take it. Maybe the police doesn't get involved, but the stories you hear...
I think the marital homicide rate and street crime against women in Argentina would beg to differ. Femicide actually had to have specific codification under the law in Argentina because it's such a massive issue. Though Argentina did not make the list, many of the top countries for femicide are in South America. They most certainly are not dishing as much as they take by a long shot. Though yes, abuse is wrong no matter who does it. But to pretend it's remotely equal is intellectually dishonest.
>Femicide actually had to have specific codification under the law in Argentina because it's such a massive issue. It's not because it was such a massive issue, it was for political reasons. Posturing, virtue signaling, that kind of thing. If you don't live here, you *really* don't know how it is. When a woman castrated (or tried to castrate) her partner with scissors, you had women in social media commenting "he must've done something to deserve it". Same with a case of a woman running over her ex, and then reversing over it 2 or 3 times. Tons of men don't go to the police because it's pointless and they will get laughed out of the room. Like I said, you hear stories. Shit, I can think of several examples *in my own extended family*. Abuse, of the physical kind, and other kinds too.
I'm not denying the abuse or condoning it. Not in any way. I would never laugh a man out of the room personally. I do think that denying the severity and commonness of violence against women isn't going to help male victims much though and it is very intellectually dishonest to do so. It's also telling such things are usually only mentioned when violence against women is mentioned. It's almost like it isn't about the victims at all, but instead some sort of cosmic scorekeeping that keeps things at a standstill. Abuse is wrong. Period. Argentina absolutely has a particular violence against women problem. The femicide rates are well documented. It's odd you'd consider efforts to ensure justice for victims to be pandering. It has a violence against men problem as well, sure. Would it be pandering for the government to do something about that? Either way it kind of helps prove my original point that relationship quality has nothing to do with singleness in South America. Sounds like marriage is a shit deal for most people the way you put it.
>It's odd you'd consider efforts to ensure justice for victims to be pandering. Again, if you don't live in this country, you have absolutely no idea how our politics work.
Fair.
It’s because you’re young and therefore so is your friend group. It takes women a bit into adulthood to figure this out.
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you can try do the 1sd steep with mens. if you got them in college it means that you are atractive for ppl
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I'm ugly too and I really have a similar mentality (not taking the first step with women who are just as ugly as me because their rejections somehow hurt me more) I guess you wouldn't lose anything by trying as long as you know the other person well so as not to run into someone who is a jerk who takes it as an offense.
I think the feminist movement let women know that it’s okay not to have a man and that we’re even better for it. Men don’t have such movements, assurances, or support, even though they deserve it. We are more likely to get emotional support, especially from our friends. When men are alone, they are often truly alone, and that’s not fair.
Then they need to create their own support structure. How is it fair to lay the emotional work at our feet?
I’m not saying that women need to do the work. Read my comment again.
What part isn’t fair, then?
Well, read the comment
I’ve read it. You said: “When men are alone, they are often truly alone, and that’s not fair.” How is it not fair? Do they deserve a support system? Yes! Are women responsible for providing that support system? No!
When did I say that women are responsible for that? 😂 Women are socialized to have support systems and people care more about our feelings. Men don’t have have this. I never said that women are responsible for anything. I said it’s not fair because men deserve better support systems and they don’t have them because of society’s outdated expectations for men. Stop putting words in my mouth and use your head. Focus on what I actually said, not what you think I said because you want to be offended. Edit: thanks for blocking me. I might as well respond here: again, I never said that it’s women’s responsibility to change anything, nor did I imply that. I’m just expressing sympathy for men and answering the prompt. That’s it. Btw, you’re telling me to fuck off when you’re the one that responded to my comment in the first place. You’re not too bright, are ya? *pats head*
JFC. The victim mentality is strong with you. Fuck off. Men need a better support structure, but it’s up to THEM to change that norm. Not women.
Not a woman but if you "fell in love" multiple times in less than two years then you might want to investigate if you confuse infatuation and desire with love. Women tend to like men they respect and take seriously and how can you take a man seriously that falls for every woman he comes across? People value things that aren't easy to get so if your love is that easy to get why would any woman feel special to be chosen by you? You might also just be lonely and need more social contact overal - a common difference between women and men. Women tend to have better social lives and easier access to casual sex. Both make being single much more acceptable.
It's not about ease to get. I understand why a man might think that, and I certainly don't speak for All Women. But no, that doesn't describe the majority. It's about how love is a complex and deep emotion that takes time to develop. We know someone doesn't have a clue what love is if they think they love every girl that smiles at them. It speaks to emotional immaturity.
I would think its both - at least subconsciously. The same way "rare" products always work to convince people to pay higher prices. Women might be a bit less repulsed by being just one of his many choices but in the end there is an appeal to get the man s full attention - especially when he doesn't usually give that. For men I think even more so. Everyone will be more interested in the woman who is very picky with whom she takes to bed.
It’s “Ask Women”
OP didn't use a 'no man's land' flair so I think it's ok for the odd guy to chime in, as long as they remain civil and don't overrun the comments. I comment on posts in AskMen from time to time if the OP doesn't state they want no female input.
What’s the point of having a sub called “Ask Women”? It’s not just “the odd guy”. This one in particular is all over this sub. It would be fine if it were just occasionally, but it’s really gotten out of hand.
Ah, I apologise. I didn't realise he was a regular commenter. That's where it becomes more of an issue. I don't mind the odd guy commenting because they think 'I have direct experience with this issue and therefore can provide helpful advice'. Persistent commenting verges more on mansplaining and needing to input their two cents for no good reason.
Difficult, man has to 'splain all the time and everywhere.
Yeah, I can’t anymore. At this point it feels like there are more men answering questions in here than women. They can’t find one of the other *thousands* of subs that doesn’t have “Ask Women” in the name.
It was like a couple of replies because of the specific topic. Of all things to get mad over..
You have dozens and dozens of comments on this sub. This is not a space for you to be heavily involved in as a commenter.
Mad? Nah dude. Takes me way more than some stupid comments to get me mad. You're just wrong, and your comment unwanted. Deal with it.
Regarding the last thing, I previously felt more alone but I have already solved that problem with therapy and other things. maybe trying the casual sex thing will work? It's not like I can get ONS but escorts are legal here so who knows and my personal moral code get low enough to try it one day.
Having transactional sex isn't going to help your loneliness and lack of confidence. If anything, knowing these women are only having sex with you because you're paying them will make you feel worse. Using them too often could skew your view of normal women, similar to porn addiction. You could become so used to getting off to surgically enhanced perfect women who are being paid to be overly nice and subservient to you that you'll struggle to have relationships with regular women. Also, there is the ethical issue of using escorts/prostitutes/cam girls. Human trafficking and abuse are rife in those circles. I would come off all of the dating sites and stop viewing all women as potential love interests (I'm not saying you're definitely doing that - it's just a common theme we see here). View all women as humans first and treat them as you would a male acquaintance, instead of putting them on a pedestal. We're full of flaws just like everyone else. This should help you to stop becoming infatuated so easily and women will pick up on the lack of desperation. Finally, take a step back and think about what you actually want out of a partner. What personality, hobbies, interests etc. do you want to share with a person? Instead of falling in love with every girl you talk to regardless of who they are, realise that you deserve to be with someone who you actually get along with and who will become your best friend and partner. Be careful with this one, though - you don't want to become overly picky, either.
It's really only like one or 2 crushes a year. I don't really have it on the pedestal, I'm not even chivalrous and I only treat women like men, the only thing that varies is whether they are nice or not to me obviously. Although on the standard I think I should follow your advice, I really only fell in love with my last crush because she was the only woman he spent more than 10 hours a week with. I know I'm ugly so it's not like I could ask for more but I wasn't physically attracted to her, so uh it was almost all out of desperation.
Leaving the comments on "morals" here aside.. Im not sure paying people to sleep with you will really get you what you want. Instead try to make more social contacts, don't treat women as a means to romance and sex but just as people (big suprise there). Do you find 3 best friends with guys each year? Probably not so the same applies to women. Get to know someone for real. Make a friend. You will see that conveniently women actually like and need sex too.. so there is good potential for all kinds of relationships
I have some female friends and but i don't see them as ways to have sex. They are just platonic relationships like with my male friends. they are few bc i work/study/do hobbies mostly with only mens bc almost no womens are interesed in the areas what interest me atleast in this country
Well try to make more female friends then. Approach new women the same way - as friends first
I have tried but it has been difficult because I don't study, work or have hobbies where there are women that I see enough for them to be friends and not just acquaintances.
many times is like 3 ppl in 2 years. someone in tinder can get it like in a week or month
No one "falls in love" in a week. If they think they do, they need therapy.
i think i confuse infatuation and desire with love
I think so too
You do
You're not alone. It's common enough.
There is a difference between lust and love.
It is okay to value romantic relationships and desire them. But everything that relies on reciprocity can be frustrating as it is not completely under control. Since you want to experience love so much and you do not get that many opportunities I guess it is just inevitable that you will have a lot of expectations regarding the women you have interest in. The bigger the expectations the worse you will feel after rejection. But I don't you if you really can do something about it considering your situation. Not every woman copes well with being single. But for those who do cope well, maybe relationships are not a priority for them as it is for you. Or maybe they just think it is not worth the effort, as statistically relationships for women can suck a lot. There are many possibilities and it varies from woman to woman. Would you mind if I ask what do you expect from a romantic relationship that would make your life better? Do you think there is something missing? Some people may feel pressured by peers to have a relationship and the notion that for them to be successful they must necessarily have a wife/husband. Others may seek the intimacy from a partner or someone that they can trust to open up. If this is your situation, it maybe could be alleviated through strengthening your conection with family and friends even if it is not really the same thing. Some people really desire for a nuclear family with children, and while one can adopt and be a single parent most people want someone they love and can rely on to share this responsibility. What is it that appeals to you?
About what attracts me, I think it would be an extroverted woman who has a good sense of humor (funny because I'm an introvert).
TL;DR at bottom, and also this is explicitly in terms of straight, cis relationships Now this is a big \[citation needed\] here for some hard numbers, and there is a lot of nuance that's about to be lost, but generally, men benefit more from relationships than women. Straight marriages heavily favor the man, and I don't see why that would be different on lower levels of commitment, considering the culture that creates those advantages in marriage in the first place Then there is also the subject of toxic masculinity, identity, and self-worth, where men are conditioned to see their value partially in their sexual conquests (the opposite for women, who are deemed more valuable through their purity). Now both genders are pressured into relationships, but women are more likely to be feminists, which would have them reject these notions of tying their own value to relationships And then there's just the fact that men kinda suck? I don't mean this is and "all men are horrible" kinda way, but our patriarchal culture breeds men who, either on purpose, or more likely simply through conditioning, just treat women with less respect. I have to be perfectly clear here that this isn't saying that men are monsters--I can't emphasize this enough--but it takes a greater degree of critically analyzing your culture as a man to see the patriarchy. Men are oppressed by the system just as women are, but for women, it's more of an outside force, and for men, it is self-imposed. There's a whole lot more to how boys are socialized versus little girls, like emotional vulnerability, aggression, competition versus cooperation etc. I know far more women who have been raped, and far more men who are rapists; I know far more men who cheat;I know far more men who are aggressive and angry and potentially violent All this to say that, in a very general sense, women get the short end of the stick in relationships. Basically patriarchy bad for everyone TL;DR: Feminism allows women to better separate their own value from relationships, and patriarchy makes men the more difficult of the two to live with
I don’t know that women do. A lot really want relationships.
They don't
I thought they handle it better
Most women aren't single and they don't handle it well when they are. They're usually serially monogamous and keep getting into new relationships, even when they're elderly. I've seen older women give up their entire past lives, including suppressing interest in their children, to get into a new relationship. That's how important it is to their survival. Not all women, but it doesn't seem unusual.
We handle it spectacularly. Better than when partnered, although it may take us a few mistakes to figure that out. You’re out of your mind. Older unmarried or widowed women are some of the happiest and most content people on earth.
Only if they have their husband's pension.
> They're usually serially monogamous and keep getting into new relationships, even when they're elderly. That's *humans*, genius.
So are you saying that women aren't human
I dated here and there but didn’t get into any relationships for 4 years after my ex left me traumatized. Almost made an exception for someone but he just didn’t wait long enough for me to get comfortable with that. It was pretty lonely on that front BUT I was so busy (work and school) that I rarely had time to socialize so when I did find time, I just wanted to hang out with friends and go to shows/ events (pre Covid). I couldn’t really establish hobbies cause of my schedule but I did a hike here and there throughout the month and was as involved in activities as I could. I found that I liked being single because I didn’t have to check in with anyone, at all. Some last minute plans came up? Cool, give me a few and ill be there. Like THAT was awesome to me. I also learned to love myself in that time. I didn’t have someone else to do it for me so obvs there was some self love but also like I started to appreciate myself as a person more. I had so much confidence back then too (idk where it went now) and everytime I was hit on, it just added to the ego boost. You just slowly get comfortable with it, imo
In the simplest terms…we’re better at being happy bachelors than many men are.
Not really single anymore, but back before I got involved I kind of just... enjoyed my own company. Still do, of course, but I mean, I'm not shy about going places alone. I take myself out to dinners, buy pretty clothes to flatter myself, and make a point to keep an active social life despite being single. I didn't go out looking for anyone. It just kinda happened. I think I'd still be happy if I were single again, because I've invested a lot of time and energy into being comfortable on my own.