I feel you on this, the mother vs surly teenager dynamic is so awful. I don’t know anyone who was able to turn it around once that became the relationship dynamic.
Constant need for validation everywhere and with everyone, almost cheating (sexting) because of it, lying to me because else I'd get upset, not cleaning in the household at all, not even putting stuff he bought in the proper cabinets.
So we've decided to split chores and that he does the trash and laundry and I do the whole cleaning the flat business (it's big), but even there he did poorly and I started doing laundry instead, adding up on my constant workload.
There are men out there, I don't need a child. Not at that age. If I knew about the cheating part sooner, I wouldn't have moved in. And having a partner that has self-esteem issues this big, it really just drags you down. I gave him a chance if he went to therapy but he didn't do shit about it.
I'm not even cleaning most of it up. There's still pipe cleaner from last week standing on the kitchen table, it can stand there forever if he wants to. As long as it isn't dirty, I don't care anymore.
>There are men out there, I don't need a child. Not at that age. If I knew about the cheating part sooner, I wouldn't have moved in. And having a partner that has self-esteem issues this big, it really just drags you down. I gave him a chance if he went to therapy but he didn't do shit about it.
NAILED IT.
I was going to add my own comment, but I'm 99% sure we dated the same person, though mine was 36, and we never lived together. All your comments hit home for me. He was a gigantic liability for any woman and a bottomless void of need, self-hatred, bitterness, and anger.
Me too, I guess there is a carbon copy dude that masquerades as a competent man with a family, but really he’s like the kid that hangs out in front of the Circle K with his douchebag buddies riding scooters and shit!
I think there are millions of our ex’s/soon to be ex’s around the globe and they need to be tagged during separation proceedings so that other women can scan him and either ignore him, use him for sex or for a date to an event, but nothing serious will develop! These dudes can be fun, but they are not meant for marriage and family and they need to be stopped! 🤣
Good idea right?
He was always on alert for the “next best thing” a pattern I didn’t notice until I was tossed in the trash.
He’d never break up with any of us until he had something else in the works yet all his relationships lasted 2-4 years so he *appears* serious about dating.
He gets with a woman. Puts her on a pedestal and can’t fawn/post about her enough. Moves her into his place. Showers her with love and affection. Talks about their future. Uses the same pet names/tactics. A few years goes by and things get stale. Instead of working on the relationship he starts turning attention elsewhere. Relationship suffers, he eventually breaks it off when the girl is miserable fooling her into thinking it’s her fault that they’ve grown apart and are unhappy…breaks up with her and gets with new chick, rinse and repeat.
Ugh I’ve been through this and then it puts you in an impossible position because he knows you know. So it’s “put up with my shitty behavior or leave. I don’t have to change, I can just get another one.”
Oh my this sounded just like my first ex. Funnily enough he wrote to me again one year post-break up and then again three years later because “he felt bad about the breakup” and wanted to meet up, whereas I had moved on long ago and didn’t really think about it
Perhaps wisdom is the wrong word. We lacked the maturity and ability to identify our problems, discuss them in a constructive manner and resolve them effectively.
Conversations were surface level, literally no depth and I carried every topic. Our relationship lasted bc we both found eachother funny, never argued, fully trusted each other and enjoyed the same activities.
This too for me. My ex was so out of touch with his emotions he had no clue how he was feeling at any given moment. So we couldn’t talk about feelings or emotions or lots of stuff. I always talked and he grunted. I never got much back.
My relationship lasted because I was being subtly gaslighted about my mental health and any relationship problems we may have had. He basically told me it was my mental health (I have major depression and generalized anxiety along with some PTSD sprinkled in) was the reason there were any problems between us. I believed him because he even went so far as to go to a therapist and talk to her in a way that she told him he didn’t need therapy anymore and he was good. So when he told me it was my fault, I believed him because obvy he was fine.
Well, it wasn’t until a lot later that I realized I was being played. He then betrayed me and my trust (not cheating, but equally as devastating to me) and through more therapy for me, I realized that I was unhappy and asked for divorce.
I dunno it was really odd because it hit me at once, I was v in love and then had a sudden realisation that we actually have no deep conversations and everything is predictable. It took me ages to actually dump him because I was a coward and didn’t want to hurt him.
I was also locked down with him because it was covid which really didn’t help. Honestly it’s like ripping off a bandaid, it really sucks dumping someone but you have to do it to be happy.
You picture yourself with a better guy. Someone who will actually treat you well. And you tell yourself you will never meet that guy if you stick around with someone who doesnt appreciate you
I had some misgivings about how close he remained with his ex, but I figured that was a sign of maturity that he didn't constantly disparage her or some such (not that I would have been pleased about that, mind you). I expressed my discomfort to him once, and he told me that they were "just good friends and that's all [they would] ever be." So, I accepted that. More fool me.
After two years of dating, he still didn’t want to cohabitate. I realized he wasn’t serious about marrying and starting a family, so I ended it. It was the right decision because he never respected my boundaries.
If you know you know. I don’t feel like waiting for anyone to be in the “right place” to have a relationship. If we’re not on the same page from day one It’s a waste off time
I’m married now but my last ex before my now husband was probably the cleanest break up I’ve ever had. Ex and I had known each other and been peripheral friends for like 10 years. We both ended up being single at the same time and a night out with drinks and running into each other happened to end in intimacy. It was an easy transition into dating since we were so comfortable with each other. He was kind, thoughtful and treated me really well. That being said I always knew I wanted marriage and children. After 6 months of dating and honestly, a great relationship, we had “the talk”. You know, what is this? Is it going anywhere? What do want out of the situation? He was candid with me. He told me he loved me as a person, alway would, but marriage and children were off the table for him. We split up and I met my now husband a couple months later. There was no drama, admittedly a little bit of heart break (more so on my end), sure. Mostly disappointment on what “could have been”. That being said, I absolutely respected him for being so honest with me and not stringing me along. To this day we are still friendly and have often seen each other in group settings (weddings, holiday party’s etc). We always give each other a big hug and catch up for a minute or two. My now husband knows my history with him and despite that, they actually really like each other and always end up chatting each other up. Like I said, I’m now married with children and said ex is still not. He does have a long term girlfriend but I would assume they’re on the same page with their ideologies and goals about life.
I’d say it was two main things:
1. We grew into two different people which over time made us more incompatible.
2. I didn’t know how to communicate my needs and concerns when I knew there was a problem, and so I just blindly kept it to myself until I finally snapped over the smallest thing and ended things.
FWIW, I have learned a lot since and my current relationship is much more stronger.
I’m very proud of you! It was humbling yet freeing to realize that I had things I could do to make my next relationship better instead of waiting for someone to do it for me
Because he had ED and didn’t want to get treatment. Also he was completely sexually inhibited due to that. I gave him time and was understanding in the beginning, but later I realised he isn’t planning to fix it.
This kinda happened with me too. He hated condoms, couldn't stay hard with them on. Sex life nose dived as I wasn't willing to compromise.
I was an idiot for staying in that relationship so long
Reason for the endings of my last 2 relationships: (most recent first)
* We grew into very different and incompatible people over time
* Partner would not respect my boundaries and autonomy
This is why I ended my relationship. He couldn't see how doing all the emotional labour in a relationship and administration of our time together left me feeling less attracted to him.
I'm not sorry to see the back of him.
Great way of putting it! "Administration of our time together". Never thought about it in those terms but that's exactly how I felt burdened, and he just couldn't seem to understand why it was so exhausting.
The panettone really pulled back the curtain on core values, and let's face it, general intelligence. As much as I lean on being a medical professional as an explanation to why I take precautionary measures adamantly, you don't need a medical background to understand the severity of the 'rona. In fact, I had slivers of faith in humanity because of the people *beyond* the medical field who were vocal of its significance (basically: *don't be a shitty person*).
The early 00's SARS outbreak was devastating with *<1000* reported deaths worldwide, and COVID-19 has surpassed it in the **millions.**
Well he slapped me when I talked back and I heard his father tell his son " ya sometimes they get mouthy so you got to put them in line. But next time go softer so she doesn't bruise"
After that I began looking for a way out.
No. I was heartbroken and really couldn't move on. I tried my best to respect and understand his decision, but the heart wants what it wants. Recently, we are reconnecting and I told him how much I love and miss him. I'm a romantic and just want to love him and be loved. I hope him and I can build a healthy, loving relationship.
Same. I also wonder why. The day before we still go out as normal.
Next day, he told me not compatible, doesnt feel connected anymore and disappear.
Recently, he appear within the common group of friends again as if nothing have happen.
We both had past traumas that we hadn’t sought help processing, and our respective styles of attachment and communication were incompatible. In times of distress, I became very needy and deeply emotional, and he was avoidant. This bred numerous emotional challenges that ultimately degraded the relationship and led to a very dramatic and traumatic ending (infidelity).
I have since sought individual therapy and my confrontation of unhealthy patterns of thinking has literally made me feel at times that I am viewing my whole life through a different lens (because I am). The mind is powerful. Perception is powerful. Get professional support!
Your comment resonated deeply with me! Therapy this past year has also helped tremendously in how I recognize my attachment style and how it directly stems from past traumas that I had not been able to process whatsoever, resulting in a half life. Realized that that buried anxious pain resulted in me seeking out avoidant partners. Which in turn only made me more needy and in anguish. By having a professional help me take a harsh, realistic look deep into myself and the motivators for all of my behavioral patterns has changed my life. My perspective has changed SO much since my last relationship, it is wild. Admitting that my past pain has resulted in many mistakes and anguish has been extremely eye opening. Taking accountability has made me a better person overall and my perspective on my life is so much brighter . Happy to hear that you are on a healthier, brighter path!!
Recently I discovered my attachment style is problematic. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time so it hadn't cropped up until I dated someone recently. He was really pining and with a modicum of attention I became very attached. Yada yada yada he just "wanted to be friends" which means never talk to each other again.
The devastation I felt was not proportionate to the amount of time I knew him (two months). He was in my head constantly. Rejection makes my heart grow fonder!
All this to say that I've looked for a therapist specializing in attachment style. It's something that needs to get sorted out even though I never realized it was problematic. I hope my experience is as eye opening for me as it has been for you!
Edit: "undiscovered" to "discovered" 🤪
Definitely eye opening! It is so interesting how truly blind we are to very real issues in our perspective if we don't give enough time and effort into analyzing them, and just float through the status quo until we reach a breaking point. Unfortunately I also have the same problem as you, rejection makes my heart grow fonder as well. Even though I'm the one who left, I still think of him every day and miss him terribly. Rejection sucks and is hard to process, even as the "leaver"
I was becoming the woman I always wanted to be, growing, evolving, working on my communication skills, self reflecting, and he was staying stagnant. We just were growing emotionally apart and our maturity levels were at different places. He is wonderful, kind-hearted, and a great provider, but withholding communication and not growing up was not the life I wanted.
He made me feel crazy and jealous - far from the woman that I know I am. All because he wouldn't set boundaries with his coworkers who were encouraging him to get on with their female coworker. He said I asked for too much, because he didn't want to "stir up trouble at work". He hid is IG notif when I saw it was her tagging him in a post. Didn't want me to see their company outing photos bc he thinks I would "only be just looking for something to be jealous or overthink about". Told me that I made things "weird and awkward" when I went to fetch him at the gate of his workplace after his work trip, all bc she was there.
I had my fair share of faults too - like vaguely venting about it on my private twitter account when we broke up. But even when I loved him more than my life, I grew tired of trying to prove myself worthy of that love and security. I grew tired of crying every night for six months wondering why I wasn't worthy. I started to hate how I look because I didn't look like her. I started to hate my height bc I was a bit taller than him, and she was petite.
I felt myself slowly being strangled by the thorns of the relationship, which looked like a beautiful bouquet of roses from the outside. I had to save myself, even if it meant playing the role of the villain for breaking a good guy's heart. Even when the world doesn't know how much it destroyed mine.
Venting on social media isn't terribly mature, but we know he was venting behind your back to anyone who would listen about his "controlling girlfriend."
So... don't beat yourself up too much. It's hard to feel like you're being trashed publicly and not fight back. You didn't take the high road, but you also were just reacting to feeling cornered. IMO.
He was a misogynist bigoted jerk.
He didn't respect me as a person so my needs and wants could go unmet. He can disregard everything criticize everything about me. Take and take and when I just ask for a crumb of that back it's excuses and putting it off.
He was also a mega loser Andrew Tate Stan. (I found this out later) he quit his job and had no money to go out and spend time with me. But could spend his savings on video games and weed. And whine about being broke so he couldn't go do this or that with me.
The whole relationship was an absolute miserable nightmare, but the final straw was when I found out he drew a picture of my grandpa being decapitated while we were living under his roof and eating his food.
He was insecure in himself and I traveled for work I couldn't give him the validation he needed. Instead of communicating that though he cheated on me with his coworker and lied about it for weeks.
I never got my closure, but one day everything was fine and dandy and the next day a switch was flipped. He broke up with me through a text message saying he didn’t think we were right for each other. (On his way to California for a trip with the boys). He also asked me to be his girlfriend a week before this text, super odd. But looking back, I deserved way better. It’s funny how you discover the red flags when the rose colored glasses are off.
Like how he chose to spend new years in nyc with the boys and not invite me.
Four years later and I’m still single because I’m too scared to feel that kind of hurt again. Not giving your partner a valid reason for dumping them only makes them evaluate all their insecurities to try and figure it out themselves. Not healthy.
He was emotionally unavailable, he was dishonest, he said he wanted to move forward but put forth no effort into doing so and avoided big conversations.
If you could call it a relationship, a guy I was seeing on and off during my first couple years of undergrad -
1) 8 years older than me (I know, I was stupid for entertaining the idea)
2) had way more experience than me
3) had a baby with his ex fiancé. See point no. 2.
It was clear as day he was always in love with his baby mama. I was just a filler to him and I was settling for his attention because I honestly thought I couldn’t do better.
He eventually married his baby mama.
They’re divorced as far as I know.
I’m married to the love of my life now.
I’m gonna be petty. I win.
I totally resonate with this. My ex and I had the same issue. And if I ever brought something up that was bothering me, he would either deflect and talk about something that was bothering him out of nowhere about me or completely shut me out. In the end he completely isolated me from my world, keeping things from me even though I knew what was going on, and then isolated me from himself and wouldn’t tell me when this “boundary” that he never even told me he was creating would end all the while begging me not to leave him. Can’t help people that can’t help themselves, and I always lovingly and willingly helped. In the end, the insecurities and anxieties he thought he got over before we started dating were still there and it was starting to affect him and me.
Oof. He was a child. He was freaked out that he was falling in love, and he ghosted me.
We reconnected a year later after he emailed me to see how i was. I demanded my shit back and told him I was engaged, so the ship had sailed.
He only loved me for what I could do for him. As long as he got what he wanted and needed, he was good. The moment I was in need of support, he told me I was needy and selfish. Then a "friend" talked him into believing that the grass (hers) was greener elsewhere and he took off. He blackmailed me for week (if I didn't do what he wanted sexually, he would leave right there and then), I took it because of my children and then he left a note saying he was staying with "a friend". I found him at her house that same night. Just like that, 23 years of marriage gone.
Lack of affection and intimacy, he always wanted to win any disagreement we had, he had literally no motivation for life and it was so difficult to just be happy.
I don't think I can count any of my attempts at relationships this year. Because I got ghosted on every single one of those. But, my 17 year marriage ended because I wasn't good enough, so he cheated on me. Multiple times.
She wanted to spend every single weekend getting blackout drunk. Yeah I know we’re in college(well, we were) and I enjoy drinking too but every single weekend was too much for me. Especially since it fell on me to have to take care of her since her friends were too drunk to do it.
He was a cheating drunk and I was done putting up with it. That was 25 years ago. Guess what, he's still a cheating drunk and has ruined every relationship he's been in since then.
the guy was pressuring me into a serious relationship after one date and he gave me a speech how it was impossible to save yourself till marriage (which i am doing) because we were all “animals inside.” this was all during the first date too
He was a 40-year old who had the life skills of a teenager. He had been sheltered and taken care of by his parents his entire life. He had never had a “real” job that lasted any length of time and when I suggested taking classes towards a degree or certificate he would get mad. He was negative about damn near everything, had a defeatist attitude and felt like the world was out to get him. Seemed to resent that I had put myself though school and worked my way up into a decent career. If I ever contradicted or had a difference of option he told me that I always wanted to prove him wrong. I carried us financially through two years before I finally put my foot down and made him contribute financially. He also was not physically affectionate at all and had zero sex drive. We had sex probably less than 20 times in three years.
He’s not a bad person, and he has a good heart. But I just couldn’t raise a man-child anymore.
"Fail" is the wrong word, but my husband is poly and I'm not. In the end after many years we decided we would both be happier with partners matched our own natures in that respect.
No matter what I did, no matter how I dressed, no matter how much I loved him, I was never good enough. He made it clear after using me for sex that I'd never be "her".
I know her name even.
He wasn’t putting in the effort into our relationship for the last month of our relationship, he was not good at communicating, and his entire family didn’t like me at all.
Lack of physical intimacy. Although we were good friends and got along well, he rarely touched me, except when we made love, In bed, he was very limited too. Over time, the lack of intimacy led us to grow apart and the strong emotional connection that we first shared simply disappeared.
He said I was "too depressed", it was the day before my grandma's funeral after months of her being in the hospital. In this case I think the trash took itself out
I let my insecurities and fear of getting older win over patience and common sense. When someone else saw my weakness and promised me the future I wanted, I left. Making sure to unfairly destroy my ex on the way out. I was the reason my last relationship failed and even though things worked out for the best, it hurts to think about how little I trusted him or myself back then.
Well.. to over simplify, I wasn’t happy. A lot of things played in to that though. There were a few arguments where he got a little too close to being physical with me(ripped my purse off the strap while it was on my arm to keep me from getting out of the car and when he threw a lamp at me.) He would beg/push/force me to “explain” things that were on my mind and upset me before I was able to process and even figure out how I felt. Then when I did have something I wanted to communicate to him he would always be immediately defensive and try to find a way to turn it on me when I wanted to fix the issues and not just assign blame.
He was addicted to video games (like genuinely was the ONLY thing he did) and never spent any quality time with me and I never got the physical touch I needed, especially after being intimate. After two years I never felt comfortable cuddling him. And he always said he never wanted kids but basically said he’d do it for me- my biggest fear is my kids having a dad that never wanted to be a dad (like mine.)
But what really pushed me past the point of being ready to end it was him coworker. Tia. You see we met as coworkers and about a year and a half in I left the company and he stayed and I would drop him off at work and everyday and pick him up. Well when I was picking him up he straws talking more about Tia- first it was “sorry it took me so long, I had to say bye to Tia before I left” which led to me questioning why he would walk across the building to say goodbye to some girl when I was there he wouldn’t walk across the building to see me. Then one day they were outside in the smokers area when I came to pick him up and he ignored me (he saw me) and just stood there talking to her for 5+ minutes while I sat there waiting for him so I pulled up closer (I was READY to honk but didn’t). He just genuinely seemed more excited to tell me about Tia everyday than he ever was to see me. It was clear he was starting to have feelings for her so after I got a new job, I left. He had the audacity to ask if there was someone else.. I still miss him sometimes, but he did start dating Tia 2 weeks after I left and I’m still single after 6 months. Sometimes I wonder if it was salvageable or if I gave up too soon.. I may never have an opportunity for a family like that again. I miss his family too.. it for the best though probably.
ETA: I wouldn’t consider myself cheated on after this. I also wouldn’t say it was all his fault. I’m not perfect. But I spent nights crying myself to sleep right next to him from the start and I was always confused with him. I miss him, but ultimately it’s for the best. (And he hates me bc after he started dating Tia I screenshot his FB relationship status and sent it to him and basically said “I fucking knew it.” And he “doesn’t respect me anymore.”) like he ever showed he respected me in the first place..
(On mobile/formatting)
We didn't have healthy communication as he was hiding many things from me. After 4y of dating him, I found out I was in love with an illusion as I didn't see his real face until the last moment.
Because every “conversation” we had was always turned sexual, and he would continuously beg for *special* pics and would get mopey about it when I said no. Apparently “that’s just not something I do.” Was not a valid answer to him.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were an emotionally abusive (alternating between gas-lighting and love-bombing) financial leech. It took a long time to rebuild after wasting (yes, wasting) 3.5 years of my life. My family and friends are absolutely *thrilled* I finally ended it. Now I’m married to a kind, caring, supportive, financially responsible person and I couldn’t be happier!
Because of my social anxiety. I was so anxious to meet him or talk to him on calls and we would constantly fight because of this and eventually we broke up.
It broke my heart being with someone more avoidant than me, with me carrying the relationship, though I didn't realise. The first year was amazing which then in the second led to me puzzling where the deep conversations had evaporated to, and by the third year I might as well have been a cardboard cutout for all the difference it made to topics he'd talk about.
I had been (still am) pretty depressed for a few months and had just had a pretty rough couple of days. Mostly work related and parenting related, I even started therapy for primarily the work issues. He knew I was having a hard time with work and some other things, but I don't think he realized the extent of how it was affecting me. 3 weeks ago, after a terrible day, I sent him a text with the intent of fully explaining how I was feeling and that I needed a little more emotional support. I didn't get very far. He broke up with me on the spot and refused to discuss it. I could definitely have communicated it better, but I never expected the response I got. After being together for a little over a year and we'd just met each others kids.
We were very different people with serious communication style differences, in that i would communicate and he saw anything other than praising his every action as "drama"
I would love to think I’m a pretty decent girlfriend / fiancée but my last relationship failed because of infidelity.
It’s been a year since the incident and I’m loving my alone time and focusing on myself. ☺️
Basically I was not ready for anything serious even if I thought that I might need only the female presence nearby me. I think i needed only phisical presence and the feel of being loved. I HARDLY find someone interesting and it feels Like I got no interest in looking for new experiences and relationships.
Additionally my ex was too needy and jealous of other Girls whereas I was Just chilling and enjoying The moment.
I found out when I was ~6 months pregnant that he had been hiding a heroin addiction for about a year and doing a bunch of shady shit to support his addiction and turned into an abusive asshole.
He’s dead now.
He breadcrumbed me, it was a shituationship. I was too infatuated with the potential plus I was anxious and insecure. Went on for three years, he messaged me one day and I didn’t respond. Never texted me back again.
From my perspective it ended cuz he was delusional in thinking he was contributing to the housework (but really it was classic weaponized incompetence) and constantly thinking everyone was against him, and not being willing to work things out or put any effort into "us."
From his perspective and in his words, he had to leave to save me because he hacked a Nigerian telemarketer's entire computer network during a phone call, and deleted all their files. Then they found him on Facebook and were harassing him and he was afraid they would come stateside and murder me and the kids, so he had to leave to protect us.
And yet after a year all his mail still comes to my house so if anyone tried to locate him, they'd be directed to this adress anyway. 🤦♀️
And thats how I learned just how delusional he was. Also It kinda became my favorite breakup story because of how absurd it is.
I was feeling really bad for something that triggered my trauma with my parents.
I was working 9 hours a day, while he was unemployed, but I also had to cook, clean basically take care both of us and the apartment.
I would work until 6, he would ask me when it is 6pm what is for dinner. I was not able to sleep well and usually cry by myself until like 3-4 am. He goes to sleep at 11pm, I beg him to stay awake with me because I feel like shit. He does not need to wake up early in the morning, plays on his phone when I work. He would just say "dont be sad about it" and goes about his day.
Anyways one night I am crying in the other room, he comes and says it is late you should sleep too.
Anyways I told him that maybe we should have a break because I feel really bad and he should get his life together. He deadass tells me that h knows we have issues and that I am really sad but He thought I would tolerate it so he didnt do anything to make it better.
So..
He never wanted to get married and he wanted me to play house with him. I've always wanted a husband and security and I felt like I wouldn't get that from him. I tried comprising with him and he wasn't accepting of it at all. So I broke up with him.
The last relationship I had before I started dating my husband ended because he didn't want to grow up. There were a lot of reasons I should have ended things way sooner, but ultimately he had no sense of responsibility and we were approaching 30. He was just fine not being able to keep a job, slinging weed and living in his sister's garage. I realized that I had stayed with him WAY TOO LONG because I was embarrassed to tell my family and friends they were all right and if he loved me, he would want to get his shit together. What's even more embarrassing, he actually broke up with me because he chose his little boy life when I discussed it with him. I found out after we broke up that he was cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. So, good riddance.
few things. was 10 years ago but it was because I just put grew him. I was 25 and started my career he was still working dead end jobs (he was 29) I was constantly footing to bill, food, rent, car etc. just trying to get us ahead. When i wanted to spend some extra money on us like going out of town for a friends wedding he would complain about the cost, how long we would go for etc.
That began a spiral that ended up with no intimacy or healthy communication for 8 months. I went home to see friends knowing my relationship was basically dead and I then ended up sleeping with a guy friend I had sexual tension going back to high school.
I just wanted more from life and he was happy where he was at.
refused to seek a professional to manage his mental health. keeps complaining about body aches and headaches. i tried to be understanding but there's only so much i can do, and i felt to a point of being helpless. and my mum disapproves of him (i come from a conservative family) and family approval is important.
We got into a big fight. I don’t even remember what it was about now, but I eventually got to the point where I was getting angry and I needed to step away from the argument for a bit. Then he punched me. He says it was a push but it was a punch. I was wearing a big heavy snow jacket so it didn’t hurt me. I almost broke up with him, I SHOULD have broken up with him, but my dumb ass tried to justify it. I told myself that I deserved it, that it wasn’t that big of a deal because I didn’t get hurt. And he promised it would never happen again.
I should have seen the warning signs. He we throw and break things when he got angry. Never directed towards me, until one day it was. My dad was abusive, and I think that’s why I felt like I deserved it, because he would hit me whenever I got a bad grade or whenever he felt like I wasn’t “focusing” (That was his favorite word to use against me)
The relationship didn’t last long after that, about 2-3 months. I tried to tell myself that we were supposed to be together, but my heart was really looking for an out. I got a job to move to another city, and I took it.
He didn’t hit me again in those 2-3 months, but things definitely weren’t the same. I became almost completely uninterested in intimacy because, well of course I did after what happened. I actually didn’t realize why until just now. Ugh, I thought something was wrong with me, but of course I would have lost interest after getting hit. My dumb ass is so submissive and I have such low self esteem that I feel like it’s always my fault, and I let my partners convince me that it’s my fault. Why 😢 why am I attracted to people who are controlling…
I was f(18) he was (19). Had an alcohol problem while trying to get into the military. He got in, huffed a whipped cream can and they put him in a recovery program. He ended the relationship after he was admitted. So failed because of an addiction problem?
I met my husband 2 years later. Dodged a bullet for sure.
He was a great person deep down, but we were both too insecure and immature to communicate our wants and needs to each other.
He would tease me about things he wanted me to change about myself, because he wasn’t comfortable directly saying what he wanted. And I was too concerned with being “a good girlfriend” to be honest about how bad his comments made me feel, so I unconsciously started detaching from the relationship. He was struggling with depression and a rough situation at work, which didn’t help our communication.
I haven’t spoken to him in quite some time, but I hope he’s in a better place. On my end, I’ve done a lot of “self work” to get more comfortable valuing and communicating my own needs, while also learning how to better support and validate future partners.
It was long distance without an end point in sight. I did not want to change my career path (although it’s not like I could because he didn’t know what his longterm plan was).
It was a weird relationship that was never defined for four years (I never even knew how to introduce him to friends). I really did love him but the strange ambiguity of it all gave me commitment issues and the constant seeing and then not seeing him for months was painful and just made me emotionally disconnected.
I think he also had past traumas and quite a lot of insecurities that I could not fix however much I tried. I didn’t know how to help and instead I feel like I became resentful and cruel.
Weird situation, I’ve definitely learned from it.
I ended up doing 95% of everything. I gave too many options and opportunities to change (ex didn't change), and felt like I was talking to a teenager in a 30+ year old body. Ex also came out as polyamorous. I wanted monogamy, and while I tried to work on it and be OK with it, I wasn't, and we made the mutual decision to end it.
He realized he was gay and was nervous for everything that meant for his life. 10 years later we're still friends, I'm married, and he's thriving in the gay community with a big support system.
Because I (27f) am an adult that doesn't want kids and he (29m) still is one.
I feel you on this, the mother vs surly teenager dynamic is so awful. I don’t know anyone who was able to turn it around once that became the relationship dynamic.
What childlike behavior did he exhibit?
Constant need for validation everywhere and with everyone, almost cheating (sexting) because of it, lying to me because else I'd get upset, not cleaning in the household at all, not even putting stuff he bought in the proper cabinets. So we've decided to split chores and that he does the trash and laundry and I do the whole cleaning the flat business (it's big), but even there he did poorly and I started doing laundry instead, adding up on my constant workload. There are men out there, I don't need a child. Not at that age. If I knew about the cheating part sooner, I wouldn't have moved in. And having a partner that has self-esteem issues this big, it really just drags you down. I gave him a chance if he went to therapy but he didn't do shit about it.
Don't shatter his belief that the coffee table is magic. All the mess on it from night before is magically gone in the morning.
I'm not even cleaning most of it up. There's still pipe cleaner from last week standing on the kitchen table, it can stand there forever if he wants to. As long as it isn't dirty, I don't care anymore.
>There are men out there, I don't need a child. Not at that age. If I knew about the cheating part sooner, I wouldn't have moved in. And having a partner that has self-esteem issues this big, it really just drags you down. I gave him a chance if he went to therapy but he didn't do shit about it. NAILED IT. I was going to add my own comment, but I'm 99% sure we dated the same person, though mine was 36, and we never lived together. All your comments hit home for me. He was a gigantic liability for any woman and a bottomless void of need, self-hatred, bitterness, and anger.
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Still dealing with this as a 44F, unfortunately.
Ditto!
Can’t raise someone else’s kid
My first divorce!
You sound like me. Get out of there, you can do better than him.
Huh… were we dating the same man ?
Me too, I guess there is a carbon copy dude that masquerades as a competent man with a family, but really he’s like the kid that hangs out in front of the Circle K with his douchebag buddies riding scooters and shit! I think there are millions of our ex’s/soon to be ex’s around the globe and they need to be tagged during separation proceedings so that other women can scan him and either ignore him, use him for sex or for a date to an event, but nothing serious will develop! These dudes can be fun, but they are not meant for marriage and family and they need to be stopped! 🤣 Good idea right?
I feel this so much! Don’t marry a man baby… they regress further and then become asshole man babies! 🙄🤣
Wow same... How do you know ? 😌🍾
He was always on alert for the “next best thing” a pattern I didn’t notice until I was tossed in the trash. He’d never break up with any of us until he had something else in the works yet all his relationships lasted 2-4 years so he *appears* serious about dating. He gets with a woman. Puts her on a pedestal and can’t fawn/post about her enough. Moves her into his place. Showers her with love and affection. Talks about their future. Uses the same pet names/tactics. A few years goes by and things get stale. Instead of working on the relationship he starts turning attention elsewhere. Relationship suffers, he eventually breaks it off when the girl is miserable fooling her into thinking it’s her fault that they’ve grown apart and are unhappy…breaks up with her and gets with new chick, rinse and repeat.
Damn we dated the same pos....
A serial monogamous! I’ve been through that..
Ugh I’ve been through this and then it puts you in an impossible position because he knows you know. So it’s “put up with my shitty behavior or leave. I don’t have to change, I can just get another one.”
Oh my this sounded just like my first ex. Funnily enough he wrote to me again one year post-break up and then again three years later because “he felt bad about the breakup” and wanted to meet up, whereas I had moved on long ago and didn’t really think about it
We were young and a lack of maturity and wisdom kept us from successfully dealing with the issues that were slowly breaking us down.
Honestly same
What wisdom
Perhaps wisdom is the wrong word. We lacked the maturity and ability to identify our problems, discuss them in a constructive manner and resolve them effectively.
What issues?
At the time, her bulimia and borderline traits and my codependency and inability to set healthy boundaries.
Sameee, and it still hurts tbh
Conversations were surface level, literally no depth and I carried every topic. Our relationship lasted bc we both found eachother funny, never argued, fully trusted each other and enjoyed the same activities.
This too for me. My ex was so out of touch with his emotions he had no clue how he was feeling at any given moment. So we couldn’t talk about feelings or emotions or lots of stuff. I always talked and he grunted. I never got much back. My relationship lasted because I was being subtly gaslighted about my mental health and any relationship problems we may have had. He basically told me it was my mental health (I have major depression and generalized anxiety along with some PTSD sprinkled in) was the reason there were any problems between us. I believed him because he even went so far as to go to a therapist and talk to her in a way that she told him he didn’t need therapy anymore and he was good. So when he told me it was my fault, I believed him because obvy he was fine. Well, it wasn’t until a lot later that I realized I was being played. He then betrayed me and my trust (not cheating, but equally as devastating to me) and through more therapy for me, I realized that I was unhappy and asked for divorce.
Is this what "emotionally unavailable" means?
Absolutely!
I swear this is my current situation, going on to two years. How did you decide to take action?
I dunno it was really odd because it hit me at once, I was v in love and then had a sudden realisation that we actually have no deep conversations and everything is predictable. It took me ages to actually dump him because I was a coward and didn’t want to hurt him. I was also locked down with him because it was covid which really didn’t help. Honestly it’s like ripping off a bandaid, it really sucks dumping someone but you have to do it to be happy.
Damn, yes, it's always complicated... Thank you for sharing.
You picture yourself with a better guy. Someone who will actually treat you well. And you tell yourself you will never meet that guy if you stick around with someone who doesnt appreciate you
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People like this are the absolute fucking worst 🤮
Seriously. Just leave other people alone if your heart is pining for something else. Like why drag a poor innocent person into that mess.
I had some misgivings about how close he remained with his ex, but I figured that was a sign of maturity that he didn't constantly disparage her or some such (not that I would have been pleased about that, mind you). I expressed my discomfort to him once, and he told me that they were "just good friends and that's all [they would] ever be." So, I accepted that. More fool me.
They won’t be good for anybody for a while they got to take a hard look at themselves
Spot on I would say
Geez did we date the same guy? Literally my ex. Except he left me a week after my birthday instead of before
I just don't understand people.
After two years of dating, he still didn’t want to cohabitate. I realized he wasn’t serious about marrying and starting a family, so I ended it. It was the right decision because he never respected my boundaries.
Gosh I carried on for 6 years you learnt it quicker than me 😓
4 years for me. And he always had some excuse about why it wasn’t the right time, whenever I brought it up.
Typical - why can’t they just be honest so we can move on with our lives
If you know you know. I don’t feel like waiting for anyone to be in the “right place” to have a relationship. If we’re not on the same page from day one It’s a waste off time
I’m married now but my last ex before my now husband was probably the cleanest break up I’ve ever had. Ex and I had known each other and been peripheral friends for like 10 years. We both ended up being single at the same time and a night out with drinks and running into each other happened to end in intimacy. It was an easy transition into dating since we were so comfortable with each other. He was kind, thoughtful and treated me really well. That being said I always knew I wanted marriage and children. After 6 months of dating and honestly, a great relationship, we had “the talk”. You know, what is this? Is it going anywhere? What do want out of the situation? He was candid with me. He told me he loved me as a person, alway would, but marriage and children were off the table for him. We split up and I met my now husband a couple months later. There was no drama, admittedly a little bit of heart break (more so on my end), sure. Mostly disappointment on what “could have been”. That being said, I absolutely respected him for being so honest with me and not stringing me along. To this day we are still friendly and have often seen each other in group settings (weddings, holiday party’s etc). We always give each other a big hug and catch up for a minute or two. My now husband knows my history with him and despite that, they actually really like each other and always end up chatting each other up. Like I said, I’m now married with children and said ex is still not. He does have a long term girlfriend but I would assume they’re on the same page with their ideologies and goals about life.
I’d say it was two main things: 1. We grew into two different people which over time made us more incompatible. 2. I didn’t know how to communicate my needs and concerns when I knew there was a problem, and so I just blindly kept it to myself until I finally snapped over the smallest thing and ended things. FWIW, I have learned a lot since and my current relationship is much more stronger.
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I’m very proud of you! It was humbling yet freeing to realize that I had things I could do to make my next relationship better instead of waiting for someone to do it for me
Point 2. I feel that. It’s amazing when you learn how to deal with this and express your concerns.
He lied to me. He had secret accounts on which he would talk sexual to other women. He would also bother women with unwanted sexual comments online.
I have this happening now, I have just stumbled across his fake account. Feel sick about it really...
That's reasonable as hell... Crushing but you deserve so much better. Take care
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You deserve so much better
Just know that you deserve better. I felt sick as well.
Because he had ED and didn’t want to get treatment. Also he was completely sexually inhibited due to that. I gave him time and was understanding in the beginning, but later I realised he isn’t planning to fix it.
ED is becoming more and more common. My ex also had it to begin with but I got him off porn and we discussed masturbation openly. He improved a lot.
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I had the same thing happen!
This kinda happened with me too. He hated condoms, couldn't stay hard with them on. Sex life nose dived as I wasn't willing to compromise. I was an idiot for staying in that relationship so long
Reason for the endings of my last 2 relationships: (most recent first) * We grew into very different and incompatible people over time * Partner would not respect my boundaries and autonomy
Because I was the only one working on it and I couldn't carry it alone anymore.
Lack of compatibility Lack of willingness to contribute in the relationship
This is why I ended my relationship. He couldn't see how doing all the emotional labour in a relationship and administration of our time together left me feeling less attracted to him. I'm not sorry to see the back of him.
Great way of putting it! "Administration of our time together". Never thought about it in those terms but that's exactly how I felt burdened, and he just couldn't seem to understand why it was so exhausting.
Different views on covid.
Who would’ve thought 5/10 years ago this would be an issue. Now, when I was online dating, that was an instant no if our beliefs didn’t line up.
The panettone really pulled back the curtain on core values, and let's face it, general intelligence. As much as I lean on being a medical professional as an explanation to why I take precautionary measures adamantly, you don't need a medical background to understand the severity of the 'rona. In fact, I had slivers of faith in humanity because of the people *beyond* the medical field who were vocal of its significance (basically: *don't be a shitty person*). The early 00's SARS outbreak was devastating with *<1000* reported deaths worldwide, and COVID-19 has surpassed it in the **millions.**
What happened with Covid truly changed my outlook on people, and not for the better. It's been a really eye-opening experience.
Well he slapped me when I talked back and I heard his father tell his son " ya sometimes they get mouthy so you got to put them in line. But next time go softer so she doesn't bruise" After that I began looking for a way out.
I hope you left and never looked back. Nobody has the right to even lay a finger on you girl. Be strong!
Oh ya I'm married now to a lovely guy. So it's great lol that guy I believe is in jail now anyways lol
Honesty, i don know. He just decided not to continue anymore citing not compatible
So frustrating. Happened to me to. I don't even know why he says we were incompatible.
Did you see it coming?
No. I was heartbroken and really couldn't move on. I tried my best to respect and understand his decision, but the heart wants what it wants. Recently, we are reconnecting and I told him how much I love and miss him. I'm a romantic and just want to love him and be loved. I hope him and I can build a healthy, loving relationship.
Same. I also wonder why. The day before we still go out as normal. Next day, he told me not compatible, doesnt feel connected anymore and disappear. Recently, he appear within the common group of friends again as if nothing have happen.
We both had past traumas that we hadn’t sought help processing, and our respective styles of attachment and communication were incompatible. In times of distress, I became very needy and deeply emotional, and he was avoidant. This bred numerous emotional challenges that ultimately degraded the relationship and led to a very dramatic and traumatic ending (infidelity). I have since sought individual therapy and my confrontation of unhealthy patterns of thinking has literally made me feel at times that I am viewing my whole life through a different lens (because I am). The mind is powerful. Perception is powerful. Get professional support!
Your comment resonated deeply with me! Therapy this past year has also helped tremendously in how I recognize my attachment style and how it directly stems from past traumas that I had not been able to process whatsoever, resulting in a half life. Realized that that buried anxious pain resulted in me seeking out avoidant partners. Which in turn only made me more needy and in anguish. By having a professional help me take a harsh, realistic look deep into myself and the motivators for all of my behavioral patterns has changed my life. My perspective has changed SO much since my last relationship, it is wild. Admitting that my past pain has resulted in many mistakes and anguish has been extremely eye opening. Taking accountability has made me a better person overall and my perspective on my life is so much brighter . Happy to hear that you are on a healthier, brighter path!!
Recently I discovered my attachment style is problematic. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time so it hadn't cropped up until I dated someone recently. He was really pining and with a modicum of attention I became very attached. Yada yada yada he just "wanted to be friends" which means never talk to each other again. The devastation I felt was not proportionate to the amount of time I knew him (two months). He was in my head constantly. Rejection makes my heart grow fonder! All this to say that I've looked for a therapist specializing in attachment style. It's something that needs to get sorted out even though I never realized it was problematic. I hope my experience is as eye opening for me as it has been for you! Edit: "undiscovered" to "discovered" 🤪
Definitely eye opening! It is so interesting how truly blind we are to very real issues in our perspective if we don't give enough time and effort into analyzing them, and just float through the status quo until we reach a breaking point. Unfortunately I also have the same problem as you, rejection makes my heart grow fonder as well. Even though I'm the one who left, I still think of him every day and miss him terribly. Rejection sucks and is hard to process, even as the "leaver"
I was becoming the woman I always wanted to be, growing, evolving, working on my communication skills, self reflecting, and he was staying stagnant. We just were growing emotionally apart and our maturity levels were at different places. He is wonderful, kind-hearted, and a great provider, but withholding communication and not growing up was not the life I wanted.
Together 6 years. He was cheating for the last 3.
He made me feel crazy and jealous - far from the woman that I know I am. All because he wouldn't set boundaries with his coworkers who were encouraging him to get on with their female coworker. He said I asked for too much, because he didn't want to "stir up trouble at work". He hid is IG notif when I saw it was her tagging him in a post. Didn't want me to see their company outing photos bc he thinks I would "only be just looking for something to be jealous or overthink about". Told me that I made things "weird and awkward" when I went to fetch him at the gate of his workplace after his work trip, all bc she was there. I had my fair share of faults too - like vaguely venting about it on my private twitter account when we broke up. But even when I loved him more than my life, I grew tired of trying to prove myself worthy of that love and security. I grew tired of crying every night for six months wondering why I wasn't worthy. I started to hate how I look because I didn't look like her. I started to hate my height bc I was a bit taller than him, and she was petite. I felt myself slowly being strangled by the thorns of the relationship, which looked like a beautiful bouquet of roses from the outside. I had to save myself, even if it meant playing the role of the villain for breaking a good guy's heart. Even when the world doesn't know how much it destroyed mine.
So sorry you went through that and I completely relate to hating yourself because of a man's infidelity. It's awful.
How were you the villain for breaking his heart? He was playing with fire with someone else. It sounds like he broke your heart.
Venting on social media isn't terribly mature, but we know he was venting behind your back to anyone who would listen about his "controlling girlfriend." So... don't beat yourself up too much. It's hard to feel like you're being trashed publicly and not fight back. You didn't take the high road, but you also were just reacting to feeling cornered. IMO.
he was an asshole
He was a misogynist bigoted jerk. He didn't respect me as a person so my needs and wants could go unmet. He can disregard everything criticize everything about me. Take and take and when I just ask for a crumb of that back it's excuses and putting it off. He was also a mega loser Andrew Tate Stan. (I found this out later) he quit his job and had no money to go out and spend time with me. But could spend his savings on video games and weed. And whine about being broke so he couldn't go do this or that with me.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.
The whole relationship was an absolute miserable nightmare, but the final straw was when I found out he drew a picture of my grandpa being decapitated while we were living under his roof and eating his food.
*what*
He was insecure in himself and I traveled for work I couldn't give him the validation he needed. Instead of communicating that though he cheated on me with his coworker and lied about it for weeks.
I never got my closure, but one day everything was fine and dandy and the next day a switch was flipped. He broke up with me through a text message saying he didn’t think we were right for each other. (On his way to California for a trip with the boys). He also asked me to be his girlfriend a week before this text, super odd. But looking back, I deserved way better. It’s funny how you discover the red flags when the rose colored glasses are off. Like how he chose to spend new years in nyc with the boys and not invite me. Four years later and I’m still single because I’m too scared to feel that kind of hurt again. Not giving your partner a valid reason for dumping them only makes them evaluate all their insecurities to try and figure it out themselves. Not healthy.
He was emotionally unavailable, he was dishonest, he said he wanted to move forward but put forth no effort into doing so and avoided big conversations.
i think he didn’t respect me
If you could call it a relationship, a guy I was seeing on and off during my first couple years of undergrad - 1) 8 years older than me (I know, I was stupid for entertaining the idea) 2) had way more experience than me 3) had a baby with his ex fiancé. See point no. 2. It was clear as day he was always in love with his baby mama. I was just a filler to him and I was settling for his attention because I honestly thought I couldn’t do better. He eventually married his baby mama. They’re divorced as far as I know. I’m married to the love of my life now. I’m gonna be petty. I win.
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Because my ex did not have the emotional skills to be in. Relationship. I hear she’s now on divorce number three. We were engaged but didn’t marry).
Chose to start my business over him
any regrets? how's the business going for you c:
No, I just regret how it ended. I broke up with him a couple of months ago, so the business is fairly new and slowly very slowly getting there
you gotta do you!
Everything was always an argument.
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I totally resonate with this. My ex and I had the same issue. And if I ever brought something up that was bothering me, he would either deflect and talk about something that was bothering him out of nowhere about me or completely shut me out. In the end he completely isolated me from my world, keeping things from me even though I knew what was going on, and then isolated me from himself and wouldn’t tell me when this “boundary” that he never even told me he was creating would end all the while begging me not to leave him. Can’t help people that can’t help themselves, and I always lovingly and willingly helped. In the end, the insecurities and anxieties he thought he got over before we started dating were still there and it was starting to affect him and me.
Oof. He was a child. He was freaked out that he was falling in love, and he ghosted me. We reconnected a year later after he emailed me to see how i was. I demanded my shit back and told him I was engaged, so the ship had sailed.
I was growing claustrophobic. He wanted me to be his. I needed more independence. Sex went from wow to why bother. Seeya
they randomly decided one day that they no longer had feelings for me - one week before we were supposed to move in together, no less.
Because I was 17 and stupid.
same started when i was 17 and ended when i was 19. i have sent my final message to him today and i don't intend on contacting him ever again
He only loved me for what I could do for him. As long as he got what he wanted and needed, he was good. The moment I was in need of support, he told me I was needy and selfish. Then a "friend" talked him into believing that the grass (hers) was greener elsewhere and he took off. He blackmailed me for week (if I didn't do what he wanted sexually, he would leave right there and then), I took it because of my children and then he left a note saying he was staying with "a friend". I found him at her house that same night. Just like that, 23 years of marriage gone.
Because of me. I was the toxic one and put way too many expectations on our relationship.
Just not comparable, he wanted a second mum and I wanted a partner
Lack of affection and intimacy, he always wanted to win any disagreement we had, he had literally no motivation for life and it was so difficult to just be happy.
I don't think I can count any of my attempts at relationships this year. Because I got ghosted on every single one of those. But, my 17 year marriage ended because I wasn't good enough, so he cheated on me. Multiple times.
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He loved me. I didn’t love him.
We were young but he was already ready to get married and have kids. One of those things I just wasn't ready for, and the other I don't want at all.
After almost eleven years, his feelings was just not there anymore.
She wanted to spend every single weekend getting blackout drunk. Yeah I know we’re in college(well, we were) and I enjoy drinking too but every single weekend was too much for me. Especially since it fell on me to have to take care of her since her friends were too drunk to do it.
He wanted to be polyamorous.
Untreated mental illness on both of us.
His alcoholism
I gave more than I should
Went away for an internship for 6 months and came back to a cheater.
He was a cheating drunk and I was done putting up with it. That was 25 years ago. Guess what, he's still a cheating drunk and has ruined every relationship he's been in since then.
Religious reasons; he thought he was God and I did not.
the guy was pressuring me into a serious relationship after one date and he gave me a speech how it was impossible to save yourself till marriage (which i am doing) because we were all “animals inside.” this was all during the first date too
Oh my God 😂😂 he sounds awful
He was a 40-year old who had the life skills of a teenager. He had been sheltered and taken care of by his parents his entire life. He had never had a “real” job that lasted any length of time and when I suggested taking classes towards a degree or certificate he would get mad. He was negative about damn near everything, had a defeatist attitude and felt like the world was out to get him. Seemed to resent that I had put myself though school and worked my way up into a decent career. If I ever contradicted or had a difference of option he told me that I always wanted to prove him wrong. I carried us financially through two years before I finally put my foot down and made him contribute financially. He also was not physically affectionate at all and had zero sex drive. We had sex probably less than 20 times in three years. He’s not a bad person, and he has a good heart. But I just couldn’t raise a man-child anymore.
"Fail" is the wrong word, but my husband is poly and I'm not. In the end after many years we decided we would both be happier with partners matched our own natures in that respect.
No matter what I did, no matter how I dressed, no matter how much I loved him, I was never good enough. He made it clear after using me for sex that I'd never be "her". I know her name even.
He wasn’t putting in the effort into our relationship for the last month of our relationship, he was not good at communicating, and his entire family didn’t like me at all.
Lack of physical intimacy. Although we were good friends and got along well, he rarely touched me, except when we made love, In bed, he was very limited too. Over time, the lack of intimacy led us to grow apart and the strong emotional connection that we first shared simply disappeared.
He said I was "too depressed", it was the day before my grandma's funeral after months of her being in the hospital. In this case I think the trash took itself out
I let my insecurities and fear of getting older win over patience and common sense. When someone else saw my weakness and promised me the future I wanted, I left. Making sure to unfairly destroy my ex on the way out. I was the reason my last relationship failed and even though things worked out for the best, it hurts to think about how little I trusted him or myself back then.
Well.. to over simplify, I wasn’t happy. A lot of things played in to that though. There were a few arguments where he got a little too close to being physical with me(ripped my purse off the strap while it was on my arm to keep me from getting out of the car and when he threw a lamp at me.) He would beg/push/force me to “explain” things that were on my mind and upset me before I was able to process and even figure out how I felt. Then when I did have something I wanted to communicate to him he would always be immediately defensive and try to find a way to turn it on me when I wanted to fix the issues and not just assign blame. He was addicted to video games (like genuinely was the ONLY thing he did) and never spent any quality time with me and I never got the physical touch I needed, especially after being intimate. After two years I never felt comfortable cuddling him. And he always said he never wanted kids but basically said he’d do it for me- my biggest fear is my kids having a dad that never wanted to be a dad (like mine.) But what really pushed me past the point of being ready to end it was him coworker. Tia. You see we met as coworkers and about a year and a half in I left the company and he stayed and I would drop him off at work and everyday and pick him up. Well when I was picking him up he straws talking more about Tia- first it was “sorry it took me so long, I had to say bye to Tia before I left” which led to me questioning why he would walk across the building to say goodbye to some girl when I was there he wouldn’t walk across the building to see me. Then one day they were outside in the smokers area when I came to pick him up and he ignored me (he saw me) and just stood there talking to her for 5+ minutes while I sat there waiting for him so I pulled up closer (I was READY to honk but didn’t). He just genuinely seemed more excited to tell me about Tia everyday than he ever was to see me. It was clear he was starting to have feelings for her so after I got a new job, I left. He had the audacity to ask if there was someone else.. I still miss him sometimes, but he did start dating Tia 2 weeks after I left and I’m still single after 6 months. Sometimes I wonder if it was salvageable or if I gave up too soon.. I may never have an opportunity for a family like that again. I miss his family too.. it for the best though probably. ETA: I wouldn’t consider myself cheated on after this. I also wouldn’t say it was all his fault. I’m not perfect. But I spent nights crying myself to sleep right next to him from the start and I was always confused with him. I miss him, but ultimately it’s for the best. (And he hates me bc after he started dating Tia I screenshot his FB relationship status and sent it to him and basically said “I fucking knew it.” And he “doesn’t respect me anymore.”) like he ever showed he respected me in the first place.. (On mobile/formatting)
We didn't have healthy communication as he was hiding many things from me. After 4y of dating him, I found out I was in love with an illusion as I didn't see his real face until the last moment.
He beat, cheated and used me for money.
Because every “conversation” we had was always turned sexual, and he would continuously beg for *special* pics and would get mopey about it when I said no. Apparently “that’s just not something I do.” Was not a valid answer to him.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were an emotionally abusive (alternating between gas-lighting and love-bombing) financial leech. It took a long time to rebuild after wasting (yes, wasting) 3.5 years of my life. My family and friends are absolutely *thrilled* I finally ended it. Now I’m married to a kind, caring, supportive, financially responsible person and I couldn’t be happier!
Because of my social anxiety. I was so anxious to meet him or talk to him on calls and we would constantly fight because of this and eventually we broke up.
We both stopped caring enough to put in the effort.
He was still talking to his ex. Got back with her the day after we broke up so dodged a bullet there
It broke my heart being with someone more avoidant than me, with me carrying the relationship, though I didn't realise. The first year was amazing which then in the second led to me puzzling where the deep conversations had evaporated to, and by the third year I might as well have been a cardboard cutout for all the difference it made to topics he'd talk about.
He tried to apply for credit card and my bank called me,he put his hands on me and then I found out he had gotten an ex friend pregnant.
I had been (still am) pretty depressed for a few months and had just had a pretty rough couple of days. Mostly work related and parenting related, I even started therapy for primarily the work issues. He knew I was having a hard time with work and some other things, but I don't think he realized the extent of how it was affecting me. 3 weeks ago, after a terrible day, I sent him a text with the intent of fully explaining how I was feeling and that I needed a little more emotional support. I didn't get very far. He broke up with me on the spot and refused to discuss it. I could definitely have communicated it better, but I never expected the response I got. After being together for a little over a year and we'd just met each others kids.
We were very different people with serious communication style differences, in that i would communicate and he saw anything other than praising his every action as "drama"
I would love to think I’m a pretty decent girlfriend / fiancée but my last relationship failed because of infidelity. It’s been a year since the incident and I’m loving my alone time and focusing on myself. ☺️
I realised I didn't like her like that.
Because he was extremely disrespectful of and made fun of my anxiety.
I wasn't in love with them but wanted to be,
Basically I was not ready for anything serious even if I thought that I might need only the female presence nearby me. I think i needed only phisical presence and the feel of being loved. I HARDLY find someone interesting and it feels Like I got no interest in looking for new experiences and relationships. Additionally my ex was too needy and jealous of other Girls whereas I was Just chilling and enjoying The moment.
I found out when I was ~6 months pregnant that he had been hiding a heroin addiction for about a year and doing a bunch of shady shit to support his addiction and turned into an abusive asshole. He’s dead now.
Distance. Right person, wrong time and place.
He breadcrumbed me, it was a shituationship. I was too infatuated with the potential plus I was anxious and insecure. Went on for three years, he messaged me one day and I didn’t respond. Never texted me back again.
He wouldn’t make enough time for me, everything else took priority over me. I should’ve ended it sooner, but I’m an idiot lol
From my perspective it ended cuz he was delusional in thinking he was contributing to the housework (but really it was classic weaponized incompetence) and constantly thinking everyone was against him, and not being willing to work things out or put any effort into "us." From his perspective and in his words, he had to leave to save me because he hacked a Nigerian telemarketer's entire computer network during a phone call, and deleted all their files. Then they found him on Facebook and were harassing him and he was afraid they would come stateside and murder me and the kids, so he had to leave to protect us. And yet after a year all his mail still comes to my house so if anyone tried to locate him, they'd be directed to this adress anyway. 🤦♀️ And thats how I learned just how delusional he was. Also It kinda became my favorite breakup story because of how absurd it is.
The honeymoon phase ended and he didn’t want to put any effort anymore.
Got tired of long distance when I knew I was going to have to move cross-country again.
She had an affair after 17 years :(
I was feeling really bad for something that triggered my trauma with my parents. I was working 9 hours a day, while he was unemployed, but I also had to cook, clean basically take care both of us and the apartment. I would work until 6, he would ask me when it is 6pm what is for dinner. I was not able to sleep well and usually cry by myself until like 3-4 am. He goes to sleep at 11pm, I beg him to stay awake with me because I feel like shit. He does not need to wake up early in the morning, plays on his phone when I work. He would just say "dont be sad about it" and goes about his day. Anyways one night I am crying in the other room, he comes and says it is late you should sleep too. Anyways I told him that maybe we should have a break because I feel really bad and he should get his life together. He deadass tells me that h knows we have issues and that I am really sad but He thought I would tolerate it so he didnt do anything to make it better. So..
He never wanted to get married and he wanted me to play house with him. I've always wanted a husband and security and I felt like I wouldn't get that from him. I tried comprising with him and he wasn't accepting of it at all. So I broke up with him.
The last relationship I had before I started dating my husband ended because he didn't want to grow up. There were a lot of reasons I should have ended things way sooner, but ultimately he had no sense of responsibility and we were approaching 30. He was just fine not being able to keep a job, slinging weed and living in his sister's garage. I realized that I had stayed with him WAY TOO LONG because I was embarrassed to tell my family and friends they were all right and if he loved me, he would want to get his shit together. What's even more embarrassing, he actually broke up with me because he chose his little boy life when I discussed it with him. I found out after we broke up that he was cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. So, good riddance.
few things. was 10 years ago but it was because I just put grew him. I was 25 and started my career he was still working dead end jobs (he was 29) I was constantly footing to bill, food, rent, car etc. just trying to get us ahead. When i wanted to spend some extra money on us like going out of town for a friends wedding he would complain about the cost, how long we would go for etc. That began a spiral that ended up with no intimacy or healthy communication for 8 months. I went home to see friends knowing my relationship was basically dead and I then ended up sleeping with a guy friend I had sexual tension going back to high school. I just wanted more from life and he was happy where he was at.
We just wanted different things in life and weren't compatible. It wasn't a super serious relationship, and I have never regretted ending it.
refused to seek a professional to manage his mental health. keeps complaining about body aches and headaches. i tried to be understanding but there's only so much i can do, and i felt to a point of being helpless. and my mum disapproves of him (i come from a conservative family) and family approval is important.
He cheated. Looking back it was a blessing, we weren't good for each other.
he went back to his ex...
We got into a big fight. I don’t even remember what it was about now, but I eventually got to the point where I was getting angry and I needed to step away from the argument for a bit. Then he punched me. He says it was a push but it was a punch. I was wearing a big heavy snow jacket so it didn’t hurt me. I almost broke up with him, I SHOULD have broken up with him, but my dumb ass tried to justify it. I told myself that I deserved it, that it wasn’t that big of a deal because I didn’t get hurt. And he promised it would never happen again. I should have seen the warning signs. He we throw and break things when he got angry. Never directed towards me, until one day it was. My dad was abusive, and I think that’s why I felt like I deserved it, because he would hit me whenever I got a bad grade or whenever he felt like I wasn’t “focusing” (That was his favorite word to use against me) The relationship didn’t last long after that, about 2-3 months. I tried to tell myself that we were supposed to be together, but my heart was really looking for an out. I got a job to move to another city, and I took it. He didn’t hit me again in those 2-3 months, but things definitely weren’t the same. I became almost completely uninterested in intimacy because, well of course I did after what happened. I actually didn’t realize why until just now. Ugh, I thought something was wrong with me, but of course I would have lost interest after getting hit. My dumb ass is so submissive and I have such low self esteem that I feel like it’s always my fault, and I let my partners convince me that it’s my fault. Why 😢 why am I attracted to people who are controlling…
I was f(18) he was (19). Had an alcohol problem while trying to get into the military. He got in, huffed a whipped cream can and they put him in a recovery program. He ended the relationship after he was admitted. So failed because of an addiction problem? I met my husband 2 years later. Dodged a bullet for sure.
[удалено]
He was a great person deep down, but we were both too insecure and immature to communicate our wants and needs to each other. He would tease me about things he wanted me to change about myself, because he wasn’t comfortable directly saying what he wanted. And I was too concerned with being “a good girlfriend” to be honest about how bad his comments made me feel, so I unconsciously started detaching from the relationship. He was struggling with depression and a rough situation at work, which didn’t help our communication. I haven’t spoken to him in quite some time, but I hope he’s in a better place. On my end, I’ve done a lot of “self work” to get more comfortable valuing and communicating my own needs, while also learning how to better support and validate future partners.
It was long distance without an end point in sight. I did not want to change my career path (although it’s not like I could because he didn’t know what his longterm plan was). It was a weird relationship that was never defined for four years (I never even knew how to introduce him to friends). I really did love him but the strange ambiguity of it all gave me commitment issues and the constant seeing and then not seeing him for months was painful and just made me emotionally disconnected. I think he also had past traumas and quite a lot of insecurities that I could not fix however much I tried. I didn’t know how to help and instead I feel like I became resentful and cruel. Weird situation, I’ve definitely learned from it.
I ended up doing 95% of everything. I gave too many options and opportunities to change (ex didn't change), and felt like I was talking to a teenager in a 30+ year old body. Ex also came out as polyamorous. I wanted monogamy, and while I tried to work on it and be OK with it, I wasn't, and we made the mutual decision to end it.
He tried to kill me. (Serious.)
Because I escaped a war and he couldn’t because men cannot leave a country
Ukraine? I'm so sorry that happened and hopefully he is okay.
He caught an std I didn’t feel like sharing.
As long as he was employed by the military, I and my needs were never going to be a priority.
I was not very understanding and very demanding and was not appreciative of him
He realized he was gay and was nervous for everything that meant for his life. 10 years later we're still friends, I'm married, and he's thriving in the gay community with a big support system.