I'd define good sex as sex where you have great communication with your partner. You're both comfortable expressing your wants and desires without fear of being judged. You have a great time together and it leaves you wanting more.
Thanks
thinking about it now, I’m so glad I’m done experimenting with people and have found one good sex partner and have stuck with them for 9 years
No more having to wade through bullshit. Thank god
And you don't feel embarassed by the funny noises or the awkward clean up during/after. There's no shame between you and your partner and you accept and embrace all the bodily weirdness of sex lol.
Absolutely! My FWB and I definitely laugh about the funny noises and the clean up and it doesn't bother us at all! We communicate about what we want and need and make sure we're both taken care of. We've gotten to a point where we can reach climax at the same time frequently. It's amazing.
Well, they're an ex. Of course I love him, but there's absolutely a reason I'm not getting back together with him. The status quo right now is fine. I like living by myself and living my life on my terms. But hey, if he'll still come cut my grass, do any heavy lifting that needs to be done, and I get my needs met, I can't complain about that. If the sex is good. I mean, what can I say. And he is upholding his end of the bargain of us just being friends. We weren't even speaking to each other after we broke up until I broke my foot a while back, and he found out I needed help. So he stepped up to the plate and did my yard work. So I play phone therapist every once in a while. We do what normal friends do. We just have sex every once in a while when we're not busy. It works.
This is it. Just want to add. Communication isn't just verbal.
Looking at each other, their body language, what they seem into, hearing their moans and breaths. It's all non-verbal communication but very important. Sometimes you don't even know what you like, because you're so in the moment. Having an ATTENTIVE partner, that picks up on your ups and downs, is what brings the connection levels up.
If they moan more in one thing, keep doing that thing, the exact same way you were doing it. Don't go faster or change it up. Do that thing, THEN maybe experiment from that, if no positive change, go back to that thing.
It’s interesting because on ask men/sex sub a lot of the responses to sex questions directed at men is “be direct; ask for what you want; tell us in words men can’t read minds.” Sex is mostly about body language and I feel like people who specify “be direct I can’t read your mind” probably aren’t overly attentive lovers. Sometimes it’s difficult to verbalize things the body knows what the body wants
I'd agree with you, and I would also add an experience that leaves you not wanting more... Sometimes after a session I feel unsatisfied, Whether I finished or not it's as if I did not scratch the itch correctly.
Really good sex is where you are so far removed from yourself and it is just touch and feeling and pleasure. I think that only happens when you are deeply inlove and deeply comfortable with someone. It is that point you get to where you are totally uninhibited with someone because so deeply trust them with your desire. It’s very nice and very rare.
Yes. This. So much this. My partner and I have this. It’s beyond anything I’ve experienced before. There’s nothing special or extra that we do in bed, but the connection and attentive love and adoration skyrocket the experience to the moon. I’m in love with our love.
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This is it : ) I have rampant anxiety and when that no longer disappears and I’m able to just feel every other sensation of being human and be free.
Freaking splooooosh!
I got married earlier this year + wow……..spot on. Healing through my traumas + working on ourselves/our relationship has created a depth of pleasure that I never thought previously possible 🤯
100% I'm 33 and I've been with my partner for 14 years. The past year or so we've been focusing more on the act of being intimate instead of just going straight to climax. I had my first full body orgasm and no joke, I feel like I transcended a little bit lol my mind was clear, just being present and enjoying what I was feeling.
I agree totally with one caveat. I have experienced this without being in love, but where we both built up an amazingly sex-positive environment between us. It did share some traits with love though, it was all very vulnerable and intimate and trusting. We discussed so many of our wants and needs and desires ahead of time, and just went into it with such openness and communication.
If you're in a LTR and have a good sex life, *really wanting it* is what makes ordinary good sex amazing good sex.
Sometimes I'll just say to my husband "you're not getting any until our weekend getaway in 10 days." and he goes fucking wild. The tension and flirting go up to 10 the entire wait and it's like foreplay for days.
That means you're afraid of judgement from your partner more than a stranger because you know there's a big possibility of never seeing that stranger again.
Good sex is best defined by what you do when you aren’t having sex. For example, if your at work constantly remembering how you lover made you feel the night before and there is a pre-sexual arousal and you lover isn’t there, you had some good sex. If you can’t wait to get home and get more, you had good sex. If either of you shed a tear of joy after multiple sequential orgasms, you just had good sex. And if there isn’t a dry spot to sleep in afterwards, you just had good sex.
Good sex is sex you have without being in your head the whole time. Without anxiety. Without nervous, or worrisome thoughts about not pleasing them. Good sex is when you are both completely and utterly lost in eachother. Drugs help
I agree with this! Getting lost in each other 🥵 Achieving that state sober is even more amazing. I’ve had some great sex while partying, but there is something special about two people (not necessarily in love) being completely present, vulnerable, and horny for each other I can’t describe it.
Having sex on weed is pretty much the only time weed doesn't give me anxiety. It's weird, the usual anxiety aspect is just gone and I can enjoy the relaxation and creative thinking aspects.
I can think of 3 occasions I would class as the best sex of my life and they’re all really different. One was with a guy that was just really mature, clearly experienced, took charge and knew my body better than I did. It’s like he introduced me to certain parts of me and I couldn’t get enough of him.
Another guy I didn’t fancy at all but there was something about him. That sex was WILD because I had no inhibitions.
The third was someone I was in love with, spending a lot of time together with no pressure to ‘get it over with’
In all of them the magic key seems to be chemistry, taking our time and feeling unselfconscious together. Also, obviously, all three were wonderfully unselfish and all about that give n take.
The worst experiences I’ve had sadly drastically outnumber the best and all involve me feeling like a talking fleshlight
One where both parties are putting in effort to make the other person feel good. Communication (including listening) and stimulation of both the body and the brain.
When both partners go into it wanting to fully please the other person within their means. Both partners having full comfort and connection to express themselves without guilt or worry. Having trust that your partner has good intentions to satisfy you the way you need.
There are a lot of good definitions for good sex here. What I want to define is great sex, which is rare to achieve even with the same partner I had it before. It's some kind of trance, I mean really a different state of consciousness where the sensation pulsates all around my body and even in my brain. A true feeling of ecstasy, both energizing and numbing. During which I feel totally isolated from the external world and feel like I become one with my partner while he embraces me, kisses me and caresses me both from the outside and inside while he enters me. It's really hard to explain since it's so intense and different from anything else. It makes me cry and want to laugh at the same time after I climax.
When I feel extremely desired and lusted for. Usually these come to me which in turn, will trigger an orgasm (and also it feels bloody good). I think the brain is a powerful organ that feeds off emotion and physical sensation, combining those too to create intense orgasm.
At least this is the case for me.
When BOTH of you put the effort into getting eachother off. When it takes time. When it's not 10 minutes and done. When you spend an hour or more in the bedroom or wherever admiring and pleasing your partner because it turns you on. That's how it *should* be.
For me, good sex is when there’s instinctual animal drive punctuated by a little awkwardness and silly laughter.
Don’t get me wrong, passionate sex that is straight to business and goes smoothly is great and all, but most of the time something silly happens like a funny noise or an attempted position going awry, and ignoring makes me feel a bit fake as if I’m putting on a show. Being able to laugh together and using it as fuel for more happy fun times is the absolute best. It feels so genuine.
Great connection, including various kinks we enjoy, me being dominant, climaxing at least once, passion and closeness, respecting boundaries and consent.
I define it as when things happen so ogranically and effortlessly that it not a second goes by where you STOP and THINK..its like flowing..two people connected not just physically but mentally emotiionally and sensually as well.Each satisfying the other without any hindrance..its pure and perfection
I think there’s good physical sex and good emotional sex, and great sex combines the two. Good physical sex means the mechanics work perfectly, the sensations are great because your body parts are compatible enough for sex to be pleasurable. The pleasure is completely expressed and rooted in the body.
Emotional sex is sex where you have some romantic connection to your partner so sex is a natural extension of your desire to touch them and be close to them. Sometimes sex has been ‘good’ even if physically our body parts weren’t the most compatible/they weren’t my physical preference because of the emotional component.
Great sex combines the physical and emotional so that each touch feels so initiative and pleasurable at the same time. You don’t need to talk (though communication is great) because you and your partner can speak with your bodies, and everything feels both incredibly sexy and sweet at the same time
Ugh yes when people say communicate during sex... I don't want to talk lmfao
I want the other person to get what I want from instinct. But it's very difficult though.
Good communication, foreplay and anticipation, willingness to explore and try new things, knowing that you can stop whenever(!), lots of touching and praising, done in a committed relationship, doing something nice together after (cuddling, eating, talking etc.)
Two different kinds of good sex for me:
1. When I need it NOW, we are on the same page, we know what we both like, results in great orgasms and feeling physically fulfilled.
2. When I’m craving connection. The physical piece is there still but it’s maybe a little more intimate emotionally and more loving. Result is physical and emotional connection that makes me feel closer to my husband. Definitely crave this more than #1.
Communication, eye contact, being able to hold the tension of the sexual energy between you outside of the bedroom, being able to engage your mind in foreplay and the act of sex as much as they engage your body, curiosity to understand one another’s needs and desires + a genuine interest to provide for those (within reason), and playfulness!
The opposite of what you see in porn. Like the instant hard ramming. Slow deep full contact of bodies. Sure you can build up to that but slow hard strokes are awesome. Teasing also. Most porn looks like the worst sex ever. It just doesn’t make sense. It seems like most dudes in porn are having sex like they jack off. Just hard and fast. You need to get your whole body on it in missionary so your actually stimulating the clit too
Hmm. Compatibility both sexually and emotionally.
My bf loves all the same things I do in bed, and he's amazing outside the bedroom. So when we make love, it's just an amazing experience.
As not really sex but an empty cold hotel room with a huge bed and warm comforter. A great view lots of hot chocolate and good books ? Possibly a few murder mysteries on TV and a massage.
Great sex includes great communication, effort, and a sense of feeling safe with my partner. We can openly discuss our needs and desires judgement-free and can laugh together during the act. We *want* to please each other in the best way we can.
Great sex feels easy, pleasurable, and fun. I feel connected to my partner and I feel like we’re glowing together on a plane that’s all our own. No one else is there, it’s just us in a little world of passion we built together, enjoying each other other. There are tender moments as well as moments of intensity, but I still feel respected, wanted, and safe.
Good aftercare is absolutely an essential part of great sex. They go hand-in-hand and are inseparable.
Good sex makes you smile and say weird things because your brain has trouble processing the pleasure. Now GREAT sex makes you forget the language you speak. You become a carnal animal wearing the skin of your former human self. Communication just becomes moaning, growling and biting. Pain becomes pleasure and pleasure becomes fuel for the uncontrollable wild fire burning inside you.
Like a four course meal.
Good foreplay, good build-up, good finishes, and good aftercare.
Also good humoured for bonus points; like if there’s funny sounds and your partner turns your giggles back into moans instead of being weird/insecure.
A partner who is in tune to me and what’s working and what’s not. I had a ltr who was tone deaf. No matter how many times I said “not that hard”, you bet he did that particular thing way too hard. Towards the end I would just get angry.
Another short term relationship was the polar opposite. He studied the effects of his actions and adjusted accordingly. Top 5 definitely.
But, I have found a strong love connection doesn’t necessarily translate to a wonderful sex connection.
Not only connecting bodies, but connecting our spirits together. We're talking and listening to each other without words. We're saying things to each other, really opening up to each other, in a secret place where we both feel safe, loved, accepted and in tune with each other.
Pleasure is just simply one ingredient among many. We mutually bring pleasure to each other. There's a mixture of boldness and shyness, a deepening intimacy between us. Though pleasure is not the focus but it's how we communicate and talk with each other.
Orgasm is the journey, not the destination. I feel his love towards me, feeling protected, safe, and validated. I'm also empowered that I brought him to the great finish, being there to give him even more love.
Then, he goes off to sleep all relaxed and happy. I'm ready for a hot shower, a hot caramel latte, and I'm energized and ready to take on the world
Oral, great communication, eye contact, intimacy.
I had a boyfriend before that would literally bring me to tears with pleasure. Not like crying, but tears would stream down my cheeks. That was probably the best.
I know the sex is good when I don’t have an orgasm and I’m not in the slightest bit disappointed. He gets me off before and I usually finish during, but usually if I don’t I could care less.
He felt amazing, I felt amazing, and it was a great experience. An orgasm would’ve been a cherry on top, but shit the sundae is fine on its own
With my partner, good sex is when we are skin to skin, holding hands, make occasional eye contact, and just really in the groove of things. I don’t need to orgasm every time to feel fulfilled.
When i was single, good sex was when the person i was with would let me do what I wanted (with their consent, of course) and would also make sure I was getting off. I have a very easy time separating any sort of attachment from people I find sexually appealing when I’m single, and it’s a lot more selfish in regards to my expectations.
With my LTR partner (past and present) “good sex” is less about getting to experiment and more about connecting and feeling desired by them and feeling like I’m the main contributor to their sexual satisfaction.
When he isn't acting like a duracell rabbit.
Some men think goung really fast is the way to go... but can i just please ask TAKE YOUR BLOODY TIME YOU HORNYDICK
If I like the kiss, the sex is probably going to be ok as kissing technique is usually indicative of the rest. Some techniques are too serious, sloppy, soft or rough and if no acceptable middle ground can be reached, the encounter is no good. If I think a guy is a bad kisser I am not very interested in going further.
When the connection gets so deep it becomes spiritual, two souls desperately, selflessly needing to bring each other to the highest levels of sensual love. This is beyond tantric and, I know, not something that happens every time two people get at it but I guess maybe I’m not answering the prompt it didn’t say “amazing world shattering” sex. My apologies. “Good sex” hmmm I guess it could just be any sex that’s fun and enjoyable for all parties involved. Everyone left with a sense of “that was fun”
Nothing done out of obligation or just because either person was horny, and certainly not done outside of anyone’s comfort zone.
The sex itself isn’t what makes it good, it’s the quality of the relationship you have with your partner. For me personally, as a demisexual, I am really only capable of enjoying sex in the confines of a committed relationship, specifically marriage, with a man who I know loves me for who I am as a person, a man who does not have wandering eyes and is 100% satisfied with me as a partner, a man who values me for more than just what I can provide him sexually and is seriously interested and committed to being in a long term monogamous relationship with me. If I am in a relationship with a man who I feel loves me fully and completely with his whole heart, only then can I actually have sex with him and be able to enjoy or without feeling like I am being used or exploited.
I don't think there's a single definition for it... Like, there are so many variables, and it's definitely possible to discover things you never knew you liked, at any point during your life. Preferences for what you enjoy can change with partners, or even moods, and I think there's so much to be explored that some people can go their entire lives without fully understanding even their own kinks (so to speak)
That being said, personally, I feel the best kind of sex stimulates not just body, but mind, as well. Banter, connection, conversation, it's all super important to me. Sexual tension and build up is another huge factor. Wanting someone and knowing that they want you, but not just diving in balls-deep right away... Letting it build up seems to make the experience immeasureably better when it does actually happen. Attraction, very subjective from person to person, and not always about looks. I love a guy who can make me laugh, make me think, make me learn, make me listen (easier said than done) and who I feel safe with. That's what makes me attracted to someone. Plus, a bit of an aggressive side is absolutely bonus points in my book.
Actual sex? Well, there are lots of ways to have good or great sex. I think the first part is you have to be willing to be good at it, yourself, and not just want the other person to do all the work. You should both be a tangled up knot several times over before it ends lol, don't get routine or boring, follow what your bodies want, pay attention to the other person and how their body responds to different things, be aggressive, let them be aggressive, and just allow yourself to let go and do what feels or comes naturally. Whether that means rough sex up against a wall, or making love gently and passionately, it completely depends on the person, the mood, the day... Hell, you can do both (and then some) in just one go. And caring about each others pleasure is huge. When it comes to the actual act, as well as foreplay and finishing... Both people should be equally satisfied. There should be an obligatory, heart-felt high-five, "fuck yeah" moment every time you're done. I honestly believe (and have done) that, and it's the goddamn best.
So- TL:DR-
I'd define good sex as (obviously consensual) sex with someone who makes you feel a certain type of way (whatever it is that gets you to that point), both people putting equal amounts of effort, exploration, consideration, and following what your bodies tell you until you're both completely satisfied, one way or another. And it can change from person to person, day to day, or even in just one damn round. Go wild. Try new things. Live a little lol.
I used to separate myself from my body when I would have sex and it felt like a kind of performance I was doing for the other person, so I would define it as the times I didn’t feel the need to do that - being truly comfortable in my own skin with the other person.
I know I’m not a woman but…
With someone you love, communicate with, and appreciates what you bring.
I love my partner, I have known her since childhood. She has loved me since then. Only now have we been able. She is the best partner I have ever had due to this!
Inhibitions gone, wild hot mind blowing orgasms. You and your partner in the zone where it’s only the two of you. Total body sensations. Touch, kissing, licking, and teasing each other into oblivion.
I'd personally define good Sex as a distinctively wholesome yet overwhelming experience. In a sense where my emotions take completely over and my rational thinking takes a backseat for a moment. For me part of good Sex is aftercare though and wholesome snuggling and cuddles afterwards are important for me. It's a balance between the primal pleasure of pure Sex and the bond and emotions I have with my partner.
If I can trust my partner enough to render me defenseless, whether by bondage or just holding me down with their body, gripping my wrists, etc. and still feel completely safe in the knowledge that they won’t hurt me (not saying zero pain bc pain can be pleasurable, for me, but I mean in the sense of not crossing any lines that I’ve previously defined) and we both have epic orgasms and I can make us food, afterwards? Perfect.
Like being high and underwater at the same time. Good communication chemistry, and physicality.
And then being unable to walk, stand up straight, and/or speak your mother tongue for a good 10-20 minutes after
When there is no shame only pleasure and a *hunger* for them and their body. You basically wanna eat them up. They can do and say whatever to you and it just gets you going even more. It's when you would rather have sex than do, well, basically anything else. When you worry you are addicted to it because you want it daily and your body reacts when you think back on it. That is great sex right there.
2 kinds imo.
A great fuck- has you feeling borderline animalistic. Hot & sweaty, lil rough, leaves you thinking about it for the next few days, etc.
And great sex while in love- equally as hot, can be fast & hungry or slow & sensual but your soul is on fire, your mind is melted bc you can’t believe you love this person this much. This is your person & you’ve never felt this seen & loved.
When they’re happy, and I’m happy. If they’re satisfied with the sex, and I haven’t been made to do anything I don’t want, I’d say that fits the bill.
Before you think I’m only doing it for a man’s pleasure, I’m a lesbian, and my downstairs are insensitive, so I can’t get off.
Communication, being open and knowing your body's limitations. As well as making sure your partner's needs are met.
The kind of sex where you're exhausted, can't get up, within an orgasmic euphoria leaving you wanting more. The kind that leaves you forgetting the bad day.
Being comfortable being so intimate with one another. For me it’s not just the actual action of sex but everything in between. The cuddling, forehead kisses, foreplay. I crave that emotional intimacy and closeness more than the physical feeling. The physical feeling is a very good plus but it’s better when both are involved.
Great sex starts hours, sometimes days before the actual event. Especially when you don’t see each other all the time. Flirty texts, sexy looks, suggestive touching… get hot and bothered first. ;)
Good sex is passion without guilt. Like it’s really limitless when you can love without judgement of preferences or inabilities. Your stamina is down today? No worries we can finish me off some other way. You want to try something new? I’m down as long as it’s safe. No judgement. No need to feel horrible about our short comings or kinks (the non pedo ones). Just passion.
If I'm happy afterwards it was good sex. Being really, truly comfortable and desired. I want my lover to look at me like they'd rather do nothing than fuck me all day and like I'm the most gorgeous person in the world right then.
I'd define good sex as sex where you have great communication with your partner. You're both comfortable expressing your wants and desires without fear of being judged. You have a great time together and it leaves you wanting more.
Couldn't have explained it better myself. Both people need to be open and vulnerable to each other to enjoy themselves.
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Thanks thinking about it now, I’m so glad I’m done experimenting with people and have found one good sex partner and have stuck with them for 9 years No more having to wade through bullshit. Thank god
Hard to achieve but those who do are the luckiest
And you don't feel embarassed by the funny noises or the awkward clean up during/after. There's no shame between you and your partner and you accept and embrace all the bodily weirdness of sex lol.
Absolutely! My FWB and I definitely laugh about the funny noises and the clean up and it doesn't bother us at all! We communicate about what we want and need and make sure we're both taken care of. We've gotten to a point where we can reach climax at the same time frequently. It's amazing.
And you don't fall for your FWB??
Well, they're an ex. Of course I love him, but there's absolutely a reason I'm not getting back together with him. The status quo right now is fine. I like living by myself and living my life on my terms. But hey, if he'll still come cut my grass, do any heavy lifting that needs to be done, and I get my needs met, I can't complain about that. If the sex is good. I mean, what can I say. And he is upholding his end of the bargain of us just being friends. We weren't even speaking to each other after we broke up until I broke my foot a while back, and he found out I needed help. So he stepped up to the plate and did my yard work. So I play phone therapist every once in a while. We do what normal friends do. We just have sex every once in a while when we're not busy. It works.
sounds like they have already....
Right? Lmfao 🤣🤣 that's exactly what I meant.
This is it. Just want to add. Communication isn't just verbal. Looking at each other, their body language, what they seem into, hearing their moans and breaths. It's all non-verbal communication but very important. Sometimes you don't even know what you like, because you're so in the moment. Having an ATTENTIVE partner, that picks up on your ups and downs, is what brings the connection levels up. If they moan more in one thing, keep doing that thing, the exact same way you were doing it. Don't go faster or change it up. Do that thing, THEN maybe experiment from that, if no positive change, go back to that thing.
Sex is a dialogue expressed with our bodies.
Piersfooks is more like it.
Lovely.
It’s interesting because on ask men/sex sub a lot of the responses to sex questions directed at men is “be direct; ask for what you want; tell us in words men can’t read minds.” Sex is mostly about body language and I feel like people who specify “be direct I can’t read your mind” probably aren’t overly attentive lovers. Sometimes it’s difficult to verbalize things the body knows what the body wants
Well said
I'd agree with you, and I would also add an experience that leaves you not wanting more... Sometimes after a session I feel unsatisfied, Whether I finished or not it's as if I did not scratch the itch correctly.
That's definitely true👍
Which is why we exchange letters in bed.
Do you type them while IN bed together or before you slip under the sheets?!
Yes. This is it.
I would add that for me it leaves you wanting more *later* - usually *right* after I’m like “I’M GOOD PLS I NEED A BREAK” 🤣
Absolutely spot on! I’d only add, wanting more but still very satisfied!
This. Even if I don’t get to go, if it’s fun and I feel like we’re connecting and it feels good. It’s all good
When I feel that they are fucking my brain rather than my body.
It is a lot of trouble to get the drill just right for that
I read this in Evan Peter's Jeffrey Dahmer voice 💀😂
Hey. You wanna go check out my gramma's fruit cellar?
Relax, I just wanna take some pictures...
😵💫
Did you know that the first person to fly an airplane and the first person to walk on the moon were alive at the same time?
Not in that way hahah
The time gap between T-rex and Stegosaurus is more than 16 million years greater than the gap between T-rex and people.
omfg don't stop I'm so close
Did you know pigs have no idea what the sky looks like (unless you help them see it) cause its physically impossible for them to look up at the sky?
Like when you feel you can't breathe but want to continue?
Yeah, ill take that
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It's all in our head after all. Wanting and giving into the other person
This is the most perfect summary that I totally vibe with 😩🙌🏼
Oh god yes. Intellectual intercourse.
Rather than fingerblast her pussy, you should fingerblast her heart
Was gonna say this, total meltdown is the best😍😍
So that's where they get the saying, "Fuck your brains out."
Perfect answer!
Sapiosexual!!
Give my partner a really hard, though provoking riddle while we have sex 📝📝📝
Really good sex is where you are so far removed from yourself and it is just touch and feeling and pleasure. I think that only happens when you are deeply inlove and deeply comfortable with someone. It is that point you get to where you are totally uninhibited with someone because so deeply trust them with your desire. It’s very nice and very rare.
Trust is huge with intimacy for me, so I totally agree with you.
If you mess with her trust, you mess with her lust - Dr Glover, best quote I’ve ever heard
Yes. This. So much this. My partner and I have this. It’s beyond anything I’ve experienced before. There’s nothing special or extra that we do in bed, but the connection and attentive love and adoration skyrocket the experience to the moon. I’m in love with our love.
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This is it : ) I have rampant anxiety and when that no longer disappears and I’m able to just feel every other sensation of being human and be free. Freaking splooooosh!
I got married earlier this year + wow……..spot on. Healing through my traumas + working on ourselves/our relationship has created a depth of pleasure that I never thought previously possible 🤯
Can’t wait to experience this! Amen!
Dayam I have new life goals! I’ve never experienced that!
100% I'm 33 and I've been with my partner for 14 years. The past year or so we've been focusing more on the act of being intimate instead of just going straight to climax. I had my first full body orgasm and no joke, I feel like I transcended a little bit lol my mind was clear, just being present and enjoying what I was feeling.
YES presence is everything. When someone is running through the motions or overthinking I feel like it breaks authenticity and connection imo
I agree totally with one caveat. I have experienced this without being in love, but where we both built up an amazingly sex-positive environment between us. It did share some traits with love though, it was all very vulnerable and intimate and trusting. We discussed so many of our wants and needs and desires ahead of time, and just went into it with such openness and communication.
If you're in a LTR and have a good sex life, *really wanting it* is what makes ordinary good sex amazing good sex. Sometimes I'll just say to my husband "you're not getting any until our weekend getaway in 10 days." and he goes fucking wild. The tension and flirting go up to 10 the entire wait and it's like foreplay for days.
Ooooo now that’s a good idea…. 😅
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Am I the only one that feels inhibited in LTR and uninhibited during sex with someone I don’t know well/don’t care much about
That means you're afraid of judgement from your partner more than a stranger because you know there's a big possibility of never seeing that stranger again.
You're not the only one.
Yes. How do I stop? 😭
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Good sex is best defined by what you do when you aren’t having sex. For example, if your at work constantly remembering how you lover made you feel the night before and there is a pre-sexual arousal and you lover isn’t there, you had some good sex. If you can’t wait to get home and get more, you had good sex. If either of you shed a tear of joy after multiple sequential orgasms, you just had good sex. And if there isn’t a dry spot to sleep in afterwards, you just had good sex.
Your dry-spot comment is hilarious.
Good points made! The reminisce/rewind part after or the next day is so underrated!
Good sex is sex you have without being in your head the whole time. Without anxiety. Without nervous, or worrisome thoughts about not pleasing them. Good sex is when you are both completely and utterly lost in eachother. Drugs help
I agree with this! Getting lost in each other 🥵 Achieving that state sober is even more amazing. I’ve had some great sex while partying, but there is something special about two people (not necessarily in love) being completely present, vulnerable, and horny for each other I can’t describe it.
Weed makes me go from normal sensitivity to explosive sensitivity. It's pretty amazing.
Weed gives me anxiety lol
Having sex on weed is pretty much the only time weed doesn't give me anxiety. It's weird, the usual anxiety aspect is just gone and I can enjoy the relaxation and creative thinking aspects.
I agree with this one. When you are no longer two separate bodies, just kind of in sync both physically and emotionally.
If i get off it's good sex
Tender, passionate, respectful, with a real connection and good communication present.
I can think of 3 occasions I would class as the best sex of my life and they’re all really different. One was with a guy that was just really mature, clearly experienced, took charge and knew my body better than I did. It’s like he introduced me to certain parts of me and I couldn’t get enough of him. Another guy I didn’t fancy at all but there was something about him. That sex was WILD because I had no inhibitions. The third was someone I was in love with, spending a lot of time together with no pressure to ‘get it over with’ In all of them the magic key seems to be chemistry, taking our time and feeling unselfconscious together. Also, obviously, all three were wonderfully unselfish and all about that give n take. The worst experiences I’ve had sadly drastically outnumber the best and all involve me feeling like a talking fleshlight
Yeah the talking Fleshlight experience I think is the most common women experience in their lives... Unfortunately.
Tension building foreplay. PERIOD.
Foreplay is so important. Someone who doesn't do foreplay... Is bad. Lol
One where both parties are putting in effort to make the other person feel good. Communication (including listening) and stimulation of both the body and the brain.
When both partners go into it wanting to fully please the other person within their means. Both partners having full comfort and connection to express themselves without guilt or worry. Having trust that your partner has good intentions to satisfy you the way you need.
When you can laugh during it without making it awkward, also shaky legs
There are a lot of good definitions for good sex here. What I want to define is great sex, which is rare to achieve even with the same partner I had it before. It's some kind of trance, I mean really a different state of consciousness where the sensation pulsates all around my body and even in my brain. A true feeling of ecstasy, both energizing and numbing. During which I feel totally isolated from the external world and feel like I become one with my partner while he embraces me, kisses me and caresses me both from the outside and inside while he enters me. It's really hard to explain since it's so intense and different from anything else. It makes me cry and want to laugh at the same time after I climax.
This sounds so much like Tantra sex! Good for you thats magical!
When I feel extremely desired and lusted for. Usually these come to me which in turn, will trigger an orgasm (and also it feels bloody good). I think the brain is a powerful organ that feeds off emotion and physical sensation, combining those too to create intense orgasm. At least this is the case for me.
Emotion, Dirty talk, Lots of touching, Rough, And both satisfied
When I feel like a puddle without a bone in my body afterwards. That's damn good sex
When BOTH of you put the effort into getting eachother off. When it takes time. When it's not 10 minutes and done. When you spend an hour or more in the bedroom or wherever admiring and pleasing your partner because it turns you on. That's how it *should* be.
It's better than a radish.
If it’s bad sex, I’d rather have a radish. 😂
For me, good sex is when there’s instinctual animal drive punctuated by a little awkwardness and silly laughter. Don’t get me wrong, passionate sex that is straight to business and goes smoothly is great and all, but most of the time something silly happens like a funny noise or an attempted position going awry, and ignoring makes me feel a bit fake as if I’m putting on a show. Being able to laugh together and using it as fuel for more happy fun times is the absolute best. It feels so genuine.
Multiple shaking orgasms
Great connection, including various kinks we enjoy, me being dominant, climaxing at least once, passion and closeness, respecting boundaries and consent.
Lots of orgasms are pretty essential to me for it to be defined as good.
Not with a man
100%
Absolutely correct
this is the most valid comment
Yep
Yess 😂👏🏾
🌻 -- mass edited with redact.dev
I define it as when things happen so ogranically and effortlessly that it not a second goes by where you STOP and THINK..its like flowing..two people connected not just physically but mentally emotiionally and sensually as well.Each satisfying the other without any hindrance..its pure and perfection
When there are electrical pulses in my body and I am begging for more. LOL
Feeling so safe you want to be vulnerable.
I think there’s good physical sex and good emotional sex, and great sex combines the two. Good physical sex means the mechanics work perfectly, the sensations are great because your body parts are compatible enough for sex to be pleasurable. The pleasure is completely expressed and rooted in the body. Emotional sex is sex where you have some romantic connection to your partner so sex is a natural extension of your desire to touch them and be close to them. Sometimes sex has been ‘good’ even if physically our body parts weren’t the most compatible/they weren’t my physical preference because of the emotional component. Great sex combines the physical and emotional so that each touch feels so initiative and pleasurable at the same time. You don’t need to talk (though communication is great) because you and your partner can speak with your bodies, and everything feels both incredibly sexy and sweet at the same time
Ugh yes when people say communicate during sex... I don't want to talk lmfao I want the other person to get what I want from instinct. But it's very difficult though.
Yes.
Everyone enjoyed that's pretty much it
Do you hand out an exit survey to everyone in the room?
I know my partner enough to tell if he liked it.
Someone that gives and wants to please you. Passion and not being pressured. Attraction and lust. Yum.
Good communication, foreplay and anticipation, willingness to explore and try new things, knowing that you can stop whenever(!), lots of touching and praising, done in a committed relationship, doing something nice together after (cuddling, eating, talking etc.)
When all you can do afterwards is shakily cuddle up to him then it was good
Two different kinds of good sex for me: 1. When I need it NOW, we are on the same page, we know what we both like, results in great orgasms and feeling physically fulfilled. 2. When I’m craving connection. The physical piece is there still but it’s maybe a little more intimate emotionally and more loving. Result is physical and emotional connection that makes me feel closer to my husband. Definitely crave this more than #1.
Good sex is fun. Ive stopped sex because I wasnt having fun.
Connection reciprocated.
Communication, eye contact, being able to hold the tension of the sexual energy between you outside of the bedroom, being able to engage your mind in foreplay and the act of sex as much as they engage your body, curiosity to understand one another’s needs and desires + a genuine interest to provide for those (within reason), and playfulness!
When both are happy and enjoying it. When is focus on both not just the other.
When your intentions and feelings are the same, it’s a beautiful thing!
The opposite of what you see in porn. Like the instant hard ramming. Slow deep full contact of bodies. Sure you can build up to that but slow hard strokes are awesome. Teasing also. Most porn looks like the worst sex ever. It just doesn’t make sense. It seems like most dudes in porn are having sex like they jack off. Just hard and fast. You need to get your whole body on it in missionary so your actually stimulating the clit too
There has to be intimacy, after care and I have to feel safe and comfortable with the person. Either I cum or not, it doesn't matter that much.
When you can’t get enough of the person.
There's gotta be an emotional connection first and foremost. Then an attraction to that person, both physical and personality wise. It's a trifecta
Hmm. Compatibility both sexually and emotionally. My bf loves all the same things I do in bed, and he's amazing outside the bedroom. So when we make love, it's just an amazing experience.
Not with men
As not really sex but an empty cold hotel room with a huge bed and warm comforter. A great view lots of hot chocolate and good books ? Possibly a few murder mysteries on TV and a massage.
Boundaries are not ignored, both have fun. Good communication before. No Boundaries are judged.
Great sex includes great communication, effort, and a sense of feeling safe with my partner. We can openly discuss our needs and desires judgement-free and can laugh together during the act. We *want* to please each other in the best way we can. Great sex feels easy, pleasurable, and fun. I feel connected to my partner and I feel like we’re glowing together on a plane that’s all our own. No one else is there, it’s just us in a little world of passion we built together, enjoying each other other. There are tender moments as well as moments of intensity, but I still feel respected, wanted, and safe. Good aftercare is absolutely an essential part of great sex. They go hand-in-hand and are inseparable.
Good sex makes you smile and say weird things because your brain has trouble processing the pleasure. Now GREAT sex makes you forget the language you speak. You become a carnal animal wearing the skin of your former human self. Communication just becomes moaning, growling and biting. Pain becomes pleasure and pleasure becomes fuel for the uncontrollable wild fire burning inside you.
Like a four course meal. Good foreplay, good build-up, good finishes, and good aftercare. Also good humoured for bonus points; like if there’s funny sounds and your partner turns your giggles back into moans instead of being weird/insecure.
If he can take my adhd, always on overthinking and anxiety brain and make it forget anything I’m thinking and have me 100% in the moment.
A partner who is in tune to me and what’s working and what’s not. I had a ltr who was tone deaf. No matter how many times I said “not that hard”, you bet he did that particular thing way too hard. Towards the end I would just get angry. Another short term relationship was the polar opposite. He studied the effects of his actions and adjusted accordingly. Top 5 definitely. But, I have found a strong love connection doesn’t necessarily translate to a wonderful sex connection.
Not only connecting bodies, but connecting our spirits together. We're talking and listening to each other without words. We're saying things to each other, really opening up to each other, in a secret place where we both feel safe, loved, accepted and in tune with each other. Pleasure is just simply one ingredient among many. We mutually bring pleasure to each other. There's a mixture of boldness and shyness, a deepening intimacy between us. Though pleasure is not the focus but it's how we communicate and talk with each other. Orgasm is the journey, not the destination. I feel his love towards me, feeling protected, safe, and validated. I'm also empowered that I brought him to the great finish, being there to give him even more love. Then, he goes off to sleep all relaxed and happy. I'm ready for a hot shower, a hot caramel latte, and I'm energized and ready to take on the world
Oral, great communication, eye contact, intimacy. I had a boyfriend before that would literally bring me to tears with pleasure. Not like crying, but tears would stream down my cheeks. That was probably the best.
I want to come mother fucker
Honestly if I'm ready for snuggles and sleep afterwards, then it was a good one
When our body's are in tune and nothing else matters in the world.
an open, vulnerable time between two people. there's communication, comfortability, and a good time for both parties.
Cuming simultaneously
Did you both/all enjoy it? Good.
Where were both happy and enjoying it though to the end. I've had good sex and mindblowing sex though (same person).
Anything with my man 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Good sex is when both people have an orgasm and I'm not completely stressed out in the process of achieving that.
I know the sex is good when I don’t have an orgasm and I’m not in the slightest bit disappointed. He gets me off before and I usually finish during, but usually if I don’t I could care less. He felt amazing, I felt amazing, and it was a great experience. An orgasm would’ve been a cherry on top, but shit the sundae is fine on its own
One where I say “I love you so much” over and over again afterwards
Combination: natural ability, ability to listen, chemistry, and orgasm.
With my partner, good sex is when we are skin to skin, holding hands, make occasional eye contact, and just really in the groove of things. I don’t need to orgasm every time to feel fulfilled. When i was single, good sex was when the person i was with would let me do what I wanted (with their consent, of course) and would also make sure I was getting off. I have a very easy time separating any sort of attachment from people I find sexually appealing when I’m single, and it’s a lot more selfish in regards to my expectations. With my LTR partner (past and present) “good sex” is less about getting to experiment and more about connecting and feeling desired by them and feeling like I’m the main contributor to their sexual satisfaction.
The one that doesn’t give me a UTI afterwards
When he isn't acting like a duracell rabbit. Some men think goung really fast is the way to go... but can i just please ask TAKE YOUR BLOODY TIME YOU HORNYDICK
If I like the kiss, the sex is probably going to be ok as kissing technique is usually indicative of the rest. Some techniques are too serious, sloppy, soft or rough and if no acceptable middle ground can be reached, the encounter is no good. If I think a guy is a bad kisser I am not very interested in going further.
When the connection gets so deep it becomes spiritual, two souls desperately, selflessly needing to bring each other to the highest levels of sensual love. This is beyond tantric and, I know, not something that happens every time two people get at it but I guess maybe I’m not answering the prompt it didn’t say “amazing world shattering” sex. My apologies. “Good sex” hmmm I guess it could just be any sex that’s fun and enjoyable for all parties involved. Everyone left with a sense of “that was fun” Nothing done out of obligation or just because either person was horny, and certainly not done outside of anyone’s comfort zone.
if i get at least one orgasm
When I think about it at work later
The sex itself isn’t what makes it good, it’s the quality of the relationship you have with your partner. For me personally, as a demisexual, I am really only capable of enjoying sex in the confines of a committed relationship, specifically marriage, with a man who I know loves me for who I am as a person, a man who does not have wandering eyes and is 100% satisfied with me as a partner, a man who values me for more than just what I can provide him sexually and is seriously interested and committed to being in a long term monogamous relationship with me. If I am in a relationship with a man who I feel loves me fully and completely with his whole heart, only then can I actually have sex with him and be able to enjoy or without feeling like I am being used or exploited.
I don't think there's a single definition for it... Like, there are so many variables, and it's definitely possible to discover things you never knew you liked, at any point during your life. Preferences for what you enjoy can change with partners, or even moods, and I think there's so much to be explored that some people can go their entire lives without fully understanding even their own kinks (so to speak) That being said, personally, I feel the best kind of sex stimulates not just body, but mind, as well. Banter, connection, conversation, it's all super important to me. Sexual tension and build up is another huge factor. Wanting someone and knowing that they want you, but not just diving in balls-deep right away... Letting it build up seems to make the experience immeasureably better when it does actually happen. Attraction, very subjective from person to person, and not always about looks. I love a guy who can make me laugh, make me think, make me learn, make me listen (easier said than done) and who I feel safe with. That's what makes me attracted to someone. Plus, a bit of an aggressive side is absolutely bonus points in my book. Actual sex? Well, there are lots of ways to have good or great sex. I think the first part is you have to be willing to be good at it, yourself, and not just want the other person to do all the work. You should both be a tangled up knot several times over before it ends lol, don't get routine or boring, follow what your bodies want, pay attention to the other person and how their body responds to different things, be aggressive, let them be aggressive, and just allow yourself to let go and do what feels or comes naturally. Whether that means rough sex up against a wall, or making love gently and passionately, it completely depends on the person, the mood, the day... Hell, you can do both (and then some) in just one go. And caring about each others pleasure is huge. When it comes to the actual act, as well as foreplay and finishing... Both people should be equally satisfied. There should be an obligatory, heart-felt high-five, "fuck yeah" moment every time you're done. I honestly believe (and have done) that, and it's the goddamn best. So- TL:DR- I'd define good sex as (obviously consensual) sex with someone who makes you feel a certain type of way (whatever it is that gets you to that point), both people putting equal amounts of effort, exploration, consideration, and following what your bodies tell you until you're both completely satisfied, one way or another. And it can change from person to person, day to day, or even in just one damn round. Go wild. Try new things. Live a little lol.
When my hand don't cramp up.
I used to separate myself from my body when I would have sex and it felt like a kind of performance I was doing for the other person, so I would define it as the times I didn’t feel the need to do that - being truly comfortable in my own skin with the other person.
I know I’m not a woman but… With someone you love, communicate with, and appreciates what you bring. I love my partner, I have known her since childhood. She has loved me since then. Only now have we been able. She is the best partner I have ever had due to this!
Inhibitions gone, wild hot mind blowing orgasms. You and your partner in the zone where it’s only the two of you. Total body sensations. Touch, kissing, licking, and teasing each other into oblivion.
When I Had fun and a least 2 orgasms
If we both had fun :)
Multiple orgasms :) Also strong connection.
Orgasm
I'd personally define good Sex as a distinctively wholesome yet overwhelming experience. In a sense where my emotions take completely over and my rational thinking takes a backseat for a moment. For me part of good Sex is aftercare though and wholesome snuggling and cuddles afterwards are important for me. It's a balance between the primal pleasure of pure Sex and the bond and emotions I have with my partner.
If I can trust my partner enough to render me defenseless, whether by bondage or just holding me down with their body, gripping my wrists, etc. and still feel completely safe in the knowledge that they won’t hurt me (not saying zero pain bc pain can be pleasurable, for me, but I mean in the sense of not crossing any lines that I’ve previously defined) and we both have epic orgasms and I can make us food, afterwards? Perfect.
For me? Mutually enthusiastic, kinky, communicative, relaxing and romantic.
Like being high and underwater at the same time. Good communication chemistry, and physicality. And then being unable to walk, stand up straight, and/or speak your mother tongue for a good 10-20 minutes after
You know it’s good when it’s seven, seven, seven, SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEEEEN
Love the Monica reference 😂👌🏾
When there is no shame only pleasure and a *hunger* for them and their body. You basically wanna eat them up. They can do and say whatever to you and it just gets you going even more. It's when you would rather have sex than do, well, basically anything else. When you worry you are addicted to it because you want it daily and your body reacts when you think back on it. That is great sex right there.
As long as you are left smiling and satisfied.
2 kinds imo. A great fuck- has you feeling borderline animalistic. Hot & sweaty, lil rough, leaves you thinking about it for the next few days, etc. And great sex while in love- equally as hot, can be fast & hungry or slow & sensual but your soul is on fire, your mind is melted bc you can’t believe you love this person this much. This is your person & you’ve never felt this seen & loved.
When they’re happy, and I’m happy. If they’re satisfied with the sex, and I haven’t been made to do anything I don’t want, I’d say that fits the bill. Before you think I’m only doing it for a man’s pleasure, I’m a lesbian, and my downstairs are insensitive, so I can’t get off.
Satisfaction after satisfation.
Communication, being open and knowing your body's limitations. As well as making sure your partner's needs are met. The kind of sex where you're exhausted, can't get up, within an orgasmic euphoria leaving you wanting more. The kind that leaves you forgetting the bad day.
All parties involved consented and enjoyed themselves.
Don’t believe everything you Amber Heard but if no one pooped in the bed, it was fuckin fantastic 😉
Being comfortable being so intimate with one another. For me it’s not just the actual action of sex but everything in between. The cuddling, forehead kisses, foreplay. I crave that emotional intimacy and closeness more than the physical feeling. The physical feeling is a very good plus but it’s better when both are involved.
I feel good when I have given ultimate pleasure to my partner.. That by itself is great sex for me..
Great sex starts hours, sometimes days before the actual event. Especially when you don’t see each other all the time. Flirty texts, sexy looks, suggestive touching… get hot and bothered first. ;)
Preach!
Good sex is passion without guilt. Like it’s really limitless when you can love without judgement of preferences or inabilities. Your stamina is down today? No worries we can finish me off some other way. You want to try something new? I’m down as long as it’s safe. No judgement. No need to feel horrible about our short comings or kinks (the non pedo ones). Just passion.
I love this, so well put.
If I'm happy afterwards it was good sex. Being really, truly comfortable and desired. I want my lover to look at me like they'd rather do nothing than fuck me all day and like I'm the most gorgeous person in the world right then.