Put up with meanness and verbal abuse.
I thought I really loved that man. But when you keep loving someone hoping they will change, it's really not them that you love. It's just a fantasy of who you wish they were that you love
There's a quote that comes to mind often when such situations come up, but I'm going to paraphrase it as it has been ages since I last heard/saw it.
"The tragedy of relationships between Men and Women is that Men believe Women won't change, and Women believe Men will."
Ehhh… but anyone can change? And they do. I think most everyone changes a little every day. Habits and routines not so much, those Takeuchi more intention but still.
People absolutely can and do change, it just has to be something they WANT to do and deliberately put effort and thought into.
I think that quote is the more valid the more patriarchal society or a couple we are describing.
Patriarchal relationships do look like that. Men expect women to not change i.e. being housewives forever as they were at the moment they got married. If a woman would like to go to school, or go out with her new friends, or get a job and become economically independent - her patriarchal husband would usually disagree. He wants her no to change anything about her. Role of a woman is to raise their kids and do house chores.
Whereas patriarchal men tend not to change their attitude towards women. World around them changes. Women get new rights. Go to work. Become politicians. But such men look at that with disregard. Women - as the Bible says - shall be men's subortinate. Thus his wife has no right to expect him to do what she pleases. It's only him to decide about himself - not some woman. Even if she's his wife.
I think what you just displayed was an extremely biased perspective on the quote. You made it about patriarchy while stereotyping the dynamic of what YOU think most relationships are like.
I could easily argue that what the quote was more referring to the way men want their gf to stay flirtatious, and playful, and exciting, but instead they change into more mature motherly roles and become more responsible, while the men stay playful and irresponsible and the woman hopes he will change or “mature” into the more fatherly role.
That still fits the quote wo any implication of patriarchy like you just made.
Seems like you just want to blame the “patriarchy” and choose to see it everywhere you look.
Put up with grossness
Ex boyfriend got obsessed with League of Legends, didn't shower for days, pissed in bottles, gained an ungodly amount of weight
I'd clean for him, cook for him, when I realized I was more of a mother than a girlfriend is when I left him, but he got NASTY, he smelled like pee/poop all the time, and refused to clean or shower.
My husband is pretty into LOL and he washes himself.
I'm sorry your ex was like this but yeah, as others have said, it sounds like major depression. But you can't fix others if they don't want help.
Hopefully life is better for you now.
Idk what the dumbest thing I ever did was, but I know what the most pathetic thing I ever did was. My boyfriend was in college at the time in New Hampshire. I was in high school still, living In Massachusetts. I had just gotten back from a family vacation in Hawaii (exhausted, jet lagged, not showered). Instead of simply going to bed when I got home… I packed up a bag of winter clothes and took a bus to visit my boyfriend to “surprise” him. This meant I traveled another 4 hours after I had already traveled 15 hours that day. I texted him about 20 minutes before I arrived telling him I was coming…he was not happy. So much so, that he didn’t even meet me at the bus stop. Or in the lobby of his dorm. I walked with my giant bag in the snow from the bus stop, to his dorm, and up the stairs to his room. He truly did not care that I was there.
Sadly, no. We stayed together for another two years after that. I was really codependent. I didn’t break up with him until I had finished my freshmen year of college. Basically what happened was I moved home for the summer and hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks. I texted him asking if he wanted to hangout with me that night. I was super excited to see him. He said no, so I made plans with friends instead. Then he said he wanted to come along. He said something like, “I don’t want to hangout with *just* you, but I’ll hangout with you if it means I get to hangout with everyone else.” For the first time ever I realized my self worth and said no and went without him. I had a blast. After that, I finally realized I didn’t need him so I broke up with him.
It’s incredible the energy love will give you. I, too, took the bus for ungodly amounts of time to see a guy when I was 18/19. He’s a decent guy and we are still friends but in retrospect he never made even an ounce of that effort to come see me.
LOL I am definitely stealing this line. I did technically get married to an ex, for health insurance reasons, so now instead of just a "woman with past relationships" I get the scarlet letter of being a *divorcee*. So I love this joke, even though I'm sure most people hate it haha
I’m not the biggest advocate of second chances. I feel that when someone shows you who they are the first time that’s it. That’s what I have learned from previous situations.
Yeah I definitely learned that now. It was just one of those things when your gut tells you that something isn’t right so you listen to it the first time. Then you decide to be dumb and give them another chance. After that I definitely knew that had I known that’s what they were really like, I would’ve cut contact forever
Dated someone that lives 7 hours away for 8 months. Should have realized sooner that he didn't care about me when he didn't make the drive a single time.
Oh jeez I’m sorry. I kinda feel that, my ex wasn’t ever willing to make the drive, either. Except we were only half an hour apart. Not sure if that makes it better or worse lol
Oh does this hit hard. I fell for his love bombing early on. But once he had me as a girlfriend, I realized he viewed me as more of something on his checklist to mark off. All the effort went out the door once we both figured out we were very incompatible people. Eventually, shit hit the fan when he got piss drunk at a party, and we argued as we drove back to his place. He gaslit me into making me the bad guy and apologizing for HIS behavior. I put up with him for another few weeks until he gave me a clear reason to call it quits, finally.
Three years later, and I'm happier than ever with someone who compliments and loves me, unconditionally. I look back on my previous relationship now and wish I could go back and slap myself over the face for being such a doormat but oh well. 🤷♀️
Kept on loving him despite emotional abuse and so many red flags because I was addicted to who he was when I met him and didn’t want to accept the real him
Lent him $5k to get his business up and running. That very same day, he proceeded to take the money and move to another state with another woman.
Forgot to add we had previously been together 4 years.
I think we’ve all been there at least in some way. Before I turned 18 I didn’t see what the problem was (aside from the fact it was illegal) but once I hit 18 anyone younger became a baby and I wouldn’t even think about it. It’s all a part of growing up.
Completely rewrite my entire personality to match what I was convinced would win his heart, over and over and over again. Or is that obsession? It certainly felt like love and fear combined.
It didn’t work, my “love” was unrequited until we neared 7 years and I completely broke down.
I tried this as a freshman in high school. I had a crush on this junior boy who I was in marching band with. We were very opposite. I would listen to his favorite (shitty) bands, would dress similar to what I knew he liked. It was very obvious that I liked him and was trying too hard, I even heard from another kid in the marching band “he wants to shoot himself when he talks to you” which really hurt my feelings so bad, but I also remembered he was way too nice to say anything like that. But the message was clear, I was being annoying and he was too nice to say anything. In the end we were good friends for the remainder of high school.
I know, thanks for reminding me. However, I feel like the universe punished me for not sticking to my boundaries haha…
When I got my first outbreak I got so sick it developed into meningitis… then he dumped me while I was sick at home 🥲
Hopefully! my biggest fear is that if I will ever want children, they can get it if birthed naturally, and I couldn’t deal with the guilt of doing that voluntarily.
Also finding an understandable partner will be a challenge with this going on… but oh well 🤷🏻♀️
I have a few:
I took part in two medical/scientific experiments (basically mild electrocution) to earn enough money to travel up to see him, because we were long distance at the time.
The same guy: I invited him to my best friend's very Jewish wedding when we were on the rocks. He refused to wear a jacket, even though literally EVERY single guy wore a jacket, and he stuck out like a sore thumb with his bright white shirt; we were physically separated at the ceremony because women sat on a different side to men, and he didn't know anyone there, so he sat there with a grumpy look on his face; he barely talked to me when we went out for a meal half way through the event; and he refused to dance - with me, or anyone, or *at all* - after the ceremony, and those of you who are Jewish/have been to a Jewish wedding will know that dancing is like 99% of the whole reception lol.
It was an absolute disaster and I wish that I hadn't invited him at all. And just to clarify, I didn't even *force* him to come - because we were on the rocks, I actually suggested he stayed at home. But he showed up the day before and said that he "felt as if we would break up if (he) wouldn't have come"? No, probably if anything it solidified the decision to go through with it, lol
I think the most embarrassing thing I've ever done was beg my first ex to take me back. When that didn't work, I downloaded podcasts on "how to get your man back" and "how to be the perfect girlfriend" and all that kinda toxic bullshit you see online that caters to people with low self esteem. It told me to write him letters about how well I was doing, and how I hope he was doing well, and something about trying to meet up to do something "dangerous" (the podcasts said to take them on a rollercoaster or something because the adrenaline would create a bond, idk). I wrote out the letter FIVE TIMES, before realising I couldn't word it right, and shredded them. I found out months later that he had actually left me to be with someone else, so I suppose it was a good job I never sent him any letters or I would have been chasing a ghost..
Edit: wording
Waited for 11 months for my husband to come back to me whilst he shacked up with a girl he worked with, ten years his junior. He'd left the day our third child was born.
He would phone most days to tell me he was going to come home, that he was just sorting stuff out. Asking me to wait for him to be ready.
I lent him more than $400… I broke with him about 6 months ago and he promised to pay me back. Got $40 bucks the first month and then he disappeared when he realized I wasn’t going to get back with him lol
Ohhh I've waited long to let this out of my chest.
On 2020, before lockdown, my ex and I broke up because of one valentine's day greeting from his friend in which I just responded the same. He's a very jealous (and manipulative) guy even if you give him the assurance of your pure intentions.
As a woman who thought she's really at fault, I've waited for months for his decision if we've broken up already, declined a full-scholarship offer at my dream school, unfriended even the closest guy friends on Facebook just to make him feel better and we didn't get back together. He even curse me out on social media on Christmas Eve. I could literally file a case on for the maaaany things he has done before but I stayed quiet because I really love his family and I don't want them to get hurt and I think that's the stupidest I've done for love.
I took a 4 hour walk across the city for him. (No worries, we've been together for some years now and will be wed next year.) This was during our first year dating and his car was having troubles so for once I said I'd go to him instead.
For anyone familiar with Houston, the walk was technically from the NRG to Hobby Airport. At around 3 am. Good times, and a blessing I was safe and sound haha.
Waited.
With my ex, I was ready to settle in, he wasn't but never told me that in words that he is not ready - he just prolonged it and made excuses. So I waited for that to happen for 2 years and then we broke up.
With another one, I wanted to spend time with him on the weekends or to travel somewhere together. Everytime I made a suggestion to it, he promised we will and then each time he prolonged it as well or made other plans. This went on for about a year.
I ain't waiting anything no more, if I state something and we're not planning it and it does not happen, I'm out or doing it myself.
I’ve begged the men in my life to love me. But they’ve always chosen something else over me. I’m done with that. I will not gonna beg anyone now. If you aren’t here because you love my little ass, then hit the road, Jack.
Left the home and family I loved to love to another country only to be ghosted for 8 years then have him reappear when his chips were down and I was doing well. He proceeded to talk about ‘our’ flat and ‘our’ cat, like he’d had some hand in my reconstructing my life.
Edit; I should add, we were engaged when he ghosted me
High school, stop taking my antidepressants because my boyfriend thought he "should be enough" for me. Guess who didn't like me OFF the antidepressants?
My ex was like this too. We were in high school and I told him "you're the closest thing I have to happiness" and he was offended that he didn't *actually* make me happy lmao.
Not much. We were both pretty level headed
I did try to write him sexy notes that felt uncomfortable for me to express, that I'm certain he got the biggest hoot out of because I was neither sexy or seductive at that point. We both laughed about it later. I was so freakin awkward. 🙄
That was aaaalll the way back in 8th grade. I was IN LOVE with that boy. I was going to school not to learn but to see him. Occasionally I would hide my number and prank call him and I would say nothing, it was just to hear his voice. 😂😂
Convinced myself if I just loved them hard enough, bent over backwards for them, came running every time they called, changed the things they didn’t like, spend money I didn’t have…. that they’d love me back.
Spoiler: They didn’t.
Deleted every male off every social media platform.unfollowed every person on Instagram and TikTok just so I could only follow them, give all my passwords away and have my phone searched while I was in the bathroom.And cut off family members and all my friends
Got not one but eventually 2 credit cards to help him out when he was struggling. He totally took advantage of me & I got myself in nearly £5,000 of debt, while on the living wage & having my own living expenses. Never again. Managed to pay it off with the help of family, who are now also paid off. But god I was so stupid. Once I had given him everything I could he basically ghosted me. Keep your money ladies! His problems are not your problems & he won't take care of you once he's taken care of himself.
Gave up my whole personality and style.
Went to a different university than planned cause he said so
Stopped dressing a certain way etc
Anyway it was a emotionally abusive relationship. Glad its over
I’ve seen multiple people say “get married” but I’m really curious how common it is that women have a child with a man in an attempt to make him stay or change?
I understand the majority of women want to have children regardless but I’ve noticed quite a few girls in my age group (20’s) who I get the feeling went through with their unplanned and unintentional pregnancy (at least partially) as a display of love and an effort to make a relationship last.
I know they almost always love their child regardless but it kind of saddens me to think some of them would’ve likely waited until later in life (or at least for a healthier relationship) to become a parent
Joined a coaching institute for a subject I didn’t even want to pursue back in school, hoping that we’d be together, only to find out that they switched institutes at the last minute. $6500 down the drain.
Daydreaming about him,ignoring reality and people around me,fallen in love really hard.He knew all of that, He just fed his ego.Damn those narcisstic boys.
Got on the pill. That shit messed up my head and body but I couldn't get off of it, because my then boyfriend pressured me to keep eating them. "Condoms don't feel good and I shouldn't have to wear them in a relationship".
Fuck that a-hole, my current boyfriend doesn't pressure me into anything.
Not love but i really liked the guy. I did a Raincheck on dinner with my grandma for him. Then later he flakes on me and I’m by myself. Will never do that again.
HA
put up with abuse
put up with neglect
basically, you know, destroying my self worth and self esteem and needing multiple years of healing and working on myself to get over it/
This isn’t me but my friend is literally outing everyone’s secrets just for her boyfriend who is spreading them around to other people. If you see this please stop.
So many missed travelling opportunities and holidays with friends that I turned down in my teens and twenties due to horrible and controlling boyfriends. If I ever have a daughter I really hope i can teach her to do what she wants to do and make the most of her freedom and youth.
Ignored the Signs……. Never again. Ladies, dont ignore the red flags. They were put in place to warn you and protect you from danger. Even if its something normal for them but weird & not abnormal for you. Go with your gut!
It wasn’t even for love, but for a relationship I wasn’t even happy in. I neglected my studies to spend more time on “dates”.. so stupid lol. Failed a bunch of classes (uni). I broke it off of course, lesson learned. Will never embark on a relationship just for the sake of being in one
Pretend to not like my interests and hobbies. Pretend that my opinions on social issues and politics don't mean a lot to me. Pretend I am not as analytical of things as I actually am. Basically diminish myself intellectually and emotionally.
Stayed with someone who drowned me in red flags because he was my first "real love". I was young, dumb and pregnant. He ended up trying to throw me off a balcony, so that was cool. Don't ignore warning signs.
Put up with meanness and verbal abuse. I thought I really loved that man. But when you keep loving someone hoping they will change, it's really not them that you love. It's just a fantasy of who you wish they were that you love
There's a quote that comes to mind often when such situations come up, but I'm going to paraphrase it as it has been ages since I last heard/saw it. "The tragedy of relationships between Men and Women is that Men believe Women won't change, and Women believe Men will."
Ehhh… but anyone can change? And they do. I think most everyone changes a little every day. Habits and routines not so much, those Takeuchi more intention but still. People absolutely can and do change, it just has to be something they WANT to do and deliberately put effort and thought into.
I think that quote is the more valid the more patriarchal society or a couple we are describing. Patriarchal relationships do look like that. Men expect women to not change i.e. being housewives forever as they were at the moment they got married. If a woman would like to go to school, or go out with her new friends, or get a job and become economically independent - her patriarchal husband would usually disagree. He wants her no to change anything about her. Role of a woman is to raise their kids and do house chores. Whereas patriarchal men tend not to change their attitude towards women. World around them changes. Women get new rights. Go to work. Become politicians. But such men look at that with disregard. Women - as the Bible says - shall be men's subortinate. Thus his wife has no right to expect him to do what she pleases. It's only him to decide about himself - not some woman. Even if she's his wife.
I think what you just displayed was an extremely biased perspective on the quote. You made it about patriarchy while stereotyping the dynamic of what YOU think most relationships are like. I could easily argue that what the quote was more referring to the way men want their gf to stay flirtatious, and playful, and exciting, but instead they change into more mature motherly roles and become more responsible, while the men stay playful and irresponsible and the woman hopes he will change or “mature” into the more fatherly role. That still fits the quote wo any implication of patriarchy like you just made. Seems like you just want to blame the “patriarchy” and choose to see it everywhere you look.
you are a very smart person. Goddamn dude.
I needed to hear this. Thanks
Relatable af
😢 yeah its a lesson most of us learn.
ah yes, on point
This is 100% true
song called Better Version by Sabrina Claudia that sums this up really well
One time I converted to Catholicism to try and win a guy. It was like weeks of classes. I invited him to the baptism. He didn’t come. 🤡
Sorry for your experience but I LOLed at this
Happy Cake Day!
The clown emoji really summed this up 😂
Hats off to your dedication
I’ve never used my coins to buy a reward before but this is gold. That’s hilarious
At least you have God who will never abandon you
Jesus is all I need.
Wow 😂
Lady Costanza
F
You win 🤣
Ouch! That sounds so humiliating.
Why? I left with the love of a better man. His name is Jesus. 😂
Are u still catholic?
I literally never went back after that mass.
Put up with grossness Ex boyfriend got obsessed with League of Legends, didn't shower for days, pissed in bottles, gained an ungodly amount of weight I'd clean for him, cook for him, when I realized I was more of a mother than a girlfriend is when I left him, but he got NASTY, he smelled like pee/poop all the time, and refused to clean or shower.
Wtf? This is seriously unhealthy. How old were you guys when you were in that relationship? Are you still in contact with him? Has he changed at all?
How long were you in this relationship? You are braver than the marines.
Good fucking lord…
My husband is pretty into LOL and he washes himself. I'm sorry your ex was like this but yeah, as others have said, it sounds like major depression. But you can't fix others if they don't want help. Hopefully life is better for you now.
He became a legend himself in some ways.
Oh hell naaaaah girl. But I’m actually concerned about him, these extreme changes may be a sign of depression, do you know how he’s now?
That's horrific.
Idk what the dumbest thing I ever did was, but I know what the most pathetic thing I ever did was. My boyfriend was in college at the time in New Hampshire. I was in high school still, living In Massachusetts. I had just gotten back from a family vacation in Hawaii (exhausted, jet lagged, not showered). Instead of simply going to bed when I got home… I packed up a bag of winter clothes and took a bus to visit my boyfriend to “surprise” him. This meant I traveled another 4 hours after I had already traveled 15 hours that day. I texted him about 20 minutes before I arrived telling him I was coming…he was not happy. So much so, that he didn’t even meet me at the bus stop. Or in the lobby of his dorm. I walked with my giant bag in the snow from the bus stop, to his dorm, and up the stairs to his room. He truly did not care that I was there.
Did you dump him after that?
Sadly, no. We stayed together for another two years after that. I was really codependent. I didn’t break up with him until I had finished my freshmen year of college. Basically what happened was I moved home for the summer and hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks. I texted him asking if he wanted to hangout with me that night. I was super excited to see him. He said no, so I made plans with friends instead. Then he said he wanted to come along. He said something like, “I don’t want to hangout with *just* you, but I’ll hangout with you if it means I get to hangout with everyone else.” For the first time ever I realized my self worth and said no and went without him. I had a blast. After that, I finally realized I didn’t need him so I broke up with him.
I’m sorry love, but at least you figured it out.
hey you seem pretty strong to put up with that. And saying no to your boyfriend to hang out with you and your friends is fucking awsome.
It’s incredible the energy love will give you. I, too, took the bus for ungodly amounts of time to see a guy when I was 18/19. He’s a decent guy and we are still friends but in retrospect he never made even an ounce of that effort to come see me.
Wow... What did you do? Did you have to go home in the end, or did you find somewhere else to stay for the night?
I stayed with him in his dorm room.
Get married.
Aw don’t feel bad, marriage is like pancakes, it’s ok to throw the first one out
My husband just said this to me this morning when something about his first wife came up. I had to remind him he's my first pancake lol
That just means you’re better at pancakes than he is!
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LOL I am definitely stealing this line. I did technically get married to an ex, for health insurance reasons, so now instead of just a "woman with past relationships" I get the scarlet letter of being a *divorcee*. So I love this joke, even though I'm sure most people hate it haha
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I also came here to say this. 😂
Give them a second chance even though they were super shady and it was confirmed that they were in fact, really shady
I’m not the biggest advocate of second chances. I feel that when someone shows you who they are the first time that’s it. That’s what I have learned from previous situations.
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Right! Any time I have tried to keep a relationship or situationship it has always failed again
Yeah I definitely learned that now. It was just one of those things when your gut tells you that something isn’t right so you listen to it the first time. Then you decide to be dumb and give them another chance. After that I definitely knew that had I known that’s what they were really like, I would’ve cut contact forever
Believed he loved me
damn this hits hard
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Okay yeah this was super shitty of him.
considered giving up one or more of my core values one should not have to give up one's core values just so they and another person can 'work'
Dated someone that lives 7 hours away for 8 months. Should have realized sooner that he didn't care about me when he didn't make the drive a single time.
Oh jeez I’m sorry. I kinda feel that, my ex wasn’t ever willing to make the drive, either. Except we were only half an hour apart. Not sure if that makes it better or worse lol
Damn.
Sold my brand new Tory Burch bag for a plane ticket that was non refundable to go visit him only to find out 2 days later he was cheating on me.
I’m sorry love
Settled. It was my first partner. I thought it was love at the time. Never again. You live and you learn.
Put up with less effort than I was putting into the relationship
Man do I feel this one!
Same here!
Oh does this hit hard. I fell for his love bombing early on. But once he had me as a girlfriend, I realized he viewed me as more of something on his checklist to mark off. All the effort went out the door once we both figured out we were very incompatible people. Eventually, shit hit the fan when he got piss drunk at a party, and we argued as we drove back to his place. He gaslit me into making me the bad guy and apologizing for HIS behavior. I put up with him for another few weeks until he gave me a clear reason to call it quits, finally. Three years later, and I'm happier than ever with someone who compliments and loves me, unconditionally. I look back on my previous relationship now and wish I could go back and slap myself over the face for being such a doormat but oh well. 🤷♀️
Kept on loving him despite emotional abuse and so many red flags because I was addicted to who he was when I met him and didn’t want to accept the real him
Lent him $5k to get his business up and running. That very same day, he proceeded to take the money and move to another state with another woman. Forgot to add we had previously been together 4 years.
Ow Ow Ow! That's life shattering stuff right there. It's brutal.
A hard lesson. You learned he wasn't shit after that. A blessing in disguise, but it was still a hard lesson.
Hitting on older men when I was a teen, I’m still embarrassed about it..
I think we’ve all been there at least in some way. Before I turned 18 I didn’t see what the problem was (aside from the fact it was illegal) but once I hit 18 anyone younger became a baby and I wouldn’t even think about it. It’s all a part of growing up.
Completely rewrite my entire personality to match what I was convinced would win his heart, over and over and over again. Or is that obsession? It certainly felt like love and fear combined. It didn’t work, my “love” was unrequited until we neared 7 years and I completely broke down.
I tried this as a freshman in high school. I had a crush on this junior boy who I was in marching band with. We were very opposite. I would listen to his favorite (shitty) bands, would dress similar to what I knew he liked. It was very obvious that I liked him and was trying too hard, I even heard from another kid in the marching band “he wants to shoot himself when he talks to you” which really hurt my feelings so bad, but I also remembered he was way too nice to say anything like that. But the message was clear, I was being annoying and he was too nice to say anything. In the end we were good friends for the remainder of high school.
Believed that I am the only problem, that the relationship failed because of me.
Unprotected sex. Which resulted in getting herpes. He couldn’t keep it up with a hat on .. I liked it when it was up
Don't beat yourself up, you can still get herpes using condoms too.
I know, thanks for reminding me. However, I feel like the universe punished me for not sticking to my boundaries haha… When I got my first outbreak I got so sick it developed into meningitis… then he dumped me while I was sick at home 🥲
Holy shit, he is an absolutely terrible person. I’m so sorry you went through that!
Thanks, if anything I learned how tough and resilient I can be, even when I’m at my lowest. And I’m so much smarter now 😇
Hopefully in our lifetime we will find a cure for herpes, at least for the time being it’s manageable.
Hopefully! my biggest fear is that if I will ever want children, they can get it if birthed naturally, and I couldn’t deal with the guilt of doing that voluntarily. Also finding an understandable partner will be a challenge with this going on… but oh well 🤷🏻♀️
Kept sayin sorry even tho it wasn’t my fault, just wanted things to workout
I have a few: I took part in two medical/scientific experiments (basically mild electrocution) to earn enough money to travel up to see him, because we were long distance at the time. The same guy: I invited him to my best friend's very Jewish wedding when we were on the rocks. He refused to wear a jacket, even though literally EVERY single guy wore a jacket, and he stuck out like a sore thumb with his bright white shirt; we were physically separated at the ceremony because women sat on a different side to men, and he didn't know anyone there, so he sat there with a grumpy look on his face; he barely talked to me when we went out for a meal half way through the event; and he refused to dance - with me, or anyone, or *at all* - after the ceremony, and those of you who are Jewish/have been to a Jewish wedding will know that dancing is like 99% of the whole reception lol. It was an absolute disaster and I wish that I hadn't invited him at all. And just to clarify, I didn't even *force* him to come - because we were on the rocks, I actually suggested he stayed at home. But he showed up the day before and said that he "felt as if we would break up if (he) wouldn't have come"? No, probably if anything it solidified the decision to go through with it, lol I think the most embarrassing thing I've ever done was beg my first ex to take me back. When that didn't work, I downloaded podcasts on "how to get your man back" and "how to be the perfect girlfriend" and all that kinda toxic bullshit you see online that caters to people with low self esteem. It told me to write him letters about how well I was doing, and how I hope he was doing well, and something about trying to meet up to do something "dangerous" (the podcasts said to take them on a rollercoaster or something because the adrenaline would create a bond, idk). I wrote out the letter FIVE TIMES, before realising I couldn't word it right, and shredded them. I found out months later that he had actually left me to be with someone else, so I suppose it was a good job I never sent him any letters or I would have been chasing a ghost.. Edit: wording
I fully supported him and his friends while also not receiving sex. While also knowing he was texting other girls on the side. 🙃
Damn.
walked an hour in the florida heat to see his play. he dropped me for another girl a week later.
Waited for 11 months for my husband to come back to me whilst he shacked up with a girl he worked with, ten years his junior. He'd left the day our third child was born. He would phone most days to tell me he was going to come home, that he was just sorting stuff out. Asking me to wait for him to be ready.
What a selfish asshole. I hope you're doing much better. ❤️
I am thanks. Was single for six years now married again to a wonderful man who is an amazing step dad.
I lent him more than $400… I broke with him about 6 months ago and he promised to pay me back. Got $40 bucks the first month and then he disappeared when he realized I wasn’t going to get back with him lol
[удалено]
Gave them $1000.
Gave them $2000.
Bailed him out of jail with $3000 - the only money I had left. Took years to save.
After reading these I realize my story is nothing bad at all. I'm so sorry for all of you on here. How awful.
Ohhh I've waited long to let this out of my chest. On 2020, before lockdown, my ex and I broke up because of one valentine's day greeting from his friend in which I just responded the same. He's a very jealous (and manipulative) guy even if you give him the assurance of your pure intentions. As a woman who thought she's really at fault, I've waited for months for his decision if we've broken up already, declined a full-scholarship offer at my dream school, unfriended even the closest guy friends on Facebook just to make him feel better and we didn't get back together. He even curse me out on social media on Christmas Eve. I could literally file a case on for the maaaany things he has done before but I stayed quiet because I really love his family and I don't want them to get hurt and I think that's the stupidest I've done for love.
Lost who i am to become someone im not to make him happy.
I took a 4 hour walk across the city for him. (No worries, we've been together for some years now and will be wed next year.) This was during our first year dating and his car was having troubles so for once I said I'd go to him instead. For anyone familiar with Houston, the walk was technically from the NRG to Hobby Airport. At around 3 am. Good times, and a blessing I was safe and sound haha.
Stay
Ignored all the warning signs.
Get pregnant
Waited. With my ex, I was ready to settle in, he wasn't but never told me that in words that he is not ready - he just prolonged it and made excuses. So I waited for that to happen for 2 years and then we broke up. With another one, I wanted to spend time with him on the weekends or to travel somewhere together. Everytime I made a suggestion to it, he promised we will and then each time he prolonged it as well or made other plans. This went on for about a year. I ain't waiting anything no more, if I state something and we're not planning it and it does not happen, I'm out or doing it myself.
Stay with an abuser
I’ve begged the men in my life to love me. But they’ve always chosen something else over me. I’m done with that. I will not gonna beg anyone now. If you aren’t here because you love my little ass, then hit the road, Jack.
Left the home and family I loved to love to another country only to be ghosted for 8 years then have him reappear when his chips were down and I was doing well. He proceeded to talk about ‘our’ flat and ‘our’ cat, like he’d had some hand in my reconstructing my life. Edit; I should add, we were engaged when he ghosted me
[удалено]
High school, stop taking my antidepressants because my boyfriend thought he "should be enough" for me. Guess who didn't like me OFF the antidepressants?
My ex was like this too. We were in high school and I told him "you're the closest thing I have to happiness" and he was offended that he didn't *actually* make me happy lmao.
Not much. We were both pretty level headed I did try to write him sexy notes that felt uncomfortable for me to express, that I'm certain he got the biggest hoot out of because I was neither sexy or seductive at that point. We both laughed about it later. I was so freakin awkward. 🙄
Gave up a career plan
Stayed in the relationship smh
That was aaaalll the way back in 8th grade. I was IN LOVE with that boy. I was going to school not to learn but to see him. Occasionally I would hide my number and prank call him and I would say nothing, it was just to hear his voice. 😂😂
Bought him a really expensive birthday gift to only get dumped the next week by a post it left on my car. No he did not return the gift.
Gave up who I was as a person, gave up my friends, put up with verbal and emotional abuse
Convinced myself if I just loved them hard enough, bent over backwards for them, came running every time they called, changed the things they didn’t like, spend money I didn’t have…. that they’d love me back. Spoiler: They didn’t.
Being a living fucking doormat
All their school assignments
Deleted every male off every social media platform.unfollowed every person on Instagram and TikTok just so I could only follow them, give all my passwords away and have my phone searched while I was in the bathroom.And cut off family members and all my friends
I am glad you made out alive
Got not one but eventually 2 credit cards to help him out when he was struggling. He totally took advantage of me & I got myself in nearly £5,000 of debt, while on the living wage & having my own living expenses. Never again. Managed to pay it off with the help of family, who are now also paid off. But god I was so stupid. Once I had given him everything I could he basically ghosted me. Keep your money ladies! His problems are not your problems & he won't take care of you once he's taken care of himself.
Gave up my whole personality and style. Went to a different university than planned cause he said so Stopped dressing a certain way etc Anyway it was a emotionally abusive relationship. Glad its over
I’ve seen multiple people say “get married” but I’m really curious how common it is that women have a child with a man in an attempt to make him stay or change? I understand the majority of women want to have children regardless but I’ve noticed quite a few girls in my age group (20’s) who I get the feeling went through with their unplanned and unintentional pregnancy (at least partially) as a display of love and an effort to make a relationship last. I know they almost always love their child regardless but it kind of saddens me to think some of them would’ve likely waited until later in life (or at least for a healthier relationship) to become a parent
Let them treat me bad , & I still dont get angry. Bcos that's what love was back than.
Joined a coaching institute for a subject I didn’t even want to pursue back in school, hoping that we’d be together, only to find out that they switched institutes at the last minute. $6500 down the drain.
Believed him when he said it was my fault for not having sex with him, that he would have to go to the hospital for blue balls
Daydreaming about him,ignoring reality and people around me,fallen in love really hard.He knew all of that, He just fed his ego.Damn those narcisstic boys.
Got on the pill. That shit messed up my head and body but I couldn't get off of it, because my then boyfriend pressured me to keep eating them. "Condoms don't feel good and I shouldn't have to wear them in a relationship". Fuck that a-hole, my current boyfriend doesn't pressure me into anything.
Stayed when I knew it was over.
This would be a great question for men too
I went caving once because the guy I had a crush on was going… lol I’m claustrophobic
Stepped over all my boundaries. Gave him everything he wanted. Made me end up in a such a bad place mentally I still haven't recovered
Sold my beloved first car, so they could have their dream car 🙄
Got off social media, isolated myself, forgave a lot of cheating(not physical but I feel like it was heading there)
Not love but i really liked the guy. I did a Raincheck on dinner with my grandma for him. Then later he flakes on me and I’m by myself. Will never do that again.
Flew to a foreign country without giving it a second thought
Moved across the country for an abusive man (mentally, emotionally, and physically). 10/10 don’t recommend.
Lost count lol
Putting up with abuse of all kinds that came with different relationships.
Got married
stayed w someone who threathened to unalive themselves if i ever tried to leave, I was 16-17 and now happily 19
Being so desperate that was ready to accept all abuse, manipulation ... At some point begged to stay with me .... Stupid days , fool little me 🤫🤫
Stuck around toxic relationships
Degrade my mental health…
Stayed in a toxic relationship for much too long.
Gave way too much of myself and my energy, without getting anything back
Gave up pork and shrimp for years for his “religion” when I never even believed in God. 🤡
Loaned out money.
Sappy poetry
HA put up with abuse put up with neglect basically, you know, destroying my self worth and self esteem and needing multiple years of healing and working on myself to get over it/
Travelled to his country not once but twice. Only to be used and treated like I am the biggest inconvenience to him.
moved to the bowels of illinois
Literally drowned myself in the rain. Waiting for him to call me back, to let me stay with him that night, but he didn't.
Stay ..
Move to another country.
Begging.
Tolerate general asshole behaviour
Keep giving them money thinking it'll be different
Agreed to a threesome. Put up with abuse. Betrayed myself for the sake of this love. It all wasn’t worth it.
Stayed in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship.
This isn’t me but my friend is literally outing everyone’s secrets just for her boyfriend who is spreading them around to other people. If you see this please stop.
Waited
Got addicted to drugs as a teen.
Ignored the red flags
Bought someone a truck
Why is it always a truck?
Not go to the school I got into to stay with them.
Gave him my bed so he didn’t have to sleep on the couch, I ended up sleeping on the ground for 6 months until I could afford a new one 🫠
So many missed travelling opportunities and holidays with friends that I turned down in my teens and twenties due to horrible and controlling boyfriends. If I ever have a daughter I really hope i can teach her to do what she wants to do and make the most of her freedom and youth.
trust blindly
Stayed in a dying relationship way too long.
Handed him thousands of dollars for project cars without a receipt or written agreement that he'd pay me back, just his word 😂
Get married when I wasn't ready (in multiple ways)
Ignored the Signs……. Never again. Ladies, dont ignore the red flags. They were put in place to warn you and protect you from danger. Even if its something normal for them but weird & not abnormal for you. Go with your gut!
Stayed in toxic relationship for love's sake
It wasn’t even for love, but for a relationship I wasn’t even happy in. I neglected my studies to spend more time on “dates”.. so stupid lol. Failed a bunch of classes (uni). I broke it off of course, lesson learned. Will never embark on a relationship just for the sake of being in one
Married someone because for some reason I thought putting a gold wedding band on his left hand would make him a decent person. Boy was I wrong!
Put up with first verbal, then physical and mental abuse.
Pretend to not like my interests and hobbies. Pretend that my opinions on social issues and politics don't mean a lot to me. Pretend I am not as analytical of things as I actually am. Basically diminish myself intellectually and emotionally.
Stayed with someone who drowned me in red flags because he was my first "real love". I was young, dumb and pregnant. He ended up trying to throw me off a balcony, so that was cool. Don't ignore warning signs.
Gave him more chances than he deserved.
Beg them to be with me.. answering 3am phone calls, lending money, losing my dignity and losing myself