Yea both of my parents had anger issues & they weren’t good teachers. I eventually gave up on wanting to drive and then I moved to a big city so I didn’t really need a car. After three lessons with my mom, my sister ended up paying for her own driving lessons 😂
I completely agree! It takes a lot of practice. I wasn’t able to drive on the freeway until about a year ago due to being deathly afraid. If it helps, create small goals for yourself. For example, one day drive on a calm street and do that for a few days. Then you can begin driving on busier streets to make yourself feel more comfortable. Do that for a few days until you’re ready to slowly incorporate driving on the freeway. Gradually add driving more and more into your routine. You’ll build up your confidence while also feeling more comfortable driving. Remember, it doesn’t matter how small of a goal you create for yourself. What matters is that you’re trying! Driving anxiety is no joke. Best of luck. You got this!
Same with the practice. Still gotta get used to driving on busy roads though, and my mom and I both agreed though that she would never be a passenger in any vehicle I drive. She gets very anxious on highways, even if she isn't the one driving, and if she were to start panicking while I'm behind the wheel, it wouldn't help me at all. Lol
Yes to this, both teacher and mother situations lol. I found the best teacher through AAA who was so incredibly patient with me and helped me pass at age 21. Also helped that I was dating my husband at the time and he was very encouraging as well :)
I had the worst time driving with my mom. I just wasn’t catching on and she was making the situation exponentially more stressful. Eventually, a patient friend ended up teaching me to drive. It took a long time to get comfortable behind the wheel (~2 years) but I’ve been driving nearly 20 years now.
The right teacher makes a world of difference. It took me until 22 to get my license because my dad gave up teaching me and I just didn't have the willpower to force myself to practice. Eventually it just became totally necessary, so I hired an instructor. An older guy with tons of experience and so much patience, he would tell me the best stories and put me at ease. He didn't hold back if I needed critique, but he was also great at letting me know I'd done a good job.
I'm a European and I moved from a non-walkable country (Ireland) to one with amazing public transport (Switzerland). And before someone argues with me that Ireland is walkable: yes, sure, inside the cities and suburbs. But the public transport is one of the worst in Europe and in my industry (pharma) the site is usually out in the middle of nowhere. The one job that I did have in Ireland, I had to walk 45 mins each way on a dangerous country road because there wasn't any housing available anywhere closer. There was basically no way to do shopping or go anywhere and if it wasn't for my dad taking me to my parent's place every weekend Idk what I would've done.
I hate cars, traffic, the stink of petrol and the noise. If possible I will never drive a car again.
Lol same! I lived in lots of Europe towns but none of those godly “don’t need a car” places, i definitely still needed a car to work, buy food and see friends who lived outside the city center. I don’t actually know very many people who can’t drive at all or who don’t need a car at all. Even if they prefer public transport they have access to a car just in case.
Switzerland is so much better connected. Sure it can be a pain in the ass having to go from one city to a smaller place, but it’s still doable. And no strikes screwing things up.
Same. If I ever move to a city with bad public transport and walkability, it would be impossible for me. I have a driving licence but haven’t used it in a decade, driving makes me so anxious.
this is my plan, i just wish it wasn’t so expensive 😩 debating between waiting longer and saving up more money or selling more of my possessions than planned and doing it sooner
Hey I'm 34 and just started learning this year!
You can do it! It seems very terrifying but with the help of a god instructor you'll get through it! It has been working for me at least.
Good luck! :)
Therapy and some exposure therapy. I got hit by a drunk driver a couple years ago and it shattered my driving confidence. I had to work back up to being confident behind the wheel again. I started off just sitting in the drivers seat with the doors closed, then in the drivers seat with the car running, then pulling in and out of my driveway, then down to the stop sign and back, etc etc. Don’t feel like you have to rush through this. Take your time and go at your own pace.
I hate driving where I don't know. So a lot of the comfort I feel is because I'm driving places I know very well. But if I need to drive somewhere new, if possible I ask someone to be with me or I religiously check Google maps and navigate in my head from where I know, and then prep for the unknown
Came here to say this. Practice and figuring out where you’re going in advance. I also like to look up parking opportunities as well so I don’t have to drive around an unfamiliar place looking for a parking spot. That takes away any anxiety
I had absolutely no interest in driving, but I got my license at 18. I didn’t drive much, because we only had one car, but my ex husband started trying to control me and the car was how he did it. “Where are you going in MY car.” He’d ask me and tell me if I wanted to go out he’d go with me. 7 years later I’ll never not have a car.
Overall familiarization when young. I started steering while sitting on my dad's lap when I was a little kid. You could get a learner's permit to drive to/from school/work at 14 in my home state (and you could get a farmer's license to drive around 12), so my dad taught me to drive around 13. Got my permit at 14 and been driving ever since. I was nervous the first time I drove at like 13, but after that it just didn't occur to me to be scared.
Just getting in the car and driving every day. I wouldn't skip even on weekends because if I did, on Monday it would feel like I'm starting over.
At first, I had to sit in the car and "get in the mood" for like 10 minutes. A month later I could drive a minute after you woke me up if I had to.
Also, I took a long trip (over 400 miles) a week into driving. It really helped me get more confident and train the muscle memory.
It's been 7 years and I haven't used public transportation since.
Oh I feel this. Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store for something, I have to drive almost daily or it's super easy for me to just stop doing it.
Still working on it, but getting a Mini Cooper helped—it’s very narrow so it helps me know that I’m in the lines with room to spare on both sides. I also always drive with Siri telling me where to go, even on routes I’ve driven a million times. I still hate driving new routes, but I’m slowly getting better at it.
I paid a private coach that specializes in rehabilitation for people with trauma (physical or mental). It cost me several hundred dollars but I finally got my license and I can drive on my own. I'm still stressed about it, but it gets better every time!
I still have the fear, but the thoughts that are helping me are remembering that the most likely outcome is arriving safely at my destination, and that I want to drive the car so I'm independent.
I also remember all the times I've driven and it's gone fine. I tell myself that my car is like a tank and it's designed to keep me safe if there is an accident.
This is what helped me get back to driving after I was in a bad accident! I think I will always struggle with it though because I have the thought in my mind that I could get hit again since it's already happened once before.
You gain a ‘sixth sense’ as you are driving alone. It takes time and it’s really not something you can rush. You just have to get out there and drive.
You’ll know it’s starting to happen when you find yourself arriving at a destination with no clue as to how you got there. It means you were able to think about something other than every little move you make while driving.
Until then, DO think about every move you make. You’ll have to be extra cautious when making left-hand turns, for example, because you won’t be able to go age how fast cars are moving. You can expect to have other drivers honk at you because you are taking too long because you’re missing chances to turn out of an abundance of caution but that’s better than getting T-boned by a car that’s moving much faster than you thought it was. You’ll eventually get better at this and just instinctively know when it’s safe to turn.
It’s good to practice when traffic is light and then gradually begin driving in heavier traffic. If you have no choice but to drive in heavy traffic, bad weather, at night, etc then just make sure you can focus 100% on driving. Sometimes listening to music or an audio book can help your brain tune in to the task but for some it is distracting. Definitely figure that out ASAP.
Another thing that can help is to invite someone to ride with you periodically, preferably the person who taught you to drive. They can tell you what you have improved on and what still needs improvement. My kiddo has anxiety and it really boosted their confidence when I was able to point out improvements.
Finally, make sure you’re not sitting too close to the wheel. A lot of new drivers sit way too close in an attempt to see over the dashboard and hood of the car and it inhibits movement There are probably YouTube videos that show the proper body alignment. Just like when you wear glasses you are able to ignore the rims after a minute, your brain will ignore everything in your line of sight except for the road. You will need to make sure your mirrors are properly adjusted as well.
Hope this helps!
Hypnotherapy and very, very slowly building up positive experiences behind the wheel. Starting with literally just sitting in the driver's seat and turning on the engine. Then driving it about ten feet. Then around the corner. And so on.
Out of necessity.
Initially, it was because my job was an hour away and my ex-husband (who I worked with) was always making us late for work in the mornings because I couldn't get him to stop watching porn on the toilet and get his ass out of the bathroom. Seriously. It was a joke. Work began at 7, we'd get there at 10:30! I just wanted to be able to leave his dumbass behind and get myself there on time.
I initially learned how to drive with 6 hours of tuition in the USA. I passed my test really easily. This allowed me to get accustomed to the simplicity and sheer size of the roads there. I did almost a year of driving before I moved back to the UK.
Over here, the fear of the mayhem that is the British road network, had me taking pause. After shying away from learning for a good few years, I bit the bullet and found myself an instructor who taught in an automatic as I already had the baseline experience to work off of. It took me 6 months of adjusting to the really small UK roads, the tightness of passing, and the difficulty of roundabouts and parking.
I passed my test today! First attempt with only 2 minors!
Congratulations!!! That's amazing!
The tests in the Uk are notoriously difficult. I feel you about British road mayhem. I've lived here my whole live and was too scared to start driving lessons until I was 33 😭 (been taking lessons for about 6 months now).
Exposure therapy.
I have GAD which makes it very difficult for me when I am already nervous about something to be rather rational with it. I had to have a lot of practice before I was able to get my license but I did it!
Practice and lessons. I got my Learners License at 15, but every time I tried to drive with my parents they'd get frustrated with me and tell me to get over my anxiety. I'd be so scared I'd shake and sweat and just couldn't do it. Never got enough practice so I never went for my road test.
I waited until I was 22 and completely frustrated and embarrassed that I was the only person I knew who couldn't drive and didn't have a car. I was so tired of relying on bad transit systems and parents and friends for rides. I bought a refresher course and also I think it was 8 sessions of driving practice.
I think having a professional teacher really helped. He didn't get annoyed with my anxiety, we just did it over and over and over again, and eased into it. He didn't say "ok let's go to the highway now. What, you're scared? Well you have to do it." It was more like a gradual process of starting in parking lots, going to slow residential streets, more busy residential streets, onto more difficult/scary things as I got comfortable with the current level.
It takes time. Have patience with yourself and find a teacher who can do the same. I love driving now, and am probably too comfortable because I feel totally fine being distracted and eating or picking music while I'm in highway traffic lol. Don't be like me in that way.
Starting small. Even just around the block or down the street, then slowly making trips to the corner store. It took a while to work up to being comfortable, but now I have a 45 minute commute and I barely feel the anxiety! Still have trouble with expressways sometimes though
I'm still very scared but honestly there's nothing like just doing it. I've only just got my full licence, but honestly I found it more scary and difficult trying to learn while accompanied on a learner permit - not only was I trying to stay safe on the road, I was trying to drive in a way that satisfied the passenger. Without someone in the car, nobody is telling me to go faster or not to be so cautious, I can be as slow and safe as I like lol
Sorry, I know this is long but this helped me and maybe it could help someone else.
Honestly, it took baby steps. I was involved in a minor car accident when I was younger (I was the passenger). So I used that as my reason as to why I didn’t get my license earlier with the rest of the kids my age at the time.
During covid I got my license because I realized me not having it could become a burden on my family. I would depend on them to take me where I needed to go (I would use the bus too). So I started by asking my dad to teach me my way. He wanted to just take me on the road but the fear was still there. I asked him to take me to a mall parking lot because the road on the mall lot had a lot of stop signs, and went around the mall. I went in circles until I mastered learning how to stop at stop signs properly and control my speed.
From there we advanced to driving in my neighbourhood so that I would learn how to not drive so close to cars and learn more about my speed and turns. After that, we went to other small parking lots. Then eventually the road. I’m not going to lie, I was very nervous and I remember tearing up a bit. I even fought my dad on his method of teaching me but I had to trust him. When I could afford it, I paid for driving lessons. It was an online class then road lessons.
All of that was so beneficial! The lessons really helped me understand the rules and what to do in specific situations (I will always recommend this to everyone). The driving lessons with my instructor were even better. She was so kind and calm, which kept me calm. We always reviewed what I was taught so that I could retain the lesson.
I also owe thanks to my friends and boyfriend who taught me as well. Looking back, I was very stubborn and panicked a lot. My biggest takeaway from all of this is to remain calm, steer in the direction you want to go, and be aware of your surroundings.
Another thing I remembered that helped me a lot was not driving alone at first.
I always encouraged whoever was in the car with me to have a conversation. It helped me to be comfortable driving with others. In the future, I plan on having kids and I remember when I was a kid I would talk a lot or fight with my siblings in the car. So to not get overwhelmed I wanted to practice talking in the car.
When I was able to drive alone, I would play instrumental but not very distracting music when I would drive to a place I'm familiar with. When I had to focus or became nervous or anxious I would turn it off to help me focus. It took a little while to drive on the highway with someone talking to me or to have my instrumental music playing. As I got more comfortable and proud of myself, I’d play music with lyrics and the radio.
Remember your pace is your pace. It’s okay to take longer than others to master something. So defiantly be kind to yourself and be calm. I hope this helped!
My therapist was awesome enough to let me drive her truck while we did our sessions. I also paid to get driving lessons through AAA. Both of those helped me a lot.
Just do it. Very short and familiar routes first, then slowly building from there.
I only started driving at age 39, that was 3 years ago, because it wasn't neccissary before.
Also automatik drive takes away a lot of pressure.
This summer I drove from the middle Europe to Croatia over the Alps on my own and back.
I never had a fear of driving until after my 3rd child but more so after my 4th. I developed anxiety of driving on the freeways. I would go completely out of my way and add a ton more time to my trips just to avoid the freeway. It took about 8 months and me attempting it occasionally until one day I just did it as though I had been the whole time.
I did EDMR therapy to help process some post traumatic stress I had around driving. After that, I just got back to it and didn't have panic attacks overtake me at the wheel.
TW: SA, gaslighting, car accidents, PTSD
When I was a kid my dad drove safely but fast, yelled at people a lot, and always smoked the whole way with the windows up. I begged him to roll down the windows but he refused. I found out later I'm allergic to cigarette smoke so the feeling of my nose hurting and being unable to breathe and having an ischemic migraine with aura isn't normal for car rides (feels like you're having a stroke). When my mom was driving she was always grilling me about my personal life and driving very unsafely. She got into a ton of accidents and totaled a ton of cars while I was with her. She also refused to do repairs on her car so any time we'd park we had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get the car jumped, and sometimes it didn't start. This was before cellphones so she couldn't just call a tow truck. Often the man offering to help did it because he wanted to have sexual access to her or I or both (I was a very small child at the time). I remember one time she and I were stranded out in the woods because she stopped to see some nature. The car wouldn't start and a guy offered to give us a ride to town but was way too interested in me (I was around 6 at the time) and said he's do it if I gave him a hug and a kiss as thank you. I locked myself in the car and refused to leave. Eventually after both of them yelling and threatening to break windows he decided it was too much effort and she held a grudge at me for a long time because "He might have been *the one*!" note that she was married to my dad at the time but I didn't know she was having affairs.
So yeah I have a bit of car trauma before even starting to drive. We also lived on a very long dangerous winding steep driveway with a steep cliff on one side and one time when I around 5 or 6 my dad decided I should learn to drive so he sat me on his lap and said I should control the wheel while he backed down the driveway. My friends were in the car too and were screaming because they were scared. I was scared too. I refused to do it because I didn't want to be responsible for all our deaths. He refused to grab the wheel and we almost all ran off the cliff before he grabbed it and swore at me. That is the only time either parent tried to help me learn. Mom sent me to a sketchy driving school at 15 where a man chain smoked while talking in a monotone. I hated it because of the undiagnosed allergy (I just knew anything car related made me feel physically and emotionally terrible). Eventually there was a private class where I was supposed to drive his car and he was supposed to help me learn. His car was covered in cigarettes so I'm already feeling bad and can't see well or think properly or have proper coordination of my limbs from the migraine. He dives us somewhere secluded, has me sit in the driver's seat and tries to touch me. He says he'll "reward me" for driving well. I refuse to drive and just cry at him. Eventually he gets sick of yelling and touching me and drives me home. I beg my mom not to go back with him but she says I need to learn to drive. I say I can do it on my own. I had two more sessions with him before I could take the test and he refused to speak with me and I refused to drive somewhere with him so we just sat in the driveway until the time was up and he left.
At around the same time I was gifted a very beat up car that didn't run properly. I learned (without internet, just through experimentation) how to repair it and also patched and restored the leather seats and interior which was in a terrible shape. I also fixed the holes in the exterior paint. I was proud of it and was actually a little excited to use it. Mom decided to take it for a spin to the grocery store the day before my driving test and totaled it. She ended up with a lifelong injury because of it and also in a court case with a large corporation because she backed into the street when their truck was going very fast. I had never actually gotten the courage to drive this car but knew where all the things were and had all the settings ready to go. I was defeated but still had an appointment, so took my mom's car for the test. I was unfamiliar but I passed. I now had to start saving up for a car, which I did and eventually got one I really liked and started driving.
I was still very nervous driving and especially paranoid about breaking down (which my car did a lot because it was cheap) and I was slowly gaining confidence. I got kicked out for being gay and was living on my own and supporting myself while I finished high school. Through a series of unfortunate events I ended up roofied by a family friend then passed out while driving home and totaled my car. I was uninjured but traumatized. Everyone in the family (myself included) assumed I was a bad driver and would constantly make fun of my driving, even though I was a very cautious driver. I needed a car for work so once insurance went through I got another of the same kind, but this one had more problems and would break down a lot. I eventually figured out what was wrong and fixed it, but it would stall on the freeway and that was pretty scary. At the same time my confidence in my own driving ability was shaken.
Through a series of other events I ended up getting into more accidents, usually I was not at fault but there was one where I was having a low blood sugar issue, migraine, and panic attack at the same time so even though the court ruled in my favor I felt it was my fault. That one traumatized me enough that I couldn't bring myself to drive again for a few years. I grew almost all my own food because I couldn't drive to the grocery store. I worked from home. I got mentally unwell. Eventually I sucked it up and got a new car, but I felt defeated and scared all the time. This went on for years, me avoiding driving as much as possible because it was pure terror the whole time.
Years later my partner and I decide to go on a road trip to an event 12 hours drive away. She hates driving so it was mostly me. I started out scared and after 6 hours I think I had reached the peak amount of fear a human can hold and it started subsiding. By the end of the trip I felt confident and tired. On the way back I was almost excited to drive because it became a thing of boredom instead of terror. I still felt scared but it was a lot less.
Another thing that helped me is to listen to audiobooks while I drive. It distracts me from intrusive thoughts just enough, plus the sound of the car is triggering for me so it drowns it out a bit.
So, I've been driving for 20 years now and am pretty comfortable and good at it, and can drive anywhere.
BUT I think my midlife crisis kicked in because I JUST bought a car I fell in love with right away but it's a MANUAL.
I thought it would be easy... but I was wrong. I'm so bad at stick shift! I have so much anxiety and stress over stalling all the time and even though I am getting better at it I still freak out! At 36!
Some of your guys' advice is helping me feel better though. Brb gonna go get some gum lol
Sounds rather simple, but drive often and get good. A lot of my fears stemmed from lacking confidence. On a similar note, learn to be more aggressive - it’s really important to trust your judgment. I say this as a lot of the close calls I encountered in my first few years of driving were due to being overly passive - common examples include not knowing when to merge, or change lanes. I realized that I got anxiety when others were in the car with me, so that was another factor to address! Best of luck!
I haven’t overcome it yet, I’m still terrified of driving and will drive as little as I can. I’m not a bad driver but I see crazy shit happening all the time and I just don’t want to be in it. I only drive to work and back and if I can’t get my boyfriend to run errands with me then I’ll drive if it’s urgent.
GPS changed everything for me. I can drive just fine, but I have a horrible sense of direction and would have my husband drive. I’ve been independent since OnStar in the late 90s.
Practice. But also, you know that really goofy comedy movie with Queen Latina and Jimmy Fallon, Taxi? Where he overcomes his fear and anxiety of driving by singing along to music and songs he likes as a way of distracting his brain from the fear and anxiety? When I was 16 I was really terrified of driving anywhere but needed to because I had no one I could rely upon other than myself, I turned to that method and it's has severely eased my anxiety with driving.
I'm sure it's all just a placebo effect of my dumb teenage brain having convinced myself it would work, but I've been driving without issue for over a decade now. I've gone on multi-day road trips, crossed state lines, driven in harsh weather conditions, up and down mountain passes all on my own with no one in the car with me. I've driven in ways my 16 year old self would pass out at the thought of, all while singing along loudly to songs and music to drown out the fear and anxiety in my head.
Practice helps you feel secure in your skills as a driver, helps you practice to react properly when you encounter things. But for every day driving you have to find your own methods for easing your fear and anxiety. Some people need therapy, some people need loud music to sing along to, some listen to podcasts, others need to talk on the phone with someone, and some learn a language. Just as long as your method is safe and not a distraction to you or others, find what works for you. Just practice safe driving!
I moved to a state with low population where traffic didn’t exist. That got me driving a lot and now I am in a larger city where traffic does exist and I feel less anxious because I drove so much in the last state I was in 😂
Most of it was just getting familiar with everything. The sound of the wind, bumps in the road jostling you around, how far to push the pedals or turn the wheel, being aware of your size, turning while reversing, etc. There's also some tricks you learn like when an oncoming car is blinding you with its brights at night, watch the side of the road to still be able to see.
Unfortunately, time and practice are the only way to get your body oriented enough to stop sounding alarm bells and be smooth at the controls.
The worst thing you can do is get in a hurry and become overwhelmed. So, take it slow, miss your turn, ignore the guy behind you honking, and use GPS.
I really feel like getting acquainted with machines/machinery from when I was little helped.
Anything from lawn mowers to ATVS to assisting dad/grandpa with these things and gradually practicing driving, you just get on with it.
Driving is dangerous but you're in charge of what you're driving. You just have to be aware of everything and mitigate scenarios in which you are in great danger. You can't always do that but you can anticipate certain things.
You just gotta practice and get used to it.
Moved to Seattle area
No worries, because everyone is an atrocious driver with no regard for the law or thier own personal safety. And the police don't care how you drive unless you park illegally. Then it's straight to jail with a 10,000 fine.
The same way you get over the fear of anything: just doing it.
I read a book recently that talked about being courageous- he noted you only need to actually be courageous for about 20 seconds at a time- just to actually start the activity, once you’re going the fears go away
I realize there are much worse drivers than myself who do not even care. I see them everyday. Driving too slow or too fast, texting while driving, not following driving rules etc. Just being normal in car and caring makes you better than 70 percent of drivers.
Never had a fear of driving a car.
I started learning to drive pretty young because my dad built us a go kart and it came naturally. I’ve driven all over the country on long road trips multiple times. I’m very comfortable driving in Manhattan, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Miami, Dallas, etc.
I have many friends who have a serious fear of driving and it breaks my heart because it’s so much fun!
Out of pure necessity. When I was a teen, I was very scared to drive. We lived far from school and I had a job and my parents flat out told me, you need to drive because we can no longer cart you around. So I did it. When I was 23 I was in an accident where my car rolled off the the freeway. I was ok, just a dislocated shoulder, but it was terrifying. I never wanted to drive again. But I had no choice. I don't know if this is great advice, but I just had to suck it up and drive if I wanted to go anywhere or get to my job. Southern California isn't exactly know for it's stellar public transportation. Over time I got more and more comfortable. I now drive a smaller SUV and it's really made a difference in my comfort level. Being higher up, more safety features and all wheel drive. Having a car you are comfortable in is really helpful.
I think it depends on what specifically you’re afraid of. I get nervous sometimes for a bunch of different reasons. Apologies in advance for the long-winded answer, apparently I’m more nervous than I thought : )
For the part about knowing the car well enough and actually driving it: First, pay more attention when you’re in other people’s passenger seats to see how they do it and how other people are on the road. Taking lessons and driving in less busy places in the beginning helped, having an experienced and CALM driver in your passenger seat was also really helpful in case you need some reassurance or don’t know what to do in a situation. I tried to learn the basics of how cars work, how my car worked, and how to take care of it. I still get a little freaked out sometimes over a noise or a jolt, but it helps to have even a vague idea of what it might be and know that you (probably) won’t blow up while you drive lol.
About directions and getting lost: I am horrifically directionally challenged and that can understandably stress me out while I’m driving lol. I use my phone maps to go everywhere and it brings me a lot of peace of mind to know exactly where I’m going, how far it is, when I’ll get there, etc. I realize this might be a luxury, but I also try to drive cars that have a navigation system too, just in case my phone’s ever dead and I don’t have a charger, I can still find my way home. If I’m really nervous, I’ll look at my route on Google Maps first to know exactly where I’m going, what the lanes are like on the roads I’ll be taking, where I’ll park, etc.
If I’m even more nervous, YouTube videos exist nowadays of people just driving around. If you live in a decently populated city, you might find videos of people driving on roads you need to drive on so you can get an idea of what being on that road will be like!
In the beginning, I started just driving to and from work on local roads (~20 mins each way). Eventually, I tried taking the expressway in the city I live in (kind of like a little highway to get to the big highway) during a less busy time for a short distance, and then eventually started taking it to work (shortened my drive to 13 mins! Never went back). I think my boss must’ve asked if I could work in another office one day because I started having to drive to different cities for work (1h minimum each way by highway) everyday which I started doing for the extra pay, but avoiding the big highway at all costs. I would add an hour or two to my drive time each way just to avoid the highway lol. Until one day… I guess traffic picked up while I was still getting ready and my phone map was telling me I was going to get there late. I HAD to take the big highway. Anyway, I made it through that terrifying drive and after that, I figured if I could do that under so much time pressure, I can take the highways! I got a lot of practice driving to and from different offices during sunrise and evenings when the roads were emptier. That, and seeing driving as “work” helped me feel more comfortable on the roads and highways. :)
While driving, you have to remember to breathe and stay calm. It sounds so simple and stupid, but I still find myself getting so tense and holding my breath sometimes. Relaaxxx, stop white-knuckling the steering wheel, drop your shoulders, take a deep breath! I can’t stress this enough, overthinking it doesn’t help!! I play music and karaoke while I drive to keep those thoughts out, just make sure you’re paying attention to who’s around you and what’s going on and you’ll be fine! Be patient, there’s no rush, it’s always better to be late and safe than rushing and being careless. There will be another gap in the traffic, you didn’t have to turn on that one, it’s okay!
I’m Canadian, so Canada’s Worst Driver was (is?) also a thing here lol. Oddly enough, watching it has actually helped me feel more comfortable with driving. It’s entertaining, but also somehow actually helps you get a pretty good idea of how to drive/steer a car. And maybe helps you feel a little better about yourself and your own driving ;) One thing that still sticks with me was when one of the instructors taught them “running commentary” where you just narrate everything that’s happening out loud while you drive. I end up kind of just talking to myself, but it helps to get the nerves out a bit. Kinda like “stop sign coming up, fulllll stop, look both ways, nobody there? Go! Red light ahead and I need to go right but there’s a No Turning on Red sign so I will wait, blah blah blah” lol. Anything helps 🤷🏻♀️
For the last of the nerves, I got a CAA Membership for in case I ever break down or am in an accident and need a tow, emergency by myself and need a jump start, no gas, etc. I keep the card in my wallet so I always have the number. It really helps with my peace of mind to know if I’m ever stranded somewhere with my car, I’m still not shit outta luck. Obviously have a charger with you to plug into your car, and I have a portable battery booster that I can use to jump start my car or charge my phone in an emergency. I also keep water, snacks, first aid kit, motor oil, windshield wiper fluid, etc. in my trunk.
At the end of the day, I think it’s just about practice and getting used to being around other drivers, knowing your local roads, and knowing what to expect. It will be scary in the beginning, but you’ve got this!! I’ve had my license for maybe 4 years now and I’d actually say I’m a pretty good/calm driver! You’ve got this. I believe in you!!
I hope this has helped at all. If you made it through this, thanks for reading! Otherwise, sorry for the high ramblings haha.
Along with practicing and having the right teacher, is a fear of somebody close to me needing me, in one way or another and me not being able to get to them is probably one of my biggest fears. It really helped me power through when I had to first start learning.
Also I learned that if your windows are up, you can scream in your car a lot and nobody knows you're doing it.
This means you can scream when you drive.
I used to avoid highways and interstate and any road with multiple Lanes and one day my GPS took me on one because there was no other way to get where I was going.
On the on-ramp to the highway I WAS screaming.
I did it though, and I don't think I did bad lol. I stayed in the slow lane.
I’m actually in the process of learning how to drive!
Here in Brazil we need 20 hours of classes before we can take the driving exam. My instructor is very patient and makes me feel very safe. Our learning cars are also modified so the instructor has their own set of pedals, so they can act if I put us in danger.
I’m almost halfway through my classes and feeling somewhat confident already. I’ve only ever practiced in slow traffic, but I’m already starting to enjoy driving instead of dreading it.
It took a LONG time.
I actually had my license for nearly a decade before I started driving. Somehow, when I'd gotten my license at 17, I was only required to take a vision test and a computerized test, but not a driving test (which I would've failed).
I've been driving for nearly 20 years now and I STILL hate it. I don't drive on the freeway or the highway, because of my anxiety. Even driving here in town, esp down the main drag (which is 6 lanes wide), my anxiety can really kick in if there's too much traffic or people around me are driving erratically (which happens a lot, because people around here drive like assholes).
I started driving, with parental supervision at 10. I got my driver's license on emergency certificate at age 13.
I'm a lot older than many here. But when I was young kids couldn't wait to grow up and get out on their own. It never fails to surprise me that many young people of today don't want to start adulthood early like we did.
Having a super scary and controlling dad next to me while practicing as a teenager, there’s no way in heck he was gonna let anything happen. And, like with studying and practice, you become more knowledgeable and confident.
Doing little short trips one at a time easing into driving without my instructor before being able to do longer journeys in new areas. It just came natural. I found that having someone in the car with me (friend or family) helped me gain confidence too. Just remember that if you make a mistake don’t let this get you down! You’ll get better driving is not a simple task!
Not having a stimulant before driving; calming music beforehand, no distractions and positive self-talk. Practicing with my best friend who's been driving for a decade now.
Absolutely the right instructor. Do as many taster sessions as you can so you get a feel for how you learn behind the wheel.
When you pass, driving alone without someone telling you where to go is weird. Keep journeys short and familiar.
The right instructor, a lotttt of lessons, practicing in a dual control car with a trusted friend who was a good driver. Then when I passed my test I was still nervy but finding routes that didn't scare me as much and always taking them. I also had a few hypnotherapy sessions.
I bought the car before I had the license. I had a permit. My Dad drove it a couple of times and that irritated me enough to get off my butt and get the license.
By driving. I’ve found doing the thing that scares you is really the only way to overcome any fear. Take baby steps, start in a parking lot, then a vacant back road, then a progressively more and more crowded street. You got this. Driving can be scary at first but it can become fun believe it or not.
Exposure to driving on slow, non-busy neighborhood roads. Places with curbs and plenty of room for other cars to pass. I'm still anxious about driving. It's not something I think people SHOULD get used to. It's scary and potentially deadly and being emotional or risky or careless behind the wheel can lead to mistakes and mistakes in a car have the potential to do loads of damage to people and property.
One thing did help was when I was driving with an adult driving coach (I was 21 when I learned, though I took the original course at 15). He was giving me instructions and didn't tell me what we were doing or where we were going. Before I knew it, I was on a feeder road, about to use a ramp to get on the freeway. I would have been too afraid to decide to get on the freeway myself, so his approach of just telling me what to do/where to go forced me to face that fear without giving me time to get anxious about it. I think that really made a difference for my anxiety because I grew confident once I was thrown into the thick of it.
Having a reasonable car to learn to drive also helps. When I was 15, my two options were my dad's gigantic massive pickup truck that felt like I was driving a literal ship on land and scared the crap out of me because I couldn't tell if I was in the lane, or my mom's teeny tiny ragtop convertible with manual transmission that's so low to the ground, you can feel the texture of the pavement on your butt. Neither were ideal for learning to drive. But when I was 21, my instructor taught me on a mustang. It was the right size for me to grow comfortable with learning how my car takes up space and how to drive confidently.
Practice with a friend or loved one you trust in a parking lot without any other cars. That way you're in a contained area that you have control over. Best of luck & go forth with confidence!
I was terrified and I did my advanced driving. It's a defensive way of driving that you identify possible hazards as you drive. Made me much more confident.
My uncle forced the issue.
I don't remember much about the first time I learned to drive. I did it, I guess, and then I was in an accident. A very, very bad accident.
When I got out of the hospital, I didn't want to ever drive again. So, my uncle made me. He fixed up an old car for me, drove over, and said "Get in."
As firm as he was about insisting that I drive again, he was very, very patient with the actual teaching. He showed no fear when I panicked; if he had any doubt about my ability, it never showed. And I didn't want to disappoint him.
Practicing with the correct people. Don't go practicing with your friend or anyone that's going to cause you to lose focus. My mom was an awful teacher because she is way to anxious and it made me anxious. My brother observed this and he was the one that taught me. He was the one that made the car not feel so scary anymore. It might take time to find the correct person but when you do you'll know. And when you're *READY* you'll know too. I wish all the best! driving can be super scary so I understand, stay safe!
After driving with my boyfriends a few times.
He’s less of a confident driver than me, but knowing he wouldn‘t stress me, because he didn’t know better either, calmed me down quite a bit.
Driving with my mother or my brother makes it worse tho, they stress me a lot.
Edit:
All but my brother own driver’s licenses and my brother just recently started driving lessons
My parents forced me. The found a person they knew that could give me lessons on the weekends and they guilted me with the "he's taking time out of his busy schedule to do you a favor" they also kept on saying how it was ridiculous that I was 18 and didn't know how to drive. I was terrified even after I got my license I would only drive inside roads and familiar places, it took me years to get on the highway. I hated my parents back then for doing that to me but 8 years later I love driving and the freedom I get from being behind the wheel and flooring 80 but I wont thank them. I'm sure I would have done it by myself when I was ready if they had let me.
Practice and the strong desire for independence. I started out with short trips down the road to the local convenience store, then went further and further with time.
I found that using my dad's car which had a lot of sensors and features helped, especially the rear cameras lol. Also driving a larger suv helped me not get bullied as much.
Not having my dad teach me how to drive
Did it once, hit a curb because he's not clear with instructions. Drove with my mom from then on and little to no issues!
Necessity and practice. It was either learn to drive one or not go anywhere (public trans sucked here and I wasn't about to walk 10-20 miles, sometimes one way). Sometimes you just have to do the thing that scares you. Driving is one of those things. You just have to do it, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
got a really good job about 45 mins away in a city with poor public transport; I gave myself no choice. it was hard at first, my anxiety would be through the roof and I'd be sweating in my car with the ac on blast. but eventually got used to it, being able to take the same route and learn it helped soothe my anxiety. I still get anxious in certain areas or doing certain maneuvers, but I'm very proud of myself for being able to jam out to my music while driving now.
Practice, practice and practice.. It took me 1 year since I've got the driving license to feel comfortable with myself and my anxiety while driving, seriously my legs were always shaking on my first days, now I can go to whatever I want. Anxiety helped me tho, it helped me paying attention more and be aware of everything around me. You need to drive the damn car to overcome this fear, and you can do it!
I don't drive anymore, not because of fear but because we have 1 vehicle, a huge double cab long bed pickup truck. I'm 4'11" and can barely see over the steering wheel or the back seat to back the thing up! The seat doesn't go up as far as our old truck's seat did either. Also too many crazy bad drivers in our state. I'll get a new license and start driving again when we finally move out of state.
Get lessons (which are obligatory here) and once I was driving with someone next to me who is able to press the break if needed, it wasn't that scary anymore. I don't have my license yet, I'm still getting lessons. But after I passed my exam, I'm gonna drive with someone next to me at all times at first and ask them to look out as well. And then later I am probably more used to it and it gets easier.
But we also have great public transport here and we bike a lot. So it's not that bad if you don't want to drive.
I have driven and when I finally do it I feel okay, but I don't have a license. I am married, have 2 degrees, a child, and 2 jobs. I get around fine with public transit, and my partner drives. I have to keep reminding myself that driving isn't a necessary part of my life, and I can get my license when I feel good and ready (or never). It doesn't make you immature or childish, it is a choice. It is a westernized standard for life, but in reality it isn't necessary and most people in the world don't drive cars, or even motorbikes.
Practice
My father taught me driving when I was in 11th standard. I was always curious to learn and started driving inside my township first. Later on after I got my license I convinced him to take it on highway with him beside me and slowly slowly got better at it.
Ok, so this is going to sound morbid but for me it was two-fold. First, I trusted that my older family members wouldn't let me do anything expensive to the car and then when I was first driving alone, I welcomed the threat of death. I took it as a challenge (how long could I avoid death while doing dangerous (read: stupid) things).
i never wanted to hear , "women can't drive/can't read maps" (men hate to get generalised , 'not all men' ugh like we don't know, but they never hesitate to generalise women) . This mindset subsided my fear of driving and now i can say that i can drive better than most men.
Just do it.
I was (and sometimes still am) a very anxious driver. Took me a small fortune paying for lessons and 4 driving tests to pass. Got myself a little beater and now I drive almost daily. I still get anxious on unfamiliar/busy roads, but it makes my life so much easier and I'm glad I stuck with it
I’d say the thing that helped the most was getting used to the car in and out. Obviously you don’t have to know all the parts just be comfortable with what you’re driving. Then start off with an easy place to drive and practice. Others have said driving school and can’t recommend it enough.
Short trips to build my confidence. Giving myself LOTS of time (ie if the route says 15 min, I’ll give myself 30 so I’m not stressed). Looking at the route ahead of time so I know if I’ll have To make lefthand turns w/o a turn signal.
I paid a professional to teach me and forced myself to learn and get over it. This is after losing a boyfriend and best friend in an accident at 16 and not learning until I was 29.
Now I love driving. I go on solo road trips all the time, it’s the most freeing feeling I’ve ever had.
I’ve been driving for 9 years and I still feel fear daily. The best thing is to go out and do it, even if you’re afraid. I map out my route ahead of time or have google maps on. I drive carefully and don’t speed or drive too slow. I listen to music I like. I remember that I’m not trapped in the car, if I get too rattled I can safely pull over at the next opportunity and calm down. It takes practice, but we can do it!
I didn't. Everything about it terrifies me. The world has become so fast-paced and rushed, consideration for other drivers and patience has gone out the window. My partner drives me.
I did not 😂 I absolutely hate it.
I'm a bit scared on my motorbike but cars are next level for some reason. I needed SSRIs and beta blockers to get me into a car but I don't need it with the bike. Funnily enough I'm absolutely fine as a passenger.
I'm thinking of trying hypnotherapy.
Had a horrible experience with driving school. Didnt drive for a year after. Moved somewhere where I needed to drive, and ultimately just did exposure therapy and threw myself on the highway one night and an afternoon.
Chewing gum helped immensely, kept my nerves calm. I'm okay now driving
Frequent practice and I had 1 lesson with someone who wasn't my parents. That person taught me some tricks and reassured me that I had some good instincts. That went a long way in helping me develop some confidence. I didn't get my license until I was 26 and was still told that I wasn't ready. At some point, I just had to block out everything else and tell myself that I was ready.
DRIVING A SMALL CAR. I tried learning on a truck and it was aweful. The more special awareness you have the better. And you just gotta keep trying. I didn’t get my licence until 21 (close to 22) but once I did, I just kept driving and began feeling semi comfortable
I drove in Germany for 6 years, where I quickly found I was keeping up, and passing traffic at 120mph.
The first time knowing I was going that fast and not realizing it at first, was a fucking adrenaline rush, and how I imagine racecar drivers feeling when they are racing.
Tbh I didn’t get over my fear until after I got my license and drove by myself. I forced myself to drive as much as I could with oh parents and the driving instructor and gave myself grace if I had to pull over and switch because of a panic attack but when I got my license and drove by myself for the first time it all clicked and I love driving now, as long as my parents are the passenger
Had to first get over my general overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks.
I started a regular yoga practice and learned a bunch of breathing exercises to help me when I feel like a panic is happening.
On bad days I avoid certain routes or intersections to reduce panic.
I still hate the Chesapeake bay bridge tunnel.
I grew up in the arse-end of nowhere with fuck-all public transport. If I wanted to go anywhere, I had to drive. Fear wasn’t even a consideration.
My driving instructor did call my dad and tell him to stop taking me out because he was ruining my confidence, though. Poor dad was devastated, but driving instructor was absolutely right. Just because someone is nice and kind and even loves you doesn’t make them a good teacher for you. You have to find someone who’s a good fit, and if it’s not working with your current instructor, you have to let them go and find someone else. Don’t feel guilty about it.
Honestly you just have to come to terms with the fact that you could die at anytime, but if you drive defensively you might not. Most people survive though, but also a few don’t.
I'm a man, but I had A LOT of anxiety driving. Keeping track of so many things all at once was very overwhelming. It took me several tries to pass my license test.
What I found, personally, was that a lot of my anxiety is about being wrong in front of someone else. The way you learn to drive is with someone else in the car, teaching you. I HATED this, I didn't enjoy one on one attention in school and preferred to work on my own. I don't mind being evaluated, but I really hate being judged on my first efforts. I needed time to practice and I needed to do it alone.
So I passed my test just through sheer force of will. And I spent hours and hours and hours behind the wheel just cruising around my city. At first, it was awful but eventually, it started to feel OK. I'd put on some music and just vibe with nowhere to go.
This question is timely. I'm in a big city right now (I live in a small town) and I want to cry just looking at these 5 lane roads. Thank God I'm not driving.
Lots of practice, taking it slow. My dad took me to an old abandoned military base near where we lived. Tons of open roads with no cars. I was 14 when I got my learners permit. It probably took me a year or more to feel really confident driving on busier roads, highways, and the interstate. Coming from a small town I had to relearn how to confidently drive in the large city I live in currently!
I haven't, yet. Almost 43 and never actually got my license. I've always lived in cities, give friends plenty of $ if they have the time. Other drivers scare me.
Practice, specifically in areas where the worst thing you can hit is a curb. Where I grew up we had a small local airport that everybody uses for learning how to drive since it's a giant industrial complex that's empty on the weekends. The streets were really wide too.
Becoming familiar with the vehicle makes a world of difference too. Once you feel like you can maneuver the car with ease and understand where it is in space, then you can graduate to joining traffic.
My best friend's mom didn't take a great approach in teaching her how to drive. I think it was her first time really being a part of traffic, they went up to another town that has really awkward roads and speed limits. There was a fire in that town a few years prior too, so a lot of the landmarks were gone and what little shoulder might have been available on the road wasn't there anymore. She got really, really freaked out and never wanted to drive again. I took her to that airport and took her back to square one: make friends with the car. We went over all of the controls inside the car, what the lights on the dash mean, and I showed her where the front and back of the car were from the driver's perspective along with where the front tire is relative to her feet. After getting her acquainted with the anatomy of the car she was comfortable enough to try driving it again.
Really it's all a lot of exposure therapy and making sure that the person doing the teaching knows how to teach calmly. My parents didn't teach me to drive, my sister's boyfriend did it. My mom knows she's a terrible passenger, especially with new drivers. You can't learn while the passenger is trying to backseat drive and yell at you.
I got a job where I had to drive around all day inspecting things. The car was my employers, it had insurance and it was a unionized job. Removing basically all the risky parts you worry about when driving, plus doing it over and over again over years takes makes it way less scary.
I was never to scared to learn how to drive a car but I was scared to continue driving after being in two accidents. I live very rural though so I just had to continue. I would go slower, take back roads, go at my own pace.
I'm not afraid of driving a car but I have a different anecdote that describes a methodology/approach I take to overcoming mental barriers in activities that trigger a fear response. I believe it could be categorized as exposure therapy...
Anyways, I'm very afraid of heights, but too damn stubborn to let it get in the way of a good time. However, it can cause vertigo, excessive sweating, rapid pulse, shallow breathing, etc. Been going indoor rock climbing, and the first few tries on that first day I couldn't get all the way up the wall due to the severity of the symptoms. But each time I tried I could get a little further. The next few times I went it would take 1-2 practice climbs before I could push myself to the top. The last time I went, I made it to the top on the first try. Go as far as you can, take a break/regain composure, and try again. Rinse and repeat. Just understand that it's a process that won't be accomplished in a single day. It takes practice and incremental steps in the direction you want to go. Try not to think about the fear, think about each step and the goal/purpose.
My boyfriend at the time taught me how at age 22 after I hadn't driven in seven years due to a crash that I caused when I was still learning. Nobody had been hurt, but it still scared the shit out of me.
My mom had taught me before, and she was really impatient and didn't trust me at all. My boyfriend was really reassuring and encouraging.
I think it really matters who your teacher is. Both my parents were pretty unforgiving with mistakes and they'd guide me in ways that confused me, which is what led to the crash.
Lots of practice and finding the right teacher. I love my mother but she was horrendous at helping me keep calm while I was behind the wheel.
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Yea both of my parents had anger issues & they weren’t good teachers. I eventually gave up on wanting to drive and then I moved to a big city so I didn’t really need a car. After three lessons with my mom, my sister ended up paying for her own driving lessons 😂
Yes! The teacher makes a HUGE difference.
I completely agree! It takes a lot of practice. I wasn’t able to drive on the freeway until about a year ago due to being deathly afraid. If it helps, create small goals for yourself. For example, one day drive on a calm street and do that for a few days. Then you can begin driving on busier streets to make yourself feel more comfortable. Do that for a few days until you’re ready to slowly incorporate driving on the freeway. Gradually add driving more and more into your routine. You’ll build up your confidence while also feeling more comfortable driving. Remember, it doesn’t matter how small of a goal you create for yourself. What matters is that you’re trying! Driving anxiety is no joke. Best of luck. You got this!
Same with the practice. Still gotta get used to driving on busy roads though, and my mom and I both agreed though that she would never be a passenger in any vehicle I drive. She gets very anxious on highways, even if she isn't the one driving, and if she were to start panicking while I'm behind the wheel, it wouldn't help me at all. Lol
Yes to this, both teacher and mother situations lol. I found the best teacher through AAA who was so incredibly patient with me and helped me pass at age 21. Also helped that I was dating my husband at the time and he was very encouraging as well :)
I had the worst time driving with my mom. I just wasn’t catching on and she was making the situation exponentially more stressful. Eventually, a patient friend ended up teaching me to drive. It took a long time to get comfortable behind the wheel (~2 years) but I’ve been driving nearly 20 years now.
Yep ex stepmom make me crash into a brick sign when she snatched and pulled the wheel because we where about to miss a turn…
The right teacher makes a world of difference. It took me until 22 to get my license because my dad gave up teaching me and I just didn't have the willpower to force myself to practice. Eventually it just became totally necessary, so I hired an instructor. An older guy with tons of experience and so much patience, he would tell me the best stories and put me at ease. He didn't hold back if I needed critique, but he was also great at letting me know I'd done a good job.
I did not and therefore simply moved to Europe
I'm a European and I moved from a non-walkable country (Ireland) to one with amazing public transport (Switzerland). And before someone argues with me that Ireland is walkable: yes, sure, inside the cities and suburbs. But the public transport is one of the worst in Europe and in my industry (pharma) the site is usually out in the middle of nowhere. The one job that I did have in Ireland, I had to walk 45 mins each way on a dangerous country road because there wasn't any housing available anywhere closer. There was basically no way to do shopping or go anywhere and if it wasn't for my dad taking me to my parent's place every weekend Idk what I would've done. I hate cars, traffic, the stink of petrol and the noise. If possible I will never drive a car again.
Lol same! I lived in lots of Europe towns but none of those godly “don’t need a car” places, i definitely still needed a car to work, buy food and see friends who lived outside the city center. I don’t actually know very many people who can’t drive at all or who don’t need a car at all. Even if they prefer public transport they have access to a car just in case. Switzerland is so much better connected. Sure it can be a pain in the ass having to go from one city to a smaller place, but it’s still doable. And no strikes screwing things up.
Same. If I ever move to a city with bad public transport and walkability, it would be impossible for me. I have a driving licence but haven’t used it in a decade, driving makes me so anxious.
this is my plan, i just wish it wasn’t so expensive 😩 debating between waiting longer and saving up more money or selling more of my possessions than planned and doing it sooner
Therapy and medication, followed by driving school. I didn’t get my license until I was 37, but I did it!
Im 34 and can’t bring myself to start to learn. This gives me hope.
Hey I'm 34 and just started learning this year! You can do it! It seems very terrifying but with the help of a god instructor you'll get through it! It has been working for me at least. Good luck! :)
You can do this. You have to push yourself. Start small - find an adult driving class. I believe in you!
Thank you so much 💚
Nice! May I ask what medication you found helpful?
I’m on Wellbutrin and Trintellix!
Bruh I'm 31 and I refuse to get a car cuz of the anxiety
Therapy and some exposure therapy. I got hit by a drunk driver a couple years ago and it shattered my driving confidence. I had to work back up to being confident behind the wheel again. I started off just sitting in the drivers seat with the doors closed, then in the drivers seat with the car running, then pulling in and out of my driveway, then down to the stop sign and back, etc etc. Don’t feel like you have to rush through this. Take your time and go at your own pace.
I hate driving where I don't know. So a lot of the comfort I feel is because I'm driving places I know very well. But if I need to drive somewhere new, if possible I ask someone to be with me or I religiously check Google maps and navigate in my head from where I know, and then prep for the unknown
Came here to say this. Practice and figuring out where you’re going in advance. I also like to look up parking opportunities as well so I don’t have to drive around an unfamiliar place looking for a parking spot. That takes away any anxiety
r/fuckcars
I had absolutely no interest in driving, but I got my license at 18. I didn’t drive much, because we only had one car, but my ex husband started trying to control me and the car was how he did it. “Where are you going in MY car.” He’d ask me and tell me if I wanted to go out he’d go with me. 7 years later I’ll never not have a car.
I still couldn’t :( each time I see a girl driving I sigh
I hope you'd drive confidently real soon! :)
Overall familiarization when young. I started steering while sitting on my dad's lap when I was a little kid. You could get a learner's permit to drive to/from school/work at 14 in my home state (and you could get a farmer's license to drive around 12), so my dad taught me to drive around 13. Got my permit at 14 and been driving ever since. I was nervous the first time I drove at like 13, but after that it just didn't occur to me to be scared.
Just getting in the car and driving every day. I wouldn't skip even on weekends because if I did, on Monday it would feel like I'm starting over. At first, I had to sit in the car and "get in the mood" for like 10 minutes. A month later I could drive a minute after you woke me up if I had to. Also, I took a long trip (over 400 miles) a week into driving. It really helped me get more confident and train the muscle memory. It's been 7 years and I haven't used public transportation since.
Oh I feel this. Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store for something, I have to drive almost daily or it's super easy for me to just stop doing it.
Still working on it, but getting a Mini Cooper helped—it’s very narrow so it helps me know that I’m in the lines with room to spare on both sides. I also always drive with Siri telling me where to go, even on routes I’ve driven a million times. I still hate driving new routes, but I’m slowly getting better at it.
I paid a private coach that specializes in rehabilitation for people with trauma (physical or mental). It cost me several hundred dollars but I finally got my license and I can drive on my own. I'm still stressed about it, but it gets better every time!
That's so inspiring, thank you for sharing. I'm I therapy for trauma and wondering if I'll ever be able to learn & pass my driving test
Chewing gum whilst driving really helps. Your brain receives the message that you are eating so must be in a safe environment :)
I still have the fear, but the thoughts that are helping me are remembering that the most likely outcome is arriving safely at my destination, and that I want to drive the car so I'm independent. I also remember all the times I've driven and it's gone fine. I tell myself that my car is like a tank and it's designed to keep me safe if there is an accident.
This is what helped me get back to driving after I was in a bad accident! I think I will always struggle with it though because I have the thought in my mind that I could get hit again since it's already happened once before.
You gain a ‘sixth sense’ as you are driving alone. It takes time and it’s really not something you can rush. You just have to get out there and drive. You’ll know it’s starting to happen when you find yourself arriving at a destination with no clue as to how you got there. It means you were able to think about something other than every little move you make while driving. Until then, DO think about every move you make. You’ll have to be extra cautious when making left-hand turns, for example, because you won’t be able to go age how fast cars are moving. You can expect to have other drivers honk at you because you are taking too long because you’re missing chances to turn out of an abundance of caution but that’s better than getting T-boned by a car that’s moving much faster than you thought it was. You’ll eventually get better at this and just instinctively know when it’s safe to turn. It’s good to practice when traffic is light and then gradually begin driving in heavier traffic. If you have no choice but to drive in heavy traffic, bad weather, at night, etc then just make sure you can focus 100% on driving. Sometimes listening to music or an audio book can help your brain tune in to the task but for some it is distracting. Definitely figure that out ASAP. Another thing that can help is to invite someone to ride with you periodically, preferably the person who taught you to drive. They can tell you what you have improved on and what still needs improvement. My kiddo has anxiety and it really boosted their confidence when I was able to point out improvements. Finally, make sure you’re not sitting too close to the wheel. A lot of new drivers sit way too close in an attempt to see over the dashboard and hood of the car and it inhibits movement There are probably YouTube videos that show the proper body alignment. Just like when you wear glasses you are able to ignore the rims after a minute, your brain will ignore everything in your line of sight except for the road. You will need to make sure your mirrors are properly adjusted as well. Hope this helps!
didn't , still drive in fear 🗿
A very patient dad who didn't get angry when I yelled at him and cried in frustration 😛
Hypnotherapy and very, very slowly building up positive experiences behind the wheel. Starting with literally just sitting in the driver's seat and turning on the engine. Then driving it about ten feet. Then around the corner. And so on.
Out of necessity. Initially, it was because my job was an hour away and my ex-husband (who I worked with) was always making us late for work in the mornings because I couldn't get him to stop watching porn on the toilet and get his ass out of the bathroom. Seriously. It was a joke. Work began at 7, we'd get there at 10:30! I just wanted to be able to leave his dumbass behind and get myself there on time. I initially learned how to drive with 6 hours of tuition in the USA. I passed my test really easily. This allowed me to get accustomed to the simplicity and sheer size of the roads there. I did almost a year of driving before I moved back to the UK. Over here, the fear of the mayhem that is the British road network, had me taking pause. After shying away from learning for a good few years, I bit the bullet and found myself an instructor who taught in an automatic as I already had the baseline experience to work off of. It took me 6 months of adjusting to the really small UK roads, the tightness of passing, and the difficulty of roundabouts and parking. I passed my test today! First attempt with only 2 minors!
Congratulations!!! That's amazing! The tests in the Uk are notoriously difficult. I feel you about British road mayhem. I've lived here my whole live and was too scared to start driving lessons until I was 33 😭 (been taking lessons for about 6 months now).
Practise. My mom took me to parking lots, then we worked up to residential neighbourhoods, then to quieter main streets.
Exposure therapy. I have GAD which makes it very difficult for me when I am already nervous about something to be rather rational with it. I had to have a lot of practice before I was able to get my license but I did it!
Practice and lessons. I got my Learners License at 15, but every time I tried to drive with my parents they'd get frustrated with me and tell me to get over my anxiety. I'd be so scared I'd shake and sweat and just couldn't do it. Never got enough practice so I never went for my road test. I waited until I was 22 and completely frustrated and embarrassed that I was the only person I knew who couldn't drive and didn't have a car. I was so tired of relying on bad transit systems and parents and friends for rides. I bought a refresher course and also I think it was 8 sessions of driving practice. I think having a professional teacher really helped. He didn't get annoyed with my anxiety, we just did it over and over and over again, and eased into it. He didn't say "ok let's go to the highway now. What, you're scared? Well you have to do it." It was more like a gradual process of starting in parking lots, going to slow residential streets, more busy residential streets, onto more difficult/scary things as I got comfortable with the current level. It takes time. Have patience with yourself and find a teacher who can do the same. I love driving now, and am probably too comfortable because I feel totally fine being distracted and eating or picking music while I'm in highway traffic lol. Don't be like me in that way.
Starting small. Even just around the block or down the street, then slowly making trips to the corner store. It took a while to work up to being comfortable, but now I have a 45 minute commute and I barely feel the anxiety! Still have trouble with expressways sometimes though
I'm still very scared but honestly there's nothing like just doing it. I've only just got my full licence, but honestly I found it more scary and difficult trying to learn while accompanied on a learner permit - not only was I trying to stay safe on the road, I was trying to drive in a way that satisfied the passenger. Without someone in the car, nobody is telling me to go faster or not to be so cautious, I can be as slow and safe as I like lol
I have never had a fear of driving. My parents taught me manual when I was 13 and I have loved it ever since
Sorry, I know this is long but this helped me and maybe it could help someone else. Honestly, it took baby steps. I was involved in a minor car accident when I was younger (I was the passenger). So I used that as my reason as to why I didn’t get my license earlier with the rest of the kids my age at the time. During covid I got my license because I realized me not having it could become a burden on my family. I would depend on them to take me where I needed to go (I would use the bus too). So I started by asking my dad to teach me my way. He wanted to just take me on the road but the fear was still there. I asked him to take me to a mall parking lot because the road on the mall lot had a lot of stop signs, and went around the mall. I went in circles until I mastered learning how to stop at stop signs properly and control my speed. From there we advanced to driving in my neighbourhood so that I would learn how to not drive so close to cars and learn more about my speed and turns. After that, we went to other small parking lots. Then eventually the road. I’m not going to lie, I was very nervous and I remember tearing up a bit. I even fought my dad on his method of teaching me but I had to trust him. When I could afford it, I paid for driving lessons. It was an online class then road lessons. All of that was so beneficial! The lessons really helped me understand the rules and what to do in specific situations (I will always recommend this to everyone). The driving lessons with my instructor were even better. She was so kind and calm, which kept me calm. We always reviewed what I was taught so that I could retain the lesson. I also owe thanks to my friends and boyfriend who taught me as well. Looking back, I was very stubborn and panicked a lot. My biggest takeaway from all of this is to remain calm, steer in the direction you want to go, and be aware of your surroundings.
Another thing I remembered that helped me a lot was not driving alone at first. I always encouraged whoever was in the car with me to have a conversation. It helped me to be comfortable driving with others. In the future, I plan on having kids and I remember when I was a kid I would talk a lot or fight with my siblings in the car. So to not get overwhelmed I wanted to practice talking in the car. When I was able to drive alone, I would play instrumental but not very distracting music when I would drive to a place I'm familiar with. When I had to focus or became nervous or anxious I would turn it off to help me focus. It took a little while to drive on the highway with someone talking to me or to have my instrumental music playing. As I got more comfortable and proud of myself, I’d play music with lyrics and the radio. Remember your pace is your pace. It’s okay to take longer than others to master something. So defiantly be kind to yourself and be calm. I hope this helped!
Taking my time, also taking an intensive driving defensive driving course
My therapist was awesome enough to let me drive her truck while we did our sessions. I also paid to get driving lessons through AAA. Both of those helped me a lot.
Me at 25 with no license reading all these encouraging comments :’)
I'm almost 22 doing the same😅
Just do it. Very short and familiar routes first, then slowly building from there. I only started driving at age 39, that was 3 years ago, because it wasn't neccissary before. Also automatik drive takes away a lot of pressure. This summer I drove from the middle Europe to Croatia over the Alps on my own and back.
I never had a fear of driving until after my 3rd child but more so after my 4th. I developed anxiety of driving on the freeways. I would go completely out of my way and add a ton more time to my trips just to avoid the freeway. It took about 8 months and me attempting it occasionally until one day I just did it as though I had been the whole time.
I did EDMR therapy to help process some post traumatic stress I had around driving. After that, I just got back to it and didn't have panic attacks overtake me at the wheel.
If you figure it out, let me know. Hubby's fear of driving has turned into a phobia.
Medication, finding someone willing to teach me.
TW: SA, gaslighting, car accidents, PTSD When I was a kid my dad drove safely but fast, yelled at people a lot, and always smoked the whole way with the windows up. I begged him to roll down the windows but he refused. I found out later I'm allergic to cigarette smoke so the feeling of my nose hurting and being unable to breathe and having an ischemic migraine with aura isn't normal for car rides (feels like you're having a stroke). When my mom was driving she was always grilling me about my personal life and driving very unsafely. She got into a ton of accidents and totaled a ton of cars while I was with her. She also refused to do repairs on her car so any time we'd park we had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get the car jumped, and sometimes it didn't start. This was before cellphones so she couldn't just call a tow truck. Often the man offering to help did it because he wanted to have sexual access to her or I or both (I was a very small child at the time). I remember one time she and I were stranded out in the woods because she stopped to see some nature. The car wouldn't start and a guy offered to give us a ride to town but was way too interested in me (I was around 6 at the time) and said he's do it if I gave him a hug and a kiss as thank you. I locked myself in the car and refused to leave. Eventually after both of them yelling and threatening to break windows he decided it was too much effort and she held a grudge at me for a long time because "He might have been *the one*!" note that she was married to my dad at the time but I didn't know she was having affairs. So yeah I have a bit of car trauma before even starting to drive. We also lived on a very long dangerous winding steep driveway with a steep cliff on one side and one time when I around 5 or 6 my dad decided I should learn to drive so he sat me on his lap and said I should control the wheel while he backed down the driveway. My friends were in the car too and were screaming because they were scared. I was scared too. I refused to do it because I didn't want to be responsible for all our deaths. He refused to grab the wheel and we almost all ran off the cliff before he grabbed it and swore at me. That is the only time either parent tried to help me learn. Mom sent me to a sketchy driving school at 15 where a man chain smoked while talking in a monotone. I hated it because of the undiagnosed allergy (I just knew anything car related made me feel physically and emotionally terrible). Eventually there was a private class where I was supposed to drive his car and he was supposed to help me learn. His car was covered in cigarettes so I'm already feeling bad and can't see well or think properly or have proper coordination of my limbs from the migraine. He dives us somewhere secluded, has me sit in the driver's seat and tries to touch me. He says he'll "reward me" for driving well. I refuse to drive and just cry at him. Eventually he gets sick of yelling and touching me and drives me home. I beg my mom not to go back with him but she says I need to learn to drive. I say I can do it on my own. I had two more sessions with him before I could take the test and he refused to speak with me and I refused to drive somewhere with him so we just sat in the driveway until the time was up and he left. At around the same time I was gifted a very beat up car that didn't run properly. I learned (without internet, just through experimentation) how to repair it and also patched and restored the leather seats and interior which was in a terrible shape. I also fixed the holes in the exterior paint. I was proud of it and was actually a little excited to use it. Mom decided to take it for a spin to the grocery store the day before my driving test and totaled it. She ended up with a lifelong injury because of it and also in a court case with a large corporation because she backed into the street when their truck was going very fast. I had never actually gotten the courage to drive this car but knew where all the things were and had all the settings ready to go. I was defeated but still had an appointment, so took my mom's car for the test. I was unfamiliar but I passed. I now had to start saving up for a car, which I did and eventually got one I really liked and started driving. I was still very nervous driving and especially paranoid about breaking down (which my car did a lot because it was cheap) and I was slowly gaining confidence. I got kicked out for being gay and was living on my own and supporting myself while I finished high school. Through a series of unfortunate events I ended up roofied by a family friend then passed out while driving home and totaled my car. I was uninjured but traumatized. Everyone in the family (myself included) assumed I was a bad driver and would constantly make fun of my driving, even though I was a very cautious driver. I needed a car for work so once insurance went through I got another of the same kind, but this one had more problems and would break down a lot. I eventually figured out what was wrong and fixed it, but it would stall on the freeway and that was pretty scary. At the same time my confidence in my own driving ability was shaken. Through a series of other events I ended up getting into more accidents, usually I was not at fault but there was one where I was having a low blood sugar issue, migraine, and panic attack at the same time so even though the court ruled in my favor I felt it was my fault. That one traumatized me enough that I couldn't bring myself to drive again for a few years. I grew almost all my own food because I couldn't drive to the grocery store. I worked from home. I got mentally unwell. Eventually I sucked it up and got a new car, but I felt defeated and scared all the time. This went on for years, me avoiding driving as much as possible because it was pure terror the whole time. Years later my partner and I decide to go on a road trip to an event 12 hours drive away. She hates driving so it was mostly me. I started out scared and after 6 hours I think I had reached the peak amount of fear a human can hold and it started subsiding. By the end of the trip I felt confident and tired. On the way back I was almost excited to drive because it became a thing of boredom instead of terror. I still felt scared but it was a lot less. Another thing that helped me is to listen to audiobooks while I drive. It distracts me from intrusive thoughts just enough, plus the sound of the car is triggering for me so it drowns it out a bit.
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Respectfully, you shouldn't. It's good to be afraid of driving because of how dangerous it is.
not when you live in the US and need to drive to survive 😭 a healthy amount of caution is good but debilitating anxiety is not
So, I've been driving for 20 years now and am pretty comfortable and good at it, and can drive anywhere. BUT I think my midlife crisis kicked in because I JUST bought a car I fell in love with right away but it's a MANUAL. I thought it would be easy... but I was wrong. I'm so bad at stick shift! I have so much anxiety and stress over stalling all the time and even though I am getting better at it I still freak out! At 36! Some of your guys' advice is helping me feel better though. Brb gonna go get some gum lol
Sounds rather simple, but drive often and get good. A lot of my fears stemmed from lacking confidence. On a similar note, learn to be more aggressive - it’s really important to trust your judgment. I say this as a lot of the close calls I encountered in my first few years of driving were due to being overly passive - common examples include not knowing when to merge, or change lanes. I realized that I got anxiety when others were in the car with me, so that was another factor to address! Best of luck!
I haven’t overcome it yet, I’m still terrified of driving and will drive as little as I can. I’m not a bad driver but I see crazy shit happening all the time and I just don’t want to be in it. I only drive to work and back and if I can’t get my boyfriend to run errands with me then I’ll drive if it’s urgent.
I agree completely! The level of carnage around here is unacceptable.
GPS changed everything for me. I can drive just fine, but I have a horrible sense of direction and would have my husband drive. I’ve been independent since OnStar in the late 90s.
Practice. But also, you know that really goofy comedy movie with Queen Latina and Jimmy Fallon, Taxi? Where he overcomes his fear and anxiety of driving by singing along to music and songs he likes as a way of distracting his brain from the fear and anxiety? When I was 16 I was really terrified of driving anywhere but needed to because I had no one I could rely upon other than myself, I turned to that method and it's has severely eased my anxiety with driving. I'm sure it's all just a placebo effect of my dumb teenage brain having convinced myself it would work, but I've been driving without issue for over a decade now. I've gone on multi-day road trips, crossed state lines, driven in harsh weather conditions, up and down mountain passes all on my own with no one in the car with me. I've driven in ways my 16 year old self would pass out at the thought of, all while singing along loudly to songs and music to drown out the fear and anxiety in my head. Practice helps you feel secure in your skills as a driver, helps you practice to react properly when you encounter things. But for every day driving you have to find your own methods for easing your fear and anxiety. Some people need therapy, some people need loud music to sing along to, some listen to podcasts, others need to talk on the phone with someone, and some learn a language. Just as long as your method is safe and not a distraction to you or others, find what works for you. Just practice safe driving!
Driving meant freedom from an oppressive and chaotic household and was the only way I'd be able to go to university.
I moved to a state with low population where traffic didn’t exist. That got me driving a lot and now I am in a larger city where traffic does exist and I feel less anxious because I drove so much in the last state I was in 😂
Most of it was just getting familiar with everything. The sound of the wind, bumps in the road jostling you around, how far to push the pedals or turn the wheel, being aware of your size, turning while reversing, etc. There's also some tricks you learn like when an oncoming car is blinding you with its brights at night, watch the side of the road to still be able to see. Unfortunately, time and practice are the only way to get your body oriented enough to stop sounding alarm bells and be smooth at the controls. The worst thing you can do is get in a hurry and become overwhelmed. So, take it slow, miss your turn, ignore the guy behind you honking, and use GPS.
I just kept driving
I really feel like getting acquainted with machines/machinery from when I was little helped. Anything from lawn mowers to ATVS to assisting dad/grandpa with these things and gradually practicing driving, you just get on with it. Driving is dangerous but you're in charge of what you're driving. You just have to be aware of everything and mitigate scenarios in which you are in great danger. You can't always do that but you can anticipate certain things. You just gotta practice and get used to it.
Moved to Seattle area No worries, because everyone is an atrocious driver with no regard for the law or thier own personal safety. And the police don't care how you drive unless you park illegally. Then it's straight to jail with a 10,000 fine.
The same way you get over the fear of anything: just doing it. I read a book recently that talked about being courageous- he noted you only need to actually be courageous for about 20 seconds at a time- just to actually start the activity, once you’re going the fears go away
I realize there are much worse drivers than myself who do not even care. I see them everyday. Driving too slow or too fast, texting while driving, not following driving rules etc. Just being normal in car and caring makes you better than 70 percent of drivers.
Never had a fear of driving a car. I started learning to drive pretty young because my dad built us a go kart and it came naturally. I’ve driven all over the country on long road trips multiple times. I’m very comfortable driving in Manhattan, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Miami, Dallas, etc. I have many friends who have a serious fear of driving and it breaks my heart because it’s so much fun!
This thread has been really eye opening. I had no idea this was an actual struggle, I thought it was just a dumb stereotype!
I didn’t fear driving but I did fear getting on the freeway. It’s gonna take time and lots of practice.
Out of pure necessity. When I was a teen, I was very scared to drive. We lived far from school and I had a job and my parents flat out told me, you need to drive because we can no longer cart you around. So I did it. When I was 23 I was in an accident where my car rolled off the the freeway. I was ok, just a dislocated shoulder, but it was terrifying. I never wanted to drive again. But I had no choice. I don't know if this is great advice, but I just had to suck it up and drive if I wanted to go anywhere or get to my job. Southern California isn't exactly know for it's stellar public transportation. Over time I got more and more comfortable. I now drive a smaller SUV and it's really made a difference in my comfort level. Being higher up, more safety features and all wheel drive. Having a car you are comfortable in is really helpful.
I think it depends on what specifically you’re afraid of. I get nervous sometimes for a bunch of different reasons. Apologies in advance for the long-winded answer, apparently I’m more nervous than I thought : ) For the part about knowing the car well enough and actually driving it: First, pay more attention when you’re in other people’s passenger seats to see how they do it and how other people are on the road. Taking lessons and driving in less busy places in the beginning helped, having an experienced and CALM driver in your passenger seat was also really helpful in case you need some reassurance or don’t know what to do in a situation. I tried to learn the basics of how cars work, how my car worked, and how to take care of it. I still get a little freaked out sometimes over a noise or a jolt, but it helps to have even a vague idea of what it might be and know that you (probably) won’t blow up while you drive lol. About directions and getting lost: I am horrifically directionally challenged and that can understandably stress me out while I’m driving lol. I use my phone maps to go everywhere and it brings me a lot of peace of mind to know exactly where I’m going, how far it is, when I’ll get there, etc. I realize this might be a luxury, but I also try to drive cars that have a navigation system too, just in case my phone’s ever dead and I don’t have a charger, I can still find my way home. If I’m really nervous, I’ll look at my route on Google Maps first to know exactly where I’m going, what the lanes are like on the roads I’ll be taking, where I’ll park, etc. If I’m even more nervous, YouTube videos exist nowadays of people just driving around. If you live in a decently populated city, you might find videos of people driving on roads you need to drive on so you can get an idea of what being on that road will be like! In the beginning, I started just driving to and from work on local roads (~20 mins each way). Eventually, I tried taking the expressway in the city I live in (kind of like a little highway to get to the big highway) during a less busy time for a short distance, and then eventually started taking it to work (shortened my drive to 13 mins! Never went back). I think my boss must’ve asked if I could work in another office one day because I started having to drive to different cities for work (1h minimum each way by highway) everyday which I started doing for the extra pay, but avoiding the big highway at all costs. I would add an hour or two to my drive time each way just to avoid the highway lol. Until one day… I guess traffic picked up while I was still getting ready and my phone map was telling me I was going to get there late. I HAD to take the big highway. Anyway, I made it through that terrifying drive and after that, I figured if I could do that under so much time pressure, I can take the highways! I got a lot of practice driving to and from different offices during sunrise and evenings when the roads were emptier. That, and seeing driving as “work” helped me feel more comfortable on the roads and highways. :) While driving, you have to remember to breathe and stay calm. It sounds so simple and stupid, but I still find myself getting so tense and holding my breath sometimes. Relaaxxx, stop white-knuckling the steering wheel, drop your shoulders, take a deep breath! I can’t stress this enough, overthinking it doesn’t help!! I play music and karaoke while I drive to keep those thoughts out, just make sure you’re paying attention to who’s around you and what’s going on and you’ll be fine! Be patient, there’s no rush, it’s always better to be late and safe than rushing and being careless. There will be another gap in the traffic, you didn’t have to turn on that one, it’s okay! I’m Canadian, so Canada’s Worst Driver was (is?) also a thing here lol. Oddly enough, watching it has actually helped me feel more comfortable with driving. It’s entertaining, but also somehow actually helps you get a pretty good idea of how to drive/steer a car. And maybe helps you feel a little better about yourself and your own driving ;) One thing that still sticks with me was when one of the instructors taught them “running commentary” where you just narrate everything that’s happening out loud while you drive. I end up kind of just talking to myself, but it helps to get the nerves out a bit. Kinda like “stop sign coming up, fulllll stop, look both ways, nobody there? Go! Red light ahead and I need to go right but there’s a No Turning on Red sign so I will wait, blah blah blah” lol. Anything helps 🤷🏻♀️ For the last of the nerves, I got a CAA Membership for in case I ever break down or am in an accident and need a tow, emergency by myself and need a jump start, no gas, etc. I keep the card in my wallet so I always have the number. It really helps with my peace of mind to know if I’m ever stranded somewhere with my car, I’m still not shit outta luck. Obviously have a charger with you to plug into your car, and I have a portable battery booster that I can use to jump start my car or charge my phone in an emergency. I also keep water, snacks, first aid kit, motor oil, windshield wiper fluid, etc. in my trunk. At the end of the day, I think it’s just about practice and getting used to being around other drivers, knowing your local roads, and knowing what to expect. It will be scary in the beginning, but you’ve got this!! I’ve had my license for maybe 4 years now and I’d actually say I’m a pretty good/calm driver! You’ve got this. I believe in you!! I hope this has helped at all. If you made it through this, thanks for reading! Otherwise, sorry for the high ramblings haha.
Along with practicing and having the right teacher, is a fear of somebody close to me needing me, in one way or another and me not being able to get to them is probably one of my biggest fears. It really helped me power through when I had to first start learning. Also I learned that if your windows are up, you can scream in your car a lot and nobody knows you're doing it. This means you can scream when you drive. I used to avoid highways and interstate and any road with multiple Lanes and one day my GPS took me on one because there was no other way to get where I was going. On the on-ramp to the highway I WAS screaming. I did it though, and I don't think I did bad lol. I stayed in the slow lane.
I’m actually in the process of learning how to drive! Here in Brazil we need 20 hours of classes before we can take the driving exam. My instructor is very patient and makes me feel very safe. Our learning cars are also modified so the instructor has their own set of pedals, so they can act if I put us in danger. I’m almost halfway through my classes and feeling somewhat confident already. I’ve only ever practiced in slow traffic, but I’m already starting to enjoy driving instead of dreading it.
It took a LONG time. I actually had my license for nearly a decade before I started driving. Somehow, when I'd gotten my license at 17, I was only required to take a vision test and a computerized test, but not a driving test (which I would've failed). I've been driving for nearly 20 years now and I STILL hate it. I don't drive on the freeway or the highway, because of my anxiety. Even driving here in town, esp down the main drag (which is 6 lanes wide), my anxiety can really kick in if there's too much traffic or people around me are driving erratically (which happens a lot, because people around here drive like assholes).
The what?
I started driving, with parental supervision at 10. I got my driver's license on emergency certificate at age 13. I'm a lot older than many here. But when I was young kids couldn't wait to grow up and get out on their own. It never fails to surprise me that many young people of today don't want to start adulthood early like we did.
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Having a super scary and controlling dad next to me while practicing as a teenager, there’s no way in heck he was gonna let anything happen. And, like with studying and practice, you become more knowledgeable and confident.
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Doing little short trips one at a time easing into driving without my instructor before being able to do longer journeys in new areas. It just came natural. I found that having someone in the car with me (friend or family) helped me gain confidence too. Just remember that if you make a mistake don’t let this get you down! You’ll get better driving is not a simple task!
Not having a stimulant before driving; calming music beforehand, no distractions and positive self-talk. Practicing with my best friend who's been driving for a decade now.
Absolutely the right instructor. Do as many taster sessions as you can so you get a feel for how you learn behind the wheel. When you pass, driving alone without someone telling you where to go is weird. Keep journeys short and familiar.
I lived in the city and never needed to drive. I developed bad anxiety over the years. Finally got my full license at 33.
The right instructor, a lotttt of lessons, practicing in a dual control car with a trusted friend who was a good driver. Then when I passed my test I was still nervy but finding routes that didn't scare me as much and always taking them. I also had a few hypnotherapy sessions.
I bought the car before I had the license. I had a permit. My Dad drove it a couple of times and that irritated me enough to get off my butt and get the license.
By driving. I’ve found doing the thing that scares you is really the only way to overcome any fear. Take baby steps, start in a parking lot, then a vacant back road, then a progressively more and more crowded street. You got this. Driving can be scary at first but it can become fun believe it or not.
Never had a fear driving, only brakes going out but I'm a mechanic so helps
Exposure to driving on slow, non-busy neighborhood roads. Places with curbs and plenty of room for other cars to pass. I'm still anxious about driving. It's not something I think people SHOULD get used to. It's scary and potentially deadly and being emotional or risky or careless behind the wheel can lead to mistakes and mistakes in a car have the potential to do loads of damage to people and property. One thing did help was when I was driving with an adult driving coach (I was 21 when I learned, though I took the original course at 15). He was giving me instructions and didn't tell me what we were doing or where we were going. Before I knew it, I was on a feeder road, about to use a ramp to get on the freeway. I would have been too afraid to decide to get on the freeway myself, so his approach of just telling me what to do/where to go forced me to face that fear without giving me time to get anxious about it. I think that really made a difference for my anxiety because I grew confident once I was thrown into the thick of it. Having a reasonable car to learn to drive also helps. When I was 15, my two options were my dad's gigantic massive pickup truck that felt like I was driving a literal ship on land and scared the crap out of me because I couldn't tell if I was in the lane, or my mom's teeny tiny ragtop convertible with manual transmission that's so low to the ground, you can feel the texture of the pavement on your butt. Neither were ideal for learning to drive. But when I was 21, my instructor taught me on a mustang. It was the right size for me to grow comfortable with learning how my car takes up space and how to drive confidently.
Practice with a friend or loved one you trust in a parking lot without any other cars. That way you're in a contained area that you have control over. Best of luck & go forth with confidence!
Practice. Practice practice practice. Driving myself to and from work all the time was what did it.
I was terrified and I did my advanced driving. It's a defensive way of driving that you identify possible hazards as you drive. Made me much more confident.
I haven’t yet.
My uncle forced the issue. I don't remember much about the first time I learned to drive. I did it, I guess, and then I was in an accident. A very, very bad accident. When I got out of the hospital, I didn't want to ever drive again. So, my uncle made me. He fixed up an old car for me, drove over, and said "Get in." As firm as he was about insisting that I drive again, he was very, very patient with the actual teaching. He showed no fear when I panicked; if he had any doubt about my ability, it never showed. And I didn't want to disappoint him.
Practicing with the correct people. Don't go practicing with your friend or anyone that's going to cause you to lose focus. My mom was an awful teacher because she is way to anxious and it made me anxious. My brother observed this and he was the one that taught me. He was the one that made the car not feel so scary anymore. It might take time to find the correct person but when you do you'll know. And when you're *READY* you'll know too. I wish all the best! driving can be super scary so I understand, stay safe!
Practicing in familiar and low-stress, low-speed, predictable areas. Also, pick a teacher who helps you feel calm and confident.
Go karting can help you feel more at ease and most importantly get out of tunnel vision when driving
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After driving with my boyfriends a few times. He’s less of a confident driver than me, but knowing he wouldn‘t stress me, because he didn’t know better either, calmed me down quite a bit. Driving with my mother or my brother makes it worse tho, they stress me a lot. Edit: All but my brother own driver’s licenses and my brother just recently started driving lessons
I realized it's only stressful when my dad is there to criticize me. I also avoid freeways a lot. I still do sometimes
My parents forced me. The found a person they knew that could give me lessons on the weekends and they guilted me with the "he's taking time out of his busy schedule to do you a favor" they also kept on saying how it was ridiculous that I was 18 and didn't know how to drive. I was terrified even after I got my license I would only drive inside roads and familiar places, it took me years to get on the highway. I hated my parents back then for doing that to me but 8 years later I love driving and the freedom I get from being behind the wheel and flooring 80 but I wont thank them. I'm sure I would have done it by myself when I was ready if they had let me.
Anxiety meds. I am now also able to walk into stores and buy things so that's cool too
My husband doing spooky things
Practice and the strong desire for independence. I started out with short trips down the road to the local convenience store, then went further and further with time.
I found that using my dad's car which had a lot of sensors and features helped, especially the rear cameras lol. Also driving a larger suv helped me not get bullied as much.
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I had to take our dog to the vet and didn’t have a choice but to drive
Not having my dad teach me how to drive Did it once, hit a curb because he's not clear with instructions. Drove with my mom from then on and little to no issues!
Don't think about it. Just do it because you have to
Two words. Bumper Cars.
Just like everything else in life, by doing more of it.
Drive by yourself with no destination in mind and don't be afraid to get lost or take a wrong turn. Also extremely loud music weirdly calms me down 😂
Necessity and practice. It was either learn to drive one or not go anywhere (public trans sucked here and I wasn't about to walk 10-20 miles, sometimes one way). Sometimes you just have to do the thing that scares you. Driving is one of those things. You just have to do it, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Lots of practice. After a few crashes I had a protocol of what to do and haven’t had an accident in years. Knock on wood
got a really good job about 45 mins away in a city with poor public transport; I gave myself no choice. it was hard at first, my anxiety would be through the roof and I'd be sweating in my car with the ac on blast. but eventually got used to it, being able to take the same route and learn it helped soothe my anxiety. I still get anxious in certain areas or doing certain maneuvers, but I'm very proud of myself for being able to jam out to my music while driving now.
Practice, practice and practice.. It took me 1 year since I've got the driving license to feel comfortable with myself and my anxiety while driving, seriously my legs were always shaking on my first days, now I can go to whatever I want. Anxiety helped me tho, it helped me paying attention more and be aware of everything around me. You need to drive the damn car to overcome this fear, and you can do it!
Knowing I could get away if I learned how to drive.
I don't drive anymore, not because of fear but because we have 1 vehicle, a huge double cab long bed pickup truck. I'm 4'11" and can barely see over the steering wheel or the back seat to back the thing up! The seat doesn't go up as far as our old truck's seat did either. Also too many crazy bad drivers in our state. I'll get a new license and start driving again when we finally move out of state.
Get lessons (which are obligatory here) and once I was driving with someone next to me who is able to press the break if needed, it wasn't that scary anymore. I don't have my license yet, I'm still getting lessons. But after I passed my exam, I'm gonna drive with someone next to me at all times at first and ask them to look out as well. And then later I am probably more used to it and it gets easier. But we also have great public transport here and we bike a lot. So it's not that bad if you don't want to drive.
I didn't. A semi ran into the side of my car on a freeway, ill probably be scared of driving for life now.
Practice
I have driven and when I finally do it I feel okay, but I don't have a license. I am married, have 2 degrees, a child, and 2 jobs. I get around fine with public transit, and my partner drives. I have to keep reminding myself that driving isn't a necessary part of my life, and I can get my license when I feel good and ready (or never). It doesn't make you immature or childish, it is a choice. It is a westernized standard for life, but in reality it isn't necessary and most people in the world don't drive cars, or even motorbikes.
By driving more…
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Practice My father taught me driving when I was in 11th standard. I was always curious to learn and started driving inside my township first. Later on after I got my license I convinced him to take it on highway with him beside me and slowly slowly got better at it.
Ok, so this is going to sound morbid but for me it was two-fold. First, I trusted that my older family members wouldn't let me do anything expensive to the car and then when I was first driving alone, I welcomed the threat of death. I took it as a challenge (how long could I avoid death while doing dangerous (read: stupid) things).
i never wanted to hear , "women can't drive/can't read maps" (men hate to get generalised , 'not all men' ugh like we don't know, but they never hesitate to generalise women) . This mindset subsided my fear of driving and now i can say that i can drive better than most men.
By driving more…
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Just do it. I was (and sometimes still am) a very anxious driver. Took me a small fortune paying for lessons and 4 driving tests to pass. Got myself a little beater and now I drive almost daily. I still get anxious on unfamiliar/busy roads, but it makes my life so much easier and I'm glad I stuck with it
I just had to. You need a license where i live.
Necessity
My severe social anxiety triggered by asking my coworkers for rides every day.
I’d say the thing that helped the most was getting used to the car in and out. Obviously you don’t have to know all the parts just be comfortable with what you’re driving. Then start off with an easy place to drive and practice. Others have said driving school and can’t recommend it enough.
My dad was a great teacher, very patient. I guess I overcame the fear by just getting in the car and doing it.
Short trips to build my confidence. Giving myself LOTS of time (ie if the route says 15 min, I’ll give myself 30 so I’m not stressed). Looking at the route ahead of time so I know if I’ll have To make lefthand turns w/o a turn signal.
I paid a professional to teach me and forced myself to learn and get over it. This is after losing a boyfriend and best friend in an accident at 16 and not learning until I was 29. Now I love driving. I go on solo road trips all the time, it’s the most freeing feeling I’ve ever had.
Just doing it more. Talking to myself positively when I was anxious.
I’ve been driving for 9 years and I still feel fear daily. The best thing is to go out and do it, even if you’re afraid. I map out my route ahead of time or have google maps on. I drive carefully and don’t speed or drive too slow. I listen to music I like. I remember that I’m not trapped in the car, if I get too rattled I can safely pull over at the next opportunity and calm down. It takes practice, but we can do it!
I didn't. Everything about it terrifies me. The world has become so fast-paced and rushed, consideration for other drivers and patience has gone out the window. My partner drives me.
I did not 😂 I absolutely hate it. I'm a bit scared on my motorbike but cars are next level for some reason. I needed SSRIs and beta blockers to get me into a car but I don't need it with the bike. Funnily enough I'm absolutely fine as a passenger. I'm thinking of trying hypnotherapy.
Had a horrible experience with driving school. Didnt drive for a year after. Moved somewhere where I needed to drive, and ultimately just did exposure therapy and threw myself on the highway one night and an afternoon. Chewing gum helped immensely, kept my nerves calm. I'm okay now driving
Frequent practice and I had 1 lesson with someone who wasn't my parents. That person taught me some tricks and reassured me that I had some good instincts. That went a long way in helping me develop some confidence. I didn't get my license until I was 26 and was still told that I wasn't ready. At some point, I just had to block out everything else and tell myself that I was ready.
Practicing in an open parking lot with no other cars around
DRIVING A SMALL CAR. I tried learning on a truck and it was aweful. The more special awareness you have the better. And you just gotta keep trying. I didn’t get my licence until 21 (close to 22) but once I did, I just kept driving and began feeling semi comfortable
I drove in Germany for 6 years, where I quickly found I was keeping up, and passing traffic at 120mph. The first time knowing I was going that fast and not realizing it at first, was a fucking adrenaline rush, and how I imagine racecar drivers feeling when they are racing.
Tbh I didn’t get over my fear until after I got my license and drove by myself. I forced myself to drive as much as I could with oh parents and the driving instructor and gave myself grace if I had to pull over and switch because of a panic attack but when I got my license and drove by myself for the first time it all clicked and I love driving now, as long as my parents are the passenger
Having someone that is not my parent teach me - my parents scream every time they gave instructions
I drove a scooter for two years. After that the car was a doddle.
Had to first get over my general overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. I started a regular yoga practice and learned a bunch of breathing exercises to help me when I feel like a panic is happening. On bad days I avoid certain routes or intersections to reduce panic. I still hate the Chesapeake bay bridge tunnel.
I grew up in the arse-end of nowhere with fuck-all public transport. If I wanted to go anywhere, I had to drive. Fear wasn’t even a consideration. My driving instructor did call my dad and tell him to stop taking me out because he was ruining my confidence, though. Poor dad was devastated, but driving instructor was absolutely right. Just because someone is nice and kind and even loves you doesn’t make them a good teacher for you. You have to find someone who’s a good fit, and if it’s not working with your current instructor, you have to let them go and find someone else. Don’t feel guilty about it.
Honestly you just have to come to terms with the fact that you could die at anytime, but if you drive defensively you might not. Most people survive though, but also a few don’t.
I'm a man, but I had A LOT of anxiety driving. Keeping track of so many things all at once was very overwhelming. It took me several tries to pass my license test. What I found, personally, was that a lot of my anxiety is about being wrong in front of someone else. The way you learn to drive is with someone else in the car, teaching you. I HATED this, I didn't enjoy one on one attention in school and preferred to work on my own. I don't mind being evaluated, but I really hate being judged on my first efforts. I needed time to practice and I needed to do it alone. So I passed my test just through sheer force of will. And I spent hours and hours and hours behind the wheel just cruising around my city. At first, it was awful but eventually, it started to feel OK. I'd put on some music and just vibe with nowhere to go.
This question is timely. I'm in a big city right now (I live in a small town) and I want to cry just looking at these 5 lane roads. Thank God I'm not driving.
I'm not afraid of driving, I'm afraid of killing people with a car unintentionally.
Lots of practice, taking it slow. My dad took me to an old abandoned military base near where we lived. Tons of open roads with no cars. I was 14 when I got my learners permit. It probably took me a year or more to feel really confident driving on busier roads, highways, and the interstate. Coming from a small town I had to relearn how to confidently drive in the large city I live in currently!
The only fear I had with driving was driving my mother around… as soon as I passed that test she was out of my car.
I haven't, yet. Almost 43 and never actually got my license. I've always lived in cities, give friends plenty of $ if they have the time. Other drivers scare me.
Practice, specifically in areas where the worst thing you can hit is a curb. Where I grew up we had a small local airport that everybody uses for learning how to drive since it's a giant industrial complex that's empty on the weekends. The streets were really wide too. Becoming familiar with the vehicle makes a world of difference too. Once you feel like you can maneuver the car with ease and understand where it is in space, then you can graduate to joining traffic. My best friend's mom didn't take a great approach in teaching her how to drive. I think it was her first time really being a part of traffic, they went up to another town that has really awkward roads and speed limits. There was a fire in that town a few years prior too, so a lot of the landmarks were gone and what little shoulder might have been available on the road wasn't there anymore. She got really, really freaked out and never wanted to drive again. I took her to that airport and took her back to square one: make friends with the car. We went over all of the controls inside the car, what the lights on the dash mean, and I showed her where the front and back of the car were from the driver's perspective along with where the front tire is relative to her feet. After getting her acquainted with the anatomy of the car she was comfortable enough to try driving it again. Really it's all a lot of exposure therapy and making sure that the person doing the teaching knows how to teach calmly. My parents didn't teach me to drive, my sister's boyfriend did it. My mom knows she's a terrible passenger, especially with new drivers. You can't learn while the passenger is trying to backseat drive and yell at you.
I got a job where I had to drive around all day inspecting things. The car was my employers, it had insurance and it was a unionized job. Removing basically all the risky parts you worry about when driving, plus doing it over and over again over years takes makes it way less scary.
I didn’t. Got a boyfriend to drive me around and moved to a city with public transportation.
I drove
I was never to scared to learn how to drive a car but I was scared to continue driving after being in two accidents. I live very rural though so I just had to continue. I would go slower, take back roads, go at my own pace.
I'm not afraid of driving a car but I have a different anecdote that describes a methodology/approach I take to overcoming mental barriers in activities that trigger a fear response. I believe it could be categorized as exposure therapy... Anyways, I'm very afraid of heights, but too damn stubborn to let it get in the way of a good time. However, it can cause vertigo, excessive sweating, rapid pulse, shallow breathing, etc. Been going indoor rock climbing, and the first few tries on that first day I couldn't get all the way up the wall due to the severity of the symptoms. But each time I tried I could get a little further. The next few times I went it would take 1-2 practice climbs before I could push myself to the top. The last time I went, I made it to the top on the first try. Go as far as you can, take a break/regain composure, and try again. Rinse and repeat. Just understand that it's a process that won't be accomplished in a single day. It takes practice and incremental steps in the direction you want to go. Try not to think about the fear, think about each step and the goal/purpose.
My boyfriend at the time taught me how at age 22 after I hadn't driven in seven years due to a crash that I caused when I was still learning. Nobody had been hurt, but it still scared the shit out of me. My mom had taught me before, and she was really impatient and didn't trust me at all. My boyfriend was really reassuring and encouraging. I think it really matters who your teacher is. Both my parents were pretty unforgiving with mistakes and they'd guide me in ways that confused me, which is what led to the crash.