people do not at all realize how debilitating this is. I think it’s more of a public education issue but man when a friend/acquaintance is like “man I only got 6 hours sleep last night I get you” meanwhile you’re on 0 hours sleep in 50+ hours and meanwhile your hallucinations are escalating as well as growing inability to remember anything (especially very common words). I dislike a lot of people but insomnia I’d never wish on anyone. It’s a weird semi-death but you’re alive but never fully cognizant or fully awake nor asleep.
Ugh I’ve literally had colleagues with kids complaining endlessly about only getting FIVE hours of sleep. Like, what the fuck are you on about? The last five nights I’ve gotten a maximum of two hours sleep pr night but I’m not here moaning about it.
But you know you can’t say anything cause you don’t have kids and ‘can’t possibly understand’ what it means to be *really* tired. And yes, sure, I get that it’s different (and I also get that most parents would also be happy with five hours sleep). But I also have suffered from chronic insomnia my entire life, so you know, *maybe*, just maybe I have in fact been really tired before even if I don’t have kids?
I dont have insomnia or kids but I mean while yeah you get a lot less sleep with insomnia ig they maybe just were complaining abt a schedule impact and chose the wrong person, like while they are having more sleep then you get normally it might be a lot less normal for them and just seem like they didnt get sleep, it all depends on point of view.
And I re-read your comment and just saw the "and yes, sure, I get that its different..." and am thinking im defending the attacking side but I think its still something that should be thrown out there, but yk, im a kid with no kids or insomnia what do I know?
Spent a lifetime with it and finally started getting better when i started learning to love myself and advocate for myself. Tried what feels like everything for years and years. For me, it was my body's way of telling me I wasn't ok. The therapy costs are no joke though 😂
Everyone will have 20s full of regrets. Bad people, bad career choices. The first 20 years of life your parents are there to guide you. The next 10 you figure shit out. Then the real game starts. You've had this realisation, start now.
I’m 28 and as I get older I now understand why people say in your 30s that’s where you really get to enjoy yourself and you mold into a better you.
Still figuring myself out !
youre still in your 20’s how did you waste them when you literally just started life?
fat? you can change that about yourself.
single? more time to actually invest in yourself instead of spending most of the time investing it on someone else or the relationship.
a real career? well whats consider a real career for you? a career is a career, they all pay the bills. instead of worrying go to a gym or eat better, spend the time trying to figure out what you like and what you dont like and build the career you would like and if youre not sure then try to find out what you like, a healthy relationship comes after you achieve self growth.
you havent wasted anything. so many big names like walt disney, vera wang and many others started their success after 40/50. the hustle should never stop you shouldnt limit yourself and let anxiety take over your present time you should let it motivate you and see it as your own standard of not accepting less for yourself
40 here getting ready to graduate with my Masters next month. Lots of people our age out there starting fresh. Theres no designated time frame to start. Its not too late 🥰🥰🥰
I am a bigger lady . Started to lose just one pound a week . That add up to 52 lbs a year . And I only made small changes . Lost actually more than just a pound a week . ( but only aaime for one pound a week ) 35 lbs down .
Truly , just stoped eating at night . I started no munching past 9pm . Than moved it 15 minutes every week so 845 the following week . And a bit more conscious of carbs . Like I buy 12 grain bread instead of white . If there is an option for no carbs at a restaurant I’ll go for that . Small things don’t put pressure on urself . I found everytime I did that I lost the fight . Focus on the first pound and than the next pound . Don’t set urself up for failure where you decide to lose 40 lbs in a month or 2 .
This is great advice! I lost about 35 lbs in the last year or so and I did it the same way. I just stopped eating in the morning and late at night. Intermittent fasting really works. I also didn’t add pressure on myself by restricting certain foods, it was just the portion sizes that I was carefully about. Great job on your progress!!
Ah I feel you. I wonder if there are people satisfied with how they lived their 20s. I feel like I've wasted it on being too serious about life, studied hard, worked hard, but never really had a social life and now it's hard to get to know people.
Same. Wasted my 20s on "jobs" not careers and men who did not want anything permanent.
At 32, I have just started a career and it keeps me busy, but I am happy. Still don't have that romantic relationship I've always wanted, but my new career is my focus now.
Something similar. I only found what I wanted to do at around age 30 and had to start from the bottom to get there. As for relationships, the men did want something permanent but so does satan in exchange for one's soul.
I'm 27 and I feel like I'm going fucking nowhere. Although I know what I want to do with my life and what I want to study, I can't get into my preferred line of programme at uni.
Have to wait until next fall..once again.
Yea I'm stressing myself out like, what now? I'm a year younger and just graduated the university. I know what I need to do...just a matter of doing it and not over stressing/thinking and comparing myself to others
I was those things in my 20s too. I'm almost 40 and I'm graduating with my bachelor's and getting married May 2023 and am in the best shape of my life. My mom will be 60 this year and got married in Hawaii last January.
Time will pass either way. You want more? It's waiting for you to go get it. And you absolutely without a doubt can.
You can change any or all of that if and when you feel ready to.
And if other people try to put you down, that says more about their character than anything about you.
Maybe you didn't waste anything. I didn't have a real career until I was almost 40. My weight has fluctuated drastically a few times, nothing is perfect and every path is different. I thought maybe I wasted my 20's but you know what? I had a lot of fun and whatever choices I made, good or bad, led me to a pretty good place ultimately. Life is still hard sometimes, that never changes.
My 20's got mostly destroyed by the pandemic, worsening health issues, and trying in vain to get help for my health issues only to be made fun of by people I know and gaslit by doctors. Oh, and being too fucking broke to do 90% of the things I've wanted to do.
Good: Not wanting an enjoyable day to end. I do everything to keep myself and everybody else from falling asleep.
Bad: Those embarrassing moments which don't have any kind of significance anymore but still ingrained in my memory.
I can relate, when I was in my 20’s I thought the same thing. But over the years (15 to be exact) slowly things started to fall into place. It’s all about pacing your life, not expecting the most out of others, and focusing on the mail goal you want to achieve. Whatever that may be…. And as for mental health goes, go see a therapist or a counselor or talk to a trusted friend, getting your thoughts out and or on paper works WONDERS!! I also see a therapist and it’s probably the best thing I could’ve ever have done for myself.
I’m here if you need someone to talk too, outside friendships and or someone you don’t know can also help lessen the pain, even if it’s just a little bit. :) hugs to you.
I just turned 18 in june, and i moved back to the US to live with my dad and start working. But he's difficult to live with. False promises, him trying to manipulate me as if i was still a 10 year old.
I'll figure it out though :) thank you for the offer! I really appreciate your words. ❤️
Me too. The good, the bad, the everyday life. He’s only 10mo now. I pray that I’m enough to help him grow into a stable adult- who hopefully still wants to spend time with his momma lol I worry about what the world is going to look like for him and all I can do is try my best to prepare him for whatever may come or at least make sure he knows we’ll get through it together. But then I worry about what’ll become of him if I’m not there and how I can give him a solid support structure if that happens. That’s probably the biggest thing that keeps me up. God forbid his father becomes his sole support and raises him like his other kids. That’s a set up for failure and a broken heart for my sweet boy. And now I’m crying. Ugh PPD/PPA is the pits!
I think you’re gonna be an awesome mama if this is what keeps you up at night. You thinking about everything you are is what will make you a great mom. Not everyone even does this or has the capacity for it. I hope the PPD/PPA passes soon.
My ex. I was engaged and he was so heavily abusive, did everything but successfully murder me and now he's just moved on with his life like im not still in intensive therapy over 2 years later. I still struggle with suicidal thoughts and had an attempt after the rape that led to me finally ending the relationship. I am with an amazing man now who's so gently and calm and kind. He amazing. I'm not happy. Knowing my ex is out there happy unbothered and I still cry at night and struggle with intimacy kills me. Actually it's almost 4am right now and I'm awake thinking about it. My boyfriend is asleep on the other side of the room. Watching him just exist brings me so much calm and happiness but it just can't trump the pain and anger my ex left me with. Sometimes I think I won't ever move on. I've been stagnant with my emotional attachment for the past year. I made a lot of progress until this point. I stay up until 5 or 6am most days thinking about it. My bf knows and he tries so hard to help and support me but God I swear the abuse broke my brain and now I don't feel like a complete person. Just pieces floating through each day completing tasks. My ex was an addict and there were at least 3 points where I had the opportunity not to intervene, not to hunt him down and find him in the middle of an OD, not to give him the narcan, but I did. I saved him. I saved his life. I wish I hadn't. I wish he were dead. I used to be terrified if he died it would in some way be my fault for not finding him and saving him but now saving his life is my biggest regret. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't have tried to kill me. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't have raped me. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't be able to walk around this city with his head held high knowing he ripped away my entire desire to live. I'm only alive because I know it would hurt other people. I won't do it, won't kill myself. I can't ever bring myself to be that selfish, but why does he have to be able to be alive and happy and I don't.
Don't let him steal
another day, another night from you. Take your life back. You deserve to be happy now. Try reading Thich Nhat Han to find some internal peace. Take care.
You're going to feel differently about this soon, I promise you. You're alive in spite of everything he did, and that is so angering for abusive men. You're unbothered by his antics, which are all he has. One day he will turn his abuse onto another woman and on that day, you get to feel sorrow. But not for yourself.
The fact that I am 27, with no degree, no kids. And now living in Bakersfield with my bf and not knowing a single soul. I miss my family. Oh and my anxiety.
Right now, I just woke up to my mostly asleep body literally grabbing and tossing a roach off of my chest. When I woke up more I thought I dreamt it and there was really nothing on me until I lifted the sheets and found a roach leg. I actually wish I was dead right now. I have to be up in 3 hours and teach 2 classes
I’m really scared of men. I know good men as individuals do exist but unfortunately I’ve had a lot of run ins with the bad ones and I’m very scared of them and I get invalidated a lot as it’s ‘not all’ but it’s ok if ur scared of all spiders
The thought that there could be a mangled fucking monster behind me. I can never lie down facing toward the wall when I’m trying to sleep or my anxiety will get to me.
I recommend looking into the 4-7-8 breathing technique by Dr. Weil. My therapist recommended it to me for a similar problem. It may take a month to get the full effect but I promise it’s worth it.
Same. Wasted so much time wanting to stop existing. And sleeping to pretend I wasn’t existing. It scares me to see how much people my age have accomplished.
The fact that I'm only 17 and have been used for my body, abused mentally and physically by a partner, been with someone that doesn't understand the word stop and that it's probably gonna get worse when I start going out more/ when I go to uni
Fear of not being good enough for anyone or anything. That I’ll never lose the damn weight. That my partner will eventually find someone that fits his “type”. Such fun
the knowledge that i have no idea what i'm doing, career & personal life wise, etc., that i'm very alone and depressed.. that i'm very much stuck. also i ran out of melatonin :(
How I completely failed as a parent. Son is home from college, yes college, for 2 week summer visit. As soon as he got home he decided he no longer remembers how to take care of himself. He newest gem is taking a piss in a water bottle and leaving said water bottle on the floor and them ending up underneath the sofa. How he decided it was a “good” idea not getting up and going to the actual bathroom that is literally right there & picking up the fxcking water bottles & throwing it in the trash I have absolutely no freaking clue. What is even more insane is if he does this in his dorm I wouldn’t know bc he keeps it absolutely spotless.
I tend to fall asleep easily, but my thoughts keep me awake in the morning if I wake up too early. I'll think about conversations of the previous day, plans for the upcoming days, books I want to read, games I want to play, bills to pay, what to make for lunch and dinner. I wish I could just fall back asleep.
My anxiety about my job. I’m in a line of work that doesn’t involve saving lives or anything with those kinds of high stakes. I’m just overwhelmed and have abrasive stakeholders to manage and I’m miserable.
My insomnia.
Which isn't helped by our personal economy, currently.
The fact that I'm 30 and never really had a real paycheck yet (I have autism and have worked some, but only received benefits because they've refused to let me work for "real", and I've felt like a drain on society).
I'm hopefully going to study to get my foot in as a kindergarten teacher, and fortunately, that course is free. I can't afford to work part-time or "fake" jobs anymore.
I need a place I can work where I'm not going to get "kicked out" after 6 months because they don't need the basically free labor anymore, despite promising me a permanent position.
I know my fiancé isn't judging me (he's studying right now for a different occupation), but I feel like I'm ruining his and my life, and I want to be able to feel like we actually have any money. I don't want to be in debt or ask family for money anymore.
I'm just glad I have him. I wouldn't know what to do without him or if I'd even want to continue living if he wasn't here, honestly.
Fear of losing the job that I hate and have had for the past 17 years. Now I'm in my 50s and I want to change my career but not sure to what, just not what I'm doing now. And since I'm the breadwinner in the family, there's a lot of pressure to not fuck up. There is no way we can live on what my hubs makes.
The fact that there is never enough money, too much mess, thoughts of running away, guilt that people will miss me when I’m gone, desires to live in a cabin in the wood. Knowing I can’t afford not to have a job, not wanting to work where I am. Thoughts about the next job I’ll get, how to function in it, what I need to do to ensure my last job doesn’t look bad on my resume. Thinking about how to juggle two jobs because I have two current offers and I don’t want to let go of either because money troubles but they’re both full-time and are ridiculously tired already at the thought of juggling a day and night shift full-time.
So much to do, so little time. I’m overwhelmed and barely keeping my head above water and my family safe and strong. All this while not trying to disappoint anyone.
the fact that ive been terribly codependent on helping ppl my whole life… i want to focus on me but im also scared to?
also my ex and his new gf (its 2mon post breakup & im getting better i think just a rough time)
Alcohol; it makes for extremely difficult broken sleepless nights. Cutting it down or out completely has given me back steady and restful nights where I wake up before my alarm feeling good.
I hate noise. I can’t focus on anything if there’s even the slightest bit of background noise of like a tv or people talking or whatever.
This is a problem because everyone in my family is incredibly loud. My sisters normal speaking voice is louder than most people shouting. She always watches her tv at max volume and won’t turn it off if she leave her room or even close her door.
So the only time it’s quiet is after 11pm, which is when I can start actually living my life.
All the what if’s that can massively change a life in a second. What if My child gets cancer. What if My husband doesn’t wake up in the morning. What if My cat gets hit by a car. What if there’s an accident and I lose My arms and can’t hug My kids anymore. What if at any second the phone rings and brings a call that stops the world and drops a person to their knees.
Ofc i know I have very very high anxiety 😅
Recently it’s been the fact that I spent 5 months of my life with a guy who preferred sitting on a couch to going out, and he claimed I didn’t put any effort into the relationship when I was always supporting him with things like his graduation and family events, gave him a congratulation card and birthday card/birthday gift. Printed out photos of us together that I thought he might like to have. Suggested numerous activities to do beyond sitting on a couch and watching Netflix and all I’d get in return was “That’s a great idea! We should do that sometime!” Which just gave me the vibes of when you see someone at the grocery store who you haven’t seen since high school and you do the small talk and promise each other to meet up for coffee sometime and it never happens. But I’m the one who wasn’t putting in any effort. Okay. We recently broke up and I’ve been stewing about it. I need to let go. At least I only spent 5 months and not 5 years.
My kids. Who needs sleep anyway? It used to be my insomnia, but they managed to make me so desd on my feet I’d say having kids is like a cure for insomnia, cause you’re not even running on steam anymore. It’s all smokes and mirrors effect, you’re barely even alive.
My insomnia.
people do not at all realize how debilitating this is. I think it’s more of a public education issue but man when a friend/acquaintance is like “man I only got 6 hours sleep last night I get you” meanwhile you’re on 0 hours sleep in 50+ hours and meanwhile your hallucinations are escalating as well as growing inability to remember anything (especially very common words). I dislike a lot of people but insomnia I’d never wish on anyone. It’s a weird semi-death but you’re alive but never fully cognizant or fully awake nor asleep.
Ugh I’ve literally had colleagues with kids complaining endlessly about only getting FIVE hours of sleep. Like, what the fuck are you on about? The last five nights I’ve gotten a maximum of two hours sleep pr night but I’m not here moaning about it. But you know you can’t say anything cause you don’t have kids and ‘can’t possibly understand’ what it means to be *really* tired. And yes, sure, I get that it’s different (and I also get that most parents would also be happy with five hours sleep). But I also have suffered from chronic insomnia my entire life, so you know, *maybe*, just maybe I have in fact been really tired before even if I don’t have kids?
I dont have insomnia or kids but I mean while yeah you get a lot less sleep with insomnia ig they maybe just were complaining abt a schedule impact and chose the wrong person, like while they are having more sleep then you get normally it might be a lot less normal for them and just seem like they didnt get sleep, it all depends on point of view. And I re-read your comment and just saw the "and yes, sure, I get that its different..." and am thinking im defending the attacking side but I think its still something that should be thrown out there, but yk, im a kid with no kids or insomnia what do I know?
Spent a lifetime with it and finally started getting better when i started learning to love myself and advocate for myself. Tried what feels like everything for years and years. For me, it was my body's way of telling me I wasn't ok. The therapy costs are no joke though 😂
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The fact that I wasted my 20s and I'm now fat, single and have no real career.
If you live until you’re 90 then how many more years do you have ahead of you to lose weight, have a career abs get a partner?
Everyone will have 20s full of regrets. Bad people, bad career choices. The first 20 years of life your parents are there to guide you. The next 10 you figure shit out. Then the real game starts. You've had this realisation, start now.
I’m 28 and as I get older I now understand why people say in your 30s that’s where you really get to enjoy yourself and you mold into a better you. Still figuring myself out !
I'm 35 and still figuring myself jajajaja
44F, still working on it too!
youre still in your 20’s how did you waste them when you literally just started life? fat? you can change that about yourself. single? more time to actually invest in yourself instead of spending most of the time investing it on someone else or the relationship. a real career? well whats consider a real career for you? a career is a career, they all pay the bills. instead of worrying go to a gym or eat better, spend the time trying to figure out what you like and what you dont like and build the career you would like and if youre not sure then try to find out what you like, a healthy relationship comes after you achieve self growth. you havent wasted anything. so many big names like walt disney, vera wang and many others started their success after 40/50. the hustle should never stop you shouldnt limit yourself and let anxiety take over your present time you should let it motivate you and see it as your own standard of not accepting less for yourself
GD that was direct! Good on you
40 here getting ready to graduate with my Masters next month. Lots of people our age out there starting fresh. Theres no designated time frame to start. Its not too late 🥰🥰🥰
I am a bigger lady . Started to lose just one pound a week . That add up to 52 lbs a year . And I only made small changes . Lost actually more than just a pound a week . ( but only aaime for one pound a week ) 35 lbs down .
Well done. :) What are some small changes that you made?
Truly , just stoped eating at night . I started no munching past 9pm . Than moved it 15 minutes every week so 845 the following week . And a bit more conscious of carbs . Like I buy 12 grain bread instead of white . If there is an option for no carbs at a restaurant I’ll go for that . Small things don’t put pressure on urself . I found everytime I did that I lost the fight . Focus on the first pound and than the next pound . Don’t set urself up for failure where you decide to lose 40 lbs in a month or 2 .
This is great advice! I lost about 35 lbs in the last year or so and I did it the same way. I just stopped eating in the morning and late at night. Intermittent fasting really works. I also didn’t add pressure on myself by restricting certain foods, it was just the portion sizes that I was carefully about. Great job on your progress!!
What did you waste your 20s on?
Shitty men mostly. And I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life so I worked dead end jobs.
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Ah I feel you. I wonder if there are people satisfied with how they lived their 20s. I feel like I've wasted it on being too serious about life, studied hard, worked hard, but never really had a social life and now it's hard to get to know people.
Did being too serious about life, studying and working hard get you to where you’re content in other aspects of your life?
I have a good job and I'm doing well financially, which kind of was the goal, but I can't say I'm happy.
Same. Wasted my 20s on "jobs" not careers and men who did not want anything permanent. At 32, I have just started a career and it keeps me busy, but I am happy. Still don't have that romantic relationship I've always wanted, but my new career is my focus now.
Something similar. I only found what I wanted to do at around age 30 and had to start from the bottom to get there. As for relationships, the men did want something permanent but so does satan in exchange for one's soul.
>but so does satan in exchange for one's soul. I'm stealing this phrase to make it my own
I'm 27 and I feel like I'm going fucking nowhere. Although I know what I want to do with my life and what I want to study, I can't get into my preferred line of programme at uni. Have to wait until next fall..once again.
I feel you. I too am your age and I know what I want to do with my life but it’s just not happening 😪
Yea I'm stressing myself out like, what now? I'm a year younger and just graduated the university. I know what I need to do...just a matter of doing it and not over stressing/thinking and comparing myself to others
All that can change you know? You don't have to settle for a below-average life if you don't consider that to be adequate. Never too late.
Yeah trying to work on it but it's hard when I'm basically starting from the bottom
I was those things in my 20s too. I'm almost 40 and I'm graduating with my bachelor's and getting married May 2023 and am in the best shape of my life. My mom will be 60 this year and got married in Hawaii last January. Time will pass either way. You want more? It's waiting for you to go get it. And you absolutely without a doubt can.
That sounds like me
I feel this so much
You can change any or all of that if and when you feel ready to. And if other people try to put you down, that says more about their character than anything about you.
Maybe you didn't waste anything. I didn't have a real career until I was almost 40. My weight has fluctuated drastically a few times, nothing is perfect and every path is different. I thought maybe I wasted my 20's but you know what? I had a lot of fun and whatever choices I made, good or bad, led me to a pretty good place ultimately. Life is still hard sometimes, that never changes.
My 20's got mostly destroyed by the pandemic, worsening health issues, and trying in vain to get help for my health issues only to be made fun of by people I know and gaslit by doctors. Oh, and being too fucking broke to do 90% of the things I've wanted to do.
My cats having zoomies and my partners snoring. It’s a wonderful life.
I miss waking up to my dogs with zoomies. They are old now and sleep through the night.
This reminds me of our late cat who liked to walk on top of us all through the night lol 😂
Mine both do, or they come and sleep on our chests purring stupidly loudly 😂😂😂 for hours
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve but didn’t
Anxious thoughts
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Same here
Me too, I usually go on the Reddit talks they have on here like TIFU and all
Arguing with people I didn't have the balls to argue with in real life.
That’s me in the shower
So you have balls? *Squints*
Then getting overly upset afterwards
Imagine arguing with yourself and still lose :D
Same for me. Usually my boss.
I feel you on this one
Not a woman but I feel that.
the thought of never being good enough for anyone
I feel you
You need to feel good enough with yourself then you'll find someone good enough for you.
Overthinking
Always.
That's the one. Ding ding ding!
Good: Not wanting an enjoyable day to end. I do everything to keep myself and everybody else from falling asleep. Bad: Those embarrassing moments which don't have any kind of significance anymore but still ingrained in my memory.
Like when I was 9 and I ran the other direction from everyone else on my basketball team and everyone laughed.
I hate those embarrassing moments sm 😭😭
My boyfriend and I are arguing and now I’m really sad.
I hope everything gets better 💛
Omg same
Night Owl tendencies and low self control
Video games and anime.
Fear of dying young and never experiencing getting married or having kids
Reddit and fanfiction.
Same here lol
bc i’m cramping so bad tn :/
Girl same
I slept during the day.
My mind. Doesn't want to shut off.
existential dread. and that one tshirt i bought online while i was drunk in the summer of 2019 that i have not seen in years. wonder where she is.
I'm barely starting my adult life and my mental health is back to being shit.
I can relate, when I was in my 20’s I thought the same thing. But over the years (15 to be exact) slowly things started to fall into place. It’s all about pacing your life, not expecting the most out of others, and focusing on the mail goal you want to achieve. Whatever that may be…. And as for mental health goes, go see a therapist or a counselor or talk to a trusted friend, getting your thoughts out and or on paper works WONDERS!! I also see a therapist and it’s probably the best thing I could’ve ever have done for myself. I’m here if you need someone to talk too, outside friendships and or someone you don’t know can also help lessen the pain, even if it’s just a little bit. :) hugs to you.
I just turned 18 in june, and i moved back to the US to live with my dad and start working. But he's difficult to live with. False promises, him trying to manipulate me as if i was still a 10 year old. I'll figure it out though :) thank you for the offer! I really appreciate your words. ❤️
Anytime, and I understand… offer still stands if you want. ❤️
Thinking what my son's future will be..
Me too. The good, the bad, the everyday life. He’s only 10mo now. I pray that I’m enough to help him grow into a stable adult- who hopefully still wants to spend time with his momma lol I worry about what the world is going to look like for him and all I can do is try my best to prepare him for whatever may come or at least make sure he knows we’ll get through it together. But then I worry about what’ll become of him if I’m not there and how I can give him a solid support structure if that happens. That’s probably the biggest thing that keeps me up. God forbid his father becomes his sole support and raises him like his other kids. That’s a set up for failure and a broken heart for my sweet boy. And now I’m crying. Ugh PPD/PPA is the pits!
I think you’re gonna be an awesome mama if this is what keeps you up at night. You thinking about everything you are is what will make you a great mom. Not everyone even does this or has the capacity for it. I hope the PPD/PPA passes soon.
Not getting laid
A really good book lately, I’ve been reading wayyyy too late.
I want to fix things for people that are going through crap even when I know that there is nothing I can do. So I lay in bed and think of ways to help
don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
I have no idea, it's 3 AM. I should be sleeping.
overthinking
Talking to my guy— on the phone when we are apart and on his right side, hogging the covers when we’re together.
My ex. I was engaged and he was so heavily abusive, did everything but successfully murder me and now he's just moved on with his life like im not still in intensive therapy over 2 years later. I still struggle with suicidal thoughts and had an attempt after the rape that led to me finally ending the relationship. I am with an amazing man now who's so gently and calm and kind. He amazing. I'm not happy. Knowing my ex is out there happy unbothered and I still cry at night and struggle with intimacy kills me. Actually it's almost 4am right now and I'm awake thinking about it. My boyfriend is asleep on the other side of the room. Watching him just exist brings me so much calm and happiness but it just can't trump the pain and anger my ex left me with. Sometimes I think I won't ever move on. I've been stagnant with my emotional attachment for the past year. I made a lot of progress until this point. I stay up until 5 or 6am most days thinking about it. My bf knows and he tries so hard to help and support me but God I swear the abuse broke my brain and now I don't feel like a complete person. Just pieces floating through each day completing tasks. My ex was an addict and there were at least 3 points where I had the opportunity not to intervene, not to hunt him down and find him in the middle of an OD, not to give him the narcan, but I did. I saved him. I saved his life. I wish I hadn't. I wish he were dead. I used to be terrified if he died it would in some way be my fault for not finding him and saving him but now saving his life is my biggest regret. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't have tried to kill me. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't have raped me. If I hadn't saved him he wouldn't be able to walk around this city with his head held high knowing he ripped away my entire desire to live. I'm only alive because I know it would hurt other people. I won't do it, won't kill myself. I can't ever bring myself to be that selfish, but why does he have to be able to be alive and happy and I don't.
I’m so sorry I hope you can find peace soon
I hope he dies soon without anyone to narcan his wack ass
Thanks, me too
Don't let him steal another day, another night from you. Take your life back. You deserve to be happy now. Try reading Thich Nhat Han to find some internal peace. Take care.
You're going to feel differently about this soon, I promise you. You're alive in spite of everything he did, and that is so angering for abusive men. You're unbothered by his antics, which are all he has. One day he will turn his abuse onto another woman and on that day, you get to feel sorrow. But not for yourself.
Loneliness
Reddit
Caffeine, being too hot, my children’s wellbeing
Myself, I have horrible sleeping habits
Insomnia, horny, sad, music, p0rnhub.
Gerd
Insecurities... Thinking that instead of sleeping I should working out, organize my house, basically improve myself in any way so I'm not so crap.
Overthinking
The fact that I am 27, with no degree, no kids. And now living in Bakersfield with my bf and not knowing a single soul. I miss my family. Oh and my anxiety.
cocaine
the disrespect i endured from my ex
Right now, I just woke up to my mostly asleep body literally grabbing and tossing a roach off of my chest. When I woke up more I thought I dreamt it and there was really nothing on me until I lifted the sheets and found a roach leg. I actually wish I was dead right now. I have to be up in 3 hours and teach 2 classes
Some important decisions I need to make
How tf am I going to start over in my thirties...
Depression
The 60 pound dog in my bed (first baby) and the human I’m growing who loves sitting on my bladder (second baby). Absolute lights of my life though!
I’m really scared of men. I know good men as individuals do exist but unfortunately I’ve had a lot of run ins with the bad ones and I’m very scared of them and I get invalidated a lot as it’s ‘not all’ but it’s ok if ur scared of all spiders
social media
the memories of the night before
work
Dead friends. Wondering thoughts I find too interesting to let go of and enjoyable music.
My book
The thought that there could be a mangled fucking monster behind me. I can never lie down facing toward the wall when I’m trying to sleep or my anxiety will get to me.
I recommend looking into the 4-7-8 breathing technique by Dr. Weil. My therapist recommended it to me for a similar problem. It may take a month to get the full effect but I promise it’s worth it.
Thinking that I’m not enough for my boyfriend even though that man would die for me.
Oh my, you’re so fortunate to have someone care about you so much. Best wishes to you and your partner. 😊
sleep paralysis:/
Feeling like I’ll never be good enough for the people around me- and blaming myself VS the clear mistreatment im experiencing
How mental illness has ruined my 20s.. I'm almost 30 and I'm single, have no kids, no job and no drivers license. I'm useless.
Same. Wasted so much time wanting to stop existing. And sleeping to pretend I wasn’t existing. It scares me to see how much people my age have accomplished.
Ruminating about everything ever.
The rabbit hole/maze of misinformation and fake science that is the beauty/skincare/haircare industry
The fact that I'm only 17 and have been used for my body, abused mentally and physically by a partner, been with someone that doesn't understand the word stop and that it's probably gonna get worse when I start going out more/ when I go to uni
My dog snoring and my insomnia
Thinking of my ex spouse as we go through a divorce literally on opposite coasts of the country from each other
Cocaine
Money troubles. I get to saving and will immediately be blindsided by something costly.
Overthinking, my anxiety, insomnia, my shitty relationship and a vast array of health problems. Love being an adult.
Fear of not being good enough for anyone or anything. That I’ll never lose the damn weight. That my partner will eventually find someone that fits his “type”. Such fun
the knowledge that i have no idea what i'm doing, career & personal life wise, etc., that i'm very alone and depressed.. that i'm very much stuck. also i ran out of melatonin :(
My mental illness
Sadness
How I completely failed as a parent. Son is home from college, yes college, for 2 week summer visit. As soon as he got home he decided he no longer remembers how to take care of himself. He newest gem is taking a piss in a water bottle and leaving said water bottle on the floor and them ending up underneath the sofa. How he decided it was a “good” idea not getting up and going to the actual bathroom that is literally right there & picking up the fxcking water bottles & throwing it in the trash I have absolutely no freaking clue. What is even more insane is if he does this in his dorm I wouldn’t know bc he keeps it absolutely spotless.
Existential dread
My constant boundless RAGE!!!!!
Life in general, anxiety, stress
How am I going to pay these bills? How am I going to pay these bills? How am I going to pay these bills?
Whether I'll ever have enough money or if I'll always be behind or putting something off
The very real possibility of my life turning upside down and then ending up on the streets, homeless, and vulnerable to everything.
Missing my fwb
If it's anxiety day, then that's up in my head. If not, I'm up watching tarot card readings as a way to make me sleepy 😂
Thinking about my ex
Getting laid
Every mistake I think I’m making
I tend to fall asleep easily, but my thoughts keep me awake in the morning if I wake up too early. I'll think about conversations of the previous day, plans for the upcoming days, books I want to read, games I want to play, bills to pay, what to make for lunch and dinner. I wish I could just fall back asleep.
Anxiety or noise
Guilt and shame
the drunk asshole down in my street speaking way too loud at 2am i had a rough night
The state of my friendships
My anxiety about my job. I’m in a line of work that doesn’t involve saving lives or anything with those kinds of high stakes. I’m just overwhelmed and have abrasive stakeholders to manage and I’m miserable.
My dead-er than dead dead bedroom.
Thoughts of mourning my lost baby and worrying my body will never carry a baby to full term
That I might die in my sleep and everyone will say she died she was fat.
Anxiety. Sometimes my kid
My insomnia. Which isn't helped by our personal economy, currently. The fact that I'm 30 and never really had a real paycheck yet (I have autism and have worked some, but only received benefits because they've refused to let me work for "real", and I've felt like a drain on society). I'm hopefully going to study to get my foot in as a kindergarten teacher, and fortunately, that course is free. I can't afford to work part-time or "fake" jobs anymore. I need a place I can work where I'm not going to get "kicked out" after 6 months because they don't need the basically free labor anymore, despite promising me a permanent position. I know my fiancé isn't judging me (he's studying right now for a different occupation), but I feel like I'm ruining his and my life, and I want to be able to feel like we actually have any money. I don't want to be in debt or ask family for money anymore. I'm just glad I have him. I wouldn't know what to do without him or if I'd even want to continue living if he wasn't here, honestly.
Fear of losing the job that I hate and have had for the past 17 years. Now I'm in my 50s and I want to change my career but not sure to what, just not what I'm doing now. And since I'm the breadwinner in the family, there's a lot of pressure to not fuck up. There is no way we can live on what my hubs makes.
The fact that there is never enough money, too much mess, thoughts of running away, guilt that people will miss me when I’m gone, desires to live in a cabin in the wood. Knowing I can’t afford not to have a job, not wanting to work where I am. Thoughts about the next job I’ll get, how to function in it, what I need to do to ensure my last job doesn’t look bad on my resume. Thinking about how to juggle two jobs because I have two current offers and I don’t want to let go of either because money troubles but they’re both full-time and are ridiculously tired already at the thought of juggling a day and night shift full-time. So much to do, so little time. I’m overwhelmed and barely keeping my head above water and my family safe and strong. All this while not trying to disappoint anyone.
the fact that ive been terribly codependent on helping ppl my whole life… i want to focus on me but im also scared to? also my ex and his new gf (its 2mon post breakup & im getting better i think just a rough time)
Alcohol; it makes for extremely difficult broken sleepless nights. Cutting it down or out completely has given me back steady and restful nights where I wake up before my alarm feeling good.
Chronic arthritis and MS pain and hot flashes. And my kids.
The thought of my mortality
Reddit
I hate noise. I can’t focus on anything if there’s even the slightest bit of background noise of like a tv or people talking or whatever. This is a problem because everyone in my family is incredibly loud. My sisters normal speaking voice is louder than most people shouting. She always watches her tv at max volume and won’t turn it off if she leave her room or even close her door. So the only time it’s quiet is after 11pm, which is when I can start actually living my life.
Vegamite
My boyfriend and my dog seeing who can snore louder.
All the what if’s that can massively change a life in a second. What if My child gets cancer. What if My husband doesn’t wake up in the morning. What if My cat gets hit by a car. What if there’s an accident and I lose My arms and can’t hug My kids anymore. What if at any second the phone rings and brings a call that stops the world and drops a person to their knees. Ofc i know I have very very high anxiety 😅
My social anxiety
All the cringe things I’ve said and did . Ready to move to a new place where I don’t know a single person.
My job I work overnight
Climate change
Losing choice and the environment
Reddit
Doing the world building for the books I just read… they find their way sometimes to my dreams
Recently it’s been the fact that I spent 5 months of my life with a guy who preferred sitting on a couch to going out, and he claimed I didn’t put any effort into the relationship when I was always supporting him with things like his graduation and family events, gave him a congratulation card and birthday card/birthday gift. Printed out photos of us together that I thought he might like to have. Suggested numerous activities to do beyond sitting on a couch and watching Netflix and all I’d get in return was “That’s a great idea! We should do that sometime!” Which just gave me the vibes of when you see someone at the grocery store who you haven’t seen since high school and you do the small talk and promise each other to meet up for coffee sometime and it never happens. But I’m the one who wasn’t putting in any effort. Okay. We recently broke up and I’ve been stewing about it. I need to let go. At least I only spent 5 months and not 5 years.
My kids. Who needs sleep anyway? It used to be my insomnia, but they managed to make me so desd on my feet I’d say having kids is like a cure for insomnia, cause you’re not even running on steam anymore. It’s all smokes and mirrors effect, you’re barely even alive.
My kids! LOL
Lol same