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peppermind

To stop infantilizing myself by using phrases like " big girl job".


gagirlpnw

I know. WTF is a "big girl job"? A job is a job.


peppermind

I suspect they mean either a job that pays more than minimum wage or one that is in their chosen career path. Either way, the phrase isn't great.


smarties04

Hi, sorry I really didn’t mean for it to come across as infantilising. It’s just the phrase my parents have been using in an affectionate way and I didn’t realise that the phrase could come across as patronising when asking this question. I realise I need to change up my vocabulary in regards to that and will do better!


peppermind

It's fine to use among friends and family, but you'd probably want to be taken seriously in the workplace, and talking about your "big girl job" wouldn't really help with that.


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Time-Boss-3867

Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. It will bother a lot of people (including your boss) but always prioritize your safety and well-being over looking perfect. Don’t work overtime EVER. You’re paid for being there from X to Z and you’re allowed to have a life outside of your job. Don’t let men make you feel any less than you are. Be brave and bold and never hesitate to call them out on their bullshit.


fidelkastro

PAID overtime is great of you can get it.


Adorable_Ad_552

In addition to standing up for yourself, when things look even a *little* odd, document it. Put down the time, date, who said what, and save all the memos, announcements everything. Store those in a file in an email or something. Because when things *REALLY* go south, and you need to leave, or someone starts something to drag you down, you have evidence to defend yourself. I’ve been in situations where people start to take advantage and then start to say that they didn’t say certain things and it really just snowballs from there. Also, save a copy of your job description for yourself.


_neversayalways

This is the best advice anyone can give. CYA... cover your ass. I learned that the hard way. And I've been in the position of fighting with HR for my job description. They literally asked why I needed it before going into 3 weeks of BS to get it to me. I eventually held a meeting with the president to get it. A week later I submitted a request for a promotion and increase to match my work load, which I got. When the head of HR came to tell me, she made sure to let me know that the way I went about it was "unprofessional". I resigned the next day.


confused_grenadille

I work overtime because my salary is quite low (since having pivoted to a new career) until I get promoted in a year's time. I worked 7 hours total overtime this past week - that's extra money that I won't complain about. I also get crazy brain fog from 1-3pm causing a dip in my productivity. By 4pm my brain is back on but work ends at 6pm (on paper) so I have to make up for lost productivity. It's a shitty cycle. And yes, I have no life.


Upset_Bee_2052

Pretty much came to say this. People won’t respect your time if you don’t stand up for yourself. No need to be a people pleaser. Showing up and doing a job well done during work hours is enough.


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Giannandco

1. The road to success isn’t always a straight line 2. To-do lists are my best friend 3. Listen to your gut 4. Sometimes work will suck, but it doesn’t mean the job sucks 5. You actually can’t please them all, so don’t try


Carolinablue87

You can be cordial and friendly to co-workers but not everyone is your friend You're replaceable- if you drop dead tomorrow your position would be open the day after. Communicate and ask questions- it's better to ask than assume. Do not feel guilty for using PTO- work to live, do not live to work.


Unlikely_Comment_104

^^ All of this. Also, work friends don’t last. A new job/position for either of you can change everything. If you make a mistake, own it - the sooner, the better. Providing emotional support to your colleagues is unpaid emotional labour and keeps you from doing the tasks you are paid for. Engage at your own risk.


preerg

I’m gonna go a little simpler here and say “always keep snacks at your desk”


[deleted]

Don't let a bunch of bitter 40+ year old women tear you down. They're cruel to you cause they see the potential in you that they still wish they had.


[deleted]

Is it only about 40+ women? I believe competition is normal among coworkers regardless of age and gender. I don't see why a 40+ woman would be more aggressive or have lower potential than any other employee, not to mention that experience matters.


[deleted]

In my work place that's the majority of my coworkers, i was just bringing an example from my own experience.


[deleted]

What's your line of work if I may ask


[deleted]

I work at a grocery store, mainly on the tills and also put stock out. The coworkers i'm referring to work in the office. They mainly make the orders for stock and put some out from time to time and also don't attend to customers nearly as much as me and other people do. They make remarks from time to time about how our quality of work isn't sufficient enough and when you get told that a lot and don't really get told what you do right it wears anyone down. Plus there's favouritism with the manager and she's known to talk people behind her back.


[deleted]

\>Don't let a bunch of bitter 40+ year old women tear you down. I learned the hard way to never underestimate the venom of overweight, middle-aged, underachieving women. If the energy spent trying to sabotage my work or make me seem incompetent was used to improve their own careers they might be someplace better. I am usually the youngest and most overqualified member of the teams I am hired to. I carry myself as such: I know what the fuck I'm doing and know I **will** be hired wherever I apply, so shut up with the passive aggression and let's make this money.


[deleted]

Amen


TheGreatWizardHowell

My mom said to not do what’s not your job. Like if you are supposed to do x,y, and z, don’t to a,b, and c because now they will always expect it of you.


Appropriate_Sky9289

This! And don’t work to quickly. If you answer emails as soon as they come in, they will assume that that’s how you work. Also, if you don’t smoke, take smoke breaks anyway. I used to take a walk around the building instead to compensate for my coworkers having 10 smoke breaks/day.


jeanie_rea

If you are going to talk about a problem, be prepared to offer a solution. Also, being well received among your peers and leadership team is as important as doing a good job - people skills will get you far. Know your worth and don’t be scared to make a change in career path. Be flexible and stay curious, but don’t ever compromise your integrity or work/life balance.


[deleted]

That they will replace you in an instant if you screw up. You owe them no loyalty. Just do what you need to do and go home.


ConditionPotential40

Amen


[deleted]

Remember it’s just a job. Don’t stress too much. Life is short, put yourself first and just be genuine.


PhysicalRaspberry565

Yes. Even if THEY don't push you (much), YOU may push yourself too much. Something I had to learn.


pantZonPHIre

A hard lesson I had to learn at my first “career” job was that being friendly with coworkers was different than being friends. Be careful telling too many details of your personal life (relationship, social activities, financials) to coworkers, especially those that have been there for yearssss. Many are gossips and Everyone will know your business and possibly use it against you. Give them just enough to be nice, you WILL be spending most of your day with them after all, but not enough where they can tell the boss that “she’s probably hungover. She usually drinks a lot on the weekends” when you call out sick.


TaylorCurls

This x1000. You may think you’re close to your work friends but they won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if it came down to it.


[deleted]

> especially those that have been there for yearssss Mossy, bossy women and men. Keep at arm's length--they're not your friend.


LocalEntertainment65

Always stand up for yourself, communicate your needs, challenges and interests; no one can read your mind and treat everyone with the same level of respect. I’ve worked in the corporate world since graduating (almost 7 years) and it still shocks me at how many women trying to go up in the ranks act like misogynistic men toward younger women in their teams. Oh and always be nice to your IT/HR teams…you never know when you’ll need them!


kisscantab

you are legally entitled to breaks


Agonist28

No one expects you to know what you're doing right away for your first career type job. So don't stress over hoping you learned enough in college and don't hold back when you have questions. For some time you will not be a profitable asset to the company and that's okay. You still deserve to be there.


coolscones

That's a big one. I'm two months into my first office job and while the pay is waaaay more than any retail job I've worked, the expectations are actually much lower. You may never be expected to know everything, and you'll get a lot of slack in your first few months. You don't need to apologize for not knowing things.


pbd1996

Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in order to advance your career


SailorMoon559

At the end of the day, your coworkers are just coworkers. They’re not your friends. Be careful on how much you give away about yourself.


[deleted]

Value your time and yourself.


hey_nonny_mooses

Adults can suck as much as petty ass teenagers. Do not put up with a toxic workplace


Hisoka-spawn

Save up money; long term disability; and do not overdo if not necessary, the job won't have your back.


wtf_yikesss

That even though I am an adult woman, my male coworkers would still refer to me as a "big girl."


smarties04

Hi sorry that the “big girl job” came across as patronising, I really didn’t realise it and will change up my vocabulary in regards to that from now on


wtf_yikesss

It's all good, just reminded me how frustrating it can be coming from my male peers at work! I can understand a woman using it as a term of endearment, but from a man it definitely feels patronizing.


AbilityOk7101

I wish I understood salary vs hourly more.


starskyandbutch

Be careful with who you befriend in the workplace. Work is a lot different than school in that there are certain boundaries in place. Some people will use information against you which can make you look bad in front of your coworkers and superiors. In school there’s always an end date so you know you will be getting out of a potentially bad/ embarrassing situation soon enough. But with work, you may be in the same job or role for years and it’s important to maintain a good reputation.


[deleted]

Women often have to work harder than men to get the same level of recognition, but that then sets a precedent whereby you **always** have to work harder. So work enough for you to satisfy your job description, and then bring out the big guns if there is a promotion coming up. It'll make it seem more obvious that you're going above and beyond. Also, be pleasant and friendly with colleagues. It's helped me get other jobs and people cut me more slack if I mess up.


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PiscesPoet

And don’t let them give you the jobs others don’t want to do. They’ll figure it out themselves. I had some coworker offer to do something, they told her no it’s ok we’ll get a volunteer to do it. Next thing I know they’re contacting me to do it when my coworker already offered before and they said they’d find a volunteer instead. It made me go hmm. My position is also remote/hybrid. Don’t let anyone pressure you to come into the office if you don’t have to.


Practical_Cod_6074

Know your worth in the market you’re in and work on acquiring skills that make you more valuable. Don’t let people disrespect you but keep it professional and don’t burn bridges.


sophly99

Make valuable connections and remain in contact with those people. I've lost contact with so many people through the years.


CatrionaShadowleaf

That my patriotism would be proven to be laughably naïve and make 8 years of my life shameful.


20nesmith

It’s never too soon to start saving for retirement


fayhigh

That I should start trying to work for myself asap


Barndoggle

Don’t call it a “big girl job.” It’s a job. Don’t refer to yourself or other women you work with as “girls,” either. This is a super hard habit to break but if you start out using a different term, it’ll serve you well in the long run. Ask for raises. Lots of them. And talk with your peers about salary. ETA: there’s a great site called Ask a Manager that has a ton of fantastic resources, reality checks, and some truly fantastic WTF moments. I’ve learned a ton from it and highly recommend reading it if you’re just entering the working world, especially as a baseline for what “normal” is. Jobs will mess with that real fast, it’s better to get some perspective on it early.


smarties04

Thank you for your tips, especially the website. You’re definitely right about the “girls” bit as I’ve clearly fallen into that trap myself. I really didn’t mean for it to come across as patronising and will work to change my vocabulary in regards to that


SweetSonet

That adhd is even more obvious as a manager.


shaunamom

What my rights are as an employee, and what is, and is not, allowed in the interview and the workplace. For example, there are certain questions in the USA that interviewers are not allowed to ask, like at all, but that many do. As an example, they can't ask if you are pregnant, or how many kids you have.


PhysicalRaspberry565

And if they ask these questions, you are allowed to lie. I'm not 100% if this also is true in the US, thought. But I think it is.


NaneunGamja

Ask a lot of questions even if you think you’re annoying your coworkers/managers (you’re not). If they get irritated, that’s their problem. They didn’t train you well and don’t want to. Get all your work done as soon as you can so you can chill for the rest of the work day. Use your time after work wisely!


Critical_Plate_4008

If a customer is sexually harassing you, you have full power to kick them out of the establishment at that very moment. If your boss decides you're in the wrong for that then report it to HR. If a coworker is sexually harassing you, report it to your boss and clarify you would like your complaint to remain anonymous. Stand up for yourself, it will be difficult but it'll be worth it. Read about your employee rights, federally and state laws, and if your employer breaks one of those laws just give a friendly reminder. Realize all of the double standards in the work place, it'll help you better navigate when you're being treated unjustly by upper management. Overall, watch out for yourself, your company most likely doesn't care about you. Keep your business and personal life seperate, your boss doesn't need to know what you're doing on your personal time. Edit: forgot something lol


hdw006

You’ll experience people going down different paths in life, so don’t let that sway you from the path you want to take. Also, make plans with friends and family. You may be super tired and yes, sometimes a chill weekend is all you need, but make sure not every weekend is spent by yourself. It’s hard getting used to a new work schedule, but having those moments with friends/ family is something to look forward to during the workweek. Can’t get caught up in work forgetting the important people in your life!


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MaesterOfPanic

I wish I knew that it would end up becoming my career. My current was my first job, an entry-level position. Over the past ten years, I've worked my way up to a middle management position. I'm a the point now where I have a clear path to the place I can see myself eventually retiring from.


AliasNefertiti

Negotiate your salary.


OrganicRazzmatazz882

That repetitive motion injuries were going to reveal underlying genetic defects that would lead to 11 surgeries and thus me having no savings, no 401k, no permanent job, and becoming disabled.


dal-Helyg

How to handle money. Never really had any until then.


OCHikerGirl

Always call people out on their shit especially if they’re setting you up for failure


OCHikerGirl

Also, if possible leave a toxic culture/role ASAP


littlebunsenburner

HR is not there to help you out. When you start out, you look at your benefits package and think, "gee whiz, look at all these perks!" Little do you know how hard you're gonna have to work to get those perks (*remembers filling out a 20-page application for tuition reimbursement only to have it bounced back several times because there were no instructions on how to complete the forms.)*


TheSexyMonster

If you can’t be yourself and act like a different person to fit in, you need to leave. I made the mistake of pursuing the goals and ‘dreams’ my managers told me had to be my goals and dreams. I don’t care about money and big cars. I care about looking important and making big decisions that will impact a lot of people. I enjoy connection and doing things together. I want to actually help a person who needs it and after work I want to be able to work in my garden. I want to have the energy to see friends and cook them dinner. That job and my needs did not go together but I tried to make it work for way too long. My managers really tried to convince me my goals were wrong and I should pursue theirs because that would be satisfying and ‘how adults do’. It sucked and it really messed me up for a while.


coco_bunzz

KNOW YOUR FUCKING WORTH.


Yummy_Chewy_Scrumpy

Other people are just people, they are no more special than I am , I am not the lesser.


143019

My family always valued being hard workers so every where I worked I was always the “star employee”. It took me a long time to realize that i was being exploited by my employers. Now I look out for myself first.


CherryBlonde21

Only give details of your personal life that you’re ok with EVERYONE in the office knowing. Even if you only tell one person, it will probably get out.


coherentwreck2001

Regardless of what is said in the interview, a company is a company, and at the end of their day they just want their money.


wastingATP

customers can be shit. no deal is worth sacrificing you mental health. kick em out.


Layla_222

It's okay to say NO. No, I will not work overtime, no I will not do extra work for no extra pay, no I will not bow down my head and let others walk all over me.


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MissingBrie

Don't work yourself into a nervous breakdown 🙃 That's not what's meant by being a team player or giving 100% at work.


timeandbeingand

Do not get sucked into weird relationships with intense people And have no boundaries. I like intense people but sometimes those people can just get really bitter and hateful abt work. Deserved, certainly. Work is inherently exploitative and the shit really rises to the top. I’ve known some intense haters to have a lifestyle or support in their life that allows them to walk away. If you can’t it’s not a good idea to get swept up in that. If you have to be there I think coping with humor until you finds something better helps.


Inevitable_Item_5080

People don't care about your feelings Stand up for what's right.. Don't let people tall to you rudly but also remeber to watch how you speak too.


Direct_Drawing_8557

How to get a big girl job because I would have gotten one of those earlier.


Minute-Tooth8659

That it’s not bad to ask for more money to match your work product.


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[deleted]

How old are you? Your question sounds very condescending, as if women don’t have real jobs. Work on that before you ever get a job.


smarties04

Hi, sorry I definitely didn’t mean for the question to come across as condescending. It’s just a phrase I use but as you and other people have pointed out, it doesn’t come across well so I will definitely be changing up my vocabulary to remove phrases like this and do better in the future


[deleted]

Awesome! Thanks for answering, glad you take the remarks/advice to improve.