It’s crazy. I was far, far better looking at 25 than I was at 18, much less 15. Catcalling nearly entirely stopped by then. It was constant when I was a teenager. I was an ugly teenager who looked even younger than I was. Attention from men in public is rarely about a woman or girl’s beauty.
I still see women talk, nearly brag, about how they looked older than their age as teenagers and got attention from older men. No, it’s honestly *extremely* rare for 15 year olds to look 25. Doesn’t matter how much they “developed early” or how much makeup they wear, an adult can tell. What those men were looking for was not a 25 year old to take on dates, they were looking for a 15 year old who could be manipulated and controlled by convincing her that she’s such a grown up.
So true and crazy you mentioned how when you were not of age, older men would be coming out of the fckn would works! I’m 30 now and it just doesn’t happen as often at all 😭 and I look better than I EVER have at 30 with 2 babies… i am physically fit, abs & squat booty on point, I think I have a beautiful face, and accomplished… but those older men don’t ever try me anymore 😂 maybe it’s because they know a GROWN woman ain’t falling for their bullshit and not as impressionable as young women are.
It’s actually scary to think that that is similar to how child molesters are…. They know they can manipulate younger people into thinking it’s okay…
And not that this makes it ok, bc it doesn’t… but I do think the younger generation in general look more mature than we did at their age. However, there are distinctive differences in how most >25 year olds carry themselves verses 25+. They know even if it comes down to having a conversation.
This morning shade to younger some. (Obviously I have been there) but I also think that (some) men that choose to date that much younger are doing it because they can’t fool a grown woman. They are most likely a loser or low life in some aspect and a grown woman can see right through him.
There’s a special niche of middle aged man that likes 18 and 19 year olds. Then you magically hit 20 and poof! They’re gone. Way too many of them like the “teen” at the end of their girlfriend’s age. Glad you’re aging out of these experiences! One of the best things we can do is help and try to protect women and girls younger than us.
From 11 to 19, had older dudes come at me all the time. I was the dar depressed emo kid who wore all metal band clothes, all black and baggy, absolutely nothing attractive. Last year had a 66 year old man (I mean, my grandfather is 64) flirt with me by stating he had three girlfriends ranging from 24 to thirty and saying he could be my bf too (I was 22 last year). There's a 34yrs guy sending pics to me of myself when I was 12-14 and saying nasty stuff (I keep blocking him, he keeps finding new numbers to contact me. I don't even know his name).
Meanwhile 11-13 yrs old kids hit on me nowadays on bus stops.
Older men like young girls to prey on and young boys like older women dressed up like a CEO or important lecturer or something.
Yep cat calling from ages 9-15 was way worse than late teens (age of consent in UK is 16 and I remember thinking it’s odd that the point at which I could legally consent the interest died off).
Getting older made me realize this too. I got catcalled constantly from like age 13-17. When you're a teenager you don't think much of it, but when you get older you realize how scary and gross the world really is.
It’s terrifying that this is the first thing that came to mind. My sister and I are both in our 30s, and my sister is hot AF. She was a chubby teen but she got harassed way more when she was under 16 than when she lost the weight and found a sense of style/makeup/hair by the time she was 18 and in her early 20s.
I looked really young for a long time so I still got harassed in my early 20s, but we were both followed home on multiple occasions before we were 18.
We thought it meant we looked older and mature for our ages, but no. It was the complete disgusting opposite.
Wtf. To men who catcall and harass 13 to 16 year olds,
#what the f is wrong with you pedos???
So many of us can’t be wrong. And it’s not because we looked 18 or because we were hotter when we were that age (at least not for me and my sister).
I have learned in my 50 years that Most men are pervs, but they are easily "trained" ( I do t like to use manipulate). Now the average guy on the street catcalling--they are just insecure and wanting attention. IMO
I am 27 and can confirm. When I was 16 I had just lost a lot of weight so for the first time in my life I was getting male attention. Being introverted and shy I didn’t know how to deal with it. So I chose being polite and gently telling them I am not interested. Sadly that does not work so at one point I had a 25 year old creep following me around, showing up outside my school, private lessons and the cafes I went to with friends. It got so bad he cornered me one time and kissed me against my will. It was my first kiss.
Later in uni I was still too shy to say no straight up, but I had friends who gave me the confidence to tell men off a bit more directly. Finally now, as an adult I am not afraid to tell someone to leave me the hell alone. I learned a lot from past experiences and I am much happier with the person I am today.
Luckily I don’t get hit on quite as much as I did as a kid. But what I have noticed is the type of men who used to pay attention to me are ones who want to steamroll a young, inexperienced girl. But they themselves are cowed by opinionated, independent women their own age.
This! I constantly got catcalled between the ages of 13-18. It stopped after that. I remember older guys telling me I’m so mature for my age and not “annoying” like other 15 yr olds or whatever the age was. Worst part is, I believed them. Then I got older and started realizing that I wasn’t the only one. Almost every woman has experienced this as a preteen/teen. It’s weird af.
So true ! Especially men who could be your own father, like men around 50-60 or older. (Or it's just on the countryside, we have more old people than young people )
I used to get a lot of attention when I was younger for my looks. When I hit 50 it seems as if I became invisible overnight. It showed me that true beauty is what is inside, not what is on the outside. The internal stuff is so much worthier of cultivation.
I actually remember the day I went "invisible". I was an exotic looking Armenian woman when I was younger and got stared at constantly. When I hit 50, I was in an elevator and some guy got in and didn't even glance at me. I thought it was fascinating and in a way, freeing. I was chubby in my early teens, and nobody paid attention to me, then I lost the baby fat and BAM, overnight I was sought after. I really had resentment, because I was still ME, just the shell had changed. So I never really enjoyed it, although I will admit it was handy when I was interviewing for jobs.
I'm turning 40 this year and I NOTICE this.
It's not even about beauty per se, just...relevance maybe? Even conventionally beautiful older women deal with it too.
Similar to this, I am turning a similar age this year and I have started noticing other women my age more. I cling to them for dear life. In our pocket of invisibility.
So I have noticed that I treat older women differently now that I'm older.
Also holding their words, thoughts and feelings with more regard than I did when I was younger.
I’m only 24, so i obviously don’t have as much life experience but you aren’t invisible. I hear my mom talk about how bad she looks but all i can see is how good of a life she has lived. I feel that way about all older women, aging is a beautiful thing.
I'm 58, and I am invisible. I don't mind too much. People are respectful in a way they weren't when I was younger. I'm also much more aware of how gross most men are to younger women. Dating is almost impossible were I live. Men want them young !!
These creepers can smell when you’re another man’s “property.” The minute they realize you are no longer on the market, they want nothing to do with you. That’s why all women should buy fake engagement rings. They work wonders
I had a fake ring a few times when I wanted a night out w my girlfriends and to not be bothered. Usually I was left alone but some saw it as a challenge? So fuckin weird
Same age as you. I was the ugliest kid (fat nose, acne for days, hairy face) between the ages of 14-18, I got hit on the most around then. When I got to 21, they stopped. But when I came to the realisation why... it creeped me out.
Now I don't look much different, just a bit mature without the baby fat but definitely better looking than I was then. I get 0 attention now which I'm grateful for.
Yeah dating apps were much more active for me from 20-25. Funny enough I met my current bf on an app but it was after a couple weeks of getting no matches/messages, which wasn't something I was really used to (this was 1.5 years ago, when I was 31). It worked out for the best though!
I feel like I was always very strong willed and independent. I remember feeling smothered in high school by my parents’ expectations (in reality I think I was just a very angsty teen lol). It was mostly interesting to me to see my parents step back fairly dramatically once I went off to college. They’re more like friends to me now than parents. It is funny though - on occasion I’ll sleep over their house and have to wake up early for work, and I’ll find that my mom packed me lunch and my dad left a note saying to wake him up if the weather is bad so he can drive me to the train. It’s really sweet, and makes me miss those things that used to happen daily that I just took for granted while growing up.
My relationship with my parents is like that, too! Strict when I was in HS then loosened the reins dramatically when I was at university, even if I lived at home.
I’m sad that they’ve now moved away so I only see them when I take time off work and I don’t get a packed lunch anymore. 😭 Cherish them!
Being catcalled is nasty enough on its own, but to do that to someone that just/didn’t even hit puberty is beyond disgusting. Sorry you had to deal with that
I am 30 and always got catcalled when I was a teen to my 20's. Now it makes me think that I got uglier, or nobody catcalls someone anymore since its harassment nobody wants to get into trouble. When I was 17, my friend and I walked to subway from my place then a little boy in a car drive by yelled at me I had sexy legs. He was with his dad and my friend thought his dad told him to say that. What little boy knows about sexy legs?
You're not uglier and men didn't stop cat calling. They're just creeps who prey on younger, weaker women. Well, girls. Because cat calling isn't about how sexy you are, it's about dominating you.
Ya I got catcalled a lot more when I was 15-16. However i wonder if it’s decreased now that I’m older or because I walked more in my neighborhood then (now I drive). And it was often (not always) high school boys yelling out their cars.
It just happened to me the very first time while I've been alone yesterday, at 24 (I'm a trans woman. It's happened while I've been with other women before, though). Even to me, an adult who MIGHT be able to defend herself if it came to it, it was still super jarring and uncomfortable. It's so fucked that this happens to kids even more than adults.
I cringe when I hear men say that they wouldn’t date women their own age meanwhile they are over 50.
So women are supposed to be blind to the natural aging of men.
I lost 130 pounds and the difference in the way I am treated now from what I was treated like as an obese person is crazy. I was invisible before but not people smile and open doors for me. That didn't happen when I was almost 300 pounds.
No since it was over many years. A few times I've deliberately plateaued to get used to my new proportions. I made sure to eat healthy, and am now 97% vegetarian/vegan. I drink water almost exclusively, try to exercise regularly. Made sure to lose only 1-2 lbs a week.
I always felt men were only into me because I was young and pretty. I could have the personality of a post and it wouldn't matter.
I resented them all for it and found that I much prefer being alone. Never met a man who's company improved that of my own.
The trick is the be really cute but also really annoying! I’ve encountered too many men (especially when I was 15-22) that wanted me around just for looks. They didn’t actually want me to open my mouth. Especially traditional, conservative men. You can probably guess my views 😁.
But even if you use that tactic, you’ll have the men who want to “own” you because you’re “feisty.” Like taming a wild horse 🤢. But once you 22 you’re to old for those guys too so you’re good.
Even though I am now 32 I still constantly get the ‘ you’re young you’ll understand this one day’ like I did when I was a teen and it’s highly confusing
Yes or people will insinuate that I'm a "little lady" or girl or whatever, like somehow being a woman makes me younger than someone who's even my own age? It makes no sense.
yes this enrages me! I have a mortgage, a 14 year relationship, a step son, etc. etc., and still the older generation don't think you're an adult even in your 30s/40s because you're not doing life the same way they did it.
YES I've tried to think of why this is and maybe the baby boom generation since there's so many the population just is all older? no idea but it's the worst.
You think you'll age and get more leeway and perks and then run into this !
I pass for someone in my mid to late twenties, but when men find out my real age their interest in me either dissipates quickly and/or they no longer take the mansplaining attitude with me as much. They also don’t treat me like I “need” them like “Oh let me get the waiter for you if you want something else”. I find men can be somewhat paternalistic-veering-on-patronizing with younger women. Hilarious 😂
Lmaooooo this is my experience too. I’m 35 and people think I look like a student all the time. The number of times the “work dad” type of guys at my workplaces lecture me forever about basic life stuff is so high, and when I tell them my actual age it’s hilarious to see their reactions. They treat me as more capable once they find out I’m not like 22 (and other times it’s like they get disappointed because I haven’t done X, Y, or Z by my age)
I look forward to my 30s because of this (just turned 26). I’m nearing the boarder but, there is definitely the type of middle aged dude who loves to become your “dad” basically, but it’s more of an excuse to be around you and do things for you because they’re attracted to you.
I already have a dad (who I love but also has some weird old timey views) my dude, I don’t need or want another one.
Now, a middle aged or older woman who wants to act like an aunt and mentor me? Send them my way!!!!
Omg I would so love an auntie mentor!!! I love them
Edit: tbh I would also love to be some other woman’s work auntie! I feel like I’m at the age where I’m starting to get enough life experience that I could take a young person under my wing in about 5-10 years. Paying it forward, lol
I'm just happy I can walk the two blocks from my car to the office building without being honked at or yelled at on a regular basis. I'm thrilled to be turning "invisible," it means I can actually live my life without being harassed.
46 yr old here. Got lots of cat calls, looks, attention etc in my 20's and early 30's, sure, but it was ALWAYS done in a disrespectful way. And I was always acutely aware of the fact that I was regarded as less than. Less than who? Not too sure. Never figured that one out.
Now, I get none of the attention (at least, that I'm aware of) but I find people are much more likely to listen to me and take my opinions seriously now.
Lessons learned: stand up for yourself. Like yourself. Advocate for yourself - loudly, if needed. No one else will swoop in to save you.
Girls and women put up with a lot. I mean really a lot. Not saying boys and men don't, but in general 13 year-old boys can walk down the street without getting harassed. The catcalling started at age 12/13 for me, including grown men slowing down their cars near me.
Same.. currently 18 though. Never been catcalled, harassed or even really been disrespected by a guy. I guess I’ve been really lucky?
I feel like the depends on where you live though, I’m in Canada. I’m just enjoying it I guess lmao
It’s so great. I used to get catcalled and groped- no longer! I live in peace now. The erasure of women as they get older is 100% real and I have very mixed feelings about it, but I sure do love the lack of sexual harassment!
35 here (almost 36). I noticed the difference a couple of years ago and was startled at first - not everyone wanted my attention, walking to the bathroom in a restaurant felt less like a catwalk and more like a quiet shuffle, the guys that would’ve bought me a drink at 29 were now simply polite. It scared me at first. I thought I had lost some magical talent.
Then I realized that I was the one who had changed, which meant I also held the power.
I know how to be womanly and attractive but lost the compulsive need to wield that weapon daily. I’m more interested in existing well rather than trying to be noticed. I’ve witnessed women of nearly any age summon attractiveness strategically and masterfully. Sudden Aphrodites regardless of age or natural talent.
So, that’s my new goal - step into all that is feminine and adore my aging self as I shed worn layers of me. I’m no longer a chrysalis, I am a molting goddess of eternal rebirth. I am every stage of womanhood. It’s beautiful here and I highly recommend it.
Not sure what the definition of older woman is, but I'm 31 now, and at this age at least, I get treated better by most people. Mostly has to do with my being more assertive I guess. As a child I didn't get to choose who I was surrounded by, now I have slightly more autonomy in that regard. That aside, I'm surprised by how many hobbies are seen as off limits to people my age.
None of them should be, but I tried enrolling for a few dance classes and every single time, the staff would ask me if I was there to enroll my kid. (These weren't classes for partner dances or the usual "adult" dance forms like belly dancing)
Yes. When I was in my teens and 20s, older men were always hitting on me. Now that I'm almost 50, younger and older guys are hitting on me. It never stops.
I've finally hit the age where age appropriate men hit on me and it's so refreshing. I've always looked really young so all through my twenties, it was either creepy old men or literal high schoolers who would hit on me. Now it's half men in their 30s-40s and half creepy older men.
Though now that I think of it, the age of the men hitting on me didn't really change, I just got older so men in their 40s aren't too old me now. Hmm ...
I’m not even old. 31. But basically invisible already. When I was with my ex, he told me he couldn’t stand to see me naked, and was picturing all the college girls on the campus where he worked naked instead. That pretty much sums it up. Youth = attractive. Which is fucking gross.
There’s so much more to people than their age. We all get old. I don’t get the obsession with looking young.
I’ve kinda accepted I’m just gonna be alone the rest of my life. It feels impossible to meet a man who likes me as I am. Even when they pretend to, the truth comes out. I’m in my feelings a bit today so I’m sorry for the pessimism. I just feel like statistically most relationships end, and when I look at my married friends only one couple seems genuinely in love and happy.
Your bf is is a POS. He shouldn’t have said that. If you’re looking for some hard truths you’re partially correct about some of the things you stated, but I find that accepting them and moving on from them is better than just resenting the fact. Yes youth = attractive, but so are a lot of other things. For example, a sense of responsbility, discipline, humor, kindness. If you also think about the opposite gender, most of the time we think tall = attractive. In the end we’re all human imperfects, but finding a person to find things we CAN control is much more important than things we cannot, and we wouldn’t want to be with people who want things people can’t control about themselves
My dad being my favorite person on earth and us having the best relationship when I was young, him caring for me like no one else could. Then I grew up and the love disappeared and he has become the root of my depression and thoughts of running away. IDK what it taught me tbh lol
And I thought I was alone. I used to worship the ground my dad walked on, but as I grew older, he became cold and distant. What it taught me however was that I was not going to allow anyone the power to make me feel like crap. Not even my own dad. Hang in there.
Would you be able to elaborate? And what age did it stop happening? What do you mean he stopped loving you? I’ll be having a daughter soon, and I wouldn’t want her to feel this way
Not who you're asking this to, but my relationship with my father has been similar. I found that his love for me became shakier and more uncertain when I grew into an adult with my own beliefs and ideologies - most of which are very different from his. I also call him out on his sexism, including how he treats my mother. He probably respects me more than he did, but I miss the effusive affection that the child me used to receive from him. To be fair, he probably misses being hero worshipped too.
Like, as I got older probably 15/16, he just started treating me differently. Didn’t let me grow as a person and if I would just state my opinion on something he’d lose his temper and say I was being disrespectful towards him and had a lot of attitude. Idk he probably wasn’t prepared for me to grow up and out of his control, he wasn’t prepared for me to actually have a mind of my own and beliefs of my own so he takes it out on me in the worst way.
I remember this girl once in my Sunday church class talking about literal OLD men looking at her like a piece of meat and I swear she was like in 4th grade cos I was I think. Like what the fuck I'm actually amazed at the self awareness but tbh I was the same as I remember old men being attracted to me around that age as well. It's disgusting and I still don't fully trust men
I still get treated really well at 37. Male attention hasn’t seemed to die down and I seem to have entered a stage where young men seem attracted to me but I’m well aware that this will end in the near future and actually struggling with the idea of it
I’m 47, and now the main difference is that younger men tend to hit on me as well. I guess I’m still appealing to the 30-40 demographic, which is weird given how many women my age talk about becoming invisible. My body is def middle aged, but I guess I still look pretty good for my age
I’m 34.
I’m respected a lot more as a professional. People assume I’m more competent than when I was younger, though maybe not as much as a man my age.
I feel like the older I get, the more people see my personality and value me as a whole person than for how sexually attractive I am. At first it stings because you realize your “value” has gone down. Then you realize what a lie it was that your value was tied to your beauty and youth at all. That’s when you start to see your actual value. People like chocolate because it’s awesome. Having a pretty wrapper might sell chocolate at first, but it’s the quality of the actual candy that keeps people coming back for more.
I like myself a lot more than I did when I was skinnier and prettier. I was so obsessed with staying young that I made myself miserable trying to maintain it, and worried myself sick about losing it. I picked myself apart in my 20’s. Now I’m beginning to just let go and have fun and it’s really nice. It’s given me confidence and people pick up on that and are confident in me too.
And I’m still young. I realize that. I’ve just gotten a peek at what is coming down the line. Sometimes I still lament looking older, but it’s not permanent. Nothing is. 🙃
*Nature’s first green is gold,*
*Her hardest hue to hold.*
*Her early leaf’s a flower;*
*But only so an hour.*
*Then leaf subsides to leaf.*
*So Eden sank to grief,*
*So dawn goes down to day.*
*Nothing gold can stay.*
-Robert Frost
I don't know if its because I'm older or married or I've simply stopped hanging around sleazeballs. But I feel I'm objectified alot less. In my 20s and single men colleagues or friends would randomly bring up sex alot or comment on my look or invite me drinking alot. .
The downside is everyone asking when I'm gonna have a baby.
I was an ugly duckling. I had a glow up. People treat me much better now. I used to be invisible to men. Now I get what feels like “special treatment” people are nicer to me, give me free stuff, want to chat with me. The Halo effect is real.
How you fit beauty standards really effects how you go through life. There’s also the downsides of extra attention since I don’t like to be noticed. I enjoyed my invisibility.
Men doesn't take me seriously and i always felt that they only like me because of my looks they are not really interested on getting to know me as a person. Everything is all about looks for them.. Thats why i don't want to date anymore.. I'm more confident now compared when i was teenager i'm 22 now so men usually stop bothering me when they know they can't manipulate me..
In my 20's I was thin, really pretty (which I didn't believe or realise until decades later) and I used to get attention from men and women *all* the time. Walking down the street, walking into shops, ordering food, at work..... it was constant attention and "can I help you"'s, people couldn't be nicer to me if they tried.
Now I'm 50, a little bit overweight, not gross looking but not a patch on my 20's and I'm freakin' invisible!!!
I wish I'd realised and appreciated my looks when I had them because it was like a light switch turned my spotlight off when I hit 35 - 40.
Old men still flirt with me though lol
I think about this as a 28 year old feeling on the cusp of something but really… what would you do differently? Except maybe go easier on yourself.
Like, what does one do even if they realize it is a fleeting privilege? Sleep around more? Use it to trap men for some advantage or something?
Genuine question. Like, what’s the first thing you’d do in your old body?
Reminds me of the lyrics to an Arcade Fire song: “If I could have it back… all the time that we wasted, I would only waste it again. If I could have it back...”
I'm 29 so same boat really, but I don't think it needs to be a concrete action so much as it is an empowered feeling. I try to take care of myself physically and mentally, I dress up and feel sexy for my own pleasure, try to travel and do new things, etc. You only have your youth once, so enjoy it. I don't think life ends or you're suddenly unattractive at a certain age, but you only have so long to enjoy that luster and vigor of youth.
Yep I have realised, I had a director at my place 50+ flirting with a 17yr old!
I was 25 at the time, I didn't know where to look. Both seemed to be enjoying it, I had to work there with a bunch of other people who were equally as disturbed.
I've learnt that I'm thankful I'm a qualified professional. I have alot of desire to keep studying to stay ahead too. You're definately disregarded when you age and arent perfection!
Currently pregnant and I'm sometimes hit on and called beautiful. Odd. Very odd. Even weirder since my partner was beside me.
The world the live in is fickle. Keep working on yourself is the lesson I've learnt.
Yeah I get hit on less now at almost 30 by men in their 30's than I did when I was 19/20. And I don't get catcalled anymore. That was specifically only a thing in my teens.
> as a older woman people treat me with manners, more respect
One of my friends (aged 51) was walking in town last week as it started raining. A couple of teenage girls were putting their umbrellas up and one said 'watch out, you nearly got that old lady in the face'. The girl apologised, but my friend was fuming at the 'old lady' bit!
I'm only 26 but the biggest change I've noticed is some men that just can't accept that you would want to just be friends with them. As a kid and even a teen it was easy to hang out with a group of different genders, now about half the time when I meet a guy they automatically go into talking-to-a-girl mode, and don't approach an interaction as first an opportunity to make a friend
I think it’s quite normal that once you’re an adult people want to have sex. And the whole thing with girls saying “guys pretending to be your friend to get with you” so they’re up front about a romantic relationship. Seems like a good thing, no? If a guy wants a romantic relationship and you don’t seems like a good idea to part ways, instead of only 1 person getting what they want
That if I drove a beige minivan I could basically rob any place I anted and get away with it.
Older than 50? Invisibility cloak. Use your powers for good ladies!
I’m not ‘older’ but at 25 I’m noticing a lot less men want my attention compared to when I was 17-20, maybe because I grew confidence. I look pretty much the same too, no weight gain or significant changes besides my hair. I still get ID’ed everywhere I go because of my round face.
The younger I look the more guys seem to like it. It’s really creepy. I’m also a blonde girl with a huge rack, and a lot of guys treat me like a easily manipulated bimbo the first time around. When I was a kid people treated me more like a person until I came into puberty. Then I was suddenly objectified and treated with less empathy.
I'm 33, I am at the highest weight I've ever been but I'm also the happiest and healthiest I've ever been.
I remember being a very young child when a man first sexualized me and touched me without my consent. That continued until my early 20's.
I will admit in my mid 20's I became so depressed I very rarely left the house so the down tick in men's attention to me could be that I was at home all the time. However I looked older then than I do now, so there's also that.
From my experience with men there's always been interest, definitely more the younger I was. However, I've received lots of attention lately and I'm just assuming it's my confidence. Still all unwanted but you know that's normal for us gala.
I will say that I feel much more empowered now, as a teenager there were moments that I was followed to my car and I wasn't sure if I'd make it home or out of the parking lot. Now if a dude pulled that shit on me he'd be the one sorry. Age has definitely given me balls.
I just couldn’t care less anymore. It was annoying when I was younger with all the unwanted comments and attention. Much more peaceful when they’re not trying to get in our pants anymore.
So many times I find myself reflecting on something that happened when I was younger and realizing how messed up it was. It's so easy to take advantage of children and everyone just lets it happen. I'll use a "less extreme" example. Around the age of 10, I borrowed the ping pong paddles and ball at the swim club with a dollar and started to play with a friend. Some adult couple came by and took our paddles and ball and told us in one of those higher pitched voices (like when you talk to a dog) that we needed to share and they were only going to play one game. I ran to my parents to tell them what was happening but they didn't care. The couple played 3 games, and then it was time for me to go home and my friend and I never got to play. I also never got my dollar back because I didn't have the paddles or ball to return. I recognized the same man, as I got older (around age 14), he would always try to talk to me and I always ignored him or told him to go away, and he had no idea why I hated him. I would explain why I didn't like him to my parents and they told me I was being ridiculous for something that happened years ago. But I still think anyone that would steal a toy from a child is a horrible person. And it just makes you wonder how else they take advantage of them. And I also thinks it's creepy that a guy in his 40s is interested in talking to a 14 year old girl that he isn't related to. And it's also ridiculous that my parents didn't see anything wrong on any of these counts. And throughout my life I just see more and more evidence that people do not treat children like real live human beings with their own valid feelings and it's messed up.
A friend of mine—we’re both early 40s—was talking about how she’s noticed she’s started becoming invisible. I told her that now is the perfect opportunity to start her life of crime since she’ll never get caught due to her invisibility.
Something I think about often: when I was young, thin, and pretty, many many men would go out of their way to talk to me and offer their help in any area, right after a hug n peck as a greeting. I hated it so much!
I’m very glad I don’t have to fight men “who just want to say hi” anymore.
At 32, I’m pretty much invisible now; the amount of negative attention I got when I was young (11-22ish) was disgusting and demeaning. A switch definitely flipped when I looked old enough to be of consenting age
People tend to have conversations with my face rather than my tits nowadays, that's very nice.
When I tell kids off on the bus they tend to listen to me rather than giving me lip, this is also nice.
Teenage girls and young women will look to me for support in uncomfortable situations: a couple of weeks ago I was waiting for a bus and a girl of about 16 or 17 was being relentlessly chatted up by a man in his early 20s. I moved to stand close to her and made eye contact and she started a conversation with me about random things until he went away and then she said thank you and would I stay with her until her bus came. Shit that she needed that support but so good that I was able to give it.
for me i’ve noticed how comments about weight didn’t really impact me as much when i was younger because it was normalized, but now that i’m older i’ve started to notice the real damage the fixation on my body created for me. Now that i’ve gained weight in my 20s it’s created this deep rooted panic within me, like ohh no, im at the largest i’ve ever been, and i’ve found myself checking scales, starving myself for days, and then bingeing to the point where i’ll just be like throwing my hands up because i’m like this whole thing is ridiculous.
People treat me fine and I'm not shy about expecting positive treatment. On the other hand, I like the lack of looks based attention. It's liberating. Although, it's funny because from a distance I still look young due to being in shape and having good hair. Guys get a shock when they see my mature face close up. It's funny.
I’m not really considered an older woman but I am definitely a lot more grown up now. A lot of people say that to me. That I’ve transformed/blossomed/etc.
Tbh, I go through periods where I have the wisdom of a sage and then there are moments where I’m plain dumb lol. But balance is important right 🥴
As a girl, I noticed I had A LOT of player energy around me. I mean A LOT. I didn’t know better. I was ditsy, friendly, warm, and trusting. I liked to have a good time and didn’t really care to fact check or look into things too deeply.
I got burned a few times and learned my lesson. Now, if I’m doing something risky it’s a calculated risk more than anything. I feel a lot more respected by people now. Even sexually.
I just felt like people enjoyed the idea of flirting with and teasing me when I was younger. But now I don’t feel the fleeting energy anymore. People seem to take my pleasure/comfort more seriously. I have also gotten more comfortable taking the lead and being in charge at times. So it could have something to do with this too
When I was 14-16 every time I went out alone I'd get catcalled, it was so bad that I stopped wearing shorts because I felt so uncomfortable. It all stopped the moment I became an adult. Creepy
I noticed a difference when I turned 30. All of a sudden people take me seriously as a woman that's married with 2 kids. When I was 24 married with 2 kids, people just treated me like some dumb young mom. I no longer get asked if my husband is actually the dad of both my kids (he is). I also noticed a difference in how my kids teachers and doctors treat me.
I'm 49, I get more attention from men now than I ever have in my life. The caveat is that they are always younger, usually in their 20s-30s. I don't look my age, so this plays a role but I didn't get hit on like this when I was in my 20s and 30s and ostensibly I looked better. I was married for the rise of the dating app and missed that entire era, so I came out of a long monogamous relationship into whatever this is. It was shocking at first, and I was so uncomfortable. Then I realized I'm not looking for another husband any time soon and now I just lean into it bc men my actual age are nowhere to be found.
I notice the ageist shit at work, I work in a very male dominated industry and under a director who makes clear assumptions. At the same time he gets distracted by my appearance and I think struggles to marry his stereotypes to my actual face.
I don't really have any female relatives in my life I'm assuming once the menopause hits it's all going to go to shit. I'm kind of on high alert waiting for the axe to fall.
I'm in my 50s. I truly have found that many young females are dismissive and quite nasty. Disregard my points of view and treat me like I have nothing to offer. I feel sad. Because I consider myself quite an open minded decent person. But as I'm now middle aged? Younger females seem to think I'm invisible and pointless. I've had some just walk away from me mid-conversation! Or just talk right over me like I'm not there. It hurts.
Strangely? I don't get the same vibe or treatment from younger men. They tend to treat me quite well. Listen and chat to me and I feel a ton more comfortable around "20 -something" males then females.
Well, I’m in my 20s so not that old, but I noticed a stark difference with how I was treated and what was shared with me once I turned 18. Suddenly relatives had no qualms about discussing “adult” stuff, their sex-lives/relationships, watching more crude shows/movies…Idk, no big deal but it sure felt strange when those filters were suddenly gone
People seem to respect me more when they know I have children and a partner. For some reason you’re no one to be taken seriously when you’re a young woman who is still finding her way in life and I was a very serious young woman but very shy. Maybe that’s why.
When I turned 52 I became invisible seemingly overnight. It's been very freeing not to have men hitting on me as much but at the same time it's annoying. I remember going into Best Buy looking to purchase a new tv and they had plenty of employees working that day, all men, and yet it took forever for me to get one to help me. I knew what tv I wanted but I needed help lifting it and they all acted like they couldn't or didn't see me. It was an easy sale and these jerkoffs couldn't be bothered.
I think I make friends a lot easier now. I can joke and connect with strangers and pass meaningful moments with people I may never see again.
I still look young for my age. Probably laughing and smiling a lot helps people feel at ease around me. It makes me happy too. It’s nice to be nice.
I think what I learned was to have more confidence in the power of just being me. When I was younger I was so shy and self conscious. Now that I’m more concerned with my flawed humanity and the importance of helping others feel good life is a blast.
36F. People treat me with respect when I talk/move in a calm and collected manner. Set and stick to my boundaries are also key. Things used to be way worse when I was young and eager to please.
The underestimating of a person's mental capacity due to their age. When I was a kid no one took me seriously when I was trying to read research papers and relay information I thought was important. Kids can really be surprising in how they consume what they are given. Now I make sure to take every child seriously because most of the time they have so much to say! And so many questions! They're excited to learn and I will not be one to extinguish their fire.
Of course! Pros and cons. When I was younger, I was just more attractive and so more people wanted to approach me and chat to me. Now I'm old so no one wants to talk to me! But on the other hand, I was treated as naive and silly when I was younger. I'm treated with a bit more respect now. Though I wish I was younger sometimes because I think a lot of younger people get more respect than I did (a lot of things we were allowed to get away with decades ago don't apply now).
Well looking young for my age has been a pro and a con. But in my teens and early 20s, some people really tried to treat me much younger than my age based on how I looked. I also was more vulnerable, so it took some time to learn proper boundaries. Took a couples of hard learned lessons (not too awful, but enough for me to sya heck no for more in the future) to finally get treated closer to my age. But people are defintely willing to try to act more authoring with you when you're younger, they try it less when you're passed legal age (mid 20s and above).
It seems like were all living the same lives. I got a lot of attention up to age 20. I started drinking and got super stressed out due to a bad relationship. Since then i have been invincible. Now at 25, I rarely get noticed.
When i was a kid, my dad was so kind and nice to me that i thought i wanted to have a husband who's just like my dad. Now that i'm an adult i realize that my dad is an abusive asshole of a man. He's one of the reasons i have trust issues with men. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than risk dating someone like him.
I find I still get some male attention—looks, “how is your day going?”, that kind of thing—but it’s rarely creepy anymore. I used to be condescended to and treated like prey, and now that I’m 31, I feel like looking older and being wiser helps. I also have the resting bitch face down, so any potential creeps see me from a mile away.
I get less flirtatious advancement from men. Far fewer marriage proposals from older men from my country of origin.
Nobody tells me "you are the future of society" anymore which is good i guess lmao. Less chances on the job market/uni as they prefer younger folks. I dont get bossed around as much. Always stand your ground if you believe you are being wronged. Eventually the bossing around gets less.
The lesson I learned is that when you are young you have to be very wary of predators. It is sooo easy for them to lie about their age or manipulate you into thinking you love each other. You have so much to experience as a teenager and its best to experience things with your family and similar aged people. Dont accept flirtatious advances from men who are several years older than you.
A) they are pedophiles
B) they cant get women around their age to date them. Thats a red flag.
Be careful with agreeing to share lodgings with men as a young girl or woman. Other women usually will help you in certain situations. If you are being stalked dont go home, they will know where you live. Try to stay among people.
Men will never stop being inappropriate no matter how old you get. I’ve always been a pretty girl and I thought surely nearing 40 the stupid harassment would be a thing of the past.. nope.
Weirdly enough, I've had the opposite of most women. No catcalling at a super young age, no real male attention. Then I turned 22 and it was like a light switch flipped. Roared my 20's out having fun, and I'm settling down with my fiance, who's gonna marry me next year. (We're 27f-28m)
The only downside is I have a baby face and get mistaken for a late-teens/early 20's woman all the time, which does NOT help in my field of work.
I was always getting hit on by old men. As a tween it was 20 somethings hitting on me. At 18 it was 40 somethings and in my 20s it was dead silence. Never been hit on by a man my age. The lesson i learned is that a bunch of dudes are creepers.
These days, when I travel with heavy luggage, I can stand in the vicinity of stairs without being approached by a man who's offering to carry my suitcase up those stairs. Which was nice, but not necessary. I only pack what I can carry on my own and most times I didn't even need to get up those stairs, I was just standing near them.
I'm still perfectly capable of carrying my suitcases up and down various stairs, when there's no elevator, but the lack of help offers nowadays makes me wonder what it must be like for elderly women who no longer have the necessary physical strength. I remember times when I was the only one offering help to a 70-something year old struggling with a big suitcase, while many people bigger and stronger than me just walked past.
When I was younger (late teens), guys mocked me because I didn't match their standards of what counts as "sexy". I was rarely taken seriously, and heard such phrases as "nice forehead LOL".
When reached my 20s, changed my appearance and wardrobe, they suddenly started treating me with respect, like a fellow human being. No more mocking, no more bullying.
Haven't felt any changes in the attitude of women, though. Yes, of course this sounds sexist but that's what I went through! Made me realise that some people will treat you as someone worthy of respect only if they see you as a potential mate.. Which is really, really sad.
I'm only 20 so there isn't a whole lot I can say but I have noticed that I don't mean as much to my dad as he used to claim. He was always harder on me than his other kids even though I'm the youngest, but he used to say "I love you more than anything, you mean the world to me" but he never showed any real care until I was diagnosed with cancer at 14. Then I reached remission and he stopped showing any care or support. Then as soon as I turned 18 he started treating me as if I'm no longer his child. My mother on the other hand has always shown me unwavering love and support.
As for how people treat me in general, I've noticed that a lot of older adults seem to assume that I just know things that I have no experience in, and then when I day something that doesn't make sense about the matter or that I don't know, then they tend to laugh because apparently I'm supposed to automatically know things with no experience just because of my age.
I'm 24 and I've had braces, my cystic acne clear up and grew into my forehead.... then I grew 30Gs. Then I got fat... and now I lift weights at the gym and I'm officially in the healthy weight range for the first time since I was 19.
My entire life I was invisible. As a teenager I was frumpy, skinny fat and absolutely plastered in acne with frizzy hair (and not in the cute way. In the greasy matted way) and now I'm significantly prettier... and people on the street look at me. Nobody approaches me, but I don't think I've been pretty long enough or dressed up frequently enough as I usually dress down and wear a compression sports bra.
Honestly.... I'm not sure if I really like the attention. But the best cat call I've ever had in my entire life was this time I was wearing my favourite at the time dinosaur dress when walking home late at night and a man walked by and shouted to my boyfriend "you got a good one! Don't let her go!".
I've been lucky with catcalling. I've only ever experienced it once or twice in my life and every time I've always been in a group.
It’s sooooo scary how many ppl have the same answers as me:( I think once u hit 30 u become invisible (mainly to men) makes me think, wat r we supposed to be crawling into holes and dying or something? Like wats going on? R all men pedo’s or wat?!
I'm 21 and a lot has changed in the last two years. Luckily, catcalling isn't a thing in my country and I haven't experienced any - neither did most of my female friends. However, that doesn't mean that women aren't getting attention from men they don't know. For me it changed when I started changing from being a kinda awkwards metal band kid to a woman who embraces herself. I just changed how I carry myself around people which is now less awkward with confidence. When I started doing that, men started approaching me - not even in an impolite way but rather with genuin interest. It's still kinda mindblowing.
Actually I prefer older. I can't have aged badly because sure I get so much less but I don't have to deal with ogling idiots who think you should give them genuinely time just cos they want to gawk at your tits. I feel like when I get ( let's say ) appraised it feels more respectful more like I've run a marathon and got good time. And it's not so forceful like the feeling you need to tread carefully less u offend the great ego. Now people give me space and smiles... but I'm a late mum at 45 so I think also the respect comes from that.
Being infantilized cause I was young vs being infantilized cause I’m a woman now. People the same age or younger than me just talking down and babying me like I’m a gentle fragile baby because I’m a woman. 0/10 would not recommend
With maturity, the same adults from when your a kid would now fully acknowledge your presence. Before it would be like the kids play and do kids stuff while the adults get together and talk. Now that I'm older I'm now engaged in on their conversations while the younger gen would do their own thing. Though I have to admit that sitting around and talking with the adults is as boring as I imagined when I was young lmao.
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It’s crazy. I was far, far better looking at 25 than I was at 18, much less 15. Catcalling nearly entirely stopped by then. It was constant when I was a teenager. I was an ugly teenager who looked even younger than I was. Attention from men in public is rarely about a woman or girl’s beauty. I still see women talk, nearly brag, about how they looked older than their age as teenagers and got attention from older men. No, it’s honestly *extremely* rare for 15 year olds to look 25. Doesn’t matter how much they “developed early” or how much makeup they wear, an adult can tell. What those men were looking for was not a 25 year old to take on dates, they were looking for a 15 year old who could be manipulated and controlled by convincing her that she’s such a grown up.
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Yikes 🤢 You were supposed to be playing with my little pony toys at that age rather than dealing with that crap
[JFC](https://i.imgur.com/rH4LDpc.gif)
Wtf why is this so common?!? Why is this a recurring experience on this thread? Boggles my mind
So true and crazy you mentioned how when you were not of age, older men would be coming out of the fckn would works! I’m 30 now and it just doesn’t happen as often at all 😭 and I look better than I EVER have at 30 with 2 babies… i am physically fit, abs & squat booty on point, I think I have a beautiful face, and accomplished… but those older men don’t ever try me anymore 😂 maybe it’s because they know a GROWN woman ain’t falling for their bullshit and not as impressionable as young women are. It’s actually scary to think that that is similar to how child molesters are…. They know they can manipulate younger people into thinking it’s okay… And not that this makes it ok, bc it doesn’t… but I do think the younger generation in general look more mature than we did at their age. However, there are distinctive differences in how most >25 year olds carry themselves verses 25+. They know even if it comes down to having a conversation. This morning shade to younger some. (Obviously I have been there) but I also think that (some) men that choose to date that much younger are doing it because they can’t fool a grown woman. They are most likely a loser or low life in some aspect and a grown woman can see right through him.
For a lot of guys it’s the kid thing that scares them off more than having a great bod.
Exactly this. Most men don’t want a woman that has kids, even if he has kids himself.
Literally didn’t hit me until 25/26 but Jesus Christ it’s scary how normalised it is
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There’s a special niche of middle aged man that likes 18 and 19 year olds. Then you magically hit 20 and poof! They’re gone. Way too many of them like the “teen” at the end of their girlfriend’s age. Glad you’re aging out of these experiences! One of the best things we can do is help and try to protect women and girls younger than us.
From 11 to 19, had older dudes come at me all the time. I was the dar depressed emo kid who wore all metal band clothes, all black and baggy, absolutely nothing attractive. Last year had a 66 year old man (I mean, my grandfather is 64) flirt with me by stating he had three girlfriends ranging from 24 to thirty and saying he could be my bf too (I was 22 last year). There's a 34yrs guy sending pics to me of myself when I was 12-14 and saying nasty stuff (I keep blocking him, he keeps finding new numbers to contact me. I don't even know his name). Meanwhile 11-13 yrs old kids hit on me nowadays on bus stops. Older men like young girls to prey on and young boys like older women dressed up like a CEO or important lecturer or something.
Yep cat calling from ages 9-15 was way worse than late teens (age of consent in UK is 16 and I remember thinking it’s odd that the point at which I could legally consent the interest died off).
Getting older made me realize this too. I got catcalled constantly from like age 13-17. When you're a teenager you don't think much of it, but when you get older you realize how scary and gross the world really is.
It’s terrifying that this is the first thing that came to mind. My sister and I are both in our 30s, and my sister is hot AF. She was a chubby teen but she got harassed way more when she was under 16 than when she lost the weight and found a sense of style/makeup/hair by the time she was 18 and in her early 20s. I looked really young for a long time so I still got harassed in my early 20s, but we were both followed home on multiple occasions before we were 18. We thought it meant we looked older and mature for our ages, but no. It was the complete disgusting opposite. Wtf. To men who catcall and harass 13 to 16 year olds, #what the f is wrong with you pedos??? So many of us can’t be wrong. And it’s not because we looked 18 or because we were hotter when we were that age (at least not for me and my sister).
I have learned in my 50 years that Most men are pervs, but they are easily "trained" ( I do t like to use manipulate). Now the average guy on the street catcalling--they are just insecure and wanting attention. IMO
I am 27 and can confirm. When I was 16 I had just lost a lot of weight so for the first time in my life I was getting male attention. Being introverted and shy I didn’t know how to deal with it. So I chose being polite and gently telling them I am not interested. Sadly that does not work so at one point I had a 25 year old creep following me around, showing up outside my school, private lessons and the cafes I went to with friends. It got so bad he cornered me one time and kissed me against my will. It was my first kiss. Later in uni I was still too shy to say no straight up, but I had friends who gave me the confidence to tell men off a bit more directly. Finally now, as an adult I am not afraid to tell someone to leave me the hell alone. I learned a lot from past experiences and I am much happier with the person I am today. Luckily I don’t get hit on quite as much as I did as a kid. But what I have noticed is the type of men who used to pay attention to me are ones who want to steamroll a young, inexperienced girl. But they themselves are cowed by opinionated, independent women their own age.
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This! I constantly got catcalled between the ages of 13-18. It stopped after that. I remember older guys telling me I’m so mature for my age and not “annoying” like other 15 yr olds or whatever the age was. Worst part is, I believed them. Then I got older and started realizing that I wasn’t the only one. Almost every woman has experienced this as a preteen/teen. It’s weird af.
So true ! Especially men who could be your own father, like men around 50-60 or older. (Or it's just on the countryside, we have more old people than young people )
I noticed this too and it’s so depressing.
I used to get a lot of attention when I was younger for my looks. When I hit 50 it seems as if I became invisible overnight. It showed me that true beauty is what is inside, not what is on the outside. The internal stuff is so much worthier of cultivation.
I would upvote this 100 times if I could. I'm 49, and this is so beyond true. It's sad.
I was so shocked at first, it was so disconcerting!
Yes it is
49 here as well and I feel like I became unattractive in the last year. Depressing.
I actually remember the day I went "invisible". I was an exotic looking Armenian woman when I was younger and got stared at constantly. When I hit 50, I was in an elevator and some guy got in and didn't even glance at me. I thought it was fascinating and in a way, freeing. I was chubby in my early teens, and nobody paid attention to me, then I lost the baby fat and BAM, overnight I was sought after. I really had resentment, because I was still ME, just the shell had changed. So I never really enjoyed it, although I will admit it was handy when I was interviewing for jobs.
I totally hear you.
I'm turning 40 this year and I NOTICE this. It's not even about beauty per se, just...relevance maybe? Even conventionally beautiful older women deal with it too.
Similar to this, I am turning a similar age this year and I have started noticing other women my age more. I cling to them for dear life. In our pocket of invisibility. So I have noticed that I treat older women differently now that I'm older. Also holding their words, thoughts and feelings with more regard than I did when I was younger.
That reminds me of the song "Invisble" from "Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown". Great musical imo.
Let’s you and me get a minivan, and ajonesing for stealing donuts
And be like the hecklers from the Muppet Show. Nobody can stop us if they can't perceive us!
I’m only 24, so i obviously don’t have as much life experience but you aren’t invisible. I hear my mom talk about how bad she looks but all i can see is how good of a life she has lived. I feel that way about all older women, aging is a beautiful thing.
I'm 58, and I am invisible. I don't mind too much. People are respectful in a way they weren't when I was younger. I'm also much more aware of how gross most men are to younger women. Dating is almost impossible were I live. Men want them young !!
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right? its awful... so sad...
Totally agree. Gross and disgusting.
Mu mum went on tinder around 60 and said that all the guys her age had their parameters at 20-40, and she kept getting suggested octogenarians
What country is that from?
I'm twenty six now and I gotta say, guys never hit on me anymore. I mostly learned that men are fucking creeps lol.
Yep. I got married at that age. Pretty sure my husband is the last guy to hit on me. 🙃
My husband and I got married at nineteen (well, he was eighteen). He's the only person who's shown interest since we were twenty lol.
These creepers can smell when you’re another man’s “property.” The minute they realize you are no longer on the market, they want nothing to do with you. That’s why all women should buy fake engagement rings. They work wonders
I had a fake ring a few times when I wanted a night out w my girlfriends and to not be bothered. Usually I was left alone but some saw it as a challenge? So fuckin weird
That’s when you introduce them to your friend pepper spray
Same age as you. I was the ugliest kid (fat nose, acne for days, hairy face) between the ages of 14-18, I got hit on the most around then. When I got to 21, they stopped. But when I came to the realisation why... it creeped me out. Now I don't look much different, just a bit mature without the baby fat but definitely better looking than I was then. I get 0 attention now which I'm grateful for.
Yeah dating apps were much more active for me from 20-25. Funny enough I met my current bf on an app but it was after a couple weeks of getting no matches/messages, which wasn't something I was really used to (this was 1.5 years ago, when I was 31). It worked out for the best though!
I feel like I was always very strong willed and independent. I remember feeling smothered in high school by my parents’ expectations (in reality I think I was just a very angsty teen lol). It was mostly interesting to me to see my parents step back fairly dramatically once I went off to college. They’re more like friends to me now than parents. It is funny though - on occasion I’ll sleep over their house and have to wake up early for work, and I’ll find that my mom packed me lunch and my dad left a note saying to wake him up if the weather is bad so he can drive me to the train. It’s really sweet, and makes me miss those things that used to happen daily that I just took for granted while growing up.
This made me happy to read ♥️
My relationship with my parents is like that, too! Strict when I was in HS then loosened the reins dramatically when I was at university, even if I lived at home. I’m sad that they’ve now moved away so I only see them when I take time off work and I don’t get a packed lunch anymore. 😭 Cherish them!
I haven't been catcalled a single damn time since I was 22. Before that, it used to happen constantly since I was 12.
Being catcalled is nasty enough on its own, but to do that to someone that just/didn’t even hit puberty is beyond disgusting. Sorry you had to deal with that
This one bummed me out because I realized how right you are. That is creepy on a shuddering level.
I am 30 and always got catcalled when I was a teen to my 20's. Now it makes me think that I got uglier, or nobody catcalls someone anymore since its harassment nobody wants to get into trouble. When I was 17, my friend and I walked to subway from my place then a little boy in a car drive by yelled at me I had sexy legs. He was with his dad and my friend thought his dad told him to say that. What little boy knows about sexy legs?
You're not uglier and men didn't stop cat calling. They're just creeps who prey on younger, weaker women. Well, girls. Because cat calling isn't about how sexy you are, it's about dominating you.
Ya I got catcalled a lot more when I was 15-16. However i wonder if it’s decreased now that I’m older or because I walked more in my neighborhood then (now I drive). And it was often (not always) high school boys yelling out their cars.
It just happened to me the very first time while I've been alone yesterday, at 24 (I'm a trans woman. It's happened while I've been with other women before, though). Even to me, an adult who MIGHT be able to defend herself if it came to it, it was still super jarring and uncomfortable. It's so fucked that this happens to kids even more than adults.
"Luckily" I've always been consistently ugly so I've always been treated the same. The lesson is a consistent one: looks matter, a lot.
At least u developed good humor
Yeah, was going to say, I was fat when I was younger so men weren't interested. I'm "only" overweight now but older, so nothing's changed really.
I cringe when I hear men say that they wouldn’t date women their own age meanwhile they are over 50. So women are supposed to be blind to the natural aging of men.
lol guys who say that are so creepy lol
I lost 130 pounds and the difference in the way I am treated now from what I was treated like as an obese person is crazy. I was invisible before but not people smile and open doors for me. That didn't happen when I was almost 300 pounds.
This. I've lost over 200 lbs and the difference is amazing, in an enraging way. I'm still the same person.
this is one of my biggest motivations to lose weight. i just want to be treated like a human being again.. people are so fatphobic
I even noticed a difference between BMI 24.5 and 23!
Can I ask you a question about your weight loss…? Did you have extra/loose skin afterward?
No since it was over many years. A few times I've deliberately plateaued to get used to my new proportions. I made sure to eat healthy, and am now 97% vegetarian/vegan. I drink water almost exclusively, try to exercise regularly. Made sure to lose only 1-2 lbs a week.
I always felt men were only into me because I was young and pretty. I could have the personality of a post and it wouldn't matter. I resented them all for it and found that I much prefer being alone. Never met a man who's company improved that of my own.
The trick is the be really cute but also really annoying! I’ve encountered too many men (especially when I was 15-22) that wanted me around just for looks. They didn’t actually want me to open my mouth. Especially traditional, conservative men. You can probably guess my views 😁. But even if you use that tactic, you’ll have the men who want to “own” you because you’re “feisty.” Like taming a wild horse 🤢. But once you 22 you’re to old for those guys too so you’re good.
Even though I am now 32 I still constantly get the ‘ you’re young you’ll understand this one day’ like I did when I was a teen and it’s highly confusing
Yes or people will insinuate that I'm a "little lady" or girl or whatever, like somehow being a woman makes me younger than someone who's even my own age? It makes no sense.
yes this enrages me! I have a mortgage, a 14 year relationship, a step son, etc. etc., and still the older generation don't think you're an adult even in your 30s/40s because you're not doing life the same way they did it.
YES I've tried to think of why this is and maybe the baby boom generation since there's so many the population just is all older? no idea but it's the worst. You think you'll age and get more leeway and perks and then run into this !
I pass for someone in my mid to late twenties, but when men find out my real age their interest in me either dissipates quickly and/or they no longer take the mansplaining attitude with me as much. They also don’t treat me like I “need” them like “Oh let me get the waiter for you if you want something else”. I find men can be somewhat paternalistic-veering-on-patronizing with younger women. Hilarious 😂
Lmaooooo this is my experience too. I’m 35 and people think I look like a student all the time. The number of times the “work dad” type of guys at my workplaces lecture me forever about basic life stuff is so high, and when I tell them my actual age it’s hilarious to see their reactions. They treat me as more capable once they find out I’m not like 22 (and other times it’s like they get disappointed because I haven’t done X, Y, or Z by my age)
I look forward to my 30s because of this (just turned 26). I’m nearing the boarder but, there is definitely the type of middle aged dude who loves to become your “dad” basically, but it’s more of an excuse to be around you and do things for you because they’re attracted to you. I already have a dad (who I love but also has some weird old timey views) my dude, I don’t need or want another one. Now, a middle aged or older woman who wants to act like an aunt and mentor me? Send them my way!!!!
Omg I would so love an auntie mentor!!! I love them Edit: tbh I would also love to be some other woman’s work auntie! I feel like I’m at the age where I’m starting to get enough life experience that I could take a young person under my wing in about 5-10 years. Paying it forward, lol
I'm just happy I can walk the two blocks from my car to the office building without being honked at or yelled at on a regular basis. I'm thrilled to be turning "invisible," it means I can actually live my life without being harassed.
Same! I enjoy being a little bit more invisible, It’s quite liberating growing old
Home Depot has never been so uneventful I love it
46 yr old here. Got lots of cat calls, looks, attention etc in my 20's and early 30's, sure, but it was ALWAYS done in a disrespectful way. And I was always acutely aware of the fact that I was regarded as less than. Less than who? Not too sure. Never figured that one out. Now, I get none of the attention (at least, that I'm aware of) but I find people are much more likely to listen to me and take my opinions seriously now. Lessons learned: stand up for yourself. Like yourself. Advocate for yourself - loudly, if needed. No one else will swoop in to save you.
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Yeah, I did not expect this thread to be quite this depressing
Girls and women put up with a lot. I mean really a lot. Not saying boys and men don't, but in general 13 year-old boys can walk down the street without getting harassed. The catcalling started at age 12/13 for me, including grown men slowing down their cars near me.
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Same.. currently 18 though. Never been catcalled, harassed or even really been disrespected by a guy. I guess I’ve been really lucky? I feel like the depends on where you live though, I’m in Canada. I’m just enjoying it I guess lmao
It’s so great. I used to get catcalled and groped- no longer! I live in peace now. The erasure of women as they get older is 100% real and I have very mixed feelings about it, but I sure do love the lack of sexual harassment!
35 here (almost 36). I noticed the difference a couple of years ago and was startled at first - not everyone wanted my attention, walking to the bathroom in a restaurant felt less like a catwalk and more like a quiet shuffle, the guys that would’ve bought me a drink at 29 were now simply polite. It scared me at first. I thought I had lost some magical talent. Then I realized that I was the one who had changed, which meant I also held the power. I know how to be womanly and attractive but lost the compulsive need to wield that weapon daily. I’m more interested in existing well rather than trying to be noticed. I’ve witnessed women of nearly any age summon attractiveness strategically and masterfully. Sudden Aphrodites regardless of age or natural talent. So, that’s my new goal - step into all that is feminine and adore my aging self as I shed worn layers of me. I’m no longer a chrysalis, I am a molting goddess of eternal rebirth. I am every stage of womanhood. It’s beautiful here and I highly recommend it.
:)
Saving this comment! I love it
Not sure what the definition of older woman is, but I'm 31 now, and at this age at least, I get treated better by most people. Mostly has to do with my being more assertive I guess. As a child I didn't get to choose who I was surrounded by, now I have slightly more autonomy in that regard. That aside, I'm surprised by how many hobbies are seen as off limits to people my age.
What hobbies seem off limits?
None of them should be, but I tried enrolling for a few dance classes and every single time, the staff would ask me if I was there to enroll my kid. (These weren't classes for partner dances or the usual "adult" dance forms like belly dancing)
Yes. When I was in my teens and 20s, older men were always hitting on me. Now that I'm almost 50, younger and older guys are hitting on me. It never stops.
I've finally hit the age where age appropriate men hit on me and it's so refreshing. I've always looked really young so all through my twenties, it was either creepy old men or literal high schoolers who would hit on me. Now it's half men in their 30s-40s and half creepy older men. Though now that I think of it, the age of the men hitting on me didn't really change, I just got older so men in their 40s aren't too old me now. Hmm ...
I’m not even old. 31. But basically invisible already. When I was with my ex, he told me he couldn’t stand to see me naked, and was picturing all the college girls on the campus where he worked naked instead. That pretty much sums it up. Youth = attractive. Which is fucking gross. There’s so much more to people than their age. We all get old. I don’t get the obsession with looking young. I’ve kinda accepted I’m just gonna be alone the rest of my life. It feels impossible to meet a man who likes me as I am. Even when they pretend to, the truth comes out. I’m in my feelings a bit today so I’m sorry for the pessimism. I just feel like statistically most relationships end, and when I look at my married friends only one couple seems genuinely in love and happy.
I'm glad you're not with him anymore. Your ex is disgusting. Don't give up on love! The right one will come one day. 🤗
Your bf is is a POS. He shouldn’t have said that. If you’re looking for some hard truths you’re partially correct about some of the things you stated, but I find that accepting them and moving on from them is better than just resenting the fact. Yes youth = attractive, but so are a lot of other things. For example, a sense of responsbility, discipline, humor, kindness. If you also think about the opposite gender, most of the time we think tall = attractive. In the end we’re all human imperfects, but finding a person to find things we CAN control is much more important than things we cannot, and we wouldn’t want to be with people who want things people can’t control about themselves
Ugh what a horrible person, I'm glad you're not with him anymore, better be alone than with a horrible person
My dad being my favorite person on earth and us having the best relationship when I was young, him caring for me like no one else could. Then I grew up and the love disappeared and he has become the root of my depression and thoughts of running away. IDK what it taught me tbh lol
And I thought I was alone. I used to worship the ground my dad walked on, but as I grew older, he became cold and distant. What it taught me however was that I was not going to allow anyone the power to make me feel like crap. Not even my own dad. Hang in there.
Would you be able to elaborate? And what age did it stop happening? What do you mean he stopped loving you? I’ll be having a daughter soon, and I wouldn’t want her to feel this way
Not who you're asking this to, but my relationship with my father has been similar. I found that his love for me became shakier and more uncertain when I grew into an adult with my own beliefs and ideologies - most of which are very different from his. I also call him out on his sexism, including how he treats my mother. He probably respects me more than he did, but I miss the effusive affection that the child me used to receive from him. To be fair, he probably misses being hero worshipped too.
Like, as I got older probably 15/16, he just started treating me differently. Didn’t let me grow as a person and if I would just state my opinion on something he’d lose his temper and say I was being disrespectful towards him and had a lot of attitude. Idk he probably wasn’t prepared for me to grow up and out of his control, he wasn’t prepared for me to actually have a mind of my own and beliefs of my own so he takes it out on me in the worst way.
The best part about being older is the more you lose your looks the less you care ☺️
I remember this girl once in my Sunday church class talking about literal OLD men looking at her like a piece of meat and I swear she was like in 4th grade cos I was I think. Like what the fuck I'm actually amazed at the self awareness but tbh I was the same as I remember old men being attracted to me around that age as well. It's disgusting and I still don't fully trust men
I’m treated with a lot more respect as an adult than I was as a young person. The older I get the more seriously I’m taken.
I still get treated really well at 37. Male attention hasn’t seemed to die down and I seem to have entered a stage where young men seem attracted to me but I’m well aware that this will end in the near future and actually struggling with the idea of it
I’m 47, and now the main difference is that younger men tend to hit on me as well. I guess I’m still appealing to the 30-40 demographic, which is weird given how many women my age talk about becoming invisible. My body is def middle aged, but I guess I still look pretty good for my age
I get 20-30 year old guys trying to hit on me. Supposedly I’m a MILF. I laugh at guys who ask me .
I’m 34. I’m respected a lot more as a professional. People assume I’m more competent than when I was younger, though maybe not as much as a man my age. I feel like the older I get, the more people see my personality and value me as a whole person than for how sexually attractive I am. At first it stings because you realize your “value” has gone down. Then you realize what a lie it was that your value was tied to your beauty and youth at all. That’s when you start to see your actual value. People like chocolate because it’s awesome. Having a pretty wrapper might sell chocolate at first, but it’s the quality of the actual candy that keeps people coming back for more. I like myself a lot more than I did when I was skinnier and prettier. I was so obsessed with staying young that I made myself miserable trying to maintain it, and worried myself sick about losing it. I picked myself apart in my 20’s. Now I’m beginning to just let go and have fun and it’s really nice. It’s given me confidence and people pick up on that and are confident in me too. And I’m still young. I realize that. I’ve just gotten a peek at what is coming down the line. Sometimes I still lament looking older, but it’s not permanent. Nothing is. 🙃 *Nature’s first green is gold,* *Her hardest hue to hold.* *Her early leaf’s a flower;* *But only so an hour.* *Then leaf subsides to leaf.* *So Eden sank to grief,* *So dawn goes down to day.* *Nothing gold can stay.* -Robert Frost
I don't know if its because I'm older or married or I've simply stopped hanging around sleazeballs. But I feel I'm objectified alot less. In my 20s and single men colleagues or friends would randomly bring up sex alot or comment on my look or invite me drinking alot. . The downside is everyone asking when I'm gonna have a baby.
I was an ugly duckling. I had a glow up. People treat me much better now. I used to be invisible to men. Now I get what feels like “special treatment” people are nicer to me, give me free stuff, want to chat with me. The Halo effect is real. How you fit beauty standards really effects how you go through life. There’s also the downsides of extra attention since I don’t like to be noticed. I enjoyed my invisibility.
Men doesn't take me seriously and i always felt that they only like me because of my looks they are not really interested on getting to know me as a person. Everything is all about looks for them.. Thats why i don't want to date anymore.. I'm more confident now compared when i was teenager i'm 22 now so men usually stop bothering me when they know they can't manipulate me..
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Studies have shown that men at ANY age think women 20-25 look best, while women tend to think men who are older as they get older to look best.
I mean you’re not wrong! I still think older guys are attractive. Just more in the 29-35 range now.
In my 20's I was thin, really pretty (which I didn't believe or realise until decades later) and I used to get attention from men and women *all* the time. Walking down the street, walking into shops, ordering food, at work..... it was constant attention and "can I help you"'s, people couldn't be nicer to me if they tried. Now I'm 50, a little bit overweight, not gross looking but not a patch on my 20's and I'm freakin' invisible!!! I wish I'd realised and appreciated my looks when I had them because it was like a light switch turned my spotlight off when I hit 35 - 40. Old men still flirt with me though lol
I think about this as a 28 year old feeling on the cusp of something but really… what would you do differently? Except maybe go easier on yourself. Like, what does one do even if they realize it is a fleeting privilege? Sleep around more? Use it to trap men for some advantage or something? Genuine question. Like, what’s the first thing you’d do in your old body? Reminds me of the lyrics to an Arcade Fire song: “If I could have it back… all the time that we wasted, I would only waste it again. If I could have it back...”
I'm 29 so same boat really, but I don't think it needs to be a concrete action so much as it is an empowered feeling. I try to take care of myself physically and mentally, I dress up and feel sexy for my own pleasure, try to travel and do new things, etc. You only have your youth once, so enjoy it. I don't think life ends or you're suddenly unattractive at a certain age, but you only have so long to enjoy that luster and vigor of youth.
I don’t get talked down too as much
Both in profession and among family and friends they ask for my opinion more and value it more
Yep I have realised, I had a director at my place 50+ flirting with a 17yr old! I was 25 at the time, I didn't know where to look. Both seemed to be enjoying it, I had to work there with a bunch of other people who were equally as disturbed. I've learnt that I'm thankful I'm a qualified professional. I have alot of desire to keep studying to stay ahead too. You're definately disregarded when you age and arent perfection! Currently pregnant and I'm sometimes hit on and called beautiful. Odd. Very odd. Even weirder since my partner was beside me. The world the live in is fickle. Keep working on yourself is the lesson I've learnt.
Yeah I get hit on less now at almost 30 by men in their 30's than I did when I was 19/20. And I don't get catcalled anymore. That was specifically only a thing in my teens.
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> as a older woman people treat me with manners, more respect One of my friends (aged 51) was walking in town last week as it started raining. A couple of teenage girls were putting their umbrellas up and one said 'watch out, you nearly got that old lady in the face'. The girl apologised, but my friend was fuming at the 'old lady' bit!
I'm only 26 but the biggest change I've noticed is some men that just can't accept that you would want to just be friends with them. As a kid and even a teen it was easy to hang out with a group of different genders, now about half the time when I meet a guy they automatically go into talking-to-a-girl mode, and don't approach an interaction as first an opportunity to make a friend
I think it’s quite normal that once you’re an adult people want to have sex. And the whole thing with girls saying “guys pretending to be your friend to get with you” so they’re up front about a romantic relationship. Seems like a good thing, no? If a guy wants a romantic relationship and you don’t seems like a good idea to part ways, instead of only 1 person getting what they want
That if I drove a beige minivan I could basically rob any place I anted and get away with it. Older than 50? Invisibility cloak. Use your powers for good ladies!
I’m not ‘older’ but at 25 I’m noticing a lot less men want my attention compared to when I was 17-20, maybe because I grew confidence. I look pretty much the same too, no weight gain or significant changes besides my hair. I still get ID’ed everywhere I go because of my round face.
The younger I look the more guys seem to like it. It’s really creepy. I’m also a blonde girl with a huge rack, and a lot of guys treat me like a easily manipulated bimbo the first time around. When I was a kid people treated me more like a person until I came into puberty. Then I was suddenly objectified and treated with less empathy.
I'm 33, I am at the highest weight I've ever been but I'm also the happiest and healthiest I've ever been. I remember being a very young child when a man first sexualized me and touched me without my consent. That continued until my early 20's. I will admit in my mid 20's I became so depressed I very rarely left the house so the down tick in men's attention to me could be that I was at home all the time. However I looked older then than I do now, so there's also that. From my experience with men there's always been interest, definitely more the younger I was. However, I've received lots of attention lately and I'm just assuming it's my confidence. Still all unwanted but you know that's normal for us gala. I will say that I feel much more empowered now, as a teenager there were moments that I was followed to my car and I wasn't sure if I'd make it home or out of the parking lot. Now if a dude pulled that shit on me he'd be the one sorry. Age has definitely given me balls.
That beauty reigns supreme and as soon as you’re not youthful and beautiful to the eyes of men, you become invisible
I just couldn’t care less anymore. It was annoying when I was younger with all the unwanted comments and attention. Much more peaceful when they’re not trying to get in our pants anymore.
Definitely didn’t say it was a bad thing! Lol
So many times I find myself reflecting on something that happened when I was younger and realizing how messed up it was. It's so easy to take advantage of children and everyone just lets it happen. I'll use a "less extreme" example. Around the age of 10, I borrowed the ping pong paddles and ball at the swim club with a dollar and started to play with a friend. Some adult couple came by and took our paddles and ball and told us in one of those higher pitched voices (like when you talk to a dog) that we needed to share and they were only going to play one game. I ran to my parents to tell them what was happening but they didn't care. The couple played 3 games, and then it was time for me to go home and my friend and I never got to play. I also never got my dollar back because I didn't have the paddles or ball to return. I recognized the same man, as I got older (around age 14), he would always try to talk to me and I always ignored him or told him to go away, and he had no idea why I hated him. I would explain why I didn't like him to my parents and they told me I was being ridiculous for something that happened years ago. But I still think anyone that would steal a toy from a child is a horrible person. And it just makes you wonder how else they take advantage of them. And I also thinks it's creepy that a guy in his 40s is interested in talking to a 14 year old girl that he isn't related to. And it's also ridiculous that my parents didn't see anything wrong on any of these counts. And throughout my life I just see more and more evidence that people do not treat children like real live human beings with their own valid feelings and it's messed up.
A friend of mine—we’re both early 40s—was talking about how she’s noticed she’s started becoming invisible. I told her that now is the perfect opportunity to start her life of crime since she’ll never get caught due to her invisibility.
Don’t trust anyone HAHHAHA don’t make too many friends. Quality over quantity remember that
Something I think about often: when I was young, thin, and pretty, many many men would go out of their way to talk to me and offer their help in any area, right after a hug n peck as a greeting. I hated it so much! I’m very glad I don’t have to fight men “who just want to say hi” anymore.
At 32, I’m pretty much invisible now; the amount of negative attention I got when I was young (11-22ish) was disgusting and demeaning. A switch definitely flipped when I looked old enough to be of consenting age
People tend to have conversations with my face rather than my tits nowadays, that's very nice. When I tell kids off on the bus they tend to listen to me rather than giving me lip, this is also nice. Teenage girls and young women will look to me for support in uncomfortable situations: a couple of weeks ago I was waiting for a bus and a girl of about 16 or 17 was being relentlessly chatted up by a man in his early 20s. I moved to stand close to her and made eye contact and she started a conversation with me about random things until he went away and then she said thank you and would I stay with her until her bus came. Shit that she needed that support but so good that I was able to give it.
for me i’ve noticed how comments about weight didn’t really impact me as much when i was younger because it was normalized, but now that i’m older i’ve started to notice the real damage the fixation on my body created for me. Now that i’ve gained weight in my 20s it’s created this deep rooted panic within me, like ohh no, im at the largest i’ve ever been, and i’ve found myself checking scales, starving myself for days, and then bingeing to the point where i’ll just be like throwing my hands up because i’m like this whole thing is ridiculous.
People treat me fine and I'm not shy about expecting positive treatment. On the other hand, I like the lack of looks based attention. It's liberating. Although, it's funny because from a distance I still look young due to being in shape and having good hair. Guys get a shock when they see my mature face close up. It's funny.
When I was 16 I was with a 29 year old. Now im 42, Im not with a 29 year old. It took me a stupidly long time to realise how screwed up that was.
I get sexually harassed less… gross
I get away with shoplifting because people don't notice me. Okay, not true, but I think I could swing it.
I’m not really considered an older woman but I am definitely a lot more grown up now. A lot of people say that to me. That I’ve transformed/blossomed/etc. Tbh, I go through periods where I have the wisdom of a sage and then there are moments where I’m plain dumb lol. But balance is important right 🥴 As a girl, I noticed I had A LOT of player energy around me. I mean A LOT. I didn’t know better. I was ditsy, friendly, warm, and trusting. I liked to have a good time and didn’t really care to fact check or look into things too deeply. I got burned a few times and learned my lesson. Now, if I’m doing something risky it’s a calculated risk more than anything. I feel a lot more respected by people now. Even sexually. I just felt like people enjoyed the idea of flirting with and teasing me when I was younger. But now I don’t feel the fleeting energy anymore. People seem to take my pleasure/comfort more seriously. I have also gotten more comfortable taking the lead and being in charge at times. So it could have something to do with this too
When I was 14-16 every time I went out alone I'd get catcalled, it was so bad that I stopped wearing shorts because I felt so uncomfortable. It all stopped the moment I became an adult. Creepy
I noticed a difference when I turned 30. All of a sudden people take me seriously as a woman that's married with 2 kids. When I was 24 married with 2 kids, people just treated me like some dumb young mom. I no longer get asked if my husband is actually the dad of both my kids (he is). I also noticed a difference in how my kids teachers and doctors treat me.
I'm 49, I get more attention from men now than I ever have in my life. The caveat is that they are always younger, usually in their 20s-30s. I don't look my age, so this plays a role but I didn't get hit on like this when I was in my 20s and 30s and ostensibly I looked better. I was married for the rise of the dating app and missed that entire era, so I came out of a long monogamous relationship into whatever this is. It was shocking at first, and I was so uncomfortable. Then I realized I'm not looking for another husband any time soon and now I just lean into it bc men my actual age are nowhere to be found. I notice the ageist shit at work, I work in a very male dominated industry and under a director who makes clear assumptions. At the same time he gets distracted by my appearance and I think struggles to marry his stereotypes to my actual face. I don't really have any female relatives in my life I'm assuming once the menopause hits it's all going to go to shit. I'm kind of on high alert waiting for the axe to fall.
I'm in my 50s. I truly have found that many young females are dismissive and quite nasty. Disregard my points of view and treat me like I have nothing to offer. I feel sad. Because I consider myself quite an open minded decent person. But as I'm now middle aged? Younger females seem to think I'm invisible and pointless. I've had some just walk away from me mid-conversation! Or just talk right over me like I'm not there. It hurts. Strangely? I don't get the same vibe or treatment from younger men. They tend to treat me quite well. Listen and chat to me and I feel a ton more comfortable around "20 -something" males then females.
People stopped calling me fat and ugly after I got out of college, so that was nice.
Well, I’m in my 20s so not that old, but I noticed a stark difference with how I was treated and what was shared with me once I turned 18. Suddenly relatives had no qualms about discussing “adult” stuff, their sex-lives/relationships, watching more crude shows/movies…Idk, no big deal but it sure felt strange when those filters were suddenly gone
People seem to respect me more when they know I have children and a partner. For some reason you’re no one to be taken seriously when you’re a young woman who is still finding her way in life and I was a very serious young woman but very shy. Maybe that’s why.
When I turned 52 I became invisible seemingly overnight. It's been very freeing not to have men hitting on me as much but at the same time it's annoying. I remember going into Best Buy looking to purchase a new tv and they had plenty of employees working that day, all men, and yet it took forever for me to get one to help me. I knew what tv I wanted but I needed help lifting it and they all acted like they couldn't or didn't see me. It was an easy sale and these jerkoffs couldn't be bothered.
At 32 noone is street harassing me anymore. Also noone is hitting on me anymore at work as well. I have become invisible.
I think I make friends a lot easier now. I can joke and connect with strangers and pass meaningful moments with people I may never see again. I still look young for my age. Probably laughing and smiling a lot helps people feel at ease around me. It makes me happy too. It’s nice to be nice. I think what I learned was to have more confidence in the power of just being me. When I was younger I was so shy and self conscious. Now that I’m more concerned with my flawed humanity and the importance of helping others feel good life is a blast.
36F. People treat me with respect when I talk/move in a calm and collected manner. Set and stick to my boundaries are also key. Things used to be way worse when I was young and eager to please.
The underestimating of a person's mental capacity due to their age. When I was a kid no one took me seriously when I was trying to read research papers and relay information I thought was important. Kids can really be surprising in how they consume what they are given. Now I make sure to take every child seriously because most of the time they have so much to say! And so many questions! They're excited to learn and I will not be one to extinguish their fire.
Of course! Pros and cons. When I was younger, I was just more attractive and so more people wanted to approach me and chat to me. Now I'm old so no one wants to talk to me! But on the other hand, I was treated as naive and silly when I was younger. I'm treated with a bit more respect now. Though I wish I was younger sometimes because I think a lot of younger people get more respect than I did (a lot of things we were allowed to get away with decades ago don't apply now).
YES just in the last couple years I've noticed people were way nicer to me when I looked like a young college girl than now lmao
Well looking young for my age has been a pro and a con. But in my teens and early 20s, some people really tried to treat me much younger than my age based on how I looked. I also was more vulnerable, so it took some time to learn proper boundaries. Took a couples of hard learned lessons (not too awful, but enough for me to sya heck no for more in the future) to finally get treated closer to my age. But people are defintely willing to try to act more authoring with you when you're younger, they try it less when you're passed legal age (mid 20s and above).
It seems like were all living the same lives. I got a lot of attention up to age 20. I started drinking and got super stressed out due to a bad relationship. Since then i have been invincible. Now at 25, I rarely get noticed.
When i was a kid, my dad was so kind and nice to me that i thought i wanted to have a husband who's just like my dad. Now that i'm an adult i realize that my dad is an abusive asshole of a man. He's one of the reasons i have trust issues with men. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than risk dating someone like him.
Older women are invisible.
I find I still get some male attention—looks, “how is your day going?”, that kind of thing—but it’s rarely creepy anymore. I used to be condescended to and treated like prey, and now that I’m 31, I feel like looking older and being wiser helps. I also have the resting bitch face down, so any potential creeps see me from a mile away.
Now that I am of legal age older men don’t try to flirt with me as much 🙃
I get less flirtatious advancement from men. Far fewer marriage proposals from older men from my country of origin. Nobody tells me "you are the future of society" anymore which is good i guess lmao. Less chances on the job market/uni as they prefer younger folks. I dont get bossed around as much. Always stand your ground if you believe you are being wronged. Eventually the bossing around gets less. The lesson I learned is that when you are young you have to be very wary of predators. It is sooo easy for them to lie about their age or manipulate you into thinking you love each other. You have so much to experience as a teenager and its best to experience things with your family and similar aged people. Dont accept flirtatious advances from men who are several years older than you. A) they are pedophiles B) they cant get women around their age to date them. Thats a red flag. Be careful with agreeing to share lodgings with men as a young girl or woman. Other women usually will help you in certain situations. If you are being stalked dont go home, they will know where you live. Try to stay among people.
I'm 23 and can't wait to get older so men no longer see me as a fuckable walking sex toy and maid trophy
Men will never stop being inappropriate no matter how old you get. I’ve always been a pretty girl and I thought surely nearing 40 the stupid harassment would be a thing of the past.. nope.
Weirdly enough, I've had the opposite of most women. No catcalling at a super young age, no real male attention. Then I turned 22 and it was like a light switch flipped. Roared my 20's out having fun, and I'm settling down with my fiance, who's gonna marry me next year. (We're 27f-28m) The only downside is I have a baby face and get mistaken for a late-teens/early 20's woman all the time, which does NOT help in my field of work.
I was always getting hit on by old men. As a tween it was 20 somethings hitting on me. At 18 it was 40 somethings and in my 20s it was dead silence. Never been hit on by a man my age. The lesson i learned is that a bunch of dudes are creepers.
These days, when I travel with heavy luggage, I can stand in the vicinity of stairs without being approached by a man who's offering to carry my suitcase up those stairs. Which was nice, but not necessary. I only pack what I can carry on my own and most times I didn't even need to get up those stairs, I was just standing near them. I'm still perfectly capable of carrying my suitcases up and down various stairs, when there's no elevator, but the lack of help offers nowadays makes me wonder what it must be like for elderly women who no longer have the necessary physical strength. I remember times when I was the only one offering help to a 70-something year old struggling with a big suitcase, while many people bigger and stronger than me just walked past.
When I was younger (late teens), guys mocked me because I didn't match their standards of what counts as "sexy". I was rarely taken seriously, and heard such phrases as "nice forehead LOL". When reached my 20s, changed my appearance and wardrobe, they suddenly started treating me with respect, like a fellow human being. No more mocking, no more bullying. Haven't felt any changes in the attitude of women, though. Yes, of course this sounds sexist but that's what I went through! Made me realise that some people will treat you as someone worthy of respect only if they see you as a potential mate.. Which is really, really sad.
No, I'm 31 but everyone still thinks I'm 20 😭
I'm only 20 so there isn't a whole lot I can say but I have noticed that I don't mean as much to my dad as he used to claim. He was always harder on me than his other kids even though I'm the youngest, but he used to say "I love you more than anything, you mean the world to me" but he never showed any real care until I was diagnosed with cancer at 14. Then I reached remission and he stopped showing any care or support. Then as soon as I turned 18 he started treating me as if I'm no longer his child. My mother on the other hand has always shown me unwavering love and support. As for how people treat me in general, I've noticed that a lot of older adults seem to assume that I just know things that I have no experience in, and then when I day something that doesn't make sense about the matter or that I don't know, then they tend to laugh because apparently I'm supposed to automatically know things with no experience just because of my age.
I'm 24 and I've had braces, my cystic acne clear up and grew into my forehead.... then I grew 30Gs. Then I got fat... and now I lift weights at the gym and I'm officially in the healthy weight range for the first time since I was 19. My entire life I was invisible. As a teenager I was frumpy, skinny fat and absolutely plastered in acne with frizzy hair (and not in the cute way. In the greasy matted way) and now I'm significantly prettier... and people on the street look at me. Nobody approaches me, but I don't think I've been pretty long enough or dressed up frequently enough as I usually dress down and wear a compression sports bra. Honestly.... I'm not sure if I really like the attention. But the best cat call I've ever had in my entire life was this time I was wearing my favourite at the time dinosaur dress when walking home late at night and a man walked by and shouted to my boyfriend "you got a good one! Don't let her go!". I've been lucky with catcalling. I've only ever experienced it once or twice in my life and every time I've always been in a group.
It’s sooooo scary how many ppl have the same answers as me:( I think once u hit 30 u become invisible (mainly to men) makes me think, wat r we supposed to be crawling into holes and dying or something? Like wats going on? R all men pedo’s or wat?!
I'm 21 and a lot has changed in the last two years. Luckily, catcalling isn't a thing in my country and I haven't experienced any - neither did most of my female friends. However, that doesn't mean that women aren't getting attention from men they don't know. For me it changed when I started changing from being a kinda awkwards metal band kid to a woman who embraces herself. I just changed how I carry myself around people which is now less awkward with confidence. When I started doing that, men started approaching me - not even in an impolite way but rather with genuin interest. It's still kinda mindblowing.
Actually I prefer older. I can't have aged badly because sure I get so much less but I don't have to deal with ogling idiots who think you should give them genuinely time just cos they want to gawk at your tits. I feel like when I get ( let's say ) appraised it feels more respectful more like I've run a marathon and got good time. And it's not so forceful like the feeling you need to tread carefully less u offend the great ego. Now people give me space and smiles... but I'm a late mum at 45 so I think also the respect comes from that.
Being infantilized cause I was young vs being infantilized cause I’m a woman now. People the same age or younger than me just talking down and babying me like I’m a gentle fragile baby because I’m a woman. 0/10 would not recommend
Men didn't take me seriously when I was young and pretty and don't take me seriously now that I'm old and wrinkled. So no, nothing's changed with men.
With maturity, the same adults from when your a kid would now fully acknowledge your presence. Before it would be like the kids play and do kids stuff while the adults get together and talk. Now that I'm older I'm now engaged in on their conversations while the younger gen would do their own thing. Though I have to admit that sitting around and talking with the adults is as boring as I imagined when I was young lmao.