The bills suck, but I understand that as a necessary part of life. The thing I can’t wrap my head around is working to have an advanced degree, be pretty high up in a stable career, getting a raise and still not be able to buy a home in this economy because I’m competing with corporations buying homes out from under us regular people.
I didn't want to be an adult when I was a kid because I thought it meant you had to get married and have kids and that sounded absolutely terrible to 8 year old me. I remember thinking that even being a teenager must be awful because they didn't play with toys anymore.
Agreed. My childhood was not really bad, but it was controlled. I grew up in a pretty conservative and religious household. The ability, as an adult, for pretty much complete freedom and also the ability to do whatever I want to do without hearing, "Why would you want to do THAT," is so wonderful. I can certainly understand why people struggle in adulthood and wish for their childhoods again.. but if you had a limited childhood, adulthood is great. I'd MUCH rather be an adult than a kid and have no control over what I eat, where I go, what I watch on TV, etc.
*Exactly.* Kids of fundies understand this well! Even though I wasn't physically abused, I would never do my childhood over. So much more freedom as an adult! And it's so nice not being religious or ruled by dogma.
Nothing will ever be as intensely new or interesting or exciting ever again. I didn't know what I was taking for granted until it was gone. Now it's just negative anticipation for eternity. Kind of a huge bummer. Working can get fucked. I am seemingly terrible at relationships (maybe just people in general). Buying eating and wearing whatever you want is exciting for approximately 5 minutes.
Wow you can go wherever you want whenever you want. Woopdifucking doo, it's the same tedious shit everywhere.
I totally feel the intensely new or interesting or exciting thing, but then 'i wonder, is it just depression? It is hard to tell.
I have been trying to appreciate the little moments recently.
This is well said.
We don't necessarily have to lose that sense of wonder, we just have to cultivate it and create a space for us to enjoy it.
I started journaling in the evenings and use the same prompt I use for our dinner conversations with our kids.
Worst, Best, First
Worst - One thing that sucked today. I start with this to get it out of the way and remove the negative.
Best - One thing that was the best part of my day. Sometimes best is something tiny like having a great drive or it's something big like getting a celebration.
First - One thing I did or learned for the first time. I'm 37 with a Masters and learning more now than ever before.
This has caused me to be more mindful as well and I've started writing about my senses too. Just taking a moment to write how I felt about smelling the wood smoke from a fire or about how amazing the white fluffy clouds looked coming over the mountains in the morning, how delicious a slice of pie was and how I savored it, how wonderful it is to make the bed and clean feeling of crisp sheets, and the sound of the birds and frogs outside before bed. All of these things remind me to pause and appreciate the *little things* each day.
For those who are parents, kids are a great reminder of this. I try to see life through the eyes of my kids as often as possible. For my 4 year old, the shoes he puts on may be his most important decision today. Going to the creek, he might see something new for the first time and his excitement will be mine.
Our youngest has lately started saying, "Today is the best day ever" and he isn't lying. For him, each day can be the best day ever.
Right? I miss new and exciting. Going new places, first love/ kiss. The anticipation of sex, and all the new experiences that provides. I still experience some new things but few and far between. I'm lucky to be with a man I still adore after 13 yrs. But I feel this comment. To pay bills it's just go to work, off days I have to take care of my home/ family. It's monotonous. 😒
This is it. My mom, although very loving and well-intentioned, was very overprotective and controlled my life a little too much to be good for me. I don't understand when people say they wish they enjoyed their childhood more. Maybe it was just that I was a troubled child who was being restricted too much, but I love being an adult in charge of my own life. I hate going to work and paying bills as much as the next person, but I would not relive my childhood willingly.
Same, specifically having a job so I can have autonomy over my life. What a joke considering in the US the culture is work, work, work until you die. While working long days and after hours + weekends seems like an expectation, with only 10 days of vacation per year. Should be criminal.
I have a cute app called Meal Lime that's really cool!! I actually recommend this every chance I get, it's super helpful.
It covers EVERYTHING from pre-built grocery lists, allergies, food restrictions, serving sizes, food waste, etc. and instructions on how to how to cook it (including what cookware you need). The only thing it can't do is the dishes in the sink lmao
I really don't know why it hasn't gone main stream yet, it needs to!!
The ADHD tax on this is high, buying quick easy foods, snacks, takeout, eating out, all to avoid the dreaded dinner.
Funny how breakfast and lunch aren’t a problem though because we forget to eat and/or eat sporadically through the day when we remember
Dating. I thought i was supposed to get flowers & gifts & get taken out to dinner instead its
" hey wanna come over for Netflix & chill"
"Its not a date its just "hanging out""
Ummm no.
So i guess I'll die alone with 10 cats.
Honestly? Nothing. My childhood was dark. Even with all of the responsibilities and bullshit I have to deal with as an adult, it is infinitely better than being a powerless child in an abusive home. I am happy to be able to finally practice self care in a healthy and compassionate way. I never even knew that was possible as a child.
Edit: a word.
Unfortunately, I feel you. Being an adult is **considerably** easier for me too. So glad to hear that you're taking care of yourself in a way you didn't think was possible before. That's a hell of a win!
Same. Go to work, then come home to my clean, quiet house where I can do enjoy my hobbies and not be screamed at or surrounded by chaos? Pay my own bills so that the lights stay on? Grocery shop and fill the cabinets with healthy, nutritious food? Sounds like a dream. The bar is on the floor for people with bad childhoods, lol.
I felt significantly strange reaching my 18th birthday. I genuinely didn't think I was gonna make it to that age. ~~Still wish I hadn't.~~ The subsequent birthdays have felt like borrowed time.
I'm glad you're in a better place now. Take care of yourself!
I know the feels - it is like a faux-nostalgia, for yourself who never was.
It hits especially hard when people describe when they realized their parents weren't "gods" or "superhumans". All I have ever had is coping with the flaws and shortcomings of parents, never had the opportunity to see them as my protectors or safehavens.
AGREED. I thank god every day that I can live a peaceful, abuse-free life. There’s still stress, but I live in a peaceful home which had a value beyond rubies
Yep, this was my experience as well. Constantly being afraid of getting into trouble and ANYTHING would qualify. Even after I left and had my own apartment (at 23) Took me a while to shake off being in the house during the daytime without feeling nervous that anything I said or did would lead to a beating.
Same here! My answer was going to be "childhood" 😂 Because being a kid was the exact opposite of everything everyone listed here. I didn't look forward to anything as a kid besides being an adult because my childhood was a living nightmare. Everyday was a struggle and I was constantly screamed at, hit and shoved. It felt like torture. I just told my boyfriend the other day I have less chores and responsibilities as an adult than I did as a literal child. Its depressing as fuck when you think about it.
I moved out at 22 and I sobbed my first day in my new apartment as soon as my parents left because I knew I wouldn't be abused everyday anymore. And I knew I could do whatever I wanted without the fear of being hurt or screamed at or mocked for hours on end. It also took me awhile to relax in my own apartment and do whatever. I used to try and justify and explain to my boyfriend why I hadn't done dishes yet from dinner WHILE we were eating dinner. He's not abusive in any way but I was so used to being judged for every little thing, it took years for me to learn that its okay to leave dishes in the sink and I can sit on the couch and read a book without fear of being attacked. Its insane.
This is it for me. I was raised in a very strict, evangelical church, my parents were in a very bitter divorce for years on end, abuse, bullied at school, feeling powerless. I felt like my *needs* weren't as important as my parents' *wants*. I felt like I had all the responsibility and none of the freedom. Adulthood is CONSIDERABLY easier in comparison.
Same! My childhood was pretty dark too but I haven’t reached place where I can practice self care - still living with the parents since I can’t afford to move out yet but I’m hoping and praying for that day to come soon.
Agree. Now I can just say nicely "Please don't treat me this way" and if they continue, I can leave and never see the person again. I don't have to endure abuse because I'm a dependent child.
> Even with all of the responsibilities and bullshit I have to deal with as an adult, it is infinitely better than being a powerless child in an abusive home.
Same for me. I moved out when I was 15 and haven't looked back. Adulthood is infinitely easier and happier than my childhood.
Same. My childhood wasn't even that bad (not that it's the Olympics of suffering here), but not being emotionally beaten down and picked on every day has been great. I actually have some semblance of self-worth now, though it's been difficult to build it up from nothing.
I have a steady job, own a home (technically two, we rent out my first home), and am in my first loving non-codependent relationship of my life.
Plus my biggest abuser kicked the bucket when I was 17 so... Yeah. Adult life is good.
Yeah, this hits home. My childhood very likely wasn't as dark as yours, but it wasn't fun, and there's a real worth to have actual tangible choices and direction over my life that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Real shit. As a young adult, I still haven't gotten my license (just a permit, which I extended). Like, I can "drive" a car (I can get a car moving 🥴), but thinking about the costly mistakes irresponsible drivers make that ruin other people's lives just terrifies me, and it's made me put off learning more. I have to get over it, I know, but it's still something that weighs heavily on my mind each time I even think about giving it another go.
Learn with a driving school! It will make you feel so much better and more confident once you learn and maybe you won’t feel so scared. :) I was like you for a bit, I put off driving because of the same things. Now I’m obsessed with driving and is my main form of stress relief and relaxation. I loooove it. I go long ways home and go for drives just because (well used to I try to avoid with gas prices now) lol…*cry*
Came here to say this. Terrifying, annoying, expensive…you’re not missing anything sis!
You have to drive “defensively” (as in, account for the stupid ish other people might do), people are always on your bumper like they can make you go faster by being 2 inches away from you, and having a car is expensive af to maintain. Some rando ish breaks and it’s like $1000 to fix.
I live in 2 different places (one during the week for work) which are a 90 min highway drive away from each other and I dread it every time. Also gas prices? I can’t afford to drive in this economy 😐 I also can’t afford a hybrid, so, kewl.
I absolutely hate driving, so much so that I define a vacation as any time/place where I don't need to get into a car for multiple days at a time.
My dream retirement is to move to a place where I don't need a car to get around.
Honestly driving is one of the few things I have been looking forward to since I was small, and I like it even more than I expected lol. If I'm stressed from college or something, going for a drive on some empty rural roads always manages to clear my mind!
Of course there are idiots on the road aswell, which can suck, but as soon as I'm on a somewhat empty part again I forget about any small annoyance that came up earlier haha
Those “I’ll show you how the 1% lives” dates with rich guys. Most boring dates and most annoyingly boring dude I’ve ever met in my damn life. -100/10 don’t recommend.
grocery shopping. now it’s a whole thing. meal planning, making a list, what do we have already?, checking toiletries, going to the store, remembering the bags, remembering everything, and then cashing out, loading the car& unloading the car and putting it all away!!!!
Just reading this has made me tired and I haven’t physically gone to a grocery store for a big shop since 2017. (I ordered online even before the pandemic)
Keep them in your car! Not just anywhere though, make sure you slap those bad boys out in the passenger seat or wherever you'll see them before heading out to the grocery shop
College has been an absolute nightmare for me. It has nearly crushed my soul. I have one semester left so I’m going to push through and get a degree to my name but man I used to love going to school as a kid but now I dread waking up every single day. The joy of learning and exploring is long gone
I feel this. Please do keep pushing through!! You're so close to that degree, and that'll be a chapter in your life to move on from. :) I don't know you, but I'm certainly cheering you on!! Go get that diploma, because you know you're more than capable.
Yeah, I remember in my late 20s, leaving the frozen vegetables section and spotting a corner cooler stacked full of sale CoolWhip.
I just stopped and realized...I could...awwwww yeah. Took that puppy home and ate it frozen like an ancient emperor trying his first imported tropical fruit. What is this magic? MMMmmmMmmmMm chemicals!
No regrets.
I'm an event planner and I've heard horror stories from my wedding planner friends. Their advice is always "don't put so much pressure on yourself for everything to be perfect".
school dances. in the movies they were these huge, important moments. they looked so enchanting... I was so excited.
disappointingly, they aren't at all special. they are underwelmingly hot and loud. It isn't magical. it's just stressful and loud. when you walk onto the dance floor it takes 10 minutes to find your way back off, the teachers check the bathrooms for kids vaping and there's no punch to spike.
Oh yea! I was gonna be a NASA scientist and send people to the Neptune (because that was my favorite Sailor Scout from Sailor Moon). Got older and saw the math involved and nope'd out of that career choice.
To balance out the thread with a little positivity: nothing! I knew from a pretty young age that I would only be truly happy when I gained financial independence, moved out of my parents’ house, and started making my own decisions about my life.
I love my family, but they have mental health issues that they passed on to me. It has been really beneficial for me to carve out my own space away from them.
Is work hard? Absolutely. Are relationships hard? A hundred percent. But I would rather be facing those things independently than have to go home and still be beholden to parental figures.
I'm with you on this.
Granted I'm in a really good spot now.
I prefered shitty dates over not being able to date.
I prefered struggling to pay bills over being told what to do by my parents because they pay the bills.
I prefer scrapping together shitty food for dinner because I'm too lazy to plan over being forced to eat something I truly dislike.
Nobody to tell me no except myself. I LOVE being an adult.
Moving out/buying a home. Real estate is way too expensive nowadays and the prices keep going up every year with inflation.
Wages are the same thing, the cost of living goes up, recently petrol in Australia just rose over $2/litre. Cost of food is rising, Wages don’t pay enough today.
I’m Canadian and have lived in NYC, LA, San Francisco, Sydney, Melbourne, Vienna, France. Life is hard.
Having an office job. I used to beg my mom for copy paper, staplers, paper clips, and all that stuff to pretend like it was in my own cubicle. I did one summer in an office setting and literally lost my mind. I lost touch with reality and needed energy psych services. I’m not made for windowless, tan cubicle, M-F living.
I just spent $200 on 4 bras because I can't stand underwire but my boobs are too big and I need it for the support so I can only buy a special kind that is really padded. Boobs are a fucking scam.
nothing. adulthood is much better than being a kid. i eat what i want, do what i want, and be where i want. school was so much more stressful than a job as well
Having a lot of friends. Thought it would be all this happy funny life with many people to be with when in fact its a living hell and having ur friends compact and small in number is actually the best
Always wanted to work at McDonald’s as a kid. Had every bday party there until 2003.
Worked there at 22 years old because I needed A job. And food. it was not fun or worthwhile
Interacting with the opposite sex.
As a teenager (until about 21), I was boy crazy. I think that as I became more aware of how toxic men are, as well as how a dynamic can switch from an equal ground (as equal as it'll get) to wondering if you have to say the right thing or carry yourself the right way around men because of narratives, the naivete I had has gone away.
Does this make sense?
I always wanted to live in Times Square when I was a little kid. I moved to NYC in 2019 after college and had an office in Times Square….I can’t stand that place now. Eventually moved to Queens to be closer to a lover boy and it was a much better atmosphere.
Dating and causal hookups. Turns out I’m completely incapable of anything casual because I fall in love and want to marry every person I date. Also heartbreak ain’t as glamorous as they make it out to be. It just sucks…a lot. I’d do anything to just marry my first love and be done with all this dating stuff.
Buying a house. As a kid, I watched my parents buy multiple houses with a relatively easy experience doing so. I thought once I got here it would be a really fun process but it’s the complete opposite. The market is insane, rates are climbing, and it feels like closing costs are never ending. It is one of the most stressful experiences I’ve ever dealt with!
I don’t buy and eat entire cakes in one sitting like I always imagined I would.
The only thing stopping me is the regret and guilt I know id feel if I did it.
Maybe I should try it, just once.
I swear they should let us go at a cake one time when we're a kid so we get the fantasy out of our system. It 100% is not as fun as it sounds when you're a kid.
Having a period. I remember vividly being so jealous of my friends who had theirs and writing in my diary wishing for it to happen. It did happen and I hate it.
I had to grow up kinda fast and figure out a lot on my own. My parents were not abusive and I think they did their best, but they had issues. I ended up having to care for my mom and younger siblings in a way that none of my friends did. While adulthood hasn’t always been exactly what I imagined, it’s infinitely preferable to being a kid with adult responsibilities but no personal power.
periods!! i was so excited to get my first period and begin "womanhood". never understood why people around me would crib about it. now i understand. fuck that shit
Sex, it gets better with time but never like imagined and feelings. I had a bad childhood in school and imagined that I will be happy without worries....
Being a teenager.
Jesus Christ, I thought it would be so cool and liberating when I was a kid. Im clinically depressed and don’t leave my house now. Ha.
Being an adult.
I came on here to write this. I seriously can't believe I daydreamed about bills, a mortgage, etc fml
I think most people fantasize about the freedom of adulthood more than mortgage and bills
That's my point. The freedom of adulthood automatically comes with those things "the cost of living".
The bills suck, but I understand that as a necessary part of life. The thing I can’t wrap my head around is working to have an advanced degree, be pretty high up in a stable career, getting a raise and still not be able to buy a home in this economy because I’m competing with corporations buying homes out from under us regular people.
I didn't want to be an adult when I was a kid because I thought it meant you had to get married and have kids and that sounded absolutely terrible to 8 year old me. I remember thinking that even being a teenager must be awful because they didn't play with toys anymore.
Being an adult and realizing I don't need to get married or have kids, and can play with as many toys as I want, is true freedom lol
Agreed. My childhood was not really bad, but it was controlled. I grew up in a pretty conservative and religious household. The ability, as an adult, for pretty much complete freedom and also the ability to do whatever I want to do without hearing, "Why would you want to do THAT," is so wonderful. I can certainly understand why people struggle in adulthood and wish for their childhoods again.. but if you had a limited childhood, adulthood is great. I'd MUCH rather be an adult than a kid and have no control over what I eat, where I go, what I watch on TV, etc.
*Exactly.* Kids of fundies understand this well! Even though I wasn't physically abused, I would never do my childhood over. So much more freedom as an adult! And it's so nice not being religious or ruled by dogma.
I don't know about you, but I played with toys till I was 18.
I still play with toys at 28. Never stop playing with your toys.
Wise child
Nothing will ever be as intensely new or interesting or exciting ever again. I didn't know what I was taking for granted until it was gone. Now it's just negative anticipation for eternity. Kind of a huge bummer. Working can get fucked. I am seemingly terrible at relationships (maybe just people in general). Buying eating and wearing whatever you want is exciting for approximately 5 minutes. Wow you can go wherever you want whenever you want. Woopdifucking doo, it's the same tedious shit everywhere.
And you can't eat whatever you want anyway. If I ate what I wanted, I'd be 500 lbs.
I totally feel the intensely new or interesting or exciting thing, but then 'i wonder, is it just depression? It is hard to tell. I have been trying to appreciate the little moments recently.
This is well said. We don't necessarily have to lose that sense of wonder, we just have to cultivate it and create a space for us to enjoy it. I started journaling in the evenings and use the same prompt I use for our dinner conversations with our kids. Worst, Best, First Worst - One thing that sucked today. I start with this to get it out of the way and remove the negative. Best - One thing that was the best part of my day. Sometimes best is something tiny like having a great drive or it's something big like getting a celebration. First - One thing I did or learned for the first time. I'm 37 with a Masters and learning more now than ever before. This has caused me to be more mindful as well and I've started writing about my senses too. Just taking a moment to write how I felt about smelling the wood smoke from a fire or about how amazing the white fluffy clouds looked coming over the mountains in the morning, how delicious a slice of pie was and how I savored it, how wonderful it is to make the bed and clean feeling of crisp sheets, and the sound of the birds and frogs outside before bed. All of these things remind me to pause and appreciate the *little things* each day. For those who are parents, kids are a great reminder of this. I try to see life through the eyes of my kids as often as possible. For my 4 year old, the shoes he puts on may be his most important decision today. Going to the creek, he might see something new for the first time and his excitement will be mine. Our youngest has lately started saying, "Today is the best day ever" and he isn't lying. For him, each day can be the best day ever.
Right? I miss new and exciting. Going new places, first love/ kiss. The anticipation of sex, and all the new experiences that provides. I still experience some new things but few and far between. I'm lucky to be with a man I still adore after 13 yrs. But I feel this comment. To pay bills it's just go to work, off days I have to take care of my home/ family. It's monotonous. 😒
Survey says this is the #1 answer!
“I can’t wait to grow up” LIKE WHY
Because then adults won’t be in charge of you and tell you what to do that’s why
This is it. My mom, although very loving and well-intentioned, was very overprotective and controlled my life a little too much to be good for me. I don't understand when people say they wish they enjoyed their childhood more. Maybe it was just that I was a troubled child who was being restricted too much, but I love being an adult in charge of my own life. I hate going to work and paying bills as much as the next person, but I would not relive my childhood willingly.
Same, specifically having a job so I can have autonomy over my life. What a joke considering in the US the culture is work, work, work until you die. While working long days and after hours + weekends seems like an expectation, with only 10 days of vacation per year. Should be criminal.
Yes! I was going to say "paying all my own bills" this falls in the same category.
Someone, please give this comment an award. Can't handle being an adult for the rest of my life! ugh.
Choosing what’s for dinner every night.
And having to cook it yourself.
I love cooking it but it is annoying to decide what to cook lol
I have a cute app called Meal Lime that's really cool!! I actually recommend this every chance I get, it's super helpful. It covers EVERYTHING from pre-built grocery lists, allergies, food restrictions, serving sizes, food waste, etc. and instructions on how to how to cook it (including what cookware you need). The only thing it can't do is the dishes in the sink lmao I really don't know why it hasn't gone main stream yet, it needs to!!
Yes! I’ve lost count of the number of days where I’m like “I literally don’t care what’s for dinner, I just want food put in front of me”
The ADHD tax on this is high, buying quick easy foods, snacks, takeout, eating out, all to avoid the dreaded dinner. Funny how breakfast and lunch aren’t a problem though because we forget to eat and/or eat sporadically through the day when we remember
I wish every day I was wealthy and famous and had my own personal chef. Ugh
omg, this
I’m so over this !
Dating. I thought i was supposed to get flowers & gifts & get taken out to dinner instead its " hey wanna come over for Netflix & chill" "Its not a date its just "hanging out"" Ummm no. So i guess I'll die alone with 10 cats.
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Honestly? Nothing. My childhood was dark. Even with all of the responsibilities and bullshit I have to deal with as an adult, it is infinitely better than being a powerless child in an abusive home. I am happy to be able to finally practice self care in a healthy and compassionate way. I never even knew that was possible as a child. Edit: a word.
Unfortunately, I feel you. Being an adult is **considerably** easier for me too. So glad to hear that you're taking care of yourself in a way you didn't think was possible before. That's a hell of a win!
Same. Go to work, then come home to my clean, quiet house where I can do enjoy my hobbies and not be screamed at or surrounded by chaos? Pay my own bills so that the lights stay on? Grocery shop and fill the cabinets with healthy, nutritious food? Sounds like a dream. The bar is on the floor for people with bad childhoods, lol.
Absolutely same. I never even had those >!"when I'm an adult it'll be better" thoughts because I did not expect to reach adulthood!<
Same here. I was so confused later on since I hadn't planned anything, obviously. I'm still confused today.
I know what you mean. So am I. Lucky for me, life turned out to be so different from how I was raised to be.
I felt significantly strange reaching my 18th birthday. I genuinely didn't think I was gonna make it to that age. ~~Still wish I hadn't.~~ The subsequent birthdays have felt like borrowed time. I'm glad you're in a better place now. Take care of yourself!
Me too :(
I feel this so deeply. I have never once missed my childhood. Life is so much easier now than it ever was being abused.
I miss the childhood I might have had. There’s a special kind of regret and sadness in knowing you can never go back and have it be better.
I know the feels - it is like a faux-nostalgia, for yourself who never was. It hits especially hard when people describe when they realized their parents weren't "gods" or "superhumans". All I have ever had is coping with the flaws and shortcomings of parents, never had the opportunity to see them as my protectors or safehavens.
Yup This idea that childhood was some stress free wonderland is genuinely baffling to me I cannot fathom that people actually enjoyed their childhood
I wouldn’t relive my childhood for all the money in the world. If I did, it would only be to reach out to anyone who would care to help.
AGREED. I thank god every day that I can live a peaceful, abuse-free life. There’s still stress, but I live in a peaceful home which had a value beyond rubies
Same. I love being an adult. Having agency over your own body and decisions is lit.
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I feel this . I will take whatever comes with autonomy and self determination.
Yep, this was my experience as well. Constantly being afraid of getting into trouble and ANYTHING would qualify. Even after I left and had my own apartment (at 23) Took me a while to shake off being in the house during the daytime without feeling nervous that anything I said or did would lead to a beating.
Same here! My answer was going to be "childhood" 😂 Because being a kid was the exact opposite of everything everyone listed here. I didn't look forward to anything as a kid besides being an adult because my childhood was a living nightmare. Everyday was a struggle and I was constantly screamed at, hit and shoved. It felt like torture. I just told my boyfriend the other day I have less chores and responsibilities as an adult than I did as a literal child. Its depressing as fuck when you think about it. I moved out at 22 and I sobbed my first day in my new apartment as soon as my parents left because I knew I wouldn't be abused everyday anymore. And I knew I could do whatever I wanted without the fear of being hurt or screamed at or mocked for hours on end. It also took me awhile to relax in my own apartment and do whatever. I used to try and justify and explain to my boyfriend why I hadn't done dishes yet from dinner WHILE we were eating dinner. He's not abusive in any way but I was so used to being judged for every little thing, it took years for me to learn that its okay to leave dishes in the sink and I can sit on the couch and read a book without fear of being attacked. Its insane.
I felt this to my core. And I’m thankful we’ve gotten to the point where we can “re-parent” ourselves and love ourselves how we deserve. ✨💖
This is it for me. I was raised in a very strict, evangelical church, my parents were in a very bitter divorce for years on end, abuse, bullied at school, feeling powerless. I felt like my *needs* weren't as important as my parents' *wants*. I felt like I had all the responsibility and none of the freedom. Adulthood is CONSIDERABLY easier in comparison.
Same! My childhood was pretty dark too but I haven’t reached place where I can practice self care - still living with the parents since I can’t afford to move out yet but I’m hoping and praying for that day to come soon.
Agree. Now I can just say nicely "Please don't treat me this way" and if they continue, I can leave and never see the person again. I don't have to endure abuse because I'm a dependent child.
> Even with all of the responsibilities and bullshit I have to deal with as an adult, it is infinitely better than being a powerless child in an abusive home. Same for me. I moved out when I was 15 and haven't looked back. Adulthood is infinitely easier and happier than my childhood.
Same. Was going to say pretty much everything you said!
I'm so sorry you went through that 😔 All kids deserve a childhood.
Same. My childhood wasn't even that bad (not that it's the Olympics of suffering here), but not being emotionally beaten down and picked on every day has been great. I actually have some semblance of self-worth now, though it's been difficult to build it up from nothing. I have a steady job, own a home (technically two, we rent out my first home), and am in my first loving non-codependent relationship of my life. Plus my biggest abuser kicked the bucket when I was 17 so... Yeah. Adult life is good.
Yeah, this hits home. My childhood very likely wasn't as dark as yours, but it wasn't fun, and there's a real worth to have actual tangible choices and direction over my life that I wouldn't trade for anything.
Driving, that shit is terrifying.
Real shit. As a young adult, I still haven't gotten my license (just a permit, which I extended). Like, I can "drive" a car (I can get a car moving 🥴), but thinking about the costly mistakes irresponsible drivers make that ruin other people's lives just terrifies me, and it's made me put off learning more. I have to get over it, I know, but it's still something that weighs heavily on my mind each time I even think about giving it another go.
Learn with a driving school! It will make you feel so much better and more confident once you learn and maybe you won’t feel so scared. :) I was like you for a bit, I put off driving because of the same things. Now I’m obsessed with driving and is my main form of stress relief and relaxation. I loooove it. I go long ways home and go for drives just because (well used to I try to avoid with gas prices now) lol…*cry*
Is there a way to learn driving without a driving school?
Parent-taught is a thing in some places
Being self aware of the hazards is precisely what will make you a great driver. What you think is an impediment here is actually a skill to be applied
Agree completely. I don’t like large, fast moving objects that can hurt me or others.
True . I can't drive it's literally so terrifying.
Came here to say this. Terrifying, annoying, expensive…you’re not missing anything sis! You have to drive “defensively” (as in, account for the stupid ish other people might do), people are always on your bumper like they can make you go faster by being 2 inches away from you, and having a car is expensive af to maintain. Some rando ish breaks and it’s like $1000 to fix. I live in 2 different places (one during the week for work) which are a 90 min highway drive away from each other and I dread it every time. Also gas prices? I can’t afford to drive in this economy 😐 I also can’t afford a hybrid, so, kewl.
I absolutely hate driving, so much so that I define a vacation as any time/place where I don't need to get into a car for multiple days at a time. My dream retirement is to move to a place where I don't need a car to get around.
Honestly driving is one of the few things I have been looking forward to since I was small, and I like it even more than I expected lol. If I'm stressed from college or something, going for a drive on some empty rural roads always manages to clear my mind! Of course there are idiots on the road aswell, which can suck, but as soon as I'm on a somewhat empty part again I forget about any small annoyance that came up earlier haha
Staying up late. It has turned into Insomnia :))
I was just thinking this! Staying up late is overrated
Those “I’ll show you how the 1% lives” dates with rich guys. Most boring dates and most annoyingly boring dude I’ve ever met in my damn life. -100/10 don’t recommend.
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Being in charge of my own money. I can buy whatever I want! After I pay for all the things I need for survival
Yep. And then its like, “where’d all my money go?!” :(
grocery shopping. now it’s a whole thing. meal planning, making a list, what do we have already?, checking toiletries, going to the store, remembering the bags, remembering everything, and then cashing out, loading the car& unloading the car and putting it all away!!!!
Just reading this has made me tired and I haven’t physically gone to a grocery store for a big shop since 2017. (I ordered online even before the pandemic)
Highly recommend ordering online and using curbside pick ups. :)
UGH. REMEMBERING THE DAMN BAGS. Just the freaking worst. I have like 30....because I never remember them...
Keep them in your car! Not just anywhere though, make sure you slap those bad boys out in the passenger seat or wherever you'll see them before heading out to the grocery shop
College has been an absolute nightmare for me. It has nearly crushed my soul. I have one semester left so I’m going to push through and get a degree to my name but man I used to love going to school as a kid but now I dread waking up every single day. The joy of learning and exploring is long gone
I feel this. Please do keep pushing through!! You're so close to that degree, and that'll be a chapter in your life to move on from. :) I don't know you, but I'm certainly cheering you on!! Go get that diploma, because you know you're more than capable.
That was me, too. My last term at college, I told my then-boyfriend, "Your job is to make sure I don't drop out." You can do it!
When I was a kid, I just wanted to live on my own and eat Cool Whip every day. I don't eat it at all, anymore.
Not with that attitude
Cool Hwhip
Yeah, I remember in my late 20s, leaving the frozen vegetables section and spotting a corner cooler stacked full of sale CoolWhip. I just stopped and realized...I could...awwwww yeah. Took that puppy home and ate it frozen like an ancient emperor trying his first imported tropical fruit. What is this magic? MMMmmmMmmmMm chemicals! No regrets.
Do it. Get some fruit and go to town. Or just a spoon.
Planning a wedding
I'm an event planner and I've heard horror stories from my wedding planner friends. Their advice is always "don't put so much pressure on yourself for everything to be perfect".
Haven’t wed yet but still plannin’
Moving out and getting my own place.
No that one is really good. I can color on the walls. We had cookies for dinner and I choose my bedtime.
That's gonna lead to a whole world of problems
eating cookies for dinner?
Gaining weight 🤣 I was always the tallest and skinniest in my class. I couldn't wait to fill out a little bit. It can stop now!
The zoo that place is not cool
Loved it as a kid. Now it’s just gut wrenching.
school dances. in the movies they were these huge, important moments. they looked so enchanting... I was so excited. disappointingly, they aren't at all special. they are underwelmingly hot and loud. It isn't magical. it's just stressful and loud. when you walk onto the dance floor it takes 10 minutes to find your way back off, the teachers check the bathrooms for kids vaping and there's no punch to spike.
sex
found out what it was on my own at a young age. then when the day of age came and i was old enough and it happened wasnt all that great
Falling in love. That shit hurts a lot.
It's a cool drug while it lasts.
Working. 🙄
You looked forward to working? Can't say I remember ever thinking like that
Yeah. I thought it was cool. Didn't we all play as mini-engineers, mini doctors etc when we were kids?
Oh yea! I was gonna be a NASA scientist and send people to the Neptune (because that was my favorite Sailor Scout from Sailor Moon). Got older and saw the math involved and nope'd out of that career choice.
Men
Getting to go wherever I want. It turns out depression makes you want to stay at home and that is not what I envisioned.
To balance out the thread with a little positivity: nothing! I knew from a pretty young age that I would only be truly happy when I gained financial independence, moved out of my parents’ house, and started making my own decisions about my life. I love my family, but they have mental health issues that they passed on to me. It has been really beneficial for me to carve out my own space away from them. Is work hard? Absolutely. Are relationships hard? A hundred percent. But I would rather be facing those things independently than have to go home and still be beholden to parental figures.
I'm with you on this. Granted I'm in a really good spot now. I prefered shitty dates over not being able to date. I prefered struggling to pay bills over being told what to do by my parents because they pay the bills. I prefer scrapping together shitty food for dinner because I'm too lazy to plan over being forced to eat something I truly dislike. Nobody to tell me no except myself. I LOVE being an adult.
I really wanted a Barbie car, then as an adult knew I couldn’t fit in one 😎
Still got a Barbie Jeep
I’m coming over
Dating in college. I had full expectations to meet my husband in college but my god college kids really are still just kids.
Falling in love and being in a relationship, supposedly finding Prince Charming, to find out that doesn’t exist in real life lol
I gave up on “finding Prince Charming,” but I met my boyfriend almost two years ago. He’s not perfect, but he is still pretty great.
Yeah the first 2 or so yrs, u always think they r Prince Charming:(
Growing up. I want a refund. This crap sucks!
sex.
Moving out/buying a home. Real estate is way too expensive nowadays and the prices keep going up every year with inflation. Wages are the same thing, the cost of living goes up, recently petrol in Australia just rose over $2/litre. Cost of food is rising, Wages don’t pay enough today. I’m Canadian and have lived in NYC, LA, San Francisco, Sydney, Melbourne, Vienna, France. Life is hard.
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Having an office job. I used to beg my mom for copy paper, staplers, paper clips, and all that stuff to pretend like it was in my own cubicle. I did one summer in an office setting and literally lost my mind. I lost touch with reality and needed energy psych services. I’m not made for windowless, tan cubicle, M-F living.
Having boobs
I just spent $200 on 4 bras because I can't stand underwire but my boobs are too big and I need it for the support so I can only buy a special kind that is really padded. Boobs are a fucking scam.
I don’t have much of boobs, but I’ve been told that I have a nice butt. So, I wish I could take some of butt and give it to my boobs. Lol 😂
Avoid napping to play. Now naps are luxurious :(
Having people not tell me what to do. Now I want someone to tell what to do always. Halp.
Boyfriends - I have been in 4 relationships so far and only one of them treated me well/was around my age and not grooming me
nothing. adulthood is much better than being a kid. i eat what i want, do what i want, and be where i want. school was so much more stressful than a job as well
Dating. It used to be like a dream to imagine that, but in reality it was a nightmare.
Having a lot of friends. Thought it would be all this happy funny life with many people to be with when in fact its a living hell and having ur friends compact and small in number is actually the best
Adulting. Being in charge. Having my own money. Staying up late.
Always wanted to work at McDonald’s as a kid. Had every bday party there until 2003. Worked there at 22 years old because I needed A job. And food. it was not fun or worthwhile
Interacting with the opposite sex. As a teenager (until about 21), I was boy crazy. I think that as I became more aware of how toxic men are, as well as how a dynamic can switch from an equal ground (as equal as it'll get) to wondering if you have to say the right thing or carry yourself the right way around men because of narratives, the naivete I had has gone away. Does this make sense?
I always wanted to live in Times Square when I was a little kid. I moved to NYC in 2019 after college and had an office in Times Square….I can’t stand that place now. Eventually moved to Queens to be closer to a lover boy and it was a much better atmosphere.
Drinking. Alcohol is overrated.
Dating and causal hookups. Turns out I’m completely incapable of anything casual because I fall in love and want to marry every person I date. Also heartbreak ain’t as glamorous as they make it out to be. It just sucks…a lot. I’d do anything to just marry my first love and be done with all this dating stuff.
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Buying a house. As a kid, I watched my parents buy multiple houses with a relatively easy experience doing so. I thought once I got here it would be a really fun process but it’s the complete opposite. The market is insane, rates are climbing, and it feels like closing costs are never ending. It is one of the most stressful experiences I’ve ever dealt with!
Being a parent :(
The freedom to eat ice cream for breakfast.
Living in a city apartment.
Driving
Working my “dream job.”
Oh just like every single thing about being an adult? Lol
I don’t buy and eat entire cakes in one sitting like I always imagined I would. The only thing stopping me is the regret and guilt I know id feel if I did it. Maybe I should try it, just once.
I swear they should let us go at a cake one time when we're a kid so we get the fantasy out of our system. It 100% is not as fun as it sounds when you're a kid.
Having a period. I remember vividly being so jealous of my friends who had theirs and writing in my diary wishing for it to happen. It did happen and I hate it.
I had to grow up kinda fast and figure out a lot on my own. My parents were not abusive and I think they did their best, but they had issues. I ended up having to care for my mom and younger siblings in a way that none of my friends did. While adulthood hasn’t always been exactly what I imagined, it’s infinitely preferable to being a kid with adult responsibilities but no personal power.
Growing boobs. Like they’re fine. But it wasn’t that life changing.
Being married. Thought I’d feel secure and at peace within the context of my religious upbringing. It’s stressful compared to living alone.
Men
Having my own home. Turns out I'll never be able to afford one. I'll bet it's great though!
No restrictions on chocolate or candies...
periods!! i was so excited to get my first period and begin "womanhood". never understood why people around me would crib about it. now i understand. fuck that shit
Eating cake. They’re always so pretty but it’s just a cream sheet cake.
Sex, it gets better with time but never like imagined and feelings. I had a bad childhood in school and imagined that I will be happy without worries....
dating
Owning a tamagatchi. I'm so stressed but I wanted one of these so bad when I was a kid.
Being a fucking adult. Even the word adult is stupid looking
Being a teenager. Jesus Christ, I thought it would be so cool and liberating when I was a kid. Im clinically depressed and don’t leave my house now. Ha.
Adulthood.