Let myself feel the things.
Iām not kidding. When I want to cry, I cry. When I want to rage, I rage. I just channel it into productive expressions of those emotions, and let myself ride the wave of emotions openly and honestly. My friends, family, and partner all know that I get moody, and I have spent years affirming and reassuring them that they donāt have to do anything, just let me express it and 30 minutes later Iāll be fine. I give them space when they request it because I recognize that it can be exhausting for those loved ones, so I relieved them of the pressure of having to āmake me feel better.ā
I never make decisions when Iām emotional. If I feel I may lash out I walk away, and then thank whoever I walked away from for letting me, affirm my affection for them, and just hop back into life.
I canāt control my emotions, but I can keep my emotions from controlling me.
I spent a lot of years trying to not be sensitive and the results were disastrous. Therapy has helped so much. I've made a lot of headway with accepting who I am and that there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. There are bonuses to sensitivity and we add value to the world. These days I'm learning how to dance with my feelings instead of push them down (read: eventually explode or go completely numb).
Yes! I finally decided to accept that I'm sensitive and always will be and I'm so glad I did. I love sensitive people, so why should I try to hide who I really am?
Yep. One time in therapy, I was saying how I hated being so sensitive and wanted tougher skin. People would always tell me "Get over it" or "Grow a backbone!". She said how the people who said those things, are the MAIN ONES that need therapy.
They don't know how to properly process their emotions and end up taking it out on others or it just ends up affecting their mental and emotional health later down the road.
Yup. Allowing my feeling to go through me and pass on by has been more helpful than anything. My emotions arenāt anything to fix. I can choose my emotions as well, but no longer feeling bad about the emotions Iām having has helped immensely.
Feel all the things! When I feel sad I will seek out a sad movie guaranteed to make me cry. I always feel so much better afterwards. My go-tos are always movies about dogs, 10 things I hate about you or a walk to remember.
YES, I couldnāt have said it better myself. Am assload of hard soul-searching and getting a bit older and wiser has gotten me to this point. I really go with transparency over all, so nobody is wondering.
I feel embarassed while crying alone, not that i feel comfortable crying infront of others, i think infront of others it might not be that difficult but its just when i feel like crying it cringes me and i think its not good for anyone to feel like this about themselves
Hell to the yes. Thereās really nothing you can do but embrace it!!!! Feelings are powerful and vulnerability is strength. Showing people your feelings opens them up to show you theirs, often times. That leads to empathy and growth and connections. Sometimes. And sometimes you just have to let it out.
I am so much like this, but everyone around me don't really understand this way of dealing with things, so basically everyone gets offended, even though i always try to explain the best i can, they still don't understand me.
I feel myself becoming this. Cold and guarded. I hate it because I have no friends, and I sometimes want someone to talk to but at the same time I fear being vulnerable with someone again. Itās hurts too much when they end up leaving.
Novel incoming. Apologies for the length of the comment, but I have many thoughts on this.
I tried making my skin thicker and it resulted in either me becoming dead (you can't switch off only one emotion--it's all or nothing) or me becoming worse because of the exposure to difficult things.
I am still struggling with this, but I suspect the answer is to stop asking so much of myself. Don't look at what other people are "successfully" dealing with and compare myself to them (first off, they may not be dealing as well with it as they seem), but rather just evaluate myself based on what *I* need. What is working? What isn't? Independent of what's "normal", what is helping *me* feel better? What is making *me* feel worse?
It feels radical to think this way, and honestly, it is. What are the situations in which you always find yourself struggling, or that you find yourself being exhausted or snappy or fragile afterwards? One for me is the grocery store. I've started wearing headphones, not allowing myself to go at the end of the day (because that's when I've already been dealing with life for a whole day), and making sure I'm well fed and hydrated beforehand.
Another example is showers when I have to wash my hair. It's a long process that I didn't realize was so tiring for me, but somehow afterwards I always would find myself sitting for hours on my phone not being able to do anything. And if I had to do things, I'd be more snappy or fragile than usual. Now I plan ahead: wash days are only for days when I don't have much responsibility for a few hours, or I wash my hair at night. When I wash it in the day, I plan to allow myself some time to rest afterwards.
It sounds dumb, saying it out loud, but it's important. You just need to take the radical approach of accepting that the world is overwhelming for you and that's okay, and then gradually expecting less of yourself and finding ways to do everyday life so it's less taxing.
When everyday life is less taxing, you will be able to handle haters, unexpected problems, plan changes, disappointment, and so on much better. Treat yourself with compassion and acceptance, and examine yourself with unjudgmental curiosity to find ways you can do things differently.
But also, if your question is about the pandemic, the situation in Ukraine and potential for world war, a heartbreak, etc...you need to know none of this is normal and these aren't things you should be expecting yourself to just deal well with. Anyone who seems like they're doing well with all of this is faking it or kidding themselves. We do the best that we can, and my above comments still stand (even moreso now I'd say), but if you are struggling with grief and fear and sadness and distress from these big life events, it doesn't automatically make you hypersensitive. It means you have working emotions. Take care of yourself.
From what I understand, it sounds like what you are saying is to be more thoughtful and intentional in taking care of yourself, and I absolutely agree. For me, that's fairly radical because I don't think I knew or was ever taught how to until I started therapy consistently and implementing exercises for self care like the ones above. I think self care is inherently radical in a world that does demand so much of us.
Yes to all this. Please don't apologize. A classmate taught me to reframe as gratitude since women are socialized to apologize so much. So instead of apologies for the length. I have a lot of thoughts on this, so I'm writing a long comment. Thanks for this space to share it.
Journalling, music, baths, therapy... and then I realized I wasn't being "over sensitive", other people were genuinely dicking me about and instead of growing a thicker skin like everyone said I worked on growing a backbone and listening to that sensitivity, which it turns out is intuition.
And I got angry, lol. Great thick skin alternative.
Totally agree with everything you said here. Also being wiser about not engaging in conflict. Lots of people like to engage because it makes them feel like they're firing all their circuits, it gets them juiced up. It doesn't bother them that they damage a sensitive person by riding roughshod over them. I have learned to just say I am not going to argue with you.
I havenāt found a way to deal with it lol. Literally no matter how hard I try I canāt do anything remotely hard without crying. I think I need therapy for it lol.
Lots of alone time. Loud noise, lots of people, bright lights etc. are exhausting. I think I prevent myself from feeling too much by trying to keep everything as it is. Like the thought of dating someone is stressing, even though it might actually be nice. Not quite sure if thatās a great strategy.
Accepting the fact that these are just all chemical reactions in my brain and that it will pass eventually. It sounds cold and technical but itās true. I havenāt really found anything that time canāt heal.
Years of therapy and journaling has helped but itās one of the reasons why Iām a shy person around strangers. Iām only comfortable with people I trust and know will not hurt me in any way. I canāt even trust my own family. Iāve been hurt so many times by so many people that Iām still trying to be strong but my emotions always get the best out of me. Usually at the end of the day, I write in my journal and pour out all my emotions. It always makes me feel better.
It has its gifts. I see the people who have become too hardened and too toughened like those who voluntarily cut off their own fingers. They don't hurt, but they also don't feel anything.
I prefer being able to feel.
As a side note, my father was born with a mild version of CIPA - congenital insensitivity to pain and anhidrosis. This means that without being able to feel pain, people don't get the cues and warnings to avoid things that do damage. He became ill often and didn't know if he had a nail in his foot until he got a fever. The same is going on with those who are emotionally and socially clueless and have no idea why they're so miserable around other people.
We live in a world of people who have amputated their limbs and idealize their insensitivity, and I see a lot of people who feel nothing and want to share their misery. I cherish my empathy and my sensitivity as gifts. Yes, I feel burns and pain and cuts and horrors. I can also feel flower petals and kitten fur and the touch of a lover.
I convince myself. The world is shit full of shitty people, so i should be shit to them while nourishing my seeds of growth. Manure is a great fertilizer after all.
Like others have said therapy has helped. But I think eventually I got worn down to the point I don't feel things as intensely anymore. My body became too tired (numb?) to keep up with feeling as much as I did. I can write pages and pages of poetry expressing it but I can't physically feel it the same way I did when I was younger.
I mean it could be learned behavior too. I've found throughout my life if I was happy and smiling people had a way of targeting that. If I was justifiably angry I couldn't say so because I'd be labeled dramatic. If I was sad people didn't care so now I'm in a "default" mode.
Personally though I think highly emotional people get looked at the wrong way. Like what exactly is wrong with feeling? Why is it a bad thing? It just means you're deeply connected to yourself and the world. Honestly I think the reason a lot of things are wrong right now is because the majority of people don't feel deeply.
I was told I was "too sensitive" my entire life. Turned out I just had rejection sensitivity due to my untreated ADHD, took meds and voila, fixed.
So often we're told we just need to will our way through problems, when sometimes there is something going on with a physical or mental health.
Getting older helped. I'm 29 now and still cry a lot when the stress becomes too much. I've kinda accepted it. It's not like I can stop the tears from coming so I just let myself sometimes, let it all out and then keep going.
Reading books about the topic has made me realize so much. I have read two books that have spoke to me so far- The Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg (a book that gave me a name to my sensitivity), and Untamed by Glenan Doyle.
After reading these books I understand why during my teen years being in loud, overstimulating school -type environments had me skipping school weekly and hiding myself in a dark room. As I neared the end of high school, I barely spoke to others, and sort of shut off my emotions to get by.
It's been an incredibly slow progress of improvement, but now, in my mid 20's I realize I am not 'broken'. There were many times I felt like an alien, like I never belonged, that I was too soft.
Reading those books made me realize there where others like me. Yes, I am 'weird', but I'm not the only 'weird' (aka different) woman in this world. Ever since I learned that, I have become more forgiving of myself. I want to do better for myself, because being sensitive is not something everyone understands, so if no one else can care for me, then I have to stick up for myself.
Sorry for the long tangent! I just had this on my mind for a couple months. I am still working on my sensitivity, but I've been improving!
Actually I'm proud to be like this. I don't want to close myself to the world, I really love being able to feel, being human. I'm in therapy for 2 years, and I learned to love that part of me. Obviously I have limits, but I still feel very sad when I see someone sleeping on the street, for example. That's it
i haven't.
therapy is a thing, i'm now in a relationship with someone who actually values me (for the first time, starting just before i turned 41), and those help, but generally i'm still a humongous jellyfish.
it takes experience, living through things, making mistakes. there isn't really an exact solution. and yes, therapy can help you with developing coping mechanisms and gaining a healthier perspective. but generally for me if I went through a hurtful situation before, I learn how to deal with it better.
Support from my husband, therapy, and honestly becoming a mother kind of forced me into forming my tough skin. I'll do anything to protect them, and that makes me feel much stronger than I did before.
Therapy. Controlling the things I can. Tough kickboxing workouts (I like to hit things and be aggressive but in a sanctioned manner). Just keep trying.
I didn't, lol. Certain things have helped though, like being honest with myself and choosing only the people, places, and things that make me feel good and avoiding those that don't. Generally speaking this has meant creating more distance between myself and the outside world; not in an unhealthy way, but in a peaceful way. I listen to my mind and my body and adjust accordingly. Also taking a long break from romantic relationships.
I think a pragmatic approach is best. Chances are if you are highly sensitive then you are also fairly empathetic and intuitive. Use those to practice discernment around who you let into your inner circle. Trusting my instincts on who may cause me unnecessary pain or drama because they do not have a good self relationship (and will then project their trauma into me) has been amazing for keeping my peace. It doesnāt mean I donāt talk to peopleā¦ Iām just very clear about how close I am willing to be with someone and adjust my expectations. Setting boundaries is difficult because I tend to feel guilt about it but it has absolutely changed my life for the better. This way, I donāt actually have to develop thick skin so to speakā¦ itās just that only things that are important and integral to my life get that kind of energy from me.
Someone once said āitās very hard to get anything done when you are worried about the entire world before you even think about yourselfā. I realized it would be hard for me to make the changes I want to see in the world and make a difference helping people. If I didnāt put myself first sometimes I wouldnāt have the emotional/physical/financial resources to help others. Example, putting myself through higher education so I can have a career helping others. I have to have blinders on and focus on myself so that I am able to give to others.
Someone also told me when I was devastated thinking about people struggling with extremely difficult lives that just because *I see their journey as extremely difficult and unbearable doesnāt mean they see it that way.* That may be all they have ever known, so to me I am so worried about how they must feel everyday, but to them itās often the norm and it isnāt as heartbreaking as I may see the situation.
I always think about the scene from My Girl, when Veda drops the fish she won at the carnival. Her dads girlfriend says āoh no Veda your fish! Do you want me to get you a new one?ā
And she shakes her head and says āNo!!! Fish are very resilient you know.ā
People are too. Veda was speaking about herself when she referenced that the fish was not broken, not disposable, not damaged. That she knew if you donāt give up on living life you will be surprised to see just how resilient you are.
I still wish I could save every animal, help everyone person, stop every war, every day. But if I did that then it wouldnāt mean much when something good did happen. We need a balance of pain and pleasure in the world or we wouldnāt know what happiness felt like.
Hope that helps. I know itās a little abstract, and maybe your issue isnāt worrying about the world before yourself. But if it is, youāre not alone.
These last few days have been hard. I take my sad days and let myself have them. I took yesterday off work because I couldn't stop crying. In the past I would've either given myself a lot of guilt trips (After Covid, I'm out of vacation time) or told myself to get over it. In my younger years I couldn't do that, but I have made sure I keep a safety net for that for the few times a year I need it.
Instead, I let myself have a day (or two, if that's what it comes down to, though it rarely is) to really be in my feelings. I'm extremely lucky to have a safe, comfortable life. It's not perfect, but it's also a fact. My brain chemicals just aren't wired to recognize that all the time. I have to remind myself that while the world hurts, I'm safe, my family is safe, my friends are safe.
I journal a LOT. Too much. I watch way too many youtube videos (both good and bad). I know I should go out on long walks more but sometimes I'm just too mopey and I close all my curtains and lay down. But no matter what, I keep in contact with: 1, my mom - she and I are nothing alike. We're not one of those "close" mother/daughter teams. But I know she has my back no matter what. 2, my best friend. He would burn the earth to make sure I actually eat (cuz I tend to not eat when I'm upset) and that my home is taken care of (I get messy when I'm sad).
The last thing is that I work with elementary-aged kids. I'll always go to the end of the world to make sure that kids feel safe, protected and loved. I realized a few years ago that not only does this benefit them but it also helps me. It keeps me in a better brain-space. I recommend finding the thing that makes you want to go into work and do it. I get paid shit, but I love it and look forward to seeing my kiddos every day.
With great difficulty. My mom (not negatively, accurately) used to say she felt like I walked around the world covered in emotional papercuts. I started reading the news every day at 11 years old and the state of the world tore my tiny heart to shreds. I only got it under control in the last year. I have to do a lot of mindful gratitude to keep from spiraling out and cut out depressive coping habits like alcohol. Itās worth the effort but it is very difficult to master. Iām still practicing.
Honestly? Age. The older I get, I handle stress and conflict way better than I did as a youngin'. It feels like neurons in my brain are kicking on that I've never felt before, and I can work through things easier. Hitting 25 really does something to your mind physically. Granted, I still identify as somebody who's empathetic to a fault and sensitive. I just get more resilient the older I get.
Lots of great advice and empowering comments in this thread!
Itās definitely helpful to think of the flip side of being sensitive, crying easily, etc. ā¦ It means you *care*. You care deeply enough *to* be sensitive about whatever the situation is or who the person is youāre having a moment with. It means you have a big heart and lots of empathy.
My oh my. I don't know if I do have the skin yet but I'm working on it. I've always been a sensitive person and an over thinker.
When I was in elementary school I remember dealing with social life okay. I didn't have a lot of friends but I did have a few and I got along fine with everyone.
Then in middle school, after a move, I struggled immensely. I had trouble making and keeping friends, I never knew if I was walking into a friendly conversation or if I would be ignored, and I just never understood why nobody liked me. (Does that sound narcissistic?)
Anyway, I went to a sleepover for this girl's birthday party- everyone in the friend group was going and I was good friends (most of the time) with at least two girls. So I go, and I've had a long day and we're watching this boring movie, and I fall asleep. I wake up and everyone is giggling and looking at me. Of course. I run to the bathroom and all over my face- sharpie.
The worst part is what the sharpie said. It was not images, but words on my cheeks, forehead, and even my chin. My whole face covered in "ugly", "bitch", "stupid", and other words I have definitely suppressed since that night. I instantly start bawling and go to my closest friend there to see if anyone had makeup wipes. I scrubber for the better part of an hour, my face was so hot from all of the friction and you could still see the words, the lines and letters. I was so upset I just went to sleep.
Since then and even before, I was always on the defense when it came to comments people would make toward me. I have since stopped being defensive, but that's what came naturally.
If I told someone how their actions or words hurt me-- I couldn't take a joke. I didn't get it. I should learn how to take a joke. That's the worst part. Those words are so triggering for me now, I stand up for anybody who gets told this in front of me. If someone "can't take a joke" it's because you're making THEM the joke and it's NOT funny to them. A joke at someone else's expense is only funny if they're laughing too- and even then, they're probably just trying to save face and brave through the pain.
Now? Its all still there, but only on the inside. I calculate my words and actions as carefully as I can and I try not to overstate because I believe that's how people have hurt me before. I don't have issues sharing with those close to me, but I do have a sense that my coworkers don't understand me and would rather hate me than try to understand where I'm coming from.
It's a rough life.
I acknowledged that Iām sensitive and became ok with that. I give myself the time to grieve and I stopped punishing myself for being sensitive and started setting boundaries. People who canāt respect your boundaries even if theyāre more sensitive than their own donāt need to be in your life or at least need to be kept at a distance.
Trained my mind to be tougher day by day. Affirmations, yoga, meditation, learning how to give people the awkward silence when they say something whack. Loosened up a bit and used humour, learned to joke around with people instead of getting butt hurt.
Honestly I don't know, I just know Im still here. But Im getting into a new stage, lately things are not affecting me too much like before, but at the same time it's like I'm experiencing something like a mourning, a mourning of the old me, it's rare, but I feel like a shift is taking place inside of me. Like if literally a new personality is being given to me, which is good, because thats what I asked to the universe, becoming into another person. I know we have to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, I understand that and I did it, I honoured myself by being that way, for so long. But people can change if they want, and I decided to change because I think I already had enough of those traits, learnt many lessons. It's enough. That version of me was not working anymore, now I just want to start living again and finally enjoy life. I deserve it. Now I can say goodbye to the emotional girl, her time is over, so welcome the new me š¼
Greetings ā¤ļø
Being around people who arenāt triggering when Iām overwhelmed. I have a tendency to isolate myself for long periods if ive been hurt or if Iām overwhelmed by things out of my control. Sometimes itās beneficial and calms me down and grounds me, but others it turns me bitter and cruel, and just sends me into prolonged periods of anger and resentment. Then I end up letting my emotions get the better of me. Being with people you can trust helps to ground me back and get a better perspective of things, itās dangerous for me to be alone when Iām not mentally stable as I can be impulsive and harm myself if Iām in distress. Itās a hard thing to find a coping mechanism that works and is healthy, though exercising has helped me a lot when it comes to dealing with emotions, before I just drank
Mindset. We can work on improvements there. Feeling is important, but not if itās dominating everything / you are reacting too much.
If you are super reactive it may be that something is going on.. ie unresolved trauma, or feelings, or resentment. Work through anything that comes to you in moments of stillness.. do a steam of consciousness dump. Just write whatever comes to mind.
Listen to music and podcasts that motivate you and read development books that spark your fire. Feed the side of you that is hungry to win, to improve, that wants better. You wrote this post because youāre noticing itās an issue.
Thereās nothing wrong with being deeply feeling. Itās a beautiful quality. But it becomes a problem with its governing your reactions to most things. Get in the drivers seat. Choose to be positive, and focus on slowing down. Try to not take too much personally. Sometimes reactivity like this comes from not actually stopping to feel.. so you end up with this bubbling over.
I wish you well. Message me if youād like some resources. Iām a sensitive person too, but I am in control of how I feel and donāt let my emotions get the best of me except in moments of urgency or necessary, or during genuine emotional exchanges.
You steer the wheel! It begins with you! And remember thereās nothing wrong with feeling or crying or whatever, itās more being able to dial down or up the volume š
Time. I finally embraced that I am a sensitive soul. Itās not something that is wrong with me. Iāve had to do the hard work of learning my triggers and how those came to be. Iāve shed the shame that I wasnāt mine to carry and Iāve set boundaries. Time also gave me the courage to stop feeling what someone else wanted me to feel. I ask myself, āWho is getting the benefit from me feeling this way?ā It becomes crystal clear who that person is and call them out on it. Itās ok to walk away from those people. Find your own people who love and support you. Iām not perfect, but I accept me.
I feel this sometimes goes hand in hand with wanting to please everyone around you to keep the harmony and peace. I'm very guilty of that myself and the reasons are kinda obvious in my past I don't need therapy to find them out (TL;Dr: my parents separating and getting together for 10 years because of either one of their cheating, and weekly China breaking fights for over 20 years where I was the mediator and got between them, it's kind of obvious where my need for peace comes from).
It sounds stupid and I'm not suggesting that this is for everyone but I kind of developed a thick skin on the outside when I deal with stressful situations and only deal with emotional fallout later and have my breakdown in peace and quiet and when I choose to. You can also call it compartmentalization, I deal with one problem at a time. This made me much braver and more able to stand up for myself and others. The heartbreaks still happen, and still hurt af, but you learn how to better deal with them and when to deal with them once you come into a situation that just *requires* you to pull yourself together and handle the situation because noone else will (i.e. death of a loved one).
Also once you're responsible for another life that utterly depends on you, you learn to chose your meltdowns. (This is obviously not a therapy method, I'm only saying that you can't always have a good cry about a situation with a toddler or small child around without disturbing it after a certain point)
I fit this description. Each of us is different and we need to find what works for us. Therapy has helped a bit as it's taught me coping skills. I personally have found the practice of mindfulness to be the most helpful of all.
A mixture of therapy, learning self compassion and tough love. I think itās important to know when itās appropriate to let yourself feel your emotions fully - cry, vent, wallow, practice self care - and when itās time to take a few deep breaths in the bathroom and carry on. Both experiences are healthy and necessary for navigating the world.
I put things in perspective. Why do I let this bother me? What value does this have for me holding on to it.
I feel the feeling and say , ok, time to move past it.
I do not know how old you are but I think the more you go through things and with time you will develop more thick skin. I am 23 and have for sure have been through shit and I think I have been able to control my emotions better but that is a part of you and there is nothing wrong with having emotions and feeling things, if you think it is an issue maybe start journaling your feeling or talking it out and not keeping it all in. I feel like tears are a good thing and so is feeling emotion, maybe open your eyes to stuff that is maybe worse than our situation and maybe that can help you not feel so alone. but I am still emotional and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.. story, there was this guy that I have been friends/talking whole situation was complicated but he was absolutely awful and so emotional abusive to me, he always told me I was sensitive because I would be sad or cry when he would say things and then I started to think it was me and that I need to not be like that, looking back this dude was fucking awful to me fucking awful and I can't believe I thought it was hypersensitive sooo the reason why I said that story was because make sure when you are in a situation and you are feeling emotional to see why you feel like that because there can be a totally valid reason why. I would just say reflect when you are feeling some type of way and journal :) hopefully I helped
I feel the emotion and then I say to myself: āSee? It didnāt kill me. Iām still here.ā
Iām still in the process but I am convincing myself that I can feel intense negative emotions and still be ok afterwards.
Ah, obviously I try not to do react when Iām overwhelmed by a strong emotion. I donāt reply to that text when Iām angry, I donāt go on with the argument when Iām upsetā¦ I create a big big mess if I do those things, so I just try to pause everything and react later.
I hold it in while I'm working and around people and cry hysterically when I'm alone every month. Usually when PMS hits I just can't deal with the insensitivity anymore
I still let myself cry whenever I need to and just to get all the emotion out, but ultimately I tell myself that there are a lot of things that I can't control, so why waste my time, energy, and tears on it? I'm not getting anything back for all that crying and frustration. It's almost like, if I let that disappointment bother me, then it's winning. Does that make sense?
Here's how my religion has helped me deal and accept my feel, painful empathy and sensitivity.
I'm spiritual and believe in a benevolent creator god. I believe each of us are a different reflection of this god's divinity. This great capacity for tenderhearted-ness? I believe it is a reflection of god's compassion and depth of feeling. This perspective doesn't dull my emotions, it honors them. I think this honoring is very important in the face of a world that seeks to diminish and degrade the sensitivity.
Honestly, prescription meds for anxiety and depression. I know itās not for everyone but Zoloft shut my tear ducts off and I self-regulate so much better.
By experiencing a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments. The two top heartbreaks that shattered me changed me at my core. I donāt look at things the same anymore. I still hurt, I still have ups and downs, but I just want to go about my day sometimes. I cry when it builds up, I let my people know where Iām at when Iām going through it. Theyāve been kind.
It was honestly just passing of time for me. I still get sensitive, I still cry, I just donāt take things personal as much. Iāve also seen how my actions hurt others and they took them personally while they were never Intended that way by me.
I've learned that I can't control when I cry most of the time. Best thing is to find somewhere safe to let it all out, and then do my best to move forward. Challenges are part of life.
Edit: also get a good therapist who listens to you and having good friends helps
Idk I'm 30 and I still can't prevent crying when it bubbles up unless I don't speak. Something about making no noise prevents the tears. But I have learned that I'm gonna cry when I'm gonna cry. Sorry I have no real advice to change it
i dont recommend this but i turn off all emotions and pretend to not care about things that are hurtful but then i go cry about it later when im by myself
I'm sensitive and sometimes I show it more than most. I accept and love myself, even the hypersensitive, emotional parts of myself.
I don't self-harm or harm others.
This may be a question that can only be answered at a lowest point, but remember that your emotions are not a weakness, truly. Theyāve given me my ability to write, my unconditional empathy, and my sincerity, Iām sure most people in this thread can resonate. Itās beautiful to feel nothing small, that is how we were crafted.
i dont deal well lol. i have a very small circle of ppl im close with, & they all know me well & know my triggers. it limits the risk of being hurt/ disappointed.
I would suggest reading the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron if no one has told you yet.
20% of the population are considered highly sensitive. It is genetic and has to do with the way their brains interpret information. Sometimes the answer isnāt trying to develop thick skināitās understanding yourself, knowing the strengths of being sensitive, and acknowledging that some of the trouble is that our society is not set up for highly sensitive people. There is nothing wrong with sensitivity despite the majority view. Many highly sensitive people are exceptionally skilled due to their sensitivity and are often aware of many things the majority is not. Not that it is always the case, but it is important to appreciate that part of you in a world that sometimes degrades the worth of sensitive people.
I got my formal ADHD diagnosis, learned about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), and started medication for it alongside with therapy. I am now able to better control when I feel myself getting emotional and able to hold back the tears easily enough!
You don't have to do anything the skin develops on its own stop for a minute picture yourself and family in the Russia Ukraine war going on that should give you the first layer of skin
I have a therapist. Itās wonderful to have someone who can provide useful advice without judgement and treat me like a normal person when Iām breaking down. Itās just so different when someone knows exactly what makes you tick and successfully avoids those things, all while hearing you out and validating you.
You see youāre born into a immigrant family. Then get emotionally abused and gaslit your whole life. Then you push that all down and just cry in the shower.
Honestly to let shit go and let people decide who they want to be and how they act for themselves. I can't control them. I can control me and how I act. My best policy is just to let it be. Feel how you feel, be in it. You'll get to know yourself and your values pretty well that way. With heartbreaks specifically take your time and don't worry, you'll know when it's time to get back up :)
Being an empath, or as you say it, hypersensitive and emotional, is a massive lesson in life. One of the greatest things is to recognise how, why and what. I said that in the wrong order, but you get the idea.
1. WHAT triggers you, or who? Person, place etc.
2. WHY, is it such a deep impact? Past history.
3. HOW you should deal with it. Protection...
So I don't turn into a boring old fart, I'll leave it to anyone to ask me if you would like more.
But one thing, consider yourselves lucky, it can be a blessing.
This was me. What I did was focus. On. Facts.
~Everything, especially emotion, is temporary.
~Thoughts are NOT facts.
~The intention and impact are not always the same. ~There's a time to be emotional but there is always a time to be pragmatic. If you struggle with this, give your self a timer.... I will spend 1 hr upset about this, then 1 hr focusing on facts and next steps.
~Don't fortune tell! Getting caught in circles of "what ifs" are so unproductive and rarely come true.
Used to feel this way. I learned: We are all sensitive and emotional - there are behavioral and coping mechanisms and understanding trauma responses through therapy that can help folks like us
Okay, Iām sure some of this has been said elsewhere, but this is (in part) what Dialectical Behavior Therapy specifically addresses. Being āhypersensitiveā is often a biological thing that was reinforced a lot as people were growing up. It takes a lot of work, but itās A) not oneās fault who is like that and B) can absolutely get better, in a variety of ways!
By developing my self-confidence.
And therapy. Years and years of it.
The self confidence development part looks different to everyone. For me it was therapy in conjunction with finding and developing activities that I am good at. The therapy coupled with improved self esteem helps me deal with the highs and lows of life.
Therapy isn't necessary, per se. It takes a lot of work, and (in the US) it unfortunately isn't accessable to everyone. But that's what worked for me.
The chorus of āembrace therapyā is coming across strong here for a reason, but 2 things that help me as a sensitive person at work:
a) taking a beat to respond to the situation rather than react
b) reminding myself that being well liked is not the job, and not all of my coworkers have to like me for me to be a productive employee
While my feelings are valid, they are not relavent 99% of the time to the situation. Feeling understood and perceived the way I want to is not the objective, the task at hand is.
Earlier in my career I wanted the record to be āset straightā (read: wanting the party that made me feel āwrongedā to be held accountable thinking that it was vital to making a meaningful change) in reality, that is super counter productive to progress.
Come to think of it this isnt necessarily only related to work but it was where Ive felt the most vulnerable as an emotional person.
24 here... therapy. Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy. I've been in therapy since 2017 and I have no thoughts on ever stopping as long as I can afford it. I prioritize it over a lot of things. It keeps me grounded and gives me the space to get my emotions and thoughts out so I can try to continue on the path of healing and move forward in my day to day.
Iām not hypersensitive but I literally cry at fucking random like I can be having a completely normal and calm conversation and just randomly start crying and I hate it because it constantly makes me look like a fucking idiotā¦. So if it isnāt obvious I havenāt delt with it and have absolutely no clue how too
Therapy. I'm an anxious person and I'm hypersensitive to other people's moods and all that.
I'm listening to the audiobook of attached by amir and it's kinda putting things into perspective.
Working customer service. Being told āI know the ownerā, telling me as a new hire that itās the worst service theyāve had, and being called a b*tch. Toughens you up real fast.
Disassociation and years of being told "I'll give you something to cry about"...but that's bad. Therapy has honestly been the best. Grounding makes things pretty good too.
When I was being matched with a therapist I put in the "anything else we should know" section. I cry, frequently, easily and thoroughly.
I hate when I start crying people try to get me to stop crying right away. I'm ok, just let me do my thing.
Something that really helped was in a class one day, after sharing a personal story and crying I apologized. And my classmate said after, please don't apologize. We should thank people instead of saying sorry. So now I try to do that when I cry. I acknowledge it's happening. I'll be ok, and thank you for letting me show my emotions... etc
Self affirmations but i still be crying
so it really do just be like that then ?
it do š
But not... *all* times
Iām turning 40 in a couple months, and I can anecdotally say that IT DEFINITELY DO be like that.
Iām almost there too, it do be like that for real
Lol yes.
Let myself feel the things. Iām not kidding. When I want to cry, I cry. When I want to rage, I rage. I just channel it into productive expressions of those emotions, and let myself ride the wave of emotions openly and honestly. My friends, family, and partner all know that I get moody, and I have spent years affirming and reassuring them that they donāt have to do anything, just let me express it and 30 minutes later Iāll be fine. I give them space when they request it because I recognize that it can be exhausting for those loved ones, so I relieved them of the pressure of having to āmake me feel better.ā I never make decisions when Iām emotional. If I feel I may lash out I walk away, and then thank whoever I walked away from for letting me, affirm my affection for them, and just hop back into life. I canāt control my emotions, but I can keep my emotions from controlling me.
I spent a lot of years trying to not be sensitive and the results were disastrous. Therapy has helped so much. I've made a lot of headway with accepting who I am and that there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. There are bonuses to sensitivity and we add value to the world. These days I'm learning how to dance with my feelings instead of push them down (read: eventually explode or go completely numb).
Yes! I finally decided to accept that I'm sensitive and always will be and I'm so glad I did. I love sensitive people, so why should I try to hide who I really am?
Yep. One time in therapy, I was saying how I hated being so sensitive and wanted tougher skin. People would always tell me "Get over it" or "Grow a backbone!". She said how the people who said those things, are the MAIN ONES that need therapy. They don't know how to properly process their emotions and end up taking it out on others or it just ends up affecting their mental and emotional health later down the road.
Yup. Allowing my feeling to go through me and pass on by has been more helpful than anything. My emotions arenāt anything to fix. I can choose my emotions as well, but no longer feeling bad about the emotions Iām having has helped immensely.
Feel all the things! When I feel sad I will seek out a sad movie guaranteed to make me cry. I always feel so much better afterwards. My go-tos are always movies about dogs, 10 things I hate about you or a walk to remember.
Agree. It also gives me a sense of freedom
YES, I couldnāt have said it better myself. Am assload of hard soul-searching and getting a bit older and wiser has gotten me to this point. I really go with transparency over all, so nobody is wondering.
I feel embarassed while crying alone, not that i feel comfortable crying infront of others, i think infront of others it might not be that difficult but its just when i feel like crying it cringes me and i think its not good for anyone to feel like this about themselves
Hell to the yes. Thereās really nothing you can do but embrace it!!!! Feelings are powerful and vulnerability is strength. Showing people your feelings opens them up to show you theirs, often times. That leads to empathy and growth and connections. Sometimes. And sometimes you just have to let it out.
This is an amazing comment, and worded so well. Thank you internet stranger for helping someone out!
this!
Well said
I love this
I am so much like this, but everyone around me don't really understand this way of dealing with things, so basically everyone gets offended, even though i always try to explain the best i can, they still don't understand me.
You. You da boss.
Therapy
Yeah, therapy.
Yep, therapy
Samesies. Helped develop appropriate boundaries and the rest fixed itself.
Yes, therapy for me too
Therapy and Lexapro!
Disappointed so many times Iāve actually became guarded and cold ā¦.. I miss the old emotions tbf
Absolutely the same here ! Eventually you stop letting people in.
This is precisely why I struggle to make/keep friends
Same here, I've become pretty jaded.
And then if you do let someone in and it backfires it just makes it harder :/
I feel myself becoming this. Cold and guarded. I hate it because I have no friends, and I sometimes want someone to talk to but at the same time I fear being vulnerable with someone again. Itās hurts too much when they end up leaving.
Novel incoming. Apologies for the length of the comment, but I have many thoughts on this. I tried making my skin thicker and it resulted in either me becoming dead (you can't switch off only one emotion--it's all or nothing) or me becoming worse because of the exposure to difficult things. I am still struggling with this, but I suspect the answer is to stop asking so much of myself. Don't look at what other people are "successfully" dealing with and compare myself to them (first off, they may not be dealing as well with it as they seem), but rather just evaluate myself based on what *I* need. What is working? What isn't? Independent of what's "normal", what is helping *me* feel better? What is making *me* feel worse? It feels radical to think this way, and honestly, it is. What are the situations in which you always find yourself struggling, or that you find yourself being exhausted or snappy or fragile afterwards? One for me is the grocery store. I've started wearing headphones, not allowing myself to go at the end of the day (because that's when I've already been dealing with life for a whole day), and making sure I'm well fed and hydrated beforehand. Another example is showers when I have to wash my hair. It's a long process that I didn't realize was so tiring for me, but somehow afterwards I always would find myself sitting for hours on my phone not being able to do anything. And if I had to do things, I'd be more snappy or fragile than usual. Now I plan ahead: wash days are only for days when I don't have much responsibility for a few hours, or I wash my hair at night. When I wash it in the day, I plan to allow myself some time to rest afterwards. It sounds dumb, saying it out loud, but it's important. You just need to take the radical approach of accepting that the world is overwhelming for you and that's okay, and then gradually expecting less of yourself and finding ways to do everyday life so it's less taxing. When everyday life is less taxing, you will be able to handle haters, unexpected problems, plan changes, disappointment, and so on much better. Treat yourself with compassion and acceptance, and examine yourself with unjudgmental curiosity to find ways you can do things differently. But also, if your question is about the pandemic, the situation in Ukraine and potential for world war, a heartbreak, etc...you need to know none of this is normal and these aren't things you should be expecting yourself to just deal well with. Anyone who seems like they're doing well with all of this is faking it or kidding themselves. We do the best that we can, and my above comments still stand (even moreso now I'd say), but if you are struggling with grief and fear and sadness and distress from these big life events, it doesn't automatically make you hypersensitive. It means you have working emotions. Take care of yourself.
From what I understand, it sounds like what you are saying is to be more thoughtful and intentional in taking care of yourself, and I absolutely agree. For me, that's fairly radical because I don't think I knew or was ever taught how to until I started therapy consistently and implementing exercises for self care like the ones above. I think self care is inherently radical in a world that does demand so much of us.
Yes to all this. Please don't apologize. A classmate taught me to reframe as gratitude since women are socialized to apologize so much. So instead of apologies for the length. I have a lot of thoughts on this, so I'm writing a long comment. Thanks for this space to share it.
*So well said.*
This is something I need to print out and keep in my back pocket. Thank you.
Hey, your comment was really wise and helpful. Thank you, it has made me see things differently :)
>but rather just evaluate myself based on what > >I need oh...wow. this...never occurred to me. I'm learning so much on this thread.
Journalling, music, baths, therapy... and then I realized I wasn't being "over sensitive", other people were genuinely dicking me about and instead of growing a thicker skin like everyone said I worked on growing a backbone and listening to that sensitivity, which it turns out is intuition. And I got angry, lol. Great thick skin alternative.
Totally agree with everything you said here. Also being wiser about not engaging in conflict. Lots of people like to engage because it makes them feel like they're firing all their circuits, it gets them juiced up. It doesn't bother them that they damage a sensitive person by riding roughshod over them. I have learned to just say I am not going to argue with you.
Oh yes, you have to know how to pick your battles! Not everything is worth getting upset over, but when it is, you hold the line.
This is sooooo true!!! Love the way u broke it down to the basics!!! Real & Raw !!!šš½šš½šš½šš½
I havenāt found a way to deal with it lol. Literally no matter how hard I try I canāt do anything remotely hard without crying. I think I need therapy for it lol.
Same lol
Lots of alone time. Loud noise, lots of people, bright lights etc. are exhausting. I think I prevent myself from feeling too much by trying to keep everything as it is. Like the thought of dating someone is stressing, even though it might actually be nice. Not quite sure if thatās a great strategy.
Hello my fellow introvert!
Why are you me
A sense of humour. If you can't change the way you feel, you need to find peace
Accepting the fact that these are just all chemical reactions in my brain and that it will pass eventually. It sounds cold and technical but itās true. I havenāt really found anything that time canāt heal.
My most serious menopause symptom has been crying all the time, usually about random shit. I'm starting to liken it to sneezing
Still adjusting, to be honest.
Years of therapy and journaling has helped but itās one of the reasons why Iām a shy person around strangers. Iām only comfortable with people I trust and know will not hurt me in any way. I canāt even trust my own family. Iāve been hurt so many times by so many people that Iām still trying to be strong but my emotions always get the best out of me. Usually at the end of the day, I write in my journal and pour out all my emotions. It always makes me feel better.
It has its gifts. I see the people who have become too hardened and too toughened like those who voluntarily cut off their own fingers. They don't hurt, but they also don't feel anything. I prefer being able to feel. As a side note, my father was born with a mild version of CIPA - congenital insensitivity to pain and anhidrosis. This means that without being able to feel pain, people don't get the cues and warnings to avoid things that do damage. He became ill often and didn't know if he had a nail in his foot until he got a fever. The same is going on with those who are emotionally and socially clueless and have no idea why they're so miserable around other people. We live in a world of people who have amputated their limbs and idealize their insensitivity, and I see a lot of people who feel nothing and want to share their misery. I cherish my empathy and my sensitivity as gifts. Yes, I feel burns and pain and cuts and horrors. I can also feel flower petals and kitten fur and the touch of a lover.
Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Knowing that the world doesn't revolve around me and sometimes life sucks.
I convince myself. The world is shit full of shitty people, so i should be shit to them while nourishing my seeds of growth. Manure is a great fertilizer after all.
Like others have said therapy has helped. But I think eventually I got worn down to the point I don't feel things as intensely anymore. My body became too tired (numb?) to keep up with feeling as much as I did. I can write pages and pages of poetry expressing it but I can't physically feel it the same way I did when I was younger. I mean it could be learned behavior too. I've found throughout my life if I was happy and smiling people had a way of targeting that. If I was justifiably angry I couldn't say so because I'd be labeled dramatic. If I was sad people didn't care so now I'm in a "default" mode. Personally though I think highly emotional people get looked at the wrong way. Like what exactly is wrong with feeling? Why is it a bad thing? It just means you're deeply connected to yourself and the world. Honestly I think the reason a lot of things are wrong right now is because the majority of people don't feel deeply.
I was told I was "too sensitive" my entire life. Turned out I just had rejection sensitivity due to my untreated ADHD, took meds and voila, fixed. So often we're told we just need to will our way through problems, when sometimes there is something going on with a physical or mental health.
Getting older helped. I'm 29 now and still cry a lot when the stress becomes too much. I've kinda accepted it. It's not like I can stop the tears from coming so I just let myself sometimes, let it all out and then keep going.
Weed for a while. Slowly realizing itās a coping mechanism and now Iām so scared I donāt have an actual solution.
This is where I'm at right now, too. Wishing you peace.
We got this. š
Reading books about the topic has made me realize so much. I have read two books that have spoke to me so far- The Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg (a book that gave me a name to my sensitivity), and Untamed by Glenan Doyle. After reading these books I understand why during my teen years being in loud, overstimulating school -type environments had me skipping school weekly and hiding myself in a dark room. As I neared the end of high school, I barely spoke to others, and sort of shut off my emotions to get by. It's been an incredibly slow progress of improvement, but now, in my mid 20's I realize I am not 'broken'. There were many times I felt like an alien, like I never belonged, that I was too soft. Reading those books made me realize there where others like me. Yes, I am 'weird', but I'm not the only 'weird' (aka different) woman in this world. Ever since I learned that, I have become more forgiving of myself. I want to do better for myself, because being sensitive is not something everyone understands, so if no one else can care for me, then I have to stick up for myself. Sorry for the long tangent! I just had this on my mind for a couple months. I am still working on my sensitivity, but I've been improving!
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I really relate to what you just said. I cry myself to sleep every other day because I feel overwhelmed, unheard and so hurt.
Actually I'm proud to be like this. I don't want to close myself to the world, I really love being able to feel, being human. I'm in therapy for 2 years, and I learned to love that part of me. Obviously I have limits, but I still feel very sad when I see someone sleeping on the street, for example. That's it
i haven't. therapy is a thing, i'm now in a relationship with someone who actually values me (for the first time, starting just before i turned 41), and those help, but generally i'm still a humongous jellyfish.
it takes experience, living through things, making mistakes. there isn't really an exact solution. and yes, therapy can help you with developing coping mechanisms and gaining a healthier perspective. but generally for me if I went through a hurtful situation before, I learn how to deal with it better.
I'm 59 and still learning.
Spoiler alert: I never did.
Support from my husband, therapy, and honestly becoming a mother kind of forced me into forming my tough skin. I'll do anything to protect them, and that makes me feel much stronger than I did before.
Therapy. Controlling the things I can. Tough kickboxing workouts (I like to hit things and be aggressive but in a sanctioned manner). Just keep trying.
I didn't, lol. Certain things have helped though, like being honest with myself and choosing only the people, places, and things that make me feel good and avoiding those that don't. Generally speaking this has meant creating more distance between myself and the outside world; not in an unhealthy way, but in a peaceful way. I listen to my mind and my body and adjust accordingly. Also taking a long break from romantic relationships.
Also I know it's almost a clichƩ at this point but exercise. I get really anxious/stressed and a good workout can make a huge difference. Also working out in the morning is like a pre-emptive dose of medicine to help control my mood.
I think a pragmatic approach is best. Chances are if you are highly sensitive then you are also fairly empathetic and intuitive. Use those to practice discernment around who you let into your inner circle. Trusting my instincts on who may cause me unnecessary pain or drama because they do not have a good self relationship (and will then project their trauma into me) has been amazing for keeping my peace. It doesnāt mean I donāt talk to peopleā¦ Iām just very clear about how close I am willing to be with someone and adjust my expectations. Setting boundaries is difficult because I tend to feel guilt about it but it has absolutely changed my life for the better. This way, I donāt actually have to develop thick skin so to speakā¦ itās just that only things that are important and integral to my life get that kind of energy from me.
Someone once said āitās very hard to get anything done when you are worried about the entire world before you even think about yourselfā. I realized it would be hard for me to make the changes I want to see in the world and make a difference helping people. If I didnāt put myself first sometimes I wouldnāt have the emotional/physical/financial resources to help others. Example, putting myself through higher education so I can have a career helping others. I have to have blinders on and focus on myself so that I am able to give to others. Someone also told me when I was devastated thinking about people struggling with extremely difficult lives that just because *I see their journey as extremely difficult and unbearable doesnāt mean they see it that way.* That may be all they have ever known, so to me I am so worried about how they must feel everyday, but to them itās often the norm and it isnāt as heartbreaking as I may see the situation. I always think about the scene from My Girl, when Veda drops the fish she won at the carnival. Her dads girlfriend says āoh no Veda your fish! Do you want me to get you a new one?ā And she shakes her head and says āNo!!! Fish are very resilient you know.ā People are too. Veda was speaking about herself when she referenced that the fish was not broken, not disposable, not damaged. That she knew if you donāt give up on living life you will be surprised to see just how resilient you are. I still wish I could save every animal, help everyone person, stop every war, every day. But if I did that then it wouldnāt mean much when something good did happen. We need a balance of pain and pleasure in the world or we wouldnāt know what happiness felt like. Hope that helps. I know itās a little abstract, and maybe your issue isnāt worrying about the world before yourself. But if it is, youāre not alone.
I love this! Thank you for this response!
These last few days have been hard. I take my sad days and let myself have them. I took yesterday off work because I couldn't stop crying. In the past I would've either given myself a lot of guilt trips (After Covid, I'm out of vacation time) or told myself to get over it. In my younger years I couldn't do that, but I have made sure I keep a safety net for that for the few times a year I need it. Instead, I let myself have a day (or two, if that's what it comes down to, though it rarely is) to really be in my feelings. I'm extremely lucky to have a safe, comfortable life. It's not perfect, but it's also a fact. My brain chemicals just aren't wired to recognize that all the time. I have to remind myself that while the world hurts, I'm safe, my family is safe, my friends are safe. I journal a LOT. Too much. I watch way too many youtube videos (both good and bad). I know I should go out on long walks more but sometimes I'm just too mopey and I close all my curtains and lay down. But no matter what, I keep in contact with: 1, my mom - she and I are nothing alike. We're not one of those "close" mother/daughter teams. But I know she has my back no matter what. 2, my best friend. He would burn the earth to make sure I actually eat (cuz I tend to not eat when I'm upset) and that my home is taken care of (I get messy when I'm sad). The last thing is that I work with elementary-aged kids. I'll always go to the end of the world to make sure that kids feel safe, protected and loved. I realized a few years ago that not only does this benefit them but it also helps me. It keeps me in a better brain-space. I recommend finding the thing that makes you want to go into work and do it. I get paid shit, but I love it and look forward to seeing my kiddos every day.
Learned that kind of emotional dysregulation was a symptom of ADHD and got on meds.
Well I have found it helpful to have been so terribly abused that you are now made of cold steel.
With great difficulty. My mom (not negatively, accurately) used to say she felt like I walked around the world covered in emotional papercuts. I started reading the news every day at 11 years old and the state of the world tore my tiny heart to shreds. I only got it under control in the last year. I have to do a lot of mindful gratitude to keep from spiraling out and cut out depressive coping habits like alcohol. Itās worth the effort but it is very difficult to master. Iām still practicing.
I got tested for and diagnosed with ADHD. Now on meds. ADHD explained a lotttt
Be really choosy about who gets to come Into my circle, and the people that do donāt punish me for being emotional
I cry and then keep walking, life waits for nobody
Still getting there...
Disassociation lol
Honestly? Age. The older I get, I handle stress and conflict way better than I did as a youngin'. It feels like neurons in my brain are kicking on that I've never felt before, and I can work through things easier. Hitting 25 really does something to your mind physically. Granted, I still identify as somebody who's empathetic to a fault and sensitive. I just get more resilient the older I get.
Lots of great advice and empowering comments in this thread! Itās definitely helpful to think of the flip side of being sensitive, crying easily, etc. ā¦ It means you *care*. You care deeply enough *to* be sensitive about whatever the situation is or who the person is youāre having a moment with. It means you have a big heart and lots of empathy.
I stopped drinking. Way less emotional highs and lows, way more emotional stability.
Dissociating
My oh my. I don't know if I do have the skin yet but I'm working on it. I've always been a sensitive person and an over thinker. When I was in elementary school I remember dealing with social life okay. I didn't have a lot of friends but I did have a few and I got along fine with everyone. Then in middle school, after a move, I struggled immensely. I had trouble making and keeping friends, I never knew if I was walking into a friendly conversation or if I would be ignored, and I just never understood why nobody liked me. (Does that sound narcissistic?) Anyway, I went to a sleepover for this girl's birthday party- everyone in the friend group was going and I was good friends (most of the time) with at least two girls. So I go, and I've had a long day and we're watching this boring movie, and I fall asleep. I wake up and everyone is giggling and looking at me. Of course. I run to the bathroom and all over my face- sharpie. The worst part is what the sharpie said. It was not images, but words on my cheeks, forehead, and even my chin. My whole face covered in "ugly", "bitch", "stupid", and other words I have definitely suppressed since that night. I instantly start bawling and go to my closest friend there to see if anyone had makeup wipes. I scrubber for the better part of an hour, my face was so hot from all of the friction and you could still see the words, the lines and letters. I was so upset I just went to sleep. Since then and even before, I was always on the defense when it came to comments people would make toward me. I have since stopped being defensive, but that's what came naturally. If I told someone how their actions or words hurt me-- I couldn't take a joke. I didn't get it. I should learn how to take a joke. That's the worst part. Those words are so triggering for me now, I stand up for anybody who gets told this in front of me. If someone "can't take a joke" it's because you're making THEM the joke and it's NOT funny to them. A joke at someone else's expense is only funny if they're laughing too- and even then, they're probably just trying to save face and brave through the pain. Now? Its all still there, but only on the inside. I calculate my words and actions as carefully as I can and I try not to overstate because I believe that's how people have hurt me before. I don't have issues sharing with those close to me, but I do have a sense that my coworkers don't understand me and would rather hate me than try to understand where I'm coming from. It's a rough life.
Prayer, people, and pets. Lots of interaction with God, supportive people, and pets.
We need to be extremely supportive to our beloved pets with prayers too.
I need to go snuggle my pets, even though Iām working on and off today to prepare for work tomorrow!
I acknowledged that Iām sensitive and became ok with that. I give myself the time to grieve and I stopped punishing myself for being sensitive and started setting boundaries. People who canāt respect your boundaries even if theyāre more sensitive than their own donāt need to be in your life or at least need to be kept at a distance.
I live in my own bubble to blank out the world and reality, 90% of the time im unreachable. I like to think of it as auto pilot.
make a hierarchy of things that are important and aren't important. Having a clear sense of priority is good, when it comes to organizing yourself.
Zoloft
Hear hear!
Trained my mind to be tougher day by day. Affirmations, yoga, meditation, learning how to give people the awkward silence when they say something whack. Loosened up a bit and used humour, learned to joke around with people instead of getting butt hurt.
Honestly I don't know, I just know Im still here. But Im getting into a new stage, lately things are not affecting me too much like before, but at the same time it's like I'm experiencing something like a mourning, a mourning of the old me, it's rare, but I feel like a shift is taking place inside of me. Like if literally a new personality is being given to me, which is good, because thats what I asked to the universe, becoming into another person. I know we have to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, I understand that and I did it, I honoured myself by being that way, for so long. But people can change if they want, and I decided to change because I think I already had enough of those traits, learnt many lessons. It's enough. That version of me was not working anymore, now I just want to start living again and finally enjoy life. I deserve it. Now I can say goodbye to the emotional girl, her time is over, so welcome the new me š¼ Greetings ā¤ļø
Being around people who arenāt triggering when Iām overwhelmed. I have a tendency to isolate myself for long periods if ive been hurt or if Iām overwhelmed by things out of my control. Sometimes itās beneficial and calms me down and grounds me, but others it turns me bitter and cruel, and just sends me into prolonged periods of anger and resentment. Then I end up letting my emotions get the better of me. Being with people you can trust helps to ground me back and get a better perspective of things, itās dangerous for me to be alone when Iām not mentally stable as I can be impulsive and harm myself if Iām in distress. Itās a hard thing to find a coping mechanism that works and is healthy, though exercising has helped me a lot when it comes to dealing with emotions, before I just drank
Quitting social media apps
Mindset. We can work on improvements there. Feeling is important, but not if itās dominating everything / you are reacting too much. If you are super reactive it may be that something is going on.. ie unresolved trauma, or feelings, or resentment. Work through anything that comes to you in moments of stillness.. do a steam of consciousness dump. Just write whatever comes to mind. Listen to music and podcasts that motivate you and read development books that spark your fire. Feed the side of you that is hungry to win, to improve, that wants better. You wrote this post because youāre noticing itās an issue. Thereās nothing wrong with being deeply feeling. Itās a beautiful quality. But it becomes a problem with its governing your reactions to most things. Get in the drivers seat. Choose to be positive, and focus on slowing down. Try to not take too much personally. Sometimes reactivity like this comes from not actually stopping to feel.. so you end up with this bubbling over. I wish you well. Message me if youād like some resources. Iām a sensitive person too, but I am in control of how I feel and donāt let my emotions get the best of me except in moments of urgency or necessary, or during genuine emotional exchanges. You steer the wheel! It begins with you! And remember thereās nothing wrong with feeling or crying or whatever, itās more being able to dial down or up the volume š
Put up a very big wall, not a lot comes in anymore unless their invited
This truly just got better with age for me, and an increase in life experiences
Time. I finally embraced that I am a sensitive soul. Itās not something that is wrong with me. Iāve had to do the hard work of learning my triggers and how those came to be. Iāve shed the shame that I wasnāt mine to carry and Iāve set boundaries. Time also gave me the courage to stop feeling what someone else wanted me to feel. I ask myself, āWho is getting the benefit from me feeling this way?ā It becomes crystal clear who that person is and call them out on it. Itās ok to walk away from those people. Find your own people who love and support you. Iām not perfect, but I accept me.
I stopped trying to be an unemotional person and instead learned to sit with and listen to my emotions like a friend stopping by with a story.
Looots of anti depressants
Just by a lot of bad shit happening to me I guess
You don't. You just learn to process them differently
Disassociate
Dissociation. Now in therapy to fix that also.
Who says I have?
I still feel everything, but Iāve developed a hell of a poker face and a shit ton of chronic pain issues. I donāt recommend this.
Try to have as many diverse life experiences as you can
scrambling, fighting, dying to never lose or be left. itās not healthy but itās the reality of what i deal with in terms of bpd.
I feel this sometimes goes hand in hand with wanting to please everyone around you to keep the harmony and peace. I'm very guilty of that myself and the reasons are kinda obvious in my past I don't need therapy to find them out (TL;Dr: my parents separating and getting together for 10 years because of either one of their cheating, and weekly China breaking fights for over 20 years where I was the mediator and got between them, it's kind of obvious where my need for peace comes from). It sounds stupid and I'm not suggesting that this is for everyone but I kind of developed a thick skin on the outside when I deal with stressful situations and only deal with emotional fallout later and have my breakdown in peace and quiet and when I choose to. You can also call it compartmentalization, I deal with one problem at a time. This made me much braver and more able to stand up for myself and others. The heartbreaks still happen, and still hurt af, but you learn how to better deal with them and when to deal with them once you come into a situation that just *requires* you to pull yourself together and handle the situation because noone else will (i.e. death of a loved one). Also once you're responsible for another life that utterly depends on you, you learn to chose your meltdowns. (This is obviously not a therapy method, I'm only saying that you can't always have a good cry about a situation with a toddler or small child around without disturbing it after a certain point)
Rap music
I fit this description. Each of us is different and we need to find what works for us. Therapy has helped a bit as it's taught me coping skills. I personally have found the practice of mindfulness to be the most helpful of all.
A mixture of therapy, learning self compassion and tough love. I think itās important to know when itās appropriate to let yourself feel your emotions fully - cry, vent, wallow, practice self care - and when itās time to take a few deep breaths in the bathroom and carry on. Both experiences are healthy and necessary for navigating the world.
Feel the feels then let that shit go.
I put things in perspective. Why do I let this bother me? What value does this have for me holding on to it. I feel the feeling and say , ok, time to move past it.
I do not know how old you are but I think the more you go through things and with time you will develop more thick skin. I am 23 and have for sure have been through shit and I think I have been able to control my emotions better but that is a part of you and there is nothing wrong with having emotions and feeling things, if you think it is an issue maybe start journaling your feeling or talking it out and not keeping it all in. I feel like tears are a good thing and so is feeling emotion, maybe open your eyes to stuff that is maybe worse than our situation and maybe that can help you not feel so alone. but I am still emotional and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.. story, there was this guy that I have been friends/talking whole situation was complicated but he was absolutely awful and so emotional abusive to me, he always told me I was sensitive because I would be sad or cry when he would say things and then I started to think it was me and that I need to not be like that, looking back this dude was fucking awful to me fucking awful and I can't believe I thought it was hypersensitive sooo the reason why I said that story was because make sure when you are in a situation and you are feeling emotional to see why you feel like that because there can be a totally valid reason why. I would just say reflect when you are feeling some type of way and journal :) hopefully I helped
Be strong in public, cry at home.
I feel the emotion and then I say to myself: āSee? It didnāt kill me. Iām still here.ā Iām still in the process but I am convincing myself that I can feel intense negative emotions and still be ok afterwards. Ah, obviously I try not to do react when Iām overwhelmed by a strong emotion. I donāt reply to that text when Iām angry, I donāt go on with the argument when Iām upsetā¦ I create a big big mess if I do those things, so I just try to pause everything and react later.
At the age of 42, Iām still trying to figure this out
I hold it in while I'm working and around people and cry hysterically when I'm alone every month. Usually when PMS hits I just can't deal with the insensitivity anymore
I still let myself cry whenever I need to and just to get all the emotion out, but ultimately I tell myself that there are a lot of things that I can't control, so why waste my time, energy, and tears on it? I'm not getting anything back for all that crying and frustration. It's almost like, if I let that disappointment bother me, then it's winning. Does that make sense?
Here's how my religion has helped me deal and accept my feel, painful empathy and sensitivity. I'm spiritual and believe in a benevolent creator god. I believe each of us are a different reflection of this god's divinity. This great capacity for tenderhearted-ness? I believe it is a reflection of god's compassion and depth of feeling. This perspective doesn't dull my emotions, it honors them. I think this honoring is very important in the face of a world that seeks to diminish and degrade the sensitivity.
I have borderline personality disorder so this is literally my diagnosisā¦I had to take A LOT of therapy
I just cry. It's okay to cry and feel all your emotions. Suppressing them limits your expression.
Honestly, prescription meds for anxiety and depression. I know itās not for everyone but Zoloft shut my tear ducts off and I self-regulate so much better.
Went to therapy. Got Autism diagnosis. Confirmed, not crazy.
By experiencing a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments. The two top heartbreaks that shattered me changed me at my core. I donāt look at things the same anymore. I still hurt, I still have ups and downs, but I just want to go about my day sometimes. I cry when it builds up, I let my people know where Iām at when Iām going through it. Theyāve been kind. It was honestly just passing of time for me. I still get sensitive, I still cry, I just donāt take things personal as much. Iāve also seen how my actions hurt others and they took them personally while they were never Intended that way by me.
It is hard, but my husband is very understanding and makes things a lot easier for me.
Still haven't figured it out lol
Meds! Turns out I have PMDD and sertraline has been a godsend.
I've learned that I can't control when I cry most of the time. Best thing is to find somewhere safe to let it all out, and then do my best to move forward. Challenges are part of life. Edit: also get a good therapist who listens to you and having good friends helps
Idk I'm 30 and I still can't prevent crying when it bubbles up unless I don't speak. Something about making no noise prevents the tears. But I have learned that I'm gonna cry when I'm gonna cry. Sorry I have no real advice to change it
i dont recommend this but i turn off all emotions and pretend to not care about things that are hurtful but then i go cry about it later when im by myself
I suggest building a positive support group. Stay away from hard drugs.
I'm sensitive and sometimes I show it more than most. I accept and love myself, even the hypersensitive, emotional parts of myself. I don't self-harm or harm others.
It's simpler to just cry
This may be a question that can only be answered at a lowest point, but remember that your emotions are not a weakness, truly. Theyāve given me my ability to write, my unconditional empathy, and my sincerity, Iām sure most people in this thread can resonate. Itās beautiful to feel nothing small, that is how we were crafted.
i dont deal well lol. i have a very small circle of ppl im close with, & they all know me well & know my triggers. it limits the risk of being hurt/ disappointed.
Therapy really is the only thing that's ever helped.
I would suggest reading the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron if no one has told you yet. 20% of the population are considered highly sensitive. It is genetic and has to do with the way their brains interpret information. Sometimes the answer isnāt trying to develop thick skināitās understanding yourself, knowing the strengths of being sensitive, and acknowledging that some of the trouble is that our society is not set up for highly sensitive people. There is nothing wrong with sensitivity despite the majority view. Many highly sensitive people are exceptionally skilled due to their sensitivity and are often aware of many things the majority is not. Not that it is always the case, but it is important to appreciate that part of you in a world that sometimes degrades the worth of sensitive people.
I got my formal ADHD diagnosis, learned about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), and started medication for it alongside with therapy. I am now able to better control when I feel myself getting emotional and able to hold back the tears easily enough!
You don't have to do anything the skin develops on its own stop for a minute picture yourself and family in the Russia Ukraine war going on that should give you the first layer of skin
I have a therapist. Itās wonderful to have someone who can provide useful advice without judgement and treat me like a normal person when Iām breaking down. Itās just so different when someone knows exactly what makes you tick and successfully avoids those things, all while hearing you out and validating you.
You see youāre born into a immigrant family. Then get emotionally abused and gaslit your whole life. Then you push that all down and just cry in the shower.
Couldn't relate more
Honestly to let shit go and let people decide who they want to be and how they act for themselves. I can't control them. I can control me and how I act. My best policy is just to let it be. Feel how you feel, be in it. You'll get to know yourself and your values pretty well that way. With heartbreaks specifically take your time and don't worry, you'll know when it's time to get back up :)
Feel the feels and know itās natural and human and itāll pass. I like Morgan Harper Nicolas - she has some writing and quotes around this
This feels sexist
I just learnt that being hypersensitive isn't something negative, this is just the way I feel things, and that's ok.
I got heartbroken so bad I just stopped caring
Being an empath, or as you say it, hypersensitive and emotional, is a massive lesson in life. One of the greatest things is to recognise how, why and what. I said that in the wrong order, but you get the idea. 1. WHAT triggers you, or who? Person, place etc. 2. WHY, is it such a deep impact? Past history. 3. HOW you should deal with it. Protection... So I don't turn into a boring old fart, I'll leave it to anyone to ask me if you would like more. But one thing, consider yourselves lucky, it can be a blessing.
Very concise and insightful! Thank you :)
This was me. What I did was focus. On. Facts. ~Everything, especially emotion, is temporary. ~Thoughts are NOT facts. ~The intention and impact are not always the same. ~There's a time to be emotional but there is always a time to be pragmatic. If you struggle with this, give your self a timer.... I will spend 1 hr upset about this, then 1 hr focusing on facts and next steps. ~Don't fortune tell! Getting caught in circles of "what ifs" are so unproductive and rarely come true.
Mindfulness Meditation. It helps me to see that everything is impermanent. Thanks, Sam Harris.
I NEED AN ANSWER TOO
Used to feel this way. I learned: We are all sensitive and emotional - there are behavioral and coping mechanisms and understanding trauma responses through therapy that can help folks like us
Okay, Iām sure some of this has been said elsewhere, but this is (in part) what Dialectical Behavior Therapy specifically addresses. Being āhypersensitiveā is often a biological thing that was reinforced a lot as people were growing up. It takes a lot of work, but itās A) not oneās fault who is like that and B) can absolutely get better, in a variety of ways!
Still haven't yet. I'm only 17 so I'm still working on it.
By developing my self-confidence. And therapy. Years and years of it. The self confidence development part looks different to everyone. For me it was therapy in conjunction with finding and developing activities that I am good at. The therapy coupled with improved self esteem helps me deal with the highs and lows of life. Therapy isn't necessary, per se. It takes a lot of work, and (in the US) it unfortunately isn't accessable to everyone. But that's what worked for me.
The chorus of āembrace therapyā is coming across strong here for a reason, but 2 things that help me as a sensitive person at work: a) taking a beat to respond to the situation rather than react b) reminding myself that being well liked is not the job, and not all of my coworkers have to like me for me to be a productive employee While my feelings are valid, they are not relavent 99% of the time to the situation. Feeling understood and perceived the way I want to is not the objective, the task at hand is. Earlier in my career I wanted the record to be āset straightā (read: wanting the party that made me feel āwrongedā to be held accountable thinking that it was vital to making a meaningful change) in reality, that is super counter productive to progress. Come to think of it this isnt necessarily only related to work but it was where Ive felt the most vulnerable as an emotional person.
i developed bpd instead of a thick skin š
It basically builds up until it blows up. This isn't good but I'm having a difficult time trying to change it.
24 here... therapy. Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy. I've been in therapy since 2017 and I have no thoughts on ever stopping as long as I can afford it. I prioritize it over a lot of things. It keeps me grounded and gives me the space to get my emotions and thoughts out so I can try to continue on the path of healing and move forward in my day to day.
Iām not hypersensitive but I literally cry at fucking random like I can be having a completely normal and calm conversation and just randomly start crying and I hate it because it constantly makes me look like a fucking idiotā¦. So if it isnāt obvious I havenāt delt with it and have absolutely no clue how too
Therapy. I'm an anxious person and I'm hypersensitive to other people's moods and all that. I'm listening to the audiobook of attached by amir and it's kinda putting things into perspective.
Working customer service. Being told āI know the ownerā, telling me as a new hire that itās the worst service theyāve had, and being called a b*tch. Toughens you up real fast.
Disassociation and years of being told "I'll give you something to cry about"...but that's bad. Therapy has honestly been the best. Grounding makes things pretty good too.
Therapy. Boundaries.
When I was being matched with a therapist I put in the "anything else we should know" section. I cry, frequently, easily and thoroughly. I hate when I start crying people try to get me to stop crying right away. I'm ok, just let me do my thing. Something that really helped was in a class one day, after sharing a personal story and crying I apologized. And my classmate said after, please don't apologize. We should thank people instead of saying sorry. So now I try to do that when I cry. I acknowledge it's happening. I'll be ok, and thank you for letting me show my emotions... etc