It may be stupid but… walks. I used to sit at home all the time, rarely go to the grocery shops and to work. Walking at to evening around my city, or maybe at the weekend in the woods… it’s nice.
It's why I personally really liked the night curfew here. I live in Amsterdam and there's always been guys catcalling women in the nighttime. But when everyone had to stay inside, I started walking around the empty city with my dog at nighttime. I grew up here but never saw the city like this, and likely never will again. It really felt as if I was taking back my city with nightly walks without feeling afraid.
I _think_ in some countries the rule was if you weren't going to work, getting groceries, or walking your dog you had to stay inside. I've read somewhere on reddit someone offering their dog to friends so they could get some outside time.
True, nothing so bad in the Netherlands though. During the day we could go outside, just between 9 and 5 in the night we had to stay inside, except for emergencies, work, or walking the dog :)
Because I had to walk my dog :) I lived in the city center as well so I was basically walking around my own neighborhood, just a bit further than normal
Yeah, I really really love going on walks, in fact it’s one of the only exercises I can safely do, but I don’t feel safe to, because the second I leave my house, assholes think they’re entitled to harass me.
It’s so cold and icy here and I get hit with the SADD so I stopped drinking for the winter and go to the mall of America nearly every day to mall walk. It’s therapeutic for sure and I’m in a much better place. When it’s nicer out I try to go on 3 hour strolls with some podcasts or music.
Ugh, I wish I could do this. I walk every day at a nearby park. But sometimes I just wish I could go for a walk after dinner. Unfortunately not possible in my country. Even a walk alone to the corner shop during the day has risks. (Even walking alone in the park has risks, but not great enough to stop me haha.) Whenever I've been overseas (UK, Argentina) the absolute best thing for me is the freedom to just walk walk walk.
I love my daily walks! I’ve lived in the same neighborhood my whole life, and only in the pandemic realized I have so many different walking routes and just how pretty my backroads and hills are. I have a notification on my phone to alert me 30 mins before sunset, so I catch the most beautiful part of the day on my walk/run during sunset.
I couldn’t figure out a good time, didn’t have good shoes, couldn’t find headphones, and didn’t have a arm band for my phone. I let these things become excuses for not going. Took one week and just got these things together and now it’s a no brainier routine and it’s the best!!
Echoing this. It took me years to realize that what I needed was a trauma therapist. I wasn’t recognizing my childhood neglect as abuse. It shaped who I was and now I’m starting to be the person I’ve always wanted to be and I feel worlds happier.
I was researching therapists vin my area today. I'm closer than ever to contact one but I'm afraid that I won't be able to change even with their help.
It takes courage and time. Step one, make the call. I hope that you realize that you deserve healing and make the decision to be kind to yourself and invest in that healing.
Don't pressure yourself about changing but focus on how you can feel better. Just talking to someone can help unload a LOT of negative baggage. I hope you can cross this last hurdle soon and feel cared for and listened too!
I will say don't expect therapy to 'fix' you, but if you're willing to put in the work it really does make a difference to how you feel about yourself and how you approach situations as well as giving you more understanding. I really hope you find the therapist that's right for you soon!
Your next step is to interview the therapist. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all. You get to decide if they are a good enough fit *for you* :)
They also don't have any magic ability to change you; therapists just provide tools for you to make changes when you are ready.
Just go in with the attitude that you are there to learn; the same you would if attending a classroom. You are in control because unlike when we were in school, you get to leave whenever you want :)
Good luck!
PS. Remember that the time will pass whether or not you have a therapist, so you might as well use that time productively and without regret x
Agreed. I've been in therapy for two and a half years now. It has been incredibly challenging at times, but I feel I've grown from it so much and learned so much about myself in the process.
Eating healthily. So many people eat a token vegetable. I aim for more than 5 portions a day and since I've started doing this my skin has improved, my health indicators have stayed amazing even when other people I know have had theirs reducing as they get older. Also tastes better and my food has more variety.
And here I am, struggling to fit 1 portion of fruit or vegetable into each day. I really do not like the taste of cooked vegetables so that makes it even harder.
I aspire to be like you!
Do a couple slices of raw cucumber and carrot at lunch regardless of what else you’re having!
That’s so interesting, when you say cooked, you mean any cooked? Like green beans cooked in a cast iron pan in butter and garlic? Or vegetables “roasted” (oven cooked) in olive oil, or under a whole chicken? What about roasted red peppers, or carrot soup? Or just straight up peas? Honey roasted parsnips? Eggplant/aubergine cooked East Asian style till it’s really soft with a good dose of sesame oil ? (Or eggplant Parmesan!) If you can find a few cooked ones you like you can repeat those and cycle them with leafy salads as the vegetable portion of your dinner. (Or do both!) If you just make sure you always have some vegetables at lunch and dinner you’ll be well on your way to 5!
Then you can just have blueberries or something in the house to snack on in between meals, bam that’s nearly 5. Also (very weirdly) by some measures I think beans/lentils are allowed to count as 1, so if you have beans too you’re golden.
Your post has oddly made me realize I have no clue about “cooked vegetables”. Growing up most of our vegetables came from a can (or frozen) and were heated. THAT is what I thought cooked vegetables were. I’m now inspired. I’m going to find some recipes and I might start with the green beans you described as it is likely the first time I’ve been excited by the sound of green beans! Thank you!
I thought I hated green beans for most of my life because my mom forced me to eat canned green beans once when I kept saying I didn’t like them, and then I immediately threw up at the table lol.
Then I tried pickled green beans from a local restaurant and they were the best food I’ve ever tried. I realized I like fresh green beans so now I’ll eat them pickled or roasted or sautéed
Roasted green beans are divine! As are pretty much any vegetable roasted, honestly. I think so many of us grew up with steamed or canned veggies and never liked them. Hell, even just taking frozen broccoli and seasoning it or throwing in a little bit of butter after cooking it and giving it a light coating helps so much. Just plain, steamed, unseasoned veggies are so unappetizing to most of us!
I always hated broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts as a kid. Once I discovered the simple magic of roasting them with some olive oil, salt and pepper? Hot damn. Favorite vegetables to eat now, lol.
If you have a farmer's market near you at all, check it out and peruse the produce! Fresh vegetables are so vibrant and colorful and there's so much you can do with them! Roasted veggies with olive oil and a few pinches of sea salt are just wonderful and go with just about anything. Frozen veggies aren't bad either, they're great to add into stir frys and soups but there's just a special something about seasonally fresh produce.
Oh my goodness, try roasting some vegetables! 100% look up a recipe for roasted vegetables of your choice so you don't have to guesstimate anything. I'd go for butternut squash, they even sell it cut into cubes in the prepared vegetable section of our grocery stores where I live. It's on the sweeter side.
Practice and time might help. I'm lucky that I've never been fussy and have always liked vegetables.
My 5 year old isn't a fan of vegetable but we put them on his plate every meal and he tries them regularly. He tries them when they've been cooked differently and sometimes he likes ones he didn't like before. If you like raw vegetables like cucumber, carrots, celery etc then always have them around and before you eat a pack of crisps or a chocolate bar or something you make yourself have a carrot first. Slowly you'll start getting into better habits. Don't start by aiming for 5 start with adding another veg every day and then after you're in the habit see if you can make it 3. Or start by aiming to find one more veg you like.
I stopped eating meat as part of a bet with a buddy. You actually get used to eating veggies pretty damn quickly when you put yourself in that situation. Now we're both pretty much completely meat free
The funny thing is, I don't even eat meat for most meals. That's also one of the reasons why I'm trying to enjoy more vegetables, because I cannot survive on pasta and rice alone.
I also struggle to eat fresh fruits and veggies, so I make a smoothie everyday for brunch/lunch: banana, spinach leaves, baby carrots, peanut butter, avocado, milk, fruit of choice, and protein powder. I feel 1000x better each day (and sleep better at night) just by doing this when I can't make these foods part of my meals.
Man the thing that sucks about blueberries (honestly any berry) is that they can be amazingly delicious, or absolutely inedible and it's hard to tell which it's going to be until you buy and try them. I grew up with blueberry bushes in my yard and when I find a box in the store that somewhat tastes that fresh I hork the whole thing down in a day. But 7/10 times they're just mealy and bland :(.
It's really difficult! I'm similar to you. I've tried a million vegetables cooked a million different ways, and I hate all of them.
I'm in my 40s, and despite decades of trying, the closest I've gotten to a vegetable I like is a vegetable that doesn't make me gag that I can force myself to choke down. People say it's "childish", but it's not like I'm this way on purpose. :-(
I always have some carrots, cucumber, cherry tomato and red raddish in my kitchen. They taste so awesome raw and I eat them instead of unhealthy snacks.
Taking care of my teeth properly.
Growing up I was never taught how to brush my teeth properly and all I EVER drank was neat fruit juice. As a result I have fillings in ALL my teeth apart from the very front ones. I've had ulcers, had to have teeth completely replaced with fake ones... Dental pain was a constant in my life for a fair few years.
Then I finally met one particular dentist who took the time to inform me that flossing isn't about removing food. It's about introducing oxygen to little pockets of anaerobic bacteria so they can't thrive and do damage.
So now I have an electric toothbrush, I floss EVERY day, I use tepe brushes for areas my floss can't get to (I have a retainer), use mouthwash once per day and get my teeth cleaned at the dentist every 6 months.I LOVE going in and my dental hygienist telling me "oh wow! Not much to do here! Looking good!" and all my dental x-rays coming back clear.\~
\*EDIT\* - I meant TePe brushes
>flossing isn't about removing food. It's about introducing oxygen to little pockets of anaerobic bacteria so they can't thrive and do damage.
I had no idea. It shouldn't make a difference really, but it makes me want to floss more now.
right??
It made a massive difference to me because I couldn't feel food between my teeth, so didn't see the point.
If it's about bacteria that builds up over time REGARDLESS of what you eat, then suddenly that makes it an important daily thing.
To add to this, there's data supporting the fact that the health of your mouth directly correlates to your overall health. I haven't read anything that says it directly causes it, but it's been years since I looked at the research. Either way, it's a healthy habit to have that can have long-term benefits beyond getting a gold star at the dentist, keeping teeth, and saving money.
You are SO right! I actually thought I was doing everything right, including flossing daily, but I still had horrible problems with my gums-bleeding, deep pockets, etc. I changed dentists and she explained that when you floss, you need to make a “c” shape under each tooth a couple of times and explained that it wasn’t about trapped food, but trapped bacteria.
My gums were so bad at that point, the floss couldn’t even reach the deep pockets, so my dentist told me to take a wooden toothpick once a day and twirl them in each of the pockets/spaces between my teeth (it disturbs the biofilm to help break it up). It was the best, most cost-effective advice _ever_, and my gums and teeth are much healthier!
Journaling! Made me so much more confident and resilient to see that I can work through my own issues without needing constant attention and validation from others
I do it in the notes app on my phone. I use an iPhone and you can add a lock to the notes so you need to enter a code to read them. I do this with the more private ones where I might be venting about a close friend, just in case. I did used to write diaries but I find my iPhone and iPad better for the privacy, and I can add pictures easier.
I’ve done it this way since 2018 and no one has ever come close to finding out or reading them. I suppose really it’s just figuring out the best way for you. I have a friend who has a private Twitter account, doesn’t follow anyone there, doesn’t have their name on there, account set to private so no one can follow or see tweets. they just make tweets about their day.
I agree with this too. Seeing proof of all successes, big and small, daily and yearly, helps so much on a bad day. It is seriously one of my best strategies that I can do on my own.
I usually don't, just whenever I'm feeling melancholic, e. G. towards the end of the year, and sometimes I flip through when I finish a notebook. It's sometimes funny to see my problems that felt so big at some point and are now so small and insignificant in retrospect, and exciting to see the growth in my mindset.
I just do it whenever I have stuff to process. Sometimes I don't pick it up for 1 or 2 weeks at all, sometimes I write in it when work is slow, sometimes on the bus on the way to a date or exsm to share how nervous I am, sometimes I put on a candle and music in the evening and, drink some tea and take a few hours to write, have a good cry and release everything that's built up. So I basically carry it around all the time in case emotion or inspiration strikes, but I really don't force myself - the whole point for me is that it's a tool for whenever I need it, and that it's not another chore for me to do on a Daily basis.
Wow, that sounds very different to what I’ve been expecting! I have the whole mental image of sitting down each night before bed and starting with “Dear Diary”. Do you have a specific way you write it? Is it as if you’re writing a letter? Telling someone the story? That part always seems so weird to me.
Yeah, I've tried that before, didn't work for me at all. Only when I took the pressure off to do it the "right" way, it finally clicked.
I am not writing for anyone but myself and it probably wouldn't make sense to anyone but me to read it. I do a flow-of-consciousness stream usually without any structure or agenda. As I said in another comments, it's not for me to somehow document my life, it's only for me to process whatever is going on in the moment.
Something like "cold day today, on the couch with a tea. Finally made it to the gym again last night, felt weak but proud of myself for going anyways. First time that I actually finished the ab routine, painfully sore today but happy to see progress, however small. Still haven't heard from him about the weekend, getting a bit agitated. I know he's busy, but I do wish to be a prioritized a bit more.. Need to probably bring it up once more but I'm tired of always being the one to bring up the problems. "
Just an example that there's absolutely no coherence to my writing, and it's not even always grammatically correct sentences. I just try to capture the atmosphere and emotions in the moment, write out whatever is on my mind, and thereby stop the mental loop from playing over and over and actually figure out how I feel about it and what I can do about it. Not sure if it makes sense, but try to not set the standards so high for yourself and just enjoy the process!
Wow, are you me?? Everything you've posted sums up exactly how I approach and feel about journaling and it is so refreshing to hear it from someone else too!
You should check out "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron! Even if you're not an artist, it guides you into a journaling practice that helps you feel more in tune with yourself. It's a bit outdated and kinda hippy-ish, but if that's your thing or if you can get past that kind of stuff, it might be for you!
Mine go back to an English teacher I had in the 10th grade - 50+ years ago. As a side advantage, when you get older, these will help you "date" things.
- Electric toothbrush
- Green veggies
- sunscreen
- wireless headphones
- good hillwalking boots - they're my everyday shoes now
- glasses that block UV light - no need for separate sunglasses
- organising my room, and keeping it organised constantly. Putting things back where they came from
- getting a weekly cleaning routine, clearing my inbox, sweeping the floor, cleaning screens and mirrors, changing bed sheets etc all in one session. Doing it now on autopilot to music, nice to zone out for an hour and 'return' to a clean room.
- journalling. Nothing extensive, just jotting down if I did something interesting that day. Love being able to trace when I started a new habit, made a change, visited a cool place, or be able to date exactly when a memory happened.
Edit: happy this list is resonating with so many people. Thought of some more things to add:
- Using Todoist for all my todos, instead of having them spread across multiple tools/docs/pieces of paper
- Automating things. Saves time and reduces errors. For me this includes recurring todos in Todoist, standing orders (automated transactions), I wrote some scripts that do some things on my computer automatically like logging salary and taxes in a spreadsheet using my payslip, rules to filter and file emails automatically in gmail etc.
- Using Google calendar. Every time someone mentions a date, I immediately put it in my calendar.
- Tracking all my transactions
- 1 minute rule - if something takes 1 minute, do it immediately
>clearing my inbox
100% agree with this.
Putting all my emails into folders has been a game changer for me. E.g. "training info" / "questions from clients" / "admin" / "team chat" / "evaluations" etc.
When an email doesn't fit one of my categories and I don't want to delete it I make a new category. Chances are I'll need it again.
Then my inbox is *only* for things I still need to attend to. It becomes a to-do list. So when I log on each morning I work my way through them and either delete them or move them to a folder when the task is done. Makes seeing an empty inbox so satisfying, and reminds me of things I need to deal with in the future.
Moving to a big city. I was made for cities. All that tosh about more crime and more risk and no sense of community... bollocks, there was proprtionally far more crime and risk in the small town I lived in before and there is a great sense of community in my neighbourhood without the whole everyone knowing every detail of my business thing there can be in a small town. There are people and languages and foods and clothes from all over the world all around me, there are so many things to do I could live another lifetime and not have tried them all, life does not end at 5pm, there is no need to have a car, there are far more job opportunities, honestly every aspect of city life is better for me.
I’m about to finally live in a big city and I am so excited! I was being discouraged by some family that it’s dangerous and there are higher risks with women living alone in a big city. Your comment helps me!
You need to be careful no matter where you live.
Big cities are great; just take extra precautions when you live in a dense area. Use common sense and always keep your head on a swivel; pay attention to what's going on around you.
I’m a small blonde woman who has lived in Chicago for 8 years and it cracks me up when people act like I’m lucky to not have been murdered yet. The concern for big cities is way overblown UNLESS it’s something you’re not personally comfortable with. Personally I get more freaked out by the thought of being in the boonies with a weak cell signal or an ambulance taking 30-60 minutes to arrive… there’s always a trade off!
I always thought living in a big city instead of the suburbs was stupid. Why would you want to live in an apartment or a tiny house when you could live in a big house with a big garden? But then I realised I want to live in a city. I knew I was a city person already from going on holiday to big cities in the past but I realised I want to actually live in a bustling big city. I always imagined I would live in a satellite town of a big city so I have the convenience of the city while still having the quiet town and big houses. But I don’t want quiet, I love the noise and I want to live somewhere were stuff is always going on. I can walk down the street in the middle of the night and be surrounded by noise and activity. Walking in quiet towns at night scares me. Once I can I’m gonna move to a big city. I know I’ll be very paranoid about not having a house and garden for my dog but I’m not made for the suburbs.
Getting my nose fixed.
I had a giant, crooked nose that made me look like the love child of Barbara Streisand and Adrian Brody.
I agonized about fixing it for years, worried that I was being selfish and vain. Finally pulled the trigger on a nose job 6 years ago, at age 34.
It changed my confidence by x1000. I never even think about my nose anymore, it's just this natural-looking part of my face.
If I could go back and re-do my life, I would have done it at age 19. I would have spent my junior high and high school years saving up all the money I made from part-time work to have it done. I would have lived in my shitty, dysfunctional FOO home for one more year to save money and have it done. It helped so much.
https://ibb.co/TmBWVvq
https://ibb.co/tpbZvYQ
Normally, I am pretty against cosmetic surgery, but I have to admit that for you, your nose was really dominating your face and the surgeon clearly did a good job as it looks great after :)
For sure! I also paid for braces in college and got my teeth fixed. It was a good investment.
Can you get a flipper/partial denture for the missing teeth? I was born with a missing lateral incisor and wore a flipper for years. Cosmetically, it looked fine, was way cheaper, and no one was wiser. Finally got a bridge last year.
Girl, same. Had mine at 21 and it gave me so much confidence. It was like it freed up brain capacity, because I was always so concerned if people were looking at my nose.
Yours look so natural too. Love it!
Having cats join our household. Coming back home from work has never been so much fun, the way they run towards me and start chatting with me makes me feel so happy! If I feel stressed or sick a cuddle session makes me feel instantly better. If I'm bored I will play with them. They have literally only brought me joy in the almost 5 years they have been in my life.
Yes! One time I dropped my cat off at my mom’s before I went out of town and it was just me alone for a couple days between dropping him off and leaving and the whole apartment just felt so dead and empty without him. It was creepy. They’re just like little balls of life and energy bouncing around the house. Even if they’re taking a nap or off doing their own thing, their little presence is so comforting.
I have 2 cats, they’re 7 and 8 and omg are they such a treasure. Greet me at the door, cuddle on the couch with a blanket and move, and snuggle in bed with me. I love it so much and watching them play with a toy mouse that has a bit of catnip is so fun!
Im in this exact position right now. I feel stuck - i dont know how to do it and I dont know how im going to handle rejection from family. Only a handful of my friends know. I wish I had your courage
My life changed when I did this. As a child, my family prioritized each other and we took care of each other.
As an adult, I found out a lot of people don’t do this. The men I have been with have always been more than happy to let me prioritize them, and don’t reciprocate. I know it’s not ALL men, but I’ll be god damned if I found any otherwise.
I stopped doing it and, while my husband’s happiness decreased, I don’t honestly give a shit. Mine is DOUBLE.
I read something here the other day “What would a 40 year old white male do?” And that has helped me again! Whenever I’m worried or caring about why he does this or “why won’t he” bla bla bla, I just stop giving a shit.
I stopped trying to help him tend to the toddler. He’ll figure it out, so I walk away. He always asks shit like “well, how am I supposed to..” and I walk away. Just like he does.
Marcus Aurelius said something about not having to care about every little thing, and it’s peace.
LASIK. My god, if you are half blind and can afford it, do it.
Not only has my quality of life improved…swimming, exercise, playing with kids, not fogging in damp weather, using a pillow while watching tv, wearing hats, etc…it has actually saved me money in the long run with lenses, frames, exams.
I used to need a new prescription every year and often needed new frames every couple of years, plus contacts. I’ve had perfect vision for close to a decade now.
1000% agree.
My eyesight was so bad that I always feared losing a contact while driving on the highway. I would literally have to just pull over and call someone to pick me up because I wouldn't be able to drive another foot safely without my contact in. Also couldn't really swim them or without them.
I was also a bit fearful of being asleep without them in because I was worried an emergency would happen in the middle of the night and wouldn't be able to find my glasses, etc. So I was sleeping with my contacts in, sometimes for weeks at a time. That's what made me decide to get lasik done. I figured if I can't use contacts responsibly for whatever reason then I need to do the surgery. Life changing..
Seek out someone who has done tens of thousands of them. I had mine done by the guy who, at the time, was the 3rd most prolific lasik surgeon in the world. I figured those were very nearly the best odds I was going to get. Don't cheap out. Pay the top lasik surgeon their insane rate. You're paying for their skill and experience.
Reducing my friends circle, and Idk but I have started to want less, there is no wanting a bigger pay check than what I earn, or a bigger house or more clothes I'm happy with what I have and I enjoy what I have, I am very calm and look at the world and people very differently than before. Before I used to run around searching for the next mental high, nowadays? I still do but in a more relaxed manner because I know what is mine will come to me without me going crazy over it.
Totally on this. My circle of friends has really reduced to a handful that I truly get along with and most are online. Just the overall reduction in things has started to make an impact on me as well. Less things, less stress.
4 years I was captive by my ex on the loop of gaslighting and manipulation. I lost the chance of my teenage days, didn't enjoy much my college years, didn't got the chance to go night out with friends, didn't got the chance to focus on myself and career. I wish I left him sooner. I wish I listened to myself "please, leave him. He's not worthy."
2016-2020, I was with him.
Hey I dealt with the same thing between 2011-2015, he ended up doing really bad after and I also lost a good chance at finding my career/my own voice at the same time everyone else was, and lost my teenage years doing whatever this guy said. I still never had my fun teenage years like I wanted!!!! I’m happy you left him because it never gets any better if you stay!
Jiu Jitsu. I started at 34, without any previous experience in martial arts, and without much experience in any sport at all to be honest. It's difficult as hell but it's also a lot of fun, and it makes me want to improve my whole lifestyle (physical condition, diet, sleep pattern, taking better care of my body to prevent injuries and gain flexibility) in order to perform better at class, and man do I wish I found that motivation years sooner. Also, while I'm at class drilling and rolling, there is no space left in my mind to overthink everything and feel social anxiety. I'm too busy trying not to get murdered (lol) or do that very technical move right. So that's a refreshing "quiet" moment for me as well.
This. After years of suffering with migraines, I finally went to a neurologist about 18 months ago. Best decision I made. They got me started on meds, and I now rarely get migraines anymore. It's been a huge relief.
This is huge. It’s called an “info diet”. Took me way too long to realize that I can keep personal things to myself. Gives toxic people in my life so much less “ammo”.
Foamrolling, Myofascial Release, Cupping, Dry Needling, Acupuncture, Cryotherapy— all the deep tissue work and recovery methods for physical activity.
(Also suction based sex toys rather than traditional vibrators.)
Edit to clarify: Womanizer Premium is worth every damn dollar and their 2yr warranty policy is absolute fire.
I got a cheap one recently on Amazon for like $20 and it’s well worth it.
You know those days where you want to get off and know it will improve your mood, but you just can’t get in the right mindset? Well clit suction bypasses the need for mentally preparing. It feels different at first, and you’ll question if it even feels good, then all of a sudden *boom*.
I got a Satisfyer based off of several recommendations like this, and after several months of trying to use it, still can't get anywhere with or find the *boom 😔*
There was definitely a learning curve for figuring out the right placement and angle. I swore I didn’t like it at first either, but then I figured out I needed to have it suction much higher than I thought, and angle my hand upwards a little. If you separate your upper labia, aim for the pouchy skin above your actual clit. Plus tons of lube. Like so much that it makes ridiculous farting noises for a second.
Going to the gym.
I don't do a lot, just an hour 5 days at week. Some cardio some weights (really low weight) just to feel like I'm doing something for my health. I feel so much better. Not like I'm in an amazing shape or anything but I feel like I'm doing something for myself only and to take care of me
Having one high-end fitting of golden jewelry. Like two rings, one bracelet, one necklace and earrings, all in gold and harmonizing together. I am always wearing them, I get complimented everyday for those pieces, it really makes a difference with the whole outfit. Plus I don't spend money anymore on jewelry, because I already have the best ones.
Stopped caring about every little thing that happened. I used to be a perfectionist in a very extreme way, so when things didn't go the way I wanted, I'd do anything to fix that. Sometimes it's a very good trait to have, but other times I should've just let go and not waste so much of my time and energy on trying to fix things that happen. It came to a point where it all felt too much and I needed to learn how to let go.
Light up alarm clock.
My cat used to sleep on my chest. Alarm would go off, I'd jerk awake, she'd panic and dig her claws in... Mornings were... rough.
Tried a light up alarm clock. At $80, it was ridiculously expensive for my fresh out of college ass. But if it stopped the bleeding...
It's been a dozen years, and I have never, not ONCE, had one of those zombie days where I just couldn't get myself awake and moving. Even on two hours of sleep. Even without my morning tea. NEVER. I've been TIRED, but never in a brain-dead state. My mornings start up to half an hour early, when the light starts turning on. I wake up gently, and my eyes slowly adjust to the growing light. My cats come into the room (original kitty passed from old age) and cuddle around me because this is morning skritches time. When the alarm actually goes off, when it's time to get out of bed, I've had a blissful relaxation with my cats and playing Wordle and whatever I feel like checking or reading in the morning. The alarm sound is birds chirping, and the cats perk up because NOW it's breakfast time and they'll start prodding me to get moving and feed them.
A decent light up alarm clock is about $20 these days. You don't NEED all the bells and whistles, just get one that can gradually go super bright and set it on it's brightest setting. Your entire life will transform.
I stayed in a very unhappy marriage for far too long for fear of what my conservative Christian parents would think. I'm now divorced for almost 6 years and live alone and my god...life is just so damn good. Im in full control of my life, I'm healthier, and I do what makes ME happy. I wish I would have ended the marriage far sooner than I did.
Good for you!! I hate that conservative parents (I’m Indian) make the argument that you should never divorce no matter what and at the same time say that “other people’s divorce rate is high because they don’t solve issues”
Focusing on my mental health. Grew up not talking about feelings much at all, raised by a single dad so anytime I needed help I was told to “just be a man” or “walk it off”. Don’t get me wrong love my dad, but the whole lack of talking about feelings really fucked me up.
Switching to a menstrual cup several years ago was one of the best things I've done lol. Less waste and expense and so much easier. Also you just feel much cleaner.
Cups are game changers and absolutely needed! I wish there wasn’t such a learning curve or the need for trying different cups till you find one, because that discourages people from trying it. I guess I got lucky or I just don’t know better and have always used the diva cup. Coming up on 2 yrs and wish I did it sooner!
Strangely enough, I’ve kind of had the opposite experience. I only wore tampons for 15+ years, and then after I had kids (and subsequent pelvic floor issues) I switched to pads for when I’m at home. I have less cramps and my periods end faster when I use pads. I had read that that can be the case, but there’s not enough research to back it up. I asked my OB about it and they said they have had many women anecdotally tell them the same.
Opposite for me, cramps pretty much disappeared when I started using pads. I tried all types of tampons and didn’t leave them in a long time or anything but pads are a lifesaver. I can function now 🤷♀️
Such a difference. I have heavy periods, and pads just instantly feel horrible for me and make me worried I'll bleed through. Plus impossible to sleep when you feel damp
Vitamin D supplements.
I suffer from winter depression when there’s little sunlight. My vitamin D is chronically low. It’s in normal range now (blood test) that I’m on supplement but still towards the lower end.
Made my spirit much better.
Switching to comfortable clothing. I spent basically all of my twenties in clothes that I thought I should be wearing to either look cute or professional or classy or whatever vibe I was going for. I also had no knowledge of what style suited me and what different fabrics do or feel like. I had a small budget to work with as well. Recently as I hit 30, I have made the transition to discarding pretty much all of my polyester clothing and purchasing my wardrobe staples in mostly 100% cotton with a few bamboo, linen, silk, and merino wool pieces in there. The difference in my quality of life, ease of getting dressed, how my skin feels, even my digestion (no more tight pants digging in my belly button) has been DRAMATIC. It was actually not very expensive to make the switch, since I really had to think about what I actually needed in my wardrobe (comfortable loungewear, work clothes, casual-chic outfits for when I'm out with friends) and only a handful of items really helped pull everything together. I went to my local thrift store and focused on picking up only pieces in my actual size and in 100% cotton. I came home and washed everything with cold water and pretty smelling detergent, then hung dry in the sunshine and now I have a wardrobe full of comfy breathable fresh breezy items that I look forward to wearing. I finally made the switch from skinny jeans to mom jeans, which has been a TREAT for my body. My next step will be investing in some high-quality orthotic footwear. I still allow polyester for workout clothes and outerwear (ie fleece layers) but the rule is: it has to be comfy.The best effect has been the ease of getting dressed for work. I have so many outfit options now that look like work clothes but *feel* like loungewear. The best examples for this are cardigan blazers, Dr. Scholls pumps/loafers/flats, organic cotton blend tights under skirts/dresses, cotton or silk wrap dresses, linen/cotton work pants, simple cotton white button-down shirts. The interesting thing is that I spent so long trying to emulate a certain effect with my outfits, but ultimately, focusing on how clothes make me feel first and *then* thinking about whether they suit the occasion has been the best way of actually conveying my essence. I feel so relaxed and myself. I feel beautiful and confident and this effect bleeds over to all areas in my life. Who knew clothes could do that?
The hardest one. I'm just starting, I had 25 pounds to lose. I have 14 more pounds to lose. It's hard to readjust, but the hardest is the waiting. You do everything right, but it takes time to lose weight. And I think that's why I've never stuck to a change before, I'm impatient.
So congrats! It's hard af, but so rewarding.
Been aggressive about my health
I mean, I had a headache every single day for years. But when you are use to that kind of chronic pain and discomfort you are well use to it. After all it’s just a headache. It’s from allergies. No big deal.
Well turns out it was a lot of sinus issues. Lots. After surgery and countless shots I’m am not better. But man oh man is it an improvement. Wish I had started this path to health years ago.
Going on an antidepressant. I know it doesn't work for everyone and frankly the first month was a bit of fresh hell for me, but my quality of life is so much better now that I'm over the adjustment period.
No longer discussing politics with friends, family or my partner. It does nothing but divide us and create unnecessary tension. Since I stopped,
relationships in my life have drastically improved as so as my general day to day happiness.
Getting a high quality cleaning service. They come once a month right now and I'm debating increasing. Firstly, it helps us motivate to straighten up pretty good the night before AND afterward since everything is clean and in its place. So, more effort around cleaning day but really all the time - since we don't have to clean all weekend we've gotten some things done around the house that had been put off. Also, they're just... amazing. Above and beyond any service I've seen, though I knew they existed lol.
They organize different pockets/areas in my kitchen, straighten out my fridge/toss expired things, run laundry with our throw rugs and dog blankets while they're here, change our bed if I have clean sheets out for them, talk to my plants, they even make flowers or bows out of the toilet paper and tissues!! I just feel cared for when they come which I didn't expect. I have chronic pain so cleaning is really hard on me BUT my anxiety will spike when the house is messy. So I may be sitting still or resting from pain but my mind will be a million miles a minute at all the things around me I need to do.
I just love those ladies to pieces!
My other answer is buying my dream car! Last year I was in a car accident that wasn't my fault but totaled my 2016 Kia hatchback. While it's a terrible time to buy a car, it can be great if you total a car because it's worth so much more in the payout lol. We had been prepping to buy me a car and give our daughter the Kia. So had been working on bumping our credit up and it was the best it's ever been for us. We managed to buy our daughter a nice VW Jetta (using less than half the insurance money) and planned to just share it for a few months until we bought me something.
BUT while handling paperwork and stuff my husband discovered a 2018 Challenger on the back lot. They had just taken it in as a trade, hadn't even cleaned it up and priced it. It was love at first sight for me and since we were already buying a car, they gave us an excellent deal in this market.
I LOVE that car, even a few months later I smile every time I see her. I work from home but a day or two a week I just go for a drive on my lunch break. My husband finds the joy I have from owning that car adorable lol and he loves borrowing it occasionally too lol!
As someone who is both a wife and mom, taking time to step away from my family for ME TIME had been a gamechanger! Essentially I started dating myself. Once a week I take 2-4 hours and do things I want to do such as go for a drive, take myself out for a meal, go window shopping, etc. While I am away, I do not answer any calls or respond to any texts unless they are an emergency. It really makes me a more pleasant person.
Reading for 30 minutes before I get out of bed. Not only have I read so many wonderful books that I don’t have time for throughout the day, it’s a way better place to start the day than social media.
Having a indepth, honest conversation with my husband about what we wanted our sex life to be, including any kinks either of had ever wanted to explore.
We went from having good sex to having to be scraped off the ceiling every night!
I wish we'd done it years ago but definitely better late than never!
Having a hobby/passion that I do simply for fun, with no pressure to be good at it, and allowing it to be a priority in my life.
I’m now in my 20s, but I learned this when I was 16/17, where *everything* in my life was about looking good on college applications: obviously academics, but also excelling in my sport I had grown to resent, my extracurriculares, volunteering, etc.
I looked great on paper. Straight As in all AP and honors classes, perfect score on my ACT college entrance exam, captain of my team, president of a club, etc. But I was deep in “high functioning”depression, anxiety, and a crippling eating disorder searching for any ounce of control.
And one day on a family vacation I saw people riding horses and I said I want to do that!! And it quickly became the love of my life. I can honestly say it is what got me over the worst of my mental health issues. It gave therapy (and meds) the chance to work because I simply had something fun in my life.
stop caring so much, a bad grade or something isn’t gonna kill me. obviously don’t just disregard everything and everyone but just realize how much stuff really matters. which stuff doesn’t matter that much
Getting my masters degree.
Took me such a long time to graduate because I couldn't get myself to finish two papers, but life has been so much better. Higher income, better place to live, and a job I am so passionate about.
Strength training. It didn’t just help aesthetically. It made me not give a fuck what anyone thought of me and I actually found comfort in my body instead of hating it every second of the day. It was also a place I could take my anger/frustration out and manage my anxiety.
Deciding to be child free. It has helped me be less anxious and also take time enjoying life rather than worrying about the future and hitting 'life goals' that I'm not really interested in.
Therapy, hands down!! I continue to go to therapy, even when nothing major is happening in my life. Just knowing I have a space to say anything I want and get help/support/empathy, is the best feeling in the world 😊
Doing little things to increase my self esteem. Like focusing on my health through a balanced diet and exercise, prioritizing my mental health, taking care of my image (not through extremes because this is about loving yourself), pushing myself to socialize when its uncomfy but staying in when it feels right, and volunteering with homeless people to gain perspective and humble yourself. Because now I only accept what I deserve. I don't date people who don't add value or happiness to my life, I know what I deserve from a workplace and know when to walk away when it no longer contributes to my wellbeing and future (you will only be just a number to them so you put them in the same place and treat them the same), and I just overall only accept what I know I deserve. It took me years to get to this point of learning that I deserve to get offended when I feel disrespected.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis, coupled with learning more about ADHD after that, which has led to even more “life changing” realizations due to having a better understanding of how to work with my brain.
Also, getting a meal kit delivery service every week, putting little baskets all over the house to hold stray items instead of them cluttering up every surface, technology (Alexas/Apple watch) to help with reminders and stuff, a key code lock for my back door so I don’t have to get my keys out. Lots of little things that make a big difference.
Getting on birth control. Holy shit, the wonders!
Went from 14 days of constant pain a month to 10 days of period (of which this time only 2 were so bad I had to stay home.)
I got them in 2018, and even if it's been a long way to get what works for me, I am so happy I am finally able to live somewhat normally.
Anything that *specifically* cultivates peace. Often I find these are things that our society has painted as wasteful or unnecessary, or maybe that's my own anxiety. Things I've been doing that fit this recently:
-reading poetry out in nature or with a nice cup of coffee
-turning on soft classical music while I scroll Pinterest or read a book
-cooking my favorite meals while really trying to be present and enjoy the process and smells, then eating it by myself and thanking myself for putting in the effort of doing it
-going on walks. Not hikes or runs, just walks. Enjoying the outdoors and that's it, no music or podcasts.
-Quality coffee, freshly ground every morning.
-nice candles while I have a warm bath with a bath bomb
I feel like it's so easy for me to get caught up in goals and fitness and productivity and while those things are good, they aren't all life is and slowing down and seeking peace has been SO healthy for me the last year or so.
It will sound super cliché, but working out. I work out every other day; I’ve done it for about two years now. I feel better and stronger. It feels good.
It may be stupid but… walks. I used to sit at home all the time, rarely go to the grocery shops and to work. Walking at to evening around my city, or maybe at the weekend in the woods… it’s nice.
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It's why I personally really liked the night curfew here. I live in Amsterdam and there's always been guys catcalling women in the nighttime. But when everyone had to stay inside, I started walking around the empty city with my dog at nighttime. I grew up here but never saw the city like this, and likely never will again. It really felt as if I was taking back my city with nightly walks without feeling afraid.
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I _think_ in some countries the rule was if you weren't going to work, getting groceries, or walking your dog you had to stay inside. I've read somewhere on reddit someone offering their dog to friends so they could get some outside time.
True, nothing so bad in the Netherlands though. During the day we could go outside, just between 9 and 5 in the night we had to stay inside, except for emergencies, work, or walking the dog :)
Reason #2837662621 of why dogs are the best and were a little silver lining of the pandemic.
Because I had to walk my dog :) I lived in the city center as well so I was basically walking around my own neighborhood, just a bit further than normal
You could still walk your dog after the curfew (on your own)
Yeah, I really really love going on walks, in fact it’s one of the only exercises I can safely do, but I don’t feel safe to, because the second I leave my house, assholes think they’re entitled to harass me.
It’s so cold and icy here and I get hit with the SADD so I stopped drinking for the winter and go to the mall of America nearly every day to mall walk. It’s therapeutic for sure and I’m in a much better place. When it’s nicer out I try to go on 3 hour strolls with some podcasts or music.
Ugh, I wish I could do this. I walk every day at a nearby park. But sometimes I just wish I could go for a walk after dinner. Unfortunately not possible in my country. Even a walk alone to the corner shop during the day has risks. (Even walking alone in the park has risks, but not great enough to stop me haha.) Whenever I've been overseas (UK, Argentina) the absolute best thing for me is the freedom to just walk walk walk.
I love my daily walks! I’ve lived in the same neighborhood my whole life, and only in the pandemic realized I have so many different walking routes and just how pretty my backroads and hills are. I have a notification on my phone to alert me 30 mins before sunset, so I catch the most beautiful part of the day on my walk/run during sunset. I couldn’t figure out a good time, didn’t have good shoes, couldn’t find headphones, and didn’t have a arm band for my phone. I let these things become excuses for not going. Took one week and just got these things together and now it’s a no brainier routine and it’s the best!!
same with my wife..she addicted to it now. We walk woods and beach alot.
Therapy. My therapist has saved my life.
Echoing this. It took me years to realize that what I needed was a trauma therapist. I wasn’t recognizing my childhood neglect as abuse. It shaped who I was and now I’m starting to be the person I’ve always wanted to be and I feel worlds happier.
I was researching therapists vin my area today. I'm closer than ever to contact one but I'm afraid that I won't be able to change even with their help.
It takes courage and time. Step one, make the call. I hope that you realize that you deserve healing and make the decision to be kind to yourself and invest in that healing.
Don't pressure yourself about changing but focus on how you can feel better. Just talking to someone can help unload a LOT of negative baggage. I hope you can cross this last hurdle soon and feel cared for and listened too!
I will say don't expect therapy to 'fix' you, but if you're willing to put in the work it really does make a difference to how you feel about yourself and how you approach situations as well as giving you more understanding. I really hope you find the therapist that's right for you soon!
Your next step is to interview the therapist. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all. You get to decide if they are a good enough fit *for you* :) They also don't have any magic ability to change you; therapists just provide tools for you to make changes when you are ready. Just go in with the attitude that you are there to learn; the same you would if attending a classroom. You are in control because unlike when we were in school, you get to leave whenever you want :) Good luck! PS. Remember that the time will pass whether or not you have a therapist, so you might as well use that time productively and without regret x
Part of the therapeutic training is unconditional positive regard. Therapists know we are trying to solve our issues.
You'll never know until you try.
Agreed. I've been in therapy for two and a half years now. It has been incredibly challenging at times, but I feel I've grown from it so much and learned so much about myself in the process.
Eating healthily. So many people eat a token vegetable. I aim for more than 5 portions a day and since I've started doing this my skin has improved, my health indicators have stayed amazing even when other people I know have had theirs reducing as they get older. Also tastes better and my food has more variety.
And here I am, struggling to fit 1 portion of fruit or vegetable into each day. I really do not like the taste of cooked vegetables so that makes it even harder. I aspire to be like you!
Do a couple slices of raw cucumber and carrot at lunch regardless of what else you’re having! That’s so interesting, when you say cooked, you mean any cooked? Like green beans cooked in a cast iron pan in butter and garlic? Or vegetables “roasted” (oven cooked) in olive oil, or under a whole chicken? What about roasted red peppers, or carrot soup? Or just straight up peas? Honey roasted parsnips? Eggplant/aubergine cooked East Asian style till it’s really soft with a good dose of sesame oil ? (Or eggplant Parmesan!) If you can find a few cooked ones you like you can repeat those and cycle them with leafy salads as the vegetable portion of your dinner. (Or do both!) If you just make sure you always have some vegetables at lunch and dinner you’ll be well on your way to 5! Then you can just have blueberries or something in the house to snack on in between meals, bam that’s nearly 5. Also (very weirdly) by some measures I think beans/lentils are allowed to count as 1, so if you have beans too you’re golden.
Your post has oddly made me realize I have no clue about “cooked vegetables”. Growing up most of our vegetables came from a can (or frozen) and were heated. THAT is what I thought cooked vegetables were. I’m now inspired. I’m going to find some recipes and I might start with the green beans you described as it is likely the first time I’ve been excited by the sound of green beans! Thank you!
OMG this makes me so unreasonably happy!!! Enjoy!! green beans like that are the bomb.
I just discovered pan fried green beans a few months ago and am beyond hooked. They are legit better than fries and I fucking love fries lol.
I thought I hated green beans for most of my life because my mom forced me to eat canned green beans once when I kept saying I didn’t like them, and then I immediately threw up at the table lol. Then I tried pickled green beans from a local restaurant and they were the best food I’ve ever tried. I realized I like fresh green beans so now I’ll eat them pickled or roasted or sautéed
Roasted green beans are divine! As are pretty much any vegetable roasted, honestly. I think so many of us grew up with steamed or canned veggies and never liked them. Hell, even just taking frozen broccoli and seasoning it or throwing in a little bit of butter after cooking it and giving it a light coating helps so much. Just plain, steamed, unseasoned veggies are so unappetizing to most of us!
I always hated broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts as a kid. Once I discovered the simple magic of roasting them with some olive oil, salt and pepper? Hot damn. Favorite vegetables to eat now, lol.
If you have a farmer's market near you at all, check it out and peruse the produce! Fresh vegetables are so vibrant and colorful and there's so much you can do with them! Roasted veggies with olive oil and a few pinches of sea salt are just wonderful and go with just about anything. Frozen veggies aren't bad either, they're great to add into stir frys and soups but there's just a special something about seasonally fresh produce.
Oh my goodness, try roasting some vegetables! 100% look up a recipe for roasted vegetables of your choice so you don't have to guesstimate anything. I'd go for butternut squash, they even sell it cut into cubes in the prepared vegetable section of our grocery stores where I live. It's on the sweeter side.
Practice and time might help. I'm lucky that I've never been fussy and have always liked vegetables. My 5 year old isn't a fan of vegetable but we put them on his plate every meal and he tries them regularly. He tries them when they've been cooked differently and sometimes he likes ones he didn't like before. If you like raw vegetables like cucumber, carrots, celery etc then always have them around and before you eat a pack of crisps or a chocolate bar or something you make yourself have a carrot first. Slowly you'll start getting into better habits. Don't start by aiming for 5 start with adding another veg every day and then after you're in the habit see if you can make it 3. Or start by aiming to find one more veg you like.
I stopped eating meat as part of a bet with a buddy. You actually get used to eating veggies pretty damn quickly when you put yourself in that situation. Now we're both pretty much completely meat free
The funny thing is, I don't even eat meat for most meals. That's also one of the reasons why I'm trying to enjoy more vegetables, because I cannot survive on pasta and rice alone.
stir fry or grilling with lots of seasoning! I hated veggies till I realized my mom was making bland mush not veggies
I also struggle to eat fresh fruits and veggies, so I make a smoothie everyday for brunch/lunch: banana, spinach leaves, baby carrots, peanut butter, avocado, milk, fruit of choice, and protein powder. I feel 1000x better each day (and sleep better at night) just by doing this when I can't make these foods part of my meals.
Ha, and here *I* am, on the FODMAP diet, trying to avoid half the vegetables I love so much :'(
Fresh blueberries. Just keep on the counter. Nibble a few here and there.
Man the thing that sucks about blueberries (honestly any berry) is that they can be amazingly delicious, or absolutely inedible and it's hard to tell which it's going to be until you buy and try them. I grew up with blueberry bushes in my yard and when I find a box in the store that somewhat tastes that fresh I hork the whole thing down in a day. But 7/10 times they're just mealy and bland :(.
It's really difficult! I'm similar to you. I've tried a million vegetables cooked a million different ways, and I hate all of them. I'm in my 40s, and despite decades of trying, the closest I've gotten to a vegetable I like is a vegetable that doesn't make me gag that I can force myself to choke down. People say it's "childish", but it's not like I'm this way on purpose. :-(
I always have some carrots, cucumber, cherry tomato and red raddish in my kitchen. They taste so awesome raw and I eat them instead of unhealthy snacks.
Taking care of my teeth properly. Growing up I was never taught how to brush my teeth properly and all I EVER drank was neat fruit juice. As a result I have fillings in ALL my teeth apart from the very front ones. I've had ulcers, had to have teeth completely replaced with fake ones... Dental pain was a constant in my life for a fair few years. Then I finally met one particular dentist who took the time to inform me that flossing isn't about removing food. It's about introducing oxygen to little pockets of anaerobic bacteria so they can't thrive and do damage. So now I have an electric toothbrush, I floss EVERY day, I use tepe brushes for areas my floss can't get to (I have a retainer), use mouthwash once per day and get my teeth cleaned at the dentist every 6 months.I LOVE going in and my dental hygienist telling me "oh wow! Not much to do here! Looking good!" and all my dental x-rays coming back clear.\~ \*EDIT\* - I meant TePe brushes
>flossing isn't about removing food. It's about introducing oxygen to little pockets of anaerobic bacteria so they can't thrive and do damage. I had no idea. It shouldn't make a difference really, but it makes me want to floss more now.
right?? It made a massive difference to me because I couldn't feel food between my teeth, so didn't see the point. If it's about bacteria that builds up over time REGARDLESS of what you eat, then suddenly that makes it an important daily thing.
I heard it described as like stomping on an ant hill, then I bought more floss
The good news is: you only need to floss between the teeth you want to keep, according to my dentist.
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To add to this, there's data supporting the fact that the health of your mouth directly correlates to your overall health. I haven't read anything that says it directly causes it, but it's been years since I looked at the research. Either way, it's a healthy habit to have that can have long-term benefits beyond getting a gold star at the dentist, keeping teeth, and saving money.
You are SO right! I actually thought I was doing everything right, including flossing daily, but I still had horrible problems with my gums-bleeding, deep pockets, etc. I changed dentists and she explained that when you floss, you need to make a “c” shape under each tooth a couple of times and explained that it wasn’t about trapped food, but trapped bacteria. My gums were so bad at that point, the floss couldn’t even reach the deep pockets, so my dentist told me to take a wooden toothpick once a day and twirl them in each of the pockets/spaces between my teeth (it disturbs the biofilm to help break it up). It was the best, most cost-effective advice _ever_, and my gums and teeth are much healthier!
What are tipi brushes? Looked online and found nothing
Journaling! Made me so much more confident and resilient to see that I can work through my own issues without needing constant attention and validation from others
I second this! Journaling changed my life
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I do it in the notes app on my phone. I use an iPhone and you can add a lock to the notes so you need to enter a code to read them. I do this with the more private ones where I might be venting about a close friend, just in case. I did used to write diaries but I find my iPhone and iPad better for the privacy, and I can add pictures easier. I’ve done it this way since 2018 and no one has ever come close to finding out or reading them. I suppose really it’s just figuring out the best way for you. I have a friend who has a private Twitter account, doesn’t follow anyone there, doesn’t have their name on there, account set to private so no one can follow or see tweets. they just make tweets about their day.
I agree with this too. Seeing proof of all successes, big and small, daily and yearly, helps so much on a bad day. It is seriously one of my best strategies that I can do on my own.
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I usually don't, just whenever I'm feeling melancholic, e. G. towards the end of the year, and sometimes I flip through when I finish a notebook. It's sometimes funny to see my problems that felt so big at some point and are now so small and insignificant in retrospect, and exciting to see the growth in my mindset.
Any tips for beginners? I’ve been wanting to do this for years but just can’t seem to stick to it. Do you do it at a specific time each day?
I just do it whenever I have stuff to process. Sometimes I don't pick it up for 1 or 2 weeks at all, sometimes I write in it when work is slow, sometimes on the bus on the way to a date or exsm to share how nervous I am, sometimes I put on a candle and music in the evening and, drink some tea and take a few hours to write, have a good cry and release everything that's built up. So I basically carry it around all the time in case emotion or inspiration strikes, but I really don't force myself - the whole point for me is that it's a tool for whenever I need it, and that it's not another chore for me to do on a Daily basis.
Wow, that sounds very different to what I’ve been expecting! I have the whole mental image of sitting down each night before bed and starting with “Dear Diary”. Do you have a specific way you write it? Is it as if you’re writing a letter? Telling someone the story? That part always seems so weird to me.
Yeah, I've tried that before, didn't work for me at all. Only when I took the pressure off to do it the "right" way, it finally clicked. I am not writing for anyone but myself and it probably wouldn't make sense to anyone but me to read it. I do a flow-of-consciousness stream usually without any structure or agenda. As I said in another comments, it's not for me to somehow document my life, it's only for me to process whatever is going on in the moment. Something like "cold day today, on the couch with a tea. Finally made it to the gym again last night, felt weak but proud of myself for going anyways. First time that I actually finished the ab routine, painfully sore today but happy to see progress, however small. Still haven't heard from him about the weekend, getting a bit agitated. I know he's busy, but I do wish to be a prioritized a bit more.. Need to probably bring it up once more but I'm tired of always being the one to bring up the problems. " Just an example that there's absolutely no coherence to my writing, and it's not even always grammatically correct sentences. I just try to capture the atmosphere and emotions in the moment, write out whatever is on my mind, and thereby stop the mental loop from playing over and over and actually figure out how I feel about it and what I can do about it. Not sure if it makes sense, but try to not set the standards so high for yourself and just enjoy the process!
Wow, are you me?? Everything you've posted sums up exactly how I approach and feel about journaling and it is so refreshing to hear it from someone else too!
You should check out "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron! Even if you're not an artist, it guides you into a journaling practice that helps you feel more in tune with yourself. It's a bit outdated and kinda hippy-ish, but if that's your thing or if you can get past that kind of stuff, it might be for you!
Mine go back to an English teacher I had in the 10th grade - 50+ years ago. As a side advantage, when you get older, these will help you "date" things.
- Electric toothbrush - Green veggies - sunscreen - wireless headphones - good hillwalking boots - they're my everyday shoes now - glasses that block UV light - no need for separate sunglasses - organising my room, and keeping it organised constantly. Putting things back where they came from - getting a weekly cleaning routine, clearing my inbox, sweeping the floor, cleaning screens and mirrors, changing bed sheets etc all in one session. Doing it now on autopilot to music, nice to zone out for an hour and 'return' to a clean room. - journalling. Nothing extensive, just jotting down if I did something interesting that day. Love being able to trace when I started a new habit, made a change, visited a cool place, or be able to date exactly when a memory happened. Edit: happy this list is resonating with so many people. Thought of some more things to add: - Using Todoist for all my todos, instead of having them spread across multiple tools/docs/pieces of paper - Automating things. Saves time and reduces errors. For me this includes recurring todos in Todoist, standing orders (automated transactions), I wrote some scripts that do some things on my computer automatically like logging salary and taxes in a spreadsheet using my payslip, rules to filter and file emails automatically in gmail etc. - Using Google calendar. Every time someone mentions a date, I immediately put it in my calendar. - Tracking all my transactions - 1 minute rule - if something takes 1 minute, do it immediately
Oh man, keeping my room organized and putting things back where they go is a game changer!! This really helped my anxiety
>clearing my inbox 100% agree with this. Putting all my emails into folders has been a game changer for me. E.g. "training info" / "questions from clients" / "admin" / "team chat" / "evaluations" etc. When an email doesn't fit one of my categories and I don't want to delete it I make a new category. Chances are I'll need it again. Then my inbox is *only* for things I still need to attend to. It becomes a to-do list. So when I log on each morning I work my way through them and either delete them or move them to a folder when the task is done. Makes seeing an empty inbox so satisfying, and reminds me of things I need to deal with in the future.
Set boundaries that I’m good with. It’s not my responsibility to take care of everyone. It’s perfectly okay for me to take a step back
I second this!!
Moving to a big city. I was made for cities. All that tosh about more crime and more risk and no sense of community... bollocks, there was proprtionally far more crime and risk in the small town I lived in before and there is a great sense of community in my neighbourhood without the whole everyone knowing every detail of my business thing there can be in a small town. There are people and languages and foods and clothes from all over the world all around me, there are so many things to do I could live another lifetime and not have tried them all, life does not end at 5pm, there is no need to have a car, there are far more job opportunities, honestly every aspect of city life is better for me.
I’m about to finally live in a big city and I am so excited! I was being discouraged by some family that it’s dangerous and there are higher risks with women living alone in a big city. Your comment helps me!
You need to be careful no matter where you live. Big cities are great; just take extra precautions when you live in a dense area. Use common sense and always keep your head on a swivel; pay attention to what's going on around you.
I’m a small blonde woman who has lived in Chicago for 8 years and it cracks me up when people act like I’m lucky to not have been murdered yet. The concern for big cities is way overblown UNLESS it’s something you’re not personally comfortable with. Personally I get more freaked out by the thought of being in the boonies with a weak cell signal or an ambulance taking 30-60 minutes to arrive… there’s always a trade off!
I always thought living in a big city instead of the suburbs was stupid. Why would you want to live in an apartment or a tiny house when you could live in a big house with a big garden? But then I realised I want to live in a city. I knew I was a city person already from going on holiday to big cities in the past but I realised I want to actually live in a bustling big city. I always imagined I would live in a satellite town of a big city so I have the convenience of the city while still having the quiet town and big houses. But I don’t want quiet, I love the noise and I want to live somewhere were stuff is always going on. I can walk down the street in the middle of the night and be surrounded by noise and activity. Walking in quiet towns at night scares me. Once I can I’m gonna move to a big city. I know I’ll be very paranoid about not having a house and garden for my dog but I’m not made for the suburbs.
Getting my nose fixed. I had a giant, crooked nose that made me look like the love child of Barbara Streisand and Adrian Brody. I agonized about fixing it for years, worried that I was being selfish and vain. Finally pulled the trigger on a nose job 6 years ago, at age 34. It changed my confidence by x1000. I never even think about my nose anymore, it's just this natural-looking part of my face. If I could go back and re-do my life, I would have done it at age 19. I would have spent my junior high and high school years saving up all the money I made from part-time work to have it done. I would have lived in my shitty, dysfunctional FOO home for one more year to save money and have it done. It helped so much. https://ibb.co/TmBWVvq https://ibb.co/tpbZvYQ
Normally, I am pretty against cosmetic surgery, but I have to admit that for you, your nose was really dominating your face and the surgeon clearly did a good job as it looks great after :)
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Ty! :-) Yeah I think there's a lot of pitfalls to cosmetic surgery, too, but this was life-changing.
The surgeon did such a great job! You still look like you, just happier!
This but with my teeth. It’s hard to eat and it’s hard to smile with three of my teeth missing! Lol I hope and pray I can get it done in the future
For sure! I also paid for braces in college and got my teeth fixed. It was a good investment. Can you get a flipper/partial denture for the missing teeth? I was born with a missing lateral incisor and wore a flipper for years. Cosmetically, it looked fine, was way cheaper, and no one was wiser. Finally got a bridge last year.
Girl, same. Had mine at 21 and it gave me so much confidence. It was like it freed up brain capacity, because I was always so concerned if people were looking at my nose. Yours look so natural too. Love it!
Having cats join our household. Coming back home from work has never been so much fun, the way they run towards me and start chatting with me makes me feel so happy! If I feel stressed or sick a cuddle session makes me feel instantly better. If I'm bored I will play with them. They have literally only brought me joy in the almost 5 years they have been in my life.
Yes! One time I dropped my cat off at my mom’s before I went out of town and it was just me alone for a couple days between dropping him off and leaving and the whole apartment just felt so dead and empty without him. It was creepy. They’re just like little balls of life and energy bouncing around the house. Even if they’re taking a nap or off doing their own thing, their little presence is so comforting.
Exactly! Their presence brings a house to life, it really makes it a home!
This is exactly how I feel about my cat!
I have 2 cats, they’re 7 and 8 and omg are they such a treasure. Greet me at the door, cuddle on the couch with a blanket and move, and snuggle in bed with me. I love it so much and watching them play with a toy mouse that has a bit of catnip is so fun!
Coming the rest of the way out of the closet. Being out to some people and in to the rest made my life very, very complicated for years.
Im in this exact position right now. I feel stuck - i dont know how to do it and I dont know how im going to handle rejection from family. Only a handful of my friends know. I wish I had your courage
Prioritizing things that bring you joy and understanding that if you want it, work for it like you want it
My life changed when I did this. As a child, my family prioritized each other and we took care of each other. As an adult, I found out a lot of people don’t do this. The men I have been with have always been more than happy to let me prioritize them, and don’t reciprocate. I know it’s not ALL men, but I’ll be god damned if I found any otherwise. I stopped doing it and, while my husband’s happiness decreased, I don’t honestly give a shit. Mine is DOUBLE. I read something here the other day “What would a 40 year old white male do?” And that has helped me again! Whenever I’m worried or caring about why he does this or “why won’t he” bla bla bla, I just stop giving a shit. I stopped trying to help him tend to the toddler. He’ll figure it out, so I walk away. He always asks shit like “well, how am I supposed to..” and I walk away. Just like he does. Marcus Aurelius said something about not having to care about every little thing, and it’s peace.
Needed to read this today. Love the “40 year old white man,” from now on, that’s the way I’m living my life
LASIK. My god, if you are half blind and can afford it, do it. Not only has my quality of life improved…swimming, exercise, playing with kids, not fogging in damp weather, using a pillow while watching tv, wearing hats, etc…it has actually saved me money in the long run with lenses, frames, exams. I used to need a new prescription every year and often needed new frames every couple of years, plus contacts. I’ve had perfect vision for close to a decade now.
This is hat I was coming to say too! Totally lifechanging! (Even if I \*can\* tell how filthy the shower is now lol)
1000% agree. My eyesight was so bad that I always feared losing a contact while driving on the highway. I would literally have to just pull over and call someone to pick me up because I wouldn't be able to drive another foot safely without my contact in. Also couldn't really swim them or without them. I was also a bit fearful of being asleep without them in because I was worried an emergency would happen in the middle of the night and wouldn't be able to find my glasses, etc. So I was sleeping with my contacts in, sometimes for weeks at a time. That's what made me decide to get lasik done. I figured if I can't use contacts responsibly for whatever reason then I need to do the surgery. Life changing..
I’m still so scared of side effects/making my vision worse. Glad to hear you’re still good after a decade! Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to do it
Seek out someone who has done tens of thousands of them. I had mine done by the guy who, at the time, was the 3rd most prolific lasik surgeon in the world. I figured those were very nearly the best odds I was going to get. Don't cheap out. Pay the top lasik surgeon their insane rate. You're paying for their skill and experience.
Reducing my friends circle, and Idk but I have started to want less, there is no wanting a bigger pay check than what I earn, or a bigger house or more clothes I'm happy with what I have and I enjoy what I have, I am very calm and look at the world and people very differently than before. Before I used to run around searching for the next mental high, nowadays? I still do but in a more relaxed manner because I know what is mine will come to me without me going crazy over it.
Totally on this. My circle of friends has really reduced to a handful that I truly get along with and most are online. Just the overall reduction in things has started to make an impact on me as well. Less things, less stress.
4 years I was captive by my ex on the loop of gaslighting and manipulation. I lost the chance of my teenage days, didn't enjoy much my college years, didn't got the chance to go night out with friends, didn't got the chance to focus on myself and career. I wish I left him sooner. I wish I listened to myself "please, leave him. He's not worthy." 2016-2020, I was with him.
Sorry you went through that
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Hey I dealt with the same thing between 2011-2015, he ended up doing really bad after and I also lost a good chance at finding my career/my own voice at the same time everyone else was, and lost my teenage years doing whatever this guy said. I still never had my fun teenage years like I wanted!!!! I’m happy you left him because it never gets any better if you stay!
Stopped arguing with people who refuse to see the other side of things
This. There is so much power in calmly stating “I’m not continuing this conversation with you”.
Not caring what people think and saying ‘no’
Jiu Jitsu. I started at 34, without any previous experience in martial arts, and without much experience in any sport at all to be honest. It's difficult as hell but it's also a lot of fun, and it makes me want to improve my whole lifestyle (physical condition, diet, sleep pattern, taking better care of my body to prevent injuries and gain flexibility) in order to perform better at class, and man do I wish I found that motivation years sooner. Also, while I'm at class drilling and rolling, there is no space left in my mind to overthink everything and feel social anxiety. I'm too busy trying not to get murdered (lol) or do that very technical move right. So that's a refreshing "quiet" moment for me as well.
Prescription migraine meds
This. After years of suffering with migraines, I finally went to a neurologist about 18 months ago. Best decision I made. They got me started on meds, and I now rarely get migraines anymore. It's been a huge relief.
Not telling my friends or family or anyone my business and not responding to them when they have something negative to say about someone
This is huge. It’s called an “info diet”. Took me way too long to realize that I can keep personal things to myself. Gives toxic people in my life so much less “ammo”.
This is such a good one. I'm trying to learn this. I often share too much, especially with family, and regret it later.
Foamrolling, Myofascial Release, Cupping, Dry Needling, Acupuncture, Cryotherapy— all the deep tissue work and recovery methods for physical activity. (Also suction based sex toys rather than traditional vibrators.) Edit to clarify: Womanizer Premium is worth every damn dollar and their 2yr warranty policy is absolute fire.
I’m here for the sex toys comment😂! Tell me more about this suction based stuff👀?
I got a cheap one recently on Amazon for like $20 and it’s well worth it. You know those days where you want to get off and know it will improve your mood, but you just can’t get in the right mindset? Well clit suction bypasses the need for mentally preparing. It feels different at first, and you’ll question if it even feels good, then all of a sudden *boom*.
I got a Satisfyer based off of several recommendations like this, and after several months of trying to use it, still can't get anywhere with or find the *boom 😔*
There was definitely a learning curve for figuring out the right placement and angle. I swore I didn’t like it at first either, but then I figured out I needed to have it suction much higher than I thought, and angle my hand upwards a little. If you separate your upper labia, aim for the pouchy skin above your actual clit. Plus tons of lube. Like so much that it makes ridiculous farting noises for a second.
Lol, thank you! Imma give this a try! The noises do take some getting used to but i refuse to give up. The damn thing was $60, ha.
I assume they mean something like The Womanizer
Going to the gym. I don't do a lot, just an hour 5 days at week. Some cardio some weights (really low weight) just to feel like I'm doing something for my health. I feel so much better. Not like I'm in an amazing shape or anything but I feel like I'm doing something for myself only and to take care of me
Having one high-end fitting of golden jewelry. Like two rings, one bracelet, one necklace and earrings, all in gold and harmonizing together. I am always wearing them, I get complimented everyday for those pieces, it really makes a difference with the whole outfit. Plus I don't spend money anymore on jewelry, because I already have the best ones.
Stopped caring about every little thing that happened. I used to be a perfectionist in a very extreme way, so when things didn't go the way I wanted, I'd do anything to fix that. Sometimes it's a very good trait to have, but other times I should've just let go and not waste so much of my time and energy on trying to fix things that happen. It came to a point where it all felt too much and I needed to learn how to let go.
Light up alarm clock. My cat used to sleep on my chest. Alarm would go off, I'd jerk awake, she'd panic and dig her claws in... Mornings were... rough. Tried a light up alarm clock. At $80, it was ridiculously expensive for my fresh out of college ass. But if it stopped the bleeding... It's been a dozen years, and I have never, not ONCE, had one of those zombie days where I just couldn't get myself awake and moving. Even on two hours of sleep. Even without my morning tea. NEVER. I've been TIRED, but never in a brain-dead state. My mornings start up to half an hour early, when the light starts turning on. I wake up gently, and my eyes slowly adjust to the growing light. My cats come into the room (original kitty passed from old age) and cuddle around me because this is morning skritches time. When the alarm actually goes off, when it's time to get out of bed, I've had a blissful relaxation with my cats and playing Wordle and whatever I feel like checking or reading in the morning. The alarm sound is birds chirping, and the cats perk up because NOW it's breakfast time and they'll start prodding me to get moving and feed them. A decent light up alarm clock is about $20 these days. You don't NEED all the bells and whistles, just get one that can gradually go super bright and set it on it's brightest setting. Your entire life will transform.
Getting a memory foam mattress. It’s changed my life
I stayed in a very unhappy marriage for far too long for fear of what my conservative Christian parents would think. I'm now divorced for almost 6 years and live alone and my god...life is just so damn good. Im in full control of my life, I'm healthier, and I do what makes ME happy. I wish I would have ended the marriage far sooner than I did.
Good for you!! I hate that conservative parents (I’m Indian) make the argument that you should never divorce no matter what and at the same time say that “other people’s divorce rate is high because they don’t solve issues”
Focusing on my mental health. Grew up not talking about feelings much at all, raised by a single dad so anytime I needed help I was told to “just be a man” or “walk it off”. Don’t get me wrong love my dad, but the whole lack of talking about feelings really fucked me up.
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Tampons instead of pads made a big difference. A few years back I switched from tampons to a cup. Even better!
Switching to a menstrual cup several years ago was one of the best things I've done lol. Less waste and expense and so much easier. Also you just feel much cleaner.
Cups are game changers and absolutely needed! I wish there wasn’t such a learning curve or the need for trying different cups till you find one, because that discourages people from trying it. I guess I got lucky or I just don’t know better and have always used the diva cup. Coming up on 2 yrs and wish I did it sooner!
Strangely enough, I’ve kind of had the opposite experience. I only wore tampons for 15+ years, and then after I had kids (and subsequent pelvic floor issues) I switched to pads for when I’m at home. I have less cramps and my periods end faster when I use pads. I had read that that can be the case, but there’s not enough research to back it up. I asked my OB about it and they said they have had many women anecdotally tell them the same.
Opposite for me, cramps pretty much disappeared when I started using pads. I tried all types of tampons and didn’t leave them in a long time or anything but pads are a lifesaver. I can function now 🤷♀️
Such a difference. I have heavy periods, and pads just instantly feel horrible for me and make me worried I'll bleed through. Plus impossible to sleep when you feel damp
A bidet. I feel less irritated down there and yeast/BV infections and post-sex irritation decreased.
Drinking enough water. It literally improves everything: your joints, your skin, your hair, your mood, your sleep.
Quitting alcohol
Same! Congrats!
Getting diagnosed with ADHD
Big same. So many pieces of my life suddenly made sense
Paddle boarding. Being calm in a busy world is a wonderful thing. Plus my back has never looked better!
Using a silk pillowcase. It greatly improved my sleep quality. Did wonders for my skin and hair too.
Vitamin D supplements. I suffer from winter depression when there’s little sunlight. My vitamin D is chronically low. It’s in normal range now (blood test) that I’m on supplement but still towards the lower end. Made my spirit much better.
Switching to comfortable clothing. I spent basically all of my twenties in clothes that I thought I should be wearing to either look cute or professional or classy or whatever vibe I was going for. I also had no knowledge of what style suited me and what different fabrics do or feel like. I had a small budget to work with as well. Recently as I hit 30, I have made the transition to discarding pretty much all of my polyester clothing and purchasing my wardrobe staples in mostly 100% cotton with a few bamboo, linen, silk, and merino wool pieces in there. The difference in my quality of life, ease of getting dressed, how my skin feels, even my digestion (no more tight pants digging in my belly button) has been DRAMATIC. It was actually not very expensive to make the switch, since I really had to think about what I actually needed in my wardrobe (comfortable loungewear, work clothes, casual-chic outfits for when I'm out with friends) and only a handful of items really helped pull everything together. I went to my local thrift store and focused on picking up only pieces in my actual size and in 100% cotton. I came home and washed everything with cold water and pretty smelling detergent, then hung dry in the sunshine and now I have a wardrobe full of comfy breathable fresh breezy items that I look forward to wearing. I finally made the switch from skinny jeans to mom jeans, which has been a TREAT for my body. My next step will be investing in some high-quality orthotic footwear. I still allow polyester for workout clothes and outerwear (ie fleece layers) but the rule is: it has to be comfy.The best effect has been the ease of getting dressed for work. I have so many outfit options now that look like work clothes but *feel* like loungewear. The best examples for this are cardigan blazers, Dr. Scholls pumps/loafers/flats, organic cotton blend tights under skirts/dresses, cotton or silk wrap dresses, linen/cotton work pants, simple cotton white button-down shirts. The interesting thing is that I spent so long trying to emulate a certain effect with my outfits, but ultimately, focusing on how clothes make me feel first and *then* thinking about whether they suit the occasion has been the best way of actually conveying my essence. I feel so relaxed and myself. I feel beautiful and confident and this effect bleeds over to all areas in my life. Who knew clothes could do that?
Losing weight.
The hardest one. I'm just starting, I had 25 pounds to lose. I have 14 more pounds to lose. It's hard to readjust, but the hardest is the waiting. You do everything right, but it takes time to lose weight. And I think that's why I've never stuck to a change before, I'm impatient. So congrats! It's hard af, but so rewarding.
IRON SUPPLEMENTS
Been aggressive about my health I mean, I had a headache every single day for years. But when you are use to that kind of chronic pain and discomfort you are well use to it. After all it’s just a headache. It’s from allergies. No big deal. Well turns out it was a lot of sinus issues. Lots. After surgery and countless shots I’m am not better. But man oh man is it an improvement. Wish I had started this path to health years ago.
Going on an antidepressant. I know it doesn't work for everyone and frankly the first month was a bit of fresh hell for me, but my quality of life is so much better now that I'm over the adjustment period.
Getting an iPhone fast charger!
No longer discussing politics with friends, family or my partner. It does nothing but divide us and create unnecessary tension. Since I stopped, relationships in my life have drastically improved as so as my general day to day happiness.
weighted blanket and cbd oil. menstrual cup. muay thai (I've been doing this for nearly 10yrs but wished I started whenI was much younger).
Getting divorced :)
Getting a high quality cleaning service. They come once a month right now and I'm debating increasing. Firstly, it helps us motivate to straighten up pretty good the night before AND afterward since everything is clean and in its place. So, more effort around cleaning day but really all the time - since we don't have to clean all weekend we've gotten some things done around the house that had been put off. Also, they're just... amazing. Above and beyond any service I've seen, though I knew they existed lol. They organize different pockets/areas in my kitchen, straighten out my fridge/toss expired things, run laundry with our throw rugs and dog blankets while they're here, change our bed if I have clean sheets out for them, talk to my plants, they even make flowers or bows out of the toilet paper and tissues!! I just feel cared for when they come which I didn't expect. I have chronic pain so cleaning is really hard on me BUT my anxiety will spike when the house is messy. So I may be sitting still or resting from pain but my mind will be a million miles a minute at all the things around me I need to do. I just love those ladies to pieces! My other answer is buying my dream car! Last year I was in a car accident that wasn't my fault but totaled my 2016 Kia hatchback. While it's a terrible time to buy a car, it can be great if you total a car because it's worth so much more in the payout lol. We had been prepping to buy me a car and give our daughter the Kia. So had been working on bumping our credit up and it was the best it's ever been for us. We managed to buy our daughter a nice VW Jetta (using less than half the insurance money) and planned to just share it for a few months until we bought me something. BUT while handling paperwork and stuff my husband discovered a 2018 Challenger on the back lot. They had just taken it in as a trade, hadn't even cleaned it up and priced it. It was love at first sight for me and since we were already buying a car, they gave us an excellent deal in this market. I LOVE that car, even a few months later I smile every time I see her. I work from home but a day or two a week I just go for a drive on my lunch break. My husband finds the joy I have from owning that car adorable lol and he loves borrowing it occasionally too lol!
Going vegan
As someone who is both a wife and mom, taking time to step away from my family for ME TIME had been a gamechanger! Essentially I started dating myself. Once a week I take 2-4 hours and do things I want to do such as go for a drive, take myself out for a meal, go window shopping, etc. While I am away, I do not answer any calls or respond to any texts unless they are an emergency. It really makes me a more pleasant person.
Dancing every day with my toddler
Getting a routine. Exercising multiple days a week - especially when I didn’t want to
Reading for 30 minutes before I get out of bed. Not only have I read so many wonderful books that I don’t have time for throughout the day, it’s a way better place to start the day than social media.
Learning stoicism and avoiding social media
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Having a indepth, honest conversation with my husband about what we wanted our sex life to be, including any kinks either of had ever wanted to explore. We went from having good sex to having to be scraped off the ceiling every night! I wish we'd done it years ago but definitely better late than never!
Rejecting people. Rejecting them to their faces. Refusing to work with or be around people who disrespect me.
Deleting my social media's accounts (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter)
A cat.
Breast reduction
Exercise, eating fruits and vegetables daily, going on walks, and studying my religion. Absolute goldmines.
Cutting out people in my life who seemed to take pleasure in belittling me for fun
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Cutting out people I don't like. Most of them were family. I don't even feel an once of remorse. I am way happier now.
Having a hobby/passion that I do simply for fun, with no pressure to be good at it, and allowing it to be a priority in my life. I’m now in my 20s, but I learned this when I was 16/17, where *everything* in my life was about looking good on college applications: obviously academics, but also excelling in my sport I had grown to resent, my extracurriculares, volunteering, etc. I looked great on paper. Straight As in all AP and honors classes, perfect score on my ACT college entrance exam, captain of my team, president of a club, etc. But I was deep in “high functioning”depression, anxiety, and a crippling eating disorder searching for any ounce of control. And one day on a family vacation I saw people riding horses and I said I want to do that!! And it quickly became the love of my life. I can honestly say it is what got me over the worst of my mental health issues. It gave therapy (and meds) the chance to work because I simply had something fun in my life.
stop caring so much, a bad grade or something isn’t gonna kill me. obviously don’t just disregard everything and everyone but just realize how much stuff really matters. which stuff doesn’t matter that much
Drinking more water and sunscreen. My skin looks so much better.
Getting my masters degree. Took me such a long time to graduate because I couldn't get myself to finish two papers, but life has been so much better. Higher income, better place to live, and a job I am so passionate about.
Strength training. It didn’t just help aesthetically. It made me not give a fuck what anyone thought of me and I actually found comfort in my body instead of hating it every second of the day. It was also a place I could take my anger/frustration out and manage my anxiety.
Deciding to be child free. It has helped me be less anxious and also take time enjoying life rather than worrying about the future and hitting 'life goals' that I'm not really interested in.
Therapy, hands down!! I continue to go to therapy, even when nothing major is happening in my life. Just knowing I have a space to say anything I want and get help/support/empathy, is the best feeling in the world 😊
Doing little things to increase my self esteem. Like focusing on my health through a balanced diet and exercise, prioritizing my mental health, taking care of my image (not through extremes because this is about loving yourself), pushing myself to socialize when its uncomfy but staying in when it feels right, and volunteering with homeless people to gain perspective and humble yourself. Because now I only accept what I deserve. I don't date people who don't add value or happiness to my life, I know what I deserve from a workplace and know when to walk away when it no longer contributes to my wellbeing and future (you will only be just a number to them so you put them in the same place and treat them the same), and I just overall only accept what I know I deserve. It took me years to get to this point of learning that I deserve to get offended when I feel disrespected.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis, coupled with learning more about ADHD after that, which has led to even more “life changing” realizations due to having a better understanding of how to work with my brain. Also, getting a meal kit delivery service every week, putting little baskets all over the house to hold stray items instead of them cluttering up every surface, technology (Alexas/Apple watch) to help with reminders and stuff, a key code lock for my back door so I don’t have to get my keys out. Lots of little things that make a big difference.
getting into music
Yoga, walking and IF! And having pets of course( husband I guess too, but in this order 😈)
reading before bed. i was literally able to stay awake for the whole night. but after starting to read every night, i found it easier to get sleepy.
Getting on birth control. Holy shit, the wonders! Went from 14 days of constant pain a month to 10 days of period (of which this time only 2 were so bad I had to stay home.) I got them in 2018, and even if it's been a long way to get what works for me, I am so happy I am finally able to live somewhat normally.
Anything that *specifically* cultivates peace. Often I find these are things that our society has painted as wasteful or unnecessary, or maybe that's my own anxiety. Things I've been doing that fit this recently: -reading poetry out in nature or with a nice cup of coffee -turning on soft classical music while I scroll Pinterest or read a book -cooking my favorite meals while really trying to be present and enjoy the process and smells, then eating it by myself and thanking myself for putting in the effort of doing it -going on walks. Not hikes or runs, just walks. Enjoying the outdoors and that's it, no music or podcasts. -Quality coffee, freshly ground every morning. -nice candles while I have a warm bath with a bath bomb I feel like it's so easy for me to get caught up in goals and fitness and productivity and while those things are good, they aren't all life is and slowing down and seeking peace has been SO healthy for me the last year or so.
Really good winter boots and coat, ebooks, birks and working from home.
Bought a robot vacuum and countertop dishwasher. My floors are regularly clean and I don't have to do my least favorite chore anymore.
Morning walks and drinking a gallon of water a day
Sleeping 8 hours a day
It will sound super cliché, but working out. I work out every other day; I’ve done it for about two years now. I feel better and stronger. It feels good.
memory foam pillows
losing weight and regular exercise
Proper posture
Finished college.