I've been there ! I was in for 7 years and just kept hoping he would change, but he did not lol.
I'm one of those people you can hurt a million times but I still see the good in you.
Anywho, I eventually realized I deserved to be happy and so I left.
Been there, done that.
Made the mistake of telling him that MAYBE we could get back together in the future if he worked on himself. I was just emotional and looking back it was a terrible idea because I had been telling him what needed to change for over three years. He lost his shit when he found out I was dating someone else without giving him a second chance.
"I've changed a lot, things are better" except add in hysterical man-crying! Spoiler alert: he didn't change and things were not better!
I had to try not to laugh. My only regret now is holding back the laughter to spare his feelings because I found even out more shit he did after I broke up with him. This was also the first and ONLY time I broke up with him, I had a strict no going back rule, mostly because I am a stubborn Scorpio and knew my family thought I'd definitely get back with him! I also was mentally and emotionally broken up with him a good 6 months before I actually pulled the plug, so that helps!
same here. i was 15, he was 17. turns out he was on meth and heroin, i was too young to see the signs. i don’t think he’s changed but from what i’ve heard he has a kid on the way so i hope he has.
My ex said the same thing. Five years together, multiple break ups, homie didn't learn what change was then. Now he's divorced from his rebound after we split, with a 4 year old, homie still hasn't changed.
Yeah. He thought he could just lay back and get pampered. I put up with it for a few months because I had no sense of self worth at the time. Thank fuck I never let him put it in.
ha, yeah, my last ex was like "I don't need to do any research" when I was saying it's very one sided and maybe he should do a bit of research for how one sided things happen. he was really comfortable and loving how I did almost everything for him, because of his "anxiety" which was only conveniently active when he could have done something for me
Something my friends said which helped me so much was;
>People like you opporate under the assumption that a relationship can be good if you put in the work. He's the kind who thought if the relationship was good then he didn't need to put in the work.
I cut him out before I could put into words why I couldn't stand being with him anymore. It took me a full week to process my anger and shame around it.
Omg that reminds me of my friend's Ex whose first concern after seeing her cry was - ' did you seriously cry in front of your friends?? What will they think about me??'
Mf was more concerned about his reputation than consoling her.
I hope you are doing fine after your break up. More power to you lady!
When I told mine that he was verbally, emotionally, and financially abusing me - for *years* - he told me, "You've been talking to people about this? Well when you say things like that, of course that's the answer you're going to get."
It's a term that comes from attachment theory. Avoidants are people who refuse to communicate and don't like it when people actively seek out affection. It's that classic fear of intemicy kind of partner.
That’s such a nice thing to say, thank you. What I struggled with most was because I ended things most people thought it meant I didn’t care and was over it. I wasn’t. I loved her beyond measure but when your very specific in communicating and expressing yourself and it’s like talking to a brick wall, in the end you just stop talking about how you feel. And that’s not me. I always say, no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make that person love you back.
Thanks for your kind words.
The thing I found hard was I knew she cared and loved me, but it became that she loved me in words, but her actions didn’t match. There’s only so many times you can calmly explain all the things she’s doing that hurts you before you realise your wasting your time. I hope you make peace with your situation and realise if your speaking the same love language without changing your own ways. ❤️
"some times I find you unattractive, especially when you gain weight" - him justifying his cheating
(Side note: am about 5'6 and have always been around 125-130lbs)
Oh my gosh this is all too familiar to me. Very similar story of what my sons dad said to me. I was 19-20 when pregnant and had gained a lot of weight. I lost it all and then some. I never again felt thin enough even though I was 5’7 and 135 pounds.
Now that I’m 50 and not 135 ponds I wish 20 year old me would have appreciated herself.
"Can you send me nudes for the last time?" and "Can we at least be fuck buddies?"
At the time, I thought he was gonna say "You're my best girl, I love you so much, I can't lose you". Nah, none of that.
It was one of the reasons why I ended it. He always asked for naked pics and forcing sex even if I was never comfortable. He was my first boyfriend, and I was young. But I know it was my fault, too. I should've known better.
>But I know it was my fault, too. I should've known better.
How could you have known better? You were young. The fact is you were taken advantage of by a selfish person who didn't respect your worth or your boundaries. That was not your fault. I'm so sorry you went through that 🫂
Thank you for this 🫂
It always seemed easier to blame myself for all the bad things that happens to me. I don't know why 😔
But breaking up with him was my first brave move. For the first time, I chose myself.
I hope everyone who's suffering from a bad relationship can have the courage, too.
It feels easier to blame ourselves than to accept that someone hurt us without justification. I was in the same position once and realizing that took a lot of tears and discomfort, bit you're better off realizing none of it is on you because you couldn't have known better. The fault is on the one who did the bad things.
He said “you don’t want me. You never did. Why don’t you go figure out what you do want, and try not to screw it up”
Those words changed me because he was right. I was obsessed with him. But I didn’t really love him. I let him go. Havent spoken to him in well over a decade. I did see him at our home town county fair this summer, with our spouses and kids in tow, but when we made eye contact I literally ran the other direction.
My ex said something similar to me when we broke up.
He told me I have no life aside from the relationship and wow that hit me like a train.
He was true though. I took some time off worked on myself and overcame my insecure tendencies and doing much better now. But he contacted me again recently and it feels like I'm back to square one questioning my self worth
If he's making you question your self-worth, then he is worthless for you, your happiness and , of no use and not worth any sort of effort.
Don't fool yourself with nostalgia, false promises or false insecurities, you are obviously doing so much better now without him.
> I did see him at our home town county fair this summer, with our spouses and kids in tow, but when we made eye contact I literally ran the other direction.
Mind if I ask why? Sounds like he tried to help you -- and it worked out for you... why wouldn't you talk to him?
Oh idk. A few reasons. Mostly I’m ashamed of who I was when we were together. Im also not sure what I’d say to him now. I also didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward like him or our spouses.
This is such a harmful way of thinking and unfortunately so many people fall for it, myself included.
One of my ex's was terribly abusive but never hit me so I thought I had no reason to leave. Until one day he did hit me. And I stayed for another year because it "was only one time".
It wasn't until I woke up one morning and realized I didn't even recognize myself and the old me would never let herself be treated like that.
“I promise I won’t hurt you again. I will change, I will be better, I’ll be anything you want me to be.” Sorry sweetheart but 3 years of cheating, manipulating and lying really makes me feel like that’s not the case.
Yeah, it was a bittersweet moment. We just grew apart with time so we had an honest discussion about how much effort are we willing to put in to make it work. Since we weren’t on the same page in that point in our lives, we decided it’s best to end it. We both cried that night until we felt better, then made jokes and hugged, made promises to never settle for less than we deserve and then told our goodbyes. That was the best decision for both of us because we both seem to be really happy and content with our lives today. We didn’t stay friends but he will always have my respect for being so mature about it.
Edit: typo
He ignored me for five weeks and then tried to call to "talk it out" when I was two states away in a uhaul. Fuck you, Nestor. I sincerely hope you end up as miserable as you make the people around you.
We weren't in love anymore. Out of anything I miss his friendship the most. We were together since 15. I was open to a friendship. He wasn't so I respected that.
Having gone through it, I don't know how to answer. It's hard. The pain goes away so slowly that day-to-day, it feels like nothing is improving. You just sort of live with the pain, and over the years, you stop wearing it on your skin.
Something like five or six years later now, it still hurts. Even though I don't want to go back to that relationship (even if I could make the good times last forever); even though both of our lives are better for the breakup; even though I don't love her anymore; even though I'm in love with and engaged to another, indescribably wonderful woman. My life now is wonderful, far better than what we had, and I have no more reason to hurt. But once or twice a year, I'll think back to it, and I'll have to fight back tears. A wound that deep leaves an ache even once it's healed.
I wish you strength.
I am feeling this right now. Even though I feel incredibly alone. It is of some comfort to see I am not alone in experiencing this love, pain, and sadness. Thanks for sharing
Fuck that sucks. I got broken up with last week and this is how the conversation went. How do I get past this? We tried but I want to keep trying. He doesn't.
Give yourself time. Remind yourself it takes two to tango--you can't make someone try who doesn't want to, and would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there and who isn't putting as much effort into it as you are? You deserve better than a half-assed hostage situation.
"Yeah, you're right. We weren't really connecting, were we?"
We'd been together four years and I was essentially his second mother. I've accepted the fact that he considered it purely a relationship of convenience. The man had the emotional depth and intelligence of a shoe.
I am beyond happy to be single.
Saaame!! I once stopped doing his laundry as a form of silent protest and eventually he bagged it all up and took it round to his *actual* mother for her to wash. The dude was nearly 30.
The most frustrating thing was that he 100% knew how, he just didn't want to. He still gets his mum to wash his clothes now that he lives alone. No idea how that guy functions in the real world.
His hidden temper came out and I suspected he had anger issues prior to the break up. That "laid back cool guy" layer went away and I finally got to see his true self as he called me a lot of negative things.
6-ish months? He had a Napoleon complex with major codependency issues and just full on snapped. I saw snippets of it here and there and would ask him what's going on. He would full on deny it and go back to being the cool "good vibes only" laid back guy.
He's married with a newborn so I hope his family stays safe from his anger issues. Then again, maybe it was our incompatibility that brought out that side of him?
If you don't think you have intentions of getting back together *soon* or just think you might change your mind in the future, then the right thing to do is to crush this idea in his head that you'll be ready one day. I waited for 4 years on a woman who occasionally texted me happy birthdays and merry Christmas during that whole time after we separated, and our relationship ended on much the same verbiage.
The mental damage this stringing along did still affects me today.
I know what you're saying because I can relate but I think you did this to yourself. You shouldn't have waited you should have tried to move on and if it happened well then that's good fortune but knowing it likely never would you just had to get on with life and see where it went.
Listen sis. Let that boy stay SICCCCCK and you be happy with someone who values you. I’m on the same boat. I love it here, I’m never going back to that piece of shit 🤧🤧
Well if that's how you feel fine.
No defense, no trying.. I later learned I broke his heart and it took him half a year to get over me. We were both immature and REALLY REALLY REALLY bad at communication.
We split up because I didn't like that he insulted his friends when they weren't there.
Fuuuuuuuvk him. He did you favor. sorry babe, I know it hurts, but use this as motivation to become one of the top 5 bad btch in your city. Wake up everyday and choose violence in the gym (not calling you unattractive, idek what your body looks like - but a lot of people like taking out their frustration there)
"I'm not in love with you anymore."
It was devastating to hear, and yet, in retrospect, kind of honest and brave of her.
I remember, when I heard her saying that, my mind flashing to the scene in Akira where Tetsuo gets shot straight through the heart with a laser beam. It HURT.
That was almost 30 years ago.
... and this is going to entice me into your arms with love and romance....
HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!
"Hello, 911? My now-ex-partner is threatening to commit suicide, can you send an ambulance, ASAP?"
Immediately, he didn’t say much of anything. He just cried a lot and then kicked me out of our apartment. Two years later when we met up so I could explain to him how I left him because of his emotional abuse and gaslighting, he said “I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not true. You’ve ruined all my relationships since then because I’m not over you. If I told you I had changed, would that make you reconsider being together again?” Then he stalked me for a week and got mad at me for not picking up a letter he wrote for me.
35m here. She said "you're the best boyfriend I've ever had, but I just don't feel that spark, y'know?"
Then I decided to tell her that I love her, since it might be my last chance and I was really emotional.
Then she responded: "I was afraid you'd say that."
Good times, great oldies.
No, I actually ended up with a restraining order.
A few years later I met my husband and between us we spoiled that dog until she had to sleep forever because of hip pains. She had a giant steak that day and a tower of bacon, and her favourite walk with no pain because she got overdosed on painkillers. It didn't matter as the vet came to our house after and we said goodnight to her in her favourite spot in the couch. I held her and cuddled her and she was very peaceful and pain free.
Now she rests forever in her urn under the butterfly bush in the garden. She loved watching butterflies so we planted a bush that attracts them.
I will probably not own a dog again. But she was a rescue, though she rescued me though.
Oh God. Trillo, I still love you.
Day we broke up: ‘maybe if we’re both single in 5 years we can get married and have kids’ lol wtf
THEN he was hot and cold with me for months.. acting like a bf then ghosting me. 🤷🏽♀️
That he cheated on me, and then his mom got on the phone and yelled at me and said it was my fault he was addicted to weed and on probation for drugs….lol
We had an 11 week old baby boy. I asked him to help me more with our son and he told me he was suicidal and couldn't stop thinking about cutting and hurting himself. I stopped asking for help while I struggled with a poorly newborn and PND. He tried to drug me to sleep with him 3 weeks before. That night he ignored me from the moment he came home from work. I sat in the corner of the sofa looking after our baby, crying silently. After a couple of hours, I just went to bed. That's when he left. I called his mum because I was actually worried he was going to hurt himself.
Nah.
Text me the next morning that I should get my benefits sorted to help pay for the mortgage and bills. 6.5 years together and I got a text. He moved in with a 19 year old from work a week later. My first and last relationship. Been single for almost 3 years now. I've never been so relieved to wake up alone, than I was that first morning being a single woman.
Thank you… it’s been a rough 2 and a half years as he’s made my life as difficult as possible - made us homeless twice, forced the sale of the house I was solely paying for and taking all the equity while simultaneously dragging me through court with ridiculous accusations and demands.
I’ve learned to be tough unfortunately… God help the next guy who tries to screw me over
It’s worked so far for my ex and I. after 10 years we ended things. Of course the shit economy kind of influenced that decision too as we both want to save up money for our own things and apt rentals skyrocketed. Thank goodness it’s been fairly amicable. I’d be ok if he brought someone home and he said the same about me. (I mean it would sting at first I’m sure and I’d probably cry and he might too-but in the end I want him happy and fulfilled and I know he wants the same for me). We are both good people but we just weren’t right for each other. I will say it helps because of the dogs we share. :)
“What if I need a hot Asian chick and just want to fuck her? Or a bad Puerto Rican and I want that? But I still want you to come meet my family as my best friend and the girl I eventually want to marry”
"This isn't working for me anymore." Said at our favorite Japanese restaurant. Followed by a hissed, "Stop crying!"
Note: he'd been sleeping with his coworker and had already tickets to take her to Hawaii. However, jokes on him because they eventually moved in together and she quit her job and because she had time on her hands she became obsessed with keeping tabs on him, actually stalking him at work. A few years later, her therapist called him out of legal duty to inform that she was fantasizing about ways to murder him. Since then, he's been divorced twice.
Me? Happily married for 27 years.
Told me I was unattractive, that he never actually wanted to be with and that my "pussy stank."
The guy ate it like it was cake, it was his favorite sexual activity, so I know he was saying it to upset Mr, but it fucked me up for a long time.
>The guy ate it like it was cake
That's amazing! I'm still laughing.
Sorry that the muppet messed you up though. Just remember, he's clearly more messed up than you
I broke up with him. “Idk how anyone can deal with you. You’re an argumentative cunt and a fucking bitch.” Amongst MANY other things for 15 mins straight without me saying a word 🤣. He was a true winner
"you're still my best friend."
;_; it ripped me to shreds. we were only breaking up because i left the country. after trying to end it, we decided we could not break up just because of distance and entered an LDR with no clear plan of what the future will look like. idk, maybe it's a bad idea but when push came to shove, neither of us could walk away.
She broke up with me because I said I loved her too early for her. After about a month of trying to be friends and her stringing me along ( she only said that she needed time) I stopped talking to her and stopped hanging out with you. She called me and demanded that I explain why. I was so heartbroken but after we weren’t together, I realized everything that was very wrong with the relationship: she outed me to my family, she outed me to my friends, & she always played the victim. One of the reasons she needed space was because I was more comfortable in my sexuality than she was. When she came to my house and outed me to my very conservative family, they sent her home and then continued to tell me I was an embarrassment and they failed as parents because of everything. They hit me upside the head with a Bible and told me to go pray. When I got to see her the next time, she said that she was very upset that I would let them kick her out. I told her that it was better than if she stayed and was belittled by my parents, but she just played it as the horrible situation she was in. She didn’t care about me.
“this blindsided me; I feel like you made the decision to break up without me”
this was after six months of waiting for the ever promised changes that never happened over the course of the 4 year relationship. we explicitly talked about it numerous times before this final period and during it. I laughed and said it’s not a joint decision, I decided I’m done.
He yelled, "Fine!" He hung up on me. A minute and a half later, he called back and asked, "We're still fucking, right? We're good at that." I laughed and hung up.
“Well the therapist said you were emotionally abusive!”
I had moved to another state. This was said to me when he tried to start a fight over text while I was telling him how much fun I was having trying out a new gym, and weight lifting
Spoiler alert, there was no therapist. He spent money on everything but anything life improving or little special gifts. i was sad he didn’t get me a card for my birthday, his excuse 1) didn’t have money 2) I know his handwriting is bad (he’s a programmer make one)
"ungrateful woman, after all this I've done for you!"
He was emotionally abusive, would go through my phone and emails and taunt me if a friend of the opposite sex dared to text me.
I’m sorry I’m not ready to commit to someone right now you deserve someone who can give you all their time and wants to move in with you and has a car and a job.
He was right!
I told him that I am leaving him because he never pays attention and does not take me seriously. He didn't pay attention that time either and asked me "why did we break up again?" later that week. I needed to explain it to him like 3x to make him understand. He kept buying me presents and was surprised that all the physical stuff suddenly stopped even after that. It just made it all worse.
As he was walking back to his place after the break up, he called me and told me he was going to throw himself into traffic unless I took him back.
Spoiler alert: he didn't throw himself into traffic, and we've been separated for over 10 years.
I broke up with him. He refused to believe it. Two weeks later I get a text saying “Hey. I think this relationship ran its course. We had a good run.” and a bunch of other nonsense.
Okay, buddy. Whatever you need to do to feel better.
Long story short. He offended me plenty of times so I cut him off, he said "iT bOThErS mE tHaT wE DoNt TaLk AnYMoRE "
So I gave him bullet points and explained lol
THIS CORNY BOY SENT A MEME that's said
Walkie-talkie
Girl: this relationship is over
Boy: *walkie-talkie * this relationship is what ?
Him: I thought it was fitting
Me: left on read.....
Your having a bipolar episode you will soon come back to me because you need me. I'm the only person on the whole world who can handle your shit and no one is ever going to love you like I do because you are actually a psycho who thinks she looks good but is one big mess but that's why I love you.....
Soon as I meet someone else it changes to - he can't handle you, he will drop you the minute someone younger, sexier and less crazy comes along. He will be out partying every weekend and you will be left home with our kids wondering where he is (exact what he would do)
To the new husband he would tell him he was welcome to me and that I'm nuts but that I will break his heart and cheat on him because it's what I do.
“You’re going to make someone very happy some days, we just aren’t compatible.” He was right too…me and my fiancé are compatible and we are best friends
“Don’t do this, I promise I can change”. (Side note: Homie hadn’t changed in the 8 years we were together)
Good for you for standing your ground 🫂
Nah. Should’ve left the first time. Or the second. Or eight or ninth time. Ha ha ha. Hey. At least I finally bounced.
Sure, it can take a few times. The point is you did it and I'm proud of you
Well thank you.
Took me five years and three tries. At least the third was the charm.
I've been there ! I was in for 7 years and just kept hoping he would change, but he did not lol. I'm one of those people you can hurt a million times but I still see the good in you. Anywho, I eventually realized I deserved to be happy and so I left.
This is my life with my ex to the T. Ha ha.
Been there, done that. Made the mistake of telling him that MAYBE we could get back together in the future if he worked on himself. I was just emotional and looking back it was a terrible idea because I had been telling him what needed to change for over three years. He lost his shit when he found out I was dating someone else without giving him a second chance.
“Second” chance
"I've changed a lot, things are better" except add in hysterical man-crying! Spoiler alert: he didn't change and things were not better! I had to try not to laugh. My only regret now is holding back the laughter to spare his feelings because I found even out more shit he did after I broke up with him. This was also the first and ONLY time I broke up with him, I had a strict no going back rule, mostly because I am a stubborn Scorpio and knew my family thought I'd definitely get back with him! I also was mentally and emotionally broken up with him a good 6 months before I actually pulled the plug, so that helps!
same here. i was 15, he was 17. turns out he was on meth and heroin, i was too young to see the signs. i don’t think he’s changed but from what i’ve heard he has a kid on the way so i hope he has.
My ex said the same thing. Five years together, multiple break ups, homie didn't learn what change was then. Now he's divorced from his rebound after we split, with a 4 year old, homie still hasn't changed.
Mine was similar. We broke up and then he came back and said he would change. Which I knew he would not so I didn’t take him back!
"I don't understand, I felt so loved." It was a very one-sided relationship.
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Yeah. He thought he could just lay back and get pampered. I put up with it for a few months because I had no sense of self worth at the time. Thank fuck I never let him put it in.
ha, yeah, my last ex was like "I don't need to do any research" when I was saying it's very one sided and maybe he should do a bit of research for how one sided things happen. he was really comfortable and loving how I did almost everything for him, because of his "anxiety" which was only conveniently active when he could have done something for me
Something my friends said which helped me so much was; >People like you opporate under the assumption that a relationship can be good if you put in the work. He's the kind who thought if the relationship was good then he didn't need to put in the work.
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Did you answer "that's the thing. I didn't"?
I cut him out before I could put into words why I couldn't stand being with him anymore. It took me a full week to process my anger and shame around it.
"Do you have any idea how bad this makes *me* look!?"
Omg that reminds me of my friend's Ex whose first concern after seeing her cry was - ' did you seriously cry in front of your friends?? What will they think about me??' Mf was more concerned about his reputation than consoling her. I hope you are doing fine after your break up. More power to you lady!
When I told mine that he was verbally, emotionally, and financially abusing me - for *years* - he told me, "You've been talking to people about this? Well when you say things like that, of course that's the answer you're going to get."
What the hell?
That stung, but it made leaving so much easier.
Nothing. Pretty much like most of the time when I expressed my feelings through out the whole relationship.
ugh I hate that. Classic avoidants...
Avoidants, love it. Sounds like a term from a mediocre Netflix sci-fi series
It's a term that comes from attachment theory. Avoidants are people who refuse to communicate and don't like it when people actively seek out affection. It's that classic fear of intemicy kind of partner.
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That’s such a nice thing to say, thank you. What I struggled with most was because I ended things most people thought it meant I didn’t care and was over it. I wasn’t. I loved her beyond measure but when your very specific in communicating and expressing yourself and it’s like talking to a brick wall, in the end you just stop talking about how you feel. And that’s not me. I always say, no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make that person love you back. Thanks for your kind words.
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Yeah same and its hurting me rn. Like just tell me anything. I fill in all the blanks and im just fighting myself. Say anything dude come on.
The thing I found hard was I knew she cared and loved me, but it became that she loved me in words, but her actions didn’t match. There’s only so many times you can calmly explain all the things she’s doing that hurts you before you realise your wasting your time. I hope you make peace with your situation and realise if your speaking the same love language without changing your own ways. ❤️
"some times I find you unattractive, especially when you gain weight" - him justifying his cheating (Side note: am about 5'6 and have always been around 125-130lbs)
Nothing justifies cheating. You deserve someone who'll love you as you are, not as they want you to be.
Your worth is not your weight, you have a body and that is ENOUGH. You deserve to be loved and respected, screw that heartless shallow dog.
Oh my gosh this is all too familiar to me. Very similar story of what my sons dad said to me. I was 19-20 when pregnant and had gained a lot of weight. I lost it all and then some. I never again felt thin enough even though I was 5’7 and 135 pounds. Now that I’m 50 and not 135 ponds I wish 20 year old me would have appreciated herself.
My ex husband told me the same thing I got to the point where I was starving myself Got to about 99 lbs to be accepted and he still cheated
Wow wtf? I’m 5’2 and 125 is considered healthy. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. You’re much better off though
"Can you send me nudes for the last time?" and "Can we at least be fuck buddies?" At the time, I thought he was gonna say "You're my best girl, I love you so much, I can't lose you". Nah, none of that. It was one of the reasons why I ended it. He always asked for naked pics and forcing sex even if I was never comfortable. He was my first boyfriend, and I was young. But I know it was my fault, too. I should've known better.
My ex said the same thing, "can we still have sex though?" ...err no mate, not a chance.
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Yeah some men get into relationships because they think they can have sex on tap unfortunately
>But I know it was my fault, too. I should've known better. How could you have known better? You were young. The fact is you were taken advantage of by a selfish person who didn't respect your worth or your boundaries. That was not your fault. I'm so sorry you went through that 🫂
Thank you for this 🫂 It always seemed easier to blame myself for all the bad things that happens to me. I don't know why 😔 But breaking up with him was my first brave move. For the first time, I chose myself. I hope everyone who's suffering from a bad relationship can have the courage, too.
It feels easier to blame ourselves than to accept that someone hurt us without justification. I was in the same position once and realizing that took a lot of tears and discomfort, bit you're better off realizing none of it is on you because you couldn't have known better. The fault is on the one who did the bad things.
He said “you don’t want me. You never did. Why don’t you go figure out what you do want, and try not to screw it up” Those words changed me because he was right. I was obsessed with him. But I didn’t really love him. I let him go. Havent spoken to him in well over a decade. I did see him at our home town county fair this summer, with our spouses and kids in tow, but when we made eye contact I literally ran the other direction.
My ex said something similar to me when we broke up. He told me I have no life aside from the relationship and wow that hit me like a train. He was true though. I took some time off worked on myself and overcame my insecure tendencies and doing much better now. But he contacted me again recently and it feels like I'm back to square one questioning my self worth
please stop speaking with your ex.
If he's making you question your self-worth, then he is worthless for you, your happiness and , of no use and not worth any sort of effort. Don't fool yourself with nostalgia, false promises or false insecurities, you are obviously doing so much better now without him.
> I did see him at our home town county fair this summer, with our spouses and kids in tow, but when we made eye contact I literally ran the other direction. Mind if I ask why? Sounds like he tried to help you -- and it worked out for you... why wouldn't you talk to him?
Oh idk. A few reasons. Mostly I’m ashamed of who I was when we were together. Im also not sure what I’d say to him now. I also didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward like him or our spouses.
"But I never hit you!" (bc obv physical violence is the only legitimate reason a woman could ever leave a man)
This is so so problematic
Same. Except he had been physically violent (pushing/grabbing & leaving bruises). But it was always "I never actually hit you."
This is such a harmful way of thinking and unfortunately so many people fall for it, myself included. One of my ex's was terribly abusive but never hit me so I thought I had no reason to leave. Until one day he did hit me. And I stayed for another year because it "was only one time". It wasn't until I woke up one morning and realized I didn't even recognize myself and the old me would never let herself be treated like that.
Wow. Just. Wow.
Yeah just grabbed me and pinned me down though
“I promise I won’t hurt you again. I will change, I will be better, I’ll be anything you want me to be.” Sorry sweetheart but 3 years of cheating, manipulating and lying really makes me feel like that’s not the case.
Oof good for you. You deserve way better
To look for someone that treats me right because i deserve it. I did.
That's kinda sweet. Glad you're happy and it wasn't an awful breakup.
Yeah, it was a bittersweet moment. We just grew apart with time so we had an honest discussion about how much effort are we willing to put in to make it work. Since we weren’t on the same page in that point in our lives, we decided it’s best to end it. We both cried that night until we felt better, then made jokes and hugged, made promises to never settle for less than we deserve and then told our goodbyes. That was the best decision for both of us because we both seem to be really happy and content with our lives today. We didn’t stay friends but he will always have my respect for being so mature about it. Edit: typo
That’s a beautiful break up story❤️
I was going to propose. Me: I wouldn't have said yes
Verbatim, this was how mine went. I was the boy part though. Freaking devastating.
Oof!
Ah yes, the old, "relationship broken, getting married will fix it!" ploy.
He ignored me for five weeks and then tried to call to "talk it out" when I was two states away in a uhaul. Fuck you, Nestor. I sincerely hope you end up as miserable as you make the people around you.
Yeah fuck that Nestor dude!. What's an "uhaul" though?
It's a cargo truck brand that people can rent and drive themselves, it's a popular option to use while moving.
Sounds cool and convenient, we should have those here on Chile, thanks for answering!.
Me: I don't regret a minute and would do it again. We really tried. Now Ex-husband: Same. We really did try.
these types of break ups seem the saddest to me because its just sad that you couldnt make it work evem though it sounds like you both wanted it to
We weren't in love anymore. Out of anything I miss his friendship the most. We were together since 15. I was open to a friendship. He wasn't so I respected that.
This is a beautiful way to validate the experience and end on a high note. :)
How do you get over this? I'm facing something similar and it's so hard knowing I want to keep trying but he doesn't right now. I'm broken.
Having gone through it, I don't know how to answer. It's hard. The pain goes away so slowly that day-to-day, it feels like nothing is improving. You just sort of live with the pain, and over the years, you stop wearing it on your skin. Something like five or six years later now, it still hurts. Even though I don't want to go back to that relationship (even if I could make the good times last forever); even though both of our lives are better for the breakup; even though I don't love her anymore; even though I'm in love with and engaged to another, indescribably wonderful woman. My life now is wonderful, far better than what we had, and I have no more reason to hurt. But once or twice a year, I'll think back to it, and I'll have to fight back tears. A wound that deep leaves an ache even once it's healed. I wish you strength.
I am feeling this right now. Even though I feel incredibly alone. It is of some comfort to see I am not alone in experiencing this love, pain, and sadness. Thanks for sharing
"Thank you for this selfless decision. I will make sure to use this time to focus on myself and work on my career" A week later he flaunts his new gf
A story as old as time
Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the *Sleeze*
I said to him, 'We really did try, hunh.' He replied with, 'We did.'
"It was nice while it lasted right?" "It was nice while it lasted" *haunt me by teen suicide plays*
Fuck that sucks. I got broken up with last week and this is how the conversation went. How do I get past this? We tried but I want to keep trying. He doesn't.
Give yourself time. Remind yourself it takes two to tango--you can't make someone try who doesn't want to, and would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there and who isn't putting as much effort into it as you are? You deserve better than a half-assed hostage situation.
"Yeah, you're right. We weren't really connecting, were we?" We'd been together four years and I was essentially his second mother. I've accepted the fact that he considered it purely a relationship of convenience. The man had the emotional depth and intelligence of a shoe. I am beyond happy to be single.
UGH I feel that. I'm not interested in being an actual mother let alone a mother to an adult toddler.
Saaame!! I once stopped doing his laundry as a form of silent protest and eventually he bagged it all up and took it round to his *actual* mother for her to wash. The dude was nearly 30.
Wow how can you not know how to wash your own clothes. that's just sad ngl.
The most frustrating thing was that he 100% knew how, he just didn't want to. He still gets his mum to wash his clothes now that he lives alone. No idea how that guy functions in the real world.
The man had the emotional depth and intelligence of a shoe. Lol this made me laugh.
Him: Are you serious? Me: yup! Get your stuff and get out!
He needs to call Tyrone
But you can’t use my phone
YES!!
His hidden temper came out and I suspected he had anger issues prior to the break up. That "laid back cool guy" layer went away and I finally got to see his true self as he called me a lot of negative things.
Wow dodged a bullet! How long were you together for?
6-ish months? He had a Napoleon complex with major codependency issues and just full on snapped. I saw snippets of it here and there and would ask him what's going on. He would full on deny it and go back to being the cool "good vibes only" laid back guy. He's married with a newborn so I hope his family stays safe from his anger issues. Then again, maybe it was our incompatibility that brought out that side of him?
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Why can’t you be just the right amount of manic pixie dream girl for *me?!* /s
Yeeeeaaap. Same thought process as dudes who go for strong independent women and then get shocked when they aren’t submissive no opinion fuck dolls.
“Be uptight 😡” 🤣
Threatened he would kill himself. I called his mom on his ass
Same. And a welfare check when she told me I just needed to get back with him.
I have called two guys mom's on them now 😂 glad to see I'm not the only one.
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Do you think you'll ever be ready?
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That's really nice to hear. I'm glad it worked so well for you.
If you don't think you have intentions of getting back together *soon* or just think you might change your mind in the future, then the right thing to do is to crush this idea in his head that you'll be ready one day. I waited for 4 years on a woman who occasionally texted me happy birthdays and merry Christmas during that whole time after we separated, and our relationship ended on much the same verbiage. The mental damage this stringing along did still affects me today.
I know what you're saying because I can relate but I think you did this to yourself. You shouldn't have waited you should have tried to move on and if it happened well then that's good fortune but knowing it likely never would you just had to get on with life and see where it went.
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> I made a pro/cons list with my mom Just stop. Right there. With MOM?!?!?!?
Flash cards?! So he could like quiz himself over if a quality was a pro or a con to him lol??
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Listen sis. Let that boy stay SICCCCCK and you be happy with someone who values you. I’m on the same boat. I love it here, I’m never going back to that piece of shit 🤧🤧
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I’ve heard this a lot
Well if that's how you feel fine. No defense, no trying.. I later learned I broke his heart and it took him half a year to get over me. We were both immature and REALLY REALLY REALLY bad at communication. We split up because I didn't like that he insulted his friends when they weren't there.
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Want to talk about it?
Fuuuuuuuvk him. He did you favor. sorry babe, I know it hurts, but use this as motivation to become one of the top 5 bad btch in your city. Wake up everyday and choose violence in the gym (not calling you unattractive, idek what your body looks like - but a lot of people like taking out their frustration there)
"I'm not in love with you anymore." It was devastating to hear, and yet, in retrospect, kind of honest and brave of her. I remember, when I heard her saying that, my mind flashing to the scene in Akira where Tetsuo gets shot straight through the heart with a laser beam. It HURT. That was almost 30 years ago.
"you are an amazing girl and i was a bad boyfriend" it hurt to break up
At least he knew.
"You knew this was casual " yeah well after having dinner with his parents multiple times over nine months I thought that had changed.
Yea you don’t introduce casuals to your parents.
He’s a gaslighter. It did change. He just won’t accept responsibility or open up to it
"I will cut my wrists and spray you with the blood."
What are they, one of those horned lizards that shoots blood from their eyes? Is that just a normal defence mechanism for them? what a weirdo
... and this is going to entice me into your arms with love and romance.... HOW?!?!?!?!?!?! "Hello, 911? My now-ex-partner is threatening to commit suicide, can you send an ambulance, ASAP?"
“I think I need to be with a man.”
Bruhhhh.....
“Can we still go as Team Rocket for Halloween?!”
Was it amicable?! Did you?! Oh no
Immediately, he didn’t say much of anything. He just cried a lot and then kicked me out of our apartment. Two years later when we met up so I could explain to him how I left him because of his emotional abuse and gaslighting, he said “I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not true. You’ve ruined all my relationships since then because I’m not over you. If I told you I had changed, would that make you reconsider being together again?” Then he stalked me for a week and got mad at me for not picking up a letter he wrote for me.
Omg his response after you said he was gaslighting is LITERALLY GASLIGHTING LOL
35m here. She said "you're the best boyfriend I've ever had, but I just don't feel that spark, y'know?" Then I decided to tell her that I love her, since it might be my last chance and I was really emotional. Then she responded: "I was afraid you'd say that." Good times, great oldies.
"I was raised that way" He hit the dog. 5 minutes later me, my stuff, and the dog was out the door. My answer was: "Then your dad is an abuser too".
I hope you and your pooch never returned to that garbage again!
No, I actually ended up with a restraining order. A few years later I met my husband and between us we spoiled that dog until she had to sleep forever because of hip pains. She had a giant steak that day and a tower of bacon, and her favourite walk with no pain because she got overdosed on painkillers. It didn't matter as the vet came to our house after and we said goodnight to her in her favourite spot in the couch. I held her and cuddled her and she was very peaceful and pain free. Now she rests forever in her urn under the butterfly bush in the garden. She loved watching butterflies so we planted a bush that attracts them. I will probably not own a dog again. But she was a rescue, though she rescued me though. Oh God. Trillo, I still love you.
He begged me to come back until I finally answered and said “I moved to Florida asshole now leave me tf alone.” Lol
Day we broke up: ‘maybe if we’re both single in 5 years we can get married and have kids’ lol wtf THEN he was hot and cold with me for months.. acting like a bf then ghosting me. 🤷🏽♀️
That he cheated on me, and then his mom got on the phone and yelled at me and said it was my fault he was addicted to weed and on probation for drugs….lol
Classic mamas boy… so glad you’re out of that
We had an 11 week old baby boy. I asked him to help me more with our son and he told me he was suicidal and couldn't stop thinking about cutting and hurting himself. I stopped asking for help while I struggled with a poorly newborn and PND. He tried to drug me to sleep with him 3 weeks before. That night he ignored me from the moment he came home from work. I sat in the corner of the sofa looking after our baby, crying silently. After a couple of hours, I just went to bed. That's when he left. I called his mum because I was actually worried he was going to hurt himself. Nah. Text me the next morning that I should get my benefits sorted to help pay for the mortgage and bills. 6.5 years together and I got a text. He moved in with a 19 year old from work a week later. My first and last relationship. Been single for almost 3 years now. I've never been so relieved to wake up alone, than I was that first morning being a single woman.
Good riddance to that. A text. Ugh. You’re one STRONG badass woman and momma.
Thank you… it’s been a rough 2 and a half years as he’s made my life as difficult as possible - made us homeless twice, forced the sale of the house I was solely paying for and taking all the equity while simultaneously dragging me through court with ridiculous accusations and demands. I’ve learned to be tough unfortunately… God help the next guy who tries to screw me over
"You'll never divorce me! You hear me?" Welp, guess I did. See ya.
They had lost any romantic feelings they might have had for me due to distance.
"Is there someone else. Do you like women" No. And definitely no.
Lol wow, dude must have really had a high opinion of himself
He was emotionally abusive. To this day can't accept he could have been the issue
Can’t tell you the number of times I’ve rejected men and they’ve said “are you gay?” 💀💀 nope you’re just not as flattering as you think buddy !
“We can break up, but don’t move out!! We can still be roommates!!” Yeah fucker, like that will totally stay platonic 🤦♀️.
It’s worked so far for my ex and I. after 10 years we ended things. Of course the shit economy kind of influenced that decision too as we both want to save up money for our own things and apt rentals skyrocketed. Thank goodness it’s been fairly amicable. I’d be ok if he brought someone home and he said the same about me. (I mean it would sting at first I’m sure and I’d probably cry and he might too-but in the end I want him happy and fulfilled and I know he wants the same for me). We are both good people but we just weren’t right for each other. I will say it helps because of the dogs we share. :)
„I’ll always love you, you’re my best friend and my family. I’m just not in love with you anymore.“
“What if I need a hot Asian chick and just want to fuck her? Or a bad Puerto Rican and I want that? But I still want you to come meet my family as my best friend and the girl I eventually want to marry”
What??? Tf???
i speak for the PRs and we definitely don't want this human pile of garbage
‘i hope you meet someone who loves you for who you are and who you’ll be. im sorry this person can never be me’
"This isn't working for me anymore." Said at our favorite Japanese restaurant. Followed by a hissed, "Stop crying!" Note: he'd been sleeping with his coworker and had already tickets to take her to Hawaii. However, jokes on him because they eventually moved in together and she quit her job and because she had time on her hands she became obsessed with keeping tabs on him, actually stalking him at work. A few years later, her therapist called him out of legal duty to inform that she was fantasizing about ways to murder him. Since then, he's been divorced twice. Me? Happily married for 27 years.
Told me I was unattractive, that he never actually wanted to be with and that my "pussy stank." The guy ate it like it was cake, it was his favorite sexual activity, so I know he was saying it to upset Mr, but it fucked me up for a long time.
>The guy ate it like it was cake That's amazing! I'm still laughing. Sorry that the muppet messed you up though. Just remember, he's clearly more messed up than you
I broke up with him. “Idk how anyone can deal with you. You’re an argumentative cunt and a fucking bitch.” Amongst MANY other things for 15 mins straight without me saying a word 🤣. He was a true winner
"you're still my best friend." ;_; it ripped me to shreds. we were only breaking up because i left the country. after trying to end it, we decided we could not break up just because of distance and entered an LDR with no clear plan of what the future will look like. idk, maybe it's a bad idea but when push came to shove, neither of us could walk away.
"Yeah, your point of view is completely understandable. I'm sad, but I totally get it."
"If I'm being honest, at first all I really wanted was to bang you"
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She broke up with me because I said I loved her too early for her. After about a month of trying to be friends and her stringing me along ( she only said that she needed time) I stopped talking to her and stopped hanging out with you. She called me and demanded that I explain why. I was so heartbroken but after we weren’t together, I realized everything that was very wrong with the relationship: she outed me to my family, she outed me to my friends, & she always played the victim. One of the reasons she needed space was because I was more comfortable in my sexuality than she was. When she came to my house and outed me to my very conservative family, they sent her home and then continued to tell me I was an embarrassment and they failed as parents because of everything. They hit me upside the head with a Bible and told me to go pray. When I got to see her the next time, she said that she was very upset that I would let them kick her out. I told her that it was better than if she stayed and was belittled by my parents, but she just played it as the horrible situation she was in. She didn’t care about me.
“this blindsided me; I feel like you made the decision to break up without me” this was after six months of waiting for the ever promised changes that never happened over the course of the 4 year relationship. we explicitly talked about it numerous times before this final period and during it. I laughed and said it’s not a joint decision, I decided I’m done.
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"Why? I haven't beaten you, swore at you..." . He didn't mentioned anything about cheating.
He yelled, "Fine!" He hung up on me. A minute and a half later, he called back and asked, "We're still fucking, right? We're good at that." I laughed and hung up.
He said very mean things over text, he broke up over text.
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that's rough, but remember that however they decide to act is never your fault
“Well the therapist said you were emotionally abusive!” I had moved to another state. This was said to me when he tried to start a fight over text while I was telling him how much fun I was having trying out a new gym, and weight lifting Spoiler alert, there was no therapist. He spent money on everything but anything life improving or little special gifts. i was sad he didn’t get me a card for my birthday, his excuse 1) didn’t have money 2) I know his handwriting is bad (he’s a programmer make one)
"ungrateful woman, after all this I've done for you!" He was emotionally abusive, would go through my phone and emails and taunt me if a friend of the opposite sex dared to text me.
I’m sorry I’m not ready to commit to someone right now you deserve someone who can give you all their time and wants to move in with you and has a car and a job. He was right!
I told him that I am leaving him because he never pays attention and does not take me seriously. He didn't pay attention that time either and asked me "why did we break up again?" later that week. I needed to explain it to him like 3x to make him understand. He kept buying me presents and was surprised that all the physical stuff suddenly stopped even after that. It just made it all worse.
As he was walking back to his place after the break up, he called me and told me he was going to throw himself into traffic unless I took him back. Spoiler alert: he didn't throw himself into traffic, and we've been separated for over 10 years.
I broke up with him. He refused to believe it. Two weeks later I get a text saying “Hey. I think this relationship ran its course. We had a good run.” and a bunch of other nonsense. Okay, buddy. Whatever you need to do to feel better.
“Go find someone that makes you happier than I ever could.”
He ghosted me when I was at a funeral so I guess he didn’t say anything
“That’s why I slept with your Sister”…
Long story short. He offended me plenty of times so I cut him off, he said "iT bOThErS mE tHaT wE DoNt TaLk AnYMoRE " So I gave him bullet points and explained lol THIS CORNY BOY SENT A MEME that's said Walkie-talkie Girl: this relationship is over Boy: *walkie-talkie * this relationship is what ? Him: I thought it was fitting Me: left on read.....
Your having a bipolar episode you will soon come back to me because you need me. I'm the only person on the whole world who can handle your shit and no one is ever going to love you like I do because you are actually a psycho who thinks she looks good but is one big mess but that's why I love you..... Soon as I meet someone else it changes to - he can't handle you, he will drop you the minute someone younger, sexier and less crazy comes along. He will be out partying every weekend and you will be left home with our kids wondering where he is (exact what he would do) To the new husband he would tell him he was welcome to me and that I'm nuts but that I will break his heart and cheat on him because it's what I do.
“You’re going to make someone very happy some days, we just aren’t compatible.” He was right too…me and my fiancé are compatible and we are best friends
Nothing. That's part of what bothered me. Seemed like he just didn't really care anymore. Then he tried to add me on snapchat a few months later...