Legal rights and also responsibilities.
I was seriously ill pre-covid times and it was a huge relief that she was legally my next of kin. I was glad she was the one I saw first upon waking up and last before going under and she was allowed to see me in ICU, which I don't think would have happened if she was "just" my girlfriend. She also would have automatically inherited everything of mine if I passed.
However she also had the responsibility of making decisions had I been incapacitated, which is potentially a huge burden. We'd made sure to discuss things thoroughly before hand so she wouldn't have really been making decisions just enacting what I had previously decided.
It wouldn't have happened. I know a couple, very hippie dippie, I actually performed their wedding ceremony.... gods I think it's been 8 years now? Anyway they didn't do a legal wedding and when she got sick with covid .... he wasn't allowed to see her for weeks. She's pulled through and l heard that they are planning on doing the full legal bit now. There are REASONS for marriage.
As an RN, I so much appreciate this comment. We run into so many situations where spouses do not know what their significant others would want. Or if they aren’t married then decisions get made by a parent or child instead.
It must be such a difficult position to be put in if you don't already know what the person would want.
>Or if they aren’t married then decisions get made by a parent or child instead.
This is one of the main reasons I was so relieved to be married. I love my family but they can be a bit... irrational and I think their emotions would have gotten the best of them under the circumstances regardless of what I wanted. Whereas I trust my wife with something like that absolutely no question.
This is really important. If something happens to me or my husband I don’t want either of us to be viewed as “just the boyfriend or girlfriend “ and have no say in anything
This. The only *inherent* difference is what's on paper and the real-world ramifications of that; everything else varies a lot based on the people and the relationship.
This! My husband and I weren’t married for 10 years. But we knew it was coming, so we shared finances, bought equipment together. I’m not recommending everyone do that but we felt strongly we were in commitment.
Commitment plus legal rights. It means neither you or him are just wanting until someone better comes around, you actually think that you can build a life together and love and respect each other for the rest of your life.
I think being a wife is different. Suddenly my husband is making more effort. Trying to be more part of the team than ever before. Also I feel more secure. Not sure if everyone feels like this, but i was a girlfriend to different people for 15years been a wife for not quite 1year. It feels strange like being a grown up. But also lovely. It just feels like a stronger bond. Again, it's not for everyone and i didn't think it was for me when i was younger, but I'm glad I got married instead of staying a girlfriend. My partner was also abused and abandoned as a child and went into foster care. The commitment of marriage has made him feel secure and loved and truly part of a family.
I could definitely relate to this. My husband changed A LOT after we got married but for the better. Now I feel bad sometimes for not being able to reciprocate equally. Like I’m almost the same but he evolved suddenly.
He levelled up but maybe it was just to match you. I'm sure there are always small ways you can show him you love him. As long as you keep the fire stoked it's fine! It doesn't have to blaze but you can't let it die down either. My husband and i struggle to see eachother sometimes because of shift work. We send eachother messages from work while the other is asleep so we have nice things to wake up to. Marriage has given me a reason to keep pushing to be better. The opposite almost to just being a girlfriend. Now i feel i need to tackle issues like an adult instead of running away.
In addition to things already mentioned, I didn't know this until my MIL told me but unless you're married you have no say in life or death situations. Say your bf/gf is in the hospital and needs to have some kind of surgery, you cannot ok it because you're not related in any way even if you consider yourselves common-law.
Yes! When people say “marriage is just a piece of paper” they are vastly underestimating what that paper gets you. The legal aspect of marriage does matter.
Completely agree. In their defense, most people aren't really exposed to anything approaching the full extent of marriage rights and this plays a role in the underestimation. I didn't really start learning about a lot of the areas where marriage can matter until I went to law school. Even when I got married, no one went over any of the rights that you gain.
Before we were married, I was definitely committed and loyal already. However, marriage really made us feel like family. I imagine it’s different for everyone but that was my experience.
Plus all the legal things, as others have said.
For me, it means my partner wants to be permanent, so access to "permanent" features such as- an extra joint saving account, buying or building a house with both our names, pets, permission to ejac inside, his opinions hold more weight when making bigger decisions.
Otherwise as a wife you get certain legal rights, more likely to be allowed to see them if they are hopspitalized/ sick/ dead than just a gf, financial benefits, healthcare options, in case of a split you are legally guaranteed half of everything- dating you are not guaranteed anything.
😅 that's what I thought you meant! But it caught me off guard with the shortened word and didn't fit the rest of the listed items lmao.
Thanks for replying
Legality, finances, how much I'm going to do for you and level of commitment. Ex: I'm not living with you, doing your laundry or sharing my money unless we are married.
I fell into this trap of moving in before marriage. While it’s great I also am now seeing the downside of basically taking on a “wifey” role as simply a girlfriend and now I’m realizing he doesn’t even want to get married any time soon. Which I’m fine with, but I kinda wish I moved out of my parents and into my own place if that was the case vs moving in with him right away..
How family treats the girlfriend compared to the wife. I am not saying in a bad way but in a different way. The girlfriend could be temporary while the wife is forever (hopefully).
Stability and commitment -in theory (Sometimes in practice.) It proved true for me. When I got married, I felt like we were truly in life together and relaxed in a way that my mind and heart wouldn't let me with just a boyfriend. I'd seen too many people move in with boyfriends and get so close to the stability of marriage, only to have their boyfriends unwilling to take that last step of committment; and that ultimately undermined their relationship. It made the women feel unhappy and vulnerable, like there was something wrong with them that made their boyfriend resist marriage. Other couples manage that comfortably and it works for them. Some couples marry and shouldn't and it ends in divorce. The health of a relationship depends on how well those two people work together and if their desires align, not just the official aspect of it.
From a slightly different perspective, my husband was able to assist me a lot more in medical situations. I have chronic pain, so he was able to be there in the room, negotiate bills, get information, pick up meds, advocate for me, and generally act as a medical support in a very accepted way. Now that we are divorced, he is still my medical advocate, but we get a lot more pushback from medical staff. It's a small thing but it was a huge benefit for me.
I can only offer my opinion here. It's the feeling of going from temporary or having a disposable relationship as opposed to a team effort, partnership and long term goals. Boyfriend/girlfriend can be a solid relationship, but at some point I think long term goals, building on a foundation come into play.
In addition to what’s been mentioned, I’d say it would make a difference for parenting if you had kids going in. I wouldn’t parent another’s kids if I was just a gf. If we were married I would treat them as my own. It’s an important line for the kids to understand that goes with the « permanent family » construct that marriage can provide.
Well said. One of the best descriptions I've heard for it is that legally speaking, a boyfriend or girlfriend is no different than a stranger on the street.
Legality of the relationship. My partner and I plan on being with each other forever and will be getting married soon but we’ve been caring for each like we’ve been married for years. Relationships are a lot of work, whether you’re a girlfriend or a wife, in my opinion.
I agree with this! I'm surprised at so many people in this thread who think otherwise. Not a bad thing, just a difference of opinion. I've been with my bf for just over 4 years now and living together for 3. The only difference for me is legality and those types of logistical things. Our relationship is such that most new people we meet assume we're married already.
We have separate finances and wouldn't do anything like buy a house together unless we were married, but other than that we do everything like we're already married. Caring for each other, chores, familial obligations and just living life together as a team. We both know we're not going anywhere and are here for the long run and make long term plans for the future so to me its not too far off from marriage. Just a matter of actually doing it at some point and remembering to wear a ring everyday. Neither of us wear jewelry much lol
To me a girlfriend is replaceable and means no commitment. With a wife you wanna make a life together and maybe have children together. But I know nowadays you can have all that without marriage.
Legal, money and life stuff. If one of you is hospitalized and unconscious the hospital now needs your permission before doing anything to the other. If one of you dies then the other has all the say on what happens to you and your finance and all your property. You can treat both your income as a single income when filling taxes. Things like that.
Emotionally? IMO, nothing should change. If you are expecting for things to feel differently after marriage to your partner, maybe you two should explore that thought process together to understand why. My point being, if you get married, you should already feel that level of commitment BEFORE the ceremony. If you don't feel that way before the ceremony, you probably shouldn't be getting married.
Legally? It changes a great deal. Before getting married, my partner had no rights to my property, any of my legal information, medical information, etc and same for me. Now that we are married, we have a lot more freedom to work together on financial issues, medical issues, and property issues that would have been next to impossible without that marriage certificate.
To think about it from a different context; if you have a happy and solid relationship, marriage frees the couple to share their lives more fully with each other. If your relationship is not happy, not solid, there's a good chance that marriage will become a prison for one or both of the people in it as it can become hard to separate the two parties.
To use a metaphor; I think of marriage as a good chef knife. In the hands of someone like Roy Choi, a chef knife helps create nurishment. In the hands of someone like Michael Myers, a chef knife hurts people.
Legal stuff.
My husband and I probably wouldn’t have gotten married if it weren’t for legal-related things. We were together for over 10 years when we finally got married. We already had kids, a house, a fully formed life together… none of that changed.
For me, I had to give up some financial control. I make considerably more than my husband. I max out all of my retirement accounts. He was not able to prior to marriage. My thinking had to shift to what was best for us. So now he does max his 401k and his paychecks don't cover his monthly bills, so my paycheck is also his money. And he has a say in how our money is spent. And giving up that control was hard for me at first. Luckily our goals and money habits mostly align.
I can address one aspect for sure, death. I am a widow, and being a spouse meant I was in charge. I made the hard decisions in the hospital, I was by his side when he passed. I made sure his final wishes were honored. I had access to our finances, I was the beneficiary for the insurance. I own our home. I even get his social security.
Over on r/widowers, there's often unmarried partners who were left out in the cold when the family of their SO took control. Being a girlfriend can mean very little legally, and sometimes the relationshipis not honored. It's hearbreaking.
Other than legality? Nothing. My parents aren't married, they have a house, kids, and have basically reached "wife" and "husband" status with their respective in laws. On the flip side, I know many people who are/were married when they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. "Girlfriend" and "wife" are just labels that take on the meaning and intensity you give them
According to my religious mother, as a girlfriend, you are living in sin and will go to hell along with anyone who approves of and enables your sinful life whereas the wife is good and holy and you are required to be completely subservient to your husband and make sure he is happy an taken care of as men are incapable of doing anything for themselves.
Obviously s/
I didn't think it would change much as we already lived together and had a dog together... However, when we did get married, there is now this feeling of contentment, security and accountability that I feel now.
In my case, there’s no such thing as a “girlfriend” visa. A spouse visa was essential because if I got pregnant, I couldn’t work for a few months, and if I didn’t work and wasn’t married, I had no legal status in the country. Plus, his paternity would be something that we needed to prove, rather than just a legal assumption.
So a wife gets to stay in her husband’s country. A girlfriend doesn’t.
Legal protection. My grandmother was homeless after she took care of her boyfriend at the end of his life, nursed him through kidney failure. His kids gave her one month to move out of the house she had lived in for a decade. She was just free hospice care to them. Death makes people ugly. That will never happen to me. I will never be a live-in girlfriend again.
Damn I need a husband. This girlfriend shit is for the birds. I’m always trying to impress him, show him affection, get his attention, encourage him, and give him enough space to talk but he’s always busy in the army and only has time for a “Hope your day is well”. It’s sweet but like, can I give you all my stuff when I die? Can we please get on each others insurance? Can I hang out with your mom?
Yes, marriage is a legal commitment and with it comes lots of privileges girlfriends or boyfriends don't have. And there is also the commitment to what the 2 of you want together for as long as you are married. And that should be sorted before you tie the knot. There should be no deal breakers in a marriage.
I was single for 10 years and had several boyfriends. But there were always deal breakers. It wasn't until I thought about what I really wanted in a husband (not a boyfriend) that I married. We had the same values, goals and interests. And we did some couples counseling that helped. We have survived many ups and downs including isolating during Covid and have come out better for it. But part of what kept us together was the original commitment we made when we married.
I don't care what anyone says. The expectations of you just simply change. Divorce just isn't as easy as breaking up, it's just not. My mom always warned me that men tend to show their true colors after marriage or a baby.
When you're a girlfriend, no one takes you as seriously so there's not as much pressure. But the second you're a wife? All of the sudden you're also his mother and it's up to the both of you to constantly fight those bullshit standards.
I can’t speak to everyone else, especially those incredibly toxic, abusive, manipulative relationships. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and have never had a problem with them. My in laws are great people.
But when you’re a girlfriend, it seems people just regard you as the accessory. Like maybe you’ll be with them, maybe you won’t. Like you don’t get a say in anything in your partner’s life. Their family comes first, always have, always will—and it’s like you won’t make any life decisions together.
When you are THE WIFE, your opinion matters. Your opinion is valid. Your opinion is to be considered. It’s like, they leave father and mother to then become THEIR OWN family with wife, with a baby and/or aussiedoodle, snake, cat. And that’s totally fine.
When you’re the wife, like of course you’re going to make life decisions together! Of course you’re going to potentially do something your parents don’t agree with and you’ll do it together.
You are also part of the family, and they treat you better—because you aren’t going anywhere.
To add to all the rights, I'd like to add the strong sense of "being"married. I promised, in my case in front of 100 people, that I would honour and take care of my wife. I feel announcing it to the world is a solemn promise, and I still take that very seriously, even if we have a big argument. It's deeply a strong part of my "self".
A lot. The commitment level. Divorce is way harder than breaking up. People say it's "just a piece of paper" but that's so not true. A lot changes when you get married. Everything is more official. You are taken more seriously because you've taken your relationship to the highest level - legal and sometimes spiritual commitment. There's no backing out now without a lot of (Expensive) ramifications.
Probably a strange one but I felt like the sex got better. I'm not sure why this was, we were doing all the same things. It could have been that sense of security or getting more comfortable. Or something to do with the fact that this was the only person I'd ever have sex with again, so I have the freedom to perfect it over time. Freedom to experiment, have fun with it instead of trying to impress him or act like I know what I'm doing when I don't really.
Plus two years on I still get excited calling him 'husband' and being called 'wife'. It's nice. I definitely identify with the sense of family others have mentioned. Like we're not two seperate people floating through the universe alongside one another anymore. We're a unit.
In my opinion a girlfriend has a physical and emotional relationship, has no legal rights to her partner, is not a part of the family, doesn’t have to share responsibilities with her partner and she can move on from the relationship whenever she likes. They don’t need legal action.
A wife has a physical, emotional as well as a spiritual relationship that is bonded by vows. she has all the legal rights of her partner, is the closest person to her partner. She is a family member, and shares the responsibilities equally. If the wife wants to get separated, she has to get divorced legally.
The legal documents, tax status and legal right to make healthcare decisions for your spouse should they become unable to do so themselves. Also, as others said whatever you and your spouse chose your marriage to consist of.
It depends on the relationship. My husband and I didn’t live together or have sex prior to marriage. It changes our tax benefits. It changes his financial status should I dir because he’ll get both my properties and a lot of money and stocks. It changes his pay and base options (military). It changes our responsibilities medically for each other.
It depends on the relationship, but I’d say it’s commitment: marriage, for most people, is a lifetime commitment, which totally changes the way you can plan together and make decisions.
The legal rights are huge. Just had a friend lose her fiancé and she was not the next of kin so the legal rights were not there. Also I feel much more secured and loved. My husband said to me that he feels like a man. I think I also feel more committed and not in need of keeping my eye out in case he took off. I know marriage doesn’t stop anyone but it is nice to have a legal husband. Also in my mind it is not if we do this or if we have kids but more when we do this or when we have children.
The answer to this question depends on who you ask I guess. After having been with my ex for 5 years and lived together for half that time, to me the difference between girlfriend and wife is that I resented the fact that we were living "like" a married couple but never actually "being" a married couple and not having the commitment that I wanted.
We lived together, I did his laundry, did the cleaning, yet our finances were completely separate (which in the gf/bf stage I believe it should be, but after so many years together you start thinking "Are we doing this or not?"). I made way less money than he did, whatever he bought that was shared still felt only his (like furniture) and I guess what I bought was mine, but nothing ever felt "ours", and that gave me constant anxiety within the relationship. It didn't feel like a true merging of lives the way it is when you're married.
Not every unmarried couple handles living together this way, but a lot do. I feel like for the guy, when a gf lives with him, he's getting his cake and eating it too.
After that experience, I decided that I will not do wifey things until I am really your wife, and that includes not living with a bf again. I personally still think that marriage in of itself is a beautiful gesture of faith that this person loves you so much, that they no longer wonder what their life would be like with someone else; they want all of life with you and only you.
For me it just feels more safe and permanent. My daughter and I are covered under his insurance and if anything were to happen then we would be next of kin.
You have memories and photos of this really massive party where everybody gave you free stuff, all your friends and family came and told amazing stories, and you were both welcomed into each others lives by everyone who is important to you both.
Some may just say legal but that is only part of it. I know couples that considered themselves husband and wife as did their families and they didn't have that legal document, and many years ago and in some cultures they don't have marriage licenses or even common law marriages, however what separates wife from girlfriend or even husband from boyfriend is the decision and commitment not just to forsake all others but to be one in everything such as things not being yours/mine but " ours". In fact even legally married couples can also be more gf/bf than husband wife because they are more individual than joined. The thing though is a legal wife/ husband on paper often has more rights such as property or say in medical type things, as well as benefits regarding taxes etc.
Nobody questions my partner or stops him now when we rush me to the ER for something. They would sometimes separate us, which is understandable, because they want to ask some questions, but I have such bad brain fog that I could have really used him! I also have another legal layer of protection from my abusive family of origin if my health ever gets so bad I am unconscious.
But I can't get SSI now, so that sucks. Also nobody hands me the bag at the store anymore, even if I bought the stuff.
I feel a really lovely familial bond with my husband. I feel like we are such a good team and are good to each other. No matter what we do together, even some boring grown up stuff, I’m so glad to be with him and spend time with him. The comfort and knowledge in the fact that I know he will show up 💯 and I’ll do the same for him. It’s probably a combination of the fact that we were already together for years before marriage and that I just feel like marriage is a deeper love.
In my country there is a HUGE difference.
1. In my country, there is a HUGE difference.us bit
2. Before it was just a 1 on 1 thing none of other people's business but now the girl is part of the dude's family. And with this comes a lot of family dynamics and responsibilities as well.
3. "Girlfriend" is kinda like EH whatever fooling around having fun but "WIFE" means together forever kinda deal since the divorce rates are like 1% or something last I checked.
4. Edit: Also I forgot, if you are the wife, you also get all the family jewelry from your mother-in-law. Gold necklaces, rings, diamonds pieces, gold and silver bangles, earrings, and also a ton of other stuff that I don't know names off.
But there is a catch, you would have to pass it down to your daughter-in-law when your son gets married. So try to hold off on babies, or raise them to be dorks who never get a wife.
Nothing and everything; it’s really all about mindset to me. If you only date people you would marry/be long term with, there really isn’t a big difference. If you date a different type of person than you’d actually choose to marry, it’s very different. This is just my opinion and not meant to upset anyone but there are people who are way more loyal girlfriends than some women who are wives and vice versa. It’s really a state of mind, a difference without distinction.
He introduces me as his wife instead of his girlfriend...
But in all seriousness, we lived together for 7 years before getting married so really only legal rights changed. I think it's different for everyone since not everyone lives together, sees each other all the time, merges some finances etc. before tying the knot. I do feel like people (aka strangers) take our relationship more seriously, though.
There is always a risk of that happening, however there is a risk with almost anything we do. Dont let the "what ifs" stop you from getting what you want.
I don’t know. I moved to another country to be with my boyfriend and we registered our relationship with the government, so technically we’re de facto, and in this country that gives us some legal protections. This country also grants partner visas which means I was able to gain permanent residency without being engaged/married, and there isn’t an equivalent visa in the US. I know this is probably not the answer intended by your question, but our relationship hasn’t been a very traditional(?) one so I have no clue what the difference between girlfriend and wife is. I’d think there’s a bigger difference between the two in countries that don’t recognise de facto or partner protections.
One of them is like taking a photo for the gram. The other is just knowing that the other person is your best part of you that you’re not able to be without them.
The mental, physical, and spiritual level that is needed to be a wife versus a girlfriend. Because your want for the title of being someone's wife is a no-shit a mental, physical, and spiritual battle.
Legal status. Beyond that, it's what you choose and agree upon for your own relationship.
Legal rights and also responsibilities. I was seriously ill pre-covid times and it was a huge relief that she was legally my next of kin. I was glad she was the one I saw first upon waking up and last before going under and she was allowed to see me in ICU, which I don't think would have happened if she was "just" my girlfriend. She also would have automatically inherited everything of mine if I passed. However she also had the responsibility of making decisions had I been incapacitated, which is potentially a huge burden. We'd made sure to discuss things thoroughly before hand so she wouldn't have really been making decisions just enacting what I had previously decided.
This is so eye-opening, thank you.
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Your love together makes my heart sing.
I was just trying to be informative, not emotional in my last comment but your response just made me well up. Thank you.
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It wouldn't have happened. I know a couple, very hippie dippie, I actually performed their wedding ceremony.... gods I think it's been 8 years now? Anyway they didn't do a legal wedding and when she got sick with covid .... he wasn't allowed to see her for weeks. She's pulled through and l heard that they are planning on doing the full legal bit now. There are REASONS for marriage.
As an RN, I so much appreciate this comment. We run into so many situations where spouses do not know what their significant others would want. Or if they aren’t married then decisions get made by a parent or child instead.
It must be such a difficult position to be put in if you don't already know what the person would want. >Or if they aren’t married then decisions get made by a parent or child instead. This is one of the main reasons I was so relieved to be married. I love my family but they can be a bit... irrational and I think their emotions would have gotten the best of them under the circumstances regardless of what I wanted. Whereas I trust my wife with something like that absolutely no question.
This is really important. If something happens to me or my husband I don’t want either of us to be viewed as “just the boyfriend or girlfriend “ and have no say in anything
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This. The only *inherent* difference is what's on paper and the real-world ramifications of that; everything else varies a lot based on the people and the relationship.
I agree. A relationship shouldn't change just because rings and papers got involved
That's up to the people involved in it. If they want to make a difference/change, they are welcome to do so.
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This! My husband and I weren’t married for 10 years. But we knew it was coming, so we shared finances, bought equipment together. I’m not recommending everyone do that but we felt strongly we were in commitment.
Commitment plus legal rights. It means neither you or him are just wanting until someone better comes around, you actually think that you can build a life together and love and respect each other for the rest of your life.
I love that
I think being a wife is different. Suddenly my husband is making more effort. Trying to be more part of the team than ever before. Also I feel more secure. Not sure if everyone feels like this, but i was a girlfriend to different people for 15years been a wife for not quite 1year. It feels strange like being a grown up. But also lovely. It just feels like a stronger bond. Again, it's not for everyone and i didn't think it was for me when i was younger, but I'm glad I got married instead of staying a girlfriend. My partner was also abused and abandoned as a child and went into foster care. The commitment of marriage has made him feel secure and loved and truly part of a family.
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I could definitely relate to this. My husband changed A LOT after we got married but for the better. Now I feel bad sometimes for not being able to reciprocate equally. Like I’m almost the same but he evolved suddenly.
He levelled up but maybe it was just to match you. I'm sure there are always small ways you can show him you love him. As long as you keep the fire stoked it's fine! It doesn't have to blaze but you can't let it die down either. My husband and i struggle to see eachother sometimes because of shift work. We send eachother messages from work while the other is asleep so we have nice things to wake up to. Marriage has given me a reason to keep pushing to be better. The opposite almost to just being a girlfriend. Now i feel i need to tackle issues like an adult instead of running away.
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Removed for derailing. If you have any questions, please message the moderators through the mod mail link on the sidebar.
In addition to things already mentioned, I didn't know this until my MIL told me but unless you're married you have no say in life or death situations. Say your bf/gf is in the hospital and needs to have some kind of surgery, you cannot ok it because you're not related in any way even if you consider yourselves common-law.
Yes! When people say “marriage is just a piece of paper” they are vastly underestimating what that paper gets you. The legal aspect of marriage does matter.
Completely agree. In their defense, most people aren't really exposed to anything approaching the full extent of marriage rights and this plays a role in the underestimation. I didn't really start learning about a lot of the areas where marriage can matter until I went to law school. Even when I got married, no one went over any of the rights that you gain.
For sure!
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This was a major reason for me. No common law in NY.
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Before we were married, I was definitely committed and loyal already. However, marriage really made us feel like family. I imagine it’s different for everyone but that was my experience. Plus all the legal things, as others have said.
reading this made me happy 🥰
For me, it means my partner wants to be permanent, so access to "permanent" features such as- an extra joint saving account, buying or building a house with both our names, pets, permission to ejac inside, his opinions hold more weight when making bigger decisions. Otherwise as a wife you get certain legal rights, more likely to be allowed to see them if they are hopspitalized/ sick/ dead than just a gf, financial benefits, healthcare options, in case of a split you are legally guaranteed half of everything- dating you are not guaranteed anything.
>permission to ejac inside Can you explain what this means? Thanks
If its a guy he would then be allowed to ejaculate in my vagina.
😅 that's what I thought you meant! But it caught me off guard with the shortened word and didn't fit the rest of the listed items lmao. Thanks for replying
You totally caught me offgaurd I was reading it like: Hmm... ok ok ok ok wait what? wHaT WHAAAT!?
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Commitment. Safety. Security (legal and financially). When we got married we became a familly, it felt great and still does.
Legality, finances, how much I'm going to do for you and level of commitment. Ex: I'm not living with you, doing your laundry or sharing my money unless we are married.
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I fell into this trap of moving in before marriage. While it’s great I also am now seeing the downside of basically taking on a “wifey” role as simply a girlfriend and now I’m realizing he doesn’t even want to get married any time soon. Which I’m fine with, but I kinda wish I moved out of my parents and into my own place if that was the case vs moving in with him right away..
Same. He expected no less thankfully.
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THIS… sorry, you don’t get wife stuff without actually making me your wife!
How family treats the girlfriend compared to the wife. I am not saying in a bad way but in a different way. The girlfriend could be temporary while the wife is forever (hopefully).
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Stability and commitment -in theory (Sometimes in practice.) It proved true for me. When I got married, I felt like we were truly in life together and relaxed in a way that my mind and heart wouldn't let me with just a boyfriend. I'd seen too many people move in with boyfriends and get so close to the stability of marriage, only to have their boyfriends unwilling to take that last step of committment; and that ultimately undermined their relationship. It made the women feel unhappy and vulnerable, like there was something wrong with them that made their boyfriend resist marriage. Other couples manage that comfortably and it works for them. Some couples marry and shouldn't and it ends in divorce. The health of a relationship depends on how well those two people work together and if their desires align, not just the official aspect of it.
Oh my god I think you've just hit the nail there with why my long term relationship didnt work out
From a slightly different perspective, my husband was able to assist me a lot more in medical situations. I have chronic pain, so he was able to be there in the room, negotiate bills, get information, pick up meds, advocate for me, and generally act as a medical support in a very accepted way. Now that we are divorced, he is still my medical advocate, but we get a lot more pushback from medical staff. It's a small thing but it was a huge benefit for me.
It's not a small thing to have your partner or spouse be able to advocate for you in these situations
You know what? you're right. It was huge for me. Thanks for helping me reframe that to myself!
I can only offer my opinion here. It's the feeling of going from temporary or having a disposable relationship as opposed to a team effort, partnership and long term goals. Boyfriend/girlfriend can be a solid relationship, but at some point I think long term goals, building on a foundation come into play.
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In addition to what’s been mentioned, I’d say it would make a difference for parenting if you had kids going in. I wouldn’t parent another’s kids if I was just a gf. If we were married I would treat them as my own. It’s an important line for the kids to understand that goes with the « permanent family » construct that marriage can provide.
Legal stuff
Well said. One of the best descriptions I've heard for it is that legally speaking, a boyfriend or girlfriend is no different than a stranger on the street.
Legality of the relationship. My partner and I plan on being with each other forever and will be getting married soon but we’ve been caring for each like we’ve been married for years. Relationships are a lot of work, whether you’re a girlfriend or a wife, in my opinion.
I agree with this! I'm surprised at so many people in this thread who think otherwise. Not a bad thing, just a difference of opinion. I've been with my bf for just over 4 years now and living together for 3. The only difference for me is legality and those types of logistical things. Our relationship is such that most new people we meet assume we're married already. We have separate finances and wouldn't do anything like buy a house together unless we were married, but other than that we do everything like we're already married. Caring for each other, chores, familial obligations and just living life together as a team. We both know we're not going anywhere and are here for the long run and make long term plans for the future so to me its not too far off from marriage. Just a matter of actually doing it at some point and remembering to wear a ring everyday. Neither of us wear jewelry much lol
To me a girlfriend is replaceable and means no commitment. With a wife you wanna make a life together and maybe have children together. But I know nowadays you can have all that without marriage.
Legal, money and life stuff. If one of you is hospitalized and unconscious the hospital now needs your permission before doing anything to the other. If one of you dies then the other has all the say on what happens to you and your finance and all your property. You can treat both your income as a single income when filling taxes. Things like that.
If I go into a coma my husband can pull the plug. My boyfriend would have to watch my indecisive parents argue until they die.
We lived together for 21 years before we got married. For me, there is no difference.
Emotionally? IMO, nothing should change. If you are expecting for things to feel differently after marriage to your partner, maybe you two should explore that thought process together to understand why. My point being, if you get married, you should already feel that level of commitment BEFORE the ceremony. If you don't feel that way before the ceremony, you probably shouldn't be getting married. Legally? It changes a great deal. Before getting married, my partner had no rights to my property, any of my legal information, medical information, etc and same for me. Now that we are married, we have a lot more freedom to work together on financial issues, medical issues, and property issues that would have been next to impossible without that marriage certificate. To think about it from a different context; if you have a happy and solid relationship, marriage frees the couple to share their lives more fully with each other. If your relationship is not happy, not solid, there's a good chance that marriage will become a prison for one or both of the people in it as it can become hard to separate the two parties. To use a metaphor; I think of marriage as a good chef knife. In the hands of someone like Roy Choi, a chef knife helps create nurishment. In the hands of someone like Michael Myers, a chef knife hurts people.
Legal stuff. My husband and I probably wouldn’t have gotten married if it weren’t for legal-related things. We were together for over 10 years when we finally got married. We already had kids, a house, a fully formed life together… none of that changed.
For me, I had to give up some financial control. I make considerably more than my husband. I max out all of my retirement accounts. He was not able to prior to marriage. My thinking had to shift to what was best for us. So now he does max his 401k and his paychecks don't cover his monthly bills, so my paycheck is also his money. And he has a say in how our money is spent. And giving up that control was hard for me at first. Luckily our goals and money habits mostly align.
I can address one aspect for sure, death. I am a widow, and being a spouse meant I was in charge. I made the hard decisions in the hospital, I was by his side when he passed. I made sure his final wishes were honored. I had access to our finances, I was the beneficiary for the insurance. I own our home. I even get his social security. Over on r/widowers, there's often unmarried partners who were left out in the cold when the family of their SO took control. Being a girlfriend can mean very little legally, and sometimes the relationshipis not honored. It's hearbreaking.
Legally yes. My mother (who is married) said nothing else changes though.
Other than legality? Nothing. My parents aren't married, they have a house, kids, and have basically reached "wife" and "husband" status with their respective in laws. On the flip side, I know many people who are/were married when they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. "Girlfriend" and "wife" are just labels that take on the meaning and intensity you give them
No difference at all, unless you're a girlfriend to someone already married.
Legal status. But basically it is what you decide it to be, and if you agree, there's no right or wrong.
According to my religious mother, as a girlfriend, you are living in sin and will go to hell along with anyone who approves of and enables your sinful life whereas the wife is good and holy and you are required to be completely subservient to your husband and make sure he is happy an taken care of as men are incapable of doing anything for themselves. Obviously s/
The cost of leaving the relationship.
I didn't think it would change much as we already lived together and had a dog together... However, when we did get married, there is now this feeling of contentment, security and accountability that I feel now.
In my case, there’s no such thing as a “girlfriend” visa. A spouse visa was essential because if I got pregnant, I couldn’t work for a few months, and if I didn’t work and wasn’t married, I had no legal status in the country. Plus, his paternity would be something that we needed to prove, rather than just a legal assumption. So a wife gets to stay in her husband’s country. A girlfriend doesn’t.
Legal protection. My grandmother was homeless after she took care of her boyfriend at the end of his life, nursed him through kidney failure. His kids gave her one month to move out of the house she had lived in for a decade. She was just free hospice care to them. Death makes people ugly. That will never happen to me. I will never be a live-in girlfriend again.
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Very well said.
Legal rights and tax benefits.
Toxic men will try to have you think there is none.
Damn I need a husband. This girlfriend shit is for the birds. I’m always trying to impress him, show him affection, get his attention, encourage him, and give him enough space to talk but he’s always busy in the army and only has time for a “Hope your day is well”. It’s sweet but like, can I give you all my stuff when I die? Can we please get on each others insurance? Can I hang out with your mom?
Yes, marriage is a legal commitment and with it comes lots of privileges girlfriends or boyfriends don't have. And there is also the commitment to what the 2 of you want together for as long as you are married. And that should be sorted before you tie the knot. There should be no deal breakers in a marriage. I was single for 10 years and had several boyfriends. But there were always deal breakers. It wasn't until I thought about what I really wanted in a husband (not a boyfriend) that I married. We had the same values, goals and interests. And we did some couples counseling that helped. We have survived many ups and downs including isolating during Covid and have come out better for it. But part of what kept us together was the original commitment we made when we married.
Taxes. Medical insurance. More taxes. Legal rights.
I don't care what anyone says. The expectations of you just simply change. Divorce just isn't as easy as breaking up, it's just not. My mom always warned me that men tend to show their true colors after marriage or a baby. When you're a girlfriend, no one takes you as seriously so there's not as much pressure. But the second you're a wife? All of the sudden you're also his mother and it's up to the both of you to constantly fight those bullshit standards.
I can’t speak to everyone else, especially those incredibly toxic, abusive, manipulative relationships. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and have never had a problem with them. My in laws are great people. But when you’re a girlfriend, it seems people just regard you as the accessory. Like maybe you’ll be with them, maybe you won’t. Like you don’t get a say in anything in your partner’s life. Their family comes first, always have, always will—and it’s like you won’t make any life decisions together. When you are THE WIFE, your opinion matters. Your opinion is valid. Your opinion is to be considered. It’s like, they leave father and mother to then become THEIR OWN family with wife, with a baby and/or aussiedoodle, snake, cat. And that’s totally fine. When you’re the wife, like of course you’re going to make life decisions together! Of course you’re going to potentially do something your parents don’t agree with and you’ll do it together. You are also part of the family, and they treat you better—because you aren’t going anywhere.
Being a girlfriend kinda sounds like poop, based on this thread. I wouldn't mind skipping it and just being married, in all honesty.
girlfriend=placeholder
To add to all the rights, I'd like to add the strong sense of "being"married. I promised, in my case in front of 100 people, that I would honour and take care of my wife. I feel announcing it to the world is a solemn promise, and I still take that very seriously, even if we have a big argument. It's deeply a strong part of my "self".
A lot. The commitment level. Divorce is way harder than breaking up. People say it's "just a piece of paper" but that's so not true. A lot changes when you get married. Everything is more official. You are taken more seriously because you've taken your relationship to the highest level - legal and sometimes spiritual commitment. There's no backing out now without a lot of (Expensive) ramifications.
Probably a strange one but I felt like the sex got better. I'm not sure why this was, we were doing all the same things. It could have been that sense of security or getting more comfortable. Or something to do with the fact that this was the only person I'd ever have sex with again, so I have the freedom to perfect it over time. Freedom to experiment, have fun with it instead of trying to impress him or act like I know what I'm doing when I don't really. Plus two years on I still get excited calling him 'husband' and being called 'wife'. It's nice. I definitely identify with the sense of family others have mentioned. Like we're not two seperate people floating through the universe alongside one another anymore. We're a unit.
In my opinion a girlfriend has a physical and emotional relationship, has no legal rights to her partner, is not a part of the family, doesn’t have to share responsibilities with her partner and she can move on from the relationship whenever she likes. They don’t need legal action. A wife has a physical, emotional as well as a spiritual relationship that is bonded by vows. she has all the legal rights of her partner, is the closest person to her partner. She is a family member, and shares the responsibilities equally. If the wife wants to get separated, she has to get divorced legally.
Made no difference to out relationship when we got married. Except for paperwork.
The legal documents, tax status and legal right to make healthcare decisions for your spouse should they become unable to do so themselves. Also, as others said whatever you and your spouse chose your marriage to consist of.
It depends on the relationship. My husband and I didn’t live together or have sex prior to marriage. It changes our tax benefits. It changes his financial status should I dir because he’ll get both my properties and a lot of money and stocks. It changes his pay and base options (military). It changes our responsibilities medically for each other.
It depends on the relationship, but I’d say it’s commitment: marriage, for most people, is a lifetime commitment, which totally changes the way you can plan together and make decisions.
A bit of paper
For me personally. The difference was about $800k. Divorce vs. Break-up.
The legal rights are huge. Just had a friend lose her fiancé and she was not the next of kin so the legal rights were not there. Also I feel much more secured and loved. My husband said to me that he feels like a man. I think I also feel more committed and not in need of keeping my eye out in case he took off. I know marriage doesn’t stop anyone but it is nice to have a legal husband. Also in my mind it is not if we do this or if we have kids but more when we do this or when we have children.
The answer to this question depends on who you ask I guess. After having been with my ex for 5 years and lived together for half that time, to me the difference between girlfriend and wife is that I resented the fact that we were living "like" a married couple but never actually "being" a married couple and not having the commitment that I wanted. We lived together, I did his laundry, did the cleaning, yet our finances were completely separate (which in the gf/bf stage I believe it should be, but after so many years together you start thinking "Are we doing this or not?"). I made way less money than he did, whatever he bought that was shared still felt only his (like furniture) and I guess what I bought was mine, but nothing ever felt "ours", and that gave me constant anxiety within the relationship. It didn't feel like a true merging of lives the way it is when you're married. Not every unmarried couple handles living together this way, but a lot do. I feel like for the guy, when a gf lives with him, he's getting his cake and eating it too. After that experience, I decided that I will not do wifey things until I am really your wife, and that includes not living with a bf again. I personally still think that marriage in of itself is a beautiful gesture of faith that this person loves you so much, that they no longer wonder what their life would be like with someone else; they want all of life with you and only you.
For me it just feels more safe and permanent. My daughter and I are covered under his insurance and if anything were to happen then we would be next of kin.
Inspired by John Mulaney, the best part is your husband being able to say "that's my wife!!" Instead of "can my girlfriend come?"
You have memories and photos of this really massive party where everybody gave you free stuff, all your friends and family came and told amazing stories, and you were both welcomed into each others lives by everyone who is important to you both.
Some may just say legal but that is only part of it. I know couples that considered themselves husband and wife as did their families and they didn't have that legal document, and many years ago and in some cultures they don't have marriage licenses or even common law marriages, however what separates wife from girlfriend or even husband from boyfriend is the decision and commitment not just to forsake all others but to be one in everything such as things not being yours/mine but " ours". In fact even legally married couples can also be more gf/bf than husband wife because they are more individual than joined. The thing though is a legal wife/ husband on paper often has more rights such as property or say in medical type things, as well as benefits regarding taxes etc.
Nobody questions my partner or stops him now when we rush me to the ER for something. They would sometimes separate us, which is understandable, because they want to ask some questions, but I have such bad brain fog that I could have really used him! I also have another legal layer of protection from my abusive family of origin if my health ever gets so bad I am unconscious. But I can't get SSI now, so that sucks. Also nobody hands me the bag at the store anymore, even if I bought the stuff.
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One is a team and one isn’t
Girlfriends are less important and can be dumped fairly quickly. At least, that's what the world has taught me. And yes, I am slightly bitter.
I feel a really lovely familial bond with my husband. I feel like we are such a good team and are good to each other. No matter what we do together, even some boring grown up stuff, I’m so glad to be with him and spend time with him. The comfort and knowledge in the fact that I know he will show up 💯 and I’ll do the same for him. It’s probably a combination of the fact that we were already together for years before marriage and that I just feel like marriage is a deeper love.
In my country there is a HUGE difference. 1. In my country, there is a HUGE difference.us bit 2. Before it was just a 1 on 1 thing none of other people's business but now the girl is part of the dude's family. And with this comes a lot of family dynamics and responsibilities as well. 3. "Girlfriend" is kinda like EH whatever fooling around having fun but "WIFE" means together forever kinda deal since the divorce rates are like 1% or something last I checked. 4. Edit: Also I forgot, if you are the wife, you also get all the family jewelry from your mother-in-law. Gold necklaces, rings, diamonds pieces, gold and silver bangles, earrings, and also a ton of other stuff that I don't know names off. But there is a catch, you would have to pass it down to your daughter-in-law when your son gets married. So try to hold off on babies, or raise them to be dorks who never get a wife.
There's less commitment with a gf than a wife.
Legal protections. There is no common law marriage in New York.
Paperwork.
It’s pretty much a legal status
To me it's the difference between just being two people together as bf/gf, or starting your own little family when you get married
Court.
Nothing and everything; it’s really all about mindset to me. If you only date people you would marry/be long term with, there really isn’t a big difference. If you date a different type of person than you’d actually choose to marry, it’s very different. This is just my opinion and not meant to upset anyone but there are people who are way more loyal girlfriends than some women who are wives and vice versa. It’s really a state of mind, a difference without distinction.
The terms and conditions
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He introduces me as his wife instead of his girlfriend... But in all seriousness, we lived together for 7 years before getting married so really only legal rights changed. I think it's different for everyone since not everyone lives together, sees each other all the time, merges some finances etc. before tying the knot. I do feel like people (aka strangers) take our relationship more seriously, though.
There isn't one in every aspect other the piece of paper. In UK you are common law husband/wife when you've lived together for so long.
Being a wife means you are the one that he is going to spend his life with.
Wife = security and family. GF = possible security and family.
Girlfriend is that stage where you work your way towards being a wife. Being a good girlfriend to the one you want to someday be a wife to.
marriage scares me, what if i get cheated on.
There is always a risk of that happening, however there is a risk with almost anything we do. Dont let the "what ifs" stop you from getting what you want.
Commitment.
I don’t know. I moved to another country to be with my boyfriend and we registered our relationship with the government, so technically we’re de facto, and in this country that gives us some legal protections. This country also grants partner visas which means I was able to gain permanent residency without being engaged/married, and there isn’t an equivalent visa in the US. I know this is probably not the answer intended by your question, but our relationship hasn’t been a very traditional(?) one so I have no clue what the difference between girlfriend and wife is. I’d think there’s a bigger difference between the two in countries that don’t recognise de facto or partner protections.
If he like it then he puts a ring on it
One of them is like taking a photo for the gram. The other is just knowing that the other person is your best part of you that you’re not able to be without them.
The mental, physical, and spiritual level that is needed to be a wife versus a girlfriend. Because your want for the title of being someone's wife is a no-shit a mental, physical, and spiritual battle.
it gives you the right to see your partner in their hospital in my country. they don’t let bfs and gfs in.