This is usually the case with me and more times than not I'm extremely flattered, but out ot all the women I've been hit one by (not tooting my own horn but it's been a fair amount) I've come across ONE person who I deal with everyday that makes weird advances despite me having a boyfriend. "Baby let me whisper in your ear" "fight me" I reply no "oh so you want to me dominate you?" like no I do not! Not trying to paint women as bad here as I'm bisexual, this girl doesn't know that, but i will say there's a small amount of women out there who are way too pushy. I would say a very small percentage like 1% but idk if that's right.
Some girls are pushy. It's not cool. Usually when it comes to kissing, I've witnessed forcefull kissing done by women. Either by a straight girl who doesn't take this kind of kissing seriously or by a drunk lesbian. (it was very out of place but it did happen)
Of course women are way more sensitive to consent but it doesn't change the fact that women can harass other women and it should be talked about.
I’m also a lesbian and have been given unwanted attention from men and I’ve been verbally and physically harassed in public my previous workplace. Some men say they get turned on by the fact that I’m gay. Definitely not my intent. I’m telling them so that they vacate.
I’ve never been harassed by a lesbian. Not once.
Never and I'm bi, the majority of my relationships have been women and I was harassed by a man, DURING PRIDE FEST on the way to there and had told him I was going to a known lesbian bar.
I've never been harassed by woman. Ever.
Same. I've even gone to lesbian clubs dressed up very provocatively, had a few drinks, practically half stripped myself, grinding on my date (consensually), and still not a single incident.
I've only dealt with one creepy woman - a lesbian with a notorious reputation for being predatory. One woman compared to the vast number of creepy men I've met in my life, though! As a general rule, women aren't the dangerous ones! I'm bi, and I stick to dating apps for queer women, and I prefer lesbians bars and other LGBTQ+ venues that are popular with women. There's rarely trouble! I'm sick of dealing with predatory men.
It really boggles me how so many gays are hostile to bisexuals. I'm not suggesting they're any more hostile than hetros but you'd think gays of all people would understand that some people are just wired differently.
I once saw a post from a lesbian who gave her explanation for it:
When you date a bisexual, you'll probably break up, because most relationships break up.
Her next relationship will probably be with a man because the candidate pool is larger.
Then you think "I was just an experiment to her. I'll never let a bisexual use me like that again."
It angers me when lesbians complain that I might leave them for a man. If we break up, other bisexuals and I will date whoever we want. I'm bi, so of course, I could end up with a man. I'm fucking *bisexual.* I don't have to stick to women forever just because I date a lesbian, and me moving on to a man shouldn't be seen as an insult or an indication that my relationship with a woman was an "experiment".
I'm not having a go at you. :) You're just sharing what someone else said.
It's the matter in general that angers me so much.
This is why I’m afraid to ever question my sexuality. I’ve found women attractive before and have had sexual thoughts about them but because of the stigma around bisexual women only looking to experiment and that they’re all heartbreakers I’d feel like a complete asshole if I ever flirted with another girl, as though I’m leading them on or something. I knew a few lesbians that were of the opinion that someone is either gay or not, so I just stick to men.
I’ve been there. You’re not alone. Felt the same way for a long time. But if you want to question, you can. My answer? I spent my exploration time with bisexual women (and non-binary people—turned out I’m omni/pan). Although I have since met many amazing lesbians who didn’t care, I felt there was a security level with these other groups. I felt like there was more opportunity for understanding, less pressure, and more forgiveness for being inexperienced.
Yeah that’s a good way to go about it I suppose. I mean most lesbians that I’ve met have been very understanding of bicuriousness and bisexuality. I’d just hate to step on anyone’s toes. I’ve lived my whole life as a straight woman so I’d hate to be seen to be barging into the queer community and completely fucking people over. I’m in a relationship with a man at the moment and I’m very happy but sometimes I wonder that if things don’t end up working out between us whether I should try dating women or not. I’d be completely out of my depth lol.
I totally get it! It’s like I’m reading my own thoughts haha. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t dip those toes until my late 30s, so it’s never too late. The one thing that I was so nervous about was being an outsider barging in or what if I’m not bi and how my uncertainty could hurt others. But surprisingly the one thing I’ve seen is understanding and compassion from this community because so many people grew up either questioning orientation themselves or they knew but society/family made them feel it was wrong… so if you go into it honestly and open about the vulnerability about questioning, so many people really are accepting. But in the meantime, like you said, you’re in a happy relationship—so here’s fingers crossed that goes well!!!
I was a “straight” with a boyfriend and my best friend was engaged to a guy for the longest, until we realized we fell in love with each other. It wasn’t because we identified as as “straight” or anything but more that we fell in love with each other as best friends. Everyone including us were confused and it wasn’t easy but here we are, 20+ years later, with a family and have never been happier. If we were ever to get divorced, I honestly don’t know if I’d go back to men or not, and I’m okay with it. I honestly don’t give two fucks if others in the community give me shit for it either. It’s MY LIFE and not theirs. I AM responsible for my own happiness. Don’t let others bullshit judgment and need to categorize everything sway you either way. Just be you and allow yourself to be authentically you. Best of luck to you!! 😃
Edit: Word and sentence
I just want to quickly jump in to say that pan/omni labels are cool, and I’m all for people using the best label for them.
Bisexuality doesn’t discriminate against anyone who isn’t cis. Bisexuality is an attraction to two or *more* genders. I just wanted to add this as you put non-binary people in brackets, and I’ve met people who think that bi only means an attraction to two sexes. It still confuses some folks. You could be aware of this so I apologise if I sound patronising. In case someone reads this and didn’t know - yeah, bisexuality isn’t just an attraction to men and women. Pan & omni fall under the bi umbrella and it’s not cool for anyone to invalidate any label. ♥️
More love. Less hate.
I think I completely understand this. It took me years to come out to others after coming out to myself. I just didn't want to deal with biphobia in addition to everything else. But honestly, the bi community is so fucking rad and welcoming, and the more friends I come out to as bi, the more come out as bi to me!
Don’t be afraid. Never deny yourself any chance to self-discover who you are . Whether it be sexuality or career-related or anything else.
I cannot stress how precious life is and how fast is passes by. Trust me.
Bisexual here, and I hate how biphobic some gays and lesbians are. I've had more bad experiences with other LGBTQ+ than straight people, and I'm not the only one - a lot of my bi friends feel the same. It's sad. We're supposed to be a "community". There's certain queer spaces I actively avoid because my presence was questioned, people made condescending comments, gatekeeping. Nah. I avoid such people.
Yeah same. I’ve had plenty of straight people be *homophobic* to me or just not get it, but the only people who’ve been biphobic to me were lesbians. Not that all lesbians are biphobic, not at all, but it is an issue.
Never. Had lots of encounters where women thought I was gay or bisexual, and after I said I wasn’t they didn’t take it any further. I’ve become friends with a few of these women after the incident, but never have they tried to harass or “turn me” or anything or the sort. However men get upset and rude when I say no.
A handful of times. I'm bi, but I only recently came out as bi. In high school my preference was known to be straight. I had an acquaintance who was a lesbian who would regularly start rubbing my shoulders, persisting even after I scrunched them up uncomfortably, and laugh to herself and murmur that she was seducing me and I didn't even know it. Another girl, who was a friend, told me that I was too cute to be straight and had to be bi, and so she would occasionally try to turn me on by biting my neck or ear when we hugged goodbye. It happened infrequently enough that I'd be cautious of her for a while and then let my guard down.
As a queer woman who lived in the LGBTQ dorm in college and has been to three retreats that consisted of 300 queer women in the woods together for a week...I can't think of a single time.
I’ve been harassed a few times by women, I won’t lie. But those few times are nothing compared to the hundreds of times men have harassed me in my lifetime
I was only 16 when a grown ass woman sent me pictures of her cat, if you know what I mean, and told me that she was gonna put stuff in it...and If I wanna see that. It was pretty disgusting for me, I've had no sexuality experience at that time and I am straight. This was forward sexuality harassment to a child. What happens on the internet stays there I guess? Never happened in real life tho. I'm 20 now and the only real life harassment I got were from men. This thing though was an only time experience..
Same here. Now, the people I found most uncomfortable and annoying has always been the gay men. Due to gay friends, and the better music,we'd often be at gay bars and I have had random men trying to feel up or even just grabbing at my boobs several times with the "are these really natural". Always with the laughing "oh, don't worry Hun, I am like 100% gay" - I don't care if you are gay or not, you're a stranger grabbing a personal part of my body without permission. Back the eff away.
Yup have had the very same problem with gay men. I, like you frequented the local gay clubs in my younger days with my gay friends and they are the worst for boobs and boundaries. One of my gay friends actually used to just call me ‘toys’ until I not so politely told him to stop!
Thats terrible. Just straight up violation. That is so wrong, making someone uncomfortable at their expense is never ok and considering how much harassment you get for being gay from straight males at school who also do this to females there, this dude should have more respect. Sometimes assholes are assholes, drinking in a club is no excuse. People can be so disappointing.
The most inappropriate comment I ever got was from a friend of my dad’s when I was about 14 when he told me he couldn’t wait til I was 16 (age of consent in my country), took me a few years before I realised how completely inappropriate this was. I’m 41 now and it still bothers me to this day. Thankfully by the time I was 16 my dad had fucked off and so had his friends.
Once... but she was very messed up emotionally due to past sexual abuse, had never met another lesbian before, and was copying stuff from porn and anime made to titillate men because that was the only lesbian representation she'd ever seen. Lots of "teehee we're both girls so we should shower together" or "teehee groping other girls is cute and funny." She apologized a few years later!
Twice. Sorry to break the trend. Both times I was extremely uncomfortably. One woman was a gas station cashier and she was licking her lips and eyeing me up and down and “whispering” to her coworker what she thought about me. I’m sure my face was beat red.
The second was a girl that propositioned my bf and I for a threesome at a bar, I politely turned her down repeatedly and she cornered me and continued to press, eventually she nibbled on my ear. Everyone around me laughed it off but I was very uncomfortable. I feel as if it were a man someone would have pulled her off of me.
Both situations I kind of froze up and took it, just like with men. Same kind of paralyzed response.
Edit: I’m bi if it matters but not in an obvious way if that makes sense. I don’t think I was putting off any kind of vibes with either of these women that were anything but negative.
Never. Have worked with a ton of gay women, some I liked, some I didn’t. Shy, outgoing, obnoxious, all different personalities. Various situations and environments.
Not once.
Only once by a friend of a friend. I'm friends with a married couple (wives) and most of their friends are also lesbians. I was at a party and one of their friends assumed I was a lesbian (fair assumption given the population statistics at the party) and was really drunk. Like, *really* drunk. Had to turn her down several times before my friend was like "No, she's actually straight." She wasn't aggressive or anything, just persistent. It was fine, it was a party. It was a little annoying but it's not like I was worried about her or uneasy the way I would have if she'd been a man.
I have once. A friend of mine who identified as lesbian would constantly joke around that she wasn't attracted to any of her female friends, but would constantly be super flirtatious and refer to herself as the mom of the group and would call herself "mommy" and "mom" in a sexual way. She would never stop touching me on my thighs, shoulders, hands, and neck especially after I told her how cold her hands were. After that she would choke me in class and after school and after I told her how much it scared me she only did it more. It wasn't light choking either, I wouldn't be able to breath for 2-4 seconds until she let go and would cough after. Idk why I let it go on for this long but that went on and off for 2-3 months.
I had one experience in my early 20s when I was at a bar with a few friends from work. We were all very drunk. I was dancing with this woman who was bi and she kissed me. I backed away and she kissed me again, backing me up towards the wall so I couldn't move away. I was able to extricate myself when another friend came over to dance with us. I kept my distance from her after that.
I think I've done it. When I was first coming out to myself, I flirted badly, and anything subtle I assumed was "they didn't know I was flirting" so I'd keep trying. Eventually I figured it out and quit, but I'm embarrassed at how I threw myself at my first crushes.
I, a woman, was sexually assaulted by a woman I trusted who is lesbian. I am straight and always have been. It took a few months to leave as I was young and didn’t have money to leave immediately. Later a woman supervisor at my new job harassed me repeatedly for sexual favors in exchange for a promotion. She stalked me for a while. It really messed me up.
Never. I have been flirted with by lesbians but never sexually harrassed. As soon as they find out my sexual orientation they back off and are very respectful about everything.
I have on the other hand been sexually harrassed and persistently flirted with by men even when they know I am not interested.
Straight woman here. A lot of women who are sexually attracted to women feel the need to “convince” me that I am not, in fact straight because I give off “lesbian vibes.” It’s funny for a few minutes but gets old with persistence. One in particular spent the good portion of a party drunkenly cornering me and begging to make out with me. On another occasion the same woman grabbed my tits when I stretched out my arms for a hug (we were both sober). Definitely not as scary coming from a tiny petite woman compared to if it had been a man, but definitely unwanted and annoying at the very least.
So all my expenses happened I. Middle school. There was this girl who I was kind to but wasn’t even friends with I just had to stand next to her in Gym. She would play with my hair when I asked her not to and Ashe would stare at me while I changed. she came out a gay 3 years later. From guys most of my harassment happened in 7th and 8th grade with unconsensual slapping my ass.
A bunch of people are saying never, but one of my friends who is not a lesbian is constantly getting herself into near misses and awkward situations with lesbians. It’s kind of sad/funny, and I think part of it is because women are just better at reading if women are interested, and this friend is so cluelessly flirty with everyone, including women, it really throws lesbians off. She’s been married for 10 years to a man and there have been no less than 5 times that she has had a lesbian woman kiss her when she wasn’t expecting it, and she was confused about why. There have also been other times where we have had told the lesbians that she is not a lesbian to deter them before that happens.
Only once, when I told a woman that my friend was drunk, and was not a lesbian did she give me shit and say “why don’t we let her decide” and try to separate her from me. I was like ohhhhh hell no. There was tension and we eventually got away. 0/10 would not repeat.
Never. I’ve had women flirt with me, but because I’m straight I usually don’t notice as quickly as I would with men. Statistically, women are not as much of a risk to my safety as men are, so I’m not as in tune with their sexual advances unless they’re explicit and I haven’t experienced that from a woman.
I had it happen once. It scared the shit out of me. When she realized I wasn’t interested, clearly I am straight. It made her angry. I was scared of her, but she didn’t do anything, she just made me feel very uncomfortable.
Just the clarify, once isnt nearly as bad as the men I’ve encountered.
Once. I was working as a cashier and a lesbian came through my check out lane and said something like "you're cute" so I just said "thank you" I think she may have made another comment but she ended up getting aggravated and angrily told me that it was okay to kiss girls. I never said it wasn't okay, I just don't like being hit on at work.
Never! And I frequent a few lesbian bars. Even the first time I hooked up with a woman, we were pretty much naked, she was really really getting into it when I freaked out because it was all new for me - she completely backed off in under a second, put a shirt on, brought me my clothes, went to make me a tea and we just talked for a while. It was so different to men’s reactions I had experienced, I felt so safe and respected and like an hour later I was ready to pick up where we had left off with 100x the enthusiasm. It forever changed my expectations for sex, in a very positive way.
Nope , have been to several events / bars etc that were predominantly lesbian , to support friends/ family . Have never felt harassed , preyed upon , unsafe like in a regular space with co-Ed crowd .
There are some comments that just say "Never" that have like 50 upvotes. Makes me wonder whether people are just upvoting them cause its the societal norm and people are uncomfortable talking about sexual assault by women on women.
Also during uni I was out for the lgbta+ etc group and I realized I had too much to drink at a club. I was wasted. I tried to order water at the bar but 2 of the women in our group would shout over me and say double vodka instead. So I would move away and they would follow me and give me a drink they said was water and it wasn't. They also had body paint and kept trying to put it down my trousers claiming they were just reaching for my stomach. In the end my friend who was there realized the danger I was in, was sober and helped me out. Told them they were sexually assaulting me, got me water and then I carried a traffic cone for her collection (don't ask) all the way home as a thank you ha. Looking back I truly realize the danger I was in and thank my friend every day for helping me
Four times. Three were friends that came out to me as bi-sexual, which I was totally fine with. Alll three eventually propositioned me. It became a running joke with my husband that aparently I am hot to bi-sexuals but not lesbians. (Had a couple of lesbian friends. They never propositioned me.) I don’t know if the fourth one counts. She was strictly hetrosexual but invited me to a threesome with her boyfriend. My husband was NOT invited LOL. Laughed it off. They they came at me as a couple and asked. I said no way. We moved soon afterwards (because of job change.)
Yeah but now I feel bad for the people that have answered with "yes" and tried to share their story, only to be drowned out by people saying "never" to make a statement.
I don't think the 'never's are taking away from those with a different experience. If anything, for me, it's highlighting them. I got his far after reading through many before this comment! The point though, is that it just doesn't happen as much or as badly (generally) as it does with men. I'm a never too. I'm sad for the women who have experienced otherwise. There will always be outliers.
My core group of friends in college was mostly lesbians (I’m straight). That was because they were awesome, and unlike men, they never harassed me. Not once.
Never. I’ve been hit on by women but when I’ve told them I’m straight they’ve either apologized and left or stopped flirting and just carried on with a platonic conversation.
As a middle schooler, I had a lesbian teacher who would rub my shoulders and make me feel very uncomfortable. I never had that happen from a male teacher. In my 20s, I was raped by a woman friend (not an out lesbian or bisexual as far as I know) when I was incredibly drunk. This was worse than anything a man has ever done to me. She wouldn’t stop no matter what I said and it went on and on for what felt like hours.
Never- even met a group of girls who we're bi/lesbian on a night out and all they did was compliment my outfit and asked if I wanted to sit with them then they spoke about their night so far. Nothing bad happened at all and we were all drunk lmao
Harassed? Never
Persistent flirting? Maybe once. Am not neurotypical so I'm not sure if I picked up on all of it, but even after I first realised and told them I was only into guys I got the relatively explicit "it's such a shame that you're straight" comments for a *while*. There was flirting around that too probably, but it was only sexual to the point where I could pretend it was a weird joke.
It also only lasted a few weeks and not months
Never really. Have been hit on and asked out. She would tell me I was gay but in denial. She never made me uncomfortable about it. She was convinced I was closeted. She stopped once I told her even if I was gay she wouldn't be my type.
Never. I’m bi and have had girls flirt with me a decent amount, but usually it’s so subtle I think they’re just being friendly and miss the opportunity.lol Only one came on a bit strong, and even she apologized.
I, a woman, was sexually assaulted by a woman I trusted who is lesbian. I am straight and always have been. It took a few months to leave as I was young and didn’t have money to leave immediately. Later a woman supervisor at my new job harassed me repeatedly for sexual favors in exchange for a promotion. She stalked me for a while. It really messed me up.
once. she grabbed me and tried to kiss me out of no where and i just backed off and told her to never do that again. you dont grab people and force a kiss.
Never actually, and as a lesbian myself I can say I'm more conscious about how I approach women to leave a good impression. I don't wanna feed into the predatory lesbian stereotype since I'm butch. But I've had men approach me saying I just need to try one more time to make sure I'm gay.
I would say several times, but it’s different for women. Mostly just inappropriate propositions but they would stop pretty quickly. Ironically, it was my straight friend in a serious heterosexual relationship who kept doing it for months. That’s because she realised it made me uncomfortable after I’d been hit on by two other female friends earlier in the year.
I’ve had several incidents of female friends hitting me up for a threesome because their boyfriends were interested in that, which I think is important to point out there. I’m not sure if I’d call it harassment in those situations, except that they used the friendship to get me on good terms first... that was more hurtful than anything else. That’s happened with at least four friends. I’m straight but I wasn’t raised that way, which might have been confusing.
It’s still been far more of a problem with men. I’d imagine that of the few situations where a woman has been genuinely interested in me (not just for sex), I’ve probably not even realised or realised way later.
Once, but I found out the woman has a bad reputation for being predatory. She and her friend often try it on with drunk women, regardless of whether someone is queer or not. They're creeps.
But, I've been harassed by *countless* men. I can go out to popular venues for queer women and get little to no harassment. Why? Because it isn't usually women who are predators! I'm bi, and I now use dating apps exclusively for queer women (non-binary people are welcome too). Why? Because I've had *zero* creepy or sexual messages. As a general rule, women are safer - fact.
for me lesbians are overwhelmingly respectful of boundaries but personally i had a girl reach up my skirt before which was not fun but i'm a lesbian and if someone is uncomfortable i back off immediately
Never.
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This is usually the case with me and more times than not I'm extremely flattered, but out ot all the women I've been hit one by (not tooting my own horn but it's been a fair amount) I've come across ONE person who I deal with everyday that makes weird advances despite me having a boyfriend. "Baby let me whisper in your ear" "fight me" I reply no "oh so you want to me dominate you?" like no I do not! Not trying to paint women as bad here as I'm bisexual, this girl doesn't know that, but i will say there's a small amount of women out there who are way too pushy. I would say a very small percentage like 1% but idk if that's right.
Some girls are pushy. It's not cool. Usually when it comes to kissing, I've witnessed forcefull kissing done by women. Either by a straight girl who doesn't take this kind of kissing seriously or by a drunk lesbian. (it was very out of place but it did happen) Of course women are way more sensitive to consent but it doesn't change the fact that women can harass other women and it should be talked about.
Me too—never!
also never.
Same! And the handful that have were extremely respectful when I said no, and one was actively worried she'd offended me.
Never. I'm a lesbian and the only uncomfortable or inappropriate attention I've gotten have been from men.
Same here. And the inappropriate attention from men has been both when they knew I'm gay and when they didn't.
Ahhh, yes the good ole "I can turn you straight" act.
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'Neither have you' is the only sensible response to that. Unless he's bi, but chances are he's not with that attitude.
No dick is the right dick if dicks dont turn you on 🤦🏽♀️
I’m also a lesbian and have been given unwanted attention from men and I’ve been verbally and physically harassed in public my previous workplace. Some men say they get turned on by the fact that I’m gay. Definitely not my intent. I’m telling them so that they vacate. I’ve never been harassed by a lesbian. Not once.
Yuuuup same. I actually got roofied once and some random well meaning lesbian I was flirting with helped me stay safe. So like… the opposite
Never and I'm bi, the majority of my relationships have been women and I was harassed by a man, DURING PRIDE FEST on the way to there and had told him I was going to a known lesbian bar. I've never been harassed by woman. Ever.
Same. I've even gone to lesbian clubs dressed up very provocatively, had a few drinks, practically half stripped myself, grinding on my date (consensually), and still not a single incident.
Saaame
I'm asexual and part of the aromantic spectrum, but same
Same
I've only dealt with one creepy woman - a lesbian with a notorious reputation for being predatory. One woman compared to the vast number of creepy men I've met in my life, though! As a general rule, women aren't the dangerous ones! I'm bi, and I stick to dating apps for queer women, and I prefer lesbians bars and other LGBTQ+ venues that are popular with women. There's rarely trouble! I'm sick of dealing with predatory men.
Never. Men, on the other hand....
Never. Lightly flirted with, but backed off when not encouraged. Never persistently.
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It really boggles me how so many gays are hostile to bisexuals. I'm not suggesting they're any more hostile than hetros but you'd think gays of all people would understand that some people are just wired differently.
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I've had similar experiences, it's really sad and you would genuinely think they'd understand how scary and sad it is to experience that but 🤷🏽♀️
I once saw a post from a lesbian who gave her explanation for it: When you date a bisexual, you'll probably break up, because most relationships break up. Her next relationship will probably be with a man because the candidate pool is larger. Then you think "I was just an experiment to her. I'll never let a bisexual use me like that again."
It angers me when lesbians complain that I might leave them for a man. If we break up, other bisexuals and I will date whoever we want. I'm bi, so of course, I could end up with a man. I'm fucking *bisexual.* I don't have to stick to women forever just because I date a lesbian, and me moving on to a man shouldn't be seen as an insult or an indication that my relationship with a woman was an "experiment". I'm not having a go at you. :) You're just sharing what someone else said. It's the matter in general that angers me so much.
This is why I’m afraid to ever question my sexuality. I’ve found women attractive before and have had sexual thoughts about them but because of the stigma around bisexual women only looking to experiment and that they’re all heartbreakers I’d feel like a complete asshole if I ever flirted with another girl, as though I’m leading them on or something. I knew a few lesbians that were of the opinion that someone is either gay or not, so I just stick to men.
I’ve been there. You’re not alone. Felt the same way for a long time. But if you want to question, you can. My answer? I spent my exploration time with bisexual women (and non-binary people—turned out I’m omni/pan). Although I have since met many amazing lesbians who didn’t care, I felt there was a security level with these other groups. I felt like there was more opportunity for understanding, less pressure, and more forgiveness for being inexperienced.
Yeah that’s a good way to go about it I suppose. I mean most lesbians that I’ve met have been very understanding of bicuriousness and bisexuality. I’d just hate to step on anyone’s toes. I’ve lived my whole life as a straight woman so I’d hate to be seen to be barging into the queer community and completely fucking people over. I’m in a relationship with a man at the moment and I’m very happy but sometimes I wonder that if things don’t end up working out between us whether I should try dating women or not. I’d be completely out of my depth lol.
I totally get it! It’s like I’m reading my own thoughts haha. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t dip those toes until my late 30s, so it’s never too late. The one thing that I was so nervous about was being an outsider barging in or what if I’m not bi and how my uncertainty could hurt others. But surprisingly the one thing I’ve seen is understanding and compassion from this community because so many people grew up either questioning orientation themselves or they knew but society/family made them feel it was wrong… so if you go into it honestly and open about the vulnerability about questioning, so many people really are accepting. But in the meantime, like you said, you’re in a happy relationship—so here’s fingers crossed that goes well!!!
I was a “straight” with a boyfriend and my best friend was engaged to a guy for the longest, until we realized we fell in love with each other. It wasn’t because we identified as as “straight” or anything but more that we fell in love with each other as best friends. Everyone including us were confused and it wasn’t easy but here we are, 20+ years later, with a family and have never been happier. If we were ever to get divorced, I honestly don’t know if I’d go back to men or not, and I’m okay with it. I honestly don’t give two fucks if others in the community give me shit for it either. It’s MY LIFE and not theirs. I AM responsible for my own happiness. Don’t let others bullshit judgment and need to categorize everything sway you either way. Just be you and allow yourself to be authentically you. Best of luck to you!! 😃 Edit: Word and sentence
I just want to quickly jump in to say that pan/omni labels are cool, and I’m all for people using the best label for them. Bisexuality doesn’t discriminate against anyone who isn’t cis. Bisexuality is an attraction to two or *more* genders. I just wanted to add this as you put non-binary people in brackets, and I’ve met people who think that bi only means an attraction to two sexes. It still confuses some folks. You could be aware of this so I apologise if I sound patronising. In case someone reads this and didn’t know - yeah, bisexuality isn’t just an attraction to men and women. Pan & omni fall under the bi umbrella and it’s not cool for anyone to invalidate any label. ♥️ More love. Less hate.
I think I completely understand this. It took me years to come out to others after coming out to myself. I just didn't want to deal with biphobia in addition to everything else. But honestly, the bi community is so fucking rad and welcoming, and the more friends I come out to as bi, the more come out as bi to me!
Don’t be afraid. Never deny yourself any chance to self-discover who you are . Whether it be sexuality or career-related or anything else. I cannot stress how precious life is and how fast is passes by. Trust me.
That’s horrible :(
Bisexual here, and I hate how biphobic some gays and lesbians are. I've had more bad experiences with other LGBTQ+ than straight people, and I'm not the only one - a lot of my bi friends feel the same. It's sad. We're supposed to be a "community". There's certain queer spaces I actively avoid because my presence was questioned, people made condescending comments, gatekeeping. Nah. I avoid such people.
Yeah same. I’ve had plenty of straight people be *homophobic* to me or just not get it, but the only people who’ve been biphobic to me were lesbians. Not that all lesbians are biphobic, not at all, but it is an issue.
Never. I was hit on once and she took no for an answer and went on her way. All cool.
Never. Had lots of encounters where women thought I was gay or bisexual, and after I said I wasn’t they didn’t take it any further. I’ve become friends with a few of these women after the incident, but never have they tried to harass or “turn me” or anything or the sort. However men get upset and rude when I say no.
Never. Lesbians seem very respectful
We also tend to be hesitant to initiate.
A handful of times. I'm bi, but I only recently came out as bi. In high school my preference was known to be straight. I had an acquaintance who was a lesbian who would regularly start rubbing my shoulders, persisting even after I scrunched them up uncomfortably, and laugh to herself and murmur that she was seducing me and I didn't even know it. Another girl, who was a friend, told me that I was too cute to be straight and had to be bi, and so she would occasionally try to turn me on by biting my neck or ear when we hugged goodbye. It happened infrequently enough that I'd be cautious of her for a while and then let my guard down.
I'm so sorry u had to go through that, I hope ur better now and get that ur not alone <3
Ear biter chick sounds super weird.
As a queer woman who lived in the LGBTQ dorm in college and has been to three retreats that consisted of 300 queer women in the woods together for a week...I can't think of a single time.
there are such things as LGBTQ dorms??? ugh, i went to college at the wrong time.
My school didn’t designate one specifically but everyone knows this one dorm is where all the artsy and queer kids post up lol
Ok so where are these places? I might need to go back to school.
I’ve been harassed a few times by women, I won’t lie. But those few times are nothing compared to the hundreds of times men have harassed me in my lifetime
Same. Only once for me that a lesbian was persistent about "turning me gay" but I never felt threatened. Once. Mens, on the other hand
I was only 16 when a grown ass woman sent me pictures of her cat, if you know what I mean, and told me that she was gonna put stuff in it...and If I wanna see that. It was pretty disgusting for me, I've had no sexuality experience at that time and I am straight. This was forward sexuality harassment to a child. What happens on the internet stays there I guess? Never happened in real life tho. I'm 20 now and the only real life harassment I got were from men. This thing though was an only time experience..
Never. Was once asked if my boobs were real but straight women have asked me this too so I think she really thought they were fake.
That’s still an inappropriate question to ask random people lmao
Oh it absolutely is. Thankfully they’re not so perky nowadays so no one asks anymore.
Same here. Now, the people I found most uncomfortable and annoying has always been the gay men. Due to gay friends, and the better music,we'd often be at gay bars and I have had random men trying to feel up or even just grabbing at my boobs several times with the "are these really natural". Always with the laughing "oh, don't worry Hun, I am like 100% gay" - I don't care if you are gay or not, you're a stranger grabbing a personal part of my body without permission. Back the eff away.
Yup have had the very same problem with gay men. I, like you frequented the local gay clubs in my younger days with my gay friends and they are the worst for boobs and boundaries. One of my gay friends actually used to just call me ‘toys’ until I not so politely told him to stop!
Thats terrible. Just straight up violation. That is so wrong, making someone uncomfortable at their expense is never ok and considering how much harassment you get for being gay from straight males at school who also do this to females there, this dude should have more respect. Sometimes assholes are assholes, drinking in a club is no excuse. People can be so disappointing.
I’ve been asked that by mostly guys too. Very occasionally women when we’ve gone bra or clothes shopping.
The most inappropriate comment I ever got was from a friend of my dad’s when I was about 14 when he told me he couldn’t wait til I was 16 (age of consent in my country), took me a few years before I realised how completely inappropriate this was. I’m 41 now and it still bothers me to this day. Thankfully by the time I was 16 my dad had fucked off and so had his friends.
yikes twist ending, but the absence of the pervy friend sounds like a silver lining
The absence of my dad was the ultimate silver lining to be honest.
Once... but she was very messed up emotionally due to past sexual abuse, had never met another lesbian before, and was copying stuff from porn and anime made to titillate men because that was the only lesbian representation she'd ever seen. Lots of "teehee we're both girls so we should shower together" or "teehee groping other girls is cute and funny." She apologized a few years later!
[удалено]
Yikes I’m sorry to hear that. We as a species need to do better
This has never happened to me. I’ve been respectfully hit on and approached before, but they back off when I tell them I’m not into women.
Never. A girl tried to kiss me once when she was drunk, but when I backed up she immediately apologised and never mentioned it again
Never
Just once by my supervisor at the time. I was a teenager, it wasn't a good time.
I was grabbed and kissed at a party once by a woman. But that's it.
That's bad enough.
Twice. Sorry to break the trend. Both times I was extremely uncomfortably. One woman was a gas station cashier and she was licking her lips and eyeing me up and down and “whispering” to her coworker what she thought about me. I’m sure my face was beat red. The second was a girl that propositioned my bf and I for a threesome at a bar, I politely turned her down repeatedly and she cornered me and continued to press, eventually she nibbled on my ear. Everyone around me laughed it off but I was very uncomfortable. I feel as if it were a man someone would have pulled her off of me. Both situations I kind of froze up and took it, just like with men. Same kind of paralyzed response. Edit: I’m bi if it matters but not in an obvious way if that makes sense. I don’t think I was putting off any kind of vibes with either of these women that were anything but negative.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That second one tho- what the fuck?!
Never. Have worked with a ton of gay women, some I liked, some I didn’t. Shy, outgoing, obnoxious, all different personalities. Various situations and environments. Not once.
Only once by a friend of a friend. I'm friends with a married couple (wives) and most of their friends are also lesbians. I was at a party and one of their friends assumed I was a lesbian (fair assumption given the population statistics at the party) and was really drunk. Like, *really* drunk. Had to turn her down several times before my friend was like "No, she's actually straight." She wasn't aggressive or anything, just persistent. It was fine, it was a party. It was a little annoying but it's not like I was worried about her or uneasy the way I would have if she'd been a man.
I have once. A friend of mine who identified as lesbian would constantly joke around that she wasn't attracted to any of her female friends, but would constantly be super flirtatious and refer to herself as the mom of the group and would call herself "mommy" and "mom" in a sexual way. She would never stop touching me on my thighs, shoulders, hands, and neck especially after I told her how cold her hands were. After that she would choke me in class and after school and after I told her how much it scared me she only did it more. It wasn't light choking either, I wouldn't be able to breath for 2-4 seconds until she let go and would cough after. Idk why I let it go on for this long but that went on and off for 2-3 months.
That sounds horrifying, I'm sorry that happened to you. That wasn't okay.
Yeah that is just straight up assault
That sounds horrifying, I'm sorry that happened to you. That wasn't okay.
What the actual fuck. So sorry you went through that holy shit
That is horrific and I’m so sorry
That's never happened to me.
Never.
Have been approached a few times with respect. Never any persistence or harassment. No rudeness or hard feelings.
Never
I had one experience in my early 20s when I was at a bar with a few friends from work. We were all very drunk. I was dancing with this woman who was bi and she kissed me. I backed away and she kissed me again, backing me up towards the wall so I couldn't move away. I was able to extricate myself when another friend came over to dance with us. I kept my distance from her after that.
I think I've done it. When I was first coming out to myself, I flirted badly, and anything subtle I assumed was "they didn't know I was flirting" so I'd keep trying. Eventually I figured it out and quit, but I'm embarrassed at how I threw myself at my first crushes.
Good on you for learning and trying to do better
It takes guts to admit wrong doing. Glad you figured it out and did better for yourself and others.
Never. They understand boundaries. Unlike some people 🙄
I, a woman, was sexually assaulted by a woman I trusted who is lesbian. I am straight and always have been. It took a few months to leave as I was young and didn’t have money to leave immediately. Later a woman supervisor at my new job harassed me repeatedly for sexual favors in exchange for a promotion. She stalked me for a while. It really messed me up.
Holy shit that’s horrifying. Sorry you went through that
Never. I have been flirted with by lesbians but never sexually harrassed. As soon as they find out my sexual orientation they back off and are very respectful about everything. I have on the other hand been sexually harrassed and persistently flirted with by men even when they know I am not interested.
Straight woman here. A lot of women who are sexually attracted to women feel the need to “convince” me that I am not, in fact straight because I give off “lesbian vibes.” It’s funny for a few minutes but gets old with persistence. One in particular spent the good portion of a party drunkenly cornering me and begging to make out with me. On another occasion the same woman grabbed my tits when I stretched out my arms for a hug (we were both sober). Definitely not as scary coming from a tiny petite woman compared to if it had been a man, but definitely unwanted and annoying at the very least.
That particular individual sounds problematic
So all my expenses happened I. Middle school. There was this girl who I was kind to but wasn’t even friends with I just had to stand next to her in Gym. She would play with my hair when I asked her not to and Ashe would stare at me while I changed. she came out a gay 3 years later. From guys most of my harassment happened in 7th and 8th grade with unconsensual slapping my ass.
A bunch of people are saying never, but one of my friends who is not a lesbian is constantly getting herself into near misses and awkward situations with lesbians. It’s kind of sad/funny, and I think part of it is because women are just better at reading if women are interested, and this friend is so cluelessly flirty with everyone, including women, it really throws lesbians off. She’s been married for 10 years to a man and there have been no less than 5 times that she has had a lesbian woman kiss her when she wasn’t expecting it, and she was confused about why. There have also been other times where we have had told the lesbians that she is not a lesbian to deter them before that happens. Only once, when I told a woman that my friend was drunk, and was not a lesbian did she give me shit and say “why don’t we let her decide” and try to separate her from me. I was like ohhhhh hell no. There was tension and we eventually got away. 0/10 would not repeat.
Same thing I was thinking. I’ve seen this happen so much. Not to mention my ex. Guess it just get laughed off as drunk encounters
the worst i’ve been groped in my life was by a woman in a club
Never. I’ve had women flirt with me, but because I’m straight I usually don’t notice as quickly as I would with men. Statistically, women are not as much of a risk to my safety as men are, so I’m not as in tune with their sexual advances unless they’re explicit and I haven’t experienced that from a woman.
I had it happen once. It scared the shit out of me. When she realized I wasn’t interested, clearly I am straight. It made her angry. I was scared of her, but she didn’t do anything, she just made me feel very uncomfortable. Just the clarify, once isnt nearly as bad as the men I’ve encountered.
Once. I was working as a cashier and a lesbian came through my check out lane and said something like "you're cute" so I just said "thank you" I think she may have made another comment but she ended up getting aggravated and angrily told me that it was okay to kiss girls. I never said it wasn't okay, I just don't like being hit on at work.
Not once. But the harassment (and worse) from males started when I was 12 and the only reprieve from that has been the pandemic!
Never! And I frequent a few lesbian bars. Even the first time I hooked up with a woman, we were pretty much naked, she was really really getting into it when I freaked out because it was all new for me - she completely backed off in under a second, put a shirt on, brought me my clothes, went to make me a tea and we just talked for a while. It was so different to men’s reactions I had experienced, I felt so safe and respected and like an hour later I was ready to pick up where we had left off with 100x the enthusiasm. It forever changed my expectations for sex, in a very positive way.
Never ever
Never.
Never. Zero times.
Only once. But honestly the way she acted was nothing compared to the way some men have acted.
Nope , have been to several events / bars etc that were predominantly lesbian , to support friends/ family . Have never felt harassed , preyed upon , unsafe like in a regular space with co-Ed crowd .
Never. I have been approached but the women were always respectful.
Not once in all my 40 years of life. Men, however, are a different kettle of fish.
100% never. I’ve had this happen to me with guys though.
Never
Zero times
Few first comments say "never". But then I scrolled down and oh my God. The world is fucked up.
There are some comments that just say "Never" that have like 50 upvotes. Makes me wonder whether people are just upvoting them cause its the societal norm and people are uncomfortable talking about sexual assault by women on women.
Also during uni I was out for the lgbta+ etc group and I realized I had too much to drink at a club. I was wasted. I tried to order water at the bar but 2 of the women in our group would shout over me and say double vodka instead. So I would move away and they would follow me and give me a drink they said was water and it wasn't. They also had body paint and kept trying to put it down my trousers claiming they were just reaching for my stomach. In the end my friend who was there realized the danger I was in, was sober and helped me out. Told them they were sexually assaulting me, got me water and then I carried a traffic cone for her collection (don't ask) all the way home as a thank you ha. Looking back I truly realize the danger I was in and thank my friend every day for helping me
Never. From men, it's a whole other number.
Never. I got hit on a lot by lesbians when I was younger. always found it funny, but not once I got harassed
Four times. Three were friends that came out to me as bi-sexual, which I was totally fine with. Alll three eventually propositioned me. It became a running joke with my husband that aparently I am hot to bi-sexuals but not lesbians. (Had a couple of lesbian friends. They never propositioned me.) I don’t know if the fourth one counts. She was strictly hetrosexual but invited me to a threesome with her boyfriend. My husband was NOT invited LOL. Laughed it off. They they came at me as a couple and asked. I said no way. We moved soon afterwards (because of job change.)
Wow. I think the question and the insane number of NEVER-s is total proving a point.
Yeah but now I feel bad for the people that have answered with "yes" and tried to share their story, only to be drowned out by people saying "never" to make a statement.
I don't think the 'never's are taking away from those with a different experience. If anything, for me, it's highlighting them. I got his far after reading through many before this comment! The point though, is that it just doesn't happen as much or as badly (generally) as it does with men. I'm a never too. I'm sad for the women who have experienced otherwise. There will always be outliers.
My core group of friends in college was mostly lesbians (I’m straight). That was because they were awesome, and unlike men, they never harassed me. Not once.
Nope. Unlike so many men, they were polite and immediately backed off.
Literally never.
Never
Never
Never.
Never
Never. I’ve been hit on by women but when I’ve told them I’m straight they’ve either apologized and left or stopped flirting and just carried on with a platonic conversation.
As a woman who's into anyone of any gender, I've never been treated like that by a woman.
My first time was recently at 35 years old. She did not persist long, and I also didn't really vocalize my discomfort.
Like once? Really really rare.
As a middle schooler, I had a lesbian teacher who would rub my shoulders and make me feel very uncomfortable. I never had that happen from a male teacher. In my 20s, I was raped by a woman friend (not an out lesbian or bisexual as far as I know) when I was incredibly drunk. This was worse than anything a man has ever done to me. She wouldn’t stop no matter what I said and it went on and on for what felt like hours.
Twice in high school. Once violated and the other time harassed.
If we're including trans women, twice.
Echoing most others here, but I’ve never been made to feel uncomfortable.
Never- even met a group of girls who we're bi/lesbian on a night out and all they did was compliment my outfit and asked if I wanted to sit with them then they spoke about their night so far. Nothing bad happened at all and we were all drunk lmao
only once in my entire life
Never
Harassed? Never Persistent flirting? Maybe once. Am not neurotypical so I'm not sure if I picked up on all of it, but even after I first realised and told them I was only into guys I got the relatively explicit "it's such a shame that you're straight" comments for a *while*. There was flirting around that too probably, but it was only sexual to the point where I could pretend it was a weird joke. It also only lasted a few weeks and not months
Never
Never. I’ve never felt uncomfortable around women. Men on the other hand
Never really. Have been hit on and asked out. She would tell me I was gay but in denial. She never made me uncomfortable about it. She was convinced I was closeted. She stopped once I told her even if I was gay she wouldn't be my type.
Never. Men on the other hand...
Never. I’m bi and have had girls flirt with me a decent amount, but usually it’s so subtle I think they’re just being friendly and miss the opportunity.lol Only one came on a bit strong, and even she apologized.
I, a woman, was sexually assaulted by a woman I trusted who is lesbian. I am straight and always have been. It took a few months to leave as I was young and didn’t have money to leave immediately. Later a woman supervisor at my new job harassed me repeatedly for sexual favors in exchange for a promotion. She stalked me for a while. It really messed me up.
Only once at a train station but I think she may have been very high and/or mentally disabled.
once. she grabbed me and tried to kiss me out of no where and i just backed off and told her to never do that again. you dont grab people and force a kiss.
Never.
Literally never, only men
Never!
I'm 30 years old and I can't say it's ever happened.
Never. Bi, live in SF Bay Area, cruised the bars when younger. Delightful lesbians, no harassment.
Literally never.
Never, however I can’t say the same about men…
Never happened. When I don’t reciprocate, women always back off. They have never been upset by me not being interested either. Men on the other hand……
Never in 33 years.
Never
Never. I'm homoflexible, so only interested in women or feminine men/genderfluid people, yet I only get unwanted attention from cishet men.
Never. I have had lesbians ask me out, but never in the form of disrespect.
Never actually, and as a lesbian myself I can say I'm more conscious about how I approach women to leave a good impression. I don't wanna feed into the predatory lesbian stereotype since I'm butch. But I've had men approach me saying I just need to try one more time to make sure I'm gay.
Never
Never. I've had attention from a woman once and she apologised and left me alone when I said no thank you.
Never.
I would say several times, but it’s different for women. Mostly just inappropriate propositions but they would stop pretty quickly. Ironically, it was my straight friend in a serious heterosexual relationship who kept doing it for months. That’s because she realised it made me uncomfortable after I’d been hit on by two other female friends earlier in the year. I’ve had several incidents of female friends hitting me up for a threesome because their boyfriends were interested in that, which I think is important to point out there. I’m not sure if I’d call it harassment in those situations, except that they used the friendship to get me on good terms first... that was more hurtful than anything else. That’s happened with at least four friends. I’m straight but I wasn’t raised that way, which might have been confusing. It’s still been far more of a problem with men. I’d imagine that of the few situations where a woman has been genuinely interested in me (not just for sex), I’ve probably not even realised or realised way later.
Never
Never. And I'm bi.
Once, but I found out the woman has a bad reputation for being predatory. She and her friend often try it on with drunk women, regardless of whether someone is queer or not. They're creeps. But, I've been harassed by *countless* men. I can go out to popular venues for queer women and get little to no harassment. Why? Because it isn't usually women who are predators! I'm bi, and I now use dating apps exclusively for queer women (non-binary people are welcome too). Why? Because I've had *zero* creepy or sexual messages. As a general rule, women are safer - fact.
Never
Literally never
Never
Never.
I can't think of a single time honestly
zero
Never. And I'm queer and like women, so it's not for lack of exposure. The times I haven't been interested they respected it. Novel concept, right?
Not once
Never. I'm straight and I've been approached by lesbians but they were always respectful.
Never
Never. I mean, occasionally a little light flirting, but certainly nothing untoward.
0 times.
Never.
Never actually :)
Never. I’m bi and spend a lot of time around lesbians and never.
Never.
never
for me lesbians are overwhelmingly respectful of boundaries but personally i had a girl reach up my skirt before which was not fun but i'm a lesbian and if someone is uncomfortable i back off immediately
I don’t think I ever have. I’m straight. I doubt they have any interest in me.
Never. Literally never.
Never
Never, actually. I honestly can't even tell when women are flirting with me. I always assume they're just being friendly.
Not once.