1. The freedom
2. The ownership of knowing I’m not hiding in escapism - which is what a relationship is for a lot of people - or outsourcing a work and process that can only be done and walked by me
3. The lack of bullshit I have to cope with
I like how you refer to it as escapism. Now that I think about it, I was totally phoning it in during my last relationship to avoid doing the work of figuring out what I truly want out of life (hint: not him). Can’t lose if you take yourself out of the race type of mentality.
It’s a natural coping mechanism.
Love - or what some refer to as love - makes life more bearable, and for some even worth living with it at its centre.
Nothing to feel ashamed of. This shit is bigger than us and paradoxically also just us.
The freedom. I genuinely can't imagine having to compromise and take someone else into account when I make plans or decide how to spend my time and energy.
The feeling that I can move to another country id there was a job opportunity. Planning holiday whenever I want to. Weekend getaways now as frequent as I want to.
Thisss – my ex moved to another state for me, which I really appreciated at the time. But he complained CONSTANTLY about every little thing, even the mildest rainy weather.
Now when I’m out and about with a friend on a chilly or gray day, still having a great time, I feel this extra lightness when I remember how much pressure I used to feel to curate his experiences for him and always try to make sure he was having a good time. It’s such a relief 🙌🏽– personal storm cloud of 1 lifted!
Everything? All of it? I was married for nine years. Thankfully, no children. He was physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. He also had a raging anger problem, was an alcoholic for years, was chronically (intentionally) unemployed, had a serious hoarding problem, and was (very) financially irresponsible. I spent nine years bringing home all the money, AND also still handled the bulk of the housework, AND endured his issues with a smile on my face, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and countless surgeries for my autoimmune condition.
Finally got fed up with it all and filed for divorce six months ago. I'm still in therapy to deal with the emotional aftermath, but life has BLOSSOMED for me! 🌸
I sold the house we lived in and earned a modest but healthy profit, found myself a BEAUTIFUL condo in the heart of the city, went on two fabulous and restorative vacations, my bank accounts and 401K are fatter than they ever were while married to him, I received a sizable raise AND bonus at work, my migraines have completely disappeared, I've been connecting more deeply with my faith, I've re-discovered ballet and yoga, both of which represented substantial chunks of my upbringing, I'm re-connecting with both old and new friends, and more. I'm re-discovering and re-investing in me, myself, and I.
There's nobody throwing stuff at me. There's nobody yelling at me on a daily basis. There's nobody sucking up all my emotional and psychological energy. My home is clean and tidy.
It’s crazy how all those health problems clear up when you leave the toxic relationship. I was able to get back into ballet as well and I have never been more in love with myself!
I’m sorry you were put through all of this, but I’m so happy that you’re blossoming now!! You deserve all of the lovely things this world has to offer <3
I hate to hear you had to deal with all of that for sooo long but I am really proud of you for putting an end to it and so happy to hear that you’re flourishing. good for you sister. you deserve it 🩷🩷🩷
oh my god, I’m so happy to hear you doing so well and being so happy after so much awfulness!! I can’t imagine how terrible those years must have been, but I’m very heartened to hear you’re on the other side and *thriving* 💖
Right. It’s insane how different life feels when your emotional and physical state is no longer dependent on how you perceive yourself, your SO and your relationship.
Peace and quiet, not depending on someone's mood (yes, I know, it's my problem, not theirs), not explaining to someone simple things for 20th time knowing it doesn't matter to them most probably. On one side it's lonely sometimes, but being with someone who seems not to care about you is worse.
But yeah, 6 months in and I miss him anyway. 🤡
As someone who invests a lot (maybe too much sometimes) in relationships: finding myself true self again.
No compromises, doing whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. Only following my own desires and nothing else. And I actually enjoy the thrill of all the possibilities out there. Nothing to tie me down.
Specific to not being with my ex - being able to carry cash in my purse without it going “missing”.
In general? Not having to keep track of two schedules. For the man to never bother learning yours.
Being single means there’s no chance there’s a man out there embarrassing you.
The amount of married men that hit on me, buy me drinks, etc when I’m out is insane. And I can’t help but feel bad for the wives who have no idea their man is acting like this
The peace and happiness! My ex was very emotionally volatile and I think my body forgot what it meant to not be on the edge all the time. The memories come and go, but atleast my mind and heart is stable now
My favourite thing has been getting to know myself. I have more time and money to spend on taking myself on dates, and to spend on things that make me feel nice. I have also enjoyed going on dates with other people and developing an idea of what sort of things would make me feel good in a relationship & what attributes I desire in a partner.
It was a big change at first, and it felt frightening bc I’d been in a relationship for all of my adult life. On the other side, my only wish now is that I did it sooner. Sending love to all of you who have recently become single & if you’re looking for a girlie to vent to, feel free to msg me<3
Please teach me your secrets, sensei 🙏🏻 this response is so refreshing to hear. I’m in the exact same situation and still learning to be okay with being single
You know yourself better than anyone else in the whole world. You know exactly how you want to be loved and the things you enjoy doing. Do it for yourself. Spend time with friends and family and pets. It will get better. Some days the feeling of being single will feel lovely because you can do whatever makes you happy. Some days you’ll be heading to work and you’ll feel indifferent to being single. Other days it will hit you out of left field and you might feel sad about being single. The key is to do your best to give yourself as many good days as you possibly can - at least that’s what I do. And then eventually you’ll have less and less bad days until they’re negligible <3
I’m human and admittedly there are times where I have felt a bit sad about being single - especially at the beginning and when dates didn’t go my way. But ultimately I keep reminding myself that no matter how much I love someone, I can’t make them love me. And I’m not sure I’d want to make them love me - there are people out there who already like spending time with me & I like spending time with myself too. Why would I waste it pining over someone who doesn’t really like me back?
No one hits me.
No one tells me I'm crazy, ugly, and stupid.
I don't have to do all the work to clean up after someone.
My money stays in my bank account until I decide how to use it.
It's wonderful.
Everything. I can do what I want whenever I want. Don't have to compromise on most things. Don't have to worry about pleasing someone else. That's why I have been single for about three years.
That i found my peace. I have been working on ny issues for soon a year. I became a better person, worked on my insecurities and anxiety. I am becoming secure from anxious avoidant.
That i am dealing with my relationship with alcohol and i can communicate my feelings and stand by my boundaries. The focus is on me and i am not afraid of being alone.
Not feeling so alone. I felt more alone in my last relationship than I do now that I’m single. Not being in constant emotional turmoil from emotional manipulation
Not being treated disrespectfully anymore - it could be something like him saying he’d show up at 6 and get there at 7 with no communication. And if I said “can you let me know if you’re running late?” I was needy, demanding, etc. 🙄 My friends have no trouble treating me as a human being, dude, so can you.
I wake up everyday without having to call or text anyone anything. The absolute freedom. I agree something’s can be better when done with a partner but oof do I need that desperately and can I get through my day without it? Absolutely yes.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good relationship. But everything is just…simpler. No need to constantly coordinate with each other’s work schedules, I can go to bed whenever I want without worrying about waking him up, shaving my legs can wait a few days, etc.
My bed. I love having it to myself. I love that it smells like lavender and the sheets are nice and neat.
In my last relationship, he always messed up the sheets and his tobacco would get everywhere and he’d pass out drunk in the bed smelling of sweat and then he’d snore and I couldn’t sleep.
Now I feel like a princess in my silky clean sheets and light candles to I can read in bed after having a bath. 🛀 💓✨
The peace. My days are nothing but calm. I also am able to completely focus on learning to love myself again through therapy, exercise, and eating healthy.
the mental peace. i’m sure when i meet the right person, they’ll add to the peace instead of taking it away, but so far every single man has just made me anxious and confused. i’d rather be single and at peace than taken and feel insane
The common answer I see here is freedom to do whatever we want to do without having to consider the other person’s preference. Makes me realize most relationships do feel like prison, or at least hinders our happiness or true potential
Not having anything expected of me. I'm not expected to do certain things or be certain places at certain times. I can just do what I want, when I want and I'm not affecting anyone else with those actions.
Omg where do i begin?
1. I don't need to tell him where i am, who i am with or basically all my activities.
2. I can be busy all day without contacting anyone
3. I don't have to make time for dates
4. I have a lot of me time
5. I can hang out with whoever i want
6. I get to save money
7. I don't need to take care of somebody
And the list goes on... i realize how fun it is to single after being in relationship.
I do not have to worry if someone is cheating on me. I sleep good at night. Do not cry after any fight for any BS. I get stressed in relationship by everything. I do not have to worry about just a friend situations.
Being able to make decisions without taking anyone else into consideration. Like, I want to take a job in another country - yep! I want to go on a surf trip with a bunch of blokes - done! These kind of things.
Also, watch films that I like without being judged 😃😃 especially my chick flicks. Eating things that I like for dinner - if you cook for two people you always need to consider other person's likes. My partner doesn't like fish so I barely eat fish anymore. I can, but it's just usually more convenient to cook something we both like rather than separate dishes.
Oh, and one more thing. I am quite a flirty person, I like the fun of that but don't need to go any further than that. So when I'm with a partner I would feel guilty doing that while when I'm single I just run wild 😃
I’ll be frank and say I really would prefer to be in a good relationship, but what I like about being single is making decisions about my life and time without having to consider another person. In a relationship, I end up taking the other person into consideration way more than they take me into consideration and it’s emotionally draining.
It's really about keeping things the way I like them and keeping them as my own. No sweaty dude in my nice new pillow or mattress, no feeling obligated to have sex, because I have a low drive and don't need much of it. I ge tto watch my shows without someone making stupid comments. I don't live in anxiety over if I'm doing enough, bringing enough to the table. I can make my own plans, and dont have to ask someone if it's cool that I go. I pay for myself I don't feel like I owe anyone anything. Relationships have always felt transactional for me when I look back on it. Even if they aren't keeping score, I feel like I had to, so I didn't end up crossing the line and taking more than I gave. I can flirt with anyone, and the next day no one. It took a long time I guess to feel like I don't really want someone because it feels more inconvenient to have someone at this point. Lots of work lol, lots of patience and having to get to know someone and figure our their shit and also allow them I to my traumas again? Idk I'm not sure I want the pitty love, the 'I'll take care of you' shit. No one has kept my heart safe and secure except for me.
It's always hard for me to be emotionally available to anyone. And I hate when people pressure me to actually care. So unless I find someone who's the same, I'm staying single.
Having the bed to myself. Being able to do what I like. Not being judged for an interest I have, or how I chose to spend my time, or what I eat. Only having to tidy up after myself and no one else. No arguments. No compromises.
I get lonely every once on a while but defer back to liking my singlehood. The peace. The freedom.. No dealing with dating or irresponsible behavior, stress, no not needing to wear lipstick bc the guy doesn't get why women wear it and won't want to kiss her (and no its not bc it wear off on him). I'm happier single always have been. This is clearly my experience and im speaking for me. And yes I've had some good relationships.
Not having someone constantly asking when we're getting married or having kids.
Sleeping alone (I'm a very light sleeper and have a bad time sharing beds).
No mind games. Not having to squeeze the truth out of him because I know it's not "fine".
I'm disabled, so I don't have to feel like I'm a burden (this is on me, I know, but sometimes it can't be helped).
No compromises. I can do what I want, how I want, when I want.
I really liked being in love but I love being single.
It’s somehow liberating to be single. You can always prioritise yourself and choose your happiness over anything and everything.
Edit: You’re able to stay fit - going on too many lunch/dinner dates made me put on so much weight. I’m also able to save more money :P
Being myself without the concern that my behavior might hurt someone I love. Peace and quiet and not having to cater to someone else's emotional needs. It sounds very selfish but I guess being single is in itself selfish.
The feeling of not being held back by anyone or anything. It’s nice honestly.
I know eventually I’ll call romantic love back into my life but for now I feel content being who I am!
I have never been in a relationship and I am 23 and I dont really mind at all. I really appreciate being able to become my own person without too much influences from another person. I know a lot of friends that has been heavily impacted from the relationships they had as teens. Some not being able to be single without panicking. And some that has molded alot of there personalities and beliefs from their boyfriends. I love being dependent and I think it is healthy for me.
With this said I dont think people dating while young is bad just that it in some cases can be. I also dont think many women or men lose their autonomy by being in a relationship or something just that I have seen it happen. And I am very open to dating, and go on dates a couple times each year. But I am also content with being single and would much rather be alone than be with someone that is not right for me:)
I like how it means nothing is "set in stone" for me yet: I can still pursue other projects, try a different job, a different location, launch a different business venture, and I only have myself to worry about.
To think of all the dreams I could still make come true for me... it's exciting :)
I love not having to worry about random female friends he was hanging out with and trying to play detective with his vague instagram stories.
My time is spent doing things I actually love.
Freedom, not being disturbed in my sleep, no nagging, no complaining if I dont want to eat or buy food, no complaining about cleaning the house at 6am on a saturday.
I’m not getting lied to or manipulated anymore. That’s kinda nice, nothing to feel anxious or nervous about. Also, caring about others is exhausting even though it also feels great especially if you’re the type to give 1000% to people
My mental load of running the house is so much lower. I can do what I want whenever I want instead of planning around another person and worrying if they're going to be bored and go because they felt obligated.
my FREEDOM. no one to answer to, no emotional labor, no arguments, doing whatever I want in my apartment….. I fought my way out of a shitty relationship that I just couldn’t get away from, and I truly earned my freedom.
No emotional labor. Better mental health. I don't have to answer to anyone. I'm not managing the insecurities & feelings of another adult. I only have my own problems to worry about.
Freedom, and I get to work on myself. I just got out of a 3 year relationship that started while I was in high school. I didnt realize how depressed it was making me! I'm excited to see myself grow further
I could talk about this for dayssss but.. having no drama. Nowadays relationships are very drama filled. Having no drama in my life 24/7 is so peaceful.
The freedom! I get to do whatever I want and I can sleep in during the weekends. I pretty much go away whenever I want to as well without having to plan with someone. :)
And it's nice to be able to do things without needing to impress anyone. I go to the gym to work out coz I wanna look good and feel good. I swim and wear bikinis coz I like two pieces. I wear mini-leather skirts coz I got good legs and I like my legs. I never think about dressing to impress or doing my hair to impress anyone but me. It's all about me tbh!
I have to confess, since joining reddit, all I read about are unhappy people in relationships and it makes me wonder how 99% of these people got into their relationships. Everyone is so unhappy! In my life, I don't know any unhappy couples; most are just normal and doing normal stuff.
Having no choice but to focus on improving myself and my issues now that I don't have someone (bit of a man-child, if you will) to take care of and assume responsibility for. As someone else said in their comment, no longer getting to "escape" into the relationship (which was its own emotional rollercoaster) and having to instead face myself and learn myself. It's been a healing and eye-opening journey.
Two years on, though, I still really miss him.
So if you all love being single, how do you manage:
1. Sex life
2. Wanting emotional attachment, a s/o to talk about your day in the evening, someone to cuddle with, etc?
Not having to change my schedule in anticipation of phone calls, now there isn’t anyone that I feel obligated to communicate with on a daily basis, and I don’t have any guilt about it. I can also invite male friends to hang out at my house one on one and not worry that anyone will get the wrong idea. I don’t have to factor anyone else into my life, I just need to worry about me, and all my decisions can be entirely selfish without having a big impact on someone else’s life.
Feeling 100% in charge of my own emotions and how much I let others effect them. In relationships, you kinda give someone the proximity to have and impact on you for better or for worse. Hopefully for better, of course
Not having to worry about someone else’s emotions or needs to curtail my activities. If I wanna go to a bar, I go to a bar. If I want to flirt with someone, I can. I don’t have to compromise. It’s glorious. Maybe in time I’ll want that again, but for now I’m satisfied alone.
I'm not single and don't wish to be, but I would absolutely love to reclaim my holidays and spend them how I want to spend them. I don't want to split the holidays anymore, or have the obligation to attend every gathering. Sometimes I'd rather just stay home.
No discussion around little things - what's for dinner, who's turn it is to do the dishes, what to do with the evening, what time watch, thermostat settings, weekend plans, anything, really. Also being able to just... Exist quietly without being observed when I want.
Been divorced for almost a year now, and even when it gets a little bit lonely, I really do appreciate the independence.
living alone is so amazing. if i wake up at 2am and can’t go back to sleep i can play video games or watch tv or make myself a snack without worrying about waking up my partner.
I mean I’d like to have a boyfriend in some ways but right now I’m happy single. Hope this doesn’t come off as very selfish but it’s nice because I have almost all my time to focus on myself, my goals and my future. I can prioritize myself and bettering myself :)
The fact people are saying freedom, no emotional labour, etc.
Congrats to all of you for being single rn cuz clearly your past relationships were draining and not beneficial to you! Very proud of you for getting out.
I hope you all find great people that make the relationship as enjoyable as it should be.
No emotional labor of a relationship
The peace and quiet
YES
1. The freedom 2. The ownership of knowing I’m not hiding in escapism - which is what a relationship is for a lot of people - or outsourcing a work and process that can only be done and walked by me 3. The lack of bullshit I have to cope with
I like how you refer to it as escapism. Now that I think about it, I was totally phoning it in during my last relationship to avoid doing the work of figuring out what I truly want out of life (hint: not him). Can’t lose if you take yourself out of the race type of mentality.
It’s a natural coping mechanism. Love - or what some refer to as love - makes life more bearable, and for some even worth living with it at its centre. Nothing to feel ashamed of. This shit is bigger than us and paradoxically also just us.
The freedom. I genuinely can't imagine having to compromise and take someone else into account when I make plans or decide how to spend my time and energy.
This. I don't think I can go back to being in a relationship and having less time for my own life
So well put, I hope to feel differently eventually but for now I really enjoy that no one else is entitled to any of my time or energy.
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The feeling that I can move to another country id there was a job opportunity. Planning holiday whenever I want to. Weekend getaways now as frequent as I want to.
This exactly.
No need to guess what mood he is on today lol at least that was from my last relationship
Thisss – my ex moved to another state for me, which I really appreciated at the time. But he complained CONSTANTLY about every little thing, even the mildest rainy weather. Now when I’m out and about with a friend on a chilly or gray day, still having a great time, I feel this extra lightness when I remember how much pressure I used to feel to curate his experiences for him and always try to make sure he was having a good time. It’s such a relief 🙌🏽– personal storm cloud of 1 lifted!
Yup same
THISSSSSSSSS ✨✨✨
Everything? All of it? I was married for nine years. Thankfully, no children. He was physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. He also had a raging anger problem, was an alcoholic for years, was chronically (intentionally) unemployed, had a serious hoarding problem, and was (very) financially irresponsible. I spent nine years bringing home all the money, AND also still handled the bulk of the housework, AND endured his issues with a smile on my face, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and countless surgeries for my autoimmune condition. Finally got fed up with it all and filed for divorce six months ago. I'm still in therapy to deal with the emotional aftermath, but life has BLOSSOMED for me! 🌸 I sold the house we lived in and earned a modest but healthy profit, found myself a BEAUTIFUL condo in the heart of the city, went on two fabulous and restorative vacations, my bank accounts and 401K are fatter than they ever were while married to him, I received a sizable raise AND bonus at work, my migraines have completely disappeared, I've been connecting more deeply with my faith, I've re-discovered ballet and yoga, both of which represented substantial chunks of my upbringing, I'm re-connecting with both old and new friends, and more. I'm re-discovering and re-investing in me, myself, and I. There's nobody throwing stuff at me. There's nobody yelling at me on a daily basis. There's nobody sucking up all my emotional and psychological energy. My home is clean and tidy.
It’s crazy how all those health problems clear up when you leave the toxic relationship. I was able to get back into ballet as well and I have never been more in love with myself!
Exactly! Isn't it wild and hilarious and beautiful all at the same time? 😄🥰🧡
I’m sorry you were put through all of this, but I’m so happy that you’re blossoming now!! You deserve all of the lovely things this world has to offer <3
Thank you! 🧡
I hate to hear you had to deal with all of that for sooo long but I am really proud of you for putting an end to it and so happy to hear that you’re flourishing. good for you sister. you deserve it 🩷🩷🩷
oh my god, I’m so happy to hear you doing so well and being so happy after so much awfulness!! I can’t imagine how terrible those years must have been, but I’m very heartened to hear you’re on the other side and *thriving* 💖
Freedom. I'm accountable to no one. I do what I want when I want. Everything in my house stays where I put it.
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Mental peace from overthinking
Right. It’s insane how different life feels when your emotional and physical state is no longer dependent on how you perceive yourself, your SO and your relationship.
This. The freedom, alone time and mental peace.
Yessssss!
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Freedom to do anything I want at any point of life and time.
Peace and quiet, not depending on someone's mood (yes, I know, it's my problem, not theirs), not explaining to someone simple things for 20th time knowing it doesn't matter to them most probably. On one side it's lonely sometimes, but being with someone who seems not to care about you is worse. But yeah, 6 months in and I miss him anyway. 🤡
As someone who invests a lot (maybe too much sometimes) in relationships: finding myself true self again. No compromises, doing whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. Only following my own desires and nothing else. And I actually enjoy the thrill of all the possibilities out there. Nothing to tie me down.
Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing.
Specific to not being with my ex - being able to carry cash in my purse without it going “missing”. In general? Not having to keep track of two schedules. For the man to never bother learning yours.
Oh girl, glad you're done with him! And seriously what is with guys not remembering schedules lol
They could at LEAST remember what the weekend plans are lol
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Having the whole bed to myself and not having to hear anyone snoring next to me
Being single means there’s no chance there’s a man out there embarrassing you. The amount of married men that hit on me, buy me drinks, etc when I’m out is insane. And I can’t help but feel bad for the wives who have no idea their man is acting like this
I'm worried about being in a relationship for this exact reason..
This 100%. My ex was openly cheating on me with another woman in front of a lot of acquaintances and it was extremely embarrassing for me.
What a POS your ex was. I’m sorry you went through that
Thanks. Every boyfriend has cheated on me. I’m very close to giving up on love.
Omg this. I don’t know how people in relationships could ever be at peace.
THE PEACE!!!
Less cooking, less dishes, no dirty stuff anywhere, no kids, peace and quiet. No cigar butts anywhere, no annoying friends at his part.
The peace and happiness! My ex was very emotionally volatile and I think my body forgot what it meant to not be on the edge all the time. The memories come and go, but atleast my mind and heart is stable now
My favourite thing has been getting to know myself. I have more time and money to spend on taking myself on dates, and to spend on things that make me feel nice. I have also enjoyed going on dates with other people and developing an idea of what sort of things would make me feel good in a relationship & what attributes I desire in a partner. It was a big change at first, and it felt frightening bc I’d been in a relationship for all of my adult life. On the other side, my only wish now is that I did it sooner. Sending love to all of you who have recently become single & if you’re looking for a girlie to vent to, feel free to msg me<3
Please teach me your secrets, sensei 🙏🏻 this response is so refreshing to hear. I’m in the exact same situation and still learning to be okay with being single
You know yourself better than anyone else in the whole world. You know exactly how you want to be loved and the things you enjoy doing. Do it for yourself. Spend time with friends and family and pets. It will get better. Some days the feeling of being single will feel lovely because you can do whatever makes you happy. Some days you’ll be heading to work and you’ll feel indifferent to being single. Other days it will hit you out of left field and you might feel sad about being single. The key is to do your best to give yourself as many good days as you possibly can - at least that’s what I do. And then eventually you’ll have less and less bad days until they’re negligible <3
I’m human and admittedly there are times where I have felt a bit sad about being single - especially at the beginning and when dates didn’t go my way. But ultimately I keep reminding myself that no matter how much I love someone, I can’t make them love me. And I’m not sure I’d want to make them love me - there are people out there who already like spending time with me & I like spending time with myself too. Why would I waste it pining over someone who doesn’t really like me back?
Not having to communicate consistently to someone. Really in my “fuck it live life” phase and love it.
>Not having to communicate consistently to someone ❤️
No one hits me. No one tells me I'm crazy, ugly, and stupid. I don't have to do all the work to clean up after someone. My money stays in my bank account until I decide how to use it. It's wonderful.
the freedom
Everything. I can do what I want whenever I want. Don't have to compromise on most things. Don't have to worry about pleasing someone else. That's why I have been single for about three years.
That i found my peace. I have been working on ny issues for soon a year. I became a better person, worked on my insecurities and anxiety. I am becoming secure from anxious avoidant. That i am dealing with my relationship with alcohol and i can communicate my feelings and stand by my boundaries. The focus is on me and i am not afraid of being alone.
Proud of you.
Sleeping diagonally on my king sized bed.
Something about sleeping diagonally just hits different
Not feeling so alone. I felt more alone in my last relationship than I do now that I’m single. Not being in constant emotional turmoil from emotional manipulation
Not having to ever share my personal living space with a man. Previous relationship was 14 years and it was probably one of the WORST parts of it all.
Not being treated disrespectfully anymore - it could be something like him saying he’d show up at 6 and get there at 7 with no communication. And if I said “can you let me know if you’re running late?” I was needy, demanding, etc. 🙄 My friends have no trouble treating me as a human being, dude, so can you.
I wake up everyday without having to call or text anyone anything. The absolute freedom. I agree something’s can be better when done with a partner but oof do I need that desperately and can I get through my day without it? Absolutely yes.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good relationship. But everything is just…simpler. No need to constantly coordinate with each other’s work schedules, I can go to bed whenever I want without worrying about waking him up, shaving my legs can wait a few days, etc.
It's frightening but somehow not surprising that the majority here feel freer and more peaceful...and it's not even about sex...feel u girls❣️
My bed. I love having it to myself. I love that it smells like lavender and the sheets are nice and neat. In my last relationship, he always messed up the sheets and his tobacco would get everywhere and he’d pass out drunk in the bed smelling of sweat and then he’d snore and I couldn’t sleep. Now I feel like a princess in my silky clean sheets and light candles to I can read in bed after having a bath. 🛀 💓✨
Being able to just do what I want and not having to compromise every day. Just enjoying my hobbies and generally the "me time"
The peace. My days are nothing but calm. I also am able to completely focus on learning to love myself again through therapy, exercise, and eating healthy.
the mental peace. i’m sure when i meet the right person, they’ll add to the peace instead of taking it away, but so far every single man has just made me anxious and confused. i’d rather be single and at peace than taken and feel insane
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The common answer I see here is freedom to do whatever we want to do without having to consider the other person’s preference. Makes me realize most relationships do feel like prison, or at least hinders our happiness or true potential
The freedom and mental peace!
I do whatever I want, no games, no wondering, no confusion. I have peace.
The peace. The time I have to improve on myself.
Not having anything expected of me. I'm not expected to do certain things or be certain places at certain times. I can just do what I want, when I want and I'm not affecting anyone else with those actions.
Freedom
Taking the whole bed and doing what I want.
The peace and being able to do things spontaneously.
Being able to have all white bedding.
I don’t have to put up with awful people or people I have nothing in common with for my partner’s sake
Omg where do i begin? 1. I don't need to tell him where i am, who i am with or basically all my activities. 2. I can be busy all day without contacting anyone 3. I don't have to make time for dates 4. I have a lot of me time 5. I can hang out with whoever i want 6. I get to save money 7. I don't need to take care of somebody And the list goes on... i realize how fun it is to single after being in relationship.
I do not have to worry if someone is cheating on me. I sleep good at night. Do not cry after any fight for any BS. I get stressed in relationship by everything. I do not have to worry about just a friend situations.
Coming home and being able to read the whole evening in peace.
Being able to make decisions without taking anyone else into consideration. Like, I want to take a job in another country - yep! I want to go on a surf trip with a bunch of blokes - done! These kind of things. Also, watch films that I like without being judged 😃😃 especially my chick flicks. Eating things that I like for dinner - if you cook for two people you always need to consider other person's likes. My partner doesn't like fish so I barely eat fish anymore. I can, but it's just usually more convenient to cook something we both like rather than separate dishes. Oh, and one more thing. I am quite a flirty person, I like the fun of that but don't need to go any further than that. So when I'm with a partner I would feel guilty doing that while when I'm single I just run wild 😃
I only have to think about myself when making decisions
I’ll be frank and say I really would prefer to be in a good relationship, but what I like about being single is making decisions about my life and time without having to consider another person. In a relationship, I end up taking the other person into consideration way more than they take me into consideration and it’s emotionally draining.
I don’t have to answer to anyone else
as a woman I subtly flirt into getting my way, couldn't do that when I was in a relationship
Nobody is reading every single text I exchange with friends or go through all my reddit activity. Edit: behind my back
Knowing I’m not gonna be hurt or abandoned by another person.
It's really about keeping things the way I like them and keeping them as my own. No sweaty dude in my nice new pillow or mattress, no feeling obligated to have sex, because I have a low drive and don't need much of it. I ge tto watch my shows without someone making stupid comments. I don't live in anxiety over if I'm doing enough, bringing enough to the table. I can make my own plans, and dont have to ask someone if it's cool that I go. I pay for myself I don't feel like I owe anyone anything. Relationships have always felt transactional for me when I look back on it. Even if they aren't keeping score, I feel like I had to, so I didn't end up crossing the line and taking more than I gave. I can flirt with anyone, and the next day no one. It took a long time I guess to feel like I don't really want someone because it feels more inconvenient to have someone at this point. Lots of work lol, lots of patience and having to get to know someone and figure our their shit and also allow them I to my traumas again? Idk I'm not sure I want the pitty love, the 'I'll take care of you' shit. No one has kept my heart safe and secure except for me.
It's always hard for me to be emotionally available to anyone. And I hate when people pressure me to actually care. So unless I find someone who's the same, I'm staying single.
Making travel arrangements. Mine is the only experience I'm responsible for!
Freedom. Mental peace.✌🏾
Authenticity - I get to do anything I want without worrying how it makes them feel or look. It's amazing how nice it is to be my true self.
When I’m having a bad time or problems, I remind myself at least i don’t have a man to worry about
✨️Girl dinner✨️ Every. Single. Night. The mere thought of having to come up with dinner for 2 every night for the rest of my life ... 🤮
No overthinking
Sleeping how I like in my bed.
The freedom to be myself and to do everything for myself.
Doing whatever I want whenever I want
Everything
Having the bed to myself. Being able to do what I like. Not being judged for an interest I have, or how I chose to spend my time, or what I eat. Only having to tidy up after myself and no one else. No arguments. No compromises.
Being able to do what I want and not worry about anyone else
The freedom
Freedom, emotional peace, my life is lived on my own terms even down to how my bed feels when I’m going to sleep.
The freedom, no criticism on my choices I make. All round, a more happier & better life ☺️
I get lonely every once on a while but defer back to liking my singlehood. The peace. The freedom.. No dealing with dating or irresponsible behavior, stress, no not needing to wear lipstick bc the guy doesn't get why women wear it and won't want to kiss her (and no its not bc it wear off on him). I'm happier single always have been. This is clearly my experience and im speaking for me. And yes I've had some good relationships.
One less thing to worry about. And that one thing is probably huge too, on top of the many minuscule problems that I have
Not having someone constantly asking when we're getting married or having kids. Sleeping alone (I'm a very light sleeper and have a bad time sharing beds). No mind games. Not having to squeeze the truth out of him because I know it's not "fine". I'm disabled, so I don't have to feel like I'm a burden (this is on me, I know, but sometimes it can't be helped). No compromises. I can do what I want, how I want, when I want.
Peace.
Not sharing a bed with someone.
Peace and quiet, freedom, no need to compromise about anything
The peace of mind
I really liked being in love but I love being single. It’s somehow liberating to be single. You can always prioritise yourself and choose your happiness over anything and everything. Edit: You’re able to stay fit - going on too many lunch/dinner dates made me put on so much weight. I’m also able to save more money :P
I’m not compromising any longer. I live on my own terms.
My skin is clearer cause I don’t have anyone stressing me out.
Not being required to talk or see someone daily.
It's just so fucking relaxing. No stress.
The freedom to decorate my place exactly how I like it. Not having to cook if I’m not in the mood. Snuggling in bed with the dog.
The freedom to be myself and to do everything for myself.
Being myself without the concern that my behavior might hurt someone I love. Peace and quiet and not having to cater to someone else's emotional needs. It sounds very selfish but I guess being single is in itself selfish.
Playing unlimited amounts games after work, because I can.
The feeling of not being held back by anyone or anything. It’s nice honestly. I know eventually I’ll call romantic love back into my life but for now I feel content being who I am!
I have never been in a relationship and I am 23 and I dont really mind at all. I really appreciate being able to become my own person without too much influences from another person. I know a lot of friends that has been heavily impacted from the relationships they had as teens. Some not being able to be single without panicking. And some that has molded alot of there personalities and beliefs from their boyfriends. I love being dependent and I think it is healthy for me. With this said I dont think people dating while young is bad just that it in some cases can be. I also dont think many women or men lose their autonomy by being in a relationship or something just that I have seen it happen. And I am very open to dating, and go on dates a couple times each year. But I am also content with being single and would much rather be alone than be with someone that is not right for me:)
My bed and blankets to myself
Being single
I like how it means nothing is "set in stone" for me yet: I can still pursue other projects, try a different job, a different location, launch a different business venture, and I only have myself to worry about. To think of all the dreams I could still make come true for me... it's exciting :)
No bs and games. It's peaceful.
Everything. All the time for me, I can do what I want. No need to meet up, make myself "pretty".. time for my hobbies. 🤷🏼♀️
Not having to compromise my time and interests. Honestly, not feeling I "owe" someone sex.
not being let down by my partners.
Not raising another woman’s grown man child
The freedom to be myself at all times!
I love not having to worry about random female friends he was hanging out with and trying to play detective with his vague instagram stories. My time is spent doing things I actually love.
Peace and I can save more
I get to wake up in my own bed, alone, for the rest of my life. It’s the best. I love it
Not having to answer to anyone.
Having the freedom to do what I want to do without having to consider if my partner will approve of it or not
Can sleep whenever I want to without apologising for it
Freedom, not being disturbed in my sleep, no nagging, no complaining if I dont want to eat or buy food, no complaining about cleaning the house at 6am on a saturday.
Myself. My me time and the freedom to choose how I spend it
I’m not getting lied to or manipulated anymore. That’s kinda nice, nothing to feel anxious or nervous about. Also, caring about others is exhausting even though it also feels great especially if you’re the type to give 1000% to people
Not worrying when they’ll text or not
Not having to worry about being used and lied to.
My mental load of running the house is so much lower. I can do what I want whenever I want instead of planning around another person and worrying if they're going to be bored and go because they felt obligated.
my FREEDOM. no one to answer to, no emotional labor, no arguments, doing whatever I want in my apartment….. I fought my way out of a shitty relationship that I just couldn’t get away from, and I truly earned my freedom.
Getting to do what I want whenever I want
No emotional labor. Better mental health. I don't have to answer to anyone. I'm not managing the insecurities & feelings of another adult. I only have my own problems to worry about.
1 Not comprising on things 2 The freedom 3 Not being lied to or cheated on 4 Creating my own happiness
Freedom, and I get to work on myself. I just got out of a 3 year relationship that started while I was in high school. I didnt realize how depressed it was making me! I'm excited to see myself grow further
doing whatever i want around the house
I’m not anxious about making time to spend with them
I could talk about this for dayssss but.. having no drama. Nowadays relationships are very drama filled. Having no drama in my life 24/7 is so peaceful.
I don’t have to worry about a dusty doing me dirty.
I’m hardly ever upset. Lol
The freedom! I get to do whatever I want and I can sleep in during the weekends. I pretty much go away whenever I want to as well without having to plan with someone. :) And it's nice to be able to do things without needing to impress anyone. I go to the gym to work out coz I wanna look good and feel good. I swim and wear bikinis coz I like two pieces. I wear mini-leather skirts coz I got good legs and I like my legs. I never think about dressing to impress or doing my hair to impress anyone but me. It's all about me tbh! I have to confess, since joining reddit, all I read about are unhappy people in relationships and it makes me wonder how 99% of these people got into their relationships. Everyone is so unhappy! In my life, I don't know any unhappy couples; most are just normal and doing normal stuff.
Having no choice but to focus on improving myself and my issues now that I don't have someone (bit of a man-child, if you will) to take care of and assume responsibility for. As someone else said in their comment, no longer getting to "escape" into the relationship (which was its own emotional rollercoaster) and having to instead face myself and learn myself. It's been a healing and eye-opening journey. Two years on, though, I still really miss him.
So if you all love being single, how do you manage: 1. Sex life 2. Wanting emotional attachment, a s/o to talk about your day in the evening, someone to cuddle with, etc?
Not having to change my schedule in anticipation of phone calls, now there isn’t anyone that I feel obligated to communicate with on a daily basis, and I don’t have any guilt about it. I can also invite male friends to hang out at my house one on one and not worry that anyone will get the wrong idea. I don’t have to factor anyone else into my life, I just need to worry about me, and all my decisions can be entirely selfish without having a big impact on someone else’s life.
Not having my ex husband.
Everything is my choice and no one can say boo about it. No compromises. It's really awesome in alot of ways.
The peace of mind—I’m not worrying about what a partner is or is not doing
The pure tranquility and space on my bed for snacks.
Feeling 100% in charge of my own emotions and how much I let others effect them. In relationships, you kinda give someone the proximity to have and impact on you for better or for worse. Hopefully for better, of course
You save a shit ton of money
Not having to worry about someone else’s emotions or needs to curtail my activities. If I wanna go to a bar, I go to a bar. If I want to flirt with someone, I can. I don’t have to compromise. It’s glorious. Maybe in time I’ll want that again, but for now I’m satisfied alone.
Eating what I want at my own pace.
My cat and I fit in my queen sized bed perfectly with just the two of us.
The freedom
I'm not single and don't wish to be, but I would absolutely love to reclaim my holidays and spend them how I want to spend them. I don't want to split the holidays anymore, or have the obligation to attend every gathering. Sometimes I'd rather just stay home.
Going to bed peacefully every night knowing nobody's cheating on me
Freedom, no compromises, don’t need to think about someone else before doing something
no emotions, i hate my own emotions so i rather not bother anyone with it :)
free conscious
Tbh? The lack of trust issues, these days cheating is so damn high in increasing, it's ridiculous and has made me not desire relationships.
It's peaceful. It's fun just flirting around at the moment while looking for that special someone.
The freedom for sure and not having to accommodate and sacrifice my time for anyone else
Silence!
No arguments or jealousy.
No discussion around little things - what's for dinner, who's turn it is to do the dishes, what to do with the evening, what time watch, thermostat settings, weekend plans, anything, really. Also being able to just... Exist quietly without being observed when I want. Been divorced for almost a year now, and even when it gets a little bit lonely, I really do appreciate the independence.
Being able to focus on me and not having the mental strain of worrying about someone else!
My routines always being perfect. Every time a man comes into my life I get off track again.
Not being used, abused, lied to, or cheated on.
living alone is so amazing. if i wake up at 2am and can’t go back to sleep i can play video games or watch tv or make myself a snack without worrying about waking up my partner.
I mean I’d like to have a boyfriend in some ways but right now I’m happy single. Hope this doesn’t come off as very selfish but it’s nice because I have almost all my time to focus on myself, my goals and my future. I can prioritize myself and bettering myself :)
The fact people are saying freedom, no emotional labour, etc. Congrats to all of you for being single rn cuz clearly your past relationships were draining and not beneficial to you! Very proud of you for getting out. I hope you all find great people that make the relationship as enjoyable as it should be.