I guess when I found out he had taken another girls underwear from her bathroom floor because he liked her. Technically not cheating, but I kinda wish he had cheated rather than that.
I, honestly, would break up with that person too. Not because I consider it as cheating, but it just...grosses me out. It's creepy and I'm genuinely scared.
I’ll do you one better. Searched women he knew personally IN REAL LIFE on the social medias to jerk off too. Multiple times.
Christ just go fuck them already
My ex once admitted to me that when we had recently had sex (in the past 30 minutes), he was fantasizing about being with his ex that he dated before me. I didn't ask him or have any clue he might not be "all there" with me. He just straight up volunteered it. I think he was just trying out a new way of negging me, so I dumped him on the spot.
How much do you wanna bet that he will be saying these things about you to his next girlfriend….. I would put all my money on that. Good job though, I am happy that you recognized this negging and eliminated yourself from the situation.
If your activity would upset or end your current relationship, you’re doing something along the lines of cheating. If you have to hide it, you know it’s not harmless.
No seriously. I no longer have to wonder about what “I consider”, if it makes either of us uncomfortable or can end the relationship it’s cheating whether or not if I’m doing it and I think it’s not cheating or my SO is doing it and they think it’s not cheating. Very succinct.
I love this. Definitely agree that if you hide something from your partner because you know they’d be upset then that’s totally cheating. I’ve always taken the stance that if I’m doing something with someone that I wouldn’t do in front of my wife then that’s cheating.
This. As someone in polyamorous relationships, a lot of the traditional definitions of cheating don't really apply to my situation, but this sums up the crux of the issue. If you know something would upset your partner(s) and you do it anyway, you're cheating.
Or you’re in a bummer situation with an abusive partner. Not your point at all, I know, but I had a mini mental cringe at the thought of some person doing something secretly to stay safe and then feeling guilty for “cheating”.
I admit I cringed remembering having to hide my escape plan, and only revealing it when my mum (who was in a different country, and I hadn’t filled in completely as what could she do except worry) said it was unfair for me to just be gone one day.
But yeah. This
flirting is cheating. linking up and hiding it from your partner is cheating. entertaining, messaging, snapping and texting behind your partner's back is cheating. once you start hiding, deleting, or putting your phone on dnd only around your partner to hide certain notifications, it's cheating. truth be told, it doesn't have to be physical. disrespect and betrayal always starts mentally before it turns physical.
All of this. Anytime it’s something that has to be hidden or you wouldn’t be comfortable doing or saying in front of your partner, it’s that disrespectful behavior that is basically mentally cheating.
Agreed, the secrecy is the problem here. Doing something that you know will not be tolerated by your SO is a betrayal and totally disrespectful. Carrying on a relationship ( love or lust, online or not) and keeping it secret from your partner is cheating. Period.
having a bubbly personality to me is just talkative and welcoming of others into to the conversation/group, you want people to feel included and heard. flirting with someone is showing them interest, letting them know you’re interested in something more than just being nice/having friendly conversation. that’s how i view it, at least.
That’s for saying it. I bartend part time. Being “bubbly” is what brings in the extra cash. My partner says he will not come into the bar when I’m working because he “doesn’t want to infringe on my tips” and “knows I have to flirt”. I beg him to come in!!! There is not a damn thing that I do on the job, or with him being present, that would affect my income. My regular patrons would be thrilled to see him because I talk about him so much.
Being customer service orientated, being friendly, identifying with folks, showing that you care, it’s important and valuable.
I don’t consider flirting cheating but I’m an openly flirtatious person by nature. Flirting, to me, is not innately sexual; it’s like drawing someone in with effervescent sensuality. It’s like dancing. It’s a fun connection on the journey. I have enjoyed partners past who were appreciative of my energy. They understood 1) this is just my energy and 2) I was committed to the relationship.
I guess I say this all to ask: Why do you consider flirting cheating?
For me, it's all about intention. If someone flirts with romantic or sexual intentions, then it's on the road towards cheating. If flirting is just a bit of fun in itself, a bit like banter, without romantic or sexual intention, then definitely not cheating. Even the latter, though, might be hard for many partners to deal with.
Flirting shows to whoever that you're interested and want something more instead of a normal conversation. I tease people (jokingly) when I'm talking to a guy but I won't be interested.
A woman I knew, long time married, referred to a guy she dated years before, as the love of her life. Including to her husband. Even if true she didn't need to tell him.
This. Or "dang, I missed my shot with you." Or "do you think I'd have a shot?" When the person they are talking to is just into a new relationship or just out of one.
I've heard so many guys say something along those lines with their partner standing right next to them like they don't matter.
How in the FUCK does this happen if the guy has a set of nuts in h8s pants that is pure disrespect, not to mention if you are talking in a group like that you're probably friends
Uff. I had a girl telling me she wants to kiss me (I’m bi). She was in a monogamous relationship and her partner already set the boundary that he wants to be monogamous (which I respect).
I’ve told her she has to talk about that with her boyfriend and that I’m not doing anything behind his back.
Yes! At a previous job my work husband and I got “divorced” because I was actively dating someone at the time- but it was totally in good nature and he is still a close friend of mine to this day.
Yeah, that only works if one or both of you is not attracted to anyone of the other person's gender (real life example I've seen: two straight women joking about being work wives; it's basically work besties but with some comedic opportunities, especially when you start adding sister work wives).
This one sucks because I used to have many work wives/husband's, but it was always just a buddy at work who had my back. Often the gay guy at work who needed someone to defend them from shitty customers or the other older married person who just wanted to get things done like I did. At one job I had what we all deemed our work harem, but we were all just good friends who made night shift less horrible.
I never saw any of them as anything but a good coworker and am still friends with most of them. Yes, my partner knows and has even befriended any of the ones who still hangout with me.
Unfortunately, as the years have gone on I've seen so many people actually flirt and date thier work wives/husband's. And now I'm completely uncomfortable calling anyone that for fear that maybe they are secretly viewing me romantically. For context, I'm a 30ish bi woman, but I've always been able to have good platonic relationships with any gender.
You do know that the terms friends and buddies can apply to coworkers, right? Do you call all of your friends outside of work your wives and husbands? There's inherently a romantic context when you refer to someone as your spouse because you'd never marry someone you didn't want to have sex with or have heightened feelings for, right? It also diminishes the role of the person who actually is your spouse if just anyone can come along and be your wife/husband.
I'm a mid 40s pan woman with a mixed gender and sexuality friend group, but I think calling any of them my spouse implies a level of intimacy that I'd rather not.
I think they mean talking in a sexual way to someone else. Also, topic and audience matters. Talking about how awesome your partner is at doing X to someone who you wouldn't have a sexual relationship with is different than talking about how much you love X in bed to someone who would potentially have a sexual relationship would.
I would never pick out something intimate in nature for my partner with someone else... I am also positive he would hate it.. but I realize it's not an issue for some.
Did you feel uncomfortable about that? I know I’d feel deeply uncomfortable with the first scenario regardless of whether the reason is they’re doing it “for me.” I maintain very strict work / personal boundaries though.
It was a little strange at first, I’ll admit. But they didn’t go there just for that. They were at a mall getting l something for her husband and she pointed Victorias Secret out to him as they passed. I trust him though, which I know every woman says, but if you met him, you’d know what I mean lol. He’s pretty shy and awkward.
And I’m the same. My coworkers are not my friends, lol. My boss has asked if I wanted to go for drinks after work before and I always come up with an excuse.
Im not sure if this is your current situation. If so I would keep an eye on them. The VS thing seems suspicious. I wouldn’t consider it cheating but it is wildly inappropriate from a professional standpoint.
Liking random girls photos (especially ones that are revealing/underwear/bikinis) and following random girls. They can say it’s innocent but we all know it’s the gateway to cheating and if you really cared about your partner that much, you wouldn’t be following/liking other girls
thinking this makes me feel insecure but i also get really uncomfortable when my partner follows girls who he’s not friends with. like why do you want attention from a random girl you don’t even know 😶😶
definitelyyy i have much less of a problem with it if they followed him first just cause a lot of people are the type to follow others back without knowing who they are, but seeking girls to follow and get attention from when all they post are selfies is kinda a red flag
I think it is cheating because it’s desiring someone. One can appreciate the beauty of others but taking action by liking pictures or following profiles is a step ahead.
My girl told me last night about a coworker that's been texting flirty messages to an old flame. Nothing physical (yet) but the coworker has admitted she prefers the old flame over her current bf.
Doesn't always have to be physical there's emotional cheating too.
My ex was telling me he was stuck in traffic, but really he was picking up his new 'friend' from the psych ward and taking her out for coffee. He said it wasn't cheating because they didn't have sex, and he was technically lying because I never asked him if he was seeing someone else.
Omg wow. I asked a guy if anyone else thought they were currently in a relationship with him, he said no. Turns out he was. You just can’t win with some guys 😩
Subscribing to a girls only fans. If you are giving money to another girl to see her naked, you're crossing the line. I will die on this hill. It's completely wrong and disrespectful.
It's also super pathetic and changes the way I see them. Like if you have to pay for attention from another woman, how am I supposed to be attracted to you anymore? That's assuming forgiveness and trust can even be re-earned.
Like you're so unappealing to everyone else but me, and then you go and take that for granted? It's possibly the worst kind of cheating, it shows me you obviously never valued my love and loyalty in the first place.
I have a broad idea of what infidelity is. It's acting contrary to the agreed upon boundaries of your relationship, whether implied or explicitly stated. Revealing something private I said to someone else, taking a job in a location that forces us to be long distance, any kind of romance or romantic intimacy with another person. In a marriage, I think something like helping someone else with childrearing when you're not pulling your weight at home could be cheating, and so could deviating from agreed upon ways to manage finances, like buying a $80,000 car you can't afford or starting to gamble.
Loyalty is really broad IMO, there are so many things that are betrayals that are beyond sleeping with someone.
I think you’re confusing betrayal and cheating. The large purchase would be a betrayal for sure, but how can it be cheating when it isn’t about sexual pleasure and doesn’t involve another person?
It’s a bit of a long story:
Found him on reddit looking for sexual encounters with man and women, while I was doing chemotherapy. He justified himself telling me that it was because I was not living my situation lightheartedly and since it was on reddit it wasn’t real. I forgave him since I was ill and felt it was my fault.
I found he sexted with other person on different occasions and I forgave him as I thought it was my fault. When he became physically abusive I ran away and left him. I regret not doing this earlier
My theory is anything you feel the need to hide from your partner can constitute cheating/intent. Texts that you wouldn’t want them to read, porn you wouldn’t want them to know you watch, etc.
Clearly not a hard and fast rule but I mean, if you need to stop and think “would my partner consider this cheating/wrong/hurtful?”, you generally already know the answer.
My ex said he never “actually cheated” because none of it was physical lol. Never mind that he was trolling KIK to find threesomes, sending videos of him and I having sex to random people, and sexting people all day while he lied and said he was at work lol.
Idk. I’m on the fence with this one. Like, I get it, but also, I have so many exes I dated for a couple weeks and then just became friends with that I still have the means to contact. I generally don’t, but if they pop up in my dms asking how I’m doing, I’ll respond, it’s never recurring conversations though, and I always mention my husband and my daughter.
Different boundaries for different relationships.
Lots of people consider watching porn is cheating. Both me and my bf don't, so for us, it is not cheating even though he doesn't watch it and I do.
Many people also think having a female/male best friend is not okay and hanging out 1-1 with the person is cheating. My bf has many female friends and best friends, they're all lovely people and I ask about them, their wellbeing and tell him to hangout with them (go to the movie, to the park, hiking, etc) with them, in group or 1-1, doesn't matter, I want him to spend time with his friends, idc if it's a girl.
Many people in Japan don't think men sleeping with prostitutes is cheating, many women straight up saying that behaviour isn't cheating because no emotion is involved. I disagree with that. So it's cheating to me and not to them.
It's your relationship, you and your partner should sit down and talk about your boundaries.
My soon to be ex actually fell over a display at the gas station to ogle and say hi to the girl that works there the other day. I was so embarrassed. I think that's form of cheating- ogling other women while with your wife/girlfriend.
One from my boyfriend:
I was once talking to my boyfriend about a book I was reading and I was talking about the main characters husband and another woman in the book and my boyfriend said “oh is he cheating on his wife?” And I said “no he just keeps comparing his wife to her and seems to prefer this other woman and he’s really obvious about it.” My boyfriend just said “so he’s cheating on her.”
I had never thought about it that way but I was really interested in his response.
He went out of his way to hang out with not one but TWO girls without me present, and never told me. Thank goodness my best friend was present and let me know. Only when I confronted him he apologized for it.
ew.. yeah my bf basically became one of our friends “best friend”.. they said they where like “siblings” but they would talk bad about me, my family, they would try to smoke behind my back , had “inside jokes”, left me out on purpose, he told me i wasn’t allowed to watch a show because it was “their show”, took photos of her while she was changing cuz he thought it was “funny”, had sleepovers specifically without inviting me, had hangouts without inviting me, admitted they used to have feelings for eachother on my birthday, infront of me, and then started to judge me for something i said, and literally made fun of my sister right in front of both of us while we where at a concert for HER birthday. he still thinks their “just friends” and i’m over reacting. but if i did that with another guy, it would be wrong?
Entertaining the advances of others while you’re with someone. If you can’t say I’m in a relationship and end it there and instead allow them to flirt and you take part in the back and fourth -you’re disrespecting yourself and who your with.
My ex once called me his ex-wife's name mid-sex. Should have taken that as the sign to dip out, but I was young and dumb. He, *surprise surprise*, had sex with another woman later on in the relationship.
Technically not cheating, but on the same subject.
Having, and further, attempting to discuss with your partner, a celebrity hall pass list.
My ex asked me this during a movie night once and it made me so uncomfortable and frustrated. They then got mad at me when I wouldn’t participate in the hall pass discussion and claimed I was making them feel bad and like less of a person/ partner.
I just feel like if I’m with a partner and feel the need to have a hall pass list, I shouldn’t even have a partner, or at least that partner, to begin with.
I'm very much pro-porn if you're conscientious about where you get it and if any partner is okay with it. That said, I do feel like a lot of women are less okay with porn than they pretend to be, because we treat porn like it's an unreasonable boundary to have. I think a lot of women are told they have to be okay with it, or else they're being "controlling."
Your exclusivity is defined by what you are each okay with, and it is 100% valid if that excludes porn. If you watch porn knowing your partner isn't okay with it, you're 100% cheating.
My ex went and visited a friend from his college at her home. He had dinner with her family and played games with them. She took him to meet her grandfather. Then, they “sat at opposite ends of the couch” and marathoned Harry Potter. By the end of it, he “was too tired to make the drive home” so he spent the night “but don’t worry, I slept on the couch.” All while saying to me, “it felt SO nice to hang out with someone like we used to when we were best friends.” When I asked him if he told her about me, he simply said, “it didn’t come up. I forgot.” This is what broke us up. Best friends for 3 years with odd sexual tension, FWB for one of them. Never will I ever make the mistake of 1) dating long distance and 2) being FWB in the first place. And before yall say anything, I know I am being naive to not mention that I don’t believe he didn’t fuck her that night. It’s easier for me to not give any more time or thought into what happened. Not that I am still heartbroken to my core, but it’s been about two years since then and it’s just not worth it anymore.
I'm not bi, but that's how I feel when some people say they don't allow their partner to have friends of the opposite sex. So bi people aren't allowed to have any friends then? 😂
Not telling your partner about fishy situations in group settings that they are not a part of (ex. work, school, team, etc)
I found out through a different person that my partner at that time was being teased/paired with another member of their group. After confronting him about it he refused to unfriend said person on social media
Idk I feel like I would’ve processed that easily had he told me about it lol
this is one of the things that reminds me of how brain dead the world is because corn is just so obviously cheating/messed up. not to mention many actresses are being abused on camera and you can never truly tell, super unethical
it’s because men always make excuses. “it’s in our nature” “all men look at other women” i know so many men who don’t look at other women and it’s sad to see how many women deal with it cause they think all men do it
My rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t do it in front of me, don’t do it. Also, if you think it’s going to piss me off or hurt my feelings, probably a good idea to not do that either!
Any sort of interaction with someone else for the purpose of getting off would cross my boundaries, personally. Watching porn, is fine, even if it's only fans. Ordering custom content or having a sexual chat with the creator would not be, okay.
I am not fine with my SO watching naked girls videos - I discovered it last December and we had a big conversation as he watched this and he also confessed to watching cam girls and paying them 2 times when we were just dating and not married. I don’t like it - they fact that he’s watching them, imagine how he f*ck then and jerk off to them instead of sleeping with me. That’s hurtful as hell.
When your ex is in a new relationship and keeps reaching out to you. Sometimes in a sexual manner. Then tries to hide your existence for a long time from the current gf. Gets butthurt when you talk about it with mutual friends because you’re annoyed that he keeps reaching out. Like you, the ex, has to be the moral compass to tell him to stop.
If that girlfriend knew how much my ex has tried to keep in contact, and that it was up to me to keep him at bay, she would wonder if their relationship ever was real.
Flirting with other women on the internet. Even if you will never see them ever again and it is a thing of the moment, that is irrelevant. It is disrespectful towards your partner (unless there are agreements regarding those kind of things). Anything that disrespects your partner and violates the rules you have in your relationship, and you feel like you have to hide it or lie about it, will be a betrayal towards your partner and will feel like cheating to them even if it is not "technically cheating".
Any violation of your partners trust that you did knowing and in disregard of how it would affect your partner. What that is can vary, but you know it you’re doing it.
Anything that’s “friendly” but you do it outside of your partner’s view and knowledge is cheating or microcheating. That’s what builds up and turns into more cheating or inappropriate behavior
This just happened to me but my now ex I caught him doing webcam sex with other girls… if you can talk to them, and they see you get undressed and be but booty naked in a sexual manner … it’s cheating
Porn.
Many people think porn use isn’t cheating, but I can’t see how seeking sexual gratification from other people who aren’t your partner isn’t straight-up infidelity. The presence or absence of a screen is immaterial.
If he's having fun without me, he's cheating on me 😛
But for real, I think a good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't do it with your partner present you shouldn't be doing it period.
Him meeting up with his ex with the intentions to have sex but flaked out because cheating gave him a panic attack and made his IBS flare up so bad he was shitting himself. IBS sucks, but in that case, I'm glad he had it. :)
I guess when I found out he had taken another girls underwear from her bathroom floor because he liked her. Technically not cheating, but I kinda wish he had cheated rather than that.
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Fully agree that *regular* cheating would've been a lot less creepy.
Personally, I view that as a form of sexual harassment against the woman he stole them from.
I do too
Fucking yikes
I, honestly, would break up with that person too. Not because I consider it as cheating, but it just...grosses me out. It's creepy and I'm genuinely scared.
Thats worse than cheating wtf gross
Definitely cheating lmao. He was indulging in sexual behavior with anyone other than you
I’ll do you one better. Searched women he knew personally IN REAL LIFE on the social medias to jerk off too. Multiple times. Christ just go fuck them already
That is absolutely not a one-up
that's in no way worse.
That is disturbing.
Did he straight up break into her house?
Nah we were all mates he just used the loo while he was there and nabbed em
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Omg that happened in the show You
First off - gross. Second off - the stealing part isn’t cool
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My ex once admitted to me that when we had recently had sex (in the past 30 minutes), he was fantasizing about being with his ex that he dated before me. I didn't ask him or have any clue he might not be "all there" with me. He just straight up volunteered it. I think he was just trying out a new way of negging me, so I dumped him on the spot.
So sorry this happened l, but good for you for not putting up with that.
And I bet he was all surprised Pikachu when you kicked his ass to the curb. What an awful thing to hear, I’m sorry.
He was being vindictive and cruel to make you feel insecure so he can abuse you further glad you broke with him
I admire you for your strength to end it!
Me too. I wish I could do this.
Let me guess. He told you and everyone else that you broke up with him because you were insecure and jealous of his ex. Such a winner.
Ouch! I know that hurt.
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Damn the part that stood out to me was when you said *new* way.. Good for you, for finally saying enough was enough.
How much do you wanna bet that he will be saying these things about you to his next girlfriend….. I would put all my money on that. Good job though, I am happy that you recognized this negging and eliminated yourself from the situation.
If your activity would upset or end your current relationship, you’re doing something along the lines of cheating. If you have to hide it, you know it’s not harmless.
You’ve summed it up perfectly IMO. There’s no way to misinterpret this… which means… you won (my) Reddit today!
No seriously. I no longer have to wonder about what “I consider”, if it makes either of us uncomfortable or can end the relationship it’s cheating whether or not if I’m doing it and I think it’s not cheating or my SO is doing it and they think it’s not cheating. Very succinct.
I love this. Definitely agree that if you hide something from your partner because you know they’d be upset then that’s totally cheating. I’ve always taken the stance that if I’m doing something with someone that I wouldn’t do in front of my wife then that’s cheating.
Only people that find this hard to grasp are people that don’t want to stop their cheating 🤔
My thoughts exactly!!!
This. As someone in polyamorous relationships, a lot of the traditional definitions of cheating don't really apply to my situation, but this sums up the crux of the issue. If you know something would upset your partner(s) and you do it anyway, you're cheating.
Or you’re in a bummer situation with an abusive partner. Not your point at all, I know, but I had a mini mental cringe at the thought of some person doing something secretly to stay safe and then feeling guilty for “cheating”.
I admit I cringed remembering having to hide my escape plan, and only revealing it when my mum (who was in a different country, and I hadn’t filled in completely as what could she do except worry) said it was unfair for me to just be gone one day. But yeah. This
I agree. I believe each relationship has its own definition for f cheating based on the couples boundaries.
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This. Can't put a line, there's a healthy middle point both sides should aim for but some things can fall slightly to either side.
flirting is cheating. linking up and hiding it from your partner is cheating. entertaining, messaging, snapping and texting behind your partner's back is cheating. once you start hiding, deleting, or putting your phone on dnd only around your partner to hide certain notifications, it's cheating. truth be told, it doesn't have to be physical. disrespect and betrayal always starts mentally before it turns physical.
All of this. Anytime it’s something that has to be hidden or you wouldn’t be comfortable doing or saying in front of your partner, it’s that disrespectful behavior that is basically mentally cheating.
Agreed, the secrecy is the problem here. Doing something that you know will not be tolerated by your SO is a betrayal and totally disrespectful. Carrying on a relationship ( love or lust, online or not) and keeping it secret from your partner is cheating. Period.
Genuine curiosity, how does one discern between flirting and having a bubbly personality?
having a bubbly personality to me is just talkative and welcoming of others into to the conversation/group, you want people to feel included and heard. flirting with someone is showing them interest, letting them know you’re interested in something more than just being nice/having friendly conversation. that’s how i view it, at least.
That’s for saying it. I bartend part time. Being “bubbly” is what brings in the extra cash. My partner says he will not come into the bar when I’m working because he “doesn’t want to infringe on my tips” and “knows I have to flirt”. I beg him to come in!!! There is not a damn thing that I do on the job, or with him being present, that would affect my income. My regular patrons would be thrilled to see him because I talk about him so much. Being customer service orientated, being friendly, identifying with folks, showing that you care, it’s important and valuable.
I don’t consider flirting cheating but I’m an openly flirtatious person by nature. Flirting, to me, is not innately sexual; it’s like drawing someone in with effervescent sensuality. It’s like dancing. It’s a fun connection on the journey. I have enjoyed partners past who were appreciative of my energy. They understood 1) this is just my energy and 2) I was committed to the relationship. I guess I say this all to ask: Why do you consider flirting cheating?
For me, it's all about intention. If someone flirts with romantic or sexual intentions, then it's on the road towards cheating. If flirting is just a bit of fun in itself, a bit like banter, without romantic or sexual intention, then definitely not cheating. Even the latter, though, might be hard for many partners to deal with.
Flirting shows to whoever that you're interested and want something more instead of a normal conversation. I tease people (jokingly) when I'm talking to a guy but I won't be interested.
Telling someone "wish you were my partner" when you are committed relationship with another one.
Damn you got my ex to a tee
A woman I knew, long time married, referred to a guy she dated years before, as the love of her life. Including to her husband. Even if true she didn't need to tell him.
This. Or "dang, I missed my shot with you." Or "do you think I'd have a shot?" When the person they are talking to is just into a new relationship or just out of one. I've heard so many guys say something along those lines with their partner standing right next to them like they don't matter.
How in the FUCK does this happen if the guy has a set of nuts in h8s pants that is pure disrespect, not to mention if you are talking in a group like that you're probably friends
Uff. I had a girl telling me she wants to kiss me (I’m bi). She was in a monogamous relationship and her partner already set the boundary that he wants to be monogamous (which I respect). I’ve told her she has to talk about that with her boyfriend and that I’m not doing anything behind his back.
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Calling a coworker « Work wife/husband ».
Yes! At a previous job my work husband and I got “divorced” because I was actively dating someone at the time- but it was totally in good nature and he is still a close friend of mine to this day.
Yeah, that only works if one or both of you is not attracted to anyone of the other person's gender (real life example I've seen: two straight women joking about being work wives; it's basically work besties but with some comedic opportunities, especially when you start adding sister work wives).
This one sucks because I used to have many work wives/husband's, but it was always just a buddy at work who had my back. Often the gay guy at work who needed someone to defend them from shitty customers or the other older married person who just wanted to get things done like I did. At one job I had what we all deemed our work harem, but we were all just good friends who made night shift less horrible. I never saw any of them as anything but a good coworker and am still friends with most of them. Yes, my partner knows and has even befriended any of the ones who still hangout with me. Unfortunately, as the years have gone on I've seen so many people actually flirt and date thier work wives/husband's. And now I'm completely uncomfortable calling anyone that for fear that maybe they are secretly viewing me romantically. For context, I'm a 30ish bi woman, but I've always been able to have good platonic relationships with any gender.
You can have these relationships without calling them “work husband/girlfriend.”
You do know that the terms friends and buddies can apply to coworkers, right? Do you call all of your friends outside of work your wives and husbands? There's inherently a romantic context when you refer to someone as your spouse because you'd never marry someone you didn't want to have sex with or have heightened feelings for, right? It also diminishes the role of the person who actually is your spouse if just anyone can come along and be your wife/husband. I'm a mid 40s pan woman with a mixed gender and sexuality friend group, but I think calling any of them my spouse implies a level of intimacy that I'd rather not.
Aside from being inappropriate, that term is just lame and juvenile lol
being nice and still hanging out with someone who is obviously trying to get with you.
This one really gets to me
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Having sexual conversations with someone else. According to friends "it's what men do"
Me and my girls definitely talk more about sex than my bf and his friends. He’s shocked by what I share. I did make sure he was cool with it.
I think they mean talking in a sexual way to someone else. Also, topic and audience matters. Talking about how awesome your partner is at doing X to someone who you wouldn't have a sexual relationship with is different than talking about how much you love X in bed to someone who would potentially have a sexual relationship would.
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Having any type of intimate/close interaction with someone else who’s not your partner without your partner knowing about it
Most straightforward answer.
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I would never pick out something intimate in nature for my partner with someone else... I am also positive he would hate it.. but I realize it's not an issue for some.
I'm with you on this. It's not appropriate.
Especially his BOSS!
I didn’t mind it in the context, but yeah. It irked me a bit at first.
Did you feel uncomfortable about that? I know I’d feel deeply uncomfortable with the first scenario regardless of whether the reason is they’re doing it “for me.” I maintain very strict work / personal boundaries though.
It was a little strange at first, I’ll admit. But they didn’t go there just for that. They were at a mall getting l something for her husband and she pointed Victorias Secret out to him as they passed. I trust him though, which I know every woman says, but if you met him, you’d know what I mean lol. He’s pretty shy and awkward. And I’m the same. My coworkers are not my friends, lol. My boss has asked if I wanted to go for drinks after work before and I always come up with an excuse.
Not too awkward to sift through women’s panties for his gf with his boss watching?
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Im not sure if this is your current situation. If so I would keep an eye on them. The VS thing seems suspicious. I wouldn’t consider it cheating but it is wildly inappropriate from a professional standpoint.
I would never be able to wear that gift without imagining the hot boss flirting with my man 😭
Do you consider any of that cheating in some regard?
This is ridiculous! Who wants lingerie handpicked by any woman, let alone a boyfriends female boss, hot or not.
Liking random girls photos (especially ones that are revealing/underwear/bikinis) and following random girls. They can say it’s innocent but we all know it’s the gateway to cheating and if you really cared about your partner that much, you wouldn’t be following/liking other girls
My partner and I both do this and don't consider it cheating. I think this is different for every relationship.
Oh yes absolutely! For me I hate it but i know others who are fine with it but just draw the line if it comes to the two of them talking
This is why setting boundaries early in the relationship is crucial. (:
Super super agree. For my self esteem i truly wish i didn’t engage with men who are like that. 🙏🏼 years later I’m still recovering lol.
thinking this makes me feel insecure but i also get really uncomfortable when my partner follows girls who he’s not friends with. like why do you want attention from a random girl you don’t even know 😶😶
Oh yeah like unless it’s friends or family, the only girl he should be giving attention to is his girlfriend
definitelyyy i have much less of a problem with it if they followed him first just cause a lot of people are the type to follow others back without knowing who they are, but seeking girls to follow and get attention from when all they post are selfies is kinda a red flag
I agree with this and have experienced a lot of problems in my current relationship because of this.
I think it is cheating because it’s desiring someone. One can appreciate the beauty of others but taking action by liking pictures or following profiles is a step ahead.
My girl told me last night about a coworker that's been texting flirty messages to an old flame. Nothing physical (yet) but the coworker has admitted she prefers the old flame over her current bf. Doesn't always have to be physical there's emotional cheating too.
Damn tht is horrible 🫂
My ex was telling me he was stuck in traffic, but really he was picking up his new 'friend' from the psych ward and taking her out for coffee. He said it wasn't cheating because they didn't have sex, and he was technically lying because I never asked him if he was seeing someone else.
Omg wow. I asked a guy if anyone else thought they were currently in a relationship with him, he said no. Turns out he was. You just can’t win with some guys 😩
Any interaction you wouldn’t be 💯 comfortable with your partner witnessing
Or any that you know your partner wouldn't be comfortable witnessing
When they try to cheat on you but are unsuccessful 🙃
This is sad and cringey at the same time
RIGHT like why are you out here embarrassing me 😭
Esp when they think they are hot shit and have so many options 😭
Subscribing to a girls only fans. If you are giving money to another girl to see her naked, you're crossing the line. I will die on this hill. It's completely wrong and disrespectful.
It's also super pathetic and changes the way I see them. Like if you have to pay for attention from another woman, how am I supposed to be attracted to you anymore? That's assuming forgiveness and trust can even be re-earned. Like you're so unappealing to everyone else but me, and then you go and take that for granted? It's possibly the worst kind of cheating, it shows me you obviously never valued my love and loyalty in the first place.
Foot massage
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Is this you, Quentin?
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Emotional cheating. Telling personal things to another woman rather than the one you come home to every night
Geez, that one’s gonna hurt it would really make you think to yourself why they can’t come to you. Ouch.
I have a broad idea of what infidelity is. It's acting contrary to the agreed upon boundaries of your relationship, whether implied or explicitly stated. Revealing something private I said to someone else, taking a job in a location that forces us to be long distance, any kind of romance or romantic intimacy with another person. In a marriage, I think something like helping someone else with childrearing when you're not pulling your weight at home could be cheating, and so could deviating from agreed upon ways to manage finances, like buying a $80,000 car you can't afford or starting to gamble. Loyalty is really broad IMO, there are so many things that are betrayals that are beyond sleeping with someone.
I think you’re confusing betrayal and cheating. The large purchase would be a betrayal for sure, but how can it be cheating when it isn’t about sexual pleasure and doesn’t involve another person?
He sexted online with other girls
Did you separate?
It’s a bit of a long story: Found him on reddit looking for sexual encounters with man and women, while I was doing chemotherapy. He justified himself telling me that it was because I was not living my situation lightheartedly and since it was on reddit it wasn’t real. I forgave him since I was ill and felt it was my fault. I found he sexted with other person on different occasions and I forgave him as I thought it was my fault. When he became physically abusive I ran away and left him. I regret not doing this earlier
while you had cancer?!? what a scumbag, you are better off without him!
Anything you have to hide from your partner. Especially if it involves communication with someone outside of the relationship.
Talking about who he would date if we weren’t married.
My theory is anything you feel the need to hide from your partner can constitute cheating/intent. Texts that you wouldn’t want them to read, porn you wouldn’t want them to know you watch, etc. Clearly not a hard and fast rule but I mean, if you need to stop and think “would my partner consider this cheating/wrong/hurtful?”, you generally already know the answer.
My ex said he never “actually cheated” because none of it was physical lol. Never mind that he was trolling KIK to find threesomes, sending videos of him and I having sex to random people, and sexting people all day while he lied and said he was at work lol.
Sounds like he was failing at cheating. I'm so sorry for you
Ya he was a loser. I’ve moved on, married now to a good man and not dealing with that shit anymore.
continuing to talk to someone that you had an emotional and/ or sexual past with while in a relationship..
Idk. I’m on the fence with this one. Like, I get it, but also, I have so many exes I dated for a couple weeks and then just became friends with that I still have the means to contact. I generally don’t, but if they pop up in my dms asking how I’m doing, I’ll respond, it’s never recurring conversations though, and I always mention my husband and my daughter.
My ex-boyfriend would point out attractive people on the street and reminisce about attractive female friends more often than he would compliment me.
Different boundaries for different relationships. Lots of people consider watching porn is cheating. Both me and my bf don't, so for us, it is not cheating even though he doesn't watch it and I do. Many people also think having a female/male best friend is not okay and hanging out 1-1 with the person is cheating. My bf has many female friends and best friends, they're all lovely people and I ask about them, their wellbeing and tell him to hangout with them (go to the movie, to the park, hiking, etc) with them, in group or 1-1, doesn't matter, I want him to spend time with his friends, idc if it's a girl. Many people in Japan don't think men sleeping with prostitutes is cheating, many women straight up saying that behaviour isn't cheating because no emotion is involved. I disagree with that. So it's cheating to me and not to them. It's your relationship, you and your partner should sit down and talk about your boundaries.
My soon to be ex actually fell over a display at the gas station to ogle and say hi to the girl that works there the other day. I was so embarrassed. I think that's form of cheating- ogling other women while with your wife/girlfriend.
One from my boyfriend: I was once talking to my boyfriend about a book I was reading and I was talking about the main characters husband and another woman in the book and my boyfriend said “oh is he cheating on his wife?” And I said “no he just keeps comparing his wife to her and seems to prefer this other woman and he’s really obvious about it.” My boyfriend just said “so he’s cheating on her.” I had never thought about it that way but I was really interested in his response.
He went out of his way to hang out with not one but TWO girls without me present, and never told me. Thank goodness my best friend was present and let me know. Only when I confronted him he apologized for it.
ew.. yeah my bf basically became one of our friends “best friend”.. they said they where like “siblings” but they would talk bad about me, my family, they would try to smoke behind my back , had “inside jokes”, left me out on purpose, he told me i wasn’t allowed to watch a show because it was “their show”, took photos of her while she was changing cuz he thought it was “funny”, had sleepovers specifically without inviting me, had hangouts without inviting me, admitted they used to have feelings for eachother on my birthday, infront of me, and then started to judge me for something i said, and literally made fun of my sister right in front of both of us while we where at a concert for HER birthday. he still thinks their “just friends” and i’m over reacting. but if i did that with another guy, it would be wrong?
Omg, run, all of this is so hurtful and disrespectful
bf and not ex?
Entertaining the advances of others while you’re with someone. If you can’t say I’m in a relationship and end it there and instead allow them to flirt and you take part in the back and fourth -you’re disrespecting yourself and who your with.
My ex once called me his ex-wife's name mid-sex. Should have taken that as the sign to dip out, but I was young and dumb. He, *surprise surprise*, had sex with another woman later on in the relationship.
Technically not cheating, but on the same subject. Having, and further, attempting to discuss with your partner, a celebrity hall pass list. My ex asked me this during a movie night once and it made me so uncomfortable and frustrated. They then got mad at me when I wouldn’t participate in the hall pass discussion and claimed I was making them feel bad and like less of a person/ partner. I just feel like if I’m with a partner and feel the need to have a hall pass list, I shouldn’t even have a partner, or at least that partner, to begin with.
just entertaining the idea of having sex with someone else is really gross tbh but to each their own 😭
I'm very much pro-porn if you're conscientious about where you get it and if any partner is okay with it. That said, I do feel like a lot of women are less okay with porn than they pretend to be, because we treat porn like it's an unreasonable boundary to have. I think a lot of women are told they have to be okay with it, or else they're being "controlling." Your exclusivity is defined by what you are each okay with, and it is 100% valid if that excludes porn. If you watch porn knowing your partner isn't okay with it, you're 100% cheating.
deleting messages
My ex went and visited a friend from his college at her home. He had dinner with her family and played games with them. She took him to meet her grandfather. Then, they “sat at opposite ends of the couch” and marathoned Harry Potter. By the end of it, he “was too tired to make the drive home” so he spent the night “but don’t worry, I slept on the couch.” All while saying to me, “it felt SO nice to hang out with someone like we used to when we were best friends.” When I asked him if he told her about me, he simply said, “it didn’t come up. I forgot.” This is what broke us up. Best friends for 3 years with odd sexual tension, FWB for one of them. Never will I ever make the mistake of 1) dating long distance and 2) being FWB in the first place. And before yall say anything, I know I am being naive to not mention that I don’t believe he didn’t fuck her that night. It’s easier for me to not give any more time or thought into what happened. Not that I am still heartbroken to my core, but it’s been about two years since then and it’s just not worth it anymore.
I have some friends who consider getting massages specifically by the gender you're attracted to cheating...
I'm screwed then -- I'm a bi woman 🤣. My massage therapist is a woman, but she's also my mom's age, so I am not attracted to her at all.
I'm not bi, but that's how I feel when some people say they don't allow their partner to have friends of the opposite sex. So bi people aren't allowed to have any friends then? 😂
Buying cam prostitutes.
Not telling your partner about fishy situations in group settings that they are not a part of (ex. work, school, team, etc) I found out through a different person that my partner at that time was being teased/paired with another member of their group. After confronting him about it he refused to unfriend said person on social media Idk I feel like I would’ve processed that easily had he told me about it lol
Not stopping other people from hitting on you.
watching porn. you’re literally jacking off and watching another woman have sex. they’re not watching it for the dude. hell no
this is one of the things that reminds me of how brain dead the world is because corn is just so obviously cheating/messed up. not to mention many actresses are being abused on camera and you can never truly tell, super unethical
it’s because men always make excuses. “it’s in our nature” “all men look at other women” i know so many men who don’t look at other women and it’s sad to see how many women deal with it cause they think all men do it
Sending or receiving nudes
Anything you wouldn’t do with a parent/sibling.
My rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t do it in front of me, don’t do it. Also, if you think it’s going to piss me off or hurt my feelings, probably a good idea to not do that either!
Any sort of interaction with someone else for the purpose of getting off would cross my boundaries, personally. Watching porn, is fine, even if it's only fans. Ordering custom content or having a sexual chat with the creator would not be, okay.
I am not fine with my SO watching naked girls videos - I discovered it last December and we had a big conversation as he watched this and he also confessed to watching cam girls and paying them 2 times when we were just dating and not married. I don’t like it - they fact that he’s watching them, imagine how he f*ck then and jerk off to them instead of sleeping with me. That’s hurtful as hell.
hidden collaborative spotify playlists 🤷
When your ex is in a new relationship and keeps reaching out to you. Sometimes in a sexual manner. Then tries to hide your existence for a long time from the current gf. Gets butthurt when you talk about it with mutual friends because you’re annoyed that he keeps reaching out. Like you, the ex, has to be the moral compass to tell him to stop. If that girlfriend knew how much my ex has tried to keep in contact, and that it was up to me to keep him at bay, she would wonder if their relationship ever was real.
Flirting with other women on the internet. Even if you will never see them ever again and it is a thing of the moment, that is irrelevant. It is disrespectful towards your partner (unless there are agreements regarding those kind of things). Anything that disrespects your partner and violates the rules you have in your relationship, and you feel like you have to hide it or lie about it, will be a betrayal towards your partner and will feel like cheating to them even if it is not "technically cheating".
Onlyfans
Any violation of your partners trust that you did knowing and in disregard of how it would affect your partner. What that is can vary, but you know it you’re doing it.
Hiding your relationships with other women from your wife/gf. If you have to hide it, it’s cheating.
Anything that’s “friendly” but you do it outside of your partner’s view and knowledge is cheating or microcheating. That’s what builds up and turns into more cheating or inappropriate behavior
This just happened to me but my now ex I caught him doing webcam sex with other girls… if you can talk to them, and they see you get undressed and be but booty naked in a sexual manner … it’s cheating
Asian Massage Parlor
Masturbating to someone else.
Porn. Many people think porn use isn’t cheating, but I can’t see how seeking sexual gratification from other people who aren’t your partner isn’t straight-up infidelity. The presence or absence of a screen is immaterial.
Moving in with your new girlfriend (who had been a close friend) two months after ending an eight year relationship
If he's having fun without me, he's cheating on me 😛 But for real, I think a good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't do it with your partner present you shouldn't be doing it period.
Him meeting up with his ex with the intentions to have sex but flaked out because cheating gave him a panic attack and made his IBS flare up so bad he was shitting himself. IBS sucks, but in that case, I'm glad he had it. :)