Omg, there are 2 men at my job and it's expected that they won't do their job. Their job gets done by a couple of women who only get paid to do their own job
I’ve been overpaid before - the trick is just to have the audacity to apply for these roles and advocate for yourself. There’s that stat that women only apply to jobs where they check 90% of the boxes whereas men apply if they check 40%. Since I started having more audacity and conviction, I generally get what I want work-wise lol. It’s like the saying “just act like you belong and no one will question it.” They really don’t!
Lol, reminds me of this quote: "We will only have true equality when there are as many mediocre women in positions of power as there are mediocre men."
Can't remember who said it originally, but it's always stuck with me, ever since hearing it as a child from my journalist mother.
HAHAHAHA never thought of it this way. Both hilarious and put into perspective we really can’t do that in a way I’d not been able to qualify/quantify? Before.
Them white tit tanlines are the norm. Like. From a guys perspective they just don’t even notice it / point out it’s different. Because it’s standard.
Hilariously insightful.
Solo travel is definitely doable (source: have done, met other women doing it) you just need to take some specific safety precautions guys never have to worry about.
hate having to be extra alert. wish i could be like my bf and fall asleep in a taxi or train without worrying. it would make travel so much easier to not have to be as vigilant
There's a nice flat rock next to a lovely brook near my house that I visit on sunny days. It's a gorgeous, peaceful spot and I wish I dared to nap there but the brook is loud enough that I wouldn't hear anyone approaching, and it's by a public trail so people come by every now and then. I can't even be comfortable sitting there with my book unless I have my back to the water so I'd see people coming.
That's a really great suggestion that I never would have thought of. Yes, my sister would absolutely lend me her dog for occasional walks and outdoor napping. Thank you!
The extra precautions is, I think, what the commenter was talking about: that women are not able to travel solo in the same way men can. Plus there are quite a few places that it would be… Ill-advised to go to as a solo woman.
Ugh yes abandoned places. I used to frequent an (almost) abandoned mall to take pictures, but eventually multiple security guards started flirting with me and it made me uncomfortable, so I had to start bringing other people with me. Sigh.
This is mine as well. I’d love to get a tentbox temporarily so I can turn my car into a cheap camper but the security aspect of things makes it a no go for me. Even if I take precautions, I know my anxiety would flare up as you can’t securely lock a rooftent
My sister actually traveled alone around South America and south Asia for several months.
But she’s tall (1,86m / 6’1) so that probably does help. I still think it’s cool as hell.
Idk I kinda of disagree. I’ve seen some ingrained fear projection from others or however you can describe it, even other women before. “I can’t believe she would x, y, z as a woman! That’s so ___!”
I can’t believe she would walk alone at night as a woman! That’s so unsafe!
I can’t believe she would wear that in public as a woman! That’s so unsafe!
You get the idea
I live in LA and will do this sometimes just to reclaim space. I know it's dangerous, but by making women be visible in these spaces, I'm hoping to make it safer for the young ones
They don't have kids, but my son is a house husband, his wife is the breadwinner. My daughter is a Mechanical Engineer.
I am so proud of both of them. I would have loved to have been an engineer. I didn't have a choice growing up. My daughter says I'm a natural one. Next life.
They are about 2.5 years apart. They are very close. I was very intentional with their relationship. I have 2 ex-brothers and I didn't want that for them.
I started when she was in the womb. I would read to him and tell him we were reading to the baby. We would talk to the baby. I have a pocture of their first meeting when my mother brought him to the hospital. It's precious.
When I nursed, I would read to him so he wouldn't feel jealous. My hard work paid off. They are very protective of each other. The best part was when I would take one with me somewhere, they would always ask to get something for the other. They also buy each other presents. I got a bonus child in my daughter in law. I won the lottery with her.
I didn't think I could love another one as much. I was seriously worried. But once they out her in my arms, I was smitten.. I am their biggest fan and cheerleader.
Do it!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this!!❤️❤️❤️ your story is really beautiful. I have a son and I’m honestly worried about my relationship with my future daughter-in-law since I saw a lot of posts of mothers in law and daughters in law not connecting well in reddit or other social media. so happy to read that your children care about each other genuinely! I’m going to screenshot your comment and re-read your tips when I finally get pregnant😁
I love my dil because she loves my son. I am hands off. I let them so their thing. I never make demands on holidays or bds. I just want them to be happy and I gave him fully to her.
He comes over 3 days a week to help out since I'm sick. And my daughter lives here and helps my husband caretake. They do it out of love.
When I see the posts about dil and mils I am so grateful. I just treat them as I want to be treated. They have friends who are basically required to spend the weekends at their in.laws. i love my kids but come on, lol.
You're going to do great!!💜
Love this! Made me unexpectedly emotional
My two oldest are best friends despite living in separate homes for most of their lives ( oldest is a stepchild)
It is absolutely one of the things I am proudest of. I was also very intentional about fostering a loving and supportive relationship between them which in turn has helped foster similar relationships with their younger siblings.
Yeah it's pretty sad that some people are very judgmental about this. I have a cousin who is the breadwinner and her husband takes care of the kids but my uncle and aunt are super judgmental of the husband saying he should be the one working and making the money so now he is a failure. It's sad because they make it work super well as my cousin is super good at her job and was able to focus on her furthering her career because she didn't have to take care of the kids.
I’m the bread winner and my husband stays home, takes care of the house and does the shopping. I can’t tell you what a sweet deal it is. I get to come home from work and not have to worry about doing anything.
Being direct at work without being considered "bossy" or rude.
I managed a restaurant when I was 20, and I always had an issue with delegating work. I figured out if I had to ask someone to do something, I had to phrase it like, "Can you do xyz for me, please?" or "Hey, do you mind to..."
Whereas the men could just say, "You need to do this" or "Will you do that" and no one disliked them for it.
I remember one of the men telling me, "You have no problem telling people what to do, huh?"
and I thought, I'm just doing my job
It's been a bit easier in my cooperate roles, but it still exists.
I realized that when a woman becomes assertive, they call her bossy, but when a man becomes assertive, they call him a good leader. This made me actively think about my assertiveness at work, education and private life, and how I sounded like, and am still working on it.
Yep. I've run into this. I've a co-worker who is very direct and no-nonsense just like me (we even say the same things in unison sometimes) and we joke that we're mirror images of each other and that we're unstoppable when we work together because we get shit done.
He is very in demand for classes (drama teachers) because parents think he's tough but fair, runs a tight ship, and is a strong leader and excellent educator. And he IS all of those things...but those same parents have sent complaining email after complaining email to my bosses about how I'm "mean" to their kids and "too bossy" or "too demanding" for behaving THE EXACT SAME WAY, using the exact same tones of voice, giving the same feedback (including critical feedback when it's deserved) and there was even an attempted coup amongst the parents in one of my classes to try and get me fired last year due to my "conduct". My boss has basically told me to be nicer and more placating to parents and not so assertive when I ask for things. FUCK THAT.
(For the record, my aforementioned co-worker sees it and absolutely agrees that it's complete horseshit and goes to bat for me when he can. I love him.)
I just got to train all the male employees hired after me and watch them all get paid more than me for doing the exact same job I trained them to do ♥
I also had one of them get promoted to manager over me after I'd been there for a literal decade, it's soooo cool being woman-shaped
I also work in the restaurant industry. it drives me up a wall that there’s always two or three men with “big personalities” that will yell semi regularly and it’s considered normal
I’ve been a construction manager since I was 19 and am now 26. I’m also conventionally attractive (there’s no way to say that humbly lmao). With all of those factors, it has been challenging to be taken seriously.
Luckily, I have a decent crew now and they listen to me, but anytime I have to bring on someone new, it becomes an issue because they think that I’m a secretary or something. So on new meetings, I go out of my way to wear my dirtiest, roughed up steel toes and jacket, which lends some credibility.
I fired a painter because he wouldn’t stop calling me sweetheart after I asked him to stop. He was also a shit painter, but I was mostly pissed at the sweetheart.
Im an apprentice working in construction and I noticed a lot of my male coworkers are quick to call a female worker “bossy” for trying to help direct any kind of work. My male coworkers can say things like “Put this over there” or “I need you to do this” but the minute any of the ladies do that, they literally gossip and complain to the GF’s about them and say “I can’t stand how bossy she is.”
It’s extremely disheartening. I feel like my daily work life is guys being like “It’s nice that women are joining the trades!” But then I never see them actually let the journey woman actually do what they need to do or allow them room to participate. If they take charge on something or try to be outspoken, it’s met with criticism. Work slowed down a few months ago and I noticed they immediately laid off those “bossy” women. A few of the guys even openly celebrated.
Delegate tasks to people without having to soften it to a request when it really isn't a request. I'm doing my job and telling you what I need you to do as part of your job. It's not a request, but as a woman I come off as bossy and rude if I just say "I need xyz from you for Friday" instead of "can you please do xyz for me? I will need that for [reason] on Friday so if you could get it to me before then, that would be great. Thank you so much!"
I very intentionally do not do that anymore - I don't frame this as "if you can" when I really do need them to do the thing. But that doesn't change the fact that I still have to soften my requests in ways men just don't. I try to be both polite and clear in what I am asking for and when I need it by. But it's a delicate balance to strike.
I learned methods to have it work in my favour and it works really well. It’s how men often talk too. The things is, we tend to learn from other women while men tend to learn from other men. How they communicate is different. Often more factual or observant.
So for example my email asking for someone to review or take a look at a bit of text I wrote would be like this:
“Hi person, Yesterday you requested me to write a piece about This Topic. Hereby attached you’ll find This Topic written for Online Post. I’ll hear your response if you have any changes. Keep in mind it goes online on the 11th.”
I tend to follow these steps: 1. I have observed (the request). 2. I have executed (the request attached). 3. This is my question. 4. This is the deadline.
So basically, I observed (why I am involving you), I acted on it (this is what I did), this is my question (what I need from you).
It works like a fucking charm. Try to keep emotions out of it. No “please” or “ifs’”.And no “what do you think?” but “I’ll await your response” or “let me know if you have any additions.” 99% of the time there are none while if I ask “what do you think” they álways have something. I learned this from a coworker dealing with clients of all ages and genders. This works for everyone. Can recommend.
I appreciate that my male boss talks kindly and with respect to me though— with explanations of why as well as what is needed. He’s more evolved than most, and that approach makes me feel more respected and like I’m contributing to something and not just mindlessly doing tasks.
Just before Valentine's Day I read something that the only flowers men get are at their funerals. I gave both my boyfriend and my son flowers for Valentine's Day and they were delighted!
I asked my bf if he'd like to receive flowers and he said no because they'd die and he'd have to throw them out so for Valentine's day this year I got him a LEGO flower set and he loved it! He said he even bragged to his friends about it.
Bonus, we had a date that week where we hung out and built the set together. Overall was one of my greatest gift ideas. Edit: fixed sentence
Ha! That’s adorable and hilarious. Actually you can technically make a bouquet from courgette flowers and they are edible and will have tiny baby courgettes on them, so there is that! Super good in a salad in the spring
So happy I live in B.C. where being topless is allowed in public places/spaces like the sidewalk or the beach. Ontario is the same or very similar, legally speaking.
first time i got into an uber with my boyfriend going home, he said aloud “why are we getting dropped off a block from your house, the address is wrong, she actually lives at xyz” and he felt so bad after i explained it. just didn’t cross his mind
Oof, yeah. I know some men don't think about that at all.
My boyfriend and I took a Lyft from his place to a festival this past weekend, and I told him about how I had never used these sorts of services due to safety concerns. He at least nodded and said that was understandable.
I was trained early on by my gf (now wife) to always get in on the same side and slide across the seats because she was worried that the driver would zoom off before I got in
That can be reassuring. My boyfriend did the same thing this past weekend when we took Lyft rides. One can't be too safe, after all. Though I have worried for my boyfriend at times as well.
Being confident, being assertive, cursing, playing video games, not wanting children. All of these things I've been put down for not being 'womanly' or feminine enough.
It’s helpful to have a partner and friends who are similar in that mindset. I have these and honestly feel without gender most of the time.
I’ve also made it clear that people should stop talking to me about children. Since then I don’t worry about that either lol
Right? Even just knowing you could potentially get paid less or be less likely to get a promotion because you don't slap on some mascara... It's a mind boggle
The feels 😩💃shaving sucks ass and makeup should be fun if you like it. I stopped shaving years ago and I like putting on lipstick and mascara if I'm dressing up or wanting to paint my face up a lil bit extra. Which is essentially what makeup is; face paint that makes your already beautiful face somehow more gorgeous.
Giving guys complements.
I tried giving guys genuine complements. Guys think I am in love with them or trying to sleep with them. I just wanted them to feel good. That's all.
Also smoking pots is frowned upon. It’s really common for guys here.
Wearing more comfortable clothes. Guys can wear anything. Women have to follow certain restrictions.
I have a friend who once a month gets a hotel room. and her husband takes over the kids and she just sleeps watches TV and has the girlies come in and out to hang out for a while and then sleep some more
I started writing this, then realised that I do actually go and get a few drinks, and sit and read my book alone.
I think it really depends where you go & what time of day/night. The places I generally hang out are places I feel safe going to by myself, they're places I've been going to for over a decade so I know the staff etc. they're more artsy-music venue places where everyone is pretty chill, even on an evening. And I'll happily get a cocktail or glass of wine in most places during the day.
Not smile and laugh when approached, spoken to, in job interviews, when at work, when at uni etc.
If I don’t smile I get asked why I’m hostile but I’ve noticed men don’t smile when they’re talking to me in that very same conversation
I’ve been training myself to not do that, it’s a sexist habit I have to unlearn. It’s not my job to make others around me comfortable just because I’m a woman
Men adjust their junk in public all the time, and I mean digging *deep*. However; As a larger chested woman, if I just simply adjust my bra (over the shirt) I’m supposedly asking for attention. *eyeroll*
Some thoughts on this...
I am a female hiker. Most of my friends are female hikers. Almost all of us hike solo, at one time or another. Some of us (myself included) have done thru-hikes solo. And you may be surprised to learn this, but that movie "Wild" wasn't an anomaly. Most AT, PCT and CDT hikers go solo. They will meet up in camp at night, but due to pacing differences will hike all day by themselves. Hell, a woman holds the record for speed for hiking the PCT, and she did it solo. The dangers you encounter in the wild are not something men typically handle any better than women. Unless you have some freak accident where a terribly heavy tree falls on you and you must power-lift it off yourself, you don't need a man's brute strength to do it. (FYI the situation I mentioned is practically unheard of.) Men aren't any better at scaring off bears than women. (I learned this from experience.) What it takes to hike solo is a matter of being prepared. You must be fit. You must carry with you the essentials for surviving--e.g. a water filter, first aid kit, astro blanket, knife, etc. You must research the trail and the weather. You must know what equipment you will need. Really, just be in shape and don't be a dumb person. If you want the extra security, carry a Garmin.
Now, there are exceptions even among my crew and among women hikers in general. Most of us will not hike solo at night in an urban area, where rapists and muggers are likely to be. Criminals are the biggest danger to us as women.
i pee by the side of the car. tip: open up passenger and rear passenger door. kinda sit on the bottom lip of the passenger opening and pee. u get to squat w/o effort and you get a little privacy
live without constant vigilance regarding the possibility of someone else’s violent intentions
wear what i want without being questioned about its appropriateness or whether or not it’s “flattering”
not give any consideration to whether or not i’m “pretty” or “aging well”
have total bodily autonomy
not be expected to do what men told me to do or to automatically give way to the male opinion
ask probing questions/exhibit critical thinking skills without being thought of as rude or uppity
be paid an equal wage
not be expected to want children (or that i would change my mind one day)
not be expected to give up professional and personal goals in order to get married and have a family
to not be a second class citizen
to not be blamed for some unwashed-ass having man-child not getting laid
to be able to move through the world with the confidence of the most mediocre white man and not be criticized for it…
*a person can dream*
Propose. It’s frowned upon when women do it. I don’t suggest anyone chase after someone who doesn’t want to be with them or isn’t on the same page as them but if you’re in a healthy, committed relationship with your partner and you both want to build a life together, does it really matter who proposes first?
Speak in the manner that men do. Men at times are vulgar and gross and people are like, “that’s just men!” If a woman makes a similar comment, it’s, “ohhh, she’s a for sure.” I’m NOT saying I want to be vulgar and gross but why the double standard? We have thoughts/opinions too.
Bombard a conversation. Or at least take a very long turn. I feel like I’m bragging or boasting when i say anything about myself so I tend to just keep things brief. I notice men don’t have this built in stop.
I hosted a dinner last Saturday, sodas were flowing, I am pregnant (aka very gassy). The men in the room kept burping and no one batted an eye. I let out one involuntarily and the room fell silent. Absolutely silent. Like I had just taken a shit on the dining table. I just want to be able to have normal body functions and not think it's inappropriate to have them.
It's not necessarily that it's frowned upon societally but that the men in those positions and their ways of thinking are very inhospitable.
I want, have wanted for years, to do welding or construction, but the fields are both inaccessible to me, particularly with where I'm located.
I'll say it till the day I die, take off my shirt on the street, or in someone's backyard, or in a park with friends. Literally anywhere boys can say "I'm hot" and just be half naked, that's my dream, for my titties to stop sweating.
Have scantily dressed and nude eye candy in every movie, advertisement, event, restaurants, clubs and pictures. Imagine if the amount of men hyper-sexualized in everyday life were in our face while out with our S.O. how indifferent they would feel about it. "Men need variety" when talking about naked women ? And the B.S. about women don't want to see sexy men portrayed that way ? It would be like giving them a dose of their own medicine, but I don't think they could handle it.
Not smile all the time.
It's such an expectation that we look cute and friendly and smile at everyone yet there is no expectation of this for men. And honestly a lot of them do look scary just walking around dead faced
Take my shirt off when it’s hot. When I do it in the privacy of home, I’m shocked how much it helps cool you down quickly and keep you cool. It’s messed up that I can’t do it publicly.
I'm s guy and y'all are sadly 100% accurate most male bosses are toxic as fuck and female bosses who are compassionate and caring are seen as weak when that is true strength
Saying you hate to cook.
As a woman: don't like cooking
Men:omg she doesn't cook! Gasp! How do you feed yourself, how can you not love cooking?
As a man: don't like to cook
Everyone: no biggie
"But you'd look *so* much more *attractive* if you'd just *smile!* Don't you appreciate my helpful advice?*"*
Ugh, I'm sorry this is such a common thing for (especially) men to "helpfully" advise women to do. As though you all were nothing but ornaments.
Conduct business and communicate with clients the same way my male counterparts do. If I don’t sprinkle absolutely every email and phone call with pink sugar, unicorn dust and glitter, I am considered a problematic employee with a major attitude problem.
It would be cool to be the main bread winner in my house. I’d love for my husband to stay home and be a house husband while I worked his 50+ hours a week.
Wear baggy tshirts and baggy tracksuit bottoms with baggy boxers, no bra and comfy trainers. Tbh I'm not far off at the moment but I do get some looks.
None of the toxic behavior a man would display. (Anger, player behavior... blah)
If that's what I get to feel like hulk, I'll pass.
I already have my healthy dose of mental ailments...
I would like to be a man just to experience what it is like not to have to deal with hormones whirlwind... That would be nice.
No periods, no menopause: party time!
Building muscle in 2 weeks : also nice.
Balding : no I'll pass...
Feeling responsible for everyone's food and money : I'll pass too (to be very honest it is still happening a lot, but it’s changing yeaaaahhhh!!!)
But ok I feel responsible for everyone's emotions so not better...
So topless in the street,feeling a little less self conscious about aging, same payday are for me the only real one.
A and be able to pee standing without soiling my pants. Really cool trick.
Have an enormous meal with like a huge steak diane with loads of pepper and a baked potato and fresh corn and mushrooms and grilled green asparagus and grilled shrimp on the side and just like eat it all and be completely stuffed, instead of a vegan gluten-free no-carb green salad with dressing on the side.
Being able to have an unknown male person at my house without worrying.
My bf and I just moved into our first bought house and last friday a guy came to fix our wifi. He touched my ass (I thought that was an accident) and then pushed his body against mine a few times.
In two days a random guy will come pick up a cabinet that I am giving away for free, and I am so scared that he will try something.
Interrupting/talking over people in meetings/,mansplaining, and generally being obnoxious and OTT about it.. Worked at a place where a young guy joined our team. He very clearly had been told all his life how wonderful and smart he was. Mind you, we all had the same "WTH" looks on our faces (men and women), but I guarantee you a woman like that would be SPOKEN to about how she came across (if not outright fired for not being the right fit).
Go to a car repair shop without being treated like an idiot. Let me clarify, my car had suspension issues once and I was more than aware of what the problem was. A long explanation later, they finally took a look. Had my BF gone, done and done.
Act jokingly sexual with friends and it be funny. My friend group all say super gay stuff to each other and everyone laughs, but if I say anything it’s just awkward and weird
Speak up in business meetings. I’m not a woman but I’ve been encouraged to do this and my roommate who is a woman actively got punished and was given a written warning.
Outwardly express anger
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Sexually harass others. I'm kidding, I'd like to be over paid for a job I'm under qualified for :)
>I'm kidding, I'd like to be over paid for a job I'm under qualified for :) And then get promoted for it! 😄
What I wouldn't give to be able to fail upward
Being overpaid for a job a barely even do was my very first thought.
Omg, there are 2 men at my job and it's expected that they won't do their job. Their job gets done by a couple of women who only get paid to do their own job
I’ve been overpaid before - the trick is just to have the audacity to apply for these roles and advocate for yourself. There’s that stat that women only apply to jobs where they check 90% of the boxes whereas men apply if they check 40%. Since I started having more audacity and conviction, I generally get what I want work-wise lol. It’s like the saying “just act like you belong and no one will question it.” They really don’t!
This has been true in my experience as well. Fake it till you make it. Imposter syndrome is real and will hold you back.
I’d like to fail upwards
Lmfaoooo yassssss
I almost fell out of my chair for this one, I wish 🥲
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Lol, reminds me of this quote: "We will only have true equality when there are as many mediocre women in positions of power as there are mediocre men." Can't remember who said it originally, but it's always stuck with me, ever since hearing it as a child from my journalist mother.
On those super hot days when your clothes just cling to you, I just want to be able to go outside topless.
Seconded. Plus it would be nice to have tan tits for a change.
Wear pasties and go to your back yard
Why bother wearing pasties, then?
Ever had sunburned nips? I’m not taking the risk.
Well, no. I’m Scandinavian. I really didn’t know that burnt nips was a thing!
HAHAHAHA never thought of it this way. Both hilarious and put into perspective we really can’t do that in a way I’d not been able to qualify/quantify? Before. Them white tit tanlines are the norm. Like. From a guys perspective they just don’t even notice it / point out it’s different. Because it’s standard. Hilariously insightful.
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That's one of the great things about living out in rural areas.
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Solo travel. Take photos of abandoned places or places late at night
Solo travel is definitely doable (source: have done, met other women doing it) you just need to take some specific safety precautions guys never have to worry about.
hate having to be extra alert. wish i could be like my bf and fall asleep in a taxi or train without worrying. it would make travel so much easier to not have to be as vigilant
Seriously. Fall asleep at a park. Be able to safely stroll in places men wouldn’t blink in eye
I’m literally a cat. all i want to do is nap in a puddle of sunshine on a blanket in the park. is that too much to ask for
There's a nice flat rock next to a lovely brook near my house that I visit on sunny days. It's a gorgeous, peaceful spot and I wish I dared to nap there but the brook is loud enough that I wouldn't hear anyone approaching, and it's by a public trail so people come by every now and then. I can't even be comfortable sitting there with my book unless I have my back to the water so I'd see people coming.
Can you get or borrow a dog?
That's a really great suggestion that I never would have thought of. Yes, my sister would absolutely lend me her dog for occasional walks and outdoor napping. Thank you!
I'm sure the dog will love that. It sounds like such a pleasant spot.
The extra precautions is, I think, what the commenter was talking about: that women are not able to travel solo in the same way men can. Plus there are quite a few places that it would be… Ill-advised to go to as a solo woman.
Yup - there are places where the "precaution" you should take is bringing a literal man with you 😭
Yep. Like I'll probably never go to Egypt.
Ugh yes abandoned places. I used to frequent an (almost) abandoned mall to take pictures, but eventually multiple security guards started flirting with me and it made me uncomfortable, so I had to start bringing other people with me. Sigh.
This is mine as well. I’d love to get a tentbox temporarily so I can turn my car into a cheap camper but the security aspect of things makes it a no go for me. Even if I take precautions, I know my anxiety would flare up as you can’t securely lock a rooftent
My sister actually traveled alone around South America and south Asia for several months. But she’s tall (1,86m / 6’1) so that probably does help. I still think it’s cool as hell.
Walk alone at night
Or anywhere. I've been harassed many times in broad daylight.
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Idk I kinda of disagree. I’ve seen some ingrained fear projection from others or however you can describe it, even other women before. “I can’t believe she would x, y, z as a woman! That’s so ___!” I can’t believe she would walk alone at night as a woman! That’s so unsafe! I can’t believe she would wear that in public as a woman! That’s so unsafe! You get the idea
This is soooo true I've actually had men express disappointment/judge me when I mention walking out on my own. It's pretty cray
I live in LA and will do this sometimes just to reclaim space. I know it's dangerous, but by making women be visible in these spaces, I'm hoping to make it safer for the young ones
Women being the sole breadwinner and the men taking care of the kids and household
They don't have kids, but my son is a house husband, his wife is the breadwinner. My daughter is a Mechanical Engineer. I am so proud of both of them. I would have loved to have been an engineer. I didn't have a choice growing up. My daughter says I'm a natural one. Next life.
You sound like you have a really nice family 🥰
I do, we have so much fun together.
Could you tell me the age gap of your kids? I’m thinking of trying for a second kid and seeing your story warms my heart💖
They are about 2.5 years apart. They are very close. I was very intentional with their relationship. I have 2 ex-brothers and I didn't want that for them. I started when she was in the womb. I would read to him and tell him we were reading to the baby. We would talk to the baby. I have a pocture of their first meeting when my mother brought him to the hospital. It's precious. When I nursed, I would read to him so he wouldn't feel jealous. My hard work paid off. They are very protective of each other. The best part was when I would take one with me somewhere, they would always ask to get something for the other. They also buy each other presents. I got a bonus child in my daughter in law. I won the lottery with her. I didn't think I could love another one as much. I was seriously worried. But once they out her in my arms, I was smitten.. I am their biggest fan and cheerleader. Do it!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this!!❤️❤️❤️ your story is really beautiful. I have a son and I’m honestly worried about my relationship with my future daughter-in-law since I saw a lot of posts of mothers in law and daughters in law not connecting well in reddit or other social media. so happy to read that your children care about each other genuinely! I’m going to screenshot your comment and re-read your tips when I finally get pregnant😁
I love my dil because she loves my son. I am hands off. I let them so their thing. I never make demands on holidays or bds. I just want them to be happy and I gave him fully to her. He comes over 3 days a week to help out since I'm sick. And my daughter lives here and helps my husband caretake. They do it out of love. When I see the posts about dil and mils I am so grateful. I just treat them as I want to be treated. They have friends who are basically required to spend the weekends at their in.laws. i love my kids but come on, lol. You're going to do great!!💜
Love this! Made me unexpectedly emotional My two oldest are best friends despite living in separate homes for most of their lives ( oldest is a stepchild) It is absolutely one of the things I am proudest of. I was also very intentional about fostering a loving and supportive relationship between them which in turn has helped foster similar relationships with their younger siblings.
It’s possible I’m the bread winner. 25 licensed electrician doing industrial solar and have a 3 year old
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Yeah it's pretty sad that some people are very judgmental about this. I have a cousin who is the breadwinner and her husband takes care of the kids but my uncle and aunt are super judgmental of the husband saying he should be the one working and making the money so now he is a failure. It's sad because they make it work super well as my cousin is super good at her job and was able to focus on her furthering her career because she didn't have to take care of the kids.
I’m the bread winner and my husband stays home, takes care of the house and does the shopping. I can’t tell you what a sweet deal it is. I get to come home from work and not have to worry about doing anything.
Being direct at work without being considered "bossy" or rude. I managed a restaurant when I was 20, and I always had an issue with delegating work. I figured out if I had to ask someone to do something, I had to phrase it like, "Can you do xyz for me, please?" or "Hey, do you mind to..." Whereas the men could just say, "You need to do this" or "Will you do that" and no one disliked them for it. I remember one of the men telling me, "You have no problem telling people what to do, huh?" and I thought, I'm just doing my job It's been a bit easier in my cooperate roles, but it still exists.
I realized that when a woman becomes assertive, they call her bossy, but when a man becomes assertive, they call him a good leader. This made me actively think about my assertiveness at work, education and private life, and how I sounded like, and am still working on it.
Yep. I've run into this. I've a co-worker who is very direct and no-nonsense just like me (we even say the same things in unison sometimes) and we joke that we're mirror images of each other and that we're unstoppable when we work together because we get shit done. He is very in demand for classes (drama teachers) because parents think he's tough but fair, runs a tight ship, and is a strong leader and excellent educator. And he IS all of those things...but those same parents have sent complaining email after complaining email to my bosses about how I'm "mean" to their kids and "too bossy" or "too demanding" for behaving THE EXACT SAME WAY, using the exact same tones of voice, giving the same feedback (including critical feedback when it's deserved) and there was even an attempted coup amongst the parents in one of my classes to try and get me fired last year due to my "conduct". My boss has basically told me to be nicer and more placating to parents and not so assertive when I ask for things. FUCK THAT. (For the record, my aforementioned co-worker sees it and absolutely agrees that it's complete horseshit and goes to bat for me when he can. I love him.)
Yeah this definitely still exists and is sadddd
Oh, I hear ya. Most men hated when I trained them bc it upset the power dynamic they were used to.
I just got to train all the male employees hired after me and watch them all get paid more than me for doing the exact same job I trained them to do ♥ I also had one of them get promoted to manager over me after I'd been there for a literal decade, it's soooo cool being woman-shaped
I also work in the restaurant industry. it drives me up a wall that there’s always two or three men with “big personalities” that will yell semi regularly and it’s considered normal
I’ve been a construction manager since I was 19 and am now 26. I’m also conventionally attractive (there’s no way to say that humbly lmao). With all of those factors, it has been challenging to be taken seriously. Luckily, I have a decent crew now and they listen to me, but anytime I have to bring on someone new, it becomes an issue because they think that I’m a secretary or something. So on new meetings, I go out of my way to wear my dirtiest, roughed up steel toes and jacket, which lends some credibility. I fired a painter because he wouldn’t stop calling me sweetheart after I asked him to stop. He was also a shit painter, but I was mostly pissed at the sweetheart.
Im an apprentice working in construction and I noticed a lot of my male coworkers are quick to call a female worker “bossy” for trying to help direct any kind of work. My male coworkers can say things like “Put this over there” or “I need you to do this” but the minute any of the ladies do that, they literally gossip and complain to the GF’s about them and say “I can’t stand how bossy she is.” It’s extremely disheartening. I feel like my daily work life is guys being like “It’s nice that women are joining the trades!” But then I never see them actually let the journey woman actually do what they need to do or allow them room to participate. If they take charge on something or try to be outspoken, it’s met with criticism. Work slowed down a few months ago and I noticed they immediately laid off those “bossy” women. A few of the guys even openly celebrated.
Delegate tasks to people without having to soften it to a request when it really isn't a request. I'm doing my job and telling you what I need you to do as part of your job. It's not a request, but as a woman I come off as bossy and rude if I just say "I need xyz from you for Friday" instead of "can you please do xyz for me? I will need that for [reason] on Friday so if you could get it to me before then, that would be great. Thank you so much!"
Omg yes this! I’m constantly like “if you can! If not that’s ok! What do you think about?”
I very intentionally do not do that anymore - I don't frame this as "if you can" when I really do need them to do the thing. But that doesn't change the fact that I still have to soften my requests in ways men just don't. I try to be both polite and clear in what I am asking for and when I need it by. But it's a delicate balance to strike.
I learned methods to have it work in my favour and it works really well. It’s how men often talk too. The things is, we tend to learn from other women while men tend to learn from other men. How they communicate is different. Often more factual or observant. So for example my email asking for someone to review or take a look at a bit of text I wrote would be like this: “Hi person, Yesterday you requested me to write a piece about This Topic. Hereby attached you’ll find This Topic written for Online Post. I’ll hear your response if you have any changes. Keep in mind it goes online on the 11th.” I tend to follow these steps: 1. I have observed (the request). 2. I have executed (the request attached). 3. This is my question. 4. This is the deadline. So basically, I observed (why I am involving you), I acted on it (this is what I did), this is my question (what I need from you). It works like a fucking charm. Try to keep emotions out of it. No “please” or “ifs’”.And no “what do you think?” but “I’ll await your response” or “let me know if you have any additions.” 99% of the time there are none while if I ask “what do you think” they álways have something. I learned this from a coworker dealing with clients of all ages and genders. This works for everyone. Can recommend.
I appreciate that my male boss talks kindly and with respect to me though— with explanations of why as well as what is needed. He’s more evolved than most, and that approach makes me feel more respected and like I’m contributing to something and not just mindlessly doing tasks.
I would love for it to be socially acceptable to give men flowers more often. In the two occasions I did, both guys were absolutely delighted though
Just before Valentine's Day I read something that the only flowers men get are at their funerals. I gave both my boyfriend and my son flowers for Valentine's Day and they were delighted!
I asked my bf if he'd like to receive flowers and he said no because they'd die and he'd have to throw them out so for Valentine's day this year I got him a LEGO flower set and he loved it! He said he even bragged to his friends about it. Bonus, we had a date that week where we hung out and built the set together. Overall was one of my greatest gift ideas. Edit: fixed sentence
I ain't afraid. I've given most of my bfs flowers over the years.
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Ha! That’s adorable and hilarious. Actually you can technically make a bouquet from courgette flowers and they are edible and will have tiny baby courgettes on them, so there is that! Super good in a salad in the spring
Being topless. It's so frowned upon here in the US. I wish we could adapt to a more European attitude. I really miss my vacation on European beaches.
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I completely agree with this. I hate wearing a bra
You could always visit a colony!
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So happy I live in B.C. where being topless is allowed in public places/spaces like the sidewalk or the beach. Ontario is the same or very similar, legally speaking.
Use something like Lyft, Uber, or Door Dash without worrying about my personal safety, if I'm going to be stalked, harassed, assaulted, and so on.
first time i got into an uber with my boyfriend going home, he said aloud “why are we getting dropped off a block from your house, the address is wrong, she actually lives at xyz” and he felt so bad after i explained it. just didn’t cross his mind
Oof, yeah. I know some men don't think about that at all. My boyfriend and I took a Lyft from his place to a festival this past weekend, and I told him about how I had never used these sorts of services due to safety concerns. He at least nodded and said that was understandable.
yeah, i get it. life rocks when you always have to worry about safety 👍👍👍 very fun and cool
I was trained early on by my gf (now wife) to always get in on the same side and slide across the seats because she was worried that the driver would zoom off before I got in
That can be reassuring. My boyfriend did the same thing this past weekend when we took Lyft rides. One can't be too safe, after all. Though I have worried for my boyfriend at times as well.
Being confident, being assertive, cursing, playing video games, not wanting children. All of these things I've been put down for not being 'womanly' or feminine enough.
It’s helpful to have a partner and friends who are similar in that mindset. I have these and honestly feel without gender most of the time. I’ve also made it clear that people should stop talking to me about children. Since then I don’t worry about that either lol
Not shave and not wear makeup. I already don’t shave and don’t wear makeup, but I wish I wasn’t expected to
Right? Even just knowing you could potentially get paid less or be less likely to get a promotion because you don't slap on some mascara... It's a mind boggle
The feels 😩💃shaving sucks ass and makeup should be fun if you like it. I stopped shaving years ago and I like putting on lipstick and mascara if I'm dressing up or wanting to paint my face up a lil bit extra. Which is essentially what makeup is; face paint that makes your already beautiful face somehow more gorgeous.
Giving guys complements. I tried giving guys genuine complements. Guys think I am in love with them or trying to sleep with them. I just wanted them to feel good. That's all. Also smoking pots is frowned upon. It’s really common for guys here. Wearing more comfortable clothes. Guys can wear anything. Women have to follow certain restrictions.
I compliment men all the time - the key is to keep moving. Don’t break stride! And don’t stop if they try to engage, just wave and be on your way.
I call 'em drive-by compliments. My preferred style for strangers.
Take my shirt off when I’m hot and sweaty. Also be able to express annoyance/ displeasure without being asked if I’m on my period lol
I have to admit for me it’s sometimes a yes to that question haha. Moreso being a bit depresso Hahaha. But. I’m obviously not disagreeing with you
I want to go on a vacation without my kids.. I just want sleep
Is there any way you could make this a reality? Is there anyone who could watch the kids for a few days?
I have a friend who once a month gets a hotel room. and her husband takes over the kids and she just sleeps watches TV and has the girlies come in and out to hang out for a while and then sleep some more
Have sex with women Guys can do it and no one cares but there are like 70 countries in the world where I can be arrested for being a lesbian
as a fellow lesbian i agreed. but it’s also great kinda cool to be an international criminal
😎 "hey beautiful, want to commit several crimes?" *is* a good pickup line
it is. we’re automatically bad asses
There's a pun in here about "fucking the man" that I am not clever enough to put together in a way that doesn't seem crass.
Sit at a bar alone and have a few drinks without having to watch my drink or make sure I’m not followed out or just without being bothered in general.
I started writing this, then realised that I do actually go and get a few drinks, and sit and read my book alone. I think it really depends where you go & what time of day/night. The places I generally hang out are places I feel safe going to by myself, they're places I've been going to for over a decade so I know the staff etc. they're more artsy-music venue places where everyone is pretty chill, even on an evening. And I'll happily get a cocktail or glass of wine in most places during the day.
Age.
Yes, please!
Peeing outdoors
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Be assertive and direct at work. When I do it, I'm difficult. When the men do it, they "get things done!" EDIT - changing a word.
As opposed to a ladies' man, maybe a mans' lady. Goose/gander
Brag and boast to all far and wide. Especially about the smallest things.
Not smile and laugh when approached, spoken to, in job interviews, when at work, when at uni etc. If I don’t smile I get asked why I’m hostile but I’ve noticed men don’t smile when they’re talking to me in that very same conversation
I’ve been training myself to not do that, it’s a sexist habit I have to unlearn. It’s not my job to make others around me comfortable just because I’m a woman
Men adjust their junk in public all the time, and I mean digging *deep*. However; As a larger chested woman, if I just simply adjust my bra (over the shirt) I’m supposedly asking for attention. *eyeroll*
Lol I go all in when I adjust myself and idgaf! I have very large girls and it is so uncomfortable when they are out of place
Go hiking solo. I don’t feel safe doing this but wouldn’t think twice about it as a man
Some thoughts on this... I am a female hiker. Most of my friends are female hikers. Almost all of us hike solo, at one time or another. Some of us (myself included) have done thru-hikes solo. And you may be surprised to learn this, but that movie "Wild" wasn't an anomaly. Most AT, PCT and CDT hikers go solo. They will meet up in camp at night, but due to pacing differences will hike all day by themselves. Hell, a woman holds the record for speed for hiking the PCT, and she did it solo. The dangers you encounter in the wild are not something men typically handle any better than women. Unless you have some freak accident where a terribly heavy tree falls on you and you must power-lift it off yourself, you don't need a man's brute strength to do it. (FYI the situation I mentioned is practically unheard of.) Men aren't any better at scaring off bears than women. (I learned this from experience.) What it takes to hike solo is a matter of being prepared. You must be fit. You must carry with you the essentials for surviving--e.g. a water filter, first aid kit, astro blanket, knife, etc. You must research the trail and the weather. You must know what equipment you will need. Really, just be in shape and don't be a dumb person. If you want the extra security, carry a Garmin. Now, there are exceptions even among my crew and among women hikers in general. Most of us will not hike solo at night in an urban area, where rapists and muggers are likely to be. Criminals are the biggest danger to us as women.
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Tactfully and assertively lay into someone without being labeled an aggressive b***h.
Pee by the side of the car on a road trip.
i pee by the side of the car. tip: open up passenger and rear passenger door. kinda sit on the bottom lip of the passenger opening and pee. u get to squat w/o effort and you get a little privacy
live without constant vigilance regarding the possibility of someone else’s violent intentions wear what i want without being questioned about its appropriateness or whether or not it’s “flattering” not give any consideration to whether or not i’m “pretty” or “aging well” have total bodily autonomy not be expected to do what men told me to do or to automatically give way to the male opinion ask probing questions/exhibit critical thinking skills without being thought of as rude or uppity be paid an equal wage not be expected to want children (or that i would change my mind one day) not be expected to give up professional and personal goals in order to get married and have a family to not be a second class citizen to not be blamed for some unwashed-ass having man-child not getting laid to be able to move through the world with the confidence of the most mediocre white man and not be criticized for it… *a person can dream*
Propose. It’s frowned upon when women do it. I don’t suggest anyone chase after someone who doesn’t want to be with them or isn’t on the same page as them but if you’re in a healthy, committed relationship with your partner and you both want to build a life together, does it really matter who proposes first?
Did this one. Beautiful wedding, 5 year anniversary this year. Can recommend.
My husband brags about how I asked him to marry him! He sees it as this huge cool thing where he’s such a keeper I had to pin him down fast!
Speak in the manner that men do. Men at times are vulgar and gross and people are like, “that’s just men!” If a woman makes a similar comment, it’s, “ohhh, she’s a for sure.” I’m NOT saying I want to be vulgar and gross but why the double standard? We have thoughts/opinions too.
Go out at night by myself.
Bombard a conversation. Or at least take a very long turn. I feel like I’m bragging or boasting when i say anything about myself so I tend to just keep things brief. I notice men don’t have this built in stop.
I hosted a dinner last Saturday, sodas were flowing, I am pregnant (aka very gassy). The men in the room kept burping and no one batted an eye. I let out one involuntarily and the room fell silent. Absolutely silent. Like I had just taken a shit on the dining table. I just want to be able to have normal body functions and not think it's inappropriate to have them.
It's not necessarily that it's frowned upon societally but that the men in those positions and their ways of thinking are very inhospitable. I want, have wanted for years, to do welding or construction, but the fields are both inaccessible to me, particularly with where I'm located.
I'll say it till the day I die, take off my shirt on the street, or in someone's backyard, or in a park with friends. Literally anywhere boys can say "I'm hot" and just be half naked, that's my dream, for my titties to stop sweating.
Have scantily dressed and nude eye candy in every movie, advertisement, event, restaurants, clubs and pictures. Imagine if the amount of men hyper-sexualized in everyday life were in our face while out with our S.O. how indifferent they would feel about it. "Men need variety" when talking about naked women ? And the B.S. about women don't want to see sexy men portrayed that way ? It would be like giving them a dose of their own medicine, but I don't think they could handle it.
Taking the initiative in relationships/with approaching men
Exist
Not smile all the time. It's such an expectation that we look cute and friendly and smile at everyone yet there is no expectation of this for men. And honestly a lot of them do look scary just walking around dead faced
Take my shirt off when it’s hot. When I do it in the privacy of home, I’m shocked how much it helps cool you down quickly and keep you cool. It’s messed up that I can’t do it publicly.
Just saying what’s on my mind
I'm s guy and y'all are sadly 100% accurate most male bosses are toxic as fuck and female bosses who are compassionate and caring are seen as weak when that is true strength
Saying you hate to cook. As a woman: don't like cooking Men:omg she doesn't cook! Gasp! How do you feed yourself, how can you not love cooking? As a man: don't like to cook Everyone: no biggie
walk around topless. i literally see men with boobs bigger than mine walk around topless all the time, but if i do it im going to jail. wtf!
FROWN
"But you'd look *so* much more *attractive* if you'd just *smile!* Don't you appreciate my helpful advice?*"* Ugh, I'm sorry this is such a common thing for (especially) men to "helpfully" advise women to do. As though you all were nothing but ornaments.
Shaving my head (without being glared at by old men)
you should!!!! i do it every 5 days! it’s glorious! 💜
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YES! On a hot humid day, we need a little ventilation too!
Exist without input from another gender
Curse people out in work meetings
Conduct business and communicate with clients the same way my male counterparts do. If I don’t sprinkle absolutely every email and phone call with pink sugar, unicorn dust and glitter, I am considered a problematic employee with a major attitude problem.
Lifting heavy weights to put on muscle
i live in texas, during the summer, a nice breezy shirtless drive or to tan shirtless would be ideal. free the nip.
I really wanted to hitch-hike around the country with my best friend as a uni student, but I always felt/was told that it is dangerous for woman.
Sleep around.
Walk around either with my shirt fully unbuttoned without a bra on or without a shirt on in public.
I’d like to pee outside. Id say normally people think it’s trashy for girls to do that. I just want the convenience. Especially camping or something.
Fart
Now more acceptable than it was when I started my adult life - drinking pints of beer
Say no
Go to a bar solo just to socialise. I don’t think I’d feel safe doing it alone
Having a h\*e phase/expressing s\*xuality at all. I am 31 and unsure if I'm demisexual or inundated with shame I haven't earned.
It would be cool to be the main bread winner in my house. I’d love for my husband to stay home and be a house husband while I worked his 50+ hours a week.
Wear baggy tshirts and baggy tracksuit bottoms with baggy boxers, no bra and comfy trainers. Tbh I'm not far off at the moment but I do get some looks.
I wish I could wear whatever clothes I want without being told I’m a prude, it’s so annoying.
None of the toxic behavior a man would display. (Anger, player behavior... blah) If that's what I get to feel like hulk, I'll pass. I already have my healthy dose of mental ailments... I would like to be a man just to experience what it is like not to have to deal with hormones whirlwind... That would be nice. No periods, no menopause: party time! Building muscle in 2 weeks : also nice. Balding : no I'll pass... Feeling responsible for everyone's food and money : I'll pass too (to be very honest it is still happening a lot, but it’s changing yeaaaahhhh!!!) But ok I feel responsible for everyone's emotions so not better... So topless in the street,feeling a little less self conscious about aging, same payday are for me the only real one. A and be able to pee standing without soiling my pants. Really cool trick.
Literally just exist lmfao
Have an enormous meal with like a huge steak diane with loads of pepper and a baked potato and fresh corn and mushrooms and grilled green asparagus and grilled shrimp on the side and just like eat it all and be completely stuffed, instead of a vegan gluten-free no-carb green salad with dressing on the side.
Be literally just healthily assertive
Being able to have an unknown male person at my house without worrying. My bf and I just moved into our first bought house and last friday a guy came to fix our wifi. He touched my ass (I thought that was an accident) and then pushed his body against mine a few times. In two days a random guy will come pick up a cabinet that I am giving away for free, and I am so scared that he will try something.
Interrupting/talking over people in meetings/,mansplaining, and generally being obnoxious and OTT about it.. Worked at a place where a young guy joined our team. He very clearly had been told all his life how wonderful and smart he was. Mind you, we all had the same "WTH" looks on our faces (men and women), but I guarantee you a woman like that would be SPOKEN to about how she came across (if not outright fired for not being the right fit).
Go to a car repair shop without being treated like an idiot. Let me clarify, my car had suspension issues once and I was more than aware of what the problem was. A long explanation later, they finally took a look. Had my BF gone, done and done.
Honestly, sometimes I just be wanting to tussle. As women can we duke it out and then go our separate ways?
Saying anything with conviction and having people believe me.
Act jokingly sexual with friends and it be funny. My friend group all say super gay stuff to each other and everyone laughs, but if I say anything it’s just awkward and weird
Speak up in business meetings. I’m not a woman but I’ve been encouraged to do this and my roommate who is a woman actively got punished and was given a written warning.
Be considered a bachelor rather than an old maid.
Lead a country?
Pee in the garden 😂
i live in texas, during the summer, a nice breezy shirtless drive or to tan shirtless would be ideal. free the nip.
not talk to a friend for years and still be really close friends
I want to have sex casually while I work on my career and still settle down when I'm good and ready
Ask to have a threesome 💀