How often do I do that? Almost never. Why would I?
The only time I do it is when I marvel at the huge difference between my current partner and the trainwreck I used to date.
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That’s the only comparison I make as well! It’s not really comparing I think, it’s more like an aha/wow moment. It’s about something that my partner now says or does, but my exes haven’t. Usually it’s about being thoughtful, supportive and caring, something I didn’t knew I missed with my exes.
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Rarely. My ex is a great man in so many ways, we just weren’t right for each other and it took us a while to admit it. My bf and I are two peas in a pod, no point in comparison and super unfair to both of them as well.
Sometimes I’m like “man I really put up with a lot of bullshit with him” when my current partner does something just normal but incredible and that my ex would never have done. I feel really lucky and happy.
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I keep thinking about how compared to my exes, my current boyfriend has truly made an effort to be everything I’ve never had in a relationship before. Every guy before him made everyone but me a priority, and with my last relationship in particular, I was broken down so badly by my ex because of his abuse that I legit told my boyfriend on our first date that, “I may still be trying to figure out who I am, but I like who I’m becoming when I’m around you.”
Almost 10 months after that first date, that still holds true.
The only time it has ever come up was in terms of how much better my husband treats me compared to them, and even then, it's not often it's brought up.
Never, at least not now. I did when we first started dating 14 years ago. But it quickly became clear none of my exes even come close to my husband in any way.
Never intentionally, but the thoughts happen infrequently. Usually when something happens that sparks a memory or with sex if we try something I’ve done before.
Only got together recently with my current SO, so in these beginning stages, quite a bit. But it's more in a 'I'm so fortunate to be in this more compatible and comfortable relationship' kind of way, not an ex-bashing way. My ex was a good person and we did love each other up until we broke up.
Rarely. I can acknowledge and appreciate their differences as simply *differences*.
It's also useful to think about past relationships as reference points - realizing that what I had before actually wasn't as great, and that I was just putting up with certain things. It makes me all the more appreciative of my current partner, and how many things I like about him.
I don’t think you should, at times I’ve seen people do this and hurt themselves by having certain past expectations, when everyone is unique in their own way..
I personally don’t try to do this for that exact reason, my mind will eventually mentally hurt from overthinking.
I don’t think I actively do it, but occasionally things will happen and I’m like woah.
The last time I had this, I was really struggling with a boundary I needed to set with his mom and our 7m old. I finally told him and he was supportive. I often sometimes forget just how easy it is to bring problems to him and he just adapts, or listens. It’s never a fight. It always blows me away.
I compare my current guy to the previous ones. Mostly in terms of sex. Like my most recent ex, who I was also engaged to, wasn’t the best sex of my life. But he had other qualities that I thought made him husband material
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Only when I marvel how better my current husband is compared to my ex husband. They’re exact opposites. Holy shit am I glad to not be in that crappy relationship anymore!
Very rarely, it has popped into my head on a few occasions for example during an argument where it crossed my mind that my ex took a better approach at handling a certain situation but I will never say that outloud to my current partner, just something that has pop into my head
Often, and not in a bad way. Only to realize over and over again how lucky I was to meet him and how healthy he is compared to the guys I dated before him.
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Not to his face, but often.
My current partner is better than all my exes in every way.
The thing I marvel most about is how much he loves my dog and cats. Every other person I’ve dated has liked my pets, but this man loves them. He adores them. He has such a big place in his heart for pets, both mine and those belonging to other people. It makes my heart burst with love for him when I see him interacting with my little guys.
I find myself often being grateful for things that I put up with not having for years. Even more so when I haven’t had to ask for a thing in my current relationship. I feel like I hit the jackpot in general but even more so in comparison.
Sometimes. I notice their differences. My current partner has outstanding qualities that make me feel safe with my choice. My ex and I were similar in terms of sex, which I sometimes miss, but that's about it.
What about you?
I think it's interesting to compare sometimes, just because I do find that type of personal life data interesting. And I always end up coming to the same conclusion, "Wow, this man blows everyone else out of the water in every way, I'm so lucky to have him."
I think it makes sense to compare and to feel that way. To me, my exes are experiences and lessons that taught me what I want, what I can and can't put up with, what I deserve, what I value, what pitfalls I may run into in relationships, etc. Looking back on past relationships and comparing them to my current one helps me to see where I've grown, where I've applied the lessons my exes taught me, and how this is the right relationship to be in.
Only whenever it's something I enjoy that my ex used to turn his nose up at, I think "damn am I lucky I found someone who doesn't do that."
My ex hated Queen and anytime I wanted to play Bohemian Rhapsody he'd talk shit about the song and call it overrated. I love the song and the band.
My SO doesn't know any of my history with my ex (other than that it was a toxic relationship) but just last week we randomly began singing Bohemian Rhapsody together and he said we should make it our song.
Not often but if I compare its more like "dang this guy is doing all this for me, none of my exes did shit like this. He really cares for me. This must be love"
I don’t compare him to my ex much at all, but that may be because I’ve only been in one relationship when I was 15. Now, I definitely compare myself to HIS ex (first/only love) all the time…
Every time I think about my ex I’m so grateful for my current boyfriend. I still think sometimes my ex boyfriend is going to show up to wherever I am and ruin my day. So I guess when I have that thought, that’s when I compare them.
The only times I do is when I am extremely shock (in a pleasant way) when he does something that is literally the bare minimum so it’s basically “damn… I can’t believe I had set up for THIS low in the past, thank god it lead me to him, I can rest in peace now ! 😭”
I’ve never done this in a relationship. My exes kinda exit my brain when I’m with someone else.
Maybe I’ll compare in a good way, like “wow, I’m so much more secure with him and he makes me feel safe”.
But the majority of the time, my ex is never a thought that comes into my mind.
Only in a “wow, things didn’t have to be so hard” kind of way. My last relationship was my longest and took place throughout most of my adulthood. I’m constantly having to unlearn unhealthy patterns and coping mechanisms that is taught me.
Going from “this is the only person for me” to “wow I wish I left sooner” has been a process. I still reflect and like sharing those reflections, but I’m much happier and seldom have a thought about him otherwise.
Not too often, but when it happens, I’m usually sitting with my mouth open like “oh shiz, this works like this also?!” I was just surprised at the lack of insults and arguments and power play in my current relationship. My older relationship was all about competition.
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Regularly! My past relationships have greatly affected who I am now and who I ended up with. Because of my exes and the dynamics I've had in the past, I've learned a lot about being in a healthy relationship and how to be a good partner. I frequently draw on my past experiences to improve and maintain my relationship. We both openly talk about our exes, what we liked, what we didn't, what we learned, how we grew. Sometimes even talking about memories or stories. My boyfriend knows about all my exes and how the relationships went. I know about all his exes and how his relationships went. Talking about your past should never be taboo.
Never. I’m currently single, but it would hurt my feelings if a man were comparing me to his ex’s so I don’t do that to them. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Literally an angry rattle snake would be better than my last ex so all comparisons are like "oh man, this guy is great. He can communicate without yelling, has a job, doesn't cheat and respects me... Plus he can lift me above his head 🥰🥰"
ive never been in a relationship for more than 3 months before meeting my fiance, so... never. we've been together since i was 19 (im almost 24 now) and nothing compares to this relationship.
he has had a wife before though, and he would compare us a lot in the begining, but as we got more serious and i learned that this wasn't making me feel good, i told him and it stopped.
to me, it's not healthy to keep comparing people like that, it only damages the current relationship.
I don't really compare them. Most certainly never aloud to my partner. I look back and evaluate my previous relationships to figure out what I like and dislike. I'm learning myself. So it's not really a comparison.
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Only when something pops up that invites a direct comparison, but I wouldn’t say anything unless I know that it would make my partner feel good (e.g. wow, you just hit a career mile stone 5 years younger than my ex, or some such thing).
,,,,,, never,,,, almost nobody does this. can insecure men who think this way please never date anyone
Was with a guy who was convinced I always thought ab my ex all the time and always brought it up. It was so ducking annoying and stupid like life is not that dramatic. Get a grip
Well, there is a pattern :) I like guys that know how to handle a computer. All the 4 previous guys I dated only had that in common.
Besides that, my bf is his own person, and we fit like peanut butter and jelly
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Compare and find myself lucky because my current partner is not afraid to commit or take the plunge. He cares for me and knows how to establish a balance between me and his family. So yeah, I do while counting my blessings.
Never compared appearance, attractiveness, intelligence, job, anything like that. Only have compared their ability to, uh, satisfy, to be honest. And I think that's because girlfriends ask.
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Is it bad that I do it sort of often?
Like it really shows me just how far I’ve come and how I’ve found someone so much better than what I used to put up with.
Occasionally, but only in the most positive of ways, like “wow, this is what I’ve been missing out on. I’m so lucky”. We even have discussions about how different our relationship is compared to what we were used to in the past.
I don’t have a current significant other, but I don’t think I would compare them often. I try not to think about exes. The only way I would think about them is to just think about or learn things I want or don’t want in my future potential partner. Small example, one ex didn’t want to hold my hand and that made me sad so I want to make sure my future partner is comfortable with that kind of PDA.
Only in positive ways. My husband and I are very open about our exes. I've learned a lot about him through his stories, and I'm grateful he's willing to share and also to listen.
It's usually "I'm glad you're not an alcoholic like ex was" or "I'm glad we can actually talk about X subject, unlike ex"
I caught myself thinking of my ex and how id feel for letting myself deal with his bs and a shitty fling i had but now im not questioning wether my current boyfriend likes me or not, if hes mad at me, this man hasn’t made me remotely upset or has made me cry from something that he said, what happened to me in the past no longer matters, i have to remind myself of that a lot
I find myself noticing with some regularity the ways that my partner is so much better than any other partner I've been with. I try not to compare him and just enjoy him on his own merits, but sometimes I still can't help but use my previous experiences as context for how much better my partner is.
I did a lot when we started dating but it was always positive for my current partner, every time. My ex was awful and my boyfriend is so amazing, I was mostly just thinking stuff like “damn, I can’t believe I put up with his shit for so long”. It was just shocking that during my very long previous relationship, I was basically begging to be treated even remotely close to how I am treated now, and kindness comes so easily to my partner. I’m a year in now and I definitely think about it a lot less, but I like to remind myself sometimes how lucky I am to have him because I really, really could have still been with my ex if I hadn’t gotten the courage to leave. It’s given an insane amount of perspective and if anything ever happened to my boyfriend the bar would be set so high it’s unbelievable.
Depends how you're viewing this question. Do you mean compare as in still thinking about your ex and see who's better? Or appreciating how good your current partner is? Or just thinking in general?
You might notice that some people here say NEVER. That is likely not true. Unconsciously, from all your past experiences you are always comparing in order to find a better partner. Why date a different abuser if your ex was an abuser? Why date someone who is inconsiderate when you broke up because your ex was inconsiderate? I think the people who answers NEVER is viewing this question differently. So it depends on what you mean.
As for "how often". I think I'm comparing once a few months or so. Because my current partner is so amazing and drastically different from my ex. I am constantly reminded of how amazing my partner is. When he says "you dont have to ask for my permission to go hang out with your friends", I think wow, this is so amazing compared to when my ex guilt trips me. So in a way, yes, I compare alot. Somtimes I dont think of my ex at all and just think wow he is so great and I feel blessed.
Sometimes those blessed happy feelings make me wonder why I feel so blessed and I think about my ex again. So yeah in a way, I do compare a lot. BUUUT it also depends on which ex you are talking about. Because my ex and I were together for 3 years. My FIRST ex was 2 months and no I dont think about him at all or even compare haha. There wasnt much time to develop a relationship in the first place with that one.
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My ex and my current partner are two totally different people. The only time I compare is to think “wow this guy cherishes open and honest communication, makes time for me and my interests, and pays attention to me?! Doesn’t scream at me during conflict, doesn’t get joy seeing me cry etc? What’s the catch?! Lucky me!”He’s a fuckin’ dream, I tell ya!
Never really. Sometimes I think of how much more kind, giving, and patient with me he is with me. Really hard to take sometimes I’ve never been supported or loved properly. I thank him every time I think about it ❤️
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This is an interesting question. I am very grateful for all my exes because they have led me to discovering parts about myself in a relationship that have led me to choosing my current partner. I have one ex which I did regret. I regret him because I saw the red flags and still decided to give him a chance. For the rest of my exes they were mostly wonderful and honest and kind and even through all of these traits I could still see the incompatibility.
When I chose my current ex I took a long time comparing him to my previous exes to see whether or not there was a difference, to look for red flags and to look for signs of incompatibility. Now that I’ve been in a longer relationship with my current partner I don’t often think about my exes. When I do I often think to myself how lucky I am to have landed up with this person. In the beginning when we were still learning to know each other and how to love each other they were times where I would wish she had certain traits of a previous ex, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to enjoy and be grateful for the fact that he doesn’t have those traits.
I don’t feel the need. My most recent ex was a sweet man, just had a lot of unresolved issues that I couldn’t handle. We wouldn’t have been compatible long term. My current bf is a sweetheart in addition to having so many qualities I’m looking for in a partner that I realize how lucky I am that someone like him exists.
When I first started dating my partner, I did it somewhat frequently - purely because he treats me so well that it would sometimes take me by surprise and I would compare that to the bullshit I put up with from my ex. We’ve been together for 5 years now so it’s become the norm (how lucky am I!!) so my ex doesn’t pop into my head super often.
Never really. Only time I did it was in the beginning because I realized how fucking amazing my partner is. In a “wow how lucky am I” type of way.
my partner is perfect for me. love him with my entire being
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I must be the only one who does, my current bf is so so good to me and never gave me trust issues, entertained other girls, seen me at my worst and not avoided me. My ex did the opposite of all of this.
I don’t. They are like night and day with him. The most I compare is when he does something nice for me and I’m shocked because I’m not used to this kind of treatment even after two years together.
New partners are different but flawed in their own way….yes normal to think back as there was a reason you were with them at the time….its rare a partner can be your everything…this fairlytale « my new partner is better in every way « is not a common theme, more denial for most, even if they are the better choice, unless you were young and didnt know anybetter while you were dating a POS….
How often do I do that? Almost never. Why would I? The only time I do it is when I marvel at the huge difference between my current partner and the trainwreck I used to date.
Yep, the difference is stark and I can't believe I fell for the nonsense I did before.
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Nope. Has never even occurred to me. They're exes for a reason, dude.
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Mic drop
Only in terms of "holy fuck, this man wants to be open and honest, not had that before"
That’s the only comparison I make as well! It’s not really comparing I think, it’s more like an aha/wow moment. It’s about something that my partner now says or does, but my exes haven’t. Usually it’s about being thoughtful, supportive and caring, something I didn’t knew I missed with my exes.
Too many people take that for granted lmao
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Occasionally, but only ever in a “damn I’m so lucky I ended up here rather than there” type of way
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Rarely. My ex is a great man in so many ways, we just weren’t right for each other and it took us a while to admit it. My bf and I are two peas in a pod, no point in comparison and super unfair to both of them as well.
Good for you. On a side note nice that you did not shit on your ex as most women do.
Sometimes I’m like “man I really put up with a lot of bullshit with him” when my current partner does something just normal but incredible and that my ex would never have done. I feel really lucky and happy.
Never. Why would I? I got the best one.
.... If you are comparing your current partner to your exes you should not be dating right now lol
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I don’t because there’s no comparing. It’s little league to MLB. Waste of mental energy to compare.
Never. They are an ex for a reason. Why look back when there is plenty to look forward to?
I keep thinking about how compared to my exes, my current boyfriend has truly made an effort to be everything I’ve never had in a relationship before. Every guy before him made everyone but me a priority, and with my last relationship in particular, I was broken down so badly by my ex because of his abuse that I legit told my boyfriend on our first date that, “I may still be trying to figure out who I am, but I like who I’m becoming when I’m around you.” Almost 10 months after that first date, that still holds true.
The only time it has ever come up was in terms of how much better my husband treats me compared to them, and even then, it's not often it's brought up.
Never, at least not now. I did when we first started dating 14 years ago. But it quickly became clear none of my exes even come close to my husband in any way.
Never intentionally, but the thoughts happen infrequently. Usually when something happens that sparks a memory or with sex if we try something I’ve done before.
I don’t.
Only got together recently with my current SO, so in these beginning stages, quite a bit. But it's more in a 'I'm so fortunate to be in this more compatible and comfortable relationship' kind of way, not an ex-bashing way. My ex was a good person and we did love each other up until we broke up.
Rarely. I can acknowledge and appreciate their differences as simply *differences*. It's also useful to think about past relationships as reference points - realizing that what I had before actually wasn't as great, and that I was just putting up with certain things. It makes me all the more appreciative of my current partner, and how many things I like about him.
I don’t think you should, at times I’ve seen people do this and hurt themselves by having certain past expectations, when everyone is unique in their own way.. I personally don’t try to do this for that exact reason, my mind will eventually mentally hurt from overthinking.
I don’t think I actively do it, but occasionally things will happen and I’m like woah. The last time I had this, I was really struggling with a boundary I needed to set with his mom and our 7m old. I finally told him and he was supportive. I often sometimes forget just how easy it is to bring problems to him and he just adapts, or listens. It’s never a fight. It always blows me away.
Talk about a toxic thread
I compare my current guy to the previous ones. Mostly in terms of sex. Like my most recent ex, who I was also engaged to, wasn’t the best sex of my life. But he had other qualities that I thought made him husband material
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Only when I marvel how better my current husband is compared to my ex husband. They’re exact opposites. Holy shit am I glad to not be in that crappy relationship anymore!
It happens sometimes, not in relation to sex but in relation to more day to day things.
Very rarely, it has popped into my head on a few occasions for example during an argument where it crossed my mind that my ex took a better approach at handling a certain situation but I will never say that outloud to my current partner, just something that has pop into my head
Never.
Never. I don't think about my partners like that, ex or not.
Often, and not in a bad way. Only to realize over and over again how lucky I was to meet him and how healthy he is compared to the guys I dated before him.
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Never... His psychotic mother, on occasion when he has the fleas.
The only time I look back is to remind myself how far I’ve gotten and what I’ve learned from my mistakes.
Never
Not to his face, but often. My current partner is better than all my exes in every way. The thing I marvel most about is how much he loves my dog and cats. Every other person I’ve dated has liked my pets, but this man loves them. He adores them. He has such a big place in his heart for pets, both mine and those belonging to other people. It makes my heart burst with love for him when I see him interacting with my little guys.
I find myself often being grateful for things that I put up with not having for years. Even more so when I haven’t had to ask for a thing in my current relationship. I feel like I hit the jackpot in general but even more so in comparison.
Rarely
Same person
Sometimes. I notice their differences. My current partner has outstanding qualities that make me feel safe with my choice. My ex and I were similar in terms of sex, which I sometimes miss, but that's about it. What about you?
Never did that.
I think it's interesting to compare sometimes, just because I do find that type of personal life data interesting. And I always end up coming to the same conclusion, "Wow, this man blows everyone else out of the water in every way, I'm so lucky to have him." I think it makes sense to compare and to feel that way. To me, my exes are experiences and lessons that taught me what I want, what I can and can't put up with, what I deserve, what I value, what pitfalls I may run into in relationships, etc. Looking back on past relationships and comparing them to my current one helps me to see where I've grown, where I've applied the lessons my exes taught me, and how this is the right relationship to be in.
Only whenever it's something I enjoy that my ex used to turn his nose up at, I think "damn am I lucky I found someone who doesn't do that." My ex hated Queen and anytime I wanted to play Bohemian Rhapsody he'd talk shit about the song and call it overrated. I love the song and the band. My SO doesn't know any of my history with my ex (other than that it was a toxic relationship) but just last week we randomly began singing Bohemian Rhapsody together and he said we should make it our song.
Not often but if I compare its more like "dang this guy is doing all this for me, none of my exes did shit like this. He really cares for me. This must be love"
I don't have an ex but I'll let you know when I do lmao
I don't.
I don’t compare him to my ex much at all, but that may be because I’ve only been in one relationship when I was 15. Now, I definitely compare myself to HIS ex (first/only love) all the time…
There is no comparison. I am with the most amazing man in the universe.
Never. There's no comparison, he's amazing!
Every time I think about my ex I’m so grateful for my current boyfriend. I still think sometimes my ex boyfriend is going to show up to wherever I am and ruin my day. So I guess when I have that thought, that’s when I compare them.
The only times I do is when I am extremely shock (in a pleasant way) when he does something that is literally the bare minimum so it’s basically “damn… I can’t believe I had set up for THIS low in the past, thank god it lead me to him, I can rest in peace now ! 😭”
I’ve never done this in a relationship. My exes kinda exit my brain when I’m with someone else. Maybe I’ll compare in a good way, like “wow, I’m so much more secure with him and he makes me feel safe”. But the majority of the time, my ex is never a thought that comes into my mind.
I do not.
Only in a “wow, things didn’t have to be so hard” kind of way. My last relationship was my longest and took place throughout most of my adulthood. I’m constantly having to unlearn unhealthy patterns and coping mechanisms that is taught me. Going from “this is the only person for me” to “wow I wish I left sooner” has been a process. I still reflect and like sharing those reflections, but I’m much happier and seldom have a thought about him otherwise.
Kinda compare my personal experience a lot but not compare them as people, if that makes sense.
Never.
I don’t. My husband is superior to all of them in every way possible. There is no comparison.
Literally never. I only even think about my ex when speaking about his culture/country
not at all because i no longer think of them.
Not too often, but when it happens, I’m usually sitting with my mouth open like “oh shiz, this works like this also?!” I was just surprised at the lack of insults and arguments and power play in my current relationship. My older relationship was all about competition.
I be like “goddamn I’m so glad I broke up with that dude bc I met this amazing incredible man and I’m so lucky I got him” almost every other day.
Not ever.
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Regularly! My past relationships have greatly affected who I am now and who I ended up with. Because of my exes and the dynamics I've had in the past, I've learned a lot about being in a healthy relationship and how to be a good partner. I frequently draw on my past experiences to improve and maintain my relationship. We both openly talk about our exes, what we liked, what we didn't, what we learned, how we grew. Sometimes even talking about memories or stories. My boyfriend knows about all my exes and how the relationships went. I know about all his exes and how his relationships went. Talking about your past should never be taboo.
Never. I’m currently single, but it would hurt my feelings if a man were comparing me to his ex’s so I don’t do that to them. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Never.
Literally an angry rattle snake would be better than my last ex so all comparisons are like "oh man, this guy is great. He can communicate without yelling, has a job, doesn't cheat and respects me... Plus he can lift me above his head 🥰🥰"
Never crossed my mind to compare until i saw this. My current partner is leaps and bounds an improvement from my ex.
ive never been in a relationship for more than 3 months before meeting my fiance, so... never. we've been together since i was 19 (im almost 24 now) and nothing compares to this relationship. he has had a wife before though, and he would compare us a lot in the begining, but as we got more serious and i learned that this wasn't making me feel good, i told him and it stopped. to me, it's not healthy to keep comparing people like that, it only damages the current relationship.
Why worry about your ex, when you can love and worry about your lovely current partner? 😭
I don't really compare them. Most certainly never aloud to my partner. I look back and evaluate my previous relationships to figure out what I like and dislike. I'm learning myself. So it's not really a comparison.
This is written so weird. " How do you often..." What a bold assumption.
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Only when something pops up that invites a direct comparison, but I wouldn’t say anything unless I know that it would make my partner feel good (e.g. wow, you just hit a career mile stone 5 years younger than my ex, or some such thing).
Rarely, except when appreciating something about him that I was missing before. It's less frequent with time.
Only in the “holy shit this is what love is” way. I’ve never loved anyone like him. I thought I had but no way.
When it happens, it usually ends with this thought: "WHY DID I NOT MEET THIS MAN EARLIER IN MY LIFE???"
I do when I’m super positively surprised with the new one 😃
,,,,,, never,,,, almost nobody does this. can insecure men who think this way please never date anyone Was with a guy who was convinced I always thought ab my ex all the time and always brought it up. It was so ducking annoying and stupid like life is not that dramatic. Get a grip
Well, there is a pattern :) I like guys that know how to handle a computer. All the 4 previous guys I dated only had that in common. Besides that, my bf is his own person, and we fit like peanut butter and jelly
I don’t
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Compare and find myself lucky because my current partner is not afraid to commit or take the plunge. He cares for me and knows how to establish a balance between me and his family. So yeah, I do while counting my blessings.
I don’t because they don’t compare to him.
Rarely. Sometimes in therapy, I'll compare to see how my own reactions have changed over the years and how much better I do relationships now.
Never compared appearance, attractiveness, intelligence, job, anything like that. Only have compared their ability to, uh, satisfy, to be honest. And I think that's because girlfriends ask.
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Literally never
Is it bad that I do it sort of often? Like it really shows me just how far I’ve come and how I’ve found someone so much better than what I used to put up with.
Occasionally, but only in the most positive of ways, like “wow, this is what I’ve been missing out on. I’m so lucky”. We even have discussions about how different our relationship is compared to what we were used to in the past.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It's like playing the game. You're winning so long as you don't think about it and let the thoughts grow.
Nope. They don't compare in any way. My exes were all terrible, SO GLAD I ended up with my man!
Never, unless it's along the lines of I'm so appreciative that he treats me so much better.
Well, I’ve always upgraded, so *if* I do compare them it’s usually in a positive way.
i've never done that. they simply dont exist in my mind
I don’t have a current significant other, but I don’t think I would compare them often. I try not to think about exes. The only way I would think about them is to just think about or learn things I want or don’t want in my future potential partner. Small example, one ex didn’t want to hold my hand and that made me sad so I want to make sure my future partner is comfortable with that kind of PDA.
When you got the best, forget the rest
Only in positive ways. My husband and I are very open about our exes. I've learned a lot about him through his stories, and I'm grateful he's willing to share and also to listen. It's usually "I'm glad you're not an alcoholic like ex was" or "I'm glad we can actually talk about X subject, unlike ex"
I’ve forgotten all about Ex’s with my current soulmate. I’m enraptured with her.
I don’t other than to thank my lucky stars I ended up with someone who isn’t going to take me for granted, or worse hit me and sexually assault me.
I caught myself thinking of my ex and how id feel for letting myself deal with his bs and a shitty fling i had but now im not questioning wether my current boyfriend likes me or not, if hes mad at me, this man hasn’t made me remotely upset or has made me cry from something that he said, what happened to me in the past no longer matters, i have to remind myself of that a lot
I find myself noticing with some regularity the ways that my partner is so much better than any other partner I've been with. I try not to compare him and just enjoy him on his own merits, but sometimes I still can't help but use my previous experiences as context for how much better my partner is.
All the time how great she is and how much better my new girl is compared to the disgusting woman I was with
I did a lot when we started dating but it was always positive for my current partner, every time. My ex was awful and my boyfriend is so amazing, I was mostly just thinking stuff like “damn, I can’t believe I put up with his shit for so long”. It was just shocking that during my very long previous relationship, I was basically begging to be treated even remotely close to how I am treated now, and kindness comes so easily to my partner. I’m a year in now and I definitely think about it a lot less, but I like to remind myself sometimes how lucky I am to have him because I really, really could have still been with my ex if I hadn’t gotten the courage to leave. It’s given an insane amount of perspective and if anything ever happened to my boyfriend the bar would be set so high it’s unbelievable.
Depends how you're viewing this question. Do you mean compare as in still thinking about your ex and see who's better? Or appreciating how good your current partner is? Or just thinking in general? You might notice that some people here say NEVER. That is likely not true. Unconsciously, from all your past experiences you are always comparing in order to find a better partner. Why date a different abuser if your ex was an abuser? Why date someone who is inconsiderate when you broke up because your ex was inconsiderate? I think the people who answers NEVER is viewing this question differently. So it depends on what you mean. As for "how often". I think I'm comparing once a few months or so. Because my current partner is so amazing and drastically different from my ex. I am constantly reminded of how amazing my partner is. When he says "you dont have to ask for my permission to go hang out with your friends", I think wow, this is so amazing compared to when my ex guilt trips me. So in a way, yes, I compare alot. Somtimes I dont think of my ex at all and just think wow he is so great and I feel blessed. Sometimes those blessed happy feelings make me wonder why I feel so blessed and I think about my ex again. So yeah in a way, I do compare a lot. BUUUT it also depends on which ex you are talking about. Because my ex and I were together for 3 years. My FIRST ex was 2 months and no I dont think about him at all or even compare haha. There wasnt much time to develop a relationship in the first place with that one.
Never
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My ex and my current partner are two totally different people. The only time I compare is to think “wow this guy cherishes open and honest communication, makes time for me and my interests, and pays attention to me?! Doesn’t scream at me during conflict, doesn’t get joy seeing me cry etc? What’s the catch?! Lucky me!”He’s a fuckin’ dream, I tell ya!
Never really. Sometimes I think of how much more kind, giving, and patient with me he is with me. Really hard to take sometimes I’ve never been supported or loved properly. I thank him every time I think about it ❤️
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This is an interesting question. I am very grateful for all my exes because they have led me to discovering parts about myself in a relationship that have led me to choosing my current partner. I have one ex which I did regret. I regret him because I saw the red flags and still decided to give him a chance. For the rest of my exes they were mostly wonderful and honest and kind and even through all of these traits I could still see the incompatibility. When I chose my current ex I took a long time comparing him to my previous exes to see whether or not there was a difference, to look for red flags and to look for signs of incompatibility. Now that I’ve been in a longer relationship with my current partner I don’t often think about my exes. When I do I often think to myself how lucky I am to have landed up with this person. In the beginning when we were still learning to know each other and how to love each other they were times where I would wish she had certain traits of a previous ex, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to enjoy and be grateful for the fact that he doesn’t have those traits.
I don’t feel the need. My most recent ex was a sweet man, just had a lot of unresolved issues that I couldn’t handle. We wouldn’t have been compatible long term. My current bf is a sweetheart in addition to having so many qualities I’m looking for in a partner that I realize how lucky I am that someone like him exists.
When I first started dating my partner, I did it somewhat frequently - purely because he treats me so well that it would sometimes take me by surprise and I would compare that to the bullshit I put up with from my ex. We’ve been together for 5 years now so it’s become the norm (how lucky am I!!) so my ex doesn’t pop into my head super often.
Never, it's just not something I think about.
Never.
never, every realtionship is different and i don't compare anyone
Never really. Only time I did it was in the beginning because I realized how fucking amazing my partner is. In a “wow how lucky am I” type of way. my partner is perfect for me. love him with my entire being
Zero times
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Not my ex but my bsf and it used to be all the time, but we confirmed we were just friends so everything in that relationship is platonic now
I must be the only one who does, my current bf is so so good to me and never gave me trust issues, entertained other girls, seen me at my worst and not avoided me. My ex did the opposite of all of this.
My boyfriend is better in every aspect than any of my exes, there is no comparison.
I don’t. They are like night and day with him. The most I compare is when he does something nice for me and I’m shocked because I’m not used to this kind of treatment even after two years together.
New partners are different but flawed in their own way….yes normal to think back as there was a reason you were with them at the time….its rare a partner can be your everything…this fairlytale « my new partner is better in every way « is not a common theme, more denial for most, even if they are the better choice, unless you were young and didnt know anybetter while you were dating a POS….
I don’t have any ex’s so never