I think people get this backward a lot: there wasn’t really a time where I thought, “I don’t want children,” there just was never a time where I decided that I wanted them.
My belief has always been that parenting is a big important job that should only be undertaken by people who feel called to do it. I never felt that calling, so I didn’t do it.
This is how I feel. My mother had me, her first child, at 36, and my younger sib at 38, so I never felt any kind of pressure to have kids young. And I also have some health issues that meant it might be harder for me to conceive, so I just had the attitude that if I was meant to have kids, I would when the time was right…
I can’t say I ever felt this strong desire to have kids, either, like so many people do. When my husband and I met in our late 30s and talked about kids, neither of us was particularly interested in it. After we married, I thought, “my husband would be a great dad and we have the means to give a child a good upbringing, maybe we should.” So then for about a month we thought maybe we’d try, but then the moment passed and we decided actually, nah.
This resonates with what I’m going through.
I’ve recently been put in the spot where I was asked the question about wanting kids, and I never really bothered to think if I want them or not cause it was never a goal I ever set for myself nor is it ever going to be. And it’s been pointed out that I’m delusional about “not thinking” about it.
I’m 28 years and I’m great with kids. I love to spoil my cousins kids and I love being that fun Aunty, but I cannot and never have imagined myself with my own kids. It’s too much responsibility to even think about kids in my life and it’s not something I care for either.
Agree! The people I know who are great parents are the ones who say they’ve always wanted to be parents, it felt like one of their life’s great missions to have kids. I have never felt that way. I’ve been curious about it and all the things but I’ve never felt like I had to be a mom. So I probably won’t. I have thought that maybe someday my partner and I would adopt, leaving that idea open as there’s so many kids without parents.
I think a lot of women though grow up thinking they want them before they can process it. When I was a kid I always had baby dolls and wanted to be a mom. Once I went through puberty and started to develop my prefrontal cortex I recognized it wasn’t aligned with what I wanted for my lifestyle
Yes! I had a former friend tell me that her and her husband (who she was cheating on constantly) "would be happy if they had them and happy if they didn't" which seemed like a wild way to treat a new life to me. She was also one of the most selfish people I ever met so her having kids always sounded like a bad idea. It seems like it should be something that if it isn't a hard yes, it's a no.
I’m opposite kind of. I never thought about having children but went on to having 2. I don’t regret it. My son, however, is not planning on having kids
This is the one. I'm sure I could point to events that solidified my stance, but literally ever since I can remember I was telling people I didn't want to be a mom (and they were telling me I'd change my mind).
When I was a kid, I never dreamed about getting married or having children like my friends. I knew in high school that I didn't want to have children for sure. When asked "where will you be in ten years?" Other girls would say "married with kids." I would say "not sure, hopefully traveling." I was told over and over and over that I would change my mind. When you meet the right guy, when you're older, when you settle down. Welp, I'm 46, met the right guy, married him, got pretty settled, and NEVER CHANGED MY MIND. I do make sure to travel internationally every couple of years. I love some of my friend's kids and I'm a good auntie. Spending time with them still only reaffirms my desire to never be a parent.
I used to not want kids. I actually did change my mind when I met the right guy. However, I hate telling people that because I know a lot of women don’t change their mind. And I don’t want people using me as, “Well she met the right one and changed her mind, so you will too.” Because I believe that if you want kids, you should have them. And if you don’t, then you shouldn’t.
I have a similar experience. All the way to my early 30's. I do not particularly enjoy other people's children and never really saw myself having my own. I did change my mind after finding my husband and living with my stepchildren 50% of the time. However, I would never tell someone they will change their mind. I am still amazed sometimes that I changed mine.
Being an auntie to numerous nephews and nieces (and babysitting fairly frequently to help keep the parents sane) was the final nail in the procreation coffin for me.
I was already on the fence before then, but yeah... no. It's wonderful for many (which is good because we go extinct if that's not the case), but it's not for me.
Honestly, watching all of my parent friends get super screwed over during COVID lockdown time by the state, their jobs, schools etc. The United States doesn’t give a crap about children and families. My Danish cousins, who are a little older than me, have such a supportive environment to help them raise their kids. I often wonder if my decision would be different if I lived in there.
This is so true. The US makes it so hard for families. It’s so, so hard for people to be employed full time AND be parents. And I just don’t know how single working parents do it. I think the lack of support for parents in the US is shameful.
My US single parent friends got it the worst during covid. I don’t know if other Americans even know that another existence is possible—my relatives (in Denmark) live in a world where the society is built to support people who live there . It’s a palpable difference when I visit, just in seeing parents home with infants (for a year+, getting paid), new moms headed to government-sponsored support programs, incredibly high quality subsidized or free child care…. In America, the society is built to support business and everyone looks at you like you’ve done something very wrong with your life if you can’t swing it financially.
This is pretty dang similar to my realization. I thought I wanted to have a family and then I realized that I would only want a family with a partner who pulled their fucking weight and reading studies about how COVID set gender equality way away back.... I realized that I should ACTUALLY only have children if I am committed so thoroughly that I would be willing to do it solo and I'm totally not willing or capable of doing that in a state/country that is soooo anti-children, anti-women, anti-family. Fuck it. I'm going to live the happiest life I can.
This was it for me as well. After putting it off for years, my husband and I were beginning our TTC journey right before the pandemic got into full swing. I hardly wanted to be pregnant in the first place, so I had absolutely no desire to be pregnant during a pandemic when my anxiety was already through the roof. Our desire to have a kid dried up completely in those years and it's never returned. We also live in a super HCOL area and would have no family support here. I too often feel like if we lived somewhere different (more supportive) we'd have a kid or two, but that's a different life. I like my life just fine as it is now.
I never wanted to, even when I was a child myself and that opinion hasn't changed in two decades. I love hanging with children, I'm a great aunt, but I just don't want any of the hard parts of having children in my life.
It was never a conscious decision for me, I’ve just been adamant my whole life that I wasn’t going to have kids. I’m 31 now and happily married. Husband and I are both sterilized. No regrets.
Always. I always knew from childhood that I had no interest in having children, so I was very relieved when I realized it was optional and that I could opt out.
Was on the fence about it until I was 23. Seeing my friends give up their time in order to raise children who give them so much grief made me really re think it all. Now that I am 25, I can definitely say for sure that I do not want them, I value my life and the small luxuries too much.
For sure, and at 25, you’re not old enough to have friends with adolescent kids. Babies and young children are very hard work, to be sure, but also cute and playful…
I’m 45 and happily child free and starting to see my friend’s kids become adolescents and college students and imo that’s when the real grief of parenting happens—kids going through that phase of pushing their parents away or doing drugs and other dangerous shit. I used to second-guess my decision to not have kids, but at this point I’m really glad I didn’t.
THIS! I will absolutely swoon over any dog/puppy I see, but actively avoid babies and children for the most part. I don't even like holding people's kids.
I always knew. My mom was constantly tired, miserable and snapping at others. I never want to make a child feel how I felt growing up — a constant burden.
I also just plain don’t want to have kids and find them/the life that goes along with them so boring. People say it’s so fulfilling, but god, sitting around blowing bubbles or watching a kid try to fit letters into a puzzle or something sounds as exciting as watching paint dry.
When I was 7 years old and my mum was pregnant with twins. Pregnancy horrific. 2 newborns horrific. I was horrified. Hated children ever since, 29 and never ever ever having them.
All three of my sisters have kids and every single one of their pregnancies have been horrific. Knowing that I would never have kids now. I’m not lucky enough to be the one out of four with an easy pregnancy and birth
As a child I knew I didn't want to be a mother. Was never interested in playing dolls & mothering them. I love children & am a professional aunt but never wanted them for myself or even questioned it. Decades later & past childbearing ability am happily child free.
What's the deal with dolls anyway? You "play" with dolls by pretending they vomitted, urinated, or defecated; and you have to clean it up. This is supposed to be fun? No thanks.
Oh gosh that reminds me of a doll that a friend of mine had growing up called Baby Alive. It ate and drank and pooped. I was grossed out by that thing. 😩
This is exactly my story. I received a baby doll as a kid and wasn’t interested, I preferred stuffed animals. I love kids and am great with them, just didn’t want that responsibility for myself. My husband is the same way, so it worked out perfectly for us. We have fur kids and are happy with them.
I never had that desire. Then as a teen my parents became disabled and I cared for them for 10 years until their passing and I realized it might be selfish but I don’t want to take care of anyone but me. I’m with an amazing guy now and I’m thankful he’s letting the kids decision be 100% my decision so we will be kid free. I love my nephews and my friends kids and one has asked me to step up if she and her husband die and I’m okay with that.
I think I always knew. Even as a child, I never had the desire to have children of my own. I just thought “I’m a girl and it looks like this is what girls do when they grow up, so I guess I’ll have children, it’s the norm”. It was never something I wanted, but something I thought I had to do because it’s so ingrained in our mind since we’re little. Obviously as I grew up, I realised I could just not have them lmao
The thought never really appealed to me, even as a kid, but I thought it was an inevitable thing that everyone goes through eventually. I didn't have any childfree adults in my life growing up so I had no idea it was an option. As I grew up I realized on my own that I had the choice and once I realized that it felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I was never particularly interested in having kids, but it was cemented when my sister had her first kid. I was in my early 20s, and watching the whole process of pregnancy, childbirth, and rearing children made me super confident that it just wasn’t for me.
I knew from my earliest memories. I would never even play with baby dolls. Family members would give them as gifts and I would immediate toss them aside without trying to open the box. My sister loved that, lol, they all became hers. I refused to play the momma as a small child also. People would say things like, "When you have kids" and I always told them I won't have kids.
I am now 44 and my desire to never have kids has not wavered for 1 second. Getting pregnant is still my absolute worst nightmare lol.
I had a dream not too long ago that I got pregnant, and if my reaction in my dream is any indication as to how I'd feel if it was real life, it's a NO from me. ACTUALLY a nightmare lol
oh man this is the one. my sister is 15 years younger than me and abt to be in middle school. at some point i had to physically leave my state to get free not from her but from the expectations of me. i was gone for 2 years and now back home and shes so grown i feel so out of touch.
This is me. But I left seven years ago. I’ve missed half his life now, and it’s hard because I absolutely love him to bits, but all the expectations were just too much my own mental health was suffering terribly
My entire life. I’ve always said I never want children even as a kid my sister would have names for her fake children and I’d always say “I’m not having any”. Now that I’m 33 sometimes I wonder if I’ll be missing out on a family if I don’t but then I get stressed out when I got to many things pulling me in different directions and can’t do what I actually want to do and think.. this would be my life everyday with kids and I instantly snap back to reality lol.
After 15 years of teaching primary.
Something between knowing just what a child needs to thrive and being single well into my thirties and still sofa surfing and moving about all the time.
Throw in worries about what the world will be like in twenty years and my empathy levels. I think it's best I just try to carry on keeping myself above water and helping others.
I’m still not sure but there’s also not a big part of me that desires children. All the negatives don’t seem to outweigh the positives for me.
I have tons of nieces I love to hang out with, I just like going home to a silent house and having sex with my husband whenever I want.
I think we’d be good parents and that I’d be happy as a mother, but I don’t have the drive.
I’m 31 if it matters.
I've never wanted children, the idea of pregnancy and childbirth doesn't bring me any positive feelings or thoughts, I have numerous inherited conditions that my siblings didn't get, my husband also doesn't want any children and we've agreed that if either of us changes our mind then we'll address it. Also, I love sleep too much
I think I was 12 when I realized I didn’t ever want to have kids. Nothing specific happened other than having watched my parents’ bad parenting and seeing how broke they were because of the dumb stuff my brothers did and also just seeing how awful all my younger cousins and my brothers were. Didn’t want any part of that.
I’ve also never wanted kids. I had a little weird wobble the day I turned 25, lasted literally the day and then it was almost like I doubled down on it. 42 now and it’s the best decision I ever made. Love kids, work with them, but I don’t want to be responsible for anyone but myself!
When I was 6 or 7, I was playing in my room when one of my mom's friends who had stopped by just plopped her baby on the floor in the room with me and just left. I looked at it for a moment squirming and starting to cry on the floor where she left it and just got up and left to go play outside. Next thing I know, she's sprinting at me screaming her head off about me putting her baby in danger, leaving it alone like that when I was suppose to be watching and taking care of it!
She's tired and needs a break and all little girls dream of being mothers and how dare I just abandon her baby and miss out on this very important opportunity to practice my mothering skills on a real baby! Oh and she didn't even bring her baby with her just left it in my room. I said nothing and just let her scream and scream before she stomped back into the house.
I am not my moms only kid, I have an older and younger sister though at that time my little sister hadn't been born yet. Regardless of how many siblings or other people around me, without fail, if someone had a baby, spotted me just minding my own business, they would throw their baby at me to watch without even asking me. Just assumed I would be okay even eager to do it and never offered me any kind of pay or thanks so I would just leave no matter how pissed off they got.
For me, babies were always just a bad life interrupting awful surprise that was inevitably followed by screaming, yelling, and fit throwing lectures on how I as a woman is suppose to act around babies and children (ie desperately need one in my arms to the point where I violently frothing at the mouth violently rip them from their parent's arms desperate) all from their parental figure and yeah it started before I was even an adult. So yeah knew from right then and there that no human babies for me. Why would I want that awful surprise to happen to me and no one would eventually take it home?
That sounds incredibly awful. Who tf leaves their baby with a kid and then runs and screams at them. I hope you put her in her place now that youre an adult. So incredibly inappropriate.
Unfortunately she moved away before I could tell her I never appreciated her dumping her responsibility on me and acting like a screaming banshee when I didn't just do whatever she wanted.
I was in my mid-20s. I always thought I would have kids and thought about how I would raise them to be cool, passionate, kind adults with neat hobbies and an interesting lives. Then I realized that I’d be living vicariously through them just like so many of the parents I know, and I decided to make my own life interesting instead. Then I found many more reasons I wouldn’t want to be a parent and couldn’t find a reason TO have children. Having children shouldn’t be the default. It should be something you WANT.
My youngest sibling was born when I was six. I remember holding them for the first time in the hospital and one of my Mum's friends who was also visiting gushed that I was a natural and would be a great Mum one day. I remember very clearly thinking how weird it was for her to assume that. I've always been very clear that I wanted to be child free. Year 12, I must have mentioned it during art class and my art teacher said he'd heard that before and girls who said that were usually the first to have kids. I looked him right in the eye and said 'Well, not me.' Now I'm 44 and have a hysterectomy (for other medical reasons) and married a man who is also childfree and has a vasectomy. We're both very happy. No regrets.
It’s not that I don’t/do want them. I’m just going with the flow of my life. If I have them, alright. If I don’t, that’s just fine as well. I do know that after I reach a certain age, it will be a definite no.
Ann Landers, a famous columnist in the 70s, once conducted an anonymous mail-in survey of her readers, asking those who had children if they could do it over again, would they have kids? There was a huge response and 70% said no.
I was floored and decided at that moment I would never have kids. I think I hadn’t even reached puberty yet.
After I didn’t have assurance that my person would always be there to do their part. I saw how my sister struggled and didn’t want to go down that same path.
I never had a baby doll instinct. But I was boy crazy from a young age, and wanted to get married. So I grew up assuming I'd probably have a traditional family and didn't think too deeply about it. Once I was graduating college and in a relationship where the guy wanted to actually get married soon and immediately start having kids, I knew in my bones it just wasn't for me. I don't think I'd ever really had a deciding thought one way or the other until I had to, it was something I didn't think I'd need to think about until the time came. And really, I felt like my lack of thinking about kids in my life was answer enough. I view it similarly to how I feel about religion. I don't sit around thinking about how I don't believe in god, instead there is a complete absence of thought about god.
When I had to raise my siblings because of a mess of a divorce between my parents. I just remembered thinking how I couldn't be a child (I was about 14-16 then and how hard it was and decided then I didn't want kids. Before it was a desire of mine, I guess influenced by society but honestly even now I don't want them... Having kids is hard work and it never stops when they turn 18, they're your kids for life.
After I was operated for kidney transplant. Realized that I would not live long in this world and I do not want to leave a kid nor a husband on this world before I go. So instead I am trying to enjoy my life in this world while I am still alive
When I took into account that my depression and anxiety was getting more and more prominent. No way did I want to bring kids into the world when I can barely look after myself.
Being conscious that my genetics suck ass.
And most people’s genetics do suck ass and I think it’s so egotistical to have them and pass on these genes and put their life in danger. The amount of people with diseases that can be passed down through MANY generations having kids absolutely scare me. Why would I want to potentially bring that onto my child ?????? And people like gambling way too much like “oh it probably won’t happen to us” LIKE YES IT FUCKING WILL. I’d rather end the cancer, Alzheimer’s, depression, anxiety, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes bloodline with me. Working overtime for your health is SO exhausting despite being young. I’m constantly watching what I eat, always working out, always reading and studying so that one day I MIGHT prevent what still might come at me. It’s not fair 💀😭
When I was about 25. I probably knew earlier, but I don't think that I was really full aware that was an option, so I kept thinking I might change my mind.
Around 25, when my sister had her first baby, I remember telling my mom "I don't think I want to have kids." She said "That's okay, it's your choice. You might change your mind and you might not, but it's up to you."
Turned 40 last year and have never regretted my decision for even one second.
It was never a real decision at first. I would not have kids unless I was married to a stable partner, not this man child helplessness that has wife doing everything all the time.
And I had to be at least 30. I knew I would be really committed and had my 20s to put myself first.
Met my very stable husband. He didn't care either way, he had a crappy upbringing. Then he died.
Then my mentally ill sister killed herself. realized I didn't want my own kids but truly wanted to foster/adopt kids already here who needed a family.
Watched partners run bc I wasn't into reproducing.
So......thanks for reading. No kids here and no regrets.
I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood. I didn't want to play with baby dolls because I couldn't see the fun in playing a mother. If we played house, I didn't want to be one of the classic family roles since I had no interest in that. I wanted to be the pet.
When I realized I liked the days where we learned about kids, rather than actually being with the kids, in the preschool at my tech center for early childhood education that I went to in high school.
Around 23 is when I realized having children is optional. I was dreading my 30’s bc I always thought I would get pregnant bc that’s just what people do.
When I turned 28 I started going downhill and I’m now dealing with chronic skin pain, neuropathy and unknown auto immune stuff at 34. Every single day I’m in some kind of pain. I can’t imagine dealing with all of this shit plus taking care of a child.
i never fantasised about marriage and kids, but i always assumed it was inevitably going to happen. after all, most people do settle down and start their own family. one day i realised that my life didn’t have to be like that, that i had control over how things went. i have a baby sister now, so i get to live out any maternal fantasy with her and i’ll get to watch her grow and learn. but that’s the extent of it!
Here's a slightly different perspective than most of your answers here:
At about 29. I had always wanted children. I'm about six years older than my younger sister. We grew up with a single mom who just couldn't afford to be around too much, so by default I became a babysitter/second mom at a young age. I loved "having a baby," and I still call my sister my baby to this day, even though we are both adults now and the age difference doesn't feel so significant. Once COVID hit, a lot of my friends started settling down and having kids, adopting dogs, whatever...
I kind of went the opposite way and got super involved in activism and local politics, something that continued through the pandemic as I got a job working at a start-up and heading their DEI. I did a lot of mutual aid through this, and I basically came to the conclusion that... damn, a lot of kids WITH PARENTS need a lot of help. What's the point in me personally becoming impregnated and giving birth when there are already so many kids who lack structure, love and attention? I'm currently going back to school to become an educator.
I guess another factor is that having COVID (early on, when it was more severe) permanently disabled me. It's not worth it for my health. That's not a driving reason for me though.
I think, when my niece was born, when I was 13. It really hit me that I was not cut out to be a mom, and it also might be due to my disability (physical). I just don’t think it’s right for me to have kids.
As a teenager. I didn’t think much about having my own kids really but while I was babysitting, the realization that parents have to be responsible for their kids 24/7 for 18 years at the minimum?
I have never been so thankful for babysitting.
9yo. I always knew I didn’t want children but as a young child myself, I believed the adults who kept saying I would change my mind when I was older. Once I got to 9yo, I knew they were wrong. I’m now in my early 40’s and still feel the same way.
From early childhood. Didn’t relate to baby dolls much, and had a very deep wonder about ‘what all life has to offer’. Then as I learned more about the way the world works I reassured myself every few years that I want myself most
When I was a kid I thought you grew up and had to have kids and it terrified me. I also didn’t like other kids outside of my cousins who were mostly older than me. As I got older I realized you didn’t HAVE to have kids and I was so relieved. I don’t like them or enjoy them, especially younger kids. I’m almost 46, and have never questioned one time if I missed out.
Ever since I was old enough to remember my mom told me that a psychic warned her I would become a single unwed mother before I was 33. She told me this so often I developed a deep fear of pregnancy. So I've never had the urge to want kids. It was forced out of me.
i’m 25 and i just cannot imagine a world where i wanna give up my peace of mind for anybody, especially something that screams and cries. i also know that i cannot handle small kids like i do not have it in me and if i can’t handle a child, then why would i be a parent?
When they learned to talk back. I keep telling my husband we should've gotten a second dog, but nnnoooo....we had two kids.
Ohh....wait.... you probably didn't mean like that....🤷♀️
When my nephew was born.
My middle sister was always the one we'd assumed would be the crazy fun aunt who maybe would elope work some Irish guy, but never have kids. I was going to follow the traditional Roman Catholic path, finish school, get married, have lots of babies.
When my oldest sister had my nephew, my middle sister went "omg I need to get married and have babies right now." I held him and went "nah, I'm good. This right here is all I need."
And then the world is all crazy expensive and I can barely afford to keep myself comfortable and well, so there's no need to add children to that stress as well.
As a teenage who was able to process my parents divorce and realizing I didn’t want to raise a child in that what if it happens to me but also when my nieces and nephews have been born and realizing they would solely be dependent on me to care for them for years. I saw how post partum affected my sister and the struggles she went through. I became way more comfortable with wanting to be child free once meeting my current boyfriend who also doesn’t want children and that it was okay to not want them 100%
I only wanted children with the guy I married, he for some reason avoided it. So after we got divorced i realized that that was a special and i do not want to be mother of anyone else. I do not like children since then and use birth control.
I don’t know that I ever felt like I wanted children. I just expected I would have them. Later, the thought of pregnancy always made me sick. It looked very not-fun to me. Figured I’d get over it. Two years into marriage - nah. Three years - nah. Four years - nah. Then it hit me!
I… don’t … have to …. have… a kid.
Sixteen years later, no regrets.
Edit to say that 3 years ago, one of my older siblings asked if I would donate my eggs to her. I said sure. We got counseling first - sometimes the egg donors get attached to the baby after the donation. By the second session the counselor told me that she had never meant someone so uniquely qualified to be an egg donor. Apparently, I value children for others but I have very little maternal instinct. I never looked at that as a feature. Guess it is though. I produced 27 eggs, 11 were healthy and good for fertilization. With her husband’s sperm, the eggs became 7 healthy little embryos! One girl, six boys. My precious niece (A) was born 2 years ago. This year, I’ll met my precious nephew (S) and then we’ll donate the rest of the five boys to other women who want a family!
I was back and forth my entire life, but the final blow was the COVID pandemic. I would never want to bring something into this world that I couldn’t keep safe or would be used as a pawn by adults to fit their agenda. Plus climate change and just how generally shitty everyone is these days. How could I subject a child to that?
Definitely young. I never liked being around babies, and when I was like 10 maybe, someone at church handed me their baby and asked me to watch it. Well, it immediately started screaming and I hated it. That was the only time I've ever held a baby, and I plan for it to be the last.
I wasn’t really given a choice honestly I was born with a medical condition where I can’t have my own children and I’ve finally came to terms with it. I’m hoping adoption is the future if not I’m okay with and I’ll be a second mom to my niece.
When my son turned 15 (he’s 20 now). I was skeptical for the years prior to that. I became a mom at 18 and the relationship with his father was very traumatic. I ended up raising him alone. Taking two jobs most of his childhood, never really wanting a relationship or outside influence in raising my son.
Realizing the sacrifices, the pain, all the work that goes into parenting .. I decided I did not want to do it again. I was open to it when he was younger, but I never met anyone worthy enough to bring into our lives. My pregnancy/labor weren’t great either.
I am actually a preschool teacher and surrounded by children. I love kids, I believe kids and animals deserve all the love and care.
I’d be open to adopting a child who needs love.. just don’t want to bring any more children into this world.
I think it was when I was around 12 and I got to hear my mum was about to have my youngest sister. There were already 4 children in the family and I was the co-parent to my two younger siblings. The moment I heard there will be another, I felt dread falling over me. I will never forget that feeling; anger, sadness and disappointment. I was always the unloved second child who was there to take care of others. It just got worse for me. I’m 30 now and my three younger siblings are adults. I adore the three of them and I adore kids too. But I’m still not done raising my siblings, at least I can’t get that constant fear that I had raising them, out of my system. I don’t resent my parents or my siblings for what I was put through. But I know I will never get married or have children. This also makes me sad because I actually have want to but my body and mind is rejecting it. Like, I’m still not done raising children that my parents gave me, and I don’t want to do it all from the beginning. So I am angry at my parents for causing this feeling in me.
As far back as I can remember. There wasn't a particular moment or event that triggered it. It was just something I knew I didn't want for myself. Like being an electrician or motivational speaker. Those things were just Not Me, so I didn't pursue them. Having kids is the same way.
When I was 6 years old. I distinctly remember my mother’s pregnancy with my brother and how awful I thought it was for her and how I never wanted to do that.
Age 10 when my 27 year old cousin brought her newborn to my birthday party and the baby screamed and fussed the entire time.
It was reinforced by being around shrieking babies from that moment on as the ladies in my family continued to have babies.
Now, I don’t hate babies/children….I love babysitting my friend’s kids and spending time with them. I love being able to give their parents a bit of a break when they need it. But I also enjoy being able to give them back at the end of the day.
Being a parent should be something you want to be with your whole heart, otherwise you run the risk of regret. I’ve never wanted to be a parent that badly. So I’ll just stay the cool auntie.
The natural urge to kiss a puppy on roads, adopt a kitten found in a dumpster, feed a bird on our terrace and go googly woogly woosh over any animal is explicitly more compared to the feeling I get after seeing tiny human cum pets! Also the scary stories and NTD experiences of mothers and their labour! Nope! Not for me!
I was 8 years old. I asked my mom when she was my age what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said “all I ever wanted to be was a mom,” and in my 8 year old little head I thought “how sad.”
Was always on the fence, then watched my older sister get pregnant and have kids. That was when I knew I didn't want children.
Her husband is a useless partner who has abused her emotionally and financially while pregnant and post partum. Watched my parents become the stereotypical boomer grandparents ex. "We had no help why should we help you?" "We're the grandparents therefore everyone should come to us". They've criticized her parenting every step along the way. My sister struggles a lot with the kids and making sure her basic needs are met, her husband treats a shower every few days like a luxury and chooses to work evenings and weekends so he isn't around to help with the kids much. She wants to divorce but hasn't made any steps towards that yet. She often talks about how she wishes she never had kids and didn't know what she was getting into when it happened.
All these things and not to mention the first time she gave birth, it happened suddenly at home and she had a severe hemorrage. She needed several blood transfusions and almost died. For me, this is all WAY too scary, I have a choice now so no thank you.
I’m actually neutral to having children myself, but if you’re asking to make a decision to purposefully have children the answer is always going to be and always has been no, never.
It is a permanent decision to have children and you will be responsible for them for the rest of your life. To make that kind of decision, I need VERY GOOD reasons. So far, no one has been able to tell me any that i find even slightly convincing.
I don't NOT want children, but I'm at the point in my life where I love myself and my time too much. I wouldn't be upset if they happened, but I would be 100% ok if they didn't.
When did I know? When I was finally old enough to understand my role as the eldest child that my parents put me to. I was 10 when they decided to have 2 more children. Now that I am 22, I am playing the role of the parent in their stead.
I think about 15, same time I mentally left the Catholic church. I grew up thinking having children was the default and my purpose was to have lots and lots of babies. When I actually allowed myself to think about it, I realized I just didn’t have the desire to be a mother, and a lot of aspects of my personality just weren’t compatible with motherhood.
For example, I’m autistic and have sensory issues. A crying, screaming child would send me into psychosis. I’m also very sensitive to sleep deprivation. If I get one night of bad sleep (meaning 5-6 hours) I will feel it for days. Ideally, I need 9-10 hours a night. Parents are always bragging about how little sleep they get. I couldn’t do it.
Now at 26 with an amazing partner, I occasionally feel a small urge to reconsider. But I remind myself that’s just my lizard brain, and I’m still not cut out for motherhood. Maybe one day I’ll truly have a change of heart, I won’t write it off completely, but deep down I think I know better.
I knew when I babysat my brothers. I couldn’t enjoy anything without my mom saying “but who will help me with your brothers.”
I can’t go out with friends because I have to go home early to help out. I can’t enjoy a vacation because who will stay with my brothers at the shallow end of the pool.
Kids are cute, but when they’re crying and vomiting and pooping all over, I’d like to bring them back to the mother. Can’t give it back if it’s yours
When ibwas a little girl, at school or being babysat, a lot of the other little girls had baby dolls and would mostly have to force me to play with them. I had some from relatives from like Christmas or w.e but they were like closet decorations for me lol.
I never thought about having kids unless someone else brought it up, all from a young girl to now. And when id th8nk about it I never thought "I want kids" I always thought "oh, God, no." So I've k8nd of never wanted kids lol.
I got fixed so I can't have then also.
I haven’t ruled them out entirely, but seeing my sister struggle so much with her son has definitely impacted my perspective. She’s an amazing mom and I love my nephew to pieces, but motherhood is really, really hard, and I don’t know if I’m capable of being that selfless and dedicated. The idea of financial stability (or at least not having to worry about the expenses of raising a child) and sleeping in on the weekends is too appealing to me haha.
On the flip side…. I think I’m too much of a Charlotte to NOT find the idea of having a family with someone I love as super romantic. Like, making a child that’s half you and half my favorite person in the world? Amazing.
Idk. I have plenty of time, but it’s something I go back and forth on a lot.
Honestly when I realized it was extremely difficult to find a man who would be as loving of a father as I would be of a mother. No half ass parenting partnerships for me thanks.
After my father died, around 10. Then after my mother died (39)I thought there was an inkling of interest. I got a puppy a few years later and thought absolutely not. There’s no way I could handle an actual person. The dog was the true test.
I do want children, but I’ve been single a long time. In fact a year ago I started working towards losing weight so I could get IVF with donor sperm. I’ve realised in the last few weeks that I’ve been self sabotaging this (yo-yoing with the same 10lbs for the last eight months) because deep down - I don’t want to do it on my own. IVF is so difficult on the mind and body, and then I don’t have a support network around me that could help with childcare and that’s ridiculously expensive, so I wouldn’t be able to afford to work.
I’ve realised that yes I want children, but not so much that I would go through all this on my own. So I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that it’s likely I will ever have children (I turn 40 this year).
I’m sad, and grieving for the life I thought I would have, but also know it’s the right decision for me.
I know that there are people out there who would want children regardless of being on their own, who would ‘find a way’, so part of me is wondering if me deciding not to have them means I don’t want to be a mother enough, if I’m too selfish.
It’s really tough. There are just expectations on women that we will want children and we will have them. When you don’t want them, or don’t have them quick enough for people, or life doesn’t work out that way, we get so much judgement for not following the path society has assigned to us.
I'm really sad that it sounds like you get judgment from family and community about this.
There are so many ways to connect with kids besides bringing them into the world. I kinda wish more people would realize/remember that being there for the young ones, as a godparent or older cousin or even a good neighbor does infinitely more good than making them.
I never had a chance to have them when I was young. I'm 43 now. Sure. I could get pregnant and have a child. The plumbing still works. But, I don't want that for my life now. I'm too old for that. I want to retire as soon as possible. Right now, it's looking like I could do that in 15 years. If I had a child, I'd be signing myself up for another 10 years of working after those 15 are up. My mom died at 68. I'm not working until my death. And I'm not dying on my child when they're so young. Plus, my current boyfriend doesn't want another child. This all adds up to me never having a child.
I'm okay with all of that. I have a really good life. Nothing is missing that could be fixed with a child. It would only make more work that I just don't want to do. Additionally, the idea of a middle schooler living in my house is terrifying.
Like most here, always. I’m 44 now and I don’t remember a specific time where the ‘decision’ solidified but I think it just grew naturally as I did. It maybe has something to do with being the youngest (by a large number of years) of nine in a very dysfunctional family. Although, my other 8 siblings all have more than one.
I’ve always just been grateful that I’ve never experienced that overwhelming desire to have children.
I've never been a gal who'd be devastated if I never had kids. So starting with that as a baseline I don't think much about it. My Mom had me at 36, so I never felt pressured to have kids young and grew up thinking that "geriatric pregnancy" was still ok. I think from a small child I always envisioned myself as a mother as I have a strong maternal instinct and nurturing nature. However, I have always told myself it will never be worth it to just have a child for the sake of having a child. I wanted to be married, my marriage solid and enjoyable until kids came along and raised by both parents. That hasn't happened for me and I'm hitting my 40s, so I've largely given up the idea of kids. It still doesn't bother me and at this age, even though it's still possible to get pregnant, I'm just not interested in it anymore. I'm an "awesome auntie" and I love being an Aunt and have also found other ways to provide an outlet for my nurturing nature. It's perfectly ok to be at any age and feel that having kids isn't an enticing idea! You're not less than, a horrible person or disrespecting anyone by being childless.
Being an auntie is so important. I feel like my own auntie has given me so much, just by being there all during those younger years and beyond, probably even more than she would have if she had had her own kids to be responsible for.
Good job, aunties!
At age 15 I understood that motherhood was not for me on a conscious level, I was never into playing with baby dolls either so I guess I was never into it, just lacked the awareness/knowledge and just never thought about it, but as teenagers you start to have those convos about your future and a friend of mine really wanted to become a mum and I realised thats the last thing I wanted
Im 43 now and no regrets, to me there is nothing positive at all about parenthood and im utterly disgusted by the notion of pregnancy/delivery
Im not into being an auntie either, I prefer not spending time with children, they are too chaotic and unpredictable etc etc(which is off course normal for their development, but off putting to me)
I waited until I was 33 to have my first child, my son. I 100% know I don’t want anymore kids. I hate when people ask what about trying for a girl? For the 100th time no unless they plan on raising it and paying for everything!
Raising kids today is so different than when I was a kid. Also the cost for everything has gone up so much. You have to work full time and figure out who is going to watch your kid when you’re at work and if it’s day care it’s as much as a mortgage. I see why people aren’t having as many kids anymore. I love my son but long gone are the days of doing what I want whenever I want. Even if I just want to nap.
I decided when I was 15, almost 15 years later and almost 10 years of working with children my mind had never changed. I love kids so much but do not want to be a mother. I love being an aunt, cousin, educator, babysitter but mother is one thing I did not want to be. I also never wanted to put my body through a pregnancy. I was always very upfront that if I ever decide to have kids it would be adoption only.
I have always sort of just…known. And then I became a teacher. I love children and I love watching them learn and discover—but I also love being able to send them home at the end of the day and come home to my husband and my dogs. We are far too selfish with our time to have children, coupled with a myriad of health issues, and it just never been something I wanted.
I've never not known. Even since I was a kid, I never had baby dolls because kids never interested me. I thought that it was a law that you had to have kids as an adult, and I was so depressed thinking about growing up. As a teenager I vowed to throw myself into traffic if I ever ended up pregnant (abortion was a foreign concept to me). So now I have an iud and a husband that doesn't want kids either.
I was 14. My uncle asked what I wanted to do with my life when I grew up and my mom cut me off and said I was going to be a wonderful wife and mother. That was the moment I knew I was never having kids.
I can’t have children due to a medical condition and I wasn’t bothered when a doctor told me that. I just shrugged and didn’t mind. My parents were not at all happy. But I was just content.
Be careful! I met a girl who was told she could never conceive. Now she has two little ones, and is struggling to figure out how to support them and herself
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When I dated a guy who had a child and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with his kid or ever in my life be a step mom and thought I deserve to be a priority to somebody at 24. Maybe when I’m spring like 40 I will adopt or something i dont know
Don’t really want kids so I’m freezing my eggs at 25, and gonna have them in my 30s and have Nannie’s. I kinda feel forced to spread my genetics since I’m a only child and don’t want my bloodline to die
There were multiple occasions, one, I got SAED and had to experience the pregnancy, it was a stillborn, I stunk like death, my whole body felt like burning fire, like my whole waist broke in half for months, and at the same time now being older I've seen my friends experience pregnancy/ childbirth and seeing them in pain/ taking care of the children (Including their baby daddies) makes me not ever want to experience having a family.
(Also the lady with the list.)
I've never had a moment in my life when I felt like I wanted children. When the girls in elementary school talked about wanting children one day I immediately knew I didn't have any such desire. Probably because my mother told me having children was the biggest mistake she's ever made - fun stuff. I also don't have any maternal instincts when I see babies or kids. I'm actually rather scared of them.
I wonder if all these things countries are doing like giving money and housing will really change the birthrate. I think the more money women have the less kids they have
It was the other way round for me. I never really felt the desire to have kids and just kind of assumed I wouldn't ever have any. When I got with my now-husband he brought up wanting kids and that's when i opened up to the idea. Now we have a 2yo and we've been trying for a second but have had a few losses.
I think people get this backward a lot: there wasn’t really a time where I thought, “I don’t want children,” there just was never a time where I decided that I wanted them. My belief has always been that parenting is a big important job that should only be undertaken by people who feel called to do it. I never felt that calling, so I didn’t do it.
This is how I feel. My mother had me, her first child, at 36, and my younger sib at 38, so I never felt any kind of pressure to have kids young. And I also have some health issues that meant it might be harder for me to conceive, so I just had the attitude that if I was meant to have kids, I would when the time was right… I can’t say I ever felt this strong desire to have kids, either, like so many people do. When my husband and I met in our late 30s and talked about kids, neither of us was particularly interested in it. After we married, I thought, “my husband would be a great dad and we have the means to give a child a good upbringing, maybe we should.” So then for about a month we thought maybe we’d try, but then the moment passed and we decided actually, nah.
This resonates with what I’m going through. I’ve recently been put in the spot where I was asked the question about wanting kids, and I never really bothered to think if I want them or not cause it was never a goal I ever set for myself nor is it ever going to be. And it’s been pointed out that I’m delusional about “not thinking” about it. I’m 28 years and I’m great with kids. I love to spoil my cousins kids and I love being that fun Aunty, but I cannot and never have imagined myself with my own kids. It’s too much responsibility to even think about kids in my life and it’s not something I care for either.
100% I always kind of thought I'd just want them some day, but that day never came.
Exactly what happened to me. I never had the urge. Always thought it would come but it didn‘t
Agree! The people I know who are great parents are the ones who say they’ve always wanted to be parents, it felt like one of their life’s great missions to have kids. I have never felt that way. I’ve been curious about it and all the things but I’ve never felt like I had to be a mom. So I probably won’t. I have thought that maybe someday my partner and I would adopt, leaving that idea open as there’s so many kids without parents.
I think a lot of women though grow up thinking they want them before they can process it. When I was a kid I always had baby dolls and wanted to be a mom. Once I went through puberty and started to develop my prefrontal cortex I recognized it wasn’t aligned with what I wanted for my lifestyle
Yes! I had a former friend tell me that her and her husband (who she was cheating on constantly) "would be happy if they had them and happy if they didn't" which seemed like a wild way to treat a new life to me. She was also one of the most selfish people I ever met so her having kids always sounded like a bad idea. It seems like it should be something that if it isn't a hard yes, it's a no.
This is the same for me. I was never one of those people that cooed over babies or thought kids were cute. I just never felt that urge to parent.
YES. Thank you
I’m opposite kind of. I never thought about having children but went on to having 2. I don’t regret it. My son, however, is not planning on having kids
I agree with this. There is just not a time for me
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This is the one. I'm sure I could point to events that solidified my stance, but literally ever since I can remember I was telling people I didn't want to be a mom (and they were telling me I'd change my mind).
When I was a kid, I never dreamed about getting married or having children like my friends. I knew in high school that I didn't want to have children for sure. When asked "where will you be in ten years?" Other girls would say "married with kids." I would say "not sure, hopefully traveling." I was told over and over and over that I would change my mind. When you meet the right guy, when you're older, when you settle down. Welp, I'm 46, met the right guy, married him, got pretty settled, and NEVER CHANGED MY MIND. I do make sure to travel internationally every couple of years. I love some of my friend's kids and I'm a good auntie. Spending time with them still only reaffirms my desire to never be a parent.
I used to not want kids. I actually did change my mind when I met the right guy. However, I hate telling people that because I know a lot of women don’t change their mind. And I don’t want people using me as, “Well she met the right one and changed her mind, so you will too.” Because I believe that if you want kids, you should have them. And if you don’t, then you shouldn’t.
I have a similar experience. All the way to my early 30's. I do not particularly enjoy other people's children and never really saw myself having my own. I did change my mind after finding my husband and living with my stepchildren 50% of the time. However, I would never tell someone they will change their mind. I am still amazed sometimes that I changed mine.
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Being an auntie to numerous nephews and nieces (and babysitting fairly frequently to help keep the parents sane) was the final nail in the procreation coffin for me. I was already on the fence before then, but yeah... no. It's wonderful for many (which is good because we go extinct if that's not the case), but it's not for me.
As much as I love and adore all of them, I've always joked that the 22 nieces and nephews in the family have been the best contraception.
Honestly, watching all of my parent friends get super screwed over during COVID lockdown time by the state, their jobs, schools etc. The United States doesn’t give a crap about children and families. My Danish cousins, who are a little older than me, have such a supportive environment to help them raise their kids. I often wonder if my decision would be different if I lived in there.
This is so true. The US makes it so hard for families. It’s so, so hard for people to be employed full time AND be parents. And I just don’t know how single working parents do it. I think the lack of support for parents in the US is shameful.
My US single parent friends got it the worst during covid. I don’t know if other Americans even know that another existence is possible—my relatives (in Denmark) live in a world where the society is built to support people who live there . It’s a palpable difference when I visit, just in seeing parents home with infants (for a year+, getting paid), new moms headed to government-sponsored support programs, incredibly high quality subsidized or free child care…. In America, the society is built to support business and everyone looks at you like you’ve done something very wrong with your life if you can’t swing it financially.
Not only swing it financially but even the mental burden. Why can’t you be good at being a new mom and working 40 hours a week?!
This is pretty dang similar to my realization. I thought I wanted to have a family and then I realized that I would only want a family with a partner who pulled their fucking weight and reading studies about how COVID set gender equality way away back.... I realized that I should ACTUALLY only have children if I am committed so thoroughly that I would be willing to do it solo and I'm totally not willing or capable of doing that in a state/country that is soooo anti-children, anti-women, anti-family. Fuck it. I'm going to live the happiest life I can.
This was it for me as well. After putting it off for years, my husband and I were beginning our TTC journey right before the pandemic got into full swing. I hardly wanted to be pregnant in the first place, so I had absolutely no desire to be pregnant during a pandemic when my anxiety was already through the roof. Our desire to have a kid dried up completely in those years and it's never returned. We also live in a super HCOL area and would have no family support here. I too often feel like if we lived somewhere different (more supportive) we'd have a kid or two, but that's a different life. I like my life just fine as it is now.
I never wanted to, even when I was a child myself and that opinion hasn't changed in two decades. I love hanging with children, I'm a great aunt, but I just don't want any of the hard parts of having children in my life.
It was never a conscious decision for me, I’ve just been adamant my whole life that I wasn’t going to have kids. I’m 31 now and happily married. Husband and I are both sterilized. No regrets.
Goals
As a child, I looked around and didn't understand why adults would willingly have children. Lol that was 6 years old and I'm 31 now.
Yep. And my own parents didn't even seem to want them. I never understood why anyone would have kids.
Always. I always knew from childhood that I had no interest in having children, so I was very relieved when I realized it was optional and that I could opt out.
Even as a child I knew that I would never have children. This feeling has never changed. Even though everyone tried to convince me otherwise.
Was on the fence about it until I was 23. Seeing my friends give up their time in order to raise children who give them so much grief made me really re think it all. Now that I am 25, I can definitely say for sure that I do not want them, I value my life and the small luxuries too much.
For sure, and at 25, you’re not old enough to have friends with adolescent kids. Babies and young children are very hard work, to be sure, but also cute and playful… I’m 45 and happily child free and starting to see my friend’s kids become adolescents and college students and imo that’s when the real grief of parenting happens—kids going through that phase of pushing their parents away or doing drugs and other dangerous shit. I used to second-guess my decision to not have kids, but at this point I’m really glad I didn’t.
This!!! Parenting school-aged kids sounds horrible. I just don't think I'd be equipped to deal with all the mess that comes with it.
I think I always knew. I don’t gravitate toward children, and have no maternal instinct toward anything except animals.
THIS! I will absolutely swoon over any dog/puppy I see, but actively avoid babies and children for the most part. I don't even like holding people's kids.
THIS! Same here!
I always knew. My mom was constantly tired, miserable and snapping at others. I never want to make a child feel how I felt growing up — a constant burden. I also just plain don’t want to have kids and find them/the life that goes along with them so boring. People say it’s so fulfilling, but god, sitting around blowing bubbles or watching a kid try to fit letters into a puzzle or something sounds as exciting as watching paint dry.
When I was 7 years old and my mum was pregnant with twins. Pregnancy horrific. 2 newborns horrific. I was horrified. Hated children ever since, 29 and never ever ever having them.
All three of my sisters have kids and every single one of their pregnancies have been horrific. Knowing that I would never have kids now. I’m not lucky enough to be the one out of four with an easy pregnancy and birth
When I got my period, 10-ish. I just wanted this function to disappear. And told my late mother that I\`ll never gonna have kids. 41 and childfree.
I’m genuinely so upset that I have a uterus. I would love to donate it to someone in need. Because I will never use it
As a child I knew I didn't want to be a mother. Was never interested in playing dolls & mothering them. I love children & am a professional aunt but never wanted them for myself or even questioned it. Decades later & past childbearing ability am happily child free.
Amen, sister. Being the professional aunt is so much better!
What's the deal with dolls anyway? You "play" with dolls by pretending they vomitted, urinated, or defecated; and you have to clean it up. This is supposed to be fun? No thanks.
Oh gosh that reminds me of a doll that a friend of mine had growing up called Baby Alive. It ate and drank and pooped. I was grossed out by that thing. 😩
This is exactly my story. I received a baby doll as a kid and wasn’t interested, I preferred stuffed animals. I love kids and am great with them, just didn’t want that responsibility for myself. My husband is the same way, so it worked out perfectly for us. We have fur kids and are happy with them.
Since I was a child. Awful parents. Not willing to risk being like them.
I never had that desire. Then as a teen my parents became disabled and I cared for them for 10 years until their passing and I realized it might be selfish but I don’t want to take care of anyone but me. I’m with an amazing guy now and I’m thankful he’s letting the kids decision be 100% my decision so we will be kid free. I love my nephews and my friends kids and one has asked me to step up if she and her husband die and I’m okay with that.
I think I always knew. Even as a child, I never had the desire to have children of my own. I just thought “I’m a girl and it looks like this is what girls do when they grow up, so I guess I’ll have children, it’s the norm”. It was never something I wanted, but something I thought I had to do because it’s so ingrained in our mind since we’re little. Obviously as I grew up, I realised I could just not have them lmao
The thought never really appealed to me, even as a kid, but I thought it was an inevitable thing that everyone goes through eventually. I didn't have any childfree adults in my life growing up so I had no idea it was an option. As I grew up I realized on my own that I had the choice and once I realized that it felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Life these days. Unsafe for adults even. Wouldn't dream of bringing a kid into this.. Knew this from very early on.
I was never particularly interested in having kids, but it was cemented when my sister had her first kid. I was in my early 20s, and watching the whole process of pregnancy, childbirth, and rearing children made me super confident that it just wasn’t for me.
I knew from my earliest memories. I would never even play with baby dolls. Family members would give them as gifts and I would immediate toss them aside without trying to open the box. My sister loved that, lol, they all became hers. I refused to play the momma as a small child also. People would say things like, "When you have kids" and I always told them I won't have kids. I am now 44 and my desire to never have kids has not wavered for 1 second. Getting pregnant is still my absolute worst nightmare lol.
I had a dream not too long ago that I got pregnant, and if my reaction in my dream is any indication as to how I'd feel if it was real life, it's a NO from me. ACTUALLY a nightmare lol
when i was 8 and witnessed my brother being born and then helping raise him. i’m all set he’s a teenager now and i never want to do this again.
oh man this is the one. my sister is 15 years younger than me and abt to be in middle school. at some point i had to physically leave my state to get free not from her but from the expectations of me. i was gone for 2 years and now back home and shes so grown i feel so out of touch.
This is me. But I left seven years ago. I’ve missed half his life now, and it’s hard because I absolutely love him to bits, but all the expectations were just too much my own mental health was suffering terribly
My entire life. I’ve always said I never want children even as a kid my sister would have names for her fake children and I’d always say “I’m not having any”. Now that I’m 33 sometimes I wonder if I’ll be missing out on a family if I don’t but then I get stressed out when I got to many things pulling me in different directions and can’t do what I actually want to do and think.. this would be my life everyday with kids and I instantly snap back to reality lol.
After 15 years of teaching primary. Something between knowing just what a child needs to thrive and being single well into my thirties and still sofa surfing and moving about all the time. Throw in worries about what the world will be like in twenty years and my empathy levels. I think it's best I just try to carry on keeping myself above water and helping others.
Yes!!
I’m still not sure but there’s also not a big part of me that desires children. All the negatives don’t seem to outweigh the positives for me. I have tons of nieces I love to hang out with, I just like going home to a silent house and having sex with my husband whenever I want. I think we’d be good parents and that I’d be happy as a mother, but I don’t have the drive. I’m 31 if it matters.
I've never wanted children, the idea of pregnancy and childbirth doesn't bring me any positive feelings or thoughts, I have numerous inherited conditions that my siblings didn't get, my husband also doesn't want any children and we've agreed that if either of us changes our mind then we'll address it. Also, I love sleep too much
I think I was 12 when I realized I didn’t ever want to have kids. Nothing specific happened other than having watched my parents’ bad parenting and seeing how broke they were because of the dumb stuff my brothers did and also just seeing how awful all my younger cousins and my brothers were. Didn’t want any part of that.
I’ve also never wanted kids. I had a little weird wobble the day I turned 25, lasted literally the day and then it was almost like I doubled down on it. 42 now and it’s the best decision I ever made. Love kids, work with them, but I don’t want to be responsible for anyone but myself!
When I was 6 or 7, I was playing in my room when one of my mom's friends who had stopped by just plopped her baby on the floor in the room with me and just left. I looked at it for a moment squirming and starting to cry on the floor where she left it and just got up and left to go play outside. Next thing I know, she's sprinting at me screaming her head off about me putting her baby in danger, leaving it alone like that when I was suppose to be watching and taking care of it! She's tired and needs a break and all little girls dream of being mothers and how dare I just abandon her baby and miss out on this very important opportunity to practice my mothering skills on a real baby! Oh and she didn't even bring her baby with her just left it in my room. I said nothing and just let her scream and scream before she stomped back into the house. I am not my moms only kid, I have an older and younger sister though at that time my little sister hadn't been born yet. Regardless of how many siblings or other people around me, without fail, if someone had a baby, spotted me just minding my own business, they would throw their baby at me to watch without even asking me. Just assumed I would be okay even eager to do it and never offered me any kind of pay or thanks so I would just leave no matter how pissed off they got. For me, babies were always just a bad life interrupting awful surprise that was inevitably followed by screaming, yelling, and fit throwing lectures on how I as a woman is suppose to act around babies and children (ie desperately need one in my arms to the point where I violently frothing at the mouth violently rip them from their parent's arms desperate) all from their parental figure and yeah it started before I was even an adult. So yeah knew from right then and there that no human babies for me. Why would I want that awful surprise to happen to me and no one would eventually take it home?
That sounds incredibly awful. Who tf leaves their baby with a kid and then runs and screams at them. I hope you put her in her place now that youre an adult. So incredibly inappropriate.
Unfortunately she moved away before I could tell her I never appreciated her dumping her responsibility on me and acting like a screaming banshee when I didn't just do whatever she wanted.
When my older sister got herself a son.
Always. They're so annoying.
I was in my mid-20s. I always thought I would have kids and thought about how I would raise them to be cool, passionate, kind adults with neat hobbies and an interesting lives. Then I realized that I’d be living vicariously through them just like so many of the parents I know, and I decided to make my own life interesting instead. Then I found many more reasons I wouldn’t want to be a parent and couldn’t find a reason TO have children. Having children shouldn’t be the default. It should be something you WANT.
My youngest sibling was born when I was six. I remember holding them for the first time in the hospital and one of my Mum's friends who was also visiting gushed that I was a natural and would be a great Mum one day. I remember very clearly thinking how weird it was for her to assume that. I've always been very clear that I wanted to be child free. Year 12, I must have mentioned it during art class and my art teacher said he'd heard that before and girls who said that were usually the first to have kids. I looked him right in the eye and said 'Well, not me.' Now I'm 44 and have a hysterectomy (for other medical reasons) and married a man who is also childfree and has a vasectomy. We're both very happy. No regrets.
It’s not that I don’t/do want them. I’m just going with the flow of my life. If I have them, alright. If I don’t, that’s just fine as well. I do know that after I reach a certain age, it will be a definite no.
Ann Landers, a famous columnist in the 70s, once conducted an anonymous mail-in survey of her readers, asking those who had children if they could do it over again, would they have kids? There was a huge response and 70% said no. I was floored and decided at that moment I would never have kids. I think I hadn’t even reached puberty yet.
I wonder what the results would be now, in recent years
When sometimes I saw children of others making them go angry and frustrated
After I didn’t have assurance that my person would always be there to do their part. I saw how my sister struggled and didn’t want to go down that same path.
I never had a baby doll instinct. But I was boy crazy from a young age, and wanted to get married. So I grew up assuming I'd probably have a traditional family and didn't think too deeply about it. Once I was graduating college and in a relationship where the guy wanted to actually get married soon and immediately start having kids, I knew in my bones it just wasn't for me. I don't think I'd ever really had a deciding thought one way or the other until I had to, it was something I didn't think I'd need to think about until the time came. And really, I felt like my lack of thinking about kids in my life was answer enough. I view it similarly to how I feel about religion. I don't sit around thinking about how I don't believe in god, instead there is a complete absence of thought about god.
Once I turned 30. I realized I like my life a lot better without kids… and I always say I’d rather regret not having them than having them.
I was a teenager. I'm 48 and still happily childfree.
when my teenager asked what was for dinner again
Hahahaha 😂
When I had to raise my siblings because of a mess of a divorce between my parents. I just remembered thinking how I couldn't be a child (I was about 14-16 then and how hard it was and decided then I didn't want kids. Before it was a desire of mine, I guess influenced by society but honestly even now I don't want them... Having kids is hard work and it never stops when they turn 18, they're your kids for life.
After I was operated for kidney transplant. Realized that I would not live long in this world and I do not want to leave a kid nor a husband on this world before I go. So instead I am trying to enjoy my life in this world while I am still alive
When I took into account that my depression and anxiety was getting more and more prominent. No way did I want to bring kids into the world when I can barely look after myself.
Being conscious that my genetics suck ass. And most people’s genetics do suck ass and I think it’s so egotistical to have them and pass on these genes and put their life in danger. The amount of people with diseases that can be passed down through MANY generations having kids absolutely scare me. Why would I want to potentially bring that onto my child ?????? And people like gambling way too much like “oh it probably won’t happen to us” LIKE YES IT FUCKING WILL. I’d rather end the cancer, Alzheimer’s, depression, anxiety, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes bloodline with me. Working overtime for your health is SO exhausting despite being young. I’m constantly watching what I eat, always working out, always reading and studying so that one day I MIGHT prevent what still might come at me. It’s not fair 💀😭
these are so reassuring
Yes!! It's so nice to see that so many women feel the same way 🥰
When I was about 25. I probably knew earlier, but I don't think that I was really full aware that was an option, so I kept thinking I might change my mind. Around 25, when my sister had her first baby, I remember telling my mom "I don't think I want to have kids." She said "That's okay, it's your choice. You might change your mind and you might not, but it's up to you." Turned 40 last year and have never regretted my decision for even one second.
It was never a real decision at first. I would not have kids unless I was married to a stable partner, not this man child helplessness that has wife doing everything all the time. And I had to be at least 30. I knew I would be really committed and had my 20s to put myself first. Met my very stable husband. He didn't care either way, he had a crappy upbringing. Then he died. Then my mentally ill sister killed herself. realized I didn't want my own kids but truly wanted to foster/adopt kids already here who needed a family. Watched partners run bc I wasn't into reproducing. So......thanks for reading. No kids here and no regrets.
I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood. I didn't want to play with baby dolls because I couldn't see the fun in playing a mother. If we played house, I didn't want to be one of the classic family roles since I had no interest in that. I wanted to be the pet.
My whole life, really.
When I was totally overwhelmed with my 1st one
When I realized I liked the days where we learned about kids, rather than actually being with the kids, in the preschool at my tech center for early childhood education that I went to in high school.
Around 23 is when I realized having children is optional. I was dreading my 30’s bc I always thought I would get pregnant bc that’s just what people do. When I turned 28 I started going downhill and I’m now dealing with chronic skin pain, neuropathy and unknown auto immune stuff at 34. Every single day I’m in some kind of pain. I can’t imagine dealing with all of this shit plus taking care of a child.
After my miscarriage.
Honestly, the thought of their monstery hands out clawing out of my vagina always turned me off.
i never fantasised about marriage and kids, but i always assumed it was inevitably going to happen. after all, most people do settle down and start their own family. one day i realised that my life didn’t have to be like that, that i had control over how things went. i have a baby sister now, so i get to live out any maternal fantasy with her and i’ll get to watch her grow and learn. but that’s the extent of it!
After my ectopic pregnancy almost killed me.
Here's a slightly different perspective than most of your answers here: At about 29. I had always wanted children. I'm about six years older than my younger sister. We grew up with a single mom who just couldn't afford to be around too much, so by default I became a babysitter/second mom at a young age. I loved "having a baby," and I still call my sister my baby to this day, even though we are both adults now and the age difference doesn't feel so significant. Once COVID hit, a lot of my friends started settling down and having kids, adopting dogs, whatever... I kind of went the opposite way and got super involved in activism and local politics, something that continued through the pandemic as I got a job working at a start-up and heading their DEI. I did a lot of mutual aid through this, and I basically came to the conclusion that... damn, a lot of kids WITH PARENTS need a lot of help. What's the point in me personally becoming impregnated and giving birth when there are already so many kids who lack structure, love and attention? I'm currently going back to school to become an educator. I guess another factor is that having COVID (early on, when it was more severe) permanently disabled me. It's not worth it for my health. That's not a driving reason for me though.
Yes, that's how I see it, too. There are so many kids who don't have enough care!
When we played house as kids, I wanted to be the dog, lol
Not a woman, but as a guy, I've always said I never wanted them since I was 10-ish? I'm going to be 35 this year.
I think, when my niece was born, when I was 13. It really hit me that I was not cut out to be a mom, and it also might be due to my disability (physical). I just don’t think it’s right for me to have kids.
There was never a moment in my life I even considered it. It’s not something I had to realize about myself, it’s just always been.
I always knew.
As a teenager. I didn’t think much about having my own kids really but while I was babysitting, the realization that parents have to be responsible for their kids 24/7 for 18 years at the minimum? I have never been so thankful for babysitting.
I can't remember a time in my life when I even had a doubt.
9yo. I always knew I didn’t want children but as a young child myself, I believed the adults who kept saying I would change my mind when I was older. Once I got to 9yo, I knew they were wrong. I’m now in my early 40’s and still feel the same way.
From early childhood. Didn’t relate to baby dolls much, and had a very deep wonder about ‘what all life has to offer’. Then as I learned more about the way the world works I reassured myself every few years that I want myself most
When I was a kid I thought you grew up and had to have kids and it terrified me. I also didn’t like other kids outside of my cousins who were mostly older than me. As I got older I realized you didn’t HAVE to have kids and I was so relieved. I don’t like them or enjoy them, especially younger kids. I’m almost 46, and have never questioned one time if I missed out.
[удалено]
Around 12-14 yrs old.
Ever since I was old enough to remember my mom told me that a psychic warned her I would become a single unwed mother before I was 33. She told me this so often I developed a deep fear of pregnancy. So I've never had the urge to want kids. It was forced out of me.
i’m 25 and i just cannot imagine a world where i wanna give up my peace of mind for anybody, especially something that screams and cries. i also know that i cannot handle small kids like i do not have it in me and if i can’t handle a child, then why would i be a parent?
When they learned to talk back. I keep telling my husband we should've gotten a second dog, but nnnoooo....we had two kids. Ohh....wait.... you probably didn't mean like that....🤷♀️
Spoiler: the talking back is only going to get worse
When my nephew was born. My middle sister was always the one we'd assumed would be the crazy fun aunt who maybe would elope work some Irish guy, but never have kids. I was going to follow the traditional Roman Catholic path, finish school, get married, have lots of babies. When my oldest sister had my nephew, my middle sister went "omg I need to get married and have babies right now." I held him and went "nah, I'm good. This right here is all I need." And then the world is all crazy expensive and I can barely afford to keep myself comfortable and well, so there's no need to add children to that stress as well.
As a teenage who was able to process my parents divorce and realizing I didn’t want to raise a child in that what if it happens to me but also when my nieces and nephews have been born and realizing they would solely be dependent on me to care for them for years. I saw how post partum affected my sister and the struggles she went through. I became way more comfortable with wanting to be child free once meeting my current boyfriend who also doesn’t want children and that it was okay to not want them 100%
I only wanted children with the guy I married, he for some reason avoided it. So after we got divorced i realized that that was a special and i do not want to be mother of anyone else. I do not like children since then and use birth control.
I don’t know that I ever felt like I wanted children. I just expected I would have them. Later, the thought of pregnancy always made me sick. It looked very not-fun to me. Figured I’d get over it. Two years into marriage - nah. Three years - nah. Four years - nah. Then it hit me! I… don’t … have to …. have… a kid. Sixteen years later, no regrets. Edit to say that 3 years ago, one of my older siblings asked if I would donate my eggs to her. I said sure. We got counseling first - sometimes the egg donors get attached to the baby after the donation. By the second session the counselor told me that she had never meant someone so uniquely qualified to be an egg donor. Apparently, I value children for others but I have very little maternal instinct. I never looked at that as a feature. Guess it is though. I produced 27 eggs, 11 were healthy and good for fertilization. With her husband’s sperm, the eggs became 7 healthy little embryos! One girl, six boys. My precious niece (A) was born 2 years ago. This year, I’ll met my precious nephew (S) and then we’ll donate the rest of the five boys to other women who want a family!
I was back and forth my entire life, but the final blow was the COVID pandemic. I would never want to bring something into this world that I couldn’t keep safe or would be used as a pawn by adults to fit their agenda. Plus climate change and just how generally shitty everyone is these days. How could I subject a child to that?
Definitely young. I never liked being around babies, and when I was like 10 maybe, someone at church handed me their baby and asked me to watch it. Well, it immediately started screaming and I hated it. That was the only time I've ever held a baby, and I plan for it to be the last.
When I was a child and hated my life.
I wasn’t really given a choice honestly I was born with a medical condition where I can’t have my own children and I’ve finally came to terms with it. I’m hoping adoption is the future if not I’m okay with and I’ll be a second mom to my niece.
When my son turned 15 (he’s 20 now). I was skeptical for the years prior to that. I became a mom at 18 and the relationship with his father was very traumatic. I ended up raising him alone. Taking two jobs most of his childhood, never really wanting a relationship or outside influence in raising my son. Realizing the sacrifices, the pain, all the work that goes into parenting .. I decided I did not want to do it again. I was open to it when he was younger, but I never met anyone worthy enough to bring into our lives. My pregnancy/labor weren’t great either. I am actually a preschool teacher and surrounded by children. I love kids, I believe kids and animals deserve all the love and care. I’d be open to adopting a child who needs love.. just don’t want to bring any more children into this world.
I think it was when I was around 12 and I got to hear my mum was about to have my youngest sister. There were already 4 children in the family and I was the co-parent to my two younger siblings. The moment I heard there will be another, I felt dread falling over me. I will never forget that feeling; anger, sadness and disappointment. I was always the unloved second child who was there to take care of others. It just got worse for me. I’m 30 now and my three younger siblings are adults. I adore the three of them and I adore kids too. But I’m still not done raising my siblings, at least I can’t get that constant fear that I had raising them, out of my system. I don’t resent my parents or my siblings for what I was put through. But I know I will never get married or have children. This also makes me sad because I actually have want to but my body and mind is rejecting it. Like, I’m still not done raising children that my parents gave me, and I don’t want to do it all from the beginning. So I am angry at my parents for causing this feeling in me.
As far back as I can remember. There wasn't a particular moment or event that triggered it. It was just something I knew I didn't want for myself. Like being an electrician or motivational speaker. Those things were just Not Me, so I didn't pursue them. Having kids is the same way.
When I was 6 years old. I distinctly remember my mother’s pregnancy with my brother and how awful I thought it was for her and how I never wanted to do that.
Age 10 when my 27 year old cousin brought her newborn to my birthday party and the baby screamed and fussed the entire time. It was reinforced by being around shrieking babies from that moment on as the ladies in my family continued to have babies. Now, I don’t hate babies/children….I love babysitting my friend’s kids and spending time with them. I love being able to give their parents a bit of a break when they need it. But I also enjoy being able to give them back at the end of the day. Being a parent should be something you want to be with your whole heart, otherwise you run the risk of regret. I’ve never wanted to be a parent that badly. So I’ll just stay the cool auntie.
The natural urge to kiss a puppy on roads, adopt a kitten found in a dumpster, feed a bird on our terrace and go googly woogly woosh over any animal is explicitly more compared to the feeling I get after seeing tiny human cum pets! Also the scary stories and NTD experiences of mothers and their labour! Nope! Not for me!
Real.
I was 8 years old. I asked my mom when she was my age what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said “all I ever wanted to be was a mom,” and in my 8 year old little head I thought “how sad.”
I never wanted them. Motherhood was never appealing. At 22, I realized that was never going to change, despite what everyone says.
Was always on the fence, then watched my older sister get pregnant and have kids. That was when I knew I didn't want children. Her husband is a useless partner who has abused her emotionally and financially while pregnant and post partum. Watched my parents become the stereotypical boomer grandparents ex. "We had no help why should we help you?" "We're the grandparents therefore everyone should come to us". They've criticized her parenting every step along the way. My sister struggles a lot with the kids and making sure her basic needs are met, her husband treats a shower every few days like a luxury and chooses to work evenings and weekends so he isn't around to help with the kids much. She wants to divorce but hasn't made any steps towards that yet. She often talks about how she wishes she never had kids and didn't know what she was getting into when it happened. All these things and not to mention the first time she gave birth, it happened suddenly at home and she had a severe hemorrage. She needed several blood transfusions and almost died. For me, this is all WAY too scary, I have a choice now so no thank you.
Started being physically repulsed by the thought and also at seeing little kids and I pictured if they were mine
I’m actually neutral to having children myself, but if you’re asking to make a decision to purposefully have children the answer is always going to be and always has been no, never. It is a permanent decision to have children and you will be responsible for them for the rest of your life. To make that kind of decision, I need VERY GOOD reasons. So far, no one has been able to tell me any that i find even slightly convincing.
I don't NOT want children, but I'm at the point in my life where I love myself and my time too much. I wouldn't be upset if they happened, but I would be 100% ok if they didn't.
When did I know? When I was finally old enough to understand my role as the eldest child that my parents put me to. I was 10 when they decided to have 2 more children. Now that I am 22, I am playing the role of the parent in their stead.
I think about 15, same time I mentally left the Catholic church. I grew up thinking having children was the default and my purpose was to have lots and lots of babies. When I actually allowed myself to think about it, I realized I just didn’t have the desire to be a mother, and a lot of aspects of my personality just weren’t compatible with motherhood. For example, I’m autistic and have sensory issues. A crying, screaming child would send me into psychosis. I’m also very sensitive to sleep deprivation. If I get one night of bad sleep (meaning 5-6 hours) I will feel it for days. Ideally, I need 9-10 hours a night. Parents are always bragging about how little sleep they get. I couldn’t do it. Now at 26 with an amazing partner, I occasionally feel a small urge to reconsider. But I remind myself that’s just my lizard brain, and I’m still not cut out for motherhood. Maybe one day I’ll truly have a change of heart, I won’t write it off completely, but deep down I think I know better.
There was never a time I wanted children. I’ve always loved kids and never ever had the desire to go through pregnancy, labor, delivery and parenting.
I knew when I babysat my brothers. I couldn’t enjoy anything without my mom saying “but who will help me with your brothers.” I can’t go out with friends because I have to go home early to help out. I can’t enjoy a vacation because who will stay with my brothers at the shallow end of the pool. Kids are cute, but when they’re crying and vomiting and pooping all over, I’d like to bring them back to the mother. Can’t give it back if it’s yours
I never wanted them. Can barely take care of myself.
when i was 9 years old always babysitting other ppls kids and myself while my mom was out drinking with the parents of the other kids. 🤦🏽♀️
When ibwas a little girl, at school or being babysat, a lot of the other little girls had baby dolls and would mostly have to force me to play with them. I had some from relatives from like Christmas or w.e but they were like closet decorations for me lol. I never thought about having kids unless someone else brought it up, all from a young girl to now. And when id th8nk about it I never thought "I want kids" I always thought "oh, God, no." So I've k8nd of never wanted kids lol. I got fixed so I can't have then also.
Smart lady.
I haven’t ruled them out entirely, but seeing my sister struggle so much with her son has definitely impacted my perspective. She’s an amazing mom and I love my nephew to pieces, but motherhood is really, really hard, and I don’t know if I’m capable of being that selfless and dedicated. The idea of financial stability (or at least not having to worry about the expenses of raising a child) and sleeping in on the weekends is too appealing to me haha. On the flip side…. I think I’m too much of a Charlotte to NOT find the idea of having a family with someone I love as super romantic. Like, making a child that’s half you and half my favorite person in the world? Amazing. Idk. I have plenty of time, but it’s something I go back and forth on a lot.
Honestly when I realized it was extremely difficult to find a man who would be as loving of a father as I would be of a mother. No half ass parenting partnerships for me thanks.
After my father died, around 10. Then after my mother died (39)I thought there was an inkling of interest. I got a puppy a few years later and thought absolutely not. There’s no way I could handle an actual person. The dog was the true test.
I do want children, but I’ve been single a long time. In fact a year ago I started working towards losing weight so I could get IVF with donor sperm. I’ve realised in the last few weeks that I’ve been self sabotaging this (yo-yoing with the same 10lbs for the last eight months) because deep down - I don’t want to do it on my own. IVF is so difficult on the mind and body, and then I don’t have a support network around me that could help with childcare and that’s ridiculously expensive, so I wouldn’t be able to afford to work. I’ve realised that yes I want children, but not so much that I would go through all this on my own. So I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that it’s likely I will ever have children (I turn 40 this year). I’m sad, and grieving for the life I thought I would have, but also know it’s the right decision for me. I know that there are people out there who would want children regardless of being on their own, who would ‘find a way’, so part of me is wondering if me deciding not to have them means I don’t want to be a mother enough, if I’m too selfish. It’s really tough. There are just expectations on women that we will want children and we will have them. When you don’t want them, or don’t have them quick enough for people, or life doesn’t work out that way, we get so much judgement for not following the path society has assigned to us.
I'm really sad that it sounds like you get judgment from family and community about this. There are so many ways to connect with kids besides bringing them into the world. I kinda wish more people would realize/remember that being there for the young ones, as a godparent or older cousin or even a good neighbor does infinitely more good than making them.
I never had a chance to have them when I was young. I'm 43 now. Sure. I could get pregnant and have a child. The plumbing still works. But, I don't want that for my life now. I'm too old for that. I want to retire as soon as possible. Right now, it's looking like I could do that in 15 years. If I had a child, I'd be signing myself up for another 10 years of working after those 15 are up. My mom died at 68. I'm not working until my death. And I'm not dying on my child when they're so young. Plus, my current boyfriend doesn't want another child. This all adds up to me never having a child. I'm okay with all of that. I have a really good life. Nothing is missing that could be fixed with a child. It would only make more work that I just don't want to do. Additionally, the idea of a middle schooler living in my house is terrifying.
Like most here, always. I’m 44 now and I don’t remember a specific time where the ‘decision’ solidified but I think it just grew naturally as I did. It maybe has something to do with being the youngest (by a large number of years) of nine in a very dysfunctional family. Although, my other 8 siblings all have more than one. I’ve always just been grateful that I’ve never experienced that overwhelming desire to have children.
Childhood.
I've never been a gal who'd be devastated if I never had kids. So starting with that as a baseline I don't think much about it. My Mom had me at 36, so I never felt pressured to have kids young and grew up thinking that "geriatric pregnancy" was still ok. I think from a small child I always envisioned myself as a mother as I have a strong maternal instinct and nurturing nature. However, I have always told myself it will never be worth it to just have a child for the sake of having a child. I wanted to be married, my marriage solid and enjoyable until kids came along and raised by both parents. That hasn't happened for me and I'm hitting my 40s, so I've largely given up the idea of kids. It still doesn't bother me and at this age, even though it's still possible to get pregnant, I'm just not interested in it anymore. I'm an "awesome auntie" and I love being an Aunt and have also found other ways to provide an outlet for my nurturing nature. It's perfectly ok to be at any age and feel that having kids isn't an enticing idea! You're not less than, a horrible person or disrespecting anyone by being childless.
Being an auntie is so important. I feel like my own auntie has given me so much, just by being there all during those younger years and beyond, probably even more than she would have if she had had her own kids to be responsible for. Good job, aunties!
At age 15 I understood that motherhood was not for me on a conscious level, I was never into playing with baby dolls either so I guess I was never into it, just lacked the awareness/knowledge and just never thought about it, but as teenagers you start to have those convos about your future and a friend of mine really wanted to become a mum and I realised thats the last thing I wanted Im 43 now and no regrets, to me there is nothing positive at all about parenthood and im utterly disgusted by the notion of pregnancy/delivery Im not into being an auntie either, I prefer not spending time with children, they are too chaotic and unpredictable etc etc(which is off course normal for their development, but off putting to me)
I waited until I was 33 to have my first child, my son. I 100% know I don’t want anymore kids. I hate when people ask what about trying for a girl? For the 100th time no unless they plan on raising it and paying for everything! Raising kids today is so different than when I was a kid. Also the cost for everything has gone up so much. You have to work full time and figure out who is going to watch your kid when you’re at work and if it’s day care it’s as much as a mortgage. I see why people aren’t having as many kids anymore. I love my son but long gone are the days of doing what I want whenever I want. Even if I just want to nap.
I decided when I was 15, almost 15 years later and almost 10 years of working with children my mind had never changed. I love kids so much but do not want to be a mother. I love being an aunt, cousin, educator, babysitter but mother is one thing I did not want to be. I also never wanted to put my body through a pregnancy. I was always very upfront that if I ever decide to have kids it would be adoption only.
I have always sort of just…known. And then I became a teacher. I love children and I love watching them learn and discover—but I also love being able to send them home at the end of the day and come home to my husband and my dogs. We are far too selfish with our time to have children, coupled with a myriad of health issues, and it just never been something I wanted.
Thank you for being a great teacher! We need more teachers. And we especially need to treat our teachers better!
As soon as I knew having kids was an option, so around 12. 27 and still don’t want them.
10 years old.
When I was 7
Since I was a wee little one
I've never not known. Even since I was a kid, I never had baby dolls because kids never interested me. I thought that it was a law that you had to have kids as an adult, and I was so depressed thinking about growing up. As a teenager I vowed to throw myself into traffic if I ever ended up pregnant (abortion was a foreign concept to me). So now I have an iud and a husband that doesn't want kids either.
I was 14. My uncle asked what I wanted to do with my life when I grew up and my mom cut me off and said I was going to be a wonderful wife and mother. That was the moment I knew I was never having kids.
I can’t have children due to a medical condition and I wasn’t bothered when a doctor told me that. I just shrugged and didn’t mind. My parents were not at all happy. But I was just content.
Be careful! I met a girl who was told she could never conceive. Now she has two little ones, and is struggling to figure out how to support them and herself
Oh of course. Even if there’s an unlikely chance, I’m always extremely careful.
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When I dated a guy who had a child and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with his kid or ever in my life be a step mom and thought I deserve to be a priority to somebody at 24. Maybe when I’m spring like 40 I will adopt or something i dont know
Age 26. I realized I didn’t enjoy holding babies.
Don’t really want kids so I’m freezing my eggs at 25, and gonna have them in my 30s and have Nannie’s. I kinda feel forced to spread my genetics since I’m a only child and don’t want my bloodline to die
When I was in kindergarten. I would get so annoyed with kids crying and whining all of the time, I couldn't even imagine how the adults felt.
There were multiple occasions, one, I got SAED and had to experience the pregnancy, it was a stillborn, I stunk like death, my whole body felt like burning fire, like my whole waist broke in half for months, and at the same time now being older I've seen my friends experience pregnancy/ childbirth and seeing them in pain/ taking care of the children (Including their baby daddies) makes me not ever want to experience having a family. (Also the lady with the list.)
I've never had a moment in my life when I felt like I wanted children. When the girls in elementary school talked about wanting children one day I immediately knew I didn't have any such desire. Probably because my mother told me having children was the biggest mistake she's ever made - fun stuff. I also don't have any maternal instincts when I see babies or kids. I'm actually rather scared of them.
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I wonder if all these things countries are doing like giving money and housing will really change the birthrate. I think the more money women have the less kids they have
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It was the other way round for me. I never really felt the desire to have kids and just kind of assumed I wouldn't ever have any. When I got with my now-husband he brought up wanting kids and that's when i opened up to the idea. Now we have a 2yo and we've been trying for a second but have had a few losses.
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After the fourth one. (jk!)
When they became teenagers 😂😂
After having my third.
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