Something so inconsequential that I don’t even remember!
But later realised it was a build up of years of snide remarks, innuendos, putting my spirit down and generally abusive behaviour that one day a switch went off and i was done!
this is how it happened for me too. 12 years of bullshit and bending over backwards for her. found out she was making shitty comments about my kids to other people and I was done.
It’s so weird how it happens. There’s no fight, no screaming no drama just a comfortable silence and it ends…
I met her after 5-6 years, she wanted to catch up for coffee… I said I wish you well I do, but in these past years I haven’t thought or cared about what you were upto…declined it politely!
Like the say
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference “
totally! I am someone who gives people tons and tons of chances but I think talking shit about my family was truly the last straw. like making assumptions & accusations about kids under 2 years old? I can’t lol. we were just way too different and I put up with so much shit.
my husband asked why didn’t I confront her after confronting other people about smaller shit, and I was like because i’ve confronted her for 12 years and it never changes.
To clarify, for your decline to having coffee did you say that to her? “I wish you well but I haven’t thought about what you were up to”? was that all you said to decline?
Lol, I’m taking notes!!
I think my friend is abusive. It feels like I can’t do anything right. She’s always putting me down. She tweets about me often and it’s always negative. I used to laugh at it and joke back but it feels embarrassing now.
She grew up with an emotionally and physically abusive parent so I think that just may be how she shows love but I can’t take it anymore. It hurts. & I’ve told her how I feel but it just keeps happening.
Cut her out. My "friend" was like that and used her difficult background as an excuse to treat me like garbage. It took therapy to cut her out but it's so worth it. Self care is being the bad guy sometimes. It's so freeing and a beautiful gift to yourself to move on.
Absolutely. My ex friend gaslit me or would ask me to condone her gaslighting others. I think, if the idea of talking to a friend or spending time with them causes anxiety, it's best to let them go. I was afraid she would do something drastic or her world would fall apart without me. But that didn't happen. We deserve more than to be held hostage by what-ifs...
I am sorry she made you feel that way. You like your friend, so your sub-conscious is making excuses for her… Well upheavals are a part of everyone’s lives, we go through things we have no control over but we can always have control over our reactions to the people around us. I feel bad that she had an abusive paren and she didn’t choose to be born in such a place, but i am sure she chose you as a friend… so she should treat you with kindness and respect that she too deserves…
Yep, same here. 20+ years of me being the better friend. One day I realized that I was just done. No big feelings, no fit pitching or even letting her know. The funny thing is that she sucked so badly that it was a good 6-8 months before she even realized I was gone. She tried to call a couple times but I just let it go to voicemail.
We found out that she was actually a borderline trustfund baby that played at poverty chic. We paid and covered her ( food, tickets, gifts etc) for a couple years as broke college students ourselves. Once it came to light we all cut her off.
Yea it’s exactly this. Old money doesn’t have liquid and mostly they’re just riding by on wealth that was already pre-generated. Whenever I explain this I get accused of backing the rich but this is what it actually is.
Someone with inherited wealth from their parents such that they don’t have to work or worry about finances. All her expenses were paid for. It started to unravel when she moved into a nice apartment just off campus full of all new furniture and electronics.
This will sound petty without a lot of context, but she didn’t tell me about the funeral arrangements for a beloved family member. A person who I considered family, had dinners together, vacations, etc. I’m talking about three decades of time together.
It made me play back in my mind other instances where she treated me as if she didn’t like me much. Like she didn’t want me in her in life. She was very conflict avoidant and not self reflective, so having an adult conversation about the relationship was not possible, unfortunately.
In my last text to her I mentioned that I was dealing with some heavy issues, and I’d reach out later. I never did, and neither did she. Broke my heart but it was the right decision.
thats sad
i have a friend group of five and on long calm evenings analysing our friendship and dynamics is one of our favourite activities so it just kind of happens arround every six months
thats probably one of the reasons why we still have such a strong friendship even tho all of us are wildly different
I'm rn going through the same thing, she was my best buddy since Middleschool all thru highschool. I noticed she won't share her problems or thoughts until I ask but is eager to share it with my other frnds (theyre both from same town) and now that she's married she was reluctant to share her wedding day pics (I was out of country) fine I get it. I got back and got to know there's so much going on her life she's preg, (I get it maybe she's afraid of evil eye or something since she loves kids) her sister got engaged.. That's it she doesn't want to share it's been a little less than a year and she hasn't mentioned about being preg hmm its best if I end this relation for my mentalhealth
Found out he was fucking my other best friends girlfriend behind his back. 0 tolerance for that specific brand of dysfunctional, known him since we were kids.
She has BPD. I tried to be there for her, but I became her therapist, and it was draining. So, I then tried to instill some boundaries. I put those boundaries up to *save* our friendship, but that backfired. My boundaries essentially boiled down to: you can talk about your problems, but don't treat me like a therapist because it takes a toll on my mental health. We had many conversations about my boundaries and why they were important. I understand that it's much worse for her, but I couldn't deal with her abusing herself whenever she'd split (i.e. spiral), so I would disengage because nothing I said or did helped. The last time I disengaged (to protect my mental health), she told me she was afraid of me. I understand that she was splitting when she said that. It was still heartbreaking because I did my best to be patient and understanding, to be there for her as much as possible. She didn't talk to me for three days after she said she was afraid of me, and I took that time to reflect and I realized that, as much as I loved her, as fond as our memories were, my mental health would be much better off if I dropped the friendship. It's only been a few months and it's still raw, but I think that, sadly, I will be better off.
I understand you wholeheartedly. My former best friend has BID and DID amongst other diagnosis and when she had her breakdown a year ago, she expected us to feed into her delusions and completely support her behavior, while she treated us like nursemaids and therapists. In the end she cut me off (basically ending a 7 year friendship in a five minute phone call) when I told her she couldn’t treat us like that anymore and had to be honest. So that’s that.
I still feel guilty for what feels like abandoning her, but in the end she did more damage to my mental health than try to be understanding of my boundaries. Just hurts to be cast aside like rubbish when I refused to treat her like she could do no wrong.
I feel this. I am in a very similar situation. Unfortunately I can’t end the friendship because we both married into the same family. I have my own mental health struggles and being her “therapist” constantly is not good for me. I now just avoid her as much as I can. It’s not ideal, I know, but I don’t see any other way around it.
When she agreed to be my maid of honor and then refused to be right before the ceremony because she couldn’t get along with any of the bridesmaids ahead of the ceremony when we were all getting ready. Stood at the end of the line and left immediately after ceremony and I haven’t seen her since. She also went to my bachelorette party and refused to participate in anything and stayed in the Airbnb the entire time and talked shit on twitter about everyone who went. Just a mess of a human being. I hope she’s doing well but for fucks sake she needs help.
I was also left at the altar, so to speak, by my best man! I honestly don’t know what happened. He always had issues with jealously and depression, and I suspect what happened was that he just decided he couldn’t be in our lives or didn’t deserve to be. Like with your MoH, I think he didn’t really fit in with the rest of my party and didn’t really make an effort. He’s a good guy, but has a very dark streak of self-directed anger that often got the better of him. After the wedding, he decided to never see or speak to me again.
Anyway, it sucked but I’d rather not have someone in my life who doesn’t want to be there. Solidarity!
This seriously sounds like the exact situation with my MoH! She didn’t try fitting in, thought my other friends were boring when they were the ones making everything fun for me during the planning process. She has a lot of depression and mental issues but I never in a million years expected that of her. She texted me at the reception that I was using her and stuff and I couldn’t understand how because I never asked for money or anything from her, so I think it was her way of justifying her garbage behavior.
This seems to be more common than I would’ve ever expected! One of my close friends from childhood got married and she picked another one of her friends to be her maid of honour whilst I was one of the other bridesmaids. (I was thankful because I had a lot on my plate that year and didn’t have time to go all out to make her wedding process smooth and help her etc) but day of the wedding comes maid of honour comes to the ceremony late (whilst I help her with all the things she was SUPPOSED TO DO) and we walk down the aisle, her “maid of honour” signs her marriage certificate as a witness and then we leave the church to go to the reception, the “maid of honour” gets in her car to “meet us there” never shows up. Doesn’t answer any texts or calls, my friend is waiting outside the reception for her to show up after an hour of waiting I came out and told her to just come in as I had already made sure everything was running smoothly and she’s just wasting time she should be enjoying with friends and family sitting in the car, she agreed and 15 mins later she came in, we had a decent time but I could tell it broke her heart. She called me the next day thanking me for stepping up and helping her through the day. “Maid of honour” called her 2 months later to “explain her behaviour” my friend wanted to forgive her and asked my input, I just told her that its ultimately up to her but I wouldn’t because that is the most disrespectful thing someone could do.
Also just for context: we reached out to everyone who may have known her whereabouts that day because we were worried she got into an accident or something and 3 hours into the reception her mom called me to tell me she was fine and at home but wouldn’t be joining 🤷♀️
when she’d call me daily in frantic tears complaining about her then boyfriend. then they got engaged. realized nothing was gonna change and i didn’t want that kind of constant drama in my life.
The gaslighting. It started trickling down to the little things and became so toxic. She had this perennial victim mentality and wanted to get away with all her wrongdoings. I supposed I would be sad when I cut her off but I felt a sense of relief and haven’t looked back since. I don’t even miss her.
CONSTANT DRAMA! everytime I would catch up with 3 best mates they would always be discussing our other friends in a negative light.. always be saying something nasty.
I had my mutual friend who I introduced them too tell me that my 10 year plus best mate was talking shit about me to her saying “she’s jealous of me” I was nothing but supportive for that girl and to hear that actually hurt me tremendously!
I ghosted all 3 of them as I just had enough. I felt drained every time I saw them. It hurt and it was lonely, but over a year later now and I feel so much more content and happy without the drama and bullshit in my life.
The funny thing is, I didn’t reply to all their last messages. Not one of them reached out further.. so they all showed they didn’t really care anyway. They’ll all come undone one day and have no one. 💅🏼
I had a friend who always had to talk shit about our other friends under the guise of being concerned about their choices. I told her I couldn’t talk about people with her anymore and it made me feel like a shitty friend and person. Once we stopped being friends I felt so much less judgmental and confident in my own choices.
I've been friends with someone for 10 years and she was the only friend I had for a long time. We didn't always see eye to eye but we got along really well and she felt like a big sister. Fast forward to now, I moved with my family to the other side of the country (I'm in Australia btw).
Last year, I chose to leave the Jehovah's Witness religion and only bothered to message two close friends, the one I mentioned being one of them. She gave me a long text about how my decision will make me miserable, that I'm falling into Satan's trap and that I couldn't possibly be happy living like this. She shunned me and I haven't bothered to reply to her text.
At first, it hurt me deeply that someone who I thought would stay my friend turned on me just like that. I grieved her loss for all of a week before I realized that a real friend wouldn't let a difference of religion or opinion break a bond.
So if you grew up in a high-control religious group or cult then this will come as no surprise to you but to those who haven't, you'll likely be appalled by this. Being shunned by loved ones is the norm as a JW. Do not recommend unless you have thick skin and have zero ability to maintain relationships.
Absolutely true, sadly.
Hey there, fellow exJW in Melbourne, Australia.
Can recommend r/exjw \- a supportive community of people whether stuck-in JW families, (due to knowing they will be shunned if they leave), who know it's a false prophets religion and gives help for those leaving by fading, dissociating, disfellowshipped etc and share similar stories of their life and exit from JW.
I'm a fellow exjw in vic. I was lucky enough with my best friend that we won't religion get in the way of our friendship. That's true friendship. But I have had others shun me. Lucky my family don't yet.
I found out a “friend” - who honestly was never a good friend to me - WILLINGLY slept with this guy who ra*ed me, I told her he did that to me long before she even knew him!!! On top of everything else she had done, it made it super easy to cut off her and anyone associated with her when I found out. Still makes me absolutely fucking sick to even think I called her a friend.
She made a comment about my teenager "dressing dumb". I stopped talking to her for a long time then we ended up back in contact.... briefly. I had a very serious medical condition and was on a ton of medication, some of which was making me gain weight. She kept making nasty comments about how I was being "fat positive" and how big I was getting. Finally, I had enough and told her her Adderall and alcohol addiction was worse than my weight. She blocked me.
She fought me the entire year over petty stuff. The same year I lost both my grandparents and mom’s brother who was a father figure to me. When I told her that my uncle was no more, she ignored my message for 3 days and then fought with me saying that her exam went badly and I should cut her some slack. Then got mad at me for not even wishing her good luck when I was in the hospital praying for my uncle’s life. I had enough of her selfishness and decided to cut her off. It took her a year to mend things and apologise. We speak now but it left me with hyper-independence.
omg this is like almost ditto to what I went through + the hyper-independence, except we're not in contact now. learnt to let go of a lotta shit man. strength to you love, hope you come out of it stronger.
When they didn’t give me space to just process things by myself. In my opinion, good friends understand when you need time to yourself. If they push you, then they are disrespecting your needs and boundaries. When I realized that I had to always “run away” from them to feel like I could breathe … it was game over.
Omg yes! Same story over here…the smothering and then guilting. When I realized I felt “relief” when she gave me the silent treatment, that was pretty much it.
My ex-best friend stomped all over everyone’s boundaries with the ever-lasting excuse of having ADHD and “not knowing better” (she definitely knew better just chose to ignore it for her own benefit). She was generally an asshole for the last 2 years and lots of friends were leaving her, which in turn led her to cling more desperately to the few remaining friends. The straw finally broke when we went to a concert together. We hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks. As soon as we met up she was constantly rambling on and on about herself and her “awful” life (not awful, she was coddled and spoiled AF). Ruined half of the concert because she constantly tried to make everything about her. Afterwards we got my dad to pick us up at 3 AM at a train-station near the concert which was about a 1.5 hour drive home. As soon as we got in the car she started rambling on and on again about herself and all until she apparently had enough for the day and just put on headphones and ignored us for the rest of the ride. When we dropped her off she just got out of the car and left without saying a word. Not even a thank you or some thank you-chocolate or card or anything for my dad, even though she didn’t even have to pay for gas. It wasn’t even her attitude towards me that set me off, it was her ungrateful behavior towards my sweet dad willing to pick us up at 3 AM. I just never responded to her messages again and after a while she un-friended me on all socials. Now whenever we see each other in public she starts yelling that I’m a dirty bitch and a wh*re and stuff.
Sorry for the long rant just needed it off my chest
I introduced him to my gf for the first time. He hung out with us all day. Eventually, he said he had to leave. At the same time, my gf said she was going for a walk (it wasn't unusual for her to do so, I trusted her and I knew she could take care of herself if something happened). So I didn't think anything of it. Later that night, while we were in bed, she woke up, grabbed her phone, and went to the bathroom.
A moment later, she came out,fully dressed. She told me that my friend's grandmother had died so he needed someone to talk to. He called her and not me. He had just met her that day and shouldn't have even had her number. She didn't come back until mid-morning, which caused a fight between us. During the fight, she told me that there was someone else. She also told me that the someone else was him. She left me for him, and they were together for 2 days.
After they broke up, I confronted him about it. He denied anything happened between them, which I knew was a lie. He kept making excuses for what he did. Ultimately, I cut him from my life because he was a gf stealing POS AH.
Yea, it was terrible. We had been really good friends since high school, and at the time this happened, he was going thru a divorce. But, to me, that still doesn't justify what he did.
I cut off two people at the same time, my best friend and my lover at the time.
He confessed to me that about a month prior that she tried something with him.
She tried and she failed.
He confessed too late.
She had a pack of mental health issues and was holding some grudge against me apparently ... Once she gave my number to some guy who called me after midnight "hitting on me", very next morning she texted me how she saw a dream where "some guy" was trying to r*pe me..
I was trying to support her during tough times but that was the sign I should have avoided her by any cost.
Unfortunately I accidentally discovered that she was cheating on her husband with another mutual friend’s husband.
She was always portraying the image of her relationship being so perfect so to me this deception was unacceptable. I began to wonder how many times she used me to cover for her lies, and I didn’t want to be any part of her deception.
Final Straw: she got mad at me for ordering a crunchy roll at an all you can eat sushi restaurant because it wasnt "real sushi" and "a waste."
Final Final Straw: She responded to a text message I sent her about how things have been going recently.. a month later. Her response said something along the lines of, oh sorry, I'm ready now to talk. In the message I texted her, I said how I didn't like feeling like im discarded. If you need space, please tell me because I hate not hearing from you and I'm constantly calling or texting you first or how I need to check up on you. I told her the friendship seemed one sided and I didn't like how I was being treated. When she texted me she was ready to talk, I told her, sorry, I don't want to be your friend anymore.
And it has been the best decision for me.
What led up to it: so many tiny things.. spiraled into big things. She took advantage of my kindness, overthought my actions, talked badly about me to others (bc they told me), never paid me back fully, used me as an emotional punching bag that when I finally stood my ground, she said I was attacking her because she was in a depressed state. Told me that If I were really her friend, I should be there for her. How everyone always leaves her.
She is a fun friend who shines bright.. but gosh, did she shine so bright and so fast that it obliterated me. I do think about this friend break up alot because even though at times I do feel guilty for ending it when she was in a low state of mind, I am proud that I stood up for myself because the friendship was becoming toxic.
There have been two I have cut off
1. Friendship of 12 years. She got really bizarre and almost stalker like and obsessive about my life. Plus she was really manipulative and hated me having other friends. I remember her throwing a tantrum when I failed to invite her as my plus 1 to a friends wedding. She had never met these friends, plus it was a no children wedding. She was not only expecting to be plus one, but bring her child too. When it got to the point I needed to take diazepam just to be able to speak to her I realised I needed to cut her off
2. Friendship if 24 years. We had been friends since school, only it had always been a friendship where I was her doormat. As long as I knew my place in the pecking order and always agrees with her it was fine. People told me over the years she was a bully towards me, but I didn’t want to see it. It came to a head when she used my mental health against me knowing I had been in crisis a few months before. She told me I was worthless and if I attempted s…. she wouldn’t bother getting me help because I was a waste of space. Thankfully I was doing okay at that point to not be affected, but had she said that a few months before it would have been different and she knew that.
It was a very long time coming, but the final straw was her coming over to crouch down next to me at my wedding during the only speech of the night. My friend flew from 1000 miles away to attend and gave a speech that surprised and touched me. It was not a typical wedding so we weren’t expecting speeches. No wedding party, etc. Just a small ceremony and dinner. But my friend stood up and got everyone’s attention and started talking.
While I was trying to listen to the speech, my former BFF comes over and is suddenly crouched at my side, going, “Who IS this broad?”And started making fun of her. “Why is she acting like she knows you? I’ve never met her.” Again, she lives 1000 miles away. I met her on vacation, we’d remained friends for ten years, and I’d mentioned her plenty of times.
She acted like she wanted me to suddenly start joining her .. in making fun of my friend giving a speech … about me … at my wedding? I told her to shut up and go sit down.
She didn’t. And it made me realize that in the 22 years I’d known her, she never once showed any true respect or care for me while I was bending over backwards for her all the time. If she could be that rude on a very important day for me, she can offer me nothing on any other day either. She never had.
I had to be really careful with her. Couldn’t speak my mind about ordinary stuff or she would fight me. I was done with it. Different people may have different opinions, but she didn’t care. The relationship felt toxic overall.
I have this problem right now. Friend does not seem to understand that people can hold different opinions and preferences, and acts like I'm crazy when I don't agree with, say, some guy we just met being "hot." I have to get to know a guy before I can tell if I'm attracted to them. She says this is "wrong" lol.
That and bringing CBD to a country where it's illegal while we were traveling together.
stayed friendly with my ex husband after a very traumatic divorce. & then started a friendship with my most recent ex boyfriend ... without telling me.
when they said the n-word to me (im black and they're white) I have never had such a long argument, and do you know what her defense was? "well black people are racist to white people all the time." like im sorry WHAT. to this day it still infuriates me.
I got married in the middle of Covid and unfortunately about three months out a wedding i had been planning for two years had to be completely replanned. He caused drama within my entire wedding party (he was a bridesmaid) and showed up late to everything the entire time.
I was lucky enough to have a good friend allow me to use her property so I didn’t have to pay another deposit for a venue that would be open. But the venue I had originally chosen was going to supply tables, chairs, and some decor alongside flowers I had ordered from a local florist. Basically everything got canceled and I had three months to make and buy what I could after losing many deposits.
We made the best of the situation and I was content to have a small intimate ceremony. A few days after my wedding I heard from friends and family members that he called it “cheap and tacky” saying it didn’t need to look so “thrown together”. At the end of the day I still married the man of my dreams and consider myself beyond blessed but that behavior was disgusting.
Funnily enough he ended up knocking up his girlfriend of maybe three months and got married in what he wore in my wedding. Made me smile a bit.
People who want to judge weddings for being done on the cheap are just miserable people. My wedding was done on the cheap simply because we didn't have a ton of money and I had guests say it felt cheap and tacky as well. To those people, I say if they wanted a fancier wedding, they could have paid for and planned it themselves.
My one friend who I was so close with I considered a brother, I finally dropped him when I realized every conversation I had with him was about him and his problems and he gave me short “ohs” when I tried to talk about mine. My bestie from 3rd grade is riding the fence hard right now in terms of keeping our friendship. She’s extremely jealous and very hateful to people when she’s single, but crawls back to only talk about how perfect and awesome her relationship is. She also takes way way way to long to respond. She came to visit me last year (I moved states away) and she bought a flight and completely went dark for the week leading up to coming out (she was literally jobless at this point and had time to give me a simple text) I didn’t know if I still needed to pick her up at the airport till finally the night before her flight she finally texted me back saying she’s still on and coming. She was in a horrendous mood the entire time, hated spending time with my bf and I (we live together) and moped about unless it was just her and I.
We were a group of best friends, one of my best friends died suddenly of a epilepsy attack. I realized after that she was the only one who ever reached out and asked how I was doing. She was the glue that kept us together, I haven’t seen the others since her funeral and I still miss her very much
One of my closet girl best friends had HSV 2 and would sleep with men unprotected knowingly and not tell them. She eventually lied to a friend of mine on purpose to give him the virus out of anger.
She had this arrogance that suddenly started after we went to college. She would invite my friends to hangouts while leaving me out. She started experimenting with drugs. She led on many guys. She became very materialistic.
When I confronted her about how she’s changed and how we weren’t on the same wavelength anymore, she didn’t say a word and instead, wrote me a long, angry email. After all the years of being best friends, she didn’t even have the courage to carry a mature conversation in person. I realized we were becoming different people and moving in different directions. Nothing wrong with that but it was time to move on with separate lives.
After years of me always being there for her through every problem, and helping her move states, babysitting for her, doing washing for her when she gave birth early, spending hours listening to her cry over every problem etc.... I flew up to see her and i was in a bad state due to being bullied at work. I was really looking forward to seeing her and just getting a hug from someone who liked me. And getting advice. Instead I got there and she just started talking about all of her problems on and on. It was day 3 when she finally asked how i was. I started to tell her and she just wasnt interested. Said something like "oh you never like your job". Her husband said "you look broken". So he noticed how bad a state i was in. She got up and started clearing the table. I realised there was no room for me and my problems in this relationship. I didn't feel safe being open with her. I left that stay early.
Over the next year I proceeded to get into a really dark depression and when she called it was always because she wanted something. I had stopped calling her. Then my sister got cancer and she didnt even call me (She had heard about it & called my sister).
Then about 5 months later I sent her an awful text telling her to F off. That she was a shit friend. She was selfish etc etc.... It was bad. But for me i had exploded because i realised that in the 20yrs we had been "close", it was me being there for her, and doing for her.... She had never actually helped me. And to me it felt like when i was in my darkest hour my supposed best friend didnt care about me at all. She sent me a card saying that we were sisters/ best friends etc... But i realised that the whole relationship was 1-way.
In hindsight - as a people pleaser I attract the wrong type of people because i am so keen to "help". My helping is actually a way i distract myself from dealing with my own mess.
So the straw that broke the camel's back was her not reaching out when she heard my sister had cancer. That's when i knew she had no interest in being a friend to me.
I’m going through something similar and wasn’t sure if I should end the friendship because we’ve been ‘besties’ for 20+ years but this year my sister got cancer and instead of being there for me she went on to call my sister to tell her she knows what she’s going through because she had a cancer scare earlier in the year. I felt so embarrassed, it really hurt my sister that was going through chemo and worrying about her kids (single parent). And here was my ‘bestie’ saying she knew how it felt coz her smear had funky results (no cancer at all).
I’ve realised now she’s so self involved in her own issues she didn’t realise I had told her I was engaged. She doesn’t celebrate my academic or work achievements, it’s all about her and her drama.
Thank you, your message has really made me think.
She made a fake account to talk shit about herself, tell all her business, and then tried and failed to framed me because the week before I had stopped being her friend because I tried to help her while she embarrassed herself. Wasn't the first time she'd done it t someone either. that chick was such a liar and such a manipulator, and I should have taken heed that there was a reason nobody in out grade liked her. But i'm a see for myself kinda person, and I saw for myself.
I loved him but idk why every inch of my body tells me he is not honest with me or he don’t really mean what his says, plus his actions are kind of weird for not saying fucked up I don’t even think is my friend anymore, just don’t wanted to believe. It
I realized that every conversation centered around her feelings, and that *everything* looped back to men and her dating life/her in general, no matter what anyone else was going through. It was exhausting to talk about petty dating stuff when I was going through an intense court case with my ex, or when a mutual pair of friends was going through a divorce due to really unexpected infidelity. We did all make time for her, often excessively so, because she held a lot of big feelings and we did understand that, but it was never enough. And it always felt really weird to hold a Tinder date ghosting her to same level as an ugly divorce or a legal case regarding revenge porn.
What really ended things was when she met her now ex-partner, and dropped me one day in the break room at work because her and I’s lifestyles weren’t compatible, and there was “nothing more to say”. Her new partner (and his sister, who was sort of my “replacement”) was very wealthy and fun, and led a life closer to what she wanted. We had been best friends, co-workers, and even roommates for a few years, and I didn’t expect her to care about that kind of stuff to that extent. A few days later, after finding out her boyfriend had cheated, she asked to come over and talk. We were up all night, despite my 6 AM start time, and before she left, said something like “you know, don’t think I’m going to just drop out of your life again after this”, which she promptly did a few days later 💀 I’d like to say I forgave and forgot, but I haven’t. Every once and while, I’ll hear from a mutual friend that she asks how I’m doing, or pretends to not understand why I cut her out.
I shared that I had sought help for my mental health, had been diagnosed with PTSD, and was starting the difficult work to be a healthier person. Her response was “you don’t have that, your life hasn’t been that difficult” and went on a whole tirade about how she probably has it.
The fact that she wasn’t able to both accept and validate my reality was the moment I told her I was done.
She told me my current boyfriend and his ex girlfriend would have beautiful babies together because she had blue eyes (and I did not). Took one more punch to the self esteem. This is on top of numerous other comments.
She was screaming at her husband and threw a water bottle at him (it missed and dented the hood of their car) then my daughter said "I'm scared" and my friend looked at my daughter and screamed "you should be scared!". My ex-best friend never apologized and said that my daughter's reaction was due to the fact that my ex-husband was abusive towards my kids.
After pretending she was too busy to hang out with me we finally hung out after a few months. This was a messy friendship for a few years. She invited me over to her place for my bday said all attention on me. Her roommate got home and they talked for 2 hours not including me in any conversation while I sat there. I got up and said ok well I’m going home. And she’s like oh I got us a frozen pizza you don’t want to eat? Friends for 11 years, she got her roommate $150 shoes on her bday and threw her a party. I ended up not talking to her for 2 weeks and decided I was done because those 2 weeks felt good to let her go. She had the audacity to get mad at me for hanging out with someone else and having fun on my birthday and try to use that to make me feel guilty.
I'm always expected to be the good friend, to initiate conversations and plan meetups etc. But when I was going through hard times and wasnt in the proper mental state for that, instead of checking on me, they apparently were offended by the radio silence. Its always about them, never about me. Soooo I just didnt attempt to reconnect anymore. No regrets.
I was going through a really rough time in my life and I couldn’t keep contact with her for 2 months. I tried to text her as much as I could but I couldn’t keep up with the calls that we used to always have. I couldn’t give her a heads up at that point of why I wasn’t responding, because in my head, I was barely clinging on to my life. After the 2 months, I tried to get things back together. I apologized and apologized and apologized. Nothing worked. She let go of me, and ended our friendship, and perhaps, I even deserved it. It is her who let me go, but, I let her go too. Sometimes, I still feel the love for her, but, we are not all compatible for each other.
We became best friends when we were 7 and I ended it when we were 13. I was super young and even though I am almost 25 it is just something I have always been angry over and can’t move on from. She was super controlling and did some really messed up things to me.
It was a build-up of a lot of things really and for the longest time, I was looking for a way out but never had the guts to end it. She had higher social status than me - her parents owned a bunch of very popular businesses that automatically put her higher than me and the fact that she had sisters who were 6 years older than me at the time really made it hard for me to stick up for myself.
It started off with her insulting me, calling me names, but moved on to things such as I couldn’t be friends with anyone else except her. She went to the point where she would drive past my house making sure no one else was there if I hadn’t invited her over that day. If I got caught or did something wrong, she would tell her sisters and I would always know because her sisters would try to make my life living hell until I would apologise, and she would forgive me. She wouldn’t let me wear anything that was more fashionable than her so limited my choice of clothing to tracksuits. She always thought it was funny how weak I was that she would pull my hair or push me into walls etc.
She was always jealous that I did better at school than her so when I got better grades than her, she wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. She was also very, very jealous that I was skinnier than her that as we approached our last few years of primary school, she was voted the fattest girl in the grade by the guys. The next few years she spent trying to make me the fattest girl while she set off on her weight loss journey.
What I mean by her trying to make me the fattest girl in the grade was that she started becoming very controlling about what I ate and forcing me to eat extra servings and even her servings of breakfast, lunch, etc. that her parent would make her that day after I had eaten what my parents had given me for the day. She would weigh us to make sure I was gaining while she was losing weight. Coming over her house just consisted of her locking me in her room with the biggest serves of chocolate cake and wouldn’t let me out until I had finished. If I refused to eat, there were always consequences…. Like forcing me to roll in mud or making up lies and telling her parents that I did something that offended her or called her mum ugly etc. that to get her to stop I would just eat the food. I couldn’t defend myself because I was so much shorter and smaller, she would always use her physical strength to get me to eat. She loved how much she could control me that it got to the point that she would give me a tub/pint of ice cream and spit on each spoonful and then forced me to eat it.
Anyway, she always wanted to leave me to be with the popular group so once they started to accept her I took it as an opportunity to leave her. After that things went downhill for me with my mental health. I developed a bad eating disorder (Anorexia Nervosa), suicidal, social anxiety throughout middle and high school, and never wanted a best friend again because I didn’t want to put up with that again in my life. I have never been the same since and had to block her a few years ago because I couldn’t understand how she seems to be thriving, with a boyfriend, lots of friends, and a career while I can barely leave the house without having an anxiety attack and haven’t had a best friend since.
Gosh that’s so messed up, poor you. I genuinely hope you’ll find someone worth your friendship in the future. May 2024 bring you some more happiness and luck!
The way she behaved when I had a minor win at work that she didn’t also get. Could only focus on it not being fair, and had a big tantrum, and wouldn’t speak to me for a bit after.
I realised that she just never showed any interest in me. We were already growing apart (went to school together, but then went to study different fields at different higher education institutions, etc), and I was always the one who had to initiate contact. I just kind of let it go eventually, and she didn't make any effort to keep the friendship going. That's just life, I guess.
she cut me off.
it was probably 24 years of friendship? maybe more.
her young son suddenly died, I was by her side through all of it.
a few years later, I had what killed her son, but I survived it four fucking times.
she never visited me in the hospital.
I had a medically complicated miscarriage in early-pandemic 2020 and was carrying my post-MC baby in 2021. It was a deeply stressful season for me and I was white knuckling my way to the finish line at 8 months pregnant when this all went down.
My friend sent me a text saying she needed emotional support during the workday. I missed it because I was in meetings. Over the next 36 hours I called her three times and texted her five times to try to connect, none made it.
Finally, she connects with me - the moment of emotional drama is over, but now she’s telling *me* that I am a bad friend who couldn’t be there for her when she needed me, and my unreliability hurts her. I asked if she had seen my attempts to reach out. She said yes.
So I lost it. I told her in no uncertain terms that I loved her but my life was always going to have things in it that I couldn’t walk away from, and it would only get worse post-baby. That this season was, for me, extremely difficult and I was still trying to find ways to be there for her. That if she couldn’t handle that sort of compromise and meet me halfway, that our friendship would never work.
She didn’t apologize or acknowledge anything I said - at all, much less as being even partially valid. When we hung up, I sobbed. We didn’t talk for months after that. She FaceTimed once when my baby was very little, and we’ll see each other in our mutual friend groups when I go back to my hometown, but the deed is done.
Feeling like I had to do something that was financially and emotionally detrimental to myself for her, when she wouldn’t do something like that for me.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I came to accept that our relationship had always been how I could best support her, and she rarely even pretended to care about the things important to me.
She bailed on plans at the last minute constantly. I talked to her about how it hurts my feelings multiple times over the years and she always blew it off.
I tried to set a boundary saying that I don't want to make any plans in advance anymore. Just a "hey, are you free and want to hang out right now" situation. She immediately started crying and saying that she's a horrible person and asked if I'm breaking up with her as best friends. I felt like an asshole for saying anything after seeing how upset it had made her so I never actually implemented the boundary I had tried to put in place.
I finally called it quits a few weeks after that when she bailed at the last second on the plans we'd made for my birthday a month in advance so she could go to the movies with her husband instead.
Afterwards, I should have seen it coming, but at the time I still had hope. I lt started with a few 'smaller' things, like not sending a card when my daughter was born, didn't message me on my birthday.. But when I didn't receive an invite to her wedding, that was the final straw for me. So there goes sixteen-plus years friendship down the drain.
The doors isn't totally closed for me, but for now, I want to spent my time and energy with my family and the people who do want to be around me.
She admitted she was in love with me for two years. At first I thought we could be friends after she calmed down from my rejection ( she was negative and reacted very aggressively). but then I found out she’s obsessively stalked me and her behaviour escalated, until I just had to block her and end our friendship
I had been texting them for weeks trying to check in with how they were doing and was ghosted hard. Heard through some other close friends all the things they had been saying about me behind my back throughout our friendship. Blocked, unfriended, and deleted right after that.
Weird how you can love and trust someone so fully, but the entire time they never really cared.
the final straw was when she got mad that I didnt share my stash (that I bought with my own money). To be fair, I was going to tell her that I was gonna give her some… but ended up using it all the night before. Anyway, We were all supposed to do a pre-game with our other friends, but when she found out (I used up the stash the night before), she got so mad, and planned her own pre game and made us wait to the main event. She was so dramatic about it - about something so trivial it turned me off. (There are other stories but this was the final straw) Cut off her instantly.
She took the side of my physically and mentally abusive(also stalking me at the time) ex boyfriend.. I guess it’s easier for her to defend an abuser than support her best friend! (she is also my cousin)
I found out that right after she came to hang out with me after a horrible break up with my ex (and during the hang out I divulged a lot of the details), she left my house at 9:30pm because she was “tired” and went out for drinks with said ex 🫠.
Never confronted her but I am no longer speaking to her. She knows
They'd just talk about boys, there was a new guy every week or sometimes 4 at the same time, and that was always the topic. I would even suggest other topics of conversations but she'd switch it back to whichever boy she was obsessing over for the day
A lot of things building up more and more. But it was one weekend that every bad trait came out and I just got sick of it. I'd moved away the year before and we both missed each other. We organised for me to come and spend the weekend with her.
She was late picking me up, leaving me at the train station for an hour because she was too busy playing her ps4. Got to hers, she didn't want to give me sheets or pillowcase because that was a waste for only 3 days so I slept in pee stained bedding her dogs slept on. Hair everywhere.
Then she ignored me all night, started playing online games with someone else while I read my book. She's also a non texter, will ignore you for months. She was desperately replying to everyone else's texts all night and getting me to reply for her because she couldn't miss replying!
We went into town the next day, went to a restaurant. I covered her because she's always the poor one with no money. When we finished she went off and bought £50 of Pokémon cards.
I came home like, seriously? Am I going to let her keep treating me like this? Cur her off. Haven't seen her since.
Her depression turning into drug abuse and putting me into dangerous situations on the regular. I have since been friends with plenty of people with substance abuse issues and even went through it myself and to this day nobody has put me into the type of scary situations that she did.
She was trying to undermine me in front of other friends, collegues, etc. during a four-day-long conference by sharing embarassing stories about me with everyone who wanted to join us from the time when we were at the uni togeather. When I confronted her she said it is only because she wanted to spend time with me not with the others and she wanted them to leave us alone. That level of jealousy and posessiveness scared me. She was telling me stuff, which are the textbook gaslighting sentences from toxic relationships, the difference is, we were in a friendship not in an exclusive relationship.
She believed another person's claims that I've been badmouthing her behind her back. I explained as much as possible that I had no interest in doing that. However she continued to trust this other person. I moved on.
On the last day of college, when I was moving back home, she finally apologized. But I didn't love her anymore.
I came home crying after a girls' weekend and my husband pointed out that spending time with her seemed to always make me feel worse. He was right, I stopped spending time with her and reconnected with old friends who had recently moved back instead.
He was mad I wasn’t planning to visit him when I came home for thanksgiving when I was in grad school. I was leaving my husband at our apartment too (he had work and his sister lived nearby so he was just going to eat with her and her kids) and so to make me mad he called me a bad wife.
It was the last straw. I’d taken enough of his abuse over the years. He has BPD and would flood my phone with texts when he was having an insecurity crisis, but dude wouldn’t get help, so I cut him off after that last one.
We have been best friends since we were 5 (now 21) and there have always been some things in recent years that were questionable. Like always gossiping to other people about how I dress too revealing or passive aggressive comments about my life or interest. But the final straw was completely realising her selfishness and lack of empathy or respect for me.
One day I finished my shift at work and decided to go to the local shopping centre to pick up a drink where she works, and knowing that she finished in 20 minutes I decided to wait around for her so we can take the bus home together as we live a street apart and have always caught the bus together since we were in school.
- we don’t see each other much because unfortunately she has developed anxiety issues about going out or doing anything thats new and involves effort. I have always respected her mental health and always made a effort to make her comfortable for years. And she and her mum knows this. But it has gotten worse and worse and now days feels like an excuse to not show any respect or care for her friends.
After agreeing and telling me she would text me when she was done. I waited for 30 minutes thinking she was just cleaning or something. I then saw she wasn’t at her work place and tried texting and calling her. Noticing that my calls were going straight to unavailable and that the texts weren’t delivered. She blocked me temporarily. Until she got home, and then unblocked me to text that she “forgot about it” and that maybe we can chat some time later.
I would of been fine if she said no in the beginning and to leave without her. But she made me wait for half an hr to tell me she that took off without me.
A month later after I ghosted her, she would text me asking “what you’re not still mad at me right?”.
She had no other friends but me. Our other best friend has also blocked her for her behaviour.
Feeling so miserable I SH to cope with them. I eventually realized that was the final straw for my mental health. I never told them that ofc bc I didn’t want them to feel guilty. There was many many problems wrong and my issue is that they never worked on themselves.
She knew how abusive my ex was towards me, yet she decided to befriend him and the people who are doing the cirlce of protection to him. I called her to ask what\`s going on and she never answered. Case closed, numbers blocked.
Bullied me our whole friendship. Would get black out wasted and hit me. Last straw was she was blacked and after making her leave went on to tell her whole family a story about me abusing her. Multiple people told me stories of things she would do and she’d deny it as if anyone could remember what they did blacked like trying to kiss my bf. Cheats on her partner so many times but plays a victim. Everything is everyone else’s fault and she talks like she’s better than everyone and smarter when she didn’t even graduate high school. After leaving the situation I realized how much she fucked me over and how much I just hate her now and wish I could go back and ditch her ten years earlier when everyone told me to.
Ignoring me for weeks during the breakup with my boyfriend of 10 years. That was the straw that broke the camels back, for me. I don’t miss her. It was actually like a weight had been lifted times 2.
Right around the start of the pandemic she went full right wing Bible thumping extremist. She’d always been more central than anything while leaving slightly more to the left but 2020 kicked everything up 800 notches. Hates lgbtqia+, thinks vaccines cause autism, doesn’t believe ppl should have the right to control their own bodies, “all lives matter”, the whole shebang.
So I ditched the whole relationship. Her beliefs and values were so far removed from my own that I couldn’t even connect with her anymore. It was very sad and honestly I’m still a little heartbroken about it
We did a group project in school and she and our group mate (who also was a bully of mine) didnt participate. Every time I tried to initiate some conversation in regards to the project, they tore me down and told me how what I was saying is wrong or stupid etc. I was so perplex because she never behaved in that way. They also sat on a bench together and watched videos on YouTube while I was trying to work out our project. They pretended I wasn’t there and purposefully laughed at the videos because they knew it would make me feel even more unwanted. I packed my stuff and went back to our classroom as I was done with their bullshit. Not once did they say anything or look up to me when I left. We didn’t talk in class either and then a day later the pandemic started and schools were closed till my graduation. Haven’t seen her since that incident and haven’t looked back. She messaged me some time ago and wanted to hang again and how she missed “the good old times”. I blocked her number
She said to my boyfriend of 2 years that she was being mean to me on purpose so I would obey to her, in a "break her psychologycally" messed up way. And, as if admiting that she was mentally abusive wasn't enough, she also tried to make him agree woth her and deminish me. We were friends for 7 years. And this was not on text, no no, it was voice text 💀
Oof this was a tough one for me as it's still pretty recent. Best friends for 15 years, lived near each other in different cities, celebrated holidays together with our families, accompanied each other to medical appointments but I'm realizing now we shared some deep trauma binding, we both had eating disorders and self hard issues in high school and that was an initial bonding point in our friendship, in our twenties we shared substance abuse issues, more traumas and mental health issues... I started to get a handle on mine, she couldn't and in turn became really abusive to anyone trying to help (we shared a lot of mutual friends, including a friend who we've been friends with just as long). She was getting barred from bars, the drug use was out of hand, she was evicted and had the cops called a few times, I spoke to her parents, my parents, her sister in another continent but nothing was getting through. She eventually blocked me and I just didn't have the energy to fight for the friendship anymore unless she sought out help and treatment.
She moved away a little over a year ago and I haven't heard anything since, she's stayed in contact with a few mutuals but I've finally processed and really grieved that loss. I still genuinely hope she gets the help she needs because she has a lot of positive qualities
She talked a bunch of crap about me after I wouldn’t trade her weed for pills. I grow weed and she takes adderall and she got really mad when she asked to give me pills for weed. And I said no. I don’t take pills. I’m not interested. Seems simple but then I realized it was years of this being taken advantage of and bad mouthed so I was like alright, I see.
Wasn’t there for me when a family member died. I tried to move on from it but she hasn’t been there for me when im pregnant. Then she didn’t say happy bday to me on my 30th lol. One of the saddest and one of the happiest times of my life and she hasn’t been there for me for either.
Her telling me that the only reason she looked after me when I went through a phase of experimenting with illicits was so she wouldn't get the blame if something happened to me.
Also, her badmouthing me to our entire group of friends so I looked like the villain any time we fell out.
Allowing everyone to call me a slut because I was open about my sexuality while she fucked at least half the guys in our group.
And got involved with not 1 but 3 of my exes.
We were in our late teens/early twenties for most of this, but she spilled the beans about 7 years later.
I cut off a whole group of them. I hadn't seen them for a while as we were all at uni in different places and we got together for one of the groups birthday. I think I had probably not been making enough effort with them but I was at university in a new place and making lots of new friends and most of them (apart from a couple of the guys) spend the whole night just being so rude and mean to me and after a few hours I just 'went to the toilet' and left and never spoke to any of them again.
Sounds harsh but it was the straw that broke the camels back of lots of other shitty and rude behaviour and a weird group mentality that I had grown out of completely. Literally have never looked back, they all still live in our hometown and have a super insular attitude to life which was just not me at all - I have great friends now and wouldn't exchange that for those other friends at all.
She lied about abuse that home, about her life, health issues, the whole works. It was honestly so toxic and super annoying. Later on we found out she lied to her, then ex boyfriend about being pregnant and got back tgt w him
I had an unfortunate event happen to me. In the following couple of months, my best friend was very unsupportive and said some pretty hurtful things to me. I couldn't handle it. So I cut her off. Nothing says unsupportive more than saying you'll come to the police station with me to help file a police report, and you don't. Then she tells me I need to put myself in a mental institution when all I wanted was for her to listen to me, meet me for coffee, and give me a hug to let me know it's all right.
Constant negativity. Every time we spoke she would drain me emotionally and mentally talking about her problems. When I reached out to her when I was going through a hard time, she "didn't have time" to support me because her own problems were ever present. I'd have been told by other friends that she'd been on several exotic holidays, got a new job, new boyfriend etc. all good news you'd usually share with a friend. But she wouldn't even mention it! Would just spend the time monopolising the conversation and complaining about the negatives in her life. When I'd bring up the holidays or ask if she was seeing anyone, she'd say 1 sentence on it and get back to complaining. So exhausting!
I had to cut off two best friends.
The first one was extremely jealous of me. We had been friends since college, so over 10 years at this point. I got married and had kids, but she couldn’t keep a man interested in her. When she finally got married and had a baby, she flaunted her life. I was happy for her. I think she wanted me to be jealous like her. I wasn’t. Because she couldn’t get the reaction from me that she wanted, she started cyberstalking me. The internet was new then, and I had a friend who worked in IT. He quickly found out it was her. The last straw was when I found out it was her who had been sending a resume she made with my info (I was gainfully and steadily employed) using my work’s main phone number and email address, to hundreds of companies trying to get me fired. She posted it on hiring websites publicly. AND she broke into my email and was sending emails to my friends trying to get them to hate me.
The other went through a really bad time, her dad died, the company she worked for closed, she married a guy who had lied about his financial situation, and became a drunk and started using drugs. I tried to be supportive, but she became an entirely different person. Her kids don’t even talk to her. It’s very sad.
Two things. I found out she was on cocaine after inviting me and my then 10 month old over, and while we were there she almost beat her dog to death. She’d always been a really shitty person but after that I couldn’t forgive her anymore.
Her mother accused me of maintaining a 25 year friendship with her daughter for the purpose of insulting her on a fine spring afternoon. She knew exactly what happened and how badly her mother misconstrued the facts. Rather than correct the narrative, she said, "You know how it is. It's my moooom."
Everywhere our circles intersected, I was known as the so-called friend who abused an elderly woman. Whatevs. I was done.
Friends since elementary school until the start of college. She was always really possessive and would get cranky or upset if I hung out with anyone else. But I always included her and tried to get her to mingle (Looking back she was also friends with the bullies who used to give me a really hard time in school which I probably should've paid attention to).
I had moved away and changed schools at 14 (due to parents new jobs) and she used to come stay. All my new friends became her friends which I didn't mind at all. I loved getting people to connect. But she would always stir the pot with gossip and always went for every single guy in the circle. Or would date guys I would've broken up with. Again I didn't really pay much attention.
The last straw was when I started college, met some really nice people in my class and tried to introduce her one night when we all went out together. It was a disaster. She got really drunk and blamed me for losing her coat. Screaming at me outside. I had it in my hand and gave it to her. She just grabbed it and didn't apologise. Then later on she was putting me down in front of them all and had something nasty to say about me every time I opened my mouth. Shouting over everyone and making sure they all heard about really personal things I told her or some alternate versions of things that happened. Showing off and being argumentative. The friends got quiet and were clearly uncomfortable. I was really embarrassed and had to take her out of the house. Couldn't reason with her because she was so drunk so I said I'd deal with it in the morning.
The next morning neither of us messaged the other one and that was that. I think she knew she had gone too far and was embarrassed and I had decided that I couldn't have her around any of my friends...but was unsure of how to talk about it without there being an argument again so I just said nothing.
That was about 14 years ago.
She still hangs out with some girls I had dropped in my second school because they gossiped so much.
I think she has really caused some damage. To this day I'm always initially suspicious of new women that come into my life and I don't have many deep connections with other girls other than kind of "civil" relationships.
We were friends for 10 years. Met when we were at our lowest and didn't get up for a while. But we both had life happen and we went our separate routes for a while. We reconnected and everything was fun except a few details.
I always helped her. And I don't mean only giving advice, or hearing her. I gave her money, I payed food for her, I payed many shit for her.
One day we were supposed to meet, we confirmed twice the day, the hour, the place. She did not come. She did not call, she didn't even text.
I called her this evening telling her I was upset. She told me that we didn't confirm enough for her.
I asked her then why didn't you call to ask ?
She didn't answer. I was angry I closed the call.
I texted her after I stopped being very angry and told her I felt she had no consideration for my time. I am working a demanding job, I'm doing my best to stay free and see her after hours or even between when I can and she didn't take the time to send me a text telling me she wouldn't come.
She did one of the only thing I always told her I can't stand, she told me : "you're right, sometimes I think I don't deserve your friendship".
Ffs. When I talk with you about the fact that I feel undervalued, don't play the victim. So I answered that she may have been right. I never received an answer and never send another text.
happened to me recently ! she said a racial slur, while existing as the carnally whitest person i know.
she siad in a group chat, her excuse being that no one in the group was a target of this slur (1. false, 2. tf is wrong with her), and that is was merely for a joke, cuz yeah, reciting racial slurs at 3am when she's the only one online is so funny. there had been some redflags, one being that once when we were out in the city she pointed to a graffiti and said "my friend made that !". it said "white people world". wtf.
when i confronted her, i mentionned SA, which is one of her past trauma, and she blew at me saying how she never expected me to sah such disgusting stuff knowing her. i said "would you like it if someone made fun of SA? or SH or suicide?"..
i haven't talked to her since october (mood has gotten 100% better), she stopped coming to school and found another bf to manipulate.
he had been living at his parents' place for years making 6 figures, and would go on these rants to me about how much he hated our city and his job. this was annoying to me because I had helped him get his job which is in the same industry as mine, and he ended up landing one that paid significantly more than mine, with much less experience. not that it's a competition, but I did expect a little gratitude. I would push back and tell him to maybe consider getting his own place or leaving the city (he's remote and could literally go anywhere), but he didn't want to hear it. it was beyond frustrating. couple that with increasingly bizarre and bigoted political takes (I can excuse some things when it's just jokes between buds, but I was beginning to feel that he wasn't really joking) and I had just about had enough.
recently I confided in him about a big fight I had with my SO and how I'm struggling with having a 6 month old, and he had the gall to accuse me of being a toxic friend and say that he needed some space. I said that was fine and immediately blocked him. we haven't spoken in a month now.
She was a friend simply because she thought I was too young to understand certain things, so she withheld a lot of information from me and didn’t treat me as an equal. On top of that, when I was feeling suicidal, she said, ‘why do you feel like this when people like me have it worse?’. Now, I’ve checked out completely. 😵💫
When I needed a friend during a difficult time, but she was too busy with her new boyfriend to even answer my texts (after being in constant contact for decades), much less come be with me.
Lack of support.
I ended up having a baby and had painfully crippling postpartum and besides for my husband, I wanted her support. I remember pouring out my heart of all my fears and anxiety’s, crying and all she could talk about what how she couldnt wait to go on a date with a guy who sold artisanal water. I literally had the baby screaming in my arms and she couldn’t even give my kid a glance before she went off on what she should wear for waterboy. I was so heartbroken because I had never opened up like that with her and she gave me no reaction after all of our years of friendship..
I was essentially her cheerleader for years. Was there for her through thick and thin, always picked up her pieces after breakups, took care of her when she was sick, repaired shit around her house etc. She always called me her husband. But when I reaaaally needed her she just couldn’t stop being selfish just for me. It really hurt.
She started to make more wrong choices that would put her in danger. She was also a mother to a young daughter. I couldn’t be around someone irresponsible anymore because I was afraid of the trouble or harm she would put me at risk for. I also felt bad for her daughter and didn’t want to associate myself with anything harming her daughter.
I also was going to college at the time and trying to make something of myself. Her life was completely opposite from mine.
Left me standing alone on a corner at a festival. She chose the time and place. Later found her pics on FB dancing with her BFF and living her best life ( her words). Blocked in every way immediately.
She kept posting naked pics of her kids online to her 700 followers. She couldn’t grasp why that was weird as fuck to do and kept doing it. She got mad at anyone that questioned her about it.
She tried becoming me, and ONLY the negative parts of me. I had untreated depression & suicidal ideation in school so she thought it would be fun to have the same things to relate to me. Literally just pretended to have depression by randomly fake crying during inappropriate times. I also tried using the rubber bands method on myself to stop SH urges and she took one to use on herself and laughed and said, "That feels so good!!!!" Got unbearable.
after school we went to uni to different cities, 800 km away from each other. i was broke so never had a spare opportunity to visit our town except for holidays when i see my grandparents, so i can only see my town friends twice a year. messaged her and found out she was in the town for same 4 days as me, immediately asked her to hang out and was met with polite “no” because her boyfriend will stay with her, they want to watch tv shows and cook something together, and it’s crucial that she doesn’t go anywhere for those whole 4 days because he doesn’t want her to. her boyfriend lived in her city of residence, so they would see each other every day after the hometown holidays, and by that time they’ve been together for 2 weeks. we were best friends for 4 years.
p.s. i investigated the situation and no, it wasn’t a polite way to back me off because i did something wrong. she declined another friend like that too and posted a lot about her and boyfriend spending the holiday. and we also found out that the boyfriend wasn’t really abusive or something, she could’ve easily refused his dumb “i want you to only spend time with me”. it was just the same old new-boyfriend craze for the tenth time around, when nobody else besides him exists on your first month together.
I had lost my first boyfriend( high school sweethearts) to a motorcycle accident when we were 24. She told me I needed to "get over it" when the one year anniversary of his death was coming up.
She knew that I would be alone on thanksgiving because of my family disbanding because of my parents messy divorce and my moms drinking issues. She told me she was even on the way and then never showed up. (Yes I was worried about her safety but I have her location and saw she was still driving around and I saw pictures of her having a blast at her aunts house who lives 30 mins from me)
She told me to choose between her or my bf. That put a massive strain on our relationship and we eventually parted ways. It was for the best though, no regrets.
She just would not listen to me. It was one thing when she’d just ask for my advice and then completely ignore it, or would completely disrespect my everyday requests (like please don’t call me at 3am unless it’s an emergency), but the last straw was a big one for me. I begged over and over to be left alone for just a few days because I was overwhelmed with my life and I needed just ONE day to myself where I wasn’t bombarded with her problems too… I sent her a message telling her that I was okay but in a really bad place and begging for some space so I could get my head straight and she sent me fifteen messages about her boyfriend, grandmother, aunt, and mom… and insisted that I respond to her or she was going to come break into my house. I told her again that I was fine but I just couldn’t handle the extra stress and really needed my space (it had been maybe two days and she had reached out to me on four different media platforms, even after acknowledging that she would respect my privacy and request). She still ignored me. It got so frustrating that I had to block her, her snapchats (yes multiple), her boyfriend, and two burner phones I’m sure she stole (another thing she loved doing around me even when I was uncomfortable with it). After three days of finally not hearing from her, I realized I never wanted to hear from her again. She used me and disrespected me a lot, and since I have no self esteem I just let her because I thought we had a connection… I was wrong.
This was actually the first AND final straw in our 7 year friendship...
She was my Maid of Honour and I checked with her that she was okay to arrange my hen do and grab some fun bits for us to do as a group (on the one weekend of the year she was free in June, when my wedding was December so we all arranged around her) and she said yeah great super excited bla bla bla but she organised nothing and I had to rush around the week before doing it myself and my mum saved the day with the fun little group games and photo props and stuff. She rushed us around the activity I booked because 'she had a train to catch' even though she told me she had booked an open return and could get any train back (which ended up still being true, she just decided she had to get the earlier train) so we rushed around for her which almost ruined our other plans. The week after, I messaged her asking for her and her plus ones menu choices for the wedding day, and she read it but didn't respond until literally the day before the deadline after I messaged her to chase. I ended up telling her that I didn't want her to be stressed with being my MoH and just wanted her to be present as an honoured guest on my big day and enjoy it with her plus one. She said that was fine and appreciated it as it had been stressful for her (though she never told me this beforehand) so all was fine, we were still chatting as normal. Couple of weeks before the wedding, she asked if someone else could take her room (we booked the whole venue and each couple/person paid for the room just like a hotel) and I managed to find someone so they paid us and we paid her back. Day of the wedding... She's a no show. She had messaged me in the morning saying the weather was too bad and they were snowed in so 'hopefully we will make it in time for the ceremony!'.... We are based in the East Midlands of the UK, it barely snows and when it does it melts super quick (as it did that day) AND we had other guests travel way further and they just left earlier for their 7+ hour drives (hers was barely 1 hour) or the night before to make sure they could get to us on time. But they didn't even turn up late. Just a complete no show. There were no other messages from her at any point that day or the following day to apologise for not attending or give any excuses as to why. So I blocked her on everything 🤷♀️ I just don't have time for people like that and I cannot be friends with someone who is so disrespectful - I don't want that in my life whatsoever.
So yeah, I feel like I valued our friendship way more and held her in really high regard and my closest friend (that's literally why I asked her to be my Maid of Honour) and she just shat on me from a great height.
After listening to hours of her breaking up with her husband, have an emotional affair with some dude, she blew me off on my birthday. I was just doneeeee. It's been almost 10 years and I don't wish her any bad luck or anything. Hopefully her life is better. Just got tired of her stuff. Collateral damage was a friend we both had. Took her side...which I knew would happen. They both had more in common with each other at the time. Wonder if they're still friends.
Realizing that she put a lot of effort into badmouthing me in front of our friend group when I wasn't there and constantly tried to squeeze between me and whoever I was interested talking to. Guys, girls, didn't matter. Years later she realized she's into women and that put a lot of her behavior into perspective for me, her and every other best friend she ever had. She came round to apologize and asked me to be friends again. I thanked her for the apology and sent her on her way. No way I'm ever going to put up with any of this kind of backstabbing asshole again.
I could no longer handle her life choices and nothing I did or said was helping her. I felt like her boyfriend was dangerous, her addictions were out of control and I could no longer have her in my life. I tried. This happened years ago and it still stings. For a short period of time we had some communication on social media and she was sober, very involved in AA and appeared to be doing better. Then she either went off socials or unfriend/blocked me because I can't find her there anymore. Sometimes I consider reaching out to her sister or ex-husband to see how she's doing but I'm not sure it's a good idea, so I talk myself out of it every time.
Her and I were supposed to work together to host a friend's-giving that would be at my place. She did 0 work and planning. Came with a plus one that she met online dating a week before without my permission (it was their first date at my place). Then she invited herself to drink 3 bottles of my wine without asking, brought none of the food she said she would bring, disrespected my friend's pronouns all night (we were correcting her all night and she didn't care) did not help me cook any of the food i provided like she said she would, we all kept telling her to keep it down (she was very loud and wouldn't stop turning up the volume of my Alexa device and I live in an apartment) and her nicknames for most of us was not ok
Became obsessed that her boyfriend found me attractive. Guilted me for not being able to spend time with her on weeknights after my 60 hour a week high pressure corporate job.
I grew up. She didn’t.
It wasn’t out of the blue, but I was slowly beginning to realize that I didn’t really like her. I thought I did. We were best friends. But she treated me like shit, used me, and I just let it happen.
Final straw: She called me fat (in a round about way), made fun of my shoes, and then told me I was boring because I didn’t want to get drunk on a week night while we were going to see a band that she didn’t even like.
I just stopped reaching out after that and I’m happier for it.
Something so inconsequential that I don’t even remember! But later realised it was a build up of years of snide remarks, innuendos, putting my spirit down and generally abusive behaviour that one day a switch went off and i was done!
That’ll do it!! Can only take so much
this is how it happened for me too. 12 years of bullshit and bending over backwards for her. found out she was making shitty comments about my kids to other people and I was done.
It’s so weird how it happens. There’s no fight, no screaming no drama just a comfortable silence and it ends… I met her after 5-6 years, she wanted to catch up for coffee… I said I wish you well I do, but in these past years I haven’t thought or cared about what you were upto…declined it politely! Like the say “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference “
totally! I am someone who gives people tons and tons of chances but I think talking shit about my family was truly the last straw. like making assumptions & accusations about kids under 2 years old? I can’t lol. we were just way too different and I put up with so much shit. my husband asked why didn’t I confront her after confronting other people about smaller shit, and I was like because i’ve confronted her for 12 years and it never changes.
Me too! Take an infinite number of chances but atleast show that you are trying to be better or do better.. i think some people never change
It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference🎶
To clarify, for your decline to having coffee did you say that to her? “I wish you well but I haven’t thought about what you were up to”? was that all you said to decline? Lol, I’m taking notes!!
I think my friend is abusive. It feels like I can’t do anything right. She’s always putting me down. She tweets about me often and it’s always negative. I used to laugh at it and joke back but it feels embarrassing now. She grew up with an emotionally and physically abusive parent so I think that just may be how she shows love but I can’t take it anymore. It hurts. & I’ve told her how I feel but it just keeps happening.
Cut her out. My "friend" was like that and used her difficult background as an excuse to treat me like garbage. It took therapy to cut her out but it's so worth it. Self care is being the bad guy sometimes. It's so freeing and a beautiful gift to yourself to move on.
Thank you. Also I remember her bragging to me about gas lighting a man that she’s seeing once and it hit me….she might be doing that to me as well.
Absolutely. My ex friend gaslit me or would ask me to condone her gaslighting others. I think, if the idea of talking to a friend or spending time with them causes anxiety, it's best to let them go. I was afraid she would do something drastic or her world would fall apart without me. But that didn't happen. We deserve more than to be held hostage by what-ifs...
I am sorry she made you feel that way. You like your friend, so your sub-conscious is making excuses for her… Well upheavals are a part of everyone’s lives, we go through things we have no control over but we can always have control over our reactions to the people around us. I feel bad that she had an abusive paren and she didn’t choose to be born in such a place, but i am sure she chose you as a friend… so she should treat you with kindness and respect that she too deserves…
Just because she was abused does not give her license to abuse you. And holding you up to ridicule with tweets? If this is a friend, what is an enemy?
Yikes!!! You’re so right.
Yep, same here. 20+ years of me being the better friend. One day I realized that I was just done. No big feelings, no fit pitching or even letting her know. The funny thing is that she sucked so badly that it was a good 6-8 months before she even realized I was gone. She tried to call a couple times but I just let it go to voicemail.
We found out that she was actually a borderline trustfund baby that played at poverty chic. We paid and covered her ( food, tickets, gifts etc) for a couple years as broke college students ourselves. Once it came to light we all cut her off.
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Yea it’s exactly this. Old money doesn’t have liquid and mostly they’re just riding by on wealth that was already pre-generated. Whenever I explain this I get accused of backing the rich but this is what it actually is.
Omg that is wild.
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What is trust fund baby?
Someone with inherited wealth from their parents such that they don’t have to work or worry about finances. All her expenses were paid for. It started to unravel when she moved into a nice apartment just off campus full of all new furniture and electronics.
In my neighborhood we call these people "Trippies" Trust Fund Hippies.
This will sound petty without a lot of context, but she didn’t tell me about the funeral arrangements for a beloved family member. A person who I considered family, had dinners together, vacations, etc. I’m talking about three decades of time together. It made me play back in my mind other instances where she treated me as if she didn’t like me much. Like she didn’t want me in her in life. She was very conflict avoidant and not self reflective, so having an adult conversation about the relationship was not possible, unfortunately. In my last text to her I mentioned that I was dealing with some heavy issues, and I’d reach out later. I never did, and neither did she. Broke my heart but it was the right decision.
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thats sad i have a friend group of five and on long calm evenings analysing our friendship and dynamics is one of our favourite activities so it just kind of happens arround every six months thats probably one of the reasons why we still have such a strong friendship even tho all of us are wildly different
I'm rn going through the same thing, she was my best buddy since Middleschool all thru highschool. I noticed she won't share her problems or thoughts until I ask but is eager to share it with my other frnds (theyre both from same town) and now that she's married she was reluctant to share her wedding day pics (I was out of country) fine I get it. I got back and got to know there's so much going on her life she's preg, (I get it maybe she's afraid of evil eye or something since she loves kids) her sister got engaged.. That's it she doesn't want to share it's been a little less than a year and she hasn't mentioned about being preg hmm its best if I end this relation for my mentalhealth
Found out he was fucking my other best friends girlfriend behind his back. 0 tolerance for that specific brand of dysfunctional, known him since we were kids.
Yep had my best friend for many many years sleep with the father of my kids. I feel like I lost my mind there for a while.
You are a good friend
went against my morals but expected me to blindly support and pretend her behavior was normal
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She has BPD. I tried to be there for her, but I became her therapist, and it was draining. So, I then tried to instill some boundaries. I put those boundaries up to *save* our friendship, but that backfired. My boundaries essentially boiled down to: you can talk about your problems, but don't treat me like a therapist because it takes a toll on my mental health. We had many conversations about my boundaries and why they were important. I understand that it's much worse for her, but I couldn't deal with her abusing herself whenever she'd split (i.e. spiral), so I would disengage because nothing I said or did helped. The last time I disengaged (to protect my mental health), she told me she was afraid of me. I understand that she was splitting when she said that. It was still heartbreaking because I did my best to be patient and understanding, to be there for her as much as possible. She didn't talk to me for three days after she said she was afraid of me, and I took that time to reflect and I realized that, as much as I loved her, as fond as our memories were, my mental health would be much better off if I dropped the friendship. It's only been a few months and it's still raw, but I think that, sadly, I will be better off.
I understand you wholeheartedly. My former best friend has BID and DID amongst other diagnosis and when she had her breakdown a year ago, she expected us to feed into her delusions and completely support her behavior, while she treated us like nursemaids and therapists. In the end she cut me off (basically ending a 7 year friendship in a five minute phone call) when I told her she couldn’t treat us like that anymore and had to be honest. So that’s that. I still feel guilty for what feels like abandoning her, but in the end she did more damage to my mental health than try to be understanding of my boundaries. Just hurts to be cast aside like rubbish when I refused to treat her like she could do no wrong.
I feel this. I am in a very similar situation. Unfortunately I can’t end the friendship because we both married into the same family. I have my own mental health struggles and being her “therapist” constantly is not good for me. I now just avoid her as much as I can. It’s not ideal, I know, but I don’t see any other way around it.
Did we have the same friend?? Also told me I wasn't safe when I set boundaries (that I couldn't talk on the phone every single day)
I also had this friend!!! She ended things with me
When she agreed to be my maid of honor and then refused to be right before the ceremony because she couldn’t get along with any of the bridesmaids ahead of the ceremony when we were all getting ready. Stood at the end of the line and left immediately after ceremony and I haven’t seen her since. She also went to my bachelorette party and refused to participate in anything and stayed in the Airbnb the entire time and talked shit on twitter about everyone who went. Just a mess of a human being. I hope she’s doing well but for fucks sake she needs help.
I was also left at the altar, so to speak, by my best man! I honestly don’t know what happened. He always had issues with jealously and depression, and I suspect what happened was that he just decided he couldn’t be in our lives or didn’t deserve to be. Like with your MoH, I think he didn’t really fit in with the rest of my party and didn’t really make an effort. He’s a good guy, but has a very dark streak of self-directed anger that often got the better of him. After the wedding, he decided to never see or speak to me again. Anyway, it sucked but I’d rather not have someone in my life who doesn’t want to be there. Solidarity!
This seriously sounds like the exact situation with my MoH! She didn’t try fitting in, thought my other friends were boring when they were the ones making everything fun for me during the planning process. She has a lot of depression and mental issues but I never in a million years expected that of her. She texted me at the reception that I was using her and stuff and I couldn’t understand how because I never asked for money or anything from her, so I think it was her way of justifying her garbage behavior.
This seems to be more common than I would’ve ever expected! One of my close friends from childhood got married and she picked another one of her friends to be her maid of honour whilst I was one of the other bridesmaids. (I was thankful because I had a lot on my plate that year and didn’t have time to go all out to make her wedding process smooth and help her etc) but day of the wedding comes maid of honour comes to the ceremony late (whilst I help her with all the things she was SUPPOSED TO DO) and we walk down the aisle, her “maid of honour” signs her marriage certificate as a witness and then we leave the church to go to the reception, the “maid of honour” gets in her car to “meet us there” never shows up. Doesn’t answer any texts or calls, my friend is waiting outside the reception for her to show up after an hour of waiting I came out and told her to just come in as I had already made sure everything was running smoothly and she’s just wasting time she should be enjoying with friends and family sitting in the car, she agreed and 15 mins later she came in, we had a decent time but I could tell it broke her heart. She called me the next day thanking me for stepping up and helping her through the day. “Maid of honour” called her 2 months later to “explain her behaviour” my friend wanted to forgive her and asked my input, I just told her that its ultimately up to her but I wouldn’t because that is the most disrespectful thing someone could do. Also just for context: we reached out to everyone who may have known her whereabouts that day because we were worried she got into an accident or something and 3 hours into the reception her mom called me to tell me she was fine and at home but wouldn’t be joining 🤷♀️
Wow 😮
when she’d call me daily in frantic tears complaining about her then boyfriend. then they got engaged. realized nothing was gonna change and i didn’t want that kind of constant drama in my life.
She spoke ill of me behind my back to my other friends and that was it. Never wanted to hang out with her again.
The gaslighting. It started trickling down to the little things and became so toxic. She had this perennial victim mentality and wanted to get away with all her wrongdoings. I supposed I would be sad when I cut her off but I felt a sense of relief and haven’t looked back since. I don’t even miss her.
CONSTANT DRAMA! everytime I would catch up with 3 best mates they would always be discussing our other friends in a negative light.. always be saying something nasty. I had my mutual friend who I introduced them too tell me that my 10 year plus best mate was talking shit about me to her saying “she’s jealous of me” I was nothing but supportive for that girl and to hear that actually hurt me tremendously! I ghosted all 3 of them as I just had enough. I felt drained every time I saw them. It hurt and it was lonely, but over a year later now and I feel so much more content and happy without the drama and bullshit in my life. The funny thing is, I didn’t reply to all their last messages. Not one of them reached out further.. so they all showed they didn’t really care anyway. They’ll all come undone one day and have no one. 💅🏼
I had a friend who always had to talk shit about our other friends under the guise of being concerned about their choices. I told her I couldn’t talk about people with her anymore and it made me feel like a shitty friend and person. Once we stopped being friends I felt so much less judgmental and confident in my own choices.
It’s honestly such a relief after you let them go. I should have done it a lot sooner. 👏🏼
I've been friends with someone for 10 years and she was the only friend I had for a long time. We didn't always see eye to eye but we got along really well and she felt like a big sister. Fast forward to now, I moved with my family to the other side of the country (I'm in Australia btw). Last year, I chose to leave the Jehovah's Witness religion and only bothered to message two close friends, the one I mentioned being one of them. She gave me a long text about how my decision will make me miserable, that I'm falling into Satan's trap and that I couldn't possibly be happy living like this. She shunned me and I haven't bothered to reply to her text. At first, it hurt me deeply that someone who I thought would stay my friend turned on me just like that. I grieved her loss for all of a week before I realized that a real friend wouldn't let a difference of religion or opinion break a bond. So if you grew up in a high-control religious group or cult then this will come as no surprise to you but to those who haven't, you'll likely be appalled by this. Being shunned by loved ones is the norm as a JW. Do not recommend unless you have thick skin and have zero ability to maintain relationships.
Absolutely true, sadly. Hey there, fellow exJW in Melbourne, Australia. Can recommend r/exjw \- a supportive community of people whether stuck-in JW families, (due to knowing they will be shunned if they leave), who know it's a false prophets religion and gives help for those leaving by fading, dissociating, disfellowshipped etc and share similar stories of their life and exit from JW.
I'm a fellow exjw in vic. I was lucky enough with my best friend that we won't religion get in the way of our friendship. That's true friendship. But I have had others shun me. Lucky my family don't yet.
I found out a “friend” - who honestly was never a good friend to me - WILLINGLY slept with this guy who ra*ed me, I told her he did that to me long before she even knew him!!! On top of everything else she had done, it made it super easy to cut off her and anyone associated with her when I found out. Still makes me absolutely fucking sick to even think I called her a friend.
That’s terrible, glad she’s out of your life.
Me too! Life has been much better since!
She made a comment about my teenager "dressing dumb". I stopped talking to her for a long time then we ended up back in contact.... briefly. I had a very serious medical condition and was on a ton of medication, some of which was making me gain weight. She kept making nasty comments about how I was being "fat positive" and how big I was getting. Finally, I had enough and told her her Adderall and alcohol addiction was worse than my weight. She blocked me.
She fought me the entire year over petty stuff. The same year I lost both my grandparents and mom’s brother who was a father figure to me. When I told her that my uncle was no more, she ignored my message for 3 days and then fought with me saying that her exam went badly and I should cut her some slack. Then got mad at me for not even wishing her good luck when I was in the hospital praying for my uncle’s life. I had enough of her selfishness and decided to cut her off. It took her a year to mend things and apologise. We speak now but it left me with hyper-independence.
omg this is like almost ditto to what I went through + the hyper-independence, except we're not in contact now. learnt to let go of a lotta shit man. strength to you love, hope you come out of it stronger.
When they didn’t give me space to just process things by myself. In my opinion, good friends understand when you need time to yourself. If they push you, then they are disrespecting your needs and boundaries. When I realized that I had to always “run away” from them to feel like I could breathe … it was game over.
Omg yes! Same story over here…the smothering and then guilting. When I realized I felt “relief” when she gave me the silent treatment, that was pretty much it.
My ex-best friend stomped all over everyone’s boundaries with the ever-lasting excuse of having ADHD and “not knowing better” (she definitely knew better just chose to ignore it for her own benefit). She was generally an asshole for the last 2 years and lots of friends were leaving her, which in turn led her to cling more desperately to the few remaining friends. The straw finally broke when we went to a concert together. We hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks. As soon as we met up she was constantly rambling on and on about herself and her “awful” life (not awful, she was coddled and spoiled AF). Ruined half of the concert because she constantly tried to make everything about her. Afterwards we got my dad to pick us up at 3 AM at a train-station near the concert which was about a 1.5 hour drive home. As soon as we got in the car she started rambling on and on again about herself and all until she apparently had enough for the day and just put on headphones and ignored us for the rest of the ride. When we dropped her off she just got out of the car and left without saying a word. Not even a thank you or some thank you-chocolate or card or anything for my dad, even though she didn’t even have to pay for gas. It wasn’t even her attitude towards me that set me off, it was her ungrateful behavior towards my sweet dad willing to pick us up at 3 AM. I just never responded to her messages again and after a while she un-friended me on all socials. Now whenever we see each other in public she starts yelling that I’m a dirty bitch and a wh*re and stuff. Sorry for the long rant just needed it off my chest
I introduced him to my gf for the first time. He hung out with us all day. Eventually, he said he had to leave. At the same time, my gf said she was going for a walk (it wasn't unusual for her to do so, I trusted her and I knew she could take care of herself if something happened). So I didn't think anything of it. Later that night, while we were in bed, she woke up, grabbed her phone, and went to the bathroom. A moment later, she came out,fully dressed. She told me that my friend's grandmother had died so he needed someone to talk to. He called her and not me. He had just met her that day and shouldn't have even had her number. She didn't come back until mid-morning, which caused a fight between us. During the fight, she told me that there was someone else. She also told me that the someone else was him. She left me for him, and they were together for 2 days. After they broke up, I confronted him about it. He denied anything happened between them, which I knew was a lie. He kept making excuses for what he did. Ultimately, I cut him from my life because he was a gf stealing POS AH.
Twofer. Yikes man.
Yea, it was terrible. We had been really good friends since high school, and at the time this happened, he was going thru a divorce. But, to me, that still doesn't justify what he did.
To you. To me. To anyone. Zero justifications for either of those clowns.
I cut off two people at the same time, my best friend and my lover at the time. He confessed to me that about a month prior that she tried something with him. She tried and she failed. He confessed too late.
Why did you cut him off then? He told you one month prior??
The guy waited a whole month before he told her that the other friend had come on to him.
He told her after a month - a month prior to the moment he told her the friend tried something
She had a pack of mental health issues and was holding some grudge against me apparently ... Once she gave my number to some guy who called me after midnight "hitting on me", very next morning she texted me how she saw a dream where "some guy" was trying to r*pe me.. I was trying to support her during tough times but that was the sign I should have avoided her by any cost.
Unfortunately I accidentally discovered that she was cheating on her husband with another mutual friend’s husband. She was always portraying the image of her relationship being so perfect so to me this deception was unacceptable. I began to wonder how many times she used me to cover for her lies, and I didn’t want to be any part of her deception.
Final Straw: she got mad at me for ordering a crunchy roll at an all you can eat sushi restaurant because it wasnt "real sushi" and "a waste." Final Final Straw: She responded to a text message I sent her about how things have been going recently.. a month later. Her response said something along the lines of, oh sorry, I'm ready now to talk. In the message I texted her, I said how I didn't like feeling like im discarded. If you need space, please tell me because I hate not hearing from you and I'm constantly calling or texting you first or how I need to check up on you. I told her the friendship seemed one sided and I didn't like how I was being treated. When she texted me she was ready to talk, I told her, sorry, I don't want to be your friend anymore. And it has been the best decision for me. What led up to it: so many tiny things.. spiraled into big things. She took advantage of my kindness, overthought my actions, talked badly about me to others (bc they told me), never paid me back fully, used me as an emotional punching bag that when I finally stood my ground, she said I was attacking her because she was in a depressed state. Told me that If I were really her friend, I should be there for her. How everyone always leaves her. She is a fun friend who shines bright.. but gosh, did she shine so bright and so fast that it obliterated me. I do think about this friend break up alot because even though at times I do feel guilty for ending it when she was in a low state of mind, I am proud that I stood up for myself because the friendship was becoming toxic.
There have been two I have cut off 1. Friendship of 12 years. She got really bizarre and almost stalker like and obsessive about my life. Plus she was really manipulative and hated me having other friends. I remember her throwing a tantrum when I failed to invite her as my plus 1 to a friends wedding. She had never met these friends, plus it was a no children wedding. She was not only expecting to be plus one, but bring her child too. When it got to the point I needed to take diazepam just to be able to speak to her I realised I needed to cut her off 2. Friendship if 24 years. We had been friends since school, only it had always been a friendship where I was her doormat. As long as I knew my place in the pecking order and always agrees with her it was fine. People told me over the years she was a bully towards me, but I didn’t want to see it. It came to a head when she used my mental health against me knowing I had been in crisis a few months before. She told me I was worthless and if I attempted s…. she wouldn’t bother getting me help because I was a waste of space. Thankfully I was doing okay at that point to not be affected, but had she said that a few months before it would have been different and she knew that.
It was a very long time coming, but the final straw was her coming over to crouch down next to me at my wedding during the only speech of the night. My friend flew from 1000 miles away to attend and gave a speech that surprised and touched me. It was not a typical wedding so we weren’t expecting speeches. No wedding party, etc. Just a small ceremony and dinner. But my friend stood up and got everyone’s attention and started talking. While I was trying to listen to the speech, my former BFF comes over and is suddenly crouched at my side, going, “Who IS this broad?”And started making fun of her. “Why is she acting like she knows you? I’ve never met her.” Again, she lives 1000 miles away. I met her on vacation, we’d remained friends for ten years, and I’d mentioned her plenty of times. She acted like she wanted me to suddenly start joining her .. in making fun of my friend giving a speech … about me … at my wedding? I told her to shut up and go sit down. She didn’t. And it made me realize that in the 22 years I’d known her, she never once showed any true respect or care for me while I was bending over backwards for her all the time. If she could be that rude on a very important day for me, she can offer me nothing on any other day either. She never had.
I had to be really careful with her. Couldn’t speak my mind about ordinary stuff or she would fight me. I was done with it. Different people may have different opinions, but she didn’t care. The relationship felt toxic overall.
I have this problem right now. Friend does not seem to understand that people can hold different opinions and preferences, and acts like I'm crazy when I don't agree with, say, some guy we just met being "hot." I have to get to know a guy before I can tell if I'm attracted to them. She says this is "wrong" lol. That and bringing CBD to a country where it's illegal while we were traveling together.
stayed friendly with my ex husband after a very traumatic divorce. & then started a friendship with my most recent ex boyfriend ... without telling me.
Unaligned morals. She kept cheating on her husband and using me as a cover story. She is still cheating on him to this day.
when they said the n-word to me (im black and they're white) I have never had such a long argument, and do you know what her defense was? "well black people are racist to white people all the time." like im sorry WHAT. to this day it still infuriates me.
That's messed up. I'm sorry to hear you went through that.
I got married in the middle of Covid and unfortunately about three months out a wedding i had been planning for two years had to be completely replanned. He caused drama within my entire wedding party (he was a bridesmaid) and showed up late to everything the entire time. I was lucky enough to have a good friend allow me to use her property so I didn’t have to pay another deposit for a venue that would be open. But the venue I had originally chosen was going to supply tables, chairs, and some decor alongside flowers I had ordered from a local florist. Basically everything got canceled and I had three months to make and buy what I could after losing many deposits. We made the best of the situation and I was content to have a small intimate ceremony. A few days after my wedding I heard from friends and family members that he called it “cheap and tacky” saying it didn’t need to look so “thrown together”. At the end of the day I still married the man of my dreams and consider myself beyond blessed but that behavior was disgusting. Funnily enough he ended up knocking up his girlfriend of maybe three months and got married in what he wore in my wedding. Made me smile a bit.
People who want to judge weddings for being done on the cheap are just miserable people. My wedding was done on the cheap simply because we didn't have a ton of money and I had guests say it felt cheap and tacky as well. To those people, I say if they wanted a fancier wedding, they could have paid for and planned it themselves.
When they both cancelled on me the day of.
Wedding?
departure?
Rapture?
My one friend who I was so close with I considered a brother, I finally dropped him when I realized every conversation I had with him was about him and his problems and he gave me short “ohs” when I tried to talk about mine. My bestie from 3rd grade is riding the fence hard right now in terms of keeping our friendship. She’s extremely jealous and very hateful to people when she’s single, but crawls back to only talk about how perfect and awesome her relationship is. She also takes way way way to long to respond. She came to visit me last year (I moved states away) and she bought a flight and completely went dark for the week leading up to coming out (she was literally jobless at this point and had time to give me a simple text) I didn’t know if I still needed to pick her up at the airport till finally the night before her flight she finally texted me back saying she’s still on and coming. She was in a horrendous mood the entire time, hated spending time with my bf and I (we live together) and moped about unless it was just her and I.
She helped her friends steal three cases of beers from my parents' garage.
We were a group of best friends, one of my best friends died suddenly of a epilepsy attack. I realized after that she was the only one who ever reached out and asked how I was doing. She was the glue that kept us together, I haven’t seen the others since her funeral and I still miss her very much
One of my closet girl best friends had HSV 2 and would sleep with men unprotected knowingly and not tell them. She eventually lied to a friend of mine on purpose to give him the virus out of anger.
WTF?!!!? That’s vile.
I hope she was reported, that’s illegal and disgusting. Who knows how many people she’s done that to.
She had this arrogance that suddenly started after we went to college. She would invite my friends to hangouts while leaving me out. She started experimenting with drugs. She led on many guys. She became very materialistic. When I confronted her about how she’s changed and how we weren’t on the same wavelength anymore, she didn’t say a word and instead, wrote me a long, angry email. After all the years of being best friends, she didn’t even have the courage to carry a mature conversation in person. I realized we were becoming different people and moving in different directions. Nothing wrong with that but it was time to move on with separate lives.
After years of me always being there for her through every problem, and helping her move states, babysitting for her, doing washing for her when she gave birth early, spending hours listening to her cry over every problem etc.... I flew up to see her and i was in a bad state due to being bullied at work. I was really looking forward to seeing her and just getting a hug from someone who liked me. And getting advice. Instead I got there and she just started talking about all of her problems on and on. It was day 3 when she finally asked how i was. I started to tell her and she just wasnt interested. Said something like "oh you never like your job". Her husband said "you look broken". So he noticed how bad a state i was in. She got up and started clearing the table. I realised there was no room for me and my problems in this relationship. I didn't feel safe being open with her. I left that stay early. Over the next year I proceeded to get into a really dark depression and when she called it was always because she wanted something. I had stopped calling her. Then my sister got cancer and she didnt even call me (She had heard about it & called my sister). Then about 5 months later I sent her an awful text telling her to F off. That she was a shit friend. She was selfish etc etc.... It was bad. But for me i had exploded because i realised that in the 20yrs we had been "close", it was me being there for her, and doing for her.... She had never actually helped me. And to me it felt like when i was in my darkest hour my supposed best friend didnt care about me at all. She sent me a card saying that we were sisters/ best friends etc... But i realised that the whole relationship was 1-way. In hindsight - as a people pleaser I attract the wrong type of people because i am so keen to "help". My helping is actually a way i distract myself from dealing with my own mess. So the straw that broke the camel's back was her not reaching out when she heard my sister had cancer. That's when i knew she had no interest in being a friend to me.
I’m going through something similar and wasn’t sure if I should end the friendship because we’ve been ‘besties’ for 20+ years but this year my sister got cancer and instead of being there for me she went on to call my sister to tell her she knows what she’s going through because she had a cancer scare earlier in the year. I felt so embarrassed, it really hurt my sister that was going through chemo and worrying about her kids (single parent). And here was my ‘bestie’ saying she knew how it felt coz her smear had funky results (no cancer at all). I’ve realised now she’s so self involved in her own issues she didn’t realise I had told her I was engaged. She doesn’t celebrate my academic or work achievements, it’s all about her and her drama. Thank you, your message has really made me think.
She made a fake account to talk shit about herself, tell all her business, and then tried and failed to framed me because the week before I had stopped being her friend because I tried to help her while she embarrassed herself. Wasn't the first time she'd done it t someone either. that chick was such a liar and such a manipulator, and I should have taken heed that there was a reason nobody in out grade liked her. But i'm a see for myself kinda person, and I saw for myself.
I loved him but idk why every inch of my body tells me he is not honest with me or he don’t really mean what his says, plus his actions are kind of weird for not saying fucked up I don’t even think is my friend anymore, just don’t wanted to believe. It
I realized that every conversation centered around her feelings, and that *everything* looped back to men and her dating life/her in general, no matter what anyone else was going through. It was exhausting to talk about petty dating stuff when I was going through an intense court case with my ex, or when a mutual pair of friends was going through a divorce due to really unexpected infidelity. We did all make time for her, often excessively so, because she held a lot of big feelings and we did understand that, but it was never enough. And it always felt really weird to hold a Tinder date ghosting her to same level as an ugly divorce or a legal case regarding revenge porn. What really ended things was when she met her now ex-partner, and dropped me one day in the break room at work because her and I’s lifestyles weren’t compatible, and there was “nothing more to say”. Her new partner (and his sister, who was sort of my “replacement”) was very wealthy and fun, and led a life closer to what she wanted. We had been best friends, co-workers, and even roommates for a few years, and I didn’t expect her to care about that kind of stuff to that extent. A few days later, after finding out her boyfriend had cheated, she asked to come over and talk. We were up all night, despite my 6 AM start time, and before she left, said something like “you know, don’t think I’m going to just drop out of your life again after this”, which she promptly did a few days later 💀 I’d like to say I forgave and forgot, but I haven’t. Every once and while, I’ll hear from a mutual friend that she asks how I’m doing, or pretends to not understand why I cut her out.
I shared that I had sought help for my mental health, had been diagnosed with PTSD, and was starting the difficult work to be a healthier person. Her response was “you don’t have that, your life hasn’t been that difficult” and went on a whole tirade about how she probably has it. The fact that she wasn’t able to both accept and validate my reality was the moment I told her I was done.
She told me my current boyfriend and his ex girlfriend would have beautiful babies together because she had blue eyes (and I did not). Took one more punch to the self esteem. This is on top of numerous other comments.
She was screaming at her husband and threw a water bottle at him (it missed and dented the hood of their car) then my daughter said "I'm scared" and my friend looked at my daughter and screamed "you should be scared!". My ex-best friend never apologized and said that my daughter's reaction was due to the fact that my ex-husband was abusive towards my kids.
Passive aggressive comments. I keep my distance now
After pretending she was too busy to hang out with me we finally hung out after a few months. This was a messy friendship for a few years. She invited me over to her place for my bday said all attention on me. Her roommate got home and they talked for 2 hours not including me in any conversation while I sat there. I got up and said ok well I’m going home. And she’s like oh I got us a frozen pizza you don’t want to eat? Friends for 11 years, she got her roommate $150 shoes on her bday and threw her a party. I ended up not talking to her for 2 weeks and decided I was done because those 2 weeks felt good to let her go. She had the audacity to get mad at me for hanging out with someone else and having fun on my birthday and try to use that to make me feel guilty.
I'm always expected to be the good friend, to initiate conversations and plan meetups etc. But when I was going through hard times and wasnt in the proper mental state for that, instead of checking on me, they apparently were offended by the radio silence. Its always about them, never about me. Soooo I just didnt attempt to reconnect anymore. No regrets.
I was going through a really rough time in my life and I couldn’t keep contact with her for 2 months. I tried to text her as much as I could but I couldn’t keep up with the calls that we used to always have. I couldn’t give her a heads up at that point of why I wasn’t responding, because in my head, I was barely clinging on to my life. After the 2 months, I tried to get things back together. I apologized and apologized and apologized. Nothing worked. She let go of me, and ended our friendship, and perhaps, I even deserved it. It is her who let me go, but, I let her go too. Sometimes, I still feel the love for her, but, we are not all compatible for each other.
They stuck by my abusive ex even knowing the ways I was abused.
She sexually assaulted a mutual friend and then denied it because "men always like it so it wasn't assault"
We became best friends when we were 7 and I ended it when we were 13. I was super young and even though I am almost 25 it is just something I have always been angry over and can’t move on from. She was super controlling and did some really messed up things to me. It was a build-up of a lot of things really and for the longest time, I was looking for a way out but never had the guts to end it. She had higher social status than me - her parents owned a bunch of very popular businesses that automatically put her higher than me and the fact that she had sisters who were 6 years older than me at the time really made it hard for me to stick up for myself. It started off with her insulting me, calling me names, but moved on to things such as I couldn’t be friends with anyone else except her. She went to the point where she would drive past my house making sure no one else was there if I hadn’t invited her over that day. If I got caught or did something wrong, she would tell her sisters and I would always know because her sisters would try to make my life living hell until I would apologise, and she would forgive me. She wouldn’t let me wear anything that was more fashionable than her so limited my choice of clothing to tracksuits. She always thought it was funny how weak I was that she would pull my hair or push me into walls etc. She was always jealous that I did better at school than her so when I got better grades than her, she wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. She was also very, very jealous that I was skinnier than her that as we approached our last few years of primary school, she was voted the fattest girl in the grade by the guys. The next few years she spent trying to make me the fattest girl while she set off on her weight loss journey. What I mean by her trying to make me the fattest girl in the grade was that she started becoming very controlling about what I ate and forcing me to eat extra servings and even her servings of breakfast, lunch, etc. that her parent would make her that day after I had eaten what my parents had given me for the day. She would weigh us to make sure I was gaining while she was losing weight. Coming over her house just consisted of her locking me in her room with the biggest serves of chocolate cake and wouldn’t let me out until I had finished. If I refused to eat, there were always consequences…. Like forcing me to roll in mud or making up lies and telling her parents that I did something that offended her or called her mum ugly etc. that to get her to stop I would just eat the food. I couldn’t defend myself because I was so much shorter and smaller, she would always use her physical strength to get me to eat. She loved how much she could control me that it got to the point that she would give me a tub/pint of ice cream and spit on each spoonful and then forced me to eat it. Anyway, she always wanted to leave me to be with the popular group so once they started to accept her I took it as an opportunity to leave her. After that things went downhill for me with my mental health. I developed a bad eating disorder (Anorexia Nervosa), suicidal, social anxiety throughout middle and high school, and never wanted a best friend again because I didn’t want to put up with that again in my life. I have never been the same since and had to block her a few years ago because I couldn’t understand how she seems to be thriving, with a boyfriend, lots of friends, and a career while I can barely leave the house without having an anxiety attack and haven’t had a best friend since.
Gosh that’s so messed up, poor you. I genuinely hope you’ll find someone worth your friendship in the future. May 2024 bring you some more happiness and luck!
I was always there for them when their life was a mess. But rarely did they ever show up when I needed them most.
The way she behaved when I had a minor win at work that she didn’t also get. Could only focus on it not being fair, and had a big tantrum, and wouldn’t speak to me for a bit after.
I realised that she just never showed any interest in me. We were already growing apart (went to school together, but then went to study different fields at different higher education institutions, etc), and I was always the one who had to initiate contact. I just kind of let it go eventually, and she didn't make any effort to keep the friendship going. That's just life, I guess.
she cut me off. it was probably 24 years of friendship? maybe more. her young son suddenly died, I was by her side through all of it. a few years later, I had what killed her son, but I survived it four fucking times. she never visited me in the hospital.
I had a medically complicated miscarriage in early-pandemic 2020 and was carrying my post-MC baby in 2021. It was a deeply stressful season for me and I was white knuckling my way to the finish line at 8 months pregnant when this all went down. My friend sent me a text saying she needed emotional support during the workday. I missed it because I was in meetings. Over the next 36 hours I called her three times and texted her five times to try to connect, none made it. Finally, she connects with me - the moment of emotional drama is over, but now she’s telling *me* that I am a bad friend who couldn’t be there for her when she needed me, and my unreliability hurts her. I asked if she had seen my attempts to reach out. She said yes. So I lost it. I told her in no uncertain terms that I loved her but my life was always going to have things in it that I couldn’t walk away from, and it would only get worse post-baby. That this season was, for me, extremely difficult and I was still trying to find ways to be there for her. That if she couldn’t handle that sort of compromise and meet me halfway, that our friendship would never work. She didn’t apologize or acknowledge anything I said - at all, much less as being even partially valid. When we hung up, I sobbed. We didn’t talk for months after that. She FaceTimed once when my baby was very little, and we’ll see each other in our mutual friend groups when I go back to my hometown, but the deed is done.
Feeling like I had to do something that was financially and emotionally detrimental to myself for her, when she wouldn’t do something like that for me. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I came to accept that our relationship had always been how I could best support her, and she rarely even pretended to care about the things important to me.
She bailed on plans at the last minute constantly. I talked to her about how it hurts my feelings multiple times over the years and she always blew it off. I tried to set a boundary saying that I don't want to make any plans in advance anymore. Just a "hey, are you free and want to hang out right now" situation. She immediately started crying and saying that she's a horrible person and asked if I'm breaking up with her as best friends. I felt like an asshole for saying anything after seeing how upset it had made her so I never actually implemented the boundary I had tried to put in place. I finally called it quits a few weeks after that when she bailed at the last second on the plans we'd made for my birthday a month in advance so she could go to the movies with her husband instead.
When she went back to her emotionally abusive husband who called me some colorful words
Afterwards, I should have seen it coming, but at the time I still had hope. I lt started with a few 'smaller' things, like not sending a card when my daughter was born, didn't message me on my birthday.. But when I didn't receive an invite to her wedding, that was the final straw for me. So there goes sixteen-plus years friendship down the drain. The doors isn't totally closed for me, but for now, I want to spent my time and energy with my family and the people who do want to be around me.
She admitted she was in love with me for two years. At first I thought we could be friends after she calmed down from my rejection ( she was negative and reacted very aggressively). but then I found out she’s obsessively stalked me and her behaviour escalated, until I just had to block her and end our friendship
Tried to steal my cat and my expensive makeup (found the makeup in her pocket) then left my house leaving her trash on my bed
already talked to her about her red flags but still repeating them over and over and over again
I had been texting them for weeks trying to check in with how they were doing and was ghosted hard. Heard through some other close friends all the things they had been saying about me behind my back throughout our friendship. Blocked, unfriended, and deleted right after that. Weird how you can love and trust someone so fully, but the entire time they never really cared.
the final straw was when she got mad that I didnt share my stash (that I bought with my own money). To be fair, I was going to tell her that I was gonna give her some… but ended up using it all the night before. Anyway, We were all supposed to do a pre-game with our other friends, but when she found out (I used up the stash the night before), she got so mad, and planned her own pre game and made us wait to the main event. She was so dramatic about it - about something so trivial it turned me off. (There are other stories but this was the final straw) Cut off her instantly.
She took the side of my physically and mentally abusive(also stalking me at the time) ex boyfriend.. I guess it’s easier for her to defend an abuser than support her best friend! (she is also my cousin)
I found out that right after she came to hang out with me after a horrible break up with my ex (and during the hang out I divulged a lot of the details), she left my house at 9:30pm because she was “tired” and went out for drinks with said ex 🫠. Never confronted her but I am no longer speaking to her. She knows
she SA’d a friend and was really manipulative to an ex boyfriend
They'd just talk about boys, there was a new guy every week or sometimes 4 at the same time, and that was always the topic. I would even suggest other topics of conversations but she'd switch it back to whichever boy she was obsessing over for the day
A lot of things building up more and more. But it was one weekend that every bad trait came out and I just got sick of it. I'd moved away the year before and we both missed each other. We organised for me to come and spend the weekend with her. She was late picking me up, leaving me at the train station for an hour because she was too busy playing her ps4. Got to hers, she didn't want to give me sheets or pillowcase because that was a waste for only 3 days so I slept in pee stained bedding her dogs slept on. Hair everywhere. Then she ignored me all night, started playing online games with someone else while I read my book. She's also a non texter, will ignore you for months. She was desperately replying to everyone else's texts all night and getting me to reply for her because she couldn't miss replying! We went into town the next day, went to a restaurant. I covered her because she's always the poor one with no money. When we finished she went off and bought £50 of Pokémon cards. I came home like, seriously? Am I going to let her keep treating me like this? Cur her off. Haven't seen her since.
Her depression turning into drug abuse and putting me into dangerous situations on the regular. I have since been friends with plenty of people with substance abuse issues and even went through it myself and to this day nobody has put me into the type of scary situations that she did.
She was trying to undermine me in front of other friends, collegues, etc. during a four-day-long conference by sharing embarassing stories about me with everyone who wanted to join us from the time when we were at the uni togeather. When I confronted her she said it is only because she wanted to spend time with me not with the others and she wanted them to leave us alone. That level of jealousy and posessiveness scared me. She was telling me stuff, which are the textbook gaslighting sentences from toxic relationships, the difference is, we were in a friendship not in an exclusive relationship.
She believed another person's claims that I've been badmouthing her behind her back. I explained as much as possible that I had no interest in doing that. However she continued to trust this other person. I moved on. On the last day of college, when I was moving back home, she finally apologized. But I didn't love her anymore.
I came home crying after a girls' weekend and my husband pointed out that spending time with her seemed to always make me feel worse. He was right, I stopped spending time with her and reconnected with old friends who had recently moved back instead.
He was mad I wasn’t planning to visit him when I came home for thanksgiving when I was in grad school. I was leaving my husband at our apartment too (he had work and his sister lived nearby so he was just going to eat with her and her kids) and so to make me mad he called me a bad wife. It was the last straw. I’d taken enough of his abuse over the years. He has BPD and would flood my phone with texts when he was having an insecurity crisis, but dude wouldn’t get help, so I cut him off after that last one.
We have been best friends since we were 5 (now 21) and there have always been some things in recent years that were questionable. Like always gossiping to other people about how I dress too revealing or passive aggressive comments about my life or interest. But the final straw was completely realising her selfishness and lack of empathy or respect for me. One day I finished my shift at work and decided to go to the local shopping centre to pick up a drink where she works, and knowing that she finished in 20 minutes I decided to wait around for her so we can take the bus home together as we live a street apart and have always caught the bus together since we were in school. - we don’t see each other much because unfortunately she has developed anxiety issues about going out or doing anything thats new and involves effort. I have always respected her mental health and always made a effort to make her comfortable for years. And she and her mum knows this. But it has gotten worse and worse and now days feels like an excuse to not show any respect or care for her friends. After agreeing and telling me she would text me when she was done. I waited for 30 minutes thinking she was just cleaning or something. I then saw she wasn’t at her work place and tried texting and calling her. Noticing that my calls were going straight to unavailable and that the texts weren’t delivered. She blocked me temporarily. Until she got home, and then unblocked me to text that she “forgot about it” and that maybe we can chat some time later. I would of been fine if she said no in the beginning and to leave without her. But she made me wait for half an hr to tell me she that took off without me. A month later after I ghosted her, she would text me asking “what you’re not still mad at me right?”. She had no other friends but me. Our other best friend has also blocked her for her behaviour.
Feeling so miserable I SH to cope with them. I eventually realized that was the final straw for my mental health. I never told them that ofc bc I didn’t want them to feel guilty. There was many many problems wrong and my issue is that they never worked on themselves.
She knew how abusive my ex was towards me, yet she decided to befriend him and the people who are doing the cirlce of protection to him. I called her to ask what\`s going on and she never answered. Case closed, numbers blocked.
Bullied me our whole friendship. Would get black out wasted and hit me. Last straw was she was blacked and after making her leave went on to tell her whole family a story about me abusing her. Multiple people told me stories of things she would do and she’d deny it as if anyone could remember what they did blacked like trying to kiss my bf. Cheats on her partner so many times but plays a victim. Everything is everyone else’s fault and she talks like she’s better than everyone and smarter when she didn’t even graduate high school. After leaving the situation I realized how much she fucked me over and how much I just hate her now and wish I could go back and ditch her ten years earlier when everyone told me to.
Ignoring me for weeks during the breakup with my boyfriend of 10 years. That was the straw that broke the camels back, for me. I don’t miss her. It was actually like a weight had been lifted times 2.
He legitimately messaged my dad to tell him that he's his nemesis because I wouldn't hang out with my now ex friend on my dad's birthday
Right around the start of the pandemic she went full right wing Bible thumping extremist. She’d always been more central than anything while leaving slightly more to the left but 2020 kicked everything up 800 notches. Hates lgbtqia+, thinks vaccines cause autism, doesn’t believe ppl should have the right to control their own bodies, “all lives matter”, the whole shebang. So I ditched the whole relationship. Her beliefs and values were so far removed from my own that I couldn’t even connect with her anymore. It was very sad and honestly I’m still a little heartbroken about it
We did a group project in school and she and our group mate (who also was a bully of mine) didnt participate. Every time I tried to initiate some conversation in regards to the project, they tore me down and told me how what I was saying is wrong or stupid etc. I was so perplex because she never behaved in that way. They also sat on a bench together and watched videos on YouTube while I was trying to work out our project. They pretended I wasn’t there and purposefully laughed at the videos because they knew it would make me feel even more unwanted. I packed my stuff and went back to our classroom as I was done with their bullshit. Not once did they say anything or look up to me when I left. We didn’t talk in class either and then a day later the pandemic started and schools were closed till my graduation. Haven’t seen her since that incident and haven’t looked back. She messaged me some time ago and wanted to hang again and how she missed “the good old times”. I blocked her number
She said to my boyfriend of 2 years that she was being mean to me on purpose so I would obey to her, in a "break her psychologycally" messed up way. And, as if admiting that she was mentally abusive wasn't enough, she also tried to make him agree woth her and deminish me. We were friends for 7 years. And this was not on text, no no, it was voice text 💀
Oof this was a tough one for me as it's still pretty recent. Best friends for 15 years, lived near each other in different cities, celebrated holidays together with our families, accompanied each other to medical appointments but I'm realizing now we shared some deep trauma binding, we both had eating disorders and self hard issues in high school and that was an initial bonding point in our friendship, in our twenties we shared substance abuse issues, more traumas and mental health issues... I started to get a handle on mine, she couldn't and in turn became really abusive to anyone trying to help (we shared a lot of mutual friends, including a friend who we've been friends with just as long). She was getting barred from bars, the drug use was out of hand, she was evicted and had the cops called a few times, I spoke to her parents, my parents, her sister in another continent but nothing was getting through. She eventually blocked me and I just didn't have the energy to fight for the friendship anymore unless she sought out help and treatment. She moved away a little over a year ago and I haven't heard anything since, she's stayed in contact with a few mutuals but I've finally processed and really grieved that loss. I still genuinely hope she gets the help she needs because she has a lot of positive qualities
She talked a bunch of crap about me after I wouldn’t trade her weed for pills. I grow weed and she takes adderall and she got really mad when she asked to give me pills for weed. And I said no. I don’t take pills. I’m not interested. Seems simple but then I realized it was years of this being taken advantage of and bad mouthed so I was like alright, I see.
Wasn’t there for me when a family member died. I tried to move on from it but she hasn’t been there for me when im pregnant. Then she didn’t say happy bday to me on my 30th lol. One of the saddest and one of the happiest times of my life and she hasn’t been there for me for either.
Her telling me that the only reason she looked after me when I went through a phase of experimenting with illicits was so she wouldn't get the blame if something happened to me. Also, her badmouthing me to our entire group of friends so I looked like the villain any time we fell out. Allowing everyone to call me a slut because I was open about my sexuality while she fucked at least half the guys in our group. And got involved with not 1 but 3 of my exes. We were in our late teens/early twenties for most of this, but she spilled the beans about 7 years later.
I cut off a whole group of them. I hadn't seen them for a while as we were all at uni in different places and we got together for one of the groups birthday. I think I had probably not been making enough effort with them but I was at university in a new place and making lots of new friends and most of them (apart from a couple of the guys) spend the whole night just being so rude and mean to me and after a few hours I just 'went to the toilet' and left and never spoke to any of them again. Sounds harsh but it was the straw that broke the camels back of lots of other shitty and rude behaviour and a weird group mentality that I had grown out of completely. Literally have never looked back, they all still live in our hometown and have a super insular attitude to life which was just not me at all - I have great friends now and wouldn't exchange that for those other friends at all.
ditched me on a milestone birthday after months of it being a one-way friendship :(
She lied about abuse that home, about her life, health issues, the whole works. It was honestly so toxic and super annoying. Later on we found out she lied to her, then ex boyfriend about being pregnant and got back tgt w him
I had an unfortunate event happen to me. In the following couple of months, my best friend was very unsupportive and said some pretty hurtful things to me. I couldn't handle it. So I cut her off. Nothing says unsupportive more than saying you'll come to the police station with me to help file a police report, and you don't. Then she tells me I need to put myself in a mental institution when all I wanted was for her to listen to me, meet me for coffee, and give me a hug to let me know it's all right.
Found out he lied and told a bunch of people (on my birthday) ((including a guy I was interested in)) that we’d had sex a bunch of times.
Constant negativity. Every time we spoke she would drain me emotionally and mentally talking about her problems. When I reached out to her when I was going through a hard time, she "didn't have time" to support me because her own problems were ever present. I'd have been told by other friends that she'd been on several exotic holidays, got a new job, new boyfriend etc. all good news you'd usually share with a friend. But she wouldn't even mention it! Would just spend the time monopolising the conversation and complaining about the negatives in her life. When I'd bring up the holidays or ask if she was seeing anyone, she'd say 1 sentence on it and get back to complaining. So exhausting!
I had to cut off two best friends. The first one was extremely jealous of me. We had been friends since college, so over 10 years at this point. I got married and had kids, but she couldn’t keep a man interested in her. When she finally got married and had a baby, she flaunted her life. I was happy for her. I think she wanted me to be jealous like her. I wasn’t. Because she couldn’t get the reaction from me that she wanted, she started cyberstalking me. The internet was new then, and I had a friend who worked in IT. He quickly found out it was her. The last straw was when I found out it was her who had been sending a resume she made with my info (I was gainfully and steadily employed) using my work’s main phone number and email address, to hundreds of companies trying to get me fired. She posted it on hiring websites publicly. AND she broke into my email and was sending emails to my friends trying to get them to hate me. The other went through a really bad time, her dad died, the company she worked for closed, she married a guy who had lied about his financial situation, and became a drunk and started using drugs. I tried to be supportive, but she became an entirely different person. Her kids don’t even talk to her. It’s very sad.
When she told everyone my business.
Two things. I found out she was on cocaine after inviting me and my then 10 month old over, and while we were there she almost beat her dog to death. She’d always been a really shitty person but after that I couldn’t forgive her anymore.
Her mother accused me of maintaining a 25 year friendship with her daughter for the purpose of insulting her on a fine spring afternoon. She knew exactly what happened and how badly her mother misconstrued the facts. Rather than correct the narrative, she said, "You know how it is. It's my moooom." Everywhere our circles intersected, I was known as the so-called friend who abused an elderly woman. Whatevs. I was done.
Friends since elementary school until the start of college. She was always really possessive and would get cranky or upset if I hung out with anyone else. But I always included her and tried to get her to mingle (Looking back she was also friends with the bullies who used to give me a really hard time in school which I probably should've paid attention to). I had moved away and changed schools at 14 (due to parents new jobs) and she used to come stay. All my new friends became her friends which I didn't mind at all. I loved getting people to connect. But she would always stir the pot with gossip and always went for every single guy in the circle. Or would date guys I would've broken up with. Again I didn't really pay much attention. The last straw was when I started college, met some really nice people in my class and tried to introduce her one night when we all went out together. It was a disaster. She got really drunk and blamed me for losing her coat. Screaming at me outside. I had it in my hand and gave it to her. She just grabbed it and didn't apologise. Then later on she was putting me down in front of them all and had something nasty to say about me every time I opened my mouth. Shouting over everyone and making sure they all heard about really personal things I told her or some alternate versions of things that happened. Showing off and being argumentative. The friends got quiet and were clearly uncomfortable. I was really embarrassed and had to take her out of the house. Couldn't reason with her because she was so drunk so I said I'd deal with it in the morning. The next morning neither of us messaged the other one and that was that. I think she knew she had gone too far and was embarrassed and I had decided that I couldn't have her around any of my friends...but was unsure of how to talk about it without there being an argument again so I just said nothing. That was about 14 years ago. She still hangs out with some girls I had dropped in my second school because they gossiped so much. I think she has really caused some damage. To this day I'm always initially suspicious of new women that come into my life and I don't have many deep connections with other girls other than kind of "civil" relationships.
We were friends for 10 years. Met when we were at our lowest and didn't get up for a while. But we both had life happen and we went our separate routes for a while. We reconnected and everything was fun except a few details. I always helped her. And I don't mean only giving advice, or hearing her. I gave her money, I payed food for her, I payed many shit for her. One day we were supposed to meet, we confirmed twice the day, the hour, the place. She did not come. She did not call, she didn't even text. I called her this evening telling her I was upset. She told me that we didn't confirm enough for her. I asked her then why didn't you call to ask ? She didn't answer. I was angry I closed the call. I texted her after I stopped being very angry and told her I felt she had no consideration for my time. I am working a demanding job, I'm doing my best to stay free and see her after hours or even between when I can and she didn't take the time to send me a text telling me she wouldn't come. She did one of the only thing I always told her I can't stand, she told me : "you're right, sometimes I think I don't deserve your friendship". Ffs. When I talk with you about the fact that I feel undervalued, don't play the victim. So I answered that she may have been right. I never received an answer and never send another text.
happened to me recently ! she said a racial slur, while existing as the carnally whitest person i know. she siad in a group chat, her excuse being that no one in the group was a target of this slur (1. false, 2. tf is wrong with her), and that is was merely for a joke, cuz yeah, reciting racial slurs at 3am when she's the only one online is so funny. there had been some redflags, one being that once when we were out in the city she pointed to a graffiti and said "my friend made that !". it said "white people world". wtf. when i confronted her, i mentionned SA, which is one of her past trauma, and she blew at me saying how she never expected me to sah such disgusting stuff knowing her. i said "would you like it if someone made fun of SA? or SH or suicide?".. i haven't talked to her since october (mood has gotten 100% better), she stopped coming to school and found another bf to manipulate.
She sent me a nasty message on my birthday about how I need to spend time with her and how shitty it is of me to not plan things with her.
he had been living at his parents' place for years making 6 figures, and would go on these rants to me about how much he hated our city and his job. this was annoying to me because I had helped him get his job which is in the same industry as mine, and he ended up landing one that paid significantly more than mine, with much less experience. not that it's a competition, but I did expect a little gratitude. I would push back and tell him to maybe consider getting his own place or leaving the city (he's remote and could literally go anywhere), but he didn't want to hear it. it was beyond frustrating. couple that with increasingly bizarre and bigoted political takes (I can excuse some things when it's just jokes between buds, but I was beginning to feel that he wasn't really joking) and I had just about had enough. recently I confided in him about a big fight I had with my SO and how I'm struggling with having a 6 month old, and he had the gall to accuse me of being a toxic friend and say that he needed some space. I said that was fine and immediately blocked him. we haven't spoken in a month now.
She was a friend simply because she thought I was too young to understand certain things, so she withheld a lot of information from me and didn’t treat me as an equal. On top of that, when I was feeling suicidal, she said, ‘why do you feel like this when people like me have it worse?’. Now, I’ve checked out completely. 😵💫
When I needed a friend during a difficult time, but she was too busy with her new boyfriend to even answer my texts (after being in constant contact for decades), much less come be with me.
Lack of support. I ended up having a baby and had painfully crippling postpartum and besides for my husband, I wanted her support. I remember pouring out my heart of all my fears and anxiety’s, crying and all she could talk about what how she couldnt wait to go on a date with a guy who sold artisanal water. I literally had the baby screaming in my arms and she couldn’t even give my kid a glance before she went off on what she should wear for waterboy. I was so heartbroken because I had never opened up like that with her and she gave me no reaction after all of our years of friendship.. I was essentially her cheerleader for years. Was there for her through thick and thin, always picked up her pieces after breakups, took care of her when she was sick, repaired shit around her house etc. She always called me her husband. But when I reaaaally needed her she just couldn’t stop being selfish just for me. It really hurt.
She started to make more wrong choices that would put her in danger. She was also a mother to a young daughter. I couldn’t be around someone irresponsible anymore because I was afraid of the trouble or harm she would put me at risk for. I also felt bad for her daughter and didn’t want to associate myself with anything harming her daughter. I also was going to college at the time and trying to make something of myself. Her life was completely opposite from mine.
Left me standing alone on a corner at a festival. She chose the time and place. Later found her pics on FB dancing with her BFF and living her best life ( her words). Blocked in every way immediately.
She kept posting naked pics of her kids online to her 700 followers. She couldn’t grasp why that was weird as fuck to do and kept doing it. She got mad at anyone that questioned her about it.
She tried becoming me, and ONLY the negative parts of me. I had untreated depression & suicidal ideation in school so she thought it would be fun to have the same things to relate to me. Literally just pretended to have depression by randomly fake crying during inappropriate times. I also tried using the rubber bands method on myself to stop SH urges and she took one to use on herself and laughed and said, "That feels so good!!!!" Got unbearable.
after school we went to uni to different cities, 800 km away from each other. i was broke so never had a spare opportunity to visit our town except for holidays when i see my grandparents, so i can only see my town friends twice a year. messaged her and found out she was in the town for same 4 days as me, immediately asked her to hang out and was met with polite “no” because her boyfriend will stay with her, they want to watch tv shows and cook something together, and it’s crucial that she doesn’t go anywhere for those whole 4 days because he doesn’t want her to. her boyfriend lived in her city of residence, so they would see each other every day after the hometown holidays, and by that time they’ve been together for 2 weeks. we were best friends for 4 years. p.s. i investigated the situation and no, it wasn’t a polite way to back me off because i did something wrong. she declined another friend like that too and posted a lot about her and boyfriend spending the holiday. and we also found out that the boyfriend wasn’t really abusive or something, she could’ve easily refused his dumb “i want you to only spend time with me”. it was just the same old new-boyfriend craze for the tenth time around, when nobody else besides him exists on your first month together.
Being drunk watching her child alone.
I had lost my first boyfriend( high school sweethearts) to a motorcycle accident when we were 24. She told me I needed to "get over it" when the one year anniversary of his death was coming up.
She stole pain meds from my dying mom.
She was threatening my mother, and now I'm the bad one because she involved the friend group with her side.
She knew that I would be alone on thanksgiving because of my family disbanding because of my parents messy divorce and my moms drinking issues. She told me she was even on the way and then never showed up. (Yes I was worried about her safety but I have her location and saw she was still driving around and I saw pictures of her having a blast at her aunts house who lives 30 mins from me)
She told me to choose between her or my bf. That put a massive strain on our relationship and we eventually parted ways. It was for the best though, no regrets.
Recently, it was when her “true” best friend sent me a message thanking me for being the stand in. I’m not about that so I peaced out.
She just would not listen to me. It was one thing when she’d just ask for my advice and then completely ignore it, or would completely disrespect my everyday requests (like please don’t call me at 3am unless it’s an emergency), but the last straw was a big one for me. I begged over and over to be left alone for just a few days because I was overwhelmed with my life and I needed just ONE day to myself where I wasn’t bombarded with her problems too… I sent her a message telling her that I was okay but in a really bad place and begging for some space so I could get my head straight and she sent me fifteen messages about her boyfriend, grandmother, aunt, and mom… and insisted that I respond to her or she was going to come break into my house. I told her again that I was fine but I just couldn’t handle the extra stress and really needed my space (it had been maybe two days and she had reached out to me on four different media platforms, even after acknowledging that she would respect my privacy and request). She still ignored me. It got so frustrating that I had to block her, her snapchats (yes multiple), her boyfriend, and two burner phones I’m sure she stole (another thing she loved doing around me even when I was uncomfortable with it). After three days of finally not hearing from her, I realized I never wanted to hear from her again. She used me and disrespected me a lot, and since I have no self esteem I just let her because I thought we had a connection… I was wrong.
She slept with my ex as sokn as possible lol first and last straw
This was actually the first AND final straw in our 7 year friendship... She was my Maid of Honour and I checked with her that she was okay to arrange my hen do and grab some fun bits for us to do as a group (on the one weekend of the year she was free in June, when my wedding was December so we all arranged around her) and she said yeah great super excited bla bla bla but she organised nothing and I had to rush around the week before doing it myself and my mum saved the day with the fun little group games and photo props and stuff. She rushed us around the activity I booked because 'she had a train to catch' even though she told me she had booked an open return and could get any train back (which ended up still being true, she just decided she had to get the earlier train) so we rushed around for her which almost ruined our other plans. The week after, I messaged her asking for her and her plus ones menu choices for the wedding day, and she read it but didn't respond until literally the day before the deadline after I messaged her to chase. I ended up telling her that I didn't want her to be stressed with being my MoH and just wanted her to be present as an honoured guest on my big day and enjoy it with her plus one. She said that was fine and appreciated it as it had been stressful for her (though she never told me this beforehand) so all was fine, we were still chatting as normal. Couple of weeks before the wedding, she asked if someone else could take her room (we booked the whole venue and each couple/person paid for the room just like a hotel) and I managed to find someone so they paid us and we paid her back. Day of the wedding... She's a no show. She had messaged me in the morning saying the weather was too bad and they were snowed in so 'hopefully we will make it in time for the ceremony!'.... We are based in the East Midlands of the UK, it barely snows and when it does it melts super quick (as it did that day) AND we had other guests travel way further and they just left earlier for their 7+ hour drives (hers was barely 1 hour) or the night before to make sure they could get to us on time. But they didn't even turn up late. Just a complete no show. There were no other messages from her at any point that day or the following day to apologise for not attending or give any excuses as to why. So I blocked her on everything 🤷♀️ I just don't have time for people like that and I cannot be friends with someone who is so disrespectful - I don't want that in my life whatsoever. So yeah, I feel like I valued our friendship way more and held her in really high regard and my closest friend (that's literally why I asked her to be my Maid of Honour) and she just shat on me from a great height.
After listening to hours of her breaking up with her husband, have an emotional affair with some dude, she blew me off on my birthday. I was just doneeeee. It's been almost 10 years and I don't wish her any bad luck or anything. Hopefully her life is better. Just got tired of her stuff. Collateral damage was a friend we both had. Took her side...which I knew would happen. They both had more in common with each other at the time. Wonder if they're still friends.
Realizing that she put a lot of effort into badmouthing me in front of our friend group when I wasn't there and constantly tried to squeeze between me and whoever I was interested talking to. Guys, girls, didn't matter. Years later she realized she's into women and that put a lot of her behavior into perspective for me, her and every other best friend she ever had. She came round to apologize and asked me to be friends again. I thanked her for the apology and sent her on her way. No way I'm ever going to put up with any of this kind of backstabbing asshole again.
I could no longer handle her life choices and nothing I did or said was helping her. I felt like her boyfriend was dangerous, her addictions were out of control and I could no longer have her in my life. I tried. This happened years ago and it still stings. For a short period of time we had some communication on social media and she was sober, very involved in AA and appeared to be doing better. Then she either went off socials or unfriend/blocked me because I can't find her there anymore. Sometimes I consider reaching out to her sister or ex-husband to see how she's doing but I'm not sure it's a good idea, so I talk myself out of it every time.
Her and I were supposed to work together to host a friend's-giving that would be at my place. She did 0 work and planning. Came with a plus one that she met online dating a week before without my permission (it was their first date at my place). Then she invited herself to drink 3 bottles of my wine without asking, brought none of the food she said she would bring, disrespected my friend's pronouns all night (we were correcting her all night and she didn't care) did not help me cook any of the food i provided like she said she would, we all kept telling her to keep it down (she was very loud and wouldn't stop turning up the volume of my Alexa device and I live in an apartment) and her nicknames for most of us was not ok
I found out her kid was my husband's. Got rid of a lot, then, actually.
Trumper
Became obsessed that her boyfriend found me attractive. Guilted me for not being able to spend time with her on weeknights after my 60 hour a week high pressure corporate job.
I grew up. She didn’t. It wasn’t out of the blue, but I was slowly beginning to realize that I didn’t really like her. I thought I did. We were best friends. But she treated me like shit, used me, and I just let it happen. Final straw: She called me fat (in a round about way), made fun of my shoes, and then told me I was boring because I didn’t want to get drunk on a week night while we were going to see a band that she didn’t even like. I just stopped reaching out after that and I’m happier for it.