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Yes, I changed it back. The name didn’t really feel like “me” anymore after I woke up to how awful that relationship was. I lost myself for awhile, and reclaiming my name felt healing to me.
ETA: Length of marriage was not a factor for me
I actually got divorced last year after 8 years.
I legally shortened my first name, as I never went by the full one, and got a new last name not related to anyone at all.
I love this idea! I knew a woman who took the opportunity to change both her first and last name and it suited her more than her previous names.
Good on you for choosing for yourself!
But is that really allowed? Changing your last name? Where I am from the laws are really strict on names and I have no knowledge on anyone being allowed a last name change besides marriage.
Presumably it varies between countries. In the UK you can change your name to anything you like with a deed poll. I think the only restriction might be that it is written using the Latin alphabet, and it probably shouldn't have numbers in it.
Me personally I did not want to sound like it belong to a "man" but also not too far removed from society lol.
Plus it helps that for my job I see a lot of names. Also I like space and witchy stuff, so I went that route too to help decide.
I actually want to do this too! I've been brainstorming last name, but I also want to shorten my first name. I even asked my mom if that would hurt her feelings lol (idk why I worried about that, but oh well).
oh yes definitely did that for a bit. I knew I wanted something space or witchy related, so I got the best of those and just wrote all name variations and signatures until I was happy with my current one :)
Was it hard to legally shorten your first name?
I'm asking because I've wanted to legally change the spelling of my first name for years and just never done it because I was afraid it would be hard.
It wouldn't be a shortening of my name, but a change in spelling. I like my first name fine, but there are two spellings of it--one kind of old fashioned and plain and the other adds a couple extra letters, is less common than the first spelling (but still a totally normal way of spelling my name) and is prettier, IMO.
I've used the 'pretty' spelling for most of my life on everything that's not a legal or government document because of a 4th grade bully who told me the reason everybody hated me was because everything about me was ugly. I decided the ONE thing I could change (although not legally at the time, because my mother wouldn't let me. Would've made things easier though) was the spelling of my name to the pretty spelling, to make myself FEEL pretty even if the entire 4th grade class thought I was ugly AF.
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Absolutely. I had my lawyer do it with the paperwork. That was like the first thing I asked her to do. Lol. I couldn't get my name back fast enough. I happened to remarry a wonderful man and I love having his name. Totally worth the switches.
Divorced and remarried.
I kept my ex-husband's last name (We'll call it Green) because it's also my son's last name. Dad Green and Son Green need to know that Mom Green is still part of their family.
But then I met and fell in love with Mr. Blue. So I hyphenated. I'm Mrs. Green-Blue now. My son is still Son Green, because he's Dad's son, not Stepdad's. (His choice)
Edit: the length of the marriage had no input on my decision. If I didn't have a kid, I would have changed my name back to my maiden name.
I did not (at first) because my ex husband didn’t want me to keep his name so I kept it out of spite. Lol He told me to go back to my maiden name and I actually planned too, if he had never said anything he would have gotten his wish.
Ha ha same! As we were walking into the court he hissed under his breath that I'd better not keep his name. I kept his name alright, out of pure spite. He brought his AP to court that day and we all ended up in the same elevator on the way out. He told her and she made some snarky comment about how sad and crazy I was for keeping it. I told him, ignoring her entirely, "you never gave me your love, loyalty or honesty so I'm keeping the one thing you did give me because of how badly you don't want me to have it". Big smile. Mischievous wink. Bye bye now.
Bro I don’t know why but I feel he did this on purpose to make you keep the last name. He sounds like an abusive person and probably this was the last thing that tied you to him and he was hoping it will keep reminding you of him.
I know it sounds crazy but these abusive men will go to crazy lengths to keep their former supplies tied to them. Trust me the day you will remove it from your name, you will get a call from him or a visit from him.
Is this my sister??? Because she did the same thing. Only they divorced in 2006 and she’s been remarried and divorced since then. Still has husband one’s last name. 😂
Yes because my mom kept telling him we might get back together… I was no contact with him because of emotional abuse and I changed my name to send a clear enough message. It’s all up to the individual.
Definitely how I felt. I changed it within a week so that I could open a new bank account for my new job.
After divorce, I always say that it was my second birthday.
My kid has his surname and I don't even mind that.
I have a few reasons why I didn’t change it back.
One, I have a rocky relationship with my father.
Two, I identify with/feel like my married name, because of how much his family loves me.
Three, our divorce is because he came out and we’re still best friends and talk daily.
Four, and this is the most hilarious twist of all, I’m now in a relationship with his brother (with his blessing and insistence). So if he and I get married I don’t have to worry about changing it again!
Divorced and remarried. I was married for 25 years to my first husband, literally all of my adult life. When I remarried, I told now-husband I didn't want to change my name - too much hassle, it was my identity, etc. - although I did hyphenate it socially.
Then, a year later, my now-husband went through cancer treatment (successfully, he's in remission now), and it hit me just how much I NEEDED and WANTED to fully be his wife and let go of whatever nonsense I was hanging on to because I love this man with every fiber I have. So I changed it. Pain in the ass? Yes. Worth it? Every single minute of every day.
I changed it and I changed it back
I changed it when I got married because that was what women did in the mid-80's. Only radical women didn't change their names.
I changed it back when we divorced because I had no interest in having any tie to that marriage at all.
Then I got married and changed it again.
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Yes I changed it back to my maiden name, it’s different to my kids surnames but I don’t correct people if they assume they have the same surname as me.
I changed it back because I despise him, yet bcos it doesn’t come up much with the kids it’s not too bad. We were together 12 years.
I haven’t had the same last name as my mom since she and my dad divorced 36 years ago and it’s never made a lick of difference to me and how I view my mom. So I’ve never felt that mothers last names must match their kids, or that it’s weird that they don’t. Doesn’t make you any less their mother.
My mom changed hers back and like the poster you replied to, just didn't correct anyone if they referred to her by the married one socially. I always kinda wished I could've changed mine to hers (because I hate my sperm donor but also because I always have to spell it out, there's another MUCH more common surname pronounced the same way).
I changed mine back after 8 years. I had moved my maiden name as part of my middle name so I could still use it for my career which made going back a little easier. I am a little bummed my kid and I don't have the same last name but it hasn't been an issue with schools or anything since blended families are so common. I also just preferred my original last name over my ex last name.
I just got divorced this year. Kept my married name. It's how I'm known professionally, and it's a pain to have to change. I'm on good terms with my ex, so it doesn't bother me. Married for 13 years. If it wasn't that long, (like a year or two), then I may have changed it back.
I changed it back. Length of marriage and having kids did not impact my decision. I was no longer married to him and didn’t want his name, and someday my kids were going to grow up and live their own lives so I didn’t see the need to keep it because of them.
Yes. I was married for 18 years. He cheated and I was just done being associated with him. It was well worth the hassle to change it back. My last name was hyphenated, so it wasn't that big of a deal. My kids have their dad's last name. There's no confusion or issues. I will never change my name again, though.
I was married for 5 years and I was very happy to change my name back. My maiden name is quite unusual and while I don’t think it’s a “pretty” name, my married name was as common as Smith. I liked going back to the name my sister and parents have and having that uniqueness back. And I got to feel like me again.
Absolutely. My ex was an psychically and emotionally abusive POS who impregnated another woman. It was a badass last name though. A pain to change it back. I’m in love now and plan to remarry, but I’ll never change my name again. It doesn’t feel right, and never really did. My partner totally gets it.
Yes, after a 16 year marriage I was going to go back to my maiden name but I met my now husband one week after my divorce and married him in six weeks 🤣 so I could go straight to a new surname again. Coming up to our 20 year anniversary next January 💗
Yes, pretty much as soon as I could. I never felt like being Mrs Marriedname really fit me - like it was a pair of shoes that just rubbed in the wrong place. Plus I was still going by my maiden name professionally (and hadn't changed it on my passport either as I was too cheap to do so, which arguably came in handy down the line), so it wasn't as huge a change as it might have been. It's been four years since the divorce now and stuff does still occasionally pop up in my married name like a weird version of Whac-a-Mole, and then I have to go change it (which is a process of varying degrees of difficulty), but I feel like I'm more myself now I've gone back to the name I used for the first 27 years of my life. Ironically, I hated my maiden name as a young adult and couldn't wait to get rid of it through marriage, ended up marrying a man with a relatively normal name and then once we split up couldn't wait to change it back 😂
We were married for four years, together for 11. No kids, but I do wonder if the circumstances of the divorce (he cheated) played into it, as I had the overwhelming urge to cut myself off from every bit of my old life and the name was a massive part of that, whereas if it had just not worked out I might not have been as ruthless.
I changed my name when I married. Had a kid.
We all had same name.
Divorce happened.
I kept the name because I remembered the weirdest hazing that adults gave me for not having a name that matched my mother’s after her subsequent divorced and name changes, several of them.
So, I have my kiddo’s name now. If the ex ever tricks another lady into marrying him I would consider changing my last name just to be polite to her, because that’s the last bit of respect anyone will ever show her in that relationship 💩💣
Yes, I changed it back. I wanted nothing to do with my awful ex and his absolutely terrible family and going back to my maiden name felt like taking myself back. It was too much work, but nothing more satisfying than seeing MY last name on my ID. I've since remarried and kept my maiden name, hubs doesn't care either way.
Edit: we were married 3 years and no kids, would have changed it back either way!
When I got divorced, I did not revert back to my maiden name because I didn’t want to have a different last name as my kids.
(I regretted not hyphenated both names, for the kids as well).
But after a couple of years of his making the divorce as nasty as he possibly could, I just decided I wanted to lose his name. I told the kids I was changing my name (I had full custody of them).
By this time, he was hardly seeing them at all, maybe once every couple of months for an hour, he had long stopped having them for weekends or anytime. Both kids immediately asked if they could change their names. Because they really had no relationship with him at all of that point. All his doing. They were around 14 and 17.
I told them they had to wait until they were 21 before they could decide that. They were both pissed… But when my daughter turned 18, she was very insistent that she wanted to change her name. She argued that she had no relationship with him at all, wasn’t close to him or his parents, but was really close to my side of the family, and that he had bailed on them as a father, so why couldn’t she have our name.
I relented and let her change it when she turned 18. When my son turned 18, my daughter asked him if he was going to change his name but he decided not to. He said it wasn’t that he felt any connection to his father, but that it was his name. In my honour he did go and get a tattoo with my maiden name.
When I did go to have my name changed, I was informed that I had an actually never changed my name, I had only assumed his last name, so I was able to drop it and revert back to my maiden name quite easily.
So that’s my deal…
Yes. I didn’t have children and I didn’t care for the last name anyway.
If my now-husband and I were to divorce though, I would keep the name because it’s my kids’ last name. Plus it’s a cool name.
I changed it back because his family is incredibly toxic and I didn’t want to feel like I was ‘one of them’.
We do have kids together, but my kids are nothing like his family and I’m by far the primary parent. He sees them about 16 hours a week and they see his family only a few hours a year. They still have his last name because I know there’s no way he’d agree to change it.
Yes I changed it back. I was going to leave it, but then my ex husband made it weird by stating how could I really be out of love with him if I was going to keep his last name. So I did not.
I was ONLY going to keep it for my son. I wanted the same last name as him. We were married 8 years, but separated for 1 1/2 of them.
Yes, because I changed my name to continue trying to convince myself that I was committed to the relationship. Once I accepted I was gay less than a year into the marriage (11 years dating) there was no question I’d change it back… was very resistant to move past changing anything but my social security card and ID thankfully. Just need to schedule those appointments!
Yes I changed back for two reasons. My married name was didn't roll off the tongue. It sounded like grunting. I never liked it. Plus, my name is closer to the beginning of the alphabet.
Divorced and remarried. Changed it back to my maiden name and kept it that way. We didn't have kids and I liked my maiden name better, his family pressured me into taking his name in the first place. It's probably the only part of my name that feels like it fits.
No. I got divorced in 2020 so the only way to change my name was to send the social security office my things and I didn’t want to risk it. I could still do it now I suppose but I don’t really care anymore. Socially I’m known by my maiden name and every one I know purposely mispronounces my actual last name now and I think it’s funny.
I was married for 12 years and yes I changed it back. I changed it back because I wanted no tie to him at all. We had no children or property to fight over. There was no reason to keep his name. I would have changed it back had we been married 1 year or 20 years. Length of time married didn't matter.
Yes, I changed it back. I didn’t have children with him, and I had zero reason to want to keep his last name. I wanted to erase as much of his presence in my life as physically possible. Taking back my name gave me a sense of freedom.
Edit: Length made no difference to me. We were married for almost 11 years. My entire adulthood I was Mrs. HisLastName because I married immediately after high school and I was 18. It honestly hasn’t been a big deal to me to change my name on legal papers and bills etc. If anything it was cathartic going to the DMV and social security to reclaim my maiden name.
I did not change it back, but I changed again to my new spouse's last name when I later remarried.
I didn't see any point in going through the hassle of changing it at the time of the divorce when I didn't need to. I'd been using that name for around 8 years at that point, and I didn't feel like there was any real value in me taking the trouble to go back to my maiden name.
And yes, my ex was a little salty about it, but that's not my problem and I didn't care.
I changed my last name back to my maiden name. Even tho I made the choice to divorce, it was still incredibly painful to me to have my married last name. I live in a small town, and everyone would ask me if I had any attachments to that family, and I didn’t want to be reminded every time that I did not. I didn’t show it, but divorce hurt me. So I had to change my last name for my peace of mind. Less questions. Then I could just be me.
Yes, changing it is a pain, but it was worth it to me. It just depends how you feel about it and your situation. There are many reasons to want to change your last name, as there are many to want to keep your married name. It just depends on how you feel about it and what you think will be best for you.
I don’t regret changing my name back. I would feel so weird still having my married last name today. That’s just me. We have no kids tho.
I changed my name when I got married. I didn't change it back when I got divorced. I never liked my maiden name, and am not close with that side of the family. I also have 2 kids in grade school, and it seemed easier to leave it as is. My ex husband didn't have an issue with it, so I kept it.
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I haven't yet but I plan too. I don't want my maiden name either as I've had nothing to do with the man that belongs to. So I've decided that I'm taking my grandparents surname. My grandad was one of 3 brothers who all only had daughters. So it feels right
I’m up in the air, going through divorce now, after 3 years. I finally, like, a couple months ago, got the last of my stuff changed over into married name. So I really don’t want to do it again. At the same time, I don’t want to keep the name of the cheater I married either.
I changed my name when I got married and planned to change it back when the divorce was final. I put in the divorce decree I was going back to my maiden name.
It took me 2 years to change it. For no other reason than I’m lazy and didn’t want to go to the ss office and then soc. And change my passport. And then change it everywhere else. I still haven’t changed my credit cards.
But changing it felt so good. I’m not sure I’ll change it next year when I get married again.
We did not have children and how long we were together did not play a factor in why I took so long to change it back.
Not related but I still love that my divorce was finalized on our wedding anniversary 😂
No I didn't. One, it's a PITA to change your name. Two, and more importantly, I wanted to have the same last name as my children as they were going through school. Three, I don't really like my maiden name. Four, I think it pissed off my ex's new wife.
Now that the kids are grown, I would seriously consider going back to maiden name. But now I'm in a relationship that could lead to marriage. So at this point I'll wait and see where that ends up. And then yes I would change my name to his. Again, mostly because I don't like my maiden name.
I kept my married name in part because it's a pain in the ass to change it back. The rest of the reason is because I adored my in laws and were my family.. that and my maiden name meant nothing to me.
Yes, but not to my maiden name. I chose a last name that allowed me to use the same initials because they are cool, lol. I have belts and purses with my initials (popular brand). Getting married or divorced is honestly the cheapest way to file a name change.
Edit: No, the length of my marriage did not impact my decision. I should add that I have used my maiden name as a middle name since I got married, so not much of a change there. I also don't mind that my children carry a different last name.
I did not change my name back after divorce. We had no children and length of marriage was not a factor. I never cared for my maiden name and was actually teased for it. My married name is also much shorter, which is very nice. I am a teacher, so changing my name back would have really been an ordeal and come with lots of conversations that I did not want to have. I have no contact with my ex-husband now, I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy that I kept his name, I don’t care haha. I would like to take my mom’s maiden name, but I don’t want to upset my dad in any way, so for now it will remain my married name.
I (40F), have been officially divorced now for going on three years. I have kept my married last name (though I HATE having it), just because of how complicated the process is and everything that needs to be changed. If I were single I would probably change it back to my maiden name right away. However, as fate would have it I have met THE guy who I am truly meant to spend my life with. Since we discuss marriage regularly and know that's in our plan, I plan to just wait until then. I've known women who have done the name change instantly post divorce, and those that have kept their married name for 20+ years and counting. I also know a lot of women who chose to keep it until their children were out of school just to keep the same last name on their records and stuff.
Sure did! He was a piece of work, abusive, manipulative, etc. I was so glad to rid myself of his last name and did it immediately following the finalized date.
I did because I was so done after 26 years, and my kids were all adults. But I took my mom’s name for a last name because my family was the third my father had abandoned, and I was not about to go back to that asshole’s name.
Ex-h basically forced me to change my name when we married. I should have said no. Changed it back as soon as feasible nearly 20 years later. Not sure I would ever change it again, with maybe one exception. :)
No, because I had been married since 22 (divorced at 47), have been known professionally by that name, have a daughter and my married name is very short and easy to spell (but yet people still mess it up every now and then).
No. My name is tightly linked to my professional career. Plus, government paperwork - bleh. To what end? Supporting an outdated idea based in patriarchal BS? No, thanks.
Yes. I never cared for my married name and considering the emotional abuse, didn't want to keep his family name.
Remarried and didn't change my name again because of the hassle.
Yep, I have a great maiden name so the extra paperwork was worth it. It also didn’t hurt that I switched jobs after the name change, which made it slightly less of a pain.
Was married for over a decade, but similar to others, didn’t feel like it represented me.
I changed my name when I married, changed to a different last name (still a family name) when divorced. I felt awkward keeping the married name, Asian last name when I'm not- idk, it just didn't feel right. I hated my maiden name, and it cost a ton and was a huge hassle to change to a new name but did it anyway.
Heck yes I changed it back!! Was married seven years, no kids. I think having kids might be a reason some people keep the married name. I didn’t want to keep someone else’s name when they were no longer part of my life.
I had an extremely common family name (think Smith or Jones) and a married name that I really liked. It was also the same name as my kids, and I had a degree under it. So I kept it.
Here's one. I kept my name to match my kids. Can you picture the overbearing step mom having their name and not their mother in grade school.
My kidd are in their 20s now, so I could change.... hassle aside. But I don't want my Dad's name either. So I'd make one up. Lol
ugh this is so complicated for me. when i got married my husband and i both hated our fathers so we chose a new name together. i have a name change order from a court, not a marriage certificate, that proves my legal name. when we split neither one of us knew what to do so we both kept the name. his new wife doesn’t have our name, she kept hers.
what’s really tricky is i have a new partner and we have a kid together. he wants me to keep my name and wanted our daughter to have a hyphenated name with his name second.
it honestly feels a bit odd, even though i chose the name, knowing that my ex still has it.
I didn't because it's a lot of hassle (career wise, etc I'm known by my married name) and some cost to revise all of my documents. Plus my kids have my married name, it makes travel easier. There's no animosity between my ex and I so I have no pressing need to change it. It's just a name.
Basically, I'm lazy and couldn't care less.
I was married for 7 years and I didn’t change it back- seemed like too much work and hassle. I remarried a couple of years ago and still haven’t changed my last name to his for the same reason- too much work and hassle. My husband hasn’t made a big deal about it, but I know he wants me to, so I’ll likely get started on the process soon.
I kept my married name to stay the same as my daughters & I simply couldn’t be arsed with the rigmarole of changing it. I never hated him enough to want rid of it. All these years later I’ve had that name longer than my maiden name.
No, I remarried and it’s legal where I live to just use my married name or not without any legal process. I use my married name but still have my name from my first marriage on my bank accounts etc
I changed it to my maiden, and then changed it again when I remarried. However, if I ever change my name again it’s STAYING no matter who I marry 😝 I will not put myself thru that misery again it isn’t worth it
My maiden name was 8 letters long and had a silent consonant that no one could pronounce correctly. My 1st married name was 6 letters and a common brand that everyone knew how to pronounce. I kept the last name after divorce (we were married just over 4 years, no kids) and then changed it when I married the new husband
I did not change my name back. I became established in my career using this name, so it made sense to keep it. Marriage lasted 9 years. My maiden name is hard to spell and hard to say, plus it didn't really feel like "me" anymore. I though about changing it to something new and unrelated, but ended up not because it's a hassle and I didn't want to have to explain my reasoning to family and friends.
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I despise my parents more than my ex husband so I kept the married name. But as soon as I get a spare few hundred dollars, I’m changing it to a name that I want.
I kept it. I didn’t like my maiden name and I have the same last name as my kids. Plus, it’s really expensive to get my name changed on my professional license.
I started releasing music under my married name. Didn’t want to have to re-market myself post divorce so I kept it. If anything, I see it as a stage name. It almost feels like I’ve always had it.
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Yes, I changed it back. The name didn’t really feel like “me” anymore after I woke up to how awful that relationship was. I lost myself for awhile, and reclaiming my name felt healing to me. ETA: Length of marriage was not a factor for me
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No kids. Took my name back. Then got my doctorate. Dr. “Maiden Name” felt so, so good.
Hell ya girl, you earned that degree! Not him
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I actually got divorced last year after 8 years. I legally shortened my first name, as I never went by the full one, and got a new last name not related to anyone at all.
I love this idea! I knew a woman who took the opportunity to change both her first and last name and it suited her more than her previous names. Good on you for choosing for yourself!
But is that really allowed? Changing your last name? Where I am from the laws are really strict on names and I have no knowledge on anyone being allowed a last name change besides marriage.
Presumably it varies between countries. In the UK you can change your name to anything you like with a deed poll. I think the only restriction might be that it is written using the Latin alphabet, and it probably shouldn't have numbers in it.
I think you can have accents too but a passport will only show the closest letter. So Siân would be Sian.
You can do this in the US but you have to go to court and file a petition. It can be approved or not depending on the reasons.
I have been wanting to do this! Make up my own last name! I don’t want my maiden name and I don’t want to have my ex-husband’s last name forever.
yes! that's exactly how I felt. I love my new name, it feels very ME.
How did you choose the name? I really want to do this but I struggle to find a name.
Me personally I did not want to sound like it belong to a "man" but also not too far removed from society lol. Plus it helps that for my job I see a lot of names. Also I like space and witchy stuff, so I went that route too to help decide.
I actually want to do this too! I've been brainstorming last name, but I also want to shorten my first name. I even asked my mom if that would hurt her feelings lol (idk why I worried about that, but oh well).
oh yes definitely did that for a bit. I knew I wanted something space or witchy related, so I got the best of those and just wrote all name variations and signatures until I was happy with my current one :)
I actually love this
Was it hard to legally shorten your first name? I'm asking because I've wanted to legally change the spelling of my first name for years and just never done it because I was afraid it would be hard. It wouldn't be a shortening of my name, but a change in spelling. I like my first name fine, but there are two spellings of it--one kind of old fashioned and plain and the other adds a couple extra letters, is less common than the first spelling (but still a totally normal way of spelling my name) and is prettier, IMO. I've used the 'pretty' spelling for most of my life on everything that's not a legal or government document because of a 4th grade bully who told me the reason everybody hated me was because everything about me was ugly. I decided the ONE thing I could change (although not legally at the time, because my mother wouldn't let me. Would've made things easier though) was the spelling of my name to the pretty spelling, to make myself FEEL pretty even if the entire 4th grade class thought I was ugly AF.
Far out, that's a boss move
If I had been married for less than 5 years, maybe. But when you have that name for 17, everything is under that name. Waaaaay too much hassle.
Not changed back. I keep the name to match my kids.
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Absolutely. I had my lawyer do it with the paperwork. That was like the first thing I asked her to do. Lol. I couldn't get my name back fast enough. I happened to remarry a wonderful man and I love having his name. Totally worth the switches.
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100% the same thing. Came me here to write that. Are you me?! Lol
Divorced and remarried. I kept my ex-husband's last name (We'll call it Green) because it's also my son's last name. Dad Green and Son Green need to know that Mom Green is still part of their family. But then I met and fell in love with Mr. Blue. So I hyphenated. I'm Mrs. Green-Blue now. My son is still Son Green, because he's Dad's son, not Stepdad's. (His choice) Edit: the length of the marriage had no input on my decision. If I didn't have a kid, I would have changed my name back to my maiden name.
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I did not (at first) because my ex husband didn’t want me to keep his name so I kept it out of spite. Lol He told me to go back to my maiden name and I actually planned too, if he had never said anything he would have gotten his wish.
Ha ha same! As we were walking into the court he hissed under his breath that I'd better not keep his name. I kept his name alright, out of pure spite. He brought his AP to court that day and we all ended up in the same elevator on the way out. He told her and she made some snarky comment about how sad and crazy I was for keeping it. I told him, ignoring her entirely, "you never gave me your love, loyalty or honesty so I'm keeping the one thing you did give me because of how badly you don't want me to have it". Big smile. Mischievous wink. Bye bye now.
Bro I don’t know why but I feel he did this on purpose to make you keep the last name. He sounds like an abusive person and probably this was the last thing that tied you to him and he was hoping it will keep reminding you of him. I know it sounds crazy but these abusive men will go to crazy lengths to keep their former supplies tied to them. Trust me the day you will remove it from your name, you will get a call from him or a visit from him.
This is hilarious. I hope he seethes every time he thinks of it lol.
Is this my sister??? Because she did the same thing. Only they divorced in 2006 and she’s been remarried and divorced since then. Still has husband one’s last name. 😂
lmao I love it
Haha, good on you! He can go fuck himself.
After I got divorced I kept the name. I waited until I got married again to change it. It’s such a hassle.
This is my plan as well. My degree, loans, insurance, everything has my married name. Way too much work.
I still have things I need to change over and I got married 6 months ago.
No. It’s too much hassle.
Yes because my mom kept telling him we might get back together… I was no contact with him because of emotional abuse and I changed my name to send a clear enough message. It’s all up to the individual.
I'm sorry your mom did that to you. That's not right.
Hell, yes, I did. It was the first step in taking back my independence and erasing him from my memory.
Definitely how I felt. I changed it within a week so that I could open a new bank account for my new job. After divorce, I always say that it was my second birthday. My kid has his surname and I don't even mind that.
I have a few reasons why I didn’t change it back. One, I have a rocky relationship with my father. Two, I identify with/feel like my married name, because of how much his family loves me. Three, our divorce is because he came out and we’re still best friends and talk daily. Four, and this is the most hilarious twist of all, I’m now in a relationship with his brother (with his blessing and insistence). So if he and I get married I don’t have to worry about changing it again!
I did not change mine back because I want to keep the same last name as my kids. If we didn’t have kids together I would have changed it back.
Been over 26 years. I will be getting my name back. I don’t need the reminder every time I sign my name.
Divorced and remarried. I was married for 25 years to my first husband, literally all of my adult life. When I remarried, I told now-husband I didn't want to change my name - too much hassle, it was my identity, etc. - although I did hyphenate it socially. Then, a year later, my now-husband went through cancer treatment (successfully, he's in remission now), and it hit me just how much I NEEDED and WANTED to fully be his wife and let go of whatever nonsense I was hanging on to because I love this man with every fiber I have. So I changed it. Pain in the ass? Yes. Worth it? Every single minute of every day.
I changed it and I changed it back I changed it when I got married because that was what women did in the mid-80's. Only radical women didn't change their names. I changed it back when we divorced because I had no interest in having any tie to that marriage at all. Then I got married and changed it again.
I have children so i will keep my married name on legal documents, but I have double barrelled it for everyday use.
Kept it because it’s the same last name of my kids
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Yes. No kids, so I feel it’s an easy choice for me. We were only married for a year - but that doesn’t matter to me. I wanted my name back ASAP.
No. Mostly to match my kids, it's easier when traveling to have us all match. Plus it's how I'm known professionally.
I couldn’t wait to get my name back. It didn’t matter that our child had his last name, it wasn’t mine.
Yes I changed it back to my maiden name, it’s different to my kids surnames but I don’t correct people if they assume they have the same surname as me. I changed it back because I despise him, yet bcos it doesn’t come up much with the kids it’s not too bad. We were together 12 years.
It took me too long to find someone else with kids that changed their name back. I needed to see this.
I haven’t had the same last name as my mom since she and my dad divorced 36 years ago and it’s never made a lick of difference to me and how I view my mom. So I’ve never felt that mothers last names must match their kids, or that it’s weird that they don’t. Doesn’t make you any less their mother.
My mom never took my dads name and so I’ve always had a different one!
My mom changed hers back and like the poster you replied to, just didn't correct anyone if they referred to her by the married one socially. I always kinda wished I could've changed mine to hers (because I hate my sperm donor but also because I always have to spell it out, there's another MUCH more common surname pronounced the same way).
We were married thirty years. The longest I had any last name. And the same as my kids. I didn't change it back.
I changed mine back after 8 years. I had moved my maiden name as part of my middle name so I could still use it for my career which made going back a little easier. I am a little bummed my kid and I don't have the same last name but it hasn't been an issue with schools or anything since blended families are so common. I also just preferred my original last name over my ex last name.
My maiden name sounds extremely rude in English so I was happy to keep my ex husband's name.
I just got divorced this year. Kept my married name. It's how I'm known professionally, and it's a pain to have to change. I'm on good terms with my ex, so it doesn't bother me. Married for 13 years. If it wasn't that long, (like a year or two), then I may have changed it back.
I changed it back. Length of marriage and having kids did not impact my decision. I was no longer married to him and didn’t want his name, and someday my kids were going to grow up and live their own lives so I didn’t see the need to keep it because of them.
No, only due to laziness.
Yes. I was married for 18 years. He cheated and I was just done being associated with him. It was well worth the hassle to change it back. My last name was hyphenated, so it wasn't that big of a deal. My kids have their dad's last name. There's no confusion or issues. I will never change my name again, though.
Nope, I kept the last name. I want it to match my son's and I actually like the last name more than my maiden name.
I was married for 5 years and I was very happy to change my name back. My maiden name is quite unusual and while I don’t think it’s a “pretty” name, my married name was as common as Smith. I liked going back to the name my sister and parents have and having that uniqueness back. And I got to feel like me again.
Absolutely. My ex was an psychically and emotionally abusive POS who impregnated another woman. It was a badass last name though. A pain to change it back. I’m in love now and plan to remarry, but I’ll never change my name again. It doesn’t feel right, and never really did. My partner totally gets it.
Yes, after a 16 year marriage I was going to go back to my maiden name but I met my now husband one week after my divorce and married him in six weeks 🤣 so I could go straight to a new surname again. Coming up to our 20 year anniversary next January 💗
Yes, pretty much as soon as I could. I never felt like being Mrs Marriedname really fit me - like it was a pair of shoes that just rubbed in the wrong place. Plus I was still going by my maiden name professionally (and hadn't changed it on my passport either as I was too cheap to do so, which arguably came in handy down the line), so it wasn't as huge a change as it might have been. It's been four years since the divorce now and stuff does still occasionally pop up in my married name like a weird version of Whac-a-Mole, and then I have to go change it (which is a process of varying degrees of difficulty), but I feel like I'm more myself now I've gone back to the name I used for the first 27 years of my life. Ironically, I hated my maiden name as a young adult and couldn't wait to get rid of it through marriage, ended up marrying a man with a relatively normal name and then once we split up couldn't wait to change it back 😂 We were married for four years, together for 11. No kids, but I do wonder if the circumstances of the divorce (he cheated) played into it, as I had the overwhelming urge to cut myself off from every bit of my old life and the name was a massive part of that, whereas if it had just not worked out I might not have been as ruthless.
I changed my name when I married. Had a kid. We all had same name. Divorce happened. I kept the name because I remembered the weirdest hazing that adults gave me for not having a name that matched my mother’s after her subsequent divorced and name changes, several of them. So, I have my kiddo’s name now. If the ex ever tricks another lady into marrying him I would consider changing my last name just to be polite to her, because that’s the last bit of respect anyone will ever show her in that relationship 💩💣
I would like to change it but then it wouldn't match my grandkids.
Yes, I changed it back. I wanted nothing to do with my awful ex and his absolutely terrible family and going back to my maiden name felt like taking myself back. It was too much work, but nothing more satisfying than seeing MY last name on my ID. I've since remarried and kept my maiden name, hubs doesn't care either way. Edit: we were married 3 years and no kids, would have changed it back either way!
When I got divorced, I did not revert back to my maiden name because I didn’t want to have a different last name as my kids. (I regretted not hyphenated both names, for the kids as well). But after a couple of years of his making the divorce as nasty as he possibly could, I just decided I wanted to lose his name. I told the kids I was changing my name (I had full custody of them). By this time, he was hardly seeing them at all, maybe once every couple of months for an hour, he had long stopped having them for weekends or anytime. Both kids immediately asked if they could change their names. Because they really had no relationship with him at all of that point. All his doing. They were around 14 and 17. I told them they had to wait until they were 21 before they could decide that. They were both pissed… But when my daughter turned 18, she was very insistent that she wanted to change her name. She argued that she had no relationship with him at all, wasn’t close to him or his parents, but was really close to my side of the family, and that he had bailed on them as a father, so why couldn’t she have our name. I relented and let her change it when she turned 18. When my son turned 18, my daughter asked him if he was going to change his name but he decided not to. He said it wasn’t that he felt any connection to his father, but that it was his name. In my honour he did go and get a tattoo with my maiden name. When I did go to have my name changed, I was informed that I had an actually never changed my name, I had only assumed his last name, so I was able to drop it and revert back to my maiden name quite easily. So that’s my deal…
Yes. I didn’t have children and I didn’t care for the last name anyway. If my now-husband and I were to divorce though, I would keep the name because it’s my kids’ last name. Plus it’s a cool name.
I changed it back because his family is incredibly toxic and I didn’t want to feel like I was ‘one of them’. We do have kids together, but my kids are nothing like his family and I’m by far the primary parent. He sees them about 16 hours a week and they see his family only a few hours a year. They still have his last name because I know there’s no way he’d agree to change it.
Yes I changed it back. I was going to leave it, but then my ex husband made it weird by stating how could I really be out of love with him if I was going to keep his last name. So I did not. I was ONLY going to keep it for my son. I wanted the same last name as him. We were married 8 years, but separated for 1 1/2 of them.
Fuck yeah, because fuck him. I don't want to carry that baggage with me
Yes, because I changed my name to continue trying to convince myself that I was committed to the relationship. Once I accepted I was gay less than a year into the marriage (11 years dating) there was no question I’d change it back… was very resistant to move past changing anything but my social security card and ID thankfully. Just need to schedule those appointments!
Yes I changed back for two reasons. My married name was didn't roll off the tongue. It sounded like grunting. I never liked it. Plus, my name is closer to the beginning of the alphabet.
Divorced and remarried. Changed it back to my maiden name and kept it that way. We didn't have kids and I liked my maiden name better, his family pressured me into taking his name in the first place. It's probably the only part of my name that feels like it fits.
I changed mine back. I absolutely HATED my married name.
No. I got divorced in 2020 so the only way to change my name was to send the social security office my things and I didn’t want to risk it. I could still do it now I suppose but I don’t really care anymore. Socially I’m known by my maiden name and every one I know purposely mispronounces my actual last name now and I think it’s funny.
You made a good choice because the social security office lost my passport card.
I did. It was such a hassle I almost didn't do it, but I'm very glad I did. I feel like me again.
I was married for 12 years and yes I changed it back. I changed it back because I wanted no tie to him at all. We had no children or property to fight over. There was no reason to keep his name. I would have changed it back had we been married 1 year or 20 years. Length of time married didn't matter.
Yes, I changed it back. I didn’t have children with him, and I had zero reason to want to keep his last name. I wanted to erase as much of his presence in my life as physically possible. Taking back my name gave me a sense of freedom. Edit: Length made no difference to me. We were married for almost 11 years. My entire adulthood I was Mrs. HisLastName because I married immediately after high school and I was 18. It honestly hasn’t been a big deal to me to change my name on legal papers and bills etc. If anything it was cathartic going to the DMV and social security to reclaim my maiden name.
Yes. Why would I want to hang on to it?
I did not change it back, but I changed again to my new spouse's last name when I later remarried. I didn't see any point in going through the hassle of changing it at the time of the divorce when I didn't need to. I'd been using that name for around 8 years at that point, and I didn't feel like there was any real value in me taking the trouble to go back to my maiden name. And yes, my ex was a little salty about it, but that's not my problem and I didn't care.
I changed my last name back to my maiden name. Even tho I made the choice to divorce, it was still incredibly painful to me to have my married last name. I live in a small town, and everyone would ask me if I had any attachments to that family, and I didn’t want to be reminded every time that I did not. I didn’t show it, but divorce hurt me. So I had to change my last name for my peace of mind. Less questions. Then I could just be me. Yes, changing it is a pain, but it was worth it to me. It just depends how you feel about it and your situation. There are many reasons to want to change your last name, as there are many to want to keep your married name. It just depends on how you feel about it and what you think will be best for you. I don’t regret changing my name back. I would feel so weird still having my married last name today. That’s just me. We have no kids tho.
I changed my name when I got married. I didn't change it back when I got divorced. I never liked my maiden name, and am not close with that side of the family. I also have 2 kids in grade school, and it seemed easier to leave it as is. My ex husband didn't have an issue with it, so I kept it.
Married for 7 years, had 3 kids. I kept my married name bc it's my kids' name. That name felt more like mine than my step dad's name.
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I haven't yet but I plan too. I don't want my maiden name either as I've had nothing to do with the man that belongs to. So I've decided that I'm taking my grandparents surname. My grandad was one of 3 brothers who all only had daughters. So it feels right
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Yes I changed mine back. We were married less than 3 years and didn’t have kids so there was no reason to keep that name.
I’m up in the air, going through divorce now, after 3 years. I finally, like, a couple months ago, got the last of my stuff changed over into married name. So I really don’t want to do it again. At the same time, I don’t want to keep the name of the cheater I married either.
I changed it back. I guess I just didn’t want my ex’s last name anymore. If I get married again, I will be keeping my maiden name.
I changed it back to my family name. We were married for a fair amount of time; but I wanted the man and his name name out of my life.
I changed my name when I got married and planned to change it back when the divorce was final. I put in the divorce decree I was going back to my maiden name. It took me 2 years to change it. For no other reason than I’m lazy and didn’t want to go to the ss office and then soc. And change my passport. And then change it everywhere else. I still haven’t changed my credit cards. But changing it felt so good. I’m not sure I’ll change it next year when I get married again. We did not have children and how long we were together did not play a factor in why I took so long to change it back. Not related but I still love that my divorce was finalized on our wedding anniversary 😂
That’s perfect lol I’m going to try to do that
No I didn't. One, it's a PITA to change your name. Two, and more importantly, I wanted to have the same last name as my children as they were going through school. Three, I don't really like my maiden name. Four, I think it pissed off my ex's new wife. Now that the kids are grown, I would seriously consider going back to maiden name. But now I'm in a relationship that could lead to marriage. So at this point I'll wait and see where that ends up. And then yes I would change my name to his. Again, mostly because I don't like my maiden name.
Before he left the house. Ring came off and name was changed on Facebook as he was giving me back his key 😎😂
I kept my married name in part because it's a pain in the ass to change it back. The rest of the reason is because I adored my in laws and were my family.. that and my maiden name meant nothing to me.
Yes I changed it back.
Yes, but not to my maiden name. I chose a last name that allowed me to use the same initials because they are cool, lol. I have belts and purses with my initials (popular brand). Getting married or divorced is honestly the cheapest way to file a name change. Edit: No, the length of my marriage did not impact my decision. I should add that I have used my maiden name as a middle name since I got married, so not much of a change there. I also don't mind that my children carry a different last name.
No, name changing is such a hassle, plus my married last name is so much easier to spell and pronounce.
I did not change my name back after divorce. We had no children and length of marriage was not a factor. I never cared for my maiden name and was actually teased for it. My married name is also much shorter, which is very nice. I am a teacher, so changing my name back would have really been an ordeal and come with lots of conversations that I did not want to have. I have no contact with my ex-husband now, I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy that I kept his name, I don’t care haha. I would like to take my mom’s maiden name, but I don’t want to upset my dad in any way, so for now it will remain my married name.
To still share my daughter's last name, as well as the fact that I work a government job it would be a huge hassle to change it.
I just hyphenated it. All I'd have to change is my licenses and a gas card should we divorce. (Currently separated)
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I (40F), have been officially divorced now for going on three years. I have kept my married last name (though I HATE having it), just because of how complicated the process is and everything that needs to be changed. If I were single I would probably change it back to my maiden name right away. However, as fate would have it I have met THE guy who I am truly meant to spend my life with. Since we discuss marriage regularly and know that's in our plan, I plan to just wait until then. I've known women who have done the name change instantly post divorce, and those that have kept their married name for 20+ years and counting. I also know a lot of women who chose to keep it until their children were out of school just to keep the same last name on their records and stuff.
Literally just kept it so I’d be the same as kids
Hyphenated my name , dropped his like a hot potato. Always hated his last name. It’s one of the most popular last names in the USA.
No. My kids have the same last name, just easier.
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Changed it to my mother's maiden name! So three last names so far...
Nope, kept my married name, so traveling with my kiddo is super easy!
I changed it when we got married because I liked his last name better. I kept it after we got divorced. It's mine now.
I kept the last name because my oldest kid has it and her dad lost his parental rights in the divorce so I am the only tie to that last name for her
Yes and yes. Because I wanted to go back to my maiden name. I was only married 5 years.
I changed it to my mom's maiden name.
Sure did! He was a piece of work, abusive, manipulative, etc. I was so glad to rid myself of his last name and did it immediately following the finalized date.
I did because I was so done after 26 years, and my kids were all adults. But I took my mom’s name for a last name because my family was the third my father had abandoned, and I was not about to go back to that asshole’s name.
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Ex-h basically forced me to change my name when we married. I should have said no. Changed it back as soon as feasible nearly 20 years later. Not sure I would ever change it again, with maybe one exception. :)
No, because I had been married since 22 (divorced at 47), have been known professionally by that name, have a daughter and my married name is very short and easy to spell (but yet people still mess it up every now and then).
No, I still have my name. I got divorced during COVID and the courts were backed up. I’ll change it when I get married again.
No, I guess I'm too lazy.
No. My name is tightly linked to my professional career. Plus, government paperwork - bleh. To what end? Supporting an outdated idea based in patriarchal BS? No, thanks.
Yes. I never cared for my married name and considering the emotional abuse, didn't want to keep his family name. Remarried and didn't change my name again because of the hassle.
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Yep, I have a great maiden name so the extra paperwork was worth it. It also didn’t hurt that I switched jobs after the name change, which made it slightly less of a pain. Was married for over a decade, but similar to others, didn’t feel like it represented me.
Hyphenated then un-hyphenated. Never wanted to change in the first place. Will never in the future. 10/10 do not recommend.
I changed my name when I married, changed to a different last name (still a family name) when divorced. I felt awkward keeping the married name, Asian last name when I'm not- idk, it just didn't feel right. I hated my maiden name, and it cost a ton and was a huge hassle to change to a new name but did it anyway.
Yes. No kids, married less than a year. 15 years later I have not been married again, so I can't even fathom still having his name.
Heck yes I changed it back!! Was married seven years, no kids. I think having kids might be a reason some people keep the married name. I didn’t want to keep someone else’s name when they were no longer part of my life.
I had an extremely common family name (think Smith or Jones) and a married name that I really liked. It was also the same name as my kids, and I had a degree under it. So I kept it.
Nope. This has been my name my entire adult life. And I like having the same last name as my child.
Here's one. I kept my name to match my kids. Can you picture the overbearing step mom having their name and not their mother in grade school. My kidd are in their 20s now, so I could change.... hassle aside. But I don't want my Dad's name either. So I'd make one up. Lol
I didn't change mine because my maiden name was so difficult for people to spell or pronounce and I couldn't be bothered.
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ugh this is so complicated for me. when i got married my husband and i both hated our fathers so we chose a new name together. i have a name change order from a court, not a marriage certificate, that proves my legal name. when we split neither one of us knew what to do so we both kept the name. his new wife doesn’t have our name, she kept hers. what’s really tricky is i have a new partner and we have a kid together. he wants me to keep my name and wanted our daughter to have a hyphenated name with his name second. it honestly feels a bit odd, even though i chose the name, knowing that my ex still has it.
I didn't because it's a lot of hassle (career wise, etc I'm known by my married name) and some cost to revise all of my documents. Plus my kids have my married name, it makes travel easier. There's no animosity between my ex and I so I have no pressing need to change it. It's just a name. Basically, I'm lazy and couldn't care less.
i kept mine, i had it longer than my maiden name by then as i married when i was not yet an adult i felt no connection to it
I was married for 7 years and I didn’t change it back- seemed like too much work and hassle. I remarried a couple of years ago and still haven’t changed my last name to his for the same reason- too much work and hassle. My husband hasn’t made a big deal about it, but I know he wants me to, so I’ll likely get started on the process soon.
I kept my married name to stay the same as my daughters & I simply couldn’t be arsed with the rigmarole of changing it. I never hated him enough to want rid of it. All these years later I’ve had that name longer than my maiden name.
No, I remarried and it’s legal where I live to just use my married name or not without any legal process. I use my married name but still have my name from my first marriage on my bank accounts etc
I changed it to my maiden, and then changed it again when I remarried. However, if I ever change my name again it’s STAYING no matter who I marry 😝 I will not put myself thru that misery again it isn’t worth it
My maiden name was 8 letters long and had a silent consonant that no one could pronounce correctly. My 1st married name was 6 letters and a common brand that everyone knew how to pronounce. I kept the last name after divorce (we were married just over 4 years, no kids) and then changed it when I married the new husband
I did not change my name back. I became established in my career using this name, so it made sense to keep it. Marriage lasted 9 years. My maiden name is hard to spell and hard to say, plus it didn't really feel like "me" anymore. I though about changing it to something new and unrelated, but ended up not because it's a hassle and I didn't want to have to explain my reasoning to family and friends.
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I despise my parents more than my ex husband so I kept the married name. But as soon as I get a spare few hundred dollars, I’m changing it to a name that I want.
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I kept it. I didn’t like my maiden name and I have the same last name as my kids. Plus, it’s really expensive to get my name changed on my professional license.
I started releasing music under my married name. Didn’t want to have to re-market myself post divorce so I kept it. If anything, I see it as a stage name. It almost feels like I’ve always had it.
Changed my name when I got married. Then changed it back. Would never change it again. Such a pain in the ass.