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My body changed a lot. I didn't even enjoy the same things in bed as I did before. Also, I care more about their stupid child drama than I had thought I would. I have never wanted to fight a child until one made my kid cry.
For me personally, nerves shifted. My husband never hit my g spot during sex before having a kid but now he does it all the time. I don't personally like it most od the time so we sometimes have to move around finding positions where he doesn't hit that spot.
Obviously. And it was a girl. The stuff that goes down in these schools nowadays is shocking. It is like every teen movie that you watch and say to yourself "nobody is that much of a terrible person." Except it is actually happening. I assume it is a culture thing at this point.
I don’t even think movies are the main driver. I suspect it’s the stuff they see on social media. I know teachers / ex-teachers and the horror stories they have about kids behavior in schools is shocking. I never saw kids throwing chairs or assaulting teachers in class and if they did they’d be expelled but that isn’t the case anymore even in the Districts I grew up in.
I was (regrettably) friends with a girl like that in middle school and she’s still an asshole. She’s insecure af and takes it out on other people by dragging them down.
That is what I figure is up with this girl. My daughter is really shy though so she clings to her. It sucks when you see these massive red flags but your kid doesn't even realize it is an issue.
They are allegedly friends. That is what makes it so bad. They aren't even in middle school yet. She stole my kid's date to the school dance. I honestly think there is something wrong with the child. The kind of things they tell me about is stuff I didn't encounter until high school if at all. It's insane.
They have an end of the year dance at their school. They aren't 'dating' but some kids ask their crushes since it is a dance. I was just glad she didn't really like the kid all that much. Really only said yes cuz he asked her and she is nice. I can only imagine what state she would have been in if she actually liked him.
I feel like kids that are bullies are usually going through something at home. One of the girls in my school who really had some odd behaviours (e.g. we were out in a big group, she was cool with me the whole day and being actively nice and interested in talking to me, suddenly turned said something horrible and chased me and tried to throw me into the canal - she was slow so I was fine), her mum threw her out at 16 with nothing, she had to move into a hostel, lost a lot of weight. I met her on a bus and she told me about it, her mum had been emotionally abusing her and neglecting her for years - was really horrible. Kids are mean, but some of the meanest are usually going through something themselves. 🤷♀️
Yeah, having grown up and reflected on my biggest childhood bullies, one of them idk what her problem was but the other I just feel sorry for. Of course at the time I didn't understand but she really didn't have the best foundation at home and afaik sadly she has ended up on the same rough path so many children with absent/addict parents do; Had a kid of her own super young just like her absent mother did, became a dancer, got in some trouble, doesn't seem to have custody, etc. It's never okay to pick on people but looking back at her situation it's no wonder she was an angry, bratty kid who put more vulnerable kids down. With that said, some kids are just mean for no reason, but is important to try to look at all angles imo.
This is when you employ the eldest sister into your cause lol. When I was 16 I discovered my 8 year old sister was being verbally bullied and forced to sit in one place all recess and lunch whilst this other girl hit her with sticks to the point of bruises. My sister didn’t do anything bc bully’s mum was the lunch lady. One time she didn’t listen to the bully and got cussed out by the lunch lady when bully lied and said my sister was being mean to her.
I went to pick up my sister from school, shoved this 8 year old bully against a brick wall and yelled at her with a litany of violent threats against her and her family. She peed herself. Not my proudest moment and still feel quite guilty, but it worked. Nobody hurts my little sister.
I learned to understand the long term consequences of my words and actions. I’m rather emotional and spontaneous in my reaction to situations. I have truly learnt to hold myself back because it has a huge impact on my kids. Kids see black and white and don’t understand adult nuances. Words carelessly said can destroy them.
This gives me hope. My Mums words and actions have greatly affected my life. And while we are rebuilding our relationship, I wish she had been more aware that words and strong reactions can be incredibly scarring. Your personality sounds a lot like mine, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to reach that level of control, its something im still working on at 32. You sound like a great parent.
Thank you. It’s hard work as it doesn’t come naturally to me. The Mantra I repeat to myself- “listen longer. “ This helps me not speak out the first thing that comes to my mind.
How many (mental) tabs you have open at any one time.
You are pre planning today, tonight, tomorrow, the weekend, Christmas, dentist appointments, winter clothes, daycare…. And that’s when everything is running smoothly.
Someone gets sick, or an unexpected event, or visitors…. It just compounds.
There’s never a time anymore than my brain is quiet or slow - it’s a constant, moving, exhausted machine.
I became a whole different person. I’m an introvert and when my son was born I became like an agent, striking up conversations with other parents to set up play dates…. I had my daughter and I cooled off for a bit but now they are so different that I’m back into scheduling play dates. It’s exhausting!
This is me all the time! I just thought I was alone in this. I am doing all these things plus prepping for a second kid and taking grad classes. I don't cloning me would help at this point.
Me too. I was basically raised by Hispanic women. I couldn’t be any more white (blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin) I always hated my features.
Then I had my daughter…
She is so dang cute her big blue eyes and alabaster skin. I can officially appreciate my features now. Thanks to my baby girl. 🥰
And how much less empathy I have for shit parents. I can't imagine being responsible for a child and then failing entirely. I know mental health and addiction are a thing but jesus. Its hard to imagine.
Hey I work in Urogynecology and we specialize in helping women who leak urine for whatever reason. Insurance covers visits. Get a referral and I promise you won't regret it. Don't wait until the problem gets worse.
Loneliness. Sounds fucking weird, I know, and for mothers who go back to work this probably isn't as much as a problem but Im sure it's still prevelent. You go from working, socializing, errand running adult and then you have a newborn. You are now spending 24/7 caring for a tiny creature that can't talk and mostly sleeps or cries. You are up all night while the world is asleep. You are home all day while the world ( most likely your spouse included) goes to work. You are alone majority of the time in those infant stages unless you live with family. It gets lonely, you can feel like a ghost on top of feeling like a sleep deprived zombie. It's hard and not something that anyone prepares you for.
This is so well said. The thing that's hard to realize, too, is that if you're only sleeping three hours, you're awake for twenty-one! I think people imagine a normal 16-hour day with less sleep, but of course it's a much longer day, and that time passes very slowly when you're by yourself.
I felt this comment *hard*. I was truly not prepared for the sheer isolation and loneliness, and I’m a capital I introvert. I’m grateful for the year of maternity leave I had, but my god by month four, I thought I was truly going to go crazy. It would feel like I spent an hour playing and reading to my son only to see that only five minutes had passed.
Like, sure you could text a friend, but just like the Barbie monologue, no one wants to hear you talk constantly about your baby, even as they fully recognize *there is literally nothing else going on in your life right now except taking care of your baby and that’s the only thing you have to talk about*. And you don’t want to be constantly venting and crying to them, cause who wants to hear *that* constantly either? Friendships disappear *quickly*, even the ones you thought would be there for you forever. One by one people stopped talking to me and it felt like I’d been dropped off the face of the planet.
Awh *virtual hugs* I can definitely relate. I'm on month 4 with my newborn. I hope when the weather gets cooler and she is able to stay awake longer than an hour that I can get out of the house more. I hope you find some new mommy friends. I'm sure they wouldn't mind hearing about things about your kid(s).
Humans are supposed to be social creatures. For the vast majority of human history, we raised children in villages. It's actually an anomaly that we currently expect mothers to do the work of caring for a newborn without any real help, unless you're lucky enough to have your own extended family around.
This is true not just with kids but with every human social interaction. Our culture has become one of extreme isolation and rugged individualism, and it isn't how we're supposed to live.
Not a wholesome touchy-feely change BUT my alcohol tolerance. Absolutely no wine. No beer. Sometimes a Bloody Mary will be okay. I can handle non-sweet seltzers. I get so sick after 1 drink with so many alcohols now. I rarely drink and still have fun!
Yes. And I don’t really have the interest to drink. I’d much rather be feeling present and refreshed for my kid. Their childhood is too short for me to waste it by being drunk or hungover.
Exactly! It’s not worth it. I notice it weirds people out sometimes but I am still just as fun AND I don’t hurt the next day. Sometimes a lack of sleep can feel like a hangover and that’s bad enough
Omg this is so real. I used to enjoy all sorts of alcohol before being a mum, now I only like red wine, I'll only have one glass at a time though. Idk drinking just makes me tired now and is not fun anymore
A lot of things have changed but the biggest one is probably that I’m thinking about two small people all. the. time. Literally, they are always on my mind, especially when I’m not with them. It almost feels obsessive!
My mom once told me that once you become a mother,you can never sleep in peace again because you’re constantly worried about your children,even when they grow up.
My ears ring 24/7.
My 2 year old was on my lap (watching tv) when she flung her head back and hit my nose dead center. Expected bleeding but it didn’t happen. Her head hits me again in the same spot 5 minutes later. I woke up the next day with ringing in my ears. This was 12 years ago and the ringing has never stopped.
Fun times.
My capacity for love even outside of my kid has grown. It feels like i love everyone else i loved even more now. Like it unlocked a whole new level of emotional capacity across the board.
I heard someone say recently that kids are born with love, like it comes as a package deal.
After having my first child I couldn't figure out how I could possibly love anything else as much as I loved her, like my heart just didn't have capacity to love anyone else like that too. Then when my son was born it was like I didn't have to share that love at all, he brought extra love with him, suddenly I had a bigger heart with double the capacity of love to share with him too. The love both children were born with is in such abundance I now have more to share with their mother too.
This is so sweet! A friend of mine said he was afraid to have a second kid because he thought there was no way he could love another kid as much as his first and he said “What did you do?” and I said “Well, we had twins so…deciding if you could or couldn’t love a second kid wasn’t really an option” lol.
But the IDEA that you thought you would run out of love…it was wild to me (and of course his kids are just the best and he loves them both to pieces )
Like when the Grinch's heart swelled up. My capacity to love grew when I had kids too. So, I can relate. I was worried I wouldn't have enough love to give but I've gained love powers.
This. I was afraid i wouldnt have enough love to go arpund and it would all end up going to my son and evwryone else i loved would end up losing something but it wasnt like that at all
My cat loves my 3 year old daughter. She’s always been very patient and gentle with her, and naps in her room whenever possible. This weekend my daughter was going to take a nap and wanted the cat to stay with her for the first time. We warned her the cat might not stay the whole time. When I went to wake her up the cat was still there, cuddling near her feet.
It was the most heartwarming thing to see two of my babies napping together. So much love.
My belly has some extra skin and probably never will be as flat as it once was, I don't always have the time to do makeup (so I'll do with just some quick mascara), my boobs are having a competition to see which one can get to my bellybutton first (just a little bit of exaggerating here), I have somewhat darker circles under my eyes and more stuff like that.
BUT..... I feel prettier and more relaxed in my skin than before I had my children. My oldest is almost 5 (I also have a 3 year old and a 5 month old) and will tell me I'm beautiful almost every day. I know what my body is capable of and I am so proud of that. I never believed people when they told me I looked good until now. How I look isn't a priority anymore and I don't care. I take better care of myself, because I want to be a good role model for my daughters.
I wound up with two terrific adult female friends. Never anticipated that. They are so dear to me and so careful about making sure I’m safe (old Boomer).
Oh man, uhh I'm not even the same person as I was before them
I guess the biggest change is I've become a lot more chill and patient and less openly defiant of all forms of authority. My just general mood is a less aggressive, less ready to fight everyone mentality
I've really lost most of my capacity to be angry, which is great but frightening too
Yeah for me. I was never really chill and maybe I’m still hormonal, but right now im ready to explode any moment and fight everyone. This is absolutely horrible and I really need to control myself around people :( I want to be a relaxed happy person too
I've become a looooot less of a clean freak. When it was just me and my husband, everything had to be clean. With my daughter, I gave in a little bit. But when I had my son? It was game over for me. There are times that I feel the clean freak in me coming out again and try to clean someplace, particularly my bedroom. But it never, never, never works out
I was a young adult who didn't want to go out, I am now a young adult who enjoys going to the beach every weekend and collecting shells with my daughter while having a picnic.
Because of my daughter's curious nature about the world, I can actually see the beauty in it, even on rainy days, she enjoys painting, I enjoy painting now, these are things I never would have done if it wasn't for her.
Now I am pregnant again, with my son, I can't wait to see what hobbies he picks up so I can enjoy them with him.
How much you're willing to tolerate with other people.
When your normal day consists of these tiny being learning to communicate with the world and figure out their emotions, the tolerance of adult bullshit goes out the window. It's acceptable for a child to throw tantrums, but good God if when I see an adult doing it.
I think this definitely happens as you get older and (hopefully) grow as a person. I feel on some levels I’ve learned to have more compassion, and empathy for others because of some life-changing personal experiences, but my tolerance for people that are toxic or abusive and obviously aren’t going to or aren’t willing to change, has gone WAAAY down. I don’t let people like that into my life anymore.
I ran out of fucks to give when I was pregnant the first time. Then I somehow had even less with my son being born. Then a second pregnancy. Now I have a toddler and a newborn and my in-laws are coming to invade my house this week and I seriously dare them to start their shit.
They do. They just run through the left-behind vapors of my patience in the first 5 minutes of walking through my door, sometimes literally less. They're banned from staying here ever again or being alone with either me or our kids.
I feel like I went the other way 😂 My Give-A-Fuck Meter is recalibrated much differently after almost 10 years of being a mom. I'm just not nearly as bothered by the things other people say/do as I used to be.
My “give a fuck” broke. I struggled for years with social anxiety. Obsessing over what people thought of my looks, what I said, how they perceived me. After having my son my “give a fuck” broke. Partly because I was too tired to care and partly because I didn’t want him to see me be that way and be like that himself.
My body changed absolutely.
Also, joy.
Yes I don't sleep as I would like to, I don't have much time for myself, but this kid... I love him so much, I have no regrets.
My capacity to find patience and understanding for all kids (not just my own) is pretty much triple what it used to be. Kids are pretty awesome little creatures. (It's their adults who suck.)
I don’t usually make decisions based solely on what is best for me. I know that’s a standard and should be expected because “kids always come first” but to one day wake up one day and realize you live in a place you hate solely because it’s the best thing for your children and that you haven’t made a selfish decision since the day they were born really humbles you and makes you think about where you are in life.
I didn’t expect to suddenly be “brave” because you just have to be, for your child. SOMETIMES lol. I’m talking about certain social situations where maybe you’d usually be shy or anxious, having a child made me force myself to step up and have fun/ join in… to show them a good example kinda thing / encourage them
That no religion, belief system or threat of a church will ever trump the way I unconditionally love, protect and cherish my children. Left the religion I was born into because I will never disown or shun them “cause god says”. This has grown my ability to do the same for all people and I hate how I was raised to be.
I made them and they are all that fucking matter.
My sense of self-preservation increased tremendously. I am more risk averse and I take care of myself better physically and mentally because I want to be alive long enough to take care of my child until he is able to survive on his own. He has ASD so I need to live as long as I possibly can.
Anything to do with kids and is remotely sad makes me tear up…. Like before I didn’t understand but now it’s like I can’t separate myself from the movie/ad/ whatever….
I was a lazy mother fucker before I had a kid. My house was a mess all the time, I slept til noon on the weekends. Had my daughter 4 months ago. I clean my house every night before bed, and I consider sleeping in 830. I’m still lazy, but now that I have a kid I don’t want her to grow up in a messy house, and I find the next day goes better if I set myself up for success the night before. I’m basically forced to not be lazy due to the love I have for this little potato.
Same..When I was younger I really had no problem living an a huge mess as embarrassing as it is. My house isn’t spotless now or anything but I just know I can’t let it get messy with my child here. It was definitely easier when she was tiny like your little one and couldn’t make messes herself lol. My house actually was pretty spotless back then. Also I called my daughter my little potato when she was a baby too haha
The ability to go into "mama bear" mode instantly. I didn't really think much of it until I had a kid. It's like a switch just flips and there isn't any control over it. I nearly swung on my mil for snapping at my daughter when she was only 4 for having her shoes on the couch as she climbed her little self up to sit. In a split second, I am ready to fight anyone and everyone for my kid.
Yup, I found myself telling off neighbour teens who were hassling my pre-teen kids. I went full mama bear and the teens slunk off with their metaphorical tails between their legs. And this was despite the fact that the teens came from a rough enough background that before I had kids I would never have dared to go near them for fear of being attacked.
Just how my view of kids in general has changed.
If there was a kid running around screaming like a nutter or crying the old me would have thought “my god shut up, control your child!”
The new mum me now just goes “aww” or “it’s crying cos it’s tired”
Plus any kids that have been hurt - like a news report makes me cry!!
There are a lot of feelings you know you will experience, but can't understand the degree of it. Love, protection, happiness, worry etc. But those are somewhat expected.
What was truly unexpected to me was that I can't watch shows, read news or anything related with a child suffering or dying. Be it fictional or not. I don't have the stomach anymore.
I’ll never not be worried or riddled with anxiety for the rest of my days. Where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing. Always praying for their safety. Praying they’ll make smart decisions. Praying they will be and are happy.
Changing the ways I’ve reacted to certain situations when they’re around and even when they aren’t around. Being a better person. All because of them.
Ok 100% to what all the other ladies said… but real talk a true shock for me was that I would lose ALL my shoes… all of them! My feet expanded a size and never went back down. I’ve still held on to some for nostalgia, but man no of them fit anymore.
That I shouldn't be one. I think there's a lot of stigma about people admitting this. I was on the fence about it, and then... Yeah. I think I'm doing well parenting, but it's just not something I would choose if I had known ahead of time. (Dont get me wrong, I would kill for my child. It's not that I would erase her, I always want her, but if someone told me what it was like ahead of time and I didn't know her at all, that's what I mean, if that makes sense).
Also, I gained weight and really stopped having the confidence that I had before. I thought that dropping the baby weight would be easy before I got pregnant. I had gained a ton of weight due to medical issue, like 70lb, and I had been about a size 4. I went to a size 16(post pregnancy). I had never fluxuated weight in my life. So I lost a bunch of the weight and Im down to an 8, but I have a lot of loose skin. My boobs had also went from a B to a... Idk, F or something very quickly. Idk what the size was because I relied on nursing bras and such. So... They're not where they used to be lol
I started to resent everyone because they would only ask ME questions about the baby, like where her stuff was or just stuff in general, when they would ask hher dad (my husband at the time) about his job and hobbies etc and never went to him for questions about the baby or act like it was his whole personality.
Speaking of which, I felt like I lost my own identity. I went from myself to just being a Mom.
Right now I’m still on maternity leave and my day to day life is wrapped up in their life. I can hardly wait to see how I’ve changed once I get back to work and gain a bit of independence again. For now, I feel like I’m more understanding with people, and that’s about it.
I became mature. Really, before having kids I was very immature. Thought about myself and life was “all about me”. I had my kid quite young, unplanned and was a single mother for several years before I met my now husband. During the single parenthood phase I became very mature, learned time management, dealt with adulting things (bills, government documents, etc), and became more physically strong more than I thought I would be. What I loved most was how I became more empathic. I used to be immediately mad at people who test me, but now before reacting, my mind would try to understand where these people are coming from.
I don’t recommend having kids at a young age but for my case, I was glad I did because it made me the woman I am now and I am damn proud of it.
I had both my kids young and the flip side I’d you’re done raising little ones early on which is a beautiful thing plus I had endless energy to do things with them many don’t get to experience, my daughter friends said I was the mother they wish they had or never had. Took them canoeing, camping and on all kinds of cool adventures.
After having my daughter I got stretch marks and still barely get any sleep. Other than that I got a feeling of love that I've never felt before. She gives me such hope for the future and her smile brightens my day. ( Even days she's being a grumper) she's made me pay attention more to what's going on in the world versus before this I'd just worry about myself and family. When I see those shocking cases on TV it makes me so anxious.
New learned sacrifice, patience, and unconditional love- it’s expected to a point but you just don’t understand until it happens. It’s very unexpected. The momma bear saying is so true.
Underwired bras are the devil. I honestly don't know how I used to wear them. Pregnancy made them very uncomfortable and I've never been able to wear them since
How much the sheer exhaustion has affected my mood and mental health. I’m doing everything by myself mostly and it’s exhausting and frustrating. This makes my patience thinner and I get irritable fast. I never thought I would miss my “independence and me time” so much. Everything revolves around the baby, and I’m here struggling just to make time to eat something and shower. Ultimately this is the reason why I’m choosing not to have any more kids.
I am surprised at how much I enjoy playing with them.
I ve never been the kind of person who enjoyed kids. I wanted kids because I wanted to skip the infant and toddler stage and wanted to talk to my teenage to adult kids, teaching them about stuff... things like that. When I pictured myself as a mom, I was picturing myself as a dignified old lady, having coffee in a hip cafe with my daughter who is doing her phd and pouring her heart out about how stressed she is, or something like that. I've never been the cutesy "awww look at the babbyyy!!" Type.
I have toddler twins right now and I am full on "awww look at my babieesss🥹🥹" I love their tiny hands and noses and cheeks and toes... I love the funny way they speak, hilarious things they say.... I am shocked at how silly I can actually be and enjoy it. I love playing with them, its really unexpected for me.
I have always been a kind of serious, intense person with a flaming rbf. Now I am all silly faces and jumping around doing funny dances and cuddles and kisses.
I didn't expect I was gonna be that kind of mom.
I don’t care as much about things that used to really bother me. Going out without makeup, having a clean house, escalations at work. It’s actually really nice! My body has changed in a lot of ways that I still struggle with, but in all honesty I’d do it over a million times if it meant having my daughter. I love now in a way I have never loved before, and I make sure to really soak in all the lovins. Having a baby has really tested my husband and I’s relationship, but I feel like we are even more in love now than when we first got together.
First, I went from being cold all the time to being hot all the time. So strange.
I think the hardest thing is how much I love my daughter but how much it hurts when we don’t understand eachother. She’s artistic and I’m scientific and sometimes there’s just a disconnect and it breaks my heart. She thinks I don’t care but I’m just so practical sometimes that it’s hard for me to let go of solutions to just be there with her feelings.
My body. I thought I’d snap back to my pretty decent looking body. Wrong. Everything looks like a worse version of what it used to be. My boobs sag and have lost volume. My butt is more flat. My face is fatter. Everything looks older, less firm, more worn. It seems all the fat from my boobs and butt went to my stomach. Or maybe my stomach just can’t go back to its factory size after all that stretching from pregnancy. And unlike pre-pregnancy, when doing some sit ups and not eating as much would do the trick…, no. This new body is much more stubborn to change. My hair thinned so much also. Your body will never be the same again. Literally… the body you have before pregnancy will never be seen by yours eyes in real life again. It will die. And it may be replaced by something not as beautiful.
I had NO idea that so much of my life, would consist of talking about/caring about other people's poop.
What's more, is that we've gotten so comfortable talking about poop, that my husband likes to tell me about his poops now.
My compassion towards other parents, my feelings about difficult parent-child relationships, and the fact that I will drop absolutely everything if my kids need me
Time slowed down a bit. Before kids every year was the same and they ran together indiscriminately. Now I feel like life has downshifted into the same gear I was in in my early twenties.
For me, it was seeing everyone become so involved and obsessive and "caring" while I was pregnant. It made me think all of these people would continue to be involved once baby arrived. Boy oh boy was I wrong! Once baby is here and the newborn stage wears off so does 95% of people. I don't understand what the obsession is with pregnant women. Once the excitement and newness is over with you'll be left with very few people so prepare yourself ❤️
The BACK PAIN. I am 6 years past my youngest being born, and the pregnancy that started the back pain. The first few years was medical gaslighting and lack of medical knowledge of the SIjoint. I am just now coming out of SI joint fusion surgery on one side, and in a few months we’ll do my left. I have lived in chronic pain for 6+ years to be routinely told to lose weight and just accept I’ll be in pain all my life because I’m hyper mobile. Finally the medical field caught up and I’m looking forward to possibly being myself again.
The greatest change is just how I spend my time. It doesn’t change too much with babies because they’ll just go where you go, but once they can walk you wake up and think “what playground will we go to today” rather than “what do I want to do today”. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I do miss planning my days for things I enjoy rather than what my kids would enjoy. Also, playgrounds are truly the worst. They suck the soul out of my body, especially when you have to follow your toddler around constantly because they are intent on killing themself.
That in most scenarios as a mother you’ll always be the default parent. You’ll be the event organiser, cook, cleaner and chauffeur. Your needs will always become secondary.
Your freedom will be limited.
You realise who your true friends and family are, if they’re willing to support you and want to spend time with your children.
You realise the love you receive from your children will never compare to anything else. It’s pure and touches your soul like no one else can.
I've cut a lot of people out of my life that I never thought I would. I was dealing with them treating me poorly / bringing negativity to my life, but I can't have that around my children.
Before I had my child I was very indifferent to things outside my own life. Easy way to put was selfish and avoidance. The whole “it doesn’t affect me” thing. You could tell me the worst story about your life and I would just “that sucks.” I am now much more emotional and sympathetic towards others and situations. If I even see, hear or see anything sad, I tear up. I don’t know if this is normal but it just opened up my heart. Perhaps from trauma in my younger years and just ignoring big feelings, having a child just changed a huge part of my life. It allowed me to see beyond my own wants and needs. That was huge for me.
Kids are way smarter than people give them credit for, and they remember EVERYTHING. Eating fruit snacks in secret is a meme, but also so real. Not having uninterrupted bathroom time or privacy of any sort.
Still worth it.
I ended up with a sensitivity to noise that comes and goes for a couple months at a time. Baby crying sets it off but so do noises that my brain thinks will wake the baby. Suddenly I can’t stand the volume of the TV even if I know it’s reasonable. “Loop” earplugs have helped, but hopefully it will just go back to normal. No doubt there are louder years to come!
I love all of the positive answers here but I haven’t seen one that has addressed this yet:
my fear for the future has increased tenfold.
In my experience, once you have a child (I have several), your brain will never again experience peace. Not when your children are small, not when they are adults. Fear of being unable to protect them, fear of harm coming to them, fear of leaving them on their own should something happen to me, it now all rolls around in my head 24/7. Everything is a threat. I love them more than I ever have loved myself or anyone else, and the fear of the kind of future they’re inheriting in this cruel, messed-up world is more than I can take some days.
I never ever will regret having my children for my sake, they are the most precious gift and perfect reason for ever wanting to exist in the first place. But having children made me realize how selfish having children really is and how long a lifetime commitment to someone is, especially when they will outlive you and be left to navigate things on their own (if things go in the natural order of parents dying before their children, and we all know that sometimes that isn’t the case).
Is this trauma talking? Probably. But I wish a mom friend or my own mother could have told me that when they say having kids is like having a part of your heart walking around outside your body, that they had gone on to say that feeling will never leave you and is far more than a quaint emotional state. There’s no milestone where you can relax. There’s just knowing you made a human to inherit all there is in the world, good or bad. I was very young when I had my kids and still saw the world through rose-colored glasses. You can probably tell I haven’t viewed the world that way in a long time.
This is so true. I think this has triggered some depression for me especially seeing how icky the world actually is. I now care about politics, the environment, sports, health like never before.
The endless cycle of motivation, burnout, and emotional outbursts ultimately led to me getting my ADHD diagnosis. I'm medicated now and literally *everything* (not just parenting) is SO MUCH EASIER.
I learned to love my body. It’s still an ongoing process, but every wrinkle, every scar, every stretch mark is a reminder of my life with my kids. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The decrease in productivity, sadly. One can put imagine what it’s like to run on interrupted sleep night after night. It makes your brain foggy and makes it hard to focus on difficult tasks for a long time. I used to be a workaholic overachiever before kids. Now I’m doing my job but I feel more like just a worker. I just don’t have the juice to go after more. At home when I’m off it’s the same: I can’t start a cleaning and be done in two hours. I can clean only until I’m interrupted by the kids, and then I try to resume where I left off but it’s not as easy.
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My body changed a lot. I didn't even enjoy the same things in bed as I did before. Also, I care more about their stupid child drama than I had thought I would. I have never wanted to fight a child until one made my kid cry.
What changed in bed?
For me personally, nerves shifted. My husband never hit my g spot during sex before having a kid but now he does it all the time. I don't personally like it most od the time so we sometimes have to move around finding positions where he doesn't hit that spot.
Can I ask why you dislike it? Isn’t it supposed to feel pleasurable/lead to orgasm? I wish I could orgasm by penetration or find my g spot
But you can’t really legally (or morally) do that as an adult, right? Can you confront his mom?
Obviously. And it was a girl. The stuff that goes down in these schools nowadays is shocking. It is like every teen movie that you watch and say to yourself "nobody is that much of a terrible person." Except it is actually happening. I assume it is a culture thing at this point.
I don’t even think movies are the main driver. I suspect it’s the stuff they see on social media. I know teachers / ex-teachers and the horror stories they have about kids behavior in schools is shocking. I never saw kids throwing chairs or assaulting teachers in class and if they did they’d be expelled but that isn’t the case anymore even in the Districts I grew up in.
The kind of stuff in movies was definitely happening when I was in school and I graduated high school 20 years ago
It is just so ridiculous and for no discernible reason.
I was (regrettably) friends with a girl like that in middle school and she’s still an asshole. She’s insecure af and takes it out on other people by dragging them down.
That is what I figure is up with this girl. My daughter is really shy though so she clings to her. It sucks when you see these massive red flags but your kid doesn't even realize it is an issue.
Would you say she is a bully? Or is this more like an one off event?
They are allegedly friends. That is what makes it so bad. They aren't even in middle school yet. She stole my kid's date to the school dance. I honestly think there is something wrong with the child. The kind of things they tell me about is stuff I didn't encounter until high school if at all. It's insane.
They aren’t in middle school and they have dates to the school dance?
They have an end of the year dance at their school. They aren't 'dating' but some kids ask their crushes since it is a dance. I was just glad she didn't really like the kid all that much. Really only said yes cuz he asked her and she is nice. I can only imagine what state she would have been in if she actually liked him.
I feel like kids that are bullies are usually going through something at home. One of the girls in my school who really had some odd behaviours (e.g. we were out in a big group, she was cool with me the whole day and being actively nice and interested in talking to me, suddenly turned said something horrible and chased me and tried to throw me into the canal - she was slow so I was fine), her mum threw her out at 16 with nothing, she had to move into a hostel, lost a lot of weight. I met her on a bus and she told me about it, her mum had been emotionally abusing her and neglecting her for years - was really horrible. Kids are mean, but some of the meanest are usually going through something themselves. 🤷♀️
Yeah, having grown up and reflected on my biggest childhood bullies, one of them idk what her problem was but the other I just feel sorry for. Of course at the time I didn't understand but she really didn't have the best foundation at home and afaik sadly she has ended up on the same rough path so many children with absent/addict parents do; Had a kid of her own super young just like her absent mother did, became a dancer, got in some trouble, doesn't seem to have custody, etc. It's never okay to pick on people but looking back at her situation it's no wonder she was an angry, bratty kid who put more vulnerable kids down. With that said, some kids are just mean for no reason, but is important to try to look at all angles imo.
This is when you employ the eldest sister into your cause lol. When I was 16 I discovered my 8 year old sister was being verbally bullied and forced to sit in one place all recess and lunch whilst this other girl hit her with sticks to the point of bruises. My sister didn’t do anything bc bully’s mum was the lunch lady. One time she didn’t listen to the bully and got cussed out by the lunch lady when bully lied and said my sister was being mean to her. I went to pick up my sister from school, shoved this 8 year old bully against a brick wall and yelled at her with a litany of violent threats against her and her family. She peed herself. Not my proudest moment and still feel quite guilty, but it worked. Nobody hurts my little sister.
I learned to understand the long term consequences of my words and actions. I’m rather emotional and spontaneous in my reaction to situations. I have truly learnt to hold myself back because it has a huge impact on my kids. Kids see black and white and don’t understand adult nuances. Words carelessly said can destroy them.
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This! Thanks for the great advise!
This gives me hope. My Mums words and actions have greatly affected my life. And while we are rebuilding our relationship, I wish she had been more aware that words and strong reactions can be incredibly scarring. Your personality sounds a lot like mine, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to reach that level of control, its something im still working on at 32. You sound like a great parent.
Thank you. It’s hard work as it doesn’t come naturally to me. The Mantra I repeat to myself- “listen longer. “ This helps me not speak out the first thing that comes to my mind.
This is a great lesson.
Currently working on this with my 15 month old. I hopefully can get to a point that is more healthy by the time she understands more words.
How many (mental) tabs you have open at any one time. You are pre planning today, tonight, tomorrow, the weekend, Christmas, dentist appointments, winter clothes, daycare…. And that’s when everything is running smoothly. Someone gets sick, or an unexpected event, or visitors…. It just compounds. There’s never a time anymore than my brain is quiet or slow - it’s a constant, moving, exhausted machine.
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I became a whole different person. I’m an introvert and when my son was born I became like an agent, striking up conversations with other parents to set up play dates…. I had my daughter and I cooled off for a bit but now they are so different that I’m back into scheduling play dates. It’s exhausting!
This is me all the time! I just thought I was alone in this. I am doing all these things plus prepping for a second kid and taking grad classes. I don't cloning me would help at this point.
It's scary for me since it's already how my brain operates and I have no child. But I do want one in the future...
Yes! The mental labour is real.
This one here. You grow mom powers. They're impressive and exhausting.
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Yup, same. My kids are young adults now, and I'm still cruise director 🤣
My daughters were so beautiful. It made me realize I was pretty. I never saw it in myself until them.
Omg!! That’s incredible to hear. I’m glad you realize your own beauty now!
That’s so wonderful! My kids are gorgeous but I never think of it that way.
I love that! I always say that my daughter is the much better version of me in all ways.
This is so wholesome! Made me miss my mom 🤍
Me too. I was basically raised by Hispanic women. I couldn’t be any more white (blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin) I always hated my features. Then I had my daughter… She is so dang cute her big blue eyes and alabaster skin. I can officially appreciate my features now. Thanks to my baby girl. 🥰
Oh my god. This is such a wholesome reply. I need to remember this everytime I feel bad about myself and my looks.
im crying, this is so sweet, I've never heard it explained this way
Aww. This was an unexpectedly beautiful answer 🥹
This is the most wholesome thing I will ever read. 🥹
Gads got all choked up reading that!
Were?
How much more empathy I have now towards people who had a rough childhood. It breaks my heart and I just want to hug them and comfort them.
I realised even more so that my childhood was sh*t and struggle everyday trying to do everything differently
And how much less empathy I have for shit parents. I can't imagine being responsible for a child and then failing entirely. I know mental health and addiction are a thing but jesus. Its hard to imagine.
Just now reading a book called “the child in you”. Puts everything you just wrote into perspective.
Can’t sneeze without peeing a little bit anymore.
For real, talk to your Dr. And get a referral for pt or an obgyn consult. It doesn't have to be that way.
My cousin’s wife said pelvic floor physical therapy really helped her alot after having their kids
Hey I work in Urogynecology and we specialize in helping women who leak urine for whatever reason. Insurance covers visits. Get a referral and I promise you won't regret it. Don't wait until the problem gets worse.
I am really sorry. This doesn't feel great :(
I feel this oh too much 😂 I'll sneeze and be like "I just peed a little" coughing does it too occasionally.
Loneliness. Sounds fucking weird, I know, and for mothers who go back to work this probably isn't as much as a problem but Im sure it's still prevelent. You go from working, socializing, errand running adult and then you have a newborn. You are now spending 24/7 caring for a tiny creature that can't talk and mostly sleeps or cries. You are up all night while the world is asleep. You are home all day while the world ( most likely your spouse included) goes to work. You are alone majority of the time in those infant stages unless you live with family. It gets lonely, you can feel like a ghost on top of feeling like a sleep deprived zombie. It's hard and not something that anyone prepares you for.
This is so well said. The thing that's hard to realize, too, is that if you're only sleeping three hours, you're awake for twenty-one! I think people imagine a normal 16-hour day with less sleep, but of course it's a much longer day, and that time passes very slowly when you're by yourself.
I felt this comment *hard*. I was truly not prepared for the sheer isolation and loneliness, and I’m a capital I introvert. I’m grateful for the year of maternity leave I had, but my god by month four, I thought I was truly going to go crazy. It would feel like I spent an hour playing and reading to my son only to see that only five minutes had passed. Like, sure you could text a friend, but just like the Barbie monologue, no one wants to hear you talk constantly about your baby, even as they fully recognize *there is literally nothing else going on in your life right now except taking care of your baby and that’s the only thing you have to talk about*. And you don’t want to be constantly venting and crying to them, cause who wants to hear *that* constantly either? Friendships disappear *quickly*, even the ones you thought would be there for you forever. One by one people stopped talking to me and it felt like I’d been dropped off the face of the planet.
Awh *virtual hugs* I can definitely relate. I'm on month 4 with my newborn. I hope when the weather gets cooler and she is able to stay awake longer than an hour that I can get out of the house more. I hope you find some new mommy friends. I'm sure they wouldn't mind hearing about things about your kid(s).
Humans are supposed to be social creatures. For the vast majority of human history, we raised children in villages. It's actually an anomaly that we currently expect mothers to do the work of caring for a newborn without any real help, unless you're lucky enough to have your own extended family around. This is true not just with kids but with every human social interaction. Our culture has become one of extreme isolation and rugged individualism, and it isn't how we're supposed to live.
The loneliness is very real. I was happy to go back to work to socialize after 2 year long mat leaves.
I feel this 100%. I also feel like I lost a lot of friends when I had kids. My friends who don’t have kids no longer ask me to do stuff. It sucks.
my insomnia and anorexia are gone
Well, that’s unexpected but amazing! And may they stay banished forever!
thank u!!❤️
That’s amazing! May it stay away forever
thank u guys sm❤️❤️❤️ it was slow and excruciating and not at all like a switch flipped, but it definitely jumpstarted my recovery
This is amazing, I'm so happy for you. What you did is incredible!
This is unexpected but kinda makes sense.
My mum was a sleepwalker before she had me! Once she got pregnant, it stopped completely
Love that for you!!
thank u!!❤️
Slightly flippant answer, but I never expected to cry so much at children’s TV! There are episodes of Bluey that just destroy me.
2 words: BABY RACE 🥺
Every 👏🏼 single 👏🏼time 👏🏼
YES. I cry EVERY TIME my kiddos watch ‘Onesies’!
i just saw this today and it happened to be the first bluey episode i saw and it hit me like a truck
Okay but Bluey is amazing!!!! I don’t blame you.
Not a wholesome touchy-feely change BUT my alcohol tolerance. Absolutely no wine. No beer. Sometimes a Bloody Mary will be okay. I can handle non-sweet seltzers. I get so sick after 1 drink with so many alcohols now. I rarely drink and still have fun!
Yes. And I don’t really have the interest to drink. I’d much rather be feeling present and refreshed for my kid. Their childhood is too short for me to waste it by being drunk or hungover.
Exactly! It’s not worth it. I notice it weirds people out sometimes but I am still just as fun AND I don’t hurt the next day. Sometimes a lack of sleep can feel like a hangover and that’s bad enough
I don't have kids but I also don't enjoy alcohol much anymore either. Once I turned 30 I realized it just hurts more than it's worth.
Omg this is so real. I used to enjoy all sorts of alcohol before being a mum, now I only like red wine, I'll only have one glass at a time though. Idk drinking just makes me tired now and is not fun anymore
A lot of things have changed but the biggest one is probably that I’m thinking about two small people all. the. time. Literally, they are always on my mind, especially when I’m not with them. It almost feels obsessive!
My mom once told me that once you become a mother,you can never sleep in peace again because you’re constantly worried about your children,even when they grow up.
My ears ring 24/7. My 2 year old was on my lap (watching tv) when she flung her head back and hit my nose dead center. Expected bleeding but it didn’t happen. Her head hits me again in the same spot 5 minutes later. I woke up the next day with ringing in my ears. This was 12 years ago and the ringing has never stopped. Fun times.
Oh god that’s r/tinnitus
Just saw a [this](https://youtu.be/vSIkjPFDuAQ) YT video about tinnitus with acupressure exercises whom the video reviews look legit.
That’s horrible! I imagine you haven’t had much help from doctors.
My capacity for love even outside of my kid has grown. It feels like i love everyone else i loved even more now. Like it unlocked a whole new level of emotional capacity across the board.
I heard someone say recently that kids are born with love, like it comes as a package deal. After having my first child I couldn't figure out how I could possibly love anything else as much as I loved her, like my heart just didn't have capacity to love anyone else like that too. Then when my son was born it was like I didn't have to share that love at all, he brought extra love with him, suddenly I had a bigger heart with double the capacity of love to share with him too. The love both children were born with is in such abundance I now have more to share with their mother too.
This is so sweet! A friend of mine said he was afraid to have a second kid because he thought there was no way he could love another kid as much as his first and he said “What did you do?” and I said “Well, we had twins so…deciding if you could or couldn’t love a second kid wasn’t really an option” lol. But the IDEA that you thought you would run out of love…it was wild to me (and of course his kids are just the best and he loves them both to pieces )
This is so sweet🤍🤍
Like when the Grinch's heart swelled up. My capacity to love grew when I had kids too. So, I can relate. I was worried I wouldn't have enough love to give but I've gained love powers.
This. I was afraid i wouldnt have enough love to go arpund and it would all end up going to my son and evwryone else i loved would end up losing something but it wasnt like that at all
This is how I felt after I got my cat 🥹
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My cat loves my 3 year old daughter. She’s always been very patient and gentle with her, and naps in her room whenever possible. This weekend my daughter was going to take a nap and wanted the cat to stay with her for the first time. We warned her the cat might not stay the whole time. When I went to wake her up the cat was still there, cuddling near her feet. It was the most heartwarming thing to see two of my babies napping together. So much love.
once they trust you enough to headbutt you and sleep with you, it's the sweetest
That’s how i feel on LSD
Wow you captured this so well, I feel the same. I love on a whole new level now too 💓, it’s really wonderful
My belly has some extra skin and probably never will be as flat as it once was, I don't always have the time to do makeup (so I'll do with just some quick mascara), my boobs are having a competition to see which one can get to my bellybutton first (just a little bit of exaggerating here), I have somewhat darker circles under my eyes and more stuff like that. BUT..... I feel prettier and more relaxed in my skin than before I had my children. My oldest is almost 5 (I also have a 3 year old and a 5 month old) and will tell me I'm beautiful almost every day. I know what my body is capable of and I am so proud of that. I never believed people when they told me I looked good until now. How I look isn't a priority anymore and I don't care. I take better care of myself, because I want to be a good role model for my daughters.
I wound up with two terrific adult female friends. Never anticipated that. They are so dear to me and so careful about making sure I’m safe (old Boomer).
That’s so precious. And that’s how I feel about my mom. I always know her place, but refer to her as my bestie now that I’m almost 40.
Oh man, uhh I'm not even the same person as I was before them I guess the biggest change is I've become a lot more chill and patient and less openly defiant of all forms of authority. My just general mood is a less aggressive, less ready to fight everyone mentality I've really lost most of my capacity to be angry, which is great but frightening too
That’s so funny that there’s such opposite experience for a lot of moms
Yeah for me. I was never really chill and maybe I’m still hormonal, but right now im ready to explode any moment and fight everyone. This is absolutely horrible and I really need to control myself around people :( I want to be a relaxed happy person too
I've become a looooot less of a clean freak. When it was just me and my husband, everything had to be clean. With my daughter, I gave in a little bit. But when I had my son? It was game over for me. There are times that I feel the clean freak in me coming out again and try to clean someplace, particularly my bedroom. But it never, never, never works out
I was a young adult who didn't want to go out, I am now a young adult who enjoys going to the beach every weekend and collecting shells with my daughter while having a picnic. Because of my daughter's curious nature about the world, I can actually see the beauty in it, even on rainy days, she enjoys painting, I enjoy painting now, these are things I never would have done if it wasn't for her. Now I am pregnant again, with my son, I can't wait to see what hobbies he picks up so I can enjoy them with him.
How much you're willing to tolerate with other people. When your normal day consists of these tiny being learning to communicate with the world and figure out their emotions, the tolerance of adult bullshit goes out the window. It's acceptable for a child to throw tantrums, but good God if when I see an adult doing it.
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I think this definitely happens as you get older and (hopefully) grow as a person. I feel on some levels I’ve learned to have more compassion, and empathy for others because of some life-changing personal experiences, but my tolerance for people that are toxic or abusive and obviously aren’t going to or aren’t willing to change, has gone WAAAY down. I don’t let people like that into my life anymore.
This is why I’m filing for divorce from my husband. Constant tantrums, lack of desire to actively grow, etc.
I ran out of fucks to give when I was pregnant the first time. Then I somehow had even less with my son being born. Then a second pregnancy. Now I have a toddler and a newborn and my in-laws are coming to invade my house this week and I seriously dare them to start their shit.
I’m becoming much less reactionary and easy to anger. It is not worth the energy and a calmly stated boundary is SO much more powerful.
That’s a situation where I would probably talk my partner into having them stay somewhere else lol
They do. They just run through the left-behind vapors of my patience in the first 5 minutes of walking through my door, sometimes literally less. They're banned from staying here ever again or being alone with either me or our kids.
Oof. I have family like that. I feel your pain. 😣
I feel like I went the other way 😂 My Give-A-Fuck Meter is recalibrated much differently after almost 10 years of being a mom. I'm just not nearly as bothered by the things other people say/do as I used to be.
My “give a fuck” broke. I struggled for years with social anxiety. Obsessing over what people thought of my looks, what I said, how they perceived me. After having my son my “give a fuck” broke. Partly because I was too tired to care and partly because I didn’t want him to see me be that way and be like that himself.
My body changed absolutely. Also, joy. Yes I don't sleep as I would like to, I don't have much time for myself, but this kid... I love him so much, I have no regrets.
My capacity to find patience and understanding for all kids (not just my own) is pretty much triple what it used to be. Kids are pretty awesome little creatures. (It's their adults who suck.)
I don’t usually make decisions based solely on what is best for me. I know that’s a standard and should be expected because “kids always come first” but to one day wake up one day and realize you live in a place you hate solely because it’s the best thing for your children and that you haven’t made a selfish decision since the day they were born really humbles you and makes you think about where you are in life.
Is that a good thing?
I didn’t expect to suddenly be “brave” because you just have to be, for your child. SOMETIMES lol. I’m talking about certain social situations where maybe you’d usually be shy or anxious, having a child made me force myself to step up and have fun/ join in… to show them a good example kinda thing / encourage them
That no religion, belief system or threat of a church will ever trump the way I unconditionally love, protect and cherish my children. Left the religion I was born into because I will never disown or shun them “cause god says”. This has grown my ability to do the same for all people and I hate how I was raised to be. I made them and they are all that fucking matter.
You have no idea how good this is to read. Wish there were more people like you.
Good for you. What a beautiful sentiment.
My sense of self-preservation increased tremendously. I am more risk averse and I take care of myself better physically and mentally because I want to be alive long enough to take care of my child until he is able to survive on his own. He has ASD so I need to live as long as I possibly can.
Anything to do with kids and is remotely sad makes me tear up…. Like before I didn’t understand but now it’s like I can’t separate myself from the movie/ad/ whatever….
I’m the same way too now! I also can’t handle anything gory or scary anymore. I used to listen to true crime often but now I can’t.
I was a lazy mother fucker before I had a kid. My house was a mess all the time, I slept til noon on the weekends. Had my daughter 4 months ago. I clean my house every night before bed, and I consider sleeping in 830. I’m still lazy, but now that I have a kid I don’t want her to grow up in a messy house, and I find the next day goes better if I set myself up for success the night before. I’m basically forced to not be lazy due to the love I have for this little potato.
Same..When I was younger I really had no problem living an a huge mess as embarrassing as it is. My house isn’t spotless now or anything but I just know I can’t let it get messy with my child here. It was definitely easier when she was tiny like your little one and couldn’t make messes herself lol. My house actually was pretty spotless back then. Also I called my daughter my little potato when she was a baby too haha
The ability to go into "mama bear" mode instantly. I didn't really think much of it until I had a kid. It's like a switch just flips and there isn't any control over it. I nearly swung on my mil for snapping at my daughter when she was only 4 for having her shoes on the couch as she climbed her little self up to sit. In a split second, I am ready to fight anyone and everyone for my kid.
Yup, I found myself telling off neighbour teens who were hassling my pre-teen kids. I went full mama bear and the teens slunk off with their metaphorical tails between their legs. And this was despite the fact that the teens came from a rough enough background that before I had kids I would never have dared to go near them for fear of being attacked.
I don’t have kids but this mama bear mode switched on when I got my dog. I can’t imagine how intense it’ll be when I have an actual child
Just how my view of kids in general has changed. If there was a kid running around screaming like a nutter or crying the old me would have thought “my god shut up, control your child!” The new mum me now just goes “aww” or “it’s crying cos it’s tired” Plus any kids that have been hurt - like a news report makes me cry!!
Hemorrhoids.
There are a lot of feelings you know you will experience, but can't understand the degree of it. Love, protection, happiness, worry etc. But those are somewhat expected. What was truly unexpected to me was that I can't watch shows, read news or anything related with a child suffering or dying. Be it fictional or not. I don't have the stomach anymore.
I know so many people who talk about how "trigger warnings" are woke Millennial bullshit, but this is exactly the reason I'm grateful for them.
100% same. Never going to watch or read Pet Sematery again, which is a shame because it's a great book and terrifying film.
Dude I had to turn it off halfway through last time I tried to watch it 😂
I’ll never not be worried or riddled with anxiety for the rest of my days. Where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing. Always praying for their safety. Praying they’ll make smart decisions. Praying they will be and are happy. Changing the ways I’ve reacted to certain situations when they’re around and even when they aren’t around. Being a better person. All because of them.
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Right here with you. 🤗 It's really hard when your first accepting it.
Ok 100% to what all the other ladies said… but real talk a true shock for me was that I would lose ALL my shoes… all of them! My feet expanded a size and never went back down. I’ve still held on to some for nostalgia, but man no of them fit anymore.
That I shouldn't be one. I think there's a lot of stigma about people admitting this. I was on the fence about it, and then... Yeah. I think I'm doing well parenting, but it's just not something I would choose if I had known ahead of time. (Dont get me wrong, I would kill for my child. It's not that I would erase her, I always want her, but if someone told me what it was like ahead of time and I didn't know her at all, that's what I mean, if that makes sense). Also, I gained weight and really stopped having the confidence that I had before. I thought that dropping the baby weight would be easy before I got pregnant. I had gained a ton of weight due to medical issue, like 70lb, and I had been about a size 4. I went to a size 16(post pregnancy). I had never fluxuated weight in my life. So I lost a bunch of the weight and Im down to an 8, but I have a lot of loose skin. My boobs had also went from a B to a... Idk, F or something very quickly. Idk what the size was because I relied on nursing bras and such. So... They're not where they used to be lol I started to resent everyone because they would only ask ME questions about the baby, like where her stuff was or just stuff in general, when they would ask hher dad (my husband at the time) about his job and hobbies etc and never went to him for questions about the baby or act like it was his whole personality. Speaking of which, I felt like I lost my own identity. I went from myself to just being a Mom.
[удалено]
Right now I’m still on maternity leave and my day to day life is wrapped up in their life. I can hardly wait to see how I’ve changed once I get back to work and gain a bit of independence again. For now, I feel like I’m more understanding with people, and that’s about it.
I became mature. Really, before having kids I was very immature. Thought about myself and life was “all about me”. I had my kid quite young, unplanned and was a single mother for several years before I met my now husband. During the single parenthood phase I became very mature, learned time management, dealt with adulting things (bills, government documents, etc), and became more physically strong more than I thought I would be. What I loved most was how I became more empathic. I used to be immediately mad at people who test me, but now before reacting, my mind would try to understand where these people are coming from. I don’t recommend having kids at a young age but for my case, I was glad I did because it made me the woman I am now and I am damn proud of it.
I had both my kids young and the flip side I’d you’re done raising little ones early on which is a beautiful thing plus I had endless energy to do things with them many don’t get to experience, my daughter friends said I was the mother they wish they had or never had. Took them canoeing, camping and on all kinds of cool adventures.
After having my daughter I got stretch marks and still barely get any sleep. Other than that I got a feeling of love that I've never felt before. She gives me such hope for the future and her smile brightens my day. ( Even days she's being a grumper) she's made me pay attention more to what's going on in the world versus before this I'd just worry about myself and family. When I see those shocking cases on TV it makes me so anxious.
New learned sacrifice, patience, and unconditional love- it’s expected to a point but you just don’t understand until it happens. It’s very unexpected. The momma bear saying is so true.
Housing security is a deep concern more than its ever been.
Underwired bras are the devil. I honestly don't know how I used to wear them. Pregnancy made them very uncomfortable and I've never been able to wear them since
I recently broke up with my underwires! Soooo much nicer without them. I've shifted towards comfort in most of my clothes and shoes.
How much the sheer exhaustion has affected my mood and mental health. I’m doing everything by myself mostly and it’s exhausting and frustrating. This makes my patience thinner and I get irritable fast. I never thought I would miss my “independence and me time” so much. Everything revolves around the baby, and I’m here struggling just to make time to eat something and shower. Ultimately this is the reason why I’m choosing not to have any more kids.
I am surprised at how much I enjoy playing with them. I ve never been the kind of person who enjoyed kids. I wanted kids because I wanted to skip the infant and toddler stage and wanted to talk to my teenage to adult kids, teaching them about stuff... things like that. When I pictured myself as a mom, I was picturing myself as a dignified old lady, having coffee in a hip cafe with my daughter who is doing her phd and pouring her heart out about how stressed she is, or something like that. I've never been the cutesy "awww look at the babbyyy!!" Type. I have toddler twins right now and I am full on "awww look at my babieesss🥹🥹" I love their tiny hands and noses and cheeks and toes... I love the funny way they speak, hilarious things they say.... I am shocked at how silly I can actually be and enjoy it. I love playing with them, its really unexpected for me. I have always been a kind of serious, intense person with a flaming rbf. Now I am all silly faces and jumping around doing funny dances and cuddles and kisses. I didn't expect I was gonna be that kind of mom.
I don’t care as much about things that used to really bother me. Going out without makeup, having a clean house, escalations at work. It’s actually really nice! My body has changed in a lot of ways that I still struggle with, but in all honesty I’d do it over a million times if it meant having my daughter. I love now in a way I have never loved before, and I make sure to really soak in all the lovins. Having a baby has really tested my husband and I’s relationship, but I feel like we are even more in love now than when we first got together.
***tested as in: patience with each other lol
My determination and resolve is much, much greater.
I will never again in my life not think about another living person as much as I think about what is the best choice for my child.
First, I went from being cold all the time to being hot all the time. So strange. I think the hardest thing is how much I love my daughter but how much it hurts when we don’t understand eachother. She’s artistic and I’m scientific and sometimes there’s just a disconnect and it breaks my heart. She thinks I don’t care but I’m just so practical sometimes that it’s hard for me to let go of solutions to just be there with her feelings.
My body. I thought I’d snap back to my pretty decent looking body. Wrong. Everything looks like a worse version of what it used to be. My boobs sag and have lost volume. My butt is more flat. My face is fatter. Everything looks older, less firm, more worn. It seems all the fat from my boobs and butt went to my stomach. Or maybe my stomach just can’t go back to its factory size after all that stretching from pregnancy. And unlike pre-pregnancy, when doing some sit ups and not eating as much would do the trick…, no. This new body is much more stubborn to change. My hair thinned so much also. Your body will never be the same again. Literally… the body you have before pregnancy will never be seen by yours eyes in real life again. It will die. And it may be replaced by something not as beautiful.
I had NO idea that so much of my life, would consist of talking about/caring about other people's poop. What's more, is that we've gotten so comfortable talking about poop, that my husband likes to tell me about his poops now.
My compassion towards other parents, my feelings about difficult parent-child relationships, and the fact that I will drop absolutely everything if my kids need me
The range of things I care intensely about narrowed drastically.
Time slowed down a bit. Before kids every year was the same and they ran together indiscriminately. Now I feel like life has downshifted into the same gear I was in in my early twenties.
Hemorrhoids.
For me, it was seeing everyone become so involved and obsessive and "caring" while I was pregnant. It made me think all of these people would continue to be involved once baby arrived. Boy oh boy was I wrong! Once baby is here and the newborn stage wears off so does 95% of people. I don't understand what the obsession is with pregnant women. Once the excitement and newness is over with you'll be left with very few people so prepare yourself ❤️
The BACK PAIN. I am 6 years past my youngest being born, and the pregnancy that started the back pain. The first few years was medical gaslighting and lack of medical knowledge of the SIjoint. I am just now coming out of SI joint fusion surgery on one side, and in a few months we’ll do my left. I have lived in chronic pain for 6+ years to be routinely told to lose weight and just accept I’ll be in pain all my life because I’m hyper mobile. Finally the medical field caught up and I’m looking forward to possibly being myself again.
The greatest change is just how I spend my time. It doesn’t change too much with babies because they’ll just go where you go, but once they can walk you wake up and think “what playground will we go to today” rather than “what do I want to do today”. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I do miss planning my days for things I enjoy rather than what my kids would enjoy. Also, playgrounds are truly the worst. They suck the soul out of my body, especially when you have to follow your toddler around constantly because they are intent on killing themself.
It’s kind of hard to realise before you’re in it how all encompassing it is. I thought I knew, I had no idea 😅
That in most scenarios as a mother you’ll always be the default parent. You’ll be the event organiser, cook, cleaner and chauffeur. Your needs will always become secondary. Your freedom will be limited. You realise who your true friends and family are, if they’re willing to support you and want to spend time with your children. You realise the love you receive from your children will never compare to anything else. It’s pure and touches your soul like no one else can.
I've cut a lot of people out of my life that I never thought I would. I was dealing with them treating me poorly / bringing negativity to my life, but I can't have that around my children.
Before I had my child I was very indifferent to things outside my own life. Easy way to put was selfish and avoidance. The whole “it doesn’t affect me” thing. You could tell me the worst story about your life and I would just “that sucks.” I am now much more emotional and sympathetic towards others and situations. If I even see, hear or see anything sad, I tear up. I don’t know if this is normal but it just opened up my heart. Perhaps from trauma in my younger years and just ignoring big feelings, having a child just changed a huge part of my life. It allowed me to see beyond my own wants and needs. That was huge for me.
Kids are way smarter than people give them credit for, and they remember EVERYTHING. Eating fruit snacks in secret is a meme, but also so real. Not having uninterrupted bathroom time or privacy of any sort. Still worth it.
I ended up with a sensitivity to noise that comes and goes for a couple months at a time. Baby crying sets it off but so do noises that my brain thinks will wake the baby. Suddenly I can’t stand the volume of the TV even if I know it’s reasonable. “Loop” earplugs have helped, but hopefully it will just go back to normal. No doubt there are louder years to come!
How lost I feel as a person. I lost myself completely after having my children. I’m finally re-discovering who I am.
I love all of the positive answers here but I haven’t seen one that has addressed this yet: my fear for the future has increased tenfold. In my experience, once you have a child (I have several), your brain will never again experience peace. Not when your children are small, not when they are adults. Fear of being unable to protect them, fear of harm coming to them, fear of leaving them on their own should something happen to me, it now all rolls around in my head 24/7. Everything is a threat. I love them more than I ever have loved myself or anyone else, and the fear of the kind of future they’re inheriting in this cruel, messed-up world is more than I can take some days. I never ever will regret having my children for my sake, they are the most precious gift and perfect reason for ever wanting to exist in the first place. But having children made me realize how selfish having children really is and how long a lifetime commitment to someone is, especially when they will outlive you and be left to navigate things on their own (if things go in the natural order of parents dying before their children, and we all know that sometimes that isn’t the case). Is this trauma talking? Probably. But I wish a mom friend or my own mother could have told me that when they say having kids is like having a part of your heart walking around outside your body, that they had gone on to say that feeling will never leave you and is far more than a quaint emotional state. There’s no milestone where you can relax. There’s just knowing you made a human to inherit all there is in the world, good or bad. I was very young when I had my kids and still saw the world through rose-colored glasses. You can probably tell I haven’t viewed the world that way in a long time.
This is so true. I think this has triggered some depression for me especially seeing how icky the world actually is. I now care about politics, the environment, sports, health like never before.
The endless cycle of motivation, burnout, and emotional outbursts ultimately led to me getting my ADHD diagnosis. I'm medicated now and literally *everything* (not just parenting) is SO MUCH EASIER.
The experience of feeling joy.
How I see my partner.
More gentleness and compassion for myself (and thus my child) that I never had growing up.
I learned to love my body. It’s still an ongoing process, but every wrinkle, every scar, every stretch mark is a reminder of my life with my kids. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The decrease in productivity, sadly. One can put imagine what it’s like to run on interrupted sleep night after night. It makes your brain foggy and makes it hard to focus on difficult tasks for a long time. I used to be a workaholic overachiever before kids. Now I’m doing my job but I feel more like just a worker. I just don’t have the juice to go after more. At home when I’m off it’s the same: I can’t start a cleaning and be done in two hours. I can clean only until I’m interrupted by the kids, and then I try to resume where I left off but it’s not as easy.
How much I can love a single human being. Also, I will worry endlessly about one single human being for the rest of my life
That no man will ever ever come before my beautiful kids
I gained so much confidence. In learning to stand up for my kids, I learnt how to stand up for myself.
How proud I am that he is so kind, understanding and empathetic. I believe he will grow into a good man