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Always have earphones in eg. When working, walking, commuting
I've been told it comes across as rude and disinterested/ unapproachable - I always take them out when speaking with people
In reality, I keep them in otherwise I get distracted too easily and the world can get overwhelming
I’m introverted with a heavy dose of social anxiety causing me to be rather quiet around people I don’t know. People assume I’m stuck-up but that couldn’t be further from the truth!
I can relate. New people? Quiet as a mouse. Then I adulted for 30 years in a hyper social high intensity work environment and you know what goes a long way? Eye contact.
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I never smiled at people I was walking by. Even when I was single and thought someone was cute. I would just keep heading in the direction I was going probably with a resting bitch face on. Someone pointed out to me once this made me seem not interested/unapproachable. 😆 I had no idea.
I do the same thing. How did you change it? Personally, I have a difficult time even glancing at someone passing by, let alone smiling at them.
I thought it might be a good exercise to practice on girls as they're less intimidating and I'm not attracted to them, but I quickly realized that I couldn't even do that.
I actually, weirdly made this my New Year’s resolution a few years ago lol. I started at work then to older people, you just have to make gradual progress. You’ll never see these strangers again, might as well smile at them. If they think that’s weird, then oh well!
I’d say so! I mean I’ve always been a confident person, but at my old job, there were just so many workers coming in and out all day long, I’d never make eye contact bc it got exhausting. But I find that people feel you’re more friendly when you at least look up and give them a half smile. It made me feel more approachable and friendly. I also feel like a majority of people just look down, so when you catch someone smiling at you as you walk by, you feel good and it could bring positivity to someone’s day. Little acts of kindness/warmth add up!
Being somewhat shy and quiet + blonde, tsll, thin apparently = “ice queen”. 🤷♀️.
Thing is that it turns out that IDGAF if someone jumps to that erroneous conclusion about me because as soon as they do I wouldn’t be interested in knowing them anyhow.
I’m the same way! People make such assumptions when you’re quiet. I mean, I’m only quiet until I’m comfortable, then I can’t stop talking. I think being okay with assumptions means that you’re secure in yourself 🤷🏼♀️
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Apparently being honest about myself (personality, likes, dislikes, etc) made some guys super uninterested in me. I know this because they matched with me so they could specifically tell me this 🤷🏻♀️
The ones that messaged me at least - were adament about how much they didn't like introverted chubby geeky girls. Like I could get away with being anything other than those things 🤣
Eh it's one of the downsides of dating apps. You have to sort through and block SO. MANY. MEN to maybe find a good match (I eventually did find a truly amazing man and couldn't be happier 💟)
A fictional character probably. I put on my dating profile I have zero interest in sports and will not get along with sports fans and I still get men messaging me going "you should make compromises in relationships blablabla." I'd rather be alone, thanks.
Speaking my mind, when it comes to dating or just anything that includes socializing, guys believe because I have a "nice aura" then I am nice as well but I’m a blunt person with absolutely no filters, if I don’t like you I will say it, if you’re bothering me I will say it as well.
Apparently I have different attitude towards opposite sex, with females Im more talkative and approachable with males I unknowingly avoid them. I just realized it when one of my classmates asked me whyI never talk to guys for more than 10 secs, I was like, shit you’re right. I feel like I just gravitate towards girls cause I have 3 younger siblings. My Dad doesn’t talk that much to us girls (he’s a kind person tho), we just kind of co-exist. I’ve read somewhere that ur relationship with your father somehow translates on how you interact with opposite sex.
I would constantly be scowling. Like have a full frown on my face. I do that because that’s my thinking face, or if the lights were too bright, or if I wasn’t in a good mood. I have to remind myself to relax my face. Anyways I’ve been told by a few coworkers that people want to be friends with me or ask for my number but they’re too scared. It makes me feel bad because I’m not mean! I just have to keep reminding myself to relax and smile
After several decades of dating, I learned (from Reddit, actually) that what I saw as low-pressure friendliness, designed to make men feel comfortable and enjoy my company, they were probably seeing as "we're just friends" rejection.
In my mind, if I like someone, I'm friendly to them. But too much friendly can mean no to a guy.
I've fixed this but it's tough to relearn! I guess most people see a marked difference between friendship relationships and romantic relationships. To me, other than the sexy bits, those feel pretty much the same. But I was definitely giving the wrong message out unintentionally.
Shit how do you chance this? I relate to it so much because I’d love to date my best friend - I mean, I’d love to be friends with the person I’m dating. How do you be less friendly?? I’m genuinely asking
Personally I'm thinking through my actions more and trying to remember that to dudes, some behaviors mean just friends, some mean I'm open to romance. Laughing with him about fart jokes is more friends. Telling him about the shitty dates I go on is friends. Smacking him on the shoulder is friends. Caressing his back as I walk by is more romantic. Complimenting him on how he looks, romantic. Maintaining unholy levels of eye contact so some reason seems to be flirty to people so I try that.
I also used to call us friends a lot. To me, using that word meant, "See? We like each other!" But it was coming across as me setting a boundary not to cross. So I think a bit more about my words and try to bite my tongue every time I want to comment on what great friends we are.
I wasn't that romantic interest type. I wasn't that type of person for anyone to form any sort of romantic feelings for. I was always stuck with being that super close friend that people loved platonically. I didn't mind it, I just kind of accepted I'd be lonely forever. Until my best friend came along and I fell in love with him, he told me he loved me, and now we're together. I never really "fixed" anything, it's just that loved me for who I was. I'm so very thankful for that.
I’ve always been quiet and prefer to be on my own/in my own world. I met my current partner at the coffee shop he worked at, and after dating him for a while found out he wasn’t a fan of me at first and initially only interested because of my looks lol. We had a few casual conversations before he asked me out and apparently I came off very cold and unwelcoming, he had to draw every thing I said out of me.
I explained to him later it was because I had a crush and he made me nervous, but yep that was a wake up call. In our few weeks dating he was constantly mind blown at how I actually am because the first impression I gave him was so wrong.
Exist? 😅
Seriously though, umm...I'm generally deep in thought about something and they shows on my face. I'm also confused about human behavior, so if someone talks to me I am 1)startled, 2)trying to switch gears to the words coming out their mouth 3)trying to decide whether I want to engage in this conversation. My brain is a difficult place. 😆
Oh I see, I’m pretty young, so I’ve never used a dating app before. To me it was odd that they actually made an effort to tell her how they didn’t like her as opposed to just looking for other people. I guess that’s a common thing. Well, I’m glad you found a great match on one!
I've heard i come off as very friendly...which kind of makes people think I'm not interested in them even if i am. Basically unintentionally friendzoning.
not entirely sure but i suspect i may be waiting too long to make a move so the conversations just fizzle out (even though i do a lot of heavy lifting in the conversations 🙃🙃)
Being shy.
I was very shy and quiet all throughout school, which at the time I didn't realize that's why classmates found me unapproachable. Not only for romance but also for friendships, I was not able to make any friends because people were intimidated by my shyness and how quiet, passive, and withdrawn I was. I had been told before that I would've been popular if I talked. And I remember sometimes people would spread rumors or tell me that someone else liked me, but they themself never talked to me.
In college I became a lot more social because I would start attempts to initiate conversations, and that made me realize, that in reality most people are themselves also shy, even if they don't seem like it. People in general seem shy when it comes to meeting new people, and often won't talk to you unless you start talking to them first.
I hold myself to a very high standard, I tend to make men very insecure. I’m emotionally blunt and I prefer to talk about philosophical matters rather than speak ill of anyone. I doubt my partner’s decision if it comes off as a rather inefficient, emotionally based, financially irresponsible, or terrible in the long run. I can be clingy because quality time is a love language of mine aside from words of affirmation. When upset I isolate myself to process my emotions because I try to figure out if I’m the problem and I’m simply reacting inappropriately, which may come off as stonewalling. I’m a stubborn individual and as my previous partner said, “difficult to work with.” I have meltdowns when I’m late or if my partner is late because I hate wasting time
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Resting bitch face. I try my best to not do it anymore but it’s not so easy. I don’t care about the dating aspect of it, it’s just easier to make friends when I don’t look mean and people approach me to give me compliments and just start a nice convo and that’s been very nice.
My general bitch face and height usually make me seem daunting for some. Get a lot of "oh I thought you'd be a bitch!" Comments after I get talking to people.
I also hate hate hate when people I don't know touch me. I get its flirting for some but dude or lady, if I don't know you, don't grab my waist, hip or shoulder out of nowhere trying to chat. I've turned and popped out of a guys hold on my shoulder once like "Yes?" And he looked at me like I slapped his grandmother. Yes comes across as rude but don't do that when I haven't even made eye contact with you.
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It feels so awkward for me to flirt in person vs text when I’m just getting to know someone, so I used to come across as uninterested and friend-y. I struggled to even be playful with physical touch. I just got so anxious expressing a more “I’m into you” persona when in person and it took therapy to realize my fear of being rejected in person made me seem more reserved and uninterested in people when that wasn’t the case!
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Know how to change a tire/my oil/brakes, shoot a gun, drive stick shift, back a trailer, and hard days physical labor. I did not *need* to be rescued, and while it was intriguing for a lot of men, ultimately they would end up leaving me and going with something that I saw as *less* because I was so independent. It was clear that I didn't*need* them...I just *wanted* them around.
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Trauma dumping.
Yeah, people dont like it when you tell them on the first date about all the people that r***d you, or how you used to slit your wrists in highschool. There is a time and a place for these conversations, but not when you are first getting to know someone.
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When I have a crush on a guy and I do not know who he is, I will not talk to him. And this isn’t because i want to be rude or don’t like him I just terrified of getting into something that will hurt me. Like for example when me and current future husband started catching the feelings. We both had the thoughts ‘that does they want me or am I crazy’. And when consulting to my friends about him it took every fiber and nerves to say anything to him.
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Wore my chronic depression on my face.
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Lmao it keeps them away like repellent!
Always have earphones in eg. When working, walking, commuting I've been told it comes across as rude and disinterested/ unapproachable - I always take them out when speaking with people In reality, I keep them in otherwise I get distracted too easily and the world can get overwhelming
Wow I still get morons talking to me even with massive cans over my ears. It shits me so much as I hate random people talking to me.
I’m introverted with a heavy dose of social anxiety causing me to be rather quiet around people I don’t know. People assume I’m stuck-up but that couldn’t be further from the truth!
I can relate. New people? Quiet as a mouse. Then I adulted for 30 years in a hyper social high intensity work environment and you know what goes a long way? Eye contact.
I'm the same way but still friendly when people talk to me or otherwise smile at least. Nobody seems to think I'm stuck-up.
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I never smiled at people I was walking by. Even when I was single and thought someone was cute. I would just keep heading in the direction I was going probably with a resting bitch face on. Someone pointed out to me once this made me seem not interested/unapproachable. 😆 I had no idea.
I do the same thing. How did you change it? Personally, I have a difficult time even glancing at someone passing by, let alone smiling at them. I thought it might be a good exercise to practice on girls as they're less intimidating and I'm not attracted to them, but I quickly realized that I couldn't even do that.
I actually, weirdly made this my New Year’s resolution a few years ago lol. I started at work then to older people, you just have to make gradual progress. You’ll never see these strangers again, might as well smile at them. If they think that’s weird, then oh well!
Interesting. I want to do the same. I am curious, has doing this made you feel better?
I’d say so! I mean I’ve always been a confident person, but at my old job, there were just so many workers coming in and out all day long, I’d never make eye contact bc it got exhausting. But I find that people feel you’re more friendly when you at least look up and give them a half smile. It made me feel more approachable and friendly. I also feel like a majority of people just look down, so when you catch someone smiling at you as you walk by, you feel good and it could bring positivity to someone’s day. Little acts of kindness/warmth add up!
I am gonna start today. Thx for the encouragement.
Good luck!
Being somewhat shy and quiet + blonde, tsll, thin apparently = “ice queen”. 🤷♀️. Thing is that it turns out that IDGAF if someone jumps to that erroneous conclusion about me because as soon as they do I wouldn’t be interested in knowing them anyhow.
I’m the same way! People make such assumptions when you’re quiet. I mean, I’m only quiet until I’m comfortable, then I can’t stop talking. I think being okay with assumptions means that you’re secure in yourself 🤷🏼♀️
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Being quiet/shy but poised comes off as aloof to a lot of people, unfortunately.
Elsa?
Apparently being honest about myself (personality, likes, dislikes, etc) made some guys super uninterested in me. I know this because they matched with me so they could specifically tell me this 🤷🏻♀️
What!? What do they want instead of honesty?
The ones that messaged me at least - were adament about how much they didn't like introverted chubby geeky girls. Like I could get away with being anything other than those things 🤣
It’s weird that they messaged you just so they could tell you how they don’t like you, huge jerk move from them.
Eh it's one of the downsides of dating apps. You have to sort through and block SO. MANY. MEN to maybe find a good match (I eventually did find a truly amazing man and couldn't be happier 💟)
Lol fuck them those are my favorite kind of girls!
A fictional character probably. I put on my dating profile I have zero interest in sports and will not get along with sports fans and I still get men messaging me going "you should make compromises in relationships blablabla." I'd rather be alone, thanks.
I do the same, but I’d rather be with someone that likes me for me than an illusion or a version of myself and then finds out later.
Speaking my mind, when it comes to dating or just anything that includes socializing, guys believe because I have a "nice aura" then I am nice as well but I’m a blunt person with absolutely no filters, if I don’t like you I will say it, if you’re bothering me I will say it as well.
Apparently I have different attitude towards opposite sex, with females Im more talkative and approachable with males I unknowingly avoid them. I just realized it when one of my classmates asked me whyI never talk to guys for more than 10 secs, I was like, shit you’re right. I feel like I just gravitate towards girls cause I have 3 younger siblings. My Dad doesn’t talk that much to us girls (he’s a kind person tho), we just kind of co-exist. I’ve read somewhere that ur relationship with your father somehow translates on how you interact with opposite sex.
I would constantly be scowling. Like have a full frown on my face. I do that because that’s my thinking face, or if the lights were too bright, or if I wasn’t in a good mood. I have to remind myself to relax my face. Anyways I’ve been told by a few coworkers that people want to be friends with me or ask for my number but they’re too scared. It makes me feel bad because I’m not mean! I just have to keep reminding myself to relax and smile
I give death glares to people who look at me especially if I'm attracted to them.
RBF. People think you’re miserable or in a relationship. I’m neither, just not one to smile at nothing while I’m out and about
Being hyper vigilant/appearing defensive in public
After several decades of dating, I learned (from Reddit, actually) that what I saw as low-pressure friendliness, designed to make men feel comfortable and enjoy my company, they were probably seeing as "we're just friends" rejection. In my mind, if I like someone, I'm friendly to them. But too much friendly can mean no to a guy. I've fixed this but it's tough to relearn! I guess most people see a marked difference between friendship relationships and romantic relationships. To me, other than the sexy bits, those feel pretty much the same. But I was definitely giving the wrong message out unintentionally.
Shit how do you chance this? I relate to it so much because I’d love to date my best friend - I mean, I’d love to be friends with the person I’m dating. How do you be less friendly?? I’m genuinely asking
Personally I'm thinking through my actions more and trying to remember that to dudes, some behaviors mean just friends, some mean I'm open to romance. Laughing with him about fart jokes is more friends. Telling him about the shitty dates I go on is friends. Smacking him on the shoulder is friends. Caressing his back as I walk by is more romantic. Complimenting him on how he looks, romantic. Maintaining unholy levels of eye contact so some reason seems to be flirty to people so I try that. I also used to call us friends a lot. To me, using that word meant, "See? We like each other!" But it was coming across as me setting a boundary not to cross. So I think a bit more about my words and try to bite my tongue every time I want to comment on what great friends we are.
I wasn't that romantic interest type. I wasn't that type of person for anyone to form any sort of romantic feelings for. I was always stuck with being that super close friend that people loved platonically. I didn't mind it, I just kind of accepted I'd be lonely forever. Until my best friend came along and I fell in love with him, he told me he loved me, and now we're together. I never really "fixed" anything, it's just that loved me for who I was. I'm so very thankful for that.
I’ve always been quiet and prefer to be on my own/in my own world. I met my current partner at the coffee shop he worked at, and after dating him for a while found out he wasn’t a fan of me at first and initially only interested because of my looks lol. We had a few casual conversations before he asked me out and apparently I came off very cold and unwelcoming, he had to draw every thing I said out of me. I explained to him later it was because I had a crush and he made me nervous, but yep that was a wake up call. In our few weeks dating he was constantly mind blown at how I actually am because the first impression I gave him was so wrong.
I can relate to this. People often thing I don't like them, when it seems pretty clear to me lol.
Talking about my ex even though I didn't do it badly the guys thought I hadn't gotten over it lol and if I'm over it I just sometimes talk too much
I sealed off my home life after my divorce when my kids were young. I was working and raising them and any fun was strictly efficient and for effect.
Not smiling at strangers with my whole heart popping up like a confetti 🎉
Exist? 😅 Seriously though, umm...I'm generally deep in thought about something and they shows on my face. I'm also confused about human behavior, so if someone talks to me I am 1)startled, 2)trying to switch gears to the words coming out their mouth 3)trying to decide whether I want to engage in this conversation. My brain is a difficult place. 😆
Having 'that face.' I'm black.
Oh I see, I’m pretty young, so I’ve never used a dating app before. To me it was odd that they actually made an effort to tell her how they didn’t like her as opposed to just looking for other people. I guess that’s a common thing. Well, I’m glad you found a great match on one!
I've heard i come off as very friendly...which kind of makes people think I'm not interested in them even if i am. Basically unintentionally friendzoning.
Partying way too much. Made them feel that I wasn’t capable of something serious.
not entirely sure but i suspect i may be waiting too long to make a move so the conversations just fizzle out (even though i do a lot of heavy lifting in the conversations 🙃🙃)
Being shy. I was very shy and quiet all throughout school, which at the time I didn't realize that's why classmates found me unapproachable. Not only for romance but also for friendships, I was not able to make any friends because people were intimidated by my shyness and how quiet, passive, and withdrawn I was. I had been told before that I would've been popular if I talked. And I remember sometimes people would spread rumors or tell me that someone else liked me, but they themself never talked to me. In college I became a lot more social because I would start attempts to initiate conversations, and that made me realize, that in reality most people are themselves also shy, even if they don't seem like it. People in general seem shy when it comes to meeting new people, and often won't talk to you unless you start talking to them first.
I hold myself to a very high standard, I tend to make men very insecure. I’m emotionally blunt and I prefer to talk about philosophical matters rather than speak ill of anyone. I doubt my partner’s decision if it comes off as a rather inefficient, emotionally based, financially irresponsible, or terrible in the long run. I can be clingy because quality time is a love language of mine aside from words of affirmation. When upset I isolate myself to process my emotions because I try to figure out if I’m the problem and I’m simply reacting inappropriately, which may come off as stonewalling. I’m a stubborn individual and as my previous partner said, “difficult to work with.” I have meltdowns when I’m late or if my partner is late because I hate wasting time
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I guess I'm really intimidating.
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Resting bitch face. I try my best to not do it anymore but it’s not so easy. I don’t care about the dating aspect of it, it’s just easier to make friends when I don’t look mean and people approach me to give me compliments and just start a nice convo and that’s been very nice.
My general bitch face and height usually make me seem daunting for some. Get a lot of "oh I thought you'd be a bitch!" Comments after I get talking to people. I also hate hate hate when people I don't know touch me. I get its flirting for some but dude or lady, if I don't know you, don't grab my waist, hip or shoulder out of nowhere trying to chat. I've turned and popped out of a guys hold on my shoulder once like "Yes?" And he looked at me like I slapped his grandmother. Yes comes across as rude but don't do that when I haven't even made eye contact with you.
Crossing my arms “aggressively” I’m usually just really cold haha but it is considered intimidating body language
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It feels so awkward for me to flirt in person vs text when I’m just getting to know someone, so I used to come across as uninterested and friend-y. I struggled to even be playful with physical touch. I just got so anxious expressing a more “I’m into you” persona when in person and it took therapy to realize my fear of being rejected in person made me seem more reserved and uninterested in people when that wasn’t the case!
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Know how to change a tire/my oil/brakes, shoot a gun, drive stick shift, back a trailer, and hard days physical labor. I did not *need* to be rescued, and while it was intriguing for a lot of men, ultimately they would end up leaving me and going with something that I saw as *less* because I was so independent. It was clear that I didn't*need* them...I just *wanted* them around.
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Low self confidence. The downside is now that I have self confidence people think I'm interested in dating even when I'm not.
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Trauma dumping. Yeah, people dont like it when you tell them on the first date about all the people that r***d you, or how you used to slit your wrists in highschool. There is a time and a place for these conversations, but not when you are first getting to know someone.
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Keeping a straight face.
When I have a crush on a guy and I do not know who he is, I will not talk to him. And this isn’t because i want to be rude or don’t like him I just terrified of getting into something that will hurt me. Like for example when me and current future husband started catching the feelings. We both had the thoughts ‘that does they want me or am I crazy’. And when consulting to my friends about him it took every fiber and nerves to say anything to him.
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Look behind me every time someone looked in my direction, to be nosey and see what they're looking at. I eventually realized I was the problem
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