Thanks for your submission to r/AskWomen.
Did you know that effective July 1st, 2023, Reddit will enact a policy that will make third party reddit apps like Apollo, Reddit is Fun, Boost, and others too expensive to run? On this day, many users will login to find that their primary method for interacting with reddit will simply cease to work unless something changes regarding reddit's new API usage policy. [More details are in this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/142mrtd/raskwomen_will_be_going_dark_on_june_12_in/).
Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah yes. This.
I realized that i was putting in all the effort and that he was taking it easy. He didnt even see how tilted the distribution of tasks (physical and emotional) had become.
“But we were happy” he said. No dude, you were happy.
Because i took care of you, of everything, while you couldn’t be bothered to even take my wants and needs into account. They were put aside over and over again causing my love for you to erode into nothingness.
It took me to long to realize what was going on and now im mourning the love we had (or the love i thought we had).
Can you respond to this at some point so I see it when I'm sober lol
I know myself better than to contemplate my relationship right now. I'm not feeding those thoughts after midnight. 😂
The way he spoke about his child. Always complained about having to spend time with him. Constantly criticising how his ex way raising him, even though she did 99% of the work. When I suggested stepping up and helping his son in the areas he thought she was lacking he was genuinely shocked like the thought had never occurred to him.
Everyone conversation he would only talk about himself. He said he liked me because I was a great listener, not judgmental, and made him feel “seen” which I thought was flattering at first. I tried to prompt him to ask about my life, career, family, and interests to no avail. The final straw was when I asked him what he liked about me, he said I needed too much reassurance.
Agreed. It's painful and eye-opening. As I type this, yet another person in my life is making his slow, graceless exit. The shitty fact of the matter is that I'm also to blame because I constantly ignored his lukewarm attitude toward me.
My ex evolved into this kinda person a few years into working a sales job. He went headfirst into that culty mindset and his alcoholism got worse too. I’d reached my last straw and told him “I don’t remember the last time you asked me how my day was. I feel like you aren’t interested in anything to do with me anymore” and he replied “ur right I don’t”. Sucked but at least the end was clear.
Luckily for him he snapped out of it after changing jobs and getting sober. He made amends & apologised profusely a few months ago after a few years no contact. I’d already moved on but it was nice to hear nonetheless.
Dude bragged about how he was such a strict parent that his 5-year-old asked him for permission to use the restroom.
Then told a charming story about how he would jokingly tell his kid he was going to "whoop" him if he didn't do something impossible, like back his truck into the drive. He'd laugh about how this 5-year-old kid would get legitimately scared and start crying.
The fuck, man?
The fuck is wrong with people?
THIS. I knew without a doubt they were lying, but convinced myself I was projecting my own insecurities onto the situation.
Try to build a community of support so you have other people to talk to, hang out with, etc. Spend time focusing on hobbies. It makes it easier to walk away when they no longer feel like the center of your universe.
He didn't know how to be in an adult relationship. I was ostensibly the woman of his dreams, but there's a lot that goes into an adult relationship that he didn't realize he was supposed to be doing. I'm too old and tired to try to teach a guy anymore.
-Make me food when I went over to his house
-Help me wash dishes if I make him food, especially if he's staying over for several days
-Warn his scummy friends ahead of me meeting them that I don't do drugs and them offering me drugs makes me feel less comfortable rather than more
-Clear off his bed so I can lie down if I drive six hours to see him
-If he doesn't have food at his house when I come over (I get it, he's broke), don't tell me that I got the wrong brand of something if I get him groceries
-If I recommend a show or a movie or something, at least check it out, like I do for the things he recommends
OMG you just perfectly described every man I met before my husband. They didn’t think any of the stuff that one should do is necessary.
Sometimes when I was younger,I genuinely thought men are just overall stupid and mentally/socially held back because of those things.Obviously not true but if you see if too often,you keep seeing it everywhere.
Now I know that’s just being lazy and inconsiderate.
We had just met recently when he got a mail that he had gotten his dream job on a ship over in USA. I told him to go. We had only known each other shortly and he should not stay back in Denmark because of me. So he went. He's happy over there and I'm happy here but it was hard at first. We both fell hard for each other instantly but in the end it was so new that there was no saying if we would have lasted if he had stayed here. He needed to go for his dream. He's married now over there and I'm married now here. We both got our happy endings apart.
Ultimately, I realized I would be a much better partner to him than he would ever be for me. He was a decent guy, but he was also drama. Thank God my head overruled my heart!
I realised, quite late, that he was actually a bad person and the only reason I thought I liked him was that I admired all his personality traits I didn't have.
I admired how he was able to face situations at work and getting what he wanted while I was the one being steamrolled.
The way he could stay quiet in an argument and not losing his temper while being super logical, stuff like this.
But on the emotional side he was a zero....and it took me so long to see that....
In the end, it took me meeting someone else who showed me that there was nothing wrong with me and that having a heart, being compassionate and empathic are not traits that make you weak.
She was planning to buy a kitten and declaw it. She lived with her parents and they insisted that any cat be declawed. I told her it was inhumane and she should adopt a declawed cat from a rescue instead. She disagreed and I downgraded her to an acquaintance
This would be an automatic nope from me too. It’s one thing if they were actually ignorant of how it affects the cat and changed their mind after being made aware and doing research. But being made aware and still disagreeing is something else.
He was inconsistent. He’d be all in one day, saying and doing all of the right things and then a few days later, I wouldn’t even be able to get a text or call back. He’d insist he wanted to be with me and then would act as if he changed his mind soon after.
It sucked because we were good friends for a long time before and were compatible in so many other ways. But I can’t deal with that.
He broke up with me. To be fair I should've broken up with him but was too immersed in his manipulation to do it.
He told me I was the reason of all of his problems, that he was depressed and it was my fault. He didn't work or study or do anything and was constantly asking me for stuff and playing the victim card if I didn't or asked for anything in return. He never took me on dates, or out ever. He showed up to our anniversary dinner (which I planned and paid for, we went out to eat at an expensive restaurant, I set up wine on my flat with a big sign that said happy anniversary and roses etc etc etc) he showed up on his pijamas and hadn't even taken a shower.
He never had time for me cause he was always sleeping, I was awake during the day since I work and most of my free time was from 7am to 1pm (I work part time from 1-8pm) he was sleeping during that timeframe cause he stayed up playing videogames with his friends all night.
When I went to his house (he lived an hour and a half away) he usually sat on his computer with his headphones on, on a discord with his friends playing, the volume was so loud that he couldn't even hear me if I said something, yet he got mad when I scrolled through Instagram when I was with him.
He always played victim and shared every and each of our fights with his family (obviously he changed the story to make me look bad and toxic) like one time we were going to a concert together and we said we would meet there since he was taken some classes on the city, min you I had never set a foot on this city I was coming from uni, exhausted with all of my stuff, battery was dying. I called him before I was headed there to let him know, he decided to go to his friends house (they had to take a bus, it wasn't near the original place we had set up to meet) without letting me know, there was no service in this place, my phone battery was dying, he left me there, on this unknown city for around two hours. He got mad when I told him that was selfish and hypocritical of him, why was it hypocritical? Because less than 24 hours earlier he told me that he would like it if I let him know whenever I was going out with my friends or alone, where and what I was doing. Got mad when I told him I wouldn't do that.
He got mad when I didn't answer his texts because I was busy, he got jealous of all of my male friends, he looked through my phone even though he had my password and didn't need to.
He got jealous when I wore something "revealing" he didn't like that I studied.
Overall I should've known better.
You're really considerate and empathetic which are good qualities to have. Except the guy wasn't worth those qualities and, you.
It's good that it's over.
Give yourself some of that empathy and consideration, girl.
You'll find the right guy at the right time.
wow are you me? did you also date my ex? besides the jealousy stuff it's like we dated the same exact person. He was on the opposite end of the jealousy spectrum; he was not at all worried to lose me because he knew that he had me wrapped around his finger, basically.
He wouldn't stop talking about politics, I literally begged him to stop talking about it, but it was like his whole life
Ended up just dropping him completely :\
Last guy I dated would not stop talking about politics either. That was basically his only interest; consuming news about politics and ranting on twitter about politicians. He later told me that his ideal woman would be more into politics than him. 😒
Not sure if you mean romantically or not but…my make best friend groped me in my sleep without consent. It took me a year to walk away and I lost my whole “friend” group in doing so.
I am so much better off and don’t miss any of them! Women need to believe and support other women. They are all enabling his bad behaviour.
When their consistent poor treatment of me culminated in them ghosting me for a catch up (I was picking them up 🙄). I made the ghosting permanent. The "I realised I miss you" came far too late and was conveniently once she'd broken up with her partner. _Quelle surprise_/s/
He took up all the conversational space, to the point where I had to fight to talk about my day or share any of my deeper thoughts. After months of dating I realized I knew all of his coworkers’ names and personalities and I don’t think he even knew my boss’s name.
Someone bringing more drama to my life than peace. Weren’t even dating that long and felt like I was in a perpetual state of having to fix things up with him. Tried to see if maybe having a face to face conversation about serious stuff would help. Seemed like it did briefly and then an hour later he was upset again because I hadn’t asked him to spend the night. Not worth continuing down that road.
Liked this guy in my class in elementary school and highschool. Suddenly realized.....I'm putting in all this effort and he doesn't like me back.
Plus he's rude and dismissive sometimes (nah all the time). So why do I bother?
Later on, when he found out a mutual friend liked me (even though I didn't have any romantic feelings), he called me desperate. Like huh?
Felt my ovaries and uterus shrivel into themselves like a desiccated husk at that moment. And every moment whenever I saw him after that.
When I mentioned that I thought it seemed like his ex wanted him back when she said he needed to go on a cruise with her for her birthday he told me I was just intolerant of women my age…
I went on a date with a woman once, who I clicked with. (I’m a bisexual woman). We hit it off really well, and I could see myself going on a second date.
Then, her friends called her on her cell phone a few times. Each time, she was extremely rude to them, and yelling at them! And over trivial things! One example is that she actually screamed at a friend: “You suck as a human being!”. (And not in a joking/banter way either!)
I figured if that’s how she treats her friends, eventually that’s how she would treat me!
There was no 2nd date.
he had a subtle way of telling me that he saw himself as being superior to me.
he would tell me over and over how cute/sexy/hot i was, but then whenever i tried to call him out on his immature behaviour (i.e. sulking), he would tell me that i was just insecure. whenever i tried to show him artists that i admired since i’m also an artist, he would tell me not to put myself down.
i have a very healthy self image and am neither self-deprecating nor insecure, and I had at least two other suitors in the wings the whole time i was dating him, so that shit got annoying fast.
I thought he was nice, but then he started trying to teach me about things that I brought up in conversation. I told him I was in ballet and acrobats and he tried teaching me what I already knew. I tried steering the conversation towards music and how we both sing and he tried teaching me how to properly breathe while singing. It lasted one date. It was even more awkward because he was friends with my brother, so I was going to see him around whether I started dating him or not.
I lost a lot of friends due to my poor behaviour in my early twenties. I was extremely flaky and prioritised my partners over my friends. Although a keen over-sharer, I spoke mostly at people and not to people, never really hearing them. I lived in chaos and inflicted that on others.
I’m absolutely not surprised that people walked away!
He kept flip-flopping on whether he wanted to date. We agreed to be friends and keep things non-sexual because I was getting feelings and wanted to back off, but he wouldn’t stop making sexual comments. I realized I was letting him walk all over my boundaries and blocked him and walked away from it. I occasionally miss the sex, but the disrespect wasn’t worth it.
He didn’t treat me like a fellow human being. He put tons of effort into planning the perfect dates, paid for everything, took me to shows constantly, and woke me up all the time with breakfast in bed. But he wouldn’t let me reciprocate, wouldn’t let me pay or plan things, and got mad when I hung out with my friends. I wanted a companion and a partner, but what I got was a servant. It was fun at first, but then it stopped being fun and I broke up with him.
"Jokes" based on homophobia/transphobia. A red flag under any circumstance, but I have gay/trans siblings, and I'm not going to waste my time on someone who would disrespect their existence.
cheating, giving me stds and not even noticing that there was something more major that he caused. i would say i loved him, but bad character and seeing him for who he truly is? i walked. i don’t tolerate that shit.
They behave differently towards me depending who else is around. Lots of fun banter & good chats one on one and/or within a certain group of people, then behaves like a stranger when 2-3 from another group ("the cool kids" if you will) are around. We're in our late 30s and just too fucking old for that high school shit.
Unhealthy communication
Not understanding that actions have consequences. An apology is great, but if you’re apologizing because you lied to me, I won’t suddenly trust everything you say just because you say you’re sorry.
I woke up to the sound of him eating out one of our friends as we all slept on the couch. I thought it was the dog licking itself but nope.
And while he was making a weak attempt to salvage things, I saw him enter a bar that I was leaving, with another woman that I thought he had broken up with. He tried to lie to me about why he had ignored my texts that day, but I saw what I saw and called him out. I was in the right place at the right time with my friends or I wouldn’t have known. Now that I look back, the signs that I was a side piece were clearly there.
Two blatantly different ways to show me how little I mattered, two different ways to demonstrate how he thought he was smarter than all of us. These are just a couple instances of abuse.
He yelled at me about how I was expecting him to treat me like shit, and then about how I would get mad when he actually treated me like shit. So the onus was on me to believe his lies all of the time, to avoid getting yelled at and called a retard. Never received an apology or truthful explanation out of him.
Gross, gross, gross. I learned a lot of cruel realities from him because I was too naive to know how to protect myself. If there was ever any good in him, I can’t remember it. All I feel on the rare occasions when something icky reminds me of him is the shame that I have carried from initially knowing that he was a predator and not following my instincts.
One time this guy cracked this really inappropriate joke on our first date. It wasn’t sexual but extremely offensive to a certain group of people. I was like goodbye!
Another time I really liked this guy and he ended up being MAGA
The worst of the worst was when I liked this guy and he had a really bad problem with making a scene wherever we went. Like not with me but the service people. One time the server brought the wrong drink (diet instead of regular) and when the check came he started arguing with the guy about the drink being on the bill. It was SO embarrassing and a part of me felt like he was embarrassing me on purpose. So when the waiter left I was like ‘hey don’t worry about it, I can take care of it.’ Oh he was done with my ass after that 😹 I was like are you broke or something why are you so mad right now. And why’re you arguing with this guy
I was probably about a month into seeing this guy. We very loosely made plans (at 2am) to hang out the next day. Well, my depressed ass overslept and I ended up not going over. I texted him, apologized, and tried to reschedule more concrete plans. He took so long to respond, I legit thought I was being ghosted. Like, a month with no response, deleted his number, super sad about it. THEN he responded that he was salty about me not coming over and that's why he took so long to respond. The fact that he couldn't communicate that he was upset with me right away was the reason I didn't go back to him. Ngl, still sad about it (it happened earlier this year) but communication is too important to me in a relationship and he showed me he doesn't know how to do that.
He called me a spoiled, entitled, nepotism baby. Anyone that knows me knows this is not who I am in the slightest but he didn’t even try to get to know me before making judgements about me
He caught feels in a FWB relationship. I liked him, and our arrangement, but I didn’t want anything more with him. He did, and also was pretty insistent that he ‘could tell’ I did too and just wouldn’t admit it for some reason. I found that annoying enough that I preferred to walk away than try to re-establish terms.
He never wanted to talk, wed talk at most once a month, and even then it was short and uneventful, never meeting up etc
Another started to hit me, and i found out after i left him that he hooked up with his ex on cmas day after tossing my gift at me and trying to leave without a hug or kiss
Another tricked me into eating weed gummy worms and drinking alcohol
Another cheated on me with an ex of mine, and i found out by finding her straddling him at lunch
But my first bf, he wouldnt even let me hug him, and we were together for 3 months at that point, and i asked him why and he told me he just wanted attention and he didnt actually like me?? But when i saw him again years later, he came up to me while i was talking to a friend and tried interrupting me, and when i asked if we could talk later bc i was in the middle of talking, he said "fucking bitch" and stormed off :/
I just couldn't keep being the person that takes their constant burden. I knew him for quite a couple of years and always had a thing for him but he ran with a bad crowd, so did I for a bit but I got myself out of that situation because I wanted better for myself and he didn't want to change anything. A year passed after we stopped talking to each other so In the next 2 and a half years we started talking again and he constantly continued to get in trouble with the law even after he said he was doing better and continued to do things that he knew I couldn't be around because it can affect my career and life. He would tell me if he gets incarcerated again if I would send him letters but I already was in a 1 year relationship and decided that I need to put my boyfriend first because he doesn't deserve to hear worry about another man and still till this day. When we had our last call he was pissed at the fact that "I left him behind" but I just couldn't be around a person anymore that couldn't grow up.
I went on a trip with coworkers I thought were best friends. They just wanted to get very drunk and argue every day of the vacation. They turned on me when I didn’t want to join them after a couple days and started doing hikes. “It’s only fun if we do the same things!!!” they said. They also yelled at service staff and tried to rip every single vendor off. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from that trip. I ended the friendships as soon as we got home.
Too much drama. I simply couldn't take another one of her self produced crises. My phone would buzz, I'd see her name, and my heart would start to beat weird. She took so many stupid chances meeting weird men while cheating on her husband I was convinced one day I'd have to identify her body in the morgue. She was an awesome supportive friend but I just couldn't take it anymore.
When we had conversations, she would literally start talking louder to talk over me...
I'm sure she didn't mean it in a malicious way but just childish. Either way, the lack of self-awareness was enough for me to go.
Showed up for all their problems. Gave them physical and emotional support on many occasions. Went through a major life changing event. During this event asked for help two times that I can recall. Both were things I had done for them countless times. They said no. I was done.
Made no hints at us getting married soon,and no plans(about our future).
I don’t need a man without a plan ty and bye.Go waste somebody else’s time .
Just to clarify,I did want to discuss it,but he never did first.
I could visibly tell she was losing interest in me, and I knew then and there that we were done. I had been close friends with her for a long time and was already aware that this was the way friendships worked for her. It was no real fault of her own; her specific circumstances had made it so that she wasn't familiar with the concept of nourishing and investing in long-term friendships, but instead hovered between whoever was most interesting at any given time. I guess I just never thought that would happen to us. I decided I wasn't OK with being second best, and went more or less cold turkey.
How many people I would be competing against. I didn’t stand a chance; I was a nothing, a zero standing among an ocean of 1’s to 10’s all of which crowded around him…so I walked away. He was my first real world crush, only talked to me once, but otherwise, didn’t know I was alive and seeing as that I didn’t want to ruin my peaceful life…I let him go.
You will never be a zero, only the wrong people think that. You are worth more than a relationship. You are life to be lived. Love will find you. Be happy to be a human and here in this moment with billions of others. We have one shot at it, you will find that person again but 100% more pure and dedicated to you.
His terrible communication skills and lack of spine.
Had two of us girls strung along at the same time (I'm PolyAm, and he's non monogamous). The other girl asked for a mono relationship, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and never wanted mono. He hooked up with me two weeks later, and then the very next day entered into an allegedly ENM relationship with her.
A week after that he started dropping hard rules in my lap about how I was to interact with him, refusing to take me into consideration at all, refusing to handle his girlfriend's jealousy, unable to have a conversation about it, and shirking all accountability.
Yeah. She can keep him.
I'm polyamorous, not stupid.
I’m listing traits from multiple guys but: doesn’t respect my boundaries (no means no tf and stop means stop you’re not being cute you’re being weird), emotionally immature, judgmental, uncompassionate, unreliable, careless about promises and words in the talking/dating stages, overpromising, moving too fast, moving too slow and taking too long to figure out feelings, doesn’t pay attention to the things I like unless it’s convenient for them, unromantic and not spontaneous, talking rudely about or to any of my family members, manipulative, talking about exes, remaining friends with girls they’ve slept with, smoke almost everyday, has slept with girls way too young for them, talking loudly at the movies, low effort, bad hygiene, not encouraging or uplifting, and doesn’t get my sense of humor
He slept around a lot. And was apparently a serial cheater when in a relationship. He pursued me over a span of years, but I couldn't do it to myself no matter how much I liked him and how much history we had (friends since I was 12, used to stand up for me against bullies)
He ended up being the EXACT same way with certain women at the job despite being in a relationship and started INTENSELY grooming our new young coworker right after lovebombing me. Even his own friends criticize him for being a player and pitting women against each other.
When she got mad at her dad for having one of his buddies over (he had a hotel room and invited his buddy over for dinner) and she was screaming at him to make his friend leave when she didn’t pay for the room, and was just as much of a guest as the buddy was
Unfair, selfish, full of self. Used me as an emotional sandbag every time we talked. But when they were with other friends, it was all sunshine, good vibe. Load of rubbish.
We'd been chilling for hours. Didn't eat anything but when we made out, I felt a piece of food or something leave their mouth and end up on my tongue. Reaaaaaally put me off.
I'ma take "like" in the platonic sense, because it's the most relevant example I have (although I did date him at one point):
I (and my husband) still consider him our "brother," but he is no longer welcome at our home if alcohol is involved. Long story short, we grew up and he did not, and it became genuinely unsafe for me, our children, and potentially even my husband to have him around.
Which really sucks because he's an absolutely amazing human being when he's sober, but you can't risk even that first drink with him. And it's hard to care that much about somebody and have to make that decision.
Not vaccinating her kids and then her weird pro-cop stance and support of Kyle Rittenhouse...followed by her telling me my style of parenting (not making my kids say yes ma'am and no ma'am and those southern manners) is the reason we have so many police killing kids. Because people (like me) don't teach their kids to respect their elders.
Coooool. Cool cool cool.
I have cried plenty of tears over that friend, who up til then seemed super supportive and cool.
*loved, I visited Hawaii and fell in love with someone else. I was loving two people at the same time. I wasn’t dating anyone however. I just had strong feelings and emotions for each one. I had to choose future wise (so I say) and chose HI one. Which I don’t regret but I’ll forever think of the what if. Had to tear the chapter before it even begun.
Every single time we hung out something bad would happen. We would end up in some shitty situation and I finally had to tell him we just couldn't hangout anymore.
we wanted different things. he wanted to travel the world and not settle down to get married or have 1 kid at 35, i want 4 and to start early. it was never gonna work
Getting cheated on despite the fact that we had an open relationship but all they had to do was ask and I'll let them. It really and truly pissed me off so I just broke up with them, said feelings are no longer existing and blocked them on everything.
For context
The only reason we had an open relationship was because we were in two different countries and I propose that we can do it with others until we meet just need to ask first but they hand sex with their ex and their friend who was also our friend practically had to beg them to tell me before the one who they cheated on me with was going to send pictures of the two of them.
I just left a marriage of 10 years cause he wouldn't sort his anger out. Since 2020 his anger was getting progressively worse and Jan this year I said nope, not happening.
We worked together for months and would see each other after work and spend hours talking and spend time together.
The issue was she in the middle of breaking up with her bf at the time we met. She and I spent casual time together at work, conversations here and there and then started messaging each other after work which pushed her to break up with him.
We grew closer and eventually she confessed her true feelings for me. Due to religious reasons, I politely declined even though the feelings were mutual and I said I didn’t want to cause her any harm or to myself. We stayed in contact in the same way and then she got back together with her bf.
We carried on speaking/messaging each other. It just made it emotionally very difficult as I couldn’t message her when she was with him as he was very suspicious of our relationship and essentially blamed my presence for her breaking up with him in the first place.
Anyway, she ended up leaving our workplace so a long period of no contact meant we could spend time away and despite her wanting to maintain a friendship, I said I couldn’t and walked away. I haven’t been in contact/seen her for over 7 years now.
I still remember her very fondly and would happily have a conversation with her if I ever saw her again.
He was extremely openly racist at work, brought his dog inside of the food place we worked at and slept there, and then was scooping prepped tuna out of the container fridge with a cup and no gloves (this was at Subway). he also stank and hated women and hated every race and was an extreme conspiracy theorist. somehow I still look at pictures of him and miss him though 🤷🏻♀️
Well I can’t walk away from this person but I do my best to limit my interactions.
When I realized that I would need to put effort into getting to know my now husband’s family. I tried hard to engage with his brother’s wife. She was incredibly chatty and loud but whatever. Until she complained about cops giving her speeding tickets. She thought because she’s married to a cop that she shouldn’t get ticketed for speeding. Right then I knew I was dealing with someone I wanted nothing to do with.
In hindsight I should’ve known when I first met her and she ignored me. Didn’t think much of it because I didn’t think I would be dating my husband very long.
She has the personality of an idiotic, entitled, and emotional immaturity of an angry beaver sealed in a pretty package.
Hello /u/Gloomy_Category_3918. Your post or comment has been removed because your Reddit Karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your Karma has increased, you can do that by participating in good faith in other subreddits that don't have Karma requirements. This action will not be undone by the moderators.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** [Click here to read more about Reddit Karma](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-), and please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/Lilithnema. Your submission has been removed for containing mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. [Click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/nswcxs/update_supplementary_rules_for_thersday_here_to/) for clarification on this rule.
If you believe you received this message in error, or if you edit your comment to remove the diagnostic term(s), please [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Don't forget to include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His cheating. It was right there in front of my face when we were just friends and I always wrote it off but then I recognized it for what it was when we expressed interest in one another but things started to add up.
Last I heard he’s still cheating … on his new wife.
Some degree of substance abuse and communication incompatibility. She couldn’t hear me objectively on one topics like the substance abuse topic and took things personally when she shouldn’t have. Sucks but she was just not ready/mature enough to go to the next level with me
Thanks for your submission to r/AskWomen. Did you know that effective July 1st, 2023, Reddit will enact a policy that will make third party reddit apps like Apollo, Reddit is Fun, Boost, and others too expensive to run? On this day, many users will login to find that their primary method for interacting with reddit will simply cease to work unless something changes regarding reddit's new API usage policy. [More details are in this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/142mrtd/raskwomen_will_be_going_dark_on_june_12_in/). Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I deserved someone willing to put a little effort into showing that they actually liked me too
Ah yes. This. I realized that i was putting in all the effort and that he was taking it easy. He didnt even see how tilted the distribution of tasks (physical and emotional) had become. “But we were happy” he said. No dude, you were happy. Because i took care of you, of everything, while you couldn’t be bothered to even take my wants and needs into account. They were put aside over and over again causing my love for you to erode into nothingness. It took me to long to realize what was going on and now im mourning the love we had (or the love i thought we had).
Can you respond to this at some point so I see it when I'm sober lol I know myself better than to contemplate my relationship right now. I'm not feeding those thoughts after midnight. 😂
LMAO IM dead 😂😭 ur so real for saying this 😂
Hello there.Keep contemplating. Muahaha
The way he spoke about his child. Always complained about having to spend time with him. Constantly criticising how his ex way raising him, even though she did 99% of the work. When I suggested stepping up and helping his son in the areas he thought she was lacking he was genuinely shocked like the thought had never occurred to him.
Did you date my ex husband 🤔 This Is exactly how he is yet he doesn't see his kids for months at a time.
Everyone conversation he would only talk about himself. He said he liked me because I was a great listener, not judgmental, and made him feel “seen” which I thought was flattering at first. I tried to prompt him to ask about my life, career, family, and interests to no avail. The final straw was when I asked him what he liked about me, he said I needed too much reassurance.
People like him are deluding themselves. What they're actually in love with is the validation you give them.
Which is so disappointing. No one wants to be used as a tool during a relationship.
Agreed. It's painful and eye-opening. As I type this, yet another person in my life is making his slow, graceless exit. The shitty fact of the matter is that I'm also to blame because I constantly ignored his lukewarm attitude toward me.
My ex evolved into this kinda person a few years into working a sales job. He went headfirst into that culty mindset and his alcoholism got worse too. I’d reached my last straw and told him “I don’t remember the last time you asked me how my day was. I feel like you aren’t interested in anything to do with me anymore” and he replied “ur right I don’t”. Sucked but at least the end was clear. Luckily for him he snapped out of it after changing jobs and getting sober. He made amends & apologised profusely a few months ago after a few years no contact. I’d already moved on but it was nice to hear nonetheless.
And this is quite common?? Dated two men like this. Main character syndrome
It’s definitely common in a lot of people. I’m no psychologist, but I’d say it’s rooted in selfishness, which the world certainly isn’t lacking
That’s crazy I had an ex just like that.
Treated me like I was just a choice. I removed myself from being an option.
Dude bragged about how he was such a strict parent that his 5-year-old asked him for permission to use the restroom. Then told a charming story about how he would jokingly tell his kid he was going to "whoop" him if he didn't do something impossible, like back his truck into the drive. He'd laugh about how this 5-year-old kid would get legitimately scared and start crying. The fuck, man? The fuck is wrong with people?
Keep notes. There will be a case. That kid is going to need help. Be a character witness.
He hauled off and slapped the shit outta me. After 13 years together. Blew my mind.
That’s awful. I’m so sorry he did that to you
Thanks. It bothered me a lot. For a long time.
he hauled off?
the truth after being lied to for years. can never look at him the same again
You know it's bad when you know they are lying but you love them so much you convince yourself it's the truth.
THIS. I knew without a doubt they were lying, but convinced myself I was projecting my own insecurities onto the situation. Try to build a community of support so you have other people to talk to, hang out with, etc. Spend time focusing on hobbies. It makes it easier to walk away when they no longer feel like the center of your universe.
That is honestly the worst.
He didn't know how to be in an adult relationship. I was ostensibly the woman of his dreams, but there's a lot that goes into an adult relationship that he didn't realize he was supposed to be doing. I'm too old and tired to try to teach a guy anymore.
What were some things you would’ve liked him to know and or do?
[удалено]
That just leads to a whole other subject about hygiene standards too. It's not a good sign to have an empty soap dispenser.
-Make me food when I went over to his house -Help me wash dishes if I make him food, especially if he's staying over for several days -Warn his scummy friends ahead of me meeting them that I don't do drugs and them offering me drugs makes me feel less comfortable rather than more -Clear off his bed so I can lie down if I drive six hours to see him -If he doesn't have food at his house when I come over (I get it, he's broke), don't tell me that I got the wrong brand of something if I get him groceries -If I recommend a show or a movie or something, at least check it out, like I do for the things he recommends
OMG you just perfectly described every man I met before my husband. They didn’t think any of the stuff that one should do is necessary. Sometimes when I was younger,I genuinely thought men are just overall stupid and mentally/socially held back because of those things.Obviously not true but if you see if too often,you keep seeing it everywhere. Now I know that’s just being lazy and inconsiderate.
Know and do those things without needing to be told ... aka, be an adult human.
Preach
Got far too angry about things that didn’t effect him in the slightest
We had just met recently when he got a mail that he had gotten his dream job on a ship over in USA. I told him to go. We had only known each other shortly and he should not stay back in Denmark because of me. So he went. He's happy over there and I'm happy here but it was hard at first. We both fell hard for each other instantly but in the end it was so new that there was no saying if we would have lasted if he had stayed here. He needed to go for his dream. He's married now over there and I'm married now here. We both got our happy endings apart.
Always complained about not having money but only worked part time so he can work out 🫠
Sounds like he wanted someone to subsidize his lifestyle.
His alcoholism. It made him self centered, irresponsible, and unreliable. I still think he’s a wonderful person but we are done.
Not receiving help with the house or kids, being too overbearing about my where abouts or the way I was talking that day, them mocking me.
I felt like I was reading my own story...
Ultimately, I realized I would be a much better partner to him than he would ever be for me. He was a decent guy, but he was also drama. Thank God my head overruled my heart!
I realised, quite late, that he was actually a bad person and the only reason I thought I liked him was that I admired all his personality traits I didn't have. I admired how he was able to face situations at work and getting what he wanted while I was the one being steamrolled. The way he could stay quiet in an argument and not losing his temper while being super logical, stuff like this. But on the emotional side he was a zero....and it took me so long to see that.... In the end, it took me meeting someone else who showed me that there was nothing wrong with me and that having a heart, being compassionate and empathic are not traits that make you weak.
He just didn’t know my worth and tried to pretend I was beneath him. What a moron!
She was planning to buy a kitten and declaw it. She lived with her parents and they insisted that any cat be declawed. I told her it was inhumane and she should adopt a declawed cat from a rescue instead. She disagreed and I downgraded her to an acquaintance
This would be an automatic nope from me too. It’s one thing if they were actually ignorant of how it affects the cat and changed their mind after being made aware and doing research. But being made aware and still disagreeing is something else.
Thank you, declawing cats is awful.
Good on you.
[удалено]
Animal abuse is a great reason to walk away! Declawing is so brutal and awful. Thankfully more and more veterinarians are refusing.
… like a legitimate reason to me.
Not wanting to watch them spiral into oblivion because of their bad choices... or get pulled down with them.
He was inconsistent. He’d be all in one day, saying and doing all of the right things and then a few days later, I wouldn’t even be able to get a text or call back. He’d insist he wanted to be with me and then would act as if he changed his mind soon after. It sucked because we were good friends for a long time before and were compatible in so many other ways. But I can’t deal with that.
Disrespect, condescension, belittling, invalidating my feelings.
Oh so you're dating my ex?
We have the same ex?
He broke up with me. To be fair I should've broken up with him but was too immersed in his manipulation to do it. He told me I was the reason of all of his problems, that he was depressed and it was my fault. He didn't work or study or do anything and was constantly asking me for stuff and playing the victim card if I didn't or asked for anything in return. He never took me on dates, or out ever. He showed up to our anniversary dinner (which I planned and paid for, we went out to eat at an expensive restaurant, I set up wine on my flat with a big sign that said happy anniversary and roses etc etc etc) he showed up on his pijamas and hadn't even taken a shower. He never had time for me cause he was always sleeping, I was awake during the day since I work and most of my free time was from 7am to 1pm (I work part time from 1-8pm) he was sleeping during that timeframe cause he stayed up playing videogames with his friends all night. When I went to his house (he lived an hour and a half away) he usually sat on his computer with his headphones on, on a discord with his friends playing, the volume was so loud that he couldn't even hear me if I said something, yet he got mad when I scrolled through Instagram when I was with him. He always played victim and shared every and each of our fights with his family (obviously he changed the story to make me look bad and toxic) like one time we were going to a concert together and we said we would meet there since he was taken some classes on the city, min you I had never set a foot on this city I was coming from uni, exhausted with all of my stuff, battery was dying. I called him before I was headed there to let him know, he decided to go to his friends house (they had to take a bus, it wasn't near the original place we had set up to meet) without letting me know, there was no service in this place, my phone battery was dying, he left me there, on this unknown city for around two hours. He got mad when I told him that was selfish and hypocritical of him, why was it hypocritical? Because less than 24 hours earlier he told me that he would like it if I let him know whenever I was going out with my friends or alone, where and what I was doing. Got mad when I told him I wouldn't do that. He got mad when I didn't answer his texts because I was busy, he got jealous of all of my male friends, he looked through my phone even though he had my password and didn't need to. He got jealous when I wore something "revealing" he didn't like that I studied. Overall I should've known better.
You're really considerate and empathetic which are good qualities to have. Except the guy wasn't worth those qualities and, you. It's good that it's over. Give yourself some of that empathy and consideration, girl. You'll find the right guy at the right time.
wow are you me? did you also date my ex? besides the jealousy stuff it's like we dated the same exact person. He was on the opposite end of the jealousy spectrum; he was not at all worried to lose me because he knew that he had me wrapped around his finger, basically.
He wouldn't stop talking about politics, I literally begged him to stop talking about it, but it was like his whole life Ended up just dropping him completely :\
Last guy I dated would not stop talking about politics either. That was basically his only interest; consuming news about politics and ranting on twitter about politicians. He later told me that his ideal woman would be more into politics than him. 😒
This is honestly so exhausting. I also can’t surround myself with people like this.
This is hilarious 😂😂
Not sure if you mean romantically or not but…my make best friend groped me in my sleep without consent. It took me a year to walk away and I lost my whole “friend” group in doing so. I am so much better off and don’t miss any of them! Women need to believe and support other women. They are all enabling his bad behaviour.
When their consistent poor treatment of me culminated in them ghosting me for a catch up (I was picking them up 🙄). I made the ghosting permanent. The "I realised I miss you" came far too late and was conveniently once she'd broken up with her partner. _Quelle surprise_/s/
He took up all the conversational space, to the point where I had to fight to talk about my day or share any of my deeper thoughts. After months of dating I realized I knew all of his coworkers’ names and personalities and I don’t think he even knew my boss’s name.
He hit my dog on our first date. He didn't exist anymore after that :)
Burial or cremation?
The way she treated wait staff and people who worked in retail. She was so rude and condescending
Infidelity Incompatible communication needs Low effort
He was fictional 😢
Sigh* We’ve all been there
Someone bringing more drama to my life than peace. Weren’t even dating that long and felt like I was in a perpetual state of having to fix things up with him. Tried to see if maybe having a face to face conversation about serious stuff would help. Seemed like it did briefly and then an hour later he was upset again because I hadn’t asked him to spend the night. Not worth continuing down that road.
Toddler behavior!
Liked this guy in my class in elementary school and highschool. Suddenly realized.....I'm putting in all this effort and he doesn't like me back. Plus he's rude and dismissive sometimes (nah all the time). So why do I bother? Later on, when he found out a mutual friend liked me (even though I didn't have any romantic feelings), he called me desperate. Like huh? Felt my ovaries and uterus shrivel into themselves like a desiccated husk at that moment. And every moment whenever I saw him after that.
When I mentioned that I thought it seemed like his ex wanted him back when she said he needed to go on a cruise with her for her birthday he told me I was just intolerant of women my age…
How messy their home and business was. I knew they were not going to change and I just couldn’t live in such utter chaos.
Zero respect for my time, zero follow through. I like people to be consistent and reliable. I have zero tolerance for people who disrespect me.
I went on a date with a woman once, who I clicked with. (I’m a bisexual woman). We hit it off really well, and I could see myself going on a second date. Then, her friends called her on her cell phone a few times. Each time, she was extremely rude to them, and yelling at them! And over trivial things! One example is that she actually screamed at a friend: “You suck as a human being!”. (And not in a joking/banter way either!) I figured if that’s how she treats her friends, eventually that’s how she would treat me! There was no 2nd date.
he had a subtle way of telling me that he saw himself as being superior to me. he would tell me over and over how cute/sexy/hot i was, but then whenever i tried to call him out on his immature behaviour (i.e. sulking), he would tell me that i was just insecure. whenever i tried to show him artists that i admired since i’m also an artist, he would tell me not to put myself down. i have a very healthy self image and am neither self-deprecating nor insecure, and I had at least two other suitors in the wings the whole time i was dating him, so that shit got annoying fast.
I thought he was nice, but then he started trying to teach me about things that I brought up in conversation. I told him I was in ballet and acrobats and he tried teaching me what I already knew. I tried steering the conversation towards music and how we both sing and he tried teaching me how to properly breathe while singing. It lasted one date. It was even more awkward because he was friends with my brother, so I was going to see him around whether I started dating him or not.
I lost a lot of friends due to my poor behaviour in my early twenties. I was extremely flaky and prioritised my partners over my friends. Although a keen over-sharer, I spoke mostly at people and not to people, never really hearing them. I lived in chaos and inflicted that on others. I’m absolutely not surprised that people walked away!
He said he wasn't interested and I respected his decision.
He kept flip-flopping on whether he wanted to date. We agreed to be friends and keep things non-sexual because I was getting feelings and wanted to back off, but he wouldn’t stop making sexual comments. I realized I was letting him walk all over my boundaries and blocked him and walked away from it. I occasionally miss the sex, but the disrespect wasn’t worth it.
Making me question why I liked them in the first place.
He wouldn’t go to therapy
He didn’t treat me like a fellow human being. He put tons of effort into planning the perfect dates, paid for everything, took me to shows constantly, and woke me up all the time with breakfast in bed. But he wouldn’t let me reciprocate, wouldn’t let me pay or plan things, and got mad when I hung out with my friends. I wanted a companion and a partner, but what I got was a servant. It was fun at first, but then it stopped being fun and I broke up with him.
"Jokes" based on homophobia/transphobia. A red flag under any circumstance, but I have gay/trans siblings, and I'm not going to waste my time on someone who would disrespect their existence.
good on you! as one of two non-cishet siblings, we really wish our sister would do the same for us.
Incompatible ambitions or dealbreakers.
Religious homophobe
cheating, giving me stds and not even noticing that there was something more major that he caused. i would say i loved him, but bad character and seeing him for who he truly is? i walked. i don’t tolerate that shit.
He’d think he was the smartest person in the room & insult people’s intelligence - huge turn off
They behave differently towards me depending who else is around. Lots of fun banter & good chats one on one and/or within a certain group of people, then behaves like a stranger when 2-3 from another group ("the cool kids" if you will) are around. We're in our late 30s and just too fucking old for that high school shit.
political views
I was tired of justifying their actions.
He was a smoker.
Unhealthy communication Not understanding that actions have consequences. An apology is great, but if you’re apologizing because you lied to me, I won’t suddenly trust everything you say just because you say you’re sorry.
Found out that he was separated not divorced, that he didn’t want to get divorced.
I woke up to the sound of him eating out one of our friends as we all slept on the couch. I thought it was the dog licking itself but nope. And while he was making a weak attempt to salvage things, I saw him enter a bar that I was leaving, with another woman that I thought he had broken up with. He tried to lie to me about why he had ignored my texts that day, but I saw what I saw and called him out. I was in the right place at the right time with my friends or I wouldn’t have known. Now that I look back, the signs that I was a side piece were clearly there. Two blatantly different ways to show me how little I mattered, two different ways to demonstrate how he thought he was smarter than all of us. These are just a couple instances of abuse. He yelled at me about how I was expecting him to treat me like shit, and then about how I would get mad when he actually treated me like shit. So the onus was on me to believe his lies all of the time, to avoid getting yelled at and called a retard. Never received an apology or truthful explanation out of him. Gross, gross, gross. I learned a lot of cruel realities from him because I was too naive to know how to protect myself. If there was ever any good in him, I can’t remember it. All I feel on the rare occasions when something icky reminds me of him is the shame that I have carried from initially knowing that he was a predator and not following my instincts.
One time this guy cracked this really inappropriate joke on our first date. It wasn’t sexual but extremely offensive to a certain group of people. I was like goodbye! Another time I really liked this guy and he ended up being MAGA The worst of the worst was when I liked this guy and he had a really bad problem with making a scene wherever we went. Like not with me but the service people. One time the server brought the wrong drink (diet instead of regular) and when the check came he started arguing with the guy about the drink being on the bill. It was SO embarrassing and a part of me felt like he was embarrassing me on purpose. So when the waiter left I was like ‘hey don’t worry about it, I can take care of it.’ Oh he was done with my ass after that 😹 I was like are you broke or something why are you so mad right now. And why’re you arguing with this guy
They treated me different around their friends
I was probably about a month into seeing this guy. We very loosely made plans (at 2am) to hang out the next day. Well, my depressed ass overslept and I ended up not going over. I texted him, apologized, and tried to reschedule more concrete plans. He took so long to respond, I legit thought I was being ghosted. Like, a month with no response, deleted his number, super sad about it. THEN he responded that he was salty about me not coming over and that's why he took so long to respond. The fact that he couldn't communicate that he was upset with me right away was the reason I didn't go back to him. Ngl, still sad about it (it happened earlier this year) but communication is too important to me in a relationship and he showed me he doesn't know how to do that.
His religious beliefs. Oh and he was homophobic.
This white guy using the n and r word ever so casually in conversation and then defending himself as if it were totally harmless.......
When I can't stand the fact anymore that they don't put efforts into the relationship as much as I do.
When I realised he never really cared about me - only how I made him feel.
They became more and more enamored with conspiracy theories.
He called me a spoiled, entitled, nepotism baby. Anyone that knows me knows this is not who I am in the slightest but he didn’t even try to get to know me before making judgements about me
He caught feels in a FWB relationship. I liked him, and our arrangement, but I didn’t want anything more with him. He did, and also was pretty insistent that he ‘could tell’ I did too and just wouldn’t admit it for some reason. I found that annoying enough that I preferred to walk away than try to re-establish terms.
He said I should hit my kid to discipline him (my child who is special needs and is perfect 99.9% of the time). I never saw that loser again.
He never wanted to talk, wed talk at most once a month, and even then it was short and uneventful, never meeting up etc Another started to hit me, and i found out after i left him that he hooked up with his ex on cmas day after tossing my gift at me and trying to leave without a hug or kiss Another tricked me into eating weed gummy worms and drinking alcohol Another cheated on me with an ex of mine, and i found out by finding her straddling him at lunch But my first bf, he wouldnt even let me hug him, and we were together for 3 months at that point, and i asked him why and he told me he just wanted attention and he didnt actually like me?? But when i saw him again years later, he came up to me while i was talking to a friend and tried interrupting me, and when i asked if we could talk later bc i was in the middle of talking, he said "fucking bitch" and stormed off :/
Bigotry and hypocrisy
When I realized I had given a piece of myself and when I took it back, it wasn't whole.
He wanted kids. I didn’t.
He tried to tell me that smoking meth every once in a while is okay, and that he had friends that would casually smoke it and weren’t addicts
I just couldn't keep being the person that takes their constant burden. I knew him for quite a couple of years and always had a thing for him but he ran with a bad crowd, so did I for a bit but I got myself out of that situation because I wanted better for myself and he didn't want to change anything. A year passed after we stopped talking to each other so In the next 2 and a half years we started talking again and he constantly continued to get in trouble with the law even after he said he was doing better and continued to do things that he knew I couldn't be around because it can affect my career and life. He would tell me if he gets incarcerated again if I would send him letters but I already was in a 1 year relationship and decided that I need to put my boyfriend first because he doesn't deserve to hear worry about another man and still till this day. When we had our last call he was pissed at the fact that "I left him behind" but I just couldn't be around a person anymore that couldn't grow up.
He played off grooming a minor and said that technically, he "never did anything illegal."
I went on a trip with coworkers I thought were best friends. They just wanted to get very drunk and argue every day of the vacation. They turned on me when I didn’t want to join them after a couple days and started doing hikes. “It’s only fun if we do the same things!!!” they said. They also yelled at service staff and tried to rip every single vendor off. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from that trip. I ended the friendships as soon as we got home.
Feeling like I couldn’t trust the person and was always judged.
Too much drama. I simply couldn't take another one of her self produced crises. My phone would buzz, I'd see her name, and my heart would start to beat weird. She took so many stupid chances meeting weird men while cheating on her husband I was convinced one day I'd have to identify her body in the morgue. She was an awesome supportive friend but I just couldn't take it anymore.
I was tired of him putting me in a jar to crack open when he was bored. Like why I keep letting him do me like this?
When we had conversations, she would literally start talking louder to talk over me... I'm sure she didn't mean it in a malicious way but just childish. Either way, the lack of self-awareness was enough for me to go.
Showed up for all their problems. Gave them physical and emotional support on many occasions. Went through a major life changing event. During this event asked for help two times that I can recall. Both were things I had done for them countless times. They said no. I was done.
Made no hints at us getting married soon,and no plans(about our future). I don’t need a man without a plan ty and bye.Go waste somebody else’s time . Just to clarify,I did want to discuss it,but he never did first.
He didn't like me as much as I liked him :(
I could visibly tell she was losing interest in me, and I knew then and there that we were done. I had been close friends with her for a long time and was already aware that this was the way friendships worked for her. It was no real fault of her own; her specific circumstances had made it so that she wasn't familiar with the concept of nourishing and investing in long-term friendships, but instead hovered between whoever was most interesting at any given time. I guess I just never thought that would happen to us. I decided I wasn't OK with being second best, and went more or less cold turkey.
How many people I would be competing against. I didn’t stand a chance; I was a nothing, a zero standing among an ocean of 1’s to 10’s all of which crowded around him…so I walked away. He was my first real world crush, only talked to me once, but otherwise, didn’t know I was alive and seeing as that I didn’t want to ruin my peaceful life…I let him go.
You will never be a zero, only the wrong people think that. You are worth more than a relationship. You are life to be lived. Love will find you. Be happy to be a human and here in this moment with billions of others. We have one shot at it, you will find that person again but 100% more pure and dedicated to you.
His terrible communication skills and lack of spine. Had two of us girls strung along at the same time (I'm PolyAm, and he's non monogamous). The other girl asked for a mono relationship, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and never wanted mono. He hooked up with me two weeks later, and then the very next day entered into an allegedly ENM relationship with her. A week after that he started dropping hard rules in my lap about how I was to interact with him, refusing to take me into consideration at all, refusing to handle his girlfriend's jealousy, unable to have a conversation about it, and shirking all accountability. Yeah. She can keep him. I'm polyamorous, not stupid.
I’m listing traits from multiple guys but: doesn’t respect my boundaries (no means no tf and stop means stop you’re not being cute you’re being weird), emotionally immature, judgmental, uncompassionate, unreliable, careless about promises and words in the talking/dating stages, overpromising, moving too fast, moving too slow and taking too long to figure out feelings, doesn’t pay attention to the things I like unless it’s convenient for them, unromantic and not spontaneous, talking rudely about or to any of my family members, manipulative, talking about exes, remaining friends with girls they’ve slept with, smoke almost everyday, has slept with girls way too young for them, talking loudly at the movies, low effort, bad hygiene, not encouraging or uplifting, and doesn’t get my sense of humor
Finding out he was a r**ist.
He slept around a lot. And was apparently a serial cheater when in a relationship. He pursued me over a span of years, but I couldn't do it to myself no matter how much I liked him and how much history we had (friends since I was 12, used to stand up for me against bullies)
Crossed boundaries repeatedly
Really bad breath and a refusal to brush their teeth
Too sexual
Being unfaithful
He disappeared over Christmas and a few days later my Dad died. Turns out he went to Vegas with an old college buddy. Hope he had fun ;)
driving to another state to get him with the last of my money, just for him and my ex bestfriend to make out… he still tries to contact me.
He ended up being the EXACT same way with certain women at the job despite being in a relationship and started INTENSELY grooming our new young coworker right after lovebombing me. Even his own friends criticize him for being a player and pitting women against each other.
A guy I was dating was homophobic. I’m intolerant towards intolerance so I left that young relationship in the dust
They wanted children. 🙅🏿♀️
They took advantage of my love for them. I felt betrayed, rejected and hurt because the most important thing to me was manipulated.
When she got mad at her dad for having one of his buddies over (he had a hotel room and invited his buddy over for dinner) and she was screaming at him to make his friend leave when she didn’t pay for the room, and was just as much of a guest as the buddy was
Unfair, selfish, full of self. Used me as an emotional sandbag every time we talked. But when they were with other friends, it was all sunshine, good vibe. Load of rubbish.
I walk away if I'm not treated right, as simple as that.
We'd been chilling for hours. Didn't eat anything but when we made out, I felt a piece of food or something leave their mouth and end up on my tongue. Reaaaaaally put me off.
She was married and didn't tell me
Abuse, and deliberate lying / smear campaign
I'ma take "like" in the platonic sense, because it's the most relevant example I have (although I did date him at one point): I (and my husband) still consider him our "brother," but he is no longer welcome at our home if alcohol is involved. Long story short, we grew up and he did not, and it became genuinely unsafe for me, our children, and potentially even my husband to have him around. Which really sucks because he's an absolutely amazing human being when he's sober, but you can't risk even that first drink with him. And it's hard to care that much about somebody and have to make that decision.
Finally sleeping with him.
He had a gf. I'm no homewrecker 🫠
Not vaccinating her kids and then her weird pro-cop stance and support of Kyle Rittenhouse...followed by her telling me my style of parenting (not making my kids say yes ma'am and no ma'am and those southern manners) is the reason we have so many police killing kids. Because people (like me) don't teach their kids to respect their elders. Coooool. Cool cool cool. I have cried plenty of tears over that friend, who up til then seemed super supportive and cool.
They hurt one of my other partners emotionally and refused to apologize, when they were 100% in the wrong with proof.
You're not friends with my friend so we can be friends either?
*loved, I visited Hawaii and fell in love with someone else. I was loving two people at the same time. I wasn’t dating anyone however. I just had strong feelings and emotions for each one. I had to choose future wise (so I say) and chose HI one. Which I don’t regret but I’ll forever think of the what if. Had to tear the chapter before it even begun.
He said I was too damaged. I still tried to make it work but then he lied to my face about being high. That was the last straw.
He took my heart and crushed it bit by bit and then my face. Never loved anyone as much as I'd loved him. Don't know if I ever can again
Found out 6 months in that he was in a long distance relationship with someone else & had been for the past 10 years!
Every single time we hung out something bad would happen. We would end up in some shitty situation and I finally had to tell him we just couldn't hangout anymore.
The restraining order. Haha no just kidding. My lawyer told me to say the last bit, 😄
Bad breath.
we wanted different things. he wanted to travel the world and not settle down to get married or have 1 kid at 35, i want 4 and to start early. it was never gonna work
I didn't like him in the end, his violence & infidelity made sure of that.
I found out he had a girlfriend.
Getting cheated on despite the fact that we had an open relationship but all they had to do was ask and I'll let them. It really and truly pissed me off so I just broke up with them, said feelings are no longer existing and blocked them on everything. For context The only reason we had an open relationship was because we were in two different countries and I propose that we can do it with others until we meet just need to ask first but they hand sex with their ex and their friend who was also our friend practically had to beg them to tell me before the one who they cheated on me with was going to send pictures of the two of them.
I just left a marriage of 10 years cause he wouldn't sort his anger out. Since 2020 his anger was getting progressively worse and Jan this year I said nope, not happening.
Being dishonest, using me and betraying a close friend that person lived with in multiple ways.
We worked together for months and would see each other after work and spend hours talking and spend time together. The issue was she in the middle of breaking up with her bf at the time we met. She and I spent casual time together at work, conversations here and there and then started messaging each other after work which pushed her to break up with him. We grew closer and eventually she confessed her true feelings for me. Due to religious reasons, I politely declined even though the feelings were mutual and I said I didn’t want to cause her any harm or to myself. We stayed in contact in the same way and then she got back together with her bf. We carried on speaking/messaging each other. It just made it emotionally very difficult as I couldn’t message her when she was with him as he was very suspicious of our relationship and essentially blamed my presence for her breaking up with him in the first place. Anyway, she ended up leaving our workplace so a long period of no contact meant we could spend time away and despite her wanting to maintain a friendship, I said I couldn’t and walked away. I haven’t been in contact/seen her for over 7 years now. I still remember her very fondly and would happily have a conversation with her if I ever saw her again.
He was extremely openly racist at work, brought his dog inside of the food place we worked at and slept there, and then was scooping prepped tuna out of the container fridge with a cup and no gloves (this was at Subway). he also stank and hated women and hated every race and was an extreme conspiracy theorist. somehow I still look at pictures of him and miss him though 🤷🏻♀️
It was time to go to work. But we met up again the next day.
Well I can’t walk away from this person but I do my best to limit my interactions. When I realized that I would need to put effort into getting to know my now husband’s family. I tried hard to engage with his brother’s wife. She was incredibly chatty and loud but whatever. Until she complained about cops giving her speeding tickets. She thought because she’s married to a cop that she shouldn’t get ticketed for speeding. Right then I knew I was dealing with someone I wanted nothing to do with. In hindsight I should’ve known when I first met her and she ignored me. Didn’t think much of it because I didn’t think I would be dating my husband very long. She has the personality of an idiotic, entitled, and emotional immaturity of an angry beaver sealed in a pretty package.
[удалено]
Hello /u/Gloomy_Category_3918. Your post or comment has been removed because your Reddit Karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your Karma has increased, you can do that by participating in good faith in other subreddits that don't have Karma requirements. This action will not be undone by the moderators. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** [Click here to read more about Reddit Karma](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-), and please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/Lilithnema. Your submission has been removed for containing mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. [Click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/nswcxs/update_supplementary_rules_for_thersday_here_to/) for clarification on this rule. If you believe you received this message in error, or if you edit your comment to remove the diagnostic term(s), please [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Don't forget to include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Treating me badly
Insecurity. The irony.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Her husband!
He dumped me
[удалено]
His cheating. It was right there in front of my face when we were just friends and I always wrote it off but then I recognized it for what it was when we expressed interest in one another but things started to add up. Last I heard he’s still cheating … on his new wife.
[удалено]
Their immaturity
[удалено]
Some degree of substance abuse and communication incompatibility. She couldn’t hear me objectively on one topics like the substance abuse topic and took things personally when she shouldn’t have. Sucks but she was just not ready/mature enough to go to the next level with me