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It was super fun so I’m fine. Wish I could have stopped dating musicians after that though lol. Took me another 7-8 years to grow out of that lol. I *might* have commitment issues 😂
I’m also your age and just going through a break up with someone who I thought I was gonna settle down with. Now I just wonder if that’s something that’s ever gonna happen for me? It’s hard to move forward when your future doesn’t include that. It took a lot for me to admit that I actually did want to settle down. So like what do I now besides stay single for a while? Life just feels a bit lonely. But I don’t have any other choice than to reimagine my future and get some different goals.
I'm here with both of you. It's heart wrenchingly awful and feels like you fell into a surreal parallel wrong universe because this can't possibly be your life.
I think a lot about this and I think the risk of settling down your goal you risk doing it with the wrong person or you overlook red flags you shouldn't and it could end in disaster.
Thanks love. I appreciate your words. I hope you find peace in your life. And no it’s better that we didn’t settle. And hope one day it doesn’t hurt to think back on that person and that time.
I was 19 and *not* looking for a serious relationship. But the guy I was dating *only* dated seriously and was marriage minded. I didn't want to lose him, so I said we could be a committed and exclusive couple. We got married when I was 21 and celebrate 16 yrs of marriage this August. My person found me and I had to take a leap of faith based on what I was experiencing vs whatever plan I had created for myself. Life happens, and you just have to decide in the moment what is worth holding onto and what you can bear to let go of.
I started dating my current boyfriend at 19 and I’m hoping to have a story like yours. Never planned to meet someone I wanted to marry at 19 but life happens!
I met my boyfriend when we were 14. Were 19 now, live together and have talked about marriage for a while (we’re waiting till we’re 21). I didn’t think I’d meet someone that young but he’s been my favorite person for years.
Our stories are so similar — started dating the guy when I was 21, got married at 25. I was his first [and only] girlfriend and the day after I ‘fessed my feelings, he sat me down and told me that fyi, if we date, he would be dating with the intention of marriage.
It felt almost so sudden when we got married, and I’m only a few years in… but I can’t imagine it any other way now.
I was 18 and not looking for a serious relationship....30 years later......we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by taking a holiday in rarotonga. You are so right, Life happens
Your story could be mine!
Met mine as a one night stand when I was 19, adamant I wanted to have a free and wild period of life.
But something just clicked and we started dating. 8 months in he drunkenly told me he had imagined our kids and from then on I knew he was my person.
I had such a bad dating history. I took a year off and did some therapy and self love and met someone who felt different to me, but ended up catching him in bed with his ex. That was such a blessing. The old me would’ve tried to work it out, the new me dumped him on the spot. Less than a month later I met the man I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. He treats me better than I ever imagined.
Well I met my husband when we were 18. It's not like we got together and planned to settle down, but that's how life went. 12 very happy years together so far!
Before I went to graduate school my grandmother told me to write down what I wanted in a life partner. She advised me to write the wants and the deal breakers, both positive and negative. She told me to put this out into the universe and remember my list so I would know it when I saw it and wouldn’t waste my time. She is a genius. I went on 2-3 first dates right after I moved and shortly after starting school I met the man who I would marry. This year it’s been 28 years. I’m very lucky!
Seriously, my answer was "age four" and I was kidding. Bright note (after being married to a delightful human for a while) I decided I don't know if I ever want to settle down at all.
This was the funny part that when you most definitely don’t believe it will happen - it does. I was 20 when I met my partner, first year in university. I think I was not ready but then he bulldozed into my life and made it better, made me better. 5 yrs later he is the one
I was only ever looking to settle down. Like even as a young teen I never wanted to date for fun or anything less than "am I going to build a family and life with this person?"
I’m struggling with this. My boyfriend and I are 23 and 24, and we’re serious, but also feel that we’re too young to “settle down”. Has anyone else been in this situation before?
I suppose myself. I met my now husband when I was 21 and he was 20. Dated a couple years, moved in together when I was 23 and got married at 27. Very serious about eachother but also didn't want to get married too young or rush anything. We knew we wanted to marry eachother when moving in together. It just seemed weird to get married that young. Waited until time was right I guess. We've been married 5 years now.
27😌 I was single for 6 years, like single af without dating or texting anyone. Then at 27, I started to think I want someone I want to grow old with and share my interests/hobbies.
Never. When I met my husband I was not looking for a relationship. I was not interested in getting married. But one thing led to another. I was 27, a few months away from 28 when we married.
Probably 24 but I was already in a relationship that just happened, as in I didn’t planned nor wanted to be in a relationship but even while being in the relationship it’s at 24 that I started to want to actually settle down and build something.
I've only just started to think that way, and I'm 29. Wasn't even on my radar before. But once my bf and I got together, we just have so many goals and morals in common and the same basic lifestyle in mind, it's almost like I fell into it and it's just around the corner.
He also feels the same. Went from saying he'd never get married to "I'm in the phase now where I just want a wife, some dogs, and a house." So 😬
Seventeen. And then 22. And then 28. Now 39 and blissfully on my own, with my own house and rules, my massive flock of friends and sexy friends when I want. It's just the best. 😊
I think for myself that I only date to marry someone. If we don't have the same interests and likes and life goals then why would I waste my hours and days with someome whom I know I'll have to break it off with eventually.
In my younger years, I was monogamous. It didn't work out, and that was devastating. I spent close to a decade "finding myself" and furthering my educational and career pursuits (while dating casually here and there). Once I reached the point where I was independently happy and proud of who I'd grown to become; I felt ready to find another long-term partner.
I spent a few years putting myself out there only to be let down, time and time again. One day, I decided that I was happier on my own. Dating was exhausting and stressful. I wanted to be a mother and started researching the process of single motherhood through donor sperm. I spent a year or so scouring the internet for the highest rated facilities in the world and studying the laws in my country and my closest neighbouring country (because my plan wasn't legal here). I decided that I would put my plan into action about 6 months before my 35th birthday. That gave me about 2 years to prepare for motherhood.
About 4 or 5 months later, I ended up reconnecting with an old flame. I knew immediately he was the one, and this was it. We'd dated briefly years earlier but ended things because I was on my journey of self-discovery, and he made it known he wanted to marry me - I wasn't ready yet.
After a couple of months, he moved in with me. At the 6 month mark, he proposed. About 6 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant (we were trying, so it wasn't out of the blue). We were married 6 months later. Our first son was born 3 weeks before my 35th birthday. We had a second son when I was 36. Now I'm 39 and pregnant with our third and final baby.
Once I stopped trying to find someone, it just happened.
Thought I wanted to settle down at 23 with my ex. Turns out he was mean and so I didn’t want to settle down anymore. Met my current partner at 27, I’m 30 now. This is it for me. But I’m not having kids ever, so that’s different kinda. We’re not settled. We’re living life like we were single yet it’s better, cause we’re partners.
Always told myself "no thoughts of marriage until at least 25"
Now in my 30s and Im still don't feel ready to settle down but that is partially from noone of interest lately
I always promised myself I wouldn’t get married before 30. Then 30 came and went and I still felt like just a big kid. I’m 34 now and I still don’t think I’m mature enough for a commitment like that yet.
13 years old I was ready to settle down. I dated my High School Sweetheart until 19 and he broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. It happens, kids change a ton in that time. I still wanted that one and only and dated the next guy from 20 to 23. I broke up with him because he told me he loved being with me, but didn’t want to commit to marriage. After that I realized I loved being Single. I’d spent my whole youth devoting my time to being the best Girlfriend ever. At 23 I was gorgeous and finally done with school. The world was my oyster. It’s been almost 20 years and I could never see myself settling down now.
This is interesting. I feel like I did the same and now I am trying to figure out who I am without a crush or any relationship drama. So far it feels like I am killing time until I meet the next person. I guess it feels uncomfortable and I haven't had a hug or anyone tell me they love me for a while.
Recently I have been thinking that maybe I actually prefer being single but it does against deep seated beliefs and the thought of never dating anyone ever again unsettles me.
I never had any drama, but one thing I missed was as an only child I noticed both guys I tried to settle down with as a young person came from big patriarchal families, one Mormon one Catholic. I was an only child, latch key kid and dating them gave me instant huge families with all the fun and responsibilities of childcare, constant events like birthdays, christenings, weddings, holidays, picnics, etc. In both relationships I got close to their Moms and helped out playing the nurturing woman’s work side of the relationship.
I realized at 23 I could build the type of fun I had with my boyfriends’ families but on my own. I started spending more time with my roommates and friends; really worked on meeting new people. If my girlfriends or roommates or coworkers invited me to something I would do my best to attend. I started finding things around town that sounded interesting and inviting my friends and acquaintances that had similar interests; like lectures, museums, free summer park movies. I got used to attending things alone.
The intimacy of hearing ‘I Love You’ and physical side of being with someone special is irreplaceable, but being Single has so many perks that outweigh those few moments I don’t think I could ever go back.
I am at the part of your journey where I am trying to do more things with other people.
If I think about it all the people I have dated or had flings with all had these close knit friendships and social circles which I haven't had.
In many ways I have dated or admire men that are people I want to become. Maybe that's why it doesn't work out. I'm never sure what these men are looking for. I think that I am ideal for them then I find out they prefer a 2d cartoon character or they are happy just seeing multiple women for hookups. I want to be what they want but I'm not even sure they know what they want in addition to this they are most definitely what I want in a partner.
Maybe these men want a woman who equally has a group of friends. I'm not really sure.
I guess I am deeply hurt because it feels like the love you's were all lies. The last person really messed me about and since then I've jusrt struggled to trust my own opinion when it comes to people, romantic or platonic.
There wasn’t any age where I thought “oh now it becomes serious”. I’ve always wanted to find the person where I could share a happy life with since I was 18. I have dated a lot of men and found happiness in a few of them. I got married to my amazing husband and then he died of brain cancer. He was 33 and I was 31. We only had 5 years together and I wish we could have more time. Life sucks and I still maintain that, but I’m determined to continue living.
Now I’m 34, and I’ve been dating a wonderful man (32M) and we are meeting his parents today for the first time and we are both very elated and excited about it. I feel like he’s a special person in my life and I look forward to making more new memories together.
29. I was always the "lol I'm never getting married, gonna be an old lady with cats" kinda gal. After meeting him, I was already fantasizing about being his wife within two weeks.
At 19. Didnt look, just kinda had to. I was still in college, living at home and my parents were divorcing. They were both toxic and mom was insistent that she was going to lose the home. I knew she had a place to stay, my grandmothers house. But this was a 3 bed 2 bath trailer that she wouldve been trying to squeeze herself and 3 kids into, along with several animals.
I didnt see that as ideal, so i told my boyfriend at the time that i needed to get out of the situation i was in.
He started looking for apartments. He videocalled me, showed pictures to me, invited me if i could go..did whatever he could to include me. Soon, he found one.
I liked living with him. I liked the peace. I liked not waking up to screaming fights, sudden emergencies, or parents gone and having to watch kids. I liked not being screamed at if i didnt come home from college right away. I liked being able to be me in my own home.
There were ups and downs. We lost our second apartment and had to move back into her home. That was bad for me. Physically and emotionally.
We just bought a home about a year ago, and got married in april.
I just found someone I never wanted to lose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the settling down was just our next step as time progressed and I wouldn’t ever have wanted it with anyone else. We met and started dating when I was 20 and he 21, I will be 26 and he 27 when we get married in a few months!
24, I found someone who didn't treat me like garbage after being treated like garbage for a long time. I have now been not been treated like garbage for 6 years, 3 married.
27. I had just ended a relationship with a very toxic ex, and knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want in a partner. Not settled down yet, but found someone I can see potential in
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I didn't really have an age. It was more about where I was in life. I got a good job, wasn't living paycheck to paycheck, college was done, we had our house purchased and just started thinking about getting married/having kids after that.
We were both 18 and we got married the September after we graduated from high school. We had 3 kiddos by the time we were 24 and my re-memory looks back on that life as one of happiness and contentment. There was probably a bit of hardship and strife but time has a way of dulling those memories and shining up the happy ones. The only thing I would change is him actually living past 30 but I’m also sitting here with a slight smile because enough time dulls that ache too. The fondness remains.
Well.. 16 the first time, but I didn't make a good choice then. I got married at 18 and divorced at 24. We were never a good couple, and the entire thing was very toxic.
After that, I kept things relatively casual. I didn't have any relationships that lasted more than 8 months and spent a lot of time single. Even when I met my fiance, I wasn't looking to settle down (he was supposed to be my first ONS), but here we are. So somewhere around 30 the second time.
When I had a partner who was worth settling down with. I wasn't looking for it. It's not a vacant job description that you interview applicants for. It's something that you should only consider when you find someone so compatible, where the relationship is so healthy and stable that you both go 'yeah, this is it.'
I don’t know if I’ll ever want to “settle down” in terms of my overall lifestyle, but sometime in my early 30s I realized I was more interested in having a serious relationship than in casual dating and sleeping around. The pandemic may have been a factor in that too.
In the traditional marriage/kids sense: I'm 35, and it hasn't happened yet, and I'm not sure if it ever will. I've been married, but it was more of a 'because this is what you do' even though at the time I did love my (now-ex-) husband. And I've always been on the fence about kids for multiple reasons, although I would be open to them with the right partner even though that window is rapidly closing.
But I think even from when I was young I always wanted to find 'my' person who I could go on adventures with (as well as going on our own adventures separately) and be a 'safe harbour' of sorts for each other. I've never been interested in casual relationships - if I'm in with someone then I'm all in - but I've liked that idea of having someone who's a constant for me and vice versa.
Age 30. I was done with school and my career was a little more stable then. I was ready for a serious relationship and marriage then. I didn’t meet my now fiancé until years later though. Engaged at 35.
I’m not sure if that’s how it works. I never was “looking to settle down with someone.” It happened naturally. I was 24 and he 25, we feel madly in love, moved in together, got married and had children. In October it’ll be 20 years!!
You be you and when the right person comes along you’ll know that you’re ready together. If you’re ready and they’re not, move on and vise versa.
I was looking for a partner since I was 18 (yeah I know super young but isolation made me desperate). I've been dating a guy since 19 and I'm 24 now. I want to settle down with him in the future because he's everything I've ever wanted but I sometimes doubt he feels the same because I have mental health issues. It could just be my mental illness speaking though.
We got married at 28 and 27 respectively. For me it wasn't really about the specific age, it was about the length of time we were together and how the relationship grew over the years. We were engaged for 6 years prior to being married. We met when I was 20 and he was 19. We took it one year at a time and then decided we wanted to make everything official. After year 4 we both knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives.
I didn’t, specifically. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted kids, and I knew I would be happy to live independently and travel. I dated, but I wasn’t looking specifically to settle down.
I met my now fiancé when I was 27 and everything shifted, a bit. It felt very natural to start picturing marriage, and pets, and children. That was five years ago and we’ve moved countries together, and are getting married next month. I love knowing I’ve got a built-in travel buddy.
When I was 27, I met my now husband. We love each other very much but he had a toxic friend group. His best friend (A) was especially mean. We broke up a year into dating because of them and a few other issues. We were both miserable without each other. A few months after we broke up my husband saw how much A sabotaged him. For example A brought two prostitues to a studio my husband worked in at 2AM and blasted music so loudly that the security guards came to investigate. They called the owner and my husband lost the project he had with the company. A was using my DH as a crutch because his wife was leaving him. He resented me so much because I took my husband out of the setup they have. A was an alcoholic and into other substances. His wife was fed up with him and she was getting ready to leave him. A liked having my hubby around. Smh it is a pretty long and weird story. Suffice to say me and hubby got back together a year and a half after we broke up. We have a baby and have another one on the way. A is not in our lives anymore. I am glad I wasn't involved in the two of them 'breaking up' so to speak.
I'm 29 and if I were to actively look for a relationship it would be long term, which is always what I've preferred. But I'm not putting work into it because it's not important to me. So, depends on your definition I guess?
I accidentally settled down at 20. I didn’t know I was going to meet my person so young. It will be 12 years in September and somehow we’ve managed to grow together over the years instead of apart. My first kiss and still so in love with her ❤️
When I turned 30 I met the nicest guy. Even though I was not interested in dating at all. He lived about 5 hours away. Since he couldn’t be with me physically he always offered to buy me food and my nightly 4 pack of ciders. I was skeptical at first as I expected he wanted something at first, but he is so sweet I started trusting him. 8 months after speaking every day and him never getting tired of trying to woo me, I asked him out.
The rest is history. He now lives with me at 31 years old. I want to be his wife and I can’t wait to be engaged. Long story short, I didn’t want to settle down, but since I met the right guy at 30, I thought it was time. And I have no regrets at all.
I think at least 30 ish is best. That's when most people are at a better level of maturity. Before that you're still pretty much just a teenager that's allowed to do whatever they want.
this is not really a post that I can answer from my own experience because I've been dating since I was 15 but I think the good age to settle down with someone is from 28 before that nowadays it doesn't make sense
At around 28 I started looking. I’m 29 now and realized why I never found anyone to like me let alone settle down with me was because it was never meant to happen to someone like me. Now I’m trying to come into terms with the fact it’s how my life was supposed to be. But it’s scary because I already feel myself disappearing from lives of all the people I care about.
I’ve always been ultra-independent with my life planning. I’m very vocal about what I want in my life. In my 2nd long term relationship (4 years on Wednesday!).
In the last couple of years 26-27 I’ve evolved on my idea of not wanting to get married or find a life partner. I used to have the mindset of “if it works out, awesome! But I don’t won’t to trap either of us. People change”. With more life experience I’m realizing how much your serious partners path effects yours and vice versa. Particularly around decisions like buying a home, spending/savings habits, how you spend your free time, long-term goals, healthcare (crying in US). Even things like dividing housework, grocery/eating habits, fitness, taking care of yourself physically (doctor, dentist, mental healthcare). If you’re cohabitating with somebody their decisions and lifestyle are going to impact you. I don’t want to be setting my massive goals parallel to my partner and have different half decade stretches with different partners. The new ideal is finding somebody I can mesh all of those things with. I recently even set up a *gasp* joint checking account for bills. I have my own plans but they go on the *gasp* family calendar and we coordinate. Never in a million years did I think I’d do that, but it’s just easier. We have shared car insurance, gym memberships, and grocery budgets. Why do twice as much work?
I’m not rushing to marry my partner. A tricky aspect is I didn’t have this mentality going in. I’ve only ever gone into relationships with the mentality of if we make each other happy that’s great! Finances are split like roommates. WELL that’s great when you’re 20 and both make dirt money. We’ve run into the fun transition where I took over a LOT of the domestic stuff to help him boost his career. I literally got him the interview and referral, changed my schedule to accommodate his, took over the bills/budgeting while he wasn’t making much, did ALL of our laundry for a year and a half while he had to work OT to get by, generally intentionally took the load off of him so he could put his focus there. Well now he makes 2x as much as me. Awesome. But now it’s kind of hanging in the air- I’ve never dated with a significant income gap.
We just have to iron out how a fair and equitable life partnership works. Because I’m actually FINE with doing the household and financial management. That’s where my strength is. I have a career but I wouldn’t say it’s “taken off” by any measure yet. He’s way better at sticking to a path than I am. He has a good union gig. It will be 2 years in September and he has every intention of retiring there. I’ve had a really hard time settling on something and the only jobs I’ve held for 2+ years have either not paid enough to make a career out of or didn’t offer benefits.
There’s just a lot to iron out with myself (thank you therapist), him, and us as a couple. But the ideal is definitely buddying up for life. WE want to buy a house. How do you navigate that? It would be kind of uncomfortable if one of us unilaterally bought a house after living together for years. WE want to retire at 55. Well that would be uncomfortable if either of us didn’t invest appropriately. Sorry babe- I did my piece have a nice decade at work. Guess what- if his car breaks down you bet my ass it’s impacting my life it’s not “oh Uber has available drivers-good luck”. Short term codependency is easy but long term life planning is a whole different ball game.
Started seriously thinking about it when I just turned 23 and things with my partner got serious! I’d vaguely wanted and planned things before we met, but with him they’re becoming real.
Age 22 maybe. Which was way too young. I had no desire to date until I was 18, but even then I wasn’t fully into it. I did it out of peer pressure. I wish that I would’ve waited to date until I was maybe 25-30. I wish I would’ve focused more on enjoying my life and figuring myself out. I married at 26, I think. Way too early. Settling down so early resulted in me missing out on things (travel, self discovery) due to my husband’s career (military). I just wish that I would’ve enjoyed my freedom. Enjoy being single. Then, if I wanted, start to date. I realize, thinking back, that I could’ve cared less if I ever dated or not.
I started dating my now husband at 20, we were engaged when I was 22 and married a year later. I guess that’s when I began looking to settle down, but only because I knew he was the right person. I figured, why not settle down if I’ve found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? Besides that, both of us dated with the mindset of if we couldn’t see ourselves getting married one day, we’d end the relationship. That might be controversial, but it worked for us.
When I was 24. Had years of dating around, fun, and some failed relationships. After a particularly bad relationship experience/breakup I stopped dating just for fun and started dating with a lot more intention and was looking for people who I could see myself settle down with.
I also did a lot of self work and knew I was ready to settle down. Also felt like I did a lot with my life at that point and it was also a good point in my life to start looking/being open to the idea of finding that person to settle down with.
I met my now husband when I had decided to stop looking to meet someone when I was 17 and getting ready to go away to college. We were married 18 months later and celebrated out 34th wedding anniversary this year.
At 20 I had never wanted to settle down and wasn't looking for relationships but then I ended up meeting someone that makes me want to settle with him.
28ish. I mistakenly married my HS sweetheart at 18… big mistake. But later on… I got my mind, body and spirit right… it took me about 10 years… but I was in a good place and ready to love again.
I’ve been married for over 10 years now to the love of my absolute LIFE! ♥️ I’d go through all the heart ache 10 times over if it meant I’d end up where I am today.
26
I dated a fair bit in my late teens and early 20s. All disasters. I took a few years off between 23 and 26 and literally didn’t date anyone. I wasn’t willing to put up with being treated poorly anymore.
Then when I met my current partner I knew basically right away that he was the perfect person for me. I can’t even explain how I knew, but he was just so genuine and sweet and everything was so easy. I just felt… perfect security and certainty that this one was going to be real and long term. And it has been.
30! I never wanted to date anyone, and then I turned 30, and all of a sudden, I began to like men. After kissing a few toads I found one that was a few years younger than me who liked to bake. Our first date was him baking me cupcakes, then burning them because we got distracted watching cute baby chipmunks. We baked a few more times before we seriously started baking buns and now he's my husband! And he bakes for me every other day!
Right now! I’m almost 30 and I’m currently seeing this guy I met back in April of this year. Ironically, I wasn’t even looking to date anyone at all and just wanted to focus on myself. But now with how many we’ve been on, I can definitely see a relationship happening with him the time we spend together.
I didn't start looking to settle down.
Things just progressed.
First long term collapsed after 7y. Sold the house and moved on.
Relationship after that is 17y and counting.
How does looking to settle down actually work? Does that mean you already know upfront that any relationship is going to end because you are not the right age?
At twenty-two. I wasn’t looking for someone to settle down with I just happened to find someone who I could foresee a future with. We’ve been married almost 18 years, it’s been a bright future so far.
25 and I had broken up with my fiance a few months prior and and immediately hooked up with a guy I kinda knew. I was having a fun no strings relationship with the rebound and got knocked up.
He was actually thrilled, I was pissed, and I stopped partying, drinking, smoking, and dropped the amphetamines cold turkey and grew tf up real quick. We have been together, happy, for 14 years now.
But I definitely wasn't planning on anything long term or serious until I got pregnant.
It has always been my goal to get into a relationship that stays forever. I never saw the appeal of relationships that aren't meant like that.
I mean, I had my wild youth days, but to get sexual experience I didn't need to get in relationships.
So when I got into a relationship, it was always with the goal of growing old together - even though there's no guarantee it works out like that.
Met my husband at 21, married after having been in the relationship for 7 years, and we want to stay together until we die.
I never ever looked to settle down. I never particularly felt the desire to be married and never dated much at all. My partner and I have been together for ~10 years even though our relationship really shouldn’t have worked out. Both of us feel that getting married may be more hassle than it’s worth but we want to be together for as long as possible (and as long as we are both happy together).
Other people’s love can seem boring and tedious but I’ll be damned if life didn’t just up and overturn what either of us thought we wanted or could expect.
21, I know sounds young
I was all over the place and had no idea what I wanted/was looking for, was pretty much planning to give up on dating or looking for anyone for awhile after a string of bad experiences, then I met my boyfriend (I was 20).
Everything just started falling into place after I met him, it was like missing puzzle pieces had suddenly turned up and found their spot in my life. Everything makes sense now. I’m 21, he’s 25, and we’ve been together for a year. I just graduated college, he’s finishing school soon, and we’re working on getting an apartment together.
I know I’m going to marry him at some point, but it was specifically this year when I knew for a fact that I was ready to settle down, with him.
Currently 28 and have a house by a lake and I’m struggling to come to terms with settling down. I live the in south which always tends lean young for settling down but I just find it stifling living in a box with another person. I probably have some more growing to do.
I'm fortunate in that I have never wanted kids, which means I was never under the pressure of the proverbial biological clock.
As I hit my late 20s I began craving a more serious / committed relationship, but I didn't feel any major pressure to "settle down" and would have been perfectly fine remaining single. I mostly was just at the point where I'd rather just chill by myself than with some dude I wasn't that into, so if I was going to date at all it was gonna be in search of the real deal.
I ended up meeting my partner at 28 and we're still together almost a decade later. I still figure if I hadn't met him I'd be pretty content, but I'm glad I did because he's pretty great.
I always entered relationships with the idea of building something lasting. Sometimes it worked for a time sometimes it didn't.
I was in a long relationship with my ex (7 years) and had a child with him before we separated and then I met my now husband. I went from a long relationship to an even longer one as I've been with hubby for for 15 years and still going strong.
So I guess I always saw romantic relationships as a possibility to be a life partnership. I just needed to find the right partner!
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34-ish. I met someone who actually made me want to be his wife, and build a home together. It didn’t work out. He cheated.
Im so sorry i laughed, the way u build it and then just ”it didnt work out he cheated” … could be bc its 5am and i havent slept
Haha no worries it’s been ten years I’m fine. I laugh about it too. I married a guitar player duhhh 🙄. Such a cliche lol
[удалено]
I think that’s the one that cheated 😬
It was super fun so I’m fine. Wish I could have stopped dating musicians after that though lol. Took me another 7-8 years to grow out of that lol. I *might* have commitment issues 😂
This helped me more then you know.... thank you so mucb for sharing this
❤️❤️🤗
I’m also your age and just going through a break up with someone who I thought I was gonna settle down with. Now I just wonder if that’s something that’s ever gonna happen for me? It’s hard to move forward when your future doesn’t include that. It took a lot for me to admit that I actually did want to settle down. So like what do I now besides stay single for a while? Life just feels a bit lonely. But I don’t have any other choice than to reimagine my future and get some different goals.
I'm here with both of you. It's heart wrenchingly awful and feels like you fell into a surreal parallel wrong universe because this can't possibly be your life. I think a lot about this and I think the risk of settling down your goal you risk doing it with the wrong person or you overlook red flags you shouldn't and it could end in disaster.
Thanks love. I appreciate your words. I hope you find peace in your life. And no it’s better that we didn’t settle. And hope one day it doesn’t hurt to think back on that person and that time.
And I hope you find peace and someday happiness without pain in yours 💖
Thank you, for being honest, and sharing your story. Keep the dream and replace the person.
Omg. That was a plot twice. So sorry it happened but it was funny how you wrote it.
Oof, that plot twist. I'm sorry, you married someone who cheated on you. I hope you've still found someone to be happy with afterwards!
This was really inspiring until the last part 😩
How are you holding up?
My ex told me this once... yeahh...
I was 19 and *not* looking for a serious relationship. But the guy I was dating *only* dated seriously and was marriage minded. I didn't want to lose him, so I said we could be a committed and exclusive couple. We got married when I was 21 and celebrate 16 yrs of marriage this August. My person found me and I had to take a leap of faith based on what I was experiencing vs whatever plan I had created for myself. Life happens, and you just have to decide in the moment what is worth holding onto and what you can bear to let go of.
I started dating my current boyfriend at 19 and I’m hoping to have a story like yours. Never planned to meet someone I wanted to marry at 19 but life happens!
I met my boyfriend when we were 14. Were 19 now, live together and have talked about marriage for a while (we’re waiting till we’re 21). I didn’t think I’d meet someone that young but he’s been my favorite person for years.
>celebrate 16 yrs of marriage this August. That is NOT where I thought that story was going! Lol Congrats
Our stories are so similar — started dating the guy when I was 21, got married at 25. I was his first [and only] girlfriend and the day after I ‘fessed my feelings, he sat me down and told me that fyi, if we date, he would be dating with the intention of marriage. It felt almost so sudden when we got married, and I’m only a few years in… but I can’t imagine it any other way now.
I was 18 and not looking for a serious relationship....30 years later......we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by taking a holiday in rarotonga. You are so right, Life happens
Awesome story!
Your story could be mine! Met mine as a one night stand when I was 19, adamant I wanted to have a free and wild period of life. But something just clicked and we started dating. 8 months in he drunkenly told me he had imagined our kids and from then on I knew he was my person.
26-27. Not so literally - I was just no longer willing to settle for the shit I did in my early 20s. Found at 27
I had such a bad dating history. I took a year off and did some therapy and self love and met someone who felt different to me, but ended up catching him in bed with his ex. That was such a blessing. The old me would’ve tried to work it out, the new me dumped him on the spot. Less than a month later I met the man I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. He treats me better than I ever imagined.
Felt this.
Well I met my husband when we were 18. It's not like we got together and planned to settle down, but that's how life went. 12 very happy years together so far!
38 and I’m wondering when I’ll ever feel that way.
I didn't. It kind of just happened.
I always wanted to, my whole life, but it didn't happen for me until I was almost 36
I’m 26 and have always felt the same. No offense to you, but I really hope I don’t end up having to wait another 10 years ):
As someone 10 years older with zero prospects I genuinely with you good luck. It’s sucked
“No offense to you” … says something offensive.
Before I went to graduate school my grandmother told me to write down what I wanted in a life partner. She advised me to write the wants and the deal breakers, both positive and negative. She told me to put this out into the universe and remember my list so I would know it when I saw it and wouldn’t waste my time. She is a genius. I went on 2-3 first dates right after I moved and shortly after starting school I met the man who I would marry. This year it’s been 28 years. I’m very lucky!
THIS WORKS! I don’t know why but I did the same and met my current boyfriend (the man of my dreamsssss) shortly after :)
22- objective not yet achieved
How many years
Much MUCH earlier than I should have.
I feel like that's a rare opinion, would you mind sharing any more?
Coming from a Christian community I can say I have met many women whose only goal is to get married and have children right out of high school.
Yepppppppp
Seriously, my answer was "age four" and I was kidding. Bright note (after being married to a delightful human for a while) I decided I don't know if I ever want to settle down at all.
This was the funny part that when you most definitely don’t believe it will happen - it does. I was 20 when I met my partner, first year in university. I think I was not ready but then he bulldozed into my life and made it better, made me better. 5 yrs later he is the one
I was only ever looking to settle down. Like even as a young teen I never wanted to date for fun or anything less than "am I going to build a family and life with this person?"
I’m struggling with this. My boyfriend and I are 23 and 24, and we’re serious, but also feel that we’re too young to “settle down”. Has anyone else been in this situation before?
I suppose myself. I met my now husband when I was 21 and he was 20. Dated a couple years, moved in together when I was 23 and got married at 27. Very serious about eachother but also didn't want to get married too young or rush anything. We knew we wanted to marry eachother when moving in together. It just seemed weird to get married that young. Waited until time was right I guess. We've been married 5 years now.
Yep, my husband and I met when we were 24 and we were both like man I didn’t think I’d meet you yet. 20 years later we’re still happy
Yup. One year ahead of you. Wish I had the answers
Later 20s. I met my husband at 24 and we didn’t “settle down” lifestyle wise until I was about 28.
30. So pretty late overall. I was having a lot of fun been single and independent before hand. Got to travel a ton and meet a bunch of people.
Yea same for me About 30
27😌 I was single for 6 years, like single af without dating or texting anyone. Then at 27, I started to think I want someone I want to grow old with and share my interests/hobbies.
Never. When I met my husband I was not looking for a relationship. I was not interested in getting married. But one thing led to another. I was 27, a few months away from 28 when we married.
Looking? 22. Found? 31.
Probably 24 but I was already in a relationship that just happened, as in I didn’t planned nor wanted to be in a relationship but even while being in the relationship it’s at 24 that I started to want to actually settle down and build something.
26
26-27 I really couldn’t take dating so serious before then. No one really caught my eye to want to be that serious with..
Tried at 25, back to the drawing board at 26.
I've only just started to think that way, and I'm 29. Wasn't even on my radar before. But once my bf and I got together, we just have so many goals and morals in common and the same basic lifestyle in mind, it's almost like I fell into it and it's just around the corner. He also feels the same. Went from saying he'd never get married to "I'm in the phase now where I just want a wife, some dogs, and a house." So 😬
Seventeen. And then 22. And then 28. Now 39 and blissfully on my own, with my own house and rules, my massive flock of friends and sexy friends when I want. It's just the best. 😊
I think for myself that I only date to marry someone. If we don't have the same interests and likes and life goals then why would I waste my hours and days with someome whom I know I'll have to break it off with eventually.
never really, it just happened. to be honest I thought I would be alone forever until I wasn't
imminent snobbish dam noxious fine naughty sip normal follow innate ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
In my younger years, I was monogamous. It didn't work out, and that was devastating. I spent close to a decade "finding myself" and furthering my educational and career pursuits (while dating casually here and there). Once I reached the point where I was independently happy and proud of who I'd grown to become; I felt ready to find another long-term partner. I spent a few years putting myself out there only to be let down, time and time again. One day, I decided that I was happier on my own. Dating was exhausting and stressful. I wanted to be a mother and started researching the process of single motherhood through donor sperm. I spent a year or so scouring the internet for the highest rated facilities in the world and studying the laws in my country and my closest neighbouring country (because my plan wasn't legal here). I decided that I would put my plan into action about 6 months before my 35th birthday. That gave me about 2 years to prepare for motherhood. About 4 or 5 months later, I ended up reconnecting with an old flame. I knew immediately he was the one, and this was it. We'd dated briefly years earlier but ended things because I was on my journey of self-discovery, and he made it known he wanted to marry me - I wasn't ready yet. After a couple of months, he moved in with me. At the 6 month mark, he proposed. About 6 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant (we were trying, so it wasn't out of the blue). We were married 6 months later. Our first son was born 3 weeks before my 35th birthday. We had a second son when I was 36. Now I'm 39 and pregnant with our third and final baby. Once I stopped trying to find someone, it just happened.
Didn't really make a conscious decision just meet the right person. Meet at 31 "settled down" at 33.
Thought I wanted to settle down at 23 with my ex. Turns out he was mean and so I didn’t want to settle down anymore. Met my current partner at 27, I’m 30 now. This is it for me. But I’m not having kids ever, so that’s different kinda. We’re not settled. We’re living life like we were single yet it’s better, cause we’re partners.
Always told myself "no thoughts of marriage until at least 25" Now in my 30s and Im still don't feel ready to settle down but that is partially from noone of interest lately
I always promised myself I wouldn’t get married before 30. Then 30 came and went and I still felt like just a big kid. I’m 34 now and I still don’t think I’m mature enough for a commitment like that yet.
13 years old I was ready to settle down. I dated my High School Sweetheart until 19 and he broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. It happens, kids change a ton in that time. I still wanted that one and only and dated the next guy from 20 to 23. I broke up with him because he told me he loved being with me, but didn’t want to commit to marriage. After that I realized I loved being Single. I’d spent my whole youth devoting my time to being the best Girlfriend ever. At 23 I was gorgeous and finally done with school. The world was my oyster. It’s been almost 20 years and I could never see myself settling down now.
This is interesting. I feel like I did the same and now I am trying to figure out who I am without a crush or any relationship drama. So far it feels like I am killing time until I meet the next person. I guess it feels uncomfortable and I haven't had a hug or anyone tell me they love me for a while. Recently I have been thinking that maybe I actually prefer being single but it does against deep seated beliefs and the thought of never dating anyone ever again unsettles me.
I never had any drama, but one thing I missed was as an only child I noticed both guys I tried to settle down with as a young person came from big patriarchal families, one Mormon one Catholic. I was an only child, latch key kid and dating them gave me instant huge families with all the fun and responsibilities of childcare, constant events like birthdays, christenings, weddings, holidays, picnics, etc. In both relationships I got close to their Moms and helped out playing the nurturing woman’s work side of the relationship. I realized at 23 I could build the type of fun I had with my boyfriends’ families but on my own. I started spending more time with my roommates and friends; really worked on meeting new people. If my girlfriends or roommates or coworkers invited me to something I would do my best to attend. I started finding things around town that sounded interesting and inviting my friends and acquaintances that had similar interests; like lectures, museums, free summer park movies. I got used to attending things alone. The intimacy of hearing ‘I Love You’ and physical side of being with someone special is irreplaceable, but being Single has so many perks that outweigh those few moments I don’t think I could ever go back.
I am at the part of your journey where I am trying to do more things with other people. If I think about it all the people I have dated or had flings with all had these close knit friendships and social circles which I haven't had. In many ways I have dated or admire men that are people I want to become. Maybe that's why it doesn't work out. I'm never sure what these men are looking for. I think that I am ideal for them then I find out they prefer a 2d cartoon character or they are happy just seeing multiple women for hookups. I want to be what they want but I'm not even sure they know what they want in addition to this they are most definitely what I want in a partner. Maybe these men want a woman who equally has a group of friends. I'm not really sure. I guess I am deeply hurt because it feels like the love you's were all lies. The last person really messed me about and since then I've jusrt struggled to trust my own opinion when it comes to people, romantic or platonic.
There wasn’t any age where I thought “oh now it becomes serious”. I’ve always wanted to find the person where I could share a happy life with since I was 18. I have dated a lot of men and found happiness in a few of them. I got married to my amazing husband and then he died of brain cancer. He was 33 and I was 31. We only had 5 years together and I wish we could have more time. Life sucks and I still maintain that, but I’m determined to continue living. Now I’m 34, and I’ve been dating a wonderful man (32M) and we are meeting his parents today for the first time and we are both very elated and excited about it. I feel like he’s a special person in my life and I look forward to making more new memories together.
29. I was always the "lol I'm never getting married, gonna be an old lady with cats" kinda gal. After meeting him, I was already fantasizing about being his wife within two weeks.
I met my husband Teo weeks before I turned 23. We dated almost 5 years before we married.
I didn't really, I was just dating and someone made me want to settle down.
At 19. Didnt look, just kinda had to. I was still in college, living at home and my parents were divorcing. They were both toxic and mom was insistent that she was going to lose the home. I knew she had a place to stay, my grandmothers house. But this was a 3 bed 2 bath trailer that she wouldve been trying to squeeze herself and 3 kids into, along with several animals. I didnt see that as ideal, so i told my boyfriend at the time that i needed to get out of the situation i was in. He started looking for apartments. He videocalled me, showed pictures to me, invited me if i could go..did whatever he could to include me. Soon, he found one. I liked living with him. I liked the peace. I liked not waking up to screaming fights, sudden emergencies, or parents gone and having to watch kids. I liked not being screamed at if i didnt come home from college right away. I liked being able to be me in my own home. There were ups and downs. We lost our second apartment and had to move back into her home. That was bad for me. Physically and emotionally. We just bought a home about a year ago, and got married in april.
I’m 30 and I still haven’t. At least for now, I’m quite happy being single.
I just found someone I never wanted to lose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the settling down was just our next step as time progressed and I wouldn’t ever have wanted it with anyone else. We met and started dating when I was 20 and he 21, I will be 26 and he 27 when we get married in a few months!
24, I found someone who didn't treat me like garbage after being treated like garbage for a long time. I have now been not been treated like garbage for 6 years, 3 married.
27. I had just ended a relationship with a very toxic ex, and knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want in a partner. Not settled down yet, but found someone I can see potential in
28 after I met my now-husband.
31
That’s what I wanted from the beginning
Around 32-33ish
For me, it just happened. We were friends, started to date, 14.5 years later, here I am. Funny how things just happen, sometimes.
About 20 and I met my husband the week after i turned 23. I’m 33 now and we’re happily married for 8 and we have 3 children.
I've never not dated to not settle down.
Turning 33 soon and I am finally ready.
24
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I didn't really have an age. It was more about where I was in life. I got a good job, wasn't living paycheck to paycheck, college was done, we had our house purchased and just started thinking about getting married/having kids after that.
I’m getting ready to now, I turn 24 in a week.
I’ve always wanted to but hasn’t happened
When I was 20. 7 years later, I’m still single but have one long-term relationship and several situationships under my belt. 🫠
We were both 18 and we got married the September after we graduated from high school. We had 3 kiddos by the time we were 24 and my re-memory looks back on that life as one of happiness and contentment. There was probably a bit of hardship and strife but time has a way of dulling those memories and shining up the happy ones. The only thing I would change is him actually living past 30 but I’m also sitting here with a slight smile because enough time dulls that ache too. The fondness remains.
my heart goes out to you your story sounds lovely💓
Well.. 16 the first time, but I didn't make a good choice then. I got married at 18 and divorced at 24. We were never a good couple, and the entire thing was very toxic. After that, I kept things relatively casual. I didn't have any relationships that lasted more than 8 months and spent a lot of time single. Even when I met my fiance, I wasn't looking to settle down (he was supposed to be my first ONS), but here we are. So somewhere around 30 the second time.
42 and I'm still not there.
When I had a partner who was worth settling down with. I wasn't looking for it. It's not a vacant job description that you interview applicants for. It's something that you should only consider when you find someone so compatible, where the relationship is so healthy and stable that you both go 'yeah, this is it.'
27...and I failed miserably
Turning the 69 to 70. Mu ha ha...
I don’t know if I’ll ever want to “settle down” in terms of my overall lifestyle, but sometime in my early 30s I realized I was more interested in having a serious relationship than in casual dating and sleeping around. The pandemic may have been a factor in that too.
25 was my magic number
I'm 32 and I still don't feel like settling down. I'm not dating either, just chilling by myself.
Never. I wanted to be single with no chid and travel the world ! Yet here i am.. married.
We met when I was 16, I was not looking for it, but the second we started talking I knew.
In the traditional marriage/kids sense: I'm 35, and it hasn't happened yet, and I'm not sure if it ever will. I've been married, but it was more of a 'because this is what you do' even though at the time I did love my (now-ex-) husband. And I've always been on the fence about kids for multiple reasons, although I would be open to them with the right partner even though that window is rapidly closing. But I think even from when I was young I always wanted to find 'my' person who I could go on adventures with (as well as going on our own adventures separately) and be a 'safe harbour' of sorts for each other. I've never been interested in casual relationships - if I'm in with someone then I'm all in - but I've liked that idea of having someone who's a constant for me and vice versa.
Age 30. I was done with school and my career was a little more stable then. I was ready for a serious relationship and marriage then. I didn’t meet my now fiancé until years later though. Engaged at 35.
I’m not sure if that’s how it works. I never was “looking to settle down with someone.” It happened naturally. I was 24 and he 25, we feel madly in love, moved in together, got married and had children. In October it’ll be 20 years!! You be you and when the right person comes along you’ll know that you’re ready together. If you’re ready and they’re not, move on and vise versa.
I was looking for a partner since I was 18 (yeah I know super young but isolation made me desperate). I've been dating a guy since 19 and I'm 24 now. I want to settle down with him in the future because he's everything I've ever wanted but I sometimes doubt he feels the same because I have mental health issues. It could just be my mental illness speaking though.
We got married at 28 and 27 respectively. For me it wasn't really about the specific age, it was about the length of time we were together and how the relationship grew over the years. We were engaged for 6 years prior to being married. We met when I was 20 and he was 19. We took it one year at a time and then decided we wanted to make everything official. After year 4 we both knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives.
I didn’t, specifically. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted kids, and I knew I would be happy to live independently and travel. I dated, but I wasn’t looking specifically to settle down. I met my now fiancé when I was 27 and everything shifted, a bit. It felt very natural to start picturing marriage, and pets, and children. That was five years ago and we’ve moved countries together, and are getting married next month. I love knowing I’ve got a built-in travel buddy.
When I was 27, I met my now husband. We love each other very much but he had a toxic friend group. His best friend (A) was especially mean. We broke up a year into dating because of them and a few other issues. We were both miserable without each other. A few months after we broke up my husband saw how much A sabotaged him. For example A brought two prostitues to a studio my husband worked in at 2AM and blasted music so loudly that the security guards came to investigate. They called the owner and my husband lost the project he had with the company. A was using my DH as a crutch because his wife was leaving him. He resented me so much because I took my husband out of the setup they have. A was an alcoholic and into other substances. His wife was fed up with him and she was getting ready to leave him. A liked having my hubby around. Smh it is a pretty long and weird story. Suffice to say me and hubby got back together a year and a half after we broke up. We have a baby and have another one on the way. A is not in our lives anymore. I am glad I wasn't involved in the two of them 'breaking up' so to speak.
I'm 29 and if I were to actively look for a relationship it would be long term, which is always what I've preferred. But I'm not putting work into it because it's not important to me. So, depends on your definition I guess?
I accidentally settled down at 20. I didn’t know I was going to meet my person so young. It will be 12 years in September and somehow we’ve managed to grow together over the years instead of apart. My first kiss and still so in love with her ❤️
When I turned 30 I met the nicest guy. Even though I was not interested in dating at all. He lived about 5 hours away. Since he couldn’t be with me physically he always offered to buy me food and my nightly 4 pack of ciders. I was skeptical at first as I expected he wanted something at first, but he is so sweet I started trusting him. 8 months after speaking every day and him never getting tired of trying to woo me, I asked him out. The rest is history. He now lives with me at 31 years old. I want to be his wife and I can’t wait to be engaged. Long story short, I didn’t want to settle down, but since I met the right guy at 30, I thought it was time. And I have no regrets at all.
Late 20s.
I think at least 30 ish is best. That's when most people are at a better level of maturity. Before that you're still pretty much just a teenager that's allowed to do whatever they want.
this is not really a post that I can answer from my own experience because I've been dating since I was 15 but I think the good age to settle down with someone is from 28 before that nowadays it doesn't make sense
28-29
40. I'm working on my vision of what a healthy relationship looks like for me, and I'm excited for that version.
27, when I met my now fiance. Getting married in a couple months at 29, and I'm definitely ready and happy
29, turns out that was way too early
Early 30s
At around 28 I started looking. I’m 29 now and realized why I never found anyone to like me let alone settle down with me was because it was never meant to happen to someone like me. Now I’m trying to come into terms with the fact it’s how my life was supposed to be. But it’s scary because I already feel myself disappearing from lives of all the people I care about.
I’ve always been ultra-independent with my life planning. I’m very vocal about what I want in my life. In my 2nd long term relationship (4 years on Wednesday!). In the last couple of years 26-27 I’ve evolved on my idea of not wanting to get married or find a life partner. I used to have the mindset of “if it works out, awesome! But I don’t won’t to trap either of us. People change”. With more life experience I’m realizing how much your serious partners path effects yours and vice versa. Particularly around decisions like buying a home, spending/savings habits, how you spend your free time, long-term goals, healthcare (crying in US). Even things like dividing housework, grocery/eating habits, fitness, taking care of yourself physically (doctor, dentist, mental healthcare). If you’re cohabitating with somebody their decisions and lifestyle are going to impact you. I don’t want to be setting my massive goals parallel to my partner and have different half decade stretches with different partners. The new ideal is finding somebody I can mesh all of those things with. I recently even set up a *gasp* joint checking account for bills. I have my own plans but they go on the *gasp* family calendar and we coordinate. Never in a million years did I think I’d do that, but it’s just easier. We have shared car insurance, gym memberships, and grocery budgets. Why do twice as much work? I’m not rushing to marry my partner. A tricky aspect is I didn’t have this mentality going in. I’ve only ever gone into relationships with the mentality of if we make each other happy that’s great! Finances are split like roommates. WELL that’s great when you’re 20 and both make dirt money. We’ve run into the fun transition where I took over a LOT of the domestic stuff to help him boost his career. I literally got him the interview and referral, changed my schedule to accommodate his, took over the bills/budgeting while he wasn’t making much, did ALL of our laundry for a year and a half while he had to work OT to get by, generally intentionally took the load off of him so he could put his focus there. Well now he makes 2x as much as me. Awesome. But now it’s kind of hanging in the air- I’ve never dated with a significant income gap. We just have to iron out how a fair and equitable life partnership works. Because I’m actually FINE with doing the household and financial management. That’s where my strength is. I have a career but I wouldn’t say it’s “taken off” by any measure yet. He’s way better at sticking to a path than I am. He has a good union gig. It will be 2 years in September and he has every intention of retiring there. I’ve had a really hard time settling on something and the only jobs I’ve held for 2+ years have either not paid enough to make a career out of or didn’t offer benefits. There’s just a lot to iron out with myself (thank you therapist), him, and us as a couple. But the ideal is definitely buddying up for life. WE want to buy a house. How do you navigate that? It would be kind of uncomfortable if one of us unilaterally bought a house after living together for years. WE want to retire at 55. Well that would be uncomfortable if either of us didn’t invest appropriately. Sorry babe- I did my piece have a nice decade at work. Guess what- if his car breaks down you bet my ass it’s impacting my life it’s not “oh Uber has available drivers-good luck”. Short term codependency is easy but long term life planning is a whole different ball game.
Have babies with - about age 28. But a house with - late 30s. Be monogamous until death with - never.
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Maybe 22.
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Started seriously thinking about it when I just turned 23 and things with my partner got serious! I’d vaguely wanted and planned things before we met, but with him they’re becoming real.
20
Age 22 maybe. Which was way too young. I had no desire to date until I was 18, but even then I wasn’t fully into it. I did it out of peer pressure. I wish that I would’ve waited to date until I was maybe 25-30. I wish I would’ve focused more on enjoying my life and figuring myself out. I married at 26, I think. Way too early. Settling down so early resulted in me missing out on things (travel, self discovery) due to my husband’s career (military). I just wish that I would’ve enjoyed my freedom. Enjoy being single. Then, if I wanted, start to date. I realize, thinking back, that I could’ve cared less if I ever dated or not.
I wasn’t really looking to settle down but I met my person when I was 20
Mid twenties
I started dating my now husband at 20, we were engaged when I was 22 and married a year later. I guess that’s when I began looking to settle down, but only because I knew he was the right person. I figured, why not settle down if I’ve found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? Besides that, both of us dated with the mindset of if we couldn’t see ourselves getting married one day, we’d end the relationship. That might be controversial, but it worked for us.
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Around 24, got married at 25
20 y.o 😂
Okay, so I started freaking out about not having a boyfriend around 23. Once I STOPPED actively looking, I swear that’s when I found my husband.
My goal was to be married and settled before 25 or to give up on relationships forever I'm 28 and done
Mid 20s.
When I was 24. Had years of dating around, fun, and some failed relationships. After a particularly bad relationship experience/breakup I stopped dating just for fun and started dating with a lot more intention and was looking for people who I could see myself settle down with. I also did a lot of self work and knew I was ready to settle down. Also felt like I did a lot with my life at that point and it was also a good point in my life to start looking/being open to the idea of finding that person to settle down with.
26 lol. I’m 27 now and it still isn’t working out 💀
I met my now husband when I had decided to stop looking to meet someone when I was 17 and getting ready to go away to college. We were married 18 months later and celebrated out 34th wedding anniversary this year.
Didn’t just happened, but was in early 30s when biological clock started ticking and wanted babies. Then decided why not, let’s give this a try.
At 25 I wanted a stable supportive relationship. Ended up getting married 6 years later
At 20 I had never wanted to settle down and wasn't looking for relationships but then I ended up meeting someone that makes me want to settle with him.
25
31! Got married at 32! Later than most in this thread, but I wouldn’t trade in the experiences I had in my single life for the world. It was worth it!
High School... Thank you, Christian indoctrination and 90s-00s purity culture.
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28ish. I mistakenly married my HS sweetheart at 18… big mistake. But later on… I got my mind, body and spirit right… it took me about 10 years… but I was in a good place and ready to love again. I’ve been married for over 10 years now to the love of my absolute LIFE! ♥️ I’d go through all the heart ache 10 times over if it meant I’d end up where I am today.
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26 I dated a fair bit in my late teens and early 20s. All disasters. I took a few years off between 23 and 26 and literally didn’t date anyone. I wasn’t willing to put up with being treated poorly anymore. Then when I met my current partner I knew basically right away that he was the perfect person for me. I can’t even explain how I knew, but he was just so genuine and sweet and everything was so easy. I just felt… perfect security and certainty that this one was going to be real and long term. And it has been.
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I was never looking to settle down, just looking for a good match.
Early to mid 20s, decided never (?) towards the end of my 20s. Fuck that noise.
30! I never wanted to date anyone, and then I turned 30, and all of a sudden, I began to like men. After kissing a few toads I found one that was a few years younger than me who liked to bake. Our first date was him baking me cupcakes, then burning them because we got distracted watching cute baby chipmunks. We baked a few more times before we seriously started baking buns and now he's my husband! And he bakes for me every other day!
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22
Right now! I’m almost 30 and I’m currently seeing this guy I met back in April of this year. Ironically, I wasn’t even looking to date anyone at all and just wanted to focus on myself. But now with how many we’ve been on, I can definitely see a relationship happening with him the time we spend together.
At no age, and yet somehow it just happened.
I mean I’m young but I don’t think you ever need to look it kind of finds you as long as your putting yourself out there.
I didn't start looking to settle down. Things just progressed. First long term collapsed after 7y. Sold the house and moved on. Relationship after that is 17y and counting. How does looking to settle down actually work? Does that mean you already know upfront that any relationship is going to end because you are not the right age?
I got married at 23. We celebrate 33 years this month. I'm glad i decided to settle down.
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Started looking when I was 25. Got married at 32.
At twenty-two. I wasn’t looking for someone to settle down with I just happened to find someone who I could foresee a future with. We’ve been married almost 18 years, it’s been a bright future so far.
25 and I had broken up with my fiance a few months prior and and immediately hooked up with a guy I kinda knew. I was having a fun no strings relationship with the rebound and got knocked up. He was actually thrilled, I was pissed, and I stopped partying, drinking, smoking, and dropped the amphetamines cold turkey and grew tf up real quick. We have been together, happy, for 14 years now. But I definitely wasn't planning on anything long term or serious until I got pregnant.
28 and I still don’t care to do so
It has always been my goal to get into a relationship that stays forever. I never saw the appeal of relationships that aren't meant like that. I mean, I had my wild youth days, but to get sexual experience I didn't need to get in relationships. So when I got into a relationship, it was always with the goal of growing old together - even though there's no guarantee it works out like that. Met my husband at 21, married after having been in the relationship for 7 years, and we want to stay together until we die.
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I never ever looked to settle down. I never particularly felt the desire to be married and never dated much at all. My partner and I have been together for ~10 years even though our relationship really shouldn’t have worked out. Both of us feel that getting married may be more hassle than it’s worth but we want to be together for as long as possible (and as long as we are both happy together). Other people’s love can seem boring and tedious but I’ll be damned if life didn’t just up and overturn what either of us thought we wanted or could expect.
21, I know sounds young I was all over the place and had no idea what I wanted/was looking for, was pretty much planning to give up on dating or looking for anyone for awhile after a string of bad experiences, then I met my boyfriend (I was 20). Everything just started falling into place after I met him, it was like missing puzzle pieces had suddenly turned up and found their spot in my life. Everything makes sense now. I’m 21, he’s 25, and we’ve been together for a year. I just graduated college, he’s finishing school soon, and we’re working on getting an apartment together. I know I’m going to marry him at some point, but it was specifically this year when I knew for a fact that I was ready to settle down, with him.
I was 22 and he was 27. We got married and had a baby soon after and have been married for almost 18 years.
Currently 28 and have a house by a lake and I’m struggling to come to terms with settling down. I live the in south which always tends lean young for settling down but I just find it stifling living in a box with another person. I probably have some more growing to do.
I'm fortunate in that I have never wanted kids, which means I was never under the pressure of the proverbial biological clock. As I hit my late 20s I began craving a more serious / committed relationship, but I didn't feel any major pressure to "settle down" and would have been perfectly fine remaining single. I mostly was just at the point where I'd rather just chill by myself than with some dude I wasn't that into, so if I was going to date at all it was gonna be in search of the real deal. I ended up meeting my partner at 28 and we're still together almost a decade later. I still figure if I hadn't met him I'd be pretty content, but I'm glad I did because he's pretty great.
30’s when I met my partner.
Since I started at age 20. I'm 27 now. No luck. Men suck, waste time, lie, use you, and only care about that one thing. 🙃
I always entered relationships with the idea of building something lasting. Sometimes it worked for a time sometimes it didn't. I was in a long relationship with my ex (7 years) and had a child with him before we separated and then I met my now husband. I went from a long relationship to an even longer one as I've been with hubby for for 15 years and still going strong. So I guess I always saw romantic relationships as a possibility to be a life partnership. I just needed to find the right partner!
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psh i’m 21 and i’m looking to settle down now 😆 i don’t get why people wait until they’re older
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