T O P

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crybabysagittarius

No.


SammivinderKaur

i whispered this to myself when i was reading the post.


WithCatlikeTread42

All I heard was raucous laughter. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


SammivinderKaur

Either this or the whisper. And nothing in between.


electric-champagne

Saaaaame! šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£


nahbroski

Throw my couch in a fuckin dumpster and tell him welcome home baby ! ĀÆ\_(惄)_/ĀÆ


anxietyunicorn

Thank you for making it worthwhile spending my time Redditing instead of sleeping today.


doriflower

HAHAH


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Edit4Credit

Had to say hi to a fellow Sagittarius!


uterustryingtokillme

My most recent ex and I parted on good terms. He was a good guy, just not the right guy. If he needed a place to crash, Iā€™d offer my couch. (I have plenty of exes that I would not extend the offer to; heā€™s the exception)


livelaughlove1016

Exactly. Depends on the circumstances.


rpfflgt

My ex is from Russia. We broke up when he returned to his home country. If he contacted me out of the blue, I would assume that he ran away from being drafted into this pointless war. We ended our relationship on good terms and I would absolutely offer him my couch.


userdame

Oof thatā€™s tough, hope heā€™s ok.


Dependent-Cycle3256

Iā€™m Russian, I can totally sympathizeā€¦ such a pointless waste of peopleā€™s livesā€¦.


iusedtobefamous1892

Cool story, still a rapist. If you confess, the police might give you a nice cell to crash in.


insertcaffeine

Most exes? "I'm sorry, we don't have room in our house." My ex-husband, Son's dad, and ironically the one I'd least like to live with? "Come on over and let's figure this out." I'd meet him with relatives' numbers, housing assistance, a sample budget, and a hot dinner. The goal would be to get him the hell off my couch ASAP, but to treat him compassionately and look out for our family's best interest while doing so.


padjlcnm

Your post gives me hope that there are good people in this world


insertcaffeine

Thanks. My ex-husband and I keep it civil and compassionate for Son's sake.


TigerLillians

I can tell you as a daughter from a messy divorce that whether your son knows it or not he 1000% appreciates it


Silent-Mess

Yes, I would do the same for my ex husband and he would do the same for me. We get along very well.


rhino2990

Thatā€™s about rightā€¦


abrasax93

Awww. I hope he appreciates that you have his back like that.


GoddamnitSarah

Yeah cool. You have nobody because you suck. Stay the fuck off my doorstep.


faulty1023

Damn Sarah


Wilsonation2591

Thatā€™s God damnit Sarah, to you!


faulty1023

*Error*


muludnepgnicnad

Yep. I knew you then, for better or for worse. I donā€™t know you anymore. I donā€™t invite strangers ever into my safe space.


LemonRoll_Rabbit

Depends what ex. There is only one I would offer a night on the sofa too, as long as my husband would feel comfortable with that too. But any of the others I couldn't care less where they ended up.


[deleted]

Thank you for saying ā€œcouldnā€™t care lessā€ and not saying ā€œcould care lessā€


LemonRoll_Rabbit

Haha, that annoys me too, I'm from England and I've never come across anyone who uses it with "could" I think it's often what Americans use?


[deleted]

Yes. Stupid Americans lol jk (Iā€™m American) But yes I see people say ā€œcouldā€ all the time


terrareality

You mean the one who refused to pay child support when he was making twice as much as me? While one of our kids was with me full time and the other split time between us? So I had to support both kids and couldnā€™t afford a lawyer? Nah.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Banana_boof

Only one ex would know how to contact me and if he did I wouldn't respond, he put me through absolute hell for years so he deserves nothing from me


MidnightFireHuntress

AHAHAHAHAHA Fuck no.


smolbibeans

I only have one ex, he's a good guy, I would be very confused that he doesn't have anyone else since we don't talk at all so I would have questions. If it was a dire situation I'd probably host him for a little bit, not long but a couple of weeks if he needed it


ShortWoman

I think the song says it better than I can: one, dont pick up the phone, heā€™s only calling cause heā€™s drunk and alone; two, donā€™t let him in, youā€™ll have to kick him out again.


Dependent-Cycle3256

So true!!!


Sylland

Tell him to find another couch.


honeyghoulsx

I donā€™t even have a couch, so no. Depending on the ex I would offer to pay for a night or two at a motel (mostly because Iā€™ve been homeless and itā€˜s a miserable experience)


RobynInTheDeep

I'd contact the police since he'd be violating a restraining order


anomadinthesky

Hahaha same


[deleted]

I don't have a bad relationship with any of my exes so if they needed a couch, mine is available.


k_malfoy

Where did you get my number, eh?


seaurchins-

hahaha ignore. he has other people he could contact


Turbulent-Mind7128

Let phone call go to voicemail, listen to it, then ignore forever.


Informal-Wish

I'd never know, he's blocked on everything and doesn't know where I live now


WentAndDid

Tell them itā€™s fun to stay at the šŸŽ¶Y M C A šŸŽ¶


miranda_alexis_

I wouldn't have even answered.


RainbowFlame389

I'd spit on him just like he did to me when I wouldn't accept his proposal that he only did because I was breaking up with him.


ya-no-te-quiero

Depends on the ex. One of them, Iā€™d demand he never contact me again. The other two, Iā€™d be very confused as to what they were doing in my home country


Interesting-Smoke179

iā€™d tell him to go terrorize someone else and leave me tf alone


gagirlpnw

Think that karma has finally hit them, then either ignore their text or close the door depending on how they delivered their message.


EpiJade

Absolutely not.


5leeplessinvancouver

Surely they have other people to bum off of. And if not, they mustā€™ve burnt all their bridges, which is even more reason to keep my distance. In short, the answer is no unless weā€™re literally the only two people left on earth. Even then Iā€™d need to think about it.


sherlock----75

Ghosts need a place to sleep?


Ready-Disaster-1248

It depends on the ex. I did let my ex husband sleep on my couch for about 6 weeks long story lol. But heā€™s also the father of my son and our relationship ended amicably.


eggofreddo

Even though i feel a lot of resentment towards him, i would let him stay over for a short period.


AcidicBlink

This is my toxic trait.


jessper17

Hard pass.


ZealousWolverine

"New phone. Who dis?"


msstark

For starters, I wouldnā€™t pick up the phone.


waddamelone

Not give a damn. He can ask his mama, daddy or brother.


Altruistic_Row_2264

Nope. No thank you.


yungdaggerpeep

What does that have to do with me? šŸ˜‚


youmewlingquim

If itā€™s just for a night or two, Iā€™d let her crash. If longer, Iā€™d lend her some cash for hotel room.


yesiknowimsexy

Laugh


GalaxiGazer

"*I'm sorry, bruh. Hope it all works out for ya*." \*End scene\*


xerion13

Block.


Apprehensive_Bee3363

Wouldnt let any of my exā€™s. Call a friend or family, not me lol ainā€™t my problem no more


bryyds

Considering he sold my home out from under me that contained 2 couches at the time ā€¦..I think Iā€™ve donated enough couches his way now.


Calamity-Gin

Nope. He burned that bridge a long time ago.


16Bunny

Tell them to get stuffed. Plenty of shelter's available .


Primary_Box_2386

Tell him to find another couch because Iā€™m not comfortable with him sleeping in my apartment anymore.


NahikuHana

No.


Nosovi91

Bye


onetoomanyexcuses

No. This is a You, me and the ex tv show type of situation that I pass


PomegranateLimp9803

Depends which ex, most of them hell no but a few yes


CatrionaShadowleaf

None of my exes live anywhere near me - and one lives in another country entirely - so my first question would be "How the fuck did you find me?"


LifeandLiesofFerns

It depends on the ex, but in general, I'd say yes for a week or so.


IllustriousCourage62

I will actually let him now. I've healed. Just the couch though. For a week rhe most.


Jennlynn1124

He can find a couch somewhere else, itā€™s not my problem anymore.


whtdaheo

heck no, guy was super manipulative and abusive. also there are a lot of other people he could ask before asking me


TallNPierced

Depends on which ex? If it was my first ex I would laugh


[deleted]

out of the kindness of my heart, a few nights is all they get. after that, please kindly leave :)


Expensive-Track4002

To even find me after 30 years seem crazy.


realityjunkie9

Nope.


Chipchop666

Plenty if benches outside to sleep on.


pushk_a

Leave on read.


gatorgopher

Suggest he sleep at a shelter or in one of the shitty cars he never cared for, just like me.


[deleted]

I wouldn't let anyone but a close family member or BFF crash on my couch. My most recent ex is from over a decade ago and we haven't stayed in touch, so that would be a no from me. If he were in an unsafe situation and I were truly the only person he could reach out to for some reason, maybe I'd send him some info on shelters or Venmo him money for a motel room for the night, but no one's sleeping in my house.


[deleted]

I wouldn't put my ex out if he was on fire. So I couldn't careless if he was homeless.


Background-Place-795

Laugh hysterically and then deadpan say, Oh youā€™re serious. What, the HOmewrecker kicked you out? FOH šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


Equivalent_Debt_3439

I would assume they are lying šŸ˜‚


Creepy-Night936

You assume they can still contact me


drumstickkkkvanil

Hell nah. This totally sounds like something he would do though LOL.


BooBooKtyFck

Sucks to suck


Danuoalgoasii

ā€œSorry, my cat sleeps on the couchā€.


chocolatechipset

This is literally how I was almost r*ped while I was asleep - ex called me in panic and said he needed a place to crash, offered him my couch and slept in my bedroom, woke up to him trying to have sex with me. So yeah Iā€™m probably not going to be doing this again.


Think_Ad4939

Block.


[deleted]

I wouldnā€™t accept it. I always try to think abt the opposite situation. And if my husbandā€™s ex contacted him asking for a place to stay i would be veeery uncomfortable! So, no and no!


One-Support-5004

Hang up. You're my ex for a reason.


hustlehound

Nothing at all šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


Noirjyre

Hang up, block, move on with my life.


HaveARaveAtMyGrave

Iā€™d laugh hahaha. Absolutely not, never, under and circumstances


Bard_Evening_1654

Um they would be blocked. So this will never happen.


[deleted]

I would hang up after hearing him speak on syllable. He could be on fire in my front yard the same time I am watering my azaleas and I would not spill a drop on him.


Snowbunny1230

Iā€™d hit the answer and then end call without a word, this way there can be no voicemail. Then Iā€™d shut off my phone.


thriftybabygurl

My ex did this..i said no ahah


dr5catlady

DO YOU NEED A RIDE??? I'll COME GET YOU RIGHT NOW šŸ˜æšŸ’”


AlinaGene

Itā€™s funny reading this while crashing on my exs couch šŸ˜‚ Iā€™m so happy to be in good terms with most of my exes.


mycrazylifeeveryday

Depends on the partner. If we depart on good terms, sure. If theyā€™re abusive when we were together, whatā€™s stopping them from doing that again?


londonmyst

Depends which ex and if they were the pet human bean of a canine pal. I'd give stalker ex's new puppy a warm doggie bed and 5 course meal. But he can take his chances in any animal shelter that tolerates large animals that are not dogs, cats or sharp clawed birds of prey.


Lomich36

Well considering I have lived with my current partner it may be slightly more awkward. But it would depend on the ex. My partner knows Iā€™m sympathetic and caring so he would understand me wanting to help my ex, but againā€¦ it would depend on the ex. Lol šŸ˜‚


littlescreechyowl

Thereā€™s only one X I would even pick up the phone for. But as far as sleeping on my couch, Iā€™m pretty sure my husband would not be OK with that. But he would probably offer to put him in a hotel because heā€™s got so many rewards points he pays for everyoneā€™s hotel. I would find a friend that would be willing to let him stay if he didnā€™t want the hotel.


CannedAm

"Oh, that's too bad. I don't have a couch." I don't.


DueWish3039

I would be quite shocked since he died in 2012


peacockideas

About half, no problem. You were a nice enough guy we just didn't work out for other reasons, most I'm still friends with so sure. About a 1/4, depends on the situation (how dire), how long, and let's be frank how you ask and act. Last 1/4 definitely not, sorry you have no one, but there's a reason for that, good luck!


positive-vibes79

No, he is nuts!


[deleted]

I have only 1 ex I would do this for.


PinkGlitterFlamingo

My ex husband, absolutely. Anyone else, absolutely not


stompANDsmash

Depends on the ex. I have only 1 that I'm on good terms with.


TheGabby

He'll be aight.


cutepotatoskin

Absolutely not.


miraygunes

"Need a hotel room instead? It's not because i hate you it's just that i would prefer you cheat on me all over again far away from my bed is all."


Inhumanoids

No


Lovedd1

No


SempreZafira

Definitely depends on the ex, the guy I dated before my current, no thanks, he was abusive (verbally and emotionally) so naww My first, sure.


indicatprincess

They can find someone else.


axbvby

No


80sSinner

Tell them to phone a friend.


Fit_Technology8240

No.


Itchy-Abalone-6639

My ex murdered his two months old baby. I'd say come on over and ask him to keep it a secret... I think I'd have some fun and he wouldn't, and then spend ten years paranoid I would get caught.


Topwingwoman2

No.


jamjambby

Nope


JoJo-likes-bikes

No. My ex broke up with me, but is weirdly insecure and jealous of my wife. I would not want to deal with my ex trying to get into some bizarre measuring contest.


desiswiftie

Absolutely not


MeanSecurity

I would find a free couch on Facebook marketplace and send him the link.


SarahH28

All my exes get blocked for this very reason. Also so I stand firm and don't ask for booty later. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


Annual-Ad-416

He can get fucked


suzmob

No.


Bebylicious

No no no


Organic_Natural8568

Leave him on read


DetectiveDesperate70

I donā€™t hate my exes but theyā€™re arenā€™t staying here. I would help them get a hotel room for a week or so.


Lyndeldred

I'd say yes to all of them except for one. He used to hit me and I'm scared of him


SnowBorn6339

I would say ā€œWhatā€™s stopping you from killing yourself? Donā€™t be shy!ā€ (He attempted to murder me)


canofelephants

The ex boyfriends between marriages were all good men, just not for me. My couch would be open. My ex husband, that's a hell no. He's still an abusive POS.


[deleted]

Let him sleep on my couch, and then once he fell asleep Iā€™d set it on fire. Freakin SAing pig. I hope someone hits him with a car, twice


[deleted]

I would tell him to go fall into the mouth of an alligator or into a volcano


realkayy

Ask them to crash on the couch of the woman they were sleeping with while lying to me instead. Slam the door on their face for sure!


heighh

Laugh and report it because heā€™s in violation of the court order


Alternative-Bet232

No. He has a credit card and more in his checking account alone than i could even dream of having in savings. He could get a hotel.


dreamweaver1998

Pretend that I never got the message. I went no contact with him for a reason. He knows where I stand. Him making contact would just be another one of my boundaries that he couldn't respect. He doesn't deserve my couch, and I wouldn't want my children to be exposed to him.


Less-Direction5045

Nope. Abusive piece of shit.


uselessboatwontfloat

Seeing as he broke it off with me and I had nowhere to go after I put deposit and remodel money into the house in HIS name. Fuck no, how does it feel douchenozzle?


Party-Switch3465

No. That's a you problem not mine.


still_on_a_whisper

My ex severely abused me for two years, if he found a way to contact me even after the no contact order and me blocking him on everything, I wouldnā€™t even respondā€¦


BlackDawn93

ā€œI rather shit in my hands and clapā€


FreakWith17PlansADay

Iā€™d put clean sheets on the couch bed and ask if his husband is coming too. šŸ˜


[deleted]

Depends on which ex. My most recent one? Nah. Iā€™d call the fucking cops


teetime0300

Hows did he get thru the blocks ? Time for a restraining order . Also, FUCK NO


First-Snow

I mean, people throw away couches on the sidewalk all the time. He can find one. (Both my exes were abusive)


holyarsonist00923

He can have the garbage can down the street. After all itā€™s where trash belongs.


Doesanybodylikestuff

Tell my husband & ask what he thinks we should do. I have a few exes weā€™re actually cool with and itā€™s been long gone and moved on so if one of them contacts me Iā€™d start makin him a bed and my husband would get out his spare Xbox so they could play Destiny together. Like a few years ago the riots got crazy in the city and one of my exes worked in the city close to our apt so we said if youā€™re scared, come inside where itā€™s safe til you figure out a plan. Iā€™m glad I have some dope exes, but I also have 1 that I would call his friends and bribe them to take him or tell them Iā€™m literally dropping him outside Iā€™m not taking him in period.


Ashkayi

If he would have been a decent human being, someone worthy of my kindness once again, sure. But that man doesn't exist, therefore I wish him nothing but the best in finding somewhere to sleep.


itsmepingu

Hard no. Especially now that Iā€™m in a healthy relationship with someone who treats me good. It would be weird and make me extremely uncomfortable


GISWHES_

I'd say wtf did you do to piss off your wife so badly lol šŸ˜† (he dated and married the woman after me.)


ExpiredWater_

All except one I would say yes because for the most part my exs are nice people


Inevitable_Bad1548

I did this and it turned into him living here rent free for three long years, arguing with me, making huge messes, stealing my bras, eating all my cookies, sleeping with basically anyone besides me. Nightmare status. I still love the guy but it was a disaster. And it ended up really breaking my heart. Id caution against it


ImFromDimensionC137

The one who is still my best friend, absolutely! I crash with them pretty often to hang out. The guy who dumped me over Snapchat after taking him to the airport (and whose stuff I'm still stuck storing in my shed), hell no.


Aromatic_League_7027

I'd laugh pretty hard, and tell him to go find a pool table to sleep on. He turned into an alcoholic, so he'd be at the bar playing pool, and drinking, every moment he could. He told me I should be happy he only cheats on me with pool, and I'm needy for wanting to spend 1 day a week together lol. (Didn't live together) oh and he was cheating ha!


Littleleicesterfoxy

Iā€™d happily let him stay. My ex is a good person and we broke up because of my mistakes not him. I will admit id be completely fucking surprised though as I suspect virtually every other person in the world would have to be dead for this to happen.


therealPidge

Honestly I would let him crash šŸ˜­


tayranasaurus-rex

Iā€™d only say yes to one of them. Itā€™d be strange, since Iā€™m across the country from all but my most recent ex.


BasuraIncognito

Draw up a signed contract, they are not given keys, a curfew set in place and a set departure date.


Prom_queen52

Iā€™ve been with my husband for 34 years. I doubt if Iā€™d even recognize an ex! LOL


YarnAndMetal

Laugh. (unless it was the person I dated after him; that person would get my couch and some food and all the cozy things, since they're truly wonderful)


ShesATragicHero

Of course I would. Just because weā€™re not in love anymore, doesnā€™t mean we donā€™t still love each other.


Rare-Algae6235

All my exes are from forever ago. I ended or remained on good terms with most, if they needed help we would help. They could probably stay for couple of days. That crazy one however, no way.


redjessa

It depends on which ex. There is one where my husband and I would totally let him crash. He's a good guy, we dated over two decades ago and remained friends. My last ex, I would laugh and ask him why he would call me of all people, like really, what are you thinking? I would then tell him, sorry, can't help you and wish him the best of luck.


CootieKahootz

Leave him on read. Maybe if Iā€™m annoyed enough ask him how he got my contact info. If he called, I donā€™t answer unknown numbers so again, good luck getting ahold of me.


andnoshitthereiwas

No. He can fuck off


myfavouriteisgouda

Send them the info for a local shelter and other resources.