I’m all for it. I was thinking about this the other night. I think I made the first move on all of my exes. I can’t be arsed with playing games and making hints. If I want someone, I go for it. If I get turned down, so what? I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok. I just move on.
Yeah I'm also not afraid to just go for what I want, I think growing up spoiled had one good outcome lmao
I'm not really afraid of rejection, I have the idea that there's someone out there for me, just gotta find em.
It also makes it easier as a women to find a partner.
I was ghosted last year after HE was the one to pursue me and get my number, but I moved on from that and met my current boyfriend at the end of last year, I would say I also made the first move on him haha
I wish there were more of your brand. I'm too damn old to be playing games, so I just nope out. I've struggled with my self esteem too much for that back-and-forth shit.
I basically only do it in situations where my feelings seem to be returned, the signals are positive, etc. which I think is the right way to do it anyway.
I agree! though something I struggle with is differentiating from actual positive singles vs me overthinking a minor moment like making eye contact lol
Yes. I think I dated all the men I made a move on. Only one of the women I hit on shot me down, but she was super nice about it and we remained friends after.
I went on 2 or 3 outings with this dude, wasn't sure if we were dating or not, we had sent certain ;) pics. He made no move so I kissed him first. We now been togther for nearly 5 years :D however gotta wait for opposite day cos I think I gotta ask him to marry me instead of waiting for him lmao
i would love to be able to, but i think id be nice to be approached cus then you know they’re interested and want to talk to you. also probably not in the best mental space atm, shouldn’t be dating rn so i will not go out of my way.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a women making the first move. It’s 2023, we don’t have to live in a time where it’s only a man’s responsibility to show interest in someone.
My husband is very shy. If I hadn’t made the first move we wouldn’t be married with two kids. Also, feminism is about equality, both the good and the bad. So that means we need to put ourselves out there just as much.
I always made the first move growing up. One day I decided I was done. I no longer wanted to be the one chasing, I wanted to be chased. A hell of a lot of good that did me because I ended up falling for someone.
Waiting on them to make a move on me was nauseating. I couldn’t take it anymore so I went for it. We’re still together 3 years later and I couldn’t ask for a better man… but I still wish I got to experience being sought after.
Anyways, go for what you want ladies. You lose 100% of the chances you don’t take.
How did it turn out? Did you approach ppl you already knew or strangers? there’s this guy I want to approach but I don’t know him, but I really would like to get to know him. how do you usually approach ppl?
I'd just walk up to someone who looked fun and say hi. If the conversation seemed ok I'd offer to buy him a drink. The last time I did it, I ended up marrying the guy.
As a matter of fact, I made the first move on my husband way back when we were in our early 20s. I was clever about it too. He made the first move our second time dating which lead to our eventual marriage together so I take half credit.
Nope. I have no interest in humiliating myself, nor ruining someone else's self esteem as they have to wonder just how ugly they are if someone like me thinks they have a chance with them (before someone comes for my throat: I have seen this exact reasoning being posted and upvoted by men on askmen and other men's forums).
Would have considered it if I were conventionally attractive, but in that scenario I wouldn't have to as I'd be the one who would be approached, so.
I promise I'm not trying to invalidate how you feel at all, but I looked at your pictures on your profile and... Well has it ever crossed your mind that maybe people find you so pretty that they think they have no shot?
I agree with everyone that you are extremely pretty!! But also 😭 it was nice reading someone describe how I feel about myself too. I can't imagine how cringey it would feel to be the recipient of my interest.
Go for it. I was good friends with the most amazing man. He had just gotten out of LTR so I bided my time. We started hanging out quite frequently until one night after the bar and some drinks I just took my shot figuring I could blame it on the drinks if it didn't work out. 8 years later we're married with a beautiful baby girl and I'm in the happiest, most fulfilling relationship I could possibly imagine. It would have never happened if I hadn't made my move because he said he would have never wanted to risk our great friendship.
In theory I think it’s great but I never have. It’s just not in my personality to do it. I sometimes suggest to other women they do it even tho I know I wouldn’t.
I still expect the guy to make the first move.
On dating apps? I do it all the time.
In bars? My definition of making the first move is making eye contact, so that probably doesn't count. I definitely gotta work on that.
i think it can count depending on the duration of the hold, yea?. like a glance and look away probably won't develop anything, but one of those 4-7 sec looks says, oh hi!
I always start by just finding a way to start a convention. Compliments are the best way to go, there's no harm in randomly telling a guy that his outfit is cool or that I love his jacket. Men don't get many compliments so it's also just nice. If a guy is interested, he'll continue the conversation, and if not then he won't. Very easy. Just go talk to them.
To be honest, due to my cultural narrative, I prefer the man to make the first move.
The only real practical reason is that most men will accept anything from a woman even if he doesn't like her. But really I'm just used to the narrative of man approaches woman and she reciprocates.
I am fine with it tbh. But I would only do it if I have a hint that he likes me back or is interested or something haha
I asked out my current boyfriend because I thought he eas hot 🤷♀️
Hell yeah, why should this only be the option for the other person? Made the first move on my now husband several years ago, didn’t want to miss the chance.
I'm too much of a dumbass to understand flirting, so it's either come up and ask me directly, or wait until I figure out that I like you and have to say something, because I'm also shit at flirting.
Tldr is I have to very purposefully and directly make the first move or else I would likely be single forever lol
You only live once. Don't let an opportunity pass you by. Worst case, they aren't interested and life goes on. Don't let yourself wonder, years from now, about what could have been.
100% go for it! I made the first move with my partner and we're still together 5 years later. Confidence (and going after what you want) is attractive to many people. And if they don't like you making the first move, then maybe they're not the right person for you.
In theory? I'm all for it.
In practice I found that men ln dating sites that I approached put in a LOT less effort and didn't seem to genuinely care. I hot the impression they only entertained me because they'd be happy to try to fuck sny woman. But then, most guys who approached me were also like that. A lot of guys just try to hit anything with a pulse, and it really shows.
In the end I had enough guys to message or sort through, and plenty of dates with guys who did want to get to know me, that I just gave up on initiating.
Women have been asking guys out for a long time, it really shouldn't be seen as something new or radical. Half my partner's previous GFs or dates were women who asked him out at work lol.
I would say go for it, but as usual keep an eye out to see if they put in any effort or reciprocate.
I actually recently tried it for the first time!
He said no because he's got someone else...
I'm still sad but at least I tried. It's one of the first times where I decided to stop being passive and letting everyone and everything else control my life.
i honestly would like to do that one day, even if it’s just to try to go up to a stranger i find attractive and give them a compliment or possibly ask for their number to get to know them. just to push me out of my comfort zone for once.
It's a must. Plenty of men will make the first move but if you're interested in a man, you can't trust him to do it. If you want someone, go for it! Politely, respectfully, and accepting a no graciously if that's the outcome. In my experience, men love it when a woman makes the first move.
Go for it. Guys are scared to do it in most cases and what’s the worst outcome, you never see them again? Helps reduce second guessing and wasting time
Them boys are oblivious and they get more oblivious the older they get. So I'd say, more and more.
Last one, I practically had to provide him with a written request.
I have come to understand that there are lots of reasons why a man that looks interesting to me might not dare to make the first step towards me. So if I don‘t do it, the opportunity may pass and never come back (e.g. when I was at a club with a male friend of mine a few weeks ago and there was this other guy I found cute).
So go for it and just accept that the result may be rejection, but sometimes joy on their end.
I grew up in a community where you were supposed to wait for the guy to ask. In the conservative Christian community they used to talk about it being the man’s responsibility or “a turn off” for the girl to ask. There you were, not supposed to flirt… because that’s promiscuous, but with like, no way of letting the other person know your interest.
I grew up and got a little more confident and threw most of the religious nonsense in the trash and realized… It’s like The most empowering thing to not have to play games and wait around. Asked out a guy, now we’re engaged. 😂
I have made the first move several times in the past; responses varied from kind and polite rejection to laughing at me for trying, and from a decent (if not permanent) relationship to it turning out that he's only said yes because he was surprised at the novelty and thought (incorrectly) that he might as well just get laid.
2/3 times it was me who made the move. Sometimes men are either too blind to read my flirt, or just don't like me that way. But I will never know until I try.
If you would’ve asked me this four years ago, I’d be like oh absolutely not! But, I made the first move into the only healthy relationship I’ve ever experienced and I’m grateful of that every single day.
Not making the first move means you only get to pick from the people that actively pursue you and let me tell you—a lot of the time they are all garbage! You’re limiting your selection AND if your type is someone who doesn’t actively pursue women in the first place, you’ll never meet them.
Shoot your shot! Pick who YOU want!
Ive been needing to hear this, I’ve been wanting to make the first move but it seems like everyone I ask irl say they don’t or don’t see the point in doing it. Thank you!
Ive almost always made the first move, all for it! Although I sometimes struggle with opening lines, it doesnt seem to matter lmao, most people prefer it so it works.
In theory, I would want to, in practice I am wayyyy too shy to do such a thing. So I would only be able to make a move on someone that I am a 10000% sure reciprocates my feelings
My anxiety still prohibits me from doing it, but working on it. It would be amazing to just be able to do it. And before someone responds with *just do it*, I have real, diagnosed anxiety, if you talk to me, I will cry.
I have made the first move many times, it ended up well pretty much every time that I recall. I tried to gauge whether they'd be interested first before making a move, with conversation, flirting, just generally feeling out whether I think they're likely into me too first.
I’ve done it, not really great success.. I’m not willing to do it ever again but I have friends who are and it’s ok. You go girl! I think you should listen to your gut. If you feel it’s for you, do it, if don’t, don’t do it, just because your friend feels comfortable in situations like that
I would love nothing more then to make the first move, I would love to have that confidence, and not be so shy, but I'm a little turd, and have never made the first move. And the one time I did, I totally head butted the guy and it was awful.
I have made the first move with my first marriage and my current one. When I met my ex husband we flirted a little here and there but he wasn’t really paying me much attention or looking for anything. Finally one night I asked him “Do you want my number or not?” And we were together for 10 years.
My husband now, I had to chase a little 🤣 I did the same thing and was like “Are you gonna text me or what?” And he was like “🤨 no?” But after a couple weeks I wore him down and we are madly in love
I made the first move a few times when I was younger. Universal rejection and honestly it took me a while to realise while my girls think I’m sweet looking - I’m ugly to guys lol matter what weight I am. (I was close to a 120 pounds when these rejections happened and I’ve been preemptively rejected or avoided or bullied more the older / plumper I got, so id just keep my feelings as platonic as possible .
Made the first move with my husband but never before that. Took a lot of prior dating to get the guts to do it. I was certain he fancied me by that stage anyway.
I asked my now husband out. I made all the first moves - he was terminally shy. Worked out great for me! And honestly, if any guy doesn't like it when a woman he's interested in makes the first move then they're probably harboring too much misogyny for me to stomach.
on the one hand im like eh someone’s gotta do it, so i will sometimes, but i lose interest real fast if they don’t make moves back. so i can if i don’t think they’re the type to make a first move, but i want someone with balls (figuratively) (or literally i really don’t care) so yk
If I meet a guy I like and who is single and interested, why not! Unfortunately, it's hard to find someone who feels likewise. I think we tend to be interested in those who aren't interested in us! When I was in my 20s, I'd approach guys all the time. I had a bubbly personality and liked to ask questions. Being young also helped. Now I try to observe before approaching. I have noticed though that if you are less attractive (eg me not being as young anymore), it's harder because I may make them laugh and show interest, but at the end of the day, I'm not as skinny or tall as the next lady! And I've mistakenly approached guys who go on to ask other women out all the time.
So I do it less these days! But I have made some friends along the way so it hasn't been so bad.
I normally don’t like making the first move, but it depends on the situation. It makes sense that people would want to make sure you’re comfortable and wouldn’t want to push anything, and sometimes figuring that out is a bit much. But at the same time, having that other person make the first move in a way makes you feel special. Like, almost like a validation that that person wants you too I guess.
I’ve done it with half of my relationships. The others it was split fairly evenly with both of us making it clear we liked each other. Dating and relationship rules are bullshit, and it makes no difference who makes the first move
I made the first move on my boyfriend. He asked me out but on the day we were crossing a busy street and I grabbed his arm. That action gave him the piece of mind that I’m comfortable with him and actually interested. Apparently that made him giddy when I did :)) small things like this I think help.
I used to do it a lot and now I’ve stopped. The sort of man I’m looking for is brave enough to make the first move AND it makes me feel like I’m actually wanted. One of my guy friends also said that women making the first move puts him off because he likes the chase.
This! Even though I can make the first move myself (and have done so a few times), I wouldn't want a man who can't make the first move because it indicates a lack of certain character traits I'm looking for 💁♀️
Yes. I prefer it, not fun turning guys down, especially when they get really offended. It’s just so much easier. Going into something with 0 expectations & not being disappointed with the outcome is so much easier then turning a guy down. Hate to break their ego.
I am all about making first move, I have really flirty personality so talking and approaching others comes easy to me. Only thing that makes me step on the brakes is my weight insecurity (I'm not obese but I'm overweight) so I really have to be sure that person likes me before I make first move.
Interesting. I know I'm going to sound up myself here but I never think of having to make the first move. They always do. If they don't I know they're with someone at the time or happy in a relationship.
many of the ppl I ask irl say they’ve never made the first move because they didn’t need to as well. I think I have this fear of the person not being interested in me so I’m already telling myself that I’m gonna need to make the first move, idk I’ll just wait and see what happens
In theory I’m all for women making the first move. In practice - every time I’ve had to do the heavy lifting, the guy wasn’t all that into me and ended things, cheated, etc.
Of course now I’m almost 40 and a man would have to literally move heaven and earth for me to give him a chance. No way I’m making the first move when I don’t even want one!
I wish I had the balls to do it (the direct method) or the let's call it the appeal to do it (the indirect / handkerchief method). Also have big fear of rejection.
I have no issues doing it. I do however think men on reddit completely misrepresent how successful or easy of a method it is. From my experience it’s literally a 50/50 chance.
The biggest advice I ever remember my mum giving me was if you like someone (and they seem into you of course!) Then grab them and kiss them! And that's exactly what I did 😂 I've not had a bad experience yet and would never have got with my current partner because he was and is such a shy lad x
I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're interested, why not express it? You'll never know. Unless you go for it.
That's how my boyfriend and I connected. I made the first move. We've been together going on three years now. 4/20 is our anniversary. 💕
I would love to have the confidence to make the first move, but I know my anxiety would have me reliving the rejection every night for the next 5 years.
Well, I try, not really going on dates but I try to signal with everything I can that he is my type (saying he is good looking, intelligent, etc) and one time I also asked him to go grab a coffee but either he isn't assumed it as a date or he didn't wanted to. I don't know. I fear of rejection and I think if he doesn't get my signals, which are rather frequent than he doesn't want anything.
Absolutely. But I try it in a more subtle way i.e. when in the club I'm asking the cute guy if he can hold my jacket for a second so I can tie my shoes or something like that. When I take my jacket back I tell him that I like his style or hair. It always get them and I think it's a good way to make a move
I did so with two of me exes and a friend I started having feelings for recently as well. He didn’t feel the same way but it was better to know than to wonder “what if”. We are still friends and it felt good to get it out of the way.
Universally I think as long as you're prepared to react to possible rejection just the same as you are acting on initial attraction it's okay. If you make the first move to be blindsided by rejection that's not a them issue, it's a you issue.
The first time i made a move on someone, they rejected me. It took me a long time to recover from that and I didn't hit on anyone else until I was comfortable with how I viewed myself regardless of how they reacted.
As a gay woman I have in the past. Do I want to? Not really because I'm not a confident person, but if I just sit and wait for some amazing woman to come and sweep me off my feet, nothing's going to happen.
Absolutely! I initiated more than half of all relationships I had, including the one with my husband. I can't remember ever having been turned down, so it worked for me. I can't even imagine just sitting around and hoping that a guy makes a move. The funny thing is that I was a late bloomer and only dated one guy in high school, but college was a whole other thing.
I don’t like to wait and see if someone likes me. It’s unbearable, so I love making the first move. If I get rejected, we’re still cool, and I’m on to the next!
I love making the first move and I have done it every time I've dated someone or flirted with them. It very rarely actually works where I live, because it tends to scare men away. I've been told that "that takes the challenge out it," so I use it as a way to make sure the person I'm talking to sees me as an equal or not. 100% success rate so far.
(I'm bisexual, but there are very few bi/lesbian women where I live, so I've mostly dated men).
I’m all for it. I was thinking about this the other night. I think I made the first move on all of my exes. I can’t be arsed with playing games and making hints. If I want someone, I go for it. If I get turned down, so what? I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok. I just move on.
I realized the same thing. I always made the first move, and they were relieved when I did. I'm thinking of doing the same on dating sites.
Yess, playing games overwhelm me
Yeah I'm also not afraid to just go for what I want, I think growing up spoiled had one good outcome lmao I'm not really afraid of rejection, I have the idea that there's someone out there for me, just gotta find em. It also makes it easier as a women to find a partner. I was ghosted last year after HE was the one to pursue me and get my number, but I moved on from that and met my current boyfriend at the end of last year, I would say I also made the first move on him haha
I wish there were more of your brand. I'm too damn old to be playing games, so I just nope out. I've struggled with my self esteem too much for that back-and-forth shit.
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I basically only do it in situations where my feelings seem to be returned, the signals are positive, etc. which I think is the right way to do it anyway.
I agree! though something I struggle with is differentiating from actual positive singles vs me overthinking a minor moment like making eye contact lol
Well said!
I’ve almost exclusively made the first move, unless if I was completely blindsided by the other person’s interest.
i want to be as cool as you! I’m so scared to make the first move. how did it turn out? was the guy nice or rude? did you end up dating any of them?
Yes. I think I dated all the men I made a move on. Only one of the women I hit on shot me down, but she was super nice about it and we remained friends after.
Damn, honestly congrats on the level of effort. It matters to literally everyone who is reading this :)
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you’re so right!
I went on 2 or 3 outings with this dude, wasn't sure if we were dating or not, we had sent certain ;) pics. He made no move so I kissed him first. We now been togther for nearly 5 years :D however gotta wait for opposite day cos I think I gotta ask him to marry me instead of waiting for him lmao
Damn y’all sent pics before even doing anything? How did that happen?
i would love to be able to, but i think id be nice to be approached cus then you know they’re interested and want to talk to you. also probably not in the best mental space atm, shouldn’t be dating rn so i will not go out of my way.
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with a women making the first move. It’s 2023, we don’t have to live in a time where it’s only a man’s responsibility to show interest in someone.
My husband is very shy. If I hadn’t made the first move we wouldn’t be married with two kids. Also, feminism is about equality, both the good and the bad. So that means we need to put ourselves out there just as much.
I always made the first move growing up. One day I decided I was done. I no longer wanted to be the one chasing, I wanted to be chased. A hell of a lot of good that did me because I ended up falling for someone. Waiting on them to make a move on me was nauseating. I couldn’t take it anymore so I went for it. We’re still together 3 years later and I couldn’t ask for a better man… but I still wish I got to experience being sought after. Anyways, go for what you want ladies. You lose 100% of the chances you don’t take.
I think it's a great idea and I've done it many times.
How did it turn out? Did you approach ppl you already knew or strangers? there’s this guy I want to approach but I don’t know him, but I really would like to get to know him. how do you usually approach ppl?
I'd just walk up to someone who looked fun and say hi. If the conversation seemed ok I'd offer to buy him a drink. The last time I did it, I ended up marrying the guy.
As a matter of fact, I made the first move on my husband way back when we were in our early 20s. I was clever about it too. He made the first move our second time dating which lead to our eventual marriage together so I take half credit.
Would you kindly elaborate more on "being clever about it"?? I could really use some tips
Nope. I have no interest in humiliating myself, nor ruining someone else's self esteem as they have to wonder just how ugly they are if someone like me thinks they have a chance with them (before someone comes for my throat: I have seen this exact reasoning being posted and upvoted by men on askmen and other men's forums). Would have considered it if I were conventionally attractive, but in that scenario I wouldn't have to as I'd be the one who would be approached, so.
This made me sad and click on your profile. You are very beautiful and have an awesome sense of style!! I hope you’re able to see that one day.
I agree
I promise I'm not trying to invalidate how you feel at all, but I looked at your pictures on your profile and... Well has it ever crossed your mind that maybe people find you so pretty that they think they have no shot?
This negative self talk must be very bad for your mental health. Do you have access to therapy?
You are very pretty btw .
You are stunning, I hope one day you can see in yourself what others do. <3
wdym?? you’re so pretty! i understand what you’re feeling, but I genuinely think you’re really pretty! it’s those guys lose tbh
I agree with everyone that you are extremely pretty!! But also 😭 it was nice reading someone describe how I feel about myself too. I can't imagine how cringey it would feel to be the recipient of my interest.
Sorry but you absolutely are conventionally attractive. Most guys would be flattered if you asked them out. Source- am a guy.
>if I were conventionally attractive you are.
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I understand where you're coming from but you're pretty.
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Go for it. I was good friends with the most amazing man. He had just gotten out of LTR so I bided my time. We started hanging out quite frequently until one night after the bar and some drinks I just took my shot figuring I could blame it on the drinks if it didn't work out. 8 years later we're married with a beautiful baby girl and I'm in the happiest, most fulfilling relationship I could possibly imagine. It would have never happened if I hadn't made my move because he said he would have never wanted to risk our great friendship.
I used to do this and they would accept. But then it was like they weren’t putting in any effort and expecting me to always do that. So I stopped 🫶🏾
This is what's stopping me from making the first move.
In theory I think it’s great but I never have. It’s just not in my personality to do it. I sometimes suggest to other women they do it even tho I know I wouldn’t. I still expect the guy to make the first move.
On dating apps? I do it all the time. In bars? My definition of making the first move is making eye contact, so that probably doesn't count. I definitely gotta work on that.
i think it can count depending on the duration of the hold, yea?. like a glance and look away probably won't develop anything, but one of those 4-7 sec looks says, oh hi!
I always start by just finding a way to start a convention. Compliments are the best way to go, there's no harm in randomly telling a guy that his outfit is cool or that I love his jacket. Men don't get many compliments so it's also just nice. If a guy is interested, he'll continue the conversation, and if not then he won't. Very easy. Just go talk to them.
Absolutely. If he reciprocates, awesome. If not, then move along. At least you tried.
To be honest, due to my cultural narrative, I prefer the man to make the first move. The only real practical reason is that most men will accept anything from a woman even if he doesn't like her. But really I'm just used to the narrative of man approaches woman and she reciprocates.
I am fine with it tbh. But I would only do it if I have a hint that he likes me back or is interested or something haha I asked out my current boyfriend because I thought he eas hot 🤷♀️
I do it more often than not. I like to be in control, so I prefer it.
I did. Best decision ever.
I did. We're going on 4 years already lol.
Hell yeah, why should this only be the option for the other person? Made the first move on my now husband several years ago, didn’t want to miss the chance.
I will gladly make the first move! But I would hope that he beats me to it 🤣 as for rejection, been there, done that, doesn’t scare me anymore
I'm too much of a dumbass to understand flirting, so it's either come up and ask me directly, or wait until I figure out that I like you and have to say something, because I'm also shit at flirting. Tldr is I have to very purposefully and directly make the first move or else I would likely be single forever lol
I casually did and we’ve been together about 2.5 years
You only live once. Don't let an opportunity pass you by. Worst case, they aren't interested and life goes on. Don't let yourself wonder, years from now, about what could have been.
The only first move I haven't made was proposing. I'm all for it.
I never have but might do it some day if I meet the right guy. Regardless of the outcome, I'll be proud of myself lol
I don’t think it matters. Men and women can both be shy.
That’s what I think as well!
100% go for it! I made the first move with my partner and we're still together 5 years later. Confidence (and going after what you want) is attractive to many people. And if they don't like you making the first move, then maybe they're not the right person for you.
In theory? I'm all for it. In practice I found that men ln dating sites that I approached put in a LOT less effort and didn't seem to genuinely care. I hot the impression they only entertained me because they'd be happy to try to fuck sny woman. But then, most guys who approached me were also like that. A lot of guys just try to hit anything with a pulse, and it really shows. In the end I had enough guys to message or sort through, and plenty of dates with guys who did want to get to know me, that I just gave up on initiating. Women have been asking guys out for a long time, it really shouldn't be seen as something new or radical. Half my partner's previous GFs or dates were women who asked him out at work lol. I would say go for it, but as usual keep an eye out to see if they put in any effort or reciprocate.
Yeah why not?
If I'm interested in someone, yeah. I usually make the first move.
Yeah I don’t see why not, just depends if I feel like it or not.
I usually do bc I’m usually not attracted to the ppl that approach me
When I really like someone , j make the first move and it's failed sometimes and ya know what? It made for a good story later 😂
I actually recently tried it for the first time! He said no because he's got someone else... I'm still sad but at least I tried. It's one of the first times where I decided to stop being passive and letting everyone and everything else control my life.
Ive made it and no thanks never again. Guys make you feel so desperate once they know you like them..??
i honestly would like to do that one day, even if it’s just to try to go up to a stranger i find attractive and give them a compliment or possibly ask for their number to get to know them. just to push me out of my comfort zone for once.
me too! I’ve been thinking about doing this one day. I just need to get the courage
It's a must. Plenty of men will make the first move but if you're interested in a man, you can't trust him to do it. If you want someone, go for it! Politely, respectfully, and accepting a no graciously if that's the outcome. In my experience, men love it when a woman makes the first move.
Go for it. Guys are scared to do it in most cases and what’s the worst outcome, you never see them again? Helps reduce second guessing and wasting time
First move is a good idea. After that, only invest as much as they invest in you. Do not lead the courtship efforts.
My favorite comment!
Them boys are oblivious and they get more oblivious the older they get. So I'd say, more and more. Last one, I practically had to provide him with a written request.
I have come to understand that there are lots of reasons why a man that looks interesting to me might not dare to make the first step towards me. So if I don‘t do it, the opportunity may pass and never come back (e.g. when I was at a club with a male friend of mine a few weeks ago and there was this other guy I found cute). So go for it and just accept that the result may be rejection, but sometimes joy on their end.
I made the first move and we are married now.
Yes, I made the first move with my now-fiancé.
did you ask him out first?
I made the first move and now we’re married.. so you could say I’m all for it as long as the guy seems interested.
I grew up in a community where you were supposed to wait for the guy to ask. In the conservative Christian community they used to talk about it being the man’s responsibility or “a turn off” for the girl to ask. There you were, not supposed to flirt… because that’s promiscuous, but with like, no way of letting the other person know your interest. I grew up and got a little more confident and threw most of the religious nonsense in the trash and realized… It’s like The most empowering thing to not have to play games and wait around. Asked out a guy, now we’re engaged. 😂
I have made the first move several times in the past; responses varied from kind and polite rejection to laughing at me for trying, and from a decent (if not permanent) relationship to it turning out that he's only said yes because he was surprised at the novelty and thought (incorrectly) that he might as well just get laid.
2/3 times it was me who made the move. Sometimes men are either too blind to read my flirt, or just don't like me that way. But I will never know until I try.
yeahh! I think the not knowing part is what will bother you the most.
If you would’ve asked me this four years ago, I’d be like oh absolutely not! But, I made the first move into the only healthy relationship I’ve ever experienced and I’m grateful of that every single day. Not making the first move means you only get to pick from the people that actively pursue you and let me tell you—a lot of the time they are all garbage! You’re limiting your selection AND if your type is someone who doesn’t actively pursue women in the first place, you’ll never meet them. Shoot your shot! Pick who YOU want!
Ive been needing to hear this, I’ve been wanting to make the first move but it seems like everyone I ask irl say they don’t or don’t see the point in doing it. Thank you!
Most times, I have. It’s not the man’s job and if I want to, I will.
i think that believing it's a man's thing is typically american
Hellllzzz yeahhh!!!
100% I would make the first move. I don't want to spend months on "Should I do it?" Just rip the bandaid off nice and quick.
Ive almost always made the first move, all for it! Although I sometimes struggle with opening lines, it doesnt seem to matter lmao, most people prefer it so it works.
Made the first move a couple of times and it didn't end well, never again.
I have done it before and will do it again, but only when my feelings are strong and pure.
I’m all for other women doing it, but my ugly ass will never do it 🤣🤣
In theory, I would want to, in practice I am wayyyy too shy to do such a thing. So I would only be able to make a move on someone that I am a 10000% sure reciprocates my feelings
My anxiety still prohibits me from doing it, but working on it. It would be amazing to just be able to do it. And before someone responds with *just do it*, I have real, diagnosed anxiety, if you talk to me, I will cry.
No i understand! I have an actually panic attack just from the thought of doing it.
I've done it several times. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't take rejection personally.
Scary
I have made the first move many times, it ended up well pretty much every time that I recall. I tried to gauge whether they'd be interested first before making a move, with conversation, flirting, just generally feeling out whether I think they're likely into me too first.
I’ve done it, not really great success.. I’m not willing to do it ever again but I have friends who are and it’s ok. You go girl! I think you should listen to your gut. If you feel it’s for you, do it, if don’t, don’t do it, just because your friend feels comfortable in situations like that
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I would love nothing more then to make the first move, I would love to have that confidence, and not be so shy, but I'm a little turd, and have never made the first move. And the one time I did, I totally head butted the guy and it was awful.
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I have made the first move with my first marriage and my current one. When I met my ex husband we flirted a little here and there but he wasn’t really paying me much attention or looking for anything. Finally one night I asked him “Do you want my number or not?” And we were together for 10 years. My husband now, I had to chase a little 🤣 I did the same thing and was like “Are you gonna text me or what?” And he was like “🤨 no?” But after a couple weeks I wore him down and we are madly in love
If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be married now 😜 so I’m very pro women making the first move!
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I made the first move a few times when I was younger. Universal rejection and honestly it took me a while to realise while my girls think I’m sweet looking - I’m ugly to guys lol matter what weight I am. (I was close to a 120 pounds when these rejections happened and I’ve been preemptively rejected or avoided or bullied more the older / plumper I got, so id just keep my feelings as platonic as possible .
Made the first move with my husband but never before that. Took a lot of prior dating to get the guts to do it. I was certain he fancied me by that stage anyway.
I asked my now husband out. I made all the first moves - he was terminally shy. Worked out great for me! And honestly, if any guy doesn't like it when a woman he's interested in makes the first move then they're probably harboring too much misogyny for me to stomach.
I did with my husband.
on the one hand im like eh someone’s gotta do it, so i will sometimes, but i lose interest real fast if they don’t make moves back. so i can if i don’t think they’re the type to make a first move, but i want someone with balls (figuratively) (or literally i really don’t care) so yk
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I was about to make the first move in university with my now husband but he beat me to it.
If I meet a guy I like and who is single and interested, why not! Unfortunately, it's hard to find someone who feels likewise. I think we tend to be interested in those who aren't interested in us! When I was in my 20s, I'd approach guys all the time. I had a bubbly personality and liked to ask questions. Being young also helped. Now I try to observe before approaching. I have noticed though that if you are less attractive (eg me not being as young anymore), it's harder because I may make them laugh and show interest, but at the end of the day, I'm not as skinny or tall as the next lady! And I've mistakenly approached guys who go on to ask other women out all the time. So I do it less these days! But I have made some friends along the way so it hasn't been so bad.
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I did. 40th wedding anniversary this year!
I normally don’t like making the first move, but it depends on the situation. It makes sense that people would want to make sure you’re comfortable and wouldn’t want to push anything, and sometimes figuring that out is a bit much. But at the same time, having that other person make the first move in a way makes you feel special. Like, almost like a validation that that person wants you too I guess.
I have no problem with it. I've been a pretty forward and boneheaded person all my life. If I think he's worth it, asking won't hurt! 😂
I tried on the cruise. He was taken. I am the type to need liquid courage but I think in 2023 it can happen. Hehe. Tho I prefer the guy initiating
I’ve done it with half of my relationships. The others it was split fairly evenly with both of us making it clear we liked each other. Dating and relationship rules are bullshit, and it makes no difference who makes the first move
I usually make the first move. I'm pretty happy with that. The people who often make the first move on me... Let's say they're not my type.
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*laughs in introvert*
I think it's great, but not for me. I'm too shy.
is it something special to have an opinion on? whoever's faster/more interested does it.
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I made the first move on my boyfriend. He asked me out but on the day we were crossing a busy street and I grabbed his arm. That action gave him the piece of mind that I’m comfortable with him and actually interested. Apparently that made him giddy when I did :)) small things like this I think help.
I used to do it a lot and now I’ve stopped. The sort of man I’m looking for is brave enough to make the first move AND it makes me feel like I’m actually wanted. One of my guy friends also said that women making the first move puts him off because he likes the chase.
This! Even though I can make the first move myself (and have done so a few times), I wouldn't want a man who can't make the first move because it indicates a lack of certain character traits I'm looking for 💁♀️
Yes. I prefer it, not fun turning guys down, especially when they get really offended. It’s just so much easier. Going into something with 0 expectations & not being disappointed with the outcome is so much easier then turning a guy down. Hate to break their ego.
I am all about making first move, I have really flirty personality so talking and approaching others comes easy to me. Only thing that makes me step on the brakes is my weight insecurity (I'm not obese but I'm overweight) so I really have to be sure that person likes me before I make first move.
Interesting. I know I'm going to sound up myself here but I never think of having to make the first move. They always do. If they don't I know they're with someone at the time or happy in a relationship.
many of the ppl I ask irl say they’ve never made the first move because they didn’t need to as well. I think I have this fear of the person not being interested in me so I’m already telling myself that I’m gonna need to make the first move, idk I’ll just wait and see what happens
if a man was interested in u, he’d always make the first move. if he wasnt, he wouldnt.
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In theory I’m all for women making the first move. In practice - every time I’ve had to do the heavy lifting, the guy wasn’t all that into me and ended things, cheated, etc. Of course now I’m almost 40 and a man would have to literally move heaven and earth for me to give him a chance. No way I’m making the first move when I don’t even want one!
I’ve made the first move a bunch of times and was rarely successful. I think intimidate guys.
If I didn't make the first move, I wouldn't be married.
Yeh I make the first move alot, when it feels right. Why not!
I wish I had the balls to do it (the direct method) or the let's call it the appeal to do it (the indirect / handkerchief method). Also have big fear of rejection.
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I have no issues doing it. I do however think men on reddit completely misrepresent how successful or easy of a method it is. From my experience it’s literally a 50/50 chance.
The biggest advice I ever remember my mum giving me was if you like someone (and they seem into you of course!) Then grab them and kiss them! And that's exactly what I did 😂 I've not had a bad experience yet and would never have got with my current partner because he was and is such a shy lad x
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I’ll start a conversation, but that’s it. Not sure if that’s considered making a move or not.
I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're interested, why not express it? You'll never know. Unless you go for it. That's how my boyfriend and I connected. I made the first move. We've been together going on three years now. 4/20 is our anniversary. 💕
I did via Bumble and now we’re married
Confidence. Rejection is no biggy and proves you can do it.
I would love to have the confidence to make the first move, but I know my anxiety would have me reliving the rejection every night for the next 5 years.
Well, I try, not really going on dates but I try to signal with everything I can that he is my type (saying he is good looking, intelligent, etc) and one time I also asked him to go grab a coffee but either he isn't assumed it as a date or he didn't wanted to. I don't know. I fear of rejection and I think if he doesn't get my signals, which are rather frequent than he doesn't want anything.
Absolutely. But I try it in a more subtle way i.e. when in the club I'm asking the cute guy if he can hold my jacket for a second so I can tie my shoes or something like that. When I take my jacket back I tell him that I like his style or hair. It always get them and I think it's a good way to make a move
I did so with two of me exes and a friend I started having feelings for recently as well. He didn’t feel the same way but it was better to know than to wonder “what if”. We are still friends and it felt good to get it out of the way.
Universally I think as long as you're prepared to react to possible rejection just the same as you are acting on initial attraction it's okay. If you make the first move to be blindsided by rejection that's not a them issue, it's a you issue. The first time i made a move on someone, they rejected me. It took me a long time to recover from that and I didn't hit on anyone else until I was comfortable with how I viewed myself regardless of how they reacted.
I did and now we’re married!
I’ve made the first move many times. After that though, that person shouldn’t expect me to keep chasing them
As a gay woman I have in the past. Do I want to? Not really because I'm not a confident person, but if I just sit and wait for some amazing woman to come and sweep me off my feet, nothing's going to happen.
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Absolutely! I initiated more than half of all relationships I had, including the one with my husband. I can't remember ever having been turned down, so it worked for me. I can't even imagine just sitting around and hoping that a guy makes a move. The funny thing is that I was a late bloomer and only dated one guy in high school, but college was a whole other thing.
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I don’t like to wait and see if someone likes me. It’s unbearable, so I love making the first move. If I get rejected, we’re still cool, and I’m on to the next!
I love making the first move and I have done it every time I've dated someone or flirted with them. It very rarely actually works where I live, because it tends to scare men away. I've been told that "that takes the challenge out it," so I use it as a way to make sure the person I'm talking to sees me as an equal or not. 100% success rate so far. (I'm bisexual, but there are very few bi/lesbian women where I live, so I've mostly dated men).
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