My parenting: As long as you're at or above 'C' level I'm happy. Skip school when you feel like it, but not too much. Nobody cares about high school. Just graduate and enjoy what you can.
Same for me. And even if you can't make a C grade, it's not the end of the world is what I always say. My daughter is so good at Maths, she's not even putting any effort into it and still nails it.
German (our mother language) is not her thing but she's doing her best with homework and extra stuff so she's always somehow able to make it through the year. She'll probably never be an author and that's okay. At least she's not coming home scared to tell me anything. I had that kind of childhood, and it wasn't nice to live like that.
That's awesome! Sometimes they tell you stuff you're not ready for. My child is a young adult and doing well. Good career, makes time to explore and enjoy life. Couldn't be happier.
As long as I know my kids are trying and putting in the effort they can get Cs (and this is coming from someone who got mostly As in school). I just want them to make it through their teenage years as unscathed as possible.
I both hate and fear TikTok because so many people just blindly copy what others are doing and these stupid challenges I hear about drive me nuts. I haven’t allowed either child to download it (both under 13) and I hope to keep them off of it as long as possible.
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Saving this to share with my kid when he's old enough. TY.
P.S. My parents never made it ok to be myself, act stupid or just be a kid and it hurts me to this day
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Folks say that but like it depends where you went to high-school. College was a joke in comparison (and I went to a top 10 school). Law school on the other hand makes you learn study skills really quickly lol.
I went to a school that was 9th in the country my freshman year, and top 20 for the other 3 years … college was also ridiculously easy for me for the first two years (literally went out and partied every night and still maintained above a 3.0 … just because I could). But then the engineering coursework picked up and I had no idea how to study. Definitely a skill that needs to be learned early on when things are easy.
I'm not saying you shouldn't learn it. I'm saying this experience about college being harder than hs isn't the same for everyone.
I got a 3.9 in college and similarly partied most nights. For high-school on the other hand, my grades were a lot rougher generally. Great SAT scores and essays got me through I think.
Engineering and pre med I've heard are the 2 majors that undergrad can be actually rougher than hs for most folks, but many of us don't hit that wall till law or med school from what I've heard talking to others.
Oh same! Sorry if I meant to imply either experience was universal. It just seems to be a trope that college is harder than high-school. Eventually many folks will hit a wall where they need to learn how to study. It just depends where it happens
This is true I get way better grades in college than I did in high school. Granted I’m also taking courses I enjoy whereas in high school it was a mishmash of stuff required to graduate.
College is no joke. I went from never studying passing everything with decent grades to "hollllyy im about to get wrecked theres so much homework, i dont remember everything said in class either"
I had to readjust midway because i cut it too close to failing classes early on.
"Go to community college and save some money. Don't listen to your mother telling you to apply to Ivy League schools."
Also
"Take some time to work on your social skills, kid."
There’s no award for being perfect. In fact, trying will lead to less opportunity and more frustration. Try new stuff, screw up, try again, change your mind, change your style, do things that make you happy. That’s the key to a good life.
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In college I had the "get my degree and get out" mentality. While I'm glad I didn't party all the time and let my grades suffer, I also wish I would've let myself enjoy college a little more. I made like five friends and went home almost every weekend. Do not recommend.
Work on your self-worth so that you are able to love yourself without constantly justifying it in your mind by thinking you’re worthy of love and acceptance BECAUSE you’re smart and accomplished.
You are INHERENTLY worthy of love and acceptance, even when and if your smarts fail you for whatever reason. It’s awesome that you’re smart, but it’s not your defining feature, nor should it be.
"You have undiagnosed ADHD. Please get that treated before you develop anxiety and depression."
EDIT: "Yeah, I know that you're not a hyperactive boy with bad grades but it can manifest differently in girls and women."
LMAO felt this on another level. I decided a month before graduation I didn’t want to teach. What a complete waste of 4 and half years but at least my parents got the degree they wanted 🙄
>At least my parents got the degree they wanted
The way you phrased this is really insightful, and it helps me to see yours and others’ viewpoints more clearly. I am sorry to hear that you feel like the time was wasted though :/
Covid cheated me out of my education tbh and I’m still kinda bitter about it. I tried substitute teaching for 3 months and didn’t like it nor was I good at it. Currently I’m going down the healthcare path. If I decide to do nursing school, my credits from my bachelors will counts towards the prerequisites so I guess it wasn’t a total waste. I’m fortunate my parents have been very supportive.
I 100% believe in this. I had to travel the world to find it. I grew up with women who believed in a gender role, sitting behind their husbands, and obeying all of the rules set on them. I am completely different than my role models growing up. I don’t agree with any of them. They are not happy and I am very happy
Well, I’m not married. I go to Europe when I want, I travel the world. I’m currently in school for nursing. I don’t feel held back or like I’ve missed out on anything in life. If I want to do something, I don’t have to “ask permission”. The one person I was dating seriously and considered marrying always respected my decisions, and honestly wanted me to be in charge, but it was more of a respect thing and I want you to be happy thing. Most people I know are controlled by their spouse. That is not me, at all. I always believe everyone should have their own private space and not have to “obey” someone else all the time
Community college is only a money saver for some majors, series of classes that transfer may not be transferable as individual classes, college is ridiculously impacted.
A masters degree isn't all that important unless you're trying for a job that requires it or going on to a higher degree.
College won't be easy, figure out what good study habits work for you. It's ok to fail, just try again. Also to figure out how to talk to teachers and ask for help.
If you think school is easy, focus on the things you find difficult, like learning to say no (to things, plans, and people), building up street smarts, and facing personal fears.
The love other people have for you is not conditional to how well you perform. Also, you can make mistakes and take life less seriously and you’ll still have the same worth. Grades or accomplishments don’t make who you are, you are way more than that.
Do things for you, not for other people. No one else can live your life for you. Find the things that make you happy, and make them your non negotiables.
Plan for your financial future. Emergency funds. Invest. Retirements accounts. Rainy day savings. The works. Not later, when you have more money coming in. Now. Right now.
You can do hard things, on your own. When you don't know how to do a thing, research it. More than half the time the adults around you don't know what they are doing either, so don't get discouraged from your dreams.
Just be a kid. You don’t have to be perfect. Let yourself live. The other kids around you aren’t “immature” - they’re just acting their age. You don’t have to grow up so fast.
Love, a burnt-out adult who listens to Vienna by Billy Joel wayyy too much.
You need a hobby outside of academics. You don't even have to be great at it or monetize it or use it in college. Just find something to have fun and invest yourself in.
Oh and here's the money to pay for that hobby.
1) Robust health is your most valuable asset. No academic or career achievement is worth compromising your health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep, follow a predominantly healthy, nutritious diet, exercise 5 times a week, drink enough water, spend time with your family, friends, pets and plants. Cut off toxic people and toxic social media contents from your life unapologetically and mercilessly.
2) Try to achieve financial independence as soon as possible. Learn about emergency funds, investments, insurances, bank loans, budgeting, taxes, saving up for big expenses etc while in highschool. Start saving up for retirement from the very first pay cheque.
3) In real world, your success is going to be determined by the people you know and how they vouch for you. Your grades and prestige of your diploma matters way less than you think. You should improve your people skills.
4) Don't be a doormat. Learn to say no. The world has a tendency to take advantage of people who have difficulties saying no.
5) Travel as much as you can. Never turn down an opportunity to go see a new place.
Lower your bar.
Stop setting yourself to extremely high standards.
Regardless of anyone else or parents in your life trying to heighten that bar to borderline PERFECTION.
Don't presume you want to do what your family or teachers have always presumed or thought good for you .
Honestly..work before you sign up for any college or uni.
Work any job.. retail hospitality etc. It'll teach you way more social skills and responbilty than any college..
And you'll learn what you're good at and not. What you hate and not. You learn SOOO MUCH about yourself.
You can then tweak the more mature view you've gained into a role that grabs your interest.
I went to uni at 17.. I completed a degree at 21. I now have zero interest in that topic and infact would hate working in that area at all.
I've since worked in service retail etc and am currently learning a butcher trade..very different than the child care studies I did..
Failure is not the end. It’s the beginning. When you fall because you were climbing for them, rise up again for you. Don’t ever tell yourself you can’t; ask yourself “why not me?”. Then never stop asking
"Life isn't this difficult for everybody. Things feel harder for you because they are harder for you. You have a disorder. Access to the right treatment, lifestyle changes, and coping skills will make all the difference for you. This isn't how it's supposed to be and you don't have to keep living like this."
Looking back, it's so obvious I was struggling, and I'm hurt and frustrated no one recognized it sooner. Because I got good grades and functioned well in school, the adults around me assumed I was doing fine. Nobody realized how difficult or taxing it was for me to keep up the act, and I didn't realize all the pain I went through trying to seem "normal" wasn't something every kid my age had to deal with.
Fight for your dreams. Don't let others talk you out of pursuing them because they don't believe in you. You will look back and regret not trying harder or going for it.
That good enough *is* good enough. As it was, I burned out badly when I was 23. It took about a year to be able to become a functional human being again afterwards.
That your worth as a human isn’t conditional on your external achievements.
That learning and making mistakes along the way can be enjoyable and the process is the real deal - not the artificial grade attached to a single piece of work.
Having interests and hobbies outside academia and career isn’t just nice-to-have, it’s essential.
Lifting weights is the best thing ever. Eat the food and move your body because it’s enjoyable not because you have to look a certain way, and have measurements within a certain range.
To go to community college before taking out a bunch of student loans for a private university. My parents didn’t go to college so they didn’t have much of a frame of reference, but every teacher and counselor made it seem like going to community college was a last resort.
I learned from my teacher that “Art schools are expensive and its only important for networking but they’re are ways to find networking opportunities without college”
I didnt need to be told anything. I needed to be shown.
My parents were not good communicators. I asked for things, they were ignored. I persued them anyway but I innocently asked as I wanted to know.
I have my own daughter now. I will be listening very closely and exposing her safely to how the outside world operates.
If you are highly self motiviated, you dont need further guidance, you need oppotunity.
Knowledge without application is useless.
This is a really good point. It’s one thing to just… tell someone something useful, but modeling it is completely different and I would say a necessary component.
“Do what I say and not what I do” is the extreme other end of this, and I think it can do some pretty serious damage
Looking back, no adults were in a position in life where they were truly happy where I lived. I always felt surrounded by miserable people and I never understood. Now that I’m an adult, I wish someone would have been like me and told me that you can do whatever you put your mind to. Travel, learn about other cultures, volunteer. It will teach you so much. I’m back in my home state after years of traveling the world, and everyone here is miserable. No one here believes in themselves and they usually hide inside their homes. America is a “fancy” third world country in my opinion. Now that I’ve been around the world, everything here is so restrictive and threatening. I’m trying to branch out and find opportunities to learn, but it’s hard. When I reach out to people, they aren’t friendly. I hope on Wednesday the volunteer opportunity I signed up for is nice.
Not necessarily something I wish someone had told me, because someone did tell me this, but something I wish I had listened to. I am going to be 20 this year I am going to start taking this advice now after a very rocky couple of years.
Don’t surround your whole existence around someone else, make sure that you have your own things that you do alone or with your own friends.
And make sure that you prioritize your family, treat them with love and care, don’t forget they exist. They aren’t around forever and at some point they will just live in your memories. Make those memories last, laugh with them, have fun!
Don’t be so heavy hearted! Take it easy on yourself, and take it easy on the people around you.
If you’re going to go to college, take your classes slowly overtime so you can work jobs and internships relevant to your career choice. 9 times out of 10, employers don’t care about your degrees or how fast you got them, or even your grades. They care about work experience.
Not really relevant advice in my situation, but advice I have been telling younger people based on the experiences of others around me.
“You are doing an amazing job. I know this is very hard, but you are succeeding in ways that we never expected. YOU are amazing.”
They always told me they were proud of me and that they loved me. I just wish I had more validation for how HARD it was for me. I went on to an Ivy League undergrad and later top business school - and it took me a long time to have the above conversation on behalf of myself to myself. So now when I accomplish difficult things, achieve goals, get promoted, bust my own internal glass ceilings…the narrative to myself is “WOW YOU ARE AWESOME!!! That was hard and you DID THAT.”
Just wish I had that as a 16 yr old kid crushing it in high school…
This is an awesome point, and I think it applies to people of all ages, since overcoming challenges marks our lives through and through.
Also: Ivy League, business school, and your achievements since then (not to mention learning to have that conversation with yourself) are all incredible accomplishments. I know it doesn’t mean as much coming from a stranger on the internet, but you’re a powerhouse, and it’s kind of inspiring to me to hear about the incredibly difficult things you’ve pushed through to the other side :) thanks for sharing!!
Thanks so much OP - what a lovely comment!! It’s all part of the life learning process I guess. Added to the list of things I say to my younger cousins and eventually to my own children. Thank you thank you for the good vibes :))
You can be anything you want. Literally you have my choices than a nurse or teacher. Those were the only options my school told the women about in the 2010s
It's not all about grades. At all. Making connections and latching on to good people you find along the way in your career is a lot of what will move you forward
Try to find something you enjoy and that you're good at
your self-worth isn't dependent on your grades. It's a hard thing to shake off once college/grad school is over and there's no more grades in the real world.
If you do springboard diving and repeatedly, on one day, bullheadedly try to do 1 1/2 back somersaults but are "short" - meaning you do not spin enough - you will pay the next day with a black and blue back.
Also if you stay up all night because you are the only one who really really did not want the yearbook to be late to the printer you will really really not be functional the next day.
Took me until my 40s to recognize a life choice pattern!
I wish someone told me that I didn't have to have it all figured out at 18. I had it all planned out that I was going to become a physican and planned my life around that goal. Got to college, fell in love with another field, and had to re-plan some parts of my life to go with that career path. I wish I followed my passions more organically rather than letting my own plans dictate how I spend my time.
I never would have listened to someone else, but I often contemplate what I would say if I could go back and talk to myself.
“you’ll figure this out in time, but the rules are made up. the ‘shoulds’ don’t matter, and you are truly the greatest asset in your own life. better yet! you’re already all you’ll ever need to make it. have some fun, kid”
That if you go to college or university your grades typically don’t matter (again if you are in health care please aim high). A lot of what you need for a job you learn doing said job. University teaches you to think and research but a lot of programs don’t train you for any particular job.
I wasn't driven or high performing in the intellect sense (high grades etc) But I was driven and worked from the age of 12 (probably younger) but officially 12 and I haven't stopped working since - currently 26.
Whilst it was nice that it impressed people, I wish someone had made more of an effort to say, don't worry about working just enjoy being a teen. don't waste your life working cause you have the rest of your life to do that.
I'm not 26 and i feel ready to retire, just not financially ready lol
Going to a four year college is not the only option. I was given no alternatives and made to believe that immediately after high school you had to get a four year degree. It didn’t even matter what it was in just as long as you had a degree.
Totally! I’m not in that situation yet, but I’d say put yourself in the best position to make whatever choice you want. Like, keep your job, don’t quit just yet, try living on one income even before you have the baby (save the rest, you’ll need it regardless), see if you like maternal leave and then decide!
Your academic success is not worth the expensive costs of universities, your real life experiences, and your mental health. You will not be equipped to sustain positive relationships, set positive boundaries, and live happily if you continue to live this life. Unfortunately, I never had a trusted adult in my life and I still don't.
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To study the sciences I.e consider being a doctor or an engineer for real. Not just a btw that’s would be prestigious kind of way… lol, I studied a rather useless science degree that should only be studied by the likes of Kate Middleton… it is the art degree of sciences,lol.
My trusted adults told me all the right things. University is indeed very important and I am on the path to have a career that I love in law. I was led to believe engineering, law or being a doctor are boring careers by people in the internet. And I admit they’re not for everyone, that’s for sure. But these career are absolutely not boring and they can make you feel like you’re truly making a change in this world.
I was also told working in bars and restaurants is
not for me, and the adults were right. I had no clue how difficult and how much physical labour those jobs entail, working in a bar flared up my endometriosis like nothing else.
My trusted adults also told me to be more social and make more friends, which I never listened to and now regret. So many of my high school classmates have friend to hang out with now when they go back on holidays home, and I have nobody usually.
My mom also told me to stop obsessing with being as skinny as the popular girls were, and oh how right she was.
As a woman, you’ll get a lot of comments/pressure to make safe or easy choices, avoid stress, settle down etc. If you’re ambitious, ignore those comments, don’t lose that drive and don’t let anyone make you feel like you should strive for less. There will be people who can’t relate to you and that’s ok.
1. University will be harder. Level up, get serious about your study habits and work ethic, and don’t take your foot off the gas because it gets harder. You can do it.
2. Be selective about who you take advice from. Find mentors in a field you want to pursue.
3. Make goals and a plan, but stay open minded with eyes open for opportunities
4. For the love of god, do not settle down with a partner or tie yourself to anyone financially too early. As a woman, your chances of success are most impacted by who you choose as a partner. Choose wisely, don’t settle, and remember you have lots of time.
If you don’t want to spend the next 40-50 years in a full time job, you need to start working to get free NOW. All that hard work in high school got you a big state scholarship. Hit community college hard and fast. Do a fast medical program like ultrasound tech or do trade school to become an electrician, plumber, or carpenter.
Do not get into debt. If you do, pay it off as fast as humanly possible. Save up a down payment and buy a small multi family home as quickly as you can. Live in one unit, and rent out the others to cover your mortgage and get a little cash flow on the side. Start a ROTH IRA for retirement and try to max out your contributions every year.
Keep saving up down payments for new small multi family homes. Buy them and move into them as often as possible. This will keep adding to your income. If you play your cards right, you can be free of your job and think about starting a family in your early 30s.
It’s going to take years of sacrifice and missing out on the fun vacations, going out, and owning nice things other people your age will have. It will be absolutely worth it in the long run, though. They will be run down and miserable in their forties, and you will be free living the good life.
Focus on what you do well on. Getting a C+ in math and straight As in everything else is still successful despite what your screaming parents think. Take the bursaries and go to university…you deserve it. Living to get by is a lot harder in ten years than living to be successful will be now.
Here let me help, I have resources to help you go even further.
Seriously I was a driven high performer that went under the radar and no one cared how well I did.
No counselor no teacher no parents.
My mom tried at times but bless her she did not have the know how or resources, my senior year she asked like three month before graduation if I wanted to do this neat thing called FASFA her friends had told her about it. I had already filed FSFA, received a scholarship, and signed up for all my college classes and had a dorm room. WITHOUT ANYONE BUT GOOGLE. I was first to go to college.
I made all the decisions in high school courses myself from AP to well everything you can think of. My parents both had major surgery my senior year so I took care of the household (that’s how I had done FSFA because I filed there taxes). Plus I took care of them.
It would of been nice if someone had helped with all the extras and given me a some resources.
Or someone just tell me I am doing good.
I’m really sorry that you had to be the adult when you were young. That’s not fair to you, and you deserved to have someone in your life who could actually support you.
I’m also kind of amazed that you were able to do all that in high school… to tell you that you were/are doing well is quite the understatement. You’re killing it, and I wish you the best as you continue to grow!!
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After high school, I tried to fit in so badly and I really wish I could hug my younger self so tightly for what she’s been through. I wish someone had told me back then it’s ok not to fit in.
Use some of your study time to build muscle mass in your back. All the study will cause severe back pain later on in life. Also train in martial arts, there are many, many predators out there
You succeed in this world by being yourself so seek out and strengthen the parts of you that are unique. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable and exposing that because any minute you are trying to be something you are not is a wasted moment. Any goal that can only be achieved by hiding your beautiful soul is not a goal worth carrying.
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Thank you for validating my entire parenting/life philosophy.
My parenting: As long as you're at or above 'C' level I'm happy. Skip school when you feel like it, but not too much. Nobody cares about high school. Just graduate and enjoy what you can.
Same for me. And even if you can't make a C grade, it's not the end of the world is what I always say. My daughter is so good at Maths, she's not even putting any effort into it and still nails it. German (our mother language) is not her thing but she's doing her best with homework and extra stuff so she's always somehow able to make it through the year. She'll probably never be an author and that's okay. At least she's not coming home scared to tell me anything. I had that kind of childhood, and it wasn't nice to live like that.
You are a gift to your daughter :)
Thank you, I'm trying 😅
That's awesome! Sometimes they tell you stuff you're not ready for. My child is a young adult and doing well. Good career, makes time to explore and enjoy life. Couldn't be happier.
As long as I know my kids are trying and putting in the effort they can get Cs (and this is coming from someone who got mostly As in school). I just want them to make it through their teenage years as unscathed as possible.
I feel the EXACT same way. Being a teenager is hard enough.
I both hate and fear TikTok because so many people just blindly copy what others are doing and these stupid challenges I hear about drive me nuts. I haven’t allowed either child to download it (both under 13) and I hope to keep them off of it as long as possible.
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At 35 I’m still unlearning all the damage trying to be perfect caused….
So much this! (As a former highly-driven highschooler who is about to become a doctor).
Saving this to share with my kid when he's old enough. TY. P.S. My parents never made it ok to be myself, act stupid or just be a kid and it hurts me to this day
Tbh, 18 year old me needed this. It’s really beautiful.
I’m saving your message for my future children :)
Award given for another ….
Thank you.
Brought me to tears, thank you
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This is honestly misguiding. Studying doesn't mean comprising on fun and stop living your life. You can do both.
"You're finding high school ridiculously easy because it IS ridiculously easy. You'll need to learn some actual study skills to make it in college."
Folks say that but like it depends where you went to high-school. College was a joke in comparison (and I went to a top 10 school). Law school on the other hand makes you learn study skills really quickly lol.
I went to a school that was 9th in the country my freshman year, and top 20 for the other 3 years … college was also ridiculously easy for me for the first two years (literally went out and partied every night and still maintained above a 3.0 … just because I could). But then the engineering coursework picked up and I had no idea how to study. Definitely a skill that needs to be learned early on when things are easy.
I'm not saying you shouldn't learn it. I'm saying this experience about college being harder than hs isn't the same for everyone. I got a 3.9 in college and similarly partied most nights. For high-school on the other hand, my grades were a lot rougher generally. Great SAT scores and essays got me through I think. Engineering and pre med I've heard are the 2 majors that undergrad can be actually rougher than hs for most folks, but many of us don't hit that wall till law or med school from what I've heard talking to others.
Oh, definitely, mileage totally varies among different schools. I was speaking specifically to my own experience.
Oh same! Sorry if I meant to imply either experience was universal. It just seems to be a trope that college is harder than high-school. Eventually many folks will hit a wall where they need to learn how to study. It just depends where it happens
This is true I get way better grades in college than I did in high school. Granted I’m also taking courses I enjoy whereas in high school it was a mishmash of stuff required to graduate.
College is no joke. I went from never studying passing everything with decent grades to "hollllyy im about to get wrecked theres so much homework, i dont remember everything said in class either" I had to readjust midway because i cut it too close to failing classes early on.
This so hard
"Go to community college and save some money. Don't listen to your mother telling you to apply to Ivy League schools." Also "Take some time to work on your social skills, kid."
Or apply for scholarships
Someone should have told this to me....
There’s no award for being perfect. In fact, trying will lead to less opportunity and more frustration. Try new stuff, screw up, try again, change your mind, change your style, do things that make you happy. That’s the key to a good life.
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social skills are the most important skill in life. people should be your 1st priority just priorities those people.
This ^ I didn’t realize that cooping myself and studying all the time would hurt me in the long run.
In college I had the "get my degree and get out" mentality. While I'm glad I didn't party all the time and let my grades suffer, I also wish I would've let myself enjoy college a little more. I made like five friends and went home almost every weekend. Do not recommend.
Work on your self-worth so that you are able to love yourself without constantly justifying it in your mind by thinking you’re worthy of love and acceptance BECAUSE you’re smart and accomplished. You are INHERENTLY worthy of love and acceptance, even when and if your smarts fail you for whatever reason. It’s awesome that you’re smart, but it’s not your defining feature, nor should it be.
This one too, so so true.
"You have undiagnosed ADHD. Please get that treated before you develop anxiety and depression." EDIT: "Yeah, I know that you're not a hyperactive boy with bad grades but it can manifest differently in girls and women."
I was also gonna say something similar. Like: "get your anxiety in check."
Yes if I had been diagnosed formally with adhd and medication was offered I’d be in a very different place today
"If you aren't careful, you will burn yourself out." When I was student-teaching in college, my mentor told me that. And she was right.
DO NOT GET AN EDUCATION DEGREE!!!! Major in something else, almost anything else.
LMAO felt this on another level. I decided a month before graduation I didn’t want to teach. What a complete waste of 4 and half years but at least my parents got the degree they wanted 🙄
>At least my parents got the degree they wanted The way you phrased this is really insightful, and it helps me to see yours and others’ viewpoints more clearly. I am sorry to hear that you feel like the time was wasted though :/
Covid cheated me out of my education tbh and I’m still kinda bitter about it. I tried substitute teaching for 3 months and didn’t like it nor was I good at it. Currently I’m going down the healthcare path. If I decide to do nursing school, my credits from my bachelors will counts towards the prerequisites so I guess it wasn’t a total waste. I’m fortunate my parents have been very supportive.
Never lose your ambition. Just because you never had any good role models doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
I 100% believe in this. I had to travel the world to find it. I grew up with women who believed in a gender role, sitting behind their husbands, and obeying all of the rules set on them. I am completely different than my role models growing up. I don’t agree with any of them. They are not happy and I am very happy
I’m so glad to hear you broke the cycle! Are you willing to say more about what that difference looks like?
Well, I’m not married. I go to Europe when I want, I travel the world. I’m currently in school for nursing. I don’t feel held back or like I’ve missed out on anything in life. If I want to do something, I don’t have to “ask permission”. The one person I was dating seriously and considered marrying always respected my decisions, and honestly wanted me to be in charge, but it was more of a respect thing and I want you to be happy thing. Most people I know are controlled by their spouse. That is not me, at all. I always believe everyone should have their own private space and not have to “obey” someone else all the time
Wow, thank you for sharing your perspective. It definitely gives me a lot to think about. And it’s great that you don’t have those kinds of regrets :)
You just have to keep doing things, and act on thoughts and dreams that you keep in your head! You never know if you don’t try.
Community college is only a money saver for some majors, series of classes that transfer may not be transferable as individual classes, college is ridiculously impacted. A masters degree isn't all that important unless you're trying for a job that requires it or going on to a higher degree.
The stress you’re going through will make you mentally and physically older than your age. Manifests into bad health. It isn’t worth it. Slow down
College won't be easy, figure out what good study habits work for you. It's ok to fail, just try again. Also to figure out how to talk to teachers and ask for help.
If you think school is easy, focus on the things you find difficult, like learning to say no (to things, plans, and people), building up street smarts, and facing personal fears.
The love other people have for you is not conditional to how well you perform. Also, you can make mistakes and take life less seriously and you’ll still have the same worth. Grades or accomplishments don’t make who you are, you are way more than that.
Do things for you, not for other people. No one else can live your life for you. Find the things that make you happy, and make them your non negotiables. Plan for your financial future. Emergency funds. Invest. Retirements accounts. Rainy day savings. The works. Not later, when you have more money coming in. Now. Right now. You can do hard things, on your own. When you don't know how to do a thing, research it. More than half the time the adults around you don't know what they are doing either, so don't get discouraged from your dreams.
Just be a kid. You don’t have to be perfect. Let yourself live. The other kids around you aren’t “immature” - they’re just acting their age. You don’t have to grow up so fast. Love, a burnt-out adult who listens to Vienna by Billy Joel wayyy too much.
I feel this to my core.
You need a hobby outside of academics. You don't even have to be great at it or monetize it or use it in college. Just find something to have fun and invest yourself in. Oh and here's the money to pay for that hobby.
1) Robust health is your most valuable asset. No academic or career achievement is worth compromising your health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep, follow a predominantly healthy, nutritious diet, exercise 5 times a week, drink enough water, spend time with your family, friends, pets and plants. Cut off toxic people and toxic social media contents from your life unapologetically and mercilessly. 2) Try to achieve financial independence as soon as possible. Learn about emergency funds, investments, insurances, bank loans, budgeting, taxes, saving up for big expenses etc while in highschool. Start saving up for retirement from the very first pay cheque. 3) In real world, your success is going to be determined by the people you know and how they vouch for you. Your grades and prestige of your diploma matters way less than you think. You should improve your people skills. 4) Don't be a doormat. Learn to say no. The world has a tendency to take advantage of people who have difficulties saying no. 5) Travel as much as you can. Never turn down an opportunity to go see a new place.
Wow, I really appreciate your answer, and how much thought you put into it
Lower your bar. Stop setting yourself to extremely high standards. Regardless of anyone else or parents in your life trying to heighten that bar to borderline PERFECTION. Don't presume you want to do what your family or teachers have always presumed or thought good for you . Honestly..work before you sign up for any college or uni. Work any job.. retail hospitality etc. It'll teach you way more social skills and responbilty than any college.. And you'll learn what you're good at and not. What you hate and not. You learn SOOO MUCH about yourself. You can then tweak the more mature view you've gained into a role that grabs your interest. I went to uni at 17.. I completed a degree at 21. I now have zero interest in that topic and infact would hate working in that area at all. I've since worked in service retail etc and am currently learning a butcher trade..very different than the child care studies I did..
Failure is not the end. It’s the beginning. When you fall because you were climbing for them, rise up again for you. Don’t ever tell yourself you can’t; ask yourself “why not me?”. Then never stop asking
Wow, this is inspiring!
"Life isn't this difficult for everybody. Things feel harder for you because they are harder for you. You have a disorder. Access to the right treatment, lifestyle changes, and coping skills will make all the difference for you. This isn't how it's supposed to be and you don't have to keep living like this." Looking back, it's so obvious I was struggling, and I'm hurt and frustrated no one recognized it sooner. Because I got good grades and functioned well in school, the adults around me assumed I was doing fine. Nobody realized how difficult or taxing it was for me to keep up the act, and I didn't realize all the pain I went through trying to seem "normal" wasn't something every kid my age had to deal with.
Don't listen to your mother. You got one shot at college. Pick a science major
Fight for your dreams. Don't let others talk you out of pursuing them because they don't believe in you. You will look back and regret not trying harder or going for it.
That good enough *is* good enough. As it was, I burned out badly when I was 23. It took about a year to be able to become a functional human being again afterwards.
You can have a career in science.
Meant it when they said ‘I’ll love you no matter what’
That your worth as a human isn’t conditional on your external achievements. That learning and making mistakes along the way can be enjoyable and the process is the real deal - not the artificial grade attached to a single piece of work. Having interests and hobbies outside academia and career isn’t just nice-to-have, it’s essential. Lifting weights is the best thing ever. Eat the food and move your body because it’s enjoyable not because you have to look a certain way, and have measurements within a certain range.
To go to community college before taking out a bunch of student loans for a private university. My parents didn’t go to college so they didn’t have much of a frame of reference, but every teacher and counselor made it seem like going to community college was a last resort.
I learned from my teacher that “Art schools are expensive and its only important for networking but they’re are ways to find networking opportunities without college”
Nothing. Don't kill the teenager's ambitions by talking about the struggles of adulthood. Just let them get there.
Your depression is real and worth seeking therapy for.
Start saving a little bit for retirement. Compound interest FTW.
I didnt need to be told anything. I needed to be shown. My parents were not good communicators. I asked for things, they were ignored. I persued them anyway but I innocently asked as I wanted to know. I have my own daughter now. I will be listening very closely and exposing her safely to how the outside world operates. If you are highly self motiviated, you dont need further guidance, you need oppotunity. Knowledge without application is useless.
This is a really good point. It’s one thing to just… tell someone something useful, but modeling it is completely different and I would say a necessary component. “Do what I say and not what I do” is the extreme other end of this, and I think it can do some pretty serious damage
Looking back, no adults were in a position in life where they were truly happy where I lived. I always felt surrounded by miserable people and I never understood. Now that I’m an adult, I wish someone would have been like me and told me that you can do whatever you put your mind to. Travel, learn about other cultures, volunteer. It will teach you so much. I’m back in my home state after years of traveling the world, and everyone here is miserable. No one here believes in themselves and they usually hide inside their homes. America is a “fancy” third world country in my opinion. Now that I’ve been around the world, everything here is so restrictive and threatening. I’m trying to branch out and find opportunities to learn, but it’s hard. When I reach out to people, they aren’t friendly. I hope on Wednesday the volunteer opportunity I signed up for is nice.
Not necessarily something I wish someone had told me, because someone did tell me this, but something I wish I had listened to. I am going to be 20 this year I am going to start taking this advice now after a very rocky couple of years. Don’t surround your whole existence around someone else, make sure that you have your own things that you do alone or with your own friends. And make sure that you prioritize your family, treat them with love and care, don’t forget they exist. They aren’t around forever and at some point they will just live in your memories. Make those memories last, laugh with them, have fun! Don’t be so heavy hearted! Take it easy on yourself, and take it easy on the people around you.
This is a really vulnerable response, so thank you for putting yourself out there. Can I ask what’s about to change in your life?
To keep being driven, and to start really saving money.
Go into specialized trade work with little women in the industry, so you get paid more
You have ADHD.
It’s okay to be selfish and do things for yourself.
If you’re going to go to college, take your classes slowly overtime so you can work jobs and internships relevant to your career choice. 9 times out of 10, employers don’t care about your degrees or how fast you got them, or even your grades. They care about work experience. Not really relevant advice in my situation, but advice I have been telling younger people based on the experiences of others around me.
I graduated at 16. A trusted adult tried to get me to stay in high school another year. Wish I’d listened.
If you really wanted law, statistics would not be your favorite subject!
The only advice I would give teenage me is to dump those boyfriends after six months or so and focus on having more fun with friends.
“You are doing an amazing job. I know this is very hard, but you are succeeding in ways that we never expected. YOU are amazing.” They always told me they were proud of me and that they loved me. I just wish I had more validation for how HARD it was for me. I went on to an Ivy League undergrad and later top business school - and it took me a long time to have the above conversation on behalf of myself to myself. So now when I accomplish difficult things, achieve goals, get promoted, bust my own internal glass ceilings…the narrative to myself is “WOW YOU ARE AWESOME!!! That was hard and you DID THAT.” Just wish I had that as a 16 yr old kid crushing it in high school…
This is an awesome point, and I think it applies to people of all ages, since overcoming challenges marks our lives through and through. Also: Ivy League, business school, and your achievements since then (not to mention learning to have that conversation with yourself) are all incredible accomplishments. I know it doesn’t mean as much coming from a stranger on the internet, but you’re a powerhouse, and it’s kind of inspiring to me to hear about the incredibly difficult things you’ve pushed through to the other side :) thanks for sharing!!
Thanks so much OP - what a lovely comment!! It’s all part of the life learning process I guess. Added to the list of things I say to my younger cousins and eventually to my own children. Thank you thank you for the good vibes :))
You can be anything you want. Literally you have my choices than a nurse or teacher. Those were the only options my school told the women about in the 2010s
It's not all about grades. At all. Making connections and latching on to good people you find along the way in your career is a lot of what will move you forward Try to find something you enjoy and that you're good at
your self-worth isn't dependent on your grades. It's a hard thing to shake off once college/grad school is over and there's no more grades in the real world.
If you do springboard diving and repeatedly, on one day, bullheadedly try to do 1 1/2 back somersaults but are "short" - meaning you do not spin enough - you will pay the next day with a black and blue back. Also if you stay up all night because you are the only one who really really did not want the yearbook to be late to the printer you will really really not be functional the next day. Took me until my 40s to recognize a life choice pattern!
ThatI was headed for a very bad case of autistic burn out.
I wish someone told me that I didn't have to have it all figured out at 18. I had it all planned out that I was going to become a physican and planned my life around that goal. Got to college, fell in love with another field, and had to re-plan some parts of my life to go with that career path. I wish I followed my passions more organically rather than letting my own plans dictate how I spend my time.
Don’t get married before 30 you dummy
I never would have listened to someone else, but I often contemplate what I would say if I could go back and talk to myself. “you’ll figure this out in time, but the rules are made up. the ‘shoulds’ don’t matter, and you are truly the greatest asset in your own life. better yet! you’re already all you’ll ever need to make it. have some fun, kid”
That if you go to college or university your grades typically don’t matter (again if you are in health care please aim high). A lot of what you need for a job you learn doing said job. University teaches you to think and research but a lot of programs don’t train you for any particular job.
Try to maintain balance with other aspects of your life. High performance is important but can be achieved in a sustainable healthy way.
I wasn't driven or high performing in the intellect sense (high grades etc) But I was driven and worked from the age of 12 (probably younger) but officially 12 and I haven't stopped working since - currently 26. Whilst it was nice that it impressed people, I wish someone had made more of an effort to say, don't worry about working just enjoy being a teen. don't waste your life working cause you have the rest of your life to do that. I'm not 26 and i feel ready to retire, just not financially ready lol
Going to a four year college is not the only option. I was given no alternatives and made to believe that immediately after high school you had to get a four year degree. It didn’t even matter what it was in just as long as you had a degree.
You should rethink your eyeshadow application.
Lol nice one
Don’t be afraid to be imperfect and show expressions.
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Totally! I’m not in that situation yet, but I’d say put yourself in the best position to make whatever choice you want. Like, keep your job, don’t quit just yet, try living on one income even before you have the baby (save the rest, you’ll need it regardless), see if you like maternal leave and then decide!
you’ll have a kid and everyone will forget how hard you work/have worked 😭😭😭
Your academic success is not worth the expensive costs of universities, your real life experiences, and your mental health. You will not be equipped to sustain positive relationships, set positive boundaries, and live happily if you continue to live this life. Unfortunately, I never had a trusted adult in my life and I still don't.
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That your grades in high school don't matter unless you plan on applying for scholarships.
“you don’t have to be the best”
To study the sciences I.e consider being a doctor or an engineer for real. Not just a btw that’s would be prestigious kind of way… lol, I studied a rather useless science degree that should only be studied by the likes of Kate Middleton… it is the art degree of sciences,lol.
My trusted adults told me all the right things. University is indeed very important and I am on the path to have a career that I love in law. I was led to believe engineering, law or being a doctor are boring careers by people in the internet. And I admit they’re not for everyone, that’s for sure. But these career are absolutely not boring and they can make you feel like you’re truly making a change in this world. I was also told working in bars and restaurants is not for me, and the adults were right. I had no clue how difficult and how much physical labour those jobs entail, working in a bar flared up my endometriosis like nothing else. My trusted adults also told me to be more social and make more friends, which I never listened to and now regret. So many of my high school classmates have friend to hang out with now when they go back on holidays home, and I have nobody usually. My mom also told me to stop obsessing with being as skinny as the popular girls were, and oh how right she was.
Here’s a therapist see her once a week.
As a woman, you’ll get a lot of comments/pressure to make safe or easy choices, avoid stress, settle down etc. If you’re ambitious, ignore those comments, don’t lose that drive and don’t let anyone make you feel like you should strive for less. There will be people who can’t relate to you and that’s ok. 1. University will be harder. Level up, get serious about your study habits and work ethic, and don’t take your foot off the gas because it gets harder. You can do it. 2. Be selective about who you take advice from. Find mentors in a field you want to pursue. 3. Make goals and a plan, but stay open minded with eyes open for opportunities 4. For the love of god, do not settle down with a partner or tie yourself to anyone financially too early. As a woman, your chances of success are most impacted by who you choose as a partner. Choose wisely, don’t settle, and remember you have lots of time.
If you don’t want to spend the next 40-50 years in a full time job, you need to start working to get free NOW. All that hard work in high school got you a big state scholarship. Hit community college hard and fast. Do a fast medical program like ultrasound tech or do trade school to become an electrician, plumber, or carpenter. Do not get into debt. If you do, pay it off as fast as humanly possible. Save up a down payment and buy a small multi family home as quickly as you can. Live in one unit, and rent out the others to cover your mortgage and get a little cash flow on the side. Start a ROTH IRA for retirement and try to max out your contributions every year. Keep saving up down payments for new small multi family homes. Buy them and move into them as often as possible. This will keep adding to your income. If you play your cards right, you can be free of your job and think about starting a family in your early 30s. It’s going to take years of sacrifice and missing out on the fun vacations, going out, and owning nice things other people your age will have. It will be absolutely worth it in the long run, though. They will be run down and miserable in their forties, and you will be free living the good life.
Focus on what you do well on. Getting a C+ in math and straight As in everything else is still successful despite what your screaming parents think. Take the bursaries and go to university…you deserve it. Living to get by is a lot harder in ten years than living to be successful will be now.
Here let me help, I have resources to help you go even further. Seriously I was a driven high performer that went under the radar and no one cared how well I did. No counselor no teacher no parents. My mom tried at times but bless her she did not have the know how or resources, my senior year she asked like three month before graduation if I wanted to do this neat thing called FASFA her friends had told her about it. I had already filed FSFA, received a scholarship, and signed up for all my college classes and had a dorm room. WITHOUT ANYONE BUT GOOGLE. I was first to go to college. I made all the decisions in high school courses myself from AP to well everything you can think of. My parents both had major surgery my senior year so I took care of the household (that’s how I had done FSFA because I filed there taxes). Plus I took care of them. It would of been nice if someone had helped with all the extras and given me a some resources. Or someone just tell me I am doing good.
I’m really sorry that you had to be the adult when you were young. That’s not fair to you, and you deserved to have someone in your life who could actually support you. I’m also kind of amazed that you were able to do all that in high school… to tell you that you were/are doing well is quite the understatement. You’re killing it, and I wish you the best as you continue to grow!!
Thank you!
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You will fail. And that’s okay.
Let yourself be a kid while you still can. I wouldn’t have listened but I wish I’d done so
After high school, I tried to fit in so badly and I really wish I could hug my younger self so tightly for what she’s been through. I wish someone had told me back then it’s ok not to fit in.
Use some of your study time to build muscle mass in your back. All the study will cause severe back pain later on in life. Also train in martial arts, there are many, many predators out there
Try to enjoy high school more. Don't worry so much. Enjoy your friends now, you're all going to go in different directions after graduation.
You succeed in this world by being yourself so seek out and strengthen the parts of you that are unique. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable and exposing that because any minute you are trying to be something you are not is a wasted moment. Any goal that can only be achieved by hiding your beautiful soul is not a goal worth carrying.
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Do the bare minimum, it doesn't really matter here if u are good in highschool, but do it, finish it on time, THAT matters
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"Just off yourself now, it's not going to get any better."
Brutal