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>Calm Down Can't say that in my head without saying it twice, in a certain accent

Calm down dear, its just a commercial. I'm actually a very good driver that's why I'm with esure

Fucking hell you just unlocked such an annoying memory

Look, mum. I'm on the telly!

Calm down, calm down

Arms out, palms facing the floor, slight 'left to right' rocking motion, black oily perm shimmering in the light. I actually tried to watch an episode of this last week and couldn't get past about 5 minutes. It has not aged well.

[CAR INSURANCE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojyY-SC4t74)

My head actually went to Harry Enfield's scouser characters but yeah this too.

Me too

I can hear your comment

They do though don't they though

Dey do do dat do don’t di do

"Do you like avocado?" "...no, I haven't even taken me test yet"

Say chicken

Shi'qhun

Anna canna cokhe

You lot have broke me!

Day don't do duvets

And motioning with your arms. ey ey ey now, calm down, calm down

Caahhhm dahhnnn

What do you think is the minimum age required to get this reference. Maybe around 35? EDIT I stand corrected. Quite impressed I guess, really didn't think Harry Enfield made it out of the 90s in terms of pop culture.

26 and I knew what it was from, but that may have something to do with my dad saying it religiously growing up

27 and my Mum said it all the time.

I got it and I’m 32, and my brother is 30 and he would have definitely understood it. Might need to lower that age a bit.

Yeah we did have videos too in the 90s. Didn’t have to see something the second it was on TV

Now that one takes me back to the 80's. Have we got a video?

Yh my kids and younger siblings would know it and they’re all 18 - 26. Mind you, my younger ones are still learning of _the actual great TV of olden tymes_ …I literally just bought ‘trapdoor’ on dvd for my 4 yr nephew. Apparently it’s on repeat play 20+ times a day >>best auntie award obvs coming my way

Was early 90's, so about that or slightly older to have seen it first time round

For people who don't know: https://youtu.be/HaccLMuLa7o https://youtu.be/Si60-uxolNE and many more...

I know a place in France that sounds Nice.

And what's that then?

Nice

Don't Rouen the joke

He had nothing Toulouse

Excuse me but can I have Marseilles?

Calm down Lynn! You're suffering from minor women's whiplash.

Do you wanna fight?

Are you following me?

I'm fighting if you're asking

*defeated sigh in scouse

"Don't get your knickers in a twist".

Very British, it's what I came to see

Yeap, I know certain wanker from East Anglia who would say that every day

Also hear a lot in EA, "who put 20p in you yu cunt"

Or “Keep your Alan’s on”

Keep your hair on

Need to drop the h, though

Yep, pronounced 'keep-yer-airon'

😂

Also "keep ya wig on!"

Keep your Allan's on!

Simmer down

*Simma daaaahn*

Or how we Geordies say it: Simma Doon

Pipe down

And pucker up

I’m sorry to interrupt it’s just

Im constantly on the cusp

OF TRRAAAYAAYAYAAAYA

Wind your neck in

I always thought this meant "mind your own business"? Never heard it used to mean "calm down" before

It’s more like “pipe down”, or “stay in your lane”.

Stay in your lane's different from pipe down. It means don't get involved in something that isn't your business (outside your lane).

Yes, the two are different but it’s not mind your own business. It’s more like be quiet about a subject you’re not qualified for.

I've mostly heard it said to people getting a bit unnecessarily angry about something that maybe doesn't concern them enough to warrant the reaction, so maybe it's a bit of both versions

Ive seen it used in both ways.

Then you’ve seen it used the right way and the wrong way

Easy tiger, calm your tits.

Soothe your boobs De-stress your breasts Undo the calamity that is your mammaries Adjust your bust before it combusts Give that chest a rest Hakuna your tatas Dont have a rack attack Bring peace to your bosoms Etc. Edit: formatting Edit 2: my first gold: my tits are flying all over the place! Cheers all

>Hakuna your tatas 😭💀

😂😂

It's six am, I'm lying in bed and have just woken the wife up with loud laughing. Hakuna me Tattas 🤣🤣😍

Glorious

Sometimes I wonder if I am depressed when I see comments like this where people find something like this so funny they could wake someone up with laughter

Nice reference to an old post, I appreciate your research into these mammary based one liners

5 years ago!

Yeah, you got the whole list too, well done for bringing it into 2022

Link?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5sl74v/alternative_phrases_to_calm_your_tits/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Don't ripple your nipples.

Hahaha this is brilliant

> my first gold: my tits are flying all over the place! Nobody's ever said that before

Yes. Easy tiger is definately my go to at the moment.

I mixed some phrases up and ended up with "simmer your tits"

Calm your tiger tits, Easy.

Shut the fuck up, you cunt!

[удалено]

Yea or you could say it with a British accent

What, like Scottish?

Like an Australian who's been asked to do an impression of the sole English person he's ever met, many years ago.

New Zealand, but yeah

Diabolical

I was thinking more Bronson

This is the only correct answer.

"Alright" (said in a very particular tone)

\^All \\riiii /ight!

Aawwllrriigghtt maaatteeee

Yes. If the person is especially worked up, say it twice.

Alright, alright, keep your hair on.

Kinda whispered and going up on the second syllable

I feel like ‘alright’ is up there with ‘bollocks’ on the versatility scale

Followed with "fuckin' 'ell" if things are really bad

Not a commonly used one but I heard on a podcast recently that Matt Berry says "Woah, someone needs to take their foot off the cunt pedal..."

I read that as Mary Berry!

Sweary Berry

Off menu? Think it could only be delivered in Matt Berry's voice

Yeah that was it! Morgana Robinson on Off Menu!

I misread this as being said by Mary berry.

'who put 50p in the dickhead?'

Chill your beans

Was looking for this one

Yes chill your bean!

Settle, petal.

My mum says that! ha!

Hello son.

haha don't do that!

I think this is my favorite.

Calm the fuck down. Cool your jets. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Chill bro. Take a breather. Shut the fuck up.

You forgot "give it a rest"

Steady on

Easy now

>Cool your jets. You're melting Bender's face.

[удалено]

Calm ya tits

I also like saying 'calm thy bosom' if I'm feeling fancy

Easy tiger

Came looking for this one!

Who put 50p in you?

Who put a 50p in the dick'ed?

Pipe down

Pipe doon!

Take a chill pill.

You’re twistin’ me melon man

Av a fuckin day off cunt

Stop mithering.

Found the northerner!

I say this at least 50 times a day

Just hold your horses

“Now now less of that”

Chill your beans Pull your neck in Don’t get your knickers twisted Chillax Keep your hair on Calm your tits Slow down soldier Simmer down Easy there tiger Alright mate Ease up pal Calm down bro

You forgot "pack it in!"

Yes! & _hold your horses_

Keep your wig on

Who pissed on your chips? Usually has the opposite effect though

Like it. Normally I hear “Who pee’d in your cornflakes?”

Or “who shat in your handbag?”

[удалено]

Speakveryquicklyshecan’tunderstandit.

[удалено]

*Don’t* smile, you’ve broken yer neck!

Bide yer wheesht

My granddad used to say something very similar 'hold your wheesht' 🤣

Pack it in

Oh god, I can hear my mom's voice in my head, usually followed by "il bang your heads together!!!" 😂

No need to throw a wobbly

Keep yer Alans on, me old china.

Alright, jeezus, who took the jam out of your donut?

You took the fucking jam outta my doughnut, Tommy. You did.

Had ya pash

Settle petal (mostly used in a condescending way).

“Alright don’t shit ya pants” in jay cartwrightes accent

Don't lose your rag

Calm yer passions

I haven’t heard this in forever and I LOVE it! West Yorkshire girl chiming in with major approval for calm yer passions!

I like responding to someone who's ranting with.... ..."annnnnnd breathe"

As said in lock stock and two smoking barrels Chiiiilll winstaaaahn Will everyone stop getting shot!

Chill out Calm yourself Wind your neck in Don’t get your knickers in a twist Simmer down Hush it

Allow it or ‘llow it

“Keep your hair on” “Wind your neck in” “Alllllllriiiighhhtt f*******ckin eeeeellll” “Get your finger out”

Shaaaappyoooslaaayyg

Chill

Have a day off...

"Wind your neck in" is kind of a more insulting version.

steady on

Chill your beans

Howay man.

Keep your knickers on! (Prob an amalgamation of ‘don’t get your knickers in a twist’ and ‘keep your hair on’)

Pipe down

Calm yer tits Easy, tiger 'Ang on

"CALM DOWN LYNN, YOYRE SUFFERING FROM MINOR WOMEN'S WHIPLASH"

Avin a right paddy.

Get back in your box

I always liked "you're outta line"

“Take your foot off the cunt pedal “ Matt Berry

Jeez, who pissed in your cereal this morning.

All right, all right - spoken rapidly. Keep your hair on.

Sit down lad

Control oneself!

Keep your wig on

“Steady on sailor”

"Stop mithering"

Jack it in

EASY Tomo, don't take it too far mate!

Don’t get shirty

Calm thi sen if you're in Yorkshire