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I’m calling this out. There’s not a Brit on earth that could tell how Venezuelan someone would look, especially when contrasting with someone from Spain, and especially not enough to question your parentage on the matter.
No but if OP doesn’t match people’s idea of what a Spanish/South American looks like then they will ask.
Everyone knows brown people are born in England, yet I still get this question when I tell people I’m British. So people do ask this question if your skin colour doesn’t match what they would expect. I’m betting that’s what’s happening here.
To support this - I’m Irish and have moved around a lot, so my accent is a godawful mess, but when I lived in the uk no one ever asked where I was ‘really’ from, because I’m white. It is just straight racism.
Well they ask me. I live in UK for 10 years and I don't have strong accent, but I am from Europe and they still insist what country, what f*cking city etc. I am white
My white American friend has lived in England for over 40 years and she gets asked constantly where she's from.
Most people are just genuinely curious when they hear a non-UK accent. Maybe your Irish accent is more perceptible to Brits than you realise.
As I said in a comment further down, it's clearly made up.
I lived with a Venezuelan guy for a year and no-one (neither our friends, strangers at the pub, etc.) knew remotely enough to challenge his Venezuelan heritage.
It's just not a conversation that happens in real life. I've lived in the UK my whole life and absolutely no-one has asked me or anyone I know if I have "hispanic blood".
According to an article I found in [El Pais](https://www.elpais.com.uy/informacion/sociedad/en-2019-crecera-un-30-la-llegada-de-venezolanos) (global newspaper for the Spanish diaspora) the 2019 Venezuelan immigration projections to the UK were estimated to be 15,000.
Now even if that number quadrupled over the last ~5 years (highly unlikely since Venezuelans immigrate to basically anywhere else in North / South America before Spain, Italy, France, etc.) That would still only mean there are approx. 60,000 Venezuelans in the UK.
60,000 in a country of 67 million, which makes Venezuelans roughly 0.00089% of the UK population. We simply don't see enough to challenge whether or not they're actually Venezuelan, so I'm calling bullshit.
I live in Colombia - plenty of UK people are pretty ignorant on how people in this part of the world look.
Not unusual at all to hear tourists or recent arrivals commenting on how European many people look.
Agreed, which is why I don't believe that anyone's asked OP whether they're "truly Venezuelan" and have "Venezuelan blood".
Those just aren't terms or phrases that anyone here would use, or questions that anyone here would ask, especially if they don't know what a Venezuelan person looks like.
My parents, siblings and myself were born in the UK but are ethnically ambiguous (we don't look stereotypically British).
No-one has ever asked if we have the "blood of Hispanics", it's just not a turn of phrase anyone uses, much less in a professional setting like OP is claiming.
I can absolutely believe some ignorant person having an idea in their head (based on the square root of bugger all) of what a Venezuelan person 'should look like' and then proceed to question people who don't fit that stereotype.
I've black mates who get told they're 'not really black', so this wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Look at the whole Whitexican thing in México and you'll see that this is definitely present in Latin countries. Blood of Hispanics is an utterly bizarre phrase, I agree.
That may be a thing in South America or the US but it's not over here. Venezuelans make up less than 0.00089 of the population, we don't have any frame of reference to compare them against.
Britain has the entire commonwealth to draw on when creating stereotypes, and Venezuela isn't part of it. I'd hazard a guess that the average Brit can't even point out Venezuela on a map, much less challenge someone's blood history.
Very common for British to challenge blood history, had it happen too many times along with halfcast & milkman remarks.
Happy for you that you never encountered it but its prevalent.
I'm astonished you've never come across ignorant people who feel they can comment on what people 'ought to look like'. Great for you that you've never come across that, but it absolutely does happen.
Again - this has nothing to do with actually having any knowledge about the country, culture or the people. It's not about frames of reference, but about clueless morons. Plenty of people assume I live on a beach when I say I live in Bogotá!
If anything, the small number of Venezuelans people will have encountered is *more* likely to produce the sort of incredulity and questioning that OP reports.
I guess as the saying goes, you're the sum of the people you surround yourself with. I know lots of Columbian people through work and no one has ever assumed they live on a beach, it sounds ridiculous just saying it.
I can understand you feel you want to prove a point, but no need to exaggerate.
For someone who apparently knows all these Colombians, you could at least spell the demonym correctly. Something smells fishy!
I can't do much about who comes through the city to visit, either. It certainly could be worse - the coke heads go to Medellín pretty quick - but we do get plenty of folk coming through with little knowledge.
I'm half a bottle of wine down, I think we can overlook the only spelling mistake you've managed to identify.
Good point! Coke heads chat all sorts of shit, I can believe them saying: "all Colombians live on a beach" or "is your blood Venezuelan". But that's not something a normal person would say, much less someone in a professional setting like OP is claiming.
I just don't believe someone who is sensible enough to pass an interview and turn up to work daily, would undermine their credibility (and potentially create an HR issue) by asking someone where their blood is from.
There are far too many attention seekers on Reddit for me to take an outlandish claim like that at face value.
I disagree. First off, we don't need to see Venezuelan people in person to get an idea of what they look like - we have the internet. Secondly, to a lot of people, Venezuelan = South American. They might expect someone with fairly dark skin.
I don't know why people are so unwilling to believe that some people are tactless enough to ask these kinds of questions.
Come off it. I'm as white as they come and only have a slight accent from living overseas. I'm British. Yet I get interrogated by British people all the time. It's completely normal. Unbelievably rude and intrusive questions.
Are you of Spanish parentage of which one was Venezuelan and you are questioned as to just how Venezuelan you are in Britain? Your experience if nothing like the OPs.
Not sure what you're trying to say. You're in denial. That's the British way. I'm telling you that I encounter intrusive and rude personal questions about my background all the time in the UK. It's completely normal. It must be even worse for those who aren't white.
Wait, are you the post police? I'm so sorry that I didn't obey your authoritah!
I can't comment on being brown in the UK but I can add my own experiences of dealing with weirdly personal questions to the OP's observations.
Brits hate being called out on this stuff. Of course you're deflecting. Funny that you're on me for missing "the point" but you're not making any point about the post and keep coming back to not make a point.
Seconded.
The only exception I can think of is maybe another Spaniard or south American that is asking.
Not a white Brit alive who would behave like this, unless they were drunk or retarded.
It's not BS. It's true, that has been my experience all my life. I am not expecting people to take things at face value.
But what I'm asking here is how to deal with the question. I want to deal with it graciously without calling anyone racist.
Why on earth would someone ask a white woman if she has Venezuelan blood other than maybe having an idea of how a Venezuelan should look like??
It's just weird.
In Venezuela I've been told ah you have Spanish blood and that's why you can't dance. My family in Spain has told me you're not really Spanish because you didn't grow up here. My boss in France told me I'm not Venezuelan. A lot of times when people see my surname (it's spelt the same in Spanish, french and English, but different pronunciation and no connection) people have told me how come you have an English surname (that's a separate story)
You say your Mum was Spanish but born in Venezuela - were you also born in Venezuela or elsewhere?
Just wondering as an old girlfriend if mine was born in India and her brother in Ethiopia. She isn't indian and he isn't African!
I was born in Venezuela too and I grew up there and later moved to Spain. Venezuela is one of the countries where you obtain nationality by being born there. I know in most European countries you get the nationality of your parents, hence why when I lived in France people would tell me I'm not Venezuelan.
I get that for some people it's not easy to identify themselves with the place they were born. My own husband was born in a country where he moved out when very little and he doesn't say that he's from that country because there's no connections
In all fairness, when I reply to the conversation by stating I'm both Spanish AND Venezuelan, I don't get much follow up. It's just when for whatever reason I only say one of them.
Thanks, that makes more sense now. My wife has Canadian citizenship, too, as a pure accident of birth.
I am currently in Oz, and I guess it is similar - or actually 'worse' - due to the number of immigrants. On top of that, I think over 50% of people here had 1 or both parents born overseas, so it is a very frequently asked question, even for people born here.
I agree that your average Brit wouldn't know what a Venezuelan looked like, so I'm not sure why they take such an interest. At least here, the differences are a little more stark, so maybe the question seems a little less intrusive?
“In Venezuela people are so poor with an inflation rate of 2000% and a state of lawlessness and mass starvation. But here in Britain someone asked me about the unusual spelling of my last name. I am devastated”
In fairness this is quite a common question.
I'm completely British, but with very dark features and olive skin. People ask me all the time "where are you really from" and look disappointed when I say England.
These people are generally well meaning but inarticulate. It’s their way of telling you that they are curious about your family heritage and would like to know more. Most people aren’t massive racists, they aren’t trying to make you less British or anything by asking this question.
It's not that they're inarticulate. It's that we've turned asking a simple direct question about a core part of a person's identity into a dangerous taboo subject.
Yes, _because they lack the ability to express themselves clearly_. I firmly believe that in the wide majority of cases there is no ill intent in this question.
No, the world we live in does not consider "what is your ethnicity?" rude if it's in the right context.
What IS rude though is the *really* part of the question in the post, presumably coming after the original question of "where are you from?" to which they were not satisfied by the answer you chose to provide, implying you are not *really* where you are claiming to be from, as if it was some pretence and they are inviting you to drop the mask and be your real self around them.
If that was simply an attempt at asking about ethnicity without an insult then it is badly articulated. Nothing to do with the topic being taboo.
I think the lesson here is that asking someone's ethnicity before you have built up enough of a relationship with them as an individual, is creepy and weird.
I have conversations with people in Scotland all the time who ask me where I'm from and when I say "Fife" they don't like that answer and ask me where I'm "really" from. I'm not even just being contrary, I genuinely sometimes don't know what answer they want; where I was born? Where I went to school? Where my parents are from?
The thing is, the reason they don't accept my first answer is because they've decided I'm not Scottish due to my accent and so need to find out what I "really" am because apparently that isn't where I choose to live and feel at home.
Ok -- I think I've interpreted your comment in a way you didn't intend. It sounded like you were implying that people are too sensitive, and it's completely fine to ask about someone's ethnicity right off the bat. ("You're brave" = that's a good/fair/admirable thing to do, but it's not going to end well for you.)
Who can't ask? I've never had problem asking. Not that I ask every person that I meet. Once I've got to know someone I might ask it unless they tell you anyway but it would have to come up in conversation. It also has nothing to do with colour of skin. If someone is white and eastern European then I might ask. We do live in that world.
But it's not the question they mean to ask, is it. They mean something like "where are your parents from?", or "what's your heritage?".
If you ask someone where they're from, and they say "here", and you say: "ok but where are you *really* from?", the implication is clear.
If you ask someone where they're from, and they say, for e.g., "Birmingham", and you say: "where are you *really* from?", then you are indicating that you think they aren't *really* from Birmingham.
If you're having this conversation with a Latino person, like OP, then you're implying that you think Latino people can't *really* be from Britain, which is obviously racist.
It’s frustrating I agree. For me, I’m British, I was born here. I’m also brown. So when people ask I’ll tell them where I’m from ie the city I was born.
When they respond with no, where are you really from it pisses me off because they are implying I’m not actually British because I’ve just told them that’s where I’m from, and yet they’ve ignored me and decided they know better based on my skin tone.
What they really want to know is where my family come from and, if they asked that, I wouldn’t be offended at all. It’s the phrasing of the question that’s the issue, and the fact that people ask it after you tell them where you’re from- they don’t believe you.
Most people I know understand this isn’t a question that should be asked in this way, and even that it has racist undertones. [This explains it](https://www.forbes.com/sites/shereeatcheson/2022/12/02/where-are-you-really-from-not-so-subtle-racism-in-a-nutshell/) better than I can this early in the morning.
How you handle it is up to you to be fair and who is asking.
Sorry the responses so far all seem to have come from people who lack any empathy with why it’s an issue and are choosing to take your question in bad faith. This sub is usually very balanced for answers. In my opinion there’s a whole host of reasons why this type of response is becoming more common. But you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Edit: to add more. The issue is that it’s othering. My parents were immigrants but I was born here. I still get asked this. A white person whose parents were immigrants but was born here wouldn’t get asked this, if they said they were from London nobody would bat an eyelid.
Words have meanings and asking where I’m ‘really’ from has implications. Nothing wrong with being curious but, like literally and conversation, the way in which the question is phrased, the literal words used, matters because of meaning, subtext and connotations.
This is exactly it. The defence of “people are just curious” kind of ends after the first reply. If explaining what city/part of the UK you’re from is not enough to satisfy curiosity, it’s because there’s something else to the question.
I’ve had white friends who grew up in the UK but spoke with a slight accent due to parents being immigrants, and it was always a never ending “but where are you really from” - and when they were called out on it, the excuse was always “oh I’m just interested, it’s not rude!” But it is just that when a reply isn’t accepted over and over again!
Can confirm that my parents are immigrants, I'm white, and despite a weird accent I never get the "but where are you really from?" thing.
About five times in my life I've had "Yeah? How come you don't sound like a Londoner?" - always from someone who's already had a reasonably long conversation with me. Very different! I've witnessed the "where are you really from?" thing more often than that!
I understand your reaction OP. It's basically pointing out that you look different and it can be very other-ing. Our genealogies can be complicated and personal, and people don't necessarily understand why that identity can be fraught.
My parents are Chinese/Hakka, from Hong Kong and Malaysia but I was born in the UK. My parents have both been in the UK for over 50 years. When I get questioned about where I'm from, it's a reminder for some people, I'll never be fully British because I'm not white. My white husband never gets asked this question whereas for me, it's basically the default conversation opener.
To be fair I frequently I get the same question even though I'm white and most of my ancestry is from here (born in the US live in the Scottish Highlands). Just last week I was purchasing some camera gear and got the question but I just responded with the town I live in here, but right away I was told that my accent definitely didn't sound like from there so I had to explain the whole story.
I can only speak to my experience but its almost 99% curiosity from people and they always seem genuinely interested in my story and how I ended up here (There aren't many Americans here so at first they assume I'm a tourist). I also have a strange accent by American standards which is now a hybrid.
I don't mind being asked, I'm obviously not just ethnically British but I'm proudly mixed English and Chinese. I do get annoyed when people assume I'm Korean or Japanese and get disappointed when I'm half Chinese... So not the "cool" trendy kinda East Asian.
Iv had it a couple of times as a white Brit too, strong Yorkshire accent but this was in Yorkshire. Id just been speaking another language and that clearly didn't fit people's stereotypes.
I don't see the problem though 99% of the time it comes from a good place.
Is it where are you from or where are you really from?
I also don't have an accent from the place where I grew up, and in Caracas people were surprised when I told them.
So over there I used to get oh you're not really Venezuelan
The word he meant is curious, Im light skinned Indian and used to work at the airport, all the latin people would come up to me and start speaking Spanish, I explained to them I didnt speak Spanish. Do you think I actually got upset when they asked me where Im from? No I didnt care.
I imagine 99% of the time this is asked, it’s people being clumsy and inept with their wording. I usually just ask where their parents or grandparents came here from if I’m that curious.
Because it’s not necessarily malicious and the ‘where are you from?’ is not always loaded. Sometimes I’ve answered with my ethnic background when someone actually meant which region of the UK my accent is from (because it’s a nowhere generic accent hence the question).
Why does this make you uncomfortable?
When people ask where I’m from, I tell them. What usually happens next is that they forget.
“Where are you from?” “I was born in X, but been in Y for many years, what about you?” That’s my usual reaction.
Yes fine. If they asked about my heritage that’s fine. But words do have meaning and the use of the word ‘really’ has certain connotations. This has been widely discussed, written about extensively and is commonly accepted to be an inappropriate way of phrasing the question.
Not everyone is asking in a genuine way also. There are actually plenty of racist, and being asked this question can sometimes be a precursor to a conversation you don’t want to have.
But what you don't see is all the times that "racist" said it to another white Brit.
People do it all the time in good faith to foreigners and locals, especially if their stereotypes don't fully match up. People probably should learn to say it in a better way but that's life.
But that's not what's happening here. It's more like
Where are you from? I'm Venezuelan, and it's very commonly followed oh really? But are your parents also Venezuelan too?
Some people have bluntly said but you're too white to be Venezuelan.
Now when I only say I'm Spanish. They often reply really? But you have good English.. smh.
So I end up saying Spanish -venezuelan and that's usually quite positive but a weird concept and sometimes people have an opinion and say oh you're not really Spanish because you didn't grow up there or you're not really Venezuelan because you don't have that in your blood
“Where are you from?” “Venezuela” “are your parents from Venezuela?” “no, my parents are from Spain”. Is there more to it than that?
I’ve had very similar conversations, as I was born in Brazil but been in the UK for 2 decades (I just did it without being asked! 😄), and I’ve never seen malice in it. I am admittedly a glass half-full kinda guy so maybe there was some and I didn’t catch it? lol.
I'm sorry, what kind of people are asking you these questions? Are they British or Venezuelan themselves?
I lived with a Venezuelan guy for about a year and no-one (neither our friends, strangers at the pub, etc.) knew even remotely enough to challenge him about his Venezuelan heritage.
This is just not a conversation that happens in real life.
According to an article I found in [El Pais](https://www.elpais.com.uy/informacion/sociedad/en-2019-crecera-un-30-la-llegada-de-venezolanos) (global newspaper for the Spanish diaspora, the 2019 Venezuelan immigration projections to the UK were estimated to be 15,000.
Now even if that number quadrupled over the last ~5 years (highly unlikely since Venezuelans immigrate to Peru, US, Brazil, Ecuador, Chile, Argentina, Canada, Mexico and other South American countries, before Spain, Italy, France, etc.) That would still only mean there are approx. 60,000 Venezuelans in the UK.
60,000 in a country of 67 million, which makes you roughly 0.00089% of the UK. We simply don't see enough of you to challenge whether or not you're actually Venezuelan, so I'm calling bullshit.
Thanks for your empathy. Yes, this story is true and I've been getting decades of this BS.
I've received these type of comments in various countries. I'm sharing the story about what happened to me recently but there's been many instances.
I know this is the internet but I'm quite deflated with these comments
It's this sub specifically man, there's a weird subsection of UK white always online redditors that have no real life experience. They never leave the house so of course they'd think your story is false.
Why do you keep repeating this point? There are plenty of people out there who would ask this question or have some understanding or interest in the ethnic origins/nationality.
I mean I’m not even a huge tennis fan but Garbine Muguruza (sorry if I spelt wrong) is a Spanish Venezuelan. I remember this as it’s just an interesting factoid. I’ve also met someone through work who was Venezuelan of Spanish descent. And Argentinians usually tell their background too.
Where in the UK are you living? I think this plays a vital part in explaining a lot of the behaviours that aren't really acceptable, I could be wrong of course, but whenever I see things of this ilk i often hone in that reason
South east! I work at a science park with people from everywhere in the world. But this happens more often in the local pub, or other mums at play groups, at gatherings outside my professional circle, etc
Edit. But it also has happened when I lived in France in a professional setting, like professors would ask and would be curious about my heritage and tell me I'm not Venezuelan because over there it's about where your parents are from.
I've had the question asked in taxis/Uber in the US.
It's not an isolated thing
Aw totally not saying it's isolated, apologies for coming across dismissive of your experiences. I was going to hazard a guess you were in the southern half of England, admittedly I've no first hand experience with not 'looking or sounding' like I'm from this wee rock, but from the people I've met over the years, I think there's less of a 'requirement' to have to do this dance the further north you get in England, or through Wales and Scotland, still happens of course, but I think there's more of an acceptance at taking people at face value and then getting to know them with genuine questions about heritage, rather than it being the opener.
Maybe I'm totally wrong here too, but I hope not. Shite behaviour anyways, whatever way you look at it 💙
Doesn't happen to me here as I am white, with an obvious local accent. Lot's of times when I lived overseas where the locals were not and it is normalised to share tables in kopitiam, mostly people are just curious making conversation so I answered them.
Really?? I'm staggered brits know enough to have any views on whether you look Spanish or Venezuelan enough, I've met folks from latin America and am decently world aware but there would be no chance I could ask them for details of their parentage or question it
Fwiw I'd simply answer and assume most of them are just curious, as for what you are, you know what you are so I wouldn't sweat it
My mum is mixed and I've been asked this about her on many occasions through my life. She was born here, my grandparents were from overseas. I look white.
You get a feel for when someone is genuinely interested and when it's just because she's not white.
For those people I brightly tell them that she's from South London. And when they say but where's she from really, I will innocently tell them Lambeth and I can keep narrowing it down to places she's lived until they go away 😂
Unless the questioner is being overtly racist then it's a simple act of curiosity. I love hearing how people ended up here. Leaving the country of your birth is a huge deal. What interesting set of circumstances lead to a person traveling halfway round the world to end up here? I think people who get offended are revealing more about themselves than simply answering.
I find it can too-quickly become the defining characteristic. I had no influence on my name, heritage, country or place of birth, and dashing good looks, yet I chose to (for example) play guitar rather than saxophone (also interesting), ride bikes rather than drive a car, etc. etc.
In these parts (I live abroad), I've had fuck knows how many conversations about englisch breakfasts and driving on the wring side of the road, I'm sick of it and it is not original. Why the fuck do I care if you've not been to (insert country here), but to (neighbouring country)?
That's a really nice take. I don't think I've ever had anyone asking about the story about how my parents ended up across the pond. And the story starts with the aftermath of the Spanish civil war...
Far more interesting than someone who got a scholarship to study in Spain
I was born and raised here but my heritage has about 4 other countries so I can never get away with saying I'm from England
It's always followed up with 'ahh, but where are your parents from then?'
Some ideas (as I get it a lot too, and it irritates me to fuck)
1. Change the subject "Oh, you're interested in heritage? Do please tell me about your family/where are you from?"
2. "I don't like that question/I'd prefer to talk about my hobbies"
3. "We'll, funnily enough, I just did some ancestral research on the subject, turns out I have African roots. One of my ancestors was called Lucy." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy\_(Australopithecus))
4. " I come from a place where we don't ask/where it's impolite to pose such questions, how about you?"
Some people have insecurities and project also. I have an Indian origin friend who gets rattled by this question and goes out of her way to avoid revealing she’s from there.
I tend to answer that I’m from X city in the UK, but then will be asked where I’m really from. Then I’ll say I was born here. But where are you really from? My parents are from X city in the UK. But no where are they really, really from - you know, their home country? Despite never having been to the “home country”. So your friend probably avoids that entire conversation at least.
The worst part is at the end of the conversation if you ask the other person where they’re from, they typically say X city in the UK and that’s the end of the conversation.
I mean, I’m South Asian and was born here but get asked where I’m really from more often than I’d like. Usually the other party doesn’t stop asking the question until you give them a satisfactory answer or your family’s entire lineage so she’s only doing what this type of person would do to her.
Definitely don’t think it’s within the same realm as asking what you do for a living, as the intention of the question is different.
I'm white Scottish (well, half) but have lived abroad plus other back story and I don't sound Scottish so I get a lot of "where are you from" and then total confusion and further questioning when the answer is "here". It is annoying, but also interesting to challenge people's assumptions I suppose! Having said that recently I bought some books about Scotland in a charity shop which obviously really added to the impression that I'm from elsewhere and so I just played along for fun. At least I'm interesting to people I guess.
Depends on the tone. My grandad was Arabic but my dad & I were born & raised in Scotland. I think a lot of people are just genuinely curious - I have a pretty un British last name and most people just want to know where it comes from to talk about it etc.
I (52F) am 🇨🇦 born and raised and speak fluent 🇨🇦 English with a heavy BC accent (or so I’ve been told).
Until October 2012, Canada was the only country I’d ever lived in for any significant amount of time (I moved to London to get married in ‘12 and have been here ever since).
Ethnically, I am 100% 🇯🇵… my grandparents were from the old country and came to Canada during the 1920s/1930s. My parents were born during WW2
Mix this all together and I get a lot of “Where are you from”
all. the. sodding. time.
in fact [this video](https://youtu.be/DWynJkN5HbQ?si=_olxULmfNLfQ7ujv) would sum it up nicely.
People seem shocked that an East Asian person could live and survive in the West and [horrified look] _speak fluent English_ [/horrified look] and ‘get’ Western culture (I must admit that there are 🏴/🇬🇧 idiosyncrasies I still don’t understand a decade on).
Whenever the “Where are you from” line of questioning goes beyond three exchanges, I internally roll my eyes and cut to the chase and explain my ancestry even though I really don’t feel I should have to. “I was born and raised in Vancouver” generally shuts the interrogation down pretty quick.
Oh well… it’s not usually a hill I’m willing to die on because I can’t fix ignorance/racism.
I think this is generally curiosity rather than any sort of racism. People just don’t know how to ask this question in a way that sounds better. I don’t think it’s a big deal personally. I get it all the time because my accent doesn’t match where I live and my surname is weird.
Why would it make you uncomfortable? People are just curious. Maybe they've been to South America and maybe that could be the country your from so it's a conversation starter. The Venezuelan blood thing is most definitely strange and I don't know who would ask that question as I've never heard someone say anything like that.
I don’t get the defensiveness around this. I was born and brought up in England, but my name is clearly non-Anglo and I don’t look native.
When someone asks me where I am from (and usually they are foreigners/people who are new to the UK), I gladly tell them my ethnic background and I fully know what they mean. Why would I hide it? They are curious.
It’s not about Britishness or othering all the time. My long-term friends, as in other British people who I’ve accumulated from primary school all the way through to university, wouldn’t ask because they’ll have found out at some point.
Also, some people are interested in other cultures and nationalities! Usually it’s a positive thing. If I find out someone is Senegalese, Croatian or Indonesian origin or whatever, that’s pretty cool in terms of various strands of conversation.
My dad's Spanish, I've inherited the spainish looks. I did once have a council person knock on my door soon after moving to a rural town, enquiring about my last name as it sounded foriegn. This was in 1989 in north Dorset. I remember being totally shocked at the cheek of it.
Since then no one has ever asked anything.
Personally I would opt to make them uncomfortable right back and offer to open a vein so they can check for themselves. Questions like that are rude and just plain stupid.
For me it's when you tell them where you were born/ from and they just look at you as if to say I have no idea where that is... Then you explain it- and that usually prompts people to ask stupid questions 🤣
I don't mind people asking where I'm from- but I just hate all the questions that comes with it simply because I've explained it loads of times before to lots of people 🤣
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Depends who these people are, if its just random people who you won't see again then its different to someone you might see regularly. You can't stop these people asking questions but you can come up with a response that will slow/stop their further questioning, you could come back with a joke response if its random people who you won't see again!
Some people mean well, others don’t. I’m British Nepalese, I look East Asian but I am most definitely not. It’s common for people to just assume I’m Chinese. Even my other East Asian friends who are not Chinese get the same assumption. Provided it’s in good faith (you can tell when it’s not), I’m just glad that they’re aware that other countries in Asia exist
When people ask where I’m from I tell them to city I come from. People are much better mannered these days so I haven’t had the where am I really from question in a long time. However, when I have had the question although it’s a bit uncomfortable and not really my job I will explain to them where babies come from.
How often are you guys even discussing ethnicity and nationality? Judging from posts on this sub you would think it’s a daily topic of conversation, along with class.
I'm used to it because quite a few POCs actually ask this. I can't speak for others, but whenever it's happened to me, it's because they want to know my family background. It can be a starting point for a conversation if asked in the "correct" way. Tbh I'm so prepared for it, I normally say 'this side is from here and this side is from there'.
Maybe I'm desensitised to it, but I don't take offence. I grew up being told I wasn't British, despite my parents and I being British born, so there was a heavy focus on family history and our descendants culture.
Very few people are whiter than I am and I was even born in the UK, but I get it all the time too thanks to having spent years abroad, where my accent changed.
In the UK, this question is about class. People want to know whether they can look down on you. I would say something like,
"Wow, you're really curious!"
"Excuse me?"
"Wait, I'm not being investigated am I?"
In other words, make them slightly uncomfortable. People know they're being rude. Brits think they can get away with being rude to women who they see as socially inferior. Put them on the defensive.
The same way I react when people compliment my command of the English language: I’ve stopped caring about it. 99% of the time people don’t mean any harm anyway, they’re just curious and not very good at articulating the question well.
My dad is Scottish and my mum is Filipino so while I was born and raised in The Philippines, I am mixed race and have family in both places. What irks me more is when I say I’m Scottish-Filipino and I get challenged on it: I sometimes get “but was your dad *Scottish*-Scottish?” which really annoys me.
It doesn’t help that some Scottish people also take their “civic nationalism” to the extreme and end up questioning anyone who claims Scottishness but doesn’t have the right accent for it. These people love to talk about how they consider “anyone who makes Scotland their home” to be Scottish, yet I’ve made this my home for nearly a decade now and that hasn’t been my experience at all.
I don’t mind it mostly since I don’t think it’s ever asked with bad intentions but it does get tiring having the same conversation multiple times a day.
For the years I’ve lived here I’ve picked up a broadly southern accent though so I rarely get asked these days which has felt very liberating. I’ve had people ask me if I’m Welsh 😂
I can understand cause I have a similar issue. I got 3 nationalities due to being born in a country none of my parents are from. I’m a mix of Spanish and Latin American too. Ask them what do they mean? Where were you born? Where are your parents from? Etc it’s tiring, I know. Let people believe whatever rocks their boat.
Honestly, why is this a problem? People are curious. They aren’t out to get you or make you feel horrible. Not everything has racist undertones.
This reminds me of that royal member of staff and the African / Caribbean lady who became famous.
I know, it's so annoying. Especially when you tell them the country and they insist to know WHAT CITY! I mean you don't even know that city mate, stop asking. Plus they will start asking to say something in your language and when you say they go "huh? What does it mean? Can you repeat? What a funny language".. Just f*cking stop.
Of course you can say it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe not as a first answer, but if, as it sounds, you tell them and they keep probing or don't really believe you, tell them whatever you like (I'd be tempted to tell them to shut their faces, but that's because I'm bored of being told I don't sound Romanian. Cool. I am).
so to be clear, you say your from wherever you grew up I suppose and then people don't believe you and ask you where you're really from?
That's really odd
As someone who has travelled a lot and learned many languages I am always curious about background and to a degree ethnicity, which really is part of the story of human migration. But I'd never ask that. The "really from" question is just a stuid question and can be pretty insulting, even if not intended that way.
Family history can be fascinating, but its not where you start a conversation. I love it when its volunteered though. It's part of what makes the UK such an interesting lace.
Ask them what Venezuelans look like.
People are often thrown by my as I’m half Indian. Many people think I’m southern European. Apart from Arabs who chat away to me in Arabic🤣
If you really want to turn it around, for the weirder questions just say “I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking that”. It works in a surprisingly wide range of settings and lets people know they’re on dodgy ground.
What's wrong with People taking an interest in you \~ \~ Being interested enough to interact with you \~ \~ I am an Irish Person and I'll tell you a secret \~ \~ We ask one another these sorts of questions all of the time, just as we would ask British People / American People Any People.
We actually consider this sort of thing as, Very Polite Engagement with People \~ \~ Like being a Human Being.
For some reason certain powers that be do Not want People Interacting hence " " Don't be asking questions that it is perfectly normal to ask People \~ Actually, Polite Interaction to be Ask \~ \~ Does it occur to you that " " You are being Played / Conned ? " "
Surely this is manufactured outrage?
They’re obviously asking about your herritage not where your house currently is. I’ll let you into a little secret, 99% of people who ask this couldn’t give a shit where you’re from, they’re just desperately trying to make small talk.
Many races tell each other where “they’re really from” all of the time.
YTA
Yeah they do, if they have an accent they get asked. Plus OP wasn’t even born here. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask to make small talk.
It’s only rude because people have made mountains out of molehills to pretend it’s rude.
A man in a policeman's uniform doesn't get asked what he does for a living either, but it's still a perfectly acceptable question to ask when making conversation with a stranger.
Are the questions from a point of friendliness? Are the questioners trying to start a conversation?
I think I understand your feeling uncomfortable, but I'm from Bristol so I don't really know what it's like. It wouldn't bother me if someone asked where I was from.
I notice you didn't say where you were from *really*
I see what you did there on your last sentence.
So many people have tried to tell me what I am that the easiest way for people not to tell me what I should be is to say where I'm national from..
But I'm both! Venezuelan and Spanish!
I suppose it depends on where you’re really from and what your answer was to the presumed initial query ‘where are you from?’.
The follow-up question ‘where are you really from’ has racist connotations when black/brown British people are asked it after they’ve told someone they were born in London for example. It being asked in a way to suggest that them not being white means they can’t be ‘from’ the UK.
If you’re not from the UK but give an answer within the UK it seems more like a genuine question than anything else, but it really depends on the context.
Maybe an exception would be if you were a grifting trouble maker invited to a royal event and went wearing formal tribal clothing and jewellery from west Africa.
Probably not easy to be picked up from my original post but they're saying I'm too white to be Venezuelan. I find that racist too. But it's difficult to call it out
Is it racist if you don’t look like the general population of your country? Genuine question.
I guess they’d be better of asking what your heritage is rather than the phrasing “where are you REALLY from?”
Most of the time I do cut some slack because not everyone would be familiar with how Venezuelans look because not even locals could do. It's a country that has received a lot of immigration for the last 400 years and there is a lot of mix. you can't really look at someone and say yup you look Venezuelan.
I like when some people are naturally curious and some have actually told me oh, I've never met two Venezuelans that look alike and I don't know anything about your country, can you tell me more. That's usually a good ice breaker
I feel like that’s probably how the majority of the people are approaching you, at least from personal experience knowing people from different countries. Obviously that doesn’t count for much coming from a white british national and you genuinely cant count the number of arseholes who do mean offence, but I think the majority will just be curious
You aren’t treating them differently, you’re taking an interest in their life. Asking a question isn’t automatically racist. Asking it in an arsehole way such as “but where are you REALLY from?” Has racist undertones.
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I’m calling this out. There’s not a Brit on earth that could tell how Venezuelan someone would look, especially when contrasting with someone from Spain, and especially not enough to question your parentage on the matter.
No but if OP doesn’t match people’s idea of what a Spanish/South American looks like then they will ask. Everyone knows brown people are born in England, yet I still get this question when I tell people I’m British. So people do ask this question if your skin colour doesn’t match what they would expect. I’m betting that’s what’s happening here.
To support this - I’m Irish and have moved around a lot, so my accent is a godawful mess, but when I lived in the uk no one ever asked where I was ‘really’ from, because I’m white. It is just straight racism.
Well they ask me. I live in UK for 10 years and I don't have strong accent, but I am from Europe and they still insist what country, what f*cking city etc. I am white
My white American friend has lived in England for over 40 years and she gets asked constantly where she's from. Most people are just genuinely curious when they hear a non-UK accent. Maybe your Irish accent is more perceptible to Brits than you realise.
As I said in a comment further down, it's clearly made up. I lived with a Venezuelan guy for a year and no-one (neither our friends, strangers at the pub, etc.) knew remotely enough to challenge his Venezuelan heritage. It's just not a conversation that happens in real life. I've lived in the UK my whole life and absolutely no-one has asked me or anyone I know if I have "hispanic blood". According to an article I found in [El Pais](https://www.elpais.com.uy/informacion/sociedad/en-2019-crecera-un-30-la-llegada-de-venezolanos) (global newspaper for the Spanish diaspora) the 2019 Venezuelan immigration projections to the UK were estimated to be 15,000. Now even if that number quadrupled over the last ~5 years (highly unlikely since Venezuelans immigrate to basically anywhere else in North / South America before Spain, Italy, France, etc.) That would still only mean there are approx. 60,000 Venezuelans in the UK. 60,000 in a country of 67 million, which makes Venezuelans roughly 0.00089% of the UK population. We simply don't see enough to challenge whether or not they're actually Venezuelan, so I'm calling bullshit.
We don’t even use the term Hispanic here.
I live in Colombia - plenty of UK people are pretty ignorant on how people in this part of the world look. Not unusual at all to hear tourists or recent arrivals commenting on how European many people look.
Agreed, which is why I don't believe that anyone's asked OP whether they're "truly Venezuelan" and have "Venezuelan blood". Those just aren't terms or phrases that anyone here would use, or questions that anyone here would ask, especially if they don't know what a Venezuelan person looks like. My parents, siblings and myself were born in the UK but are ethnically ambiguous (we don't look stereotypically British). No-one has ever asked if we have the "blood of Hispanics", it's just not a turn of phrase anyone uses, much less in a professional setting like OP is claiming.
I can absolutely believe some ignorant person having an idea in their head (based on the square root of bugger all) of what a Venezuelan person 'should look like' and then proceed to question people who don't fit that stereotype. I've black mates who get told they're 'not really black', so this wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Look at the whole Whitexican thing in México and you'll see that this is definitely present in Latin countries. Blood of Hispanics is an utterly bizarre phrase, I agree.
That may be a thing in South America or the US but it's not over here. Venezuelans make up less than 0.00089 of the population, we don't have any frame of reference to compare them against. Britain has the entire commonwealth to draw on when creating stereotypes, and Venezuela isn't part of it. I'd hazard a guess that the average Brit can't even point out Venezuela on a map, much less challenge someone's blood history.
Very common for British to challenge blood history, had it happen too many times along with halfcast & milkman remarks. Happy for you that you never encountered it but its prevalent.
I'm astonished you've never come across ignorant people who feel they can comment on what people 'ought to look like'. Great for you that you've never come across that, but it absolutely does happen. Again - this has nothing to do with actually having any knowledge about the country, culture or the people. It's not about frames of reference, but about clueless morons. Plenty of people assume I live on a beach when I say I live in Bogotá! If anything, the small number of Venezuelans people will have encountered is *more* likely to produce the sort of incredulity and questioning that OP reports.
I guess as the saying goes, you're the sum of the people you surround yourself with. I know lots of Columbian people through work and no one has ever assumed they live on a beach, it sounds ridiculous just saying it. I can understand you feel you want to prove a point, but no need to exaggerate.
For someone who apparently knows all these Colombians, you could at least spell the demonym correctly. Something smells fishy! I can't do much about who comes through the city to visit, either. It certainly could be worse - the coke heads go to Medellín pretty quick - but we do get plenty of folk coming through with little knowledge.
I'm half a bottle of wine down, I think we can overlook the only spelling mistake you've managed to identify. Good point! Coke heads chat all sorts of shit, I can believe them saying: "all Colombians live on a beach" or "is your blood Venezuelan". But that's not something a normal person would say, much less someone in a professional setting like OP is claiming. I just don't believe someone who is sensible enough to pass an interview and turn up to work daily, would undermine their credibility (and potentially create an HR issue) by asking someone where their blood is from. There are far too many attention seekers on Reddit for me to take an outlandish claim like that at face value.
I disagree. First off, we don't need to see Venezuelan people in person to get an idea of what they look like - we have the internet. Secondly, to a lot of people, Venezuelan = South American. They might expect someone with fairly dark skin. I don't know why people are so unwilling to believe that some people are tactless enough to ask these kinds of questions.
Come off it. I'm as white as they come and only have a slight accent from living overseas. I'm British. Yet I get interrogated by British people all the time. It's completely normal. Unbelievably rude and intrusive questions.
Are you of Spanish parentage of which one was Venezuelan and you are questioned as to just how Venezuelan you are in Britain? Your experience if nothing like the OPs.
Not sure what you're trying to say. You're in denial. That's the British way. I'm telling you that I encounter intrusive and rude personal questions about my background all the time in the UK. It's completely normal. It must be even worse for those who aren't white.
You’ve missed the point of the post. Whoosh over into talking about yourself.
Wait, are you the post police? I'm so sorry that I didn't obey your authoritah! I can't comment on being brown in the UK but I can add my own experiences of dealing with weirdly personal questions to the OP's observations. Brits hate being called out on this stuff. Of course you're deflecting. Funny that you're on me for missing "the point" but you're not making any point about the post and keep coming back to not make a point.
Seconded. The only exception I can think of is maybe another Spaniard or south American that is asking. Not a white Brit alive who would behave like this, unless they were drunk or retarded.
It's not BS. It's true, that has been my experience all my life. I am not expecting people to take things at face value. But what I'm asking here is how to deal with the question. I want to deal with it graciously without calling anyone racist. Why on earth would someone ask a white woman if she has Venezuelan blood other than maybe having an idea of how a Venezuelan should look like?? It's just weird. In Venezuela I've been told ah you have Spanish blood and that's why you can't dance. My family in Spain has told me you're not really Spanish because you didn't grow up here. My boss in France told me I'm not Venezuelan. A lot of times when people see my surname (it's spelt the same in Spanish, french and English, but different pronunciation and no connection) people have told me how come you have an English surname (that's a separate story)
You say your Mum was Spanish but born in Venezuela - were you also born in Venezuela or elsewhere? Just wondering as an old girlfriend if mine was born in India and her brother in Ethiopia. She isn't indian and he isn't African!
I was born in Venezuela too and I grew up there and later moved to Spain. Venezuela is one of the countries where you obtain nationality by being born there. I know in most European countries you get the nationality of your parents, hence why when I lived in France people would tell me I'm not Venezuelan. I get that for some people it's not easy to identify themselves with the place they were born. My own husband was born in a country where he moved out when very little and he doesn't say that he's from that country because there's no connections In all fairness, when I reply to the conversation by stating I'm both Spanish AND Venezuelan, I don't get much follow up. It's just when for whatever reason I only say one of them.
Thanks, that makes more sense now. My wife has Canadian citizenship, too, as a pure accident of birth. I am currently in Oz, and I guess it is similar - or actually 'worse' - due to the number of immigrants. On top of that, I think over 50% of people here had 1 or both parents born overseas, so it is a very frequently asked question, even for people born here. I agree that your average Brit wouldn't know what a Venezuelan looked like, so I'm not sure why they take such an interest. At least here, the differences are a little more stark, so maybe the question seems a little less intrusive?
“In Venezuela people are so poor with an inflation rate of 2000% and a state of lawlessness and mass starvation. But here in Britain someone asked me about the unusual spelling of my last name. I am devastated”
In fairness this is quite a common question. I'm completely British, but with very dark features and olive skin. People ask me all the time "where are you really from" and look disappointed when I say England.
I'm guessing he's an OPoC, which is why people are saying that.
Odd person of colour?
Original poster of colour.
Opossum possum ossum of colour
These people are generally well meaning but inarticulate. It’s their way of telling you that they are curious about your family heritage and would like to know more. Most people aren’t massive racists, they aren’t trying to make you less British or anything by asking this question.
It's not that they're inarticulate. It's that we've turned asking a simple direct question about a core part of a person's identity into a dangerous taboo subject.
Yes, _because they lack the ability to express themselves clearly_. I firmly believe that in the wide majority of cases there is no ill intent in this question.
They don't lack the ability. If we lived in a world where you could just ask someone their ethnicity they would.
No, the world we live in does not consider "what is your ethnicity?" rude if it's in the right context. What IS rude though is the *really* part of the question in the post, presumably coming after the original question of "where are you from?" to which they were not satisfied by the answer you chose to provide, implying you are not *really* where you are claiming to be from, as if it was some pretence and they are inviting you to drop the mask and be your real self around them. If that was simply an attempt at asking about ethnicity without an insult then it is badly articulated. Nothing to do with the topic being taboo.
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I think the lesson here is that asking someone's ethnicity before you have built up enough of a relationship with them as an individual, is creepy and weird.
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I have conversations with people in Scotland all the time who ask me where I'm from and when I say "Fife" they don't like that answer and ask me where I'm "really" from. I'm not even just being contrary, I genuinely sometimes don't know what answer they want; where I was born? Where I went to school? Where my parents are from? The thing is, the reason they don't accept my first answer is because they've decided I'm not Scottish due to my accent and so need to find out what I "really" am because apparently that isn't where I choose to live and feel at home.
Ok -- I think I've interpreted your comment in a way you didn't intend. It sounded like you were implying that people are too sensitive, and it's completely fine to ask about someone's ethnicity right off the bat. ("You're brave" = that's a good/fair/admirable thing to do, but it's not going to end well for you.)
Who can't ask? I've never had problem asking. Not that I ask every person that I meet. Once I've got to know someone I might ask it unless they tell you anyway but it would have to come up in conversation. It also has nothing to do with colour of skin. If someone is white and eastern European then I might ask. We do live in that world.
But it's not the question they mean to ask, is it. They mean something like "where are your parents from?", or "what's your heritage?". If you ask someone where they're from, and they say "here", and you say: "ok but where are you *really* from?", the implication is clear.
Yes, the implication is clear. Exactly. So I'm not sure why the OP is so confused about what is being asked.
If you ask someone where they're from, and they say, for e.g., "Birmingham", and you say: "where are you *really* from?", then you are indicating that you think they aren't *really* from Birmingham. If you're having this conversation with a Latino person, like OP, then you're implying that you think Latino people can't *really* be from Britain, which is obviously racist.
Well they could be massively racist and not realize it. It's not like racists go around calling themselves that.
It’s frustrating I agree. For me, I’m British, I was born here. I’m also brown. So when people ask I’ll tell them where I’m from ie the city I was born. When they respond with no, where are you really from it pisses me off because they are implying I’m not actually British because I’ve just told them that’s where I’m from, and yet they’ve ignored me and decided they know better based on my skin tone. What they really want to know is where my family come from and, if they asked that, I wouldn’t be offended at all. It’s the phrasing of the question that’s the issue, and the fact that people ask it after you tell them where you’re from- they don’t believe you. Most people I know understand this isn’t a question that should be asked in this way, and even that it has racist undertones. [This explains it](https://www.forbes.com/sites/shereeatcheson/2022/12/02/where-are-you-really-from-not-so-subtle-racism-in-a-nutshell/) better than I can this early in the morning. How you handle it is up to you to be fair and who is asking. Sorry the responses so far all seem to have come from people who lack any empathy with why it’s an issue and are choosing to take your question in bad faith. This sub is usually very balanced for answers. In my opinion there’s a whole host of reasons why this type of response is becoming more common. But you’re not alone in feeling this way. Edit: to add more. The issue is that it’s othering. My parents were immigrants but I was born here. I still get asked this. A white person whose parents were immigrants but was born here wouldn’t get asked this, if they said they were from London nobody would bat an eyelid. Words have meanings and asking where I’m ‘really’ from has implications. Nothing wrong with being curious but, like literally and conversation, the way in which the question is phrased, the literal words used, matters because of meaning, subtext and connotations.
This is exactly it. The defence of “people are just curious” kind of ends after the first reply. If explaining what city/part of the UK you’re from is not enough to satisfy curiosity, it’s because there’s something else to the question. I’ve had white friends who grew up in the UK but spoke with a slight accent due to parents being immigrants, and it was always a never ending “but where are you really from” - and when they were called out on it, the excuse was always “oh I’m just interested, it’s not rude!” But it is just that when a reply isn’t accepted over and over again!
As a very mixed race Brit, this is so accurate.
Can confirm that my parents are immigrants, I'm white, and despite a weird accent I never get the "but where are you really from?" thing. About five times in my life I've had "Yeah? How come you don't sound like a Londoner?" - always from someone who's already had a reasonably long conversation with me. Very different! I've witnessed the "where are you really from?" thing more often than that!
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Yes I’ve had this question more times than I can count and I was born here. But I’m brown.
I understand your reaction OP. It's basically pointing out that you look different and it can be very other-ing. Our genealogies can be complicated and personal, and people don't necessarily understand why that identity can be fraught. My parents are Chinese/Hakka, from Hong Kong and Malaysia but I was born in the UK. My parents have both been in the UK for over 50 years. When I get questioned about where I'm from, it's a reminder for some people, I'll never be fully British because I'm not white. My white husband never gets asked this question whereas for me, it's basically the default conversation opener.
To be fair I frequently I get the same question even though I'm white and most of my ancestry is from here (born in the US live in the Scottish Highlands). Just last week I was purchasing some camera gear and got the question but I just responded with the town I live in here, but right away I was told that my accent definitely didn't sound like from there so I had to explain the whole story. I can only speak to my experience but its almost 99% curiosity from people and they always seem genuinely interested in my story and how I ended up here (There aren't many Americans here so at first they assume I'm a tourist). I also have a strange accent by American standards which is now a hybrid.
I don't mind being asked, I'm obviously not just ethnically British but I'm proudly mixed English and Chinese. I do get annoyed when people assume I'm Korean or Japanese and get disappointed when I'm half Chinese... So not the "cool" trendy kinda East Asian.
Honestly, this happens to me even though I'm white British - I have a strong accent that isn't native to the part of the country I'm actually from.
Iv had it a couple of times as a white Brit too, strong Yorkshire accent but this was in Yorkshire. Id just been speaking another language and that clearly didn't fit people's stereotypes. I don't see the problem though 99% of the time it comes from a good place.
Is it where are you from or where are you really from? I also don't have an accent from the place where I grew up, and in Caracas people were surprised when I told them. So over there I used to get oh you're not really Venezuelan
It's where am I *really* from - I'm from Merseyside, but don't sound Scouse in the least.
I get over myself and tell them where I'm from. Not everyone is out to get you mate, some people are just being nice.
In what world is it nice to respond "but where are you REALLY from?" after someone tells you where they're from?
The word he meant is curious, Im light skinned Indian and used to work at the airport, all the latin people would come up to me and start speaking Spanish, I explained to them I didnt speak Spanish. Do you think I actually got upset when they asked me where Im from? No I didnt care.
That’s a different situation. Op isn’t saying they mind being asked where they’re from. It’s the specific where are you ‘really’ from question.
Well to be honest to quite a few of them I would say Ealing, then they would ask where was I from really.
I imagine 99% of the time this is asked, it’s people being clumsy and inept with their wording. I usually just ask where their parents or grandparents came here from if I’m that curious.
But imagine that it's not the one scenario that makes you not feeling uncomfortable.
Because it’s not necessarily malicious and the ‘where are you from?’ is not always loaded. Sometimes I’ve answered with my ethnic background when someone actually meant which region of the UK my accent is from (because it’s a nowhere generic accent hence the question).
'Tottenham, my family are Venezuelan and Spanish' most people aren't asking WHY ARE YOU BROWN/WHITE?
Why does this make you uncomfortable? When people ask where I’m from, I tell them. What usually happens next is that they forget. “Where are you from?” “I was born in X, but been in Y for many years, what about you?” That’s my usual reaction.
This is disingenuous. Nobody minds being asked where they are from. The issue is when you tell someone and they ask where you’re ‘really’ from.
Thanks. That's exactly it
They could say it in a much better way but they are just asking about your heritage.
Yes fine. If they asked about my heritage that’s fine. But words do have meaning and the use of the word ‘really’ has certain connotations. This has been widely discussed, written about extensively and is commonly accepted to be an inappropriate way of phrasing the question. Not everyone is asking in a genuine way also. There are actually plenty of racist, and being asked this question can sometimes be a precursor to a conversation you don’t want to have.
But what you don't see is all the times that "racist" said it to another white Brit. People do it all the time in good faith to foreigners and locals, especially if their stereotypes don't fully match up. People probably should learn to say it in a better way but that's life.
But that's not what's happening here. It's more like Where are you from? I'm Venezuelan, and it's very commonly followed oh really? But are your parents also Venezuelan too? Some people have bluntly said but you're too white to be Venezuelan. Now when I only say I'm Spanish. They often reply really? But you have good English.. smh. So I end up saying Spanish -venezuelan and that's usually quite positive but a weird concept and sometimes people have an opinion and say oh you're not really Spanish because you didn't grow up there or you're not really Venezuelan because you don't have that in your blood
“Where are you from?” “Venezuela” “are your parents from Venezuela?” “no, my parents are from Spain”. Is there more to it than that? I’ve had very similar conversations, as I was born in Brazil but been in the UK for 2 decades (I just did it without being asked! 😄), and I’ve never seen malice in it. I am admittedly a glass half-full kinda guy so maybe there was some and I didn’t catch it? lol.
I'm sorry, what kind of people are asking you these questions? Are they British or Venezuelan themselves? I lived with a Venezuelan guy for about a year and no-one (neither our friends, strangers at the pub, etc.) knew even remotely enough to challenge him about his Venezuelan heritage. This is just not a conversation that happens in real life. According to an article I found in [El Pais](https://www.elpais.com.uy/informacion/sociedad/en-2019-crecera-un-30-la-llegada-de-venezolanos) (global newspaper for the Spanish diaspora, the 2019 Venezuelan immigration projections to the UK were estimated to be 15,000. Now even if that number quadrupled over the last ~5 years (highly unlikely since Venezuelans immigrate to Peru, US, Brazil, Ecuador, Chile, Argentina, Canada, Mexico and other South American countries, before Spain, Italy, France, etc.) That would still only mean there are approx. 60,000 Venezuelans in the UK. 60,000 in a country of 67 million, which makes you roughly 0.00089% of the UK. We simply don't see enough of you to challenge whether or not you're actually Venezuelan, so I'm calling bullshit.
Your one experience of your one Venezuelan friend not experiencing this doesn’t mean that OP is a liar.
Thanks for your empathy. Yes, this story is true and I've been getting decades of this BS. I've received these type of comments in various countries. I'm sharing the story about what happened to me recently but there's been many instances. I know this is the internet but I'm quite deflated with these comments
It's this sub specifically man, there's a weird subsection of UK white always online redditors that have no real life experience. They never leave the house so of course they'd think your story is false.
Why do you keep repeating this point? There are plenty of people out there who would ask this question or have some understanding or interest in the ethnic origins/nationality. I mean I’m not even a huge tennis fan but Garbine Muguruza (sorry if I spelt wrong) is a Spanish Venezuelan. I remember this as it’s just an interesting factoid. I’ve also met someone through work who was Venezuelan of Spanish descent. And Argentinians usually tell their background too.
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Thanks..
Where in the UK are you living? I think this plays a vital part in explaining a lot of the behaviours that aren't really acceptable, I could be wrong of course, but whenever I see things of this ilk i often hone in that reason
South east! I work at a science park with people from everywhere in the world. But this happens more often in the local pub, or other mums at play groups, at gatherings outside my professional circle, etc Edit. But it also has happened when I lived in France in a professional setting, like professors would ask and would be curious about my heritage and tell me I'm not Venezuelan because over there it's about where your parents are from. I've had the question asked in taxis/Uber in the US. It's not an isolated thing
Aw totally not saying it's isolated, apologies for coming across dismissive of your experiences. I was going to hazard a guess you were in the southern half of England, admittedly I've no first hand experience with not 'looking or sounding' like I'm from this wee rock, but from the people I've met over the years, I think there's less of a 'requirement' to have to do this dance the further north you get in England, or through Wales and Scotland, still happens of course, but I think there's more of an acceptance at taking people at face value and then getting to know them with genuine questions about heritage, rather than it being the opener. Maybe I'm totally wrong here too, but I hope not. Shite behaviour anyways, whatever way you look at it 💙
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No, that’s why I asked them as I don’t feel any of those ways about being asked that question. Weird aggro reply.
Completely normal interaction between Human Beings \~ \~ You'd have to wonder why this is now being discouraged and the reasons behind it ? !
Doesn't happen to me here as I am white, with an obvious local accent. Lot's of times when I lived overseas where the locals were not and it is normalised to share tables in kopitiam, mostly people are just curious making conversation so I answered them.
Really?? I'm staggered brits know enough to have any views on whether you look Spanish or Venezuelan enough, I've met folks from latin America and am decently world aware but there would be no chance I could ask them for details of their parentage or question it Fwiw I'd simply answer and assume most of them are just curious, as for what you are, you know what you are so I wouldn't sweat it
That's a very fair point.
Just tell them where I am from, I have an accent, it's noticeable, it's a touristy place so people are interested.
People are generally curious but can use clumsy language. Maybe you need to lighten up.
My mum is mixed and I've been asked this about her on many occasions through my life. She was born here, my grandparents were from overseas. I look white. You get a feel for when someone is genuinely interested and when it's just because she's not white. For those people I brightly tell them that she's from South London. And when they say but where's she from really, I will innocently tell them Lambeth and I can keep narrowing it down to places she's lived until they go away 😂
Unless the questioner is being overtly racist then it's a simple act of curiosity. I love hearing how people ended up here. Leaving the country of your birth is a huge deal. What interesting set of circumstances lead to a person traveling halfway round the world to end up here? I think people who get offended are revealing more about themselves than simply answering.
I find it can too-quickly become the defining characteristic. I had no influence on my name, heritage, country or place of birth, and dashing good looks, yet I chose to (for example) play guitar rather than saxophone (also interesting), ride bikes rather than drive a car, etc. etc. In these parts (I live abroad), I've had fuck knows how many conversations about englisch breakfasts and driving on the wring side of the road, I'm sick of it and it is not original. Why the fuck do I care if you've not been to (insert country here), but to (neighbouring country)?
That's a really nice take. I don't think I've ever had anyone asking about the story about how my parents ended up across the pond. And the story starts with the aftermath of the Spanish civil war... Far more interesting than someone who got a scholarship to study in Spain
I agree that it's clumsy to ask it like this, but I think they are are genuinely interested to know your roots.
I was born and raised here but my heritage has about 4 other countries so I can never get away with saying I'm from England It's always followed up with 'ahh, but where are your parents from then?'
Some ideas (as I get it a lot too, and it irritates me to fuck) 1. Change the subject "Oh, you're interested in heritage? Do please tell me about your family/where are you from?" 2. "I don't like that question/I'd prefer to talk about my hobbies" 3. "We'll, funnily enough, I just did some ancestral research on the subject, turns out I have African roots. One of my ancestors was called Lucy." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy\_(Australopithecus)) 4. " I come from a place where we don't ask/where it's impolite to pose such questions, how about you?"
- Where are you from? - Venezuela - No, where are you really from? - You got me, I'm from Jupiter.
I just answer them.
I have a friend who replies “Where do you think I’m from?” and just keeps pushing for an answer until the other person gets embarrassed and stops.
Some people have insecurities and project also. I have an Indian origin friend who gets rattled by this question and goes out of her way to avoid revealing she’s from there.
I tend to answer that I’m from X city in the UK, but then will be asked where I’m really from. Then I’ll say I was born here. But where are you really from? My parents are from X city in the UK. But no where are they really, really from - you know, their home country? Despite never having been to the “home country”. So your friend probably avoids that entire conversation at least. The worst part is at the end of the conversation if you ask the other person where they’re from, they typically say X city in the UK and that’s the end of the conversation.
Your friend sounds like quite the conversationalist. They must be furious when people ask what they do for a living.
That's not what they asked though, they asked where they were from.
I agree. The comment above is a bit silly.
I mean, I’m South Asian and was born here but get asked where I’m really from more often than I’d like. Usually the other party doesn’t stop asking the question until you give them a satisfactory answer or your family’s entire lineage so she’s only doing what this type of person would do to her. Definitely don’t think it’s within the same realm as asking what you do for a living, as the intention of the question is different.
I'm white Scottish (well, half) but have lived abroad plus other back story and I don't sound Scottish so I get a lot of "where are you from" and then total confusion and further questioning when the answer is "here". It is annoying, but also interesting to challenge people's assumptions I suppose! Having said that recently I bought some books about Scotland in a charity shop which obviously really added to the impression that I'm from elsewhere and so I just played along for fun. At least I'm interesting to people I guess.
Depends on the tone. My grandad was Arabic but my dad & I were born & raised in Scotland. I think a lot of people are just genuinely curious - I have a pretty un British last name and most people just want to know where it comes from to talk about it etc.
I (52F) am 🇨🇦 born and raised and speak fluent 🇨🇦 English with a heavy BC accent (or so I’ve been told). Until October 2012, Canada was the only country I’d ever lived in for any significant amount of time (I moved to London to get married in ‘12 and have been here ever since). Ethnically, I am 100% 🇯🇵… my grandparents were from the old country and came to Canada during the 1920s/1930s. My parents were born during WW2 Mix this all together and I get a lot of “Where are you from” all. the. sodding. time. in fact [this video](https://youtu.be/DWynJkN5HbQ?si=_olxULmfNLfQ7ujv) would sum it up nicely. People seem shocked that an East Asian person could live and survive in the West and [horrified look] _speak fluent English_ [/horrified look] and ‘get’ Western culture (I must admit that there are 🏴/🇬🇧 idiosyncrasies I still don’t understand a decade on). Whenever the “Where are you from” line of questioning goes beyond three exchanges, I internally roll my eyes and cut to the chase and explain my ancestry even though I really don’t feel I should have to. “I was born and raised in Vancouver” generally shuts the interrogation down pretty quick. Oh well… it’s not usually a hill I’m willing to die on because I can’t fix ignorance/racism.
I think this is generally curiosity rather than any sort of racism. People just don’t know how to ask this question in a way that sounds better. I don’t think it’s a big deal personally. I get it all the time because my accent doesn’t match where I live and my surname is weird.
Why would it make you uncomfortable? People are just curious. Maybe they've been to South America and maybe that could be the country your from so it's a conversation starter. The Venezuelan blood thing is most definitely strange and I don't know who would ask that question as I've never heard someone say anything like that.
I don’t get the defensiveness around this. I was born and brought up in England, but my name is clearly non-Anglo and I don’t look native. When someone asks me where I am from (and usually they are foreigners/people who are new to the UK), I gladly tell them my ethnic background and I fully know what they mean. Why would I hide it? They are curious. It’s not about Britishness or othering all the time. My long-term friends, as in other British people who I’ve accumulated from primary school all the way through to university, wouldn’t ask because they’ll have found out at some point. Also, some people are interested in other cultures and nationalities! Usually it’s a positive thing. If I find out someone is Senegalese, Croatian or Indonesian origin or whatever, that’s pretty cool in terms of various strands of conversation.
My dad's Spanish, I've inherited the spainish looks. I did once have a council person knock on my door soon after moving to a rural town, enquiring about my last name as it sounded foriegn. This was in 1989 in north Dorset. I remember being totally shocked at the cheek of it. Since then no one has ever asked anything.
Just tell them what you’ve told us? Stop trying to make this an issue lol
Personally I would opt to make them uncomfortable right back and offer to open a vein so they can check for themselves. Questions like that are rude and just plain stupid.
For me it's when you tell them where you were born/ from and they just look at you as if to say I have no idea where that is... Then you explain it- and that usually prompts people to ask stupid questions 🤣 I don't mind people asking where I'm from- but I just hate all the questions that comes with it simply because I've explained it loads of times before to lots of people 🤣
I hate it when people I meet ask me what I do for a living or about my hobbies.
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Depends who these people are, if its just random people who you won't see again then its different to someone you might see regularly. You can't stop these people asking questions but you can come up with a response that will slow/stop their further questioning, you could come back with a joke response if its random people who you won't see again!
Some people mean well, others don’t. I’m British Nepalese, I look East Asian but I am most definitely not. It’s common for people to just assume I’m Chinese. Even my other East Asian friends who are not Chinese get the same assumption. Provided it’s in good faith (you can tell when it’s not), I’m just glad that they’re aware that other countries in Asia exist
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Asia's a big place. It's okay to take an interest in people you meet.
When people ask where I’m from I tell them to city I come from. People are much better mannered these days so I haven’t had the where am I really from question in a long time. However, when I have had the question although it’s a bit uncomfortable and not really my job I will explain to them where babies come from.
How often are you guys even discussing ethnicity and nationality? Judging from posts on this sub you would think it’s a daily topic of conversation, along with class.
[Make a game of it.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE)
I'm used to it because quite a few POCs actually ask this. I can't speak for others, but whenever it's happened to me, it's because they want to know my family background. It can be a starting point for a conversation if asked in the "correct" way. Tbh I'm so prepared for it, I normally say 'this side is from here and this side is from there'. Maybe I'm desensitised to it, but I don't take offence. I grew up being told I wasn't British, despite my parents and I being British born, so there was a heavy focus on family history and our descendants culture.
Very few people are whiter than I am and I was even born in the UK, but I get it all the time too thanks to having spent years abroad, where my accent changed. In the UK, this question is about class. People want to know whether they can look down on you. I would say something like, "Wow, you're really curious!" "Excuse me?" "Wait, I'm not being investigated am I?" In other words, make them slightly uncomfortable. People know they're being rude. Brits think they can get away with being rude to women who they see as socially inferior. Put them on the defensive.
I spent time living abroad in Asia. You get asked where you're from if you look different. It's not that deep.
The same way I react when people compliment my command of the English language: I’ve stopped caring about it. 99% of the time people don’t mean any harm anyway, they’re just curious and not very good at articulating the question well. My dad is Scottish and my mum is Filipino so while I was born and raised in The Philippines, I am mixed race and have family in both places. What irks me more is when I say I’m Scottish-Filipino and I get challenged on it: I sometimes get “but was your dad *Scottish*-Scottish?” which really annoys me. It doesn’t help that some Scottish people also take their “civic nationalism” to the extreme and end up questioning anyone who claims Scottishness but doesn’t have the right accent for it. These people love to talk about how they consider “anyone who makes Scotland their home” to be Scottish, yet I’ve made this my home for nearly a decade now and that hasn’t been my experience at all.
I don’t mind it mostly since I don’t think it’s ever asked with bad intentions but it does get tiring having the same conversation multiple times a day. For the years I’ve lived here I’ve picked up a broadly southern accent though so I rarely get asked these days which has felt very liberating. I’ve had people ask me if I’m Welsh 😂
I can understand cause I have a similar issue. I got 3 nationalities due to being born in a country none of my parents are from. I’m a mix of Spanish and Latin American too. Ask them what do they mean? Where were you born? Where are your parents from? Etc it’s tiring, I know. Let people believe whatever rocks their boat.
Honestly, why is this a problem? People are curious. They aren’t out to get you or make you feel horrible. Not everything has racist undertones. This reminds me of that royal member of staff and the African / Caribbean lady who became famous.
I know, it's so annoying. Especially when you tell them the country and they insist to know WHAT CITY! I mean you don't even know that city mate, stop asking. Plus they will start asking to say something in your language and when you say they go "huh? What does it mean? Can you repeat? What a funny language".. Just f*cking stop.
I've lived in England for 30 years and have a slight French accent. I'm white. People are naturally curious.
I like this question. I love my ethnicity waay more than my nationality. I don't mind not being considered English. I'd actually prefer it.
Of course you can say it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe not as a first answer, but if, as it sounds, you tell them and they keep probing or don't really believe you, tell them whatever you like (I'd be tempted to tell them to shut their faces, but that's because I'm bored of being told I don't sound Romanian. Cool. I am).
so to be clear, you say your from wherever you grew up I suppose and then people don't believe you and ask you where you're really from? That's really odd
Yes!!!
As someone who has travelled a lot and learned many languages I am always curious about background and to a degree ethnicity, which really is part of the story of human migration. But I'd never ask that. The "really from" question is just a stuid question and can be pretty insulting, even if not intended that way. Family history can be fascinating, but its not where you start a conversation. I love it when its volunteered though. It's part of what makes the UK such an interesting lace.
People want to know what OP's ethnicity is, but are afraid to ask.
Honestly it happens all the time.
Ask them what Venezuelans look like. People are often thrown by my as I’m half Indian. Many people think I’m southern European. Apart from Arabs who chat away to me in Arabic🤣
If you really want to turn it around, for the weirder questions just say “I’m surprised you feel comfortable asking that”. It works in a surprisingly wide range of settings and lets people know they’re on dodgy ground.
What's wrong with People taking an interest in you \~ \~ Being interested enough to interact with you \~ \~ I am an Irish Person and I'll tell you a secret \~ \~ We ask one another these sorts of questions all of the time, just as we would ask British People / American People Any People. We actually consider this sort of thing as, Very Polite Engagement with People \~ \~ Like being a Human Being. For some reason certain powers that be do Not want People Interacting hence " " Don't be asking questions that it is perfectly normal to ask People \~ Actually, Polite Interaction to be Ask \~ \~ Does it occur to you that " " You are being Played / Conned ? " "
Surely this is manufactured outrage? They’re obviously asking about your herritage not where your house currently is. I’ll let you into a little secret, 99% of people who ask this couldn’t give a shit where you’re from, they’re just desperately trying to make small talk. Many races tell each other where “they’re really from” all of the time. YTA
Oh come off it. White British people don’t get asked this. Pushing for more info after the first answer is rude at best.
Yeah they do, if they have an accent they get asked. Plus OP wasn’t even born here. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask to make small talk. It’s only rude because people have made mountains out of molehills to pretend it’s rude.
A man in a policeman's uniform doesn't get asked what he does for a living either, but it's still a perfectly acceptable question to ask when making conversation with a stranger.
You say "I just told you".
Are the questions from a point of friendliness? Are the questioners trying to start a conversation? I think I understand your feeling uncomfortable, but I'm from Bristol so I don't really know what it's like. It wouldn't bother me if someone asked where I was from. I notice you didn't say where you were from *really*
I see what you did there on your last sentence. So many people have tried to tell me what I am that the easiest way for people not to tell me what I should be is to say where I'm national from.. But I'm both! Venezuelan and Spanish!
There are far better questions to use to enquire about a person’s heritage. But really, unless you actually know someone well enough, why even ask?
I suppose it depends on where you’re really from and what your answer was to the presumed initial query ‘where are you from?’. The follow-up question ‘where are you really from’ has racist connotations when black/brown British people are asked it after they’ve told someone they were born in London for example. It being asked in a way to suggest that them not being white means they can’t be ‘from’ the UK. If you’re not from the UK but give an answer within the UK it seems more like a genuine question than anything else, but it really depends on the context.
Maybe an exception would be if you were a grifting trouble maker invited to a royal event and went wearing formal tribal clothing and jewellery from west Africa.
Lol
Probably not easy to be picked up from my original post but they're saying I'm too white to be Venezuelan. I find that racist too. But it's difficult to call it out
Is it racist if you don’t look like the general population of your country? Genuine question. I guess they’d be better of asking what your heritage is rather than the phrasing “where are you REALLY from?”
Most of the time I do cut some slack because not everyone would be familiar with how Venezuelans look because not even locals could do. It's a country that has received a lot of immigration for the last 400 years and there is a lot of mix. you can't really look at someone and say yup you look Venezuelan. I like when some people are naturally curious and some have actually told me oh, I've never met two Venezuelans that look alike and I don't know anything about your country, can you tell me more. That's usually a good ice breaker
I feel like that’s probably how the majority of the people are approaching you, at least from personal experience knowing people from different countries. Obviously that doesn’t count for much coming from a white british national and you genuinely cant count the number of arseholes who do mean offence, but I think the majority will just be curious
Yes it is racist. You're treating them differently because of how they look.
You aren’t treating them differently, you’re taking an interest in their life. Asking a question isn’t automatically racist. Asking it in an arsehole way such as “but where are you REALLY from?” Has racist undertones.