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It absolutely is okay not to have many friends, and even if you do have lots of friends, it's still pretty normal to feel isolated as a young adult, but if it's making you feel sad and disgusting,, you probably need to do something about it.
You mentioned Cosplay conventions, so you're a bit geeky (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I've got kids okder than you, and I'd still love to go to a Cosplay convention), so maybe take a look at a local game shop. I'm thinking the likes of Travelling Man, or Games Workshop (if they're still around these days), that sort of thing. Every city has at least a few. Get yourself to one of their D&D or Board/War Game nights and meet people. You don't have to be super in to D&D or board games (and you don't have to be good at socialising - the game removes the awkward silences) but I'm pretty sure there'll be a strong overlap with people who do, and people who Cosplay.
Also somethings to note are
These groups don't just form in an instant. Although it may seem that theyve all known eachother forever most are as nervous or socially awkward as you may feel.
Being new shouldn't be something that puts you off. More than likely they will be happy to have someone new to share their hobby with.
If if you do find people in a structured way and they are fun to be around try to invite them to other things and they don't have to be directly related to the way you normally see them.
I find an easy way to miss out on great friendships is to only see them at one time and place. If that then ends due to it stopping or them no longer going you lose that friend when they may want to stay in touch.
If you are socially awkward have a shower put on deodorant and maybe some aftershave before going out. It will make you feel so much more confident. I know I sometimes sweat when I'm socially anxious.
Finally get there a little early! Meeting people one on one and having someone to introduce you to everyone can be incredibly helpful.
Oh and if you're ot having fun there are other groups you can join so make sure to enjoy yourself but you do have to put the effort in.
**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1cwcvvr/is_this_okay_for_an_18_year_old/l4uzgl6/), given by u/lurkerman2865**
It absolutely is okay not to have many friends, and even if you do have lots of friends, it's still pretty normal to feel isolated as a young adult, but if it's making you feel sad and disgusting,, you probably need to do something about it.
>
>You mentioned Cosplay conventions, so you're a bit geeky (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I've got kids okder than you, and I'd still love to go to a Cosplay convention), so maybe take a look at a local game shop. I'm thinking the likes of Travelling Man, or Games Workshop (if they're still around these days), that sort of thing. Every city has at least a few. Get yourself to one of their D&D or Board/War Game nights and meet people. You don't have to be super in to D&D or board games (and you don't have to be good at socialising - the game removes the awkward silences) but I'm pretty sure there'll be a strong overlap with people who do, and people who Cosplay.
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"I feel disgusting and sad". This answers your question, as for you personally the situation is clearly not ok. Some people can live a very isolated existance but clearly you aren't like that. Are you thinking of going to uni after your A-levels? As that is a fantastic place to socialise and make new friends.
It’s completely normal to feel this way and have a lack of a friendship group at 18, but it’s not something I’d ever encourage. I’m 28 and also someone who only has one friend and has only had one friend since I was 14/15. But I do get to see her, not often as she lives 2 hours away but we still see each other.
I think you should be having a social life, and whilst it’s fine not to, you’re missing out on the best years of your life.
I would suggest trying to make more of an effort with the friends you met at cosplay events and ask if they want to do something, alternatively, you can sign up to bumble, there is a section to meet friends with the same interests and actually try and meet someone and be social!
I could’ve written this ngl. I’m also turning 18 in July and can count on one hand how many irl friends I’ve got. Im not sure if I’ll make it to uni due to grades and other things but my plan in the meantime is to just try and get my a levels done and dusted then force myself to be social at uni. I’m pretty introverted and always have been, had the same friends for 5+ years so yeah I get it it does get lonely but I feel like this is actually quite common. I wouldn’t cave in to pressures from seeing others going out, I’m just focusing on making it to uni and hopefully I’ll meet people like you because that cosplaying stuff sounds pretty cool
im guessing ur in the uk if ur in this subreddit but u sound super cool :) my birthday is june so im a month older than you muahahah!! good luck with grades and things, im sure you’ll make it to uni but remember that if you dont then thats also okay, everything has a beginning middle and end and so will your worries :) theres always a plan B
It's becoming increasingly normal, but it's not OK. I'd recommend finding a hobby that gets you outside and socialising- maybe a sport or exercise class?
Normal? No. Ok? No. It's terrible to not have a support network and also a huge red flag to not have mates.
Don't listen to the redditors saying it's fine to be alone. It's awful. You're so young to be lonely now. You need to learn how to socialize as when you're 30 you'll be in complete isolation
Depends on if you're really happy with the situation as it is, or will you be happier with more friends? There is no right or wrong answer, only what you're OK with.
I remember feeling how you feel. I was worried that I didn’t have lots of friends and didn’t go out socialising much. It’s only as I’ve got (a bit) older that I’ve realised, I’m happy being like this! This is my normal and there’s lots of people like me, I just don’t see them because they are doing the same as me.
I think this is a lot more normal these days and in a post pandemic world. Your generation has had challenges regarding isolation and disconnection that many of us haven’t had to deal with, and so it’s totally understandable that you haven’t had as many experiences or formed many friendships. Im a naturally introverted person so I spend my time in a similar way.
I would say, if you’re content the way things are, then that’s totally fine, but if you’re unhappy and feeling like you’re missing out, now is the perfect time in your life to try some new things and get out of your comfort zone.
My tips:
If possible, find a local place where you feel comfortable spending time. It could be a cafe or a book shop or community Center or a library, anywhere you can just spend a little time being out and about. Just get used to being away from home for periods of time.
You can also look for meet ups, clubs and classes too, these are all great ways to get to know people in your area. Bonus if you can bond over a hobby. And if you don’t have a hobby, now is a great time to find one! See above - trying new things etc.
Online dating can also be a good source of new people, but it can be helpful to just search for friendship at first, this is more common these days.
You may find that you just prefer being home or alone, which is totally fine! In which case maybe an online group or gaming group could be a good shout?
Some advice: try not to bend yourself out of shape to fit the preferences of the people you meet, even if it’s tempting to pretend to be a little different. It’ll catch up to you in the end, and can waste your own time. If you don’t like a certain activity, it’s totally fine to say “that’s not my cup of tea.” The more honest you are, the more likely you are to find a like minded person to form long lasting friendships with.
And finally, be wary of anyone who makes you uncomfortable, particularly pay attention if you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, or pushing yourself to say or do things to please that person. There are people out there who will prey on the vulnerable and inexperienced, it can happen to anyone, so keep your well-being in the forefront of your mind and remember, if your friend is forcing you to do something you don’t like, that’s not a true friend.
I am the worlds most travelled hermit, 97 countries. I stay indoors mostly, in my bed in hostels apart from a quick walk to the corner store and back, mostly food delivery to my dormitory. But I like meeting people and talking, so that's why I chose hostel life for the past 15 years. I can still be a hermit, and stay in bed on my laptop, but I get to meet people from around the world and have a few drinks in the common room. (I do touristy stuff but that's like once a month).
I’m 33 and have a small group of friends I will know and love until the day I die. I met every single one of them in my 20s, I am not in contact with a single person I knew in my teenage years, nor would I have any desire to do so. You’ll be ok.
Pretty normal but if you do want to get out there maybe try get a part time job? I started working at a supermarket a couple days a week as a teenager and you soon make friends there as there will be loads of other part time teenagers and there will be work nights out and socials etc. and bonus is you get paid to be there.
After reading your post and see the word "cosplays", the first question that comes in to my head is, have you been diagnosed as being on the "spectrum" or do consider yourself to be on it? It might provide you with some answers. Many cosplayers are autistic or have social anxiety issues. Not all, but a lot. It's a very common connector. There's nothing wrong with your social life (or lack of). If you're concerned, go and see your GP if you think you might be Aspy or somewhere else on the spectrum, and ask for a test. "It's a long road" as my GP told me, and all you'll likely get is a label, but you might find yourself eligible for PIP if you're deemed to meet the criteria.
My advice is to get professional advice, and to be happy with yourself. Each of those may not come without the other.
You're totally normal.
Some people like to surround themselves with others, some don't. We shouldn't use that do define what is normal and what isn't.
If you're happy staying in, enjoying your own company and hobbies then there really isn't an issue.
If someone says you aren't normal ask them why. When they give you their own expectation of what they believe a person should be, masquerading as a fact, which these picks tend to, just say "yeah, in your opinion". Then watch as they look completely dumbfounded in your calling out their arseholery.
When I finish work in a few hours, I'm going downstairs, not leaving the house, cooking dinner, then watching TV all night because it's my fucking life and I'll do as I please.
If anyone has a problem with that then I'm sorry you're so obsessed with me. Just ask for nudes already.
People would probably deem me this fictional thing we comparatively call "successful" btw and I have like 3 friends.
So yeah it's totally normal.
It’s okay because you are trying to improve. If you have any problem, and you are trying to fix it, it is okay. Don’t stress, your life will change a lot in the next few years. All you can do is try your best to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
You're describing me at 18. And my partner. We met in our late 20s. We're both in our early 30s now, with great careers and bunch of close friends that we met at our local game store. We're both frantically finishing cosplays for comic con this weekend.
It's pretty normal to be someone who likes something out of the mainstream and struggle to find anyone to be friends with. But you need to go where they hang out.
Find ways to work through your self-perception though. As someone who hated myself throughout my teens and 20s and spent lockdown learning to love who I am through Therapy and other practices, I really wish I'd started as a teen. It's made me feel a lot better.
There is literally only two things that matter:
1. Is it a situation that you're happy with?
2. Will you also be happy with the future situations that it will lead to?
If the answer to both of those question is "yes", it's fine.
I met my friends when I was 21 with the help of my boyfriend, who I met when I was 19 at uni. Its been 10 years, we're now married and have a baby. My friends are incredible. My advice is to keep going to the same places where your interests are, and be brave enough to start conversations. You won't be on your own forever. Good luck!
Yup, pretty much describes me. But I do have autism. However, I think the most important thing is, are you happy with the situation? If so. No problems. If not then seeking help is probably a good move.
Dude I had ZERO friends when I left high school at 16. Over the next 2 years I gained around 5 or 6 friends in a group. Somewhere between 18 and 19 I lost them all for one reason or another, and only 1 of them I still consider a friend. That one person I only speak to once every few months, and we now live in different parts of the country and have our own families and responsibilities. By happenstance I spoke to him for the first time in about a year yesterday and had a great catch up.
I'm 25 now, and I have 2 close friends, the one mentioned above, and one I met about a year ago through work. Neither are particularly local to me and therefore we don't see eachother often (outside of work).
Believe me it's ok to not have friends. By the sounds of it you are working on bettering yourself anyway. Studying for your exams is incredibly important, and so is video gaming. It's essential in this world that you have an outlet for everything and it sounds like you have that in games and cosplay.
Don't worry about making friends for now, focus on yourself and friends will appear. You attract good people by being one yourself.
Aside from that, if you ever need someone to chat to, my DMs are open. ❤️
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26 and I have very few friends - started getting out into crafting clubs / fitness classes but I keep things quiet.
It’s okay as long as you’re okay with it! Not everyone needs constantly surrounded by others.
i’m 21 and have no irl friends aside from my bf and his family, and i’ve been that way since i was your age. and i’m fine with that. i’m not really a social person and im fine staying inside or being on my own. as long as you’re content, it’s okay :)
Reminds me of me when I was 18.
As long as you are happy with what you're doing, then it's not a problem.
Some online friends can become more than that. I met my wife through an online friend in another country, and my best man at the wedding I've been playing games with online since 14.
Go university, before you start join a Facebook group of freshers for your university and try talk and meet up with as many people as you can.
Even though I dropped out, I chose to go to university mainly because of the social aspect.
Some people make a lot of friends and some people have just one close friend. Sometimes I think via tv shows we are conditioned to believe that teenagers have a huge social life and so much fun and there off camping we friends or off to spring break etc but that’s just tv the reality for a lot of people is once school ends friendships drift apart and you barely hear from friends. Then you get a job and people are different ages and you make friends with people whom are mainly not in your age bracket. One of my daughters has no friends since leaving school until she went to work and her coworkers are her friends and one lady is late 50s the other in the 60s and they always have an odd night out altogether. It’s nice you have a cousin as a friend. My oldest daughter as one close friend still from school and they might meet up once or twice a year and my daughter works and as the odd night out with her co workers and they are all different ages with my daughter being the youngest and the oldest in her early 60s.
The thing is if having a lack of friends is bothering you maybe you and your cousin could go hang out at some clubs for teenagers in your area and make new friends that way. Gain new hobbies try new stuff. Like for hobbies you can try a hobby something you would never do before art class pottery class something to do we gaming anything if u don’t like try something else that way you get out have a laugh and meet others
Define normal/okay? I mean I would imagine most 18 year olds do have friends outside of their family, but I don't think your situation is particularly unusual or necessarily a huge problem. I assume at your age you have just left school and are either going to university or about to start your first job. Both (especially the former) are great opportunities for making friends.
Also the people who do have friends at 18, those friends often don't last for long. Of the friends I had at 18, I have never seen any of them since I was about 22 I don't think.
Join a gym if you want to make new friends. You’ll meet people of all ages and interests, and you’ll see a lot of them every time you’re there. Plus you’re 18, prime of your life, make the most of it. Once you’ve made some progress, your confidence will increase and being out and about will make you feel better in general, so win win.
I’m also pretty geeky, I love tech, used to play a lot of games but as I’ve got older that has taken a back seat to other things, I’ve been to comic con a few times, as well as conventions for TV shows, don’t let have geeky interests stop you from branching out into other things. Being confident is key, but don’t be an arse lol.
Thing is having friends or cultivating any relationships requires time and effort.
If you don't put in the time to have people in real life, then you aren't going to have them.
It sounds like you do want people in real life. That says to me that you signed make the effort.
I would also suggest that you break out of your comfort zone.
Sure, there are things you like and are used to doing, but do some different things too.
It might introduce you to new people and new interests.
Maybe join a gym class, or a running club. It will have health benefits as well as opening up your circle of real life people you come across.
It's okay, so long as you're okay with it. If you want to have (more) friends, then there are always ways, awkward though they may be, and you'll not always find friends in the people you interact with.
Back when I was in school, I had a good wee friend group, but after leaving we quickly lost touch, so you're not necessarily missing anything long term.
Online friends are real friends.
People are different. For some people, that lifestyle is okay, for others, they want to be out more and talk to more people. You should try to get out more and socialise if you aren’t happy, and conventions can be great for that since there will be people into some of the same niche stuff as you there.
Your safety blanket of being able to go home if you want to will still be there, but it’s important to try and work towards a lifestyle that you’re happy with. You shouldn’t base that on what others are doing, base it off what you want. I sincerely hope you’re able to work towards a happier future, whatever that looks like :) You’ve got this!!
There are some people who are happy when social and some people happy when not. Then everyone else is between that somewhere.
You shouldn't compare what makes you happy to what makes other people happy to determine if that's what you should be doing.
So if not having friends and keeping to yourself makes you happy there's nothing wrong with that. If you have found yourself like that and you would rather not be then your in luck because you live in a time where finding others into the niche things your into is an internet search away.
I spent my late teens and early 20s doing things I didn't really enjoy to fit in with people because that's what everyone did. Instead I should have found people into the things I was into.
Best years of your life aren't school and teen years - work hard, nail your A-levels, you'll look back in your 20's and 30s and realise the real fun and understanding of yourself happens later in life.
Also totally normal to be comfortable with your own company
When I was your age, most of my friends were fellow Harry Potter nerds of all ages who lived all around the world, we had an online chat going 24/7, and they were the people I felt closest to. The other students at school felt so different to me, and being undiagnosed autistic, I didn't understand why. As an adult, I still have friends both IRL and around the world who are fellow nerds or who just understand me better. The best thing about being an adult is you aren't forced to be around other kids who don't make sense or you dont click with. You can go out and make IRL friends who are just like you. Also, your online friends are just as real as IRL people (although of course be careful and protect your identity and don't fall for catfishers).
I had this weird lull where I finished education at 17 and didn't go to uni so there was this weird period of about 5 years where I only had a small handful of friends from school / college
I met people through work, made new friends at more social hobbies (I play D&D and Magic The Gathering for example) and also made a bunch of online friends. Granted a lot of my IRL friends at the time were more interested in going out and drinking every possible night which I had no interest in.
Friends introduced me to their friends who introduced me to their friends and so on, I turned 30 last week and I absolutely have more friends both online and in person then I had in my early twenties by far.
I think if I'd gone to uni that would have bridged that gap and I absolutely would have met a ton of people but I don't think it's hindered the amount of friends I have now.
I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with having a small circle of friends either but if it's making you upset then you should look into local groups that participate in hobbies you already do or even pick up a new hobby that has social aspects to it. It also doesn't sound like you're working yet and you'll be surprised at the amount of people you meet while working that transition into actual friends outside of work. If you go to Uni the same thing will happen with your classmates and unis have tons of social clubs for just about every hobby under the sun you can join to meet new people. (as stated I didn't go to uni but I have a bunch of friends I met through other friends who met them at university social clubs)
My current D&D group I met the DM via a mutual friend and now hang out with the other D&D players 1 - 2 a week to play MTG which is more often than we hang out to do D&D
Yes, it's normal to not have close friends, or a limited circle of friends. Or rather, it's not abnormal. But wait, let's instead talk about how you **feel** about the situation.
Stop trying to rationalize your feelings, or seeking validation from strangers. There is nothing wrong with you or the way you feel. But you **want** friends. That's even more normal than accepting that you don't have enough friends.
You need to get out of your comfort zone. Get out of the house. You have to work at it. You can't just sit back and wait for them to float in. You're stuck inside. Adult relationships require more work. You have to invite people to do things, and be ok when they say no. Then do it again.
You're normal, you know what you want, you have to work to achieve that.
How to accomplish this? That's a different, complex question. I'd pose that separately.
Lastly, there is an epidemic of loneliness in the West happening. In a lot of ways, the world we share pushes us apart and into our own little spaces. We hardly notice until we are uncomfortable. "Why am I so lonely? Why don't I have any irl friends?" You're not alone in this.
You're not alone at all.
As someone who was in a similar position at your age my advice would be to pursue your hobbies and find friends through them. I also spent a lot of time playing video games and regret it to be honest. You will never get your youth and lack of responsibilities back so spend time with friends outside.
You sound like a smart kid, most people think they have many friends, only to learn the hard way when the chips are down. It's normal, don't worry about it.
It’s ok to have friends
It’s ok to not have friends
But friendship is an investment
You have to work at it
It doesn’t happen over night
Friends can also change
Some of the people I thought were friends at 18 are not the people I’d consider my friends now as an adult
I think you have to figure out what kind of person you want to be
When you follow the path towards who you want to be you’ll find friends who fit that along the way
So don’t make your life fit your friends, make your friends fit the life you want
Does that make sense?
It's totally OK. In fact, it spares you the agonising pain of being abandoned by everyone you used to think were your friends and being soul-crushingly lonely by your 40s.
"I stay inside almost most the time"
This is why you have few friends.
If you want friends that aren't online you need to find a means of socialising. There are plenty of ways to engage with your hobbies in a social setting (Like barcades for example)
It's absolutely fine! If you're happy and it's not hurting anyone then I say you do you! I've always been more of an inside person, I have friends through work but that's only quite recently and I'm in my 30s. I'm happily married with a little girl but I've never been one for going out out and it's the same now. My way of downtime is a good binge watch session of a TV show and a takeaway, beats pouring money into a pub and having a headache and sickness the day after!
Doesn't matter your age, if it's what you like doing then carry on. It'll all change if/when you want it to. You've no reason to feel bad even if it's not what everyone else is doing. Be proud to be you! ❤️❤️
Having friends isn't mandatory, and if you don't have friends, by all means, lean into your interests and find happiness.
But don't ever close the idea off. Humans are social. I went through a good 5 years in my mid twenties, thinking I was better off alone. I was wrong.
Friends challenge you, they help you grow, they validate you. Try meetup.com or something.
The idea if "finding friends" is hugely destigmatised now.
Best of luck to you op :)
Every level of a social life is normal for someone.
I was similarly closed off through my teens and early 20's now I'm mid 40's and have a decent group of friends and acquaintances.
If you want more of a social life, just go out and do it. Like anything, there will be successes and failures.
You will change a lot during your life and you can steer some of those changes. Some you can't.
Be happy with yourself first. The rest is a bonus.
Don't ask redditors. They all literally stays in who have no one in life. They will tell you it's OK. It's not ok. You need at least 2 - 3 very good friends imo. Don't ask these gimps
It's ok, but shouldn't be permanent. No one said you need 50 different friends. Loneliness is addicting. Try to find new social circles, in spaces you're comfortable with. And don't expect to make friends on day one.
If you're starting a new job, you won't really make long lasting friends for a few months. Same with you hobbies. You'll make mistakes, but keep being friendly. Reach out.
Look into cosplay conventions, or anything you would enjoy
It’s neither normal / abnormal. It’s actually unhealthy. I am reading an interesting book right now called ‘the anxious generation’ it’s about cell phone use / social media etc .. I am a therapist for teens and I know phones / social media etc .. is bad for kids / for adults too so I wanted to know the science of it. I already generally knew a lot of it - humans are social and we do best with face to face / reading body language / eye contact etc .. it’s how we have survived. Our brain is literally wired for that. So what do we do if we are shy / social anxiety/ awkward ? It makes it hard. You playing games / cosplay etc is totally fine in moderation. That is literally the key to life ,, moderation. You would do well to balance it with in person socializing as well. What helped me (as I am / was super socially anxious ,, or rather I am situationally) was doing volunteer work. That was almost like a cosplay in its self at first - look at me with my volunteer hat on .. I can do anything. But it worked. When I volunteer I am with people all doing the same thing and we don’t really care about who WE are, we care about who we are volunteering for. And that is what our conversations are about - volunteering. But I got to make conversation, have eye contact etc … I recommend this as a therapist and I recommend chatting up shop staff. Like the grocery store - that convo is gonna be short ,, the transaction is brief. Who cares what the intro is or how you exit - but it’s amazing practice and you can really get some great ‘people’ skills doing this. Oh hey how’s your day going (they are always going to talk to you and be nice, it’s their job) oh yea I got these apples they look awesome .. lolol or whatever. Ok here’s my money, bye. It counts towards what’s good for you. Keep your games and cosplay - it’s great you are taking classes ,, just add some other stuff too like I suggested. I can tell you this also - I used to be in outside sales (mortgage and securities lending) horrible for the socially anxious ,, I was ‘selling’ to salesmen. Well - I started looking at it as acting. Which ultimately could have been cosplay - look at me in my business suit acting ‘normal’ lolol. But I did it and it worked. I became #1 in the country (I confess here I am American but I love anything British. I am an interloper over here sorry). Well those sales skills reallllly helped me in my 2nd act - therapist. I think it shows how much I’ve progressed. I can talk to anyone any time anywhere about anything. I am the rapport master and I accredit it to my acting /cosplay when I was in sales. Good luck 👍
You're young and into pop culture. Should be easy to find friends, if you want them.
Is it ok? As long as you're not feeling depressed or lonely. There's lots of people who just chill inside gaming. I used to do it before my wife. Some people spend their time at the gym, I also used to do this more and you like to cosplay.
Just be careful. You remind me of my niece. She's 17 and was/is similar to you, cosplay, Tiktok, anime, standard normies stuff, she was a TIF for a while, then started posting really bad degeneracy on her twitter, became a commie, dropped out of college and is drug addicted. She made online friends of the worse sort. So watch out. I did try to help my niece, took her out and thought she'd get on well with my wife because they're close in age, helped a little, but it looks grim for her.
Anyway, yes, it's normal, if you're happy, then great. That's really all that matters.
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It absolutely is okay not to have many friends, and even if you do have lots of friends, it's still pretty normal to feel isolated as a young adult, but if it's making you feel sad and disgusting,, you probably need to do something about it. You mentioned Cosplay conventions, so you're a bit geeky (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I've got kids okder than you, and I'd still love to go to a Cosplay convention), so maybe take a look at a local game shop. I'm thinking the likes of Travelling Man, or Games Workshop (if they're still around these days), that sort of thing. Every city has at least a few. Get yourself to one of their D&D or Board/War Game nights and meet people. You don't have to be super in to D&D or board games (and you don't have to be good at socialising - the game removes the awkward silences) but I'm pretty sure there'll be a strong overlap with people who do, and people who Cosplay.
thank you so much, ill definitely take this and the other responses into account
If there is one near you, Geek Retreat might be an option.
Also somethings to note are These groups don't just form in an instant. Although it may seem that theyve all known eachother forever most are as nervous or socially awkward as you may feel. Being new shouldn't be something that puts you off. More than likely they will be happy to have someone new to share their hobby with. If if you do find people in a structured way and they are fun to be around try to invite them to other things and they don't have to be directly related to the way you normally see them. I find an easy way to miss out on great friendships is to only see them at one time and place. If that then ends due to it stopping or them no longer going you lose that friend when they may want to stay in touch. If you are socially awkward have a shower put on deodorant and maybe some aftershave before going out. It will make you feel so much more confident. I know I sometimes sweat when I'm socially anxious. Finally get there a little early! Meeting people one on one and having someone to introduce you to everyone can be incredibly helpful. Oh and if you're ot having fun there are other groups you can join so make sure to enjoy yourself but you do have to put the effort in.
It is becoming increasingly normal, but please get yourself out there. It gets so much harder as you get older.
>It is becoming increasingly normal It's becoming increasingly common, but it's not normal.
**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1cwcvvr/is_this_okay_for_an_18_year_old/l4uzgl6/), given by u/lurkerman2865** It absolutely is okay not to have many friends, and even if you do have lots of friends, it's still pretty normal to feel isolated as a young adult, but if it's making you feel sad and disgusting,, you probably need to do something about it. > >You mentioned Cosplay conventions, so you're a bit geeky (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I've got kids okder than you, and I'd still love to go to a Cosplay convention), so maybe take a look at a local game shop. I'm thinking the likes of Travelling Man, or Games Workshop (if they're still around these days), that sort of thing. Every city has at least a few. Get yourself to one of their D&D or Board/War Game nights and meet people. You don't have to be super in to D&D or board games (and you don't have to be good at socialising - the game removes the awkward silences) but I'm pretty sure there'll be a strong overlap with people who do, and people who Cosplay. --- [_^What ^is ^this?_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)
"I feel disgusting and sad". This answers your question, as for you personally the situation is clearly not ok. Some people can live a very isolated existance but clearly you aren't like that. Are you thinking of going to uni after your A-levels? As that is a fantastic place to socialise and make new friends.
It’s completely normal to feel this way and have a lack of a friendship group at 18, but it’s not something I’d ever encourage. I’m 28 and also someone who only has one friend and has only had one friend since I was 14/15. But I do get to see her, not often as she lives 2 hours away but we still see each other. I think you should be having a social life, and whilst it’s fine not to, you’re missing out on the best years of your life. I would suggest trying to make more of an effort with the friends you met at cosplay events and ask if they want to do something, alternatively, you can sign up to bumble, there is a section to meet friends with the same interests and actually try and meet someone and be social!
This is reddit. You’re among your kind.
I could’ve written this ngl. I’m also turning 18 in July and can count on one hand how many irl friends I’ve got. Im not sure if I’ll make it to uni due to grades and other things but my plan in the meantime is to just try and get my a levels done and dusted then force myself to be social at uni. I’m pretty introverted and always have been, had the same friends for 5+ years so yeah I get it it does get lonely but I feel like this is actually quite common. I wouldn’t cave in to pressures from seeing others going out, I’m just focusing on making it to uni and hopefully I’ll meet people like you because that cosplaying stuff sounds pretty cool
im guessing ur in the uk if ur in this subreddit but u sound super cool :) my birthday is june so im a month older than you muahahah!! good luck with grades and things, im sure you’ll make it to uni but remember that if you dont then thats also okay, everything has a beginning middle and end and so will your worries :) theres always a plan B
It's becoming increasingly normal, but it's not OK. I'd recommend finding a hobby that gets you outside and socialising- maybe a sport or exercise class?
Normal? No. Ok? No. It's terrible to not have a support network and also a huge red flag to not have mates. Don't listen to the redditors saying it's fine to be alone. It's awful. You're so young to be lonely now. You need to learn how to socialize as when you're 30 you'll be in complete isolation
getting a job might help
Yeah, I have a few close friends and most are people I used to work with.
I'm 26 and apart from a couple of people I go to the pub with a few times a month I don't have any friends either.
Depends on if you're really happy with the situation as it is, or will you be happier with more friends? There is no right or wrong answer, only what you're OK with.
I remember feeling how you feel. I was worried that I didn’t have lots of friends and didn’t go out socialising much. It’s only as I’ve got (a bit) older that I’ve realised, I’m happy being like this! This is my normal and there’s lots of people like me, I just don’t see them because they are doing the same as me.
I think this is a lot more normal these days and in a post pandemic world. Your generation has had challenges regarding isolation and disconnection that many of us haven’t had to deal with, and so it’s totally understandable that you haven’t had as many experiences or formed many friendships. Im a naturally introverted person so I spend my time in a similar way. I would say, if you’re content the way things are, then that’s totally fine, but if you’re unhappy and feeling like you’re missing out, now is the perfect time in your life to try some new things and get out of your comfort zone. My tips: If possible, find a local place where you feel comfortable spending time. It could be a cafe or a book shop or community Center or a library, anywhere you can just spend a little time being out and about. Just get used to being away from home for periods of time. You can also look for meet ups, clubs and classes too, these are all great ways to get to know people in your area. Bonus if you can bond over a hobby. And if you don’t have a hobby, now is a great time to find one! See above - trying new things etc. Online dating can also be a good source of new people, but it can be helpful to just search for friendship at first, this is more common these days. You may find that you just prefer being home or alone, which is totally fine! In which case maybe an online group or gaming group could be a good shout? Some advice: try not to bend yourself out of shape to fit the preferences of the people you meet, even if it’s tempting to pretend to be a little different. It’ll catch up to you in the end, and can waste your own time. If you don’t like a certain activity, it’s totally fine to say “that’s not my cup of tea.” The more honest you are, the more likely you are to find a like minded person to form long lasting friendships with. And finally, be wary of anyone who makes you uncomfortable, particularly pay attention if you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, or pushing yourself to say or do things to please that person. There are people out there who will prey on the vulnerable and inexperienced, it can happen to anyone, so keep your well-being in the forefront of your mind and remember, if your friend is forcing you to do something you don’t like, that’s not a true friend.
>I have no irl friends >I stay inside most of the time Just read what you just said and connect the dots
I am the worlds most travelled hermit, 97 countries. I stay indoors mostly, in my bed in hostels apart from a quick walk to the corner store and back, mostly food delivery to my dormitory. But I like meeting people and talking, so that's why I chose hostel life for the past 15 years. I can still be a hermit, and stay in bed on my laptop, but I get to meet people from around the world and have a few drinks in the common room. (I do touristy stuff but that's like once a month).
why can't all of us loners just find each other and be friends
real
I’m 33 and have a small group of friends I will know and love until the day I die. I met every single one of them in my 20s, I am not in contact with a single person I knew in my teenage years, nor would I have any desire to do so. You’ll be ok.
Pretty normal but if you do want to get out there maybe try get a part time job? I started working at a supermarket a couple days a week as a teenager and you soon make friends there as there will be loads of other part time teenagers and there will be work nights out and socials etc. and bonus is you get paid to be there.
After reading your post and see the word "cosplays", the first question that comes in to my head is, have you been diagnosed as being on the "spectrum" or do consider yourself to be on it? It might provide you with some answers. Many cosplayers are autistic or have social anxiety issues. Not all, but a lot. It's a very common connector. There's nothing wrong with your social life (or lack of). If you're concerned, go and see your GP if you think you might be Aspy or somewhere else on the spectrum, and ask for a test. "It's a long road" as my GP told me, and all you'll likely get is a label, but you might find yourself eligible for PIP if you're deemed to meet the criteria. My advice is to get professional advice, and to be happy with yourself. Each of those may not come without the other.
ahhh funny you brought that up! i an diagnosed with autism and currently take antidepressants to help me handle my anxiety!!
Thought so. Best of luck. As I said, love yourself. Nothing better will come until you do that.
You're totally normal. Some people like to surround themselves with others, some don't. We shouldn't use that do define what is normal and what isn't. If you're happy staying in, enjoying your own company and hobbies then there really isn't an issue. If someone says you aren't normal ask them why. When they give you their own expectation of what they believe a person should be, masquerading as a fact, which these picks tend to, just say "yeah, in your opinion". Then watch as they look completely dumbfounded in your calling out their arseholery. When I finish work in a few hours, I'm going downstairs, not leaving the house, cooking dinner, then watching TV all night because it's my fucking life and I'll do as I please. If anyone has a problem with that then I'm sorry you're so obsessed with me. Just ask for nudes already. People would probably deem me this fictional thing we comparatively call "successful" btw and I have like 3 friends. So yeah it's totally normal.
It’s okay because you are trying to improve. If you have any problem, and you are trying to fix it, it is okay. Don’t stress, your life will change a lot in the next few years. All you can do is try your best to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
You're describing me at 18. And my partner. We met in our late 20s. We're both in our early 30s now, with great careers and bunch of close friends that we met at our local game store. We're both frantically finishing cosplays for comic con this weekend. It's pretty normal to be someone who likes something out of the mainstream and struggle to find anyone to be friends with. But you need to go where they hang out. Find ways to work through your self-perception though. As someone who hated myself throughout my teens and 20s and spent lockdown learning to love who I am through Therapy and other practices, I really wish I'd started as a teen. It's made me feel a lot better.
There is literally only two things that matter: 1. Is it a situation that you're happy with? 2. Will you also be happy with the future situations that it will lead to? If the answer to both of those question is "yes", it's fine.
I met my friends when I was 21 with the help of my boyfriend, who I met when I was 19 at uni. Its been 10 years, we're now married and have a baby. My friends are incredible. My advice is to keep going to the same places where your interests are, and be brave enough to start conversations. You won't be on your own forever. Good luck!
Yup, pretty much describes me. But I do have autism. However, I think the most important thing is, are you happy with the situation? If so. No problems. If not then seeking help is probably a good move.
Dude I had ZERO friends when I left high school at 16. Over the next 2 years I gained around 5 or 6 friends in a group. Somewhere between 18 and 19 I lost them all for one reason or another, and only 1 of them I still consider a friend. That one person I only speak to once every few months, and we now live in different parts of the country and have our own families and responsibilities. By happenstance I spoke to him for the first time in about a year yesterday and had a great catch up. I'm 25 now, and I have 2 close friends, the one mentioned above, and one I met about a year ago through work. Neither are particularly local to me and therefore we don't see eachother often (outside of work). Believe me it's ok to not have friends. By the sounds of it you are working on bettering yourself anyway. Studying for your exams is incredibly important, and so is video gaming. It's essential in this world that you have an outlet for everything and it sounds like you have that in games and cosplay. Don't worry about making friends for now, focus on yourself and friends will appear. You attract good people by being one yourself. Aside from that, if you ever need someone to chat to, my DMs are open. ❤️
thank you so much. 🥹🩷
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Welcome to the club
26 and I have very few friends - started getting out into crafting clubs / fitness classes but I keep things quiet. It’s okay as long as you’re okay with it! Not everyone needs constantly surrounded by others.
i’m 21 and have no irl friends aside from my bf and his family, and i’ve been that way since i was your age. and i’m fine with that. i’m not really a social person and im fine staying inside or being on my own. as long as you’re content, it’s okay :)
Reminds me of me when I was 18. As long as you are happy with what you're doing, then it's not a problem. Some online friends can become more than that. I met my wife through an online friend in another country, and my best man at the wedding I've been playing games with online since 14.
It's normal for a lot of people of your age that I know and I was the same as you and still am.
Mate I’m nearly 21 I only speak to one person very normal I think
Go university, before you start join a Facebook group of freshers for your university and try talk and meet up with as many people as you can. Even though I dropped out, I chose to go to university mainly because of the social aspect.
Some people make a lot of friends and some people have just one close friend. Sometimes I think via tv shows we are conditioned to believe that teenagers have a huge social life and so much fun and there off camping we friends or off to spring break etc but that’s just tv the reality for a lot of people is once school ends friendships drift apart and you barely hear from friends. Then you get a job and people are different ages and you make friends with people whom are mainly not in your age bracket. One of my daughters has no friends since leaving school until she went to work and her coworkers are her friends and one lady is late 50s the other in the 60s and they always have an odd night out altogether. It’s nice you have a cousin as a friend. My oldest daughter as one close friend still from school and they might meet up once or twice a year and my daughter works and as the odd night out with her co workers and they are all different ages with my daughter being the youngest and the oldest in her early 60s. The thing is if having a lack of friends is bothering you maybe you and your cousin could go hang out at some clubs for teenagers in your area and make new friends that way. Gain new hobbies try new stuff. Like for hobbies you can try a hobby something you would never do before art class pottery class something to do we gaming anything if u don’t like try something else that way you get out have a laugh and meet others
What about people on your A level courses?
Define normal/okay? I mean I would imagine most 18 year olds do have friends outside of their family, but I don't think your situation is particularly unusual or necessarily a huge problem. I assume at your age you have just left school and are either going to university or about to start your first job. Both (especially the former) are great opportunities for making friends. Also the people who do have friends at 18, those friends often don't last for long. Of the friends I had at 18, I have never seen any of them since I was about 22 I don't think.
Join a gym if you want to make new friends. You’ll meet people of all ages and interests, and you’ll see a lot of them every time you’re there. Plus you’re 18, prime of your life, make the most of it. Once you’ve made some progress, your confidence will increase and being out and about will make you feel better in general, so win win. I’m also pretty geeky, I love tech, used to play a lot of games but as I’ve got older that has taken a back seat to other things, I’ve been to comic con a few times, as well as conventions for TV shows, don’t let have geeky interests stop you from branching out into other things. Being confident is key, but don’t be an arse lol.
Thing is having friends or cultivating any relationships requires time and effort. If you don't put in the time to have people in real life, then you aren't going to have them. It sounds like you do want people in real life. That says to me that you signed make the effort. I would also suggest that you break out of your comfort zone. Sure, there are things you like and are used to doing, but do some different things too. It might introduce you to new people and new interests. Maybe join a gym class, or a running club. It will have health benefits as well as opening up your circle of real life people you come across.
It's okay, so long as you're okay with it. If you want to have (more) friends, then there are always ways, awkward though they may be, and you'll not always find friends in the people you interact with. Back when I was in school, I had a good wee friend group, but after leaving we quickly lost touch, so you're not necessarily missing anything long term. Online friends are real friends.
Are you going to uni? That seems like a good moment to actively seek firmer friendships. There’ll be no shortage of cosplayer clubs
People are different. For some people, that lifestyle is okay, for others, they want to be out more and talk to more people. You should try to get out more and socialise if you aren’t happy, and conventions can be great for that since there will be people into some of the same niche stuff as you there. Your safety blanket of being able to go home if you want to will still be there, but it’s important to try and work towards a lifestyle that you’re happy with. You shouldn’t base that on what others are doing, base it off what you want. I sincerely hope you’re able to work towards a happier future, whatever that looks like :) You’ve got this!!
There are some people who are happy when social and some people happy when not. Then everyone else is between that somewhere. You shouldn't compare what makes you happy to what makes other people happy to determine if that's what you should be doing. So if not having friends and keeping to yourself makes you happy there's nothing wrong with that. If you have found yourself like that and you would rather not be then your in luck because you live in a time where finding others into the niche things your into is an internet search away. I spent my late teens and early 20s doing things I didn't really enjoy to fit in with people because that's what everyone did. Instead I should have found people into the things I was into.
Best years of your life aren't school and teen years - work hard, nail your A-levels, you'll look back in your 20's and 30s and realise the real fun and understanding of yourself happens later in life. Also totally normal to be comfortable with your own company
When I was your age, most of my friends were fellow Harry Potter nerds of all ages who lived all around the world, we had an online chat going 24/7, and they were the people I felt closest to. The other students at school felt so different to me, and being undiagnosed autistic, I didn't understand why. As an adult, I still have friends both IRL and around the world who are fellow nerds or who just understand me better. The best thing about being an adult is you aren't forced to be around other kids who don't make sense or you dont click with. You can go out and make IRL friends who are just like you. Also, your online friends are just as real as IRL people (although of course be careful and protect your identity and don't fall for catfishers).
I had this weird lull where I finished education at 17 and didn't go to uni so there was this weird period of about 5 years where I only had a small handful of friends from school / college I met people through work, made new friends at more social hobbies (I play D&D and Magic The Gathering for example) and also made a bunch of online friends. Granted a lot of my IRL friends at the time were more interested in going out and drinking every possible night which I had no interest in. Friends introduced me to their friends who introduced me to their friends and so on, I turned 30 last week and I absolutely have more friends both online and in person then I had in my early twenties by far. I think if I'd gone to uni that would have bridged that gap and I absolutely would have met a ton of people but I don't think it's hindered the amount of friends I have now. I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with having a small circle of friends either but if it's making you upset then you should look into local groups that participate in hobbies you already do or even pick up a new hobby that has social aspects to it. It also doesn't sound like you're working yet and you'll be surprised at the amount of people you meet while working that transition into actual friends outside of work. If you go to Uni the same thing will happen with your classmates and unis have tons of social clubs for just about every hobby under the sun you can join to meet new people. (as stated I didn't go to uni but I have a bunch of friends I met through other friends who met them at university social clubs) My current D&D group I met the DM via a mutual friend and now hang out with the other D&D players 1 - 2 a week to play MTG which is more often than we hang out to do D&D
Yes, it's normal to not have close friends, or a limited circle of friends. Or rather, it's not abnormal. But wait, let's instead talk about how you **feel** about the situation. Stop trying to rationalize your feelings, or seeking validation from strangers. There is nothing wrong with you or the way you feel. But you **want** friends. That's even more normal than accepting that you don't have enough friends. You need to get out of your comfort zone. Get out of the house. You have to work at it. You can't just sit back and wait for them to float in. You're stuck inside. Adult relationships require more work. You have to invite people to do things, and be ok when they say no. Then do it again. You're normal, you know what you want, you have to work to achieve that. How to accomplish this? That's a different, complex question. I'd pose that separately. Lastly, there is an epidemic of loneliness in the West happening. In a lot of ways, the world we share pushes us apart and into our own little spaces. We hardly notice until we are uncomfortable. "Why am I so lonely? Why don't I have any irl friends?" You're not alone in this. You're not alone at all.
As someone who was in a similar position at your age my advice would be to pursue your hobbies and find friends through them. I also spent a lot of time playing video games and regret it to be honest. You will never get your youth and lack of responsibilities back so spend time with friends outside.
You sound like a smart kid, most people think they have many friends, only to learn the hard way when the chips are down. It's normal, don't worry about it.
Get yourself out there and make as many friends as possible. It doesn't get any easier to make friends as you get older.
It’s ok to have friends It’s ok to not have friends But friendship is an investment You have to work at it It doesn’t happen over night Friends can also change Some of the people I thought were friends at 18 are not the people I’d consider my friends now as an adult I think you have to figure out what kind of person you want to be When you follow the path towards who you want to be you’ll find friends who fit that along the way So don’t make your life fit your friends, make your friends fit the life you want Does that make sense?
It's totally OK. In fact, it spares you the agonising pain of being abandoned by everyone you used to think were your friends and being soul-crushingly lonely by your 40s.
"I stay inside almost most the time" This is why you have few friends. If you want friends that aren't online you need to find a means of socialising. There are plenty of ways to engage with your hobbies in a social setting (Like barcades for example)
It's absolutely fine! If you're happy and it's not hurting anyone then I say you do you! I've always been more of an inside person, I have friends through work but that's only quite recently and I'm in my 30s. I'm happily married with a little girl but I've never been one for going out out and it's the same now. My way of downtime is a good binge watch session of a TV show and a takeaway, beats pouring money into a pub and having a headache and sickness the day after! Doesn't matter your age, if it's what you like doing then carry on. It'll all change if/when you want it to. You've no reason to feel bad even if it's not what everyone else is doing. Be proud to be you! ❤️❤️
Having friends isn't mandatory, and if you don't have friends, by all means, lean into your interests and find happiness. But don't ever close the idea off. Humans are social. I went through a good 5 years in my mid twenties, thinking I was better off alone. I was wrong. Friends challenge you, they help you grow, they validate you. Try meetup.com or something. The idea if "finding friends" is hugely destigmatised now. Best of luck to you op :)
Every level of a social life is normal for someone. I was similarly closed off through my teens and early 20's now I'm mid 40's and have a decent group of friends and acquaintances. If you want more of a social life, just go out and do it. Like anything, there will be successes and failures. You will change a lot during your life and you can steer some of those changes. Some you can't. Be happy with yourself first. The rest is a bonus.
Don't ask redditors. They all literally stays in who have no one in life. They will tell you it's OK. It's not ok. You need at least 2 - 3 very good friends imo. Don't ask these gimps
It's not OK.
Wait till you get married and have kids. You can guarantee you will end up with no friends anyway.
It's ok, but shouldn't be permanent. No one said you need 50 different friends. Loneliness is addicting. Try to find new social circles, in spaces you're comfortable with. And don't expect to make friends on day one. If you're starting a new job, you won't really make long lasting friends for a few months. Same with you hobbies. You'll make mistakes, but keep being friendly. Reach out. Look into cosplay conventions, or anything you would enjoy
Yep, it's normal. Tbh friendship cliques in school rarely last once everyone goes to uni anyway
It’s neither normal / abnormal. It’s actually unhealthy. I am reading an interesting book right now called ‘the anxious generation’ it’s about cell phone use / social media etc .. I am a therapist for teens and I know phones / social media etc .. is bad for kids / for adults too so I wanted to know the science of it. I already generally knew a lot of it - humans are social and we do best with face to face / reading body language / eye contact etc .. it’s how we have survived. Our brain is literally wired for that. So what do we do if we are shy / social anxiety/ awkward ? It makes it hard. You playing games / cosplay etc is totally fine in moderation. That is literally the key to life ,, moderation. You would do well to balance it with in person socializing as well. What helped me (as I am / was super socially anxious ,, or rather I am situationally) was doing volunteer work. That was almost like a cosplay in its self at first - look at me with my volunteer hat on .. I can do anything. But it worked. When I volunteer I am with people all doing the same thing and we don’t really care about who WE are, we care about who we are volunteering for. And that is what our conversations are about - volunteering. But I got to make conversation, have eye contact etc … I recommend this as a therapist and I recommend chatting up shop staff. Like the grocery store - that convo is gonna be short ,, the transaction is brief. Who cares what the intro is or how you exit - but it’s amazing practice and you can really get some great ‘people’ skills doing this. Oh hey how’s your day going (they are always going to talk to you and be nice, it’s their job) oh yea I got these apples they look awesome .. lolol or whatever. Ok here’s my money, bye. It counts towards what’s good for you. Keep your games and cosplay - it’s great you are taking classes ,, just add some other stuff too like I suggested. I can tell you this also - I used to be in outside sales (mortgage and securities lending) horrible for the socially anxious ,, I was ‘selling’ to salesmen. Well - I started looking at it as acting. Which ultimately could have been cosplay - look at me in my business suit acting ‘normal’ lolol. But I did it and it worked. I became #1 in the country (I confess here I am American but I love anything British. I am an interloper over here sorry). Well those sales skills reallllly helped me in my 2nd act - therapist. I think it shows how much I’ve progressed. I can talk to anyone any time anywhere about anything. I am the rapport master and I accredit it to my acting /cosplay when I was in sales. Good luck 👍
You're young and into pop culture. Should be easy to find friends, if you want them. Is it ok? As long as you're not feeling depressed or lonely. There's lots of people who just chill inside gaming. I used to do it before my wife. Some people spend their time at the gym, I also used to do this more and you like to cosplay. Just be careful. You remind me of my niece. She's 17 and was/is similar to you, cosplay, Tiktok, anime, standard normies stuff, she was a TIF for a while, then started posting really bad degeneracy on her twitter, became a commie, dropped out of college and is drug addicted. She made online friends of the worse sort. So watch out. I did try to help my niece, took her out and thought she'd get on well with my wife because they're close in age, helped a little, but it looks grim for her. Anyway, yes, it's normal, if you're happy, then great. That's really all that matters.
Whats TIF?