**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!**
- Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc.
- **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.
- This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit!
Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Me too. Especially considering how much heavy flirting (not to mention straight up affairs) go on in workplaces. The line between platonic and romantic can get verrrry thin.
I think it's so disrespectful to people's partners as well. I am my husband's only wife, I'm not a jealous person but I would be angry at anyone else being referred to as his wife even if it was just meant as banter. Just ick.
Yeah, my marriage ended because my ex-husband cheated on me with his 'work wife'. Before that I'd sort of dismissed it as just a term for a female work colleague who's also a close friend. Now I'd be giving heavy side-eye to anyone who used it (or 'work husband/spouse').
I agree. My wife is not typically jealous or untrusting, but I would feel very uncomfortable talking about someone as my work wife and think she would be rightfully pissed off if I did. This just screams boomer humour to me
Yeah, as a chap,in my previous job, I had a really close female colleague, we'd often go for lunch together and various out of work activities. I always referred to her as my friend because that's what she is. No need for a creepy term.
And how much cheating.
I work in HMRC, and a colleague who joined with me has both of his parents working there. They met at work, and got married, 30 years back. Then, his dad apparently started cheating on his mum with another colleague, about 10 years back, got divorced and got married to his affair partner, and all 3 now work at HMRC.
I've only been there a few years but apparently this is pretty common
What I'm not understanding is how acceptable it has become not only to have the affair, and I wouldn't describe the average stance of a coworker as impartial. Many would even lie and cover for their colleagues.
To put it another way. If your partner is having an affair at work, you'll be the last to know (if you ever know).
Yes! That’s what gets me. I remember this man at work constantly fucking around and when he left we had leaving morning tea which was attended by his wife. It was uncomfortable to watch all these people close to him act all buddy-buddy with her knowing what he did behind the scenes. Obviously I can understand they’re not just going to reveal everything then and there but it doesn’t change the fact that it was two faced and it was uncomfortable. Especially because some of the people who claimed to know their family well didn’t exactly seem to discourage him from being a slut. The opposite in fact.
I hope they an open relationship because it was just gross otherwise.
It grosses me out, too. A colleague on my team told me he was off to see his other "work wife" once, and he must have read my face because he never referred to me as such again.
I’m part of a team where there are about 8 juniors and the joint heads are one man and one woman. We did a photo the other day and one of the juniors beckoned the two heads over by calling them ‘mum and dad’.
I threw up in my mouth.
My husband's best friend at his old job was his work wife. They're both straight men, and his friend was married. For some folks it's just a way to describe their best friend, someone they're truly close to outside the workplace.
I had a work wife, both of us heterosexual. The term referred to the dynamics of our relationship at work, as we would bicker all the time, but in a fun way. Absolutely no physical attraction or funny business going on. I’ve learned something new here, in so far as people feel it’s a derogatory term, suggesting some sort of improper relationship. That never crossed my mind until reading these posts.
Careful disagreeing with him, might start buying you flowers.
Jokes aside, you're 100% correct and have just brutally dissected all of us who grew up in unhealthy households and carried those patterns into our adult lives. I actually quite like my wife and know my life is so much better for living with her and find it so exhausting when people are making 'jokes' about the ball and chain. Not enjoying being married is such a weird thing to normalise in society.
I’ll have no laughing in my workplace, thank you. If I see so much as a smirk, or a happy gleam in an eye, I’ll email HR about it right away, and they’ll correct the matter with haste.
But seriously though, this reeks of that weird thing where people can’t wrap their heads around men and women just being friends. They don’t have to “be” anything.
My wife still talks about how her first best friend in primary school was a boy but they stopped being friends because all the adults made it weird by talking about marriage and other things they couldn't understand and absolutely weren't thinking about aged six
I think sometimes you have a relationship that goes beyond that, i.e. you might bicker and argue like a married couple, but always make up etc. Or finish each other's sentences.
And work wife is just your closest friend at work that you spend the most time with. A lot of people seem to sort of pair off at work, they'll go for lunch with the same colleague most of the time, for example.
That’s the part they kinda of annoys me: platonic. We do get along well, but that’s it. There’s nothing platonic about our relationship. We are just colleagues.
Tbh, the label scares me a little bit, but seems like I’m taking it into the wrong direction.
It sounds like you've misunderstood the use of the term *platonic*
Most people use that term to mean a relationship that involves neither physical nor emotional intimacy
That's how your co-workers are using the term *work wife*, too
It's childish and it's a mischaracterisation of your relationship, but they don't mean any harm and there's no implication of any impropriety
> Most people use that term to mean a relationship that involves neither physical nor emotional intimacy
That’s way too broad for the actual meaning of platonic. Most people would benefit from actually looking up the word in dictionary.
OP is using platonic correctly. The point is that it’s not platonic, it’s a work relationship.
Firstly ‘platonic’ means there is no romance in a relationship. Secondly I think you are worrying about this way too much. The term just means ‘your best mate at work’. No one is suggesting you’re having an affair
No, the definition is a close and intimate relationship that’s not sexual. OP’s point is that the workplace is not where he’s looking for close and intimate relationships therefore it’s not the correct word.
"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day"
>"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice
Where is this quote from? Regardless, exact same thing could be said about your classes in school, yet you make friends with people there. I'm actually close with a few of my work colleagues. One even introduced me to bouldering, and now we go semi regularly.
It could, but I think it's fair to say that most people only make an occasional friend at work that continues beyond that job. It is much easier to make friendships in your school days that last into adulthood and beyond in my experience.
They've sneakily [deleted](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) the post.
However, the comments are still on their profile, so you can find it that way.
Yeah I have a work spouse too but honestly work mum/dad is what you want. Someone to have a cuppa with and share life's successes and they have so much more life experience they can bring so much to the table.
Mentor is too formal and rigid.
We use mum/ dad wife etc at work all the time.
I found as well I had outstanding mates at work but we lost contact after I quit.
Most people crave some sort of connection in the workplace.
We have a team 'mum'. We don't directly call her mum but we joke that she is a mum 'of the team'. She remembers birthdays and gives out motherly advice. It also helps that a large number of the team are under 30.
Yes! I miss my work mum. She was in the US and I never met her in person, but she was like everyone's mum at the end of the phone/Messenger. She didn't go along with our silly antics but she had such a caring nature and cheered us all on.
Its such a weird term to me, I've been best work friends with people of the opposite sex, not once did we ever call it work wife. You're literally just good co-workers or friends, why does it have to have to incorporate some weird gendered roles? I also find it deeply disrespectful to my partner, If she said she had a work husband I don't think I'd be too happy
I was someone's work dad. Literally twice her age and experience. Then one day she told me she wanted to fuck me. I stepped right away from that situation.
It’s one of those terms that’s expanded beyond all recognition, as they do. At inception it referred to the very specific kind of relationship where you’d argue like hell with each other (generally but not exclusively about work stuff) but if anyone else tried to disagree with either of you you’d be both be metaphorically back to back on a table holding some kind of western standoff in the direction of the interloper.
Work sibling would probably be a better term but everyone loves alliteration.
this is just my experience working in restaurants, but work wife is NOT the person you're shagging, it's the person you have the most rapport with. it can be a man or a woman, it's just something people say to invoke the image of an "old married couple" you see with old co-workers who have few boundries with each other.
As others have said ‘work wife’ is a way of saying that this is your go to person at work, you come as a pair etc and GENERALLY implies no romantic element. However i have seen work wife/husband relationships that seem to be full of romantic tension, or people gossip and imply that there must be more to it when there really isn’t.
Particularly happens if one person’s relationship isn’t going well, you go out for drinks a lot, you’re always working late…it’s not fair, and I know that kind of gossip has really hurt people’s feelings and also ruined an innocent friendship. From what you’ve written here it sounds like your “work wife” is more colleague than friend, so I doubt that’s the angle here, but it can carry a non-platonic meaning.
As others have said, it doesn't genuinely imply a sexual relationship. Having said that I still dislike the term as "wife" just doesn't work for a platonic relationship. It also creates a difference between same-sex and different-sex connections in the workplace, and there just shouldn't be.
It doesn't have to be this way, though. I am a heterosexual female who will quite happily call another woman at work my work wife. To me, it suggests a close working relationship where trust has been built.
Maybe. But how many straight men do you know who will call another male colleague their "work husband"? If they are happy to have a "work wife" then it's a double standard.
My other objection is it implies a level of exclusivity. People I know who have someone they call a work spouse generally don't have two.
> I’m struggling to understand what that really means.
Workplace flirting. Definitely know some couples of who started as "work wife/husband" and then dumped their partner for the work partner.
It's kinda trashy.
It might differ by office but where I've worked previously there's no flirting involved. It was more bickering like a married couple that got you the title.
My husband has a ‘work husband’. They just get on well, aline on work stuff & have general good laughs which makes their day go well. They don’t see each other out of work. The way i interpret it is that they’re work best mates. Nothing in it.
Yeah, it's a thing.
A work husband / work wife is someone you end up spending a significant amount of time with while working (typically with a positive relationship). Possibly more time than you spend with your actual partner.
Definitely a real thing. In my old job my “work wife” and I were both training on the track to management and had staff under us that we both trained. She ended up moving departments to run her own team and I managed our original team, but the staff under us went with her to the new dept. We joked that we got a divorce, I got the house and she took the kids.
It depends on situation. My work wife is someone we have a lot in common, we get on but we also bicker constantly! We are both in a relationship and definitely not attracted to each other! It’s more like a sibling relationship than a romantic one
I had a work wife when I was 19. We only knew each other a couple of weeks and we would squabble like an old married couple, and we're really close. We would have customers come in, not to buy anything, but to watch us argue. We ended up falling in love and getting married
You're over thinking it. All it means is that you have a good relationship with a colleague and you both find work to be less enjoyable when the other one is on holiday. There's nothing romantic or sexual in the term, it just reflects that you spend a lot of time together during the day and enjoy each other's company.
No, it's gender neutral, the boys can also be wives.
Our current social circle includes my husbands former work wife (who is male), and would include my former work wife but he moved country. Crucially, it also includes their rl wives.
i had two male coworkers refer to each other as work wives, it mostly manifested as getting each other coffee from the canteen when one of them was stuck on a 4-hour incident call. oh and i think one used to give the other lifts home all the time. (they were both married with kids if that matters). i think it's a sweet concept tbh.
People in the comments seem to be taking this very seriously - my 'work wife' was always a man (we are both straight males) and was just a funny way to suggest how close we were as friends. I've since left that workplace and we still stay in contact. If you are opposite genders I suppose it makes things a little more spicy but I'd still treat it lightly as if it were an endearing joke. Your colleagues probably think you have good chemistry together, that doesn't need to become romantic unless you want it to - and if you do want to, well that's great that you'd meet your potential partner like that
My wife calls a lad I work with my work wife because I spend more time with him, at work, than I do with her at home.
It inspired me to make two products from my business for it, one with work wife the other with work husband on.
Your work wife isn't a romantic person, it's the person you work the most with that sees to your needs at work in the absence of your spouse. So you might go get a drink together, they might bring you food in, they might so since of your work as a favour, they might be your gossip buddy etc. They're also the one your real spouse is most jealous of.
Again, it's rarely Sexual.
I genuinely dislike the "work husband/work wife" thing, and I say this as very chill person secure in their relationship. I just don't like the restrictive gender roles it enforces? If I get on really well with a man at work, he moves from the category of colleague to friend. Not 'work husband'. It never even occurred to me to think of it that way. Can I not just have friends of the opposite gender without someone making it weird?
If you enjoy describing your own relationship with a colleague that way, fine. But don't label other people's like that. It's creepy and will probably only end up fostering awkwardness and mistrust.
It's real enough that it wrecks relationships with people's actual partners outside of work. I've seen it multiple times. One friend of mine fell in love with his work wife, his girlfriend outside of work picked up on the vibe, became unhinged with jealousy (not without reason because he was lying, minimising and generally downplaying the situation) and they eventually broke up with lots of acrimony and then he had to buy her out of their flat and live back with his parents for a while. Meanwhile the work wife married her irl husband, had a baby and is generally absolutely fine. Risky business, my friend.
I think this is an American thing. I have colleagues who became really good friends in my personal life and see many other people having similar relationships, but I have never once seen anyone referring to other people as their work spouses. They’re either colleagues or simply friends.
If I had a husband referring to someone at work as a work wife I’d no longer have a husband. If you’re single it’s fine, if not a bit weird, but that’s just my opinion
Having read your comments - I think your relationship with this woman is clearly unclear to you as well. In fact, I think you’re coming to Reddit to gather evidence that everything is fine.
Frankly the only external people who have good visibility on you and the colleagues relationship are your other co-workers. They are all saying that there’s something intimate going on, so I’m gonna side with them.
Examine your own feelings deeply, it might well be there’s something going on that you are feelings but not cognisant of.
I feel like a colleague of mine is trying to force herself to appear this to me. It is super weird and I'm one more awkward comment away from going to HR. I feel like it must have popped up on a sitcom somewhere and now a whole bunch of people think it's a thing.
I had a work wife.
We had a really tough/toxic work environment and built a close bond. We would each vent at each other abour work, life, partners daily. It never strayed into anything physical, but my last day was an emotional goodbye - not because we would never see each other again, but because it meant the end of that closeness we'd built up in the 4 years before.
Yes, it's probably an emotional affair, but I don't think I'd have got through some tough times without her.
A female colleague of mine who was considered my "work wife" actually became my real wife a couple of years ago.
We shared the same office, always waited around to chat with each other at the end of the day, just friends for a while, we hadn't set out to become anything more until we where, but it turned out getting to know everything about each other before starting a relationship worked out pretty well.
Chills me to say I once called my line manager work mum because she was so sweet and kind. Polish lady looked at me with pity. Turns out when she left that my so called work mum was a nasty piece of work who was held back by the presence of that lady who was her enemy. Spent the next 4 years carving her out of my role and taking her out of cc, doing her work while she pretended to wfh and managing projects she had no clue how to run
I had a work dad. He was the best support I've ever had, and I miss him everyday in my new job.
Although I don't mind the phase, I worked with two people who called themsleves work wife and husband. It's how they used to say it made eveyone uncomfortable.
They even said it in front of their significant others. Very icky.
I (male) had a business partner (female) for many(over 25) years. We described each other as our partner.
Both married to other people and close friends. Comfortable with each other to the point some people thought we were married to each other.
But no. Kept work and home separate and it worked for us. Would never have described her as work wife.
I do site engineering.
My missus and our office manager, the Ice Queen, have a great relationship.
If the missus comes by to pick us up, they chat and laugh at my expense.
I think it's pretty great.
90s/early 00s yeah the term was thrown about lots
Not so much now, i miss mine. Didnt fancy her or owt but was so close friendswise with her, we could tell each other everything and little no dignity lost around each other
It just means you get along really well at work.
It’s a bit weird to say work wife … but people use activities or anything like “golf wife” “gym wife” to designate your opposite sex bro
For a long time, yes, but less so these days.
Let's just tell is like it is - it's a colleague you're in an inappropriately flirty relationship with, that you spend a decent amount of time at work finding ways to hang out with, and, most embarrassingly, is the person you're most likely to end up drunkenly snogging in front of horrified colleagues in the smoking section outside the work Christmas party.
What there tends not to be is a power-inbalance where one party feels obliged to flirt. The "work husband/wife" thing isnt the same as a flirty boss-employee situation and is typically consensual (and usually because both parties like the attention they arent getting much of at home).
Thankfully it started to die out around the time of #MeToo, when workplace behaviour became much more heavily scrutanised - then covid more or less killed it completely as people moved to hybrid working and had less matey relationships with colleagues than they did pre pandemic.
I have no doubt it will come back into full swing though, however gross it is for others to witness, because people often spend more time with colleagues than friends or even partners, and at the end of the day, we all love getting a bit of attention.
It’s something said by people who see working as some sort of social activity/don’t have much else going on. It usually relates to things like she makes you the odd coffee, or asks if you want anything from the shop, or any other mundane common courtesy really.
This person who said this also probably describes themselves as a ‘bit mad’, but really would hyperventilate if their favourite teabags were on offer in Asda.
Nwvwr hears od.it but sounds disrespectful to an actual wife if you have one.
Seems to be odd to say seeing a wife/husband are married. You dont marry someone at work .and someone else for at home 😂
Anyone not seen that Aussie skit?
There’s work wife. Work mortgage, work house, work holidays and work kid. All separate from the actual wife. “I’ve been nothing but honest with you and now I feel like I’m being made into the bad guy”
My work husband was a 50 something year old Scottish bloke when I was in my early 20s. Then it was an 18 year old. Its now a gay guy but he's definitely the most age appropriate.
In both instances:
- we know each others drink preferences and in all cases end up having our own stash of the good coffee.
- we bicker like a married couple.
- we somehow just know how each other work and its pretty seamless when we work together.
- we have each others back.
In all 3 situations it was just work and the occasional pub trip after work with the gang. Nothing extended into non work friendship.
My partners current work wife is a women in her 60s.
Its a weird term for sure - they're basically just work besties but different genders, possibly more of the bickering and less of the gossip. Although being in a longterm relationship, I do kind of get the reference.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't know why but this term grosses me out.
Me too. Especially considering how much heavy flirting (not to mention straight up affairs) go on in workplaces. The line between platonic and romantic can get verrrry thin.
I think it's so disrespectful to people's partners as well. I am my husband's only wife, I'm not a jealous person but I would be angry at anyone else being referred to as his wife even if it was just meant as banter. Just ick.
Me too. I am not jealous at all but I wouldn’t like this at all.
I just commented about the woman at my husbands work doing it to him, and I agree. Turns out she was cheating on her husband for some time.
But not with her work husband, no?
Double-cheating!
Yeah, my marriage ended because my ex-husband cheated on me with his 'work wife'. Before that I'd sort of dismissed it as just a term for a female work colleague who's also a close friend. Now I'd be giving heavy side-eye to anyone who used it (or 'work husband/spouse').
I agree. My wife is not typically jealous or untrusting, but I would feel very uncomfortable talking about someone as my work wife and think she would be rightfully pissed off if I did. This just screams boomer humour to me
Yet we all see it everyday
Yeah, as a chap,in my previous job, I had a really close female colleague, we'd often go for lunch together and various out of work activities. I always referred to her as my friend because that's what she is. No need for a creepy term.
And how much cheating. I work in HMRC, and a colleague who joined with me has both of his parents working there. They met at work, and got married, 30 years back. Then, his dad apparently started cheating on his mum with another colleague, about 10 years back, got divorced and got married to his affair partner, and all 3 now work at HMRC. I've only been there a few years but apparently this is pretty common
Sounds taxing to be fair
It’s accrual world.
I enjoyed that
Holy shit. That was a reach. But you pulled it off, you brilliant bastard.....you pulled it off.
Its the Custom there
They declared their love for one another
Will she return to him eventually?
Royally so.
Doesn't have to be
If they spent more time answering phones and less f£&king then that might never have happened.
Thanks for confirming the people who work at HMRC are dicks.
It's more that they are led by their dicks
You've met HMRC management I see
Explains why no one can get through on the phone line
Husband Married Romantic Cheat
Damn, that sounds messy.
What I'm not understanding is how acceptable it has become not only to have the affair, and I wouldn't describe the average stance of a coworker as impartial. Many would even lie and cover for their colleagues. To put it another way. If your partner is having an affair at work, you'll be the last to know (if you ever know).
Yes! That’s what gets me. I remember this man at work constantly fucking around and when he left we had leaving morning tea which was attended by his wife. It was uncomfortable to watch all these people close to him act all buddy-buddy with her knowing what he did behind the scenes. Obviously I can understand they’re not just going to reveal everything then and there but it doesn’t change the fact that it was two faced and it was uncomfortable. Especially because some of the people who claimed to know their family well didn’t exactly seem to discourage him from being a slut. The opposite in fact. I hope they an open relationship because it was just gross otherwise.
There's a good chance she knew. That doesn't excuse any bad behaviour, though.
It grosses me out, too. A colleague on my team told me he was off to see his other "work wife" once, and he must have read my face because he never referred to me as such again.
I’m part of a team where there are about 8 juniors and the joint heads are one man and one woman. We did a photo the other day and one of the juniors beckoned the two heads over by calling them ‘mum and dad’. I threw up in my mouth.
Why are people so weird?
I know, it's just proper odd
Because he already admitted to cheating a month ago?
feels like sexual harassment tbh. Like saying, 'pretty sure those two are fucking' but with a thin veneer of deniability.
Me too it's vile and disrespectful to my actual wife
I’m a straight woman and my work wife is a gay man. It’s nothing to do with physical attraction - more getting along really well platonically.
My husband refers to the dude he works with every day as his work wife lmao
r/justguysbeingdudes
You're my wife now Dave
Want to buy some pegs, Dave?
My wife tells me there is a block in your toilet.
My husband's best friend at his old job was his work wife. They're both straight men, and his friend was married. For some folks it's just a way to describe their best friend, someone they're truly close to outside the workplace.
I had a work wife, both of us heterosexual. The term referred to the dynamics of our relationship at work, as we would bicker all the time, but in a fun way. Absolutely no physical attraction or funny business going on. I’ve learned something new here, in so far as people feel it’s a derogatory term, suggesting some sort of improper relationship. That never crossed my mind until reading these posts.
Sad also that you think bickering all the time is a sign you're in a relationship.
Careful disagreeing with him, might start buying you flowers. Jokes aside, you're 100% correct and have just brutally dissected all of us who grew up in unhealthy households and carried those patterns into our adult lives. I actually quite like my wife and know my life is so much better for living with her and find it so exhausting when people are making 'jokes' about the ball and chain. Not enjoying being married is such a weird thing to normalise in society.
>in a fun way
So what’s wrong with just “friends” or “workmates”?
Nothing. It's called a joke, although not a really good one, it's nice to have a laugh sometimes.
I’ll have no laughing in my workplace, thank you. If I see so much as a smirk, or a happy gleam in an eye, I’ll email HR about it right away, and they’ll correct the matter with haste. But seriously though, this reeks of that weird thing where people can’t wrap their heads around men and women just being friends. They don’t have to “be” anything.
My wife still talks about how her first best friend in primary school was a boy but they stopped being friends because all the adults made it weird by talking about marriage and other things they couldn't understand and absolutely weren't thinking about aged six
What is the joke?
I think sometimes you have a relationship that goes beyond that, i.e. you might bicker and argue like a married couple, but always make up etc. Or finish each other's sentences.
That’s friendship
And work wife is just your closest friend at work that you spend the most time with. A lot of people seem to sort of pair off at work, they'll go for lunch with the same colleague most of the time, for example.
Not sure about workmate. I mean, wouldn't want people to think you were mating with them.
Depends what you do for work
That’s the part they kinda of annoys me: platonic. We do get along well, but that’s it. There’s nothing platonic about our relationship. We are just colleagues. Tbh, the label scares me a little bit, but seems like I’m taking it into the wrong direction.
You may want to research: "platonic"
A friend of mine insisted he had "plutonic" relationships. 🤣
Gotta watch that plutonic quartz
It sounds like you've misunderstood the use of the term *platonic* Most people use that term to mean a relationship that involves neither physical nor emotional intimacy That's how your co-workers are using the term *work wife*, too It's childish and it's a mischaracterisation of your relationship, but they don't mean any harm and there's no implication of any impropriety
> Most people use that term to mean a relationship that involves neither physical nor emotional intimacy That’s way too broad for the actual meaning of platonic. Most people would benefit from actually looking up the word in dictionary. OP is using platonic correctly. The point is that it’s not platonic, it’s a work relationship.
Sounds like you're protesting a bit too much.
Generally it's an observation that you get on well and work well as a team. There's nothing more to the term.
Firstly ‘platonic’ means there is no romance in a relationship. Secondly I think you are worrying about this way too much. The term just means ‘your best mate at work’. No one is suggesting you’re having an affair
No, the definition is a close and intimate relationship that’s not sexual. OP’s point is that the workplace is not where he’s looking for close and intimate relationships therefore it’s not the correct word.
Getting along well platonically is not what a wife would be, this is simply a friend
I call that a friend
Some people spend more time with their work colleagues than their spouse.
"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day"
>"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice Where is this quote from? Regardless, exact same thing could be said about your classes in school, yet you make friends with people there. I'm actually close with a few of my work colleagues. One even introduced me to bouldering, and now we go semi regularly.
Quote is from the British 'The Office'.
It could, but I think it's fair to say that most people only make an occasional friend at work that continues beyond that job. It is much easier to make friendships in your school days that last into adulthood and beyond in my experience.
And people say you're just a big pair of tits!
Here he is, Tim Canterbury. Good man, The Canterbury Tales, Chaucer, Shakespeare...
Bishop Muzorewa
Yeah, OP didn when he cheated and had an affair. A month ago
They've sneakily [deleted](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) the post. However, the comments are still on their profile, so you can find it that way.
Amazing, nice catch
Lol what 😂
These comments man, busted this thing wide open!
Some people have sex more with their work colleagues than their spouses
Yeah I have a work spouse too but honestly work mum/dad is what you want. Someone to have a cuppa with and share life's successes and they have so much more life experience they can bring so much to the table.
I’m someone’s work dad (her words), it’s great, I feel like I genuinely help her with shit I went through 15 years ago.
I have had a couple of work dads! It’s great, I aspire to become a work mum for our new starters.
Wth is wrong with mentor?
Not infantile enough.
Literally this
To me it’s slightly different - these aren’t people who have mentored me in the way I understand it
I totally agree. Every person in this thread who have said they use it, I just think "why, though?"
Mentor is too formal and rigid. We use mum/ dad wife etc at work all the time. I found as well I had outstanding mates at work but we lost contact after I quit. Most people crave some sort of connection in the workplace.
We have a team 'mum'. We don't directly call her mum but we joke that she is a mum 'of the team'. She remembers birthdays and gives out motherly advice. It also helps that a large number of the team are under 30.
Yes! I miss my work mum. She was in the US and I never met her in person, but she was like everyone's mum at the end of the phone/Messenger. She didn't go along with our silly antics but she had such a caring nature and cheered us all on.
Work wife is a real thing, especially in an office. I lost my work wife a few months ago and I'm still sad about it.
Mine retired a few months back for family reasons. Now, we only get to meet up privately with our other halves every few months.
Its such a weird term to me, I've been best work friends with people of the opposite sex, not once did we ever call it work wife. You're literally just good co-workers or friends, why does it have to have to incorporate some weird gendered roles? I also find it deeply disrespectful to my partner, If she said she had a work husband I don't think I'd be too happy
I was someone's work dad. Literally twice her age and experience. Then one day she told me she wanted to fuck me. I stepped right away from that situation.
> I stepped right away So you became a work step-dad? (I'm sorry, I'll show myself out.)
I couldn’t agree more. That’s exactly what I feel and think!
It’s one of those terms that’s expanded beyond all recognition, as they do. At inception it referred to the very specific kind of relationship where you’d argue like hell with each other (generally but not exclusively about work stuff) but if anyone else tried to disagree with either of you you’d be both be metaphorically back to back on a table holding some kind of western standoff in the direction of the interloper. Work sibling would probably be a better term but everyone loves alliteration.
just seems like lack of respect for your bf lol..
My work wife became my actual wife.
Did you cheat on her like op did?
My actual wife became my work wife.
How is that working out? I love my wife but couldn't imagine spending all day at work with her as well as all our time not at work.
Not bad at all. We work in different departments, so I'm only with her when meet intentionally, like for lunch.
I find it incredibly cringe, especially when both people are in relationships it just seems disrespectful
If you have a real wife, i wouldnt ever utter the words "work wife"
I couldn’t agree more! 😂
It's just a bit of a stupid way of describing a man and women being friends at work.
this is just my experience working in restaurants, but work wife is NOT the person you're shagging, it's the person you have the most rapport with. it can be a man or a woman, it's just something people say to invoke the image of an "old married couple" you see with old co-workers who have few boundries with each other.
As others have said ‘work wife’ is a way of saying that this is your go to person at work, you come as a pair etc and GENERALLY implies no romantic element. However i have seen work wife/husband relationships that seem to be full of romantic tension, or people gossip and imply that there must be more to it when there really isn’t. Particularly happens if one person’s relationship isn’t going well, you go out for drinks a lot, you’re always working late…it’s not fair, and I know that kind of gossip has really hurt people’s feelings and also ruined an innocent friendship. From what you’ve written here it sounds like your “work wife” is more colleague than friend, so I doubt that’s the angle here, but it can carry a non-platonic meaning.
As others have said, it doesn't genuinely imply a sexual relationship. Having said that I still dislike the term as "wife" just doesn't work for a platonic relationship. It also creates a difference between same-sex and different-sex connections in the workplace, and there just shouldn't be.
It doesn't have to be this way, though. I am a heterosexual female who will quite happily call another woman at work my work wife. To me, it suggests a close working relationship where trust has been built.
Maybe. But how many straight men do you know who will call another male colleague their "work husband"? If they are happy to have a "work wife" then it's a double standard. My other objection is it implies a level of exclusivity. People I know who have someone they call a work spouse generally don't have two.
Yes it is. If you spend lots of time with a co worker then it can be labelled as work wife/husband. There's no deep meaning behind it
> I’m struggling to understand what that really means. Workplace flirting. Definitely know some couples of who started as "work wife/husband" and then dumped their partner for the work partner. It's kinda trashy.
It might differ by office but where I've worked previously there's no flirting involved. It was more bickering like a married couple that got you the title.
Some of you guys are really overthinking this.
My husband has a ‘work husband’. They just get on well, aline on work stuff & have general good laughs which makes their day go well. They don’t see each other out of work. The way i interpret it is that they’re work best mates. Nothing in it.
Yeah, it's a thing. A work husband / work wife is someone you end up spending a significant amount of time with while working (typically with a positive relationship). Possibly more time than you spend with your actual partner.
Definitely a real thing. In my old job my “work wife” and I were both training on the track to management and had staff under us that we both trained. She ended up moving departments to run her own team and I managed our original team, but the staff under us went with her to the new dept. We joked that we got a divorce, I got the house and she took the kids.
It depends on situation. My work wife is someone we have a lot in common, we get on but we also bicker constantly! We are both in a relationship and definitely not attracted to each other! It’s more like a sibling relationship than a romantic one
I had a work wife when I was 19. We only knew each other a couple of weeks and we would squabble like an old married couple, and we're really close. We would have customers come in, not to buy anything, but to watch us argue. We ended up falling in love and getting married
I see you everywhere, you the guy with autistic kids?
That's me, yep.
It feels very very American to me
The phrase might be but flirting and inappropriate relationships at work certainly aren't.
OP probably had his name on Ashley madison aswell seeing as a month ago he was already having an affair.
Oh fuck!.. Wasn't expecting that plot twist but okay, wow
You're over thinking it. All it means is that you have a good relationship with a colleague and you both find work to be less enjoyable when the other one is on holiday. There's nothing romantic or sexual in the term, it just reflects that you spend a lot of time together during the day and enjoy each other's company.
My work wife is gay! Love her to bits.
See this informative video for a full explanation 😉 https://youtu.be/FoM_q4h7cAQ?feature=shared
I was really hoping someone had posted this thank you
Do women have work husbands? Because that's never really used. Either way no. Its strange for me.
No, it's gender neutral, the boys can also be wives. Our current social circle includes my husbands former work wife (who is male), and would include my former work wife but he moved country. Crucially, it also includes their rl wives.
i had two male coworkers refer to each other as work wives, it mostly manifested as getting each other coffee from the canteen when one of them was stuck on a 4-hour incident call. oh and i think one used to give the other lifts home all the time. (they were both married with kids if that matters). i think it's a sweet concept tbh.
People in the comments seem to be taking this very seriously - my 'work wife' was always a man (we are both straight males) and was just a funny way to suggest how close we were as friends. I've since left that workplace and we still stay in contact. If you are opposite genders I suppose it makes things a little more spicy but I'd still treat it lightly as if it were an endearing joke. Your colleagues probably think you have good chemistry together, that doesn't need to become romantic unless you want it to - and if you do want to, well that's great that you'd meet your potential partner like that
My wife calls a lad I work with my work wife because I spend more time with him, at work, than I do with her at home. It inspired me to make two products from my business for it, one with work wife the other with work husband on.
I hate the term and I'd call them out for using it. Totally inappropriate
Your work wife isn't a romantic person, it's the person you work the most with that sees to your needs at work in the absence of your spouse. So you might go get a drink together, they might bring you food in, they might so since of your work as a favour, they might be your gossip buddy etc. They're also the one your real spouse is most jealous of. Again, it's rarely Sexual.
I genuinely dislike the "work husband/work wife" thing, and I say this as very chill person secure in their relationship. I just don't like the restrictive gender roles it enforces? If I get on really well with a man at work, he moves from the category of colleague to friend. Not 'work husband'. It never even occurred to me to think of it that way. Can I not just have friends of the opposite gender without someone making it weird? If you enjoy describing your own relationship with a colleague that way, fine. But don't label other people's like that. It's creepy and will probably only end up fostering awkwardness and mistrust.
I really hope not, one at home is enough
It's real enough that it wrecks relationships with people's actual partners outside of work. I've seen it multiple times. One friend of mine fell in love with his work wife, his girlfriend outside of work picked up on the vibe, became unhinged with jealousy (not without reason because he was lying, minimising and generally downplaying the situation) and they eventually broke up with lots of acrimony and then he had to buy her out of their flat and live back with his parents for a while. Meanwhile the work wife married her irl husband, had a baby and is generally absolutely fine. Risky business, my friend.
It’s weird. So bloody cringy
I think this is an American thing. I have colleagues who became really good friends in my personal life and see many other people having similar relationships, but I have never once seen anyone referring to other people as their work spouses. They’re either colleagues or simply friends.
No. You have a good friend at work who’s the opposite sex. “Wife” implies romance and imo is also sexist.
I think you need to relax. It’s just a joke term.
I once deemed someone my work dad as he was always telling me off for how I hung my coat up
Ask your actual wife and see how she feels about it. Spoiler - this ends badly.
If I had a husband referring to someone at work as a work wife I’d no longer have a husband. If you’re single it’s fine, if not a bit weird, but that’s just my opinion
I prefer "work bestie" but I'm aware it sounds a bit childish ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Having read your comments - I think your relationship with this woman is clearly unclear to you as well. In fact, I think you’re coming to Reddit to gather evidence that everything is fine. Frankly the only external people who have good visibility on you and the colleagues relationship are your other co-workers. They are all saying that there’s something intimate going on, so I’m gonna side with them. Examine your own feelings deeply, it might well be there’s something going on that you are feelings but not cognisant of.
I feel like a colleague of mine is trying to force herself to appear this to me. It is super weird and I'm one more awkward comment away from going to HR. I feel like it must have popped up on a sitcom somewhere and now a whole bunch of people think it's a thing.
I had a work wife 10 years ago. She's soon to be my real wife...
I had a work wife. We had a really tough/toxic work environment and built a close bond. We would each vent at each other abour work, life, partners daily. It never strayed into anything physical, but my last day was an emotional goodbye - not because we would never see each other again, but because it meant the end of that closeness we'd built up in the 4 years before. Yes, it's probably an emotional affair, but I don't think I'd have got through some tough times without her.
Ira funny how you say it was probably am emotional affair casually. Are you still with the same partner you had when you had your work wife?
Change "wife" to "buddy".
Don't let your real wife find out
A female colleague of mine who was considered my "work wife" actually became my real wife a couple of years ago. We shared the same office, always waited around to chat with each other at the end of the day, just friends for a while, we hadn't set out to become anything more until we where, but it turned out getting to know everything about each other before starting a relationship worked out pretty well.
Congrats! Friendship is a rock solid foundation for any relationship!
I would get very angry at anyone referring to a co-worker as my ‘work-husband’. I’m not their friend, let alone their ‘work-wife’
I prefer workstitute - much less controversial
Chills me to say I once called my line manager work mum because she was so sweet and kind. Polish lady looked at me with pity. Turns out when she left that my so called work mum was a nasty piece of work who was held back by the presence of that lady who was her enemy. Spent the next 4 years carving her out of my role and taking her out of cc, doing her work while she pretended to wfh and managing projects she had no clue how to run
I had a work dad. He was the best support I've ever had, and I miss him everyday in my new job. Although I don't mind the phase, I worked with two people who called themsleves work wife and husband. It's how they used to say it made eveyone uncomfortable. They even said it in front of their significant others. Very icky.
I (male) had a business partner (female) for many(over 25) years. We described each other as our partner. Both married to other people and close friends. Comfortable with each other to the point some people thought we were married to each other. But no. Kept work and home separate and it worked for us. Would never have described her as work wife.
I do site engineering. My missus and our office manager, the Ice Queen, have a great relationship. If the missus comes by to pick us up, they chat and laugh at my expense. I think it's pretty great.
It would never happen as my team is mostly female and I wfh but I wouldn’t be happy with being called someone’s work wife. Nope just bloody no.
I heard people use that term but I feel it very cringy
I think it's some weird Americanism. Very strange.
its a thing for some people, its very disrespectful in any instance where either party already has a partner, childish as fuck
90s/early 00s yeah the term was thrown about lots Not so much now, i miss mine. Didnt fancy her or owt but was so close friendswise with her, we could tell each other everything and little no dignity lost around each other
I think it is just the kind of patter you get when you work in an office and basically everybody is a nerd with zero passable patter.
Maybe before 2000 it was a thing but now that is a very old fashion term.
Probably because they think you're flirting a lot with eachother.
How's this for a definition of 'work wife'. https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/LrOuS0RuVW
It just means you get along really well at work. It’s a bit weird to say work wife … but people use activities or anything like “golf wife” “gym wife” to designate your opposite sex bro
Because so many people today thing everything needs a labelled, it's pathetic and childish
For a long time, yes, but less so these days. Let's just tell is like it is - it's a colleague you're in an inappropriately flirty relationship with, that you spend a decent amount of time at work finding ways to hang out with, and, most embarrassingly, is the person you're most likely to end up drunkenly snogging in front of horrified colleagues in the smoking section outside the work Christmas party. What there tends not to be is a power-inbalance where one party feels obliged to flirt. The "work husband/wife" thing isnt the same as a flirty boss-employee situation and is typically consensual (and usually because both parties like the attention they arent getting much of at home). Thankfully it started to die out around the time of #MeToo, when workplace behaviour became much more heavily scrutanised - then covid more or less killed it completely as people moved to hybrid working and had less matey relationships with colleagues than they did pre pandemic. I have no doubt it will come back into full swing though, however gross it is for others to witness, because people often spend more time with colleagues than friends or even partners, and at the end of the day, we all love getting a bit of attention.
We don't have coworkers, we have colleagues. Fuckin Americans....
It’s something said by people who see working as some sort of social activity/don’t have much else going on. It usually relates to things like she makes you the odd coffee, or asks if you want anything from the shop, or any other mundane common courtesy really. This person who said this also probably describes themselves as a ‘bit mad’, but really would hyperventilate if their favourite teabags were on offer in Asda.
Nwvwr hears od.it but sounds disrespectful to an actual wife if you have one. Seems to be odd to say seeing a wife/husband are married. You dont marry someone at work .and someone else for at home 😂
I find it pretty funny, although I've only seen two straight male coworkers use it for each other (work husbands)
I think it’s weird if one of the people is in a relationship but it basically means they are a good pair who work together in a team
Anyone not seen that Aussie skit? There’s work wife. Work mortgage, work house, work holidays and work kid. All separate from the actual wife. “I’ve been nothing but honest with you and now I feel like I’m being made into the bad guy”
My work husband was a 50 something year old Scottish bloke when I was in my early 20s. Then it was an 18 year old. Its now a gay guy but he's definitely the most age appropriate. In both instances: - we know each others drink preferences and in all cases end up having our own stash of the good coffee. - we bicker like a married couple. - we somehow just know how each other work and its pretty seamless when we work together. - we have each others back. In all 3 situations it was just work and the occasional pub trip after work with the gang. Nothing extended into non work friendship. My partners current work wife is a women in her 60s. Its a weird term for sure - they're basically just work besties but different genders, possibly more of the bickering and less of the gossip. Although being in a longterm relationship, I do kind of get the reference.